Great Reader

KIM Jong IL Writes a Letter

2009-12-18T08:35:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile at his elevated desk...comfortably seated in his leather highchair, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL composing a letter. Let's take a look...

KIM- Okray, Secretary General Wong. You have pencils and papers weddy to take dicks-tation from Great Reader?

WONG- Ready for dictation, Sir!

KIM- Good then let's begin...How's it hangin', BLITCH?! No...stwike that.

WONG- I'll strike that, Great One.

KIM- What's crack-a-lackin', BLITCH?! No...stwike that, too!

WONG- Consider it struck, Your Greatness.

KIM- Stop with dicks-tation, Secretary General Wong!

WONG- Dictation stopped, Sir.

KIM- I think I'll go for a more formal gweeting:

"Dear BLITCH,

...blah-blah-blah...etc...LOL...ROFLMAO...craygee mudder-pucker you...you make Great reader KIM Jong IL raff out roud looong time...I'm have nots raffed out so roud as when I'm read latest letter from stoopid mudder-puckin Obama!!! LOL!!! What chew been smokin, Dude?
LOL LONG TIME!!!...etc...etc...

Signed, Great Reader KIM Jong IL,
Dickstater, DPRK...etc,etc.."

KIM- You got all that, Secretary General Wong?

WONG- Yes, Sir!

KIM- Good.

WONG- Where's this letter going to, Great Reader?

KIM- Going to the USA...hmmm...Better put some extra Blue Chip Stamps or S & H green ones on the envelope for postage!

WONG- Yes, Sir...and to whom is this letter going to, Sir?

KIM- The "to whom's" is Senator Chuck Schumer of course!

WONG- I should have known.

KIM- Now that I have my highchair tray in the down position...goes get me a rum & coke, BLITCH!!! BWAHAhahaha!!!

WONG- A flight attendant's work is never done.

(*blitch is Korean for the Engrish word bitch...as if you didn't nose ;)

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-12-18T07:37:00.000-08:00

It's Friday and the week before Christmas! It is only fitting that as Copenhagen gets buried in snow, I have a holiday tribute to Global Warming's very own, Al Gore. In the words of Copenhagen's Commander-in-Chief, Barack Whosenamed Obama, "It's Friday so put on a sweater and dance with the Chinese you sucka's!"

KIM Jong IL Puzzled...Milblogs Go Silent

2009-12-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile back in his palace, surrounded by his army in Pyongyang, we find Norf Korea's Great Reader, KIM Jong IL surfing the internet's whirl-why-web and checking up on US milblogs....

KIM- What?! What in the name of Sam's Club (Sam Hill) is this? U.S. Milbroggs Silent Today? General Wang! Front and spinster, right now !!!

WANG- Here, Great Reader! Front and center, Sir!

KIM- What's diss?! (points at computer screen)

WANG- Hmmm...it says,
"Army Master Sgt. C. J. Grisham has always led from the front, from combat that earned him the Bronze Star with V device, to doing right by the men he led. His honesty won him readership and respect, from the White House on down. Yet, when he stood up for his children in school, his command did not stand by him."

KIM- And you thought stuff was only all FUBAR'd in "The Glorious Norf Korean People's Army"...didn't you, General Wang?

WANG- Well Sir, I must say it does sound like something our North Korean Army officers would do to one of our own....not like the Americans I've come across. Americans, who cherish their freedoms, Sir.

KIM- Wonder what that freedom stuff is? Oh well, I guess the Americans like my weedership (leadership) style...huh, General Wang?! I'm be one hell of a role model!!!

WANG- Sadly so, Sir....sadly so.

KIM- What was that, General Wang?

WANG- Good to go, Sir! I said...good to go.

KIM- That's what I'm thoughts you said.

Fin.

Read about C.J. and this mess right HERE. To donate via PayPal you can log into PayPal on your own, go to the send money page, and put in his email: dj_chcknhawk@yahoo.com
You can also send donations directly to:
Grisham Legal Fund
c/o Redstone Federal Credit Union
220 Wynn Drive
Huntsville, AL 35893
Please write "Grisham Legal Fund" in the memo line if you use this option.

Milblogs have been a vital link in getting accurate news and information about the military, and military operations, to you. Today, many milblogs are gone and others are under attack from within and without. Today, you have the chance to imagine a world without milblogs, and to do something about it. Make your voice heard by writing your congressional representatives and others, and by making donations as you see fit.

The battle for freedom of speech and the marketplace of ideas is fought on many fronts and in many ways. Without your help, the battle may well be lost. Let's fight this.

