Sausage Grinder

Turning the grinder pt. I

2010-01-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try this little thing where I run down how the Legislature works so that you, kind and gentle reader, can better understand how to deliver a body blow to the lawmaker or bill of your choice. Because body blows suck. Much worse than getting hit in the jaw.

How bills work:
1. Someone somewhere wants something. They approach the lawmaker who would be most amenable. Sometimes the group doing the requesting hands over a bill their people have written. Other times legislative attorneys build it from scratch. They're then made public and anyone can read them.

2. Bills get read in to their originating house and they head to the Rules Committee. STOP. This is the first serious hurdle to clear. Rules is the place where bills are sent out to various committees for debate, or you know, are left to languish and die. Cheesed off the committee chair or their party leader? You got yourself some trouble. The bill can be left in Rules or, and this is the fun part, it can be put in a favorable/unfavorable committee. (SB79 is a good example from last year.)

3. If you make it past Rules, this is your chance to be heard. Committee hearings are public affairs often reported on by the press because the public will say things that lawmakers won't and there's a lot of emotion. While most lawmakers will have their minds made up going in, some are open to change and enough public pressure can also change minds. Get a majority of votes in committee and it's off to the floor.

4. The floor is where lawmakers make their noise. In the Senate, you get two votes on the bill after the initial read-in before it's passed. In the House it's only one. Watch their calendars for when your bill is scheduled to come up. DON'T FORGET that amendments to the bill can be made on the floor. More than one bill has had a hostile amendment added in. You'll need to find yourself 15 senators to get your bill passed there and 38 representatives in the House.

5. So your bill passed one house? That's nice. Now do steps 2-4 all over again for the other house. It's like Groundhog's Day without Bill Murray providing clever dialogue. If it didn't pass a house, it's often sent back to Rules where you can take another stab at it.

6. You got your bill passed both houses? You're either lying, a lobbyists, or one determined sonofagun. It can take a couple of years to get something passed by Utah lawmakers. Tami Stanley was so shocked that her bill made it out of committee and passed in the House last year that she got caught flat-footed (no pun intended) without a Senate sponsor. Also, keep an eye on her prosthetic limbs bill this year. She's formidable.

Now you just have to get the governor's Herbie Hancock on it. With Gary Herbert in the driver's seat, if GOP leadership is OK with it in the Legislature, you're going to get it signed.

And there you have it, you've got yourself a law. A thought: If your bill is going to have trouble in the process, get started early. Lawmakers are basically sitting around for a few weeks for budget numbers, leaving a lot of time for press stories about issues instead of money.

Another thought: It's an election year. Expect plenty of so-called message bills meant to prove to constituents that lawmakers are just as conservative or liberal as they say they are.

And if none of that interests you, you're at the wrong blog. Or it's Monday and you'd rather see pictures from the coolest snowball fight ever. Thanks New Yorkers!

Monday Cup o' Joe

2010-01-04T10:28:00.003-07:00

Three weeks until the Legislative session!

• Utah County: a decade in review. Say what you want about Happy Valley, it's a great place to live.

• Lewis Billings calls it a day. Well, 12 years anyway or 15 if you're counting the whole administrator thing. This is telling:

At the same time, his children have grown up; some have moved out. Four of them have never known a father who was not the mayor of Provo.

• Pig and Webb do their 2010 headline wishlist. A couple of good ones in there, including:

Rare discovery: An LDS adherent who loves fellow member Harry Reid

Stunned members ask, 'Can this person have a testimony?'

• On a more serious note, the Trib's Judy Fays (who always writes serious stuff) takes a swing at the nuclear waste coming into the state. There's this:

EnergySolutions had no comment on its role in dealing with the Savannah River shipments. The company is part of the cleanup contractor team in South Carolina, Savannah River Nuclear Solutions. And it stands to receive $2.6 million for disposing of the DU, according to the Energy Department.

• Herald shooter Mark Johnson put together this cool little piece about George Stokes, 78, who has a warehouse in Benjamin chock full of old military vehicles he's restored.

(The coffee bean mug concept is courtesy of WebUrbanist. Here for more.)

