Naturally Outspoken

A Peaceful Existence

2009-07-10T12:52:00.005+12:00

Of course, I knew you buggers would want my unfailing wit and natural charm to come back and grace your computer screens, just wanted you to say it!!

So, where was I??

I was recovering from psycho home invasion guy's calling, I was my usual outspoken self about where political correctness was heading, and I was bleating on about the my dream home (or yours). I don't know if I ever officially answered that one, it was definitely the high country farm for me.

The prevelant theme amongst all of it was that I wanted away from the house I was living in, for a myriad of reasons, but I wanted out. I wanted my kids in the country, running outside, getting into the dirt and fresh air. Wanted out of that house where that wankstain invaded my space and put me on a permenant edge.

This is now the view off my front verandah:

I kept looking, kept putting it out there what I wanted. And it came.

We are living on a 50 acre redundant apple orchard/farm. There is a river running through it. There are shitloads of trees everywhere, a kune kune pig called Frank, hens, two fucked up roosters, a turkey, organic sheep with wee lambs, goats and ....
the owner's daughter breeds thoroughbred horses on part of the property.

I'm basically living the dream. My house is 4 bedroom, master with ensuite and walk in wardrobe, big double lounge, farm size kitchen, dishwasher, separate study/office which looks out to the hills, kids lounge room, massive laundry, and my favourite thing - the verandah. It's tranquil and I am at peace.

Are You Still Lurking Out There?

2009-07-07T15:22:00.002+12:00

I am finding that I miss this outlet too much......

anyone give a shit if I came back from my hiatus and started rambling my outspoken views again?

Only when and if I feel inclined too, no pressure to perform?

Outspoken No More .........

2009-05-04T12:47:00.001+12:00

Life has just got too darn busy and I can't fit blogging into it anymore.

I have spent the last five years sharing my life with you and you sharing yours with me.

It's been great but now I really need to focus on me. Not writing about me but on getting my head in the right space, on getting healthy, on being loving towards my family and I am afraid blogging just doesn't factor in my busy week.

I have made some damn good friends and I mean that sincerely. I could single many of you out but you know who you are.

When I started this journey way back on Diary-X when I was only a mother of two that worked part time, I think I weighed in at 108.6kg (to be exact).
I'm now a mother of four and I am spend more and more time on the computer. With the advent of Facebook, between the two I am on here way more than is acceptable as a parent.

I am addicted to this voyeuristic online world. So, to curb my addiction, to start getting on top of my life, something has to give.

I will still be around on Facebook, I have limited myself to a couple of half hour sessions a week.

I will miss this outlet, very much. It has become such a big part of my life, that being the issue. I am currently going through a Financial Freedom/Success course and it has shown me that I am really wasting so many hours of constructive time a day on this thing. I don't do the amount of parenting, housekeeping, dogkeeping, loving, living that I need to be doing.

I have come a long way in 5 years and many of you have seen me go through many changes. None of which include my weight, as I currently weigh about the same as I did 5 years ago, maybe a couple kg less. I think living life each day will help me get to where I need to be.

I do feel like I am saying goodbye to a great friend - for the last time.

Please say goodbye, leave me a message, especially you lurkers.

Love to all (I'll leave this up for a couple of weeks and then I will delete it all). So longxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Keeping Our Wall Strong

2009-04-20T10:50:00.005+12:00

My darling husband and I had the best ever weekend.

We went out for dinner on Friday night to a Thai restaurant with a large group of friends, meaning there were quite a few of us, not that we were all big boned.

After dinner we headed to Fat Eddies, a bar based on the New York Jazz scene in SOL Square:

We danced and drunk cocktails and shooters until around 2.30am. My favourite being the Moscow Mules, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Then we headed to our hotel.

Yes, hotel.

As we live about 30km out of the city centre we decided that we would splash out and stay at Hotel So, a funky new, hi tech, hotel with great prices.

If you can be bothered going there, This was what our room was like.

In the morning, after some hotel type shananigans, we went to Java for brekkie.

and best of all??? No hangover!!

Just a great weekend full of hand holding, random kisses, expressions of love and little looks. Sometimes these weekends are few and far between but they are the cement in the slowly constructed, heritage stone wall that is marriage.

How far is too far???

2009-04-14T19:14:00.002+12:00

The new trendy world.

Well, not so new anymore but the way it's been heading for the last couple of decades.

We all laugh at the emails that are sent every couple of months joking about anything from political correctness to "remember when we could climb trees and stay out till dark".

