X O X O

This love is difficult but it's real

2009-06-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

I keep waiting for you but you never come; is this in my head? I don't know what to think. He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said

Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone. I love you and that's all I really know.

I love Taylor Swift <3

Almost as much as I love textsfromlastnight.com ha ha

(618): id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.

xoxo

We'll meet again someday

2009-06-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

A week ago, on May 27th, one of my cousins passed away. He overdosed (we think, the official report hasn't even been released yet) on heroin and a mixture of other drugs.

I usually only saw him a few times a year, holidays and such, and whenever he did my piercings for me. We were never close, but we were always family, and I think my mom put it best when she said how every year she looked forward to his company when the family got together because he was always so funny and welcoming. It didn't actually matter if you were his best friend or just a customer at the shop, he was always kind. So even though I know that when people die, it's not really goodbye for forever, and that they truly are at rest and okay, it is hard for me to understand that he's gone.

The service was really beautiful, but watching his family carry the casket out at the end and hearing the bagpipes, and then seeing my cousin and the rest of the family cry... so sad.

I don't remember any words that were spoken during the service, it's kind of a blur, but I do take comfort in the fact that wherever he is, we'll meet again. I know death is just a part of the journey that everyone goes through, but...

I will really miss you. Whenever our family gets together, I think everyone will be thinking that something is missing. It just won't be the same without you there. I love you, and wherever you are, rest in peace. Goodbye for now.

April 5, 1980- May 27, 2009

We belong together now, forever united here somehow

2009-06-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

Life as of 6.1.09

I've been with CJ for over 6 months, yay =] There have definitely been ups & downs but I think we're really good together.

My job has been going so well this past month and a half, I just love the kids in my room. Especially the twins. I know I play favorites, it's just so hard not to... =]

I'll be 20 in like two months.. what a downer birthday. So close to 21 and yet so far. I think I just want to go somewhere for the weekend, like a trip to Flagstaff with my boyfriend and then like a dinner with friends. Low-key. Maybe a river trip too...the best time you'll never remember :)

I found out Boston got his girlfriend pregnant. It's weird, thinking he is going to be a dad. To me, he'll always just be the biker from Boston who loves Jack Daniels. I guess everyone grows up!

Maybe I'll remember to update this more than twice a year. It's not like anyone reads it, but it's fun to read the things I thought x amount of months ago and realize how much I've changed :)

xoxo

=]

2008-12-12T16:17:00.000-08:00

"When you start to think about him & how he makes you laugh & how he makes you feel when you're around him, you realize you care about him more than you thought you did."

My life...

new boyfriend.
christmas.
no school for a month.
bubble baths & take the cake ice cream.
life is good.

peace & happiness, I'll post resolutions soon!

xoxo

Hm nothing important

2008-11-07T16:29:00.001-08:00

I feel like my life always goes back and forth, I can never just pick one thing. It's so frustrating.
But, I am SO excited Obama won.

I gave my presentation today though and I think I did a good job. I love powerpoint, they're fun to make haha.

I have a new job, at my favorite store, which means SHOPPING TIME!

peace & love

Love

2008-10-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

I LIKE THIS QUOTE :)
"The greatest irony of love; loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them, just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. As we all know, the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for passing time while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here's a piece of advice; let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure there is someone out there who will love you even more."

XOXO

You get what you put in and people get what they deserve.

2008-10-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

So this past Sunday was the Kid Rock concert! I love listening to his music live, and the concert was so fun :)

9.11.01

2008-09-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

Never forget what happened seven years ago today.

Maybe you disagree with the things our government does, or the way things were handled , or the war we're in right now, but in my opinion, put that aside for a moment and just remember all the people who were lost that day. The people who never got to come home from work that night, never got to see their moms, dads, husbands, wives again. Remember the survivors, too, and the people out there who lost someone.

Just remember ♥

Support the troops&believe that there can be an end.

Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back

2008-09-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm SINGLE and so excited! I had to break things off with him yesterday; maybe I'm too high maintenance, but I believe if you're not 100% happy and crazy about each other, there's no point. I've considered cheating more than once, which is sort of a sign I probably shouldn't be tied down. I just want to have fun and kiss a lot of boys, what can I say. Life is good :)

Except for being sick. But I made it through pilates today, so I think I'll be better soon. I'm not as tired and weak as I have been these past few days.

Pedicures with the fam this Friday, I'm pretty psyched. My new piercing is super cute, I love it.

What else... eh, I guess that's all for now!

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain, washed away a dream of you

2008-08-29T08:04:00.000-07:00

But nothing else could ever take you away
cause you'll always be my dream come true

-Skid Row

<3

Every rose... ha ha <3

2008-08-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

I have almost all of my books for school, my backpack, folders, notebooks, pens, etc. New clothes. New bedding for my room... which was more impulsive than anything. I sent my thank you card. Signed up for my dance class. Started this year's planner. I think I'm set for this school year, or at the very least this semester.

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round

Hmm. Last night also made me miss partying as much as I used to.

“My favorite gift I’ve ever received is a flask. I think giving someone a flask is a nice way of saying: ‘Hey you seem like a drunk on the go. You strike me as needing hard liquor at all times… thanks… This would be good for you in your car.’” -Jim Gaffigan

Tonight at 7:oopm is... POISON!

Just some general updates...

2008-08-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

My 19th birthday was AMAZING! Sea World was so much fun, and just spending time at the beach was so relaxing :)

Sad part: On the ferry coming back from Coronado Island, we detoured into the Navy base at North Island (or something like that, I don't remember it's exact name), and this young guy came on and sat by my mom and us on the ferry. They made small talk, he was 20, from Misouri, hated sharing a room with 39 guys. He was going to play poker with friends before he had to report back at 6am. We all got off, and went separate ways... I turned back to see him, and he was turned around too looking at me. I turned back, then turned around again he was still looking. But then he was lost in the crowd =/ I'll probably never know his name, or what happened to him... but I don't think I'll ever forget watching him leave. I can't explain it. I didn't even really think he was cute, he was just one of those people where you want to know their story. If that makes sense.

In other news.. birthday cosmos were super fun. I think I drank 4 nights in a row. I love vacation.

It was so nice to see my grandma & some of my friends when we got back, though. I missed them so much.

What else... school in two weeks. Need to buy books pronto. Hmm and a new backpack I think. And new school outfits. Busy busy.

James Franco is so cute.

If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow

2008-07-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

Just as long as you were with me when the cold winds blow.

Life is amazing. I don't think I have one thing to complain about, except maybe work, but in about 3 weeks I start working just one day a week, so I think that problem will resolve itself soon. I just spend too much time there.

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time." I want that! Ha ha I need to stop watching romantic comedies.

On top of all that, school starts soon! The fall semesters have always been my favorite. Going to school in the cold, counting down til Christmas, listening to holiday music on the way to school. Wearing jeans and Uggs and trying to stay comfortable and warm. This semester shouldn't be too difficult at all, one class is an exercise one, another is online, and my lab is Bio 100, which, really, can't be too hard after getting a B in 187.

Oh, for my birthday I'm getting the entire Sex and the City series on DVD. Plus I'm going to the Poison concert, and San Diego. I love my birthday :)

xoXOxo

I don't know what this is, cuz you got me good

2008-06-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

Just like you knew you would.

I'm excited.

So far for the week of house-sitting, we have pj night, dress up night, and margarita night. I CAN'T frickin wait, this is gonna be so fun with the girls <3

I bought a new bra today from VS... super psyched to wear a tube top now with the new strapless bra. I also need to wear my new dress... :)

I have a really runny nose and I think I'm getting a cold, but oh well. No time for colds. Thank god for cold pills with sleep stuff in them, because I definitely need a good night's sleep.

XOXO

I see those Jimmy Choos, those Vera Wangs

2008-05-25T13:16:00.000-07:00

I got my Coach purse two days ago. I am officially in love with all things Chanel and Coach. Next paycheck I'm buying Coach shoes I'm pretty sure.

I got a bikini wax with my friend yesterday, and while it will eventually be worth it, it's still effin sore. Guys have it so easy.

