What Jonah Thinks

2004-08-06T09:47:00.000-04:00

What's got two thumbs and is back in the NYC?

This Guy!

Yes people, after having unlimited, free internet in Budapest I was dragged kicking and screaming to Paris. There I was treated to internet with french keyboards that cost 8 bucks an hour. Now I love you people but I aint going to throw my cizash away just to blog about how much I hate the French.

But now I'm back. And I got a new perspective on the stupidity of the world. So be ready cause Jonah's been doin a lot of thinkin.

At least AIR CONDITION your damn country!

2004-07-15T04:21:00.000-04:00

KOPS

Have you ever seen a Swedish movie dubbed into Hungarian? The Thinker has!

Kops or Zsernyakok in Hungarian is the story of a small town police station in Sweden which is threatened with being shut down. Why? Because they haven't had a reported crime in 10 years! (ps. I'm moving to Sweden)

The cast of characters is pretty good but stealing the show is BENNY, played by Torkel Petersson. This guy rocks. He often dreams of being a real crime fighter and he knits headbands for all his peeps.

Bad kops, bad kops, whatcha gonna do?

Jonah says: "Go forth and find this movie! Rent it. Watch it."

2004-07-13T01:47:00.000-04:00

WJT 1000

And a big mazal tov to yours truly. WJT has finally had its 1000th visitor. In the future tell your friends about the wisdom you have gained from WJT. Still way to many people out there thinking for themselves.

I love WhatJonahThinks!

Jonah says: "Thanks for your support!"

2004-07-13T01:36:00.000-04:00

PIMP MY RIDE

For those of you not in the know, the Commies did do something right:

THE TRABANT

2 words, CHANNUKAH PRESENT!

I want to bring one of these commie bad boys back to the states, drop her down a couple of inches, throw in some hydraulics and out hipster-cool the whole city. They even make a 2 door station wagon. So dope!

Jonah says: "Xibit, PLEASE pimp my ride!"

2004-07-12T18:17:00.000-04:00

Don't ask. Just DONT FUCK WITH BENNY!

2004-07-12T14:11:00.000-04:00

Hungary Mourns

The people of Hungary took to the streets today to commemorate the passing of Isabel Sanford, best known for her role as "Weezie Jefferson."

"She meant so much to the Hungarian people," said Hegy Kszymonok with tears streaming down his face. "It was 'The Jeffersons' that taught the Hungarian people that we could have a better life, if the Jeffersons could 'Move on Up,' then so could we!"

Weezie visited her Hungarian fans often

R.I.P. Isabel Sanford 1918-2004

2004-07-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

What Do You Mean "Customer Service?"

In the latest of many encounters with Europeans who hate you for making them do your job The Thinker encountered the sauna attendant. So with the goal of sweating out the various libations drank at the Buddah Bar until my 330am trip to McDonald's, my boy Brian and I headed down to the sauna (that's right, I live in a dorm in the suburbs of Budapest, and we got a sauna BIYATCH!). So in we go past the desk from where this man orchestrates his reign of terror over the sauna/pool/workout room area and he was not there. No problem as they have about 10,000 "use the sauna at your own risk" signs. Anyway, we get in ant it feels a little chilly for a sauna. We go back out to try to turn it on and find this guy, the Stalin of the CEU sauna, looking upon us with disdain.

Then this fucker begins to give us a lecture on signage and just how it works. You see, if we had "bothered to read the sign outside of the front door" we would have known that the pool is open at 2pm but the sauna turns on at 6. TO me this was the perfect example of the European mentality. Basically it's have lots of rules, and make them really hard to find so that you can treat people like shit when they break them by accident. This scumbag could have said "oh, I guess you missed the sign on your way in, it is pretty small and out of the way." But no, we were the transgressors. We had to be put in our place. As we left we checked every sign, 3 hours later we found the one he was talking about.

Was this too much to ask?

2004-07-08T12:58:00.000-04:00

WHAT THE F@$#K?

After being informed by my main man Thigh Master of the state of Hungarian Secondary School mis-education, I thought some thoughts from behind the goulash curtain were in order.

In case you missed it yours truly, the Thinker is livin in the land of few vowels, bourekas and kick ass bus songs (more on that in a moment). Anywhoo, it seems that old G.W. Bush is quite the hated figure here. Maybe so but at least they still think Hitler was worse.

Another story of Hungary. Walking from school (Big Ups CEU!) the other day I was remarking to my boys how I had read of the promiscuity of the Hungarian populace. And it took the Hungarian people just a matter of seconds to show me just how promiscuous these Hungarian ladies really is. There to our left was an old woman standing by a fountain giving her dog the old red rocket (second definition). Once again folks, this is Budapest and I shit you not!

As you let that one sink in I'll give you a little info on the transportation here. All the busses and trains have plenty of room to stuff people in uncomfortably between the seats. The doors on the public transport here (especially the commie left overs) slam shut faster and harder than the thighs of a Druish Princess. You get out of the way, or lose a limb. Sometimes you see busses go by with severed body parts hanging from the doors...