But should we be laughing??

Is it time to say enough?

Because I sure as hell have had enough. You can't fart without filling in an incident form. Our children are suffering. I have a huge desire to get onto a farm, have the kids grow up rurally. Not so much for the fresh country air, that would be a bonus, but it's the lifestyle that we had as kids. The running around in safety. Sorting your own shit out, sorting out arguments with other kids because there was no anxious mother hovering around waiting with a phrase on treating each other nicely, straight out of a "childhood pyschology" book.

We joke about the role of men and women. We joke and we joke and we joke.

But things seem to be tipping the scale. There is no respect anymore. High school kids in Hamilton recently staged a sit in at school protesting that they weren't on the decision committee for the new staff at the school. What the fuck??? No you weren't, because it's none of your bloody business, get back into class, pull your baggy arse pants up, tuck your shirt in, wipe the copious amounts of makeup off your face and sit down and do some fucken school work. And if you don't you will be in detention. And it will do you no harm to learn consequence.

I have a friend who has recently split up with her husband. He is a psycho. He demanded she give him six blow jobs before he would consider trying for a second child. He demanded they have anal sex before he would try for a first. He raged and abused the midwifes at the hospital because she was sent home a day early and he had plans to go out that night and didn't want her at home. So he wouldn't talk to her when she left the hospital, dropped her at their little shack in the country (and I mean shack, they were living in a shed while their house was being built, toileting in a bucket full of sawdust) and went out on the town, leaving her alone in the shed with her newborn. He is an absolute shit. He has threatened to run her over since they split and she has a protection order against him. He keeps harassing the lawyer for their child and has demanded the boy three times a week. The court date keeps getting postponed. Meanwhile he keeps turning up where he shouldn't, one day I had to pick the wee one up as her parents were out of town and she can't see him and he refused to hand him over to me. Police had to come. Now the court is threatening to make the boy a ward of the state if they can't come to a compromise and start communicating. Woman's refuge are outraged. The police have rated him as a serious threat to her life. Why should someone who left a relationship because of abuse have to communicate with a psycho who has threatened her life? Because society is so concerned with giving everyone a fair go that safety of child is overlooked time and time again. This man is supposed to not know where she has moved to but has stalked her and found out, tonight he drove past her house a couple of times, no reason for that, she lives in a dead end street.

What has happened to values, respect, accountability?

What has happened to the basis of our communities?

I am a bit fucken over it.

What are your thoughts??

Don't You Just Hate ....

2009-04-09T23:11:00.003+12:00

..... that aunty that arrives unannounced with the worst timing ever??

You know the one, she calls in about once a month, you usually have her arrival timed quite methodically. For some reason a pimple or two, along with itchy inner ears, alerts me to her impending arrival.

But today it really did fuck me off when she arrived.

You see, my darling husband has been away all of last week, all of this week and it had been a good half week before his first departure that we'd had marital affairs.

I am gagging for a good one on one with my man.

And then, no less than 20 minutes after he arrived home, the bitch arrived, waving her hand at me throught the sliding door.

"Woohoo, it's me, I'm here to stay for a couple of days, who knows when I'll be off, and you know dear, just when you think I'm gone, I'll scare the bejebus out of you by popping back up at the kitchen window, even if all the indicators are that I left the day before".

Fucken bitch.

I'm going to need alcohol (although, for some unexplained reason, I seem to get off face much easier when she's staying).

So my rodgering is out of the question until at least next weekend.

****walks away sobbing****

Whom I Be Rolling With #2

2009-04-08T17:23:00.002+12:00

If you want to recall the categories, check out Whom I Be Rolling With #1

My current Mod Con is Mapstew, a forty-something dude with a style of writing that I really like. He came to my blog via a comment I had left on someone else's blog. That someone else was on the updated feeds thingy-me-bob on the side of my darling pal Spiky's blog and their blog title for that day caught my eye, it was about how too many people put other people in boxes.. Just goes to show that this crazy little world of blog can lead you to like minded souls all over the world. Love it!!

My Faithfuls, as always, there are so many of you but one stands out to me, especially this week. My darling pal over at Biker Tart Gettin Sexy. She's not the most regular poster but she rocks. She is a diamond in the rough and we have been pals for nearly five years now, if not longer. She has a mouth on her like a trucker but that is part of what I love.

