Our TX Adoption

Home Improvements

2009-11-12T08:03:00.000-06:00

The pest control problem from weeks ago has taken on a life of its own, but in a good way. The pests are gone, but it's led to several other improvements.

For one thing, as I think I mentioned before, I painted the kitchen cabinets and the pantry.

Before (after I scrubbed the surfaces twice!):

After:

Then, we had a broken intercom system in this house when we bought it. We've been gradually removing the useless wall units and patching the holes. The pest inspector said that pests could enter into the walls through this unit, so I got a guy to rebuild the top of this wall.

Before:

After:

(They actually came back to fix the weird paint job, so it looks natural now.)

Finally, since we've got the brick guy coming out, we took care of our firebox and chimney. Two years ago, a chimney sweep company pointed out that it wasn't safe, but their quote to fix it was ridiculous. The masonry company gave us a much better quote, so we're going to do it. While we've had no desire to light a fire here in Houston, at least now, when we go to sell the house, we can sell them a safe fireplace.

Before:

After:

We also go some of our carpet repaired. We had a z-bar installed to keep the carpet attached to the floor. It was no big deal when it was just us, but Andrew had started pulling the carpet up and it was freaking me out. We got a great quote on it, so it was time.

This has nothing to do with the old pest problem, but it's on-topic, so I'll share it here. I made this wall collage and this frame collage:

None of this is in the budget, but, lets face it, for me there will never be enough money in the budget to take care of this house the way I want to. I just can't get up the motivation to deal with it. I might as well get these medium-size projects done when the opportunity comes along.

From 2 dogs to 1

2009-11-11T10:08:00.003-06:00

We found a new home for our first dog. From the beginning of when we brought him home, I knew the importance of keeping your dogs. I take that responsibility seriously. That is why I spent the past year avoiding this decision.

The thing is, despite all the other annoyances we dealt with, it came down to one unavoidable issue: he really doesn't like kids. We got him as a puppy, so there was no way to know that in advance. It started early, with him growling at little kids when we took him on walks. He would jump on kids who visited us at our house. I assumed that, when we had a baby of our own, he would settle down.

Unfortunately, that never happened. After a whole year, the dog still either avoided Andrew or jumped on him in dominance. He still growls at little kids on our walks. He's never bitten anyone of any age, but I was feeling really uneasy, wondering if I was playing with fire. Plus, I worried about how it would be for an already-traumatized foster baby, with a dog jumping on them and probably scaring them.

So, we found him a new home. He'll be out in the country, near a farm, with no kids, and owners who can give him the attention he needs. I was very clear about his temperament and the hassles they might encounter, but they were undeterred. The dog seemed to really like them and they had a good way with him. They have the dog experience I wanted for him, someone who knows how to handle high-energy alpha male dogs.

I have so many treasured memories of that dog. He was the perfect dog for us when it was just my husband and I. Caring for him, house-training him, and problem solving his hassles gave me an outlet for my nurturing energy while we were childless. Teaching him commands gave Jim and I a special project to do together, and brought some energy to our home. I'll never forget how that dog was there for me in a special way when I came home from the hospital after the ectopic rupture. He just lay next to me in the couch for the whole week. I'll always associate that dog with the infertility, but in a positive way. He was a gift from God to get us through a difficult time. I always imagined that he would grow to old age with us, but it just isn't the right decision for our child(ren).

Now, though, it is time to grieve him and move on. Our second dog, Max, is just a loving, near-silent shadow. He is such a calm presence. Unlike our first dog, who has a tendency to chew, Max can be trusted to wander the house. He just follows us around or sleeps, content to be where we are. He is so gentle with everyone, except when he's excited to meet a guest, and gives Andrew and us so much affection. It is weird, now that he's gone, not having to expend so much energy constantly monitoring that first dog. I always had to know where he was and if he was getting into something. The house seems so quiet without him, but not in a bad way.

Enjoy your new home, boy! We pray that your new owners are kind and have the wisdom they need to care for you well.

Pretend Play

2009-11-10T10:04:00.003-06:00

Andrew has started pretending! I didn't think that started until earlier. Last weekend, when he was in his stroller, he clearly mimicked picking up a cheerio from his cup, handing it to Jim, and then eating it. Then he kept looking over at a nearby girl. It took me a minute, but I realized that she had cheerios, and another minute to realize that he probably wanted some. Luckily, Jim had packed some for him, just in case, and, sure enough, he gobbled some up.

Then, this morning, he pretended to pick up something from a clearly empty surface, pretended to give it to me, and then pretended to put it in his mouth. Then he just giggled like he had invented the game.

He has also started a new game, all on his own, where he stands behind me and tries to push me over. I let him, and then I push back. Giggles again! You can just see how he feels so strong that he can push an adult. It's all in fun.

Have I also mentioned that we've figured out how to handle it when he hits? First, I distract him by playing high five. It gives him an invitation to hit in a playful, acceptable way. We'll congratulate him for a successful high five, and he'll grin. Then, I rub him gently, on the back or leg, and say, "be gentle". Sure enough, he'll start rubbing instead of hitting. It even works across the room, if he starts hitting one of the dogs. We'll say to be gentle and he'll start rubbing them instead.

Is it weird that I just love the toddler stage? Yes, the constant crying can be annoying, but, well, his tantrums are almost funny. That sounds heartless, I know, but I can just see the wheels turning in his head. Like, the other day, when he really wanted to put some toy coins in a toy bank. He'd give the coin to me, then grab it and try to put it in himself. Sometimes he could, and sometimes not. He'd get so excited when he could and just collapse in despair when he couldn't. He's never been as cute as he is now. At least now I know what he wants, and he still recovers quickly and goes back to being his sunny self. I love that he's starting to have a mind of his own, and he's more fun than ever.

Our Last Year of TV?

2009-11-07T11:55:00.000-06:00

Either motherhood has turned me into a prude, or things are crazy in network-land.

Earlier this week, I was still recovering from a 2-day bout of fever, and sat in front of the TV for 2 straight hours watching 4 sit-coms. Andrew was at a family member's house and then Jim was taking care of him. It feels like it's been a really long time since I've done that since I'm usually taking care of Andrew during that time. Even if the TV is on, I rarely pay such close attention as I did the other night.

In the 2 hours I witnessed:
The B word many times
The A word several times
"She's a GDB"
An unmarried couple stripping and running into a hotel room
A nurse handing a college guy a bunch of condoms for the guy's first date
2 girls making out in public (not close up, but it was brought to attention by dialog)

There was more, but this is the stuff that I can remember quickly off the top of my head. Oh, and there were commercials that I could argue were directed to very young kids in there, too. Classy.

The craziest part was that the most offensive, adult-oriented material was in the first 30 minutes. It was rated for ages 14+. Yeah, like 13-year-olds go to bed at 7:00PM. And besides, that is what the industry considers OK for a 14-year-old? I would cringe if a 17-year-old saw that. This was 2 days after this article came out describing the findings of study showing a connection between teen pregnancy and TV with sexual content.

