Extracted Abstract

Help Me Believe

2009-01-30T13:19:00.002+11:00

Its a nostalgic feeling to have a song just express what I totally feel. Well, maybe its been too long.

I just want to write you a letter.

I have to be very honest with you right now.

I don't really know how to say this.

I wanna believe
But I'm having a hard time seeing past what I see right now, I see right now
I wanna be free
But when I try to fly I realize I don't know how, no one showed me how
Wish I could see that this mess I'm in will really work out for my good, you said it would
So, if you can hear me, can you give me a sign cause I don't feel you like I should, please if you could
My faith is almost gone, I can't hold on much longer, take this cup from me

But if you choose not to, Please

Help me Believe
Can I believe
Let Me believe
I wanna believe
I'm no good on my own, please give me another chance
It's hard to believe in what I can't see
To give you my will cause you're what's better for me
You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

I want you to know
I wanna believe
If I never hear I'm sorry I can let it go, gotta let you go
Cause, it's killing me. Jesus you know how it feels cause you've been hurt before, don't wanna hurt no more
I'm trying to hear you speak, but my heart is growing weaker, take this cup from me

(But if you choose not to father, Please)
Help me Believe
Can I Believe
Let me Believe
I wanna Believe

(I feel stuck Lord)

I've been here before and can't take that hurt again
It's hard to believe in what I can't see
To give you my will cause you're what's better for me
You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

Believe
Believe

I wanna believe when I close my eyes on this side I'll wake up with you, more in love with you
And, and finally, you will say my race it is over and my work is through, cause I believed in you
I know dark nights will come and some days there'll be no sunshine and you're too far to see

Afflicted but not Crushed; Perplexed but not Despaired; Persucuted but not Forsaken; Struckdown but not Destroyed

2009-01-22T00:56:00.002+11:00

I begin the year continue to believe that the jobs elude me for a purpose. My burden feels heavy, my heart not at ease. My sighs are deep and my mind at war. I look around and see peers just trying for a short time and getting it easy. I cannot comprehend. Pride seems to overwhelm for a slight moment and I ask myself whether I am truly more skilled then them. Could this just be a lesson on taming pride? How is it that in the midst of all these I manage to find a lesson in such? To be honest I feel so tormented and there are times when I just wanna give up. My hopes and dreams for what I envisioned in 2009 just do not seem like they will materialise.

I am reminded not to despise small beginnings for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin (Zech 4:10). Lord I ask for more of your strength. I find it so hard. I am not even sure if I can take it. O but God, if this is your will, I will walk it and I will continue to try to rejoice in it. I cling to your promises of a future and a hope. I remember my prayers on enlarging my capacity, stretching me for more of your purpose and I feel like an engine undergoing an oil change. Just that I have yet to be topped off with new oil. My reservoirs are again running dry but it seems that always at the last moment You bring yet another word of perseverance. I feel both overjoyed yet frustrated. Is it even possible to feel both of these at once?

O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,Behold, I will set your stones in antimony,And your foundations I will lay in sapphires. Moreover, I will make your battlements of rubies, And your gates of crystal, And your entire wall of precious stones. All your sons will be taught of the LORD; And the well-being of your sons will be great. In righteousness you will be established; You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear; And from terror, for it will not come near you.

To your promises I cling, refusing to give into the depression of reality which so enticingly calls. I stand firm believing in my provider, my rock of my foundation. No matter what storm may come, no matter how the wind roars and the sea bellows, I will not be shaken. I stand firm. But from the depths of my heart I call out, Lord hear my cry. I ask for provision but most of all God, your presence be with me. Let not my circumstances be able to dictate my emotions.

2008-05-20T01:00:00.002+10:00

God is such an awesome God and a funny one as well. A few weeks ago, i received an email from someone in uni saying that i had been nominated for a PSP award. To be honest, i laughed coz i had not really been for all the classes can i really kinda met the bear minimum in order to complete those subjects. They are those with no credit. Anyway, i went for the ceremony today and i actually received a certification even though i din win. Dang!

Yet another day goes by and i just wanna receive and learn so much more. However, today's daily bread proved a little challenging. I could not really understand some parts of it and i suppose it will be revealed in due time. It kind of touched on the topic of never being shaken. "Who can separate us from christ". My answer to that is that nothing can separate me from his love. Neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor things present, nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth, nor other created thing. So right now, i am asking myself what might shaketh me?

