Doodle Whore

Video Whore: The Muppets do Bohemian Rhapsody

2009-11-27T09:41:00.000-05:00

This makes me want to have a chorus of chickens backing me up at all times.

E. V. O. Ouch! Gravel-voiced kitchen dwarf gets hammed

2009-11-25T09:39:00.006-05:00

If there is anyone who deserves hamming, it's Rachael Ray. Hearing her yammer on about EVOO makes me want to take an ice pick to my ear holes, but I must admit that her Devilish Sloppy Chicken Mini Sammies (she needs a double hamming just for the name of that recipe) are, in her mentally disturbed parlance, "delish!"

My Thanksgiving wish came true when a frozen ham landed on Paula Deen's face and now I'm making your dreams come true, too. Who should be hammed next?

Who else deserves a frozen ham to the head?

2009-11-24T10:26:00.002-05:00

First JLo falls on her gargantuan ass on national TV, then Paula Deen gets hit in the face with a ham. This is proof that all of my messages to The Universe are getting through. If a grand piano falls on Rachel Ray any time soon you'll know why. That's why I'm calling on you, dear readers, to tell me who should get the official Frozen Doodle Whore Ham to the Face treatment. Leave a comment with your suggestions and I'll be fulfilling your wishes digitally all month.

Kim Zolciak's panties are Tardy for the Party, too.

2009-10-26T15:10:00.004-04:00

First Kim Zolciak called Nene Leakes a moose, then Nene refered to Kim as a heifer, so naturally Kim would continue the animal theme by debuting her beaver on the world stage, in front of Mr. Chow's no less. Pass the Duck Sauce! While you're checking out her pork wonton, I'll be over here in a corner poking my eyes out with some knitting needles. You're welcome.

Kate Zolciak and Nene Gosselin

2009-10-22T12:30:00.003-04:00

HuffPo is having a little photoshop contest to give Kate Gosselin a new hairdo and here are my entries. The scary thing is that she looks better with The Real Weaves of Atlanta on her melon instead of her usual asymmetrical shroom/porcupine ass.

Kate Zolciak

Nene Gosselin

Kim Zolciak Halloween Kit

2009-10-20T09:10:00.003-04:00

Ok, she's totally in on the joke. The "no checks, Sheree" line is freaking priceless.

Link Whore

2009-10-18T22:40:00.004-04:00

Woolly Pockets will turn your sugar walls green. The Rural Modernist

You'll never look at mittens in quite the same way. Regretsy

Put Giorgio Moroder's "The Chase" on your iPod and pretend to escape from a Turkish prison. Hardcandy

Are you a Jetsetter? You should be! The Rural Modernist

If Liza can marry two gay men, why can't I marry one? JOE to Hell

Ralph Lauren Lipshitz's Emaciation Proclamation (cue the xylophone music). Gallery of the Absurd

Handsome Devil Press eCards will give your iPhone a chubby. Handsome Devil Press

"Is your wig squeezing your head too tight, heifer?"

2009-10-18T16:00:00.006-04:00

Says Ms. Nene Leakes (a.k.a. Moose) regarding the bewigged nicotine addicted chardonnay swilling siliconista Kim Zolciak on the teaser for next week's Real Housewives of Atlanta. Apologies to Elsie the Cow.

Moose Nene Leakes

2009-10-18T13:02:00.011-04:00

I totally stole this concept from my blog bud Gilmore's fantastic hand drawn rendering of Ms. Nene Leakes as a moose, so all the credit for this post goes to him and the colorful prose of the wigtastic Kim Zolciak. Regarding her former BFF Nene she opined, "If that moose walked in this building you could go ahead and forget it!" I'm sure she's just a little testy because Ms. Leakes referred to Kim as a "low down dirty monkey with a wig on."

Video Whore: Oprah Pees for 10 Minutes

2009-10-11T00:56:00.000-04:00

Video Whore: Tuts My Barreh

2009-09-23T16:59:00.001-04:00

Ooh there's more! We Belung Toogedder:

Attention iPhone gays

2009-09-18T15:21:00.003-04:00

I wear many hats around here: I'm a Doodle Whore, The Rural Modernist, an illustrator, a pot thrower and a budding greeting card mogul. Let's pause for a moment to let me shill for my very own little greeting card company, Handsome Devil Press. We're thrilled to announce the launch of our new e-card iPhone app just for gay dudes. If you are one (or know a few), you can learn more about it over at Cerebral Itch.

The Madonna Vaginalogues Volumes 5 & 6

2009-08-30T12:12:00.005-04:00

This is it, kids. In honor of Madonna's birfday month (she's 51, her cheeks are turning 2, and her arms are about 95), I've joined forces with JOE to Hell and The Lisp to honor her appropriately. I'm providing the Madoodles and the boys have compiled the ultimate mixtape chock full of unreleased demos and rarities, fan faves, tour studio sessions, and unofficial remixes.

