AndWhammy!

Awesome. Just, awesome.

2009-02-15T23:39:00.002-05:00

The Simpsons debuted in HD tonight and it was awesome. Don't believe us. Just check out the NEW opening credits, the first time it was updated in 20 years.

We love blondes!

2009-02-15T23:29:00.003-05:00

We really do. So here's Elisha Cuthbert in all her 24 glory.

And Marissa Miller, in all her SI glory.

And Carrie Underwood, in all her post-Tony Romo glory.

But we digress.

At least Peyton Manning isn't naked in his Gatorade ads

2009-01-27T18:57:00.000-05:00

Here's Kate Beckinsale, because she's amazing, and because we're about to talk about naked rugby players.

Here's an interesting story about how Powerade has nude rugby players to boost sales. Here's the complete story and with photos. Note: these photos here are censored, but the link provided with the story links to photos that just show the back side. No Apatow full frontal nudity here.

Very strange concept. Seriously, though: who was just sitting around and said, 'Hey, you know what sells sport drink? Nude rugby players no one has ever heard of." Honestly, they may look good, but are your typical demographics just women? We're baffled to say the least.

Here's a few things that will make your brain fall out of your skull:

Probably not a good idea to pull a Jesus Quintana with a raccoon. (SUN UK)

Guy dies doing his best Oscar the Grouch impersonation. (SUN UK)

Algebra time. Andy Pettitte = idiot + moron who signed one-year deal with New York. (Yahoo! Sports)

If you're on probation, it's probably not a good idea to go onto the court during a televised basketball game. (ESPN)

Even Super Bowl Media Day brings out the best drag queens. (ESPN)

We love Marisa Miller and you should, too. Here's a bikini photo gallery to sway you.

Here's Matt Leinhart's ex-girlfriend Kristin Cavallari. This is the one he didn't knock up and the one he dumped to spend a night in Paris. We want to take this time to update our math equation.

Ahem. Leinhart = idiot + loser who lost his job > Pettitte.

Serbians, like Novak Djokovic, scoffs at hydration. Tis why Roddick has a ridiculous fiance. (SI.com)

So we'll leave you with this. One of the semifinals at the Aussie Open has Roger Federer again Roddick. Again. They will meet for the 18th time with Federer, the Adonis of tennis, holing a 15-2 advantage. But here, you be the judge of which of these two fine speciens holds the advantage of better arm candy.

Andy's got Brooklyn.

And Roger's got Mirka Vavrinec, who happens to be a former tennis player. Let us know what you think, but we think the other A-Rod has the upper hand.

"'Ere, he says he's not dead."

2009-01-25T12:17:00.003-05:00

Not that we condone handing out BJs in the middle of a soccer match, but we'll figure that this team pictured wasn't as stupid as this team here. Once again, from the You-Cant-Make-This-Shit-Up Department (which we're going to start calling the YCMTSU Dept.), a soccer team had a pretty good idea.

In fact, it was quite honorable. Problem is, they forgot to do their homework. Turns out that an 86-year-old former player who had died, well, hadn't. They caught the mistake after calling the guy's wife. Read the story here. (Foxsports.com)

It was one of those Joe-DiMaggio moments: seeing your own obituary and then having it scare you half to death.

Though we figured this is how all this really played out:

And just to prove that we're not obsessed with dudes going down on each other, here's a picture of AW favorite Jenna Fischer.

It don't matter to Jesus

2009-01-23T09:03:00.002-05:00

So we're watching the NBA last night -- yeah, we do that around here -- and we keep seeing, over and over again, the John Turturro Heineken commercial. We know its supposed to be strange and confusing, but it make us laugh. Check it out:

We love this guy as an actor, from the asshole-agent role in Transformers, to the light-footed butler in Mr. Deeds, to, of course, the classic Jesus Quintana from The Big Lebowski.

Seriously, eight-year-olds, dude.

Long time, no see

2009-01-23T08:21:00.003-05:00

Nice to be back. Hopefully we can make that permanent. We'll try out darnedest. That's Evangeline Lilly, star of Lost, a show that we don't watch. She came in No. 22 on the Askmen.com Top 99 Women 2009 Edition.