I talked to Jim after this 2-hour cringe marathon and we've decided on no more network comedy shows. And, since that isn't the only place that stuff occurs, we'll likely do the same for the dramas we like, too. In fact, we're going to unplug the antenna and tuner and put them away at least until Christmas. It will be like an early start on advent. I gave up TV for lent one year and it was actually really nice. I craved it at first, but I'm a reader so I just upped my library borrowing. I was so much more relaxed and it set the tone for me canceling my cable to the point where I now rarely watch TV. Jim was saying that it hardly counts as an advent sacrifice since we'll hardly notice the difference. We'll see.

Yes, I know, kids will see this stuff sometimes. They'll see it at their friends' houses, etc. Once our children are old enough to think critically, I'll probably watch a show with them and critique it for them, then with them. I'll do the same thing with a Cos.mo magazine, too, especially with my girls. I want them to be able to discern media and not just believe everything they see or hear. I know that whatever we watch without comment will be seen as acceptable to us adults, and, therefore, acceptable for them. How many parents watched those shows with their school-age kids in the room and just laughed or said nothing? And they wonder why we deal with STDs, teen pregnancy, etc. Parents who can control the TV have the potential to have more respect from their kids.

We'll still watch TV. We'll just rent the shows we like on DVD and watch them after the kids are in bed. It's a sacrifice in that we can't watch them until the season is over, but we prefer them on DVD because of the special features and ability to pause, etc. We rent them as part of our DVD-by-mail plan so it doesn't cost any more than we already pay per month. This may seem extreme, but we hardly ever watch TV anyway. There is only one show that we are consistent about watching. To be honest, and this may sound strange, but it's kinda stressful trying to catch a show anyway. I find myself rushing to get Andrew in bed on time and getting really frustrated when he cries in his crib while we are trying to listen to the show. If I discipline myself, and just never turn it on, then I can be a better mom and have less stress. I'm not the kind of person who can just watch when I happen to have time. I have to watch every show of the season or none at all.

Are there any genuinely entertaining network shows that don't have:
obnoxious, back-talking school-age kids
cursing
substance abuse (unless it's part of an edifying plot line about getting help)
sexual material of any kind between unmarried people
excessive violence/gore
weak parents with no authority

I know, trick question.

We don't have cable because A.) the expense was not enough of a value, and B.) we will not let the trash from some stations be piped directly into our home. If there is a show I want to watch, I can almost always watch it with limited commercials on the internet, usually on the cable channel's own website. I can pause whenever I want and rewind. It's no Tivo, but free.

Speaking of piping trash directly into your home, Jim and I are trying to figure out what kind of bl.u-r.ay player we'll get. We want one that can be updated via wifi, but they are also ne.tfl.ix ready devices. The last thing we need as parents is to have access to any movie, any time. Can you imagine what kids will watch if they're unsupervised? There is no accountability there. Is it really any movie, any time, for free as part of the paid service? I can handle pay-per-view, because there is accountability there. If we saw a charge that we didn't approve, the kid(s) are busted. Does anyone with that service know? I like how, with the DVDs, I can monitor them beforehand by checking several family-review sites. While having the streaming media sounds cool as an adult, as a parent it is intimidating.

I'm also considering buying a locking cabinet for the DVD's we own that we don't want our kids to see without our permission and our guidance. Does anyone else do that? Any suggestions? I was a sneaky kid and I can see any of our kids watching a movie they aren't supposed to if we're not around. I don't even want them tempted.

Oh, and for parents of older kids, I found some great time management devices! I'm so going to use this stuff as Andrew gets older, especially with the video game consoles. Jim loves video games, but they generally drive me crazy. What bothers me most is that there is no time limit. So I find myself interrupting him to ask when he'll be done. Of course, he'll say something like, "when I get to the next save point." To me, that's not helpful, since my brain works in time increments. Then, sometimes he'll forget and it'll be an hour later before he comes back to reality. If I can barely stand it when my husband plays, I can just imagine how it'll be when all my boys are playing. By using the time management devices, I don't have to be the bad cop. The coolest ones use tokens, so it's like an arcade game. It is a reward, and they can earn tokens, instead of the TV being an entitlement. The devices give warnings when the time is running short and then just cut off when the time limit is reached. The kids would learn fast to take the initiative to keep track of the time and make sure the save frequently and plan ahead. Here is a site where you can compare time managers and another where you can see a bigger selection.

legal risk adoption and our 3-year-old--advice wanted

2009-11-06T10:37:00.003-06:00

While this won't come up for another 2 years at least, I am thinking about it now in the hopes that I'll get comments on this for awhile, or that people will share resources with me.

My question is: how do you prepare your 3-year-old adopted child for the placement of a legal-risk child (0-2 years old) in our home?

I have some ideas, but I want some feedback from people who have either been there, done that or who have some training on the issue.

My idea is that we could tell Andrew that we're babysitting the child until his/her mommy and daddy get better. That seems like language that a preschooler would understand, and it's not a lie, just age-appropriate words for a complicated situation. I would tell the children to call each other "friend" and not "brother" or "sister". Jim and I would not be called mom and dad yet to the foster child. However, that might be confusing and alienating, especially if we do get to adopt the child. Andrew would watch us treat the child the same as we treat Andrew, with the same bedtime routine, meal routine, etc. However, at the adoption, we could make a big fuss over it (we would anyway!) and make the new titles part of it. On that special day, we'd become mom and dad to both kids, and they'd call each other siblings, etc.

On the other hand, I could have the legal-risk placement considered as our child from the beginning, with the kids calling each other siblings and both kids calling us mom and dad. That is the most welcoming thing to do. Or is it? If they are a foster child, involuntarily removed from their parents, would they even want to call us mom and dad? After all, they would still legally have other parents. My main concern there is that, if we lost that child, Andrew would think that someone could take him away, too. How traumatic would that be; I can't even imagine. That is why I feel like we need to differentiate between our child who has already been adopted and a child who isn't technically ours yet and whom we could technically lose.

So, for those who have been in this situation, what did you do? Any regrets that you don't mind sharing so that I can learn from them? Any successes you can generously share? I feel like I could handle a legal-risk placement, but I won't do anything to hurt my son. I'd rather him be an only child than traumatize him. However, if we can add to our family in a loving way, I would prefer that.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-02T17:45:00.001-06:00

Jim took these on Saturday. We had a fun day, although it ended badly with Andrew getting a stomach virus. He's getting better now, though, thank goodness!

Toddler Adoption

2009-11-02T10:07:00.001-06:00

I've blogged about my changing mind too much, but I hope it makes someone else feel better about the challenges of adoption family planning. It is too big of a decision to just know what you want, at least for most people. If you're indecisive about the process, rest assured you fit in just fine with me.

