The Cosmic Gutter

Moving away.

2009-05-01T15:36:00.003-04:00

After 313 posts here, I'm moving away. Not me. This blog, "The Cosmic Gutter" that is my head. Check out the Five Star's main page. Of course, unless you've come to this page durectly, you already knew that.

Five Star Comics

Word Press thoughts.

2009-04-27T13:05:00.003-04:00

I am considering ending this blog and starting a new one over at Word Press. It's not that I don't like Blogger, 'cause I do. It's worked out dandy but Word Press has a cool feature that will allow me to produce a weekly comic that I can attach to my blog. So I (theoretically) can talk and draw and talk about drawing all while presenting a weekly online comic. I'm working on the new design right now. Which basically means I've got a tremendous mess on my hands. If I can manage to wade through the clutter and come out the other end with a clean looking site, I'll switch everything over and start fresh. I do hate to lose 300+ brilliant posts made here but what can I do? I don't know. Do you? Not that it really matters. it's not like I'm often at a lose for words to spill out across the web. Polluting the world with my genius and gobs of utter nonsense. What I'm looking for is a nice, clean site that feels comfortable to browsers and visitors while still being uber cool. I need uber cool. At least in my own little mind.

Someone just dropped off two honkin' big monitor for me. Sweet. The Warrior Buddha is working on bulking up my sad little computer. People treat me so nice. Of course, they're not plasma. People don't treat me that nice. Actually, most people treat me like crap but those that don't are rather nice. I should probably end this little line of thought right now. Hopefully, I'll soon actually be able to work on artwork at home. All alone at three AM with coffee and artwork. It's a sad little life but I seem to like it well enough. I'll be stopping by TWB's after I get off work and I'll take him the monitors to check out. I'll also get to spend a little time with Johnny Slack. Always an adventure in adolescent mood swings and generally silliness. Why I can connect with this I'd rather not say. I did grow old if not up.

I'm not sure how much, or what, to write here since I'm making plans to move. Like, "Do I want to plant a garden at a house I'm moving out of?" Or should I just wait until I get settled in at the new place?

Hopefully the new site, the new weekly online comic, the graphic novel and the film will all be done around the same time. Okay. I must be insane. I can't get anything done and here I'm hoping to get all of this. Jeeze. Well, no one could ever call me a pessimist. I am ever the dreamer and the fool. Cool enough.

That's enough for now. Go away.

The True Gogeta.

2009-04-25T23:10:00.004-04:00

This is a piece of artwork created by Austin Jones, son of Indiana. Also known as Captain Fancy Pants Jr. Let him know what you think.

Thinking ahead.

2009-04-23T15:04:00.004-04:00

As the first Knight-Wolf graphic novel draws to a close and the film gets closer and closer to being done, I've found myself looking towards what's next. What's next, specifically, is FIVE STAR COMICS. An anthology that will be ongoing and hold whatever bits and pieces, artwork and stories I and my brother Ken produce over the next couple of decades. (Hey! Where else have I to go?) I'm wondering about FSC #1. What will I put in it? More Morgan Stone? Dust? Altered Ego? Something else entirely? Something old or something new? Maybe even something I haven't thought of yet? I just don't know. I'm aiming to get myself excited about creating artwork again. To push back the business end of things and enjoy the creative side.

What should I do? New "untold" stories of old characters (Knight-Wolf)?

Or maybe something completely new and different?

These are just a few of the sketches currently clogging up my clipboard since I last cleared it. I'm thinking that I really do dream too much. (Is that even possible? If it is, it shouldn't be.) If I had my way I'd just cut out the indecision and do 'em all. Why not? I've got the time. No. Wait a minute. I don't. Sometimes, life kinda' sucks. (And makes me kinda' sad.)

If you've got an opinion on what I should be doing, let me know. (Not that I'll listen.)

Wanted!

2009-04-22T13:09:00.009-04:00

ALERT! Be on the look out:

The Notorious Johnny Slack is an up and comer, a newly arrived contender looking to gain the laid-back throne, held for years by my brother Rich. Until now, the undisputed King of Laid-back. Previously unchallenged in his inability to not really give a flying crap about anything, Rich faces, for the first time, a real threat to his position and title. The Notorious Johnny Slack brings new energy to the title fight. Not since Ali and Frazier have two heavy weights fought it out in a winner take all battle of the century. The slack title is on the line. May the most laid-back, don't really give a crap about much of anything, man win.

Did I mention that John is helping me understand stuff I'm apparently too old to understand. Which I am coming to realize is a lot. Manga, anime and video games are just a few of the topics we work on together. Along side of a candy workshop, we spend several hours a week brushing up on my uber-coolness. Which has somehow, according to reports, dwindled away to nothing more than a vague memory. I sit a listen to John talk about whatever the heck it is kids are talking about these days and I try to understand just what it is he's saying. So far I'd say that I'm at about a 15% success rate. This is up quite a bit since we first began the lessons. Whenever I'm not feeling old and decrepit, maybe I'm even feeling good about myself, John comes along and reminds me how old and used up I am. You cannot beat that, really, now can you? Who wouldn't want to be truthfully told that you really DO look fat in that? If you do, John will tell you. That's just the kind of guy he is. It's always best to know your place in the scheme of things and apparently my place was about twenty years back. Too bad I missed that one. Yup. Too bad. Would have been cool, I think. Actually I've been finding it fascinating learning new things. There is simply so much that I just don't get. I mean, I'll never be cool again (Old people cannot be cool. It's in the Bible somewhere. Seriously. Look.). I know that ship sailed a long time ago. But if I can't "be" cool maybe I can at least understand what cool is. Maybe?

