Shut up and eat

closed

2006-07-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

Just a short note to say that Shut Up and Eat is closed.
For further commentary on food and my life in the kitchen, please go to oranges and tomatoes.

starbucks on a budget

2006-05-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

I just had the poor man's version of a latte. No, it wasn't instant and no I didn't panhandle outside the local coffee house.
Just brewed a tiny pot of coffee; heated some non fat milk in the microwave, then whisked this with a fork to frothy heights, and finally poured in the coffee. Cheap and easy.

no crust, please

2005-11-25T21:41:00.000-08:00

I’m having dinner over at a friend’s house. It is shear bedlam – as she has a family of five children. The noise level alone is decibels too high for normal conversation – and there is food flying everywhere. I feel the need to find rain gear.

My attention is drawn towards one of her middle sons, who declares that he doesn’t like the crust. I am intrigued, as nothing on his plate has a crust. His mother rolls her eyes and shouts above the din of children chatter that he thinks the outer edge of every food is crust. I watch as he eats only the center of each mound of food on his plate. (This is the same child who previously had to smell each bite of food before he allowed it entry into his mouth.)

Meanwhile, his younger brother has shoved two long french green beans up his nose and is pretending to be an alien. I find it hard not to laugh and in fact have to excuse myself from the table to have a good chuckle in the hall away from these dinner table antics. Brings back memories.

alternative turkey

2005-11-24T18:59:00.000-08:00

Let's suppose you are hungry. It's Thanksgiving. You don't have a turkey, no dry bread for stuffing and none of your friends are pilgrims. What to do? Hmmmm, your cupboard yields exactly one can of cream of mushroom soup, a box of stale Wheat Thins and a jar of olives that you kept from the office Christmas basket last year. You may starve. You may heat the soup and give thanks that stale crackers aren't so bad once they've soaked in soup.

Or you could make tacos. Go to the store - buy the following:
1 lb ground beef or turkey (hell it is Thanksgiving)
1 package of Mrs. Grasses Onion Soup
Chili powder (you'll need about 2 tablespoons +/- for your spice tolerance)
Shredded Cheddar cheese (about 1 cup)
Salsa
1 head iceberg lettuce (use half head, finely shredded)
1 bunch cilantro (wash the whole bunch, remove stems, then coarsely chop leaves)
1 dozen corn tortillas
corn oil

Now - heat the ground beef over medium high heat, breaking it up with a fork, add dry onion soup mix and chili powder, cover and cook about 5 minutes, remove cover and break down meat into very small pieces - a mashing motion with the fork works best. Reduce heat slightly and continue cooking, covered until meat is done.

Set cheese, shredded lettuce and chopped cilantro in serving bowls.

Heat cooking oil in frying pan - about a 1/2 inch or so - enough to cover one tortilla flat. When oil is bubbly, but not smoking, fry tortilla in pan, folding in half to create a taco shell. Cook until crisp on both sides, remove and drain on a paper towel. Continue frying tortillas until all have been cooked.

Assemble taco: Place a couple of tablespoons of meat into the shell, top with lettuce, salsa, cilantro and cheese.
Eat. Have tequila shooter for dessert.
Use any leftovers to make taco salads tomorrow for lunch. Brag to coworkers that you didn't fall asleep after your Thanksgiving meal and you got to drink tequila.

down the drain

2005-09-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

I learned late this evening that the landlord has agreed to install a garbage disposal in my kitchen sink. My prehistoric closet sized food factory is about to become modern. Wooohooo! After years of feeding the bucket, diligently scraping dishes, doing my best to make sure that some errant blob of food didn't make its way to sea via the drain from my kitchen sink - I will now be able to make slop with the best of them.

In other food news - ok, I'm back. To writing. And cooking.

