Spatula Forum

Next stop, Year Two!

2009-12-17T00:01:00.003+13:00

So the beginning of the boy's first school year was weird and strange and fun -- but the end of it is even odder to me. Down here in upside down down under, the school year ends just before Christmas and starts up again in February, so Peter's on his final day in Year 1 of primary school today. He found out his next teacher and classroom that he'll start up with Year 2 in 2010, and got his very first school report. It's got to be a bit tough, having just gotten used to his little group of friends and familiar faces, and then moving on to the next one. It makes me feel weird, too -- first "end of term," first of many more to come, the kind of realization that school isn't just a one-off thing but a years-long journey for the boy.

He is doing pretty well, all things considered. It's been a bloody rough year for our family in a lot of ways with two grandparents battling cancer, but he's been strong at school and his reading and imagination are tops. There's more than a fair share of discipline and obedience battles and there are times when you just think life was easier when we had two cats instead, but so it goes. Peter gets a break now with mom for a while and then he goes back in February -- not one of the newest kids, but moving on up the old school food chain.

My favorite books read in 2009

2009-12-15T09:47:00.000+13:00

So, here are a handful of my favorite books of 2009 -- a couple of which might've snuck out a bit earlier than this year but which are very much still worth reading regardless of publication date. There are many others that came out this year I haven't gotten around to as well -- finding a copy of Chuck Klosterman's latest down here is danged tricky, for instance.

But of the 75 or 80 books I read in 2009, here's what I liked best:

"2666" by Roberto Bolaño and "The Savage Detectives" by Roberto Bolaño - For someone who's been dead since 2003, this Chilean writer has had quite a year. His last few books of fiction have been translated into English and they're not quite like anything else out there -- surreal and vicious and intense and passionate, he was one of Latin America's most exciting voices. "2666" is a monster of a book, nearly 1000 pages (and apparently not entirely finished before his death) divided into three parts, an apocalyptic and nightmarish journey that circles around a plague of serial murders in Mexico and a secretive German writer. Bolaño had a knack for creating a disturbing, unsettling atmosphere. It's an epic book and by the end I felt truly changed a little by it in some undefinable way, which is what the best stories do. "Savage Detectives" is "lighter" in tone than "2666" but also marvelous, a kind of Kerouacian road trip following two poet buddies traveling around the world. It's both idealistic and disillusioned at the same time, and Bolaño's twisting, gorgeous prose is in full swing.

The Prodigal Tongue: Dispatches from the Future of English by Mark Abley - People love to complain about how English is being "destroyed" by the Generations Y and Z, with all their LOLZ and txtspk. Abley genially upsets that assumption by painting a portrait of how English is always changing, always fluid, and how it has truly become a global language in the last few decades. In a great piece of anecdotal journalism he skips about the world looking at Japanese teens' "Japenglish," Hispanic Spanglish, the influence of hip-hop and the Internet, and how the way we communicate is constantly shifting. Instead of being debased, Abley argues that English is being constantly improved as a tool that works best for its particular audience at the moment. Thought-provoking and trivia-packed. (His "Spoken Here," about dead and dying languages, is also worth looking for.)

"Pictures at a Revolution: Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood" by Mark Harris - Five movies that don't seem to have a lot in common -- "The Graduate," "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner," "Dr. Dolittle," "In the Heat of the Night" and "Bonnie and Clyde." But they were all nominated for Oscar's Best Picture of 1967, a year that changed the movie industry. This fascinating book explores the genesis, production and reaction to all five movies, each of which symbolizes a different aspect of Hollywood, whether it's maverick independence or bloated studio extravaganzas. The fertile explosion of film in the '70s can be directly credited to movies like "Clyde" while the more calculated blockbuster mentality is seen in a stumbling vanity production like Rex Harrison's "Dolittle." Harris' smart and funny narrative is a must-read for any fans of movies.

"Under the Dome" by Stephen King - I know, a Stephen King book on my "year's best" list, there goes my literature street cred I carefully built up with the dead Chilean writer above. But "Dome," while not King's best ever by any means, is a great "cheeseburger" of a fiction read, a very fast-paced 1000-page epic about a small town in Maine and what happens when a mysterious giant dome is placed over it. Yeah, sounds like a "Simpsons" episode, but King deals it up with his trademark mix of horror, humor and invention and a fair amount of satire on the post-9/11 American mentality. Sure, characters may be thin and 1000 pages may be padded, but I'd still call "Dome" his best in several years and to use a cliche, I could barely put it down while reading it.

Sunnyside" by Glen David Gold - I loved Gold's first novel, 2001's "Carter Beats the Devil," and it's been a long wait for his next book. "Sunnyside" is a challenging but quite satisfying read that entwines Charlie Chaplin, a would-be Hollywood stuntman, World War I and a cast of dozens of real-life and fictional personages of the 1910s. "Sunnyside" sprawls all over the place in its narrative that loosely explores the birth of the "modern" world of Hollywood, imagery and warfare, but it's Gold's portrait of Chaplin that holds the center -- his Chaplin is a confused, brilliant genius pulled in different directions by his muse.

"The Lost City of Z" by David Grann - Mysterious lost cities in the jungle of the Amazon? Sign me up! I've been on a big "exploration lit" kick for a while now and David Grann's stirring tale of the search for an ancient lost city is great fun. The focus of Grann's book is on legendary explorer Percy Fawcett, who disappeared into the Amazon in 1925 and was never seen again. Dozens -- perhaps hundreds -- of valiant explorers have also been lost searching for traces of Fawcett. Grann does a great job revealing the secrets of the world's hidden places and giving us rollicking real-life Indiana Jones-style adventure.

"Juliet, Naked" by Nick Hornby - Hornby's latest novel is a nice return to his "High Fidelity/About A Boy" form after a few lesser books. "Juliet, Naked" is almost "High Fidelity 2" in how it digs into that strange world of music obsessives (um, not that I know anything about that), spinning a tale of fixated fans, reclusive musicians and lovelorn museum curators that's a real brisk, good-hearted and enjoyable read.

My Classic Comics ABCs: S and T!

2009-12-10T19:28:00.002+13:00

S! And T! Near the end of the alphabet we be! (Can you tell I've been reading Dr. Seuss lately?)

S is for Star Wars #58

Oh, this is a pivotal moment in the alphabetical meander through the ol' comics collection. This tattered and battered 1982 issue of Marvel Comics Star Wars is my first time. The comic, that is, that started off my multi-decade, my oh-my-god I don't want to think about how much money I've spent comics obsession. Sure, I'd read comics before, but casually like any kid, not as a "fanboy." But this one tipped me over the edge. It was a fun comic, during Marvel's rather underrated series following up on the movies, and at this point the great team of artist Walt Simonson and stories David Micheline were on board. The issue itself -- well, nothing "epic," I guess, but it had a cool story about C-3PO and R2-D2 floating in outer space waiting to be rescued. That dazzling Simonson image on the cover -- scarlet sky, boiling sun, vaguely haunting image of robots floating in the void -- it kindled something primal in the ol' mammal brain and I had to pick up every issue of "Star Wars" I could, and soon, many, many other comics as well. All thanks to this issue. I've gotten rid of many of my "floppy" single issue comics over the years, trading them in for paperbacks of the material when I can, but this one issue I'll never get rid of.

