PFLAG National Blog

Now is the Time for Congress to Pass an Inclusive ENDA

2009-12-02T12:31:00.002-05:00

This guest post is from Mara Keisling, Exec Director, National Center for Transgender Equality; Kate Kendell, Exec Director, National Center for Lesbian Rights; Jody Huckaby, Exec Director, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) National; Michael Mitchell, Exec Director, Stonewall Democrats; Selisse Berry, Exec Director, Out & Equal Workplace Advocates; and Rea Carey, Exec Director, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

Because the Employment Non Discrimination Act is desperately needed by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to combat employment discrimination and is also ripe legislatively, our organizations call on the members of the House Committee on Education and Labor and Congress to take immediate action and pass ENDA without further delay.

Passing a bill of far reaching impact such as ENDA requires considerable labor. Written in large part almost fifteen years ago, with even older roots, tens of thousands of people and organizations have formed and advocated for ENDA. Simply from the perspective of LGBT organizations, our lawyers have helped craft language, our field staff members have mobilized supporters, our communications teams have told our stories, and our lobbyists have logged countless thousands of hours on Capitol Hill and in coalition meetings.

Outside of Washington DC, state, local and some national organizations have worked hard to move ENDA and secure employment protections. They have passed state and local laws, developed relationships with their members of Congress, and leveraged those relationships to educate Congress and push for passage of ENDA. Many individual activists and allies have undertaken considerable time and effort to meet with members of Congress and press for their support.

So many people have worked so hard. All the while, though, people across our country wait, desperate to keep the jobs they have and to work in the jobs they seek. They are the ones who matter and they are the ones who cannot afford to wait if they are to overcome discrimination and have the jobs that they need to feed their families, pay the rent, and contribute to their communities. They need to know that they can get work and keep it without being fired for who they are. They cannot wait any longer nor should they have to.

It is time for Congress to take action and pass ENDA now.

It is important for LGBT people to understand as well that many in Congress have already done so much. A bill simply cannot get this close to passing without the support of hardworking members of Congress. Whether it be the bill's lead champions, Representatives Barney Frank and Tammy Baldwin, the late Senator Ted Kennedy and now Senator Jeff Merkley, or so many others in leadership and the rank and file, ENDA is clearly important to many members of Congress as a key part of their work for greater equality in the United States. In fact, ENDA now has 192 co-sponsors, more than any other LGBT bill in history.

It is time for Congress to take action and pass ENDA now.

In recent past years, a large obstacle to passage has been a President who was unwilling to sign ENDA into law. That obstacle is gone. President Obama has promised to sign ENDA if passed by Congress and his administration has worked to advance ENDA in significant ways, including providing witnesses who testified with strong statements of support at both House and Senate hearings this year. A large majority of Americans agree that employment should be based on the ability to do the job--this measure isn't even controversial with the general public.

It is time for Congress to take action and pass ENDA now.

So what needs to happen next?

Work is happening in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, but the most immediate action needed is for the House Education and Labor Committee to take up ENDA in what is called a markup, in which the bill is debated and "marked up" with changes before being voted on in committee and sent on to the full House. As many people know, the Committee had a markup scheduled on November 18, but it was postponed. As requested, many of our organizations have provided direct technical assistance to the Committee to move things forward. We have also expressed very clearly and repeatedly to the Committee the need for immediate action on ENDA. We are deeply concerned that any delay in passing this much needed bill can have only negative consequences on the Hill and for the employment prospects of LGBT people all over the United States.

It is time for Congress to take action and pass ENDA now.

While our organizations and others have worked tirelessly on advancing ENDA for years, and we have proudly worked side by side with grassroots organizers and concerned people across the country, we are heartened by the clear rising tide of ever more people willing to step up and do their part. We urge all LGBT people and allies who want to join this important work--regardless of what else you do or whatever other action feels right to you--that you make sure you take the single most important and effective action: contact your own members of Congress. With few exceptions, everyone in the U.S. has one Representative and two Senators. Whether you believe them to be supportive, hostile or unsure, they need to hear from all of us that ENDA is vitally important and that the LGBT community needs and wants ENDA now. Please, before you do anything else, please call. And if you want to take additional action, then mobilize others to call. Visit www.unitedENDA.org for tools to take action and www.endanow.com for the latest news on ENDA. Feel free to use these tools, and also to speak from the heart about why ENDA is important to you.

Our voices must be heard on Capitol Hill, loudly and clearly, that employment equality is a principle whose time is come. ENDA must pass now. Let's rally our community and our allies alike to stand up for the rights we deserve and the equality we need. We are so close--please help this bill take the final steps towards becoming law.

It is time for Congress to take action and pass ENDA now.

Akron City Council Votes for Non-Discrimination Ordinance

2009-12-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Today's guest post comes to us from David Horowitz, Vice-President of PFLAG National's Board of Directors and member of the Akron, OH chapter.

"I just returned from the Akron, Ohio City Council meeting where we were joined by six members of PFLAG Akron. The City Council voted 11-2 to put into place an anti-discrimination ordinance the includes sexual orientation and gender identity. The only negative was the exemption for religious institutions and exempting groups that contract with the city to provide workers for youth under the age of 18. Those groups must adhere to the provisions of sexual orientation but not gender identity. While that was upsetting, it is a very narrow sub-group and simply means that gender identity would not be included in their contracts. We were not overjoyed, but it was going to be the case and all we could do is sit and witness. We got most of what we felt important, and for that I am grateful to a vast majority of council and the tremendous support of our mayor. Mayor Plusquellic spoke eloquently for the ordinance and against the amendments and credits PFLAG for his understanding, beginning in 1991. All in all, it was a good night."