Death? I will hurt but i think it will do nothing but drive me closer. Life? Hmm.. Going on a tangent a little, havent so any of us said "oh that is the life". What is that really. Gee. Is it just our inner most desires of things which we cannot obtain? Well, either way, i take the stand. I refuse to be shaken. I am on a firm foundation. Angel? They are cool. I look through all these and i find that i've been totally transformed. Its so liberating and so awesome really.

Extracted abstract it is.

Lord i just give you all the glory. I give you all the praise.

Focused

2008-05-18T12:27:00.003+10:00

I've decided that just reflecting on past sermons and other stuff i have learnt is not good enough. Its like there is something missing and i am so hungry for more.

It was only after talking to cheryl that i realised that my daily bread has not been very daily. Sounds strange? Anyway I just realised that and decided to follow a book my mum got for me ages ago.

Once again, its amazing how his plan is, and i seriously do not know how to explain it but its just so awesome. Anyway, I opened up to the page of the day and it just so spoke.

I've always been a person who loves "operations". How things work and whether its efficient and all that stuff. You know, TQM, BPR, Lean.. all that stuff... but i've never really sat down to look at how the things God has created fulfill their purpose. Matthew 6:26-28 (NASB), which is a verse that keeps coming up in the recent months, says "Look at the birds in the air, that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gathering into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you notworth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin."

Previously, what this ment to me just ment worry not, give it all to God, "Huck it to heaven" as Judah Smith says. But if you look closer, you look closer, there is something deeper. "Observe how the lilies of the field grow". How do they grow really? Firstly, i do not like plants but since it is written, i'll think about it. Bees and other bugs fertilise plants and they exchange pollen and get fertilised and the process goes on. If you need to know more, google it. I cant be stuffed. Anyway, the important part here is that the lilies are aiming at one thing alone. Arguably, plants cant move on their own, with the exception of the carnivorous plants. So what is it that plants focus on? Its the sun. Remembering the experiments of old, when you move plants, the grow towards where the sunlight comes from. For photosynthesis; you know, (just in case you are a 3 year old kid reading my blog, click here to find out more).

So whats the point right? Its this: we too, being created have to be focused in order to grow. Yes, each of us have our daily lives to run and get to. But we need to focus on the main thing that gives us live, strength. Its the only thing that feeds us spiritually. Without this focus on God and our relationship with God, you will spiritually shrivel. AND DIE.

If you are a non-christian reading my blog, and happen to read till here, lemme just say something. This generation, our generation is looking hard to find themselves. Sadly, as we look around we can see the rubbish people grab to fill the void they feel. Drugs, drinks, pain, sex. Whatever. And you know what, you may think its fun and all that. But i know one thing for sure. That is when you sit down at night, or whenever it is that you sleep, and you slightly ponder what lifes purpose is, you are void. You always wonder what if this happened, or if only i studied harder and worked harder and blar blar. Life ain't easy thats for sure. But the different for us christians is that we live a life of purpose. A purpose that cannot be shaken. A purpose that is real. Real to each and everyone of us. This purpose gives us what we need, spirtually and physically and mentally. Its the whole package. This purpose defines our meaning in life. It defines our very being. Its the sunlight to plants. (Just to clarify, i am in no way a plant. I am a meat eating dinosaur, hear me roar.) Anyway, this purpose is Jesus Christ.

"They do not toil nor spin". How much am i toiling and spinning. I worry about a place to stay starting July, I worry about PR and how long it will take, I worry about a multitude of things. And even when i surrender it all, i have to admit that its subconsciously still there. I subconsciously worry. And i so often fail to just be in his presence. Just to receive what i need.

So from today onwards, no toiling nor spinning. I declare from this day forth, the beginning of many exponential multiplications of double portions over my life. I will not toil, I will not spin. ( Btw, alot of this is directed to waking up during winter ). Lord, hear my cry, I need you to speak to me daily. And from this moment on, I will not miss even one day of this.

2007-04-18T19:34:00.000+10:00

I am still left in utter amazement that my blog is still jammed. I wonder what settings are required. Damn stupid thing. I should have made sure everything was ok before i made the damn switch. Stupid thing. For rather stupid me.

