shrinksessions

2009-03-13T01:45:00.000-07:00

Jigsaw Puzzles

For writing's sake, for staying true to the thing i love, i will write about my recent favorite pass time:Jigsaw puzzles.
i have never really liked puzzles, i hate the feeling that i might not be able to put all the pieces together or that i may fail to finish what i started, but i do them anyway. then i discovered the National Geographic puzzle page,... http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/your-shot/jigsaw-puzzles, the pictures are quite nice to look at and i didn't like the idea of messing them up just for the satisfaction of putting them back together. crazy, but when i first clicked on the first picture and saw the pieces flying in different directions i was kinda scared,..but then slowly i started to put the pieces back together and it's just so cool when i find pieces that fit together, they stick to each other like glue and do not get un-stuck from each other even when you drag the puzzle in different directions.

the frustration is seeing the timer running fast and trying to finish the puzzle in the shortest time,...not finding the pieces i need, only to realize i had passed over them a couple of times. some pieces just don't seem to fit anywhere till you have fitted others and the picture gets more clear and pieces which look they will never find their place start coming together quite fast,...
when i get to the last two pieces i usually wish the puzzle would not end,...fitting the last piece and seeing the picture all come together almost makes me want to cry and it's just the best feeling ever to see the final picture and i kinda want to linger on and bask in the glory of the finished work,...but then there are so many more puzzles to be put together,....every single one i start again with the same feeling of dread and end with a feeling of great satisfaction and joy!

this morning i was thinking of puzzles and just how like my life the are, i know God already sees the complete picture, the end from the beginning, but when all the pieces of my life lie scattered around and look like a complete mess and it seems nothing will ever fit together, when it looks like time is running out and i am freaking out cos the pieces of my life are not yet where they should be, when the fear sets in, i will remember that in his time, God is putting the pieces together, and the ones He puts together find their perfect fit. i have seen the ones that fit, unfortunately i still get anxious about the ones that i haven't seen come together yet.
all in good time all the pieces will come together, i know he feels and even greater satisfaction than i ever will when he sees the complete picture come together, when he finally puts the last pieces in place am sure drums will roll,..and though i will receive great joy and completion, it is his satisfaction to see the final picture of my life unfold beautifully, he rejoices in every piece that falls correctly into place and re-arranges the ones that do not fit right....and so i wait, wait for completion, wait for the pieces of the jigsaw, my jigsaw to fall into place.

2009-02-17T05:27:00.001-08:00

I used to love writing, I think I still do. I used to write, I still write, but not quite as often as I did,…so many things I used to do, so many things I used to think I love!!
Life turned it’s sunny side on me and now I love, yes I love, and all other loves come in second best,…no, third best, that’s a lie, all other loves pale in comparison.
Now I love, and there is no comparison, because now I love.

Strawberry

2008-11-27T03:22:00.000-08:00

Better than eating ice in the morning
Or having a nice cup of tea with spice,
Better than seeing and hearing the rain fall.
Better than walking in the rain!
Yes, better than walking in the rain!!!
Strawberry is better than all these things,
Better still, is to do all these things and have strawberry.

THURSDAY

2007-10-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

Still in search of a muse...still dry!

DRY

2007-10-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

tuesday..time moves ever so slowly. got hearbreaking news today. I NEED A MUSE!! also need to take some time off.

2007-10-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

at work, where else would i be????......and for once i have free time on my hands and nothing to write about. i have a really bad headache, must be from working on budgets all morning....well, like i said i have nothing to say..oh, yesterday an actual miracle happened. i left work at 4:30pm, i almost thought i was dreaming. then i got home and there was no food....after drinking juice that i had kept in the freezer like a month ago, i was still hungry so i had to think..not that i was capable of thinking straight at that time, but when hunger calls, you answer.

so then it was pot luck for me, made a egg sandwich that was mainly onions and green paper, it tasted heavenly, got finished too fast though, had it with tea (my single favourite beverage on earth) which reminds me that i have flavoured tea bags hidden away in the house. i have to hide them from the tea monster, my brother. the mint ones taste like you are drinking toothpaste so maybe i'll give those ones to him. my favourite flavours are apple and orange.

went to my cell (fellowship) for the first time, been planning to go like forever but i've been leaving work late...met really nice people was welcomed really warmly. got back home just after 10:00pm and found spaghetti, so i finally ate a real meal and went to bed really tired, and before i knew it was today.
today is ken's last day with us, he got another job. really going to miss him around here, his lack of seriousness kind of makes up for all the lousy hours at work. he's being replaced by a guy called yusuf who is really nice enough, he gave me eclairs this morning. he's got a sweet tooth and thats almost enough qualification for me to like him. well, for ken it is Godspeed.

i really don't like the monotony my life has taken on...i think life needs to be more exciting than the status quo, thats why am going to think up a couple of crazy things to do before this year ends. hopefully they'll be exciting enough to make up for the daily routine.

and now i really have nothing more to say...i've officially run out of words.