T is for Transmetropolitan #8

Cynical, hard-boiled journalist tearing up the streets? Why, it's my life story. ...Nah, I've never really been that kind of journo, but that doesn't keep me from admiring the hell out of Spider Jerusalem, the bald, sneering take-no-prisoners Hunter Thompson meets Mad Max scribe of Warren Ellis' futuristic classic. Ellis is perhaps my favorite comics sci-fi writer, because he makes the future seem so damn plausible and scary. "Transmetropolitan" was bitter, brutal, thoughtful and mercenary, and it was one of my favorite comics of the 1990s-2000s. Ellis' vision of the future, wired-to-the-gills and corrupt as hell, is one of the great settings, and in this issue, Ellis compares then and "now." The political conspiracies and journalism rampages of other issues are set aside for one tale of Mary, a woman who dies in the 20th century, has her head frozen and then is revived in Jerusalem's twisted future 200 years later. This story, written as a Spider column, tells of us Mary's life and the horrible shock she gets from the future, which is meaner and more baffling than anyone could imagine. What would it really be like to visit the future? Maybe we don't want to know. This is a heartbreaking little gem of a story, and one of Warren Ellis's best creations.

(*Previously in this series: A: Amazing Spider-Man, B: Batman, C: Cerebus, D: Doom Patrol, E: Eightball, F: Flaming Carrot, G: Give Me Liberty, H: Hate, I: Incredible Hulk, J: JLA, K: Kingdom Come, L: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, M: Miracleman, N: Naughty Bits, O: The One, P: Peter Parker, Q: The Question, R: The Rocketeer.)

The Beatles... in the year 3000!

2009-12-09T16:45:00.002+13:00

Awesome.

Via Neatorama.

Movie review: Zombieland

2009-12-07T18:00:00.002+13:00

If the worst comes to pass and zombies do actually rise up and start feeding on the living, it's a good idea to be prepared.

Lists are smart. Do your cardio exercise -- it's wise to have a head start on the undead. Always check the car back seat -- there might be a zombie back there. Oh, and beware of bathrooms.

In the biting new horror comedy "Zombieland," nerdy student Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is one of the last people left alive after the zombie apocalypse. He's managed by making obsessive lists of survival tips, but soon hooks up with fellow survivor Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a gun-toting, impulsive redneck. Together the two take a road trip across a shattered America to find out if there's anyone else left.

Equal parts road-trip comedy and horror movie, "Zombieland" is a bit like an American version of Simon Pegg's modern classic "Shaun of the Dead."
Columbus and Tallahassee make a fine team as they travel. Mismatched buddies are nothing new, but the novel setting makes "Zombieland" a gory good time.

First-time director Ruben Fleischer has a witty, sharp style. While there are shocks and action, the characters are given equal time as they try to live in a strange ruined world. For Columbus, he hopes to find a surviving girl to fall in love with. For Tallahassee, nothing is as important as finding the last box of Twinkies snack cakes.

"Zombieland" boasts one of Harrelson's best roles in years -- his bogan Tallahassee is hilarious. And there's a cameo appearance by a top comedy star that has to be seen to be believed.

The pantheon of zombie movies is growing almost as fast as vampires these days, but "Zombieland" is lively undead fun. Just don't forget to check your back seat after the film.

Sunday shuffle: Much better than the owner of a broken heart

2009-12-06T16:14:00.003+13:00

Ah, glorious new iPod! Yes, I remember the days of yore when I bought my 30GB first iPod back in 2005, and I thought, I will never fill this with music, that's a lot of space. Of course it's been pretty much full for the better part of a year or two now and I kept having to delete stuff to put new stuff on, so being a mechanical modern man I decided to splash on a late birthday/early Christmas present of a stylish 120gb iPod with four times the space. Ah, gigabytes, is there nothing they can't do?

1. Poison Cup 2:45 M. Ward
2. Holy Holy 2:23 David Bowie
3. Slip Inside This House 8:03 13th Floor Elevators
4. Burnin' Up 3:52 Ciccone Youth (Sonic Youth)
5. In My Room 3:54 Yaz
6. Born In Time 4:13 Bob Dylan
7. You Belong To My Heart 3:05 Old 97's
8. Don't Ask Me 3:45 Public Image Ltd.
9. Dinner Bells 7:35 Wolf Parade
10. Thrift Store Chair 2:09 Everclear
11. Owner Of A Lonely Heart 4:29 Yes
12. Family Entertainment 2:38 The Undertones
13. Ye Auld Triangle 4:25 Cat Power
14. Whistle For The Choir 3:36 The Fratellis

My Classic Comics ABCs: Q and R!

2009-12-03T16:36:00.002+13:00

Onwards, onwards, through my alphabetical tour of my favorite comics in my collection over the years -- the end is in sight!

Q is for The Question #1

There are "minor" superheroes every comics fan has a thing for. They aren't the giant marquee heroes who get movies made about them like Batman and Wolverine, but they're still cool. I've got mine -- Black Panther, Omega the Unknown, Mr. Monster, The Atom, and the faceless man of mystery himself, The Question. Steve Ditko's Question has one of the best, simplest looks in comics -- a man in a suit, but with no face (thanks to a pseudo-science mask). The Question had a marvelous run back in the 1980s-1990s for DC Comics under writer Denny O'Neil, who for my money is one of comics' most valuable players. O'Neil has written tons of classic Batman, Green Arrow and more stories, and his edgy mix of humanism, relevance and good ol' action still holds up. The Question #1 is vintage O'Neil, a relaunch of the character who'd more or less been in limbo since his 1960s debut. There's a bit of Batman, a bit of the Shadow and a bit of Caine from "Kung Fu" in the Question, who's kind of a "zen detective." The stories are less about comic superheroes than they are tight little vignettes of the human condition. This is pulp crime comics close to their best, aided by superb art by Denys Cowan. Oh, and at the end of this very first issue the Question is beaten to a pulp, shot in the head and thrown in a river. Now that's a cliffhanger!

R is for The Rocketeer

Dave Stevens' "The Rocketeer" was pure pulp comic art, and it's a real shame there was so little of it. I remember first seeing the dazzling, near photo-realistic art of The Rocketeer back in the mid-1980s -- it was a revelation. The story wasn't anything visionary -- a charming 1930s adventure about a man with a rocket jet pack -- but the intensely detailed art was among comics' best. It didn't hurt that Stevens helped fan the Bettie Page revival with his thinly veiled inclusion of the pin-up queen as a character. There was a not half-bad movie too based on the series in 1991. Unfortunately, the gorgeous art showed how much of a perfectionist Stevens was -- it'd take him years to produce pages, and in the end his Rocketeer story was only a hundred pages or so. He died of leukemia in 2008, his comics output having slowed to a trickle over the years. He did an awful lot of "good girl" pin-up art -- and it was great stuff, never truly sleazy like much of the field. It's a real shame that he didn't leave us with more, but what Rocketeer work he did produce was "choice," as they say.

(*Previously in this series: A: Amazing Spider-Man, B: Batman, C: Cerebus, D: Doom Patrol, E: Eightball, F: Flaming Carrot, G: Give Me Liberty, H: Hate, I: Incredible Hulk, J: JLA, K: Kingdom Come, L: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, M: Miracleman, N: Naughty Bits, O: The One, P: Peter Parker.

Across the gulf to Waiheke Island

2009-12-01T00:01:00.003+13:00

As mentioned previously, my parents are back over here from the US for a few weeks visiting, which has been keeping us quite busy. The other day we did one of those quintessential Auckland experiences that I've never actually done, visiting Waiheke Island. Waiheke is about a half-hour ferry ride from downtown Auckland and home to 8,000 people. A sizable community lives over here in the Hauraki Gulf and it's a very popular holiday home and tourism destination. I've meant to go go over here for years but never quite got around to it (in the way you often don't visit the most touristy things in your hometown until you have out-of-town guests). We found a nice ferry/guided tour/bus pass package that worked out really well for a day's adventure. It's a beautiful rambling island, full of vineyards, beaches and greenery and with a nice "back in the bush" feeling with Auckland's skyscapers visible in the distance across the gulf.

