Comic Books Revisited

Suspension

2008-03-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

As you may have guessed by my absense over the last couple of weeks, I haven't been able to get the time and energy needed to prep a new story. At this time, I'm going to suspend the blog until I can find the hours to do another revisit. Sign up for the feed so you can be alerted to new posts because they're no longer going to be on a regular schedule.

I apologize to those of you who have been loyal readers. I hope you'll find me again the next time I post. For now, I bid you an abbreviated adieu and hope to be back soon.

Oops!

2008-03-04T06:48:00.001-08:00

I messed up. Didn't get the new story chosen, scanned, written, well, you get the idea. Been working on something else. I'll do my best to get you the new story next week. My apologies. In the meantime, have fun playing this word game.

Go to Pogo to play 100s of Fun Games!

Action Comics 289 (Part 8, Finale): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-22T02:23:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman has the hots for Supergirl but she's his cousin so he doesn't have the hots for her at all. Instead, Supergirl checks on the computer for a double and finds Luma Lynai on the planet Staryl. Luma and Kal-El fall instantly in love and he asks her to return to Earth with him.

Oh no! This is terrible! As soon as Luma Lynai gets to the earth's solar system she becomes weak and unpowered! (Today's No-Prize goes to Jim for nailing the ending to this final bit of match-making.) Naturally, Supergirl is still spying on her cousin. It's beginning to feel like the Maid of Might is a stalker. And it's still creeping me out a bit that Superman's dream woman is his cousin. I always thought they had a very brother/sister vibe about them. Then again, Lois Lane is the only woman for him in my book. (You couldn't tell I was a Lois fan? Are you even reading this blog?)

Superman speeds Luma back to her home planet with the blue and/or orange sun, depending on which panel you're reading. Actually, it appears they've settled on orange now. Luma takes her time telling Superman she's feeling better (all the way home, actually. Guess she didn't recover as soon as they left the earth's yellow sun behind. Or maybe she just feels that being carried by a big, strong superhunk was kinda ginchy).

She doesn't quite understand what happened, so once again we're treated to Superman talking about growing up on Krypton and then coming to Earth and getting powers under the yellow sun. (Yeah, I know -- my whole beef about the weird placement of that backstory in another scene was silly but you have to admit it was a clumsy way of getting the info out. Right in the middle of their love discussion Superman and Supergirl tell each other about where they both grew up and from whence comes their powers? It was weird, I tells ya! Okay, I'm over it. Let's move on.)

When he finishes telling her his backstory, he offers to move to Luma's planet, but she won't have it. Earth needs its Superman. Her thought balloon, however, is a classic romance comic "I'll always love you..." said with the tearful turned face. This was done at a time when romance comics were selling well so a little borrowing from that genre couldn't hurt.

I'm wondering if Superman's offer was sincere. He's spent most of his life dedicated to truth, justice and the American Way. He's earth's greatest hero. He's more tied to that planet than he ever was to Krypton. And yet he's willing to leave it forever for a woman he met five panels ago? He didn't even take a whole story, let alone a whole comic ("...in a booklength adventure!") to fall in love. It rings a wee bit hollow to me. Especially since she says, "No! Earth needs you! Go – forget me!" and the next panel he's back home. Didn't take much to convince him. No argument, no fuss, no goodbye.

Then again, how serious was she? He made the offer. She could've said yes. But instead, she pushes him back into the arms of another, er, planet.

Perhaps I'm wrong. The next panel has him back on Earth with Supergirl in his arms. Maybe it's he's feeling so blue that the hand that's touching him turns blue itself. (oooh, spooky! Coloring error or subliminal message? It's a Superman story from 1962 – coloring error.)

Resigned to his bachelorhood, Superman bids Kara adieu. "Maybe fate had a purpose in foiling your three attempts to get me married off!" Supergirl ponders her own summing up of the experience, thinking that perhaps Lois Lane (yes!) or Lana Lang (no!) could be fate's plan for him.

Back home in her Linda Danvers identity, she tells her adopted parents the entire story. Linda swears she's learned her lesson and will never play cupid again. But what's this? While doing her homework, she comes across a picture of Cleopatra. Immediately, her mind starts whirring, wondering if she would make a perfect mate for Superman.

SLAM! She shuts her book and with a somewhat evil expression (not sure why she looks evil, but that arched eyebrow and pursed lips kinda give me the willies) catches herself. She made a promise not to interfere and by gosh by gum by golly, that's what she's gonna do! No more cupid! From now on her only other persona will be as Supergirl!

And that's the end of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID! I hope you enjoyed it. If so, let me know in the comments!

As has become my custom, I won't be posting next week so that I can find the next comic to give the business to. There's a lot of prep needed – searching for the right story, making scans, etc. so I'll need the time. Come back March 3rd for the next comic book revisit! And while you're waiting, tell all your friends that this blog is the best place on the web to revisit the gems of the golden age, atom age, silver age, and bronze age. Share the love!

Action Comics 289 (Part 7): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman and Supergirl gave the legionnaires chunks of an anti-gravity meteorite for Christmas. Then, after quite a build-up, Saturn Woman finally enters the scene. The next thing you know, Superman is all over her, liplocking under every piece of mistletoe he can find. Is Saturn Woman the one he'll fall in love with? Find out now in Part 7 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

"Hey, what do you mean by kissing my wife twice, Superman?" come the angry words of Lightning Man. Well, I guess we should've known that anyone who can get plaques for loveliness would probably be off the market. Superman is immediately chagrined and makes a hasty retreat. Supergirl is also upset. She forgot to do her research. (Ever heard of Google, Supergirl? You haven't? Oh, right. You're the 1962 version and even though you've spent a lot of time in the future, it's really more about superpowers, wacky Christmas trees and jumpsuits than futuristic innovation.) She now wishes she'd set him up with Phantom Woman. Wrong again, Supergirl. She's hitched to Ultra Man.

Once back in the past that is their present, Supergirl confesses. She tells Superman that she had been trying to set him up and had failed. Next comes an hilarious and yet oddly creepy panel where Superman tells Supergirl he could only fall for someone like her. Then comes a lengthy discussion about cousins marrying that seems bizarre in contrast to the intimate picture below it.

The drawing looks like two lovers. But they're cousins, so that's icky. But some places it's legal to marry cousins so they can't do a total ick on it for fear of insulting all those married cousins. Then comes a description of Kryptonian law. This panel is just... well take a look for yourself. Weird, isn't it?

Wisely, Supergirl gets some distance. Supes, however, is not through lecturing. A quick recap of their origin story later (really? The origin story? That's what we needed in this panel? I'm not sure why. Seems a bit of a non-sequitor to me), and Supergirl, speaking of the sun as the source of their powers suddenly remembers the large computer she's standing next to. What? I am so confused. They recap their origins and discuss their power source so that we can get to the computer? Isn't there a less clumsy way of doing that? I can think of a couple dozen ways, just off the top of my head. It's just... weird. These last two panels feel like changes from the editor. Maybe they have a "story of Krypton" and "sun as strength" quota and they were behind. However, I could be wrong. Often things seem very out of place and later in the story that information becomes a key component of the story. Perhaps the origin and power recap are foreshadowing. Guess we'll have to wait and see, because Supergirl has an idea and when she's playing Cupid, there's no stopping her!

Supergirl enters some data in the supercomputer and badda bing, it gives her the name of a planet – Staryl. Apparently, there's a duplicate of Kara living on Staryl. Oh goody. Superman can fall in love with his cousin without it being his cousin, and yet it still has a creepy factor! That's quite a feat.

Superman agrees to go to Staryl to meet his cousin's double. He heads for a planet revolving around a blue sun. The next panel has Supergirl spying on her cousin with her telescopic vision. I have no idea how much time has passed, but Superman is already liplocking with the caped double of Supergirl. "Love at first site," thinks Kara. She then adds a thought about the "super-scientific devices" of Staryl allowing her double to speak English. Just in case you was a-wondering, dear reader.

Superman and Luma Lynai (how amazing that this Supergirl look-alike romantic interest just happens to have the initials LL like every single woman Superman's ever fallen in love with! What are the odds?) fly around Staryl starry-eyed. Good thing she's also super-powered, has a logo on her chest and wears a cape. Then again, she wouldn't be a double for Supergirl otherwise, so I guess that makes total sense. He wants her to come to Earth with him and get married. She wants to go wherever he goes (wonder if she can cook for aliens and clean the fortress?). I have no idea why, but in the background there's an orange sun when two panels earlier Superman distinctly mentioned it was orbiting a blue sun. Of course, there's a big orange ball-o-fire behind the small blue sun, but why mention the blue sun if only an orange sun can be seen from the planet? And is this the one true love who will marry Superman and make all of the comics printed after it a lie because she's rarely mentioned ever again? She must be! She's the one! He loves her! She loves him! They're going to Earth! What could possibly go wrong?

Don't forget to come back Friday for the thrilling conclusion of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 6): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Supergirl cleaned the fortress and then she and Superman flew into the future to attend a Christmas party hosted by the adult legionnaires. Because our heroes forgot to bring presents, they slipped out the back door to rustle something up. What could they be? Find out now in Part 6 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

It doesn't take our super pair more than a few moments to return with Christmas presents I know I'd like to get. It seems they went into outer space and found an anti-gravity meteor (who knew such a thing existed? I never learned about them in astronomy class. But then, my professor – a man named Johnny Mathis, I kid you not – was not super-powered and thus, probably hadn't personally searched all of space in the moments it takes to find one of them). Supes breaks it up into little pieces so each of the legionnaires can put a chunk in their belts. "You need only give mental commands, activating it, and you'll fly!" So not only are the meteors able to break the pull of gravity, but they do so only when given a mental command?

