AtelierNaff

Design vs. Decoration

2009-10-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

I recently went through a bad breakup. It was one of those last-straw things, where I just decided it was Over. Right. Now.

It was with my wallet. I had been very loyal to this wallet, to the extent of always having a backup on hand in case the current one suffered a mishap. It was a kind of unusual wallet - Japanese inden (lacquer on deerskin) leather, in a kisslock-within-a-kisslock design. Credit cards in the inner compartment, coins on one side, bills on the other. Nice tactile experience, satisfying click-click - we were happy together until one day I realized I was fed up with wadding up my paper money to fit inside. (I'm pretty sure the wallet wasn't designed to be used for paper money.)

So I was on the hunt. My priorities:

Nice tactile experience
Clear compartments for cards, coins, bills, with no spillage and minimal manipulation required
Red
Interesting design

I looked at Asprey, Balenciaga, Bottega Veneta, Celine, Chanel, Dior, Etro, Ferragamo, Henri Cuir, Hermes, Lanvin, Liberty of London, Louis Vuitton, Prada, YSL. (You can tell I got tired, because I started skipping whole chunks of the alphabet.)

I left out Coach, because I have a thing about them; Dooney &; Bourke, because I have an even worse thing about them. (Note that I did manage to get over my thing about Louis Vuitton enough to give them a serious look.) Oh, and I'm mad at Mulberry, too. And Marc Jacobs. And for the record, I didn't look at Target etc. because - well, see priority #1 above. Also, I'm a snob.

What I found was: they are all essentially the same. It's like there is a fixed set of wallet designs, and everybody has them. They apply their own decoration to the exterior, but the interiors are as interchangeable as Pez inserts.

There's The Fold, long and short.

Dolce & Gabbana and Marc Jacobs fold wallets; Louis Vuitton with the elastic wraparound

Long slot for the bills, multiple credit card slots. I can tell you from experience that if the slots are oriented toward an open side, it's pretty darn easy to lose a card or two. (There's a nice variation on The Fold by LV with an elastic wrap that takes care of the loss problem.)

The Zip-Around, long and short.

Hermes Azap; Balenciaga interior; Prada gusseted wallet; pretty nice Chanel interior

Like The Fold, but without the losing-credit-cards problem. An SA will try to sell you on these by saying you can also store a lipgloss inside. Only if you are prepared to pick it up off the floor every time you open your wallet.

And what I call The Mullet.

Celine mullets with fold wallets on one side, and a snap-flap coin purse on the
other (top); or zipped purse (bottom).

It's one thing on one side, and something completely different on the other. Too much manipulation required to open side A, deal with coins, make sure it's closed before opening side B to deal with everything else, so you don't spill the coins all over the floor. Also, ugly.

Well, of course, I don't like any of 'em. Partly because they don't reconsider anything. No matter how different it looks on the outside -

Liberty of London zip; Balenciaga fold; Maison Martin Margiela fold; Pucci mullet.

- the inside is the same old thing, combinations of known elements in various configurations.

same as above

What's up with that? In a functional object, doesn't the most interesting part of the design challenge have to do with the functionality itself? Why just slap a bow or some studs on something someone else designed? So I continued looking for something a little more… considered.

And what did I end up with? The Hermès Dogon Compact.

Grey image shows the interior pocket configuration - from front to back:
zipped coin purse; slip pocket; 2 portrait credit-card slots; larger slip pocket.

Nice tactile experience - check! Smooth calf (veau rodeo) exterior with nice visual texture. Baby-butt lamb interior.
Clear compartments for cards, coins, bills - check! Flip up the cover, and everything is there, oriented in the right direction.
- There are two primary credit card slots, then a combined slot for the rest of them. This is smart design - 99% of the time I am after either my credit card or my bank card. (It's also much easier to tell the two apart with an inch of the card's end showing, rather than a small strip of the card's top as in most wallets.) The occasional traffic stop sends me after my drivers license and insurance card, but those are really, really infrequent. Honest!
- The bills are folded in half in the back slot. I like this - somehow it feels easier (and less formal) than the full length bill slot (which often require a little fussing to get the bills in place).
Red - check! (Rouge moyen, specifically.)
Interesting design - check! And I looove the closure. I've had other things with this over-and-through closure, including a Balenciaga bag I should totally not have sold.

Hermès Dogon, Hermès cabas, Balenciaga purse

And now I have to use it for the rest of my life. On a cost-per-use basis, assuming I live to 85… well, never mind.

photos from yoox.com, styledrops.com, hermes.com, yahoo.jp, and my own.

His and Hers

2009-10-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

This is Mr. Naff's ideal watch.

Casio G-Shock

Tells you the time accurately and unambiguously. Every day it checks the radio transmission from the official US atomic clock and corrects itself by a psquillionth of a second (if necessary). Solar powered, so it never needs a new battery. Beeps every hour, so you'll know just how long you've been sitting on the plane. (Sorry, honey.) Has a stopwatch and a countdown timer. (I only recently figured out the difference between these.) It lights up in the dark, adjusts its time-zone automatically when you travel, and knows the time in 48 cities. Although you don't get to choose which 48 - what if I don't want to know the time in New York, but I'd like to add, say, Thunder Bay, or Sligo? Too bad! Still, it's a pretty functional watch.

This is my ideal watch.

Carrera y Carrera Aqua Jewelry Watch

Yellow gold bezel, mother-of-pearl face, crocodile strap. Features: hour and minute hands, winding thingy, something Swiss inside. Interchangeable bezels allow you to decide just how much time you want to know about today. Paisley! Everything one needs, really.

photos casio.com and www.carreraycarrera.com

WTF Celine?!

2009-10-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

Wow. I know Celine went into a bit of an accessories tailspin after the lovely Clandestine season (when was that? Spring 06?), but I didn't realize just how bad it was. I was Yooxing last night and came across these:

Yeowch! Lumpy shapes, lumpy patch pockets, lumpy patchwork, and a lumpy logo on the front - all elements for the absence of which Celine is properly known. (Yeah, read it again.)

When did this happen? Was it the missing season after Ivana Omazic was fired and before Phoebe Philo got her bearings? In other words… were they designed by the receptionist? The FedEx guy's sister-in-law? Oh but wait, that would be Fall 09, this very season we're in right now, so in that case they'd still be gathering dust in stores and not yet banished to Yoox. So it had to be last year at least, and the lumpy insect/superhero logo -

(which I think is meant to be a Napoleonic bee) links them to the wretched Watch Me collection of fall 08.

Celine: this is what happens when you tell your designer to clean out her desk - oh, but first, please finish up the current season's runway show.

I dunno, maybe there's a design statement there, but I don't get it. What I do get is a strong whiff of the 70's - not homage or ironic reinterpretation, but really the kind of thing you might find in the back of the attic or at a yard sale, and you'd never quite be sure it was made of real leather. And apart from the whiffy design, they mess with the one thing for which you could count on Celine: the construction.

This is what's known as a "hot mess":

Why is the outline all lumpy? What is that gap on the edge? The appliqué pocket looks poorly fitted and is exposing some stitching I think it's supposed to cover. The seams are crooked. And the top-stitching!! Really, it's shocking. Aren't you shocked?

This is what we'll be getting next from Celine, now that Phoebe is on board.

Not exciting exactly, but at least looks well put together and altogether more Celine-y. And it's restful, a drink of cool water after the... other stuff. (Sorry, I had nowhere to go with that metaphor.)

Meanwhile, speaking of stitching, I was recently asked why I'm not a fan of Henri Cuir. Here is why:

Henri Cuir

"Ah, but eet ees all steetched by ze hand!" says Henri.

Yeah, well, so's this:

Hermès

Get over yourself, Henri. When I buy a handmade luxury item, I want it to look better than something I can make myself. And honestly, the bar is not that high.

photos from yoox.com, style.com, barneys.com, ebay.com

Noblesse oblige

2009-09-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

I have a surfeit of magazines. My apartment is replete with magazines. J'en ai trop.

When I get overwhelmed by the stacks (not quite at the point where it's difficult to find a path from the front door to the back bedroom, say) I sit myself down and flip through the old issues, pulling out specific pages that appeal to me - an article here, a couture dress there - and toss the remaining chaff. And then when the pile of torn-out pages threatens a coup, I toss them out too. It's a multi-stage process.

Anyway, this weekend I was pulling pages. And for the hell of it, I pulled together a bunch of the "Last Laugh" pages from W Magazine - a back-page "humour" column from the putative Countess Louise J. Esterhazy, who is apparently really John Fairchild, former publisher of Women's Wear Daily, where he was known for being a bitch.

Fairchild (right); and his alter-ego in the front row

I understand that I am on shaky ground, complaining about an aged grouch writing "humorous" random bits about fashion under an assumed name. But nobody's paying me. (I wish they would. Somebody?)

