Brooks-Partners Blog

HIPS Pain

2009-06-15T13:21:00.001+01:00

Michael Brooks has recently read an item written by a partner in a small law practice, this on the subject of HIP pains!

The correspondent intimated that in the week prior to her writing the article, she and her partner had received four HIP packs all of which were incorrect and all of which had one other thing in common – they were all provided by online, low-cost HIP pack providers instructed directly by the Seller Client. We will not go into detail here but please, Clients and others, be warned! It is the Brooks & Partners view that although a HIP pack is of little practical use in selling a property and consumes both time and of course money, if, added to those considerations, the HIP pack is also incorrectly prepared it simply makes things worse.

Brooks & Partners are equipped to organise the preparation of a pack of good quality, inexpensive and which can be prepared very quickly. Any question on this should be directed to Simon Brooks or Vickie Lennard and all Sellers and prospective Sellers are strongly recommended to contact one of them.

CONSUMERS SCEPTICAL ABOUT “TESCO LAW”

2009-06-15T13:19:00.000+01:00

Brooks & Partners have previously questioned why the public would wish to buy legal services “off the shelf” from a supermarket and now a major opinion poll has made interesting reading. The poll indicates that consumers are “sceptical” about banks and supermarkets providing legal services because they have concerns about the quality of work which will be undertaken. A survey of public attitude towards Solicitors, commissioned by the Solicitors Regulation Authority and released very recently, found that 69% of respondents “agree they would be concerned about the quality of service offered by these organisations”. The Report said that “there is an overall view that banks and supermarkets cannot provide the same level of service as a firm of Solicitors”.

Should the above be greeted with surprise – perhaps not, simply put, the Brooks & Partners view is that banks are for banking (although no comment will be made over the recent course of events), supermarkets are for shopping and Solicitors are for legal services!

42% of grandparents lose contact after parental separation

2009-05-19T10:09:00.000+01:00

New research to be published this week by Families Need Fathers, The Grandparents Association and The Family Matters Institute has found that 42% of grandparents lose contact with their grandchildren after parental separation.

These three organisations will set out why they feel grandparents are so important to children and families in the 21st century. Even though grandparents can have extremely close bonds with their grandchildren and will often provide the majority of childcare whilst the children are young, these bonds can be shattered when the parents’ relationship breaks down. A grandparent will not have the automatic right to make an application to the court in the way that a parent can but they can seek permission to make an application, and the court will always put the best interests of the children first if they have to decide whether an order for contact with the child should be made.

Grandparents Association advice line (01279 444964); Grandparents Apart Self Help (0141 882 5658 or 01506 410 554)

Katie & Peter to Split? Or is this just more publicity?

2009-05-15T10:34:00.000+01:00

Katie Price (Jordan) and Peter Andre are said to be separating after three and a half years of marriage. The couple has two children, Junior three and Princess Tiaamii, nearly two. Katie Price also has another son, Harvey six, from her previous relationship with footballer Dwight Yorke. The couple have spent their married life very much in the spotlight having featured in their own fly-on-the-wall TV show following their relationship since 2007. However, they have now said they want the media to respect their privacy in regard to the breakdown of their marriage. It will be interesting to see whether this is a genuine split for the celebrity couple who married in 2005 or just another publicity stunt!

If they are to go down the divorce route, how will their fortune be divided and where and with whom will the children live? They both had successful and lucrative careers and so had substantial financial assets before they met. However, since they married, they have built up assets jointly which they have both contributed to and this will need to be recognised when deciding how to divide the couple’s fortune, while at the same time paying particular regard to the needs and welfare of their children.

Yawning with boredom?

2009-05-11T13:38:00.001+01:00

Currently the BBC news website says...

“UK house prices are continuing to fall sharply, according to the latest survey from the Halifax. The lender, now part of the Lloyds Banking Group, says prices fell by another 1.7% in April, pushing the annual decline from 17.5% to 17.7%. It means that the average UK property is now worth £154,716.00, £33,264.00 less than a year ago. The Halifax warned that house prices would probably continue falling in the coming months.”

