Poor Impulse Control

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68028582009-07-05T23:21:58.641-04:00Poor Impulse ControlTarget shootin' with the Gun Moll of the RevolutionTatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comBlogger1390125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-27888335238357423872009-07-05T10:33:00.004-04:002009-07-05T23:21:27.624-04:00Over This Land, All Over This

So here I am again, at the foot of the sickbed, watching the clock run down. Our families are marvels of construction on the fly; when the doctor asked on the first day who I was I said, "I'm the foster child." Isabella blurted out, "Yes, but not really," and the doctor smiled. By blood, the unconscious man struggling to breathe is no relation. He has called me "my other daughter" for a couple of

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-34036070649363007172009-07-03T19:57:00.003-04:002009-07-03T22:37:49.407-04:00In Your Head They're Still Fighting

Despite the fact that I am still fuming after yesterday's episode in which my sister was a controlling bitch, I'm trying to be philosophical today. No matter how much I love someone I can't work her karma for her - especially when she's being a controlling bitch. But I digress. I'm philosophical, bitchez!Good thing we didn't try carrying this metric buttload of produce.Our town has a farmer's

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-76977441491909506052009-07-02T17:58:00.003-04:002009-07-02T18:09:02.932-04:00Everything I See Is Red

Today is not a good day for my sister to be a controlling bitch.

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-78274252834936028602009-07-01T08:29:00.001-04:002009-07-01T08:31:41.396-04:00Let Alone An Egg

Good kitties...good kitties...Sharkey bought a house that came with concrete outdoor cats.Anyone know a garden center where I can pick up a concrete ball of yarn?

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-7938457820501768982009-06-30T21:36:00.006-04:002009-06-30T23:29:08.295-04:00Be Running Up That Hill

Pete's a DIY guy. Yesterday, he sanded half the porch and re-stained it a lighter, warmer color. He'd carefully planned it so an upstairs tenant would get home after 10 p.m., well after the stain would have a chance to dry. We went out briefly to look in where we're housesitting, and to pick up a bottle of wine. When we got back, Pete noticed a familiar car and ran to look at the steps. A tenant

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-38234842634460512122009-06-29T20:27:00.003-04:002009-06-29T21:54:56.132-04:00They Think They're Heroes

One hilarious side effect of working your tush off to - y'know - work your tush off is that your middle-aged weight shifts. Weight doesn't melt off the way it used to. The pants that fit last week droop here and tug there; one or the other is vexing but both wreck your chances of putting together an outfit you don't throw on your cubicle floor before lunch. By you I mean me, and of course if my

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-61480341104086792292009-06-28T21:18:00.003-04:002009-06-28T22:30:33.631-04:00It's A Competitive World

Lovely Topaz gives you the boo boo eyes. You are helpless before them!Tonight, Mom reports that Grandpa's become very frail. He sleeps a lot, she says. That's good, I said. It means he's not distressed. She says he wasn't hungry for blueberry muffins a couple of days ago, but yesterday ate chowder with gusto. He's fading, she says. I've been down this road, I said, fairly recently. I know, she

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-50948446754562194912009-06-26T06:24:00.002-04:002009-06-26T08:54:54.860-04:00This Blackboard Lacks A Piece Of Chalk

To say that our backyard is the size of a postage stamp is to insult stamps. If it were up to me, I'd rototill the whole tiny thing and plant vegetables, but it isn't up to me. Recently, a new tenant started putting her cat in the backyard on a tether every day, much to our chagrin and the dismay of stray cats we've been feeding. It never occurred to me someone would fight us for our yard space

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-28006641953560158842009-06-25T21:31:00.003-04:002009-06-25T21:54:34.277-04:00Love You Save May Be Your Own

The Jackson 5's Greatest Hits was the first album I ever bought with my own saved pennies. These songs were so important to me as a little girl my parents took away my second record Ben. It wasn't until the last year of his life that Dad told me what'd happened. It was a shameful business: my parents were afraid that because Black is beautiful I would think only Black was beautiful, and I would