Here's a Partial List of Participating Blogs: This Ain’t Hell http://thisainthell.us/blog/
Boston Maggie http://bostonmaggie.blogspot.com/
Blackfive http://www.blackfive.net/main/
Miss Ladybug http://miss-ladybug.blogspot.com
Drunken Wisdom http://beerbrains.com/
Grim’s Hall http://grimbeorn.blogspot.com/
Frommyposition http://frommyposition.com/
CDR Salamander - http://cdrsalamander.blogspot.com
Chromed Curses- http://chromedcurses.com/
The Kitchen Dispatch- http://kitchendispatch.blogspot.com/
Homefront Six- http://homefrontsix.blogspot.com/
Army Household 6- http://armyhousehold6.com/
From Cow Pastures to Kosovo- http://tankerbabelc985.vox.com/
In the Crosshairs- http://unclejimbo.com/
The Mudville Gazette- http://www.mudvillegazette.com/
Laughing Wolf- http://laughingwolf.net/
Argghhh! http://www.thedonovan.com/
Barmy Mama- http://deltasierrahotel.net/
The Sandgram- http://www.thesandgram.com/

I BELIEVE IN FREEDOM
I BELIEVE IN DOING THE RIGHT THING
HELP US FIGHT THIS
FIGHT IT STRONG
ARMY STRONG
HOOAH!!!

GO NAVY! LOSE TO ARMY!

2009-12-11T08:37:00.000-08:00

And now, in honor of our people's ARMY football team foes...the NAVY...Great Reader gives to you "THE NAVY FIGHT SONG"....

GO ARMY!!! BEAT NAVY LOOONG TIME!!! HOOAH!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-12-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

This Friday I want to dedicate a song to a couple. A couple in love...and separated by war. Someday soon, her man will be home. He will be safe and happy in her arms, once again. I dedicate this song to the Fong family (The Kitchen Dispatch). While we dance slowly, whether together or alone, let's dance and hold on tightly (physically or spiritually) to those so very dear to us. Gotta song? Leave a link in comments and thanks for stopping by. Please pray for our troops and their families. Great Reader ruv's you looong time. Very long time. Have a wonderful weekend...from JG & Wife 4 Life, the lovely Kim.

MilBlogger Needs Help

2009-12-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

C.J. Grisham from "A Soldier's Perspective" needs some help. Many bloggers are spreading the word. For details and links go HERE to BOUHAMMER's AFGHAN BLOG for the complete story. I met C.J. at Blog World Expo 2009 (Las Vegas) and he's one very great guy. Thanks looong time!!!

Tiger Troubles Part II

2009-12-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the 9-1-1 Greater Orlando Area Transport Services and how can GOATS help you today?

I have an emergency medical transport but it must be discreet.

Discreet, huh? You're coming up "Private Caller" on my caller ID but I'm good at guessing celebrity voices, is this...

Ma'am, I just want an ambulance. No lights. No siren. I want my privacy...that's all I ask...

You know you sound just like that cat on TV doing commercials for those Frosted Flakes...

Look Ma'am, just send an ambulance of some kind to the Tiger Woods estate in the Isleworth subdivision and please be discreet about it.

No problem Mr Woods and thanks for letting us get your GOATS.

GRRREAT!!!

God Bless our WWII Generation

2009-12-07T11:55:00.000-08:00

They answered the call. The mission was clear in Europe and Asia. Thank them... Honor them... Remember them...and please pray for our brave men and women serving today and their families.

Spay or Neuter?

2009-12-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

Hello, and welcome to the State of Florida's S.P.C.A. spay or neuter hotline.
How may I help you?

Can you neuter a very large cat?

That will require a bigger fee but yes, we can do that.

Money is not a problem.

Very good. Your name, the city you live in, and the
cat's name, please?

Elin Woods, of Orlando. His name is Tiger.

Trial Smile

2009-12-04T09:40:00.000-08:00

From the L.A. TIMES: North Korean rights groups want Kim put on trial
"A South Korean-based coalition, acting on behalf of 150 refugees, is pushing the international court at The Hague to charge Kim Jong Il. It presents the refugees' accounts of the brutal regime."

And now a comment from Great Reader KIM Jong IL...
"ooo...I so scared. You gonna send me Brill Clinton again? Or mayblee have President
Baawack Whosenamed Obama come Pyongyang and bow down for me? Bwahahahahahaha!!! There's a glood reason why that coalition is Souf Korean-based, Broseph! Who is this Hague? Some sawed-off fat Preacher Man on TBN?!"

