Lyndon Hood - diurnal emitter, Wellington

2008-05-12T14:41:00.004+12:00

New Hood: Emitting Sector Excluded From ETS

For what it's worth, this morning I remembered a further explanation I meant to include for the term 'grandparenting': "the way, at this rate, those who are currently children will be grandparents before a proper scheme gets implemented".

So, there you go. Director's cut.

Elsewhere - as you may have read in places with more punch than here - The Dim-Post gets a room.

Late Bonus: http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0805/S00159.htm

Lyndon Hood - squidder, Wellington

2008-05-02T17:32:00.002+12:00

New Hood: Colossal Squid "Not Nearly As Tasty As Hoped"

Bit of the old humour there.

More satirical is the return of the Dim Post on Kiwiblog: Violent Bible Book Should be Banned. You can also read the comments for proof of the prose-interpretation skills of some Kiwiblog commenters.

Incidentally, you can still see the squid-cam footage, or if you're still hungry for satiricalness, go find some Tom Lehrer (and thanks to Ms Gracewood for a pointer to some of Lehrer's more obscure work).

Here's 'Pollution':

Lyndon Hood - still some sort of designer, Wellington

2008-04-24T16:26:00.000+12:00

New Not-Really-A-Hood: Front Cover Review: Absolute Power

Not really satire - I didn't click the thing that apparently sends it to the satire mailing list, for example. But looking at it, it seems to have come from a satirical place.

And it's utterly true that Ian Wishart's book has no obligation to look high end and may even do better not to.

So yeah.

Lyndon Hood - late at the office, Wellington

2008-04-23T17:38:00.001+12:00

New Hood: NZ Politics - The Text Adventure

"[a] little beauty"
- Some guy on Public Address System

"Geekish. Column. Ever."
- Lyndon Hood

And to repeat, also of note are Right To Smack, the website dedicated to a parent's right to lovingly beat their children as part of good parental correction, and "Flat Earth NZ chapter reaches out to climate skeptics."

Oh, and on the perils rather than the examples of satire, a little while ago the Boston Herald mistook a Borowitz Report piece (Cheney Challenges Hillary to Hunting Contest) for fact. For more of Andy Borowitz's magic the current lead is Democratic Race ‘Too Mean,’ Say Swift Boat Veterans.

Lyndon Hood - blogger in briefs, Wellington

2008-04-14T11:28:00.001+12:00

New Hood : Trade Briefs

Being:

Lyndon Hood - guy who it seems is back, Wellington

2008-04-02T15:58:00.002+13:00

New Hood: "April Fool!" - Govt

"Gold!"
- Some guy in the comments on on Kiwiblog

If you haven't had a look, yesterday Scoop also received the following (that we noticed):

1-day.co.nz - Microsoft acquisition of 1-day!
1-Day.co.nz - Company 1-Day.co.nz enjoys April Fools promotion
InterCity Coachlines - Plans to Launch a Revolutionary New Hydrobus
Newmarket Business Association - Newmarket signs fashion contract with Helen Clark
Department of Conservation - Rats to find Frogs

Lyndon Hood - half-elf, Wellington

2008-03-05T15:19:00.000+13:00

Knowing Your Geekership

A story [the underlined link] about the death of Dungeons & Dragons co-creator Gary Gygax.

Note the section the Herald website put it in.

WTF? And yet, fair enough.

Lyndon Hood - reviewerer, Wellington

2008-03-04T16:30:00.003+13:00

Inside The Mind Of A Reviewer: da da da da da da da da da Da da Da da

The other night I went to see Shen Wei Dance Arts at the Festival. My research consisted of listening to The Rite of Spring on the train into and out of work during the day. With the perhap predictable effect of having the thing stuck in my head for some time afterwards.

After the Shen Wei I went and took photos of people playing with their shadows in the Body Movies installation. It occurred to me that a mashup of the two events would be quite something.

Scoop has been kind enough to make its Arts Festival coverage available on the web.

Lyndon Hood - released, Lower Hutt

2008-02-20T19:48:00.003+13:00

So I find it a bit rich for Peter Dunne to, under the UnitedFuture letterhead, complain about the design of anything.

As far as the airport design goes, while I find it so very very odd, and liable to send arriving visitors the message that there's a message here which they don't get, my opposition is tempered by the following observation:

Architecture that looks inexpicably, controversially bizzare, at least as far as public buildings goes, at least make an impression. It is, I think, less likely to become despised and much more likely to become loved than something that offends nobody when it comes out of the committee. My default position is that major public works should offend the sensibilities of most people. Myself included.

So the pumpkins have that in their favour.

Speaking of UnitedFuture, my reader might be intrigued by, and may possibly have missed, this from the other week: New Group Wants Income Splitting For Parents.