It's Video Mashup Wednesday!

2009-12-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

While I'm trying to figure out how to keep a Decade in Review to less than 100 inches, you watch this sweet Year in Pop remix:

Little help?

2009-12-29T09:52:00.007-07:00

I've got a couple of sizable projects coming up that the unwashed masses (that's you) could really add to.

• The first and most urgent is a recap of the The UC's most memorable stories of the decade. We've got a pretty good list going here, but I know we're going to forget something we really shouldn't have. So if you've got a few ideas, throw them my way. Fast. It's running at the end of the week. (I know, I know! Why did I wait until the end of the 10 years to put this together?)

• The second is a Legislature preview package. We're thinking five days running with one story a day. You know: budget, ethics, who to watch, yadda yadda yadda. Anything you guys want to arm yourselves with before the session starts Jan. 25? The deadline here is a couple of weeks out.

And if none of that interests you, head on over to Plunderbund and read this take on the Detroit "terrorist" attack. To the blockquote!

Al Qaeda seems almost miffed that we aren’t panicking. I can’t really recall Al Qaeda so loudly and immediately claiming credit for any attack, not even 9/11. And yet, they’ve done so here, praising testicle toaster as a failed martyr, making him a banner headline, because the American response isn’t giving them enough ink.

And if you break out in hives when you read progressive blogs, enjoy this comic instead, in which a clown cries: [UPDATE x2] ~~Damn blog dimensions. Click on the image to see the whole thing.~~ HA! Amateur coder 1, Blogspot 0. Wider Two Column Modification courtesy of The Blogger Guide
Though fonts seem to have declared war on the Grinder this morning. And I need to fix that freaking top pic.

Monday Cup o' Joe (or The smoke grenades fit perfectly in the cup holders!)

2009-12-28T10:37:00.001-07:00

It's the cold caffeine edition!

• You get my full Jason Chaffetz recap from a two-hour interview at Baileys in Orem. (The roast beef actually tastes like roast beef. It's like the world has gone crazy.) Early returns on the story indicate that Republicans love him for voting no on everything that would expand the federal government and the other 17 people in Utah County think he's a clown. I suggest we put together a bi-partisan statement that both sides have valid points to make.

• The Trib tracks Rep. Chaffetz down the day after Christmas to ask if he still stands by his TSA porn bill after the whole Al-Qaeda Junior Membership Initiation thing in Detroit. Of course he does. Also, THE GUY'S DAD WARNED US. Who the hell is in charge of this country?

So go ahead and don't let us use a laptop for the last hour of our flight, and by all means if your crappy food is keeping us in the restrooms built for midgets a little longer than usual, feel free to freak-the-hell-out.

• The Herald's intrepid reporter Caleb Warnock warns us of more billboard pollution along I-15 because of wording in a new law that's favorable to companies that are inclined to distract drivers with massive advertisements.

And if none of that interests you, find 10 minutes today to watch this Top Gear UK review. If you can't find the 10 minutes, then make them instead. You won't be disappointed.

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine

2009-12-23T10:36:00.001-07:00

There are two kinds of Christmas shoppers at this point: You're either freaking out about not having gone Christmas shopping (Hi, Patrick!) or your sitting back, enjoying a mug of hot chocolate and thinking to yourself "I still have one day of shopping left."

Either way, you didn't eat two huge bags of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies like I did. So let's just say I win, you lose and let's go back to what we were talking about, which is Jason Chaffetz.

The Right Honorable Representative from Utah's 3rd District (the Fightin' Mo's!) sat down with me yesterday for an end-of-the-year chat. The story will be coming out probably over the weekend, but one thing keeps coming back to me: The guy hasn't done anything wrong for an entire year.

I mean, there are a few Dems in the county who don't like anything he does. And the whole ACORN/Census-PostOffice/Earmark-"reform"-proposal/Yankees stuff was over the top. But he's passed a few reasonable bills, made a name for himself in social media, and has an active base.

Sigh.

One more thing: I don't think he's running for Senate again Bob Bennett. He hasn't made it official, but he doesn't sound like he wants it. It really may boil down to the fact that the House simply suits his style better.