Is anyone else just yawning with boredom on the subject? Well I am! I am trying hard not to be too optimistic but, frankly, the housing market is moving, not rapidly or providing so much work we don’t know what to do with ourselves but it is moving. Now we just have to get over the next barrier, no marketing of properties until a full home information pack is provided….thanks Mr Brown.

On The Up! Congratulations to Crookham Rovers

2009-04-21T15:50:00.003+01:00

Congratulations to the Crookham Rovers adults team who we have sponsored for a couple of years now. Not only have they finished as runners up in the Aldershot and District Sunday League (Division one) and are therefore promoted to the Premiership but they are also runners up in the League Cup which was held at Camberley Football Club last weekend.

Crookham Rovers team Captain, Paul Fairbrother, was voted man of the match by the four match officials because of his self discipline, control of the team and his sportsmanship.

Congratulations to all the team and to the manager Nigel Lennard.

So, in this economic downturn, should they make it harder to sell your home…

2009-04-07T15:26:00.003+01:00

This week the new rules have come into force and home owners must have a home information pack (Hip) in place before putting their property on the market. Previously a seller could order a Hip prior to marketing.

The “improved” Hip sets out extra details such as the council tax band, flood risk, structural alterations and parking arrangements and is welcomed by the government claiming this is all important information which should be taken into account before buyers are asked to make an offer. Many critics just claim they were an "expensive waste of time" before the new rules and are now even worse!

If a seller (or estate agent) markets a property without the mandatory Hip they can face fines of at least £200.

Many Solicitors and estate agents are, and will remain, highly critical of the Hips scheme as the information is outdated so quickly and buyers often have to commission new searches which means, in effect, that the cost is doubled. Many also believe the new rules will cause even more problems.

A spokesman for the National Association of Estate Agents (NAEA), claims the Hips scheme has been a costly failure and an unnecessary burden to sellers. "An expensive waste of time which has proved counterproductive at the best of times but, in a housing slump, Hips are downright damaging," adding that according to government figures 77% of home buyers paid no attention to Hips.

Nationwide say house prices are up!

2009-04-02T16:35:00.000+01:00

The building society claims property prices have increased by 0.9% in March compared to February which, they claim, is a “surprise bounce” and should not be confused with saying that the market has turned. Whilst they welcome the price rise they feel it is too soon to confirm the market is once again on its way up and that we have come through the “trough”.

Part of the problem with making predictions on the recovery of the economy is that house prices dropped so sharply last year that monthly fluctuations are bound to happen and whilst house prices might appear to be steadying, the price of flats and apartments is still very up and down.

What is interesting is the Bank of England report that mortgages for house purchases in Britain have risen more in February than was expected and this does suggest that lending is, albeit slowly, once again on the increase.

Even Barclays bank are indicating that the housing market may be stabilising although still predicting it will be six months before the effect will be seen.

For the first three months of 2009 Northern (and Southern) Ireland have experienced the largest annual rate of house price decrease in their recorded history and Scotland had the slowest annual fall in house prices. Wales has seen nearly 20% wiped off its property prices during this period which is far more than other areas of the United Kingdom.

So, having exhausted the facts and figures, we have seen an increase in business over the past month and, very quietly, long may it continue.....

Will the Rent push businesses under?

2009-03-31T15:47:00.006+01:00

Experts have warned that more retail businesses could be under threat as quarterly rent bills fall due.

Retailers who are struggling with falling sales because of the recession are now facing the moment when they will be asked to pay the rent for the next three months' and this could easily push some over the edge and into oblivion. Fears that many businesses could sink without trace has encouraged the British Retail Consortium to call for Landlords to allow rents to be paid on a monthly basis and help relieve the cashflow difficulties that most retailers are facing.

And it is not only the retailers; many other businesses are also suffering cashflow difficulties especially when the quarterly rent bill arrives.

