"Whatever I say, you won't believe me/ whatever I say, you say no..."

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6263344244356526863.post-16246028879478379332008-07-07T19:13:00.005-04:002008-07-07T19:39:04.205-04:00"Whatever I say, you won't believe me/ whatever I say, you say no..."<a title="me and me by Jo Stockton, on Flickr" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/21767184@N03/2647144763/"><img height="452" alt="me and me" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3071/2647144763_366b05dd9f.jpg" width="500" /></a>Reading <a href="http://inajarblog.blogspot.com/">Evey</a>'s posts about getting ready to go off to university has made me think back to a conversation that Michael and I had not too long ago. I forget how it started, but it came down to us asking each other what one piece of advice we'd give our nineteen year old selves. While there are many things I'd like to jump into the past and tell myself ("Don't go to the hippie university in the small town! Stay in the city!" "Learn to cook!" "Dating musicians only seems like a good idea!") my most important advice for my past self can be boiled down into one sentence: Calm the fuck down. Yes, that is what I would say to nineteen year old me. Because, though I spent my teenage years with a hearty sense of self and big hopes for the future, when I turned nineteen and went away to school I started worrying obsessively. I worried about my first boyfriend dumping me. I worried about being alone "for the rest of my life!" I worried about becoming boring and settling down and never becoming a writer and never living in a big city and basically I worried as though I had absolutely no control over what my life was going to become. And that's how I felt. Like I had no control all of a sudden. This worry robbed me of a big chunk of my personality, the fun, goofy, daring part. The part that loved spending time by myself. The part that had faith in me to make the right decisions. And wow, I had never been so miserable in my life. It took until my 25th year to start being myself again. That's when I got back into interesting music, started writing a book, and learned how to sew. It was when I got pets, and a social circle, and learned about feeding myself well and not eating junk. It was when I started becoming who I am today, which is the most relaxed, happy, confident version of myself I've ever been. This self is an awful lot like the one that came before that age nineteen downfall. Michael's was similar to mine, something about telling himself to wait it out and he would find a place where he belonged. The Man of Science says that if he could tell himself "there is no truth, only predictability" it would have helped his academic career. And last night Adam thought about it for a while and said that he'd tell himself to start working out sooner because it is easier to get in shape when you're young. All good pieces of advice. What's yours, internet? J.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6263344244356526863-1624602887947837933?l=alsoatalker.blogspot.com'/></div>J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12260580747334230342noreply@blogger.com13