Wow. Just... wow. That is some cool meteor. If Johnny Mathis knew about this and didn't tell him I'm gonna be so ticked off. Bet that's what all those shuttle missions were about, too. Hubbel Telescope is probably looking for them as well. It's a conspiracy to keep ordinary people from having mentally-commanded anti-gravity belts! They're saving all the chunks for the superheroes who may some day materialize!

Back to the story. Everyone likes their present. But Supergirl has much more on her mind than mere meteors. She's got some matchmaking to do. First, she shows Superman a plaque that honors Saturn Woman for driving off space monsters. Then she whips out a second plaque that honors her for "...exceptional intelligence and loveliness!" (Loveliness? Really? They gave her a plaque for that? Is physical beauty still the only real accomplishment of a woman 1010 years into the future? Can you imagine giving Batman a plaque for craggy handsomeness or Superman for good grooming? Loveliness. Oh, man.)

Superman responds to the plaques with "She must be quite a gal." Doesn't he already know her really well from his youth? He was in the Legion with her, for crying out loud. He already knows she's "quite a gal." Perhaps it's temporary amnesia brought on by searching for anti-gravity meteors.

Saturn Woman enters the room giving Superman a va-va-vooom moment (why is she touching her breast? That tease). He says he never dreamed she'd grow up to be such a spectacular beauty. (So... he considered her hopelessly ugly as a teenager? Perhaps he thought she'd peaked at 18 and there was nowhere to go but down. Whatever he thought of her, she's a mind-reader so she knew all about his low opinion. Or I could be wrong he thought she'd grow up to be a beauty, but just not a spectacular beauty. If so, his thoughts probably weren't all that offensive. And now, back to the story.) Pleased that Superman is attracted to Saturn Woman's nationally recognized loveliness, Supergirl sets a mistletoe trap (and that's why it's Christmas, of course! I should've seen that one coming).

And then come two panels I would've loved as a little girl, had I owned this story then. (I'm actually relating this story to you from an 80 page giant because I sold my copy of the original. This is an all Supergirl giant, Adventure Comics 390 from Mar-Apr 1970. My copy is, of course, coverless. A low grade collector such as myself never balks from a coverless book as long as the stories are intact. Anyway, my point is that I can't believe I missed buying this giant when I was a kid because 80 pages of Supergirl fun, excitement and romance is something I would never have passed by. I really missed out.)

Superman gives Saturn Girl a big smooch and by gosh and by golly, the lad likes it. In fact, he likes it so much, he gives her another. Supergirl is overjoyed. She immediately builds these two kisses into wedding bells. Saturn Woman doesn't appear to be fighting it, either. Could Supergirl have found the perfect match? Ooh, la la! With all these liplocks, she may just have succeeded!

How will you find out? Looks like you'd better come back Wednesday for Part 7 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

A little treat

2008-02-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

Because I didn't give you an update yesterday (I forgot that my computer was going to do the big monthly backup and the backup program conflicts with both my wp and my image programs, so I couldn't get it done) I'll give you a little visual treat. Years ago, just a short time before his death, I had the pleasure of speaking on the phone to Curt Swan, one of the giants of DC's illustrators. My little fangirl heart melted with joy. Then, to my utter surprise and astonishment, he drew something just for me.

This gorgeous pencil drawing of Saturn Girl, Wonder Woman, and Supergirl is perfect for this story and this blog. I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day and will return on Monday for the next installment of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Oops!

2008-02-15T22:40:00.001-08:00

Well, the day got away from me and I messed up. Didn't get the next part written. I promise it'll be up Monday. I'm very sorry for the delay.

Action Comics 289 (Part 5): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Helen of Troy turned out to be a bad choice, especially when Supergirl stole all the attention from her. When Supergirl and Superman returned to the Fortress of Solitude, however, the Maid of Might put her sites on a new possible mate for Man of Steel: Saturn Girl! How's that going to work out? Read and find out in Part 5 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Supergirl cleans up the Fortress of Solitude. (Okay, I was sort of expecting a plan to be put in motion. You know, she's got to pursuade Supes into heading into the future. I don't get the connection between cleaning and the whole storyline.) Superman is pleased. "Some day, when you're married, it'll be your wife who will do your housecleaning!" says Supergirl. And there we have it. I totally missed it because I don't live in the early 60s. "Wife" is no longer solely defined by housecleaning and cooking meals (the two things we've seen in this story that are traits of a "good wife"). Yeah, I could see Helen of Troy cleaning the oven. And Saturn Girl is certainly suited to cleaning the grout in the shower with a toothbrush.

Take a deep breath, Joanna. It's a snapshot of another era. In the time period this comic was written the thought of a woman running for President would've been as fictional as the time log. Okay, I'm better now.

Superman scoffs at the idea of getting married because protecting earth against "various perils" comes first. Undaunted, Supergirl smiles while thinking, "That's what you think! Little do you know what's cooking in this eager little brain of mine!" (argh! A pet peeve. The use of the word "little". Little is often used by males to describe female accomplishments. "Nice little song you wrote there." "That's a good little picture you drew." So the male comic book writer has Supergirl self-describing her super-brain – capable of just as many mental gymnastics as Superman's super-brain -- as little. Okay, I'll quit. I promise.)

Still obsessed by how clean the fortress is (did he never pick up a broom?), Superman says, "What a fine cleaning job! Is there some way I can show my appreciation?" And now the plan has hatched! I should never have doubted Supergirl's super-brain. Immediately, she asks him to follow her into the future to attend a legion party. Superman's game and both jump into the rainbow time stream. But what's this? They aren't exiting in the usual spot. Supergirl is flying past the point where the superheroes were young.

They land 10 years past the usual exit so the teens are now adults. (Of course, Superman doesn't seem to think about the fact that he, too, is an adult.) Lightning Lad is Lightning Man (but Supergirl is still Supergirl because she hasn't aged). Always a keen observer, Supes notices that there's a fake Santa in a rocketship and concludes that it's Christmas.

Inside the clubhouse, there's a space-age fake Christmas tree and what's this? Phantom Girl has become Phantom Lady and she's a teapot! (I always keep my promises, F.S.)

Cosmic Man and Phantom Lady give Superman and Supergirl photos of their Kryptonian parents as gifts (I'm not sure how they knew they were coming, but we'll just assume Supergirl set it up somehow). They photographed them off the time scope "to give you if you came to the party." Oh, so it wasn't a sure thing. I have a feeling we're supposed to accept this without questioning, so I'll move on.

Superman and Supergirl slip out the back because they didn't bring presents. Wonder what they'll get? It has to be pretty super because, well, that's obvious. And where's Saturn Woman? They came all this way to see her and so far they've just run into a couple of guys and a teapot. Oooh, the anticipation is too much!

Well, not too much not to make you wait until Friday. Yeah, I got started really late on this entry so I'm cutting it a bit short. Still, I can promise you this: there's kissing ahead! What? You were hoping for a superhero battle, a villain, or some sort of action? Well, those warriors did poke at Superman a couple pages back. That doesn't count? Too bad. This is a primo silver age Supergirl story and that means there's kissing ahead! Besides, what else did you expect from this Valentine's edition of Comic Books Revisited? What better story than WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Action Comics 289 (Part 4): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman meets Helen of Troy. He then stands around while warriors try to kill him. Meanwhile, Supergirl makes quick work of the beasts of doom (a unicorn and a minotaur). But when the guy who let the beasts out is ready for punishment, Supergirl refuses to kill him. It's not her choice, however. It's Helen and her excruciatingly slow thumb gesture. Now let's get to Part 4 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID before Helen's thumb runs out of gas.

Although Helen has decided to give the beast-keeper a thumb's down, Supergirl uses her superbreath to pressure Helen's thumb into a positive gesture. Proudly, Superman compliments her on her quick thinking having obviously figured out what just happened in the thumb war.

Having done so well in the recent beast crisis, Supergirl is proclaimed the "Toast of Troy", which angers the egotistical Helen because she wants all the attention. Yeah, perfect wife material for Superman. He'd love to have a wife who wants all the attention and hates being overshadowed by superdeeds.

Supergirl finally realizes that perhaps this wasn't the best choice of mate, though her reasoning is that Superman failed to fall in love. A wee moment, yet again. He was there for a very short time and in that brief visit he didn't say more than a couple of words to Helen. He spent most of it having swords and spears bent on his manly chest. How on earth is he supposed to fall in love when he barely noticed Helen? Was her beauty alone supposed to do the trick? Oh, Supergirl, must you buy into the misogynistic thinking that beauty is a woman's only asset? That a pretty face is the only measure of a woman's worth? That beauty alone is the only attribute that informs a man's desire (for men, too, are being short-shrifted by this myopic attitude)? Maybe Supergirl needs to start hanging out more with Wonder Woman.

With the Helen thing a bust (no pun intended), Superman and Supergirl go back into the rainbow time stream. Supergirl acknowledges that she goofed by choosing Helen but that she would do better next time. Superman just stares at her as if he can read her thought balloon. Then again, he's probably wondering what the heck that whole episode was about, since there was no emergency and he had to log the trip in the Time Travel Log Book.

Back at the Fortress of Solitude, Supergirl spies some small statuettes of the Legion of Superheroes. Her thought balloon gives some exposition about the club for the new readers. Seeing the Saturn Girl statuette, she's found her next romance victim. A grown-up Saturn Girl would be perfect for Superman!

Have to admit, Saturn Girl does seem a better choice than Helen of Troy, but you know how those time barrier relationships can go. Still, it is an intriguing choice and it'll be fun to see the legionnaires. Wonder how Supergirl is going to talk him into going with her this time? The old note by the Log Book won't work. Besides, he's standing right next to her. Guess we'll have to wait and see on Wednesday for Part 5 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 3): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Supergirl had crossed the time barrier and was in ancient Troy visiting the beautiful Helen. She'd left a note for Superman to join her in hopes of doing a little matchmaking. Superman's arrival is imminent, so let's get to the story of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Flying through the rainbow of time (no disappearing this time. Instead we're back to the time barrier being bands of color) Superman races to ancient Troy worried that Supergirl might be in trouble. Upon arriving, he flies to the arena and asks Supergirl, "What's the emergency?" His cousin coyly tells him that she never said it was an emergency and then quickly introduces him to Helen of Troy.