I kept telling myself that I wanted to adopt another newborn. There are so many good reasons to go that route. We had an amazing experience, so why not go that way again? But my heart is so restless and I am succumbing to my heart's desire. I kept telling myself I had cold feet, but I really do think God is doing His whispering thing again. Even after saying I want to adopt another newborn and rationalizing it, I still feel so excited about foster adoption. Every time I go to Mass, it comes up when I'm at my most quiet, and it comes strong. I feel like I want to jump up right them and call the foster-adoption agency. I have been thinking about foster adoption for so many years. I keep saying that I'll do it later, but I don't think that is what God wants this time. I just can't let it go, no matter how hard I try or what I say. I check out the Heart Gallery websites like some women check out shoes or purses. I have heard so many horror stories about foster-to-adopt. However, I've heard lots of horror stories about newborn adoption, too, but our process was relatively easy and textbook, the kind too boring to hear about. It helps me trust God to give us the situation He has in mind for us.

What we're praying about now is trying to do foster-to-adopt of a toddler. We'd start when Andrew is 3, most likely, and try to adopt a child between the ages of 0-2. When we went to the orientation last time, our agency said that they would only do your homestudy if you were open to adopting an 8-year-old or older. But I'm sure we could find an agency for what we're thinking about, at least I know we can if we're doing God's will. I would prefer straight adoption, so that is what we'll probably try to do first. I'm more flexible on that than I was before. Now that I'm already a mom, it would be less devastating if we fostered a child and lost them. While losing any child you love is catastrophic, there is a difference between losing your only child and losing your second child who comes to you as a foster child. I do worry about it for Andrew, though. A 3-year-old probably can't process that kind of loss. I would do my best to prepare Andrew for the loss, and get some expert advice on it, but it still worries me. So, while I feel like I could handle doing the legal-risk (foster then adopt) route, the straight adoption route is probably more ideal for our family if they'll let us.

One funny thing about all this is that, early on, I had my concerns about having a newborn. The last year totally validated that concern! I can't really assess it clearly because of the depression, but being mom to a toddler is so much more fun and fulfilling for me than mothering a newborn. Before, I was terrified of toddlers because their tantrums seemed so intense and, well, they could walk and talk and get into so much trouble. Having a newborn did have its advantages in that you get to start slowly. Now that I've had a toddler for awhile, it is much less scary. I know it will get harder for me as Andrew gets older, but so far the toddler difficulties are easier than the infant difficulties. Our house is toddler-proof now and I'm learning the milestones and normal development schedule. It is much less intimidating now to imagine it than it was a couple years ago.

I have absolutely no regrets about Andrew. It is so obvious to me that God intended him for us in that he fits in so well. He is just a dream come true in every way, and I wouldn't change our path so far for anything. Jim and I needed that newborn experience, and it helped our extended family bond with him. Now that I've had that experience, however, I don't feel strongly called to go through it again. I probably will, if we're open to fostering newborns, but I don't think I'll be upset if it is a toddler who is placed with us instead. I think the newborn parenting will be a little less stressful next time, since I've learned so much, but I'd be OK if I never found out. If God let me get pregnant, I'd rejoice, but, if He's calling us to adoption like I suspect, having a toddler instead of a newborn could be ideal.

Another advantage to going this route is that we could put the money we would have spent on the next adoption into buying a 5-bedroom house years earlier than originally planned. I have this dream of having 4 kids, including a sibling group. If we bought a 5-bedroom house, we could have the space required to legally do that. I never thought I'd want a house that big, but you have to have a separate room for each you child foster/adopt. If we gave birth to our kids we'd double up, but that's not an option in TX adoption. We'd adopt our next child in this house, and, after it's legal and we've got the income, we'd buy the 5-bedroom house, maybe even around the time that Andrew is in Kindergarten or soon after (time will tell, of course). After we've settled in and gotten the kids adjusted to their new school, we could start the process for a very young sibling group of 2. That sounds so much better than adopting another newborn and then waiting 10 years before adopting again. We could have all of our children from a very young age, no older than Kindergarten. Our family growth would be a little more "normal" and easier to adjust to. I'm guessing that, once both kids are 10+, I won't have the energy to bring in 2 more like I've been saying we'll do.

There is one other reason that I think about going the foster route, but it's not enough to chose one way over the other. Basically, as I've said to others, I feel like I've won the lottery already and I have mixed feelings about playing again. For one thing, the process went so quickly and so well, and Andrew is such a bright, healthy child that comparisons would be hard to avoid. How could it possibly be as good the next time? For another, there are so many other waiting parents that I hate to add us again. I know that some birth parents want an older sibling for the child they carried, so we would still have something unique to offer. Still, though, I'll never forget how it felt to finally have a baby placed in our arms. It won't be the same next time, and I want all waiting couples to experience that. Most significantly, having a healthy, bright child makes it easier for me to risk the special needs that a child from foster care will likely have. God blessed us so abundantly, so beyond our expectations, that I want to give back by risking more.

And, yeah, in the spirit of honesty that I try to adhere to on my blog, I am sick of stressing about money to pay for adoption. I don't want to waste our money, and adoption is certainly an honorable way to spend money, but I feel like we've been in hunker-down mode for so long that I'm getting fatigued of it. Our TV needs to be replaced, but it's not enough of a priority. My computer might be dying, but replacing it is super-stressful. I have to watch every nickle in shopping for toys for Andrew. There is great spiritual value in this daily sacrifice, certainly. Plus, it's not like our budget will change by not saving for adoption anymore. However, if we have a genuine reason to spend money, we won't have to stress about it as much. There is a lot of pressure in trying to save up such a large amount of money to grow your family. Taking that pressure away is a blessing. We'll still need to save for the things we want, but we can actually, say, buy a new TV without it pushing back our adoption time line by several months. We still need to be responsible and having some savings for emergencies, and we want to save up for a house down payment, but we'd have flexibility that I've missed.

Toddler Tantrums

2009-11-01T09:44:00.003-06:00

They have begun. I don't hate it as much as I assumed I would, although I'm sure they'll get much worse before they fade away.

I've learned a few things that I want to share, and I'd love any comments from experienced people:-)

How I handle it totally depends on the situation. For example, yesterday, he threw a fit in his booster seat because he wanted some of my fresh, organic fruit from the co-op. I happily gave in! While I don't want to reward tantrums, I want to reward his wanting to eat fresh fruit. He doesn't have words yet, so a tantrum is the only emphatic way to ask for something.

On the other hand, the other day I gave him a bite of chocolate cake. My slice was almost gone, and it was a special afternoon with family. He threw a fit to have more, but I anticipated that would happen, and the slice was completely gone and we were packing up to leave before he could get really worked up. I distracted him enough with something that he forgot the cake. I know that he won't forget so quickly as he gets older, but it works for a 12-month-old.

