27+n

Am I being sensitive?

2008-07-24T01:27:00.003+08:00

Am I overly sensitive? I don't know. I don't want him to take me for granted. Is it all going down the dumps? It feels like it these days.

I'm gonna learn this song and sing it at the next karaoke session.

Wu Jia Hui - Yi Ren Yi Pan

2008-06-23T04:13:00.002+08:00

I never realised that there are so many talented Malaysians out there, some who have finally gotten their first break, while a lot are still looking for that one time opportunity to make it big. I guess its from working with all these Astro people. In this line, I am somewhat closer to the... talent. Few weekends ago we did this show and this really talented Malaysian guy, Wu Jia Hui was the guest of the show. He is based in Singapore now. Why? Because Malaysian talents have very low chances of making it big if they stay in Malaysia. A lot of them go to Taiwan. Simple example, Fish Leong, Kwang Liang, Ping Guan, Penny Tai. And they are BIG now. Malaysia boleh huh.

Anyhow, this Malaysian singer, Wu Jia Hui, is a very humble and sweet person. Can fall in love with him sial! He wrote the song himself!

881 OST - 一人一半 (One Half)

《一人一半》
演唱：伍加輝
改編詞:小寒曲:伍加輝

一人一半感情不散
一人一素故感情才會久
時光累計安靜的淚滴
一心去追愛那么可貴

Chorus：
這樣的人這樣地等
無非是等個回應眼神
為愛翻滾不計傷痕
甘心為你一生都浮沉

這樣的人別笑我蠢
傻傻的心痛也不覺疼
就算天冷就算殘忍
等你想起這沒用的人

一人一半感情不散
已經找到愛為何要離開

時光累計安靜的淚滴
一心去追愛那么可貴

Repeat Chorus*

一人一半感情不散
已經找到愛為何要離開
已經找到愛為何先離開

One half each, may our feelings never fade
A bit each, may our feelings last
My silent tears accumulate over time
All out to pursue that precious love

Chorus:
Here I am, waiting for you
You looking back at me is what I want
I toil for love, not caring about the pain
I’m willing to do anything for you

Here I am, silly as it may seem
Foolishly ignoring the pain in my heart
Whatever the fate, no matter how cruel
This fool is waiting to be in your thoughts

One half each, may our feelings never fade
Why walk away from love that is there?

My silent tears accumulate over time
All out to pursue that precious love

Chorus:
Here I am, waiting for you
You looking back at me is what I want
I toil for love, not caring about the pain
I’m willing to do anything for you

Here I am, silly as it may seem
Foolishly ignoring the pain in my heart
Whatever the fate, no matter how cruel
This fool is waiting to be in your thoughts

One half each, may our feelings never fade
Why walk away from love that is there?
Why walk away?

林健輝 - 原來我最愛的人是你不是他

2008-06-16T07:28:00.003+08:00

Beautiful song.

林健輝 - 原來我最愛的人是你不是他
Eric Lim - Yuan Lai Wo Zui Ai De Shi Ni Bu Shi Ta

Today is the 2nd session and the topic is 'The Meaning of Life'.

2008-06-11T09:14:00.003+08:00

I am so angry when I saw this stupid article in the Star saying that it is now okay for civil servant to hold part time jobs or side businesses! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL ABOUT? These people are working 8-5 every bloody day from Monday to Friday and now you want them to spend the remaining hours to earn more money when you guys should be paying them enough for the more than 40 hours they spend at work every week? This is utterly disgusting. I told my bf that it is a very sad time to be in Malaysia now, and it will be worse soon. What can we do for our country, please let us know. Can someone out there help or are we gonna be left dying here? I did a very stupid thing the other day, I sent a msg on Facebook to Uncle Lim Kit Siang pleading him to do something to help us, and especially those with lower income. Okay, I was intoxicated at that time, but still...

I've started going for this church thingy with the bf. I think the church people are very emo. I cannot imagine telling people all my emo stories when I'm meeting them for the first time. Anyhow, I'm supposed to go there with an open heart and open mind, and that's what I'll do. I am there to get to know his faith. I know it matters a lot to him. It's nice that he is 'journeying' (a jargon) with me, but sometimes I feel that his presence will make me reluctant to ask those controversial questions that I always have at the back of my mind, like.... Why do some Catholics refer to God as 'Their' God, or 'My' God, or 'Your' God? Is the Catholic God, the Buddhist God and all the other Gods different? Or is there only one God?

