Colette's Love Bytes

When Love Makes You Miserable

2009-11-30T17:53:00.000-08:00

For a few months I was in love with somebody. I'm not sure why, or if I was really in love with that person, or the person I thought he was. Now that I've stepped back, I realize that I didn't know him at all. He didn't want me to know him.

He played games, he kept me at arm's length at all times, and he had never stopped loving his ex. Needless to say, I was miserable. I had so much love to give, and yet he wasn't the one to give it to. He didn't deserve it anyway.

The last time I saw him, he mistreated me, and it broke my heart, because I had always been so good to him when he was at his lowest point. Sometimes loving somebody hurts, and I stopped loving him to finally make the pain go away. And it did.

Model Featured: Tom Stapledon

I'm Back, Bitches

2009-11-22T15:46:00.000-08:00

Yikes, it's been a while since I've posted. The last four months have been anything but enjoyable for me. I got caught up in a bad situation involving a guy I really liked, and I will definitely write about it soon. I'm out of it now and stronger than ever. I'm going to chalk it up to another learning experience. I should've known better, and I should've never got involved knowing the situation, but I did. Sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees.

Anyway I'm glad to be back, and I promise to start posting more. I have a lot to say. These past few months have taught me some very hard lessons. It's a new day, and I'm feeling good: out of the darkness and into the light.

Let Them Eat cake.

2009-10-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

There's a new cake shop in Lexington, MA called "cake." They feature a line of delicious cupcakes and beautifully crafted dessert and specialty cakes. The menu features a chocolate lover's dream cake, "Midnight Delight", a dense fudge cake filled with chocolate pastry cream topped with a generous dollop of chocolate buttercream icing; a sweet vanilla bean cake filled with rich pastry cream and topped with Ghiradelli chocolate ganache, "Black Tie Affair", a southern red velvet cake topped with a luscious cream cheese icing, "Red Carpet", along with several other tempting flavors.

Check out Cave Cibum's review for Cake in Lexington, MA.

Also, check out The Cupcakes Blog

Chowhound Review

Bad Advice

2009-09-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been checking out some online advice sites/forums, where women discuss their love issues. I'm blown away by some of the negativity and coldness of some of this advice other women give each other. There are a lot of inane "he's just not that into you" statements, which is fine if you're Greg Behrendt and you're saying this four years ago, but this is 2009: can we please come up with another catchphrase? Please!

These women come online because they're in stressful situations with the guys they like, and yet, the other women on the site are completely insensitive and make nasty, judgmental statements. My mom always taught me that there is a way to say everything in a nice way. I'm really sick of reading various women's questions and the non-thinking, trite answers that soon follow.

I've been giving advice for years, whether it's been to friends, co-workers, family, etc, and I can tell you the moment you start saying "You know what you should do," then you're already doing it wrong. People ask for advice because they don't know what to do; they have turned it over in their minds over and over, and by asking you for an opinion, they are showing you that they really need help.

So, why make them feel bad about themselves? Why turn condescending on them, or act as if you are judging them? Be their friend, listen to what they have to say, and most importantly, be gentle with their feelings.

I read these websites, and I'm horrified by the brutal "tough love" approach taken by these women: women, who I might add, have probably made the same mistakes, have been heartbroken, cheated on, or are in horrible relationships. And yet, they act as if they are better than everybody. "He's just not that into you!", they exclaim. Dump him and move on. Ok, great advice. However, never once do people take into account on how hard that can be sometimes.

A woman who is in love with a man or living with a man cannot just dump him and move on without really tearing apart her life, not to mention her heart and soul. So, why be so harsh?? Isn't there a way of saying these things without being so insensitive and cruel? The whole point of giving advice to somebody is to make them feel better, not worse. I'm really disgusted by these despicable, heartless bitches who don't understand that.

If You Don't Log Into Facebook Everyday...

2009-09-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been checking out some relationship advice forums, and one of the things I've noticed is that women will blame a guy not logging into Facebook for one or (gasp!) two days on "he must be going through something". Umm, maybe he's busy, or maybe he found something better to do than update his Facebook status, or maybe he knows you're a psychopath who's cyberstalking his every move online.

Why Is It?