Hey, its a solid list, we concur. However, we do not concur of Eva Mendes being picked No. 1 over Megan Fox and the snub of Friday Night Lights' Minka Kelly.

In other news that will make your brain fall out of your skull:

Not often you see a sportswriter produce an offspring of this athletic magnitude, but Larry Fitzgerald, Sr. will keep his homerism in check next Sunday. (ESPN)

Dwight Howard: big man getting big votes. (AP)

When will coaches learn that being in your face intense, in the heat, just doesn't produce better players, just dead ones? Like this one in Kentucky. (Tampabay.com)

So the Cubs are worth $900 mill-yon. (AP)

Prince Fielder gets $18 mill-yon to continue to be a fat vegetarian (stifles laugh). (MSNBC)

Derek Jeter builds 31K sq. ft. house, plans to never be there. Look DJ, just leave the key under a rock and Minka in the bedroom. We'll figure it out from there. (Sports By Brooks)

Hulk, wife fight over maintenance man. Wife claims guy was spying on her for the Hulkster. Guess they need another reality show.

Hey, Aussie Hooligans. Settle down. This is tennis here, not rugby. No need for riots over a men's match, though we'd probably riot over Ana.

So long, Mr. Kent. Don't let the door hit you in your prefers-hunting-over-baseball-redneck ass. (ESPN)

NHL All-Star game just got a little more boring. (Boston Globe)

And finally, in the You-Can't-Make-This-Shit-Up Department, the receiver for the New York Giants, the one that replaced Plaxico Burress after he shot himself, has, in fact, been shot himself. (SI.com)

As a bonus, here's Megan Fox to get through you the day.

Exercise this AP demons

2008-10-06T22:47:00.003-04:00

We're still That 70's Show fans, but bigger fans of Mila Kunis, but probably not going to be fans of her upcoming movie, Max Payne.

Okay, so we're happy the Rays are in the ALCS. Nice, glorious underdog story, and like Polly Purebred, we like underdogs. However, we hate the Associated Press story written about the Rays and how "they excised the Devil" and earned a ALCS berth.

All right. It's been nearly a year since the Rays renamed themselves from "Devil Rays", got new unis and rebuilt their image from perennial cellar dweller to legitimate contender. So when this gamer (the one that will be seen all over the world via the Internet), the Rays should feel embarrassed by some of this writing.

For example. Third "paragraph" is just Ray-markable! Lame. Bush league and lame is all that is. That AP writer has probably wanted to use that all -- ALL -- season long.

Then the eighth graph down is this: No longer bedeviled, the Rays won all year with young talent and improved pitching. Sonnanstine, who pitched a three-hit shutout against the White Sox at Tropicana Field in April, reversed a late-season slide that saw him go winless in his final seven starts.

COME ON! Give us a break. We get it. The Devil is out of the damn name. No shit, sherlock, but it's not because of name change that the Rays now have 100 total wins this season. Could it because of young talent coming to form or the revamped bullpen lower its ERA by nearly half or their league-best home record?

Way to belittle the entire organization and everything they've accomplished by smart front office moves and well played games on the field. Uniform and name changes must be why the Arizona Cardinals and New England Patriots are winning Super Bowls and the Cleveland Cavilers have at five NBA titles now.

There, we feel better. But doesn't look like Steve Ballesteros will anytime soon.

As if you needed another reason to hate Alex Rodriguez. And if you need just another reason, just out this story and picture.

Ladies and gentlemen, can we please have your attention. We've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. We need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen! WNBA has a title game! From Ypsilanti (where?), Mich?! Crazy.

Leave it to Sacha Baron Cohen. He knows how to make a scene, just as he did in Paris last week. Love the name of this move though, even if it needs an acronym. Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. Genius.

Speaking of genius, how about Cohen and his wife, Isla Fisher (yep, the crazy chick from Wedding Crashers). Here's a lovely, lovely pic of her.

Anyways, were off to celebrate with the Rays players. We heard they like to spray each other with alcohol and hit up strip clubs. We're there. So are these guys and they nearly numchucked us:

Rays in ALCS

2008-10-06T22:42:00.001-04:00

And, despite the campiness of it all, this is what they're doing in the streets of Tampa, and St. Petersburg and the rest of the "Bay" area.

