shellen.com / allison

Distracted

2008-10-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

I have not written in quite some time, but I usually tell my one reader, Jason, all of my thoughts anyway, so that I do not have to additionally blog it. But I have so much floating around in my head I have to get it out!

I have many bones to pick with my fellow Americans:

Former Hillary Supporters, turned into McCain Supporters:

You are at the top of my list. I find you the most ridiculous. A few questions: Do you know that the Republicans are the reason we are in this mess to begin with? Have you forgotten how important this election is? Do you realize that Sarah Palin, being a woman, is the only thing she has in common with Hillary Clinton? I thought we, with the support of Hillary, all agreed that which ever Democrat got pushed to the front, is the Democrat we would support. And now look at you, giving your support to a self proclaimed, lipstick-wearing pit bull. For shame!

I agree that Senator Clinton would have been a great Candidate, a historical Candidate, but let's get serious, this election is not about Hillary. It is not about getting a woman into the presidency or vice presidency. It is about US, all of us! Who says Hillary is done and will not have another chance to run for this office in the future. Have you thought of that? Well, have you? The Republicans are laughing at us, as once again we look like the party that can not unite itself!

If you think you are doing Hillary a solid by voting for McCain, let's look at a few key issues about which Hillary Clinton feels strongly: Do you care about "women's health"?- (as Mr McCain put it in air quotes) John McCain does not. Do you care about programs like Head Start? John McCain does not. Do you want the war to end? John McCain does not.

I would like you to ask yourself when you go to cast your vote, What would Hillary do?

Undecided Voters, I'm looking at you.

All I have to say to you is- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, decide already and you better make it good!

In California if you have a "Yes on 8" sign on your lawn then you are up next-
I have never understood the argument against gay marriage. I hear people saying that it lessens the value of marriage. How so? I think the divorce rate in this country might lessen the value of marriage, but not more people wanting to be married. If anything it restores my hope that people want to be committed and stick together through thick and thin, and kids and mortgage payments... Whew it is a lot of work.

Now, if you and your other buddies want to outlaw this practice in your own church, go right ahead, no one is going to stop you. Your religion however is not going to rule our country, that's just a little thing in America we like to call the Separation of Church and State, heard of it? Yeah it protects all of us from freaky churches who want to impose their will on all people. It's kinda the reason we are all here and not Anglicans in jolly old England, Cheers!

Sarah Palin-

First of all thank God for Tina Fey for offering comic relief to this ridiculous situation.

Sarah Palin is a token. I was quoted on Twitter as having said she is so token you could take her to Chuck E Cheese and have a real good game of ski ball. Seriously, ladies, is this what the Republicans think they can offer us after having known the likes of Hillary Clinton? Are we supposed to think that this is another giant stop forward for women? I don't think so! Sarah Palin doesn't even know what she doesn't know. And then Ms Palin has the audacity to blame Katie Couric for her own not knowing! If McCain and his people were to speak honestly we would hear them explain the real reason Ms Palin was chosen was that she appeared to be a blank slate, one who could easily memorize McCain's platform and get in line. She's a social climber and most social climbers will sell their souls to get what they are really after, power.

With regards to women who will support Ms Palin for the shear fact that she is a woman I have this to say. I do not want just any woman in the White House, for that matter I do not want just any man in the White House, either. I want a person whose world view is filled with compassion and empathy. I want to see an individual who knows there is life outside of small towns, and there are good people in this country who may not even be Christian- GASP! I am glad to be an American (sometimes) but we are not a perfect nation. We do not exemplify the only way to live on this planet. The kind of enthnocentrism that Sarah Palin possess is thoughtless. She has proven to be both ignorant and fearless- a dangerous combination.

I am losing sleep over this election. I am alternately excited and hopeful, then depressed and fearful. I want us all to vote our conscience and given the guidelines above, I think we may well be on our way!