I have learned to never touch him when he's throwing a tantrum. The other day, I tried to calm him down by rubbing his back, but it just aggravated him and ramped up my blood pressure. I felt so powerless and my anger response escalated. Before I realized what I was doing, I was practically begging him to stop crying. Not effective. I need to just tune out the behavior as much as I can and focus on what I need to do. I learned, teaching middle school, how to control my body. I go into a zone where I focus on my breathing, my facial expression, my tone of voice, my posture, my hands, etc., and bring them all to the most calm state I can. I practiced, over the last three years teaching, those physical skills as if they were a sport. Now I can do all that and still get stuff done, so I can do this in public without looking like I'm just standing there ignoring my child. I naturally have a temper, but those three years of practice helped dramatically. So I focus on my body and voice and tune out his, and it helps me stay cool and figure out the actions needed to move him through it.

The best way to handle tantrums is to prevent them altogether, which is impossible, but trying is important. It gives me a sense of control to counterbalance the deer-in-the-headlights feeling the tantrum causes, especially in public. I attempt to always pack a toy, some dry cereal, enough sippy cups, and diaper supplies to give him what he needs or wants when appropriate. I hide what he wants when I can, or take a different route, or play soothing music, or plan my errands around his nap, whatever. Having a battle plan helps, even if it doesn't work, because, like I said, I'm focusing on me and what I can do instead of focusing on his tantrum. The most challenging part is keeping up with the time, and anticipating what he'll want before he wants it. I feel so good when I put him down for a nap just as he's getting tired, or giving him his cup just as he's opening his mouth in a frown to cry from hunger. Those moments are admittedly rare, but very sweet indeed. Those moments I feel like a competent mother, and my self-esteem rises enough to get me through all the dumb things I'll do the rest of the day.

12 Months

2009-10-28T13:15:00.000-05:00

He's around 30 inches long and 22 pounds.

I was pretty naive to say that the 11 Month mark would be the end of milestones. I started wanting to write about new developments about a week later! Plus, to make a long story short, I ended up not getting professional portraits done after all, so I have photos to share.

As for his feeding, he is now on whole milk, and I only give him 3 sippy cups a day. The cup holds 7 oz. and I fill it up. His last meal is his dinner, which he usually eats with us. I now give him whatever we're eating for dinner, or at least leftovers from the night before if at all possible. If he's fussy around dinner, I'll give him a few oz. of milk in a cup with a straw while he is in his booster chair. I try to avoid going over 24 oz. of milk to encourage him to eat more of his solids. He no longer gets anything to drink in his room; all of his food is eaten in the living or dining room. I wasn't sure about dropping the bedtime sippy, but he made the decision for me by weaning himself of it. He just stopped drinking it at about 3 weeks ago. After a few nights of wasted milk, I decided it was time to drop it. I wanted to drop it anyway, due to worrying about teeth decay, so I was relieved that he made that transition so easy. We now brush his teeth just about every night.

As for sleep, the afternoon nap is still good for him, but optional. He'll get fussy if I skip it, but not too horrible. Sometimes, I keep him awake until noon and he'll get a nice, long nap, around 3 hours, and that's the only nap of the day. Mostly, though, I'll give him a nap in the morning and again in the afternoon, with a total of 3-4 hours of sleep. He sleeps about 10-12 hours at night. He is still crying it out, and we still check on him every 10-15 minutes of crying until he falls asleep.

He is still "talking" about the same amount, with "dada," "uh oh," and "_an" (fan) being his words. I'm trying to talk to him as much as possible, but I'm still forcing it. The more he talks, though, the more talking to him will be natural and the more I will chatter with him.

He has started dancing a little, and it is so adorable. He's climbing and running, and picking up the smallest pieces of yard debris that the dogs track in, ugh. I'd say that there is very little that he can't do, but I said that last month and he surprised me soon after, so I'm going to keep an open mind there:-)

My Mom Uniform...

2009-10-27T15:54:00.003-05:00

...now includes mandatory sneakers!

A couple weeks ago, I did an errand marathon. I went to at least 5 locations and did lots of loading and unloading. When I got home that night, one of my feet hurt, but that's nothing new. However, that foot was also swelling, and, over the last couple weeks, the pain has gotten more and more intense.

I finally caved and went to the doctor this morning after freaking myself out on various health websites. Sure enough, the PA who saw me says she thinks it's a stress fracture. She couldn't see it on the x-ray, though, so, if that is what it is, it's very mild.

I asked her about the health implications of this, thinking that something must be wrong to be getting injured from just carrying my son and some purchases around. She said that, no, it's not unusual. When you add the diaper bag, etc., it can be too much. She knew someone who got a broken foot from just doing that. Who knew our job was so hazardous? They should issue us running shoes when we leave the hospital with our babies!

Hopefully it will get better very soon since, if it doesn't, I have to get an MRI to give them a clearer picture of what is wrong. I do NOT want to pay for an MRI! So, for this week, I'm going to ice my foot, wear sneakers, and take the anti-inflammatory meds they gave me. Of course, this would be the week that I've got treasured guests in town and it would take more than a mild fracture to keep me sitting around while they tour my city, but I'll rest when I can. So I guess I have an excuse to sit around for a week in an effort to get better soon. Hmm, it sounds like hubby may be taking on dishes duty in addition to cooking duty. Sorry, sweetheart! It's not like I sit around during the day. Mom's don't get sick days or time to rest an injured foot.

As for everything else, though, things are going great. We had our family birthday party and it was a blast. I've got some photos, but I haven't had time to upload them yet. I also have his 12-Month post almost ready to go.

One Year Ago Today

2009-10-21T13:25:00.002-05:00

Just for reflection, I looked at my calender for last year around the day he was born. It was really humbling to put myself back there. I looked back at some of the events I did just a week or two before the baby was born, things like a high school reunion and a camping trip, and remember both how fun they were and how bittersweet it was, as was everything fun I did while waiting for baby. The weekend before he was born, I have a very strong memory of going to a church carnival and seeing a young mom complaining, which had me feeling really cranky and sorry for myself. The night before he was born was just a boring night at home, with the regular chores. The morning he was born, I was, most likely, praying for his as-yet-unknown birth family, daydreaming about being a mom, and feeling sorry for myself for waiting yet another day to be chosen. I had no idea that my life was being rewritten as I got ready for yet another ordinary day of work.

One funny coincidence was that I wrote "Adoption Event" for the evening of the day we brought him home. I can't remember what that was, but obviously we didn't attend because we had an adoption event of our own that day!

Here is a short video slide show of his 12-month photos:

Educator...Full Time for How Long?

2009-10-20T00:55:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my last post that I see myself as more of an educator now to my child than just hanging out at home keeping him comfortable. For the first year of motherhood, I saw it as perfectly acceptable to do what I wanted as long as Andrew was dry, clean, fed, napped, and not in pain. After all, that was an incredibly busy job, I was sleep-deprived, and small babies educate themselves. Their brains are hard-wired to develop without a whole lot of conscious work on our part. Now, though, Andrew has entered a phase in which I can have more impact on his development. I can play a part in his language skills, social skills, etc.