(Hat tip to Kanani for the newz!)

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-12-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

I ruv looong time the way our US Armed Forces move! So get up outta that chair and dance with our troops doing "I Love the Way You Move" a remake by Outcast. Gotta song? Leave it in comments and let's dance! It's Friday, people...so have a great weekend Great Reader style!!!

KIM Jong IL Backdoors Tiger

2009-12-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

Jihad Newz (DMZ)- It has been disclosed by the South Korean CIA that Norf Korea's Great Reader KIM Jong IL has been the source of Tiger Woods' domestic problems. Seen here is an exclusive photo of the Great Reader with Tiger's wife and child, out on the town. In other newz... JihadGene has screwed up and accidentally deleted his blogroll...awww shit.

It's Black Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-11-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well it's brown...I mean, Black Friday and I have re-written a song for all of you who laugh at the early bird shoppers like me! Yes, I was out there and in the zone! That is until the Thanksgiving dinner decided it was time for me to purge. Oh well...it's Friday so let's dance to CCR's "Run Through the Jungle" somewhat rewritten by JihadGene. Enjoy and if you have a shopping tune please leave a link in comments and remember that the Great Shopping Reader ruv's you LOOONG time!!! Now where the hell's the Imodium AD?
(*I dedicate this song to Mr Crap Blogger Extraordinaire ELISSON and to the lovely TAMMI who's Mama Vi works as a greeter in a Wal*Mart!)

RUN THROUGH THE WAL*MART!!! (by JihadGene)

Whoa, parking lot was a nightmare
Low prices callin' you!
Greeter told me, "Don't go walkin' slow
WalMart shoppers on the loose!"

Better run through the WalMart!
Better run through the WalMart!
Better run through the WalMart!
I'll save greenbacks, you'll see!!!

Turkey had my belly rumblin'
Toilets called my name
Two hundred million Mexicans in the restroom
Satan laughed at my pain!!!

Better drive to my bathroom!
Better drive to my bathroom!
Better drive to my bathroom!
I'm sportin' a turtle-head, ya see?!!!

Over in my Toyota
With bowels about done broke
I floored my FJ Cruiser now
My ass be blowin' smoke!!!

Better run through the red lights!
Better run through the red lights!
Better run through the red lights!
Whoa, Don't you Cops be stoppin' me!!!

Thanksgiving Memories

2009-11-26T05:16:00.000-08:00

JihadGene here with a Thanksgiving memory from the 1960's. As I looked back into my childhood, I had a hard time finding a nice Thanksgiving one. It's kind of hard to have joyful California Thanksgiving memories when your Mom was a devout Jehovah's Witness. Mom was always sitting on "pins and needles" waiting for Armageddon to come. That would be when my Mom's loving Jehovah God would lay waste to all or most of our neighborhood and kill off a few dozen of my best friends in a holy fire of rain and if she (Mom) was lucky, she'd get to see Jehovah open up the ground and swallow up worldly people by the house-load! Hell yeah!!! Yes, Thanksgiving in California 1966...it was a special time I guess. Well, it really was special as we had no school on a Thursday and my Dad was home from work, yelling at us kids as we ran outside, to "Shut the Goddamn door so you won't let any of the Goddamn flies out!" Dad hated flies...it was a thing left over from WWII and his having been a US Marine on Guadalcanal during that time. Our house was located near a Spreckles sugar factory and stockyard in Manteca, California. We had flies and good weather pretty much year round! Dad was always armed with a fly swatter to smack flies with. Mom only packed a swatter to hit us kids with. Dad had malaria but he never cursed the mosquitoes. Like many Marines in that hell hole, Dad eventually contracted malaria and was shipped out to some other island, so I guess that's why he never cursed the mosquitoes. Mosquitoes were his ticket outta Guadalcanal and away from getting bombs dropped down on him from some Mitsubishi (Betty) bombers. Dad hated the very word, Mitsubishi, because of this... yet I never heard him curse a mosquito. Now, back to Thanksgiving! I remember Thanksgiving 1966 for this if nothing else...my Dad bought the most hideous turkey the free world has ever seen! He got it dirt cheap and believe me as a Texas kid raised on a farm during the Depression...cheap meant everything!! Guys like my Dad helped make China and the WalMart's what they are today!!!

