The Daily ClusterFuck

A Little Culture for the New Decade

2010-01-02T20:09:00.002-05:00

"we've all lost our way trying to feel good" by Simon Birch

Just liked this a lot

Xmas Break

2009-12-04T12:03:00.002-05:00

So in light of my pending completion of my degree, and the fact that I go to court on January 12 and will subsequently be on probation, I have decided to come home for a few weeks over break and really do it right. So I will be in Rochester from a few days before Christmas until sometime between the 9th and 12th of January. I'm not able to drive until the end of January, so if you want to see me (hint hint) you're going to have to visit me. This may be the closest I get to home for a while so I hope I get to spend a bunch of time with all of you. I took a plea bargain so I'll have the standard faire - year probation, classes, 50 hours community service, 90 license suspension, etc. Once again I don't know if people will check this, but it's at least a little bit more personal than Facebook.
See you in a few weeks! :)

Nothing Worthwhile, but...

2009-11-30T16:54:00.000-05:00

lol

Why is it that every new guy

2009-11-08T23:21:00.001-05:00

looks just fucking like me?

Update

2009-10-27T17:19:00.002-04:00

Allow me to join the ranks of those before me with criminal records. I got an OWI last Wednesday night (DUI to you guys, whatever, you get it) and spent a miserable 11 hours surrounded by people puking and pissing all over the drunk tank. So just so you all know, I'll be on probation starting probably in a few weeks, but this is just about the least of my concerns in my life, besides the amount of money I don't have that it's going to cost me. I don't think anyone even comes on here anymore but if you do there's your update.

Oh Nickelback, You Suck

2009-10-15T13:25:00.004-04:00

This is a wikipedia tribute to how much they suck. Thanks, CollegeHumor.com

Every Nickelback Wikipedia Page Vandalism Ever

Also, here's a picture of their album art for All The Right Reasons. Oh yeah, they totally stole that. Way to be original, douchebags

Cant wait

2009-10-14T21:58:00.001-04:00

for the waiting to end

Worst of the Worst

2009-09-30T07:51:00.003-04:00

Rotten Tomatoes put together this movie list of the worst of the worst movies of all time based upon their user ratings. Some I have never heard of, so not sure how bad they really are, but some you will find definitely deserve to be on here. Enjoy!

FUCK COMCAST

2009-09-28T23:43:00.001-04:00

So I get a letter from comcast explaining how my rate for JUST INTERNET is jumping from 30/month to 60/month on my next bill. And I was aware of this. But I can't wait to call them tomorrow and fucking yell at someone until they keep me on the lower price because comcast internet is truly the worst pile of shit I've ever seen. Our internet tends to cut in and out just about half the time I'm online - in fact it is now. This internet service is NOT worth 60 dollars. It's not even worth 30 frankly. so by raising enough of a fuss I'll give them two options:
1) Keep me at 30 dollars/month or
2) Lose me as a customer

FUCK YOU COMCAST. FUCK YOU IN YOUR GODDAMN BLEEDING CUNT

also I found out today that a class (my independent study) MAGICALLY disappeared from my schedule over the summer so now in order to graduate I have to enroll in it - which seems intelligent to me, but of course this now means I'm paying $3500 out of pocket. i.e. my approximate net worth
fml

NPH

2009-09-27T17:03:00.005-04:00

Yes, I'm talking about Neil Patrick Harris. He's fucking awesome. I watched part of Harold & Kumar 2 earlier today and just reaffirmed how awesome the guy really is. He brings fun and entertaining to every performance he does. He's a drugged up, revved up, oversexed ball of hilarity in Harold & Kumar. I honestly don't really remember his roll on Doogie Howser, because I was really young, but everything else I've seen him in has been gold. Starship Troopers was a greatly underapprieciated film. NPH didn't have a huge part in the movie, but it was great when he was on screen. In the show How I Met Your Mother, NPH plays a hilarious womanizer with amazing "wisdom" to unload on the other character. Again, his part in both Harold & Kumar movies were top notch. He is probably the funniest gay guy in Hollywood. Cottonmouth, he's all yours. The reason I bring this up is twofold: 1) This blog is super boring and 2) I wanted to show you this video. It's over 40 minutes long, but its good nonetheless.