-David Horowitz

BREAKING NEWS: D.C. Council votes 11 to 2 to Legalize Same-Sex Marriage in the District

2009-12-01T13:07:00.003-05:00

The D.C. Council voted today to legalize same-sex marriage in the District, as the city moves quickly to join five states in allowing gay couples to marry.

After months of debate, the council passed the bill 11 to 2. It still must take a second vote in two weeks before the measure can go to Mayor Adrian M. Fenty (D), who has said he will sign it.

If the bill survives a required congressional review period, the District will join New Hampshire, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and Massachusetts in allowing same-sex marriage.

Council member David A. Catania (I-At Large), one of two openly gay members of the council, said before the vote he thought it was a day that "would never come."

"It really speaks to the long and rich tradition of tolerance and acceptance that does make up the sense of place in the District of Columbia," said Catania, the chief sponsor of the bill.

Council member Phil Mendelson (D-At Large), another key sponsor, said the vote is a culmination of a decades-long struggle by gay rights leaders in the District.

"I don't think it's a giant step; it's a final step," Mendelson said.

Council members Marion Barry (D-Ward 8) and Yvette M. Alexander (D-Ward 7) were the only two members to vote against the bill.

Before casting his vote, Barry gave an impassioned speech noting that he is a longtime supporter of gay rights. But Barry said that his constituents oppose same-sex marriage, and that he believed the council should have authorized a referendum on the issue.

"I stand here today to express in no uncertain terms my strong commitment to the gay and lesbian, bisexual, transgender community on almost every issue except this one," Barry said.

He then went on to plead with gay and lesbian residents not to hold his "no" vote against him.

"It's not fair to make this one issue a litmus test as to one's commitment to human rights, to justice, and I resent those who would make it a litmus test," Barry said.

But council member Harry Thomas Jr. (D-Ward 5) said he had no choice but to support the bill, even though many of his constituents oppose same-sex marriage.

"I sit here as a ward member and worry about the consequences but remind everyone . . . we must stand up for the least of those among us" Thomas said.

To read more, click here [Washington Post, free subscription required].

Help PFLAG Ensure that Our LGBT Loved Ones Have Fundamental Workplace Protections!

2009-12-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

Across the country, families are preparing to give thanks and celebrate this special time of year. In Washington, DC, your Representatives are preparing to vote on workplace protections for our lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) loved ones.

Click here to protect our LGBT loved ones from workplace discrimination!

In 29 states, it is legal to fire someone simply because of their sexual orientation; in 38 states it is legal to fire someone because of an individual's gender identity. This means that, in many states, LGBT family members and friends are not protected from unconscionable discrimination.
If you believe that LGBT Americans deserve the right to work without discrimination, please join PFLAG and hundreds of civil and human rights organizations in urging the U.S. House of Representatives to pass ENDA-the Employment Non-Discrimination Act of 2009.

Call your Representative today, Tuesday, December 1st. Make sure your Representative knows that you support ENDA and that you want them to support ENDA, too.

You make the call! Your voice could be the one that convinces your Representative to support an inclusive ENDA. Call your Representative and ask them to support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, H.R. 3017. With your help, all American families will have more to be thankful for this year.

Son of Hockey Legend Comes Out

2009-11-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

Imagine that you are gay.

Imagine that your dad is a hockey legend, both as a player and as a general manager.

Imagine that you go to college in small-town Ohio to play hockey, following in the footsteps of your famous father.

Imagine that, given great talent to play hockey, you sit out your senior year because of the gay slurs you hear in the locker room.

This happened to Brendan Burke. When he did finally come out to his father, his father offered nothing but his love and support.

To read Brendan's story, click here.

Mother of Murdered Gay Teen Speaks Out

2009-11-25T10:31:00.003-05:00

Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado, a gay teenager from Puerto Rico, was murdered last week in a vicious hate crime. Prosecutors are weighing whether to recommend that Martinez Matos, who was arrested shortly after the murder, be charged under federal hate crimes law.

The U.S. gay community is asking authorities to investigate whether the slaying was a hate crime, said Pedro Julio Serrano of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. "The brutality of the slaying and the fact that he was openly gay leads us to believe it was very possibly a hate crime," Serrano said Tuesday.

Steven's mother, Miriam Mercado, recently spoke out in regards to her son's death and the outpouring of support she has received. You can watch it here:

Small-business Owner Supports Inclusive ENDA for LGBT Employees

2009-11-24T15:40:00.003-05:00

Small-business owner Rhea Mohler weighed in on the importance of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, noting that without the protections the legislation would provide, "Virginia workers can be fired simply because of who they are, with no regard to their experience and talent."

Read the full letter to the editor of the Sun Gazette in Northern Virginia.

New Film Focuses on Homophobia in Women's Sports

2009-11-24T09:41:00.004-05:00

Training Rules, a fantastic new movie about homophobia in women's sports, tells the story of Jen Harris, an athlete who started getting recruited by college basketball programs in the fifth grade. She ends up playing ball at Penn State, where she was called one of the 20 best women's basketball players in the country and was a sure bet to ultimately play in the WNBA. Harris winds up getting kicked off the team because of her coach's homophobia, and chooses to fight. This movie showcases the decades of discrimination inside the Penn State women's basketball program and how Jen Harris does not take the news of being kicked off the team quietly.

Click on the image below to watch the trailer for Training Rules.