The Retail Consortium believe that following a disappointing Christmas and New Year this quarter's rent payments would prove to be the toughest since the late 1980’s and some landlords have indicated they are prepared to be flexible and are willing to spread payments and renegotiate service charges.

The importance of retailers' ability to pay their rent cannot be underestimated; when photography specialist Jessops announced it would be able to pay its rent the share prices jumped 85%.

Smile! Its only money!

2009-03-24T12:26:00.001Z

London’s top divorce solicitor, Raymond Tooth (sometimes known as Jaws) has a mean reputation for achieving enormous settlements for ex-wives and is constantly being sought out by unhappy ladies. With a credit crunch in progress it might not be the best time (some would say) to be attempting to wrestle those large assets from your husband however, even Mr Tooth seems to have outdone himself as, with the downturn in the economy, he has managed to achieve 105% of the ex-husbands assets for one very happy lady in pink, albeit the original decision by the Court only awarded her 43% last February!

Needless to say the ex-husband (would you believe a fund-manager in the financial sector) has gone to the Court of Appeal claiming it is unfair as the deal was struck last February before the share price of his company plummeted. It will be very dangerous for the Court to alter the capital settlement as it would mean that anyone was able to reopen a settlement – if a husband gambles on the future price of shares whilst giving liquid assets to his ex-wife (because he thinks the shares will be worth more) why should the Court review the settlement when the husband made the wrong choice? There are a few ex-husbands and wives doing sums and awaiting the outcome.....

Although some will be delighted in another financier getting his comeuppance realistically he would have to borrow half a million to make up the outstanding payment – do we feel sorry for him? Probably not but let’s face facts, which bank will he be able to borrow the money from?

Mr Tooth made his name in the 60’s picking up Clients through Tramps and other nightclubs and is now probably the country’s leading authority on obtaining maximum settlements. His Client base is 60% women and 40% men and at 68 must still be enjoying the chase. After all there is great financial reward available when you are pulling in the right settlement.

Although twice divorced Mr Tooth believes it may be wise for the ladies to “hedge their bets” his opinion is that the gentlemen will win with divorce settlements whilst the credit crunch is on. Experts predict the divorce rate will rise as couples split due to pressured finances. Suggestions people will “hedge their bets” appear to be unfounded, our family department is thriving.

Top of the League!

2009-03-19T16:40:00.001Z

Crookham Rovers, sponsored by Brooks & Partners, are now top of the Aldershot and Sunday football league, division one, and intending to stay there. During the season the team have worked incredibly hard to achieve the results they have, weathering the storms of cancelled games (literally) and losing valuable team members to long term injury as well as a couple moving away from the area.

Not only are they top of their league but this week will see them take on local rivals in the semi-final of the league cup and we wish them luck on Sunday in the top of the table clash.

Still Got a Pension? It's good news...

2009-03-17T09:11:00.001Z

Following research by Prudential we are told that more than 2 million people now have to postpone their retirement because of the fall in value of their pension funds. That is, people in the private sector who do not have the benefit of public sector final salary pension scheme (no further comment needed here except perhaps for a sigh).

That having been said many annuity rates have actually achieved more than anticipated in view of the current economy and some pensions are allowing workers to make changes in the pension arrangements so that they still provide very good value.

Many workers had anticipated being able to fund part of their retirement from the interest earned on deposit accounts but, with rates still dropping (now 0.5%), it does not look as it this will be feasible for a little while yet.

If we journey back in time to the last recession there were a couple of pension/insurance companies that went spectacularly to the wall losing millions and leaving many people with no pension at all. Hopefully this indicates that, in reality, many people are better off today in that they still have a pension rather than having nothing at all.

The Housing Market: One Good, One Bad....

2009-03-11T13:27:00.000Z

Bad: Property sales between December and February were at their lowest in the last 31 years.

Good: We have had four consecutive months of rising enquiries from new buyers.