2009-08-26T18:17:00.001-07:00

Why is it I only get texts from a guy that I want nothing to do with? I don't want to see him, hang out with him, talk to him, etc., and yet, he won't get the hint. It's been two months now, since we had our first and only date. Leave me alone. Stop texting me. Stop asking me about the guy whom I told you I was seeing (to get you off my back). We're not friends, so move on. I'm just not that into you.

This guy never gives up, and it's really getting on my nerves. I deleted him from my Facebook, and then the fool tried requesting me again. Who does that?! And, then every couple of weeks, I get some asinine text from him. It's starting to piss me off. I think if he texts me again, I'm going to tell him off.

I don't mind being single. It's not the best, but it's tolerable. But for the love of all that is holy, please make this idiot go away. The last text he sent me, I ignored. I've been ignored a million times by guys. This is my way of paying it forward, I guess, ha.

Worse

2009-08-26T18:03:00.000-07:00

What's worse than having to deal with your friend's cheesy, gag-worthy hourly status updates about how great her new boyfriend is on Facebook?

Answer: Being subjected to her equally annoying boyfriend's status updates on how amazing his girlfriend is.

Seriously. Knock it off.

Sharks with Laser Beams and Now This

2009-08-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

I love that this picture was taken at a Doubletree hotel.

(Via Passive-Aggressive Notes)

It's Britney Bitch, and She's President

2009-08-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

(NY Mag via The Huffington Post)

Mad Men, Season 3 Poster

2009-08-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

Does it really get any better than this?

Nobody Cares How Much You Love Your Boyfriend

2009-08-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

As much as I love Facebook, there's a part of me that despises it with a deep passion. There are many reasons for this: the stupid comments my relatives leave from time to time, people who send me angel requests and virtual drinks, people from high school I couldn't stand then and I don't care to know anything about now, but the thing that irks me the most are the annoying morons who have to flaunt their relationships on their status updates.

If you use the term "sweetie", "my man", "the best boyfriend/husband ever", or "the love of my life", you should die in a fire. Nobody cares how much you love your fat, Natty Lite-swilling, underachieving gamer boyfriend. Your friends don't care, and most likely, your family doesn't care either. Nobody does. Your relationship is between you and your significant other, so leave it that way.

Now, enjoy some of the best STFU Marrieds has to offer. God, I love this blog.

(Click on the pictures for larger images.)

Best comment: These people must be 16 years old as evidenced by use of the word "schlong".

Best comment: Yeah, i kind of wish their names weren't blurred out so i could befriend Jill and Chuck on facebook because of their awesomeness.

Best comment: "no romance without finance"
Sounds like she wants to discuss mutual funds in bed.

2009-08-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Colette's Favorite "Love" Tracks

2009-08-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

This one will make you want to grab a sexy guy and hold him close. Trust.

Delline's vocals give me chills.

This one will make you dance with that special guy in your life.

I love this one because it's kind of forbidden and sexy. There's something slightly erotic about it.

Just Friends

2009-07-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

My mom has a theory that there's no such thing as a guy friend, just somebody who was, or still is interested, but he got caught in the friend zone, and now you two are buddies. I'm not sure this can be said about all male/female relationships, but there are the select few instances where this theory holds true.

You meet a guy, and he likes you, and because you're a friendly person, you're nice to him, and then he sits around and bides his time hoping (a) you'll see how amazing he really is (b) realize that what you've been searching for is right under your nose, or (c) hope to get you so wasted that you lower your sober standards and have sex with him.

This so-called friend will linger for months, even years, just waiting for you to choose him. 9 times out of 10, you do not end up with him. Sure, there are people out there who fall for their best guy friends, but it's rare.

The worst part is when you do like some other guy, he will act like a needy, jealous boyfriend. And forget about trying to hook up with somebody around him because he brings a whole new meaning to the classic "cock block". This guy will go out of his way to keep you from hooking up with this person. When finally you have to step in and say "Ok, cut the shit."

He acts as if he carries the secret lock to your vagina. This is why you have to be blunt, and if it means hurting the guy's feelings, then so be it. You can't let somebody ruin your happiness because jackass didn't get the hint 8 months ago that you two were only friends and nothing else.