I also mentioned in that post that I'm enjoying this stage much more. While it is very humbling, and can be very boring, it is good for my self-esteem. I have a sense of purpose now, and I'm starting to see how being a mom is a vocation. I've heard it for years, but, during this last year, I thought it was just a way to keep women busy at home, to make them feel better about the thankless job of changing yet another gross diaper. Now, though, it's feeling like a calling, a career. My identity has slipped into that of a career mother. I say I'm a SAHM, but, in my mind, I feel more like a professional. I have a job to do, and, if I mess it up, there will be consequences. I'm sure that some moms think this way from before the day their child is placed in their arms, and I know there are moms who never think this way.

At the same time, I'm noticing some moms I know who don't just send their kids off to school in kindergarten and let the school system handle it. Growing up, that is just what you did. I don't know anyone personally who was home schooled. I got a great education in my public schools, so I never expected to think any differently. However, as a public school teacher, I saw the other side of the desk and it scares me. I worked with some incredible educators and administrators, don't get me wrong. And, yes, they were the majority, even in a rough school. But, when it got bad, it got very, very bad. I've got friends who pull their kids out of public school for a year or so to homeschool them, or to have them do school on-line. I really admire how they take hands-on responsibility for their kids education. I see myself taking an active role in my kid(s) education, too.

That leads to an interesting choice I may have to make some day. If Andrew is struggling, will I create my own after-school program? Will I tutor him myself during the summer months? Will I homeschool for a year or so if his teacher is horrible and I can't get him a different teacher? If so, where will my future career fit into this? What did I really take on when I became a mother? During the first year of motherhood, I so wanted to have a career because mothering was not a career; it was a series of unconnected tasks that could have been done by anyone. It was better for our bonding for me to do it, but there are so many people who are more skilled than I. Now that I've taken on the role of educator, however, it has become my top priority (after health and safety, of course). I still want my kid(s) in school, but, if God doesn't provide a teacher that does the job right, as well as the resources to pay for private school if that is where the right education is, I will do what I can myself to give them the education they need. I think I will do this even if it means that my career never takes off.

Luckily I have many more years before I have to really make these decisions. I'm just saying that I'm gradually seeing my role change, and giving myself the permission to be flexible in my career goals if I'm making a necessary difference in my kid(s)'s education.

Beautiful Weather

2009-10-19T10:03:00.003-05:00

Hey Yankees, guess what Jim and I did yesterday? We sunned by the pool! Sometime the Houston humidity gets me frazzled, but this is the absolute best time of the year. Cool in the shade, dry and warm in the sun. Bliss. I need to get off the computer and go back outside:-)

Patience

2009-10-18T23:59:00.000-05:00

This post will probably be deep, or at least it feels that way. Although, really, doesn't everything written at midnight seem deep? Anyway, I've been reflecting on patience with my child. Not in a patience-with-bad-behavior way, but patience with monotony or slow progress. An example would be walking with Andrew on the sidewalk and him stopping every few inches to pick up yet another dead leaf. A trip to the mailbox can easily take 15 minutes, and that's if I steer him in the correct general direction.

As Andrew has gotten older and more cognizant of what I'm doing, I have to give him more attention. I want him to have good language and social development, and I play a part in that development. While I don't want to go overboard, I see my day job as being an educator. When I first became a mother, I just saw my day job as a series of mundane tasks to keep Andrew alive and not crying, but, as Andrew has grown, my job has changed and I now have to give him so much more. While the mundane tasks are much easier, he is now awake more and gets bored so quickly.

The role of educator is much more fulfilling, and my self-esteem has improved as I've taken on that role. But it requires a new kind of patience, really a new level of self-giving. I am inherently stingy. It is my nature to see fairness and efficiency before generosity. On the other hand, one of my in-laws is generosity incarnate. I'm not saying that others aren't generous, just that this person has made me rethink my approach to life. It is her gift, her charism, a way that the Holy Spirit works through her in a unique way. While I don't ask for that charism, I do seek to learn from it, to let the Holy Spirit teach me how to let go of my need for efficiency all the time.

Life with a toddler is pointing out my stinginess in a new, uncomfortable way. An adult won't pull on your leg and cry when you're sitting at the computer "too long". An adult won't throw food at you if you aren't paying attention to them at the table. An adult won't grab your ipod during your game of sudoku when they're doing their own thing. As an educator, I should be grateful for these interactions, these opportunities to get back to work. As a young adult who's never had to give quite so much, though, it's humbling and, yeah, frustrating.

I don't want to leave this post so negative, though, as I'm really enjoying motherhood more now. As I mentioned, my self-esteem is much better. I've had so much fun choosing which toys I want to get Andrew. We have a very limited budget, so I have to choose very carefully. There are so many developmental stages he'll be getting to soon, and some of them require some kind of materials (like stacking, for example). Also, playing with him is almost getting fun now. While it can be a drain to spend 15 minutes walking down the driveway, I do enjoy seeing life through his eyes. Andrew is in a stage where he is constantly giving me stuff and taking it back, and it's kinda fun. It won't be long before he enters pretend play, which will actually require a spark of brainpower on my part. Oh, and it is actually a blast to play with him in the tub. Well, I sit on the side, but he gets so excited when I dump water on him. I got him some cool water toys for his bday coming up.

Playing with him is not all a drag, far from it. But it is humbling to see how often my mind wanders, and how often I really want to do something unimportant instead. I have some really good ideas for advent, like giving up my ipod in the house when Andrew is awake. I've already started turning off the computer when he's hanging out in the living room, simply because he'll mess with the wires if it's on. That said, I do sometimes put him in the pack-n-play in the early morning if he's peacefully playing alone while I check my email. That's fine while he's happy, but I tend to drag it out even as he starts to get bored, so another advent sacrifice could be turning off the computer when he's awake. Then, that leaves chores. When I get bored with him, it is so tempting to be getting something done--not to be productive, but to feel important or to kill time. I'm more and more likely to run errands just to have an excuse to put him in his carseat until it's time for his next nap. Or, I'll sit him in his pack-n-play while I wash dishes or do some other cleaning because I care so much about my to-do list.

It's all about balance, and I am in no way saying that getting stuff done while your toddler is awake is bad. I've read that it's good for them to see you work, so they don't think your life revolves around them. Eventually, he can imitate me washing dishes, or vacuuming, and it will be good for him. He'll learn about service. The computer can be used as an educational tool, and it does help me get the information I need to be a better educator. I have cut down dramatically on the number of blogs I read per day, and my time on message boards is now almost nil. I'm just saying that Andrew has reached the point where he's bringing it to my attention when I'm not present to him, and it's humbling. When I use something good, even washing dishes, to avoid the boredom of really paying attention to my son, it becomes something I need to deal with.

Do Not Buy FuzziBunz Diapers

2009-10-16T15:58:00.000-05:00

Our replacement diaper is ruined. It's the same problem as the last one that broke; the elastic on the left side lost its elasticity and now there is a gaping hole around the leg. Since this was a free replacement, I don't know if I'll go through the process to try to get this one replaced. I should, I know, but good grief. If this is what happens I don't want another one. If I sewed, I would fit it myself, although I can't do any more harm to try. Ugh. If you want a pocket cloth diaper (a great intro cloth diaper) just go with Bum Genius.