In an Auckland spring you get about 40 different kinds of weather a week but fortunately the weather gods smiled on us for our day on Waiheke. Gorgeous clear skies, weather warm enough I regretted not bringing the swimming togs, and low winds. If there's anything finer in life than fish, chips and beer by the golden sandy beaches, I don't want to know it.

And a happy Thanksgiving to you Yanks

2009-11-27T08:14:00.002+13:00

This is all over the Internet, true, but it's so incredibly awesome that it must be shared with all sentient lifeforms. Cheers!

Complete Succinct Reviews of Stephen King, Part III

2009-11-23T19:35:00.001+13:00

As I just cracked open the 14,000-page monolith that is Stephen King's latest, "Under The Dome," I thought I'd get back to this occasional series. You can accuse King as a writer of many talents and some flaws, but nobody can ever argue that he's unproductive -- how many millions of words has he written in the last 30 years, anyway? An entire bookshelf in my house creaks with tattered King paperbacks. Yet this period, from about 1984-1994, saw a blue ton of new King works. For the first time, though, the endless churn seemed to affect his stories -- by the mid-1990s King's works were getting more bloated and less gripping. Nobody could keep up this pace forever, and King's life was going to change in a big way by 1999 with a near-fatal car accident.

The Talisman: An unusual beast, a collaboration between King and author Peter Straub. Straub's voice seems to add a bit of surreal mystery as young Jack travels through a parallel world looking for a cure for his dying mother. A great fantasy novel with touches of King's gory reality, and a rare collaboration that really works. An unusual King book, but well worth seeking out. Grade: A-

Thinner: Another "Richard Bachman" pseudonymous piece by King, the last before his "secret identity" was revealed, and probably the best after "The Long Walk." A one-note idea -- nasty gypsy curse! -- but it's carried with a sinister charm and is a tight, fast and freaky read. Grade: B

Skeleton Crew: King's second collection of EC Comics-esque short stories, bitter little babies with hooky ideas. Some of these are just great, among King's best short fiction - "The Mist," "The Jaunt," "Word Processor of the Gods," the grotesque but very effective "Survivor Type." There's also a fair amount of filler and chaff but the gems here outshine the low spots. King's immense imagination in full flight. Grade: B+

It: King's finest hour, even better than "The Stand" I'd say. An ode to childhood and a nightmare about the forces that end it, with King's best character work ever as he follows a group of lovable loser children into adulthood, and their ongoing battle against the forces of darkness -- in the incarnation of a serial-killing clown, of course. Well, clowns are creepy, aren't they? Anyway, in "It," King manages to have some of his most indelible characters, scariest moments and most inventive creations -- in other words, it's super-sized King at his peak. Biggest flaw - an ending that gets too mumbo-jumbo metaphysical for its own good. And well, yeah, it's bloody long, but in this case, it's a book I just didn't want to stop reading. Great books get to be as long as they want. Grade: A+

Eyes of the Dragon: It's almost "young adult fiction" for King, an unusual fairy-tale style fantasy story that's got ties to "The Stand" and a great deal of foreshadowing for styles and themes in "The Dark Tower" series. Very different than anything King had done up to this point; not as good as some of his later fantasy novels would be, but an interesting warm-up. Grade: B

The Dark Tower II: The Drawing of the Three: Not as stark and unique as the first book in the series, but King's wider canvas becomes apparent as Roland the lone Gunslinger starts to form a ka-tet, or family, as he continues his quest for the Dark Tower. Not a lot to say about this one that I didn't on the first -- this saga would eventually swell to seven books and thousands of pages, and become one of King's biggest statements. Grade: A-

Misery: One of the classics. While King is known to suffer from authorial bloat, "Misery" is tight, tense and unrelentingly claustrophobic. King, like a lot of fiction writers, has done the "writer as protagonist" cliche a bit too much, but this one really delves into the symbiotic tie between fan and creator, and Annie Wilkes is one of his best characters. Plus, I'd rank this as one of King's flat-out scariest tomes. Grade: A-

The Tommyknockers: This tale of alien invasion in backwoods Maine (where else?) is rather disliked by many of King's fans, but I kind of enjoy it for its unrelenting bleakness and the sinister vibe of mystery set up by an alien ship buried for thousands of years that comes back to life. And I like that King steps outside the horror milieu into a more creepy science-fiction realm. It's not perfect (too long, and too many characters -- unlike "It," this didn't need to be 700+ pages) but I actually find this one of my more favorite Kings. I dunno, maybe I just like alien invasions. Grade: B+

The Dark Half: For me, this is where King enters a gentle decline for much of the late 80s-early 90s. (Some would say it starts with "Tommyknockers.") An author's pseudonym comes to life and starts a murderous rampage. While the dual identity idea is interesting, King doesn't say much truly new, and I'm sorry, but the conclusion of this novel just got ludicrous (sparrows?!?). Grade: C+

Four Past Midnight: Another collection of novellas, but nowhere near as good as "Different Seasons." "The Langoliers," about an airplane trapped in an alternate world slowly being "eaten," is the best of the lot, but "Secret Window, Secret Garden" is just another draft of "The Dark Half" and "The Library Policeman" just awful. Grade: C

Needful Things: This overwrought 1990 book was King saying "goodbye" to Castle Rock, the town that featured in many of his previous works (although he has continued to use small-town Maine as a focus for much of his work, so no big difference really). A mysterious junk-shop owner (Satan!) moves to town and commences to wreak havoc. Overly long, more mean-spirited than usual for King and it feels like a "Twilight Zone" episode stretched out beyond bearing. Grade: D+

The Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands: The Tower series really hits its stride here as Roland and his ka-tet travel through a series of strange and fascinating worlds. King's version of "Lord of the Rings," "The Dark Tower" combines his usual bloodlust and characterization with a pretty convincing fantasy realm. Grade: A-

Gerald's Game: Or, "Misery Part II," with a woman instead of a man as the central character. "Gerald's Game" would make a very good short story, about a woman who, through a combination of accident and fate, ends up chained to a bed alone in her house in the middle of nowhere. It's got the same oppressive, tight feeling as "Misery," but I felt like it spins its wheels too much. Grade: C

Dolores Claiborne: The rare King novel I have no memory of having read, even though I'm sure I have. It's one of his least supernatural works, and well, if I can't remember it I can't grade it! Grade: Incomplete

Nightmares and Dreamscapes: King's third story collection, but not his best. It's a 900-page monster, but there are not as many little gems like "Survivor Type" -- although the visceral revenge saga "Dolan's Cadillac" is a brilliant piece. But something like "Chattery Teeth" (about just what you'd think) is just silly, and this one seems more of a motley grab-bag than other collections (a nonfiction piece about kids' baseball just seems out of place). Grade: C+

Insomnia: I think King starts to "come back" after a few lesser books here, and this novel marks the first time we really get an idea of the "King Universe," where the Dark Tower novels, many of King's novels and themes and characters are shown to be part of a giant puzzle that is unraveled in the final "Dark Tower" books. (The villain here is the Dark Tower's Crimson King, in another guise.) I like King's evocation of the main character's insomnia and the mythological links here; what I don't like is how cluttered the plot starts to feel and it ends up with another of King's mumbo-jumbo endings. Grade: B

Next time: "Rose Madder" to the present day

'Tis the season to be covered in swaddling

2009-11-19T15:41:00.002+13:00

• There's nothing more disturbing in downtown Auckland than the creepy Santa statue for the Farmer's Parade every holiday season. Nothing, that is, except for Horribly Disfigured Shrouded In Bandages Mummy Santa Claus instead. (I know, they're going to "unveil" the Santa's new look in a week or two, but I still think it's really disturbing to have a giant mummified Santa Claus looming over downtown Auckland in the meantime.) "Daddy, why is Santa bleeding?"