So, how do you keep these friends from coming into your life? The key is to look for the warning signs right off the bat. Red flags are:

- overly helpful
- makes it annoyingly clear that he's attracted to you, despite you changing the subject
- when you talk about other guys, he puts them down
- texts and e-mails constantly through the day and night
- never dates anybody
- makes comments how you need a "real man"
- calls himself "a nice guy"
- is always trying to spend alone time with you
- makes snide remarks to the guy with whom you're interested, but passes it off as he's joking (he's not)

Communication is key. You control this friendship, so if he steps out of line, then it's your job to straighten him out. Don't let anybody make you feel uncomfortable. And if your friend can't respect your boundaries, then tell him to hit the bricks. Trust me, there are men out there who are able to manage a friendship with a woman without it bordering the line of stalking or sexual harassment. "Just friends" means just friends.

Rude People on Cell Phones

2009-07-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

Hey Rude is one of my favorite blogs, and it features submissions from annoyed folks who come across rude people on their daily travels. People on cell phones drive me nuts. Because every jackass on a cell phone in public doesn't realize or care if he/she is bothering the people around them.

I especially like it when somebody talks loudly, so that everybody can hear his/her conversation. Hey Rude has a perfect example of this total disregard for other people. Can you imagine being stuck at the nail salon being forced to listen to this waste of a human being.

(Via Hey Rude)

Narcissus Called and He Says You're In Love With Yourself

2009-07-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

Throughout my online dating adventures, I was contacted by a guy who was extremely attractive, intelligent, and successful. He was the total package, except for one major flaw: he was completely in love with himself. I have never seen anything like it before.

He sent me an e-mail, and I responded, and then he waited quite a while before he responded, several days in fact. However, I would see that he was viewing my profile here and there. It was strange. Usually once you respond to somebody's e-mail, that person does not hesitate to reply back, but he did.

Finally, he replied. And then we chatted on IM. He asked me what attracted me to him, and I said that he was "cute". He was offended by the comment. He said that he was used to women "throwing themselves at him". He said that I didn't seem that into him. Hi, I don't know you! We just started talking! So, the only thing I could go by was the profile and his pictures.

Against my better judgment, I agreed to meet him for drinks. The plan was that he was supposed to e-mail me during the work day and we would iron out the details of the date. He never e-mailed me at work, so instead of waiting around like somebody's lap dog, I made other plans with my roommate.

That night around 8, he called. I let it go to voicemail. He sent me a message through the online dating site. He wanted to go out. I told him I had plans. He told me to cancel them. I told him no, and then he said that he had a back-up date. However, he continued to insist that I cancel my plans. I refused.

He said that if I really liked him, then I would cancel. I didn't. I don't break plans for assholes. In fact, I don't break plans for any guy. I had a life before him, and just because he's in the picture, doesn't mean I have to alter my whole world for him.

The funny thing about this particular guy was the fact that if he was so fantastic and women were throwing themselves at him like he insisted they were, then why was he cruising the online dating sites looking for available women? He claimed he was "selective", but a lot of guys say that to make the woman feel special. These men usually aren't that picky: they're desperate.

In the end, despite this guy's good looks, he became increasingly unattractive to me. He was an arrogant asshole who really thought he was a gift to all women and that they should actively pursue and chase him. F that. I will never chase a man. It's not worth my time or the effort I put into it because whether he realizes it now or not, the one he will end up falling for will be the one whom he pursues.

Can Somebody Smack This Woman?

2009-07-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

There's this website called "STFU Marrieds", and I'm completely in love with it. Because I'm so fucking sick of seeing boring ass Facebook status updates from annoying friends who go on and on about their married lives. I have one friend in particular who constantly updates her page with comments about how she misses her "man" when he travels on business. STFU. He's probably cheating on you. This is the same one who used to have a t-shirt that said "I love my boyfriend". People like this need to be smacked upside the head. Seriously.

(Click on the picture for a larger view)

(Via STFU Marrieds)

Photoshop Disaster: Britney's Candies Ads

2009-07-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

She looks like a wax sculpture from Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. Everything about these ads are artificial and strange looking. It's as if they took some random photos of Britney and superimposed them into various pictures.