I WANT to understand. I WANT to be a laid back uber-slacker (Like Rich and John - It just looks like so much fun when they do it. I mean, who really wants to care about anything when you can ... well, NOT care? It looks like it would be so much easier - and more enjoyable too!) I WANT my bills caught up. I WANT no pain or worry. I WANT the graphic novel done. I WANT the film completed. I WANT t-shirts and posters and lunch boxes. I WANT to at least know, when I fail miserably, that I've done my best and gave it a shot. I WANT to chill like the Notorious Johnny Slack. I WANT. I WANT. I WANT. I WANT. Now let's just see if I "get".

Don't hold your breath.

Beatink baby, beatnik.

2009-04-21T16:48:00.003-04:00

I really, really hate being poor. It's not even so much about not having money but my inability to buy stuff. (I know that sounded kind of stupid.) I don't mind being poor. I'm actually rather used to it and probably wouldn't know how to function in a life with paid bills and food to boot. I'd mind being poor even less if I were able to be a poor artist. (I can still dream.) Being poor because you spend your days doing what you love is a great reason to be poor. At least I think so. It's been my life's ambition for as long as I can remember. Not the being poor part but the spending my life doing what I enjoy. (Creating art-stuff.) Being poor is something I rarely even think about. I don't care much for wandering stores. I don't browse or window shop because I know I'll never be able to afford to actually buy anything, so what's the use? But I do hate it when I can't support another artist because I don't have money. I hate it when I simply don't have the ability to financially support and encourage someone else. When I can help someone.

I just spoke to a jazz musician who stopped in to ask if I wanted to purchase one of his CDs. They were only ten dollars each and still I couldn't afford even one. Heck. My main financial concern right now is having heat by the end of the week.There simply ain't anything in my pockets, let alone enough to share. This part of being poor sucks. (Toothaches ain't no joy either.) The guy didn't have a web site for me to pass along so I can't even "token-help"there. Gripes.

Maybe one day I'll be able to support other artists and creators. Maybe one day I'll be able to live a life doing nothing but drinking coffee and creating art. I don't even care of no one ever sees my work so long as I'm able to create it. (Is that arrogant? selfish? Stupid? Or bohemian of me?)

I'm in a pretty good mood(ish). Sure hope the rest of my day don't screw it all up.

Bohemian: of French origin, to describe the untraditional lifestyles of marginalised and impoverished artists, writers, musicians, and actors, associated with unorthodox or antiestablishment political or social viewpoints, which were often expressed through free love, frugality, and/or voluntary poverty.

Beatnik: a part of a sociocultural movement in the 1950s and early 1960s that subscribed to an anti-materialistic lifestyle in the wake of World War II.

I am soooo Shaggy-Doo.

KW: Movie screen caps

2009-04-21T15:03:00.008-04:00

I've been promising for a while to post a few captures from the short film that's currently being produced. I'm pleased with the results (so far) as well as surprised at just how much work it's been to create. Learning as we go.

Here we are; below are a few screen caps from the Knight-Wolf short film.

I hope to post more as I both get the time and the material. Stay tuned.

Still standing.

2009-04-20T13:54:00.011-04:00

Yes. I'm still thinking. I'm always thinking. I wish I could spend more time not thinking but I'm thinking it's not in my make-up. Psychologically speaking. Thinking is a good thing (I think) but thinking too much (over-thinking) probably isn't. Good, that is. Anyway ... Right at this moment I'm looking at logos etc. Older logo designs to be specific. Ken doesn't particularly care for my graffiti-inspired logo designs so I'm still thinking (see) and considering and trying to keep an open mind. I mean, it's not like I have my pulse on what's good and best and all the little kiddies like. From that perspective, I'm an idiot. I have zero idea what other people like and even less when it comes to kids. Even being the big, overgrown, bratty kid that I am, I've no idea. Soooo .... I'm thinking of getting a bunch of people together and maybe getting a mass opinion on things; logos, covers etc. Not that I'll listen, but a little input should be interesting, even if I do end up finding their opinions to be worthless. At least at first. I imagine I'll be mystified and offended right off but later (I imagine.) I'll take what I'm given into consideration and (Maybe. Theoretically.) even grow creatively from the input(ish)? It's poooossible.