But I am glad, that he wants to be there with me. After every session (2 so far) we will go makan or have a drink and talk about things. Like today after the session, the facilitator explained that normally they will end with a prayer and this is how the Catholics pray (show cross action explain bla bla) and say, okay let's pray. I felt really uncomfortable, as if I'm being forced to eat something that I'm not sure I will buy, and after eating they will make me pay for it. Something like that. I did it though, and thought about it a bit, and realised that the feelings I'm going through is probably similar to what he felt if he had to pray at my place with joss sticks and all. Confusion.. and he said.. feeling as if he's betraying his religion/ faith.

Okay... opening my heart... opening my mind....

All this aside, I think these weekly Tuesdays session will make us closer and allow us to get to know each other more. Last night he said that I must have been a naughty girl in school... laughing and giggling loudly, pretending to look cute and wanting to be the blue eyed girl. Har har

Going for a meeting now. More another day.

Ride horse to work

2008-06-05T04:06:00.001+08:00

I forgot to add this part...

As I was in the lift, these two guys were talking about the petrol price increase... and the other guy went..

"Like this ah.... buy horse better la... 5000 bucks only what.. somemore one time only."

I told my mom this and she said it made sense.... can do business importing horses ah?

Sadness part 1

2008-06-05T03:13:00.004+08:00

I've never felt the pinch from the other petrol price increase. Never before have I gone to pump petrol when petrol price is rumoured to go up. But yesterday I brought my mom's Estima to the local pump and pump sampai penuh. I came home, my dad said, nolah, it will only go up in August, that's what the minister said. Ya right.

Today when I was driving to Actor's Studio Bangsar I saw the queue at the petrol stations. It is mad!! Today, for the first time, I wondered how much more will I pay for petrol every month. Today I wondered, how much would my pan meen cost. My favourite pan meen from Midvalley and One Utama already cost about RM5. Now what? RM 6.50?

Seriously, I am wondering why they are doing this. My bf asked me earlier on the phone, do you think there's something fishy going on? I told him that I don't think there's anything fishy, just that I cannot for the heck of me imagine why would they increase the petrol price SO MUCH! It is crazy. I am not just thinking of myself. I am wondering about those guys with very very low pay. How the hell are they gonna survive? This is really worrying.

I msged my sister to come home earlier today, because I have this feeling that there would be 'unrest'. Maybe it didn't happen today, but I have a feeling it might happen soon. I feel so sad. I'm not angry, just very sad. And scared. Told mom to replenish her stocks. As I was driving home today after a makeup gig, I kept looking around, looking for... I don't know what... everything looks different. There were more cars than usual...

Dear God, please let there be peaceful change in the country.

p/s: I'm on my third can of beer AT HOME! INI STRESS!!!

pp/s: I'm doing makeup for How I Learnt to Drive! Watched it today. I teared. Haha! It's a very hamsup play btw! And Davina is REALLY good.

Growing up...

2008-05-29T22:04:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I went to the bank to collect the check book for our joint current account. Semakin lama semakin serious it seems. Well, it is 'growing up' time so let's just move on! Still procrastinating on the whole renovation thing. Gonggong said 27th May was supposedly a good date to start renovation but since it's past that date, I guess we'll just have to choose another date. Gonggong moved into his new house on that date, so we have this small house warming thingy at his house. Nice, it was good to see the kids, but a bit awkward seeing the uncles and aunties because we don't hang with them often. It was okay, me and my social skills, har har.

There were many times that the teacher would scream out to some random classmates that makeup is not about putting some colours here there and game over. People who do that are not makeup artist, they are makeup applicator. I think I'm beginning to get that artistic part. It is all about correcting or perfecting the imperfections on one's face. I am working harder than ever, and the other day at ASQ some of those fellas told me I did a great job and yeah, I am proud. Today the sifu told me I've improved tremendously, so today is a good day. Although I still need to move faster so that I can go learn to do some hairdressing, especially for bridals. It doesn't have to be a glamourous thing, and it really isn't. I like the flexibility. Move on move on move on!