It's a press release from "Parents Choice '08", whose chairman is one Roger Ellis. Is that the former member of the United Future executive board Roger Ellis, forming a lobby group to campaign for a United Future policy in election year? I assume it is [in searching around the topic I find Whale Oil noticed this at the time].

Now, I wouldn't think that UF had enough cash to need to make soft money arrangements in view of the Electoral Finance Act.

So... Astroturfing?

Really stupid?

Lyndon Hood - Former Fifth-Former, Wellington

2008-02-18T13:32:00.005+13:00

New Hood: Graffiti Tagged For Destruction

"It’s… it’s the Welcome to Paradise of journalism."
- Some guy in this comments of this post on the Brunswick blog.

As it happens, my first reponse to the anti-graffiti announcement was to post some holiday snaps.

'Update': I should say, though all in all it's pretty clear, that when Colin Espiner says "PM takes on the taggers down in the Hood", he is not referring to me.

Lyndon hood - couturier, Weliington

2008-02-12T09:23:00.000+13:00

New Hood: Sevens Cut & Play Paper Dolls

In retrospect I committed a search-terms faux pas by not including the phrase "sevens costumes" in, for example, the title or the article.

Click here to enlarge

Incidentally, you can still click through to all this year's Scoop photos of Sevens costumes (last years photos were also popular for googlers) and there are parade photos too.

Lyndon Hood - lister, Wellington

2008-01-28T14:56:00.000+13:00

New Hood: Reasons 'Kiwi Party' Is An Appropriate Name

From the person who brought you:

I'm dismayed that some in the media are saying that I quit United Future because I did not like Peter Dunne using his conscience vote to support the Anti-Smacking legislation. That is a gross misrepresentation of my position...

In my resignation statement on the 16th of May I made it clear that I was resigning "for a number of reasons and, in particular, because I desire to be involved in a party which listens to the people and has a clear commitment to the repeal of the Anti-Smacking Bill". In answer to questions I made it clear that the United Future Party was unable to make a policy commitment to repeal because its Leader, Peter Dunne, was in favour of the legislation.

and

Independent MP Gordon Copeland today denied the claim made by Labour Minister Annette King (during question time in Parliament today) that he had agreed to a two-tier proposal for natural/alternative dietary supplements etc as part of the Therapeutics Products Bill.

"I did agree to consider such a proposal - in fact I made such a proposal to Annette King - but in the end made a firm decision against it," said Mr Copeland.

comes

Independent MP Gordon Copeland today advised that he had advised the Party’s Board that he was stepping down as co-leader of Future New Zealand (now The Kiwi Party).

“I have stepped aside as co-leader in order to focus on my responsibilities as an Independent Member of Parliament and Deputy Chair of the Commerce Committee during a busy election year,” said Mr Copeland.

Just imagine all those deputy chairs who have electorates must be.

Incidentally, as a correspondent points out, whatever the appropriateness the the Kiwi Party's name, their slogan ('New Zealanders Voting For Themselves') must be the most accurate to come along in a while.

Lyndon Hood - eclector

2008-01-14T15:10:00.000+13:00

New Hood: Light Verse Versus Politics

You'll notice none of those are of the form

da dada dada da Sir Ed
da dada dada dada dead,
da dada dada to be said.

and, when we discovered late Friday morning what our lead was going to be for the rest of the day, I also didn't immediately start a column to the effect of

God "Knocks Bugger Off"
"Because he was there," says quietly triumphant deity.

I am glad of both these facts; I just thought I'd share how my mind sometimes works.

BTW, if you've got this far you almost certainly won't be offended if you read the comments on Fark. Which lead, in time to a page on Snopes dicussing how Hilary Clinton said (she was told) she was named after Sir Ed, which, among other things, doesn't work timeline-wise.

During the course of the tributes on the radio (perhaps it's in this RNZ documentary) somebody said that people in India tended to compare him to Arjuna. This seems fair enough to me. Arjuna is, if not the most awesome, surely the coolest of the Pandavas, the brothers at the centre of the vast Hindu story-cycle the Mahabharata.

I note that Arjuna, famous as a warrior, did indeed

climb up into the Himalayas, where he spend some time with the gods and came back even more unstoppable.

But, being only slightly familiar with the Mahabharata, the story the radio put me in mind of actually centres around the eldest of the Pandavas, Yudhisthira: less cool than Arjuna but probably the most awesome one.

In the words of Donald A. MacKenzie's translation/plot summary:

Vyasa, the sage appeared before them, and revealed that [the Padnavas'] time had come to depart from the world.

Then Yudhishthira divided the kingdom... The Pandavas afterwards cast off their royal garments and their jewels and put on the garb of hermit, and the bright-eyed and faithful Draupadi did likewise. Yudhishthira departed first of all. and his brethren walked behind him one by one, and Draupadi went last of all, followed by a hound.They all walked towards the rising sun, and by the long circuitous path which leads to Mount Meru, through forests and over streams and across the burning plains, never again to return.