The court advisor is worried because Helen appears to be attracted to the man whose underwear is on the outside. He thinks, "The flying mortal might thwart my evil ambitions!" A moment whilst we consider this. It's ancient Troy where the gods often show up and hang out with the people, or so their stories say. Seeing a guy flying would, I'd assume, give one pause. Is he a god? I'd think he'd have to be because no one else flies. That's Hermes' game. Although he's not dressed like Hermes, were I in ancient Troy, I'd probably put my money on that anyway. Yet Mr. Advisor instantly assumes he's a mere mortal. Not only that, he also assumes this stranger is there to thwart his evil plans. Does Helen fall in love so quickly that a fancy red cape is enough to dazzle her? Or perhaps she likes people who fly? Whatever the case, the advisor correctly assumes that Superman is trouble. (Had he also assumed Superman was rocketed to earth as a small child when his home planet exploded, he'd get extra points.)

Rhondous (that's the court advisor's name) urges the warriors to destroy Superman "...lest he win the princess's heart!" Since they're all dressed for battle, they agree. I'm not sure what the evil plan is, but apparently it includes some warrior marrying Helen. He doesn't appear to be too particular about which one it is.

Dutifully, the warriors attack Superman, who stands there looking bored and superior. Supergirl hears their shock at his inability to be slain and says, "Disappointed fellows?" Meanwhile, Rhondous gasps while hiding behind a pillar, stunned that the warriors' weapons have no effect. He decides to unleash the beasts of doom. (Oh, man, not the beasts of doom! With a name like that, they're gonna be horrible, frightening, hellish monsters! Hold me; I'm frightened!)

The beasts of doom are... a unicorn and a minotaur. A unicorn? Really? That's your beast of doom? Little girls like unicorns. They about as scary as My Little Pony. Rhondous, you are one incredibly lame adversary!

Okay, so the cuddly beasts are unleashed and Supergirl totally buys into the whole doom thing. "Ulp! Two fierce creatures... a minotaur and a unicorn... are running amok! They're attacking the spectators! Since Superman is busy right now, I'll handle this menace!" (I guess Superman is busy standing still while warriors attack him. Or maybe he's flirting with Helen. I'm not quite sure. And why does Superman have to be busy in order for Supergirl to take care of My Little Pony? Is there a hierarchy between them? Is Supergirl not allowed to save people unless Superman is busy? 1962 was not a good time to be female. They got less respect than Rodney Dangerfield.)

Supergirl subdues the beasts with some bad puns while the untrampled spectators give her compliments. (I'm assuming the trampled ones aren't up to conversation at this point.) It's also become apparent that when Supergirl introduced herself, the entire arena heard her because someone in the shadows says, "Not only is Linda Lee beautiful, but she is more powerful than Achilles!" (Shadow Guy could be Rhondous, I suppose. It's not clear. Without a headband, I just can't tell.)

I'm now thinking that might've been Rhondous because in the next panel he tries to cover his tracks, telling Supergirl to slay the guy who let the beasts out. Since Rhonny told the guy to do it, he'd probably prefer it if the beast keeper gets offed. Supergirl refuses to do so. There's that whole "no killing" code and all.

Helen decides to make another appearance. She tells Supergirl that it's not her decision whether to kill the guy or not. Nope, that's Helen's choice. She explains the whole thumbs up or down thing to Supergirl and ends with "...Now to decide!" Ooh, the tension mounts. What will her thumb do?

And this leads to a fabulous thought balloon that could've come straight out of The Simpsons. Supergirl's thinks, "She's starting to gesture "thumbs down"!! What'll I do??" Apparently, it takes Helen a long time to gesture. There's enough time for Supergirl to have that whole thought balloon, and possibly come up with a plan and then execute the plan before the gesture passes the point of no return into a no. I'm no Flash, but I can do a thumb's down pretty quickly. Maybe ancient people lived at a slower pace and felt that gestures shouldn't be rushed.

The question is, how on earth is Supergirl going to keep Helen from completing her thumb's down gesture? There's so much power in that digit of destiny! Oh woe is me, the suspense of that slowly gesturing thumb is almost too much for me. I must know what happens next! How can even Supergirl control a thumb on someone else's hand?

You'd better come back on Monday to find out if Helen will complete her gesture in Part 4 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 2): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Supergirl watched a sad movie and decided that she needed to play matchmaker for her cousin, Superman. After dreaming of him happily married, she awoke with a plan and an idea of the perfect wife. Who is it? Join me now for Part 2 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID and find out!

Supergirl heads off to the Fortress of Solitude because she's figured out who the perfect woman is for Big Blue the Bachelor. Once finished in the fortress (don't let your curiosity get too out of control as to what she did there. We find out in the next panel) she heads off into the time stream by turning invisible. I like the effect of this panel – much cooler than that rainbow thing they usually use for the time stream. Kinda neat to see her fly out of the fortress and disappear.

So what did she do in the Fortress? She left Superman a note. He finds it after returning from some nondescript space mission (my guess is he was visiting his dear friend, the ugly green alien. I hear they're very tight). The note says, "Superman: Important! Join me in Ancient Troy on day indicated in Time Traveling Log Book! Supergirl."

On a table in front of Superman is none other than the Time Traveling Log Book. I'll admit that I never knew this existed. I had no idea that Superman and Supergirl (and Krypto the superdog, and Beppo the supermonkey and Comet the superhorse and Streaky the supercat and the host of other super beings) had to log all of their time travel in a book. ("January 23, 1961, went to January 22, 1961 to tell myself not to eat Lois's spaghetti and meatballs. Bleurg." "January 23, 1962, went to January 22, 1962 to beg for table scraps because Superman wasn't eating. Woof!")

I'm assuming Superman, upon reading the urgent note, immediately checked the log, signed in his own trip and made sure Beppo wasn't cheating by throwing his feces at the book instead of signing it.

"And now let's visit Ancient Troy where Supergirl has flown through the time-barrier..." Oh yes, let's do that. What is she up to? Is she looking for Hercules because he is mighty enough to be Superman's mate, not that there's anything wrong with that? Nope, she's making a bee-line for a famous beauty because we all know that good looks make a person invulnerable to harm. What's that? It doesn't? Er... I guess Supergirl sorta forgot why Superman isn't married. Apparently she thinks it's because he just hasn't found anyone pretty enough.

And there she is – Helen of Troy! It must be a challenge to be an illustrator and be told to draw Helen of Troy. It's not like we know what she looked like. Just that her beauty launched a thousand ships. That's tough to draw.

But draw her he did! (I believe the penciller is Jim Mooney, but don't quote me on that.) Helen of Troy sits serenely in the Royal Box in a giant arena. Next to her is a guy with a headband (is he from Krypton? I thought only guys from Krypton wore those headbands) and behind her is a guy from the 1960s. Well, he's supposed to be a Trojan, but his hair, long sideburns and goatee scream the 60s to me. Beside Helen is a giant vase because we all know that the only thing ancient people ever did was make pottery. They had it everywhere, even in their arenas.

Supergirl swoops in, startling Helen. While she swoops, Supergirl thinks some exposition, so the audience can catch up. Although Superman has never changed history (even over that meatball thing) Supergirl thinks she can because love conquers all (including the time stream, apparently). She stoked because the most beautiful woman in history would make a perfect match for Supes. Yeah, I'm still not seeing that (especially since Lois Lane owns a man-bait dress that makes her irresistible).

Headband guy turns out to be the court advisor of her father, King Tyndareus (we know this because he announces that fact to her. I would've thought she already knew, but apparently beauty doesn't equal smarts). He tells Helen to beware of the strange flying maiden. Helen dismisses him and asks Supergirl "Who be you?" (That's how Trojans spoke, I guess. I had no idea). Supergirl introduces herself as Linda Lee. I'm not sure why. When she's in costume, she's usually Supergirl. And there's always her Kryptonian name, Kara Zor-El. And since we saw in the beginning that she's living with her adopted parents, she's usually Linda Danvers. But nope, she uses her orphan name, Linda Lee. Not that it matters because she's in the past, but it just strikes me as a bit odd.

She tells Helen that she wants to introduce her to the world's mightiest man, who'll be dropping in shortly. That's got ole Helen intrigued, but that darn court advisor butts in saying that he won't be mightier than the warrior-suitors who'll be battling in the arena that day. Apparently, they're all hoping to "gain Princess Helen's favor." Ooh, fight! Hope none of them are made of Kryptonite. (Nah, no chance. There is no Kryptonite in the distant past because Krypton hadn't exploded yet. Well, it may have exploded, but nothing had been able to make the trip across however many lightyears away Krypton was. Okay, this is a slippery slope. If I start talking real astronomy, we're in big trouble because of the fact that every star you see in the sky is merely a reflection of that star in the distant past because of the time it takes light to travel through space. We really don't want to try to wrap our heads around Superman arriving on Earth as a baby and pieces of his planet littering our landscapes as it it were the next planet over.)

It sounds like the scene is set now for Superman's arrival. Will he fall in love with the beautiful Helen? Will the court advisor throw a monkey wrench into the works? Will Supergirl get in trouble for using her real name ("Oh, look at this ancient scroll we just uncovered – it says a flying maiden named Linda Lee chatted with Helen of Troy. It has a drawing and – holy cow! That's Supergirl! Then Linda Lee must be her secret identity!")? Will the other suitors defeat Superman (Sheya, right)? Will a thousand ships remain in the dock if Helen gets the hots for Big Blue? Come back on Friday for Part 3 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

Action Comics 289 (Part 1): WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID

2008-02-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

First, my apologies for the delay in getting this story started. Something exciting happened that came out of the blue. I can't talk about it now, but I promise to tell you when I can. (It's not comic-related; it's from another area of my life).