(Via D Listed)

The Pick-Up Artist Gone Wrong

2009-07-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

The other night, my roommate and I decided to grab some drinks at a local bar up the street from us. We sat down at the bar and ordered a couple of Coronas and about twenty minutes later, two guys walked in. Before we knew it, one of them came over to us in a frenetic, yet extremely awkward manner and blurted out: "If you could give up one thing, great food or great sex, which would it be?"

The worst part was he stammered because he was obviously nervous, which made my roommate and I feel really uncomfortable and embarrassed for him. In fact I was cringing, and I couldn't even answer his poll question or whatever it was because my mind had gone blank. The situation was sad, and he obviously felt humiliated and soon left the bar with his wingman aka the silent, timid guy standing next to him.

I decided to research the PUA (Pick-Up Artists) opening lines. Now, just picture some guy coming up to you and a friend, asking you these stupid questions.

Settle this bet for me, ok? If you KNOW you will never get caught, is it cheating?

Guys, quick question. What's hotter: a tattoo, or a piercing?

Do you guys know any good places to dance around here?

Guys. I have a really important question for you. Like, fate of the world stuff. You ready? Bacon? Or ham?

OK, I need help settling this argument. Guys or girls: who kisses better?

How about instead of all this hoopla, a guy comes over with some confidence and a smile and says hello and asks you how your night is going so far. Simple is good. Women respond well to friendly and confident. They don't want to be polled or surveyed. You have a much better chance of striking up a conversation acting normal than you do coming across as a bad TV game show host.

Colette's Club Track of the Day: I Hate This Part

2009-06-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

Since I love club music, and I'm a former club girl, I thought it would be fun to feature a new club track for all the ladies who love to dance to this kind of music.

I Hate This Part: Pussycat Dolls (Digital Dog Remix)

My So You Think You Can Dance Obsession Continues

2009-06-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

This Mia Michaels' contemporary routine from So You Think You Can Dance is one of my favorites from this season. I've only watched it about ten times. I'm obsessed! It's called "The Butt Dance, and once you watch it, you'll understand why.

(Via Rickey)

Just Say No To Dudes on the Pole

2009-06-29T17:23:00.000-07:00

(Via Passive Aggressive Notes)

Dancin' The Night Away

2009-06-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went out dancing with my cousin, who just turned 21, and my best friend and her friends. We had a blast dancing the night away. I realized how much I've missed it. It had been so long since I had been out to a club. I felt alive again for the first time in years.

My ex and I had met in the club scene, and we fell in love because we shared the same taste in music and love for everything related to the scene. When our relationship started falling apart, we no longer went out, for a variety of personal reasons, even too personal for this blog. We stopped having fun with each other.

It made me think about relationships and how the only way they work is if a couple makes the effort to constantly work on them. It takes communication, compromise, and being able to have a good time with each other. Once those things are gone, then there's nothing left. Love cannot survive if those two people build a wall between each other, whether they realize it or not.

We no longer danced the night away with each other, the way we used to when we first met and fell in love. We no longer hugged each other, or told each other how much we meant to each other, and most importantly, we stopped having fun together. We became enemies and strangers living together. The last year of our relationship was like living with the ghost of what we used to be. I was constantly depressed and beat myself up because I couldn't make the relationship any better.

I lost myself. My spirit was broken, and I stopped going out and dancing, something I had been doing for a good ten years, if not more. My failing relationship took over my life. Last night was the first time since my break-up where I actually felt like my old self again. I danced the night away, but I also found a piece of myself that had been lost for a long time. It was an amazing thing.

The "I Still Live at Home" Guy

2009-06-18T19:36:00.001-07:00

I'm always baffled by these clueless and dependent (see: Mama's Boys) dumbasses. They're always in their late 20s to early 30s, and it's always for the same reason "I'm saving money for a house." No, they're not, but it sure does sound good. And they always put a good spin on their living situation: "Oh, I have an apartment downstairs." Umm, last time I checked this was called your mother's basement. If your mother has to knock before she comes down to do laundry, then it's a basement. If your mother has to call down the stairs for you to come up and eat dinner, then it's a basement.

These men always have decent jobs, and they seem to have their shit together: they don't. They're completely dependent on their mothers. Their mothers do everything for them: cook, clean, make their beds, tie their ties, and do their laundry (of course!). These guys have been babied and breast fed well into their 20s, and they're not weaning off the teat anytime soon. If you date one or worse, end up with one, you will be their new Mommy.