As for my pick for the president I like Barack Obama because he is a real person. He grew up in the United States as a regular person, with real struggles. As the son of a single mother, a minority in his own town as a child, his life could have taken many different turns. Barack chose to stay the course of the road to success, a choice that is difficult to make, even in far less challenging circumstances. These are the experiences that shape who a person is, forever. He will not forget the families who are struggling all across this country. Let's give our county a chance to heal, it's time to change! Now go VOTE for Barack Obama!

Whew, now I feel better.

The sound of my heart breaking right in half

2007-06-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

So I love the Super Nanny, LOVE HER. We have just begun using the 'sleep technique' with Miles as he has been struggling to stay in his big boy bed and fall asleep all alone. He is doing pretty well. This is day two and it only took one hour for him to fall asleep at nap time. That is progress, considering since last night's first attempt took 2 hours. I have faith in you Super Nanny!

Today after his nap I congratulated him on falling asleep in his bed, "just like a big boy". He smiled, hugged me, looked up at me with his big brown eyes, then he said the following:

I said I love you and you went away.

When Jason comes home from work today, I think I will have him help me put my heart back into my chest! I said it before and I'll say it again, best and hardest job EVER!

Ah, Kids today

2007-06-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

The other day at the book store, back by the bathrooms Drew saw a strange something, paused, stared a bit and said: "What is that thing for?". It was a pay phone. He quickly decided that it must be used for anyone who needs a taxi cab ride home.

I like that he knows what an iPhone can do but imagines the pay phone to be all but obsolete.

One day he will be embarrased by this, but I have to let it out...

2007-05-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

Miles let out a little toot last night while getting dressed after bath time. He looked at me, smiled and pointing to his diaper said "hey Mom I burped in there". Hilarious.

Troubled

2007-05-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

I am troubled by a few of things lately.

First I am watching the View, regularly. Not the whole thing, just the 'hot topics', still I know, lame. During said topics Rosie O'Donnell debates issues with one Elisabeth Hasselback. I get crazy watching the two of them. I have been known to talk to the television(yes, while folding laundry, so! ). What troubles me is how a young, college educated, mother of one and one on the way, can defend the acts of this president. I mean what is wrong with her? She defends Mr. Bush like he is a member of her family and we Americans should not have any ill opinions about her crazy uncle or something. She actually said in a time of war we should be more loyal to our president, because he is the president. Someone needs to hit that girl over the head with a swastika. Loyalty? To what exactly? I have had it with her. This is AMERICA. The greatest parts of American history are marked by our inability, as a people, to be loyal in times of moral crisis.

The real heart of this war is what troubles me the most. It seems to me that Ms. Hasselback and other 'loyalists' like her in this country, value American lives more than any other on Earth. Who is suffering in Iraq? Who suffers the most during all times of war? Mothers and children. Some 600,000 civilians in Iraq have been killed. I cringe at the thought of not being able to provide my children with clean water, food, security. And yet thousands of Iraqi people have lived without these basic needs for how long? This is where Hasselback's compassion as a mother should kick in. We mom's are all connected at the heart of our children. We would die for our babies. Iraqi mommies do not feel differently. Why is it OK with her if others suffer so she can continue to live her life uninterrupted? One life is not worth more than another. Period.

I know I should be troubled by the fact that this person bugs me as much as she does, but I find I cannot help myself. She is on television with a microphone and everything, living a privileged life and not asking herself the hard questions. What is this war for? Business. Who is running this war? Business men, filthy rich, lying to our faces, business men. They do not deserve our loyalty, when if anything, they have earned our disdain.

I have been troubled since the moment I heard our president announce the "War on Terror". I remember I scoffed. A war on terror? Someone get that guy a cape and tights. He could have a huge "I" shield across his chest, "I" for IDIOT. Can one rid the world of evil? Not so much. Certainly not with guns. With this president at the helm I feel less safe that I did four years ago. Taking our shoes off at the airport, packing 3ounces or less of any liquid the equivalent of buying bigger locks on your door in a crappy neighborhood. It does not make us more safe, he has worsened our place on this earth and our children's future on this Earth.