The Resistance

2009-09-20T18:40:00.002-04:00

Here's my official review.
I couldn't agree more with what's been said: meh...
This is an example of a band getting too crazy in the studio and ending up producing something that sounds overwrought and, at times, dare I say a little ridiculous.
It starts out good - Uprising is a good classic style Muse song, with a good hook, and Resistance is a decent song as well (even though the beginning of it is literally the EXACT same as the middle of Citizen Erased off of OoS- come on Matt Bellamy). Two decent tracks, but the beginning of this album has NOTHING on their previous albums. The first time I heard the beginning of Absolution, I knew right then I had to buy the cd just based on one track - and the other albums have similarly explosive beginnings... not so here. If Uprising was the only Muse track I'd ever heard, I don't think I'd give them a chance.
Undisclosed Desires could have caught my attention if it was fleshed out a little better, but I like the chorus, so I'll let it slide as just being a little bit of a throwaway - it'd probably be sweet live though. I like the 80s synth-pop Culture Club kinda sound to it.
Now here is where things get weird. Eurasia just tries to be too epic and ends up coming across as sounding pretty stupid in my opinion. Yeah, we get it, you're channelling Queen... but that was a different time and they created that sound for themselves. Unlike the nods to Queen in BHaR (Soldiers Poem and Knights of Cydonia), Eurasia's "Queen" moments sound out of place and weird. And yeah, we get it you're using the model of the United States for some dystopian future supercountry. But where the political messages were at the exact right time in BHaR, now it just seems like a tired cliche. And Collateral Damage - which is actually just an unnecessarily long quotation of Chopin's famous Eb major nocturne... only with a bunch of wrong notes - is totally unnecessary.
Guiding Light? Boring. Boring. Boring. I've only made it through this track once. It's repetitive, tacky, boring, easily the worst track they have ever written in my opinion. Now looking back on the first couple tracks of this album, you can see its biggest flaw: Muse kinda forgot they were a kickass rock band. No sweet guitar solos, or memorable bass lines, or furious piano/synthesizer arpeggios. It's just all kinda blah. Besides a few nice moments in the first few tracks, there is really no substance here. But then...
THANK FUCKING GOD WE ACTUALLY HAVE A ROCK SONG. Unnatural Selection rocks. Easily one of my favorite tracks on the album. Lightning fast transitions and a good riff. This reminds me of some of their older tracks. Not much to talk about besides that.
MK Ultra is my favorite track. I think it's the most unique and clever track of the album. It's beautiful and rocks at the same time, and it never gets old. This is the one track I've been listening to with great regularity
I Belong to You starts out promising (besides the ridiculously badly conceived "woo!" at the beginning. wtf) Nice funky riff, and the squelchy acid-y bass sound that I always love. But then again with the extensive classical quotations! This time it's from Samson and Delilah. In interviews, Matt Bellamy discussed his experiences seeing the Vienna Opera, and how moving it was. Which is fine, but again - you're a rock band. It almost feels like Muse is pushing to see just how "anti-rock" they can get before they complete alienate their audience. And then when the fast part comes back we're greeted with a rockin... bass clarinet solo. Read those words again. Bass clarinet solo. This is another example of this pushing the envelope too far. And honestly, it could have worked, but whoever's playing is doing it SO unmusically that it may as well be a midi file.
And now we reach the Exogenesis symphony. Which is ok. I like the first "movement" the best out of the three - probably the first time they've successfully created the epic sound they've been trying to create for the whole album. The second and third parts are fine, but it's more of that slow, meandering, unmemorable music. Kind of like the beginning of Invincible before the sweet guitar solo in it.
There are certainly some great moments in The Resistance, but it's like Muse is just yelling "we're a great band! we'll be one of the best! we're going to change music forever!". What were intended to be nods to great musicians and composers end up sounding like self-righteous bullshit, and coming from a classically trained musician, usually end up making Matt Bellamy seem less talented than he actually is - the Chopin Nocturne, in particular, just reeks to me of people I'd always meet who really weren't that great of pianists but would learn to play the same 5 songs in a really half assed way to show off to people, even if their memorization wasn't quite right or even if it was a little sloppy - it's classical music for idiots (no offense meant by that comment, I know it's really elitist of me to say). When Black Holes and Revelations came out I couldn't stop listening to it. Literally. for months. I was finding new things in each track with every listen, and I loved it. I have only listened to The Resistance once all the way through. And I had to check with myself to make sure it wasn't just because my music tastes have changed (because admittedly, I didn't listen to Uplifter or Mantis nearly as much as I should have - the latter I'm listening to more again now :) ). But it's just that The Resistance isn't that strong of an album.
Muse tried to write their Magnum Opus, their Rock Opera. And it just didn't work. Too much strings, too little shredding, too much classical, not enough rock, too much quoting others, not enough coming up with something interesting to say. Well at least we got a couple good tracks out of it...
-Cottonmouth Out

Hahaha, I Hate the iPhone

2009-09-17T21:15:00.002-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

By Now You Probably Know What Kanye Did

2009-09-16T11:31:00.002-04:00

This is my review of the MTV Music Awards. Yes, 3 days later. Yes, it's MTV, who gives a shit?

