The Scarred Philosopher's Atrium

The future...

2008-05-20T00:05:00.002-04:00

sound : "Alone And Unaware, the Landscape Was Transformed In Front of Our Eyes" - Red Sparrowes

scares me.... a lot...

everybody's slowly getting on track but i seem like the permanent train-wreck... people are moving on, living life, getting actual jobs and i, i go swing dancing, i listen to more music, i sell sunglasses... what i earn is not enough to pay my way out of my mistakes....

the same old anger and confusion is setting in again...

i hate feeling like this...

2008-05-16T15:31:00.001-04:00

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

Boris-Fever! (Actually it's Wata-Fever...)

2008-05-05T18:58:00.001-04:00

Boris

Boris

Boris

Boris

Boris

Reckoner

2008-05-03T12:16:00.002-04:00

video.vh1.com

Reckoner
(Written and performed by Radiohead)

Reckoner
Can you take it with you
Disavow the pleasure

You were not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak his name
Did I cater to all you
All your needs?

Because we separate
it ripples our reflections
Because we separate
it ripples our reflections

Reckoner

Did I cater to all you,
All your needs?

2008-04-29T08:36:00.000-04:00

Pensive, I await my trial...

Speak your troubles

2008-04-29T01:24:00.003-04:00

sound : Someday - My Bloody Valentine

you get into your car, your brains a mess.... the day's running in your head, fresh, looped... like a cassette tape.... you decide to yourself, "i'm going to leave the windows closed... it gives me my own space..."

you pick up a familiar cd case.. .it's pink in color.... open it, put the cd in.... turn up the volume knob to 35.... you wait a few seconds for it to load....

aaah....

the crashing drums, the reverb drenched guitars.... you smile and start driving.... you feel the beats in your chest, you feel the seatbelt vibrating... the rear-view mirror is shaking... you feel pressure, it's like a tonne of weight on your shoulders.... you feel like your eardrums are going to pop... you think to yourself, "is this too loud?"...

you have a vision of all the windows of your car blasting outwards....

you open the windows in the fear of you losing your hearing... the music/noise bursts out like a hundred billion bees stinging everyone in the vicinity... the seatbelt still rattles against your chest, the rear-view mirror still vibrates.... you look to your right and this man looks at your car like you are crazy....

you look down at the passenger seat at the pink cd case, you look up, smile at yourself in the mirror and continue on your way home... swaying....

Sleep like a pillow
Downward and
Where she won't care
Anyway anywhere

Soft as a pillow
Touch her there
Where she won't dare
Somewhere

Sleep like a royal subject
Think that you grew
Stronger there

Speak your troubles
She's not scared
Soft like there's silk
Everywhere

Sleep is a pillow
Come where she won't dare
Anyway there

Look in the mirror
She's not there
Where sh won't care
Somewhere

2008-04-21T02:40:00.001-04:00

You view the world differently when you are feeling apathetic.

phallic symbols for kids...

2008-04-20T23:23:00.002-04:00

sound : Flower Sun Rain - Boris

ever notice how jack sparrow twirls his moustache when he starts getting kinda randy with the chick on the island (while consuming copious amounts of rum)?... doesn't it seem symbolic of his "rising libido" (so to speak)?.....

leave it to disney to teach kids the ways of life.... :D

I am...

2008-04-11T04:02:00.003-04:00

sound : Wonderwall - Oasis

* single again
* angry at the world
* angry at myself
* bored shitless
* most likely an insomniac
* watching everything shatter
* listening to "(What's The Story) Morning Glory" and my heart beat
* going to go to sleep after this
* loving my friends more and more every minute of every day
* missing some of said friends... a lot
* kinda hungry, but I'm too lazy to grab a bite to eat
* going to go now
* hoping that the next time I do this, I will spew something more profound

The Ramos ginfizz

2008-04-06T02:23:00.000-04:00

In a cocktail shaker, dissolve 1 tbsp sugar in 1 tbsp water. Add:

• 1 1/2 ounce Tanqueray gin
• 1/2 ounce lemon juice
• 1/2 ounce lime juice
• 1 ounce heavy cream
• white of 1 fresh egg
• 3 drops -- not dashes -- of orange flower water

Fill with cracked ice and shake lustily for a long, long time, and then strain into a tall glass. Add 1 oz chilled seltzer, stir briefly, and then smile.