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volume 5

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volume 6

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volumes 1 through 4

Video Whore: Cher and Chaz (the sitcom)

2009-08-30T10:51:00.007-04:00

The brilliant Nadya Ginsburg does it again with a pitch perfect Cher impression, which is only rivaled by her pitch perfect Madonna impression.

The Madonna Vaginalogues

2009-08-21T10:03:00.007-04:00

In honor of Madonna's birfday month (she's 51, her cheeks are turning 2, and her arms are about 95), I've joined forces with JOE to Hell and The Lisp to honor her appropriately. I'm providing the Madoodles and the boys have compiled the ultimate mixtape chock full of unreleased demos and rarities, fan faves, tour studio sessions, and unofficial remixes. Get 'em while they're hawt.

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volume 4

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volume 3

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volume 2

Download: The Madonna Vaginalogues Volume 1

Link Whore

2009-08-09T13:30:00.002-04:00

Big Gay Ice Cream Truck goes national on NPR. The Rural Modernist

Xanadu turns 29. Hardcandy.com

If Picasso painted Paris. Gallery of the Absurd

Real Househags of Atlanta. They're baaaack. Pretty on the Outside

iPod a little stale? Freshen it up with some new mashups. Bootie Blog

She's BAAAAAACK!

2009-08-04T10:52:00.014-04:00

In honor of Madonna's birfday month (she's turning 51, her cheeks are turning 2, and her arms are about 95), I've joined forces with JOE to Hell and The Lisp to honor her appropriately. I'm providing the MaDoodles and they're compiling the ultimate mix tape of unreleased demos and rarities, fan faves, tour studio sessions and amazing unofficial remixes like you've never seen before in one spot. Download The Madonna Vaginalogues part 1 and The Madonna Vaginalogues part 2 today and get into the groove already.

Also, Madonna's got a new single out: Celebration. I give it a 7 out of 10 Gaultier cone tits. Major points off for rhyming "hesitation" and "celebration". LAZY MADONNA. At least it doesn't have "waiting" and "hesitating" "anticipating" and clock sounds in it. I don't like the tacky Oakenfold synths in the single version either. Other than that, it's a joyous, clubby, return to the old fun Madonna of yore with the spoken word-laugh bridge and a "transcendence on the dance floor theme". I like the Benny Benassi Radio Remix over at Hardcandy Music way better cuz it strips out that 90's circuit party sound and has a big fat drum beat that will make you cream your panties.

CLICK IT, DON'T LICK IT:

MaDonna Summer The Gentlemen Thieves have mashed up Madonna and Donna Summer to perfection. The song titles alone get a big gold star from me: I Feel Like a Virgin, What It Feels Like for A Bad Girl, and my fave, Frozen Stuff. Brilliant!

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-04T23:58:00.000-04:00

XOXO,

Doodle Whore

Video Whore: Teresa REMIX

2009-06-20T22:46:00.002-04:00

Big Gay Ice Cream Truck

2009-06-14T14:24:00.006-04:00

Read all about my pals' new venture (I designed the logo) over at The Rural Modernist.

What The Hell is Up With Kate Gosselin's Hair?

2009-06-02T17:11:00.004-04:00

I can almost tolerate the front, but that weird spiky porcupine ass detail in the back makes me angry.

Ramoner: Kadooze to You!

2009-05-06T11:27:00.006-04:00

Please tell me that you watched The Real House Hags of New York finale last night. Pie eyed Pinot Grigio guzzling costume jewelry peddler, Ramoner, invented a new word. I'm pretty sure she meant to say, "kudos" but thankfully (for all of us) it came out as, "kaDOOZE". My eyes were bulging out of their sockets almost as much as hers do because I was larfing so hard. Be sure to check out the official REMIX clip and some insightful analysis over at JOE's bloggypoo.

Discuss.

While we're on the topic, watch Ramoner "dance". I think she must have taken lessons from Elaine Benis:

Video Whore: Say a little prayer - Boy George & Dionne Warwick

2009-04-20T13:12:00.001-04:00

Separated at Birf: Madonna and the Guanajuato Mummy

2009-04-07T13:51:00.003-04:00

Check out all of my Madonna doodles here.

Real Housewife of New York Luann Dumped by Count

2009-03-31T15:40:00.010-04:00

When I read that roided up Kristy McNichol impersonator/reality TV oddity/socialite/tranny Countess Luann de Lesseps was dumped by her Count husband, this is what popped into my head and poured out of my pen and onto your computer. You're welcome. If you watch this mind rotting piece of crap show you'll know that LuMann spent the last episode ripping bug-eyed Ramona a new one for calling her beloved geezer husband "old" and "twice her age," two perfectly apt observations. Then she gave eye-rollingly archaic and lame dating advice to top heavy/square-jawed spinster Bethenny. Now that she's single they can double date!

CLICK IT, DON'T LICK IT:
Read all about the split New York Post
LuTran's blog Class with the Countess
All about The Count (Chocula) Wikipedia
Kristy McNichol The Ultimate 70's Tomboy
Hilarious Househag fashions as imagined by the über talented Gilmore POTO