Ode to Marissa

2008-10-06T18:14:00.002-04:00

We love Megan Fox. We really do. However, we love Marissa Miller just as much. Maybe as much as this:

God Bless America

2008-10-06T18:10:00.000-04:00

We're so patriotic.

Just fine by us

2008-10-03T20:40:00.001-04:00

We love to see dumb kids get hurt. So enjoy!

Can't stand TBS

2008-10-02T00:24:00.002-04:00

And who can?! From the constant -- CONSTANT!!!! -- Leverage and Frank TV commercials. Okay, we get it. We know when NOT to tune into TBS. Geez. And then, the crew on the Angels/Red Sox game couldn't be any worse. Obviously, Harry Carey never told his grandson, Chip, the fine art of when and when not to sell out. And Craig Stager?! This isn't the NBA, fool. Not to mention the suits. Bright red in front of the all the red accents all over Angels Stadium. That a fashion faux pas, Craigy. Seriously.

At least this guy -- we don't recognize him -- called him out for it ...

Just in case you were wondering

2008-09-28T21:56:00.002-04:00

Below is basically how we blog. We can't deny it any longer.

A quickie

2008-09-28T21:54:00.002-04:00

We'd like to thank Hulu.com. They're awesome. Entire episodes and clips from some of favorite stuff. So we'd like to share. Enjoy.

An Ode To Megan

2008-09-17T22:05:00.008-04:00

OK, we really wanted to write more about sports tonight, but then we saw Megan Fox' new pictures from GQ and that's all we can think about.

Megan, aka God's Greatest Invention, revealed in the interview that she had a brief lesbian relationship when she was a teenager with a stripper.

Wait. Sorry, my brain just fell out of my skull.

Just when you though Megan couldn't get any hotter, she gets hotter. She's like Earth: always getting hotter.

And to finish, let's go back to the beginning, to the moment we fell in love with this at-the-time unknown actress/goddess, to the popping of the hood:

The only TGIF we know

2008-09-17T21:55:00.000-04:00

That's right. That's Aunt Becky from Full House, a.k.a., Lori Loughlin. We actually feel she's hotter now than in the early 90s. She's in the new 90210 (no worries, we won't watch a second of it). Well, maybe the seconds Lori is in.

Get ready for your brain to fall out of your skull:

You just can't make this shit up, but she should've just gotten her GED. Seriously, idiots in Green Bay must be real dumb to think this woman was 15. (CITYNEWS)

Ever heard of a MUI (mo-pedding while intoxicated)? This Wisconsin linebacker has. (ESPN)

Stop checking out Marissa Miller and the future Mrs. Andy Roddick at the Denver airport. We all know Sports Illustrated's Web site has hard-core nudity. (SPORTSBYBROOKS)

Steinbrenner to Yankee fans: Leave my garbage alone! (ASSOCIATEDPRESS)

Jorge Posada vs. Pedro Martinez = AARP card fight. Both of you shut up and retire. (NYPOST)

Rick Reilly, you still suck and it's not because of the money you're getting for nothing. Well, that's part of it. His "preview" on the Ryder Cup. (ESPN THE FAG RAG)

Tear down Wrigley? Blasphemy! (CHICAGOTRIBUNE)

Can anyone find where the TAMPA BAY Rays play? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? (TAMPABAY.COM)

At least Ed Hochuli (excuse us) will have more time to work on his pecks, biceps. (YAHOO!SPORTS)

Always glad to see more of Natalie Gulbis, though we'll never watch this crap of a show. (YAHOO!SPORTS)

Get ready for the NFL highlight game of the week. Enter suspense music. Atlanta vs. Kansas City. Whoa, shit son. And with a new quarterback for those humble Chiefs. Matt Ryan, watch your ass. Seriously. (AJC.COM)

We're done for now. We have to watch some September baseball because lots of baseball pundits and TBS told us to. Enjoy this video, and wait for the guy at the end and his mouth explosion (best unintentional line ever):

Let's Mafia Things Up A Bit

2008-09-10T21:08:00.001-04:00

Hey, how you doing? Yeah, we're going to go all Italian on ya. Soprano style, sort of. That fine piece up there is Minka Kelly. Yeah, she's on Friday Night Lights, ya mook.