The Antique of this post is my quirky brilliant pal Zara at Yo Heave Ho. She has been MIA for nearly 2 years now but I still hold out for her return - as I dearly love her sense of humour. We are kindred souls and she sends me cards out of the blue all the way from the other side of the world. She has a great way of telling a yarn and you can see yourself right there in the thick of it. She really was a great blogger, come back ye olde tart!!

And hiding in my Secret Drawer is the darling Jo at Creating Wellness. We became pals a couple of years back and she has turned out to be one of my closest friends. We can discuss anything from sperm to cervical vertebrae and it is always an enjoyable yarn. She keeps me grounded and focused on my future as a natural health genius and I just give her suggestions for names for her future offspring. We have met in person, I have her art hanging in my bedroom and we are catching up again soon. I can't wait.

Enjoy!

The Greatest Weekend

2009-04-06T21:18:00.011+12:00

Be warned that there are many photos in the post!!

My third spawn turned 4 today.

As her Dad is away today we had an extra special weekend of doing stuff that she wanted to do.

We started early with a trip to McDonalds for breakfast, gluten free Banana Berry Smoothies and hash browns.

Off into the big bad city where we went into the Cathedral and climbed up the tower, 134 or so steps!! It was high, I had a bit of vertigo I'm sure.

When we came down we pottered around the square looking at the little market stalls, when all of a sudden, at 1pm, a heap of people ran together out of nowhere and started having a pillow fight:

Then we went and got Phoebe's ears pierced. Now this was Blair's idea, I didn't get my ears pierced till I was 14 and Peta, our eldest, didn't have hers done till her 9th birthday, but Phoebe wanted them and she was tough as!!

After a day of malls and pottering we came home and then headed out again to see my sister's new house. Swanky with the coolest Caper Green ensuite bathroom.

Sunday we decided to head over to Motukarara and go to the races. It was a great afternoon, free entry, bouncy castles, free merry go round thingy, and free pony rides:

When we got home we had a lovely dinner with "wine" (grape juice).

It topped off an absolute blast of a weekend.

Dream Home

2009-03-30T11:42:00.008+13:00

I have my ideal dream home in my mind's eye.

But what is yours??

Let me know which of the following is your idea of the ultimate place to spend the years:

Beachside Bach:

or Lodge in the Sounds:

or Apartment in CBD:

or a big new House that gets noticed:

or a High Country Farm:

or Villa in the Burbs:

Which is your dream??

If none are shown here, and you can be bothered, find a link to what YOU consider your dream and post it in a comment so I can find it.

And let's see how well you know me - which is my dream??

This will be interesting, come out of the woodwork and let me know. I love this sort of shit!! LOL

So Here's My Ten Cents Worth ......

2009-03-26T11:09:00.003+13:00

Thank you all for your input whichever side of the fence you reside on.

I found this extremely interesting debate, although a large majority of you didn't follow my train of thought with regard to the question. I was not thinking in the terms of how one treats the home they live in, whether they rent or own it. I was thinking in broader terms:

This is what I think:

I am strictly of the believe that it is wrong to pigeon hole people because of any factor of their lives.

I think that every person in every walk of life, in every financial circumstance, of every religious belief, of every race, of every nation, in any country, in any family circumstance .... EVERY PERSON can be responsible regardless of their place in life.

I don't think that every Arab is a suicide bomber.

I don't think that every gay man loves Gucci.

I don't think that every solo mother is irresponsible.

I don't think that every married couple with 2.5 children, a white picket fence, 2 incomes, a mortgage and a Toyota Prado are the model that society should strive to attain.

I think there are plenty of responsible people that choose to live their lives in a million different variable ways, their financial choices do not make them wise nor do they make them better than anybody else in any aspect of their lives.

I don't think that being a homeowner gives you any more entitlement to enjoy a dog as part of your family.

I don't think that as you move up the salary ladder that you are going to be able to be a better parent or pet owner.

I don't believe that financial security makes you a more responsible person - exhibit a: all the big bankers that are sitting pretty and are the cause of the state of the world's economic issues at the moment.

Responsibility is more about being accountable, about taking pride, about making sure that you are doing the best you can with what you have.

There are house bus dwelling hippies with 8 children and a staffy in tow that are a million times more responsible than some homeowners.

I believe that being a good parent is responsible.

I think that choosing to not terminate your baby just because you don't own a home or have a nest egg to support it is responsible.