Okay, time for another silver age revisit! Even though we just had a silver age book, I don't want to be predictable. I'm not posting in any specific order. Truth is, I wanted to do a Supergirl story because she was one of my favorites as a kid. I just adored Supergirl. She wasn't perfect like her cousin, Superman. And she was more powerful than most characters in the DCU (DC Universe). I was always excited when a new Supergirl story was in the spinner rack.

This book has a cover date of June, 1962 (It was reprinted in Adventure Comics 390, an 80 page giant dated March, 1970). If you're a fan of the Legion of Superheroes, stick around because you have some guest appearances to look forward to – including the revelation of a big secret.

Everybody ready? Okay, let's get to revisiting WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

It opens with a full page splash of Cupid aiming his bow at Superman, who is flying his giant key into the lock on the Fortress of Solitude. Not a lot of solitude there today, apparently, because Supergirl is also hovering nearby. While Cupid thinks semi-evil thoughts, Supergirl stops him from shooting, saying she wants the job of setting up Supes with the love of his life. It seems she thinks he's been a bachelor too long. I'm not certain why she feels she needs to set him up since he's already dealing with Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris and a host of other LLs who've flashed in and out of his life. Does he really need yet another woman to not marry? Apparently so.

The intro text is also a bit ominous as it says, "Since Supergirl is the most powerful girl in the universe, when she decides to get something done, she is almost certain to succeed because of her fantastic super-strength, flying ability, super-vision and other amazing powers!" Phew! Now that's a run-on sentence if I ever saw one. And with the old axiom that "every comic is someone's first", they managed to get in the exposition of Supergirl's powers without having to work it into the story. And if you readers have never come across a Supergirl story, you now know what her powers are without me having to tell you. Everyone up to speed? Let's get to the story.

"One evening in Midvale, as Linda Lee Danvers, who is secretly Supergirl, watches a movie on TV..." We see Linda and her parents in a cozy family scene, but poor Linda is a wreck. The movie is a sad one, and she is weeping over the fact that the "...bachelor in that story delayed proposing too long! His sweetheart has married another! Now he'll never know true happiness! ::choke:: -- I feel so sorry for him!" Oh, sweet, tender-hearted Linda. That is sad. I wonder if you know any bachelors who have delayed proposing to either their childhood sweetheart or their current coworker inamorata, both of whom have the initials LL? Hmmm...

Because this is a silver age comic book, we can't go too many panels without a) some kind of action and b) some display of how super Supergirl is. Yes, I realize they told us about her powers in the splash, but a lot of kids didn't bother with all that text. Too ready. No, what they want is a demonstration of her awesome powers (not a demonstration of her ability to cry at movies). And coincidently, something in Midvale has just gone wrong! Is it an alien invasion? A new supervillain? A meteorite about to crash into the orphanage? Oh, if only, dear reader! For it is something almost too heinous to mention...

Part of Midvale is affected by a power outage! Quickly, Linda Lee Danvers becomes the Maid of Might: Supergirl! She's spots the problem with her X-Ray vision, tunnels underground to the damaged power line and then fixes it while admiring crowds ooh and ahh over her mightiness. She barely pays attention because, as is noted on her return home, she's still thinking about the sad movie.

"As Linda drops off to sleep, she dreams..." Well, good for her! Oh wait, we get to see what she dreams. Astonishingly, it's her cousin, Superman, sitting with an unknown female (not a redhead, rather one with the trademarked black and blue hair as has characters like Superman and Lois Lane). They're looking cozy on the couch as Superman lights a fire in the fireplace with his heat vision. Superman is telling his wife that he never knew what happiness was until he married her "...thanks to Supergirl!" Interesting. Supergirl dreams about other people saying nice things about her.

But wait, there's more! The next scene in the dream has Superman and an ugly green alien at the dinner table while his mystery wife serves dinner. Superman is happy that she doesn't mind him bringing home a "friend from another planet for dinner." (Very tolerant wife, because I've never seen that ugly alien before and I'm wondering how good a friend he can be if we've never met him in an adventure? And how does mystery wife even know it's a he? She could be cooking for an ugly female alien who's boinking her husband on the side. Then again, Linda is too pure to be having boinking dreams -- especially when they star her cousin.)

The next morning, Linda changes into Supergirl having arrived at a plan to make her "dreams of happiness for Superman" a reality. She even has the perfect mate in mind.

Ooh, who can that be? What woman would be the perfect mate for a man who's sworn not to marry because his enemies could get to him by harming his wife? It would have to be someone pretty darn amazing, I'd think. There's only one thing to do: stop the story here so you have to come back on Wednesday for Part 2 of WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID!

New story starting on Monday

2008-02-01T04:38:00.000-08:00

It's been a whirlwind week with some exciting opportunities arising. I didn't have a chance to work on the next story much at all, but I plan to have part one of Action Comics 289: WHEN SUPERGIRL PLAYED CUPID for you on Monday. Yes, I felt it's time to have a Supergirl story. She was one of my favorite characters when I was a kid and that little dickens is in good form in the upcoming story from 1962. I hope to see you here!

Slight delay

2008-01-28T04:35:00.000-08:00

My apologies, but there will be a slight delay before starting the new story. Other projects need to be addressed but I'll be back as soon as I clear enough space to work up the next revisit. Meanwhile, if you have any favorite stories or characters, let me know. (If it's a Marvel character/story I can't do it because I don't have any Marvel comics.)

See you soon!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 5 - Finale): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-25T00:42:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Batman, Green Arrow and Aquaman brought their soiled hankies together so that Bats could fly the linens to the North Pole. This story is so wacky even the summary sounds like I'm on drugs! Be that as it may, that's what happened and you know darn well you can't resist reading the thrilling conclusion of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Near the fortress of solitude, Batman finds a stricken Superman, who is surrounded by green kryptonite and dancing aliens. He ties the three handkerchiefs to a bat-a-rang and tosses it to Supes. (Obviously, Superman has the sniffles from being in the arctic, but couldn't Batman find a fresh hankie or some Kleenex?)

"Gasp! Those lipstick stains! I-I must smear my face with them!" thinks Superman (I believe this is approximately when security was called on my roomies and I.), probably wishing they'd been Glamorous Garnet instead of Crimson Sunset because the latter clashed with his 'S'. Smear he does and instantly he shakes off the effects of the green K. He gets rid of the aliens and offers to fly Batman's plane back to Metropolis (I guess Batman was probably low on fuel after that long flight). And finally, we get the first hint of what was going on when Batman says, "Swell! As you see, Plan 'L' worked perfectly, thanks to Lois Lane! She was really ingenious!"

Plan L. Ah, but of course! Why didn't I see it? As Silver Age Superman aficionados know, the 'Plan' series were some of the craziest, silliest, most entertaining stories ever. The letters column of Lois Lane #31 (February 1962) said there would be similar stories about Plan J, with Jimmy Olsen, Plan P, with Perry White, Plan V, with Superman's Kandorian cousin Van-Zee, and Plan PR, with Pete Ross. Both Plan J (written by Jerry Siegel) and Plan P (written by Robert Bernstein) eventually appeared (plan P is in Action 295, and I can't remember which issue had Plan J), but Plan V and Plan PR were never written. Personally, I think it's nearly impossible to top Plan L.

And now, the convoluted explanation of everything that just happened. Ready? Here we go:

As all the players gather, Superman begins. "When I found myself in the Green Kryptonite death trap near my Fortress of Solitude, which... luckily, the aliens didn't spot... I used super-ventriloquism to Krypto to put plan 'L' into execution! That's why Krypto wrote the 'L' in the sky -- to alert Lois that I needed her help!"

Superman then mentioned Plan J and Plan P, but Lois points that "...Plan 'L' is to be carried out by me only when you're in dire peril from green kryptonite near the Fortress of Solitude." (Wow, that's really specific! Superman was really thinking when he came up with these Plan things).

Lois continues, "The idea was to rush to you some grains of red kryptonite I always carry in a lead capsule in my purse! Red kryptonite always has a different, unpredictable effect on you! But this particular type acts as an instant cure for green kryptonite! We know because it once saved Krypto from kryptonite poisoning! Therefore, these crystals could also be used to save you once... and once only... as an antidote for green kryptonite! However, I sensed trouble this morning when I received a mysterious vase of flowers!"

Apparently, there was a crystal eye on the bottom of the vase ("I see London, I see France. I see Lois with my plants."), and Lois instantly concluded that Superman's enemies were observing her. (That's what I always think when I see crystal eyes on household items. Good thing Lois didn't dismiss it as just another seeing-eye vase).

"I put two and two together!" continued Lois. "Whoever was monitoring me must also have Superman at his mercy! So I couldn't let the watchers see me give the red kryptonite to some Justice League of America heroes, who also knew what Plan 'L' was!" (Is there a reason Wonder Woman wasn't included in this Plan? A panel or two of Lois and Wondy making out would have probably sold twice as many copies.)

Lois is still talking. "Therefore I hit on a scheme to avoid their suspicions! I broke open the lead capsule inside my purse and used my lipstick to pick up the grains of red kryptonite... like dipping a celery stick in salt! ("Thank God I practiced dipping all those celery sticks or I'd never be able to manage this tricky maneuver.")

Having told Perry White I'd do a 'Heroes I've Kissed' article, I went about kissing as many heroes as I could, whispering my plan to each one as I hugged them..." (You know, that's a whole lot of talking she was doing while she was busy making out with all the superheroes. Quite the chatterbox. Aquaman seems upset about the whole thing, too. Maybe he wanted to be the only one who got kissed. He probably has a chip on his shoulder because swimming just isn't the superpower draw that, say, flying is.)