Rob Gordon moment # 63

2008-03-29T12:35:00.003-04:00

sound : Dying Song - John Frusciante

i feel like watching movies.... not a movie... i want to watch movies.... i'm feeling a hunger for existentialist/absurdist/complex erotic/depressing flicks.... language doesn't really matter actually... i just want some mood movies to sink into.... i've kinda compiled a list (like i dont do that much huh?.. the rob gordon in me is awake...) and some of these movies i've already seen.... but some of these i really want to see just because it was done by people i admire and ive read plenty of good and bad things about them.... and sometimes the bad reviews are the ones that make me want to listen to a certain album or watch a certain movie..... here's the list....

Y Tu Mama Tambien
The Brown Bunny
Buffalo 66
Sex and Lucia
Romance
Frivolous Lola
9 Songs
24 Hour Party People
Control
I'm Not There
Stroszek
Into the Wild
The Darjeeling Limited
High Fidelity
Lars and the Rreal Girl

This amorous feeling.....

2008-03-26T03:25:00.002-04:00

sound : Did You Ever Look So Nice - The Samples

This unending feeling of loneliness is fake.... even if the people i love are far away i know that they care... and i care too....

i may not have seen somebody for a few days/months/years.... that's ok... that's just how life deals its cards... we play our hand and hope for the best.... school, work and money are unimportant.... all that really matters is love....

this may seem like oe of the usual depressing posts but it isn't... i am actually celebrating the fact that even though i live a life of constant let-down there are people who can put a smile on my face just by saying "hello!"

all my life i've had friends take care of me.... even now... those friends are the ones i'm most grateful for, because without them i'd be drowned in a huge pile of shit...

to each and every one of my friends, wherever you are... i love you...

:)

that is all...

"Superstar"

2008-03-17T02:01:00.001-04:00

(Performed by Sonic Youth, Written by the Carpenters)

Long ago
and oh so far away
I fell in love with you
before the second show
your guitar
it sounds so sweet and clear
but you're not really there
it's just the radio

don't you remember you told me you love me baby
you said you'd be coming back this way again baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

loneliness, is such a sad affair
and I can hardly wait
to be with you again
what to say
to make you come again
come back to me again
and play your sad guitar

don't you remember you told me you love me baby
you said you'd be coming back this way again baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do

don't you remember you told me you love me baby
you said you'd be coming back this way again baby
baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you, I really do...

"Somewhere over the Rainbow" - Israel Kamakawiwo' Ole

2008-03-13T20:47:00.000-04:00

2008-03-10T10:49:00.001-04:00

I love being woken up by the person I'm dreaming of.

Heima - Sigur Rós

2008-03-07T16:28:00.002-05:00

watch it in full-screen...

Juno was an oddly great movie...

2008-03-07T14:49:00.000-05:00

sound : A Well Respected man - The Kinks

i loved it....

Life Lesson #6456

2008-03-07T12:25:00.001-05:00

sound : Behold the Tragedy of St. Ignatius - GOD

Today I learned that, contrary to popular belief, shopping does not help you feel happier.... Especially when you don't have money for it....

drone/dooom, man PMS, desert blues, school and new wave...

2008-03-07T03:34:00.001-05:00

sound : Tallahassee - EARTH

Here we go again... me and my fuckin' sob story... that's all i seem to do on this thing..... that may be the only reason i still have this thing is to rant and rave when shit hits the fan....

i feel like i'm being stabbed... in the back... and if anybody complains about my grammar or punctuation (or the lack thereof) can kiss my ass... i really don't give a fuck... i'm here to work out some aggression....

i've got to find some way to flip this switch... i have so much pent up inside me but no way to get a release... i hate this frustrated trapped feeling..... damn this thing.....