Tonight, for instance there's a chocolate layer cake in the oven.
Recipe courtesy of the Fanny Farmer Cookbook. Frosting recipe courtesy of my sister: Queen of the Cakes. The girl makes a mean cake and decorates cakes to boot. I claim none of this talent, although, I think I do make a good brownie.
Anyway, said cake is in the oven. Frosting is waiting on the counter. I pray when it's all over to have made a Suzy-Q cake. Hopefully this will turn out. Otherwise I resort to Plan B - go buy a birthday cake for an office co-worker.

Fudge Layer Cake
4 tablespoons Valhrona cacao powder
6 tablespoons water
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup shortening
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 eggs
2 cups cake flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup milk

Method
Preheat oven to 350ºF. Butter and lightly flour two 9-inch round cake pans. Place cacao powder, water and 1/2 cup sugar in sauce pan over medium heat. Stir constantly until well mixed. Remove from heat and set aside.
Cream shortening and remaining sugar until light and fluffy. Add vanilla, beating until well blended. Add eggs, incorporating one at a time, beating thoroughly after each addition. Sift the flour, baking soda and salt together in a separate bowl. Add dry ingredients alternately with the milk in three parts. Add the chocolate mixture, beating until well blended. Pour batter into pans. Bake for 35-40 minutes or until a straw inserted into the center of cake comes out dry.
Cool in pans for 10 minutes, then turn out cakes onto racks. Frost.

source:The Fanny Farmer CookBook (with my apologies for any inaccuracies and substitutions)

Frosting
2/3 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups confectioners sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Method
Cream - no, I think the actual instructions were, "Beat the hell out of..." shortening, sugar and vanilla until frosting appears light, and white in color. Aproximately 10 -15 minutes.

source:my sister (I apologize for nothing)

Truth is, Whit is a baker. You know, the kind that has done it for so long, she doesn't measure. And often times she cheats (uses boxed stuff, crutch items - because, Hey! who has time anymore to make it from scratch?) So the frosting portion is my best guess on quantities. Since I throw meals together by taste and sight - I admit exact measurements are a chore - but for pastries, unless you know what you're doing, keep those measuring cups and spoons handy.

Photos of said cake to follow later.

Don't try this at home...

2005-09-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

A sugary, buttery cookie made of what tastes like phyllo dough has no business being crisped in the toaster.
I tried it with great success, only to discover that remnants of said cookies cause flames when oh, let's say you decide to toast a bagel.

Imagine my surprise, when I discovered that my toaster doubles as a flame thrower. Luckily, I was standing watch and quickly turned off the machine before major damage was done. I think the toaster still works. Happily, the bagel was spared.

cook because it pleases you

2005-08-09T22:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sweating in the kitchen doing my prep work for a meal I'm to provide for a meeting tomorrow evening.
I think, god I hope these people appreciate this meal - and then I think about nothing in particular, enjoying the actions of chopping, slicing and mixing. My mind jumps to something I just read in a book by W. Somerset Maugham:
...the writer should seek his reward in the pleasure of his work and in the release from the burden of his thought; and, indifferent to aught else, care nothing for praise or censure, failure or success.
Shouldn't this apply as well to a cook?

an empty plate

2005-08-01T20:31:00.000-07:00

That's what we're having for dinner.

Tired of being the meal master, all I ask is for a little input, a request, and what do I get?
"I don't know" "I don't care" (neither of which are on my menu.) Being somewhat sarcastic, I dish it up. On an empty plate, being careful not to splatter the sauce or upset the silverware as I slap the dish down in front of him.

Sometimes it is easier to just break out the Doritos or the Poptarts then face a hot kitchen and an apathetic audience.