"Imagine if you will (sounding like Rod Serling) a Thanksgiving turkey from a fifth dimension, beyond ugly which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as a Butterball. It is the middle ground between light and dark meat, between culinary science and superstition. It is a turkey with the top one 3rd of it's breast/chest area removed as if with a chainsaw. A Doctor Mengele hack job leaving only a hideous gaping hole on top with the legs in their normal upright position. It was the stupidest looking Thanksgiving turkey anyone had ever seen."

I was only a 12 year old boy back then but ...by Jehovah God... I knew f@cking stupid when I saw f@cking stupid!!! Holy shit! Did I tell you my Dad loved stuffing? Why, hell yes he loved stuffing...being as my Mom was the world's worst cook and the only things she could make were beans with cornbread and burned bird with an asbestos stuffing! I won't even talk about her burnt pancakes with the pudding-filled middles. Where was I? Oh... My Dad loved stuffing and as I saw it this butchered bird was his ticket into my Mom's New World (Jehovah's Witness code for heaven or Utopia) because inside of that gigantic bird's chain-sawed crater my Mom had filled it with about 50lbs of Safeway stuffing. In leveling it (the stuffing) with a Sears Craftsman hand trowel my Mom made that turkey look like a tabletop mountain with wings and legs or some kind of a birdworld aircraft carrier. Your choice. It was plain God awful ugly, folks! Worse yet, there was hardly any white meat! I loved the white! After bowing my head and faking a prayer to the Jehovah God who would off my friends, I quickly gave the illusion of eating and excused myself. As I ran out the door to a friend's house for Thanksgiving left-overs I remember my Dad yelling at me, "Don't let the Goddamn flies out!"
Happy Thanksgiving LOOONG time!!! JG;)

A Word From Joe Biden

2009-11-25T07:06:00.000-08:00

Now, as all of you know, I have been brainstorming with the President about the war in Adirondackistan. It is a costly war to say the least. I mean, have you seen those NY state taxes?! And the chairs those weirdos make up there... in their mountain caves... are about as uncomfortable as a Negro at a police lineup in Nacogdoches! It has therefore been decided that the American people will not support this war when facing a surtax. With that in mind, plus the fact that the Prez has been away in Kimchi-land showing off his barackwondo, I have recommended a war more palatable to the American people. My fellow Americans, I give you a new and more economical war! A war against an enemy that has sucked up all of Obama's air time on most major TV and cable news channels! A war against an enemy of both the Catholic Church and abortion rights activists! A foe that makes fun of Nuns! This enemy has even been seen in the company of BANDITS! I hereby announce that I, Big Joe Biden, propose to YOU... the people of the United States, that we immediately attack...and carpet-bomb with great prejudice...the hiding place of Miss Sally Field, in the country of Boniva! Our latest intel has her position fixed at the Roche Laboratories near a Fox News transmitting station. Thanks for your continued support and I'll notify the Air Force shortly. I love it when Obama's gone!!!

Happy Thanksgiving Iraq

2009-11-24T14:05:00.000-08:00

A very happy Thanksgiving message to our troops stationed in Iraq!

And now a US Army Sergeant's song about his current duty station in Iraq. He may not be a sergeant or a You Tube rapper for much longer (once the Army finds out) so hurry up and put your hands together for Sgt Conklin doing "This Place Blows (IRAQ)". A happy Thanksgiving looong time to all our US Armed Forces...wherever you are!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-11-20T09:18:00.001-08:00

From coast-2-coast...from far east to far west...our US Troops are the very best...LOOONG TIME!!! So get up outta that chair and dance with our troops like ya got a pair!!! It's Friday! Let's Dance like RockStars and God bless all our troops and their families, wherever they are in the world!!! HOOAH and HELL YEAH!!! Can I get a "Hell Yeah"?

Ben, Matt, and a Good Man

2009-11-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

My SOUTH of Fresno son, Ben...wearing black shirt & white helmet... was violently attacked by a heathenish aggressor named Matt, wearing white, from the NORTH (Fresno) at the Marc Unger Karate Tournament in Exeter, CA.! There were many good battles and my son lost by one point. Matt was awarded the title of "Super Grand Champion" that day (Saturday, 11-14-09) and he truly deserved it! Ben and Matt are both 14 year olds. In the next few months there is a karate tournament in the scum-sucking North (Fresno). Ben's only wish is that Matt will not turn age 15 any-time-soon as Ben goes north to Pyongyang (Fresno) in hopes of a rematch in the next few months. It's on!!!