Completely Attached

2009-10-14T09:35:00.003-05:00

I'm writing about how I'm completely attached, not Andrew. He's been completely attached for awhile now. But it took me much longer.

When we first brought Andrew home, I assumed that I should be completely attached quickly, in a matter of weeks. That was the idea I had in my mind. I started to realize early that I wasn't as attached as I thought I should be, so I faked it. I couldn't tell Andrew that I loved him until the finalization, although it slipped out on accident a few times beforehand anyway. Other than consciously avoiding telling him I loved him, I behaved like an attached mom as much as I could. It wasn't until the finalization, though, that it started to feel real. Until then, I worried that someone would legally take him away, so I was defending my heart.

I wish I could say that it was just about adoption, but I think that I would have taken a long time to attach to any baby. Now that my depression is being treated, I look back on the last year with sadness, knowing that so much of my angst was preventable. I have every reason to believe that I would have had postpartum depression had I given birth to my child. Had I not been dealing with depression, I probably would have attached months earlier than I did.

I also know that part of my long time to attach was because of my personality. When I was pregnant, I couldn't accept that baby. I spent the whole first month of my pregnancy, which turned out to be the only month of pregnancy, trying to distance myself just in case we lost the baby. When we did lose the baby, I spent months regretting that distance I created. Looking back, I wish I had been able to embrace pregnancy right from the start. I wish I had good memories of being pregnant. As it is, all I remember is worry, anxious dietary restrictions, and physical pain and discomfort. After the first joyful moment of getting a positive pregnancy test, and the excited phone calls to the new grandmothers, it was downhill from there.

That attitude of distance was my choice, although I do wonder if a part of me knew that the pregnancy wasn't healthy. Anyway, my point is that I don't bond quickly. I have a skeptical, distrusting nature with any person. Once I'm attached to a person, I'm intensely loyal, but it takes me a long time to get to that point. Add a mental illness to that, and attachment will naturally take a longer time than it normally would.

Looking back on this first year of parenthood, I have so many mixed feelings. I wish I had gotten medical help sooner. I was so tired during the first 3 months that I barely remember it. The learning curve was so steep, and I did so many things wrong with baby care. However, nostalgia is already kicking in. I love this child so much! I am already starting to feel like I gave birth to him myself. Not in a way that disregards adoption, but in a way that he is my own now. I can feel that way while still honoring his adoption experience and loving his birth parents.

While I see so much negativity in this past year, I also have so many awesome memories. I've made new friends, and gotten so much affection from both loved ones and strangers for this boy. Our little family has had so many laughs and fun times. Andrew has gotten us out of the house more often than we used to, so that we can show him the world. He's also gotten us healthier, as I've started eating more fruits and veges and doing other healthy things to set a good example. We've had so much fun with the extended family, too. I feel closer to my mom, and family reunions are so much more fun. Mainly, though, I feel like Andrew is my buddy. The house is so quiet when he's at Mother's Day Out! I missed him on our vacation. He's such a cool little guy, and I can't imagine life without him. Sometimes, I catch myself in pre-baby thinking, like when I plan on sleeping in. But sometimes I feel like I've been a mom my whole life, like everything happened to prepare my heart for him.

Dog not eating (Update, problem solved)

2009-10-12T18:04:00.005-05:00

***Update: We put the canned food into Max's dish, and he gobbled it up. Problem solved! I'm going to make sure that we give him a walk tonight and/or tomorrow, since he loves getting walked and it's been awhile. Thanks for the suggestions!***

This is kinda random, but does anyone who sees this know what's up when a dog just stops eating? It's Max, our sweet mutt. We've had him for almost 2 years and he's just the nicest animal ever. He'll pick at his food, but he still goes nuts when we're cooking or when we're feeding Andrew so it's not like he won't eat anything. Just to clarify, he barely gets any scraps, just a small portion of what Andrew throws off his tray and what falls off the counter when we're cooking. Toby gets most of that food, and it's not much to begin with. Max is drinking his water, at least I think he is since it's outside, and he has no sign of any gastrointestinal problems. He started losing weight when they were in the kennel for a week, but they said he was eating his food. Although, since we asked that both dogs be boarded together, I wonder if Toby ate Max's food. Toby, the cocker spaniel, is the dominant one between the two. I've started feeding Max behind a gate, to keep Toby away from his food, but that didn't help. I even poured maple syrup in Max's bowl, but that barely helped. I called the vet and she said to bring in Max in two days if things don't improve. She said to mix in some canned food in the meantime. I really hope that Max doesn't have a serious problem. We just can't spend the money for, say chemo or whatever major intervention they do for dogs. At the same time, I'd hate to lose him. I don't want to be put in a position to have to choose between keeping this amazing animal alive and paying for another adoption. I know what I would choose, but that doesn't make it any easier. Please pray that it's just a result of stress and that Max recovers in the next couple days.

However, as one problem crops up, another got taken care of. We spent all day yesterday taking care of the pest control problem. We got a pest inspection Saturday and did every single thing they suggested. We could have paid them $250 to do it, but we got the supplies for $50 and did it ourselves. After I emptied and scrubbed all the cabinets and the pantry, I decided to take advantage of the hassle by painting them this week. The house came with the wrong kind of paint in the kitchen, and it looks horrible. I've been meaning to repaint it since we moved in, but haven't been motivated enough to take care of it until now. While it was a long weekend, at least there will be some long-term home improvements as a result.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

2009-10-09T18:19:00.003-05:00

I feel like it's been forever since I blogged. You missed me, right? Right? JK, don't answer that:-)

Our family has actually had a great week. Andrew and Jim got better just in time for us to drive across the state border for a wedding last weekend. It was a lot of fun, and the drive could not have gone more smoothly. Well, I will say that it should be law for every fast-food restaurant to have a changing table, but, other than one nasty mishap (involving a change of clothes for Andrew and lots of purell) the trip went great.

I did learn, however, that I'm going to have to make some adjustments in our trip to Yellowstone next summer. I was delusional to think that I could drive all that way alone. I was so tired after only 4 hours of driving with a baby in the back, even with Jim there to to take turns entertaining the baby/driving. Google Maps said that the trip would take 8.5 hours, which I now know is really 10 hours with a kid, in good weather and no traffic back-ups. One of my driving days to Yellowstone would be, according to the map, 13.5 hours. So that would really be more like 16 hours in good conditions. By myself. Uh, no way. I would be so tired that it would be dangerous. I still want to go to Yellowstone, but we may have to find a way to fly up there together and rent a car. At least we decided to rent a cabin in the park, so we don't have to worry about getting camping equipment up there. I still want a road trip, but we could do so together and just drive to some cities in that region of the country. I hate to think about the cost, though. At least this seems like the kind of thing to do with only one child, or wait until the kids are all school-age.