Last night was my first night closing at the store, and it was really fun. After the minors leave and the store is closed, everyone gets to talk and joke around, and I'm actually really happy to be working there again.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, which means hamburgers and swimming!

5 days til Sex and the City <3

xoXOxo

"Why yes, I do clowning for a living"

2008-05-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

So I was watching MTV True Life today, and it was about people who have embarrassing parents. One girl's mom and dad were... clowns. Their whole house was decorated with clown crap; posters, pillows, statues, paintings. It was unreal. The girl had a party, and her parents were dressed normal until they went out to get pizzas. When they came back, they had a bunch of their creepy clown friends with them and they were ALL in full clown gear. Just tell me what kind of person wants to be a clown. Explain please, because I don't get it.

..........

Today it was over a hundred degrees in Phoenix. It's MAY. I am SO jealous of people who live in like Canada right now.

XOXO

Lil Wayne is stuck in my head

2008-05-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

I put together the best Mother's Day present for my mom. I'm so excited to give it to her!

Oh my goodness, so last night. J came by to say hi [and drop off some Malibu], and he hugged me a few times, but something was weird. I know he was thinking about when he used to kiss me like that. Well, I'm sure he was, because he texted me that like 2 seconds after I walked inside. I know we would never work dating. We have a good friendship, I like that we both know each other so well.

I found my [shocking pink] nail polish, finally, so my nails match what they used on my pedicure!

I have to babysit, which means free food and clown paranoia. I hope an America's Next Top Model marathon is on!

XOXO

I'll keep you locked in my head, until we meet again.

2008-05-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

First of all, Cinco de Mayo was insane. C and C make the best shots in the world. Lots of drama went down, but on the upside... it was a good night for me :)

So this one person is still stuck in my head. I had a dream about him the other night, it was super weird. I might send him an email... and see what he says about the thing on the 22nd. Maybe I'll go.

XOXO

Nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace

2008-04-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

So I ran out of books to read... and then I decided to clean out my cabinet. I saw my neatly stacked pile of Harry Potter books, and then I remembered that I needed to reread the 7th one, since I forgot some of the details.

So I started to read it again. And then I remembered my favorite fanfiction between Sirius/someone I forgot, and Harry/Hermione, and went to find that.

And then. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was on TV last night.

Harry Potter is everywhere. Last night my mom asked a question about the movie, and I kept talking and talking and she was just like... how many times have you read the books? haha :)

The Cinco De Mayo party is really soon, I'm so excited!

But, I had to pay $280 for 2008-2009 parking pass.

I also bought a $30 fruit enzyme face mask, so I'm pretty excited to get that in the mail. Along with the Victoria's Secret clothes I keep buying. I need a job, really bad.

I'm not responsible.

I also have a final tomorrow.

XOXO

Oh my gosh!

2008-04-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

How about some updates?

1) SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE is almost out and I can't wait!

2) I broke up with the boyfriend back in February, and have since almost broken up three or four relationships because guys are pathetic, but thankfully I'm not that skanky.

3) Cinco do Mayo party is coming up, and there's going to be SO much tequila..

4) I was at this party on Saturday, and to make a long story short, this guy was into me. He had an awful sense of humor, like really not funny at all, but I decided to go outside with him because he "really needed to talk to me." He was drunk, and decided that a better option would be to make out with me, despite his Salsa Verde dorito breath. I moved my head, which is when he decided to make out with my ear. Tongue and all. It was nasty. When I decided to crash on the floor, since it was like 3 in the morning, he took it upon himself to lay next to me, which is when I loudly said "We are NOT cuddling all night, get off of me and GO." Stupid.

5) This is the most important update of all. Remember from my old blog, the teacher I had a huge crush on? I ran into him yesterday. He recognized me, and got my attention, even though I was a huge creeper and like, stared at the back of his head for ten minutes prior. It really made me miss him. We talked for like a half hour, and he mentioned again that if I ever needed help with anything, I was always welcome to stop by his classroom. We hugged, and chit-chatted, etc; it was totally fun to catch up. I think he's one crush that I will never get over. Ha ha god that's retarded.

