Trips With Kids

Home Sweet Home

2009-04-08T18:28:00.005+08:00

Man! Just realized I have abandoned this blog for quite some time. Okay, that's a lie. I didn't JUST realize, I have felt something is missing inside me for so long. I miss my soul, haven't visited her for some time...too preoccupied with so many dunya things. Been drifted like a dead wood for so long. Need to reset.

We have made it....home, that is. Myself and hubby are now settled in our new jobs (at the same company - for better & worse). Kids are attending new schools and loving it. All in all, Alhamdulillah...I have yet to feel any regret leaving Singapore. My last entry, i recorded my anxiety, not sure if the decision was right. Though I have yet to find the conviction to say "yes this is the RIGHT decision", at least I know it's NOT the wrong decision.

Before I came home, my mind was filled with lots of paranoia thoughts, thanks to the massive media coverage, friends' experiences, rumors and my own assumptions. Below I listed some of the major ones...

a) Expectation 1: "I'd be living in great paranoia, given high crime rate in KL"
Sure, Malaysia can't put 'low crime rate' as our Visit Malaysia Year winning point, but I think if you apply some street wise common sense (i.e dont' flash ur jewelleries, don't lenggang2 with your LV, Gucci, (original or otherwise) loosely in your hand next to an 0pen street filled with bikers), and went out of your home with a proper doa...then insyaAllah, you won't contribute to the statistic. It helps that we managed to find a place in a gated community, minimize our outings to absolute minimums and we don't buy newspapers (that's where the spotlight on crimes are, hence you tend to focus on them..hence invite them).

b) Expectation 2: "The bad traffic jam....will kill me softly"
Even though our place isn't exactly in the same postcode area as our workplace, we spent about 30 to 40 min to work and 20 min from work. Yeah, we encountered some sluggishness along the way, but I used to the time to chat with hubby or sing out loud (since reading in car makes me nauseous) to politely ignore his grumble of the rude drivers cutting in and out traffic. Of course we have NEVER been to the KL City center itself...purposely avoiding that area since we know it'll rob our sanity away. Since we can get ALL the stuffs we NEED including my tudung ekin & tudung Siti) in nearby area, why invite the stress?

b) Expectation 2: "Amirul & Alyssa will hate his school and have a bad time adjusting back to Msia educaton System"
Alhamdulillah we managed to find a private school which serves our needs within the vicinity. He rates his school 8/10 (slightly over-rated IMHO). But hey, as long as he is happy, then I am happy. Alyssa is attending a preschool, two doors away from home. She rates her school 5/10..barely passing. But since she only spend mornings there, I think she can last til end of the year. She started to converse in Malay now...I am so thrilled. Though she still has her witty comebacks every now and then (yesterday when I asked her to eat her chicken, she says "chicken is SO YESTERDAY, mummy" in her Hanna Montana accent). I do want her to master Malay first, then English...but I don't want to loose her quirky comebacks which are the highlights of my day.

c) Expectation 3: "I'd be suffocated living in close proximity with my family and in-laws"
I stand corrected...not that bad at all (maybe it's because we don't see each other that often...only once a months!). And there's a big plus....now that we don't spend our long w'ends 'balik kampung' since we meet often ('often' according to my definition), then I can plan our vacation! man..if only you knew the places we plan on going!

d) Expectation 4: "I will not be able to fit into the new work culture - government mentality"
No comment. I'd have to write a WHOLE other entry for that piece alone. All I can say is, I've added jumping up and down vigorously as a routine to end my day. why? 2 reasons: 1) To release this build up emotion I have collected since morning 2) To shake it off in case stupidity and mediocrity are contagious.

THE VERDICT : Okaylah...Not So bad lah. Malaysia Boleh!

Goodbye, Motorola!

2009-01-30T04:15:00.008+08:00

Today marks my last day as a Motorolan. After spending nearly 6 years with Motorola, it's not easy to bid farewell. Especially to those who have touched and influenced my life in so many different ways.

But life goes on. And the only thing constant about life, is change. How ironic. And everytime the wind of chain goes our way, we must be able to shift our sails accordingly, else we will drift away. Up until today, I still believe I live an intentional life (with Allah's will of course), instead of just drifting on the sea of life like a dead wood.

Above is my farewell note I sent to my Motorolan friends today. Most replied with kind words and well wishes. Some expressed their envy of my courage. Courage to change my life, my destiny. To this I sent the below reply:

Change is not easy. And it complicates matters more, when more lives (not just yours) are involved. In my case, my decision will impact my husband's career & life, my children's education & life. To a certain extend, my parents' & brothers' too. Too many lives involved, too many risks to take, too many possibilities of failure. When I get scared in making such important decision with so much at stake, I usually remind myself that I am responsible not only for what I do, but also for what I do not do. That doesn't help to diminish the fear, but it instills the courage to do something despite the fear.

Despite my brave front, I am very anxious about this decision of leaving Motorola and Singapore. Am I doing the right thing for myself? my family? my husband? Will they be happy? Will I be happy? Only Allah knows best. For now, I will do my very best to make it and be responsible of this choice that I have made. So Allah help me!

A must watch

2009-01-21T14:46:00.000+08:00

A Role Model For Amirul: Syakh Hamza Yusuf

2009-01-15T14:34:00.005+08:00

I can't pin point the exact day when I first learned about Syakh Hamza Yusuf. It was not that far back, but all I can remember was that I came across this blessed soul's videos on youtube when I was down with some tribulations with our new life in Singapore. Since that day, I am hooked on his lectures...never lasted a week without listening to his advice.

Amirul, I pray to Allah for you to be lost, lonely & scared by the time you reach 17, the way Syakh Hamza Yusuf did. The sun rises right after the darkest hour of the nite. During his darkest hour, Hamza Yusuf was driven to seek the truth which has led him to the Qur'an. And how grateful we should all be that he didn't just stop there. He seeked more knowledge (and I believe still IS seeking) and spread them to us. Wise, logical, in-the-face facts delivered without an air of arrogance.