BTW, the jalan jalan cari makan bug seems to have bitten my entire family. We are all going in a bus to makan jia chui prawns (air tawar, suddenly can't think of what it's called in english) in Panchor, Johor. Very close to the place my dad and everyone else lived when they were small, in Lenga. They actually rebuilt a house on that piece of land and are calling in the ancestral home. Corner lot somemore, don't play play...

Ya...........

Penang - Family Trip 2008

2008-05-20T01:36:00.003+08:00

Just came back from family trip to Penang. It's been a makan makan makan trip with some sightseeing and a lot of family bonding. My dad was the one who organised the trip. He was the one who made the hotel booking, bedroom arrangement and even came out with the itinerary. My dad, the one who didn't even know how to use the computer 4 years ago, typing out the room arrangement and itinerary. Planning our entire vacation for us. Words cannot describe the way I felt when I saw the stuff he came out with on the computer. It may not be very much for him now, but I had this emo moment when I saw the printouts. I really love my dad, I know sometimes I do not tell him enough. No, I haven't hugged him in the past 10 years or so, no I haven't told him that I love him ever. Instead, today I told him, Pa, thank you for organising the trip. It is not the same as saying I love you, but it is a start.

I wish I could help you more Pa, in every aspect, but I am not made for it. I'm sorry I have failed and disappointed you so many times, but looking beyond all the expectations that we've set for one another, please know that I do care so much and yes, I love you very much.

Don't judge me for you do not know who I am.

2008-05-14T21:12:00.003+08:00

I am very demotivated today. Sometimes I really don't understand how can someone judge you so easily when they don't have full knowledge of your entire life and you you you. I was told not to take it personally, but sometimes I wish that she is more understanding. I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life but that doesn't mean that I place less importance on any of it. Every part is important to me, and I'm trying to make everything work at the same time.

After thinking about it while driving back home, I've decided that it's my life as it has always been, and no one can measure my level of passion, except for me. I will give the best that I can to meet the goals that I've set. Not some goal that some other people have set for me. I got out from the rat race because I'm tired of it, and I am not about to be plunged into another one against my will.

I know what I'm doing, and I am on the right path to be where I want to. At least I'm still on the right track at the moment.

Been working on a research that will lead to something big, hopefully. I will make it work. I will make it work. I will make it work.

Widen the gap please thank you.

2008-05-13T04:37:00.003+08:00

All sort of praises are sung for technology, internet, bla bla but I tell you sometimes having easy access to all this information are just... way overwhelming. Sometimes it's better to not know about certain things, and some things are better left undisturbed. With stupid internet, that invisible string that link everyone together is gaining shape and losing the length and I DON'T LIKE THAT.

I prefer to remain in an ignorant bliss. I can get myself away from unpleasant situation and I will, because I have done it before and I can do it again. I know I have a choice.

/emo off

This weekend my family (all 40 of us) will be going down to Pg. I can't wait to makan nonstop... and makan and makan and makan. Will drop by Ipoh for breakfast, but no chicken rice so early in the morning. Wondering where else is good to makan in Ipoh.

Just did another ASQ photoshoot today. The kids kinda grow on you. After a while they seem quite decent. Maybe it's just the maternal side in me showing, haha. 5 of them will be going to some singing competition reality show in Taiwan... all expenses paid... so lucky... I told them that they cannot miss going to the night market. It is zeee bombb I miss Taiwan I wanna go again... So yah, about a month before they start again. Then the elimination will continue again. *sigh* Somehow this attachment is inevitable I think. It's in my nature to get emotionally attached to the things I do or experience.

Sighs sigh sighs

2008-05-09T21:59:00.003+08:00

I noticed that the hair plucking comes back when I'm stressed out. I haven't done so for the longest time since I got the short haircut. In fact I thought that trich can be 'cured' by having short hair, but apparently not.

Need 60k in 1 years time. Any fast money making scheme?

It is a Friday. I think I'll put on some nice makeup and go out. It's the Tiesto weekend but don't think will be going. Maybe tomorrow. Really wanna go before n turns 3. But if he's coming back next year, then not going this year is fine. Otherwise must go, cos I don't want to go see him lugging my kids if he comes back in 5 years time.