Did anyone watch it? The intro with Madonna talking about Michael Jackson was done with class. The dance tribute after that was awesome, with some screw ups here and there. But I'll allow it...they aren't MJ. Janet singing and dancing to "Scream" was awesome, even if her voice sounded off and she missed a spin. Still an amazing opener.

Russel Brand is alright as a host. He's able to bring the mood up, even with the whole Kanye thing. You know, the thing everyone is talking about. Where, at the beginning of the show, Taylor Swift beat out Beyonce for Best Female Video and (unprovoked) Kayne runs on stage, takes the mic and says that Beyonce should have won. Leaving Taylor standing there dumbfounded. She's like 17 (not sure, don't care). That is just a disrespectful display of shit that Kanye is known for. He's such a douchebag. Glad he got booed off and didn't win anything. The horrible part is that they didn't let her finish. The producers forced her off the stage. Glad to see that they care for anyone. Luckily for Taylor, Beyonce has enough class to bring her back out to finish her speech.

The skits with Eminem and Tracy Morgan were alright.

Taylor Swift had a nice lip-syncing performance. Lady Gaga is fucking nuts. Beyonce had a good performance. Green Day I fast forwarded. Muse was alright, wished for more. Didn't watch Pink but she did some trapeze work.

The worst part of the show for me was the Rock Video of the Year award (I think that what its called). It showed me the horrendously decrepit state of rock and roll nowadays. The songs nominated for Best Rock Video (maybe that's the name of the award) are THE WORST FUCKING DEPICTIONS OF ROCK I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!! They might as well have put Kayne in that race. I wanted to cry. This is why I don't listen to much new music. Because it sucks. I weep for future generations.

Well, something MTV did is garnering buzz around the country. These awards are jokes. Still fun to watch the show. Even if the shit winning is terrible

In Brief

2009-09-15T21:13:00.002-04:00

From the LA times review of "The Resistance":

You don't have to make it all the way through "Exogenesis," the three-part symphony that closes the new album, before you start hankering for a Nickelback-style chorus.

WTF??? If there's one thing I NEVER have a hankering for, it's a nickelback style ANYTHING

I'm only on track 3 so far (I've been out and about) but so far it's good - I don't know if it's grabbing me quite as much as Black Holes and Revelations, but I also haven't been smoking when I listen to it and it's still too early to tell... I'll post my full review later

Good News for a Fucking Change

2009-09-15T16:40:00.002-04:00

So I got great news today in the form of the fact that I got cast as the character I wanted in the Magic Flute down here (the character is Papageno, the bird catcher). I was up against like 10 other guys and was one of two selected for it - it's a pretty huge deal - he's not the LEAD per se, but I have 3 solo arias, which is more than anyone else in the show, and I'm the comic relief which means I'm gonna be everyone's favorite character. As long as I don't suck at it haha. But yeah, the shows are November 13,14,20,21, the singing is in German and the dialogue is in English (it's about half and half). I would love as many of you as possible to come down here - it's a brand new production so it's liable to be just as impressive as the production for La Boheme when I did it. if you can't make it, it's gonna be streamed in high definition online with subtitles. But yeah... I've been waiting for a week and a half for the casting results and I almost started laughing and crying hysterically when I found out because it's been stressing me out so much. Not only that - but there's probably two songs you'll actually recognize from the show! One of them is used in the red bull commercial where the cat eats the bird (bird catcher- get it?) and the other one is also in a bunch of commercials and such.
So I know I'm rambling but this is like the first exciting thing to happen in my life in weeks besides getting really drunk all the time.
So much love to you all, I will remind you about this when it gets closer, but a road trip down here around that time would be awesome. I'll try to get up there before then, but if not, don't forget I'm not in school anymore next semester... i.e. trip to FL anyone?
-Cottonmouth out

Mushrooms for Christmas

2009-09-15T00:04:00.006-04:00

I didn't read this whole thing (I might eventually) but this is a LONG article discussing the relationship of magic mushrooms to Christmas and Christianity in general. Pretty interesting stuff. Ya know, if you're like me and enjoy mushrooms.

www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/atlantean_conspiracy/atlantean_conspiracy45.htm

my favorite quote:
"If you have mischief, wickedness, or secrecy in you, then entheogens [e.g. natural psychedelics, used for the intention of a religious experience] will take you down into the depths of your own hell. But if you have kindness, love, and truth within you, entheogens will raise you up into the heights of that heaven. When people of a poor disposition or in a negative mood eat magic mushrooms they usually have a “bad trip” and experience frightening or depressing hallucinations."