Because Batman knew the location of the Fortress of Solitude, he was assigned to fly the hankies to Superman.

Nothing convoluted about this plan. Nope. Granted, it explains everything that was a mystery in this story but it's not like one guess what it was about as it unfolded. Red kryptonite lipstick just in case Superman is ever trapped by aliens with green kryptonite near his Fortress of Solitude? Krypto skywriting a giant L? Plants with eyes? Kissing superheroes to pass the kryptonite (and it isn't like she carried the eye plant around with her so how did she know they were observing her when she was with the heroes?)?

Do you see why I adore this story? It's magnificently insane! It's weird, wacky and IRRESISTABLE! Just like Lois in her man-bait dress. Yeah, this is why I love comics.

But wait, there's one more panel – you won't need to guess what it is because you're staring at it, but tell me this wasn't predictable! Lois gets her reward from Superman -- a big, fat, kiss! Like she hadn't had enough of that already! ("Oops, forgot to take notes for the article. Okay, boys, line up and let's do it all again!")

And there it is. The infamous Plan L, put into action with flawless accuracy. Superman's Cheating Girlfriend Lois Lane, aka The Irresistible Lois Lane and her man-bait dress will have to come up with a new plan the next time Superman is in dire peril from green kryptonite near the Fortress of Solitude, I guess. Let's just hope it doesn't happen soon.

So, what did you think? Do you feel compelled to own your own copy? Did you read it or just look at the pictures? Let me know!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 4): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Aquaman swam into town to rescue people using scary sea creatures and Lois didn't hesitate to put her lips all over that seaman (Oops, I do believe I might've doubled that entendre). But Green Arrow and Aquaman just aren't enough to satisfy the girl reporter because she's got her eye on a certain man who likes to drive around disguised as a flying mammal. Please join me for Part 4 of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Lois begs a ride because Batman is in town and she wants more lovin'! "Really, Lois, you've got more crust than a pie!" Lana opines. (Although I like the sound of that hep talk, I'm not sure what crustiness has to do with kissing. Sounds a little... gross. Besides, aren't crusty people curmudgeons? Something to ponder).

Lois and Lana arrive at midtown in time to see Batman climbing a theatre marquee. (I wonder what major criminal event brought Batman from Gotham City to Metropolis? Hmm, can't wait to find out). While Batman thinks about moving "fast and quietly", Lois shouts out, "Look! There's Batman now! Climbing onto that movie marques!" (Rather than kiss Lois, I'm thinking Batman might slug her for shouting out his entire plan so that whomever he's chasing will hear. I mean, c'mon, Lois! He's a stealthy crimefighter! Don't narrate his moves! Then again, the crooks didn't notice the crowd, the TV van or Batman. They deserve to be caught.)

He spots some thugs trying to break into the theatre manager's office. Thinking fast, he unscrews some lightbulbs from the marques and tosses them onto the ground to simulate gunfire. The crooks give up instantly. ("We were just trying to buy some Raisonettes, Batman, we promise!"). Thank goodness there was no need to fight, or insert any superhero action into the scene. It might've distracted us from all the kissing. (Amazing that Batman solved the entire crime in 3 panels. He's a lot slower in Gotham City. Perhaps that's why he decided to come to Metropolis. Or is theatre crime tops on his list? "I'll go anywhere in the world if I hear crooks are trying to sneak into the movies!")

Lois is there to greet Bruce (we're tight) with a big hug. Lana is there to fume out a thought balloon. And Lana's camerman is there for the inevitable play-by-play. "He's kissing Lois Lane! He can't tear his lips away!" (Thanks, camerman. I never would've gotten that from the drawing of the two of them kissing, unable to tear their lips away).

Personally, I'm wondering if word got out that Lois was on a costume-loving kissing jag and that's why Metropolis is suddenly filled with superheroes.

"Later, outside Metropolis..." things start to heat up as Green Arrow and Aquaman join Batman on a cliff top. Always helpful, Batman makes sure to narrate the scene with his thought balloon. It's possible he's showing off his great detective skills, but personally, I wouldn't put that one on my resumé if I were him. (And in case you can't read Batman's thoughts or are obvious-impaired, Aquaman gets squirted up there by a whale spout and Green Arrow catapults himself out of his Arrow Car. Batman flew there in a plane. I'm thinking this is not your basic tourist cliff.) The three JLA members are obviously up to something. (See? I'm a detective, too!)

The plot thickens when Batman collects lipstick-smeared handkerchiefs from the other two, adding it to his own. Lipstick-smeared handkerchiefs from 3 heroes via Lois's lips -- what does it all mean? Whatever the answer, Bats hops in his Batplane and heads to the North Pole ("Tomorrow I'm taking old socks to the Himalayas!").

This scene has left me with so many questions! What are the hankies for? Why is Batman flying to the North Pole? Is Santa in on this? And for crying out loud, what was that opening scene with Krypto skywriting and secret admirers about? Looks like you're going to have to come back on Friday for the thrilling conclusion to THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 3): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-21T00:51:00.000-08:00

When last we read, Lois had conquered her first superhero for her kissing story. Green Arrow was more than willing to forego his blow-up doll arrow and indulge in a little lip on lip action with the Metropolis's most famous female reporter. And now, with an Aquaman sighting getting Lois all revved up, let's return to THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE:

"Gosh, Lana, I must cover that disaster! Aquaman will be there in person! Please give me a lift!" Despite the obvious hussy-ness of Lois's sudden interest in the story, Lana agrees to give her a ride.

Lana is worried about the passengers, but Lois has faith in the sea king. "He communicates with his sea creatures through fish telepathy!" she says. And there's Aquaman now -- standing on the back of a whale, directing a plethora of big fishies (And once again we can thank our lucky stars that fish think in English).

The rescue is Aquariffic! Octopi help people off the boat, while other passengers climb down ladders made of eels and swordfish (wouldn't eel ladders be rather slippery?).

So what happens once they're in the water? "...the dolphins, tarpins and sharks [are] waiting to transport you to the shore." (Sharks? SHARKS?? Oh gee, thanks, Aquaman! I'm so glad you're here, otherwise that octopus wouldn't have just handed me to a shark! You couldn't have sent a tuna or a dolphin?) But Arthur (again, first name basis) has ordered his toothy helpers not to dine on anyone, so all's well. However, the guy riding the shark looks a tad nervous.

Naturally, when all is well, Aquaman comes to shore and is accosted by Lois. "That cheap thing is at it again!" thinks Lana. "But she won't get anywhere with Aquaman! Heroes like him don't like to be rushed by girls!" (So... is she trying to say that Aquaman is gay? And if so, does she know about Batman and Robin or are those still rumors? Personally, I always thought Elongated Man had a certain "quality" -- and that Sue Dibney is a beard.)

Lana's cameraman is either a Canadian mind-reader, or he glanced at her thought balloon, because he says, "'Doesn’t like it", eh?' Listen to Aquaman! " Arty has turned off his fish telepathy, because he's begging for more like the randy he-man he is (so much for Lana's theory!), and he ain't kissing a flounder! The Irresistible Lois Lane is planting lipstick all over his big, blond head! (I believe his thought balloon would probably read, "The lips, Lois! Aim for the lips!")

Lana is jealous, Lois redoes her lipstick and Aquaman rides off on a whale -- just like so many dates end in high school.

Is Lois's kissing spree over? Is there anyone left? Perhaps we should check that cover once again – uh oh! Some guy dressed as a bat is last in line but looking very eager! This sounds like a job for THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE! (Come back on Wednesday to see if Lois can get rabies from kissing a Batman)

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 2): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-18T01:23:00.001-08:00

When last we read, Lois received a mysterious bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer, Krypto skywrote a giant "L" using a flaming torch, and Lois pitched a story about kissing superheroes to Perry White. None of these gives her a moment's hesitation because her focus is honed in on one huge, gigantic, earth-shattering problem: What should she wear? And now, let's return to the story.

Lois goes home and by a stroke of luck, found some man-bait in her closet. [Man-bait, n., 1. Something used in luring, especially to hook or trap an adult male. 2. A dress that hugs the curves. 3. A dress so drenched in perfume, it can raise Superman's temperature. Etymology: "Man" Middle English, from Old English man, mon human being, male human; akin to Old High German man human being, Sanskrit manu. "Bait" Middle English, from Old Norse beit pasturage & beita food; akin to Old English bItan to bite]

She puts on her orange man-bait dress, and checks her look in the mirror. "My hair looks attractive, my make-up is right for a change, and my lips look inviting! All I need now is the man... or rather the men!" (Slut) If there are minors reading this, please avert your eyes from the man-bait dress for it may be too much for you to handle.

Lois obviously knows how to turn on the pheromones in that man-bait dress of hers because every man on the street is head-swiveling, whistling, and coming on to her. Lois has a superpower! With the simple donning of a dress, she becomes irresistible to the opposite sex! (How long do you think Lois walked around in that dress to make sure it was as man-baity as the saleslady had promised?) Surely she'll have no problems getting the green guy's arrows to quiver.

Green Arrow is putting on an archery exhibition at Metropolis stadium. (I swear, that's all that's on TV nowadays -- archery, archery, archery! ESPN, find another sport!) He asks the crowd of thousands for a volunteer to help him and low and behold, Miss Thang is right there giving a shout-out. Naturally, he chooses her. (After all, he is male, and she is "The Irresistible Lois Lane!")

Ollie (GA and I are on a first name basis) asks her to toss four aces into the air. (The perfect trick in a gigantic stadium before the days of the Jumbotron. I'm certain everyone in the upper deck can see those playing cards. Yup, a sure crowd-pleaser.) For some unknown reason, Lois sings her assent.