Cover design for the American Standard Edition:
Cover design for the Pocket-book (manga-sized) Edition:
It's my birthday. Which, as a kid, was a magically day that revolved around just you and you alone but as an adult seems to simply be just one more reason for the government to grab a little more money out of your pocket. Re-new the tags. Re-new the driver's license. Get a new picture. Which was kind of rotten because there is something obviously wrong with their camera. The light was too bright or something because my beard looked waaay grey. Like glow-in-the-dark silver. 44. Yippee. I am now, officially a 44 year old nobody. You'd think this would bother me but it doesn't. I think I'd freak out if things were any different. I'm comfortable here in this little box hidden away from the rest of the world. Of course, you'd think (it being my freakin' birthday) that I'd have the day off. Nope. Instead I have to work even later than usual. This. Is. My. Life.

It is what it is.

BTW:

I'm not a manga artist. I'm also not a pseudo-maga artist. Manga means "comic" in Japanese so I suspect that no one who is not Japanese and/or creating comics in Japan is really creating manga. Pseudo-maga possibly, but not manga. Maybe. Theoretically. If my work appears to be manga-ish (to some), it's a complete coincidence. You could just as easily say that my work is Disney-like, or an animated style. I simply draw like I draw. I draw what I (personally) feel looks kinda' neat. I admit that my work has become more and more stylized as I've drawn more and gotten older (Birthday, remember? Did you send a card? Probably not. Thanks.) but I still just draw like me. I try NOT to pay too close attention to what, and how, other creators draw. I can't draw like someone else. Some artists are great at mimicking. I'm not. I'd prefer to draw like me (no one) than to be at best, second best at drawing like anyone else. Manga is so hot right now that I sorta' WISH I were manga but I'm not. Why am I mentioning this? Because I'm thinking of this and I already told you - I think too much.

I am ...

I'm done. Go away.

Rough cut.

2009-04-17T14:58:00.004-04:00

The film is coming along rather well. As a matter of fact, I just received a (very) rough copy of the film in progress last night and have watched it more times than is healthy since. While there is still a lot to be done before the thing can finally be called finished, it has already far surpassed my hopes of what it might be. It moves, it's entertaining and it brings the viewer into the world (and head) of the character. I'd hoped to produce a live action trailer to help sell the book, concept and character and instead what I'm getting is a sweet short film based upon the character and graphic novel. I can't show it to you. Not yet. I'd get my head ripped off if I even gave anyone a peek at the film before it's completed but if you want my completely un-bias opinion ... It freakin' rocks. Seriously.

...

Here's an interesting bit of information:

Michigan Helps Launch New Studio In Suburban Detroit

Michigan is not only affording tax breaks to Hollywood movie producers, but it is also helping out entrepreneurs planning to build a $146-million film studio in the Detroit suburb of Allen Park. The Detroit Free Press reported on Tuesday that the first phase of the project, a technical center, will cost $55 million and is due to be completed by fall. When the Unity Studios project is completed it will offer an array of movie and TV production services, the Freep announced. It is also taking applications for a "retraining program" aimed at bringing many laid-off autoworkers back into the work force. "This announcement amounts to an economic development blockbuster for the city, Wayne County and state," Allen Park Mayor Gary Burtka told the newspaper shortly after the state's Economic Growth Authority approved a state tax credit worth about $2.8 million for the project.

KW = More work.

2009-04-15T12:11:00.003-04:00

I should be headed over to do (even) more work on the film tonight after I get off the daily grind tread mill of my life. Allison is taking far longer to edit the film than I'd originally thought. Apparently you can't just snap your fingers and watch the finish project "pop" into existence. Who knew? I suppose I'm learning. Editing a film can take even longer than the actual shoot. Especially when no one working on the project has actually ever done anything like this before. She (we) gotta' learn as we produce. It's interesting to see just how short I continually fall between concept (the pictures inside my head) and the actual finished project. It ain't easy. Many of the things I'd imagined are not (apparently) physically possible in the reality we currently know. I'm having to learn (again) to settle. Personally, I'm geeked. This is a character that I created and who has lived inside my head for years and to get the opportunity to see him walking, blinking and running around is a thrill. A surreal thrill. This means that I'm more than tickled by the film already. Our concern is that people other than just me enjoy the film.(Other people? Sheesh. I guess they really DO matter. Go figure. Sure makes things a lot harder.) The purpose of this film is to push the book/concept/character and has grown already far beyond my initial hopes. I'd begun simply wanting a fifteen second trailer and what I'm getting is a short indy film that should (fingers crossed) introduce the character to the ignorant, dirty, uniformed masses (Meaning: You.). I also want to start forcing people to see the character beyond just what they see on the printed page (or computer screen) and to start seeing the character as a living person. To begin to get the idea of what the books would look and feel like if they were moved beyond the panels of a comic book. (No pressure though.) Whatever happens from this point on, I'm pleased. I (We. Credit given, I suppose.) did our best. We tried, we pushed, we learned and we did it. We didn't give up and we pushed on until the end. Good for us. (Go me!)

One day I'll have this film done. One day I'll have the trade out. One day you'll see it all; the trade, the film, screen captures and photos. It'll be cool. I just hopethat you're still around to see it. Fun. Fun. Fun.

Knight-Wolf: The Trade Paperback

2009-04-14T17:08:00.006-04:00

The Knight-Wolf is coming ...