And if none of that interests you, break out your secret decoder:

Wind sprints!

2009-12-21T13:52:00.002-07:00

The legislative session is just a month away, and that can only mean one thing: TWO-A-DAYS!*

For my second post today, we're going to discuss consensus numbers. It works a little something like this.

Governor's Office: "We really think we should put down no more than 200 puppies this year."

Legislative leadership: "That's nice. It really is. But it's clear that there is no way the state can survive unless at least 500 puppies are no longer breathing at the end of the year."

Governor's Office: "500 puppies? No way. We've looked at the numbers and while 200 may be a bit low, there's just no way we can snuff the lights out in the sad eyes of more than 350 young doggies."

Leadership: "Fine."

So the number that is trotted out is somewhere in the middle, but not what either side wants or often even thinks. The governor's office, which is worried about public perception will often try and soften numbers, while the Legislature, which is worried that people will actually think they have souls, plays hardball. A couple of real-world examples that don't involve puppies:

• The governor's office is thinking that the current year shortfall is still around $150 million while lawmakers figure it's closer to $194 million. The consensus number is $183 million.

• This one is for the six of you who really like to dig into numbers. The Bush tax cuts are set to expire in 2012. That'll mean mostly a federal revenue increase when they're rolled back. But Utah gets a one-time revenue bump because people with any holdings still left that are worth anything are going to cash out. Thus proving again that no government anywhere knows a damn thing about managing rich people and their money. From Kendall Oliphant over at Thredgold Economic Assoc: "They'll work to minimize their tax burden under any situation."

But I'm getting off topic. The governor's office has that one-time revenue somewhere in the territory of $100 million for the state. I mean, holy crap, $100 million in one-time money from rich people cashing out holdings before they get hit hard with higher taxes. There are some wealthy people here.

Legislative leaders figure there will be a bump, but it ain't $100 million, and ain't ain't a word. Seriously, what school did you go to?

Anyway. I haven't had lunch and it's going on 2 p.m. So how to wrap this up? With Russian Pac-man vs. Russian Mario, that's how:

* There is no guarantee that you will get two posts a day out of me. That's not to say you won't get two posts a day until Jan. 25.

Monday Cup o' Joe

2009-12-21T10:35:00.001-07:00

• So, the ethics piece finally found it's way out the door. It focuses on the broad definitions in the initiative and how they would impact people in unexpected ways. I'm already getting a little push back on using Mormon bishops in the lead, but tell me this, how else am I supposed to get people to read a 60-inch piece about a 21-page bill that dissects legal language? Right.

• From the You Don't Think About It Until Someone Tells You file: Band teachers apparently have a high rate of hearing loss. Makes sense, I guess. I was a trumpet player through high school and we would play just as loud as we could because, well, those uppity clarinets seemed to always get the attention. But things can be done to cut back on the damage such as custom hearing devices and actually designing band rooms for, you know, bands. Rep. Black up in Sandy is taking a look at solutions.

• Ben McAdams will replace outgoing Sen. Scott McCoy, D-Salt Lake City. McCoy is heading out to focus on his career as a high powered attorney. (Props to the Trib for apparently finding McAdams' high school senior photo.)

• Speaking of the Trib, how did I miss that they axed the Out of Context blog? Shame, that.

And if none of that interests you, watch this 5-minute short and join me in a big "Ah, hell no!" at the end.

Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.

ABC 123

2009-12-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

So the House took a look at the governor's $11.3 billion budget yesterday and declined to take a "no tax increase" pledge. Sen. Steve Urquhart is gathering up pledges on his side of the building and is somewhere over a dozen.

He needs 15 to block any tax increase (without a corresponding decrease elsewhere) in the Senate, which effectively blocks it everywhere. Much easier than getting the House in line — though it was the House that lead the anti-tax charge last year, nearly defeating the auto registration increase until I-15 expansion through The UC was dangled over the edge of the abyss.

So Senate Republicans are caucusing today to discuss the budget and we'll see where that goes in a few hours.