Florida Competitive Workforce Bill Filed To Add Anti-Discrimination Protections Statewide

2009-11-23T16:22:00.001-05:00

Equality Florida applauds the filing of the Competitive Workforce bill in the Florida House of Representatives. House bill 391, filed by Rep. Kelly Skidmore, would add sexual orientation and gender identity to Florida’s civil rights statues.

Currently, it is legal to discriminate against someone in employment, housing and public accommodations because that person is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). The bill would add these categories into laws that already protect Floridians based on race, age, disability, sex and religion.

“I am proud to be the sponsor of this very important legislation,” said Representative Skidmore, “I look forward to working with Equality Florida and all Floridians who believe that discrimination is wrong and ought to be illegal."

As the Competitive Workforce Bill was being filed, the Tampa City Council voted to add “gender identity and gender expression” to its existing human right ordinance, which already includes sexual orientation protections.

“Even as cities and companies across our state adopt policies banning anti-gay and gender identity-based discrimination, Florida law fails to provide statewide protection to LGBT Floridians against workplace discrimination,” said Mallory Wells, Public Policy Director for Equality Florida, “Equality Florida is working with fair-minded legislators to introduce this legislation because no one should lose their job because of who they are.”

Organizations and businesses can sign on to support the Competitive Workforce Bill, by going to: http://eqfl.org/competitiveworkforce/

Nurses from Miami Hospital Apologize to Janice Langbehn

2009-11-23T11:26:00.003-05:00

We have previously blogged about the story of Janice Langbehn, the woman from Washington State who was not allowed to enter the hospital room of her dying partner, Lisa Pond. A Miami federal court threw out her case, but now it appears that some of the nurses at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami are speaking out.

According to this article in the L.A. Times, several nurses at Jackson Memorial Hospital have personally apologized to Langbehn.

"We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt," said Martha Baker, a registered nurse and president of Service Employees International Union Local 1991, the union representing about 5,000 healthcare professionals at Jackson, which is in Miami.

"I apologize," said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of the union's gay Lavender Caucus. "I can't imagine what you went through."

The apologies came at a town-hall-style meeting Thursday at Unity on the Bay church, where Langbehn returned to Miami as a speaker.

Baker, Molina and two other Jackson nurses, Jim Nicholson and Diane Poirier, along with 60 other people, attended the meeting.

Langbehn, whose lawsuit against Jackson was dismissed in September by a federal court in Miami, welcomed the nurses' gesture. But she still wants the hospital to apologize formally.

"The management has to do it," Langbehn said.

She tearfully told the audience of her final moments with longtime partner Lisa Pond, who suffered a fatal brain aneurysm on Feb. 18, 2007, shortly before they were to sail with their three children on a Caribbean cruise.

At Jackson, Langbehn said, a social worker would not let her visit Pond because Florida is "an anti-gay state." Pond, 39, died the next day.

Langbehn, with Lambda Legal's help, sued the hospital. The case was dismissed without a decision on whether Jackson discriminated against Langbehn because she is gay. The court determined that the hospital had no legal obligation to allow anyone to visit a patient.

"It's my duty to speak out, that this should never happen to another family of ours," said Langbehn; seated with her attorney, Beth Littrell of Lambda Legal in Atlanta; Stratton Pollitzer of Equality Florida and Miami attorney Elizabeth Schwartz, who specializes in nontraditional-family issues.

PFLAG National to Attend the Eleventh Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance

2009-11-20T13:24:00.000-05:00

Today, on the eleventh annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, we honor the memory of our transgender and gender non-conforming family members and friends tragically lost to anti-transgender hatred and violence over the past year. As we all take a moment to remember the tragic and senseless losses of so many amazing transgender and gender non-conforming people within our communities, we continue to work hard at not only passing laws like the recently enacted Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, but also educating our communities about what their rights are and opening up dialogues on how to address the very real and systemic problems of transphobic and homophobic violence within and beyond our local communities.

We remain outraged at the countless forms of discrimination our transgender and gender non-conforming loved ones experience on a daily basis and we will continue working hard to develop policies and resources to help support those individuals who have survived anti-transgender hate crimes. In fact, we recently sent out our monthly FYI, which provides important strategies on how to support a community member who has survived a hate crime, educate local communities about existing laws that can help address the problems of hate violence and tips on how to launch an advocacy campaign aimed at developing relationships with local law enforcement officers along with other social justice organizations and community leaders to help tackle the very real problems of hate biased crimes and violence. Furthermore, we continue to fiercely advocate for the passage of critical legislation aimed at protecting our transgender and gender non-conforming family members in an effort to ensure that equal opportunities are available to everyone, including those most vulnerable in our communities.

Today, we encourage you to join one of the many important community vigils honoring our fallen transgender and gender non-conforming family and friends. Many of us at PFLAG National plan to join the Washington, DC Transgender Day of Remembrance Vigil to be held at the Metropolitan Community Church (474 Ridge Street, NW) at 6:30 pm. If you live in the area and/or are visiting, please be sure to attend this important ceremony. If you are interested in attending a community event in your area, please be sure to view the official Transgender Day of Remembrance website for events held in or around your specific location. Tonight let’s be sure to honor both those that we have tragically lost to anti-transgender hatred, and also to recognize and support all of the brave advocates who continue to take a bold stance against tolerating hate violence in our communities.

Arizona Workers Sue to Keep Benefits

2009-11-20T13:00:00.000-05:00

From Wednesday's Advocate comes news that state employees in Arizona are suing to keep domestic-partner benefits from becoming a casualty of budget cuts.