Ok that last part was not serious. I guess the commies realized the people might not like getting maimed by the doors so to make you feel better after running for your life not to be in the door's way, you get a little jingle not so unlike the Ice Cream Man. And wouldn't you know it, lots of people eating ice cream on the bus and train.

So that's Budapest so far. Still to come: The Statue Park and a club in a boat.

Jonah says: "Come to Budapest, my minions. This place rocks!"

2004-07-07T01:32:00.000-04:00

I'M HUNGARY!

Sorry for the delay people, Budapest is just too damn fun to spend time blogging. I know you mere mortals are in danger of not knowing what to think but I'm soaking up the ex-communist attitude that working too hard is for suckers.

Anyway, I'm here at the Central European University learning to make people agree (by telling the WHATJONAHTHINKS!). Just wanted to let you all know that Jonah is still thinking, even when I'm Hungary.

2004-06-28T13:19:00.000-04:00

Jonah Thinks Florence Is Cool

I am writing from Rome after 3 pretty great days in Florence. Nice city they got there. I was able to eat pasta for the first time as well as almost drop dead from biking up the Tuscan countryside.

Got to pray in the great Synagogue there Friday night, quite an experience. The Nazis had used this Synagogue for a parking lot but 60 years later there we were. Small in number but still aware that what we were doingamountedd to our victory. I had a difficult time controlling my emotions.

The Synagogue in question

2004-06-23T12:05:00.000-04:00

Thinker in Italy

Yes ladies and gentlemen its true, the thinker has left the building. After many many hours of planes trains and 0 automobiles, I made it safely to Venice. I am shocked and amazed at this place. I mean, its nothing like the Venetian. Well except for the bridge.

The Vegas version leads to a mall.

This is the real thing, it IS a mall!

Jonah says: "As I will be in |Europe for the next 6 weeks, updates will be sparse. I'm sure this wont be easy for you, but I believe you will survive. Next update to be from Florence."

2004-06-18T13:46:00.000-04:00

True Democracy

In Israel this week a Jewish Israeli man was convicted of incitement to racism. His crime? The man, a fan of the Betar Yerushalyim soccer team, shouted "death to Arabs" during a game in December 2001. He explained that there was nothing wrong with what he had done because to be a Betar fan is to shout "death to Arabs." There's idiots everywhere folks.

I was reminded of an afternoon I had spent in Jerusalem in January 2003 with my cousins. We share an affinity for the cheap, knockoff merchandise sold in the street bazaar's of Israel. My favorite purchase to this point: a black skully that said "Dallas Comboy." Anyway, in one store I saw a yellow soccer fan scarf that said Betar Yerushalyim on it. I grabbed it cause it looked cool, ignorant of the political affiliations of Betar's fan base. "Not that one" said my cousin, "they hate Arabs." Then I remembered that in most of the rest of the world sports teams have political leanings.

So I put the scarf back, still a little disappointed that my cool ass scarf was similar to a Klan hood, and we left. When we got back to their apartment I was presented with a different scarf. This one was red and said Hapoel Yerushalyim. "That's who we like" I was told. I knew what that meant.

In another Israeli soccer story, Bnei Sakhnin won the Israeli state soccer championship a month ago. Sakhnin is an Israeli Arab village. The team is made up of Arabs and Jews. The fan base is made up of Arabs and Jews from all over northern Israel. The country celebrated. Sometimes politics and sports really do mix.

This (shockingly) got me thinking. You know, in much of the Arab world "death to America" and "death to the Jews" are looked at in much the same way that this scumbag in Jerusalem looked at his chants. More a cheer like the "eat shit," "fuck you" at Camp Randall then a call to arms. If you are living in Iran you chant "death to America." In Jenin or the Bekkaa valley "death to the Jews." Not always because you really think all Americans or Jews should die, just because that is the way you cheer your team. Hell, when I go to watch IU or the Gmen play I am not a nice person. I want to see that other side finished and out of my way. In jest, I often wish for stadium collapse during Michigan/Notre Dame games.

why am I telling you this? Guess I'm just reconsidering the true power of words. Perhaps I should wish a little less pain on those stupid enough to go to Purdue?...

There is only one place in the Middle East where either of these stories could have happened. That place is Israel. One reason is that the rest of the Arab world short of Morocco was cleansed of its Jews in the early 50's. SO there couldn't be a Jewish team winning the Iranian soccer title, they kicked just about all the Jews out. Another is that there is no other country in the region with a legal system honest and reliable enough to enforce the law equally among the citizens. There you go.

2004-06-18T13:16:00.000-04:00

Everyone Listens To whatjonahthinks

After finding a clearly erroneous definition of the "gas face" on my beloved Urban Dictionary I was outraged. After pointing out their obvious error I received this reply:

Thanks for your recent recommendation to remove a word from Urban
Dictionary. Our editors have reviewed your suggestion and agree
that the definition of "gas face" by "Peter Fitzwell" should be removed.

We appreciate your input.

Urban Dictionary

P.W. Botha, gets the GAS FACE>

Jonah says: "We can all now sleep comfortably at night. A great injustice has been corrected. Generations of young children will never be mislead about the meaning of the "gas face" ever again!"