I'm thinking about restarting my GOD musical project... although with a little change.... i'm actually thinkin of a droney stoner metal doom thing... i don't know... lets see how that goes....

i feel like i have wasted potential... ideas are swimming around in my head like sperm, drawings i can't sketch, melodies i can't transcribe to actual music, words i9 can't put to lyrics and sentences that arent prose.... plus school.... i find it such a waste of time.... i can't stand school anymore..... i'm too fuckin' old for this shit.... thankfully i'll be done with this garbage next semester...

now playing: untitled - interpol

i love how gloomy interpol is.... not as gloomy or wrist slashingly depressing as joy division but close enough..... lot's of new wave and doom in my playlists now.... kinda reflective of my mood i guess..... yeah.... the mary onettes (like marionettes!!!).... love them... they're cool...

now playing: Cler Achel - Tinariwen

i am man PMS-ing like a mofo.... sadly i have to fuckin' take care of everyone around me before i can say a thing.... agreed i've done this my whole life but shit's starting to stink....

my vivid dreams are back.... i've had this dream about heather, my brother and i being at the beach atleast twice now.... i've been having dreams or arun moving down from canada.... on of those dreams i can't forget though..... something about the two of us renting a house in orlando or something... it was cool...

now playing: pleasure songs - the mary onettes (!!!!)

i need to get out of this funk... i wonder what i'll do about it?... everything pisses me off right now...... oh well... i think i'll stop now.... it's almost 4 in the morning and i'm wide awake.... my allergies have kicked in hardcore and i can't breathe lying down..... tonight sucks!....

Merry Christmas you filthy animals...

2007-12-25T14:09:00.000-05:00

... and a happy new year!

This one goes out to all my homies... the homies who are here, the homies who are gone, the homies who just left, the inebriated homies, the homes with one foot and the homies who are castrated, the homies i love and the homies i love even more, the homies who have homies and the homies who don't have homies, the homies that make me smile and the homies that smile at the homies that make me smile, the homies in the down-low and the homies up high, the cloud worshipping homies and the porcelein worshipping homies, the homies who've just had enough and the homies who want more, the homies with the breasticles and the homies with the testicles, the homies with the spectacles and the homies without breasticles, testicles or spectacles, the homies who sing and the homies that scream, the homies that play and the homies that get played, the homies that fart and the homies that shart, the homies that are fighting at the war and the homies fighting the war, the homies that are old and the homies that are young, the homies that love gold and the homies that love the things that fold, the homies that jingle and the homies that jangle, the homies with rings on their fings and the homies chains around their necks, the homies that spit into a mic and the homies that spit at a mic, the homies with magic fingers and the homies with magic feet, the homies with the hommettes and the hommettes with the homies, the homies who are my friends and the homies who aren't my friends, the homies who love me and the homies that hate me, the homies that make my day and the homies that complete my day.

Arts, farts and sharts bitches!

Carpe Diem.

peace, LOVE and empathy

- Avi

emo blog # 647

2007-11-25T01:07:00.000-05:00

sound: Pick Me Up - Dinosaur Jr.

Dinosaur Jr is coming to orlando next weekend... i wish i could go...

where do i start?... life? money? connections? school?.... nothing seems to be working out how i planned....

as a child i had always imagined myself at twenty three either as a voice actor for a cartoon show on tv or something cool like a rockstar or something... look at me now.... bah....

christmas is coming up, with no money in hand this "holiday" feels like hell.... i hate christmas.. i have no "spirit"... why bother with celebrating the fake birthday of a god-figure in whom i do not believe anyway?....

j.mascis, save me with your riffage!

i end here.... this is turning out to be an exercise in futility.....

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

2007-10-22T23:57:00.000-04:00

- Baz Luhrmann

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99...

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

"Boney was a Warrior"

2007-10-15T22:45:00.000-04:00

CAST:
Filliburton - A homeless man who believes he is a pirate. He was once a lawyer.
Jo - Your typical long frizzy haired, metal band tee wearing teenager.
Rollin - A dread-locked, grill wearing, drug addicted thug. A true "gangsta".
Ciaran - A quiet, introverted violinist.

(It is a rather small elevator in a government building. We do not know where or what building it is, we just know it is a government building. A metal box, buttons on the inside, a five person limit; it is your typical claustrophobia inducing elevator.)