Not too many centuries ago we all lived in a whole different way than we do now. Was the King of the Land more responsible because he owned the land than the peasant out in the fields toiling on the land to feed the village and his family?
This world is an extremely judgemental place and it was not so many centuries ago that many pagan spiritual women were burned at the stake for what was deemed as witchcraft.

I believe that we all have the capability to be responsible regardless of any of our extrinsic or intrinsic factors in our lives. So go forth, be responsible, have the odd bout of irresponsible behaviour too, it's good for the soul.

You Got Me Wondering .....

2009-03-24T09:40:00.002+13:00

I'm really interested in everyone's opinions.

Be anonymous if you want, it truely does not bother me.

Lurkers, come on out and give your ten cents worth.

A reader has really got me wondering what the general consensus, worldwide, nationwide, citywide is. In a comment on my last post she mentioned that she finds home owners to be more responsible than renters. If you read the comment thread you may have noticed that I took a bit of offense to this comment. Not to the commentor, because she is very like me and has her strong opinions and I like that she is not afraid to share them. But I still found that the comment made me feel a bit flat. Made me wonder and I have to admit that it has been plaguing me for days now. I keep thinking about it and I thought, what the hell, let's put it out there.

Do you personally believe that people that own their own homes are more responsible citizens in all aspects of their lives than those that don't?? Please don't just say yes or no, have some gumption and explain your reasoning.

And I don't mean in a general sense.

You either agree or disagree, their is no "oh maybe, in general, statistically etc". I want YOUR opinion, and I want it backed up. And I really want true honesty.

My "comment" will be the next post. I am staunch in my views and I am also extremely interested in the overall response so get thinking and get typing!!

No Dogs or Smokers

2009-03-20T09:00:00.002+13:00

This seems to be the catch phrase of the rental market at the moment.

What I don't understand is the fact that there is a recession on, people need their money, yet some of the properties I have been looking at for over a month are still sitting empty.

There are at least 5 four bedroom places around this area that are for rent with the one company that appears to have the monopoly. 3 out of the 5 have been available since the middle of February. Yet they still sit vacant. The owners are losing around $350 a week. So over a month that is a good $1400 in lost rent. Now at least 2 of them have had their rents dropped by the agent. By $20 - $30 a week. So over a year the owner is losing another couple of thousand. Yet they still sit empty.

Then there is the good little families like ours, four kids, a cat and an outside dog. And therein lies the problem. Immediately we are rejected because of the dog. Now I have seen this before in my many years of renting but usually you find that there are a couple of houses that will allow them. But no, this agent who has the monopoly on the market seems to have a thing against them.

My point is, my border collie is an outside dog. Over the period that we will reside in a rental she is going to do minimal damage, maybe dig a hole or pee on a piece of lawn in the height of sunlight hours creating a bit of burn. But she sure as fuck isn't going to produce a couple of thousand dollars worth of damage. Meanwhile these owners have their houses sitting empty, losing money week after week, unable to rent them. I'm pretty good with figures and I'm telling you people, the figures don't add up.

Give us a fucken break, most kids will do more harm to a house than the fucken dog.

Back to Basics

2009-03-18T10:03:00.002+13:00

After much stressing, angsting, meltdowns etc, decided to get the black mid thigh top out of the wardrobe, pair it with my white ts14+ pants and some black shoes I'm hoping to get stretched a bit and I'm done.

I'm going to go looking for accessories, a cool bangle, probably a long necklace to elongate me a bit and some earrings. Having my hair cut and styled Sat morning and just need some nice smokey eye makeup and I'm done.

Crisis over. At least I'll be comfortable.

Did I mention I lost another 1.4kg last week??

And with a kg the week before I am now at 105.4kg, until Fri morning that is.

So things are good.

I am nearly a stone light than I was on 2nd January so making those small changes and walking are doing it for me.

Gok Episode 2

2009-03-13T09:51:00.003+13:00

So yesterday afternoon I made an impulse buy on Trademe for $40.

I'm regretting it immensely, especially when Blair saw the photo, he said it looks like an Asian dressing gown. Then I showed him the photo of the other one:

And he loves it!! I must admit, when you see them next to each other there is a distinct difference, one screams stylish and the other just doesn't.

One of my best mate's lives in Wellington, I may just ask her if she has a minute to go in and have a wee squizz at the ts14+ one, and if it's all it looks then I might ask her to buy it and send it to me, I mean surely I could pay over the phone with my credit card?? I may just relist the other one on Trademe, along with quite a few other tops etc that I have sitting in my wardrobe that just ain't me anymore and make a few dollars to offset the cost.