A tragic childhood accident left Morgan Stone changed forever. Now, able to see into the minds of others, he finds himself driven to act by the needs of those around him and propelled into other worlds hidden within the framework of our own.

Yes man.

2009-04-14T12:10:00.005-04:00

Well, I'm back from Florida and as tired as I could hope to be. Kinda'. The trip was cool overall. I didn't much care for the drive. It was a bit of a torture. Not a nightmare, but a torture. I am not built properly for sitting for such long periods of time. I also didn't get nearly as much done as I'd hoped. If you remember I'd hoped to have the trade and the film done by the time I got back. In retrospect that was a little optimistic and a lot stupid. Nothing got even toughed on the trade and the film, while a lot of time was spent on it, didn't get done. What it got was moved along and we were able to more clearly see what we did NOT want. More work needs to be done. WHILE I work at catching up at work, with bills and ... life-stuff.

I found Universal the most enjoyable because of the Marvel Comics theme to a great deal of the park. Lots to see and do. I only made it to the Magic Kingdom of Disney because I was running out of time and money. Truthfully, when other people are paying for your vacation, you can only get so much outta' them before they dry up. Life can be a little crappy like that. I ate waaaay too much and felt sick for a good deal of the time I was away. (Stupid on sooo many levels, there.) It was cool. I stayed in a condo the first night and was worried that the house we rented would pale by comparison. It didn't. Not at all. Florida rocks and anyone who lives down there is far, far luckier than they know.

As I got closer and closer to actually entering Disney I found myself getting nervous. What if I became infected the this odd, insane, cartoon joy that I saw all around me? Would they be able to induct me into this cult of happiness or would my defenses hold? I wondered who this Walt guy was and how he achieved so much. I thought of how gratifying it must be to leave such joy behind you when you pass away and leave this world. I thought how great the artwork looked and the talent of so many people coming together. I was becoming very afraid that I'd lose my self and find a smile glued to my face as I walked glassy-eyes around bright lights and happy people. Would I actually become one myself? I was seriously out of my element and I didn't care for it.

I love new experiences. I love seeing new place. Being someplace I've never been before. I love seeing and meeting new people ... but they can say the strangest things. A group from Tennessee and another from New York all decided that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland. Okay. Why would you blurt something like this out to a total stranger? Is it normal for people to do this? To try and make a new person someone they know or know of? To make the new recognizable? Kiefer Sutherland? I don't much see it but I suppose it could have been worse. I mean, I'm not blond. Of course, after this little exchange I found myself walking through the park I noticing that I was by far the ugliest person there. Seriously. I was looking for someone uglier and I couldn't find them. By the end of the day I'd decided to embrace my troll-like looks and find a way to work with them. I'm still working on this part. (No offense to Kiefer Sutherland but I don't really look like him. I think.)

Okaaay ...

Two things I learned from my time in Florida:
1. People like to be happy.
2. There are a LOT of people.

Now, these things might seem self evident to you (because you're not as stupid as I am) but they came as a revelation to me. People want to be happy. They really and truly want this. Not to work or stress or struggle or feel bad, they want to feel good and they'll do just about anything to feel this. I'm learning and even at this old age, I'm growing a little bit more mature. People have always mystified me. I've never "gotten it". Never understood them. People have always been background noise to books and the world inside my head.

By the forth year after Steve died and I had to admit how empty and boring my life had become. Suddenly ALL I had were my books. I decided then (consciously) to stop being a "NO" person and see what being a "YES" person would be like. My Florida vacation was one of the results of this attempt at change.

My whole life I've never been a joiner. "Want to go out?" No. "A movie?" No. "Cookout, road trip, convention, hang out?" No. No. No. No. "Dinner?","Lunch?" No. No. It wasn't that I didn't like people or that I was angry. I just truly did not want to do any of these things. I had my books and when I need something more, Steve was there. So ... I decided to become a "YES" man and my life became anything but slow and boring. I was suddenly VERY busy and always on the run. My "NOs" became "YESs" and I was off and running. "Want to go out?" Yes. "A movie?" Yes. "Cookout, road trip, convention, hang out?" Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. "Dinner?","Lunch?" Yes. Yes. One very bad side effect is that I gained weight. Everyone always wanted to feed me and for a long while I'd say "NO" and I'd stay thin. Then I started saying "YES" and, well ... we can see where this is going. This is another thing I'll have to work on.

Do I like the "new me"? Sure. Okay. Fine. What I really do find myself enjoying is people. People are cool. With the exception of a few truly distasteful monsters out there most people are great. They're fun and interesting.

People like to be happy and there are a lot of them. Now, the question is ... How can I use this information in my question for world domination? Any ideas, thoughts or suggestions should be sent to mark@five-star.com .

...

1. People like to be happy.
2. There are a LOT of people.

I need to think on this because, I fear, it may just change everything ...

Day two.