Works been really piling up and i am getting worried. And sadly i have begun to see the ugly nature of many things. If we could change the world what would you change.

Dealing with group politics can be a real bitch. Even when you are on the winning side coz you have to take so much fucking effort to make sure the other does not manage to screw you over. Its been really hell trying to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Just before this, i actually had alot of inspiration to write. but i think i have lost that now so tt.

2007-04-13T09:38:00.000+10:00

There are times like today when i wake up in the morning and i feel like crap. Its being alone at home again. With so much on my mind and so much on my heart. Having both a physical and mental burden just increases the stress exponentially. There is so much to be done and so little time.

Ironically i want this term to end swiftly. Sigh. I dun even have time to blog properly.

2007-04-05T16:54:00.000+10:00

I ask myself whether i have been slacking or whether i have just overworked beyond what my determination can deal with. Its been a long time since i felt this way but it reached the point where i just did not wanna care on how to make my work better. Well, the grades have been average but thats not what i want. Man. Am i losing focus?

2007-04-04T00:03:00.000+10:00

I've been fucked recently. There is so much bloody work and its playing the cat and mouse game and it seems i can never catch the bloody mouse. I'll blog more later on in the easter break. Meanwhile, here is my new fav song:

It's one thing to ask why we break up
Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love?
Can you tell me, do you know what it is you're looking for?
Why do we need? Can you tell me why I care?
How is it that we hear that voice that says, 'I want you there'?
Thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
In a single moment you might be perfect
And sit in a window of my life
But how much, how much more would I yearn to see?
What would I strive to hide, now there will be no compromise?
So take it in your stride, I'll believe you now with a smile
Thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
Look into my eyes
Ours was no love sacrifice
For it has helped us to grow
And I'm sorry, I know just how far I have to go alone
Thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
And thanks, you've been fuel for thought
Now I'm more lonely than before, but that's okay
I've just ready-made another fucking love song
I've just ready-made another love song
Just ready-made another love song

2007-03-19T21:52:00.000+11:00

So we fight as hard as we can. And we try as we might. Does the outcome matter all that much? But we try to the best of our abilities. And work piles and piles.. and deliverables keep on coming and i begin to worry. To some extent, it kinda reminds me of navy. It brings back some nostalgia. I wonder whether anyone really appreciates the work i do. But den again, we try. And we fight. Because really, we try to shine not fr ourselves but for Him. I hope that i am glorifying your name. I hope so. I know i can never compare. But Lord i try.

2007-03-16T22:19:00.000+11:00

They say what we do in life echoes through eternity. How true is that?

I've been really max-ed out in school. Am already falling behind on many things. Iquestion whether i have been the more efficient i can be and the answer is no. But i;m going to keep at it. I once had a goal and i;m not going to lose sight of it again.

So i throw myself into the toughest situations i can get into for school and i pray God will do the rest.

i hate java

2007-03-10T16:57:00.000+11:00

School started a while ago. The workload this sem is really raping my mind. You have to sex up your java-ness and go in but there are always problems keeping the logic and mental strength up. How long these periods last dun depend how how long you can keep at it but more of whatever you know or can figure out how to work it. So far i've been pounding it hard but still cant seem to find the spot. Have managed to fix most of the issues to date, so you can say that i might be above average. But the satisfaction from that is minute. Its always beginning of the new ones that yet another struggle begins. And if you go straight on one after another, it seems so much harder to get it.

I hate java. Someone help me.

Sigh

2007-03-02T22:18:00.000+11:00

survey replies

2007-02-19T00:13:00.000+11:00

I was very recently asked to participate in a survey and my thoughts were as follows. BTW happy chinese new year everyone!

On a scale of 1 - 5 (1 being not satisfied and 5 being very satisfied), rate how satisfied are you with the current policies and systems of Singapore and why?

3. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. There should be more schemes for the mid range class of people. Incorporate more for the people. Our nation has already been built. Dun get me wrong. We should still continue to build for the future but more of the focus should be the people of which will be in that future. If you fail to cater to the needs of the people, what kind of future will there be?

If there is one thing that you can change in Singapore's policies, what would it be and why?