The Countess's themes are repetitive: The deplorable state of everything today - fashion and manners have gone to the dogs, standards are slipping everywhere, even elite society ain't what it used to be - interspersed with uninformed Republican nonsense.

My problem is this: If you're going to write for a fashion magazine, no matter how venerable you are, shouldn't you at least like fashion? According to the Countess, the last time anything good happened in fashion, Coco Chanel was still alive.

Readers have been writing in and complaining, apparently. But the last straw for me was the Countess's review of Alexander McQueen's Fall 09 collection. The show was staged around a giant pile of debris from previous collection sets, and the clothes were referential and parodic of previous iconic looks. The Countess was not amused. "We don't need such humiliation of fashion in this day and age," s/he wrote, before wandering off into a reminiscence of Coco in her atelier.

I understand that McQueen isn't for everybody...

…and that one of the fabrics used in the collection bore a resemblance to a certain recognizable thin black plastic...

…and the models wore headpieces of recycled soda cans and discarded lampshades (beautifully crafted, of course)

...and that some people might be a tiny bit sensitive about linking fashion with trash (I mean literal trash, not Paris Hilton).

But the collection also included mad detailing

...and exuberant tailoring (is that an oxymoron?)

...and this suit, which is terrific even though the model is wearing a hubcap on her head.

If you can't find something in this collection to love, or at least to be interested in, then you shouldn't be writing about fashion, say I.

Meanwhile, over at Chanel - well, we do have a version of The Chanel Suit, topped off with some sort of doily/porkpie hat

...and this funny take on the classic Chanel bag that I hope to god will make it to stores.

In other words, Things Change. I imagine a Countess finds such change hard to take; but in that case, said Countess should be sitting in her schloss in Gstaad drinking absinthe and writing her memoirs.

And this month's W is "The Fashion Issue." Wubbidy? Aren't they all fashion issues?

photos from style.com and wmagazine.com

How do they get away with it?

2009-08-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

I have fiiiiiiiiinally got an iPhone. AtelierNaff joins the Now. Or maybe the Five Minutes Ago, I don't know.

But I am so annoyed with Apple for embedding this useful device inside a bar of soap.

In the bottom of my bag, where I find everything by touch, I can quickly identify my Balenciaga coin purse, Japanese inden wallet, Bottega Veneta keychain...

...Chico grocery bag, cheap faux-leather glasses case, and former chunky, rectangular phone - all by their texture or some touchable characteristic.

But the iPhone is invisible; my fingers slide over it like water. It's ungraspable, and it's fragile: if you drop it, it breaks:

and then it has a second life as a work of art.

It's the same problem with Apple notebooks: they are slippery fish with no-relief contours, prone to being dropped down the stairs of the parking garage. Windows notebooks, on the other hand, tend to have protrusions and texture - and what's more, they thrive on being dropped. Your Lenovo doesn’t boot? Whap it against the wall. Voilà, fixed. (And if not, you're no worse off, right?)

The fragility thing is an issue. I do have a whole philosophy around the Luxury of Fragility, but it does not extend to the high-use practical object, which must be able to be used for the purpose for which it is intended, without injuring either the object or its owner.

A whole parasitic sub-industry has built up around Apple's inability to adequately protect their own products from daily use. There are more ways to dress up your iPhone than you can shake a bar of soap at.

65000 eBay listings give you a lot of cases like these:

...about which, the less said the better; and logo-y things like these:

...which I’m assuming are fake - otherwise, shame on LV. (Coach - well, whatever.)

On the artisanal side, there are some much nicer options:

wenge-wood case from etsy.com; metal case from EXOvault

I really like the refined but low-tech look of these. The wooden case is lovely, but I don't want to have to slide open a case to access the phone - I just want a shell that leaves the features directly accessible. The steam-punk brass case provides that, and virtually defines both "skookum" and "awesome", but it also weighs more than the iPhone itself and interferes with its reception. Boo.

These art skins are potentially cool, and available in a million patterns, with matching wallpaper:

...but the template reveals that although the iPhone requires a goddamn outfit, it's not well-designed to wear one. It has all its little porty things around the edges that need to be accommodated by the case/shell/skin. The only kind of cover that preserves the design integrity of the iPhone itself appears to require a surgeon's dexterity to apply.

The older, more rectangular versions of the phone inspired this DIY grip, which I think is brilliant:

instructions here

...and I was shopping for non-industrial quantities of gaffer's tape when I compared the template with the one above and realized it wouldn't work for my phone; and besides, I'm not to be trusted with an X-acto knife.

I can't think of any other high-use product that requires some kind of additional cladding to make it fit for use. Some Hermès bag owners think that light-coloured bags need their handles wrapped with Hermès scarves before wearing, so as not to sully the leather with, you know, hands.

But that practice has not spawned a sub-industry, only justified the purchase of additional Hermès silk. Different issue.

Anyway, now I am on the search for the Perfect Case - yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want: a fitted shell of shagreen (galuchat, stingray), like this 1920's cigarette case.

Swim to me, little green stingray...

photos: my own; the links noted throughout; eBay; Purse Forum; sgpstore.com

Dynasty

2009-06-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

You know those slightly cheesy TV miniseries about the generations of a family based around the family business - it might be a winery, or a newspaper, or a music school - something that was started by the older generation and has become a source of pride and identity for the family, but then as the younger generation comes along things start to get difficult? Like, the oldest son Stefano is certain he will inherit the business but the younger son Matteo shows more talent, and the middle son Enrique who sees no place for himself, runs off to join the Foreign Legion or live the louche life in Morocco? And then the villain comes along - an old rival of the father who has spent his lifetime building a fortune with the sole, bitter goal of destroying his former nemesis - and he forces a situation where the family will have to sell their beloved winery/atelier/whatever, unless… unless one of the sons can save it! What will happen? Tune in next week.

And next week, we find that Stefano is secretly scheming with The Villain (who is going to double-cross him but not until week four); and Matteo is valiantly trying to save the school/press/whatever, and he's thisclose to success, but then Stefano learns that Matteo is really the illegitimate son of (*gasp*) The Villain!

Confronted, Mama confesses that twenty years ago, when Stefano and Enrique were very young, she had learned about the mysterious incident in Papa's past that had led to The Villain's vow of revenge. Terrified, she had secretly gone to The Villain to say she would do anything, anything to protect her family! And he had extorted from her the ultimate price: una notte d'amore. (Well, this is how it goes when it's a French miniseries set in Italy.)

Matteo is devastated, Papa is heartbroken, and the way is clear for Stefano to take his rightful place. He promptly hands over the atelier/school/whatever to The Villain, as they have secretly agreed, in exchange for an executive position in The Villain's villainous organization and thirty pieces of silver. Then, to nobody's surprise but Stefano's, The Villain systematically destroys the factory/press/whatever. Stefano, betrayer and betrayed, throws himself from the window of his new executive office.

All is in ruins. But then Enrique returns from his travels. He now has an exotic wife and a young son, and wants to introduce them to the family dynasty. Oh no! It's too late! But Enrique has learned much from his adventures, and he is ready to start again: using the old family expertise and some techniques he learned in Tangiers (don't ask), he will build a new dynasty from the ashes of the old.

Soaring music takes us into the sunset as we see Stefano learning to walk again, Mama teaching her new daughter-in-law how to cook, and everybody reconciled with everyone else.

The End.

*whew*

That's not quite what happened with Bottega Veneta. (Perhaps they saw an earlier version of the script.)

Family firm, established in the 60's, luxury hand-woven handbags. The young son of one of the partners, Gabrielecorto Moltedo, spends his childhood summers in the factories learning about artisanal craftsmanship. But in 2001, Tom Ford (The Villain!) gets Gucci Group to buy BV and puts Tomas Maier in charge, and young Gabrielecorto is deprived of... well, not much, really - the family's got a bucketload of money and residences in several countries.

A recent issue of Vanity Fair included an article called "Fortune's Children," about the "next generation of some of the world's great fortunes," in which various privileged youth assert that they want to make their own way in the world, and give pithy quotes like "I’d like to own my own sort of shop."

And so we meet Gabrielecorto, standing in a hotel bathrobe at the edge of the ocean.

Photographed at the Hôtel du Cap in Cap d’Antibes, France; vf.com

Sure enough, he's started his own luxury leather goods company! Corto Moltedo. And he's making... um, well, meet Priscilla:

This is his signature bag. It is a ludicrous pastiche of a small cylindrical duffel bag, with long flaps extending up to a semi-interesting braid-and-knot handle. It can be carried by hand (flaps up) or worn over the shoulder (flaps down).

Either way, there's a lot of extraneous leather there, just along for the ride, and remarkably little actual storage space for such a visually large bag. But hey, it can be dressed up in various ways - like a French sailor, for instance!

Or a... whatever this is. (Makes me think of an owl, for some reason. Squint your eyes.)