Bad: The National Housing Federation predicts 50% less new homes built in the next year

Good: Prompted by sharp cuts in interest rates buying is becoming more affordable

Bad: Buyers are still in difficulties with lenders demanding high deposits

Good: Family homes remain in high demand

Bad: Difficulties in obtaining mortgages even at the current low interest rates and with a full deposit

Good: Property prices are down

Although things have definitely improved during February nobody involved with the housing market is yet out of the woods. It is time the government stepped in and put funds into new social homes which would assist not only those looking to buy a house but also house builders who are very busy “mothballing” many of their developments.

The government got it wrong when they fiddled about with lowering the VAT rate – now is the time to make a very serious dent in stamp duty, let’s say 0% up to £250,000.00 and 1% between this and £500,000.00. That should help get the market moving again!

Got any equity? Go on – release some and live a bit!

2009-03-09T12:22:00.001Z

Equity release schemes go in and out of fashion and have good and bad reputations depending on markets, availability, eligibility and lenders. So, let’s look at some facts:

· You and your partner continue to live in the property for the rest of your lives;
· You draw a tax-free cash lump sum or take an income;
· The money is borrowed from the equity you have in your property with interest rolling up year on year;
· The debt is cleared either when you go into care or you die;
· Your age, health and the value of your property are taken into consideration;
· Members of the Industry body, Safe Home Income Plan, protect people with a “no negative equity guarantee” meaning you can never owe more than your property is worth.

There is a misconception about the amount people borrow and, in most cases, this is not a high proportion of what they actually can, most only want enough to be comfortable. People can borrow a percentage of the property value and initially only take a small drawdown and take more later on – you only pay interest on the amount you have taken.

The current economic climate can, in some ways, be helpful. Although property prices are not as high as a year ago interest rates are now very low – house prices may fall a bit more over the next year or two but, if you take an equity release now, it is taken at the value of the property today. The equity release package is intended to last for much longer than two years and so the property price is very likely to recover before repayment is required. This should then have the effect of the property achieving a higher sale figure and, hopefully, providing inheritance to dependents. There are even equity release schemes that allow you to earmark a percentage of the property value for inheritance purposes.

Vickie Sturman, who works in our Residential Conveyancing Department, is our expert on this subject and would be happy to advise further on the subject.

It's Still Rock & Roll to me!

2009-02-24T10:00:00.000Z

And so the Government has confirmed that Northern Rock will increase mortgage lending by up to £14 billion over the next two years. Evidently a strategy has been agreed so that £5 billion of new mortgage lending will be available for 2009 and three to nine billion pounds from 2010 on. That is if, of course, there is a market demand for it.

We are told that the new lending will be on good commercial terms to ensure it represents good value for money (for the taxpayer one hopes) and will allow Northern Rock to get back into the mortgage market with a variety of products on offer. We are also told that the mortgage side of the business will be managed separately following restructuring.

The Government has further said that it “wants to see a well functioning mortgage market where lenders lend responsibly and borrowers have access to a wide range of mortgages that they can afford to repay” (don’t we all).

In certain respects, well done to the Government. But does this also mean that we, the taxpayers, as the owners of Northern Rock and therefore the employer, have the right to ensure that there are no contract clauses which will make it necessary to pay out bonuses (huge or otherwise) to anyone unless they really deserve it? Probably not. Who else believes that once this current crisis/recession/dip – call it what you like – is over, the Government and the bankers will just go back to the greedy self serving individuals they were before? It is very often amazing what is NOT learned from hindsight!

Don’t cry over spilt milk…it’s breaking the bottle that becomes expensive!

2009-02-18T10:13:00.001Z

Recently a mother went into one of her local shops with her child who accidentally ran into a display of glass jars knocking over and braking quite a few. The lady in question was asking for advice because the store in question had asked her to pay £90.00 to cover the cost of the damage.

The law is not hard and fast on this and consumers are expected to take reasonable care when shopping, including supervision of any children they have with them. A shop can and probably will ask you to pay for the broken or damaged items however payment of the cost price only should be requested and paid, not the retail price. Very often stores will only request payments if they believe you have been careless or negligent.