2004-06-18T08:54:00.001-04:00

FF ROCKS!

In celebration of my release from the clutches of New York State Supreme Court (and with a bit of luck) I joined my main man Thigh Master at last nights Franz Ferdinand show at Webster Hall.

Now, I like these guys. Shitty lyrics but some sweeeeet sound.

Jonah says: "Check these Scots out, they friggin rock!"

Glasgow Rangers Suck!

2004-06-18T08:40:00.000-04:00

I'm Back Biyatches

SO you thought it was over.

You thought I was done, kaput, el finito.

How wrong you were.

The government tried to shut me down by putting me on a jury and telling me not to talk to anybody, but it couldn't last forever.

AND NOW, after 3 minutes of deliberations...

JONAH THINKS AGAIN!

2004-06-01T11:35:00.000-04:00

60 Centre Street Rocks!

Why? You ask.

Because even the courtrooms are wireless. So right now I am sitting here waiting for the attorneys to finish reading the extremely informative juror questionnaires. Wonder what they are going to learn about me except that I live with my parents.

The clock in this room is an hour fast. Man I hope they put me on this one.

And still no signs of Pauly Shore.

2004-06-01T10:12:00.000-04:00

TWO DOWN

So they still think I'm having more fun playing on my computer than I would telling them what to think.

Fools.

Anyway, at this rate I should be called and not chosen many times before this ordeal is over.

Go NY Civil Court!

2004-06-01T10:01:00.000-04:00

One Down

Just made it through the first call of names without being selected. Only five more days of this? Bring it on yo.

2004-06-01T09:10:00.000-04:00

ITS JURY TIME!

For the next week or so it has been decided that the courts of New York County will be listening to what Jonah thinks. As a special treat for all, I will keep what the Sports Guy calls a running diary.

Its amazing, everybody here wears togas.

Jonah says: "I'm paying $9 a day to bring this joy into your lives."

2004-05-25T00:26:00.000-04:00

BUSTED COMPUTER
Sorry people. I know you wait for my words. My damn computer broke. Until its fixed, very little blogging.
But next week: BLOGGING FROM JURY DUTY!

2004-05-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

The Baddest Man Alive

In an amount of time I would consider a less than good night's sleep, a super Sherpa climbed Mt. Everest. I mean, this MF climbed that bitch in 8 hours and 10 minutes! How mint is that? (Wink wink Thigh Master)

Apparently this guy thought he was on his way to the mall.

Jonah says: "Hell, I get winded after a flight of stairs."

2004-05-21T00:13:00.000-04:00

Whatever Happened to the Military-Industrial Complex?

You know the term. The great military-industrial complex that was talked about throughout the cold war. Build up the military, go to war occasionally and you will prop up the economy. Guns, bombs, tanks, planes, ships...they all need to be built and paid for. This is hundreds of billions of dollars pumped directly into the American economy. This is not the case during the present war and that is a shock.

Republicans are supposed to be the ones who only spend government money on overbuilding the military. But instead they are cutting taxes and troop size. Going deep into debt again but without it having any benefits for the American people. If we are going to go deep into debt to fight an ever growing conflict against radical Islam, we might as well put people to work doing it. And I'm not talking about by hiring private security firms to run prisons and guard politicos.

This is another failure of the Rumsfeld Pentagon. He believes that we can do everything with a small, highly specialized and effective force. He has been proven wrong. We need at least another 150,000 troops in Iraq right now. We need to raise base military pay to convince more to join. We need to build them the best possible equipment, in American factories. Bring back some of the many bases closed and rejuvenate the local economies in those places.

Everyone says we are at war. If that's the case then I think its about time the Homeland acted like it.

This guy just cant get a damn thing right.

Jonah says: "Iraq can still be successful. If they would just listen to WHATJONAHTHINKS!"

2004-05-20T15:10:00.000-04:00

WHAT AN ASSHOLE

Yassir Arafat, who directed the Munich massacre of Israeli Olympians has announced that he is going to be working to help protect the Athens Olympics from terrorist attacks. Can you imagine the fucking gall of this scumbag?

This is like Osama announcing he was going fight against any terrorist attacks on the Republican National Convention. I mean, the man cant even control his own people and he's going to protect the Olympics? Shit, the Greeks can't even protect the games, and they are the damn hosts. You have to wonder about what is going on in his mind.

NO, I said DON'T bomb the Olympics!

Jonah says: "If he is not the very definition of RATBASTARD, I don't know what is."

2004-05-20T15:01:00.000-04:00

Venice, Illinois?

Horror of horrors, Chicago is sinking! Scientists have found out that water from Canada is slowly moving south, causing the US to sink. Chitown will be the first to go.

Is this a secret Canadian plot to sink the United States? Only time will tell.

On his way to Wrigley?

Jonah says: "It's cool, as long as they save Sweet Lou's."

2004-05-19T20:32:00.000-04:00

JONAH 500

That's rights folks. WJT has reached 500 hits!

Carl says: "WJT is almost as cool as the drummer from Foghat."

Jonah says: "Thank you for your support. VISIT MORE OFTEN! TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"