Or in snakeskin. And god knows I'm in no position to complain about tassels, but... I dunno, something about this one reminds me of a mood board for an OTT breakfast-nook décor: marble countertop, snakeskin-covered stools with brass upholstery tacks, black curtain rod with brass finials, black vinyl curtains, snakeskin tiebacks...

And while the Bottega Veneta motto was "When your own initials are enough" Gabrielecorto... well, he wants to make his own mark, so each bag has a whacking great C nailed to one end.

Meanwhile, Bottega Veneta has gone on to make some of the prettiest bags in the history of pretty.

Oh, Gabriele. Perhaps a few years in Morocco would help?

photos vf.com, yoox.com, yahoo.com, my own.

Little Girl goes to a wedding

2009-06-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

Quite a few years ago now, I made a trip to Venice with my niece.

In one of the many shops selling masks and fans and dolls and trinkets, I found a little porcelain harlequin doll that I thought was exceptionally cute. My very sensible niece convinced me the doll was far too expensive, and we left it there. The next morning, though, I hadn't stopped thinking about it, and so we had to find our way back to the same shop - not an easy task, since they move everything around in Venice every night. The lesson here is that it's much easier to buy something when you first spot it, but you might get more exercise if you sleep on it.

Anyway, the doll came home with me, and Mr. Naff promptly christened it Little Girl.

Now, I know Harlequin is a boy, technically - but look at her! That's a Little Girl if ever there was one.

The sales woman had told me that the harlequin was good luck (for which I can find no evidence whatsoever in Wikipedia, but never mind) and by some kind of logic, that meant she lived in my car. And so it happened she made a trip to Canada with us...

...where she attended a seaside wedding.

Since she seemed to like to travel, I took her to Paris...

Oh shut up - she was really there, I just didn't photograph her in situ.

…and a few other places. Eventually, after having several lattes spilled on her and being variously bumped around, she was in dire need of a good bath and a new outfit. But when I stripped her little harlequin suit off, I discovered her head was broken! Here she is in the hospital, pre-surgery:

I glued her back together, but the challenge of sewing her a new tiny little outfit was beyond my skill level. So she languished naked in a drawer until I realized 2 weeks ago that we were about to Travel! To a Wedding! And Little Girl had to be there for Good Luck!

A few bits of ribbon, some glue, and a long plane ride later, Little Girl found herself sitting on a pretty floral swing thoughtfully provided by the wedding planner.

The ceremony was lovely, and Little Girl celebrated with a martini. She's a little tipsy. (She travelled to the wedding in a 2004 rose Balenciaga clutch, thankyouverymuch.)

The reception dinner was exceptionally good - Little Girl particularly enjoyed the asparagus soup with morels.

By the time the cake arrived she was ready to fall over.

"I'm so full!"

She's happy to be out and about again, but doesn't really want to go back in the car. I don't blame her.

Yes, but is is Art?

2009-05-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

Holy cow, it's a long time since I've posted. I've been procrastinating over a whole "handbags: art or not?" argument that I've been vaguely developing in the back of my mind. (The short answer: Not.) (Slightly longer answer: My theory is that if it can actually be used as a functional handbag, it's not art. If it just looks like a handbag, it might be art. Depends.) (Clearly I haven't been really sweating over this argument.)

Starting at the art end of the spectrum:

Zaha Hadid (architect) and Karl Lagerfeld (Chanel, etc.) teamed up to make a travelling exhibition of art inspired by the signature Chanel 2.55 handbag.

That's a Sylvie Fleury sculpture in the background.

They housed it in a nifty collapsible pod, which I imagine rolled up into a small wheelie bag for travel to the next location. Unfortunately, they stopped the tour when the economy tanked.

Nancy Wu thought it would be amusing to make a Chanel out of beef jerky.

I don't think it was included in the travelling exhibition. (But really, when the economy tanks, it could be useful to have an edible handbag, no?)

Ted Noten's been doing acrylic art handbags for a while - I especially like this icepick bag, which comes with diamonds, cocaine, a ring, and a stiletto (not a shoe, the other kind).

(Why can't they sell regular bags like that?)

And here's a full circle: The Louis Vuitton Miroir handbags...

Handbag - not art.

...were based on French artist Sylvie Fleury's (her again!) silver-plated bronze version...

Art.

...of the LV Keepall.

Handbag.

And continuing down the non-art, actual handbag path:

Marc Jacobs at Vuitton has done a number of artist collaborations, including Takashi Murakami,

Richard Prince,

How many layers of appropriation is it when Richard Prince puts
Henny Youngman on a Louis Vuitton bag?

and Steven Sprouse.

Apparently, they are considered collectible. Don't ask me.

And as is so often the case, Prada does it better, with their James Jean-illustrated fairy bag.

Still not art per se, but not really a handbag either, since apparently if you do anything but look at it, the colour runs. Pretty, though!

Fendi commissioned and sold some one-of-a-kind bags that artists have decorated with their very own hands!

Jeff Koons Fendi baguette

But I am not of the opinion that every line drawn by an artist in his lifetime is de facto art. Collectible, sure. (YMMV.) Fendi is also selling blank bags that you can draw on yourself:

(Definitely not art!)

Upping the stakes, Linda Evangelista has a Birkin with a picture of herself on it, drawn by Jean-Paul Gaultier.

I think you'd need some kind of self-regard to carry such a thing, but I guess she's got it.

Or you can draw on your Birkin (err, Kelly) yourself!

You know, if you have some paint, a spare $7K bag lying around, the aesthetic sensibility of a 12-year-old, and are unable to spell.

ANYway, imagine my delight in learning recently that Louis Vuitton is in a bit of trouble for allegedly passing off their bag debris as art! It's wonderful. Vuitton prints up a few kilometers of Murakami-designed canvas to make their limited edition bags, then, instead of wrapping up the leftovers in a rubber band and selling them from the remnants bin like any other retailer, they frame some bits and label them as "revisited" - in other words, claiming that even though the fabric is mass-produced by robots, The Artist Himself has touched it afterward, adding a detail or a brushstroke or a tiny speck of DNA.

Hm. Who does this process remind us of?

Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Tacky(tm)!

(Look him up if you're not familiar - you could not pay me enough to link to him.)

Even if you make a handbag out of it -

...it's Just. Not. Art.

I've said it before: my rules may seem arbitrary but I think they make the world a better place.

photos latimes.com, nwudesign.com, tednoten.com, artnet.com, bagsnob.com, Google image search

Trompe l'oeil

2009-04-17T20:35:00.000-07:00

Jean-Paul Gaultier, the designer who gave us this (or more accurately, "these"):

(Oh crap, now I have a picture of Madonna on my blog.)

...also designs seasonal ready-to-wear and accessories for Hermès, where things are decidedly more muted and less wacky.

If anyone else thinks JPG + Hermès = a weird combination, raise your hand.

Okay, you can put it down now.

For the Fall/Winter 2009 collection, Gaultier sent this out on the Hermès runway:

It's a trompe-l'oeil of how the Birkin is often carried, with its straps hanging down in front. Even the little clochette that holds the key is faux'd on the back!

(Double-crap, now I have a picture of Posh Spice on my blog. Shoot me now.)

Gaultier has done trompe-l'oeil before for his own line:

Dress: fall/winter 1995–96, multicolored synthetic quilted knit with
trompe l’oeil bikini, now at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Bag: regrettably missed opportunity.

...and certainly he does not hesitate to repeat a joke.

"He opened with an old equestrian joke (which he's told many times recently in his own collection and at Hermès)..."
(style.com Fall 2008 couture)

"The visual pun and the trompe l'oeil sartorial quip have basically been owned by Jean Paul Gaultier for 20 years..."
(style.com Fall 2006 couture)

Plus ça change, plus c'est JPG doing the same old thing.

Still, I like the trompe-alligator-granny-bag/tote, and I like the trompe-Birkin, conceptually at least.

But there is great consternation on the Hermès forums over this new-fangled thing, which has been described variously as:

melted
cheap imposter
lifeless
hideous
chocolate cake.

Hermès really ought to get into the cake market - the other
luxury brands are right out front in this area.

I particularly liked these assessments, though probably for the wrong reasons:

"Great bag for someone who wanted to make an anti-fashion statement. Like a Quaker."

*ateliernaff wipes coffee off monitor*

"Unfortunately this design lacks the enduring bohemian safistication [sic] of the Birkin."

Yes. Yes, it do.

And then I fell across this:

"A friend of mine told me that she heard that Hermes came out with a New Hermes Birkin Bag without hardwares, should come out cheaper. Hope you guys can help me find the bag. Please let me know the sites and you may send pics. Thank you."

There's just so much wrong with this, not even counting the grammar and the imperious "you may send pics." Listen, it's not the tiny bit of hardware that makes the Birkin so expensive and hard to get (well, except when they coat the hardware with diamonds - that does add a few bucks).

"Asked if the modified Birkin — which Gaultier described as a 'trompe l'oeil Birkin, a simpler Birkin' that does away with the famous bag's flap opening — was less expensive than the classic version, Gaultier laughed.