6) I'm going to the Poison concert for my birthday! I got way into Rock of Love 2, and since Poison is on tour this summer... I will definitely be there.

7) Freshman year of college is almost over... wow. That's really incredible. I'm really liking college, probably too much.

8) I spent 30 hours in a kindergarten classroom for one of my teaching classes, and I have to say, I'm very excited to be a teacher. Mamacita! <3 face="arial" style=" color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">9) 301 money... smart schools... CADAVERS?!

10) I wonder what's in store for the future. This summer, sophomore year, the rest of my life. I'm going to be 19 soon. There's stuff I need to do.
-Go to Amsterdam, Germany, etc.
-Finish college and find a teaching job :)
-Learn a new language. Italian.
-But lots of Chanel things.
-Kids. If I have twins, I'm naming them Coco and Chanel.
-Go GREEN. Be a vegetarian. Maybe.
-and the list goes on...

PEACE AND LOVE XOXO

December 7th, 1997

2007-12-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

Was the day that he died. I remember going to school the day after that, and hearing James and Cary say that he was killed, but why would I trust two 8 year old boys? It wasn't until we got to class, and Ms. B handed out the letter from the principal saying that he had died, that I had to believe it.

It's a weird feeling. He was the only one who didn't die; what if, when him and his brothers were getting in the car, he sat somewhere else, even just a seat over. What if the driver who hit them remembered he needed gas, and went to get that instead of driving right into their car. What if.

He was the first person I can remember having a crush on. For the entire beginning of third grade, he would tease me all the time during recess, and I'd be a brat right back, but wow I loved the attention from him. He sat next to me for awhile during class, and when he did, I never paid attention to the teacher. I'd help him cut paper to make confetti, or re-lace his sneakers, because he'd never be paying attention either, and we'd always get in trouble together.

I wonder what he would be like today. He'd be 18, graduated. I wonder how he would have done in middle and then high school. I wonder who he would have dated, where he would have worked. He never got to grow up and get married, or have his own family. Never got to drive a car, or have a myspace, or go on a date. Kiss a girl. He shouldn't have died that day. We should have grown up together, all through high school.

I will never forget him. This day will always be hard for me, but I just have to keep telling myself that he's in heaven, and he's safe. Maybe he gets to look down occasionally and see his family, or me, if he remembers.

10.29.1989-12.7.1997

I love December.

2007-12-02T15:00:00.000-08:00

Because I get chocolate every morning. Thanks advent calendar.

My Christmas shopping is almost done, the cookies are baked, my room is clean, finals are almost over. Life is good.

I guess that's about it, this blog was pointless.

Hello.

2007-11-27T12:19:00.001-08:00

If you read this blog, either regularly, occasionally, or never except for right now, leave a comment. Just for fun.

I always wondered who does...

If no one leaves anything in, oh, two weeks, I'm never posting again because I'll be too depressed.

jk.

I decorated my room for the holidays. There are ornaments and garland everywhere, it's so pretty =]

I think...

2007-11-12T16:27:00.000-08:00

I'm going to scream. Last Friday my lymph nodes were swollen [horrible sign], I was pale and faint [more bad signs], and completely exhausted. SO luckily I got a last minute Dr's appointment, because if I hadn't I would have gone on a nice trip to the ER, and after two urine tests and a million failed attempts to get my blood, they were finally successful and everyone thinks I have mono again.

...life sucks.

But tomorrow school starts again, and I still haven't done my psych research, or finished my research paper, or studied for the test Wed, or.. I'm so behind, I just want to sleep.

So stressed. No fun title.

2007-11-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

It's time to start thinking about the holidays. That means decorating, making cookies, and buying presents. Oh boy. If I can add right, there's only like 47 shopping days left until Christmas. I need to get a move on.

I need to finish my 8-10 page research paper, sign up for psychology research, write my oppressed populations paper in APA style, and learn all about the philosophies that I texted through during class.

I also need to find a job, preferably one with nice, flexible hours that doesn't require much work and pays a lot.

....hello holiday season 2007.