Look at how confident, well-read yet gracious this learned man was, sparring against this Hard Talk host whose intention was obvious (to condemn Islam). Syakh Hamza uses different style addressing different audience. He is linient, open, with the non-believers and fierce, straight to the point to us muslims. Which is probably what we, the muslims need.

more on this gem to the world : http://etharelkatatney.blogspot.com/2007/10/hamza-yusuf-tough-medicine.html

A Role Model for my Alyssa

2009-01-05T14:13:00.005+08:00

Dear Alyssa...
Age must be really catching up...
for everytime I see a teenage girl who has great potential in whatever it is she's doing, instead of reminiscing of my old time, I start wishing for you to turn out like them. It could be because it's starting to hurt my head trying to jog back memories that FAR back.... or it could be because I feel the need to leave a legacy... or it scares the hell out of me if you (God forbid) would end up like so many Malay girls out there not living up to their true worth & value, wasting their life away trying to catch some hormone-driven boy's attention.

Thanks to your uncle Tam, I am now totally hooked on YUNA... an extremely talented young Malay lass. It's quite easy to see why I am so easily listed as member of her bulgeoning ball of fans, ... unique melodious voice + truly awesome song/lyrics + humbe attitude which keep her focus on her music and not the glamour and pretentious world of self-proclaimed artists (remind me of the talentless bunch of AF "grads").

A Law student, fantastic voice, creative song writing, sweet, down to earth presence.... what a stark contrast to the other "tergedi-gedik" artists out there...
Wish you and I can catch her perform live one day.

So Long 2008, Welcome 2009!

2009-01-05T13:50:00.003+08:00

A confession to start a brand new year: I've never been a great fan for new year's eve party. Frankly, I couldn't agree more with what what said by Mark Twain that "New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions." Eventhough it's harmless...if it still serves the rests of the purposes listed above, then I'd rather stay home and contemplate of what I've done with my life in the previous years.... sounds very boring and kinda geeky, huh?

This year, I ushered in 2009 with a difference. Hubby, myself & our two luv'em-till-death-but-at-times-we-need-a-break-from-them-too kids, decided to have a bicycle ride to Punggol Park (next to our apartment in Hougang). We started at around 11:00pm from home. On our way out, the security guards informed us there'll be a firework at the nearby temple in Punggol. We were surprised to see there were many children playing at the playground in the park, when it was inching midnite. We let the kids play for a while, then found a spot by the pond hoping to catch a glimpse of the fireworks. Hitching the countdown from the crowd at a nearby Beer Garden by the pond (Bliss), we snapped a "the last photo of the kids in 2008" and right after "the 1st photo of the kids in 2009". But we we rather dissapointed, the photos were too dark (stupid handphone camera) AND we couldn't really see the fireworks...only some glimpse of the lighting on the dark skies...no thanks to all the tall HDB Flats. We could've had a much better view from our apartment of the 8th story. But no regrets...since we had such great family time cycling from 2008 into 2009!

My new year's resolution? Same as previous years... to be a better me!

Steve Job: Connecting the dots

2008-11-11T16:43:00.005+08:00

I received a call this morning. I got a job offer for a job I have never applied for. Great news? Not exactly. Not when I am in the midst of preparing myself for another job.

I feel like I am again at that spot about slightly over a year ago, when I received the job offer for this role I am currently in. Again, I am at this junction needing to decide whether to turn right or turn left. On my right, I am very familiar with the folks, their strength, their weakness and their idiosyncrsies. The same, they can say about me. Though the task is not exactly rocket science, it provides enough challange since I am new to it, and it excites me since it aligns with my passion.

On my left, is a territory I have yet ventured into. I don't know the people, except for the one or two who called me this morning. The job sounds very intimidating. It would be very easy for me to say no, but a little voice inside of me says "wait, let's consider it". Her argument: there MUST be a reason why this opportunity knocks on your door now.

I need to talk this out with someone...but having trouble to find who that someone is. Most of my close friends have enough problems on their own, and I feel guilty consuming their time talking about how confused I am. And yes, I am also too vain to ignore if they perceive me as 'showing off' having receive these offers when people are starving for jobs in the current economy state.

I searched the net for some articles, quotes, anything that might help me to decide. For some reason I stumbled upon this speech by Steve Jobs at Stanford Graduation on June 12th, 2005:

2008-11-05T13:21:00.003+08:00

My list can wait...I must write this entry to mark 5th November as a history day, for the world. This proves that people can accept change, no matter how absurd the idea seems decades ago.

Wonder how this result will impact the world order...

Dato' Shah Rukh Khan

2008-10-30T12:34:00.006+08:00

Gosh...not a day goes by without me having this thought in my mind: "I gotta write about this in my blog!".....before I knew it the list of "I gotta write this" becomes so long...I wanted to write about:

1. Alyssa's smart-*ss comebacks
2. Amirul's progress (follow up from lasy year entry on introvert child)
3. My new job
4. My expererience watching theater at Singapore Esplanade
5. My Raya experience in Singapore
6. My puasa experience in Singapore
7. Singapore being in top 10 on International Transperancy Index
8. 40 things I want to do before I reach 40 (got 6 more years to go)
9. Upload my recording of me playing Linkin Park's songs on piano (self taught)
10. Shak Rukh Khan dapat Dato'

If my blog have any fans, I would ask them to vote which entry they want me to write first. But since I do not, then I will choose according to my own priority.... Shah Rukh Khan, it is then.

"WHAT? Are you pulling my leg?" That was my initial reaction when the news hit me. Every now and then, Malaysian politicians never seem to fail to amaze me how ridiculously stupid can they be. Reminded me of my 'smart-*ss' remark to my Mom when she asked my son Amirul to grow up to be a Minister. I said "Then what is he supposed to do with the other half of his brain then?". ;-p

Yesterday they printed the news on Singapore Today's newspaper; so it is not a joke...soon he will be Dato' Shah Rukh Khan. To all Shah Rukh's fans (my mom being no. 1 on the list), I am not anti-Shah Rukh Khan. I have nothing against him and I do think he is a great actor, eventhough I have only watched 2 of his movies (itu pun terpaksa since dalam pantang duduk ngan Mak). But being knighted is a big deal and one has to truly deserve to earn that title (okay...maybe the word 'earn' is too much since we all know majority of the existing Dato' never did earn it). How I wish to have an open debate about this with the 'genius' who suggested/approved his knighthood. Below would be our debate points, if it ever to take place:

Me: Enlighthen me, please for my cranium fail to synthesize this recent announcement, why do you think a foreigner like Shah Rukh Khan deserve a Datukship?