(Enter Filliburton)

Fill. Aar to find me ship I gots to go up, into the sky in a little metal box! Which number shall I press? (Closes his eyes and randomly hits a button, the button for floor 57 lights up)

Fill. Whoa thar! This box be moving faster than I hoped!

(Filliburton watches the numbers light up one by one. The elevator stops, the light is at 7, the door opens and we see Jo standing outside scratching his head)

Jo. Going up bro?

Fill. I be going up lad, hop on in!

(Jo enters and stands beside Filliburton; he presses the button for the thirty second floor)

Jo. So, bro... What are you doing here, man?

Fill. To find me ship lad. It be at the top o' this tower.

Jo. Righteous man, I'm here to see The Man. He owes me a favor.

(The elevator stops. It is the eighteenth floor. In walks Rollin, His jewelry making a clinking sound with every step. He looks at Filliburton and Jo and then without a word, he presses a button (floor 63) and stands beside Jo)

Jo. Dude, nice bling man!

Fill. Aar! You got more booty aroun' yer neck than I gots in me treasure chest.

Rollin. (Dismissively) Hmm... Yeah...

(They go up in silence. Rollin looks around at the other two people and decides to stare nonchalantly at the door of the elevator)

Jo. (To Rollin) Are you here to see The Man?

Rollin. No, I’m here for business...

Jo. True, true....

Fill. Beware the wind me mates! She be the finest lady one moment and then a nasty wench the other! I remember back when I was the captain of the Purple Maze with a parrot on me shoulder, I traveled the seven seas with me crew. They were the finest bunch of barnacle-bearded seamen mine eyes have ever witnessed...

Jo. (In endless delight) Dude, you said SEAMEN!

Rollin. (To himself) Wow, what a bunch of retards...

(The elevator stops again, it is now at the 21stth floor. Enter Ciaran carrying a violin case and a folder with staff paper in it)

Ciaran. (To no one in particular) going up.

(He presses the button for the 59th floor and moves into one of the corners of the elevator)

Fill. Ahoy lad, play your fiddle for us if you will...

Ciaran. I'm sorry sir; I am not prepared to perform right now.

Jo. Come on man, play for us. Bury us in your musical excellence.

Ciaran. No.

Jo. Why not? Do you think you're better than us dude?

Ciaran. Not really.

Jo. So what? Why wont you...

Rollin. (Cutting in) Leave him alone. He doesn't want to play right now.

Ciaran. (To Rollin) Thank you.

(Rollin nods in acknowledgement)

(The elevator jolts to a stop between the 24th and the 25th floor. The lights blink for a second and an alarm starts ringing)

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Rollin. What the fuck?!?!

Jo. Whoa!

Fill. The ship is struck! Man the turrets! Arm yerselves scallywags!...

Ciaran. Calm down everybody. It's just a small problem. Somebody will come to help us within a few minutes.

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Rollin. And how are you so sure of this?

Jo. (To Rollin) He's right bro, somebody has to come in a few minutes.

Rollin. They better. I don't have the time to be stuck in this damn elevator!

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Jo. (Trying to change the flow of conversation, to Ciaran) So dude, what are you upto man? What brings you to these parts.

Ciaran. Business.

Jo. That’s cool man. I guess you like to hold on to your privacy. I'm here to see The Man. He owes me a favor.

Rollin. (To Jo) Does this "The Man" have a name?

Jo. He's The Man man. I guess that's his name.

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Rollin. (Getting agitated) That can't be his name!

Fill. I once knew a man with no name.

Rollin. Oh shut up!

Fill. We called him Boney. Boney was a warrior/A warrior and a Terrior.

Rollin. Oh good lord...

Fill. Boney fought the Russians/The Russians and the Prussians.

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Rollin. Stop it!

Jo. Let him sing dude, I like it.

Fill. Moscow was a-blazing/And Boney was a-raging.

Rollin. You like that? That sounds like shit to me.

Fill. Boney went to Elba/Boney he came back again.

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Jo. What's shit to you is good music to me.

Fill. Boney went to Waterloo/There he got his overthrow.