One by one [for various moral imprefections] they fell by the way, all save Yudhishthira.

..

When he drew nigh to sacred Mount Meru, the world-spine, Indra, king of the gods, carne forth to welcome him, saying: "Ascend, O resolute prince."

Said Yudhishthira: "Let my brethren who have fallen by the way come with me also. I cannot enter heaven without them, O king of the gods. Let the fair and gentle princess come too; Draupadi hath been a faithful wife, and is worthy of bliss. Hear my prayer, O Indra, and have mercy."

Said Indra: "Thy brethren and Draupadi have gone before thee."

Then Yudhishthira pleaded that his faithful hound should enter heaven also; but Indra said: "Heaven is no place for those who are followed by hounds. Knowest thou not that demons rob religious ordinances of their virtues when dogs are nigh?"

Said Yudhishthira: "No evil can come from the noble. I cannot have joy if I desert this faithful friend."

Indra said: "Thou didst leave behind thy brethren and Draupadi. Why, therefore, canst thou not abandon thine hound?"

Said Yudhishthira: "I have no power to bring back to life those who have fallen by the way: there can be no abandonment of the dead."

As he spake, the hound was transformed, and behold Dharma, god of justice, stood by the rajah's side.

Dharma said: "O Yudhishthira, thou art indeed mine own son. Thou wouldst not abandon me, thy hound, because that I was faithful unto thee. Thine equal cannot he found in heaven."

Lyndon Hood - Oracle, Wellington

2008-01-07T17:27:00.000+13:00

New Hood: Lyndon Hood: Mother Scoop's Almanac 2008

Between Audrey Young's blog and whoever it was at (I think) the Herald that suggested, for their 2008 predictions, something like "a currently simmering scandal will break the surface" (I mean "you will loose a ballpoint pen" is also a prediction, but man...), I thought I might have a go at this predicting lark.

Lyndon Hood - power satirist, Wellington

2007-12-07T12:24:00.000+13:00

New Hood: Clark Welcomes Henry Re-Appointment

Just me trying to get in quick. Headline says it all, really.

Lyndon Hood - ombudsbuddy

2007-12-07T10:01:00.000+13:00

"Sensible" Sentencing Trust*: The left McVicar does not seem to know what the right Alexander** is doing.

I find Alexander's support for the ombudsman especially droll in light of what the report actually says about people like the Trust.

Oh, and here's a bit of history: 2003 self-promotion from one Erin Leigh.

Update (5pm-ish): Right Hand Resigns from Trust.

* In the words of Voltaire, "neither holy, nor roman, nor an empire".

** "recently selected National Party candidate for Wigram"; it seem that like Stephen Franks, having been kicked off a sinking ship, has now also left it.

Lyndon Hood - Spammer, Lower Hutt

2007-12-04T18:24:00.000+13:00

New Hood: Lyndon Hood: Electoral Spam Act

I have visions of people trying to email this to each other and it being blocked. But it probably won't be an issue.

Lyndon Hood - Returnerer, Lower Hutt

2007-11-30T18:06:00.001+13:00

Hi. Remember me? Long story, maybe later.

Right now...

John Key:

This morning I launched a 12-minute DVD, "Ambitious for New Zealand - Meet John Key". The DVD is intended to give Kiwis a closer look at my life and what I stand for. In it, I talk a little about my life before politics, the things that motivate me, and my ideas for confronting some of the challenges we face as a nation. You can download and watch it here.

Over the next few weeks, I'll be travelling to around 40 towns throughout the country to introduce myself to as many people as possible. I'll be handing out the DVD wherever I go.

I encourage you to tell your friends about it so that they also have the opportunity to get to know me a little better.

I welcome your comments. Have your say at www.johnkey.co.nz.

Gerry Brownlee:

This morning, John Key launched a 12-minute DVD, "Ambitious for New Zealand – Meet John Key". The DVD is intended to give Kiwis a closer look at John’s life and what he stands for. In it, he talks a little about his life before politics, the things that motivate him, and his ideas for confronting some of the challenges we face as a nation. You can watch the DVD here on my website.

Over the next few weeks, John will be travelling to around over 30 towns throughout the country to introduce himself to as many people as possible. He’ll be handing out the DVD wherever he goes.

I encourage you to tell your friends about the DVD so that they also have the opportunity to get to know John a little better.

I welcome your comments. Please email me on gerry.brownlee@national.org.nz or have your say at www.brownlee.co.nz.

Richard Worth:

John Key launched a 12-minute DVD on Tuesday, "Ambitious for New Zealand – Meet John Key". The DVD is intended to give New Zealanders a closer look at John’s life and what he stands for. In it, he talks a little about his life before politics, the things that motivate him, and his ideas for confronting some of the challenges we face as a nation. You can download and watch the DVD here or at National’s YouTube channel, www.youtube.com/user/NZNats.