On the other hand shops can be guilty of negligence as well, for example, if items are badly stacked, in the wrong position or if a slippery floor has not been correctly cleaned. If any of these have contributed to an accident, you can refuse to pay, or even sue if you're injured.
In practice, the larger shops will probably not ask for reimbursement if it was a genuine mistake, but often smaller ones can’t afford to absorb the loss and will therefore ask for payment. If you are asked to pay, only do so if you think you're responsible and only pay the cost price.

If you refuse to pay, the shop's only recourse is to sue you for the money through the Civil Courts. Remember this is a civil matter, not a criminal one; do not be intimidated by threats to call the police!

Hello Scotland, and Welcome to our World!

2009-02-11T12:42:00.002Z

A recent survey carried out by the BBC has found that, following the introduction of Home Reports on 1st December 2008 the Scottish housing market is suffering reduced activity. The survey was aimed at solicitors throughout Scotland to find out how much the new Home Reports had affected the market. Those of us involved in the industry in England and Wales could have told them the outcome of the introduction of Home Reports long before the actual date and probably could have provided accurate survey responses as well. According to the BBC home owners rushed to put their houses up for sale before the date of the introduction of the compulsory Home Reports and, we are told, few houses have been placed on the market for sale since.

Many of the solicitors consulted by the survey believe the cost of supplying the Home Reports is prohibitive and the scheme should be reviewed. There has, however, been criticism of the survey report by the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors who believe Home Reports will benefit the market in the long term. It has also been pointed out that economic factors may be having a negative effect on the housing market as well. They don’t say!
Sorry Scotland but.....welcome to the property market we have been suffering with in England and Wales for quite a while now.

Attic Like Apartment a "Snip" at $53.5 million

2009-02-04T16:17:00.000Z

So, the New York penthouse apartment atop the famed Plaza Hotel is back on the market at an absolute steal at $53.5 million following a private settlement in the case of Vavilov –v- Stribling and El-Ad Properties.

Last year Russian financier Andrei Vavilov paid a deposit of $10.7 on the apartment and then discovered how much he disliked it saying it was "attic-like" with oppressive ceilings and a terrible view of Central Park.

The real estate website StreetEasy.com shows the apartment (made up of two separate penthouses built on top of the Plaza) is still on the market with representatives for developer El-Ad Properties and broker Stribling & Associates “not available for comment”.

Andrei complained the apartment was "attic-like" with small windows, low ceilings, obstructed views and ugly drainage grates and demanded the return of his $10.7 million deposit and $30 million in damages. A counter suit, issued by El-Ad accused him of libel and demanded $36 million in damages.

The Plaza, opened in 1907, has been owned by moguls such as Conrad Hilton and Donald Trump and, following a $400 million renovation, reopened last March as a mixture of hotel rooms and condominiums. The penthouses for sale were advertised as magnificent "one of a kind" properties.

Wish Mr Vavilov was our Client……

Professional Indemnity Insurance

2009-01-29T11:53:00.000Z

With professional indemnity insurance renewal a little way behind us now it does seem correct to stop and take stock. At the time there were many reports in the press, legal magazines and Law Society Gazette confirming the feeling of many firms that it had been a difficult year for the renewal and a great deal of dissatisfaction with the renewal premiums. There is always an opposite position and there were a number of firms who felt that stable rates and sensible terms had been forced upon insurers and were going to be a benefit for the profession in general.

It is 10 years (almost) since the beginning of the end of the Solicitors Indemnity Fund and the market rate is still lower than the SIF in its final year! In a nutshell the revenue of the profession has grown, the limit of indemnity increased (as have claims and defence costs) but the premiums are still lower so, what is all the moaning and groaning about? Well, at the time renewal was occurring insurers were adjusting their rates and trying to protect themselves which had quite an effect on the small and medium sized firms, especially those with a property base.