She tosses the cards up, Ollie twwanngs his bow and with 4 perfect 'PWWTs', his arrow spears all four aces right through the center. But oh! Lois's necklace has broken from the excitement of this trick! (I'm not sure how her necklace exploded because the arrow was nowhere near it. For now, let's just assume it was booby-trapped.) Her perfectly matched pearls will be lost! No problem, GA has a Vacuum Arrow!

GA's VA hovers over Lois using a helicopter rotor device and vacuums up her pearls. You heard me. I'm sure it's one of his favorite arrows -- after all, that's a lot of mechanics and balancing and stuff to get a helicopter rotor and a powerful vacuum on an arrow, so with all that work, it has to be extremely useful to Ollie. Constantly. Bet he uses it to clean up the Arrow Car, and do the carpets at home, and it's probably vacuumed up any number of crime scenes. Crooks would run screaming if they saw that helicopter vacuum arrow a'coming at'em. Wouldn’t you?

Well, Lois sure is impressed! "You wonderful man! I could hug the daylights out of you!" she says. But hugging isn't good enough for The Irresistible Lois Lane. Oh no! She godda kiss da boy!

But what's this? Someone in the crowd appears shocked at the liplock on the field. "Good Grief! She's kissing him!" (I'm guessing it's Charlie Brown.) Lana Lang is covering the event and is appalled at this sudden amorous turn of events. Lana's cameraman says, "Holy cats! Now he's kissing her! He must like it!" (Ya think? Why would a guy want to kiss a beautiful woman wearing a man-bait dress with sudden superpowers that make her irresistible? It makes less sense than Krypto's skywriting!) Lana is incensed. "Something's crazy here! Heroes like Green Arrow don't act like that in public! (Shocking! Shocking I tell you! This news is worth more than the front page! I'm thinking "Extree, extree, read all about it!" special editions and stuff!)

"A minute later..." (oookay, they just kissed in front of an entire stadium full of people for a full minute. 60 seconds. During the code years of Hollywood, screen kisses were only allowed to last for 3 seconds, tops. Any longer and the censor came down with his giant scissors. Yet this was 60 full seconds of kissing. Scandalous!!! Lois really is a slut! I also suspect Arrow will have to restring his bow after that display.)

"A minute later..." Green Arrow says, "Gosh, Miss Lane! That was terrific! May I kiss you again?" (Holy Face Sucking, Batman -- he wants more? Well, if that isn't the limit!) Lana says, "Well, if that isn't the limit!" (I hear ya, Lana!)

Lana asks if Lois's scheme is to make Superman jealous, but Lois isn't falling for it. "Oh, were you watching, Lana?" she says nonchalantly while re-applying her lipstick. Green Arrow discretely wipes off the lip imprints covering his face (he'll probably run home and create a lipstick-removing arrow in case this situation arises again in the future). After calling the display "disgusting", Lana is distracted by the speakers on her news van. Apparently an excursion boat in Metropolis harbor has caught fire! Lois doesn't appear to care until the announcer mentions that Aquaman is there.

Oh ho! The plot thickens! There's another hero in town and he has yet to be kissed by Lois! Does man-bait work on a guy more used to bait-bait? Should she wiggle like a worm or will Aquaguy let her swim right into his heart? The only way to find out (other than reading it yourself, and really, who would actually read a comic? It could ruin the condition!) is to come back on Monday for Part 3 of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29 (Part 1): THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE

2008-01-16T00:48:00.001-08:00

Despite the fact that I sold off the bulk of my books, there's one Silver Age book I just couldn't part with. On the surface, it might seem a puzzling choice: Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #29. Not Action 29, which is the first cover appearance of Lois Lane. Way out of my league. Nope, just her regular silver age series, LL29. Why that book? Well, for starters, I looked for it a long time. It was always priced higher than I was willing to pay (my budget was $5 or less -- I'm a big spender), yet I wanted a copy desperately. Finally, while browsing books at the San Diego Comic Con, there it was – and for only $2.00!

I couldn't wait to read this baby, but had to hold off because there were more books to buy, more discussions of the appeal of Go-Go checks to have, and more really bad convention food to choke down. I carted my books back to the room I was sharing with 3 other women, and then went out for dinner and con-related hijinks. After a night of partying, my roommates wanted to go to the bar. I don’t drink, and was tired, so I bowed out. But instead of falling asleep, I knew I had to read that LL29. It was calling to me. The ladies returned as I was about to start, so I decided to read it out loud. We were nearly ejected from our room due to too much laughter, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Get comfy cuz I promise this is a good one. Zany, goofy, bizarre silver age fun at its finest. THIS is why I adore comics! You can keep the realistic storylines. I like'em silly.

The cover story is placed third in the book, and I didn't even glance at the other two stories on my first reading. I knew where the heart of 29 was. I wanted to read "The Irresistible Lois Lane!"

Oh man, right there on the splash panel Lois is kissing Batman in front of a gulping Lana Lang. Lana's thought bubble shows Lois kissing Green Arrow and Aquaman (Lana is very visual. She thinks in pictures). And if you look closely, there's even a guy filming all this kissing -- though his shot might be blocked by Lana's thoughts (I'll fill in his thought bubble for you: "Dangit, Lana, all I can see is the back of your thoughts! You naughty wench.").

How did all this kissing happen? And where is Superman? Lois never dreams about kissing other superheroes, just the Big S. Oooh, this is so intriguing, I simply must read on.

It begins at the Daily Planet, with Lois getting a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. For some reason, she is quite upset by this. She says things like "er", stutters, and speaks in ellipses. Always a sign that something is not quite right. Yet they look like ordinary flowers (Although I think someone buried an upside-down elf in those flowers. All you can see are his little pointy shoes). Er... hmmm... w-what's wrong, I'm wondering.

Suddenly, an office worker calls out to Lois. A crowd is gathering at the window and the woman explains that "Krypto, Superman's dog, is writing something in the sky with a smoke flare!" Obviously, this has great meaning for Lois because she's instantly on the case.

Time out for a minute, as we contemplate this. First, a little lesson in skywriting. Skywriting is done between 8,800 and 10,000 feet. Making sure that all the letters are at the same altitude, the pilot pumps the "smoke" (clear, liquid paraffin wax) into his plane's exhaust system. Smoke pours out the exhaust pipes in the front and rear of the plane. The letters are usually a quarter-mile tall, and the lines of smoke are 75 feet wide.

Let's pretend our skywriting pilot is drawing an "L". First, he has to draw his letters backward, so that people on the ground can read them. He would begin by drawing the upright of the L, counting aloud to around 16. That's how he knows when to turn off the smoke. The line he's made expands while he banks, turns, and circles around to lay down the lower leg of the L.

So how does Krypto manage this with a burning torch? There's no on/off switch on a torch, so Krypto would have to hover around 10,000 feet above Metropolis, light his torch (this is a talented dog!) then fly his 75 feet to make the upright of the 'L'. Since Krypto is a dog and not an airplane, we'll assume he can turn on a dime and get a perfectly perpendicular lower leg of the L without having to extinguish his torch. (Either Krypto has gotten huge, or that 'L' isn't a quarter mile tall and 75' wide.)

But wait -- now he's done! He can't just keep flying with a lit torch! Quickly, he has to blow it out -- which is tougher than it sounds since he's holding it in his mouth. Maybe he wags his tail real fast and that works.

Fantastic! Krypto has done his job. And everyone on the ground says, "Look! It's a boomerang!" "No, no, it's a right angle." "I think it's a V." Right? Nope, they all know instantly that it's a single, giant 'L' in the sky.

"Can you understand it, Lois? Why did Krypto write just one letter 'L' -- then fly away?" Cagey Lois notes that it's strange, but doesn't elaborate on any L-theories. (Personally, I'm too busy wondering how they knew it was Krypto up there at 10,000 feet to worry about the big L, so I also remain silent and keep reading.)

Perry White calls Lois over and notes that Superman has been away, Clark Kent is on vacation (what are the odds?), and it's been really slow news because of it. He wants something good from Lois.

Our intrepid girl reporter immediately comes up with a socko plan. "Well, I've been flirting with an idea for a feature! 'Heroes I've Kissed' -- By Lois Lane! You know... the different heroes I've kissed, not counting Superman." (Uh huh. That'll end that news slump. The world loves a good kissing story on page 1. And despite the hardship of having to go out and kiss a bunch of heroes, Lois is bucking up with a smile. You slut, Lois!)

So how does one go about getting a scoop of this magnitude? And what on earth was that Krypto skywriting thing? And is she just going to ignore that worrisome secret admirer? And for crying out loud -- WHAT IS SHE GOING TO WEAR??

These and many more questions will have to be answered in Part 2 of THE IRRESISTABLE LOIS LANE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 5 - Finale): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-14T02:16:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman turned a lump of coal into a diamond and this gave Herb his next scoop and saved Joe's coal mine. Now on to Part 5 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Back at the Daily Planet, Lois comes racing in with a scoop she's certain will top all of Herb's. Police just captured the South River Bank Bandits! (Instantly, we know this scoop is meaningless. Not only didn't Superman have anything to do with it, but not once have these bandits been mentioned in the story. Without a build-up, they're meaningless. Poor Lois. Does she not read the comic? Shouldn't she realize that red herring bandits have no relative worth when a lump of coal has just disappeared? C'mon, Lois! An entire lump of coal! And in its place is a diamond that can be seen from great distances! Your bandits are nothing compared to that!)

Perry tells Lois her story is "tame" compared to the "lightning-diamond" scoop. It "tops it by a mile." Immediately, the other nameless reporters begin jeering, teasing Lois about becoming "Miss Lois Lovelorn".