All right then, here's some things that'll put a bullet in your skull, if you catch my drift:

Chad Frigging Johnson -- oh sorry, Ocho Cinco is going to be spending a lot of his hard-earned money. That no-talent hack. Cost me some money on a rather large wager I had going on the Bengals. (YAHOO!SPORTS)

We don't recommend what this mook did? A whole eight ball of coke? Forget about it. (TAMPABAY.COM)

Look at this guy here! See what he did. He's got a set on him. We'll buy him a drink. (TIMESONLINE)

This guy here, the DE for the Colts, yeah, well he was caught smoking some reefer. He probably needed it after that game Sunday. Peyton needs some help, Sonny boy. (ASSOCIATED PRESS)

Warren Sapp. We like this planet of man, but if he keeps running his mouth about the Raiders, he's going to be sleeping with the fished. Capeish? (KANSAS CITY STAR)
Update: Just found this story on Sapp calling our Urban Meyer. Calling another guy classless. Hey, let ye who has not sin cast the first stone ... (SI.COM)

Just let it go Cleveland. Lebron doesn't like you. You don't rock and he's going to be going to a real city by the water in two years. Time to forget about it. (SI.COM)

On a serious note, good little post from our friends at The Big Lead. We like they're work. We hope to have a future together in this business. But really, Louisville's about as good as that horse's head we found at Churchill Downs. Seriously, we just found it lying there. (THEBIGLEAD.COM)

Tom Brady is out for the season. Tommy, here's our advice. Spend less time on this, and more time on this. Don't make us tell you again. (ESPN.COM)

Just a really cool story of local people helping out our troops, even if it is just golf balls. (TAMPABAY.COM)

And finally, millions of dollar well spent here. Rick Reilly. Enough said. (ESPN THE FAG RAG)

You got a problem with this post? Huh? We're funny to you or something? Take it up with this guy:

Party of Two??

2008-09-08T21:46:00.001-04:00

That's Lacey Chabert and all her amazing goodness. We wish we were that towel. We really do.

Here's some stuff that will make your brain fall out of your skull, though it is late. Well, late for us. We go and cruise the early bird special at Cracker Barrel. Hey, not all of us can get Lacey.

Why replace The Trop (Tropicana Field; the tin can the Tampa Bay Rays play in)? It's got AC. (TAMPABAY.COM)

As if Tom Brady wasn't enough to screw up your fantasy team, but Nate Burleson is hitting the showers early this season. (ESPN)

Get out your yellow plastic brackets. The 'bro' fad is about to make a comeback, along with Lance Armstrong. (FOXSPORTS.COM)

Colts say, 'Screw you fans, lean to your left.' (SPORTSBYBROOKS.COM)

Five-year-old makes hole-in-one. Reporter who wrote this story shoots self. (BELLEVILLE NEWS-DEMOCRAT)

We like The Big Lead because they HATE Mitch Albom as much as we do. Not only is he a douche with a fro, does he even write about sports anymore? We hope Albom is one of the five people we meet in hell. (THEBIGLEAD.COM)

Okay, back to MNF for now. We need Adrian Peterson to grab a touchdown for us that way we don't suck even more shit in Week 1. BTW, in case you were wondering, and we know you were, the Boston Red Sox beat Tampa Bay 3-0, with Papelbon picks up his 36th save by striking out Gabe Gross in the ninth. The Saux have shrunk the Rays lead to just a 1/2 game. Should be an interesting AL East run this month.

However, just remember to properly train your dog. See instructional video below ...

A wunder from down under

2008-09-04T20:26:00.001-04:00

Shit. We know we said we wouldn't be back until tomorrow, but we forgot the obligitory hot chick picture.

What's that AndWhammy! fans? You want more of those hot chicks we speak of? How about Poppy Montgomery, the Austrian actress that makes CBS's Without A Trace worth tuning into (that is besides the well-developed plots, characters and amazing actors)? Well there she is in all her lacy glory, and it is glorious. Poppy, we wanna say something. We're gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. We want to be on you.