'I don't know that it is,' he said."
(iht.com; article seems to have disappeared, though)

My prediction is this: If the trompe-l'oeil bag is produced at all, it will be in extremely limited quantities, and could easily end up being more expensive and harder to find than a regular Birkin. Any bags available for sale on "sites" will be fakes, which are almost certainly already in production.

And it's entirely possible that Hermès will decide not to produce it at all - but only after confusing the hell out of their clientèle about whether it will or won't be available and in what leathers and colours, and when, where, and for how much.

(In fact, I've read that there are concerns at H. that the bag is too fragile to produce.)

But if what you're after is an ironic take on the Birkin (as opposed to an affordable actual Birkin) I really like the Slow and Steady Wins the Race version in unbleached cotton canvas. (And isn't that an awesome company name?)

Not that difficult to whip up at home, girls!

photos from style.com, popsugar.com, metmuseum.org,
patacake-parties.com, slowandsteadywinstherace.com

Favourite things

2009-03-21T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've become my mother.

Me: What would you like for your birthday?
Her: Pantyhose.

Apparently I'm difficult to buy gifts for. I've been asked to make a list of things I like.

Now you'll have that song stuck in your head. You're welcome!

I collect things (handbags, Hermes scarves) but gifting in those areas is risky, partly because no-one but me (and one or two of my partners in crime) knows what my current obsessive quest is this week (Regina 90cm twill with brown background; things made with horsehair). Also, they're expensive.

So here, for future reference, are things I like that aren't chocolate. (Though I don't know what's wrong with chocolate, since it makes me perfectly happy, and surely that's the goal? But anyway.) And remember that I am committed to reducing my overall inventory of possessions by 2 for each new item received! (That's going pretty well, by the way.)

Spice colours: paprika, turmeric, curry, cardamon...
French stuff. If it's French, I like it.

(With some small exceptions.)
Antiquey fabric, especially with texture - jacquard, embroidery, beading, etc. - in spice colours, bien sûr.
Bees (of the Napoleonic variety) and birds (of the cute variety).
Tassels, of any variety whatsoever.
And closely related to tassels (part of the general passementerie family), something called "gimp". I did not make that up.
What you need to understand about me is that I would consider a couple of feet of particularly intricate gimp, or a swatch of extravagant fabric to be a highly satisfactory gift. Throw in a chocolate bar and you're golden.
Things made of horn.
OMG I nearly forgot: Fans! I'm a fan of fans. I have at least one with me at all times.
The Perfect Gift: A carved-horn fan with a bee motif and a paprika-red tassel, in an embroidered curry silk jacquard case, made in France.
Scents I like, for things that are scented: almond, tea, anise, honey. (I just spent 20 minutes looking for an image of a honey-anise-almond madeleine with a cup of tea. Just imagine it, visually and olfactorily, okay?)

So print this out, and keep it in your wallet. And if this still doesn't help you, then head on over to kiva.org and make a little microloan. You'll make me smile and you'll even get your money back. Throw in a chocolate bar and you're golden.

pics from designdivafabrics.com and some other places I lost track of

Curse you, fine workmanship!

2009-03-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, Fendi is responsible for some weird shit, but… well, wait and see.

A couple of years ago, after a huge hit with the Spy bag:

and another huge hit with the B bag (which I never understood, but whatever):

Fendi came out with something they confidently called the "Bag It":

which sadly never became an "It" bag, even though I really quite liked it, which just shows you what I know. The nifty thing about it is that the smooshy top part folds down like a turtleneck when you're carrying the bag by the shoulder strap, so the handles hang down on the sides of the bag.

Anyway, in spite of the *thud* Fendi proceeded, in their inimitable (thank god) way, to issue a lot of highly-embellished couture variations on the mini version of the bag.

Lots and lots of embroidery, beading, intricate pleating...

...mink, lace, pearls...

...more beading and what looks like some lacy underpants.

Well, I just tripped over a new one posted on a Chinese blog, and while I don't read the language, I did manage to get the gist of this: 名牌WTF之這不是真的

Wow. There's a lot going on there. It has python handles, and the body of the bag is heavily embroidered and beaded, with little ribbon rosettes scattered about. So far so good. And then you open it...

...and it's full of… what? Candy wrappers? Those little umbrellas you get in cocktails? But all beautifully rendered in silk, and there's even beading underneath the silk fans, so that your eyes might never be accosted by a tiny corner of unembellished reality.

Now, this is my question: how do they come up with this stuff? qu'est-ce qu'ils fument là-bas? I mean, it's completely impractical and finely crafted and weirdly beautiful and - oh dear, I started writing this post thinking I hated it, but now I kind of love it. If they just threw it together with glue and staples like some other brands I could mention, it would be so much easier to hate.

Besides, it's hardly the worst thing Fendi has come up with.

(Still not a fan of the lacy underpants, though.)

More special moments at the César awards

2009-03-01T00:15:00.000-08:00

Poor Julie Depardieu. Perhaps she's very strong internally but she always seems to be blowing about like a feather. But at the Césars Friday night, she managed to stand up and talk about her brother Guillaume (who died last October) with composure and grace and even humour.

And she wore feathers in her hat, and a bag shaped like a car.

So as the ceremony began in this way, I started wondering how the heck to capture images from my TV. And when the host announced Tilda Swinton as a presenter, I grabbed my camera. Because, you know, God bless Tilda Swinton.

Well. Clearly that's not going to work. So while the recipient was thanking the academy, I ran for the tripod and tried again.

Not much better. Thank God for Getty Images!

She's wearing a dress I can only describe as… colourful. Go Tilda!

The Césars are fun. They include scenes like this, in which French actor Elie Semoun, dressed as Tootsie in honour of Dustin Hoffman (wig on podium), gives an award to director Agnès Varda, who apparently dyed her hair while wearing a yarmulka. How many layers of interesting is that?

The front row looked like this:

That's Dustin Hoffman and his wife - he's there to get a lifetime achievement award, or some such.

Diane Kruger had some sort of big knotted things around her neck. And yes, that's Sean Penn. Why's he there? He's going to present the award for best film. Why Sean Penn, who speaks not a word of French? No idea.

And Emma Thompson on the other side of Sean, dressed in a ruffly thing.

Anyway, all goes well until we get to the award for best short film. Sandrine Moulet totters out from the wings wearing a pink strapless gown with a matching wrap thingie.

She's like Goldie Hawn times 1000. She's flustered, breathless, nearly overcome by nerves. The audience is laughing. Is she for real? She smiles nervously, fidgets with her stole, tosses her hair, and thanks the academy for selecting her to present this award, because… well, she's doing that thing of making it all about herself.

In the front row, Sean Penn is smirking. Emma Thompson is agitated and appears mortified on Sandrine's behalf.

The phone rings. It's Mr. Naff. Me: "Can't talk now, honey; I think the train wreck's starting." I hang up.

The audience is now laughing in a way that seems to mock Sandrine's fluster. Emma Thompson is gesturing madly and cringing in horror. What is she seeing?

This is what she's seeing.

Finally Emma charges up on stage, turns Sandrine around by the shoulders, stuffs her bosom back into her dress, then returns to her seat.

Sandrine blinks a couple of times then stammers out the names of the nominees. The audience is still laughing at her, which seems very unkind. Train wreck, right?

I Google Sandrine Moulet. Ah.

What the audience knew, with the exception of the front row Brits and Americans - and me - was that Sandrine Moulet is a character of the French comedienne Julie Ferrier. The incoherent ditziness, the wide-eyed nervous giggle is all an act - though one that does not usually include partial nudity. So okay, not a full derailment, but still better than you'll see on the Oscars. You can watch it all here.

And in other news, has anyone seen Monica Bellucci smile lately? This is the best she could do when her husband Vincent Cassel won for best actor.

gettyimages.com

Was the ceremony any better?

2009-02-22T21:45:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I've become a person who blogs Oscars red carpet fashions. I even told Mr. Naff earlier this evening I wasn't going to do it. I don't have television anymore! And yet, thanks to Getty Images, here we are.

It appears the dresses fell into a few simple categories, as follows:
black
white
red
purple
"pretty, pretty Princess"
"other" (that is, standout colours in dresses that are otherwise unfortunate)
Angelina Jolie wore earrings that could probably solve the financial crisis all by themselves.

And in a category of her own, we have Tilda Swinton, looking like a grownup in Lanvin.

God bless Tilda Swinton.

YMMV.

gettyimages.com

The Look for Less

2009-02-16T21:10:00.000-08:00

It's taken me the better part of my very long life to become comfortable(-ish) with being myself, but I think I can honestly say that I have never invested the slightest energy into trying to emulate someone else. I don't have a style icon or idol. Kate Moss is nothing to me. The fact that she carries a vintage Balenciaga bag is completely irrelevant to my life.