Genius: err...okay what.... Not the first time a foreigner got Dato'....

Me: I agree...though it still puzzles me why until now M.Nasir has yet to be one despite all he's done for our music industry. Nevermind, let's stick to Bollywood for now. What specific contribution has Shah Rukh Khan done to deserve this title?

Genius: What a stupid question. You don't know ar he is very famous? A lot of people watching him..I know this coz my Datin has all of his DVDs. Also during Raya 2002, all TV stations play only hindi movies. When he comes here for concert, DPM wife also invite him to her home. Famous tau! In his film...apa nama...One 2 Ka 4 ...or was it, One 2 go Carrefour...I dah lupa, tapi they shot in Melaka. People see Melaka nice, come here..boost our tourism. His movies are seen by people all over the world and this is cost-free advertisement for us.

Me: May I know, how many percent of the film you've mentioned was shot in Melaka? the entire film? Was the story plot involves Melaka's history? You have to pardon me since I don't make it a habit to waste my life watching movies that will diminish my IQ.

Genius: Tak pernah tengok ka? rugi....Juhi Chawla seksi wooo....

Me: Excuse me...back to my stupid question, please?

Genius: (drooling) oh ya...eh! lupa...I also donno how many shot taken in Melaka, but as I said, Juhi Chawla so seksi..

Me: Very well, I get your (pointless) point. Moving on, do you have the statistics of how much boost did Melaka receive after the screening of One 2 Ka 4? How many percent of that boost comes from tourists from India? How much was their spending in Melaka?

Genius: why...you...why you like numbers so much? No need statistics, no need percentage...I went that day, I saw a lot of Indian tourists, you know. You don't believe me, you go lah...

Me: okayyy....how do you know they are not local Malaysian Indian?

Genius: Same also what? Indian also kan? (beginning to get irritated with the questions)..ada apa lagi nak tanya?

Me: Okay, one final question. If I were to play along with your judgement and buy the points of tourism boost and all, why then only award Shah Rukh Khan. Why not the director, or the producer..after all they were the ones funded the film, hence the advertisement of Melaka. Or what about they guy who choose Melaka? I am pretty sure Shah Rukh didn't insist the set to be in Melaka. I fail to see why he deserve it, after all he did get paid to act and lip-sync in the movie. It's not like he did the movie for free...

Genius: Err..apa yg hang merepek nih? tak paham lah. Director, Producer...depa tak famous. Awat nak bagi depa pulak?

Me: I guess we just have to agree to disagree then. Very well...thank you so much for your time.

Genius: okay...I gotta go,...it's 3:30pm...hindi movie is starting after Berita Terkini on TV3...eh! jom lah join I sekali! Ada Juhi Chawla tau!

Me: Tak pe Dato'. Terima Kasih. Saya kena pergi ambik wuduk, nak sembahyang hajat...for the sake of our children's future. Lepas tu nak tengok citer P.Ramlee...nak dengar balik tang dia kata "Kecik2 tak nak m*mp*s, dah besar menyusahkan orang"...bye.

2008 Raya & Ramadhan: Part 1

2008-10-17T07:46:00.008+08:00

This is a long overdued entry. Thanks Kak Eida, for reminding me to update this blog, really occupied with work lately.

We went back to Msia for 6 days to celebrate Aidilfitri. We had such a great time. I had such a great learning too (more on this later). We spent 3 days at each side (mine & in-laws). On my side, we went to Kampung Ulu Dong, to visit my paternal grandparents. They are both over 80 years old. I have a sweet spot for Ulu Dong, since I grew up there. It's a pity I can only go back once a year and for a short while. How I wish I could spend a lot more time and do all the fun things back then like climbing up trees and jump into the river below, playing konda-kondi or riding honda cup bike around the village. ahhh...the good old days where we didn't need a PSP to feel the time flies by.. (Shot of Alyssa and her cousins Ika & Ayuni in front of ATuk & Wan's house in Ulu Dong)

From the left

(Last Row: Safiruz (younger bro), Azmir (hubby), Daniel (youngest bro), Anaz (younger bro), Along Rudin (Eldest bro).)

(Sitting: Ogy (Safiruz's wife) with Sofi on her lap, me, Abah, Mak, Gee (Along's wife) with Iman on her lap.

(Sitting infront: Amirul, Alyssa, Ayuni (Along's eldest) & Ika (Safiruz's eldest).

On the way to Ulu Dong, we stopped by a small town Raub. It's very much still the same since I last see it. Abah wishes to have our entire family portrait considering the last we had was when he had only Amirul as grandchild. Now he has 6 grandchildren! Anybody knows my Abah wouldn't be surprised since photography is his thing. Our home at Karak looks more like a museum with none of the walls is free of photos of us.

If any lessons are to be learned from, during this aidilfitri, then I would have to cite the visit to Ulu Dong tops my list. Wan (my paternal grandmother) is 81 years old. She is suffering from alzheimer, hence have only minimal percent of her CPU memory can be used. She can't even remember her children's names. Nonetheless she was extremely happy having many people around. She decided to follow us home, and packed her clothings, 2 big tumblers, a pair of sunglasses, in a wrapped up batik sarongs. We just let her do as she wishes since she is not herself anymore. Whatever makes her happy.

We brought Wan home for that 1 hour journey from Ulu Dong to Karak. After dinner, we all prop out our sleeping gears in the living room, with my dad taking a spot right next to her. After dinner, Abah entertained his mom reminiscing old time. I almost cry hearing their hardship during Abah's childhood days. At the end of every month, they had to walk to the nearest small town of Dong, which is at least 15 miles of walk, to get Atuk's monthly salary (he was a teacher) and to buy groceries. Atuk (my grand dad) had to carry 2 boys aged 8 & 6 (my dad and his younger bro) who sits in sarongs attached to ends of bamboo which he single handedly carried to Dong. Wan had to carry 3 year old De (my uncle). There were no tarred road, only small pathway along the river. They were constantly on the alert since the entire family's was at risk - there was no way they could survive any attact from elephants, tiger or even a snake. Abah told this story back to his mom, with a small hope it might help jogs back her old memory. To my surprise, Wan remembers the day quite vividly. I sensed a sad tone when Abah replied to all my ridiculous questions like "goodness! you guys actually WALKED that far? WHY?" or "Weren't you afraid?" or "man! I cannot imagine doing that!".