What ya reckon, and forget money, because Blair is earning $508 in extras next week for going away so I am fine for pingas.

Men, Look Away, Unless You're Gok ....

2009-03-12T09:50:00.005+13:00

I have no idea what to wear to Kim's wedding.

It's a church wedding in Governor's Bay:

And then on to a really cool venue, The Cave at Redcliffs:

So fashion freaks, you need to give me some advice, (wish Becks was still reading blogs because she always looks stunning when she attends events). I want to know what you think will suit my figure, (165cm tall, 107kg, 18E boobs, apple shape, lymphatic swollen ankles and feet. What will suit the wedding? I need to feel gorgeous and I'm not very good at this. I have nothing in my closet, no I really don't. So I need advice. And quick. And I want to look young and stylish sort of like Queen Latifah, so help MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

***UPDATE***
I would really love something like this but unfortunately ts14+ haven't opened a store in Christchurch yet, they have one in New Market and one in Wellington, and they are opening them in Dunedin, Hamilton and Milford Sound, what about Christchurch damn you.

Picture from ts14+, I love their layered looks.

Naturally Outspoken

2009-03-11T13:51:00.002+13:00

I am!!

I leave comments on other's blogs that turn into novels!! I don't mean any condescending attitude to come across, I really honestly don't.

I have the beauty of a great deal of knowledge of nutrition, anatomy and physiology, pathophysiology and naturopathy at my fingertips. I am at the end of a great many years studying Naturopathy.

I definitely don't practise what I preach but I try to. My aim is to be there one day soon.

So, I just thought I would start sharing this knowledge with you guys too. You can choose to listen, you are welcome to have your opinions and I mine. At the moment I am sharing it more in comments on your blogs when I feel someone is struggling and may need a wee pep talk or a bit of info that they may just not know, as we can't presume that everybody knows how there body works and that everybody knows the ins and outs of nutrition etc.

I am aware though that I may be coming across as outspoken but, then again, if I am commenting on your blog, chances are you know me, read me and are fully aware that I do say what I think. Not all the time but the majority of the time.

I think this is more an attempt to let you know that I am not intending to sound like a know-it-all, I am not trying to tell you all what to do, I am just sharing my ideas.

So, now that that is cleared up I better go and continue my learning processes and master the bones and structures of the human skull.

Ciao

Reality Check

2009-03-10T15:06:00.005+13:00

I have lost a small amount of weight so far this year.

5.4kg to be exact.

I have stagnated in February not achieving much of anything.

I have started March with daily walking but the nutrition is shite.

Here is a photo of me on Saturday night that highlights just how bad I am, and to think I was 5.4kg heavier than this on 1st January!!

If you compare it to a photo of me on my own hen's night, 19 months previous:

it's rather tragic!!

Time to get the shopping list under control and prepare for healthy meals.

Recovery

2009-03-09T09:41:00.005+13:00

I am so sore. I have sore muscles I never knew existed from letting my inner Beyonce loose on the dance floor for over four hours. Oh god did I sweat my arse off. (if you are my Facebook buddy you can check out the truely hideous photos over there!!)

I sung, I danced, I laughed, I drunk, (I spewed - LMAO) and I had a ball of a time.

Got to Akaroa about 1.00pm. Had a small lunch and a couple of wines. Then we dressed up in our bridesmaid dresses, Kim in her bridal attire and we headed down the one of the local pubs to start the Akaroa Amazing Race. Our first task (we were in two teams) was to play the chocolate game but with some crazy cocktail in the place of the chocolate. So every time somebody in the team rolled a 6 that person had to put on a hat, a ring, a necklace, a garter and a boa and start doing shots of the cocktail shaker. You had to keep doing shots until the next person in your team rolled a 6. It was hilarious, both teams spilled the shakers and we proceeded on to the next task. We had to scooter down the main street to the Rec ground and here we had to compete in three tasks. The first was chipping golf balls into upside down umbrellas, then we had to throw water balloons and catch them without them bursting and see which team could get the furtherest distance between them. The third was the funniest. We had to race in teams to the middle of the field, skull a cup of Ginger Tom (an alcoholic ginger beer made by the Dux) and then put our foreheads on a ski pole sticking out of the ground and twirl around it 20 times. Then you had to run back and tag your next team member to do the same. It was hilarious as you were so dizzy that you thought you were running forward but you would end up running in the totally opposite direction. Just a blast. It was at this point that a car pulled up with a German celebrity who was doing a tour of NZ (sort of like when our Celebs do the Intrepid Journeys) and she had a photographer with her (a fucken bossy one at that) who wanted photos of her with us and then quizzed us to what we were doing. The funny thing is they just didn't understand us and we are sure we will end up in some German Woman's Day with a wee story about us that was completely wrong. She thought it was the wedding!!!