Ten state workers, represented by Lambda Legal, filed suit Tuesday in U.S. district court in Tucson, saying a plan to end the benefits discriminates against gay and lesbian employees.

Under a budget deal approved by the state legislature last summer and signed into law by Gov. Jan Brewer in September, Arizona would no longer offer benefits for domestic partners but would retain them for heterosexual spouses. Domestic-partner benefits are scheduled to end November 24, according to court documents.

“This is an issue of equal pay for equal work,” Lambda Legal staff attorney Tara Borelli said in a press release. “By stripping away these vital benefits from loyal state employees, the state isn't just paying them less for the same work than their heterosexual colleagues — it's pulling away a vital lifeline that all workers need. This is simply cruel and saves the state next to nothing.”

The release goes on to quote lead plaintiff Tracy Collins, an Arizona highway patrol officer, who relies on the coverage for her partner of 11 years, Diana Forrest, and their family. “I put my life on the line every day for the people of Arizona just by going to work,” Collins said. “Though the stress of working a dangerous job takes a toll on my family, I'm proud to be a public servant. But losing Diana’s health coverage will put us in a desperate situation.”

Other plaintiffs in the case, Collins v. Brewer, include employees of state universities and the Department of Game and Fish.

The True Story Behind the Fight for Marriage Equality in DC

2009-11-19T16:01:00.004-05:00

Earlier today the Center for American Progress held a conference call on religion and the fight for marriage equality in Washington, DC.

One of the speakers on the call was Rev. Dennis Wiley, the pastor at Covenant Baptist Church, an open and affirming, predominately African-American church in the District's poorest ward.

You can listen to his entire speech by clicking here.

In part, Rev. Wiley refuted the notion that being gay in the District is a white, upper class issue. He says, "The black church and the black community…have been characterized by some as being united in opposition against same-sex marriage, and this could not be further from the truth. Black people are not monolithic, we are diverse just like all other human beings.”

“Same-sex marriage is not a white issue—from experience, it is also a black issue. Countless same-sex couples have expressed a deep appreciation in our church, and even those outside of our church have expressed this same appreciation of our policy of acceptance. Some have even testified, those who have become a member of our fellowship, that our inclusive ministry has literally saved their lives due to the emotional and traumatic experiences they have encountered elsewhere, where they have been rejected.”

You can view the entire transcript of today's call by clicking here.

An "Open" Letter to the Members of the NJ Legislature

2009-11-19T09:01:00.002-05:00

Today's guest post comes to us from Rev. Gilbert Caldwell, PFLAG National Board member. Below is a letter that he wrote to the members of the NJ legislature in regards to marriage equality.

Dear Colleagues,

You have been elected to represent and serve ALL of the residents of your
particularly District. The human diversity of your District is but a slice of the
rich diversity of our nation. I write you as a Christian cleryman who is African
American who has pastored United Methodist Churches, predominantly white
and predominantly black in membership, in 5 states. I am ally/advocate of
equal rights for same gender loving couples! I know that you as an elected
official are committed to the understanding that you do not just represent
Christians, or United Methodists, or African Americans or persons like myself
who are heterosexual in their sexual orientation. You are in office to serve the
needs of All persons, and some of those persons are in committed, same
gender relationships. The equal access and equality language that is in
our Constitutions; national and state, call upon you to uphold equal access
and equality, regardless of your personal or religious views. I know that will
be reflected in your vote to endorse the legalization of same gender marriage.

As a Christian clergyman, the Golden Rule is at the heart of my life and
commitment; "In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for
this is the law and the prophets." (Matthew 7:12). But the Monmouth Center
for World Religions and Ethical Thoughts in Lincroft has reminded us that
there is a "Golden Rule" in so many of the Religions of the world: The Bahai
Faith, Buddhism, Confucianism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism,
Judaism, Native Spirituality, Sikhism, Taoism, Unitarianism, Zorostrianism.

Regardless of my Religious views or yours, the genius of our Constitution
and our "American Way" is that we respect the rights of others and make
sure that our laws respect those rights. We may, in our Religious bodies,
discuss and debate same gender marriage. But, the "Golden Rule" of our
democracy is that marriage is not a religious right, it is a civil right.

I believe your vote on same gender marriage will be your way of expressing
the thought that under the law, "We must do for others, that we would like
done for us." Thank you!

Sincerely,

Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell
Asbury Park, N.J.

Arkansas Boy Won't Pledge Allegiance Until Gays Gain Equality

2009-11-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

A 10-year-old Arkansas boy name Will Phillips has decided that he cannot in good conscience pledge allegiance to the flag as long as the country for which it stands refuses legal equality to its GLBT citizens.

That stand has brought young Mr. Phillips anti-gay taunts in the lunch room, but admiration from around the country, reports a Nov. 5 Arkansas Times article. The West Fork School District fifth grader clashed with a substitute teacher for his refusal to stand for the pledge, prompting a call to Will’s mother, Laura Phillips. When the principal acknowledged that Will has the right to refuse to say the pledge, Ms. Phillips asked that her son receive an apology--a request that the principal declined to honor.

Such has been the case with Will Phillips’ stand, but he hasn’t backed down. Laura Phillips told the Arkansas Times that her 10-year-old is "probably more aware of the meaning of the pledge than a lot of adults. He’s not just doing it rote recitation. We raised him to be aware of what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s fair."