And of course, Gov. Gary Herbert has said he wants to do the 2011 budge without a tax increase, though he dodged a question about whether he would veto any such increase.

A couple of proposed increases include:

• The tobacco tax. This one is viewed as the low-hanging fruit because the majority of Utahns wouldn't actually feel this one. And cigarettes stink. Could raise $30-$50 million.

• The sales tax on food. Remember the good ol' days when they lowered the sales tax on food in the name of the poor? Yeah, well, now a group of lawmakers say that since everyone buys food, that makes the sales tax one of the most steady forms of income. So to sum up, tax the poor to provide services for the poor. *brain goes pop*

And if that doesn't interest you, check out what the kids are doing these days:

Monday Cup o' Joe

2009-12-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

• While I slug back some caffeine (if it's cold, it's not sinning!) and a few ibuprofen, you go on over to the Trib and check out their massive series about a refugee family and murder.

• Then, when you're drained and sobbing, read about Gov. Herbert's plans for the $11.3 billion state budget. Also, the longer that ex-Gov. Huntsman is across the sea, the more we hear about how much lawmakers really didn't like the way he was running the state. I mean, Gov. Herbert signs an executive order to cut 3 percent and suddenly he's the second coming Decisive Budget-cutting Guy vs. Huntsman costing the state $2 million a day while he decided what to do last year. The only thing I worry about is that when everyone in government is on the same page, someone is getting screwed somewhere.

• There's been a lot of talk about the ethics initiative that's currently gathering signatures. Less talked about is the boundary initiative that would set up an independent commission to draw Utah's political lines. I'm a bit torn, philosophically speaking, on boundaries. If your lawmaker is doing something you feel is unethical, you can vote against him/her. So a check exists.

But if a lawmaker can essentially decide who will be voting for him/her through boundaries, a voter's options are taken away. And Utah already has a history of really, really nasty gerrymandering. So, anyway, torn a bit on that one. And while you're thinking about it, read this little piece about Why I Oughta!

• If you're looking for some opinion outside the Greater Salt Lake No One Else Exists But Us Metro Area, make your way on over to Charlie Trentelman's blog/column at the Standard-Examiner. I worked with Charlie for six years and while you may not agree with him, the guy's been around the block, deals with real Utah sources and real Utah issues. Here's his blog, you'll have to poke around for his columns.

Monday Morning Cup o' Joe - In 'n' Out version!

2009-12-07T12:05:00.000-07:00

• U.S. Senate race:
In - Mike Lee. (Shhhh, it's not official)
Out - Mark Shurtleff and Fred Lampropoulos.

• Jobs:
In - Taking retirement while working the same job.
Out - Taking retirement because you're actually retired.

• Being awesome:
In - Being a pioneer when most of us think of it as pushing handcarts.
Out - Turning left with the sun in your eyes.

• College footballs suckery
In - Same bat game, same bat time. BYU in Vegas Bowl.
Out - TCU. As in out in the cold. Stupid BCS.

• Presents and Almond Roca
In - It's the most wonderful time of the year
Out - The War on Christmas.

• Orrin Hatch on good governance
In - Revising history
Out - Actual history

And if none of that interests you, perhaps tricking jail guards into believing your Mary Jane is a tomato plant will.

It's slippery out there

2009-12-07T10:58:00.001-07:00

I get it. I really do.

You're a candidate for U.S. Senate and you've got to stake out some territory and Sarah Palin makes sense to you. You've got to stake out some territory because while you'd like to be the next Jason Chaffetz, it's not exactly the same thing, you know?

We explored that a bit on the Grinder and you know how it goes by now: Yes, Bennett's flank is weak. The base is looking for an alternative to the establishment, but they're not crazy, so they're looking for someone legitimate.

You need to come in and take this thing in convention because unlike the 3rd district race, a primary against Bennett is nigh unwinnable. But cottage meetings aren't going to be enough because this is a statewide delegate race and Bennett's a nice guy. So you start looking for ways to get yourself out there — for ways to find some traction. Get Chaffetz to an award ceremony unrelated to the campaign, but hey, let's announce the thing in an Eagar for Senate e-mail and don't mention it's not an endorsement. Also in an Eagar for Senate e-mail, announce that you'll be at the Palin book signing in Utah.