Parents meeting parents dinner postponed because everywhere is fully booked as this weekend is mother's day. I haven't gotten anything for mom yet. But the other day got free pink teddy bear from The Ship. A bit cheap la... Dunno what to get for mom la, sighs.

Photoshoot for ASQ Top 10 next week. 5 girls and 5 guys. Rather, 5 guys, 1 'guy' and 4 girls. Shouldn't be a prob.

ASQ

2008-05-08T06:59:00.004+08:00

It is now 7 am and I'm dead tired but am just gonna note down some stuff that I do not want to forget.

1. Time and tide wait for no man. Move it move it.

2. I changed my mind about the guy who bugged me at Astro Star Quest. Usually he seemed overly confident and showy, but today he mellowed down a lot from the pressure. He seemed almost depressed. It is now towards the middle of the show. In the earlier recordings, the contestants were happy, all hyped up and singing everywhere all the time. Now that nearly half the contestants have been eliminated they seem somewhat more grounded. Today it was quiet with hardly any singing around backstage. In someways it was almost as if everyone was mourning with sorrow. I guess making new friends, living with them and then having to deal with your friends being eliminated shows you a part of that grown up life, fast forward. I almost felt sorry for them, but am glad that they are more mature and ready for life's challenges now. Somehow Asian reality shows are different from Western ones. The Western reality shows contestants cheer for joy when the others are eliminated. They want to get others eliminated. In Asian reality show they cry when their fellow contestants get eliminated. When they give their goodbye speech they wish others success.

Budget constraints

2008-05-05T02:57:00.003+08:00

need to stick to budget need to stick to budget...

BUT I WANT A BATHTUB..... AND SOLID WOODEN FLOOR, AND 6 AIR CONDS...

check out this informative article about Jacuzzi. Yes the Jacuzzi, the Panadol of paracetemol, the Maggi mee of instant noodles..

it's sad when you can only have 3 airconds instead of 6.

:/

I IS BACK

2008-04-27T23:59:00.004+08:00

I have not been writing for the longest time. So little time, so much to do!!

For a start, some good news! I got engaged! He proposed in the craziest way, and (being unbiased :P) I really don't think it's easy for other guys to top it. You know what guys are like... competitive and all! But it was the effort put in that really touched me. It was a really nice night, and we had friends celebrating the joyous day with us. I am thinking of throwing an engagement party thingy and invite all our friends, simply because it'll be a nice thing to share this happy news with them, and also to thank friends who also helped so much! The video is crazy ass funny :)

Anyhow, here's a pic taken from Ting's site. She was going around taking lotsa pics with her professional camera haha. Thank you Ting, you know for what :) I look damn tarpao in all the pics but who cares!!! Remember that I fell flat on my ass and back at the end of the night,hee haaaa haaaaa

Aside from getting engaged, I've been pretty busy with the whole house renovation thing. IT. IS. NOT. EASY. TO. GET. A. HOUSE. DONE. Been getting quotes from 3 main contractors, looking at tiles, bla bla, drawing up floor plan. Yes, I actually did up a floorplan by myself using this awesome software called SmartDraw. Available free for 7 days trial, but after that it's like USD200 or something. And being Malaysian... you know la... I think it's past the 7 days trial but I cheated by not closing the window. Yes, it's been many many days since I last shut down my laptop. I just put it on hibernate mode.

Am also working on this new research. Basically about people's TV habits and all. Speaking of TV habits, I've never indulged so much time in the idiot tube (is that what's it's called?) and OMG I just can't tear myself away from all those stupid TVB series on Astro on Demand. It's damn addictive and REALLY I can spend those time doing more productive stuff. Like I actually got webhosting two months back and it's just there doing nothing. I could have used those hours spent watching TVB to migrate to the new webhosting... sighs....

OH, am also doing makeup for this Astro Star Quest previously known as Astro Talent Quest. Those dudes are young!!! Really really young I feel like a jie jie to them. Like we were backstage doing the press conference and this young contestant called out to me 'lenglui' and I just stared back at him and said 'Cass. My name is Cass'. Hahahahah so attitude but it's true what. Those 18 year olds... and me... 27+n. hahahahhahaha

Well, it's all about time management, isn't it. And rship management la. Cos usually when my bf and I discuss stuff about house, we usually got this damn tulan look and tone but till now managed to control it. Only argued once, but after that we went to makan Thai Style Chicken and then everything is okay again.