Abah felt asleep next to his mom, caressing her wrinkled, worn out hands. Hands which survived hardship raising 8 children. The same hands now caressing him with the same gentleness, only difference is she doesn't know they are my dad's. I could see it in her eyes, how confuse Wan is. To Wan, Abah is just a stranger, who some how share the same good old memory with her. A stranger who is so kind to take her into his shelter and make jokes to lighten her heart. A stranger who is so familiar yet she can't make out his name quite yet.

Looking at how Abah entertains her mom that nite, makes her laugh and show her love & warmth..I was overwhlemed with both pride & sadness. I pray silently for the same strength to do the same when it's my time to take care of him when he needs my cheering up the most. InsyaAllah.

SOUNDTRACK: Shila's Survival Guidein Singapore

2008-09-20T06:39:00.007+08:00

How can I sum up my experiences working in Singapore, in a way that would make people understand? I could write all bits and pieces, but it'll end up as thick as any Tolkien's books, with chapter 13:Office Politics being the thickest and most moist (with my saliva from all my curses and swearing).

Maybe a string of songs which have accompanied me in my journey on this materialist, soulless island could do a better job at describing my state of mind. Just like a soundtrack of a movie, the selected songs are supposed to 'bring home' the message of a particular part of a story. Okay, I'll do just that then...my very own Soundtrack (atau runut bunyi bak kata orang Pahang), with bonus of "Books which helped me along the way".

p/s: For the record, Singapore is not the first out of Malaysia country I work in. I have worked in US & Germany before. Author's reminder to readers to avoid the conclusion of such a 'katak bawah tempurung" I am.

The first 3 months:

Soundtrack: Michael Buble 'Home' / Readings: 8th Habit by Stephen R. Covey

I played this song on my laptop (with earphones on) almost everyday at work, until my 'understanding & supportive' boss told me to stop listening to music at work. "You are creating boundaries with others," was her lame excuse. The chorus "Let me go home....." strikes a raw nerve...I have missed my friends & family...people who give a damn about other people. Slowly I told myself...."It's just a matter of time...you'll get over this.."

The 2nd quarter :

Soundtrack: Dave Matthews Band "Sing Along' / Readings: The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey

By this time, it puzzled me how other fellow Penangites were able to survive here. Slowly I can clearly see the unspoken rules of the game in order to get along with the majority. In short, if at all I want to make it, I need to do all of these:

1. accept total command & control. whoever is higher than you in ranking, has an automatic higher decree of truth in his/her speech, so much so that even to question it (even out of need to understand) is considered as insubordination.

2. accept the fact that I must be able to control my brain not to get too creative because 'things are different here. It just won't work".

3. accept that it is a norm to be talking bad about a fellow colleague who is not present during lunch or even at formal meeting. When the person turns up, do not attempt to confront him/her for the real truth. Act friendly.

4. Doing the right thing is secondary to your personal gain (saving own face is included as personal gain).

5. Before agreeing to do any job, the first question one should ask is "what's in it for me?" and "how much additional job are we talking exactly?". If the answers to the above questions are "Nothing, besides your regular pay" and "A lot" respectively...then it's your obligation to your own self to act dumb and shut up, so that no one will nominate you to take up the job.

6. Any problem, especially interpersonal related are not to be confronted openly in order to be resolved. Let it fester, Remain friendly and say nice things to the people you don't like when in front of them, but act completely differently in their absence.

7. If 'great sense of accountability' is included in the annual performance rating, then the company would save millions from having to pay salary increament. A skill called 'dodging' accountability at all cost (you can by find a scapegoat, creating rumors to embellish one's reputation, back stabbing, manipulation) is an absolute must have. Nothing is considered disgraceful as long as you won't get the blame or own up and say "I'm sorry, I screwed up."

8. Being proactive can back fire. So just remain reactive. Why fix if it ain't broken?

9. Surface value is utmost important. Doesn't matter if you produce sub-standard work, as long as people ( a bonus if it's your boss) noticed you to be the earliest in the office, or latest to leave for home. If you can't do this, then you need to log on at wee hours in the morning to send un-urgent email. It doesn't matter if you have only $2 in your purse, and string of heavily used credit cards as long as they are in either LV, Coach or Burberry purse or handbag.

10. It is entirely acceptable to say completely opposite views from the ones you truly believe in, depending on the audience. You are allowed (or even expected) to sway your view towards the ones you have high investment in, be it the highest ranking person (for the fear of insubordination) or your direct boss (for he/she has your increment in his/her hands) or your lunch mate (they might talk bad about you when you're not around, or worst ditch you from the lunch group). Bottom line is : Do not risk ANYTHING over the truth.

For weeks, I went thru all the lists, and wonder which one, if not all I can accept and live with. When I felt sick in the stomach and my soul was strangling me from within to knock some sense out of me, I decided not to accept even one, and remain true to my self and the principles I believe in. I choose to take the road less travelled. Which I soon learned was a bad decision, but nonetheless I am happy I still have my soul as my best friend.

The 3rd quarter:

Soundtrack: Linkin Park 'Given Up' / Readings : How To Deal With People You Can't Stand

To be honest, I learned this song from my hubby. I stumbled upon it by accident on his ipod. I cried bad when I first hear it (yes Linkin Park song CAN make you cry). I could feel my husband's suffering at work from the lyrics. And the combined guilt and helplessness I feel for uprooting the family to come here, consumed me like fire on dead leaves.