Its hard to decide between 2 issues so i will mention both. Firstly, the issue of national service being too long and all that has been a large hoo ha in our history. Having recently a reduction in national service, i do agree that there has been a positive change but still, its allowance which in turn means no CPF. Non, national servicemen (so as not to just target the ladies), do not earn 2 years of CPF. Meaning hundreds if not thousands of dollars. This although small amount could be the very beginning of one whom has been through national service. I will not emphasise more on this because i am too busy to bother fighting on this policy as I HAVE ALREADY SERVED MY TIME. Secondly and one cannot emphasise more on the environment. Recycling is close to zilch back home. Singaporeans probably do not even know what it means. Take Australia and Japan for example. If we, singaporeans, make the effort to recycle, it will go a long way. Let me explain. I was actually away when this happened but from what i heard, singapore pointed out to another country nearby that they were poluting our air and later had to gave an apology. If we make the effort, there might be some basis. But in all things, it begins from yourself. Yourself meaning the individual. Yourself meaning the family, your home and then sooner or later it will be your country. Bins for paper and cardboard items, another for plastic and glass and the usual rubbish bin. Maybe even teaching national education on recycling should be placed into the education system. When you start small, you grow with it. Save the environment. Do your F***ing part. For the 2 issues, the latter is more impt. Like THE...(guys, lets not be selfish)

What kind of feeling does singing the national anthem and reciting of the pledge everyday when you were in school?

nothing.

Does watching the annual National Day Parade give you a sense of pride and belonging? Why?

Of course. One, my girlfriend loves fireworks and two, My CPF of which i could have earned from national service might have been for the fireworks. I contributed so why not watch?

If Singapore were to break into a war, would you stay and pull through with Singapore or leave the country? Why?

I am not in Singapore now but if my family and loved one was there, i would fly back and fight to keep them safe. Nothing comes close. Navy! But if everyone i love is out of the country, i'd leave coz there is nothing in it of which i would find the will to fight. Plus why would i go to war handling my men under me without the cause and will. That would be wrong.

Would you feel emotionally attached to the country if you were going to be overseas for a long time (eg. < 5 years)? Why?

Yes. Its the 4 Fs. Family, Friends, FOOD, and f*cked up-ness of the singaporeans (selfish, unfriendly, rude coz sometimes i am like that too when i am in a bad mood. When i am in a bad mood and everyone around me is so shit, i fit right in.)

If given a chance to emigrate to any country of your choice, would you do it and why?

Australia or USA. Australia coz its a nice place with friendly people and HIGHER pay than the shit they give back home. I could do alot more. Or the States because i have family there.

in these 12 days

2007-02-13T01:46:00.000+11:00

its been 12 days i've been away. If you ask me, i'm doing pretty ok. I've been able to settle well. The house is fucking messy i have to say. Basically i;m just coming up with the most abstract of reasons to actually skip cleaning up. For example, there was this huge cockroach which my housemate's tuition kid saw in the drawer but we were all too damn lazy to kill it... So we gave 'bruce' the oppotunity to live on another day. Its just something we have decided to call all the cockroaches. It was a large mother btw... So, days go by and when i was searching for gigi today, i found bruce dead under the couch. It only goes to prove that it all works out for the best.

I;ve missed church again this week due to the st kilda festival but since i have no one to accompany me, i guess, you know what... fuck making up excuses. I admit that its just an excuse. This week, i will go no matter what. I hope.

The wii is excellent. Its been my buddy. as in like seriously. It was what kept me going fo rthe past few days. Red steel was a great game... but i finished it and i dun feel like starting another man...

O ya... when i left singapore, i went on business class. Upgraded waahhoooooo... it was great. The service, the food, and the space. just marvellous. I made a fool of myself not knowing where everything was. But that is that... i lost the motivation to talk about that already.

I miss cheryl. I miss the rest of the group (peter, anand, qh, wy, wl) and in truth i wonder how everything is going to be once i go back in dec. will it be the same? From what i've figured, i think that there is a minute possibility of that happening. but there still is. How will it turn out.