I am troubled by the fact that this administration uses fear to control us. Terrorists, terror cells... How dare he and his administration try to scare us, as if men with bombs are just lurking around every corner. Who do you think Iraqi children believe the terrorists to be? The other night I was watching the Daily Show and saw an American soldier fully armed throwing a ball with a child. Am I supposed to feel this image is endearing? Yeah I would love it if a guy covered in weapons wanted to throw a ball around with the boys.

Keep in mind that we are in fact raising the next generation of Iraqi children to also hate Americans. Are we going to rid the world of that evil too? I will not be sending my children to that war.

I am troubled that Rosie is leaving The View because I wonder who will challenge that crazy loyalist and others like her? I understand Hasselback is allowed her opinions, but I hope someone with equally passionate beliefs on the side of truth will also be seated at the table. I know I will probably stop watching the show, but just knowing she and others like her are out there makes me crazy. In my opinion 2008 is WAY too late. Impeachment anyone?

Finally I am troubled about the message that we are sending our kids, those underlying, never have to say out loud because they are so ingrained in our culture messages. War is not OK with me. Hatred is not OK with me. Lying is not OK with me. So why am I standing by as my president attempts erase all of the values I am trying so hard to instill in my children? Loyalty? I think NOT!

Baby Maddie

2006-10-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

Last night we got to see Miss Madison Grace for the first time who was three days old and just as cute as can be. At just over six pounds she is just a sweet little pea! Jason and I were pretty emotional, seeing one of dearest friends holding her first baby.

I was thinking how amazing babies and their mommies are in those first few days. I , even after having lived through two experiences of my own, am still in awe of how life changes in an instant and in so many ways. Babies... You think you have nine months to prepare for something you have wanted your whole life, and then they are really here. For those first few days, life seems to stand still. It is just you and that little creature figuring out life's most basic tasks.

I tried to rush though those days, wanting to feel normal again, until I realized normal needed a new definition. Now it seems silly to me that I wanted to move so fast. I did not realize it then, but motherhood is just not that way. Today for example we made it to the park and I have done some laundry.... that will about do it!

Looking at my dear friend and her precious little one made me realize that I think I really am all done having my babies. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those first few days where the world is at a stand still. A day that I could just sit and stare at my boys and listen to their little coos. Amazing. I think I could never get enough. It is just a precious moment that passes too quickly. So I will savor the memories, I guess. Lucky for me, my friends and family are not done having babies so I may just get in a few more precious cuddles.

AHHHHHHH

2005-06-22T00:09:00.000-07:00

That is the sound most often uttered in my home these days. Drew, now three years old, is really sowing his oats and can often be heard yelling NOOOO at us for any number of reasons. Miles, at five months, is a very happy and mellow guy but he is still a baby and he has his own moments where he simple needs to be held or else AHHHHH.

I myself utter my own screams, silently in my head of course, as I try to traverse the path of raising two boys. For example the other day Drew who is also beginning to use the toilet had not quite made it in time and pooped on the floor! Gross, but good effort. Drew was upset because there was poop every where. In my attempt to clean up the poop and calm Drew down a bit I had to lay Miles on the carpet who then rolled over and began to cry. Then the phone rang. AHHHHHH!

Most days, however are not like this. I have two very beautiful babies who are healthy and so far they love each other. Miles is already eating solid food and sleeping a good amount. He could not be any sweeter. Drew loves to make him laugh and just yesterday he stuck his own thumb into Miles' mouth to help him stop crying.

So although I have found this transition tough I would not change a thing. My new mantra is I am going to do the best that I can. Perfect is for weird Desperate House Wives characters.

I must confess though the other day somebody asked me if we were ready to have more babies...I just looked at them straight in the eyes and said: AHHHHHHH!

Conversations that can only happen right before you give birth...

2005-01-10T17:16:00.000-08:00

Today I realized the power my phone calls have over those I love the most. Everytime I pick up the phone someone on the other end is thinking "this is it, she's ready". Today I called Jason and this is how it went:

Jason: (in a meeting, in a hush tone) Hi, are you having a baby?
Me: No
Jason: Then I have to go, I love you.