The 4rth quarter: (the present)

Soundtrack: Linkin Park "From The Inside" / Readings : Don't Be Sad by Sheikh al-Qadni

I found this song today. And it's rather timely too since I was looking for my last words to my boss and fellow co-workers, on the day I call my personal 'Merdeka' September 29th 2008. It will be the day I'll celebrate my 34 years on earth, and I will have the greatest birthday gift ever: They have approved my request to transfer to another department...as a transition before my next, exciting, very intriguing, fulfilling assignment: Helping my fellow Penangites at home!

It's Only Words

2008-09-08T12:46:00.005+08:00

Despite being technically trained, I have always have the fancy for words & language. I should've been a Linguist or Speech Therapist. Oh well, next life maybe. In the mean time, I'd just fulfill my long lost dream with this blog and some other writing forms.

My brother just saw they put my book on Ebay for RM4.00!!! Okay, that's an exaggeration for sure....not MY book, but I contributed to the book. My poem was chosen to win a Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka contest back in 1991 and they have compiled it in a book. But it felt good to have selected, even though the royalty from the book selling was minuscule.

One my favorite Poet, Mufti Perlis Dr. Muhammad Asri bin Zainal Abidin wrote a nice poem in response ( I presume) to the recent Permatang Pauh by-election. Titled "Looking For a Replacement", this candid, straight to the point poem has a very poignant conclusion which I loved so very much; "Let's find a replacement with a high character. Let's not replace a thief with a robber". Ouch! That's gotta hurt!.

Wise words help me heal, think and learn. I think I will dedicate a special folder in this blog of mine, to share all the poems & songs lyrics that have helped me in my life in their unique way. These poems will be included in my "Things I Left Behind For My Children" list, along with my books. May be a tad of bad news for them for the list contains no house, no land or any money. Just my favorites 'must-read' books & poems. Just words, my dear children...to help strengthen your inner self on your daily walks towards Him.

Ticked by Office Politics

2008-09-04T16:33:00.009+08:00

Three....is a nice number. But not so nice when it's equal to the total number of REAL FRIENDS I have made so far during my 11 months in Singapore.

My back hurt pretty bad today, when I touched it, it bleeds. I have been stabbed in the back (though not literally, it still hurts nonetheless) for the umpteenth time, by my fellow co-workers. I refused to use to word colleagues to define them, since by definition of Thesaurus.com, "colleagues" means:

Synonyms:
aide, ally, assistant, associate, buddy, cohort, compatriot, confrere, consort, crony, partner, teammate
Roget's II: The New Thesaurus
Main Entry:
associate
Definition:
One who is united in a relationship with another.
Synonyms:
affiliate, ally, cohort, confederate, copartner, fellow, partner

From the above synonym list: aide, ally, buddy, cohort, partner, teammate, fellow....all are OVERSTATEMENT which should not be used to describe majority of people I am currently working with.

Yes...you've guessed it. I am pissed. In fact, I am wayyyy beyond pissed.

I won't smear my blog or this holy month of Ramadan by describing in details their despicable schemes, which I have never encountered before in my 11 years of career. By the end of this year, I figure I should be able to write a book titled "Office Politics and the Cowards it Produced".

To survive my 10 hours in the office yesterday was almost unbearable. Maybe Ramadan helps to heighten my patience limit, or I am just too hungry to give them a piece of my mind ... either way they are lucky. I spent the whole night reading one of my favorite remedies, which is helpful at trying time like this; "Don't Be Sad" By Sheikh 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al Qarni. In the chapter "How to deal with bitter criticism", the wise Sheikh wrote this potent advice:

"Those who are ignorant have curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatment should we, who are full of faults, expect from people? You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be you lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes, you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for - unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result IS exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words, and let them have influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticism by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.

Say: Perish in your rage. (Qur'an 3:119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their own rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents. I you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable."

I savour each word, just like I did the delicious fried rice my maid prepared for iftar just now. I cried after every sentence (though this is not the first time I'm reading this book), embarrassed at my own stupidity for allowing them to piss me off. He makes so much sense, that I feel very much better now. Thank you Sheikh, may Allah rewards you with your kind work.

and Alhamdulillah, praise to you my Lord, for your Kindness

and to those whom I wrote about in this entry, Thank you for the experience. I have never imagined human can be so low.

Pro-Anwar, Anti-Anwar , Atas Pagar...

2008-08-27T20:09:00.004+08:00

The people have spoken...YET AGAIN, to deaf ears.....

This piece is especially dedicated to those more than 30,000 people of Permatang Pauh who have the balls to speak up against the ridicule we have been living under for so long. Thank you, kindly....and Kudos! for it's not easy to shift one's paradigm and to see the unseen.

Also Thank you for each one who made time to be there, how I wish I could join the electrifyingly historic moment of the true 'MERDEKA'.

Since the nomination day, I have engaged in quite a number of interesting conversations, from Pro-Anwar camp, Anti-Anwar camp, and the atas-pagar camp. Below some snippets of the points exchanged, and my two cents comeback:

Anti Anwar Camp:

"Kalau betul dia tak buat (liwat), kenapa takut nak sumpah atas Quran?" ("If he (Anwar) is truly innocent (of sodomy allegation), why is he afraid to swear on the Quran?"

My 2 cents (in Sing dollar, mind you...;-p):

Let's do a scenario planning...say that if Anwar choose to stoop as low and make a mockery out of our Holy Book (which I am so glad he didn't), we ended having 2 guys swearing on the same holy book, asserting two opposite stands. Then what? What conclusion can we derive from this disrespectful acts?

"Pas tu, kenapa tak bagi DNA sample? Kenapa takut?" ("Then, how about DNA sample? Why afraid to give one?"

My 2 cents:

Why do they need fresh sample, when they can used the one they already had from last 10 years? They want to spray them on new mattress now?

Atas Pagar Camp (On the Fence Camp):

" Alah....sama je sume. Belum dapat kuasa, macam tu lah. Bila dah menang nanti gila kuasa jugak!" ("They are all the same! Yet to be in power, can say lots of things. Once win, will go power crazy as well!)

My 2 cents:

That is possible, but what have we got to loose? If in the end, Anwar turns out to be a culprit too, we will be back to the same power crazy government.... then we are not worse off than we are now, wont we? But if we dont give him the chance, we'll never find out, and we will forever be in the state of Not-Merdeka. From my perspective, we have nothing to loose, but everything to gain, if Anwar is all what he is hyped up to be.