Anyway, after we got home from the wedding, we had a day to repack and Jim and I went to a local resort for our big (read: expensive) vacation of the year. It was so hard to leave Andrew behind! I felt like my left arm had been left behind, like I was missing a limb. Every time I saw a baby, my heart clenched and I got really sad. I'm glad we did, though. Jim and I needed some time to sleep, watch mindless TV for hours, eat fantastic meals cooked by others, have a cocktail, and just rest. I've spent this whole year taking care of others that it was weird but so refreshing to be taken care of. That is not to say that no one takes care of me, just that this vacation was so appreciated. One day, Jim and I did not even leave our room until 6PM. I bet the housekeeping staff were gossiping about that, and we didn't even do what you must be thinking. We literally just sat around in our pjs.

The room itself was a big chunk of the budget, but we got our money's worth. I highly recommend Hyatt resorts. Going during the middle of the week, in the off season, was so awesome. We saved a bunch of money and the service could not have been friendlier. One night, the server was 15 minutes late with my drink and she comped it. Seriously! I was so surprised. When we went to the fancy resort restaurant for dinner, we had the whole restaurant to ourselves for almost an hour. The weather was overcast in the mornings, but sunny and perfect for sitting by the pool by the afternoon.

While the cost of the room was painful, the rest of it was reasonable because I came very prepared. Here is some of the things I did to save money while we were there:

* I bought supplies to give myself a facial and a mani/pedi instead of going to the spa.

* Jim and I gave each other massages instead of going to the spa.

* We brought baked goods from our local grocery store for breakfast and all of our favorite snacks for lunch. We only ate out for dinner and splurged on room service for one morning.

* I highly recommend a car-sized fridge. We brought our own cold soda and bottled water as well as some cold snacks without the hassle of shopping in town or paying for the room mini-fridge.

* I checked the menus online before we went and actually planned and budgeted our dinner meals. We had one very expensive, fancy meal but, the rest of the time, we ate pretty inexpensively. No bill was a surprise because I had prepared myself for the prices and budgeted accordingly. Yes, I told Jim when he could order steak and beer and when to stick with chicken and a glass of water.

* We were going to pay for horseback riding, but went on a hike instead. It was no sacrifice.

* Jim brought roses and a vase so we could have them without paying to have them sent to our room, and he also brought a bottle of port and some chocolates. That $25 at the grocery store would have been twice that if we paid for it at the resort.

Even though we had a wonderful time, I'm glad to be home. Our house is a wreck because, the night before we left for the resort, we discovered an ant infestation in the pantry and, as if that wasn't enough, evidence of another pest infestation elsewhere in the kitchen. We've got a pest-control service coming soon to tell us what we're dealing with. I had cleared out the pantry before we left and now the kitchen is a complete wreck with dry goods on every surface. I get to come back to reality by scrubbing every kitchen surface, boo! Even so, it feels so good to have our family all under one roof again and healthy.

Sick Again

2009-09-29T22:51:00.002-05:00

This time I'm the healthy one, and the guys are sick. Poor Andrew has had diarrhea and a wicked diaper rash for almost a week now, and Jim is starting to get sick with a sinus thing. It could end up being anything from allergies to the flu; it's too soon to tell. Being the only healthy one is hard work, although it still beats being sick. Unfortunately, this illness is probably going to change some upcoming plans we were really looking forward to:-(

Anyway, just wanted to share why I'm not blogging much. Andrew's illness keeps me pretty-much tied to the house, so there isn't much to share. I'm going stir-crazy, and the hourly gross diapers aren't helping, nor is the frequent wake ups during the night. Every time I have to change his diaper at night, I have to turn on the light and he screams like I'm tearing off a limb from the raw skin. Poor baby! It takes 30 minutes to calm him down and, of course, I'm then wide awake, which kicks in my insomnia for another 30-60 minutes. Not fun! Hopefully Andrew will get better very soon. If he's not better by Saturday, I have to take him in to the doctor, so please pray that he gets better very soon.

Missing the Birth Parents

2009-09-25T11:17:00.006-05:00

This is a tough post to write, but I've been inspired by posts from Adoption Journey and Always and Forever Family about the strong desire to know the birth mothers. They both write about it differently, but it gave me the courage to write my own post about it from the other side, from a closed adoption.

As I've mentioned before, Andrew's birth mom chose a completely closed adoption. We know her name, and a few details that she wrote for us, but we've never been given a photo or gotten to meet her. After the birth, she moved on out of our lives.

Before I go on, since this might sound negative, let me be very clear that I respect her right to move on as she has. Open adoption is only the right choice if it works for all parties. She is a grown woman who made a choice and has stuck with it. She was a mother in the way that worked for her, and she made sure that Andrew was well taken care of. She gave him life, and kept him healthy, despite the sacrifice it was for her. Even though I'm tempted to seek her out, I will not do that because letting her decide is the respectful thing to do. I have to let her seek us out, or not, depending on what she feels is right.

Also, there was a time when I was angry at her for some things, but not anymore. Now, I just feel like I love her, the same way I love my aunts and my cousins. That may sound weird, since I've never met her. It's just the feelings I have. You can't think about someone so much, and spend so much time with the baby they gave birth to, and be so grateful to someone, without it turning into a kind of love. That's just the way the heart works. She loved my son enough to give him parents, and I love him to, so her and I are connected forever despite never meeting.

As for my feelings, though, I still crave meeting her. I kept thinking this feeling would go away, but it's turned into a dull itch that I can't scratch. After almost a year, I figure this feeling will probably always be there. I feel like Andrew is completely my son, and I love him more than I could have imagined. I have fallen in love with him as my own, so that isn't an issue. Meeting them won't affect my love for him or our sense of family. It's more that I crave some context. I deeply want to see the faces of his birth parents, their gestures, their eyes. I want to see their sense of humor, their quirks, and hear their laughs. I want to see what their hobbies and talents are, and imagine how they may play out in Andrew.

Since I choose to look on the bright side, there is an advantage to not meeting them in that we won't have any obvious preconceived notions on how he will turn out. We won't be looking for problems or pegging him into a hole that he isn't destined to fit. However, the advantages of meeting them would likely win out if we had the opportunity. If we could meet them, even once, we could work that into the context of our lives. People are hard-wired to see where we come from. As it is, I find myself saying, "he has grandma's eyes", or "he has his mom's stubborn spirit," and it rings flat. I can teach him attitude, and see basic similarities, but I would rather just see where the genetic stuff comes from myself. I love that sense of genetic similarity with my mom and with my dad, and I wish that I could give him that with his birth parents. I can see myself making casual comments about similarities with his birth parents, little things that reflect their place in our lives, as family. As it is now, I can do that with the paperwork she gave us, but only to a point. Reading about someone on paper just isn't the same.

As it stands now, though, we're going to do our part for an open adoption. We've been praying for the birth parents for almost two years now. We started praying for them every night from the time we started the adoption process, and we still pray for them every night now. I'm also going to order a set of photos and hand-deliver them to the adoption agency in time for his birthday, as well as write her a letter. I'd do the same for the birth father, but just trust me when I say there is no point, and it's not because we don't want to, but because it won't ever get to him. I doubt that the birth mother will ever go collect those photos and letters, but I can still dream. It gives me hope to imagine her, someday, going to the agency and seeing letters and photos for every year he's a child, and knowing that we never forgot her and that we still want to meet her.