:) Will post again soon. :)

love technology

2008-04-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

Damn technology is wonderful. Am in the car now waiting for the bf to shower and I'm on my iPod now typing this out. Now it doesn't matter anymore how long I have to wait cos I'm leeching of his wifi so I can just surf n surf n surf. Best!! Also love it during sleepless nights cos I can just whip up the iPod n surf while cuddling :) :)

Put on my makeup just now only to realise that my face is full of rashes. Must be the sotong kerang n prawns. Going on detox after tonight. I gotta celebrate the completion of report!

KAOTIM SAI!!!

2008-04-04T16:44:00.002+08:00

YES LA I IS KAOTIM THE REPORT OREDI!!!!

TWO BLOODY DAYS STUCKS AT MY LAPTOP!!! so stressed and so difficult to concentrate but finally got it done!!!

the sense of achievement is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful! will continue with another report of the same study later. doing the whole thing makes me realise how much i loveeeeee doing researches. learn this, learn that. suddenly feel like going deep sea fishing now. i told bb that i cannot possibly live and die without ever going deep sea fishing.

woooootttt

TVB is evil! The Internet is evil! Eating is evil!

2008-04-03T13:39:00.007+08:00

Why ah why ah two days oredi I'm trying to complete this report but I still cannot! All the distractions in life! TVB is evil! The Internet is evil!

Two days oredi I makan nasi lemak for breakfast. Tambahhh sotonngg tambahh kerangg!! Now I'm experiencing all this weird rashes from eating too much 'poisonous' food. Bla bla bla kerang is the best!! Eating is evil!!

Okay, must rajin a bit to complete report today cos I wanna go out tonight!! Also because it's due today also la hehe

It's Friday again tomorrow and yay to weekend! Last Friday was like a mini gathering for Shuz before she got hitched forever and ever. It was realllyy crazy catching up with those crazzzzyyy people playing this cool uno like drinking card game called 'Beer' and drinking and smoking. After a while we got tired of the game and just picked a card randomly making drinking rules such as biggest card drinks, red drink, even drink. Fun! Got pissed drunk! Actually the best part is catching up with uni mates that we haven't seen for so long. Different sort of enjoyment. You even laugh a different sort of laughter.

Congrats Shuz. :)

okay now that i'm done writing this maybe i can concentrate on writing the report!!

Another pool tournament coming up.

2008-03-28T13:35:00.004+08:00

I love playing pool. I really really love playing pool. I didn't realise that I feel happy playing pool until he suggested that I don't play this time.

There's a tournament coming up in Baywatch soon. I played in the one two years back and we got second place. Not bad for a team full of newbies. I was asked to play again this year. But... he doesn't want me to play this time, because there's a certain someone that he isn't too comfortable with. I understand his point of view so I shall skip this one. Anyways the money prize is not a lot for this one. But I'm thinking, what if the person is there for the Dewar's one as well? Does that mean I will skip that one too?

I have abandoned my cue for too long, and I can't wait to go there and show the people so that they can go waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So how?

Quality times sigh

2008-03-28T10:01:00.002+08:00

Why oh why can't I just stop procrastinating... mom's helper (a politically correct way to put it) finally came back from some gorgeous island in Philippines and I've regained my freedom again. So I damn semangat, woke up at 7, had breakfast and watched some tv before setting up my laptop to start those researches. Of course, having been deprived of reckless surfing of the net without caring for the time for so long, I just couldn't stop myself from surfing and surfing and surfing.

So I was online from 9 am to 3 pm *trying* to get a headstart on work and I just couldn't stop reading and surfing about everything to politics to renovation to... god knows what else. Well, am still trying right now... hopefully can start immediately after this...

BTW, since Ruth is back, I have so much time on hand and I can finally spend quality time with the bf!! It's nice cos it's been sometime since we had quality time together. A month? Since she left? Anyhow the day before we had quiet night at home just chatting about everything and drinking brandy. We used to do that very often, sharing the small details of our day or week and I'm glad we had that night. I especially love talking about work, management, strategies, politics, because then we get to debate and see what the other person is really like. FOR EXAMPLE, I'm always the follow the rules sort of person, while he's less so. Bla bla.