Fairness in this case is more than a mere abstraction, since the family has a number of openly gay friends and has participated in GLBT equality events such as Pride parades. Will, who told the newspaper that he would like to pursue a career in law when he’s older, could not square the tenets of the pledge with the political realities faced by his family’s GLBT friends, whose family and individual rights are under constant challenge. "I really don’t feel that there’s currently liberty and justice for all," said Will.

That led the young man to his decision not to pledge his allegiance due to the injustice he perceived to prevail against gays and lesbians. He discussed the matter with his family and then took his stand--or rather, refused to stand with the rest of the kids when the time for the pledge came around each morning. The first week of the young man’s protest happened to be a week when a substitute teacher, a friend of Will’s grandparents, was in charge of the class; as days went by, the teacher grew more aggravated, until finally she took Will to task.

"She got a lot more angry and raised her voice and brought my mom and my grandma up," Will told the Arkansas Times. "I was fuming and was too furious to really pay attention to what she was saying. After a few minutes, I said, ’With all due respect, ma’am, you can go jump off a bridge.’"

Moreover, Will’s stand for equal rights for gays has led those who disagree to attack him personally with anti-gay epithets: "In the lunchroom and in the hallway, they’ve been making comments and doing pranks, and calling me gay," Will said. "It’s always the same people, walking up and calling me a gaywad."

The interviewer from The Arkansas Times asked Will what it means to be an American. The answer: "Freedom of speech. The freedom to disagree. That’s what I think pretty much being an American represents."

To read more on this story, click here and here.

Below is a great interivew with Will and his father from CNN:

Advice Columnist Counsels Mother of Gender Variant Child

2009-11-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

Below is an excerpt from Barbara Meltz's advice column concerning a mother who has a gender-variant child:

Q: Please help. When my daughter was 2 years old she told me she wanted to be a boy. Everyone told me she would grow out of this. She has always played with both boy and girl toys. Wears clothing both boy and girl. She is fascinated with batman and superman. She is now 5. She refuses to wear pink or anything girly. She says that is for girls and she is a boy. She is in kindergarten and tells the other kids she is a boy. Her father is absent. She has a few positive male role models in her life. My father and 2 brothers. When she plays with my niece she is so rough and aggressive and truly has characteristics that resemble the behavior of a little boy. She told me over the course of 6 weeks about a little girl who is in the 2nd grade and is in her after school program. Now... she tells me she "like likes her." The other little girl draws her pictures gives her things and my daughter always tells me she is beautiful etc. I am teaching my child socially this is this and that is that "but if that's how you feel, I love you no matter what." My question is ..... For the best interest of my daughter's psychological well-being, how do I handle this gender issue, of her wanting to be a boy, when she is a girl and only 5 years old?

A: It is possible that your daughter has something that's called gender identify disorder. She fits some of the descriptions (dressing like the opposite sex, expressing desire to be the opposite sex, refusing to identify with her gender). And yes, research indicates this can surface in early childhood. (For a scholarly & historical look at the issue, click here.)

As best as I can determine, the consensus is that it's too soon to begin counseling but certainly that is something that your daughter will benefit from down the road. In the meantime, the best that you can do as her mother is love her unconditionally; model your tolerance for differences of all kinds; and include people of all kinds in her world, including people of diverse races, religions, and sexual orientation.

At this age, children notice differences but are not put off by them unless they pick up messages, subtle and not so subtle, that the differences are wrong or bad. So I'm guessing that, so far, she has not run into peers who are troubled by her insistence that she is a he. That may change within a few years. Establishing a foundation now where she knows that (a) she can talk to you about anything; (b) that you will not pass judgment; and (c) that you will give her accurate, age-appropriate information will mean that as she gets older, she will feel supported and not isolated. The good news is that our culture has a much broader tolerance for sexual differences today than it ever has in the past.

In the meantime, help her develop positive self-esteem by allowing her to develop her individual interests and strengths rather than pushing or imposing typical girl interests onto her. She only wants to wear rough-and-tumble boys' clothes? Fine; find some that fit her well. Help her to identify playmates who like to do what she likes to do, whether they are boys or girls (ask the teacher for suggestions). And always be in touch with the teacher so that you can be on top of any social issues that surface; that's something I tell every parent. If you have a close enough relationship with other parents or teachers and you want to share your thoughts with them, also fine. But I don't feel that that's necessary in and of itself.

ESPN Columnist: "GLBT Activists Need to Show Love for Foes"

2009-11-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

LZ Granderson is a senior writer and columnist for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com. He is the 2009 Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation award winner for online journalism and the 2008 National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association winner for column writing. He was named one of the top 25 public speakers of 2009 by Campus Pride, a national nonprofit organization seeking a "safer college environment" for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students. Below is a column he wrote in response to the recent vote in Maine that overturned marriage equality.

I'm a single father of a 12-year-old boy who every five minutes seem to switch personalities on me.

One moment he's a starving student athlete hungry enough to eat a cow, the next he's a picky vegan.

I'm told by people much smarter than me that this is normal for a child going through puberty. And so, while I am not an overly religious man, I have found myself meditating on I Corinthians 13:4 to help me get through. Love is patient, love is kind.

I believe there is something each of us can pull from that Bible verse. We may not agree on spirituality or the existence of God, but we can agree that love is one of the most beautiful and mysterious forces. When I'm frustrated with my son, or a friend or even myself, I try to think about the characteristics of love described in I Corinthians before reacting. Be patient. Be kind.

I felt the need to lean on that verse last week after yet another ballot defeat for marriage equality -- when voters in Maine repealed a state law allowing same-sex couples to marry.