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-73607258031121814072009-06-25T06:50:00.003-04:002009-06-25T08:33:02.487-04:00Everything Else But Us Is

My co-workers are talking in one corner of the room about something wildly improbable, so I hit the Great Gazoogle and - Wallabies get high in poppy fields, make crop circlesJesus Donkeypunching Christ. Why do I get up in the morning? For stuff like this:WALLABIES are breaking into Tasmania's poppy fields and getting high. The strange occurrence, revealed in a State Government Budget Estimates

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-81182150751261639992009-06-24T08:09:00.002-04:002009-06-24T08:16:26.497-04:00Am Everyday People

This is vile. It happens all the time, which only makes it worse.Request for Action from the Mississippi Immigrant Rights Alliance (MIRA): Cirila Baltazar Cruz gave birth to her baby girl in November of 2008 at Singing River Hospital in Pascagoula, MS. She speaks very little Spanish and no English, as her native language is Chatino, an Indigenous language from Oaxaca, Mexico that is spoken by

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-71379097375377816442009-06-23T08:29:00.004-04:002009-06-23T09:07:41.068-04:00Your Future: It's Gonna Rain

My brother Todd, who sent this cartoon, is quite a card.For the most part, the men in my father's family either live well into their irascible nineties or they turned 43 and keeled over. I reminded Todd of this during an exchange of pizza recipes recently because mine - and this seemed significant in this context - wouldn't stop your heart, what with Todd being 43 and all. He says times have

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-67925308752878807992009-06-22T07:47:00.004-04:002009-06-22T10:17:52.793-04:00Stretch A Band Between His Toes

On Saturday, Pete had a delightful encounter at the toy store. Pete: I looked up and there was this little girl, about nine or ten. She looked like your niece. Tata: Which one? Lois?Pete: Lois! Light blond hair, blue eyes, skinny. She was wearing a little girl t-shirt, a little girl sweater, jeans and sneakers. And a big fake mustache like that movie critic - Tata: Gene Shalit?Pete: Yeah! She was

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-59666019356268805742009-06-20T11:10:00.004-04:002009-06-20T11:56:05.487-04:00All She Wants To Do Is All She Wants

A long time ago, far, far away, a friend took a job in Tewksbury, MA, and from distant New Jersey, I saw this for what it was: an opportunity for a scandalous road trip.Johnny's always been the pretty one.Every so often, Siobhan pipes up with tales of another episode from our freewheeling life together that I've totally forgotten. Yesterday, she went a step further and produced pictures I

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-59428922858491529272009-06-19T10:36:00.003-04:002009-06-19T11:48:00.514-04:00A Vacant Lot For Any Spirit To Haunt

Oh brudder:A passenger told the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera that she noticed Sicily was missing - while she was on a flight to the island. Smaller islands, such as Sardinia, were in the right place on the map.Alitalia was re-launched earlier this year under private ownership. It had been a state-run company for more than 60 years before going bankrupt.One Italian Senator, Riccardo

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-51552384567349080252009-06-17T20:56:00.003-04:002009-06-17T21:50:35.313-04:00Is Pack Up And Run

Johnny, Poor Impulse Control's Southwest Bureau Chief, reports from New Mexico:You'll enjoy this. My knees are killing me. I go to the rheumatologist. She orders xrays. She says it's osteonecrosis, where blood flow has somehow been cut off and some sections of bone have died and are presumably rotting. She says I'm too young for knee replacement and cortisone shots won't help. She says the only

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-83212091980670864562009-06-16T21:33:00.004-04:002009-06-16T21:41:59.390-04:00She Sings From Somewhere You Can't See

Regina swims around Manhattan! See the race's unbelievable ending!Pete and I make glamorous cameos! This video will fit neatly only in archives!