"will be there to support Palin's book tour and looks forward to meeting the former Alaska chief executive."

But, you know, as someone who just bought a copy of the book. Like everyone else.

So here's the thing: My kid and I were in Costco a while back. He's a big fan of the Fablehaven series — what with the creepy witch and the gums and the drool and the knot — and author Brandon Mull was going to be there signing books. Thing is, we were in a hurry and didn't have time to wait in a line that was maybe a couple of dozen people long.

So the boy finds where Brandon's at and slowly backs toward the table until he's as close as he can get without being totally obnoxious, if you know what I mean. I take a couple of quick snaps with the cell phone camera, and we're off.

So the next day with his friends, it's all "I got to meet Brandon Mull and got my picture taken with him!"

Cherilyn Eagar, you're one very small step ahead of that.

Also, I didn't dub you "Utah's Sarah Palin." Your supporters did that and I conveyed the message. Because I'm the messenger.

Find your traction somewhere else.

Special Edition Wednesday Cup o' Joe

2009-12-02T10:26:00.003-07:00

• As mentioned on the Grinder yesterday, Morgan Philpot is going to run against Jim Matheson in Utah's 2nd District. (He says "still thinking," but the buzz is that it's all over but the filing.) Philpot is talking the talk with the GOP base, and if he were running against, say, anyone but Matheson I'd give him even odds. But the Blue Dog has played every single hand he's been dealt — bad or not — to perfection.

• Sen. Scott McCoy, D-Salt Lake City, is leaving the Utah Senate to focus on his career as an attorney. No, he's not running against Matheson. I SAID he's not running against Matheson. So all you Republicans praying that the left will weaken Matheson so Philpot can deliver a knock-out blow can stop. Shame he's leaving. The lopsided conservative Legislature loses its best counterbalance.

• Electronic signatures for initiative petitions? Dems say yes, state says maybe. I don't see how this isn't the way things are done by default in a few years. I'm not going to pass judgement here, but We The People are going to have to decide very quickly whether we want to maintain our representative Republic or go to pure Democracy. With the masses able to communicate and participate so easily, it's becoming more and more clear that those who the masses elect will have less and less impact.

• Also, whatever other media outlets are saying, Sen. Chris Buttars isn't going to be co-sponsoring any gay rights bills in the upcoming session.

And if none of that interests you, check out the new and improved G.I. Joe, now with I.E.D. accessory! The cell phone is already attached? Thank you, Sideshow, for your attention to detail.

New moon

2009-12-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Seems the old one didn't align and thus no ethics piece today. You'll have to call my editors for the run date, as I have no clue at this point.

But if you're looking for a political fix, here are two things two mull over:

• Democrats are pushing electronic signatures for the ethics initiative petition. From the party's Todd Taylor to county clerks:

Make sure that as you review this concept, you compare the safeguards of an on-line process to the protections of the “in person” process. I think you will find that it is more likely for a “bad actor” to be caught under on-line protocols than would be likely with the “in person” process. Please remember that the current verification process does not require a comparison of holographic signatures between the petition and the voter registration. It only looks at the name, address and optional date of birth for a match. Common law has long recognized that signatures could be holographic, a mark, or fingerprint.
...

Remember also that the circulation and collection of petition signatures is not the function of government, but a private function given to the sponsors of the measure. The government’s function is limited to verification and counting to determine if the number collected is sufficient. I have come to believe that electronic signatures will make both of these government functions easier and more accurate.

• It looks like Morgan Philpot will be challenging Jim Matheson in the 2nd District. Philpot is a former state representative in the "very conservative" mold. Call back pending. Pending. Pending...

And if none of that interests you, head on over to Charlie Stross's blog and read why the only thing tougher than a conservative Republican beating Jim Matheson is trying to build spaceships for interstellar travel.

Monday Cup o' Joe (not in SLC edition!)