• I found this piece a quite interesting (and discussion-provoking) musing on the future of the "blogosphere," even if there is such a thing. I have to admit that after nearly 6 years of doing this I don't know how much longer it'll go on, and several other bloggers I like have called it quits this year. Anyway, it's a good look at the longevity of blogging, which is something few really consider when they start it up. It's strange that suddenly thanks to Twitter and Facebook, blogging, which was like totally now in 2004, suddenly seems a bit retro in 2009. It's a damn fast world.

• Speaking of twitting, I am fairly Twitter adverse, I'm afraid, but have to make an exception for The Fake AP Stylebook, which is actually done by several fellow bloggers I "know". If you're a journalist and know AP style, this is hilarious, but it's funny even if you don't.
As in:
Guerrilla soldiers use unorthodox tactics. Gorilla soldiers are awesome.
or
References to Canada as "America's Hat" are frowned upon. The correct terminology is "Gateway to Alaska."
or
The passive voice should be avoided by you.

• I'm getting ready for my parents to make their every-few-years trek to New Zealand next week, and there's some family issues coming up as well, so posting is likely to be even more anemic than normal for a little while. Cheers!

My Classic Comics ABCs: N, O and P!

2009-11-16T19:13:00.003+13:00

OK, it's time to speed this up a little bit, because I began my "alphabetical journey through my comics collection" all the way back in June 2008, and here I am just coming up to "N"! I'd love to finish this series while I'm still hale and hearty, so, it's a three-for-one alphabet extravaganza this time as I look at comics that've blown me away for various reasons in my nearly 30 (urk!) year hobby:

N is for Naughty Bits #6

It's sad that there are pitifully few comics by women compared to those for the blokes (although I gather manga is doing better in that respect). But one of the great comics of the alt-explosion of the 1990s was Roberta Gregory's "Naughty Bits," which was as raw and unguarded a look at a woman's mind as anything by R. Crumb was for men. Gregory's signature character is, ahem, "Bitchy Bitch," a frustrated single 30-something hugely unpleasant office drone whose life is unending misery and, well, bitching. Bitchy is bitter, cynical and battered by life, and her ranting interior monologues are great visceral fun to read -- Gregory captures a truer voice for women than most comics artists have, even if this character isn't a pretty picture. Her comics are very lewd with plenty of sex, cussin' and bad behavior, but under all the naughty bits is a fair amount of heart, I think, which makes them worth hunting out. Perhaps my favorite story in the series was the three-parter that began in #6, called, er, "Hippie Bitch Gets Laid," which is a both tragic and witty tale set in the 1960s about Bitchy Bitch's teen days, her first time and first abortion. It's hardcore stuff but relentlessly honest. A great sampling of Gregory's bitch-fest is in "Life's A Bitch."

O is for The One #1

I have a particular love for this very oddball, somewhat forgotten 1985 miniseries about the end of the world, an early but kind of amazing work by Rick Veitch. It's a strange bit of 1980s paranoia time-capsule, all Reagan and Soviets and nuclear angst wrapped up in a superhero sandwich and crossed with a fair bit of hippie utopia. It's kind of like Veitch was trying to do his version of "Watchmen" but it's filtered through an LSD experience, with colorful superheroes, goofy punk rockers and plenty of ultraviolence. Veitch swings between loopy cold-war satire and a genial, optimistic dream. For 1985, and published by Marvel Comics of all places, it was pretty out there -- any series that ends with a giant rat devouring Washington, D.C. and a naked love-in probably would be. For my mind, "The One" holds together as a unit better than some of Veitch's other work like Maximortal and Bratpack, which are also quite spectacular superhero-deconstruction visions but marred by feeling rather unfinished. "The One" is a trippy comics experience indeed, and worth seeking out.

P is for Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #72

I know, I already had Spider-Man once on this list (as in Amazing...") but hey, I'm a webhead, so I can do him twice. And I had a strong spot for this long-gone 1980s series with the bulky title, which ostensibly focused as much on hapless Peter Parker, college student, as it did the superhero stuff. There was an excellent run on this series from #50 up to #100 or so, and many issues featured inventive, playful covers by the superbly underrated Ed Hannigan. I picked out #72 as a quite fun representative of the time -- Spider-Man is searching for an escaped Dr. Octopus, but ends up tangled up with a misguided misfit kid who idolizes the villain and has created his own makeshift "Dr. Octopus" costume. The tale of goofy fan Ollie Osnick is a fun romp that touches on Spider-Man's own outcast history. This one wasn't a pivotal comic that changed the medium forever or anything, but for me it sums up the essence of Spider-Man.

(*Previously in this series: A: Amazing Spider-Man, B: Batman, C: Cerebus, D: Doom Patrol, E: Eightball, F: Flaming Carrot, G: Give Me Liberty, H: Hate, I: Incredible Hulk, J: JLA, K: Kingdom Come, L: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and finally, M: Miracleman.

Movie review: The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

2009-11-12T10:41:00.002+13:00

It's Heath Ledger's final film - but this isn't really Heath Ledger's film.

Strange and surreal, The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus is a Terry Gilliam film through and through. The director of Time Bandits, Brazil and 12 Monkeys is known for fantasies overflowing with ideas and imagination, with plot often taking a back seat to his astounding visuals.

Parnassus spins a fable about The Devil, an immortal con artist and a beautiful girl caught in between. Ledger is Tony, a mysterious stranger whose true nature is uncertain.

This wasn't meant to be Ledger's epitaph, but his sudden death at age 28 threatened to scuttle filming. Gilliam managed to save the project by using what footage remained of Ledger.

In scenes that take place in a "mirror universe," Ledger's friends Jude Law, Johnny Depp and Colin Farrell make cameos in his role, playing "aspects" of Tony. It's a nifty trick that pretty much couldn't have worked in any other movie.

It's a shame that Ledger's character is one of the movie's weak spots. Ledger gave it his all, but the role is poorly written and no Dark Knight. The seams in the story used to work around his death are too obvious and his character's fate very unsatisfying. Ultimately he feels like a bystander to Gilliam's show.

Ledger will get all the press, but Tom Waits nearly steals the show as The Devil, all oily charm, and venerable Christopher Plummer is fantastic as the immortal Parnassus. Striking model Lily Cole is also good as young Vanessa, who proves the plot's main character.

Fans of Gilliam will love the elaborate design, such as Parnassus' colourful travelling show cart, or the dazzling scenes set in a world ruled by imagination, which are like watching Gilliam's old Monty Python animations come alive. Gilliam's endless whimsy can threaten to wear viewers out, but it's rarely boring.

Moviegoers expecting easy-to-follow storytelling may stay away but, in its sprawling way, Gilliam's film is a fine tribute to an actor gone too soon - and to the art of the story itself.

My 20 Top Albums of 2000-2009

2009-11-09T14:33:00.002+13:00

So apparently it's like nearly a new decade or something. Or maybe not. I still get confused with the 9s and the 0s and so forth as to what is numerically proper. But anyhoo, many bloggers lately have been making with the decade-end lists, and you know I love a good list. So how about my Favorite 20 Records of the 2000s?*

*By the way I think it's really really weird that now that the decade is nearly over, we still don't have a "name" for it like the '80s, '90s, etc. The "Oh-Ohs"? The "Naughties"? (Which just sounds kind of dirty.) There's been a failure in the naming department.

My 20 Favorite Records of the 2000s, in alphabetical order:

Ryan Adams, "Gold" (2001) The high point of an extremely prolific career this decade, a mix of Americana, country-fried pop and down-home longing.