And scene.

The other day I called my parents , the tone in their voice was filled with anticipation as they tried to stay calm and wait for the reason I really called, which so far, has been nothing exciting.

And you can forget leaving a missed call on someone's cell phone, they are all sure that the moment is upon us and they are missing it.

It is actually a lot of pressure. I hate to dissappoint the one's I love.

Seriously we are all so excited we can not contain ourselves. So even if this baby does not feel quite like making its grand appearence just yet, the little peanut should at least feel loved.

Thank you all for being so excited and supportive. Now let's all pray that this crazy event goes down in the middle of the day when we are all awake and bright eyed and maybe you won't even be expecting a phone call from me...

The End is near

2005-01-05T10:33:00.000-08:00

But not near enough for me since the end is not today. I am of course referring to my pregnancy. I am so tired of waiting. I consider myself to be a patient person, but not when it comes to surprises. I am terribly immature when it comes to waiting for surprises. I really want to know who this baby is, but I guess I also can not resist the thought of having that moment when Jason shouts out the news : boy or girl.

I also miss some pretty precious things like...I want to sleep on my stomach, I want to just sleep really. I am sick of maternity clothes. I want to be able to tie my shoes without any effort or help for that matter. (I have actually had to ask Jason to help me tie my shoes.) I want to not feel as big as a house or only feel comfortable in sweats and pajamas. We may have a ceremonial burning of the pregnancy sweats because I never want to see them again! I want to not ache.

Yeah I might be feeling a bit emotional today but so what I am 38 weeks pregnant and only ONE CENTIMETER dilated. So my level of impatience is beginning to rise. Pity me ...Please?!

At the same time I know that I should relish the miracle that is pregnancy, I love to feel the baby moving and today I saw an ultra sound of a whole person inside of me, doing well, inside of me. I just can not wait for this little person to reveal themselves. I want to hold them, on the outside. The truth is I am just a big baby myself. I have a lot to be grateful for, I am healthy, the baby is healthy, the end is actually very near, but well you know...

More Drew Stuff

2004-12-09T10:56:00.001-08:00

Drew has been saying some funny and creative stuff lately. I have to write them down or they are sure to be forgotten.

During the election Drew often pointed out John Kerry on the television and let out an encouraging yell "whoohoo".

When the results came back in favor of not-my-favorite-person, we were watching John Kerry give his speech of defeat. Drew looked at the television and said :

John Kerry did it right.

I was really taken back by that and frankly I could not agree more.
The other night he looked at the half moon poking out of the sky and said:

Mommy, Daddy the moon is a piece of watermelon

I have heard the moon described as a lot different foods in my life...cheese, a big pizza pie, but never watermelon. And you know what, Drew was right, the moon did indeed look like a piece of watermelon.

The next morning he pulled out his doctor box and yelled from his room:

Mommy, Daddy I am going to be Doctor Seuss.

He sings jingle bells from the back seat of the car, every day and is so excited for Santa to come he is not sure what to do with himself. He even sat on Santa's lap, bravely asking for trains and cars.

It is these little things each day that remind me what a precious person he is. I can see already that he is just a good soul, in my opinion an old soul. I know, my eyes and heart are partial, but I feel blessed to have been chosen to be his mother.

Bullzadores and Hottotters

2004-08-22T22:28:00.000-07:00

Drew is right smack dab in the middle of toddlerhood and with it has come all of these adorable phrases that are English, but with a special Drew twist. For a while now he has been shouting out all of the names of the construction vehicles from the back seat of our wagon. He came up with bullzadore for bulldozer and hottotter for helicopter. These were among my favorite twists.

The other day...he fixed it, both of those cute little mix ups, gone, forever. In one afternoon he said clear as a bell, "mama there is a bulldozer" and later I pointed out a helicopter and out it came perfectly pronounced, "I see a helicopter".