Finally, we get a glimmer of savvy out of Lois as she voices her suspicions about Herbert's string of scoops. In her words, he's "too terrific." Perry tells her that every story has been affirmed but Lois is undaunted. She heads to the office of a "noted scientist" and asks him "What are the chances of a landslide, a meteor and lightning happening near the same person in three successive days?" The scientist replies, "The law of averages claims that it's almost impossible for all those phenomena to happen to one individual." Oh ho! Now she's got some ammo. As she walks down a Metropolis street wearing a large red hat (Ah, the days when everyone wore hats. It's all so 1940s), Lois concludes that there is something or someone behind Herb's scoops. "Hmmm... I've an idea now who's making those scoop-stories and I'm going to follow it up!" You go, Lois! Catch that scooper right now! (Gee, I wonder who she suspects? If only there were someone she knew who was capable of causing those things. One would almost have to be some sort of enhanced being to do them. Hmmm...)

Fast forward to Herbert's seventh and final day of his scooperama. Herb walks down by the ocean and says, "Maybe I can find a last scoop-story down along the coast!" Flying discretely behind Herb, Superman notices that a cape (not his red, flashy cape, the kind you find along the coast) is dangerous because ships have to go around it. While Herb's back is turned, Superman dredges out a canal through the cape, even as he tries to think up some way to get Herbert the Ace Reporter to notice a miraculously new passage through the land mass he was just staring at moments before. To Herb's credit, he finally sees the scoop for what it is. With his hat hovering above his head, he says, "The sea must have cut a canal across the cape – it's be safer for boats now! That's my final scoop!" Weird how the sea just happened to do that in the space of a few minutes, isn't it? Like any good reporter, Herbert doesn't question the story, he simply phones it in.

Superman is relieved that his scoop-parade is finally at an end. But wait! What's this? Lois Lane sneaks up behind Superman – caught in the act! Lois gloats as she tells Superman she's going to expose the Man of Steel's intervention. This is the "scoop of the year!" Eat that, Superman! "The scoop-story of how Superman arranged all those stories for [Herbert]!" Superman begs her not to print it, as it will ruin Herbert's career, but Lois takes off in her roadster leaving a chagrinned Superman behind. All that hard work for naught, eh Mr. Man? (Personally, I don't think Herbert deserves anything except a ticket home and a buh-bye, but then, I'm heartless that way. The lad simply hasn't got an iota of reporter's instincts in his body. He should take up some other profession and immediately, so as not to hurt the rep of a true reporter like Lois Lane!)

Superman heads back to the Planet as Clark Kent, resigned to what's about to happen. Back at the office, Perry White happily hires Herbert. The Journalism major is humble (you can tell cuz he's holding his hat in his hands in a most humble fashion) and says, "Gee, thanks, Mr. White! I know I only got those scoops by luck, for I'm just a beginner." We see a shot of Lois reacting to his humility as he continues, saying, "But I'll work hard – I want to be a real reporter like Clark Kent and Lois Lane!"

Suddenly, Lois realizes that Herbert had no idea that Superman was behind his string of scoops. It's not Herb's fault at all. If she submits her story, Herb won't get the job and Superman will look foolish. But if she doesn't, she'll have to edit the Lonely Hearts column. Oh, what to do? What to do?

Perry asks Lois for her scoop and she nobly takes the altruistic choice. "...I'm afraid I can't top Herbert's story!" The other reporters gloat, rubbing it in that Lois will be Miss Lonely Hearts. One of them even puts a little crown on Lois's head, just in case she wasn't humiliated enough. Silently, Clark recognizes what she has done. She's "a peach" and he wishes he had a way to tell her what he thinks of her self-sacrifice.

Days later, Clark stands before Lois's desk, now piled with letters. He notes that she doesn't look "so blue about it all now." With a dreamy smile, Lois hands him a a piece of paper. "Read this letter and you'll see why!"

On the note is written, "Dear Miss Lonely Hearts, Can you tell me of any girl half so wonderful as Lois Lane?" It's signed, "Superman".

Awwww. A very sweet ending to a rather crazy story. I hope you had fun learning about Superman's Scoop-Parade because I had a lot of fun telling you about it. Come back next time for a brand new story from days gone by. Which story? I haven't a clue. You'll have to wait to find out.

Don't forget to let me know what you thought of this story!

Action Comics #138 (Part 4): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Herb's newest scoop was a falling meteorite (once again engineered by Superman) and Lois makes a bet with Perry that she can outscoop Herb or she'll become the Lonely Hearts Editor. Up to speed? Good. Time for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herb's next surefire scoop location is Joe's Coal Mine. Yeah, should be great things happening there. Much more promising than the swamp. Herb asks Joe if there are any scoops lying around. Joe tells him he's losing his coal mine tomorrow because he can't pay his bank notes. Even Herb seems to realize that's not Daily Planet Super-Scoop material. But stalker Superman overhears and decides he can help Joe and give Herb his scoop.

Superman herds some thunderclouds together, lands on a huge mountain of coal, and, under cover of lightning, squeezes a lump of coal into a diamond. (Ah, the coal into diamond trick. Always a pleasure to see that one. Clark wouldn't have to work a day in his life. He could fuel his altruistic saving of the world by selling off his home-made diamonds. But no, he never does that sort of thing. His diamond crushing is never for personal gain.)

Herb instantly calls in his story. "Mr. White, here's another scoop! Lightning just hit Joe Noakes' coal pile and destroyed a lump of coal!"

Let's take another step back, shall we? Lightning destroyed "a" lump of coal? From this entire mountain of coal in the distance Herb was able to discern that a single lump of coal was destroyed by the lightning? Did he count the lumps and deem one missing? This kid has superpowers! However, his journalistic instincts continue to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Did he learn nothing in college? Did he have a class where the professor said, "War, famine, murder, disasters – yes, they all make okay articles, but if you really want to succeed, you need to find a good lump of coal destruction story! Find one of those and every editor on the planet will be eating out of your hand. And if that lump of coal is destroyed by lightning, as opposed to someone accidentally stepping on it, the world's your oyster!" Why does Superman continue to waste his time on this idjit? Sigh. Okay, rant over.

Needing to yet again point out the real story, Superman tilts a building with a metal roof so that the sun glances off the roof and illuminates the coal (wait, I thought he'd brought a huge storm in. Why is there sunlight glinting... never mind. Just tell the story, Joanna).

Herbert somehow decides that the only thing that could glint on a coal mountain is a diamond. Of course, if he noticed a single lump of coal being destroyed, I suppose it's not all that farfetched to believe that little shine is a diamond. Heck, it's downright logical, considering. Joe's mine is saved! Herbert has his scoop! I need to keep my eyes open for glints! It could be a diamond!

We've had dinosaurs, meteorites, and diamonds – what could be next? And how is Lois doing in her search for scoops (without Superman to help her)? Tune in Monday for Part 5 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

small delay

2008-01-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

I have a massive case of the flu so I won't be posting today. I'm hoping I'll be better on Friday.

Action Comics #138 (Part 3): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Superman helped Herbert find his first scoop by powerwashing a hillside into revealing the skeletons of two complete and fully-articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons, which he then proceeded to "walk" down the street through waterjet propulsion. Time to find out how he's going to top that bad boy by reading Part 3 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

After Lois proclaims Herb's dinosaur scoop as "beginner's luck", Herbert heads back to Northville to look for more scoops. He walks along a swamp road bemoaning the lack of scoops (cuz swamp roads are usually full of breaking news events). Superman, unseen just in front of Herb (he is SO observant) realizes that Herb's next biggie is up to him.

The swamp being bereft of obvious scoops (why on Earth is Herbert walking in a deserted swamp, anyway? His reporter instincts are non-existent! Superman really needs to dump this dweeb as fast as he can), Superman shoots into outer space to snag a meteor. It's a rather large meteor, too. Perhaps I watch too much Discovery Channel, but I fear this particular large space rock could cause the planet a world of hurt.

Superman guides it to the Earth and lets go once he knows it's on target. It lands a couple of feet from Herbert, blowing him to smithereens. Wait a minute... nope, Herb is fine, the Earth is fine, the meteor just caused a wee bit of steam in the swamp. (Come back, Suspension of Disbelief! I need you! I need you now more than I ever have!)

Herbert quickly calls Perry White with the scoop. "Two inches of water just washed across the swamp road!" Surely Perry will see the value in Herb's wet shoes! But alas, newspaperman Perry insists on a scoop with more oomph. Meanwhile, Superman realizes that Herb has once again missed the story. And because the steam is hiding the meteor, he's not about to figure it out any time soon.

To keep the job prospects of the worst Journalism major ever to graduate from Northville College alive, Superman blows away the steam. This reveals the meteorite and Herbert adds that tidbit to his story. Perry is once again a happy man.

Back in the offices of the Planet, Perry crows to Lois about the great scoops, saying, "...Herbert is doing better than you could, Lois!" Them's fightin' words! Lois quickly replies, "Listen, I can turn in a bigger scoop than that beginning this week or – or I'll be Lonely Hearts Editor for a month! (Not sure that sentence reads correctly. I think it was meant to say "beginner" rather than "beginning" because it's not like she's turning in scoops "beginning this week" as in "I think I'll start now". She's a pro! She's the intrepid reporter! The Ace of the Daily Planet! This is Lois Lane, for gee gosh whillakers!) The bet is on!

Not exactly the way Superman was planning things, is it? His whole purpose in shoring up the least likely journalist ever was to keep Lois from going after huge scoops. Where is that super brain of Clark's? A 5 year old could see this one coming. Of course Lois is going to take Herb's efforts as a challenge. Of course there's trouble ahead. Of course Superman will continue his insane scoop challenges because he's always right and once he starts something he never quits. I think he was smarter in the Silver Age. Or maybe I'm wrong and a 5 year old really would think the story's twists and turns are logical. Remind me to find a 5 year old so I can ask.