Next we had to scooter down to the waterfront and then went on these:

where we had to paddle out to a buoy and around it and race back. It was so hard!!! It was hilarious.

After this we went back to the holiday house and drunk wine and ate nibbles until about 8pm when we got dressed up and went out for dinner at Vangionis:

I had Akaroa Salmon on fresh herbs for dinner, it was divine!! Then we headed to the Madeira Hotel and danced our arses off. It was rocking. By 1.45am we decided to head back to the house where we sung and danced to the Little River Band and drunk Pina Coladas till about 4am when we just had to go to bed. By 5am I was back up fighting for the toilet where I spewed so hard that it made me pee my pants!! Nice one.

Fucken great weekend.

Taking the Power Back ....

2009-03-06T08:12:00.003+13:00

Sort of.

Have been extremely freaked by last week's incident. Being an analyzer extraordinaire, I have looked at it from all angles and I think I have come up with the conclusion that this man is extremely dangerous, I dealt with him the best I could. The natural me would have usually yelled "get the fuck out of my house", that would have been the worst thing I could have done. The way I dealt with it, I gave him a way out, I didn't make a big deal about it, just acted surprised. I have a mate who's brother is in the CIB as a detective here and I am going to have a quiet chat to him and see what he thinks of this guy's profile.

I desperately want to move. Blair hasn't had to go away this week and is on a course next week, so at least we have a few week's reprieve.

I lost a kg this week. I had stayed the same last week. Yep, with three days of only fruit and veges I managed to not lose a fucken gram!!

The week before that I had stayed the same too.

Ridiculous. So - I am exactly where I was at the end of January.

Went to the big nutrition seminar and it rocked!! Came away with so much enthusiasm, not only for eating right and eating the way nature intended, but - as Damian is a Naturopath - he inspired me a million times over to be that sort of Naturopath. To be the sort of person that is exuberant about my chosen field, walks the walk and still has fun and has the odd night out.

I could go into what Damian talked about for post after post but I suggest you try and get along and see him. He also had Ray Kelly with him, personal trainer from Melbourne that trained both of the Aussie Biggest Loser winners after they left the house up until they won the challenge!! Pretty cool guy, no excuses. Lee-Anne Wan was absent due to being very very sick. So let's send happy thoughts out there for her quick recovery.

I am off to a hen's night with one of my best mate's in Akaroa tomorrow.

We get there at lunch time, it's about and hour and a half away. We then get dressed up in old bridesmaid dresses and are having "The Bridal Amazing Race" where we are doing such things as scootering around the town. Should be a hoot. Then out for dinner and copious amounts of drinking and then back to the holiday bach we have rented for more drinking. Sleeping's Cheating!! The best thing about it ..... it's miles away from this place!!

So, what are you doing this weekend??

Home Invasion

2009-03-01T14:01:00.003+13:00

We have (HAD) some good friends of about four years, Let's call them Bevan and Myrtle for privacy reasons

Yesterday morning Bevan (Myrtle's husband) made a horrible and completely disgusting pass at me, pre meditated and in my home, with Sian asleep in the bedroom!!

He phoned me at about 8.35am and asked if Blair was home, I said no, he’s at work. Then he asked if I would be able to come around and look after their 5 yr old girl Casey as she was sick and he had to go to Woodend for something. I said I couldn’t as I had no car and Sian was asleep still but if he wanted to drop her here then that would be fine with me, she could just chill on the couch till he got back. He said “sweet”.

Then he turned up about 5mins later, walked in the sliding door, shut it behind him and I asked where Casey was. He said at home. I was a bit baffled as to why he would leave her at home and then said “I’ll wake Sian then if you need me to come around to yours and turned to walk away and he walked towards me and touched my breast, pulled into me and said “I thought you would like to try out my big cock”. I was stunned, I stepped a couple of steps back and said “what??, I don’t get it what are you doing?”, it took me a bit to register what was going on. I kept saying “are you serious, are you just tricking me, are you testing me, what’s going on?” He went and sat on the couch and said again that he thought I’d be into it. I kept saying that I wouldn’t be into it at all and what was he doing, I loved my husband and would never cheat on him and what was he thinking, and how could he do this to his Myrtle. By this time I had walked as far away in the room I could get from him and then he got off the couch and cornered me and still kept going on about it and he doesn’t see it as cheating, just a minor lapse in judgement and that I would enjoy it etc. I said I wouldn’t at all, then I told him I’d like him to go. He did.