Fiona Apple, "Extraordinary Machine" (2005) Whatever happened to her? This was a great album of soulful ballads, but haven't heard a thing since.

David Bowie, "Reality" (2003) Bowie has only put out two albums since 1999 and this was his latest. While it's not up to his '70s peak, it's still a great little mix of Bowie hitting all the right spots.

Calexico, "Feast of Wire" (2003) Beautifully evocative Tex-mex soundscapes, like soundtracks to a Clint Eastwood movie that never was.

Johnny Cash, "American III: Solitary Man" (2000) The best of his Rick Rubin albums, before his voice was shot.

Cat Power, "Jukebox" (2008) Usually albums of cover songs are seen as filler efforts, but Chan Marshall makes this selection of songs by folks like Sinatra, Dylan and Hank Williams very much her own with her unforgettable voice.

Elvis Costello, "When I Was Cruel" (2002) Acidic and witty, inventive musically and lyrically sharp; the man has been a dabbler in everything from country to opera to soul this decade but this one seems his most "true" album.

Peter Gabriel, "Up" (2002) Gabriel has only released two proper albums since his 1986 smash "So," but every time he does it's an event for me. Dense, death-obsessed and gorgeous songs, lovingly labored over but very alive despite that perfectionism.

Green Day, "American Idiot" (2004) Bush bashing might seem passe now, but this "rock opera" spanned a ton of genres and still sounds genuinely passionate; this year's "21st Century Breakdown" seems a pale contender in comparison.

"Hedwig and the Angry Inch," Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (2001) This 2001 movie about a transgender rock star is a glam rock joy, and the soundtrack is fantastic, irreverent and yet soulful fun.

The Hold Steady, "Stay Positive" (2008) Working-class wordy rage and righteousness, from this year's Elvis Costello model.

LCD Soundsystem, "Sound of Silver" (2008) If Moby, Prodigy and the like had wry senses of humor, they might make techno-punk this much fun. The best David Bowie album Bowie didn't make this decade.

The Mountain Goats, "The Sunset Tree" (2004) John Darnielle has released a ton of music, but for the tune "This Year" alone, I think this is his best.

New Pornographers, "Twin Cinema" (2005) If you put Squeeze, ABBA, Cheap Trick, ELO and The Beatles in a blender you might get this all-star alt-rock collective. Power pop pleasure.

Of Montreal, "Hissing Fauna Are You The Destroyer?" (2007) Sorely underrated angst-ridden electro glam-pop, a concept album about depression and digging your way out.

Radiohead, "Kid A" (2000) Confession, I'm not a gigantic Radiohead fan, but I love this abstract, jittery album of gloomy experimentation; it might be heresy but I prefer it to "OK Computer".

The Shins, "Oh, Inverted World" (2001) Dreamy pop that sounded like transmissions from an alien planet the first time I heard it.

The White Stripes, "Elephant" (2003) Their best of an excellent career. I don't care what any "experts" say, I love Meg White's drumming.

Wilco, "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" (2002) If I had to be pressed, this Jeff Tweedy masterpiece might just be my album of the decade. It's anxious and hopeful and marvelous, and I never tire of it.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Fever To Tell" (2003) Utterly ferocious grrl-power punk rock; the album Courtney Love wishes she could have made.

Wednesday shuffle: Animals they strike curious poses

2009-11-05T00:01:00.002+13:00

So anyway, I've been trying to be a bit better about the exercise -- my tricky work schedule and caring for the boy in the afternoons make it tough to get my favorite exercise, walking, in. But the other day I jogged/walked around a local lake and was feeling very pleased at the manly exercising.

Then I realized somewhere along the way my driver's license, that I'd slipped in my shorts, had fallen out. I then had to walk around the basin AGAIN to find my license. Which I finally found on the ground in the parking lot near my car.

Stupid exercise.

1. Pop Juice 4:23 Gomez
2. Interlude: Couldn't Call It Unexpected No. 2 0:22 Elvis Costello*
3. Serve Yourself 3:49 John Lennon
4. Now My Heart Is Full 4:09 Morrissey
5. Nothing Is Good Enough (Instrumental) 3:10 Aimee Mann
6. Electric Feel 3:50 MGMT
7. Racing Like A Pro 3:26 The National
8. Sunday Bloody Sunday 1:37 Richard Cheese**
9. Let's Call It Off 3:39 Peter Bjorn & John
10. Innocent Bones 3:43 Iron & Wine
11. Attack El Robot! Attack! 3:17 Calexico***
12. Love Comes Quickly 4:18 Pet Shop Boys
13. When Doves Cry 3:48 Prince ****
14. Jungle Rock 2:35 The Replacements *****

* For some reason I've always loved this jazzy little pause on one of Costello's most underrated albums, 1991's eclectic as heck "Mighty Like A Rose."
** Nothing better than U2 done in a mambo fashion.
*** Any song with "Robot" in the title is automatically 1000% better.
**** Some things cannot be argued. That this is a Perfect Song is one of them.
***** Raucous live Replacements, which reminds me, one of my holy grails is laying my hands on a copy of the legendary sloppy live Mats set "The Sh*t Hits The Fans." Anybody? Anybody?

My Classic Comics ABCS: Miracleman #15

2009-11-03T17:09:00.001+13:00

It is one of my great comics-collecting mistakes that about 8-9 years ago, I took a punt and decided to sell my entire run of Alan Moore's comic book series "Miracleman" on eBay. As the series was mired in lawsuits between various creative parties, the original issues were very rare and hard to find, and paperbacks were out of print. I figured I'd make my cash and inevitably within a few years the lawsuits would be settled and I'd get shiny new "Miracleman" paperbacks then.

More fool me! Sure, I made a couple hundred bucks, but as 2010 draws near, the "Miracleman" legal labyrinth remains a mess; in theory a settlement came up recently involving Marvel Comics but nobody really knows what it'll mean, or if the original Moore/Neil Gaiman series will finally be brought back into print. Likely, Marvel Comics will stuff out some markedly inferior "new" material first.

I hope the old stuff is reprinted soon, though, as it truly is one of the best superhero comics series I've ever read, and worthy enough to boast a repeat turn by Alan Moore in my "Comics ABCs" list after he turned up last installment with "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." The comic I'd like to focus on today is 1988's "Miracleman" #15, otherwise known as the ultraviolent epic that blew young Nik's mind, man.

"Miracleman," when Moore first took to it in the early 1980s, was a then-novel concept -- superheroes done "realistic." Moore took an old British Captain Marvel rip-off character, "Marvelman," and reinvented him (*quick nerdy note: the character later became known as "Miracleman" when Marvel Comics objected to the revival; while fans tend to prefer "Marvelman," I maintain "Miracleman" is actually a better, more evocative name and that's the one I use). We've seen "realistic" takes on every superhero under the sun in the 25+ years since Alan Moore redid Miracleman, but few have done it as well. The idea of a man who says a magic word and turns into someone else was nothing new, but Moore gave it real thought over "Miracleman's" run. He was joined for the final issues by John Totleben, one of comics' best artists, who leant an almost Renaissance painterly feel. By the end of Moore's series, a final battle was set up between Miracleman and his one-time young protege, the now hopelessly insane Johnny Bates, "Kid Miracleman."

And that's where the mind-scarring came in. "Miracleman" #15 is relentlessly intense, a purgative burst of horror in a full-scale battle issue that devastates London and sees Johnny Bates turn its citizens into his own hideously inventive slaughterhouse. John Totleben's art for this issue is gorgeous and awful -- packed with hideous, intricate details of what an insane superhuman really could do in a city -- skinned corpses hanging on a laundry line, cars hurled into the sky with screaming cargo on board and perspective horribly skewed, a pile of human heads -- trust me, this comic gave me nightmares and ain't for the kids. But Alan Moore didn't just deliver exploitative carnage without a kind of moral; in #16, we see Miracleman's reaction to this battle -- he and his comrades systematically take over human society, remaking it into a kind of utopia. By #16's end, the entire world has changed -- war, crime, money, even death is eliminated, and Miracleman is basically its benign dictator. There's a cost for having superheroes in "real life."