2009-04-07T00:42:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm in Florida now. Good for me. The traveling is done. I have discovered that while I love seeing new places and meeting new people I hate the traveling. I wish that I had a Tardis or a transporter. That would be cool. So here I am, sitting by the pool typing in this blog for no real good reason other than I'm sitting here alone in Florida and while I have no one to talk to I do have a laptop sitting in front of me. It feels very surreal for me, being here. I don't feel like I belong at all, surrounded by all these happy people. I find myself torn between being violently depressed and sad over things in my life that I have no control over and at peace, even happy, just living and surviving. Still. for the next week, I'll do everything I can to go with the flow and maybe even become someone else. Who knows? Maybe I'll like it?

This is supposed to be a working vacation which means that I can lay out by the pool, go out to eat and maybe even visit with Mickey but I also need to be working on the trade and helping do what I can editing the movie. That is me. Artwork. Creating. Imagining. Dreaming. This is where I feel comfortable. I just need to get things done. Simple.

While I'm here, doing this, the Warrior Buddha is taking care of my business back home in Michigan. I need to call him and see how things are going etc. but from what I can see he's doing just fine. Maybe too fine. I fear he may make my job look far, far easier than I want people to realize.

That's enough for now. Typing on this laptop feels odd and my mind is racing much too fast for me to be able to pin down any sort of intelligent thought.

This is unreal. I sure hope I do what I need to do and that my little world is still there to do battle with when I get back.

Whatever.

Cows on a mountain.

2009-04-06T10:00:00.003-04:00

Right now I'm just passing through Chattanooga, sitting in the back f a van typing into a laptop , connected by a wireless connection to the Internet. All of this technology and what do I do with it? I waste it. Actually, typing on a laptop while driving through the mountains is making me a bit sick.

Maybe I'll write more later ...

Awkward.

2009-04-04T15:37:00.003-04:00

I've been doing a little research and have discovered an interesting factoid; I am the most unpopular person and/or artist and/or creator on the web. Ever. That would be kind of cool if it didn't really, really suck. There seems to be something about me that repulses people and I'll be darned if I can figure out what it is. I mean, I think I'm pretty fantastic. Wait. You don't suppose it's comments like that which are the root cause of my (your) little problem? Nah.

I need posters and lunch boxes and cups and costumes and action figures. Seriously. Whatever. Yes. I am really that weird.

Why am I posting a picture of The Flash? I have no idea. Who knows why I do any of the things I do?

Anyway ... You know how I've always loved Captain Marvel? The Fawcett Captain Marvel? Yes? No? Whatever. I also liked Marvel's (rip-the-name-off-thanks-Stan) version as well.

Ummm. I really should be going.

Up, up and away.

2009-04-04T13:38:00.003-04:00

I cut my hair the other day. I think it looks good (Well, better anyway.). I like my hair short. Not just because of how hot I look but because of how easy it is to take care of. If my hair is short enough I gain an immunity to bed-head and hat-hair. I'm wash n' ready. It's not that I prefer short hair to long hair. I think long hair is cool if you're one of those few lucky enough to be able to pull it off. I'm not. When my hair is long I look like a crazy homeless wino fresh from the funny farm. (No offense to any crazy homeless winos fresh from the funny farm.) Basically, I'm ugly and we truly ugly people have to find ways around our inherent ugliness so that we might be capable of interacting with the rest of the world. Short hair is one of mine. Thankfully, as I look around me at the other poor souls wandering this spinning blue (Or is it green?) rock, ugly wins out over good looking a billion to one. The beauty of youth usually disappears around the age of twenty-one or two. Pretty boys and girls become ugly trolls and our ranks swell. Not that it means anything. The pretty still rule but at least we're not alone in our genetic repulsiveness.

I actually packed last night. I am NOT ready for this. Give me another ten years and a little good luck and I might just be able to pull it off. As it is I'll have to leave and just accept the fact that I'm not ready. I'm a short-haired troll unready for vacation. Sweet. Yeah. Whatever.

While gone: I will work on getting the trade finished, work on getting the film and trailers finished, grow three inches and work on those washboard abs. (I told you I was an optimist.)

I either have the crappiest life, or the most fantastic life, of anyone anywhere. I'm not sure which it is.

Off we go into the great unknown.

Just like G.I. Joe.

2009-04-03T12:17:00.007-04:00

Readjust and rearrange. I should be able to set a lot of things straight (in my mind) with a little rejiggering. (Is this a word? Is it a bad word?) if I let go of a few anticipations and hopes and dreams and such and set out to dream some new dreams, hope some new hopes and anticipate some new anticipations. Or whatever. I don't think that made sense. Not really at all. Basically what I mean is that I need to let go of what I'd hoped for, accept the situation(s) as they are and readjust my hopes, plans and thinking around the new circumstances. Meaning I can accept things and then be disappointed again later down the road when these things all fall apart too. Sweet. I have a plan of action. Like G.I. Joe I am ready to go! (That sounded sort of cool. I'm copyrighting it so if you use it I want my cut.)

It really is too bad that I'm such an optimist. I'm always finding that people, situations and things are letting me down. It's a darn good thing I'm an optimist or these things would really get to me.

I've still got a lotto things to do before I can leave. Lotto stuff. I'm thinking that I'll probably wait until the last minute. I usually do. Not. Maybe. Whatever.

When you think of me, think of me laughing or don't think of me at all.