Yesterday we went to pasar malam to have his favourite asam laksa. Again, we used to do that a lot but somewhere along the way we just stopped. Eating fried food from sticks, having mata kuching from the plastic bag. I like that. It reminds me of my childhood. In fact, yesterday I told him that I saw a lot of uncles and aunties whom my mom used to buy from. That was at least 15 years ago and today they are still there. In a way I felt a bit of pity for them, but then again, who am I to feel that way because for all I know, they are probably happier than a lot of other corporate ladder climbers or wealthier people.

THEN WE TARPAO FOOD AND WENT BACK TO MAKAN AGAIN WHILE WATCHING WAR OF IN LAWS, THIS TVB SERIES THAT I'VE SEEN AND AM FORCING HIM TO WATCH. I bought the dvd because I want to pass it on to my kids. Like heirloom. Except that it's not so expensive. hehe. There are quite a few DVDS already that I've collected. One of them is this Korean movie, Daisy. THAT SHOW IS SO ROMANTIC I cry everytime I see it. sigh.

Ok. time to start work. tonight got hen's night. btw, i got a haircut. it's really boyish on one side and more feminine on the other. the guy was so enthusiastic about the cut.

helpppp

2008-03-27T11:40:00.002+08:00

urm, i think there are ants living in my laptop. how the hell did it get there and HOW DO I GET RID OF IT??!!?

freedooooommm

2008-03-26T21:47:00.001+08:00

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you god!!! Ruth is finally back and now my life can get back to normal again!!!

ahhhhhhhhhh i am reborn!!!

screwed up

2008-03-17T07:33:00.002+08:00

I can't seem to do anything right. I'm as useless as a rubbish bin next to a rubbish dump site. I will keep to myself and learn learn learn how to do it right and if I still can't do it right, then I guess I'm really incapable of doing it. I might as well be dead then.

First step in buying a house - shop for mortgages

2008-03-17T06:43:00.006+08:00

It was quite tedious when we first started shopping for mortgages. Thank God for the Internet I was able to check for mortgages rate online but even then I did not fully trust the rates posted online by the banks. I guess it is because I have this perception that the local companies just don't bother to update their websites with the latest information. Anyhow it was quite a tedious experience calling up the banks to find out more about their mortgage packages. The most terrible experience I had must be calling the Hong Leong Bank hotline. You know how they have the IVR system (press 1 for bla bla press 2 for bla bla)? Well, Hong Leong Bank's IVR is the crappiest!! You end up going in circles and finally you just slam down the phone because you get so bloody frustrated going round and round.

After finding out the rates on the phone comes the negotiating time. It is actually possible for you to negotiate the rates because the banking industry in Malaysia is so competitive. If they say it is not negotiable, they are either lying or have already met their quota for the month so they don't give a damn whether you use their services or not. They = mortgage sales executive.

Just found out few weeks back that the guy responsible for our account has left the company.

Anyways in the end, after careful comparison and all, we ended up getting a mortgage with Hong Leong Bank because it offered the best rate despite the shitty hotline they have. I also got the direct line number to whoever it was I needed to speak to so I don't have to torture myself with the stupid HLB IVR again.

Less than 2 weeks to freedom.

2008-03-14T05:44:00.002+08:00

The world is just too damn small. Just when you think you have left bees in the past doesn't mean that it won't come back to zzzz at you. Sometimes it's better if I had just left things and stop digging. Too much knowledge isn't that good all the time.

I need to prioritise and stop procrastinating. Sometimes I feel that I am just here to fulfill her ego requirement. I need to put my foot down and say, that's it, I need to do things that I need to do because it is important that I don't lose this lifeline. It has reached that level of seriousness. Sometimes it's unbelievable how the things she say can hurt me so much. I've seen how she practices her subtlety so I know she's capable of it. Why is she being so insensitive to me then? Do I portray myself as someone who is thick skinned and won't be hurt no matter what is hurled at me? My Chinese horoscope said something about taking a step back and looking at things objectively. I'm trying, i'm trying.

March 11, 2008

2008-03-12T04:30:00.002+08:00

Today we finally got the keys to our home. Yes, OUR home. I'm a bit overwhelmed from the thought of the necessary renovation to make it our living place. There will be tons to do, I'm sure. I'll just cross the bridge when I reach it, I guess.