YESTERDAY

2007-10-17T02:20:00.000-07:00

yesterday was monday, i think, i got back to work after my loooong weekend, needless to say we got into the thick of things straight up..no time to breathe!
i used my lunch break to pick up my laptop,..met ken later that afternoon in town and being the gentleman that he is he offered to bring the laptop back to the office since it was too heavy for me to lug around, so the day went by crazy as usual then it was time to get back to the one single place on earth i place above every other..HOME!!
i usually walk back home after work, cos from my place of work is not the most convinient place to get a taxi, you would have to wait till dusk and then when the taxis finally come you have to go into a fist fight to get a seat, and besides walking is good for the health or so we are made to think.

like i was saying...i walked home...and during that walk i made an observation not unlike Isaac Newton's, only that mine will be more more helpful to many people in the short run. it's common knowlegde that guys stare at anything that passes them by in the street that bears any resemblence to a female...this staring begins from the head and moves downwards..and in some cases soon as they get just below the neck they turn away like you have a problem. this observation is based on series of questions asked during a certain black jack game at bukoto cresent in naguru.

apparently there was a meeting on Mars where men discussed the Boob Hypothesis and came up with a handbook with just two rules:
1. Boobs rule!!
2. If in doubt, check rule number one.

Example
Pick A or B
A. True love
B. Big boobs.
here the correct answer for any male is supposed to be(must be) B at all times

so this is a logical explanation for why any guy staring at you would turn away disgustedly....if you ain't a pamela anderson, you are not worth the time!.
so for all the female motorists out there who are not pamela anderson and inspite of this are fearfully and wonderfully made, honk twice!
the moral of this is guys hate people with the same problem as them: no boobs. am sure rich and william will fully agree with me on this.

i mentioned earlier i gave ken my laptop, i don't think i mentioned the laptop bag had my phone my wallet and all my earthly possesions that mattered most at that time,.....so after waiting at the office for ken till 6:15PM!! i decided to head home without all these important things. i thought not having my phone for one night would be a good thing and besides someone had been sending me weird messages during the day (highly confidential and weird)...that was until i got home and all these thoughts started plauging my mind,
" what if the CHOGM organising committee had called to tell me am the only one allowed to give the queen company during her afternoon tea??" seeing am the only tea connosieur in this country who can hold a decent conversation in english...
or "what if the guy i have a major crush on had called, assuming by some miracle he had got my number?"...on and on these thoughts went,...before i knew it it was morning and i was back at work..i rushed to check my phone for missed calls only to find 2 messages and 4 calls from my boss... and oh, a missed call from my mom and a message from brian. i need to get a life!

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS

2007-10-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

wrote this post but it appeared blank..must've written in colorless ink!! so here i am wasting company time and writing it all over again...
well belive it or not i had two public holidays last week! halleluyah, Jesus is still in the miracle business...tuesday was independence day, ofcourse me being the patriot that i am dared not even to let the word work cross my mind, i was really offended when i was asked to show up for work..really offended, i refused to let down my country on such a day...we were all supposed to stay home and sing, " O Uganda may God uphold thee......", so i actually put my job on the line for the love of my country. spent the day reminiscing on our past. ofcourse i paid for it when i got back to work on wednesday..i worked like 2 donkeys.

the next public holiday was on friday, idd mubarak or el fitri, whatever, i don't really care all i know is i got to have a 3 day weekend thanks to our muslim friends! miracles do happen more often than we'd like to admit! i slept till my eyes could not stay shut any longer!
well, that weekend, saturday to be precise, was not without incident.....i had a little "discussion" with my 8 year old nice about homework, it must've been really frightening cos she ran away from home.....after a million prayers, repenting of all my sins, promising to wring her neck when i found her...i set out to look for her one final time...i met her some distance away from home, she was actually on her way back...it had taken her 4 hours to prove the hypothesis, "east or west, home is best" when i saw her i was sooooooo relieved, i just hugged her and laughed all the way back home. i decided to leave the corporal punishment to her mom.
in my corner of the world your mom is the only person allowed to take you out of the earth legally. whereas in other parts of the world they have got an automated speed dial that every child can use if your parent as much as gives you a threatening look, in less unfortunate parts like where i come from, your parents can skin your hide purple and you still have to go back to them and say, " thank you for teaching me, i'll never do it again!" which reminds me of a traumatic experience in my childhood..i hate to remember but it keeps coming back like the bill collector.
ofcourse all this trauma accounts for the highest murder rates in Jamaica, and drug traficking and the G-culture among the black community in the USA.