"Initially I was in awe with Anwar. But lately he has turned this into a personal war of him against the government. It's no longer about the rakyat, it's about his personal struggle"

My 2 cents:

If somebody were to accuse me of similarly hideous act, brought ultimate shame to my spouse, children & parents, stripped me off my dignity by examining my "exhaust pipe" (excuse my French), intimidating my friends, threathening my security....I'll be a mad man if I don't take it personally. To struggle against such personal injustice, in turn will also be a struggle for the rakyat. It shows that if a public figure can be treated as such, one can only imagine if it were to happen to us, the rakyat.

Enough said....quoting the ever funny guy, Nabil.."Engko pikir lah sendiri!" (Go and think for your self lah!)

WHAT A MESS!

2008-07-17T01:05:00.003+08:00

Minutes after my last entry on Anwar's debate...I was slapped with the news of DSAI's arrest. What is happening in Malaysia?

Ya Allah! kurniakan kekuatan kepada mereka yg benar, yang tulus membela nasib yang tertindas. Tunjukkan kami kebenaran yang sejati. Jangan butakan mata hati kami, jangan tulikan deria kami, tolong pedulikan kami, ya Allah. Hanya Engkau empunya kuasa menghentikan semua.

At this moment, I honestly feel compelled to join this struggle, no matter how small I could help. We all had enough of this fiasco. But I know the decision to do so will not be blessed by my parents. And there won't be any success, without the blessings of parents'. For this reason, I will fight silently with my prayers...for the time being.

On Anwar, Shabery and Marina Mahathir

2008-07-16T23:26:00.006+08:00

Like millions of Malaysians scattered all over the globe, I too am very much interested in Anwar-Shabery debate which took place last night.

Who won? I personally think the debate itself was a winner. We must admit it's rather brave for the government to allow such daring stunt to be aired live, uncensored. A thing definitely unheard of just a few years back. Secondly, kudos to Shabery for his guts to even dare to be Anwar's sparring partner. Though in the end, it was only obvious how he got his position; hardly thru merit but more thru boot-licking (am sooooo tempted to replace boot with butt, here) the government & Tun M. Well, there's a very thin line between bravery and plain stupidity, as Shabery had so clearly demonstrated. I struggled to see Shabery's point and ended up feeling sorry for the guy, and even more sorry for those who cheered him at his cheap, coward shots towards Anwar. Typical 'old-school' Malays!

Some critics said Anwar did very well since he is after all a very veteran politician. Coining the words written by Marina Mahathir in her (pointless) blog,

"Not that there was much to what they said. I didn't find either very convincing. But people are often convinced by demeanour, by what looks like sincerity and conviction. They look at what expressions you pull your face into and whether they are deliberate or not. Both debaters smile and neither smile is the sort that warms the cockles of your heart. "

Yes, my dear Marina... people in Malaysia are indeed thirsty for sincerity and conviction, thanks to an overdose of arrogant answers and ridicule from your dad when he was in power ( as if he was the only one born with brain).

She continued further...

"The curious thing was that Datuk Seri Dr Wan Azizah seemed disinclined to applaud her husband at all. (I wish I knew which one was Shabery's wife. All the women in the audience seemed to be Anwar fans except maybe Halimah Sadique.)"

FYI, Marina, that is what humble people do... guess must be very hard for some of us who have very little degree of humility & humbleness to comprehend Azizah's way of supporting her husband. When I first read your 'assumption' that all the women in the audience seemed to be Anwar's fans...I couldn't help but to predict you have come to that conclusion since all of them, except for one were wearing hijab, which from my understanding from your & your fellow Sisters in Islam's friends' writings, a sign of backwardness & oppression. But maybe I am wrong. For all I know you could've come to that conclusion, by seeing the 'nur', intelligence and serenity in their faces. Either way, I couldn't care less.

She ended her entry with...

"Anyway, all in all I think these debates are a good thing. Let's have more match-ups. How about Nik Aziz against Zahid Hamidi? Yen Yen against Shahrizat? Azalina against Rafidah? Nazri against Guan Eng? Harussani against Asri? Yummy, makes for great TV!"

Heck! Marina....why not you against Azizah? Why not Tun M against Anwar himself? Why not your brother Mukhriz against hmmm....let's see...let's be gentle since unlike the veteran politician Anwar, Mukhriz is a mere 'virgin' politician (maybe velantroquist is more suitable of a definition for him). Okay then...let's get him Nurul Izzah to practice....

This is not my first time writing about Marina. I used to write once a few years back, in response to what she wrote in the local newspaper, criticizing the local Islamic Council over an incident at Zouk, KL. She threatened that if the Islamic Council is so strict about Do's and Don'ts in M'sia, then she and her friends would wanna migrate overseas...Sigh...I am still waiting for that wonderful day to arrive....

P/S: The measure of a man...is how he keeps his cool and composure when comes under attack. Kudos, DSAI! May Allah bless your struggle.

My song for Singapore

2008-07-10T19:06:00.003+08:00

Just now a dear friend wrote an email to ask how are we are doing in Spore....struggling to not be my normal always candid, brutally honest gal in order to look for positive in all things, this was what I came up with:

- Amirul loves his school; rates it 9 out of 10; compared to SK Bayan Baru 4 out of 10.
- Alyssa loces the park here...so beautiful and clean
- Azmir hates his job...he knows how to curse in Tagalog now, so he is learning sth new after all....hehehhe
- Me....Need to spend my lunch at the nearby park, to gather my inner strength. Otherwise by the next morning police would be in the office investigating bodies found strangled by a scarf.

People told me it'd take about 6 months to get used to things in new place...well, I think I need slightly longer than that. I love the song by Dave Matthew below, the lyrics describe how I have been feeling since we moved here. By the way, Blue Men Group is one of my favorites...wish get a chance to watch their awesome show again someday.

"Sing Along" - Dave Matthews Band with Blue Man Group

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

Or should I just keep singing right here by myself?

If I tell you I'm strong, will you play along?