I think I'll just drink tonight. The cook is out, you're on your own.

garlic fries

2005-07-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

Thursday night Farmers Market in good ol' South Pas. Picked up a few bags of fresh veggies and garlic fries. Garlic fries? Yeah, french fries with tons of garlic. It was that or a hawaiian shaved ice. Odd food fellows, but the fare at the market seems to work. Every food vendor, from the ladies who sell roasted corn and yams to the guys hawking tri-tip sandwiches, hotdogs and those garlicky fries had a line 8 folks deep. Seems to be the place to be on a warm summer evening.

the dark side

2005-05-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah ok, so I'm a sucker for advertising. I succumbed to the M&M commercials beckoning poor chicks such as myself to step over to the dark side - dark chocolate M&Ms side that is.
My first impression...yuck. Disgusting, unappetizing colors with a flavor that doesn't taste too different from the regular fun colored candies. Colors like gray - ooooh yummy; maroon; dark blue; dark chocolate brown (only good choice) and then strangely a light violet color. Right there, like a moth seeking a fire I was ready to flip back to the light side. I considered sending them back for a refund. Instead I just let them sit on counter in a zip lock bag.
Tried them again tonight - still not as dark chocolate flavored as I would like, but today they do taste better. I just wish they weren't the hideous colors. What would be so wrong about them being the bright happy colors? Chocolate is supposed to be a mood swinging food - swinging you to the light side. When I'm in a funk I don't want candy that appears as dreary as the mind set I'm about to eat my way out of.
My plea to Mars - make the damn things cheerful and I'll visit the dark side on more regular basis. Otherwise, I'm sticking to the milk chocolate on this one.

I'd rather make pancakes

2005-05-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

Call me crazy. I get a phone call this week about a job opportunity that suits me. An old friend tips me off Tuesday morning and that afternoon the potential employer leaves me a message asking for my resume. Any sane person who is looking for employment would have faxed off a resume that second. I am not that person.
I wait. I proscrastinate. I find the disk that says "Resume 2004" and discover that the disk no longer has a resume on it. What did I do with it? I scratch my head. I search through other disks. And then I start to think of other projects that sound more appealing than cataloging my previous work experience on an 8 1/2" x 11" sheet of paper. Like what's for dinner? Shouldn't I be doing the laundry? My god, the tomatoes! I haven't watered the tomatoes.
I know I need to get on with this task - why is it so painful?

and now back to tomatoes

2005-05-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

Last rites for the maiden hair fern and utter amazement at the hydrangea that refuses to give up after a near death experience. Even the Japanese maple saplings have sprouted new leaves, allowing me hope that a bonsai project may finally materialize. It is gardening time once again on the balcony.
The annual tomato plants were set out a few weeks ago. Basil grows large in a red clay flower pot next to them. Only a matter of time before summer salads can be had, picked fresh from the garden outside the front door.

Top Ten Reasons for Home Cookin'

2005-01-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

No. 10 You know if the chef has bathed today
No. 9 The hair in the soup is familiar.
No. 8 You know if the fish is fresh, how long you’ve had the produce and the expiration date on the milk
No. 7 There are no mystery ingredients or "secrets" in the sauce
No. 6 It's ok to lick your fingers.
No. 5 You don’t have to worry if the waiter spit in your food.
No. 4 The Health Department is not stopping by to rate your kitchen
No. 3 You know if the pork chop fell on the floor.
No. 2 The 5 second rule may be invoked
No. 1 You look hot in an apron

leftovers

2005-01-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

I was about to say, this week in food – only I remembered today is Sunday.
The stories you are about to read are last week in food – which I guess makes them leftovers.

January 12 rang in the grand Re-opening of the South Pasadena Pavilions.
I’m still scratching my head at what was so grand about the whole thing. The store went through a renovation, the type that I think company owners’ hope will help it compete with the Whole Foods, and Bristol Farms of the world.

Gone are the rickety metal shopping carts, replaced now with toast colored plastic models that resemble Playskool carts on steroids. Even the cart corrals have been updated to some plastic and metal thing that looks like it is part of some adult sized erector set.