A visceral wave of anger swept over me as once again I was reminded of my second-class citizenship. I wanted to smash something. I wanted to punch somebody out. I wanted revenge. The last thing on my mind was I Corinthians. But at the very core of the debate over marriage equality is that scripture's concept of love.

It's easy to love someone when there is no turmoil, no conflict. And it's no accident that "patient" is the first word Corinthians uses to describe love -- it's first because it is most important. No matter how strongly we may feel about each other, we will not always agree, and it is in those moments that we must tap into the mystery of love even more to find a way to first be patient, and then be kind.

That is true in marriage and in parenting. And it's true in this much-accepted notion that we should love our fellow man. I'm not suggesting the gay community should not be upset -- patient and kind does not mean complacent and apathetic.

We must continue pressuring politicians to end civil injustice, but we're not served if we allow hate and fear to dictate our words. We cannot begin to change the nation's mind if we cannot first speak to the nation's heart.

With the economy and the swine flu and the recent tragedy at Fort Hood, it seems that everywhere there is a reason to hate and to fear. But I agree with my buddy Dierks Bentley, who sings in his song "Beautiful World":

"There's tears and there's fears and there's losses and crosses to bear;
And sometimes the best we can do is just to whisper a prayer;
Then press on because;
There's so much to live for and so much to love."

That might seem Pollyanna-ish, but the truth is that even if President Obama signed a law today to make all forms of discrimination based upon sexual orientation illegal, it would hardly mark the end of the gay rights movement.

After all, true social change isn't revolutionary -- it's evolutionary. That means we will have to continue our forbearance with those who oppose us -- from the black pastor who preaches that gay people should not be allowed to marry, to the white, closeted politician so afraid of losing his position that he would vote to oppress his own community. Through all of that, we will still have to find a way to love.

Many gay rights activists like to draw parallels between the gay community's struggles and those of blacks during the civil rights movement. It's not uncommon to hear them echo the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

"I have a dream..."

But as the frustration of the gay community grows, it is important that we -- and our allies -- do not forget another of Dr. King's powerful quotes:

"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."

In other words, hate the sin but love the sinner.

It may seem weird to think in those terms because many well-meaning Christians also like to use that last phrase to justify oppressing gay people at the polls. But here's what's curious: The quote is from Mahatma Gandhi, a Hindu who said it in reference to his own people's oppressors, who happened to be Christians. This undoubtedly inspired another one of Gandhi's famous quotes: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians."

You don't have to like either in order to have love in your heart.

Catholic Church Upset with DC's Views on Marriage Equality

2009-11-13T12:40:00.003-05:00

From yesterday's Washington Post [free subscription required]:

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Fearful that they could be forced, among other things, to extend employee benefits to same-sex married couples, church officials said they would have no choice but to abandon their contracts with the city.

"If the city requires this, we can't do it," Susan Gibbs, spokeswoman for the archdiocese, said Wednesday. "The city is saying in order to provide social services, you need to be secular. For us, that's really a problem."

Several D.C. Council members said the Catholic Church is trying to erode the city's long-standing laws protecting gay men and lesbians from discrimination.

Catholic Charities, the church's social services arm, is one of dozens of nonprofit organizations that partner with the District. It serves 68,000 people in the city, including the one-third of Washington's homeless people who go to city-owned shelters managed by the church. City leaders said the church is not the dominant provider of any particular social service, but the church pointed out that it supplements funding for city programs with $10 million from its own coffers.

"All of those services will be adversely impacted if the exemption language remains so narrow," Jane G. Belford, chancellor of the Washington Archdiocese, wrote to the council this week.

The church's influence seems limited. In separate interviews Wednesday, council member Mary M. Cheh (D-Ward 3) referred to the church as "somewhat childish." Another council member, David A. Catania (I-At Large), said he would rather end the city's relationship with the church than give in to its demands.

"They don't represent, in my mind, an indispensable component of our social services infrastructure," said Catania, the sponsor of the same-sex marriage bill and the chairman of the Health Committee.

Catania, who said he has been the biggest supporter of Catholic Charities on the council, said he is baffled by the church's stance. From 2006 through 2008, Catania said, Catholic Charities received about $8.2 million in city contracts, as well as several hundred thousand dollars' worth this year through his committee.

"If they find living under our laws so oppressive that they can no longer take city resources, the city will have to find an alternative partner to step in to fill the shoes," Catania said. He also said Catholic Charities was involved in only six of the 102 city-sponsored adoptions last year.

Terry Lynch, head of the Downtown Cluster of Congregations, said he did not know of any other group in the city that was making such a threat.

"I've not seen any spillover into programming. That doesn't mean it couldn't happen if [the bill] passes," he said.

To read the full article, click here.

Memphis GLBT Community Deals With Another Act of Vandalism

2009-11-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

A few months ago we blogged about the vandalism to a Memphis billboard featuring a gay marine. It looks like the Memphis GLBT community has been the victim of another act of hatred.

According to this article Memphis Police arrested 23-year-old Ross Burton early Wednesday morning after he attempted to burn the gay pride flag at the Memphis Gay & Lesbian Community Center (MGLCC).

Plainclothes officers observed Burton and another man — who fled the scene and remains at large — attempting to set fire to the rope that runs up the flag pole in front of the MGLCC. When police officers approached the men, an altercation ensued, and one suspect attempted to disarm an officer. Additional police were dispatched and some reportedly received lacerations and abrasions from the struggle. The suspects fled, but Burton was located and arrested.