2009-11-30T12:16:00.002-07:00

• Rep. Jason Chaffetz is at the Hinckley Institute of Politics telling the president a full withdrawal from Afghanistan is the only way to go. The same Rep. Chaffetz who told me months ago the president should be listening to generals on the ground. The same generals asking for 40,000 more troops.

Chaffetz said he thinks he will “suffer” for the decision and that it would be safer for him politically to stay the course he’s been on.

Don't know how much Chaffetz can suffer as a first-term congressman from Utah. Could be plenty of upside, though, as Obama ignoring Great Britain and the Soviets' attempts to manage Afghanistan is only going to put the president on the wrong side of everything.

• Sen. John Valentine won't challenge Gov. Herbert in 2010. That doesn't mean he won't in 2012. Or, more likely, he'll chase the attorney general's post whether or not Mark Shurtleff opts for re-election. (Which I'm hearing he won't. Anyone heard him say something publicly?)

• If the moons line up, my first piece on the ethics initiative will run tomorrow about problems with several of the definitions in the bill. As a primer, read this Rolly column in the Trib. He states:

The e-mail also erroneously states that the ethics commission could investigate not just sitting legislators, but all those who served in the past. In fact, the commission would only have authority to investigate current legislators.

We're reading different initiatives, I guess.

Legislators are defined as current lawmakers and candidates who win election. But the definition also includes “those who have served at any time in the past.” So unless the bill specifically says otherwise, any mention of "legislator" in the bill includes former lawmakers. So we read that: "The commission is vested with power ... to investigate and review the conduct of legislators in relation to the code of conduct."

How else is that supposed to read? Oh, and former lawmakers will have to file disclosure statements each year. Page 13, item (c).

Plain reading, ain't it a bitch?

It's After Work Video Tuesday!

2009-11-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

That is all.

Game on!

2009-11-24T11:35:00.002-07:00

I skipped doing a published story on Joel Wright's formal announcement as candidate for county commission because he didn't announce an opponent. (I did mention his intention back in September on the Grinder.)

It's not too easy to write a story when you can't stack someone up against an opponent. It's either Steve White or Gary Anderson, but those guys are so different that it's not like Wright can make a blanket statement that covers them both.

But today, Wright poked the hornets nest to see what would happen. At the weekly commission meeting, he got up during the public comment portion and said that while commissioners did a good job with the 2010 budget, they should have rescinded the 2008 salary increases to ease the burden on taxpayers.

"The market right now, I think, would not lead to many employees leaving," he said, then added he'd put the raises back in place once the economy improved.

Anderson went straight into campaign mode, claiming that the employees didn't get a raise in 2009 or 2010 which amounts to a 5 percent pay cut because of the increase in cost of living. (I reject that methodology as public employee BS, but whatever.)

He leans into the mic and says "I appreciate our employees doing more with less."

Of course, it's hard to convey the mood of a room and the passive-aggressive nature of Utah politicians, but it made for a fun 30 seconds.

Mid-morning Monday Cup o' Joe

2009-11-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

• Gov. Herbert's panel to discover the truth about global warming is still in the planning stages. My prediction? By the time a recommendation comes down, the coasts will all be flooded and millions will be dead, or Sarah Palin will be president and we'll be allowed to shoot those pesky polar bears by helicopter.

• I was in a BYU master's degree level class today listening to presentations about the ~~proposed~~ can'tstopanavalanche ethics initiative. They came to some generalized conclusions, but what I want to really point out is that 20 master's level students barely scratched the surface of this thing in 1.5 hours. I got the impression that the students knew much more than they were able to present in the time allowed. But if John and Jane Q. Public puts even 1.5 hours into researching the initiative, I'll throw my iPhone off the top of the Capitol building. It's one thing to spike a law you feel is bad (so long, vouchers!) and another thing entirely to create law by referendum that is wholly understood.

• Finally, on-the-go video calling. The Jetsons would be proud, though I can't guarantee anyone will buy it.

• And if none of that interests you, read this story about a guy who was in a coma for 23 years but not really because HE WAS CONSCIOUS THE WHOLE TIME. You may now go about your day, sick to your stomach and slightly more thankful. For everything.