One of those yellow text boxes lets the readers know that thar be trouble a'brewin' for Lois. "Careful, Lois! When you made that rash promise (about the Lonely Hearts Editing) you didn't realize that Superman is helping Herbert Binkle!" Actually, I think Lois should be able to figure it out from the walking skeletons alone, but that's just me. For the purposes of this story, it's all quite mysterious.

So mysterious, in fact, that I'm going to leave you hanging! Don't forget to come back for Part 4 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 2): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-04T00:42:00.000-08:00

When last we read: Lois Lane is forever getting herself into tight spots in her relentless pursuit of scoops. Superman, tired of saving her, decides to back young Journalism grad, Herbert Binkle, thinking that if a newbie like Herb can outscoop Lois, she'll quit trying so hard. Yeah, I don't really follow the logic of that, either, but who cares? It's time for Part 2 of SUPERMAN'S SCOOP-PARADE!

Herbert heads home to Northville (the location of his scoop-finding mission) and wanders around town not seeing anything worthwhile. Lucky for him, Superman is on the scene. Supes uses his x-ray vision and finds some dinosaur bones.

A moment while you look at the panel of the bones. Please note that it's not one, but two Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons. Then notice that both have all bones intact. Then discern that both are fully articulated. And finally, see that they appear to be in an attack posture, as if they died in the middle of a fight, never fell to the ground, somehow remained unscathed through millennia and happen to be in a small hill in Northville, wherever that is (I'm guessing it's not the badlands – the place where the bulk of Tyrannosaurus bones have been uncovered. None of which, I might add, came in fighting pairs, standing, and fully articulated).

Nothing odd about that, right? But oh, how does Superman plan to let Herbert know they're there? Get out a trowel and some brushes and carefully unearth the skeletons retaining all the surrounding earthen strata, marking each individual bone and citing its position, taking the next couple of years to do so, making sure the site is properly recorded for science?

Close. He takes an old pipeline, makes a funnel of one end, puts the funnel under a waterfall and then blasts the bones out of the hill via the force of the water. Miraculously, the bones emerge and they remain articulated even without the cohesion of the earth around them! It's a miracle! No muscles, sinew or connectors of any kind and yet the bones somehow remain in the exact position they held in life. Two giant Tyrannosaurus skeletons sticking out of a hill in a way seemingly impossible and Herbert is immediately struck by the scoopiness of the situation.

He phone Perry White and tells him that the "great scoop" he has is that Jenkins Hill just slid a little and now there's a new coasting hill in Northville. (I wonder if he's thought through how the coasters are going to get around those ginormous dinosaur skeletons bursting out of the hill? Perhaps Herbert missed the real scoop here and he should've told Perry that the slide ruined the local coasting hill by unearthing some pesky Tyrannosaurus Rex bones that are now in the way of a straight shot down).

At this point, Clark should realize that he's backing the wrong horse. Obviously, Herbert is completely lacking in journalistic savvy, observational skills, and wouldn't know a scoop if it bit like a fully articulated Tyrannosaurus Rex. Fly away, Superman, and leave Herbie to the local free shopping rag.

But no, Superman has made up his mind and is never, ever wrong. He grabs his water pipe (not the bong kind, the "I made a funnel out of this old oil pipe and will now make it shoot water" kind) and blasts the back of one of the skeletons. For reasons unknown to me, instead of causing the skeleton to explode in a shower of bones (due to there being absolutely nothing holding them together), the bones START WALKING DOWN MAINSTREET! (Pardon my shouting, but my suspension of disbelief was just shattered by a giant water jet and I didn't know if you could hear me over the laughter of every archaeologist and paleoanthropologist on Earth.)

Still on the phone, Herbert says, "And the slide uncovered dinosaur skeletons, Mr. White – huge ones!" (Huge bones that are walking down mainstreet with a bunch of water shooting off its fleshless back and Superman holding a giant waterpipe, but that's not news.) Perry decides to send a photographer and make it the feature story. Hope no one else needs any help that day because Superman is going to be too busy walking his bone puppets around town so the photographer can good pictures. After all, finding not one but two complete Tyrannosaurus Rex skeletons isn't much to write about. It needs more pizzaz.

And now we pretty much know how this story is going to go for the next few pages. Herbert won't find a scoop. Superman will create one. Herb won't recognize it. Supes will emphasize it. Perry will love it. Hopefully, you've now had enough scoop-drinks that it will all seem unpredictable as I retell it. But before you get too cocky, the stakes are about to be raised, which should make this even more fun. Stay will me for Part 3 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

Action Comics #138 (Part 1): SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE

2008-01-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

I'm baaa-aaack! And it's time for another Golden Age book! This one is Action Comics #138, published in November of 1949. Granted, some would argue that it's Atom Age but I'm using a very simple system of identification: each decade is a different age. That makes this Golden Age. After all, it's nearly 60 years old. Those are golden years in most people's minds.

My copy is coverless (Now with extra rat chews for that low grade luster!) but the wonderful Nearmint (that's his screen name on the CGC forums – and speaking of which, I now have a monthly column in the newsletter so take a trip over to CGC and read The Spinner Rack. My column starts in December of 2007) was kind enough to provide me with a cover scan. Three cheers for Nearmint! I've never been a high grade collector. As you can probably tell from this blog, to me it's all about the stories!

Enough of my rambling. Time to get to the good stuff. Let's dive into the Part 1 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE!

The splash page shows Superman standing on hill (or mountain or volcano or pile-o-something – it's not very clear) getting hit by lightening. Lois Lane and someone who looks vaguely like Jimmy Olsen yet isn't watch the spectacle.

The intro panel says, "Lois Lane has frequently scooped her rival reporters on stories for The Daily Planet! But could she win in a scoop-contest if Superman were helping the other reporter? Does it seem impossible? Don't be too sure, for surprises can happen, and there's a surprising climax to the – SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE"

Now this looks like fun! Superman is helping some other person instead of Lois? But she's one of The Planet's ace reporters! She's Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane! She's got a pad of paper and a pen (unlike that other guy who's got a camera. That's Jimmy of him)! Superman, come to your senses! No one deserves scoops more than Lois!

[On a completely tangential side note, the dog my family had when I was a teen loved to chase squirrels. If we said the word "squirrel" she would go nuts, thinking there was something worth chasing outside. One day, while watching the news, they mentioned an upcoming scoop about something that wasn't all that interesting. With false enthusiasm, I said to my mother, "Oh boy, a scoop!" The dog went nuts. Apparently, it was the "sc" sound that meant squirrel to her, not the entire word. From then on, we had her chasing scoops despite her lack of a press pass.]

Turning the page we find the intrepid Lois investigating a construction site. She'd gotten a tip and went to the half-built skyscraper at daybreak, to avoid running into the crew. She approaches a girder and hits it with a magic hammer. (Unlike any hammer I've ever owned, hers floats in midair. Sure, you could argue that she hit the girder and the hammer bounced out of her hand, the panel catching this action in mid-bounce, but I prefer to think of it as a magic hammer. Like Thor's hammer or that one in the song where having a hammer brings justice, freedom, and love and peace between brother and sister all over the world! That's a really magic hammer. And a pretty stupid song when you think about it. Fun to sing, though.)

The girder she hammered is really wrecked. Lois is obviously on to something with this story. Suddenly, she realizes that the cracked girder is causing a chain reaction among the other substandard (really, really, really substandard) girders. The entire skyscraper is about to collapse right on top of Lois!

"Then, strangely, something seems to hold up the collapsing building a moment! Let's look outside!" Oh yes, let's. Nothing outside of my apartment. All is quiet. But wait – outside the collapsing building is none other than Superman! As he holds up the really, really, really substandard girders, Superman smugly reflects on the fact that he knew Lois was off on a dangerous story and would need his help. Good thing he was stalking her, er, following her secretly. Not creepy at all since he saved her life. However, had she been heading somewhere a little more private or intimate... well, let's just say it was Supes' lucky day. Bet he wishes he had a magic hammer.

Lois escapes the no-longer-falling girders and races off to the office to write up her scoop (down, girl! I said scoop, not squirrel!). Superman decides he should also get back to the office or they'll be missing ole Clark Kent. How does Superman keep that job, anyway? He's forever racing into that supply closet and taking off to stop floods, deflect asteroids, save kittens, and other heroic deeds. He must be a heckuva writer.

Perry White is a happy guy when he gets Lois's story. "A swell scoop, Lois! Your fourth this month!" (okay, a new drinking game: everyone has to take a shot whenever the word "scoop" is mentioned. Only play if you're not going anywhere and don't mind alcohol poisoning.)

Clark, however, is concerned by Lois's "scoop mania" because he has to be around every time she goes after a scoop, to keep her safe. Enter one Herbert Binkle, a dweeby lil fellow who appears to be a cross between Jerry Lewis and Jimmy Olsen. Herb wants to work at the Planet. He's got a journalism degree from Northville College and everything! "I was also a reporter on our school newspaper, so I've had real experience!" (and he hasn't even said the word 'scoop' yet). Perry gives him the brushoff in a nice way, but Clark sees Herb as his way out of his dilemma with Lois.

Clark pulls Herb aside and tells him to promise Perry White a scoop a day for a whole week. Herb is unsure but after a pep talk from Clark, he'll give it a try. Perry agrees to the idea, but thinks it's impossible. Lois says, "He doesn't know how hard scoops are to find!" Clark then has a long internal thought wherein he self-refers as Superman and then says both "scoop" and "scoop-madness" (feeling tipsy yet?).

I foresee lots of trouble for Lois and an unfair advantage for Herbert. I also foresee Clark Kent getting fired because he won't be around the office, won't file any stories (scoops or otherwise) and what am I saying? Clark is a star reporter! He'll be safe. But will Lois? Keep that drinking arm in shape because there are more scoops and more Golden Age fun in Part 2 of SUPERMAN SCOOP-PARADE! Be here or be sober!