The series theoretically continued from that point, with some very fine issues by Neil Gaiman examining this brave new world, but as good as they were, they couldn't help but seem a bit redundant. In the space of two issues, #15 and #16, Alan Moore pretty much deconstructed and rebuilt the superhero to its omega point. Many writers have gone there since, but none have quite succeeded for me in capturing the superhuman as Moore and Totleben do with their final graceful shot of a no longer slightly human Miracleman, gazing at the glacial perfection he's created from the ashes of London. This is the superman. This is where heroism ends.

(*Previously in this series: A: Amazing Spider-Man, B: Batman, C: Cerebus, D: Doom Patrol, E: Eightball, F: Flaming Carrot, G: Give Me Liberty, H: Hate, I: Incredible Hulk, J: JLA, K: Kingdom Come, L: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Movies I Have Never Seen, Part 4: Halloween special

2009-10-30T00:01:00.002+13:00

HALLOWEEN
Why it's famous: Like, duh -- one of the top horror movies of all time, and the father of uncountable modern slasher flicks in its wake.
What I thought: Well, this is more than a little embarrassing a movie to admit I've only seen now at the age of 37. "Halloween," though, is kind of one of those movies you feel like you've always seen -- faceless killer Michael Myers is just part of the zeitgeist. And in my defense, way back in the dreary 1990s at some point I got dragged to see a really bad "Halloween" sequel, let's say Part 4 or Part 6 or somesuch, and it was so bloody awful that I was really turned off on the whole franchise and never saw the original.

Plus, while I love a good horror movie, I tend to loathe slasher films. Give me monsters, give me zombies, give me mutants or creatures from black lagoons, but guys with knives stabbing lotsa pretty girls in inventive fashion have never done it for me. I've never seen a "Friday the 13th" movie or a "Saw" movie, and have no plans to. Not my bag.

But "Halloween," of course, is a bit different. It's the template for a million inferior knockoffs, which is its curse, but on its own merits it's a chilling and spooky little flick. What surprised me is just how NON bloody it is -- I think you barely see a splatter of scarlet the entire flick, and how brooding and moody director John Carpenter makes it. Really, the whole movie is a very slow burn with Myers stalking teen Laurie Strode and her friends, with the "action" so to speak only coming in the final 30 minutes.

But Carpenter is a master at evoking mood -- his chilling "The Thing" and campy "They Live!" have long been favorites of mine -- and he casts a cold, clinical eye on placid Haddonville, Illinois, using long stretches of silence punctuated by startling bursts of his iconic musical score to heighten the tension. Carpenter plays it subtle, in other words, using now-cliched tricks like the killer who won't die or the "gotcha" moments in restrained fashion. The scariest moments of "Halloween," I thought, are the ones where you just vaguely see Michael Meyers lurking in the background, an almost subliminal shape in the shadows. Jamie Lee Curtis, in her first movie role, is quite good too as "the girl," giving a bit of toughness to her victim's part.

The biggest problem watching "Halloween" for the first time in 2009 is that the beats it hits, the innovations of its story, have all become rank cliche in the years since -- which is a tribute to Carpenter, but makes it a bit paint-by-numbers in some sense. It's kind of like watching "Psycho" when you know what happens in the shower, or not seeing "Star Wars" until you're in your thirties -- a little of the shock of discovery is gone. It's done with immense skill, though, and that sets "Halloween" apart from the infinite bloodbaths that it inspired.
Worth seeing: Definitely, preferably on a dark and silent autumn evening with the wind whistling outside.
Grade: A-

The force is strong in this one

2009-10-27T00:01:00.000+13:00

Armageddon Expo, this past weekend.

Life in New Zealand: year four!

2009-10-24T17:42:00.002+13:00

The years, they whiz by like lightning now. It was just about exactly three years ago that we were in transit – arriving in New Zealand to start our strange bold new lives, 6000 miles away from my homeland. Three years now I've been living in New Zealand, and according to my wife who keeps track of all the legal stuff (I just sign forms now and again) I'll become a citizen soon enough. (That'll make six passports for the three of us!)

It is a bit tricky now from the comfort of our little Auckland home to summon up how unrooted and nomadic we were for a spell there, back in 2006 -- packed up our old life in Oregon, a little cross-American rambling before we left, and showing up in a damp and humid Auckland spring to start anew. We're "settled" now -- bought a house, got jobs, the boy started school this year, all the usual things that make up a living.

The US is never very far away in my mind and I sometimes find myself defending it to a few folks who unfortunately have a rather broad or stereotypical view of a nation as sprawling and yes, fundamentally good as I think America is -- I never thought moving to another country meant I suddenly gave up on the US. (Indeed if I had to list a pet peeve of living in New Zealand, I'd say "people bashing America for the heck of it" would be one of 'em, but I really don't try to be too thin skinned about it -- we bash Australia a lot worse down here.)

I've covered the ups and the downs of life in NZ now for the last few years, and while I'll always be a "foreigner" here, I feel a lot more clued in than I was the very first time I visited this antipodean land more than nine (!!!) years ago now. I always tell people I honestly don't know if we'll stay here "for good" -- is there such a thing? I've moved a lot, lived in several American states and ever since finishing high school it's rare I've stayed in the same place more than four-five years or so. But we are very glad to be here, here and now, and tomorrow, as they say, is another day.

Movies I Have Never Seen, Part 3

2009-10-21T18:27:00.003+13:00

There are many movies in the world, and who has time to see them all? Here's three more classic movies I've long meant to see, but only recently viewed -- and what I thought of 'em.

THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI
Why it's famous: From 1920, it's one of the earliest horror movies, a silent-film landmark of German expressionism and haunting imagery.
What I thought: This creepy tale is one of those movies many have heard about but few have probably actually seen, I imagine. It's a story of magic, hypnotism and murder, set in a surreal village. The mad Dr. Caligari and his sleepwalking servant Cesare wreak havoc in a story that seems to be drawn like a fairy tale; the film's distinctive shadowy, painted set design was hugely influential on horror and noir movies to come. It's a movie to watch for style -- admittedly, the characters are fairly shallow and the acting quite hysteric by today's standards, and the "it was all a dream" ending was probably a bit of a cliche even back in 1920, though. But nearly 100 years on "Caligari" remains disturbing -- the sleepwalking, wide-eyed Cesare is a nightmarish figure who'll stick with you.
Worth seeing if you haven't: Absolutely. You have to get in a particular mindset to watch silent movies from today's vantage point, of course, but this one is brisk, creepy and strange, and the dazzling visuals are still haunting, like watching a painting come to life.
Grade: A-

FORBIDDEN PLANET
Why it's famous: Robbie the Robot, man! Classic 1956 science fiction that attempted to be a bit thought-provoking and was a big influence on "Star Trek" and "Doctor Who" among others.
What I thought: Once you get past seeing "Naked Gun" star Leslie Nielsen as a straight man, this yarn plays like a really good episode of "Star Trek," basically. It's inspired by Shakespeare's "Tempest," of all things, and features a crew of space explorers who stumble upon an alien world where a mad scientist's experiments have gone awry and a strange alien civilisation is coming back to life. The story raises some serious philosophical issues about the psyche and human nature, although it occasional gets a bit bogged down. It's got a stark, striking sense of design, including the nifty robot Robbie who went on to become a "celebrity" in his own right.
Worth seeing if you haven't: Yes, although it may seem a bit slow and obvious in patches, but the great visuals and trailblazing themes make it work. And of course there's Robbie, the coolest robot until the Terminator came along.
Grade: B