Rules are rules

2009-11-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

Complain all you want about Taylor Oldroyd being the front man for the StopCindy.com campaign, but he didn't do anything wrong as chairman of the county Republican party. On Thursday night, the party's executive committee dismissed the formal allegation that had been filed against him.

And what does a reporter get for hanging out in a freezing cold room for two hours? A statement that was 25 words long that Oldroyd didn't do anything contrary to the party's constitution or bylaws.

So what exactly did the committee discuss for all that time behind glass doors with a grayish bar across the middle? While they unanimously recognized Oldroyd didn't do anything punishable, some on the committee were still cheesed off that he did what he did. Plus there's that whole power struggle thing.

Take this all with a grain of salt because I'm only getting it in bits and pieces, unhappy members expressed their unhappiness and concessionary Oldroyd did some amount of conceding that his role in the Anyone But Cindy campaign could have been handled better.

And the party never had any problems ever again. The End.

And if none of that interests you, perhaps knowing that you're more likely to die by being bitten or crushed by a reptile than dying from a terrorist attack will. (You want the PDF link at the bottom.)

Twins - the Cosmos's greatest practical joke

2009-11-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm in the office today wearing my work jeans, white socks, and Daily Herald ball cap that doesn't match my shirt.

It was the best I could do while reaching into a closet with a half-open door. See, opening it past the fourth floor board past the door jam will cause it to emit a barely perceptible squeak, which will wake up any sleeping 8-month-old within three blocks.

It was 9:30 a.m. and I was running late for work. But, and I'm sorry to say this Boss, I really didn't give a rat's ass. The two hours of sleep I got ~~last night~~ this morning was between 7:15 a.m. and 9:15 a.m. and the massive dose of caffeine I slugged down when I got here has been almost entirely used up just keeping my brain out of a coma.

They're teething. Both of them. Not sleeping, fever, snot everywhere and cranky enough to scare the dog. And those are just my symptoms.

The worst part isn't the incessant restlessness, the boogers (theirs) all over your clothes, the unwillingness to eat and subsequent griping that they're hungry, or that they already know how to use those new razor-sharp teeth on any available patch of skin. It's not even that there are two of them, which doesn't double the trouble but rather increases it by a factor of 42. No, the worst part is the smiles. Those little monsters are at their cutest at the very moment you're ready to turn in your Parent Card.

So while I sit here writing a smartphone review and finally buckling down on my first in a series of stories about the ethics initiative, I guess it could be worse. I could be up at the legislative interim session today with a whole building full of teething babies. I kid! I kid!

Your ringside seat

2009-11-17T14:05:00.001-07:00

Just because elections are over doesn't mean we can't still revel in the he said/they said of local politics. On Thursday, Taylor Oldroyd faces off with the county party's executive committee over whether he committed egregious sin in weighing in on the Provo municipal council race.

The party's bylaws state that an officer can't weigh in on race within in the party, but non-partisan races are open game. Well, sort of. Some committee members feel Oldroyd went to far being the mouthpiece for StopCindy.com and tainted the good name of the party as well as promoting a (former?) Democrat over a registered Republican — even if the race was non-partisan.

So Thursday is the hearing where the committee decides what should be done. The possible outcomes are 1. nothing 2. some sort of mutual agreement that everyone will be more careful next time 3. don't let the door hit you on the way out, Mr. Oldroyd.

I'm pretty sure it's a closed meeting, but I'll be in the building tomorrow night at 7 to get the results, so watch my Twitter feed for updates.

Pictured above, a choose your own adventure picture, one is the executive committee and the other is Taylor Oldroyd.

Monday Cup o' Joe

2009-11-16T10:21:00.002-07:00

Tell us something we don't know:
Everyone is jumping in on the "OMG, longtime GOP memebers are in troubllllllllllllllle!" First The Hill, then the L.A. Times gets in on the action. Specifically, Sen. Bennett is in the crosshairs. I don't think either of these articles plows new ground, but I guess they could lend some fuel to the fire. Any delegates out there willing to predict which way the convention swings, as I've obviously got some Utah County taint on me that skews my view.