(Except for that City she has with the square bales - that one interests me. What's up with that, Kate?)

Yet the internet is full of forums and blogs looking at the style of celebrities and sharing where to get that exact outfit, makeup, accessories, haircut, manicure.

It's one thing to look at photos and see something you like, and seek it out. That's completely normal and healthy, because I do it. It's another thing to replicate a complete look, or to acquire something just because your favourite star has it. That's kind of nutty and OCD, and shows a lack of originality and probably too much disposable time. And it's yet a third thing (really, I counted) to "replicate" a look with - well, replicas and close-enoughs. That, I think, is complete folly.

There are two issues here, in a chicken-egg kind of way: The desire to look exactly like the Olson twins (or whomever); and the industry that has both sprung from and fueled that desire.

The first Entertainment Tonight broadcast after any big Hollywood event will feature Alan B. Schwartz throwing together dresses that "reinterpret" (his word) gowns worn on the red carpet, and making them available for around $300 in sizes 0-14 to bridesmaids and prom-goers everywhere. Look for Michelle Obama's inauguration gown at graduations this spring.

The Insider has a "look for less" segment on every show that identifies the designer who has graciously loaned that day's dress to the host, then identifies where you can get a dress of... well, more or less the same colour, for $17.80.

Dress on right is an impeccably tailored Diane von Fürstenberg
paired with an Alhambra necklace from Van Cleef and Arpels.
Dress on left is also green, and paired with little plastic
butterflies. What kind of quality do you get for $17.80?

The popular/celebrity style magazines (InStyle, say, as opposed to Vogue Italia, which would cut its Italian nose off before it would do something like this) have regular sections on how to achieve "the look" for less.

"Replicate <some star>'s sophisticated/quirky/street/whatever style with these low-price pieces," they say. (Mind you, they also say "Paris Hilton evokes elegant sophistication [in this outfit]" so they are clearly on crack.)

It's not that young Lindsay from Fresno shouldn't be allowed to look exactly like an Olson twin if she chooses to, even though that's weirdly unhealthy. It's that she is being sold the following ideas:

slavishly combining any instantiation of item A + item B + item C = "style"
any white shirt with ruffles (say) is "just as good" as any other
therefore quality is irrelevant.

Meanwhile, it seems to me that:

slavishly following anything makes one a ...slavish follower (that was too easy)
"style" has to do with expressing yourself, not imitating someone else's stylist's interpretation of that person's public persona
there are many factors that make one item better than another in a given context - the proportions, the quality of the material used, the skill and techniques of manufacture, longevity and durability, etc.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to choose a $25 winter coat from Forever 21 or Value Village. It may look great on you, and it may keep you warm, and it may last a couple of years, and you may have other priorities. That's fine. But:

a) don't buy it in order to look like Nicole Richie, because it won't do that; and
b) don't believe that it's "just as good as" a cashmere winter coat from Pringle of Scotland.

Pringle, fall/winter 08

I'm also not saying that beautiful, valuable things can't be made from inexpensive materials - but then the skill or artistry or intent of the execution is even more important. For this reason, I think, the designer collaborations with Target can't really work. Take a designer like Devi Kroell, for example. She's known for very simple/plain designs very well made of exotic materials. Replace "exotic" with "polyurethane" and "well-made" with "made as cheaply as possible in a Chinese factory" and what are you left with?

A plastic bag with a brand name on it.

QVC has lately been presenting the Jacqueline Kennedy Collection, for which some dude has got the rights from Jackie's estate to reproduce some of her jewelry and other accessories. He is describing these as perfect replicas, identical in every stitch and detail to the originals.

"Hermes" and "Graff" replicas

Well, duh. They're not. And yet, the desire to believe that they are "the same" and that acquiring them will lend the owner some smidge of Jackie O-ness is so strong that the buyers are willing to come up with any kind of explanation for the poor quality of the actual items.

"As I understand it, these are supposed to be exact reproductions of jewelry that was, in many cases, well worn. I can only assume that if there was damage to the original, there will be damage to the copy. Otherwise, the company that originally made this necklace needs to be forced to improve their quality because this quality is unacceptable."

"Since I know that great attention is paid by the manufacturers to duplicate her items exactly as they were when she owned them, I say: If it was good enough for Jackie, it is good enough for me!"

"I realize they try to do things exactly like the original, but sometimes they can be improved on in a subtle way."

They make me want to cry. The perception of quality and of the reasons why someone with unlimited funds would have chosen these things (apart from getting even with Ari by reckless spending) is so distorted it hurts. It makes me want to take these women by the hand and show them a fine hand-crafted closed-link gold chain that starts out smooth and flawless and gets smoother with age. Or a hand-stitched fine leather bag that - well, gets smoother with age.

But is it just a lack of exposure, or is it an actual inability to perceive the difference? I think it all has to do with a lack of history and the great American sense of luxury entitlement. (Hey, if NPR can say it, so can I.) It used to be true that a working-class French family would buy few things, very carefully, of the highest quality they could manage. Now there's a rising trend of acquiring more, cheaper stuff; but still less desire to emulate the idol-du-jour.

I was going to share another story about living in Paris, but I heard a little voice in my head saying "This one time? At band camp?" so never mind. Full disclosure, though: the acquisition of more stuff of lesser quality is something I struggle with. Wanting to be Kate Moss, though? Not an issue.

This picture just makes me laugh. She's a classy girl.

pics from thefindbuzz.com, instyle.com, qvc.com, pringlescotland.com, thefashionspot.com

Must stop reading Vogue Italia

2009-02-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

Or looking at the pictures, more precisely. Because the text seems to be in a foreign language. Heh. Anyway. You'll recall, perhaps, my mini-rant about the Gilli ad featuring the hideously bad wig.

I figured either the model was playing some kind of undercover purse-toting agent, or else it was an oversight and the photo editor is now looking for a new job.

Well, then I saw another one.

Now I'm thinking it must be a storyline. She's just knocked over the Gilli store and she's escaping on a scooter, with all the little bags she can carry! She's completely incognito! But just in case someone recalls the blond with the cheekbones making her escape with the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves bag...

What the hell is up with Gilli? Nutella, and now this?

...fear not, because she has another disguise in her faux-croc tote! Apparently the wigs come in a value-pack.

Well, honestly. Now I started to wonder if the poor model just doesn't have any hair of her own. And you know me. I had to find out.

Turns out the model is Aurélie Claudel, and she is related to Camille Claudel (sculptor) and her petit frère Paul (poet/diplomat).

Genetics are funny.

Camille made this, among other things:

Don't know what it's called but damn, I love the Quai d'Orsay. Look at that ceiling!

Meanwhile, Aurélie has made a career of modelling with her mouth open for mid-range handbag brands.

Okay, that was mean. She's a beautiful woman.

And she has perfectly nice hair or her own! What a relief.

Indeed.

scans from Vogue Italia; other pics from thefashionspot.com and wikipedia.com

Red carpet watch

2009-01-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

Looks like I'm going to have to do my own Golden Globe fashion bloggery, since none of what I've read seems to share my opinions. Well, except for the one about Renee Zellweger looking like a complete madwoman. Everyone shares that.

But apart from that: I think Drew Barrymore looked adorable, Angie Dickinson hair and all.

Dior by John Galliano dress

Cameron Diaz's dress was also lovely, though less so after she started sweating all over it (sparing you those photos, you're welcome).

Chanel Haute Couture dress

Beautiful detail.

And whoever this is, I love her just for wearing this colour. (Apparently nobody had access to a steamer before the show.)

Person: Frieda Pinto; dress: no idea

Kate Beckinsale looked like a tulip. Amy Adams' dress was wearing her, somewhat aggressively. Anne Hathaway was all "If I can just keep this dress up by holding my breath and squeezing my elbows, everything will be okay." Kristen Scott Thomas has a portrait of Dorian Gray in her attic.

Christina Applegate had a fab necklace but otherwise looked completely deer-in-headlights terrified (again, I'm sparing you the trauma).

Bags? Drew had this Christmas-red suuuuper-elongated clutch, with a ring that I can't quite make sense of - it looks like a little satin pillow, and if that's what it is, I want one. But maybe it's a giga-pearl - in which case I still want one.

Cameron had this little mylar gift-store shopping bag with disturbingly drippy-looking appendages.

But Emma Thompson won Best Worst Bag with this 70's-wedding-decoration / Kleenex-box-cover thing.

That may even be a Lifetime Achievement award.

Finally, ladies, the trend of not tucking in the hanging staps on your strapless gown has got to stop. With all the effort and expense that goes into preparing for the red-carpet appearance, accounting for every little detail of the makeup, hair, jewelry, mani-pedicures, shoes, dress, clutch, double-sided tape - and this is the detail you miss? It's like leaving the price tag on.

As for who won and lost the actual awards? I dunno, didn't watch.

photos gettyimages.com; nymag.com; eonline.com

Retrospective

2009-01-01T00:35:00.000-08:00

The transition to a new year is a time to reflect on the past and set a course for the future, right? Herewith is my reflection on my Balenciaga voyage over the past few years.