NIGHT OF THE HUNTER
Why it's famous: The only film actor Charles Laughton ever directed, this 1955 noir has grown in reputation as a strange, haunting film that marries religion, sex and death like few other movies of the era.
What I thought: Like a fever dream collaboration between Flannery O'Connor and David Lynch, "Hunter" is one peculiar, mesmerizing movie. Demented serial killer and preacher Harry Powell (a never better Robert Mitchum) seduces a widow trying to get at her late husband's hidden fortune, but doesn't reckon with the willpower of her children. What follows is equal parts chase thriller and meditation on man and sin. Laughton's style is unique and strange; perhaps the closest comparison I can offer is some of Michael Powell's movies like Black Narcissus. It's expressionistic, yet has flashes of cold reality. Of course, "Hunter" was a flop at the time, but has since been recognized as the masterpiece it is. Mitchum is stunning – a sleazy, sexy and sinister beast, one of the best movie villains I've seen. Those "HATE" and "LOVE" tattoos on his hands have of course become icons themselves.
Worth seeing if you haven't: Definitely -- one of the best "lost classics" of the era I've seen, and deserving of its ever-growing reputation.
Grade: A

Things that I have been doing other than blogging:

2009-10-20T00:01:00.001+13:00

• Finally finishing the 2-year project of painting pretty much every room in our house by painstakingly turning the mottled jaundice yellow Formica of our master bathroom into a shining cheerful blue and stripping the bubbling ceiling and repainting it.

• Listening to much nifty music from The 13th Floor Elevators and Roky Erickson, The Eels and Big Star.

• Having a cosmos-shattering blog crossover by meeting fellow Auckland blogger, comics fan and journalist Bob of the Tearoom of Despair, whose passionate comics posts are well worth reading.

• Watching Kenneth Branagh give a nifty smouldering performance in the dark and intense Swedish-set BBC detective series "Wallander."

• Waiting in line in hopes I get tickets for the Pavement reunion show right here in Auckland.

• Bought a new toaster after the old one reached the end of its 2 1/2 year lifespan. They sure know how to make things last these days, don't they?

• Listening to the alternating bouts of intense rain and intense sun that make an Auckland spring.

• Peter asked a girl in his class to marry him. In writing. Because he loves her. How did it go? "She said she'd play with me but only if I DON'T love her."

The Five Kinds of Vampires

2009-10-10T18:12:00.001+13:00

It's October, Halloween is nigh, and everyone's doing spooky blog posts. You don't get much spookier than vampires, which for my money are the top monster movie villains of all time. According to Wikipedia -- and I'm not 100% certain of it myself, but it sounds cool -- Dracula has been the subject of more films than any other fictional character.

Bram Stoker tapped into something primal about sex, death and immortality when he wrote 'Dracula' way back in the day, and ever since then vampires have been the go-to for grim and gory and Gothic grandeur. But say you need some blood sucked somewhere -- what kind of vampire might suit your vamping needs? In my exhaustive study of the vampyr mythos (I watched every episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" after all), here's my thoughts on the Five Kinds of Vampires, each of which blends into each other a bit -- kind of like mixing bloodlines, I suppose. Ew!

The Lugosi

Seen in: "Dracula," duh.
Characteristics: You think of vampires, you think of Bela Lugosi, and his "I vant to suck your blood" performance in 1931's "Dracula." Black cape, formal wear, thick accent, spooky stare, it's all here. While seen today his turn verges on parody, in it are the bones of horror. As a movie, it's actually not quite as good as a lot of its successors or other Universal monster movies of the time, I think, but still worth seeing.
Place in vampire history: Where it all began. He's been imitated many times, including such worthies as Christopher Lee and Gary Oldman, but Lugosi deserves his place in coffin lore for his groundbreaking, hugely influential portrayal. Nearly every other type of vampire takes a bit of Lugosi and builds on it.
See also: The Shadow

The Aristocrat

Seen in: Any book by Anne Rice, Christopher Lee's many "Dracula" movies, "Bram Stoker's Dracula" by Coppola, "Fright Night," "Underworld," "Dark Shadows"
Characteristics: A direct descendant of The Lugosi, but with added sultry. The aristocrat can either be a fancy-pants European sort, or perhaps in the American version, more likely a glorified bad boy outsider with a nice leather jacket. You wouldn't want to go on a date with them, but with a kind of sexual allure all the same. (And for the record it might be heresy, I really think Tom Cruise did quite a nice job as the Vampire Lestat, myself.)
Place in vampire history: Until "Buffy" came along and raised the prospect of actually dating a vampire, the Aristocrat was the most popular of its kind.
See also: The Sexy Beast

The Sexy Beast

Seen in: "Buffy/Angel," "True Blood," "The Lost Boys," "The Hunger", and sort of, in "Twilight"
Characteristics: He's hot, he's dangerous, he's dead.
Place in vampire history: Right now, vampires couldn't be sexier. And while they're still killers, they're pretty hot it seems -- I'd say "Buffy" was the modern instigator of this old trend, with Buffy and her vamp boyfriends Spike and Angel doing all the brooding and such. Sex and vampires have been entwined from the start, of course, but it's only more recently that it seems you can have long-term relationships with them. The fantastic TV series "True Blood" is perhaps the most interesting current take on this. On the other hand the wuss Edward from "Twilight" is a dampened-down tween version of the beast, Mildly Threatening Sparkly Beast.

The Shadow

Seen in: "Nosferatu," "Let The Right One In," "Near Dark," "Salem's Lot."
Characteristics: As insubstantial as smoke but as deadly as a nightmare, the Shadow is the vampire you're not really sure exists until it grabs you. It either is silent and horrifying, such as Max Schreck's terrifyingly iconic turn in the 1922 film, or perhaps appears to be a normal if slightly "off" person at first, like in the great recent Swedish film "Let the Right One In." This one is closest to the mythological version of the vampire that Stoker drew on for his defining novel.
Place in vampire history: Schreck's hugely creepy performance still stands up nearly 100 years on, and is actually considered by many to be even more definitive than Lugosi's. And as I wrote a while back "Let The Right One In" is basically "Twilight" done right. Not as common these days as other types of vampires, the Shadow is tremendously effective.
See also: The Abomination

The Abomination

Seen in: "30 Days of Night," "Blade," "From Dusk Till Dawn," "I Am Legend."
Characteristics: These vampires are nowhere near human. Slobbering, blood-drenched ghouls, with stretchy jaws and an infinite abyss of razor teeth, they're probably the most "modern" interpretation of vamps. But while they're menacing and very gory, they kind of lack the human mystery and romance that make vampires what they are over the years. Nobody would want to date them. Good for a scare, though.
Place in vampire history: For folks who like their blood suckers bloody, but less iconic than others.

Wednesday shuffle: We're gonna have a TV party tonight / all right!

2009-10-07T18:55:00.003+13:00

One of the things I quite like about New Zealand spring is the asparagus. Asparagus is awesome, contrary to what I might have thought about it in my youth.

One of the things I dislike is that the weather can often be, to quote Crowded House quite appropriately, "four seasons in one day." Sunny morning, gale-force winds afternoon, rainstorm followed by sunshine. Repeat until summer.