The Produce section appears to have become some throw back to country days with fake wooden bins holding the fruit and vegetables. These are set up so two carts may not pass each other without a jolly game of bumper cars ensuing. In fact, I believe all the aisles have contracted, making browsing difficult. An expanded Deli now features an olive bar, hot panini and foccacia and a serve your own soup station. The Freezer section appears to have suffered the least damage; while the Cold Food case has grown to the point where the eggs now live on an end cap. I still walk to where I think the cheese should be only to find beer.

The décor, besides the farm style produce stands is faux Craftsman meets autumn colors. Its all new, its all pretty and I’m sure in time it will grow on me.
I’m just thinking the old way wasn’t so bad. Who needs an olive bar anyway?

January 13 the Chia Pet lettuce on the counter began to die. I was robbed! The lady at the Farmers Market said the head of live lettuce would continue to grow for two weeks if kept in a glass of water. And I had only had it for a week. However, during that week I discovered not one, but two heads of lettuce attached to the roots. It appears that I had Siamese twins. The lettuce by the way was exceptional and cost less than the stuff sold at the new and improved supermarket. I just knew live lettuce for two weeks was too good to be true…

And on the weather front…
Thank god for blue sky and dry ground. Here in Southern California that is cause for breaking out the barbecue for a little nighttime grilling. So what if I cooked steaks by flashlight. Roasted meat hot off the grill is the best.

The Brazil Nut Project

2005-01-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

Someone thought I needed nuts, five pounds of nuts. Nuts still sitting in the shell: walnuts, brazil nuts, almonds, hazelnuts and pecans. What the hell am I going to do with all these nuts? Get crackin’ comes immediately to mind.

I once owned a nut cracker – not the festive wooden soldier type but one of those metal contraptions that looked like a small pair of tongs or chop sticks attached at one end. Don’t know where it is. Ah, but I do have a tool box – hammer, pliers, drill – ok maybe the drill isn’t the tool for this job. So shelling nuts I must go…

I consider the gift bag of nuts one of my annual Christmas boobie prizes. We all get them – the gift that leaves you scratching your head wondering, If the thought is really what counts what were you thinking?
At least this one is edible. But I am still left with the question, what to do with five pounds of mixed nuts. I could put a few in a bowl to set out for guests. Invite the neighborhood squirrels over for a feast. Make almond paste, candied pecans, toasted walnuts, glazed hazelnuts – it’s those darn Brazil nuts that throw me for a loop. Have you ever met anyone that loves a Brazil nut? Have you any recipes that call specifically for them? Send them to me.

The Brazil nut project begins.

lethargy & chocolate biscotti

2005-01-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

I feel compelled to write something today, this being the first day of a New Year and all. But I’ve slept most of the day away. The few hours I've been awake, I've spent in front of the television drinking coffee and eating chocolate biscotti. Save for a short trip to the local market, I can’t say I’ve begun the year with a bang or much in the way of production. Could this be the year of the sloth?
Do sloths like biscotti?

do you dream in chocolate?

2004-12-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

Forget dreams of a white Christmas, this year it’s all about chocolate.
The Sunday LA Times reported that in Naples, Italy, a band of pastry chefs, carpenters, sculptors and painters put their collective talents together to make the largest Nativity scene entirely of chocolate.

The creators said they were considering donating the Nativity scene to the city so that people could taste it.
I don’t know…would you really want to say you bit the chocolate head off of baby Jesus? Now, should the communion wafers ever become made of chocolate – I’m willing to guess we would see a decrease in fallen Catholics.