When i was back for those 2 months, i seriously questioned whether i want to stay in aussie. The friends, the family. The culture that i've been so acustommed to. From what i've come to learn about myself is that i chose not to break out from the security circle even when the oppotunity presents itself, which is a bad thing. I need to find the motivation of which to do whatever is required for me to earn a shit load. Still, i have another year to figure out what i wanna do and if God allows and cheryl comes here, i need to figure out which is my next place to study... Have decided that masters is the way to go. but to which industry i have yet to decide.

So for guidance i pray,
that i'll be shown not just a way,
but the way,
of which i am to follow,
of which i should go,
for the rest of my years to earn my keep,
one which hopefully i wun lose too much sleep,
finding joy in the work i do,
and living a life i've so far forseen,
one which not only meets expectations.

last minute packing

2007-02-01T02:54:00.000+11:00

Make sure to leave all the things which you wanna bring in a corner. Dedicate a small area, preferably 2d, this is due the to gravitational nature to things falling over. Leave / dump, whatever you will need in that corner. Be it bags, cds, books, paper. I've got a shit load.

A few days before, transfer these to the table or whatever. Leave nothing behind. Trash all the shit like the wrappers and all. Just have the items themselves. This is because those bastard huge ass airline companies, *cough* qantas *cough*, do not allow check in luggage of more than 20kg. And no they do not have a student plan. Those bastards. Hand carry is llimited to a weight of not more than 7kg. From what i have heard from koba, if they dun all you to bring stuff in, hand carry them in many duty free bags. This gives the impression that you have actually helped the economy, though not much coz duty free. But it gives the impression that you have spent on your trip here, there ot wherever. 2 duty free bags, look flumsy but they are actually rather sturdy. I know this coz i have had a few duty free bags.

You may ask, "packing days before hand ain't last minute dude". Well, once again, perspective my brother or sister. My family packs way way way before hand. Like weeks so its days are short to me. At the end of the day, do whatever makes you comfortable. It pays off. When i returned here, Shanyang checked in so fucking late that they boosted him to business class. Ironic isn't it.

Imogen heap rules

2007-01-26T17:17:00.000+11:00

I wish i could sing this to everyone. I think it applies to everyone. I mean everyone. In one way or another. So, this is to all.

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
I know you think it's more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh don't lose your head'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh don't kill yourself'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It was a long time ago
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It's okay by me
It was a long time ago

There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh don't lose your head'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah
There, there, baby
It's just text book stuff
It's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin'
Oh, don't kill yourself'
Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

what in the blue monkey

2007-01-22T06:45:00.000+11:00

Its 345 am. I'm sitting at the house desktop pc which is in the living. I am scanning pictures for my mom.

o no its time

2007-01-22T05:57:00.000+11:00

The time draws near for the pseudo grand return. To the place of solace once more. People seldom think of solace as a bad thing but really, it can really make you go mad. Since i have returned, i have been reminded of how great it is to have friends around. Those that you can truely call friends. Those that will be there for you no matter what. And just when i have i have began to settle down, its once again time to leave. I am reminded of the cooking and washing and all which i will have to do. O those bills to pay. I wonder whether koba has already gotten the car. Its time to go crazy once more. I wonder if my mind will be able to take it.

Still, there is so much that i am supposed to do so hopefully i will get to that... but somehow i dun think that is going to happen. Java o java... i really hope that i can pick you up again else i am really damn screwed. So lets hope for the best. Dear Lord, please help me to do the rest.

I miss you planetshakers.

killer litter is a bitch

2007-01-09T01:55:00.000+11:00

Awoke to dad's call... i was wondering what had happened and when he told me i was so fucking shocked.. the car's windscreen was shattered... the back one...seriously wtf right.. i also could not believe it. Summore i re parked the car to one of the good lots that was not under a tree after the manchester united match...

The first few thoughts were why the fuck does stuff like that happen? Did i piss off some fucker again? But i dun tink that it was my fault. The police have decided that its like killer litter so i dunno what to say. How bloody unfortunate.