So, is this year’s renewal going to be better or worse? Some press are saying that the sensible option for insurers is to not offer cover next year and wait for the good times to come again but the top end insurers who do actually take their business seriously say they are not going to let their customers down. They do however advise that the profession should be considering their options early.

In reality insurance is a necessity – the profession buy it and the insurance companies sell it and we need to work together to make it work.

Individual Fines for MLRO's

2009-01-23T16:49:00.003Z

There is now a risk that a law firms MLRO (Money Laundering Reporting Officer) will be personally fined if they do not insist on having adequate procedures in place so that anything (or anyone) suspect will be reported to them by colleagues although currently this is only applies to firms who are regulated by the FSA as well as the Law Society.

The FSA (Financial Services Authority) have handed down its first fine under the new rules and although they do not expect to be making prosecutions as a matter of course they have been empowered to make professionals take this matter very seriously and face up to the responsibilities involved.

Last week Sindicatum Holdings were fined £49,000 and their Money Laundering Reporting Officer was fined £17,500 personally for not having adequate procedures for controlling money laundering risks even though no evidence of actual money laundering was found.

Although this has started with the financial institutions it is a big wake up call to all law firms. I am just off to check our procedures now.......

Health and Safety - Getting it Right

2009-01-15T10:20:00.002Z

Health and Safety is an essential part of everyday working and does need to be taken seriously. Providing that you put the right policy in place and take the matter seriously then the process is often not as much hard work as employers initially believe.

The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) have published a ‘ten point plan’ for businesses to ensure they protect the health and safety of their employees as well as people visitng offices and businesses in general.

Their key recommendations are that:

1. All new businesses register with the appropriate authority ie the HSE or the local authority;
2. You take out adequate employers’ liability insurance and display the certificate where everyone can see it (this is actually a legal requirement);
3. Make sure you have someone capable to help you comply with health and safety regulations;
4. Decide on and prepare a health and safety policy which should help you manage health and safety issues;
5. Carry out an assessment of risk (potential dangers and appropriate precautions) and act on the findings;
6. Provide basic welfare facilities ie washing and toilet facilities, remember, different business may require different facilities;
7. Provide appropriate health and safety training for employees;
8. Consult your employees or worker force on health and safety matters, afterall, health and safety is everyones responsiblity;
9. Display the required health and safety law poster and give employees a leaflet covering the basic information;
10. Report as required any work-related accidents, diseases or dangerous incidents as soon as possible.

The HSE has many useful leaflets accessible online at http://www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/

Asset Valuation - a pain in the probate!

2008-12-23T16:17:00.003Z

There are occasions when executors dealing with a deceased estate need a valuation of assets in the form of the chattels ie the everyday items of furniture and possessions. Unlike a property or investment a valuation can not only be difficult to obtain but also wildly inaccurate.

One problem is that a high valuation of chattels on an estate that is well below the inheritance tax threshold (£312,000 for 2008/9) will not make a significant difference however, where inheritance tax must be paid a realistic open market value must be used. Following a rise in living standards it is now quite normal for people to have a chattels of a substantial value (on this subject the value for contents insurance is very often well below the actual replacement value!).

Generally speaking the appropriate valuation is the ‘open market value’ ie the value for which they could be sold. It is essential that all specialist items such as works of art, stamps, china, book and coin collections etc should be valued by a professional, cars (unless vintage) can be valued by reference to a trade guides although any boats or yachts should be valued by a broker.

Items specifically mentioned in the will should be valued individually if it is believed they are worth more than £500 although Items which are normally traded on the open market (such as musical instruments) can, in some cases, be valued by reference to prices on Internet auctions. Another problem that is becoming more common occurs when there are a number of chattels, some of which may be valuable and some of which are not, and the relative value of each is not easy for the executors to know.

Where the executor is likely to have the contents of the house cleared, it is possible for quite valuable chattels to be disposed of for little value or even thrown out. When chattels are being distributed (say where there are three children, each entitled to a third of the chattels), it is also important for values to be known, because the distributions made will need to be equal unless agreed otherwise by the beneficiaries. Since many assets are in the form of sets (china and furniture for example), some horse-trading may need to be done and having an idea of the values of the different chattels will prove helpful.