Then he phoned me about ten minutes later, I didn’t expect it to be him and I was crying, he said all this shit about being sorry and if I ever needed him to sort me out he would and went on about does Blair look after my needs, this would stay between me and him wouldn’t it and I said I had to go and he said, don’t I’m wanking my cock listening to your voice.

I hung up. Then I phoned a friend and asked her to come around immediately.

She did and I went to her place for the day with Sian, phoned Blair and told him and then phoned Myrtle (who was working) and told her exactly what had happened.

She apparently went home and punched him in the head and he said he was sorry, he couldn’t remember most of it and he’d been pissed and he was a coward and going to end up just like his dad. He started crying etc and was going to leave blah, blah. She said don’t you dare walk out on me and the kids, you face up to what you have done etc. Blair is not taking it very well at all, he wanted to phone the police but I said I didn’t want him to because they wouldn’t do anything anyway and Bevan is growing pot around there with an ex white power mate and the last thing I want is the cops to find that and then have him and his mate after me for “narking”. Blair is worried about my safety and wants to go and confront Bevan about coming into his home, when he is supposed to be his friend, and hitting on his wife and being so disgusting and sexually inappropriate. The fact that he used Casey as a trick to get my guard down, she was actually at school all along. The fact that the phone had rung at 5.55am that morning and had hung up when Blair had answered. The fact that at Bevan and Myrtle’s birthday party last Saturday night Bevan had kept asking Blair what nights he was staying away this week with his job. The fact that when he phoned me back he told me he thought I was hot, always had and that he liked big girls. Blair wants to go and say something but also knows too well about Bevan’s violence, martial arts expertise and that fact that he obviously has no respect for anyone. All we have heard over our friendship is how he has attacked this gang member in front of the police station for doing something to him and how he attacked another guy for doing something etc etc. If Blair has a go at him he will just beat Blair to a pulp and that won't do me any good.

Now I am so jumpy and I am scared of being alone or even around Rangiora. Have been out twice alone since yesterday and I was so alert, jumpy, peering around. Last night I slept stuff all with an iron bar in my hand. I am really quite petrified but I don’t want to let on too much to Blair as he has to go away for work next week for a couple of nights and for quite a few weeks running after that and I don’t want him to be too concerned to go.

So I'm a bit on edge and feel like my home isn't a safe place now.

Stuff It

2009-02-26T08:57:00.004+13:00

I got to the end of my third day and I just thought, this is crazy!!

I can't go another five days with no protein, I just can't.

I have high fasting insulin as it is and I started to get quite dizzy and vacant and then I nearly fainted and Blair said "fuck this, eat something".

I have wanted to do this cleanse for ages but in reality, it sort of goes against what I want to achieve in the short term - which is a healthy attitude towards food, my body and my self esteem. This is just counteracting it as I am obsessing about all the "food" around me. So I will leave this cleanse until I am at the point of feeling comfortable in my body and, to be honest, I am on anti hypertensives, diuretics and anti depressants, and should have consulted my doctor before starting this. At least I haven't cracked the herbals yet so Blair might do it when he in a good space.

But, I do feel pretty great and have woken up this morning with the healthy fruit and veges still implanted in my mind and had a beautiful, fresh pineapple, mango and raspberry with organic unsweetened acidophilus yoghurt smoothie. MMMMMMM.

So I think I will continue on with all these fruit and veges but will need lean steak, chicken, fish, eggs and legumes, gluten free bread (when desired) and other essentials to survive (is wine essential, surely it is??).

In other news:

Blair got underpaid by $3 an hour for his first week!!

The clutch master and slave cylinders in our Isuzu decided to stuff out on Tuesday night, in mechanics now getting fixed for the nice little price of $340.

My "work day" is working out just dandy.

My two toddlers are driving me insane.

I haven't caught up on anyone's blogs all week.

I forgot to send Chris H's lavendar, will do in the morning Chris, hopefully you weren't desperate, bad bloggy friend that I am.

I am off to see Damian Kristoff and LeeAnne Wan of Downsize Me fame on Tuesday night. I put myself in the draw for a free ticket and am stoked to be going along to their seminar. Thanks Jo!!