Flying horses.

2009-04-02T12:35:00.005-04:00

I was walking down a bright white, sandy beach. The waves were rough, slapping against the shore. People were all around me milling about. I saw, off in the distance, a large white horse with golden hooves galloping towards me. As it passed I grabbed it's main and flung myself up on to it's back and rode down the beach. I turned out toward the water and we rode over the rough surface of the ocean. As we rode the horse spread it's large white wings and we flew off into a bright blue sky, towards the blinding sun. Then I woke. I closed my eyes and found myself back on the horse racing through the sky. I found I was able to re-enter this dream at will. I suppose I was really tired. It felt good. I felt free and wished that I really were on that horses back leaving it all behind me.

The I entered the real world and faced a couple of gut punches to welcome to the beginning of the day and my "real" life. I think I far prefer my dream-life to what passes for common-belief reality. Whatever. Maybe one day.

Why is it that so many people (other artists) I speak to work on video game designs and usually say it as if it were somehow a gutter-job? I would freakin' love to get paid working on video game designs. Doing artwork, creating characters and sets seems to me to be where it's at. I love creating comic books but when talking purely art for art's sake, I'd love to work on video games. Of course, truth be told, I'd probably love anything that paid my bills and gave me a saw buck extra. I ain't never had me no extras.

I really need to get ready to go on this blasted vacation. Maybe I should cut my hair? I'll probably need clothes while I'm gone. Egads! vacation. Having all my bills caught up would be the best vacation for me. Won't happen, but I can dream right? Flying horses and a paycheck. Now, I have no debt, so that's cool. I should take the time to be thankful for that. All I have are my regular, daily expenses. That's good. It should put me in a fantastic financial position. Funny that it don't. My life is a strange place.

I wonder ...

...

I've decided to create a somewhat "more approachable" image of me for the web:

Much more friendly than the "real" me, dontcha' think?

Gogeta

2009-04-01T20:03:00.005-04:00

My thirteen cousin Johnathan drew this picture of Gogeta from the Dragonball Z series. I put in the drop and fill colors so naturally he's not happy with them. I didn't get them right. Whatever that means. He's the one (trying to) teaching me about manga and anime so I deal.

This is Johnathan D.D. He's a good kid and totally the laid-back slacker with a painfully dry sense of humour, that he appears to be in this photo. Tell him what you think of Gogeta.

Cons and shows.

2009-04-01T16:37:00.007-04:00

I've never been to a comic book convention (or any convention) or show where I wasn't sitting at a table drawing and signing things. Even that I only did for a short time during the Summer of 1994. They were massively expensive to do even back then. I shudder to think what it would cost today. 1994 was the tail end of the boom and the beginning of the collapse so my experiences were mixed. I had a great time, I was constantly exhausted (I even lost my voice in Detroit and had an impacted tooth in Chicago. Not good.), I made some fantastic friends and connections and I lost money. Lots of money. I often think of how great it would be to do some shows or cons again but I'm not so sure anymore. I look at pictures on line and it looks so frantic and exhausting. I don't recognize most of the names (Which would put me in bad form. My usual modus operandi.) or the books they create. (When I talk about being poor I'm not one of those people who talks about being poor but has an Xbox, a PS3 and spends hundreds of dollars on beer and comics. When I say I don't have money I mean that I cannot afford to purchase people's books. I'm lucky just to keep a roof over my head. Sad but serious. I really and truly do not know these people or their books. I have zero idea what is happening in the comic book community. Zero. That means; None.) Most of the creators I do remember are all (like me) long gone and/or invisible. I don't know. Maybe I just don't belong there? Here, there, anywhere. It's okay. Not like that would change anything. Whether I have any talent at all is irrelevant, I don't have what it takes to move in those circles.

Maybe this will change? Maybe I'll find a place to hang my hat. If I don't? Whatever. Such is life. Wouldn't change a thing. Besides, I'm already having a good time. I don't need anything other than what I've already got. Art for art. It's all cool.

Pardon me. I've got to re-set.

Running rats.

2009-04-01T12:41:00.006-04:00

Some days finding the silver lining is harder than others. It's doesn't look like I'm not going to make it. Not even close. So, the question then is; How do I maneuver within the confines of the situation as it stands? At the moment I really don't know. I often wonder how long I can dance along the edge without falling off. It's as if I have this inability to comprehend total failure and so live my life in blissful (not) ignorance of just how badly things are going. When it comes to money (and success) I'm always getting much less than I hope/expect while things always cost me more than I hope/expect. I don't get it. It's not like I'm at all optimistic when it comes to money and yet I apparently am. Go figure. Somehow I always seem to remain standing, struggling, moving despite all that happens (and doesn't happen) to me. Maybe this makes me a survivor? Maybe just stupid? I suppose we'll see what comes but I tell you one time, just one time, I'd love to have myself a little good luck. I mean, real, out-of-the-blue good luck. Until then, I guess I continue to deal. Stress ... Boy-o-boy, I really hate running a business sometimes. This economy doesn't help. I wish so much that all I had to do was create. Not gonna' happen. Maybe after I'm dead? My new goal.