Don't Miss the Boat (email forward about adoption)

2009-09-25T10:37:00.002-05:00

I stole this right off of Always and Forever Family today. I've read it before, in a couple different variations, and I love it. It is so true!

(The author of this letter is the mother of 2 adopted children)

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you, you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait... and wait... and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

Random Thoughts From People our Age

2009-09-25T10:11:00.003-05:00

I got this in an email forward, and I loved it too much not to share. It's not family-friendly, so don't go sharing this with the kids.

# I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

# Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

# I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

# Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

# I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

# Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

# Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

# There is a great need for sarcasm font.

# Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

# I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

# How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

# I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

# I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

# The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

# Was learning cursive really necessary?

# Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

# I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

# Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

# Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

# How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

# I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

# Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

# What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

# While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

# MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

# Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

# I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

# Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..

# I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

# Bad decisions make good stories

# Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

# Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

# If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

# Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

# You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

# Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

# There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

# I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

# "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

# I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

# I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

# I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

# When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

# I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

# Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

# As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

# Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

# I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

# Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

# Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

# My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

# It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

# I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

# I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

# I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

# The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

We have a Birth Certificate!

2009-09-22T23:29:00.002-05:00

I was so worried about this, but it happened. I literally jumped up and down and grinned like a maniac when I opened the envelope. Andrew grinned like crazy, too. He could tell that mom was excited!

That said, there is something very sobering about seeing your name on someone's birth certificate. I am officially a grown-up now. I feel too young and inexperienced to be someone's mom, but, there it is, in black ink. We are his and he is ours. Forever more, there will be a record of us, a family. Wow.

Thank goodness we have a local ER

2009-09-21T15:31:00.003-05:00

Yes, this is Andrew scaling the chair. If you look closely, you'll see that he is not standing on the chair seat, but literally climbing the seat back. I tried putting the ottoman on the chair, but it actually seemed to make it easier for him. I'm at a total loss. He's 11 months old and I don't know how to child-proof the living room anymore. My only idea is to let him climb. He is really good at remembering negative consequences. He only hurts himself once. I already watch him like a hawk, and I haven't been able to just leave him in the living room alone, not even just to go to the bathroom, in months. If he can climb this chair, he can climb the rest of the furniture, and it won't be long before he realizes it. I'm going to work on teaching him to climb down on his tummy with his feet first so maybe I can at least help him avoid falling off. I've already seem that he is capable of remembering that from when he climbed his infant chair. Any suggestions?

11 Months

2009-09-20T09:01:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that our little guy is almost one year old! I went shopping for his first birthday party supplies recently, and it was a thrill. There were so many times in the last year that I worried we would somehow lose him, and to be hitting the one year milestone soon is a relief. This past year has been the hardest learning curve of my life. I feel like I have a masters degree in Andrew 101. And there is so much I don't know yet.

He is learning new things every week. He's kinda talking, but you have to listen hard, take in the surroundings, and translate. He says fan, but it doesn't sound like fan; it's hard to explain but unmistakable. It's like "an", but he draws it out to more like, "aaaann". He uses that sound for both fan and lamp. He says "da," but it sounds different depending on whether he means Dad, or dog, or, well, I don't know but he's got several variations. I think one of them is for me, but I can't tell you which one. Other than his giggle, the cutest thing ever is when he starts talking. He just goes on and on, and he really means it! We just listen, and act interested, and respond accordingly. We figure he's telling us about his day. It's hard to imagine that, one of these days, I'll be able to figure out what he's saying. He sure is a chatterbox, though, so it's bound to happen eventually.

His personality is really coming out. Andrew is rarely cautious, and just loves people. He is plenty happy in the midst of chaos. The more screaming kids, the happier he seems to be. I will be shocked if he's not an extrovert. Everywhere I go, I still get comments about how cute he is, and I think it must mean that he's looking around and grinning at strangers. I can't tell from my view pushing the stroller, but people just light up around him. Of course, I think all babies are like that, but I still love the compliments. I do know that, when I let him loose somewhere, the first thing he does is beeline for whoever is closest and either grab them or start talking. He loves to pick up objects and give them to people, then take it right back. I've had some preschool-age kids at the library just look at me dumbfounded when he does that, LOL. It's hard for me as an introvert, since Andrew takes me right into other people's world when I would rather observe, but I deal with it as graciously as I can. I want him to be able to be himself, and learn social skills along the way. Oh, and he's definitely not a morning person. Even now, he rarely wakes up before 8am, with 9 being normal for him. Plus, while he hates his pack-n-play in the afternoon, he doesn't mind it so much in the morning.

As for his motor skills, his fine-motor skills are great now. He is always picking up tiny pieces of yard debris that the dogs have tracked in. I wish I had a better vacuum! He walks and runs easily now, and he keeps his arms by his sides now (instead of flapping them around like when he first started walking). Also, as of this morning, he can easily climb up on top of our ottoman. He climbed on it, stood up, and just walked off, before we could react. He cried when he hit the floor, but out of fear more than pain since he recovered in seconds. While we can flip the ottoman over to keep him off of it, it won't be long before he can climb up onto the matching chair. I think I'll just put the ottoman in the chair, which should keep him off of both for another month or so. As soon as we think we've got the living room child-proof, he thwarts us again. I can't keep up with him.

He just loves his daddy! No one can get quite the grin from Andrew that Jim can. It's so awesome. He's also obsessed with the dogs. They are still gentle with him, although I do wish they had a place that they could escape from him. I keep them outside most of the time when Andrew is in the living room since they seem to get overwhelmed from the attention.

He had his last bottle tonight, and it makes me kinda sad. I'm now giving him a 6 oz. Playtex sippy cup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I'll start giving him a Nuby sippy cup for bedtime. In just two weeks, I'm supposed to replace the formula with whole milk. That makes me nervous, since he's doing so well on the formula, but I'll trust the doctor on this one. I can always use toddler formula after his 12-month doctor's appointment if it makes me feel better. As for his solids, he has had no food allergies and feeding him is so easy. I just put the pieces on the tray and let him at it. He's a happy eater and has clear preferences. I'm starting to enjoy sharing meal time with him now.

He's still taking two naps a day, and still can only be awake for about 2-3 hours before getting tired. His naps are a little shorter, with probably about 3 hours at most total nap time per day. He has separation anxiety really bad, and sometimes screams for hours:-( I hate it, but I go in every 15 minutes and lay him back down. I don't know what else to do.

I feel like these monthly updates are at an end, now. He's my little toddler now. I'm definitely done with the bear pictures. We're going to get professional family pictures for his first birthday, and I plan on bringing the bear to get the final picture for the set, but then it's done. It's just too difficult to get those pictures. Even with Jim and myself, we can't get him to sit still and, if we keep this up, Andrew is bound to jump off of the recliner and hurt himself. He is growing up fast!