It all started with a classic 2-handle satchel and a flat hobo, with flat, brass studs and buckles, whipstitched handles, and the famous lariat tassels.

The original motorcycle classique and hobo

They were made in kidskin and pebbled leather, in limited colours - black, caramel, chocolate, olive, navy, burgundy.

The leather was variable in texture, soft, stretchy, drapey, and in general so beautiful it could make you weep.

Corner of a caramel classique; back of a chocolate hobo.

And the natural finish didn't mask the inherent flaws of the leather - the entire history of the animal was visible in the bag.

This one had some scars. Normally these would be hidden,
or the skin not used with aniline dye.

The bags were produced in very limited numbers, but not surprisingly, they caught on. And inevitably, change began.

Balenciaga introduced raised, pewter hardware, and organic, transparent colours that still showed the character of the leather, which was still beautiful - though no longer kidskin but goatskin, which was available in larger quantities.

03 lilac and red

Then they switched to aged-brass hardware - nice, I like it. And still, the leather... mmm.

F/W 04 marron, S/S 05 dolma

Ah, but then. Then they shifted into high gear, increased production quantities, and started spraying on colour instead of vat-dying. Still some nice colours, maybe a bit harder, less transparent. The new processes introduced a problem with white seam edges showing on some bags, and people started to bemoan the lack of quality control.

The bags became ubiquitous.

Cell-phone shot inside a department store, with
Balenciaga bags set out from here to the horizon.

The new processes also brought us The Shine.

F/W 05 chocolate with a major shine on

Everybody bemoaned The Shine: "How do we get rid of it? If we massage the shiny flat leather with copious amounts of Lubriderm, will it eventually look like the old leather?" (A: No.)

There were special editions of metallics, satins, rasta, tweed, ponyhair, toile, and even Swarovski crystals!

Then after seasons of "they'll never repeat colours," they started repeating colours. Truffle, anyone?

No picture because truffle is dead boring.

And then came the Giant Hardware - big, textured, shiny thimbles that made a formerly subtle bag visible from a block away. Seriously, a whole city block.

They began reissuing discontinued styles with the new leather and new hardware. Sadness.

04 anis wristlet clutch; 08 black giant-hardware wristlet clutch

New manufacturing technology brought leather-wrapped hardware. And perforation. Okay, I like the perforation.

The Shine is a Quality now. Everybody bemoans the loss of shine as the bag breaks in. "How do we get it back?" And they continue to bemoan the lack of the kind of quality control that would make the bags perfect and consistent and completely, completely distant from the original aesthetic. There's a lot of bemoaning, but people continue to follow each new change.

There's still an occasional gem - leather and colour like this. I nearly cried when I saw it in person.

Rubisse. F/W 08? I think.

But now... this.

Balenciaga tries out the Louis Vuitton miroir finish.

And this.

Balenciaga tries out the Bottega Veneta woven effect,
without the BV subtlety of colour effect.

And this.

Balenciaga tries out psychedelic irridescent crocodile and...resin?

I have no words. It's too much. I can't go on. I want to stop the clock - rewind it, even. I usually celebrate the evolution of design over time, love to examine the artifacts as elements are introduced and re-worked and tossed out. But my objectivity is is broken. I'm off the ship and swimming for shore.

pics from balenciaga.com, styledrops.com, style.com, and my stash

12-bag challenge

2008-12-27T22:40:00.000-08:00

Having summarily trashed the bags offered in the 12 Days of Handbag Giveaways, my challenge was to come up with 12 bags that I would have actually entered to win. And remember, no chain straps, croc embossing, visible branding, exaggerated east-west shapes, crinkly shiny stuff, bad top-stitching, mixed-colour hardware, or Furla.

It's not a challenge finding 12 bags I want, but 12 that retail under $1000... that's trickier. (Oh my god, I've become such a bag snob.) Here's what I ended up with, in order from least to most expensive.

Jack Rabbit 'Atlantic', $450.00

Pretty shape; I love frame bags; the little gold decoration thing may technically be branding but it's not obnoxious - it just looks like a little brooch.
Belen Echandia 'Hold Me', $348, and matching 'Kiss Me' clutch, $220

I've actually been kinda wanting one of the Hold Me bags since they used to line them in leather. Suuuuper simple. Some consider it an Hermès Picotin knockoff, but to them I say: make your own list.
3.1 Phillip Lim 'Gwen', $575.00

I really like this little bi-colour satchel, and the hematite decorations are a nice twist. (Why do they give bags these cute names? Is Gwen a model? Mr. Lim's cat? Who knows?)
Jerome Dreyfuss 'Billy', $623

I know it looks like a big pile of smoosh, and it is, but it's very versatile - has handles as well as the shoulder-strap, and can be worn in different ways. And it's a big pile of smoosh!
Katherine Kwei 'Donna' clutch, $635.00

I like this so much, I nearly bought the slightly-damaged acid-green-with-Swarovski-crystals one that I saw at TJMaxx. And you know how I feel about Swarovski. The reason I don't just go out and get one of these is... well, the last time I went anywhere that warranted a clutch of this nature was... er... hm. I live in a cave.
Abaco 'Elisa', $635

I really love this style of a soft pouch sitting in a sling. The straps are complicated enough to be interesting. Leather is nice. Abaco is underrated, IMO.
3.1 Phillip Lim 'Meira', $725.00

And so is Phillip Lim. Again I really like his combination of colours and textures.
Erva 'model #12', $850

Uh, couldn't find a name for this one, or an accurate price, so I took a guess. Look at that suede, and the colour, and the twisted strap, and the tiny little bows inside!
Erva 'Smile', $850

Kisslocks! This is a very Bottega-style bag, but for some reason I don't feel like Erva copied BV - maybe it's just an obvious direction to go if you're kisslock-mad.
Bird 'One Night Stand', $885

Would prefer the ostrich version, but it's out of price range for this exercise... anyway, the leather looks very nice, and I love the ostrich-leg frame/handle (which the ostrich version does not have, ironically).
Vanessa Bruno Small Pocket Bag, $925

Raspberry bubbled lamb. Sounds yummy, right?
Giorgio Brato Asymmetrical Pleated Bag, $1,070 (on sale $535.00)

This is just over the spending limit, but I figured the last day of my imaginary giveaway could be an imaginary blowout. Besides, it's on sale right now. I do love a soft, pouchy, 2-handled satchel.
Zac Posen 'Randi', $1,295 (on sale $647)

Honorable mention, because it's just so funny and cute - it's shaped like an upside-down Speedy, and that little thingy on the front lifts up (or flips down like a post-box, if the bag were "right way up") to hold cards or keys or something small.
Barney's button clutch, $550 (on sale $199)

I was going to include this clutch in the list, but it seems to be discontinued and is on sale so I just went ahead and bought it.

So there it is, my imaginary 12-days-of-Christmas selection. Yes, I am on vacation and wasting time, why do you ask?

images shopbop.com, birdhandbags.com, neimanmarcus.com, barneys.com, erva-design.com, mememeaccessories.com, belenechandia.com

Looking a gift horse in the mouth

2008-12-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

The 'big' purse blogs regularly offer giveaways of more-or-less desirable bags, with the winner chosen in a random drawing. I enter the drawings for the bags I like, but never (of course) win. This Christmas, PurseBlog and Luxaholics (slogan: "Live the luxe life for less!" which will probably be the subject of a whole 'nother post, it annoys me so much) had a 12-day pre-Christmas giveaway extravaganza, giving a bag (or 2 or 3) per day to some lucky winner. Great odds, right? Did I win? No! Why not? I didn't enter! Not one bag appealed to me enough to type in the secret code for the day. To learn more about just how hard to please I am, read on.

Day 1 : Gustto 'Polina', $700

This here is a lotta look, as Tim Gunn would say. Pretty colour, but too much faux-distressing. The handles are cute, but impossible to carry over-arm. Shoulder chain: I'll rant more about chains at some later point, but for now all you need to know is that I cannot abide them. The enormous bow thing is so done (thank you, Tom Ford). Next!

Day 2: Alexis Hudson, $850

Two bags today! Embossed croc: sigh. I think it's impossible to emboss croc in a convincing way - it always ends up looking cheap. To add to the effect, they've seamed the bag up the front and back as though it were really made from croc and they couldn't afford the larger skins. The honking great side clips fight with the thin chain. Name plate on the front: who is Alexis Hudson that I want to be wearing her name?

Samantha Thavasa, $495

All I know about Samantha Thavasa bags is that Nicky Hilton (Paris's little sister, the one who keeps her clothes on) was designing bags for them. Is this one of hers? No idea. In principle it's not bad, though it's a little more east-west than I like. Somehow the modern square black handle connectors fight with the pseudo-antique studs, and the fleur de lis is a bit craft-store.