Or will you see I'm as insecure as anybody else?

If I follow along, does it mean I belong?

If I follow along, does it mean I belong?

Or will I keep on feeling different from everybody else?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

Or should I just keep singing right here by myself?

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

Or should I just keep singing right here by myself?

What I DON'T miss about home

2008-07-07T13:09:00.009+08:00

*sigh*....it's been a while since I wrote here, and I miss it. Lots of thoughts went thru my mind, and I very much like to share them here, but work schedule has made it almost impossible. Today, being Monday, and being the one of 3 left in the office since the rests went on either mc or emergency leave, I don't feel guilty to taking 10 minutes off my lunch break to update my blog.

Today, I wanna share, about what I don't miss about home (Malaysia) now that I have spent 8 months, 6 days, 13 hours, 15 min here in Singapore.

1) Paranoia of walking down the street

A friend recently fwded a video clip from a CCTV in Sungai Petani's gas station. It shows of how a woman became a scary snatch thief victim. It was in the broad daylight, and she was surrounded by at least 2 workers of the gas station. Yet, the thing happened rather easily and it was a good thing she didn't get hurt. I often work late here, at times going home nearly midnite. I feel (almost) completely safe, never had to think twice about boarding a taxi home. Of course low crime doesn't mean no crime. But I have don't that paranoid feeling creeping up my neck everytime a motorbike passes by. I don't have to hold my breath to make sure the taxi driver don't take a short cut through some secluded area. This kind of peace of mind is a luxury to most Malaysian women.

2) Frustration with the (often awfully slow) system

Amazingly, the infrastructure here are equipped with top class system. The public transport is very reliable and efficient. In fact I enjoy taking the bus ride to work (that's when I get to catch up with my books). I can't imagine doing the same back home, waiting for bus who would come and go as the driver pleases, inhaling CO2 at the bus stop while holding tight to my handbag & laptop, eyeing every 'strange looking person' hoping he is not a snatch thief or a serial rapist, squeezing myself into the corner of the bus to stay away from opportunist perverts who would 'accidentally' rub his private parts under the excuse of a cramped bus....the list goes on and on....and to the ladies out there who have taken a public bus in KL before , you know I am not exaggerating.

3) "Wonderful" Bollywood tales of Malaysia politics

I am disgusted and insulted beyond belief of what's going on with Msia politics today. Do they really think we are THAT STUPID to believe all the nonsense stories? Don't they at least watch CSI to get some clues as to how to frame a guy? At least come up with a credible story & 'actor' to back the allegations. This whole thing only confirms my theory how 'brainless' these people are. I can only pray that soon, (like in next few week time frame kinda 'soon') the REAL truth will come out...a friend once told me "What we know is like the sand in our hand, and what God the almighty knows is like the water in the ocean". Indeed, only Allah knows all.

4) Hopelessness with Justice

My colleague (a Singaporean PR) shared a painful experience while in Kuantan last weekend for a vacation. Unfortunate for her, she was involved in an accident. So she had a first hand experience with the efficiencies of our police system. Right from the RM30 'tips' for the Sargeant, to the unexplained phenomena of how the story turn 180 degree for her (my guess is the other guy paid a whole lot more than RM30). I completely understand the feeling, since I was once involved in an accident too and the Sargeant extorted me for 'tips'. I bluntly told him "mati hidup balik pun, saya takkan bagi walau 5 sen!" (translate: even if I return from my death, I would not give you even 5 cent of bribery). Simply because it's against my principle and I am more afraid to answer to Him in the hearafter about getting myself involved in bribery, than to the sargeant's mock threat. And to be honest, after all the 'integrity' campaign launched in recent years, I am surprised they are still so daringly ask for bribe from my friend. I guess there was a typo in the motto of that campaign. "Saya anti rasuah (I am anti bribery)" is missing the letter 'N" as it should have said "Saya Nanti rasuah (I am waiting for bribery)".

Despite all these though, I am very much homesick, mainly for my family, my friends & the food. Dorothy is right, indeed there is no place like home.

Balik Kampung: Anas' graduation

2008-06-02T17:02:00.030+08:00

It's school holidays, and which simply means "Balik Kampung!" The last time we went back to Msia was in February. Really looking forward to this trip since it coincides with my younger bro, Anas' graduation.

(What a nice shot eh?..;-p)

(right) Anas with Akis (my future sis-in-law insyaAllah)

The graduation was held on May 31st, Saturday at UiTM Shah Alam. Throngs of proud parents & families were everywhere and stalls selling flowers and photo studios. Very festive and happy atmosphere indeed despite the scorching heat!

See (below) Abah (dad) terliur nak pakai jubah graduan.... we joked that he doesn't look like Professor Madya, rather Professor Mak Dia (Mak = mom; Dia = His/Her)

We also had the oppurtunity to visit De (my other younger bro) new baby boy Mohammad Sofi Rashad Bin Safiruz (poor guy will have trouble filling out forms with such long name!). Sofi is mak & abah's 6th grandchild. Another boy to join Amirul's 'panjat pokok & mandi sungai' group!

Alyssa had a blast too meeting her cousins. All in all it was a great holiday, since we get to meet lots people whom we missed a lot. I guess it's true what they say, absence makes the heart grows fonder. ;-)

Girls just love to gossip...it's in the gene, I guess

East Cost Park

2008-06-02T16:45:00.011+08:00

This would be our second trip to the EC (East Cost). I absolutely love the place, miles of white sandy beach dotted with shaddy trees. Families strolling by on bicycles, inline skates or simply by walking. Though located just right off the main highway, one cannot really hear any traffic....and it's litter free too!

This time we went with 2 other families; Azmir colleagues. They have school going children as well so it's good for the kids. It's about time they make new friends here. Siti (my helper) and myself prepared Nasi Lemak daun pisang (a definite luxury since banana leaf is so expensive here) and some BBQ marinated prawns & squids. The others brought BBQ chicken, fried beehoon, garlic bread & potatoes. Seem to be too much food at first, but since we were there almost the whole day (10:00am till 7:oopm); we managed to finished almost all our ration.