Burton is being charged with aggravated assault and vandalism under $500.

This event marks the second act of vandalism against the MGLCC in two months. In September, an MGLCC National Coming Out Day billboard at Poplar and High was destroyed. No word on whether the two crimes were related.

Said MGLCC director Will Batts: "Public incidents such as this shed light on the larger issue of intolerance and hatred that our lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens face every day. Once again, attempts to silence or frighten our community will not succeed, but will make us more determined to fight for equality. We appreciate the support of the community in this struggle."

AMA votes to seek repeal of 'don't ask,don't tell'

2009-11-12T11:21:00.004-05:00

The American Medical Association went on record as opposing "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" and agrees that gay marriage bans contribute to health disparities.

The AMA on Tuesday, Nov. 10, at its annual meeting in Houston, TX, approved a resolution proposed by Dr. Paul A .Wertsch, family physician and PFLAG dad from Madison, Wisconsin, requesting a repeal of the military’s "Don’t ask, don’t tell" law. Dr. Wertsch’s resolution pointed out that a law that makes people lie to their physicians is a bad law.

The AMA also accepted a well researched report that points out that health disparities exist for unmarried couples and their children. Gay couples are not able to get health insurance through a spouse. Married people live longer than unmarried people. Children of LGBT parents benefit when their parents are in a legal, respected relationship. Much of the report was researched and written by the Gay and Lesbian Medical Society.

The AMA’s positions will help the lobbying efforts of gay-rights advocates.

--Kay Heggestad, PFLAG Regional Director

Learn more: AMA votes to seek repeal of 'don't ask,don't tell'

Book Review: How Beautiful the Ordinary

2009-11-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

How Beautiful the Ordinary, edited by Michael Cart, is reviewed by Dave Parker.

This unusual book is an assembly of 12 stories of identity written by 12 authors of note in the GLBT community. It is unique in that the stories vary from spiritually philosophical to personal histories to comic strips – all dealing with teen GLBT experiences.

The book starts with a tale of young romance narrated by an unknown spirit of gays past now observing gays present and projecting their future. There are a number of brief views into the hesitancy of young romance with all the mental anguish so many teenagers suffer over their affection for another and that person’s response. A young transwoman relates her first venture outside her home dressed as the girl she knows she is. In First Time, Julie Anne Peters expresses all their joys and fears as two girls stumble their way through their first full loving experience.

Two adult perspectives complete the picture. A woman writes (again) to the daughter she lost when she lost her partner, who refuses to allow contact with the child they shared for several years; she doesn’t know if this daughter ever receives her letters. A young Muslim father remembers as he travels with his two sons back to his Alma Mater to hear his former lover perform in concert. He has chosen to suppress his true feelings to live as his Iranian parents desire.

Every reader will react differently to these stories, probably preferring one over another for their own reasons. The main point, I think, is that there are joys and sorrows in all relationships, no matter our orientation or identity.

David Levithan’s quote on the back jacket is one to treasure: “Freedom isn’t just about voting and marrying and kissing on the street, although all of these things are important. Freedom is also about what you will allow yourself to do.”

Mormons throw support behind gay-rights cause

2009-11-11T18:09:00.002-05:00

On Tuesday night, after a series of clandestine meetings between local gay-rights backers and Mormons in Salt Lake City, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced it would support proposed city laws that would prohibit discrimination against gays in housing and employment.

Read the full article here » Mormons throw support behind gay-rights cause

One Step Closer to Marriage in DC

2009-11-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

The DC marriage bill has officially passed committee by a vote of 4-1! The next step is the first vote before the full Council.

According to this update in the Washington Blade, D.C. Council member Phil Mendelson (D-At Large) released Monday a revised draft of the same-sex marriage bill that removes language that would have phased out city registration of new domestic partnerships.

Mendelson, who chairs the Council committee that has jurisdiction over the bill, also broadened the bill’s exemption for churches and religious organizations to allow them to refuse to rent facilities or provide services for same-sex marriage ceremonies, even though such facilities and services are available to the general public.

The bill’s original version was written by Council member David Catania (I-At Large), who is gay, and was co-introduced by Catania and nine of his colleagues on the 13-member Council.

Mendelson made the revisions in his role as chair of the Committee on Public Safety & Judiciary, which held public hearings on the legislation Oct. 26 and Nov. 1.

The committee was scheduled to hold a markup hearing on the bill, known as the Religious Freedom & Civil Marriage Equality Amendment Act of 2009, on Tuesday, when a final committee draft is expected to be debated and approved.

The revised draft released Monday leaves intact all of the major provisions written by Catania, including the key provision allowing same-sex marriages to be performed in the District of Columbia.

During the committee’s two days of hearings, Catania said he was open to removing language he placed in the bill that called for ending the city’s registration of new domestic partnerships after January 2010. Catania noted that he put the provision in the bill because most states that have legalized same-sex marriage have ended existing domestic partnership or civil unions programs on grounds that most same-sex couples prefer marriage.

But a number of witnesses, including officials with the Gay & Lesbian Activists Alliance and lesbian rights attorney and American University law professor Nancy Polikoff, urged the Council to remove the “sunset” clause for domestic partnerships from the marriage bill. These witnesses suggested that the Council take up the domestic partnerships issue at a later date and through separate legislation.

On the religious exemption provision, Catania’s original bill noted that “a religious organization, association or society, or a nonprofit organization which is operated, supervised, or controlled by” a church or religious group “shall not be required to provide services, accommodations, facilities or goods” for the purpose of performing any marriage “unless the entity makes such services, accommodations, or goods available … to members of the general public.”