Still on chocolate.
Those freaks, uh, I mean nice people who like to collect Barbie have yet another way to celebrate that plastic blond doll of perfection. Here’s what the Barbie Collector catalog has to say,

New!
Chocolate Obsession TM Barbie Doll
Rich. Delectable. Intoxicating. The complex flavor of chocolate evokes passion and inspires complete devotion. (Gentlemen are you paying attention?) Scented with the sweet sumptuous smell of chocolate…

Pulleaze! Rich? Delectable? The damn thing isn’t even made of chocolate – and that would be one head millions of women would love to chomp off.

no more cheese please

2004-11-23T08:55:00.000-08:00

Well the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese has a new owner. It was reported today through the Associated Press that the ten year old relic fetched a mind boggling sum of $28,000. Not bad for maybe ten minutes of work (the time needed to grill a sandwich). Made me wonder if any saints might appear in this mornings pancakes.
Sadly, I report no such apparitions on today's breakfast. However, I did see Mickey Mouse and promptly bit his ears off.

Smoke Alarm Pizza

2004-11-19T19:51:00.000-08:00

Five dollar pizza night at the supermarket and another chance to set off the apartment smoke alarm. It’s great, fire up the oven to oh, 400 - 450º, give the room ten minutes to heat up and then plug your ears. The damn alarm goes off and there isn’t even a piece of food in the oven yet. One hopes that this wailing device will work as well in a real fire.
A pizza for five dollars. A man ahead of me in line said it looked like a Costco pizza. I ignored him, hoping he was directing the comment to the checker. He was right though, the pizza did sort of resemble a Costco version: it’s a big pizza, fresh, just waiting to be baked. If I had been feeling social, I would have told him this one tastes better, but I just wanted to get the hell out of the store. It’s Friday night and I had a smoke alarm to set off.

Hail Mary Mother of Grilled Cheese

2004-11-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

My life is complete – I’ve seen the Virgin Mary sandwich.
Yesterday, while getting my dose of daily news online I ran across a headline "Ebay Halts Auction of Virgin Mary Sandwich" Whhhaaaat? These were words that normally scream at you from the pages of a tabloid newspaper while you’re standing in the check out line at Vons.
Succumbing to tantalization, I clicked my way to the article where I learned that a lady in Florida had put a ten year old grilled cheese sandwich up for auction. She claimed that while eating the sandwich, she noticed the image of the Virgin Mary staring back at her and decided to put the sandwich in a bag for safekeeping. [for god knows what] eBay, certain that this must be a hoax, halted the bidding, I believe the story goes that jokes cannot be auctioned.
This morning, on Good Day LA it was reported that the owner of the sandwich had convinced the online auction house that the sandwich is indeed real and bidding resumed. GDLA actually rolled a taped interview of the sandwich owner and her alleged VM grilled cheese: half a sandwich with one bite taken out of it – the face of a woman showing in the grill marks. Personally, I saw no resemblance to the Blessed Mother. Art, like beauty, is often in the eye of the beholder - I suppose this holds true for grill marks on a sandwich.

Good Grilled Cheese
2 slices of white or wheat bread
1 tablespoon of butter
2 slices of Velveeta cheese (1/4" thick)

Method
Heat a frying pan over medium high heat. Butter one side of both slices of bread. Place one piece of bread, butter side down in the pan, top bread with cheese slices and then remaining slice of bread (butter side should be staring at you)
Cook until first side of sandwich has grilled to a golden brown, then flip over sandwich to grill remaining buttered side and allow cheese to melt.

[yes, cheese purists and snobs, I know Velveeta is a cheese sin - but I'm sticking to it for this recipe]

topic of dinner conversation

2004-08-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

Politics? Religion?
No, tonight we tackle the mystery of why California has so many crappy, nasty, ill-tempered drivers. Mostly male. Sometimes female. Most likely on a cell phone and usually behind the wheel of a super-sized SUV.
Tonight, in the parking lot at the local Pavilions I was nearly run over by somebody's mom in her behemoth monster kid car. She had the audacity after coming within inches of my person, to wave me on like I was wrong for being in the parking lot when she decided to barrel on through.
Last night, I experienced "Mr. Studio City I Must Be An Asshole Important Entertainment Somebody" who felt the need to honk when I didn't pull up to a red light fast enough for him. I'm thinking maybe he had a bladder problem. He seemed so hurried, honking again when I didn't floor it when the light turned green. So what gives? Is life here on the roadways always going to be a race? Or will we reach a zen like state of acceptance - traffic is slow...and be nice to each other?
Chew on that awhile, oh and please pass the pepper.