To you who killer littered, may you be blessed with the most painful life of utter torment. From all the millions of tickets of lost 4d and toto, may you never every strike, not even consolation. and toto,not even close. From the cockscrew that was found too, may your liver swell beyond limits of happiness to unimaginable pain. All of this in a recycling bag means too that you dun give a shit about the environment so if i were you, i hope you stay out of the sun else you get skin cancer. But God says forgive your enemies so to me, you are forgiven. But what is already said, sometimes cannot be taken back. :)

Sim lim was a bitch too.. i wanted to beat some fella who cursed at my dad but i dun think i wanted to show my dad the bad side so i repressed it and man was it killing me... seriously.... wahhhhh....

but at least i have my super ram now ( i think that its making my computer so hot.... as in literally temperature hot man). and a new Hdd... my dad is taking the old one. I nv really thought this way but i think that my dad sometimes spoils me when i want the techie stuff... sometimes.... O well. I love him too. Thank you God for such a good dad. :)

2007-01-04T17:54:00.000+11:00

To all of you guys i din see yet, a belated merry christmas and a happy new year.

i wonder whats with all the happiness and all that. Does the fact remain that seasons are ment to be jolly? Beats me. I have no idea. I'm beginning to feel so comfortable here. Though my beds a little small and the weather is quite hot but i dun really feel it coz i am mostly staying indoors. WTF rite. I have hardly gone out for a long time. Its like the austrlian life of solitude which i forced myself into. I can feel my body dying. It is said that excessive sleep causes more harm on your body den lack of sleep. I am wondering whether i wanna test that theory. o well.

I have been researching on things that i wanna buy. Or at least hope to. Technology is such a bitch sometimes. If anyone has lobang in sim lim or funan please let me know real quick coz i might just finally get my lazy ass up and go out. My want list is as follows:
1) 2 x 1GB PC5300 ddr2 667mhz SO-DIMM (would like to trade in my current ram)
2) 500GB 3.5" Seagate internal Harddisk 7200RPM 16mb cache SATA2
3) Vantec 3.5" Nexstar 3 Aluminum USB 2.0/Firewire 1394 External IDE Hard Drive Mobile Storage Enclosure Case with Stand: NST-360UF
4) 100 TDK DVDRs (+/- doesn matter)
5) Bluetooth Speaker (still researching)
6) Retractable Earphones (still researching)

Thing is that i dun even have money to buy these things!!!! ARGH... fucking hate it.....

In the previous 2 stints of consciousness which was about 40 hours, the bleaching proceeded to episode 57. Damn i am an addict. Freking couch potato. I have to haul my lazy ass up. But den again, maybe i'll go it tmr.

format 3of3 complete

2006-12-31T05:33:00.000+11:00

3 damn computers are all finally clean from everything. Seriously tired and i dun wanna formatting for like at least another year. At least. Seems that the starhub offer for laptops is no more so i guess cheryl missed out on a real deal. I mean it was like almost free. O well. Hopefully there will be another offer soon so that she can get one. I really think that she needs one and a personal one in my opinion will be a real good idea.

Left knee is being a bitch. I have no idea whats wrong with it. Maybe i a dying.

The horrendous, dun mind my spelling, weather is predicted to be less wet so i think i have to finally get my ass downstairs for a run maybe. Have been procrastinating for every so long. Really have toget down to it. I believe it will be good for me. I feel so weak now. :(

The past few days has been just like the days before it just once the new year begins, i will get more organised and work towards the goals for the day. Hopefully i get all of that done so the holidays wont be a total waste.

So lethargic. O ya. I now have a cat in my house in aussie!

Formatting 1 of 3 completed

2006-12-26T23:26:00.000+11:00

So far since i have been back, i have formatted and installed all the required programs into one computer. There are still another 2 more to go. The painful part is not the formatting but usually what happens after which is the installing of all the old programs to make it work like it is supposed to. The one computer alone took me like half a day to install all the programs (also coz i slept in between) and another 2 days of testing and fixing up all the little glitches here and there.

The painful part for me is clearing / backing up all the information that is in my computer. These are all the shows and all which i watch. There is nothing illegal and is totally moral (meaning there is no porn so dun think otherwise). I have burnt like 25 dvds already to try to fit other information like my songs and photos into the hdd. Damn its tormenting.

While doing so, i have discovered that there are many shows, which i have already burnt and have all the intention in the world to keep, that pple have borrowed and not returned to me. You bloody motherF*ckers. i am very disappointed. So to all of you that have yet to return me, please do so. Cheryl, Weiliang and Sio are exempted coz they have told me that they have my discs.