The revised bill removes the “unless the entity makes such services, accommodations, or goods available … to members of the general public” language.

In a 22-page report that accompanies the bill’s new version, Mendelson’s committee says it “removed this language … after considerable comment from both secular and non-secular organizations.”

“Including this language would have had the undesirable impact of religious institutions closing their spaces to community groups and organizations, as there would otherwise be civil [liability] stemming from any refusal to solemnize or celebrate a same-sex marriage,” says the report.

Similar to his view on the domestic partnership provision, Catania noted during the Council hearings on the bill that he would be open to considering modifying the religious exemption provision in a way similar to the change made by Mendelson.

However, both Catania and Mendelson said at the hearings that they did not support further changes in the religious exemption provision proposed by the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington. Archdiocesan officials and an official with Catholic Charities called on the Council to add a provision allowing religious organizations that provide services for the city, such as homeless shelters and adoption or foster child services, to refuse to provide employee benefits to the spouse of a same-sex employee.

Catania noted that as much as 75 percent of the funding for Catholic Charities-operated homeless shelters and adoption agencies come from the government. He said it would not be fair for groups receiving funds from taxpayers to engage in discrimination in employee benefits against same-sex couples.

Council members serving on the committee holding the markup hearing Tuesday, in addition to Mendelson, include Jack Evans (D-Ward 2), Mary Cheh (D-Ward 3), Muriel Bowser (D-Ward 4), and Eyvette Alexander (D-Ward 7). Alexander is the only member of the committee who isn’t a co-introducer of the bill.

NY City Council Member Gets Emotional Speaking for Gay Rights

2009-11-10T11:23:00.002-05:00

As the state senate considers whether to vote Tuesday to legalize same sex marriage, New York City Council Speaker Christine Quinn (pictured) made an unusually emotional plea for the bill Monday.

Quinn, a Manhattan Democrat who is openly gay, came close to tears when she was asked about the measure at an unrelated news conference.

"This is literally a moment where people can stand up and say that everybody's family matters, that everybody's home is a blessed place and that everybody has the same rights," Quinn, her voice shaking, said in the Red Room at City Hall. "You don't get a lot of times in life when you get to do that, when you get to send a message like that."

The room of reporters and council members and their staffs grew quiet as Quinn spoke, pausing several times to collect her emotions.

Gov. David Paterson, who called the senate into session to consider a series of budget measures, has asked that the marriage bill be voted and passed. As of Monday, the Democratic leadership was mulling whether to put the bill to vote. It passed the assembly twice.

With several wavering Democrats and an unknown number of Republicans opposed, prospects are far from certain.

But Quinn, who plans to marry her partner if the law is passed, said the idea has her wondering about where the wedding might be and "picking up cheesy bridal magazines."

Pausing several times to collect her emotions, Quinn said she felt hopeful but still wary, following the defeat of a similar bill in Maine last week and the continued fits and starts of the New York proposal.

"Now the worst thing in the world is to have your hopes beaten down," she said. "And I urge people, if they think I am not as good as they are, to actually have the courage to say that in front of me and the rest of the New Yorkers who are members of the LGBT community."

For the full article, click here.

Kids' Thoughts on Same Sex Marriage

2009-11-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

This fantastic story comes from Steve Singiser's posting at Daily Kos. It details a story that took place with his eight year-old son.

My four year-old daughter is absorbed by a Disney cartoon on her seatback DVD player, while my seven year-old son fidgets in the back seat. I have lunch duty with my kids, because my wife is on a deadline, and needed to go into the firm on Saturday to tie up some loose ends. I am listening to a college football game on the radio when my son interrupts the play-by-play from the backseat:

"Hey, Dad, how are we going to vote on Proposition 8?"

Aside from the plural "we", which I found kind of cute, this was not the question I was hoping for. Discussions on marriage with a second grader is not my idea of a fun conversation, "traditional" or same sex.

"Why do you ask, buddy?"

"Well, Dad. I have been thinking about it. And I talked about it
with some friends at school. And I think we ought to vote "yes."

Ruh-roh.

This comes, to say the least, as a shock. I am pretty well to the left-of-center politically, and my wife, if anything, is to my left. So, hearing my elementary school-aged son coming out as a proponent of marriage discrimination was a bit of an eye-opener.

I need to get to the bottom of this...

"Really, bud. Well, why do you think that?"

"Well, Dad, that would make
it illegal for a boy to marry a boy, and a girl to marry a girl, right?"

"Yes, Cody, that's what Proposition 8 would do."

"Well, I think
that it should be illegal."

This is where the speculation sets in. Has his teacher been pushing this? Is one of his buddies the product of a very conservative home, and they have pushed the issue with their kids? Who knows?

"Hey, Cody, why do you think it ought to be illegal?"

"Because, Dad, I don't want to marry a boy. I want to marry a girl. You know,
like Kate or somebody."

I start breathing again. He thinks "same sex marriage" is somehow a mandatory thing, and that Prop 8 is the thin line between marriage the way he has always understood it, and some bizarre new world where only boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls.

"No...buddy. It is not like that. Prop 8 makes it illegal for boys to marry
boys, or girls to marry girls, if they want to. It won't change who you get to
marry."

Silence from the backseat. Wheels, quite clearly, are turning.

"Oh...well...that's okay then. Besides, why should I care who someone else
marries??!!"

Kids get it.

To read this entire story, click here.