1. Alone (Shakin' Sugar) (demo) 3:16 Wilco
2. Like It Or Not 4:59 Genesis
3. Kiss The Bride 4:23 Elton John
4. TV Party 3:31 Black Flag *
5. In The Mouth A Desert 3:52 Pavement
6. The Grey Estates 3:26 Wolf Parade
7. Things You Can Do 5:26 TV On The Radio
8. 40 Flights Up 5:12 SJD **
9. Heresy 3:54 Nine Inch Nails
10. Automatic Man 1:39 Bad Religion
11. Aurora Borealis 2:45 Meat Puppets ***

* Going from the frothy glossy mid-'80s pop of Elton John to the stark punk of Henry Rollins in one shuffle is guaranteed to induce whiplash.
** A very fine song from a really good Kiwi electro-pop musician.
*** I have always thought "Meat Puppets" is one of the 10 finest band names in existence. In fact I long ago vowed that if I ever formed my own band, I would call it "Sperm Bandits" in a kind of sideways homage. The only thing stopping me is my complete lack of musical or singing talent.

My Classic Comic ABCs: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen V. 2 #5

2009-10-05T18:19:00.002+13:00

I can't believe I've gotten nearly halfway through the alphabet in my letter-by-letter survey of favorite comics in my 25+ years of comic collecting, and I have yet to bring up Alan Moore. But where do you start with the man who, I think it's fair to say, is regarded as quite probably the finest writer ever to delve into comic books? Do you go with "Watchmen," "From Hell," "Swamp Thing," "V For Vendetta," "Miracleman"?

But trying to come up with a comic that begins with "L" to fit this here series, one title kept hopping in my mind -- "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." It's a shame that the general public only knows about this through the shockingly awful Sean Connery film bomb, because the original comics, to my mind, are perhaps Alan Moore's most interesting work since his 1980s explosion of ideas. "League" tells the tale of a group of characters from popular Victorian fiction who've banded together – Captain Nemo, Mr. Hyde, The Invisible Man, Virginia Woolf's Orlando, Mina Harker of "Dracula," Allan Quatermain and many more. But over several miniseries and graphic novels the concept has expanded to, as Moore has put it, an opportunity to "merge all works of fiction into one world."

If I had to pick one single issue of "League" that dazzles me the most, it's the unforgettable fifth chapter of the second serial, "Red In Tooth And Claw." As London battles the Martian invasion from H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds," the League try to stop an impossible foe. But Moore intertwines the Martian invasion with a deconstruction of the League itself -- Mina and Quatermain become lovers, several League members die, and Victorian fiction never seemed quite so disturbing. In perhaps the most famous scene in this book, the terrifying Edward Hyde slays the evil Invisible Man, who has turned traitor to the Martians. The death of the Invisible Man here would rank in my top 10 most disturbing comics scenes ever. (Perhaps more because of what's not shown than what is shown). It's old hat to "reimagine" old tales but there's something truly disquieting about how artist Kevin O'Neill shows us the unseemly, icky side of characters like Dr. Moreau or Sherlock Holmes.

Comics have, over their history, becomes a vertitable ouroboros -- a snake eating its own tail – as they spiral back on their own history more and more. Alan Moore acknowledges this in much of his work, but what's so cunning about "League" to me is his encyclopedic scope in expanding his eye to all realms of fiction.

Of course, it doesn't always work -- the "Black Dossier" League installment became so sprawling and meta-fictional that it kind of lost track of the simple pleasure of the story. But when League is firing on all cylinders, you get a sense that "everything is connected," and it kind of makes you rethink your relationship to stories as you witness such a vast and never-ending tapestry. These tales work first as stirring old-fashioned adventure, but secondly as a kind of passageway into the past. In fact, entire books have been written annotating Moore and O'Neill's laundry list of homages and cameos in these books -- and I'd have to say reading the chatty and well-researched annotations of Jess Nevins is just about as interesting as the original stories.

It's impossible for me to pick the one best Alan Moore tale -- that's like choosing your favorite Beatles song or John Updike's best single sentence -- but "League" is certainly in the top five in my book.

(*Previously in this series: A: Amazing Spider-Man, B: Batman, C: Cerebus, D: Doom Patrol, E: Eightball, F: Flaming Carrot, G: Give Me Liberty, H: Hate, I: Incredible Hulk, J: JLA, and finally K: Kingdom Come.)

...Which is why I will never believe anything on the Internet ever again.

2009-09-30T16:11:00.000+13:00

So for about five minutes there, it seemed David Bowie was going to be playing New Zealand and Australia's Big Day Out festival next year, and all was good in the world. I knew it was a fact because the Internet told me so. Why, Stuff said he was "expected to be announced" as the headliner for the music festival. Of course, it was bollocks -- no Bowie in the final Big Day Out lineup, sigh. I'm actually a bit relieved as while I did have a fantastic time in 2008 and in 2009 at the Big Day Out, I wasn't really planning on going a third year in a row unless the lineup dazzled my innards. This year's crew -- Muse, Lily Allen, Kasabian, Mars Volta, Dizzee Rascal -- well, it just makes me actually feel my age a bit as the only one I'm even slightly familiar with is Lily Allen. Anyway, that's about $300 we can save for more grown-up pursuits. Like seeing The Pixies when they come here in March! But y'know, it was amazing to see how quickly this Bowie rumour became fact on the Internets as so many others do these days. Even though Bowie hasn't gone on tour or released an album in nearly 6 years, apparently it was a given that he was going to be making his big comeback at age 62 in New Zealand. The meme even actually overtook the actual lineup as the festival organiser had to make a statement about the non-appearance of Bowie.
* Had to steal the art above from here. Which is a real website.

• I heartily recommend Nick Hornby's latest novel "Juliet, Naked," which is a nice return to his "High Fidelity/About A Boy" form after a few lesser books. "Juliet, Naked" is almost "High Fidelity 2" in how it digs into that strange world of music obsessives (um, not that I know anything about that), spinning a tale of fixated fans, reclusive musicians and lovelorn museum curators that's a real brisk, good-hearted and enjoyable read. I like how Hornby integrates online fan communities and even Wikipedia into his story without it seeming like a pandering attempt to be "hip," and his portrayal of has-been '80s musican Tucker Crowe is one of his strongest characters to date. If you haven't checked out Hornby's books in a while, this is one to go to.

• Also a fine if incredibly trippy read is "Batman: The Black Casebook," a way-out collection of utterly bizarre 1950s Batman stories reprinted to tie in with writer Grant Morrison's recent "Batman R.I.P." storyline, which was heavily inspired by this. I know everyone's into Batman the Dark Knight who stalks Gotham City and never smiles, and I like that guy too, but I have to admit I really have a soft spot for the incredibly strange Batman stories of the 1950s, when Bats would be as likely to be fighting aliens, go back in time or hire a dog to be his crimefighting companion. This "Black Casebook" is a very affordable survey of the era, which hasn't really been explored in reprints as much as it should be – apparently it reminds too many of the time when Batman was, well, a bit goofy. But Grant Morrison in his excellent introduction looks at these stories with an eye for just how odd and unsettling they are – such as when Batman stumbles into the parallel dimension of Zur-En-Arrh and meets an alternate, bizarrely coloured Batman, and the story has the passionate madness of a fever dream. There's also the introduction of magical elf Bat-Mite (who rapidly became annoying, but was indeed a funny little fellow in his first appearance), the "Batmen of All Nations" (meet the Italian Batman, the Legionary!), and much more. What I think I love the most about this era of comics is that anything could happen without the menace of "continuity" without pandering to a small and demanding fan community. Whatever worked -- if it meant turning Batman and Robin into leaves or zebras. The surreal appeal of these stories is like a Salvador Dalí painting. "The Black Casebook" is terrific nostalgic fun and a nice tonic for endless "gritty" stories featuring the Joker slaughtering people. Bring on "Black Casebook II" and reprint more of these lost gems.