(Ciaran watches on as Jo and Rollin continue to argue over Filliburton's singing)

Rollin. (to Ciaran) Whatchu lookin' at?

Fill. Then they took him off again/Aboard the Billy Ruffian.

Ciaran. (Looks down) Nothing.

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Jo. Don't be pushing the little dude, he didn't do anything to you.

Fill. He went to Saint Helena/There he was a prisoner.

Rollin. (to Filliburton) What the fuck is wrong with you man? Stop singing!

Fill. Boney broke his heart and died/Away in Saint Helena.

Jo. Leave the poor dude alone, he's not well...

Fill. Give her the t'gan's'ls/It's a weary way to Baltimore.

Rollin. One more line and I'm gonna....

Fill. Drive her, Cap'n, drive her/and bust the chafing leather.

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Rollin. That’s it! (moving towards Filliburton) I'm going to kick his ass!

Jo. (Steps between them) Stop!

Fill. (To Rollin) I'll skewer yer gizzards you lily-livered bastard!

(You hear three gunshots. Filliburton, Jo and Rollin are on the floor in a pool of blood. Ciaran is still in the corner, his violin case open on the floor beside him, a gun in his hand. The alarm is still ringing.)

(RIIIIIIIING!...)

Ciaran. Assholes...

Ava Koertig

2007-09-24T03:05:00.000-04:00

Her many facial piercings catch your eyes. All sparkling and pretty, all gold and diamonds, all over her face. Piercings on the bridge of her nose, her nostrils, her tongue, on her lips, on her ears, on her cheeks, on her eyebrows; all of which have least one diamond on them. Her almond shaped eyes are black, like the darkest nights of winter. Chocolate skin of perfect texture, hair in a huge ‘fro, long silver nails. Her clothing was a mixture of funky, grindhouse chic and Janis Joplin on acid. Her platforms were at least six inches tall. She wore an eye-patch (not unlike a pirate) over her left eye. Her perfect features combined with her formidable height (thanks to those custom made platforms) and the facial perforations made her quite a formidable figure.

Ava Koertig was raised in a small town in central Germany called Niestetal. She was adopted by a rabbi who lived there and was brought up in the Jewish tradition. At age sixteen she kissed her sleeping step-mother on the cheek, left a note on her step-father’s table and left to travel the world. Ava traveled far and wide; two years later, she was married for forty three days and sixteen hours to a certain James David from Sydney, Australia. The ceremony took place in Tampa, Florida on a golf course owned by a prominent lawyer with a 1-800 number. Her trail vanishes after that for seven years and then all of a sudden she reappears at her adoptive parents’ doorstep with three missing toes, a glass eye, a face full of piercings and approximately seventy four million American dollars in various Swiss accounts. Nobody knows what occurred in those seven years that Ava disappeared.

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noise: Pelican - Pink Mammoth

Yoshima

2007-09-24T03:03:00.000-04:00

The first thing you notice is the long flowing hair. Like The rays of the sun, a beautiful light golden color, you could even call it silver colored. It cascades down his back like a curtain of silk. He looks at you with pink eyes. He squints so much that his eyes look like slits under his almost nonexistent eye-brows. It is not that he does not have eye-brows, it just looks that way because of the fact that all the hair on his body is almost translucent. He is extraordinarily tall; much more than most people of his land, he stood over a head taller than the head monk at the monastery. His skin was pale; almost translucent like his hair. One could see almost every vein and nerve in his body if they looked hard enough. He was a man with albinism.

He was known as Yoshima. Nobody knew his real name; he was found as a baby on the monastery's doorstep almost twenty eight seasons ago. The monks took him in and raised him as their own and as a child of god. He was considered as being holy by the villagers because of how he looked. The people of the land used to come from far and wide to just see him and kneel before his presence. Yoshima hated this. He did not want to be worshipped or treated like an angel. He wanted to be "normal". Every night, lying in bed after his nightly meditation, he would imagine how he would live his life if he were "normal". But it was not to be, Yoshima did not know the ways of the world outside of his monastery. He believed that his body was the reason for his life being the way it was, and for this he hated his body and himself.

----------------
noise: Air - One Hell of a Party