“Whatever your hand finds to do...do it with all your might” (Eccl 9:10)

Now...I told you all this but I wanted to tell you too about Pastor Marc Unger. Mr Unger is a US Army National Guard Chaplain. His son, US Army National Guard Specialist, Daniel Unger was killed in Iraq (May 2004). Under fire, Daniel helped rush some Iraqi civilian workers to safety before seeking shelter for himself and was mortally wounded in the process. Spec Daniel Unger put others before himself and died helping others. He was posthumously awarded the bronze star for his bravery that day. At the Karate tournament there was recognition of active duty personel, their families, and our nation's veterans. An opening prayer was given by Mr Unger, the pledge of allegiance said, and our national anthem sung beautifully by a young lady. It was moving! If you want to read about a man making a difference then please read about Army Chaplain and black belt Karate instructor Marc Unger HERE.

God bless the Unger family, our troops and their families... looong time!!! JG

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-11-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

Though I am Army Strong...I gotta give it to the Navy for this music video. Give it up for those Sun Kings doing "Hey Ya", by Outcast! It's Friday! Let's dance!!! If you have a Friday dance tune leave it in comments and I'll drop in! Remember...
Great Reader RUV's YOU LOOONG TIME and have a wonderful weekend!!!

Veterans Day

2009-11-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

Been out of the service (US Army) for over twenty years now but I still feel such a connection...or maybe it's a bond, I guess. Never was too much of a soldier. Didn't fight some enemy, other than drunk Soldiers and Marines while on M.P. duty. Still, I was a soldier. It's not a case of the older I get...the better I was. It's the experience of having served with fine men and women, some sorry ones too, but make no mistake...we are joined at the hip. When they hurt, we hurt. It's a little before sunrise and I will fly flags today at the entrance to our home as well as on the house itself. I'm proud of my country. Proud of our troops. If I get a tad pushy with the flag...deal with it...and give me a wide berth. Take the time to thank a Vet and their family. My favorite Vet is at the cemetery. I miss you, Dad.

No Dance Friday

2009-11-06T09:13:00.000-08:00

I am heart-broken, sickened, and angered at the news of yesterday's slaughter at Ft Hood. Our prayers go out to the families and friends of the deceased and wounded. God bless our troops and their families. Continue the mission. FIDO!

Great Reader Raffs Out Roud!!!

2009-10-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

Here's why...

Thanks looong time to Maeve!!!

Happy Halloween from KIM Jong IL

2009-10-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

Twick or Tweet!!!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!!!

2009-10-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

Friday? Already?! Let's see...I sure was sad to hear about the passing of Soupy Sales. He made me and my brother laugh so much as kids in the 1960's...so join in and dance with the Great Reader, Soupy, and Pookie to some Motown. Put on your high-heeled sneekers because it's Friday! Let's dance... and since it's a PayDay weekend don't forget about Project Valour-IT!
Miss you looong time, Soupy!!!

Psycho-Unlogical Warfare

2009-10-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

Pyongyang Peggy here with another Norf Korean web-radio broadcast to all you lonely US Army G.I.'s in Iraq named Kevin. Kev, it is with the utmost sorrow that I must publish the following photo of Miss Ewe Luv Dolly of Madison, Wisconsin. That's right G.I. Kev...your Miss Dolly has jumped the fence and been reported partying with some blue-eyed round-eyed infidels in the "Volunteer to Show Me What You Got State" of Tennessee with the likes of a mother named Teresa and some Straight White Guy! She likes bloggers looong time, Kev. There's no way around it. She is one of ours, Kev. A wocket scientist for Norf Korea! Ewe has discarded you! Ewe are less than nothing! Poo on Ewe!
Here's a picture of her clackin' one off randomly at some FOB in Iraq just yesterday ...

Now Kevin, I know you must be hurt, but for the good of the axis of evil and for Barbara Boxer's reelection in 2010... join forces with Great Reader KIM Jong IL! Just throw down any weapons you haven't already dropped (like your 240B machine gun) and register as a Democrat! On second thought, it would be much better to give a donation to Project Valour-IT for those hideous flight-line-losers on TEAM AIR FORCE! Maybe you have a thing for Somali pirate women, no? Then perhaps TEAM NAVY is your cup of tea! If you're a fan of no frills latrines then TEAM MARINES would be a good match for you! If you want to be a winner, then you just stick with TEAM ARMY. I know this news about Dolly will leave you feeling like an empty and shallow person but according to Uncle Jimblow of BLACKFIVE and Tankerbabe, you already are one. Enjoy you tour of duty looong time, Kev!!!! That is all.