Tell us something we don't know II:
I was really hoping for something good out of the Tribune's Utah Lake bridge story on Sunday. The idea seems to have more momentum than ever before: actual plans, actual cash (we are told) and an actual process that it is going through among decision makers. Alas, Donald W. Meyers' piece is just the myriad stories written over the past two years all cobbled together. Here it is anyway if you're a little late to the game and need to catch up.

And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you:
The left wing of Utah's Democratic party has been a little testy with Their One Guy. First, Sen. Scott McCoy, D-Salt Lake City, muses about taking Rep. Jim Matheson for control of the 2nd District after Matheson votes against the Dems' health care bill in Congress. McCoy, who is twice as smart as half the Utah Senate and three times funnier, would make for some awesome press. But he'd get his butt kicked and he knows it. The party can't even put together a decent protest against Matheson.

No offense to Holly, but Matheson isn't in trouble from his flank. The reason the argument works for Sen. Bennett is that the Republicans know that if they oust him in convention, they're still guaranteed a Republican in office come November. You remove Matheson from the equation and a moderate Republican will take his district in a heartbeat — and the Dems know it. Odds are that Pelosi and Co. released Matheson to vote against the bill anyway to protect himself against a challenge on the right.

And if none of that interests you, the Bloomington Bros. save us from getting actual Nickleback songs stuck in our head:

I hate ethics

2009-11-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

You know, I know and anyone else who follows the sausage grinding of laws knows that the details of a bill, the little things, are often where the most important stuff is hidden.

I don't care if it's the so-called ethics laws that passed last year that were full of holes, or the ethics initiative cruising its way to certain passage in 2010. Seriously, the folks over at the Trib of all places should know better than to let this tripe through:

But rather than embrace the clamor for change, some lawmakers are trying to stop the initiative in its tracks. Both major political parties have expressed reservations. Sen. John Valentine, R-Orem, claims the initiative is an attempt by organizers to "punish" legislators. Sen. Lyle Hillyard, R-Logan, says he would resign before potentially exposing his law firm to an ethics commission subpoena. Rep. Lorie Fowlke, R-Orem, tries to nitpick the proposal to death.

I know the Trib's point is that lawmakers should just pass laws that mimic the initiative. But I'm telling you that embracing "epic ethics reform" in the session isn't going to stop the initiative.

Also, I'm not giving out my opinion of the initiative. I'm saying that any plain reading of the bill raises real questions. You don't have to put wholesale trust in them, but dismissing three lawmakers out of hand, three lawmakers who are well versed in law, is dangerous and ignorant.

Brain says wha?

2009-11-09T16:30:00.000-07:00

Looking for something to burn off the last 30 minutes of Monday work? Stare at this for a two and a half minutes then spend 27.5 minutes shaking your head:

Monday Cup o' Joe -- Mid-afternoon edition!

2009-11-09T13:20:00.002-07:00

• I think there are a couple of ways to look at BYU's exit poll that shows 55 percent of Provo voters still support Bob Bennett. Negative: 55 percent isn't particularly healthy. Positive: It's among Utah's more conservative voters. Negative: General election voters aren't delegates. Positive: Those who consider themselves strong Republicans favor Bennett by 61 percent. Quin Monson at BYU doesn't know why, and neither do I. Suggestions?

• Matt Canham over at the Trib writes up the push in the Republican Party to oust the so-called RINOs. (Human Events ranks Bennett as the No. 9 RINO in the Senate.)

• Cathy Mckitrick at the Trib chases Bob Bernick's story about Utah GOP leaders backing donation caps. Chalk this one up to the ethics initiative movement and expect to see more during the legislative session as lawmakers try and make the initiative less appealing.

• I get a mention in Paul Rolly's column. Not by name, of course. On election day, I tweeted: "If you haven't studied, don't take the test. Voting in ignorance only drags down the score for the rest of us. Stay home." The Senate Site retweeted and automatically got tagged with "discouraging people from voting." So congratulations, Paul Rolly, on winning this week's Face-Palm Award.

• And if none of that interests you, double check that jailbroken iPhone for worms. It's not pretty.