that incidence of juvenile delinquency/trancy was not the worst that happened on saturday.. miss.delinquent, as we shall all refer to her from her on, told me the reason she ran away is cos she hears voices in her head that tell her to disobey, act a fool, blah, blah, blah,....well the last person who had voices was Youssour N'dour, and since i can't get to him to ask how he survived, the cheapest is to PRAY!! (and besides from the sound of his voice he must still be hearing voices). if the devil thinks he can attack one of us he got something else coming on, cos we are sending him back to his fiery furnace.

well that was that, for that weekend.. now am back at work and waiting for the weekend..oh' did i mention marion's grad party..was awesome...don't remember when i last laughed soooo much, and i got to see all those peeps i used to hang out with in school...congs mm, now you REALLY need to think about getting a job like the the rest of us.

and if anyone sees a one mugerwa tell him in my house of friends, he is up for eviction.

HOW DID FRIDAY GET HERE???

2007-10-05T03:15:00.000-07:00

can't believe friday is already here..has been a crazy week...haven't even had time to think. but am here it's supposed to be my lunch break have a pile of work to do but all work and no play makes jane a dull girl so am taking a few moments off to fill you in on the life of an employed person.

i don't even know what to say cos i hardly remember anything that has happened in my week, it's been work, work and more work...oh, yesterday i had tea with evelyn..we talked till like 9;00PM then we both remembered we had work today...
then i talked with rich (king of the nerds) for close to an hour i think...that was really refreshing..laughed alot. he told me to quit my job if it's so stressin.....wicked advice!! he has a bit of o fever and a cold..don't know where he caught that from..but am suspicious!!! don't trust him. he's one of the best peeps i've met this year, really great guy, though he thinks he is doing a great job of covering it up with all his grumpiness.....rich for the record you rock! stay king.
plan to meet up an afternoon next week..God please let that happen..would be a welcome break from the routine.....well we'll see how that goes...

am attending marion's graduation party this weekend..saturday to be precise, oh my God, that's tommorow, haven't got her anything so am going to make her a personalised card. how cool am i???

besides that, ken has been dying for me to write about him in this blog..what exactly he wants me to say, i don't know. can't think of any nice things about him!
but oh well,if i must,......HERE GOES..... he really nags me at work, he is the reason i might be fired....so help me God. but he is buying me lunch today so i hope he only sees this after i have had the lunch.
he said i should say something about his teeth but the only thing i'd like to say is, 'NO COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!! " read between the lines if you can

now i gotta get back to work and make accountability for a couple of things.
I'LL BE BACK!!!!

MONDAY!!

2007-10-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

day started off raining...didn't want to get outta bed. had to call in and say was going to be late so i got into work at midday after having a leisurely breakfast, did i mention that on friday i left work at midnight??..and am not making that up...i was too overworked to be pissed so i just let that one go...
then i had a cold all weekend and couldn't really enjoy my niece's birthday party. she turned 8 last saturday. we made the letter 8 with ballons, looked really pretty. she said she wants too turn 8 all the time. i wished her luck with that one. it feels like i was 8 centuries ago and i stopped counting when i got to 20 and now if you want to know am forever 20.
am still at work waiting for my boss to get back then i can leave...been one busy day, was outta the office most of the time..got back in like at 3:30pm, missed my lunch and had a ton of work to get back to.
SO INSTEAD OF HEADING BACK HOME, AM HERE AT MY DESK WAITING FOR MY BOSS!! am actually thinking about self employment...

FRIDAY!!!!!!!