Day 3, yippeee!!!!!

2009-02-25T12:51:00.002+13:00

I feel better today.

Not as hungry.

Thanks for all your comments. I must state that I am a very nearly qualified naturopath and do know exactly what my body needs for survival and I'm giving this cleanse a go because a) I bought it ages ago and don't want to waste the $119 I spent on it and b) I have heard first hand that it has worked and c) if nothing else, it gives me a good start to eating more healthily.

That been said, popped around to a buddy's last night to discuss our ten year old girls and their issues!! She offered me a glass of wine and I said yes and drank half of it before it even clicked that I was on a detox!! What a dick. Then again, the booklet that comes with it says one drink a day is not going to undo what you are doing, so that's okay.

I am lacking a bit in energy today but I think I need some more fruit and I better go eat some right now.

PS, Jim, would love to hear more about your experience with the Cleanse. I'm open to all views and opinions.

PPS Kitty, don't tempt me to eat ham and cheese toasties you cunning little pussy cat. A healthy liver is great at detoxing but an unhealthy one that is "fatty" and shown to be enlarged on an ultrasound can do with a little help. Dandelion root, ginger, fennel, alfalfa, barley grass, etc etc all good things, not bad.

Day Two and I'm Starving

2009-02-24T14:22:00.003+13:00

How does a person survive on these bloody cleanse thingimibobbys??

I am starving my anus off!!

I had a berry, pineapple, rice milk and organic unsweetened "schnizz" yoghurt smoothie this morning. Yummy, then I have had a big bowl of homemade pumpkin soup with a bit of yoghurt and chives on top. Last night dinner consisted of a corn cob and some carrots!!! I am really hungry!!!

Was going to do cleanse over ten days and do an ease in period of 5 days but that just not going to work as I have a great pal's hen's night next Saturday. So I have decided to do the five day version and start off with just three days easing in.

The Ultimate Cleanse booklet suggests that you have 3 - 7 days of cutting out all carbs and potatoes and meat and eggs and dairy etc. So ALL I am eating is fruit and veges with the odd bit of natural yoghurt thrown in. Then on fourth day I start taking 60 herbal tablets a day to start getting my intestines moving.

I am coping but only just. All I want is a ham and cheese toastie, don't care if it's gluten free bread, just want something of substance.

Have nearly finished a Naturopathy unit with my new "work day" routine. House in good order too.

That being said, I must go "back to work".

Ultimate Cleanse

2009-02-23T13:55:00.002+13:00

About two or so years ago a couple of you guys did the Ultimate Cleanse.

I bought a pack and was supposed to do it before my wedding but kept having things on so didn't get around to it.

After indulging in a few Vodka and Raspberry RTD's on Saturday night, and suffering the fatigue that followed, I decided to bloody get my Ultimate Cleanse out and get into it.

I can't go too much into it as I am on my "work day" routine and only have 3 mins left to be on internet!!

Any questions you want to know about it, just ask.

I am great by the way. Living and loving my life.

Complacency

2009-02-20T11:04:00.002+13:00

Lost a kg, last week, put on 800g this week.

This is ridiculous.

I've become complacent, was so impressed with my easy weightloss not dieting that I just reverted to my usual shite.

But with the posting of my Procrastination dilemma I have received a heap of good info, a few boots up the arse and a whole lot of support.

I can do this.

Kitty put me on to a great website of a guy called Craig Harper, he is a motivational speaker and trainer dude and, oh my gosh, he is so great. Cuts to the chase, doesn't accept the excuses but gives a shitload of good advice. Go check him out, you so will not regret it.

I am in the process of making some little plans, no big monumental planning going, just a rough routine for me. I am going to focus on approaching my day at home with the kids as a work day. I will allow myself "breaks" as such and I will only be on the computer in these breaks for personal use. Facebook and blogging are absolutely awesome ways of catching up with people etc but, holy shit, are they time wasters or what?? You only intend to jump on to see what's going on in the FB community that you have formed and, before you know it, you've been on for an hour. So that's it.

My day is going to be focused on my kids, my housework, my study, my dog and exercise.

My breaks can be for catching up time.

That being said, I need to go and do some shit. Hubby home tonight, been away for the week with new job and I need to have a lovely comfy house for him to come home to with a suitably spruced up wife to greet him. I have indulged in being a bit slovenly over the last two days so now is time to haul arse and get things in order.

Have a great weekend.