Although I knew one day those little mix ups would change, I have to admit I was a little sad. When you are with a little person every single day you get to peek at these little progressions that remind you that they are growing every single minute.

It was a good reminder for me to relish all of his two year old-ness. He reaches for us and says "huggies all of us" . He feels better just to have us next to him. I hope those things never change.

2004-04-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

TWO!!
...Is my new favorite exclamation that Drew now makes as his birthday approaches in just two days. He proudly holds up both of his index fingers because it is currently too frustrating to hold up two fingers on one hand. He goes around the house periodically singing his version of the birthday song which comes out "happy to you", sang four times in a row. Could he be any more precious?

I am totally unaware of how I became the mother of a two year old boy. It has happened so fast, too fast. I was watching him play today, and I am, as ever, completely in awe of him. He is all of a sudden a BOY! A boy who knows the names of all construction trucks, who sleeps in a bed, not a crib! A boy who tonight watched The Sandlot in total amazement! How did he become this independent talking, peeing in the toilet, person?!

I look at him and I can still see the infant in him. I can still see what he looked like the day he was born. Obviously at only two years old, this is not too difficult a task, but I often wonder if I will always be able to see that look in his precious face. That must be why mothers always cry when a child moves away or gets married; because it is possible to look at your child, at any point in their lives and still go right back to that one crazy moment when your child made you into a mommy.

Happy to you Drew! I love you!

Allison and Drew looking at Otto - the (former) family fish

2003-10-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

More thoughts on life...

I was called in to sub last week at Northern Light. I was honored that they thought of me and so appreciative that Drew could come with me. I had a great time seeing all of the children again. I even got a beautiful picture for my fridge that says "I love you Miss Allison". At the end of only a half day of being a mother and a teacher I was exhausted. Once again I give props to women across this land who do that all day every day. I myself am not equipped to do both jobs simultaneously.

As for my last post, my thoughts have come full circle. I think that I am going to pray that I have time in my life to accomplish all of my goals, personal and professional. I am just not going to attempt to accomplish them all at the same time. Not that you needed to know, but there it is...

Ok on a lighter note I am not happy that Newlyweds, the funniest show on television, has come to an end. I have to wait until January for a new installment of Jessica-isms. What will I do until then? Thank God MTV believes in constant reruns!

2003-08-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

FLUX

Recently I got a call from SMC, offering me information on finishing my Masters Degree. Tempting? YES! I have a call in and am waiting for the reply.

Odd how a few days later, upon hearing wonderful news of a dear friend's birth of her first daughter, I am wondering when I might consider having a second child.

Having choices is amazing, but difficult too. I think I would hate leaving Drew, I think I am too TIRED, I think that I might be scared to try and fail. I think I may never do anything with that degree, other than possess it.

I think I need to be thankful for all of the women who have gone before me, who made it possible for me to think all of these things and make the choice that is right for me.

I guess I'll see what that is... Sometime

2003-05-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

Why was I up at Midnight watching MSNBC?

I do not know. But it may have been fate.. because now I have something to blog about. OK there I am waiting to feel sleepy and I flip to cable news where they are discussing some fools in Florida who had imitated a jackass stunt. The idiots jumped from a five story building into a pool and one of them misses the pool and shatters both legs.. At least it was caught on tape. So the reporter brings on a child psychiatrist to discuss and I SWEAR here is what they said:

Reporter: Well Doctor do you think it is harmful exploitation for the media to continually show footage of these youngsters performing these
dangerous stunts?

Doctor: Yes I do Bob, and I will tell you why...

At that same moment the network cut back to the video footage and continued to play it the ENTIRE time the guy way saying that they SHOULD NOT DO SO!!! I just love the "media". Especially when they talk about themselves in that third person, removed, we are a separate entity kind of way. No more late night news for me.

2003-04-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

April 11...already?!