We want to be on you.

AndWhammy's Unnoticed Glorious Comeback

2008-09-04T19:00:00.015-04:00

At AndWhammy!'s annual Board of Directors meeting this morning, the topic, inevitably, turned to the site coming back, a move that would surely please the masses with another sports blog.

The mood in the room was positive, and a vote was taken. The comeback initiative passed easily, 781-133. The Directors shook hands and clinked beer-filled mugs and all was well at AndWhammy! headquarters for the first time in a long time.

But that joy did not last long, as a sad, dark realization quickly made its way around the room. "Oh, no!" cried the Directors. "This can't be!" they shoutetd. "Shit!"

As the morning grew into the afternoon, the Directors all pondered the same, crushing question:

Is it in good taste to return on the same day that Daunte Culpepper retired?

No, my friends, no it is not.

But AndWhammy! will resume operation tomorrow, Friday September 5.

Move over Frank Reich, you no longer are the owner of the greatest comeback ever.

We plan to post random tidbits about sports as well as a noon-time collection of links we will force you to read even if you don't want to but we know you will because you don't want to be impolite and offend your hosts who slave all day over their hot laptops finding and reading funny shit for you to enjoy so you can read them and laugh and then tell your friends who don't even want to see them but you know they will because they don't want to be impolite to their friend who went on AndWhammy! and found and read them even though that friend didn't even want to in the first place.

And pictures of hot chicks.

Enjoy the NFL. Here's to its honor:

We're alive

2008-08-28T18:17:00.000-04:00

We really are alive, and while we know that Ms. Brooklyn Decker here is engaged to the other A-Rod (douche hasn't won since 2002) we promise we love her more than he does. Really, we even read her horrendous copy she has with Dr. Z, another guy who needs to get a buyout in this fading print industry.

Anyways, here are a few links:

Don't worry about Pacman. He had an extra guy. NFL reinstates the guy. (ESPN)

Hank Steinbrenner -- like father, like son -- has diarrhea of the mouth. (YAHOO SPORTS)

Roger Ebert thumbs his nose (read gives the bird) to Jay Mariotti. Actually, we agree with Ebert: Don't let the door hit you in your loud, annoying ass, douche. (DEADSPIN).

Leave it to Spike to leave us speachless. Top 10 Sexiest Olympic Moments. Confession: Since we're immature, the nipple slip is our favorite. (SPIKE TV)

That's it for now. But here's a classic video to enjoy:

Because We Care

2008-07-12T07:50:00.002-04:00

That's Rosalyn Sanchez to meet you this morning. You're welcome.

We don't have much more. We're tired and, yes, we know, there hasn't been much post recently, so we'll give you this video and figure out where we're going from here.
It's people getting hurt; what could be better?

And Lastly ...

2008-04-28T00:49:00.001-04:00

Here's a nice gem we found before we hit the hay. ESPN actually putting something together that we enjoyed watching, because if it's awkward, we love it here at AndWhammy. Personally, while the No. 1 on this list is a classic, No. 3 is our favorite. Enjoy!

Hey, At Least We're Trying ...

2008-04-27T15:00:00.003-04:00

By now, most of you saw the umpire, Kerwin Danley, at the Rockies/Dodgers get drilled in the jaw by a 96-mph-Brad-Penny fastball. (We're looking for a clip we can post, but can't find one. Thanks, jerk-ass ESPN). Anyways, in honor of that, check out this clip we found, to honor the thankless job umpires do, not only for overpaid major league baseball players, but your kids as well. Yeah, thank 'em, dammit.

Not Bad For a Guy With No Neck ...

2008-04-27T14:23:00.002-04:00

Generally we really had pre-game NFL shows. The idiots on Fox and CBS bore us to no end and we just don't care. We're too busy drinking and eating cocktail weeines to be bothered by Jimmy Johnson's hair or watch Terry Bradshaw hit on Jillian Barberie. With that said, this was a pretty funny clip we found, and as for Shannon Sharpe, he's a new favorite around here.