Over the next few weeks, John will be travelling to more than 30 towns throughout the country to introduce himself to as many people as possible. He will be handing out the DVD wherever he goes.

I encourage you to tell your friends about the DVD so that they also have the opportunity to get to know John a little better.

Well, you can't say they're not on message.

Lyndon Hood - Restrospector, Lower Hutt

2007-10-01T12:06:00.000+13:00

I've been carrying the programme from the RSC's King Lear and The Seagull in my bag, unreviewed. Occasionally it glares it me.

In lieu of that here's my review of the play of The Hollow Men.

I would also suggest John Lahr's profile of Ian McKellen in The New Yorker (link is to abstract). But the actual article doesn't seem to be online.

I was most struck by the way at one point he left a note for Lahr at his place in Stratford saying to come to the theatre. It turns out, the stand-ins for The Seagull were have a run-through, but the one playing his part was ill. So Sir Ian was standing in for him. This is not, as Lahr remarks, usual.

Quite a guy.

In other me news, this isn't really satirical, and it has a certain throwing stones while living in glass houses level of cheekiness:

New Hood: Richard Duthie - Shapershifter?

I'm going on holiday for a few weeks. In the meantime, if you haven't seen it, here's Helen Clark on The Chaser (who have a podcast):

Lyndon Hood - *ier than Thou, Wellington

2007-09-20T17:11:00.000+12:00

New Hood: God May Vote For Christian Party

I really wish they'd held it together for a couple more days just to keep the above current.

Besides, I had understood that Christians weren't supposed to abort their parties before birth.

Lyndon Hood - Unoriginal, Wellington

2007-09-17T14:48:00.000+12:00

New-esque Hood: Foreign Affairs, Sport and Politics

One Fine Day in the Newsroom:

First Editor: So what about international news?

Second Editor: Well, at APEC Helen Clark met the President of China.

ED1: Really? What's his name?

ED2: Hu.

ED1: The Chinese President.

ED2: Hu.

ED1: The President of China.

ED2: Hu.

ED1: The guy who met Helen Clark.

ED2: Hu. Hu is the Chinese President.

ED1: I don't know. I'm asking you.

...

Subeditors Kick Rugby Scandal For Touch:

There's growing excitement in the subediting benches. A rugby-related scandal during the World Cup and unlikely to hear its final whistle any time soon, promises a record run of punning headlines and captions. Corrections Minister Damien O'Connor is widely agreed to have taken his eye off the ball and perhaps also dropped it, by going on a Parliamentary rugby tour with a Corrections manager who is currently suspended and under investigation, possibly for screwing the scrum.

Meanwhile, in France:

First Frenchman: Mon Dieu! Les All Black jouer contre du Monde, mais la Prime Ministrice de la Nouvelle-Zélande, Helen Clark, n'est pas en France. Aussi, le leader du Opposition néo-zélandaise n'est pas ici.

Second Frenchman: Zut Alors! Et qu'est-ce qu'il s'appelle?

FR1: Key.

FR2: La leader du Opposition en Nouvelle-Zélande. Saivez-vous son nom?

FR1: Oui. Key.

FR2: L'homme néo-zélandais.

FR1: C'est Key.

FR2: Je ne sais pas. C'est le raison que j'y ai demandé. Qui est la leader du Opposition néo-zélandaise?

...

Lyndon Hood - More Than Meets The Eye, Wellington

2007-09-07T15:04:00.000+12:00

Having had it Public Address'd and Spare Room'd, it thought I'd add the might of Fighting Talk to the traffic-referring juggernaught:

New Hood: Moorephing

Made, I should say, on a PC using the reasonably useful, fun and free WinMorph. The last Helen Clark was two morphs spliced together with CombiMovie (which may be responsible for slightly inconsistent playback in Quicktime). Also among the various other ultimately redundant software I downloaded during days of on-and-off trying make things work was the useful set of command-line flash tools swftools.

Overall if the videos don't play, I blame Microsoft*. And be grateful. At one pooint they may have crashed your browser.

* I will accept offers of more effective code, but I will still blame Microsoft for making it necessary.

Lyndon Hood - logoician

2007-08-23T14:31:00.000+12:00

New Hood: New Logos

Lyndon Hood - tasty, Wellington

2007-08-03T14:19:00.000+12:00

New Hood: Make Your Own Child Abuse Press Release

"An exercise in poor taste"
— Heather Roy

Lyndon Hood - fighting-talker, Wellington

2007-07-27T13:06:00.000+12:00

For those of you who have ever wanted - or may in the future want - to shoot someone down in flames on your blog, please take a moment to see how the professionals do it:

Daily Kos: Please, Bill O'Reilly, Have Mercy