If you meet one of these, don't waste your time. They're immature, financially retarded, and have no understanding of the adult world as we know it. There are many guys out there who have apartments, pay their own bills, and even make their own beds, so why bother dating ones that don't? Save yourself the aggravation. Date real men, not boys.

Rapid Rob and Lessons in Attraction

2009-05-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I've been doing some online dating. Recently, I posted an ad on an online dating site. A guy with the e-mail name "Rapid Rob" replied to my ad. His e-mail was the standard "I'm awesome, and this is why" e-mail, which is great, but to me, physical looks are the first thing I look for. I think physical attraction is very important, especially when online dating.

If I don't like the way you look, then I'm probably not going to like you in person either. Call me superficial, but this is just how I roll. Rapid Rob sent me a picture, and it wasn't that good: he was standing on the beach with his nephew (see my article: The 10 Guys You Meet Online where I list the "Children/Dog Lover Guy"); he was wearing a baseball cap, and it was tough to see what he looked like.

If you have hair, then I want to see it, and if you don't, then I want to see that, too. Show me your face without hats or sunglasses partially covering it. As my friend always says regarding guys' online dating profiles: "I'm going to find out eventually what you look like, so you better show me now. You're not hiding from the paparazzi. You're trying to get dates."

From what I could see of Rapid Rob, I didn't like. I wasn't attracted to him (it happens!), and I never e-mailed him back. Rapid Rob has obviously never been rejected before, because he chose to e-mail me the following:

very surprised i never heard back from you. i mean, it's certainly not like your out of my league physically. if anything, i'd say i'm a little out of yours.

oh well, your loss!

To which I responded:

Well, first of all, you didn't send the best picture. I really can't tell what you like while you're wearing a baseball cap, even when I zoom in. Second of all, consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to slum it or lower your standards with me. You obviously think you're pretty amazing. Good luck with that.

And then RR replied back because he's a clueless asshole:

in other words, you were concerned i might be bald or losing my hair--which i'm not by the way, but the mere fact that you place such a high priority on hair shows how superficial you are. i mean, we're not 21 anymore...

And then, I e-mailed him the following:

This is obviously your first time doing online dating because you're completely clueless to the unspoken rules. Newsflash! Not everybody is going to be attracted to each other. If I ignore your e-mail, then just move on, don't continue to send me e-mails, making snarky comments. Your pic was not good because your face was partially covered by the hat... Duh! Now, go harass some other girl. I don't date vaginas and that's what you're acting like.

Of course, RR had more to say, because he always has to have the last word:

boy, i guess i dodged a bullet with you!....
i'm going to make one point and then i'm done: people tend to pair up with those who are about on their level physically in terms of looks. i pointed out that from a purely objective standpoint, you are NOT out of my league. we're both about a 7.

i see a lot of unrealstic women out there, and i think you are one. i'm handsome, but it's not good enough; you want (and think you can get) a super-handsome, hot man who has all sorts of other wonderful qualities too.

There were a couple more e-mails where I basically told him to go on Match.com, and then I said that there would be women who would think he was the bees' knees, and he had to send one snarky e-mail back about how Match was full of "fat and unattractive" people, and that's probably why I would never go on there. Little does he know that I have a profile on Match. But whatever, let Rapid Rob believe whatever he has to, to help him deal with the fact that there was a woman on this planet that was not attracted to him. Seriously, get the fuck over it! If you can't accept rejection, then you shouldn't be dating.

And, what's up with the name "Rapid Rob"? I told my friend that the name made me think "one minute man". Am I the only one who thinks this way? It's not a good name if you're trying to attract women to date. I also love his comment about how he "dodged a bullet" with me. Umm, I never threw a bullet his way, because I WAS NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM.

Can you imagine going through life, expecting that people you believe to be equal to your "attraction rating" should be automatically attracted to you? It's no wonder why this guy is single at 37. He's a bitter, delusional man who doesn't understand the world of dating or even the laws of attraction. I wish him all the best, and I truly believe that some woman out there will see him and think he's the bees' knees. Fortunately, it wasn't me.