Day 3: Bird 'Corset Clutch', $690

Aw, I had hopes for this one. Bird makes some really lovely bags in ostrich (heh - get it? Bird?). But a) snakeskin, ew; b) the chunky stitching; c) the east-westery, and d) eh, I just don't like it.

Day 4: Rebecca Minkoff 'Morning After', $550

In retrospect, this may have been the best of the lot. (Oh right, you'll all stop reading now.) (All four of you.) I can't quite tell if the zipper is a different colour than the clips - if so, it's definitely out. Otherwise - well, it's orange (but not Hermès!) and it's just lacking a little finesse. But not horrible.

Day 5: 'Blake' by Kooba, $645

Wrinkly patent leather. Euch! How did that get to be a trend? The bag seems to be Chanel-inspired, and even Chanel should never have done it.

Day 6: Botkier 'Jackie' satchel, $650

The shape is kind of nice with the fold-over top, but it's silver faux snakeskin! There's no getting past that.

Day 7: CC Skye Handbag, $698

Nice boxy shape, but it's trying too hard. The handles seem out of proportion to the bag and they are straight from Bottega Veneta, now that someone has figured out how to do the same thing in a Chinese factory. And again, who is CC Skye that I want to wear his/her nameplate? Obama '08, sure; but some mid-range bag designer? not so much.

Day 8: Jalda stingray 'Bean' clutch, $505

I love stingray, though I don't understand why the world has stopped referring to it as shagreen or galuchat - perfectly good, melodious names. But for the leather, however, the bag is dead boring. The handle looks like it used to be part of a car interior, and seems it's already got a ding on it.

Linea Pelle 'Nikki' tote

Three today! Does that mean they're cheap? They didn't list the prices, so I'm guessing yes. On this red tote, look at that top-stitching careening around the corner there. I'm very fussy about visible stitching - if you can't do it flawlessly, don't do it.

Linea Pelle 'Dylan'

Cute bag except for... well, the leather and the hardware. The croc embossing again, and way the hell too much gold shiny stuff. Wait - and silver! Isn't that zipper silver? Not allowed.

Linea Pelle 'Samantha'

Ah, now they're trying to hide the excessive hardware by making it "tonal", which is fashion speak for "the same colour". I don't buy it. Either the bag weighs 4 pounds, or the studs are cheap plastic. Which is preferable?

Day 10: Mary Norton Clutch, $1,295

Sooooo not my style. Chain handle again. Gold fabric bag for $1295? Is it actual gold? And are those Swarovski crystals?

Day 11: Furla, $495

More embossery. It's tiring. Why this drive to have something that looks like something else that you can't afford, when it doesn't even successfully look like that anyway? Well, that's part of my whole "the look for less" rant. That aside, there's just something "off" about Furla bags... somehow the heft of the bag never seems to be quite satisfying. So this one dies on its brand name as much as any features of the bag itself.

Day 12: Linea Pelle 'Dylan', $450

And again two bags. The larger Dylan, with extra zippers! No embossing, but still too much hardware. Are those studs supposed to prevent the corners from getting scuffed? I dunno. It looks very Chloé to me with the wobbly zippers. And not in a good way. (Is there a good way?)

Louis Vuitton 'Galliera', $1,270

Three words: "coated canvas monogram". To me, those three words are about equivalent to "toxic waste dump", in the sense of major "DO NOT WANT". I'll say the piping is kind of cute. But again, who is Louis Vuitton that I'd want to wear his name?

So there we are. It may seem like I hate everything, but really it's just: chain straps, croc embossing, visible branding, exaggerated east-west shapes, crinkly shiny stuff, bad top-stitching, mixed-colour hardware, and Furla. Not quite everything.

photos purseblog.com

Aviator graffiti monkey!!

2008-12-18T21:36:00.001-08:00

I haven't done a Balenciaga post in ages! Readers of the previous incarnation of AtelierNaff might remember me waxing rhapsodic over this camelskin aviator helmet bag from 2004.

So you can imagine my delight when not one, not two, but three (3!) of this showed up on eBay!

eBay item 260332314424

Isn't it wonderful?

I mean, I don't want it exactly, but I think it's kind of amazing, and I love the spirit of it. It takes an already-referential bag and renders it in a combination of remnants off the atelier floor during the fall 2004 collection, which combined aviator and graffiti elements.

So it's got the aviator thing. And it's got the graffiti thing.

It's got orange metallic leather & hardware (which also showed up in the motorcycle line) and the padded piping.

It's been pointed out to me that the grommets above the pod pocket make it look like a monkey, which is kind of true.

And while I was looking for monkey images, I came across something really disturbing. Now, before you scroll down, take a deep breath - because what you see next may forever change you, and don't say I didn't warn you.

Little Umi Orangutan Baby Doll from collectiblestoday.com

Creepy, huh? *brrrrr*

Back to the bag - throw in some white patent leather and lacing, and it's a wrap. So to speak. (Sorry.)

And that's all just from the photos! When you look at these runway bags in person, there are all kinds of interesting little details that only you will know about. Touches of crochet, pockets hidden inside other pockets, tiny enameled chains, things like that.

So I was thinking: What makes this graffiti bag/pastiche/mash-up more pleasing (to me) than, say, this Louis Vuitton one?

Spring 2007 "Tribute" bag from Louis Vuitton

It's the difference between using elements-on-hand to make a cohesive whole that continues a theme - which is MacGyver-ish and thoughtful and creative - versus stapling a random selection of previously-created things to something boring, which is kind of SashaBaronCohen-ish* and drug-addled and destructive. (I can't help but notice that the creation of that LV bag immediately preceded Marc Jacobs' last visit to rehab. Heh. God, I'm mean.)

* SBC disrupted the spring 09 runway shows in Milan by running around backstage in a velcro-covered suit, then out onto the runway with clothing and accessories stuck all over him. All done in character, of course. As an asshole.

Whoops, I was going down a happy path, but I took a cranky detour. Let's look at something cute instead, shall we?

Ommmm. Happy.

photos from eBay, style.com, repubblica.it

46,000

2008-11-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

I've been lurking in a couple of online discussions recently about the ethics of buying and carrying expensive bags in the current economic situation. In some places, the police are warning women to leave their designer bags at home when they go to the mall. (Although apparently if you get mugged in Spain, you're safe with a Balenciaga. Or so I hear. [From a friend - foolish robber took her companion's no-name bag and ignored her limited-edition Balenciaga!!])

Meltdown or no, there are people out there with more money than most of us can comprehend. A few weeks ago, the Bag Snob blog posted photos of a private collection of Hermès bags. I've talked about Hermès before - French luxury house with a long history, everything meticulously hand-crafted using traditional techniques, yadda yadda.

So, this collection - here it is, consisting mostly of the iconic Kelly (one handle on top) and Birkin (two-handle) bags in various colours and skins:

"Regular" Kellys sell for around $7K, Birkins for $9K. Or so.

Ostrich - $13,000 to $20,000-ish...

Crocodile - $25,000 to ... a whole lot.

Now. It was certainly built over several years, but at today's prices - more or less, and allowing for rounding errors - that's a collection worth well north of a million dollars.

These bags are expensive. And the problem with carrying a Kelly or Birkin, apparently, is not so much that a discerning thief might snatch it at the mall, but that self-righteous strangers will feel obliged to accost you and ask why you didn't give that money to charity.

Well, sure - that's a lot of charity right there. Let's look at just one: 35cm croc Birkin, ~$46,000 retail, way more on eBay:

Never mind whether you like it or not - this bag is the equivalent to any of the following:

3 Kia Rios
a 5-square-meter chambre de service in central Paris, travaux à prévoir
41,071 lbs of rice from Safeway
230 One Laptop PerChild laptops
100 or more Kiva microloans
a partridge in a pear tree.

This right here is a specious argument: "if you have $46,000 to spend on a croc Birkin, you should instead use it to help other people less fortunate than yourself."

What if you bought a Lexus at the same price point - should you also give that to charity, or does it get a pass because it has a more useful purpose? Bags have a useful purpose. (I do think there's a degree of sexism in the perception that bags are more frivolous than other luxury objects.) What if you don't have a car at all, or drive a nice green little Prius hybrid, and spend the remaining $Ks on a Birkin?

And why do you have to use that specific $46K for charity? What if you generously help other people and also choose to support an illustrious tradition of European master craftspersons? Oh yes, I know about the Hermès markup; it's not like they're monks toiling in an abbey somewhere. But I do think there's a value beyond monetary in a business that's based on human craft that has been perfected over years and generations, that hasn't been automated or shifted overseas, whose craftsmen and -women are continuing to make a living in Paris. Well, Pantin, but still.