2007-09-28T02:46:00.000-07:00

i used to wonder what all the ra ra was about friday...you see, when yo not working everyday is a weekend and it's hard to empathise with people who cry on monday morning,...then a time comes and you join those very people who you felt no empathy for..and all of a sudden you are a part of that percentage of people in the world who are employed and are not the boss. you will definately recognise them, they are the ones you meet on the street who are always rude to you, or who have a look that says, " my life sucks and if you give me any reason to, i can make yours miserable too".

am definately not proud to be part of the crowd that lives for friday...i always thought i could take anythin in my stride, like i was saying....friday......am so glad friday is here i get to go for a two days vacation where no one will be asking me to account for company money or telling you to do a million things at a go....vacation destination???..home! realised i never really knew how much i love home till i started work.....wat am trying to say is i love home and can't wait for 5:00 o'clock today when i can finally go to the one place where am good enough just being me.

KILLER THINGS!

2007-09-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

this is not about work,...did i ever tell you how a guy with nice teeth just kills me??..it's the kinda thing you think about when you are at work on a boring wednesday afternoon and you are trying to kill time.

i am a confessed perfect teeth fanatic, when a guy smiles and he has nice teeth i go into some kinda trance. i remember spending a whole afternoon discussing teeth with an auntie of mine..this teeth thing runs in the family...she is quiet eldery and she wears braces cos she still wants a perfect smile (somebody stop her!!!!) she was really upset when someone told her she is too old to wear braces...we spent time trying to figure out how to tell the lady exactly what we thought of her as a family..how can anyone be so insensitve to the fact that teeth have just got to be perfect??? that meant making calls to any family member who would care to listen to the story about that lady who has no appreciation for beautiful teeth. a maximum of about an 2hours in phone calls.
i put on my most serious face so i could share in my auntie's indignition, you've gotta support family, but the devil in my head was rolling on the floor laughing and clutching at his stomach...am not sure if the devils in girl's heads are she or he devils so lets just stick to the he devil. do you know what it cost me to keep up a serious front while that discussion was going on??......thought so.

this morning on my way to work i met a guy called henry and when he smiled he could have gotten away with murder.....then last friday i met another guy called anthony and all i could say was "Jesus!". i needed help from above to keep me from starin..though i kept sneaking looks at him when he wasn't lookin....believe me, this has got nothing to do with chemistry or any of the sciences...mainly just art.......someone once told me am the vainest person they know, i dont think so, this teeth thing has got nothing to do with vanity, it's unexplainable!

and besides i tolerate people in my life who have not so good teeth, they are all around me, marion, richie, isabel, ju.......ooops i didn't say that. like Jesus, i accept you just the way you are.

and oh, today is my bestest boyfriend's birthday..happy birthday jorgie!! not going to tell the whole world bout yo teeth!! and thats the best present i can give you.

i just don't want to let this go before am sure you understand the way i feel about teeth.......but i gotta work so that am not fired, i'll be back here using up more company time to give y'all a lesson on teeth.

WORK!

2007-09-26T04:20:00.000-07:00

sick and tired of writing poems...thought i'd write about the not too exciting turns my life is takin.
ve been officially employed for a week now...after one short year of being voluntarily unemployed it still seems strange to wake up in the morning and get ready for work...it's an events management company. i do all the accounting work, thats just the short version of things..will send you my job description thats just about a mile long......i was soo sad the first days of work, i was learning new stuff every second and i was supposed to know them yesterday..i started to think that if i ever took a day the company would collapse like a ton of bricks.
i have two months of probation then they'll actually have to decide if am worth the peanuts am gettin.

my boss..she's ok, except for the plastic smiles she give when she is trying her best to be patient as you learn something, while all the while the look in her eyes says," you dimwit can't believe i hired you" and am thinking," i don't need this crap". only thing is if i quit, we do not have unemployment benefits in uganda and i don't want to go back to getting hand outs from the parents..life sucks....but it's all good..the rest of the staff are ok..maybe cos it's me who hands them their check!!

and now i gotta go cos any minute from now the boss lady walks in and i don't want to be accused of slacking off....dude, the perils of life on earth!!
nyways, thank God atleast i have a job and i can get my mom something really nice this christmas..a red leather purse i saw..can't wait to see the look on her face when i give it to her. well, i guess work has is pretty points...and like i said i gotta go.

breezy 3

2007-09-24T03:02:00.000-07:00

i stopped trying to figure out what love is
it's better to hang out with the trees
and just go with the breeze.
maybe it will hit me like a bus,
maybe it will land softly like a butterfly.
either way, i might not be able to tell.
so Lord, when love comes my way
please say to me,
"jane, this is the day".
until then i'll hang out with the trees
where life is a breeze

breezy 2

2007-09-24T02:59:00.000-07:00

life is a breeze and am breezy,
somebody stop me, i hate the haste!
why do i feel the need for speed??
like am doomed if i do not succeed??
am i running away from life
or trying to catch life??
maybe i forgot what life is
through the seasons and changes
i got stuck in a moment.
this is not a test,
i don't have to be the best,
just a reflection of You
in this world am passing through.