Age is relative, but we are all getting older......

2008-12-05T09:30:00.009Z

Currently there are more than 20 million people aged 50 and over in the UK and it is expected to be 27 million by 2030. The Employment Equality (Age) Regulations came into effect in October 2006 and make it unlawful to discriminate on the grounds of age (unless this can be objectively justified).

The Regulations have introduced a national default retirement age of 65, removed the upper age limit for unfair dismissal and redundancy and given the employer a duty to consider requests to continue working beyond 65; this legislation also provided a requirement for employers to give written notification to employees (at least six months in advance) of their intended date of retirement and notify them of their right to request to continue working.

Employers have also been made responsible for the actions of their employees and therefore firms should ensure policies and procedures expressly prohibit all forms of discrimination on the grounds of age (as well as everything else).

Be warned - there is no upper limit to the compensation payable if an employer is found guilty of age discrimination and we would advise every employer who has not yet done so to draw up an age equality policy. It is sensible to consult with your staff or their union representative if appropriate and then made certain all staff are aware of the policy.

If you need any help with this, you know where to come.

It's Called Recycling!

2008-11-14T13:13:00.003Z

"I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it."

For those who believe the ancient Greeks came up with most things first, proof has been found in a 4th century AD joke book that they were right! Obviously written by a relative of the Monty Python crowd the Dead Parrot sketch, where a man returns a parrot to a shop complaining it is dead, was originally written about a slave.

The 1,600 year-old joke book "Philogelos: The Laugh Addict," is one of the world's oldest joke books - it features the gag where a man complains that a slave he has only recently bought has died. "By the gods," replies the slave seller, "when he was with me, he never did any such thing!"

Is this the root of one of the funniest ever Monty Python sketches - "The Dead Parrot"? which contains the immortal and hysterical lines "It's not dead, it's pining for the fjords."

The joke book has been published in English and will appeal to all of us who swear that the old ones are the best - this could well be a "top 10" Christmas present. The jokes, so we are informed, are all about sex, dimwits, nagging wives and flatulence - obviously these subjects have been making us laugh since the dawn of time.

My husband's old football team in Bristol always had a number of students and were referred to as the "dolt student family" and they were always the butt of the joke. This was obviously not an original idea as many of the jokes feature a slow-witted boy known as the "student dunce" who is the one made fun of. In one, the boy goes to the city as a friend has asked him to buy two 15-year-old slaves: "No problem,' he responds. "If I don't find two 15-year-olds, I'll get one 30-year-old.'

Evidently the original book is attributed to Hierocles and Philagrius. Very little is known about them but it is amazing to note that they are still appreciated today as comedian Jim Bowen is reviving their lines in front of a 21-century audience.

Jim said "One or two of them are jokes I've seen in peoples' acts recently, slightly updated: they put in a motor car instead of a chariot."

There's nothing like the good old days!

Chicken For Christmas

2008-11-11T16:31:00.001Z

Japan is heading for recession, their economy hit first by a jump in oil prices and now by the global financial crisis. Retailers have been hit hard by as the middle classes cut back on spending so they are trying to woo the super-rich with ever more extravagant offers.

For those in Japan willing to splurge this Christmas a department store is offering truffle-stuffed roast chickens for 84,000 yen (£540) each. Takashimaya Co have started taking orders for the 12 capons being flown in from France in time for Christmas Eve, filled with black truffles, foie gras, white sausage and chestnuts. "People may think it's expensive, but it would be perfect for a party as it feeds six to eight people," said a representative of Takashimaya.
Only one has been ordered so far.

Having chicken for Christmas is evidently popular in Japan, there is an existing Japanese tradition dating to the 1970s: head to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken where a meal of roast chicken, cake, salad and a commemorative plate sells for 5,300 yen (£32).

I'm very happy to be home with my turkey and stuffing thank you!