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-91966416253337896902009-06-15T20:56:00.003-04:002009-06-15T21:40:24.452-04:00Deal With Rockets And Dreams

The weather, I am under it today. Most of the morning, I couldn't open my eyes. It's not a big deal, but my patience wears thin when my body refuses to cooperate. I'd call a meeting with it but I'm sure it would hang up on me. Thus, now is the wrong time for me to notice that one of my soaps is about to step into a stinky mess. This child holding a child is the mother nearing the moment she

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-29124498141455073092009-06-13T19:41:00.006-04:002009-06-13T22:30:31.459-04:00Be Loved Or Be Forgiven

Tonight as the sun sets on a rainy afternoon, neighborhood children released from the captivity of some fearsome rec room run screaming in a sopping backyard. Under the canopy of tall oaks and maples, sounds echoes, amplified, distorted. What sounds like a rampaging mob may be two enthusiastic Marco! Polo! players, but whatever it is, it's nearly over as bedtime approaches. I've been having that

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-37536212505098344782009-06-12T08:00:00.002-04:002009-06-12T08:26:16.038-04:00Or I'm Still Alive And There's Nothing I Want

First thing yesterday morning, the genteel older gentleman who sits next to me smiled sweetly and said something so bitchy all I could do was stare at him until my eyeballs parched. Thus, I was discombobulated by 7:35 A.M. At lunchtime, I could not find my strawberry banana yogurt in the refrigerator no matter how many times I searched, but there was a vanilla yogurt of the same brand on a

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-46339046909375763492009-06-10T09:39:00.004-04:002009-06-10T10:58:53.566-04:00Lock It Fill It Call It Find It

Christ on a water cracker, what the fuck is this?One month after successfully tucking an amendment into the credit card reform bill that expanded gun rights, a small number of Senate Republicans are looking at the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act as another chance to score a victory for the Second Amendment. The possible plan — to add an amendment that would allow gun owners to carry

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-71153751283830857442009-06-09T20:55:00.003-04:002009-06-09T21:29:46.124-04:00Unfold Your Body Is Free And Behold

On Saturday afternoon at the South Cove in Battery Park City, each racer had a boat with a team and at least one kayaker. The racers stopped every fifteen minutes or so for water and a nibble. My cousin Sela was on the boat, with Regina in the water. Sela had told me Regina's girlfriends traveled to New York and would be waiting in the park; I should look for "a bunch of crazy Guatemalan women

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-17503708539206827712009-06-08T21:02:00.005-04:002009-06-09T21:30:40.880-04:00With the Scenery Flying By

Saturday morning, Pete and I climbed the long flight of concrete stairs to the train platform and walked a long way to an empty space against the wall. I heard an accordian and took the camera out of my bookbag. "Pete," I said, "it is totally crucial that you take a picture because nobody believes that everywhere I go there's theme music. If we're very lucky, you'll also capture the back up

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-11065546530865071172009-06-07T22:21:00.002-04:002009-06-07T22:40:15.450-04:00Just De-Lovely And Delicious

Holy crap!Yesterday, my brilliant Guatemalan cousin swam the hell around Manhattan Island!It's been about thirty hours since Regina climbed out of the water, wrapped herself in mylar and a towel and ran to a crowd of friends she's known since pre-school and I still don't know what to make of what happened. What did I see? What was it? Who the hell knows? A Daily News reporter leaned over the

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6802858.post-2147831295428908972009-06-05T09:29:00.003-04:002009-06-05T10:20:55.494-04:00All In All, It's All the Same

Some time ago, Grandpa took a dive and was found on the floor of his apartment. After a stint in the hospital, he moved to a swanky rehab joint where he instantly charmed the staff. That is his way. People love him up! On the other hand, Mom and Tom finally read the tea leaves and emptied Grandpa's apartment last month. At first, this all seemed scary. Now, we've changed our minds. Hooray!

Tatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14639571609720073406noreply@blogger.com