So what this tells me is I have kindness, love and truth in me :) EDIT: oh, and also mushrooms

Slap Chop Rap

2009-09-13T15:08:00.003-04:00

So some guy made this video, and it's pretty amusing.

The hilarious part is that Slap Chop now uses this video for a commercial selling the product. They edited it for time, but they left in the "You're gonna love my nuts" part!

"It's Always Sunny" Drinking Game

2009-09-10T17:12:00.001-04:00

We already used to do something like this but... courtesy of college humor:

-Drink everytime somebody uses the following phrases

--"throwing down life lessons"

--"what's up, bitches?"

--"pop that shirt off"

--"you want 'x' to pop" (ie "you want your muscles to pop," "this will make your eyes pop")

-Drink anytime the Gang mocks one another with a display of fake crying.

-Drink anytime someone in the Gang points something out as racist.

-Drink anytime someone is drinking on the show. 2x drink if it's a member of the gang.

-Drink anytime Dee is referred to as "Sweet Dee" by one of the Gang.

-Drink for any demeaning reference to Sweet Dee as old, ugly, untalented, or any combination thereof.

-Drinkfor any reference to Sweet Dee's backbrace.
--2x drink if they refer toher as a monster or "Aluminum Monster."
--3x drink if the back brace actually appears.

-Drinks for anytime Sweet Dee refers to the gang as "boners."

-Drink for any evidence of Charlie's illiteracy, or references to it by the Gang.

-Drinkanytime Frank brandishes a gun, or anyone brandishes a weapon.
--2xdrinks for characters other than Frank brandishing a gun.

-Drink anytime Frank wants "in on this action."

-Drinkanytime somebody is shown on drugs, or any reference to past drug use(including Charlie sniffing glue).
--2x drinks if they are shown taking the drugs or sniffing glue.

-Drink for any instance of a homoerotic massage.

-Drink anytime Charlie appears in long Johns.

-Drink for any appearance of the Waitress.
--2x drinks if the Gang actually calls her "waitress."

-drink for any appearance of the McPoyles or Rickety Cricket.

-Drink anytime someone in the Gang punctuates a point with "Boom!" or "Bam!"

-Drink anytime something is set on fire. 2x if it is a person or other living thing.

Following these guidelines, you should be fucked up or dead by the end of any episode.

To Compare

2009-09-10T00:21:00.001-04:00

the original opening

"is it because it kind of looks like a boob?"... honestly hock...

;)

Random Thoughts from 25-35 Year Olds

2009-09-09T17:35:00.006-04:00

I found this article while stumbling around the internet. These are some of the funnier thoughts, but I definitely will say to check out the full list.

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
sticks when they've invented the lighter?

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Bad decisions make good stories

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

And my favorite:
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

2001: A Space Odyssey

2009-09-08T16:20:00.002-04:00

I have never before in history laughed so hard I cried at an online video. Until now. It's total music dorkdom but holy shit I like totally lost control by the end of this. Turn up the speakers for full effect.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Ten Commandments of College

2009-09-05T10:07:00.001-04:00

I found this on College Humor and figured we could all relate in some way:

Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild...in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping...in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school's logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don't need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good.

This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smote!

Smoking for the First Time

2009-09-04T09:17:00.003-04:00

I just happened to stumble upon a website with this article. It's called the Inner Monologue of a Guy Smoking Weed for the First Time. It is some funny shit. Sorry, I couldn't put it more elegant than that.

This is 2 years old?

2009-09-04T01:37:00.004-04:00

This is what you miss when you don't visit collegehumor.com for a couple years...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

It would have been better if they were constantly dancing and then busted into their parts

I give this concept two thumbs way down

2009-08-29T12:04:00.003-04:00

Nothing about this seems like a good idea - besides the obvious I don't really want to be looking at a fake girl ass while peeing, I'm imagining all the guys rubbing their junk on these things. While peeing. And then there's those guys who are horny and easily aroused - add trying not to piss all over the place with a hardon to the mix. And is this really what "normal" guys like? pissing between a girl's legs? I mean I appreciate a golden shower as much as the next guy but... really?
Eww.
Oh, and also...
Gross.