2007-09-24T02:56:00.000-07:00

it's been a couple of hours, days really.
i have forgotten the flowers
their colors and their powers,
some like showers of sunshine
to brighten up the dullest of days
and remind me again and again
that for the simple things
You deserve the praise

2007-08-24T03:19:00.000-07:00

Don't come down to Lo-debar,
I'll climb up and meet you at the top of the hill.
When i get near enough
stretch out your hand
and take mine in a firm fine grasp
do not losen your grip on me
lest i slip and fall back into the abyss below.
Help me find a firm solid rock
upon which i can place my feet
and get kissed by the sun again,
dance with the wind unafraid
of slipping and falling back into Lo-debar.

2007-08-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Read me like a book.
Open the pages carefully, very carefully
for once too often,
many a reader has been swallowed up
by the quicksand they never saw

2007-08-18T05:42:00.000-07:00

plant me marigolds
on this heap of compost.
Remind me that in the not too plesant places
we can grow drops of sunshine.

2007-08-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

Been waiting here 5 minutes, 5 whole minutes!
he walks in and my stomach starts to churn.
strange,..i've been fine up until now.
Weird how my heart is doing a mile an hour
I raise my hand to wave him in my direction.
Merde!! why is my hand sweaty and shaking?
I hope am not coming down with something.
He walks over to me
i've seen him a million times before
today feels like the first time am seeing him.
He says something.....
Am definately not well!.. i seem of be hard of hearing.
must be these bells ringing in my head,
something has definately come over me.
Mon dieu, if these bells ring true
they are saying i just caught the love bug!
He's still saying something,
i want to run a mile.
This by far has been the longest minute of my life.

For Rich! (life as a cliche)

2007-08-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

Some tears, some joy,
sunshine and rain,
you win some you lose some.

Life is definately a cliche!
life if full of ups and downs, ooops!
that's another cliche.

Whatever life brings your way
here's the bottom line,
"It's all good".

African Drums

2007-08-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Y'all heard about the African drums.
They resound through famine and harvest,
birth and even death.
If you listen well enough you will hear
the drum beat even in silence.
Through seasons of joy and pain,
there's still the steady thuderous beat
of the African drum.

As the rythym goes,
so do the feet of the myriad of dancers,
bodies glistening with sweat,
their faces ablaze with emotion,
their feet moving in tune to to rythm
the red dust rising around them
from where am standing
they seem to be dancing on a brown cloud.

As the African drums go, never missing a beat
so does my heart.
Beating steadily, sometimes thunderous
i dare say almost drowning out the beat of the drums.
My heart beats, for this boy, now a man
i met under the African sun.
Even from miles away
just like i can still hear the African drums
am sure you can hear
my heart beat for him.

WHATEVER

2007-08-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

The years came and went.
Some years held alot more tears than laughs,
the better ones had greater laughs.
Whatever came our way,
sunshine or rain,
between him and i it was pure joy.

Its January again,
we gaze at each other,
cluless but anxious for what lies ahead.
Between now and December,
even in July when time seems to stand still
we'll face whatever comes
with love.
Much much love

Daises

2007-08-02T02:03:00.000-07:00

he loves me, he loves me not
i played with daises till i almost went crazy.
ten roses,
maybe he loves me
silence...three days
then maybe again he doesn't
am still playing with daises
and still going crazy.

he loves me, he loves me not.
am done with this game of daises
and maybe i ain't so crazy
ten more roses
maybe he loves me
silence.....a week
i just don't care anymore
a few more daises..a few more roses
what i really want is an iris!

shrink sessions

2007-08-02T01:49:00.000-07:00

when something weighs heavy on my mind
i pull out a pen and pad
scribble a few lines,
sometimes it rhymes,
i cross out a few lines,
those must be the lies.
i start all over again.
not quiet sure where to begin
i just let myself go
so across the pages the ink starts to flow.
after a while when my hand stops
and ve poured the ink or is it myself??
onto the pages
not quite sure if i leave better or worse
i shut this book.
i don't set the date or time.
one thing is for sure though,
when the time comes
i'll be back for my next session.