I CAN NOT believe that my little snuggle bunny is turning one year old today. This has been the most amazing year of my life. Drew is so sweet and I must say very smart. He is walking, laughing, clapping, pants like a dog every time he sees one... it is so fun to see the little nuances that are just Drew . My brother and sister in law just welcomed their beautiful daughter, Emma Rose into the world. Their new found excitement and fatigue remind me so clearly of how I felt when Drew was born. Excited, tired, overwhelmed, and most of all BLESSED. Parenthood has changed me indeed. Happy Birthday Peanut!

In other news...
I miss the kids at Northern Light. I was at the park the other day and I overheard some kids talking to one another. They were using horrible language ( and not just cuss words), teasing one another shamelessly. It was awful. Their adult was right nearby and did not even flinch. Drew LOVES big kids. He loves to watch them play and run and I know he is listening to what they say. SO we moved to the other play structure.

All I keep thinking is that did not happen at Northern Light...and if it did, the adult in charge acted like one and put a stop to it. I simply do not accept that kids are mean. Working at Northern Light taught me that given the love and attention they NEED children are amazing beautiful people...If any of you are out there reading this I miss you all and I intend to bring Drew to you soon...so he can "dance in the light of a rainbow day".

2003-03-27T23:21:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with you People?!

So today I am at the supermarket... OH MAN... This particular market has quite a few disabled people working as courtesy clerks. It has been my weekly experience that these individuals work very hard and are always attentive to my needs and very sweet to my son. They even remember us from week to week and ask how we are doing and so forth. ( A quality you tend not to find in many service oriented jobs I might add, but I digress) I am happy that these men and women are given the right to work and take responsibility for themselves.

So today this, I am sorry I have to say it, JACKA**, of an employee is completely rude with a clerk who needed a "price check". I was so upset I almost started to cry, right there next to the chicken breasts. I made eye contact with the rude dude, you know the look the "I JUST SAW WHAT YOU DID AND YOU ARE HORRIBLE" kind of look, you know what I mean...

LATER ...in the parking lot an older couple were getting into their car next to me and as they are about to back out this other JACKA** jumps out of his turquoise, oil sucking , SUV and yells, HEY DID YOU JUST HIT MY CAR?! I saw the old man jump and politely answer him, "No, I don't think so..." Luckily it ended there, but what is with all the animosity?

Which brings me back to my original question.... WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? What is the point of picking on the elderly and the disabled? I have no tolerance for this sort of aggression. There is no reason to dismiss another human being, never, not on a bad day, not EVER!

Ghandi said you have to become the change that you would like see in the world... So I later called and reported what I had seen. I am sure this will come to someone receiving a memo or something else really effective. But perhaps something will change...I get an E for effort anyway, right?!

2002-12-13T00:29:00.000-08:00

Toys, Toys, Toys
So the magic of Christmas is burning a little brighter this year as I have the privilege of shopping for my little peanut, for this his very first Christmas. So Jas and I have hit the toy isles at Target to find fun and exciting toys. OK what is up with all of the electronics toys? I spent a lot of time reading all kinds of research about how computers and electronics are not good for the developing brain. So why is it nearly impossible to purchase toys that do not have an electronic component? I am not a technophobe, but I can not subject Drew to all of this craziness.

One of my favorite authors, Jane Healy, has done a lifetime of research on the developing brain and how the environment has a great effect on the actual structures of our brain. (It is totally fascinating and truly my greatest passion... I have the beginnings of a Masters degree to prove it) Her newest book, Failure to Connect, focuses mainly on how computers effect the human brain. There is so much focus on technology, it seems to me to be out of balance. When we begin to debate over whether or not Pre-schoolers need a computer in their classroom, something in just not right. Four and five year olds need outside time, time with three dimensional objects.

As a teacher I witnessed so many crazy things..shoes that light up, cookies that turn your milk blue and fruit roll ups that have tattoos. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO DO SOMETHING? It is a little crazy. Why can't your cookies just get soggy in your milk, what is wrong with shoes that just help you climb to the top of the jungle gym? And you know what... I do not like tattoos, not even the fruit roll variety! I just want things to be simple. Where do I have to move to get that?