Just livin' life:

Hum. That's not very positive is it? I really should try harder to be positive even if I only end up becoming the most positive former mental patient living in the local park. Better than being all whiny, I thinks.

Sooo ... vacation. Right. vacation. A chance to pretend I'm not me living my life. A chance to play at being someone else entirely. An opportunity to get away from it all. Literally. (theoretically) To just relax, enjoy myself, do nothing and create. Just me and the fantasy world I create. Sounds dreamy. And a little sad.

I think I need to just ignore life. I mean, what's the point?

...

Things to do before vacation can begin:
1. Pay bills and keep myself from the local suicide watch committee.
2. Take care of the cat.
3. Pack:
- Clothes
- Stuff
- Art and book(s) stuff

Humm ... I know I'm forgetting something(s). Whatever, right? I mean, if I'm forgetting, how important could it(s) be? (Last words.)

Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Did I mention Stress?

Self-doubt.

2009-03-31T13:14:00.004-04:00

Last night I had another of those evenings of dark self-doubt. Why was I doing this? Why couldn't I get it right? What was I looking for? Why couldn't I lay it all aside? The more my mind would dwell on things, the more I was convinced that I would never be able to actually say what I wanted to say. People would never understand or "get it". It was one of those nights where nothing was good enough or ever would be. One of those nights I knew would be gone come morning and that no amount of anything would provid the answers these questions. Yet still my mind raced. Eventually the morning did come, the coffee began brewing and things continued on. Another day. Another day.

I am currently watching:
Legion of Superheroes (cartoon)
and
Being Human (BBC program)

I'm currently reading this and that still looking for a book that grabs me and thrills me.

I'm listening to nothing in particular. I'm at work and I'm realizing that I am totally not ready to be going on any vacation. I don't have the money together, I haven't even begun to pack or make plans. I still haven't gotten people trained to watch the place while I'm gone. Basically, I'm screwed. Think this could have something to do with the stress I've been under lately? I'm thinking; Possibly.

Creating the perfect hero.

2009-03-31T12:08:00.008-04:00

I've often thought about doing an ethnic superhero; A Hispanic hero or Native American. Maybe a black hero, Asian or South American. Heck! An Eskimo hero. So many races and nationalities are noticeably under-represented in the superhero community. What a fantastic, untapped market. Of course, despite wanting to create such characters, I couldn't do it. I'm a white man of European decent. For me to do a Mexican hero would be dishonest. It would be fake and it would be obvious. Although I would be creating such a character because I really and truly desired to create such a character. Because I wanted to give heroes and role models to those children that are forced to choose among white only characters for their heroes, I would appear to be only creating to fill a marketplace void. These characters would have to be created by Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Asian, Eskimo (etc.) creators. They're out there. Many of them are fantastic. This is their job and it's one I cannot do.

Which brings me to Knight-Wolf. Knight-Wolf (Morgan Stone) is a character I created for me. It's the character that I have searched for since I started reading as a small, small boy. Since I first saw a hero on television (Go Lone Ranger, go!). I'd see bits and pieces of my dream character. Patchwork. It would be up to me to fashion together the whole cloth. I did. Taking those things I loved about characters from from adventure fiction in television, film, comics, books,comic strips, radio, magazines. From the penny dreadfuls and pulps to radio and movie serials to comics and film and on and on, I set about creating the character(s) I couldn't find. The perfect character. The character that hit all the right notes for me; Knight-Wolf. He's the character I dreamt of being when I closed my eyes when I was six years old. Equal parts detective, supernatural, heroic, science fiction, horror. From Sargent Rock to Ghost Rider. From the Lone Ranger and Sherlock Holmes to Spider-Man. Knight-Wolf isn't a character created to fill some marketing profile. He wasn't created to be popular (Although I can still dream.). He wasn't created by committee. He was created by one person, for one reason; Everything I loved about adventure heroes and fantasy/science fiction I put into one character. If he'd already existed it is entirely possible that I'd never have started drawing. I definitely wouldn't have started creating my own comics. I'd have been one more boy drawing Superman and Batman. In my little, child mind, I didn't need to draw these characters. Others were already doing that and they were doing a far better job than I could. Those characters already existed. My perfect character didn't. My life has been spent, in some fashion or another, creating Knight-Wolf. I was creating him long before I ever thought of drawing or writing. I began creating Knight-Wolf on some long forgotten Sunday afternoon when I sat down with my dad and my brothers to watch The Lone Ranger on TV. (Although I thought he was The Long Ranger.) When the television went dark and the credits rolled and the story continued inside my head; That was when I started slowly putting the pieces together. I set about creating the character I wanted to be a fan of. And I did.

There are times when I wish I had other driving forces behind me. When I think it would have been a far simpler road to travel if I'd only drawn Superman and Batman and never had the desire to create my own. There have been times when I've been sorely tempted to alter what I wanted to create in a desire to find that ever elusive audience. I've often wished that people could see and understand what I was doing and had done. Instead most people still think that I'm sitting on the sidelines waiting for Marvel or DC to call. They seem incapable of understanding that while I don't have the popularity nor have I received the financial rewards doing work drawing for a large publisher would have brought, I do have the success I've sought. My dream was to create my perfect character. Thankfully, it never entered my mind to wish for popularity or riches (Good thing.).