barbecue

2004-06-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

ummm. meat. good.
Here's a one for the carnivores at home - grilled tri tip sandwiches.

ingredients
14 - 16 oz Tri Tip
dry seasoning rub:

2 tablespoons hot paprika

2 tablespoons chili powder

2 tablespoons dry Mrs. Grass's Onion Soup Mix
1/4 cup sliced sweet onion
1 tablespoon chili garlic oil
6 thick slices crusty sour dough bread

Remove tri tip from refrigerator about 20 minutes before preparing. Rinse meat and pat dry. Combine dry rub ingredients and thoroughly coat meat on all sides -use your hands, don't be shy. Set meat aside - do not place back in refrigerator. Heat barbecue grill - for standard charcoal grills this should take about 20 minutes. While this is heating...
Saute onion slices in chili garlic oil, until translucent. Remove from pan. Toast bread slices in remaining oil, adding oil to pan if necessary. Set toasted bread slices aside, return onions to pan, turn off heat and cover.
Grill meat over hot coals for 20 to 30 minutes depending on desired doneness. Remove from grill and let rest for 5 minutes before slicing. Slice and make sandwiches by placing several slices of meat on piece of bread, cover with onions and top with second slice of bread.

makes 3 sandwiches

five o'clock somewhere

2004-06-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

Dubbed "truth serum" by Saveur Magazine, today's happy hour beverage is what I call an acquired taste. Sort of like the sock in the nose you get when you taste your first martini. A little bitter, definitely strong, maybe even shocking. But as far as making one tell the truth, well I'm not talking.
You'd do well to do the same...

The Negroni
1 part Campari
1 part Sweet Vermouth
1 part Gin
1 dash Angostura bitters

Place all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice.
Shake, serve up in a chilled martini glass with a twist of orange or lemon.

l'uomo e forte

2004-05-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

Three day weekends. Get that yardwork out of the way,
let's make some cocktails...
Today's drink recipe is courtesy of my friends Alma and Greg who call this the Italian Stallion. Let's just say, his name is not important.

I. Stallion
ingredients
Brandy
Amaretto
Tuaca
ice

method
mix equal parts (aprox 1.5 oz each)of Brandy, Amaretto and Tuaca in a cocktail shaker. Pour over ice and serve.

According to the drinkmixer the real thing is made with Frangelico in place of the Brandy. But with so much alcohol, does it matter?

wienie burrito

2004-05-24T16:43:00.000-07:00

Here in the kitchen for exploring childhood food, I am reminded of why too much of a good thing equals gluttony. Thank you Wienie Burritos. I can’t remember who volunteered this recipe to me – I think maybe my sister’s husband.
Regardless, two of said burritos are now lodged in my gut, causing me to feel as though I have swallowed a watermelon, whole.

If you care to indulge your inner child with one of these concoctions and suffer along with me, do the following:

Heat 2 hot dogs in 3 cups of boiling water for 2 –3 minutes or until franks are plump and heated through.
Grate ¼ cup of cheddar cheese and set aside.
Heat 2 burrito sized flour tortillas in your microwave using your own personal knowledge of how much time it takes to heat breads without petrifying them.

Place one dog in the middle of a tortilla, sprinkle with ½ of grated cheese, add a squirt or two of mustard. Then, here comes the tricky part – fold sides of tortilla towards center over the ends of the hot dog. You should have a tortilla that looks like a rectangle with open top and bottom. Take edge closest to you and begin rolling this up over the dog in the middle to meet the opposite edge.
Set on plate, edge side down and repeat process for other hot dog and remaining cheese.

Eat. Have favorite antacid nearby.
Serves one.