2002-11-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

Seven Months Ago...
It is amazing to me how much life has changed. Now everything that happens is in reference to when sweet baby Drew came into my life. I can not describe in words what a wonder he is. I studied child development for five years in college. I taught in a classroom for six years, witnessing little people learn amazing lessons for the first time in their lives. As amazing as all of that was, it pales in comparison to listening to my little baby laugh and watching him struggle to pull himself up to standing at our coffee table. I am just as corny as I knew I would be. And I am not embarrassed to say that I am enjoying every minute with him.

People keep saying that I will forget my labor, that in time I won't remember the pain. What a crock. I may very well have another child, but it will be in spite of the fact that I remember CLEARLY the pain of childbirth and the awkward recovery period that followed. Painful and awkward yes, but definitely worth it. If I had to do it all over again, for Drew... no problem.

What has struck me most of all in these past few months is that I now think that women are truly AMAZING. I do not mean this as shot to my male counterparts. You know I love you boys. It's just that I have this new found respect for my mom and moms everywhere. I am certain that this is the most amazing job that I will ever be blessed with in this life. Happy seven months baby Drew!

2002-03-04T23:33:00.000-08:00

Well that was weird...
It's Monday. But I did not go to work today. It's not a holiday. I'm not sick. I'm not playing hookey. I totally had one of those "this is first day of the rest of your life" kind of moments. I think I am a little young for that though. So really it is one of those "this is the first day of the rest of your life until your child is born and turns your life upside down, but in a good way" kind of moments. I think this is going to weird...good weird... but weird nonetheless.

2002-02-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

There's no going back now...
Last week we went to the hospital to tour the facilities where I will be giving birth. WHERE I WILL BE GIVING BIRTH!?! Ya' know it is one thing to watch the baby story on television, it is quite another to be standing at the foot of the bed where YOU will go through this experience. I was pretty freaked out. I know I will be fine (what is the other option right?) but WOW...

I also think that if more people had to go through a child birth preparation class before they actually got pregnant, there might be less people to actually go through with it. I of course would still want the little peanut, I am truly blessed. But I say that instead of sex education in high school, we just show the girls how child birth actually works. They would see all the stuff they don't tell you until your on birth's doorstep...I will spare you the details. Who knows, some youngsters might think twice.

Speaking of babies, what is up with McDonald's? They have the worst commercial right now with this adorable little baby who has all of these firsts, first step, first word and "of course a first french fry". GROSS. As if babies need a first fry. Nice marketing.

2001-11-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

Blue angel
I wish I could say that I have been away on some amazing trip where I had no access to a computer, but no. Like many journals, I took a long hiatus. I have returned and this time I am not alone...that's right I've got a little peanut who has already changed my life in ways I could not have expected.

For example apparently I have, that is the baby has, a blue angel. A what? Right that is exactly what I said the first time I heard that phrase. I am a religious person, but I must admit that I cringe just a bit when I hear "angel stories", you know what I mean. But this story has taught me that I should not be so quick to cringe. It is totally ok if you think this is corny...it kind of is, but as a mother-to-be in this really weird time I am happy and relieved to know that there is God and God has apparently blessed me and the peanut with a blue angle. OK,enough, here is the story...

Last year, the teacher I work with was expecting her first child. This happened early in her pregnancy, so she was not showing. No one except myself and one director even knew that a baby was on the way. One afternoon we were walking across the playground and a former student walked up to her put his hands on her belly and asked her when her baby was coming. We were both stunned. We retold the story to a director of the school, who calmly replied 'Oh he must have seen your blue angel'. She went on to explain that there were some cultures who believed that when a child is conceived a blue angel is sent to watch over and cradle the baby in the womb. The angel's presence gives off this aura...a glow that some believe children can see. This blue angel is then replaced by the guardian angel when the child is born.