So why is the rest of the world reading all this shit. Well, i thought about it and i will not be lending shows to pple anymore. If you want, you can request from me and i will burn it for you at a fee. Its amount has yet to be decided on but hopefully it will help to pay for my internet and elec bill (since i require a computer and the internet connection to do so). If you not happy, download your @#$%ing self. I will create a page over the next 2 months of what i have on hand.

The mandate is final!

Oxymornic Irony

2006-12-22T18:48:00.000+11:00

Since juliet has arrived, its been showering. I've been waiting so long for her and when she finally comes, we are just pulled apart. The rain pours, the sun hides, lightning and thunder accompany her. raining sun

Jem did not manage to get into ACS barker so have applied and he was supposed to go for a rugby trial so as try to to get in. He is now in hosiptal with suspected appendisitis or however that is spelt. opportunistic loss

Birthdays are supposed to be of happiness. For Kids, its the one day of freedom when sometimes they are allowed to do anything. and jem is going to be trapped in that sterile bubble for at least a few more days. confined freedom

Taking care of them intermittently over the past couple of weeks has really brought about the love and connection to kids. And to some extent nostalgia. The energy of youth with the burdens of adults. Nostalgic Energy

I am rather drained. ITS NAP TIME! (for me)

166.5

2006-12-15T04:29:00.000+11:00

166.5 hours ago, i got my fruits of the labour i put in for about half a year. As disappointed as i was, i learnt to deal with it. No matter how much i'd like it to change, it won't. But yes i am still happy that i did not fail nothing. But with only 3 more semesters, i can only hope and pray that i will reach the targetted goal. Thank you Lord, i am contented.

While calculating the number of hours above, have come to realise that my brain is dying. It is said that your brain cells stop multiplying after the age of 2. I have to start to exercise it again. It took me 45 secs before figurig out the result. My brain is dying. And if you think i am like dumb, think again. Yours could be dying at a faster rate.

So its been from here to there and being a nanny here and there. Tiff is still so cute and so sensitive. The toll of events has taken its raid on me. I hope i dun fall sick. Anyway, its just a few more days till the return of the king and queen of which i am the prince. I both look forward and backward to it. But yes i miss them dearly. &&&&&& my juliet is coming!!..

In the hectic moments, i have failed to sort whats in my head. Its just trying hard to relax coz i know that once school reopens, hell's void will flip the closed to open. And i am supposed to start studying for next year for the programming stuff which i have not done for like 4 fucking years. I have no idea how the shit i am going to do that but i pray that God's grace be with me.

There are 2 roads. but there is only one. Without his leading, i cannot choose so i look to the depth and into oblivion. I sense an answer but what could it be?

And so i sing to myself "go to sleep now close your eyes as you dream of tomorrow, all the stars wish you goodnight and i'm switching off the light."---and yes i have spent a little too long with my little darling cousins.

you are so good to me

2006-12-11T05:19:00.000+11:00

Lord, thank you for my results. I know that without you i dun think that i could have performed that well. Help my heart as it does not feel contented. I know that i could have done better but for the amount of effort put in i think that i would have failed. Thank you for your guidance, thank you for your wisdom. I pray that you will forever be with me. Thank you for each and every new day that comes by. Thank you for bringing my cousins closer to me. I pray that you will be with my aunt and kids through this period of time. Their struggles, you lift them. Their burdens,you oblilerate them. I pray that you will be with my parents at this time granting them journey mercy. Thank you lord for your faithfulness. I pray that i may yet again fall into your presence. Amen.

Results are out. I did ok. Am not overjoyed but i am happy that i have not failed. I got 2 H1, 1 H2A and a H3. I know i can do better.

Went to carbivore at vivo city today. I think that i ate too much. For that $30 spent, i think i ate a fair share. Its been a long while since my stomach has told me that i have had too much. There is a possibility that i could have eaten more but i think that i ate too fast, too furious.

Caught an EPL match and its good to be home. Though i am alone at home again and when its alone, i dun feel that its alone. It feels so foreign. Well, nette will be back on wed and my parents on the 17th so i guess its gonna be like that for a bit.

Time to hit the bed. Dun think that this was a really marvelously written entry but its just to update you all on me!

Those off you who are in Singapore... CALL ME LARRRRR!!!