What can one do for an entire day by the beach? Well, we BBQed, swam in the sea (once in the morning, later in the afternoon), built sand castle (or at least tried to build one), played frisbee, and most of all chatted and shared jokes. What's missing was a hammock where I wish I can lay on a hammock with my books. One can also rent bicycle or inline skates or learn how to water ski at a nearby man made lagoon. The first time we came here, it was in the evening. While watching ppl water skiing, myself, Amirul & Alyssa danced our way to the loud music from the Lagoon side cafe. Ppl just shook their heads seeing we did our macarena, egyptian dance & Mc Hammer moves.

The kids enjoyed it so much that they frowned when it was time to go home. Will definitely go back there again, maybe this time we'll camp overnite!

Alyssa is 4!

2008-04-24T21:02:00.016+08:00

Last April 19th, we celebrated Alyssa's 4th bday.

It was on Saturday, we invited a few friends (Azmir's colleagues, Amirul's classmates & my friends) over for a BBQ.

Menu:

Ayam percik, Black Pepper Steak, BBQ Chicken Wings, Corn, Roti jala & Chicken Curry & Beehoon goreng.

Amirul & Birthday girl decorating the BBQ pit before the guests arrived.

Alyssa had wish for a Fairy cake and I found this beautiful 3D cake but it costs way too high for a cake (SGD220!). Plus it looks too good to be eaten anyway. So we settled for an affordable one with a printed fairies which looks nice as well. And more importantly, Alyssa was happy nonetheless. See video below how Bday girl couldn't resist licking the cream off the knife!

Not a major bash, but we had great fun. Especially the kids, playing with bubbles & in the swimming pool. Highlight of the evening was Alyssa hitting the pinata 'Spongebob Squarepants' which I made myself. When it was getting too dark for the kids, we continued the party at our apartment till late. It was really fun! We should do this kinda thing often!

Alyssa happy with her bunch of birthday presents. Thank you all for making this day memorable for my girl!

The secret of being thankful

2008-04-08T14:58:00.003+08:00

This entry is dedicated to all human who are currently under grief (myself inclusive).

When we are struck with bad news, we often wail and curse God for afflicting those unbearable trials on us. Why me? Why this? Why now? Maybe we should ask all these, but not without a good, strong faith in what God has in store for us. I mean seriously, do you really think God has fun by simply putting us in misery? There must be a reason, and we need to seek out WHY.

I urge you to make time to watch the following video till the very end. If God were to take our eyesight today, would we be able to come to term with out new reality with grace as this beautiful girl? However heavy your trial is, have faith that God loves you, that is why He award you with life.

"I will do my best!" - Ye Eun, 5 year old super human being.

The lyrics from her favorite song:

"You Were Born To Be Loved"

You were born to be loved

And you are receiving that thru your life

You were born to be loved

And you are reciving that through your life

The love from God that started since

the beginning of your birth

becomes connected with us meeting each other

You were born to be loved

ANd you are reciving that through your life

Tok Ayah & Tok Ma's visit

2008-04-02T05:58:00.008+08:00

This is a longgggg over due entry. My apology.

Abah & Ma (Azmir's side) came to visit us last Chinese New Year (Feb 2008). It was Ma's first trip to Singapore. Have to admit, I was at my wit's end as to figure out where to bring them in Singapore. Yes Singapore is a great tourist spot, but not a cup of tea for an elderly Malay couple.

We went to Geylang Serai, the only place on this island where one can witness whatever left of Malay culture here. For those who complain about the minority being marginalized in Malaysia, I think they should come here to see what has happen to the culture of Malays here. I will just stop at that, hoping they would some day have the chance to witness for themselves.

Enough politic talks. This is not Malaysiakini.com.

After that we went on a boat ride at Clarke Quay; a typical and a must do for tourist in Singapore. We took a guided boat tour (SGD18 per ticket), and spent 30 minutes cruising along Singapore river while the commentator explained bits & pieces of Singapore history. A worthwhile trip I must say though the heat was a bit unbearable.

We also went to Arab Street, and visited the spectacular Sultan Mosque. It was a nice ambiance along Arab Street pedestrian walk with its street cafes in the evening. But the food & the service at one of the Malay restaurants was so bad, I vowed not to go there again. Why is it like asking the impossible for any Malay Restaurant in the world (or pasar malam, or gerai or warong for that matter) to prepare small change for their customers? It was 8:pm and we spent close to SGD20 for drinks & food, but they had no change for SGD50? We had to scrap the bottom of our pants, my handbag, & even pockets of our kids' to come up with the exact amount to pay! Couldn't they drop by the bank during the day to break some big notes to accomodate their customers? We were also scolded for not ordering the food at the same time we ordered drinks. We ordered drinks first as we were thirsty of the boat ride and long walks and needed for time to think of what to order (it was THAT hard to decide since all on the menu looks soooo UNinviting...)

Well, I hope my parents in law will still come visit us some more despite the not-so-thrill experience in Singapore. It would do much good for both the kids & them to be close to each other.

Happy Birthday, ayah!

2008-03-22T17:32:00.004+08:00

We try our vey best to make very birthday celebration a big deal.

Last January 15th, Mir celebrated his 34th birthday. Last year I managed to give him a surprise party with his colleagues & friends. But this this, we have yet to be that close to anyone in Singapore. Relatively speaking, Mir's birthday this year is a bit boring than his other previous birthdays.

Nonetheless we had fun with just us, celebrated with cake & KFC at 9pm (since I had to work late that day). Since that morning he had received string of well wishes from his friends in Penang, which I hope him feel better (or maybe worsen his homesickness!). Mir gets a big, sloppy peck on the cheeks from amirul & alyssa (what we call a 'burger' kiss) and a Singapore Power Drift ticket from me.

My New Hobby

2008-02-02T14:39:00.000+08:00

Hubby bought me a piano recently. It's my therapeutic session after a hard day'd work. I have yet to find time to have a formal lessons, so I teach myself little by little. Which is okay since I am not in a hurry.

The kids are developing some interest in piano as well, though I honestly think it's only because it's new. Pretty soon they will loose interest, i think.Here is Alyssa performing a self-taught ballet to a recording, and Amirul trying his hand with a simple tune of Beethoven's.