I think the average mall shopper looks at a Birkin and thinks, "If I had $9K [because our forewarned Birkin owner has not taken her best croc to the mall], I wouldn't waste it on a stupid bag." That's the wrong way to look at it. Maybe this will help:

In other words: $9K (or $46K) is not an absolute. It is larger or smaller depending on the size of your financial universe. (It also varies depending on the value you assign to accessories relative to flat-screen TVs, for example.) If you can barely see the curve of the horizon of someone else's pie, you can be fairly confident that they are not choosing between a Birkin and, say, college for their kids. They may even be tithing to charity (viz. Real Housewives of Atlanta!) an annual amount larger than your whole pie, with plenty left over for college, a Lexus, 6 Birkins, and a chef.

The bottom line is, it's pointless to accost Birkin-owners in the mall. Or anyone, really. We are all living within our own pies; and what are you doing in the mall, anyway? Buying stuff? Hm?

Anyway, thank god my Balenciagas are safe from muggery.

collection photos from bagsnob.com

B-school case study

2008-11-16T21:55:00.000-08:00

Let's get this out of the way quickly: I've been watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm deeply ashamed, as are the other 1.3M viewers. To compensate for the complete wastage of brain cells, I thought I'd save Harvard the trouble and write up the case study for the most substantial of the housewives' many business ventures.

Company: She by Shereé [sic], a fashion line. Personnel/entourage: principal (Shereé [sic]), sketch artist, publicist, personal assistant, creative director, personal shoe shopper, event coordinator (2).

Goals:

Be a household name.
Show in Paris, Milan, and New York (even though designers you've actually heard of show in only one city).
Achieve profits in the 7-figure range as quickly as possible, as god knows the principal has a lifestyle to support and it doesn't sound like the divorce is going in her favour.

Brand Identity: "Feminine, sexy, with a bit of edge, fabulous fabrics, great colour palette." Well, yes. That will make it stand out from all the other fashion lines.

Strategy:

Create a logo. Due to an aggressive launch schedule, or because the principal's ego is very, very large, no trademark search was done. Oops.

She by Sheri Bodell, a successful actual line that actually exists

Plan the brand's public launch, which will involve a big party.

T minus 3 weeks: Principal hired an amateur sketch artist to make several sketches of ladies in dresses, then chose the ones she liked best, making minor edits along the lines of "Can you try to make that one a little less cheesy?"

Principal fluttered fabric swatches around the selected sketches, then had the sketches sent to a seamstress whom she had neither met nor seen work samples from. Of whom. By. Whatever. (Er, Harvard might want to tidy that up.)

T minus a week: Principal auditioned male models, and selected two to be body-painted with the She by Shereé logo at the launch. No female models were auditioned. Someone ordered a big ice sculpture, though.

T minus 1 day: Principal received the samples from the seamstress. Principal was chagrined to learn that the seamstress could not "just sew from the sketches."

Garments were poorly constructed, seams unfinished, hems puckered. Principal, and everyone in her entourage, had failed to account for pattern-making, a fit model, appropriate notions & closures, stuff like that-there.

Principal discarded the samples but continued with the brand launch. Internet rumour suggests that the event planner was fired in the hissy-fit fallout over the samples and another was hired; last-minute logo-iced cakes were ordered, left untouched, and returned for credit; the ice sculpture got stuck in traffic and arrived late; and quite a lot of donated liquor went out the back door.

T: Principal attended the launch of her eponymous fashion brand in a $1000 Hervé Leger dress.

T plus 1 hour: The ice sculpture was a success.

Solution: Oh, where to start?

photos from bravotv.com and eBay

Euh...

2008-11-02T23:05:00.000-08:00

Just a couple of random magazine observations... I couldn't think of a title, you do it.

First, I've found the perfect antidote to a Swarovski Crystal-Lized World.

Scan from W Magazine - The Art Issue, November 2008.
Yes, that issue. Note to Brad Pitt: focus.

Favourite jewelry designer Solange Azagury-Partridge has made a chandelier - not an earring, an actual chandelier - of 18K white gold and diamonds. Not crystals, diamonds. She just decided to make furniture-sized versions of jewelry, using the same precious materials.

Bless her heart. Well, somebody had to do it, right? I lurve her.

Meanwhile, over in Vogue Italia... I came across this ad for Gilli, a newish Italian luxury-goods brand.

Beautiful woman in a sports car, 2 crocodile-esque bags tossed casually in the seat beside her, definitely makes me want to go right out and buy something Gilli, no? I mean, apart from the fact that the model looks incredibly bored, and her necklace doesn't really fit and looks kind of awkward, and her hair looks a bit...

...uh, wait... what?

Good lord, she's wearing the worst wig in the history of the world! What on earth?! Is she supposed to be an undercover assassin who just made a quick change in a gas station bathroom? Was the stylist hung over? Could they not Photoshop it out afterwards? Did nobody notice, on the long path from photoshoot to composition to printing? How much does a 2-page spread in Vogue Italia cost, anyway?

Mind you, the same company made this -

...so maybe they just don't care.

my scans from Nov W and F/W 08-09 Vogue Accessory Italia; stupid Nutella bag from www.gilli.com

Stuff. I haz it.

2008-10-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

Well, it's happened again. I opened the closet door in my office and stuff stumbled out onto me.

Stuff. I have stuff that I love and use, quite a lot that I love and don't use, and a seemingly endless amount of stuff that just hangs out in my closets, hooking up with other stuff and making little baby stuff. At least I think that's how it happens. I periodically have a stuff cleanup campaign, which involves taking lots of stuff to Goodwill, moving some to the storage room, and organizing the rest of it neatly in the closet. Then, seemingly the next time I look, the stuff is all mixed up together and there's more of it than I remember.

I pulled this stuff randomly out of the closet this morning:

strange dolls (this is what fell on me)
a box full of glass hearts
2 special issues of the London News (death of King Edward; coronation of Queen Elizabeth)
couple of cheesy 70's French pop LPs
some dented silver serveware
a few 1940's ballgowns
a bunch of decades-old camera equipment
a lampshade
a large fleur de lis
a disco-ball lamp
and enough fabric to wrap the Reichstag.

And that's not even counting the overflow of handbags.

I have a plan. Each week, at least one more object is going to leave my apartment than comes into it. So if I buy nothing, I have to get rid of at least one thing. But if I buy stuff (except for consumables like food and shampoo), then I have to get rid of the same quantity of stuff, plus one. And the goal is not only divestment, but in some way taking responsibility for this stuff, and finding someone who does want it - via eBay, Craigslist, Freecycle, and yes, just what you're fearing: friends & family. Get ready for parcels!

Can I keep it up for more than a week? We'll see.

Let's compare, shall we?

2008-10-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Controversy erupted around the interwebs last week about how similar Kenley's finale wedding dress was to Alexander McQueen's look #34 from fall 2008 RTW. Okay, it's Project Runway controversy, not vice-presidential-candidate-inciting-racial-violence controversy, but sometimes it seems like everything on the internet has the same weight. (Heh, 'cuz it's digital. Electronz iz not vry hevvy.)

Here are the dresses.

left, Alexander McQueen; right, Kenley

It's obvious, right? So Michael Kors points it out, and Kenley vigorously shakes her shiny hair and insists "No! There's no silhouette like that!" Well, I think the New Jersey Historical Society would beg to differ.

1956 prom dress

Note that the Kenley who is certain nobody else has done a silhouette like hers is the same Kenley who previously sent out this dress:

...which Kors described as Viktor & Rolf on top

...and Dolce & Gabbana on the bottom

...and he's not wrong, but Kenley tossed her hair and said she doesn't pay attention to the work of other designers. Pfft!

Full disclosure of personal bias: Alexander McQueen is a genius. With a chip on his shoulder, but still a genius. Kenley is a whiny brat with an adenoid problem. Excellent tailor, but still a brat.

So, the silhouette. I don't think it was really in Kenley's best interest to draw attention to it, frankly.

Look how well-defined the McQueen shape is. The elongated torso with the well-defined waist (granted, his corsets tend to make the models faint into a little pile at the end of the runway) - and the asymmetry of the skirt looks like it's dancing.

Kenley's: The blocky torso, the lumpy bits under the arms, the relative heaviness of the tulle - Kenley made feathers and tulle look heavy! - and the asymmetry of the hat just looks like the whole thing is tipping over. (Mind you, the McQueen headpiece looks like a pineapple, but he can do that because he's a genius.)

It's like the difference between Swan Lake and Swan Lake Barbie.

Of course, Kenley would say that's the effect she was going for.

Anyway. I don't know if I have a point, apart from being interested by the remarkable difference between the work of a genius professional couture-level designer, and a talented-but-untrained amateur dressmaker. Nyah, Kenley.

Update one hour later, after the PR finale:
Bwahahahahahaa!!!! Kenley sent a Balenciaga dress down the runway! When it was pointed out to her, she finally admitted - with a roll of her eyes - that it might be worth doing a little research. Happy ending? Nope. Not 5 minutes later (after she didn't win) she said it was bullshit. See? Brat.

photos from style.com, bravotv.com