My director recommended that we ask the kids in our class,who were all four,to draw a picture of my co-worker. Sure enough eleven children drew pictures and all of them had made lights, rainbows and some even drew "helpers" outside and surrounding the picture of this teacher. We of course never discussed the angel's with the children, but we were both totally amazed. OK so last week a child in my class walks up to me with a picture of me. Check it out for yourself.

She told me that it was a picture of me and pointed to the BLUE figure and said "This is for your baby". I saw her drawing this picture and she specifically was looking for the blue marker when she made the floating figure. I do not know what to make of this. I do think it is really cool. And I know from having worked with children for quite some time, that they see things that we simply can not.

So who am I to deny this amazing being? Right now there is a child in my womb,who I can feel kicking, for crying out loud. Miracles abound! I hope the baby is being protected by an angel.

2000-10-31T21:29:00.000-08:00

Two Throw-Ups and a Biting incident: A Halloween Tale
Ok so I got a big slap in the face today, on this feast of all Hallows Eve. I barely made it through the day as the darling little goblins known as my students EXPLODED with excitement. The day brought quite terror to this pre-school teacher. Two children really did explode with vomit. I couldn't tell you where it came from, because they really didn't each much candy. And then there was the biting...yeah that was bad. Poor little 'adult balls' Bakari got attacked. OH MY GOD what a day. So this is my reflection....My life has changed...alot

Just a few short years ago (ok 5 years, but it seems like a short time to me) I was not living through Halloween, I was living it up. It was my senior year of college, and I was living with 5 other girls. We all decided that we would do a costume together...What else could six college buddies be but a six pack of beer! It was so much fun. We packed ourselves into a borrowed van and headed for the Castro in the city. Now, I feel as young now as I did then, but guess what? Tonight I could not gather the strength to get my butt into a costume, let alone get myself out of the house. HOW SAD. Tonight my sister is in the Castro and I am in Castro Valley Oh man, getting old is so weird. It is not a bad thing, but it is strange to think how life can change. Just a reflection.

2000-10-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

Your children should go to Northern Light School

So last week Jason and I had the opportunity to see Jane Goodall speak at Zellerbach hall in Berkeley. She spoke about hope for the future. It was very refreshing to listen to an environmentalist who actually made you feel like you could do something to help the planet. She was so genuine and humble. She is such an example of how one person can really have an amazing impact on the world. I know that is such the idealist's cliche, but if you are an idealist then you know it to be true. Margaret Mead said it, and this is by far one of my favorite quotes:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world, indeed it's the only thing that ever has".

I left there feeling that our life is a real gift. What you choose to do with that gift is really up to you. What an amazing thing. A gift. Just because. Those are the best kind of gifts to receive.

So why should your children attend Northern Light? The next day Jane Goodall came to school and hung out with us. She sat in morning circle and sang songs that were written by one of our students. She asked us to do our part in helping our community, both for the good of the people and for animals. It was so surreal to be sitting in the same room with a woman whom I had only seen in documentaries and on National Geographic. I think it is so amazing that the children at my school had that experience and furthermore that it will not be unique for them to meet amazing people who have indeed changed the world we all live in, for the better.

Uh, by the by, have you been watching the debates?... Yeah, my advice stands... vote Nader!!!

2000-10-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

Adult Balls?! Shame on the Preschool Teacher

The other day I had the greatest conversation with one of my students, Bakari. He came up to me and ..well this is how it went:

B: Hey Miss Allison isn't it weird how there are balls that you play with like basketballs and then there are other kinds of balls like adult balls?
A: Uh what are you talking about Bakari?
B: You know there are the balls you play with and then there are adult balls.
A: (growing more concerned) Bakari did you have a conversation with somebody about this, what are you talking about?
B: Oh forget it, I guess you didn't see Cinderella otherwise you would know what I was talking about!
A: OHHHHHHH! Yes you are right there are dances for adults called Balls!

Oh My God! That kid is so funny. Now before I go to sleep at night I pray that later in life when Bakari does learn about what I was thinking he will not remember our conversation and realize what a dirty minded preschool teacher he had at the age of four. Oh man that was a close one!