If I have any regrets it would be my inability to make others see and feel what I do. I don't know, maybe I simply have different desires than most people? Maybe it's just that the perfect character I'd always dreamt of is not the dream character of anyone else? I think that's okay. At the end of our lives what will matter is not what we accomplished but how much we enjoyed the trip and the people we touched.

Now, Knight-Wolf isn't the only character I've ever created, nor the only concept I've dreamt up. I've been thrilled and inspired by a lot of different ideas throughout my time on the planet; space operas and westerns and war and horror and, of course, straight forward superheroes. Eventually I'll show you these and maybe you'll like them better. Maybe not. (Blame my early influences.) Maybe you're one of the many who won't be happy until I'm drawing (Insert your favorite Marvel or DC character here) comic book?

Knight-Wolf: The Lost Book is an urban fantasy picture book and it's coming out soon.

The race is on!

2009-03-30T13:19:00.008-04:00

It's a race to see if I go totally and completely bonkers before I leave for vacation. Right now things don't look so good. I'm thinking that maybe if I were smarter, or wiser or had longer fingers things would be better. It's a difficult thing to accept that nothing will ever be perfect no matter how hard I try. I keep pushing and pushing and no matter how close I think I'm getting I never actually get there. Am I the only one who suffers from this or does everyone? Are all the perfect creators not really perfect after all? Maybe we all just assume that whatever they've created is exactly what they were hoping to create and not simply a near-miss?

That's it. I'm insane. Okay. I can deal with this. Insanity might even be fun. Maybe I'll start seeing talking rats? That might be cool. They could be my new secret little friends. I'll call them John and Matt. Insanity: My new goal. Let's see how close I get with this one? I'm betting, close. I have always, after all, liked the Joker. Heath ledger did a fantastic job portraying the character. They actually did it right. Some people are just evil. They're not looking for power or riches, they're simply mean to be mean, cruel to be cruel. They love chaos. Crazy doesn't have to be tragic. It can be fun.

No. That's not the Joker. It's Conrad Veidt from the silent film, "The Man Who
Laughs". It was this character that "inspired" the creation of the Joker. What?! You thought the joker was an original creation? Silly you. One day we'll have to have a discussion on the "influences" behind Superman, Batman, Spider-Man and the like. It'll be fun. We can have pie.

Inspiration or rip-off? As history teaches us, it's the most successful version that wins the prize and takes the bows. This particular look has been fully adopted by DC Comics and has become theirs by both default and usage (as well as lots of lawyers). You want original? Now Ledger's version; that was original. Sweet. Of course I could be wrong. Probably am. Feel fee to correct me.

What was I talking about?

... Wait. I think I've just figured it out; I need to stop talking so much and start keeping my mouth shut. I think that's the secret. From now on I'm going to be all quiet and mysterious. People will think I'm wise and cool. Neat.

Being right-brained is a real burden. The white coats are nice, although the sleeves are a bit long but that's okay. They can tie around the back. The problem is finding pants that match. I mean, I don't want to look stupid.

... Training people is hard. It's exhausting. Who knew it would be so difficult to pass along my massive knowledge of key-punching and being polite to mean people? I. Am. So. Exhausted.

Knight-Wolf: The Lost Book Graphic Novel

2009-03-29T15:11:00.017-04:00

Below is the final cover design for the Knight-Wolf: The Lost Book graphic novel. (I know. I know. Shut up.). Obliviously, that other direction I was talking about. I took it. Just buy the book. Tell your friends and family to buy the book. No. Don't just tell them. Make them! Twist their arms. Use blackmail and/or bribery. Support the Indy market by supporting me. It won't kill you to actually pass up a Big Mac or two. (Most likely. I'm not a doctor, so who really knows but I'm thinking it's worth the risk. Live on the edge. Go for it.)

Oooor maybe this? With a neat little white border top and bottom. Oh. Would this look like a printing error? (Crud. I am sooo messed up.)

Character Bio page from the graphic novel:

In a few days I'll be leaving the cold winter-like Spring of Michigan for the Xanadu that is Florida. While gone I'll be finishing up the trade as well as the film. For good or bad, I'll soon let this aging bird out of the nest which will allow me to begin beating other horses I've had waiting around the stables for quite some time.

Let's play. It's gonna' be a long, long day.

...

Owning a retail business these past few years has been a real eye opener for me. Before this I'd only worked on art. It was basically me and my pencil. Other people weren't even a consideration. Having to spend so much time with the public art large has really been different. I've discovered that I'm a poor salesman (too modest) and a poor businessman (too nice). I've also discovered that by and large most people are really pretty decent. I've also discovered that there's a large number of people that are totally horrible. (I do not like dealing with these people) In between the good and the bad is an army of strange, misfit, weird and sometimes obnoxious people. And I get to deal with them all. Boy. I sure miss those time when it was just me and my pencil. One day, maybe.