Rohit Jayakaran : : Life...Where is my box of chocolates!!!

This is a Letter I wrote to the Head of Customer Care of the Company that Manufactured my DVD player

2007-07-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

Let me first give you a little background...I bought a DVD player on the 21st of May. It was a DVD player with some really cool new features, but it had one small problem as you will soon find out when you read the letter I wrote to the Head of Customer Care. You will however notice that I have not given you the name of the company I bought the DVD Player from, this is for Legal reasons and the fact that this is not a campaign against the company but more a personal battle which is limited only to my DVD Player. The Name of the company is referred to as XYZ.
Read on...

-------

To the Head of Customer Service(INDIA),

Dear Sir,

My Name is Rohit Jayakaran and I am the not so proud owner of an XYZ – DVD player*. However I used the word DVD PLAYER with the infamous term “CONDITIONS APPLY”. You may wonder why I use the term conditions apply, well that is perhaps because your DVD PLAYER* has one SMALL problem, it does not play DVDs.

I bought this DVD Player* on the 21st of May 2007 and ever since then it has taken longer to read a DVD than a 2 year old would take to read the new Harry Potter Novel. Last week I’d just about had enough and came to your office to give the infamous DVD Player* for repair.

I was shown the inside of the DVD Player* by one of the employees at your office and it was explained to me that the DVD Player* has 3 components and if any of them were to be found to be in less than pristine condition, it would be replaced, thus making the DVD player* as good as new.

I must thank my lucky stars that your service engineers have repaired my DVD Player* and made it as good as NEW…the ONLY problem is that it is AS GOOD AS A NEW XYZ DVD PLAYER which DOES not PLAY DVDs.

I would love to engage in this back and forth with your company attempting to try to make my DVD player* work, but my patience for your inefficiency has run out. I have accepted the fact that I might just as well wait for the 2 year old to read the Harry Potter novel to me rather than wait for your DVD Player* to play DVDs.

Now let me summarize the contents of this letter:
1. Your DVD Player is a gigantic paper weight.
2. I have run out of patience.
3. I want my money back.
4. You can keep the gigantic paper weight in your office for decorative purposes.
5. I would like a cheque make in favour of ‘Rohit Jayakaran’ for the Sum or Rs. 4790.
6. I would like you guys to co-sign an application for the Limca Book of Records for manufacturing the worlds most expensive paper weight. I AM SURE WE WILL WIN.

Kind Regards,

Rohit Jayakaran

Bridal Shower Item Number by the Dancing Queens

2007-06-04T11:36:00.000-07:00

This is a video we shot a few days ago at a Friends Brial Shower. Basically, 5 Cross Dressing men, gate crashed an all girls Bridal Shower, performed an ITEM Number and left...
Camera : Victor Lazaro
Dancing Queens : Rohit Jayakaran(Beedi), Satish(Kajrare), Soma(Pera Rap), Darius and Rajesh(My Humps).
Choreography : What Choreography???
Music : Soma and Rohit Jayakaran and some other big time composers who actually did the work.

Happy Birthday Sir...A tale of a final year student

2006-04-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes God plays a cruel joke and sometimes in the very same instance he can change that joke into full blown stand-up comedy. For those of you who are still trying to make sense of what I just said, I invite you to sit through a lecture of one of my professors in my final year of college. Some of these guys I guess are professors only because ‘luck’ had it that there was no other choice when they attended the interview… ‘bad luck’ that is…

Let me tell you about one such man, Prof. Banerjee(name changed to protect identity), who every time he catches an erring student claims that he has over 15 years of experience and has been fortunate enough to teach 50,000 students in those glorious years. I did some quick estimates and figured out that the dope, kind of over-estimated the figure by 44,500. (A minor over-estimation I must say.)

This ever so often repeated statement is followed by him condemning us for our very existence and for the years we have spent uselessly getting educated. In one particular instance I remember he said, “You have been students for 11 +3…15 years.” Boy I wonder how he came up with that figure….11 years for schooling and 3 years of college??? I am sure I was in school for a little longer that that, and 11 + 3 makes 15??? I guess our dear professor should have spent a few more years in school perhaps mastering elementary mathematics and if he had the time….English grammar.

I remember an incident that happened when the Kargil War on between India and Pakistan. As a self-proclaimed Master of Foreign Affairs and top secret army strategy and of course English Grammar this dude states, and I quote, “Pakistan says they cannot get won with Indian Army peoples.” There were revelatory moments and he would declare us to be ungrateful because we did not value the fact that we were in a great college while many did not make it in. He stated this in a rather eloquent and meditative manner. “Some peoples are lucky and some are non-lucky.” I presume he meant that those who did not get admission into our college were “non-lucky”…sometimes I wonder if it was perhaps not the other way around.

There is one thing that I kind of forgot to mention. Prof. Banerjee is a very caring man or at least so he wants us to believe. A devoted socialist and a firm believer in the concept of equality except when it concerns his new Korean car, his new house, his Parker pen about which he would never stop talking, our man always tried to instill the lofty ideals of socialism in the minds of his students. On one such occasion he said and I quote, “They all started with socialist pattern of society. They all broke it because of monotony because people were only labours, they were exploited like machine and machine parts.” You must be wondering why these statements sort of show that socialism is bad. But trust me all this time he was sincerely advocating socialism in his own special way.

Ever so often, when we would hear his golden words of wisdom, those of us who were not busy getting cured of insomnia would break out into loud fits of laughter. Not realizing that he was the object of our ridicule he would complain, “You making funs and jokes, you are not forgetting.” The second ‘you’ I am sure referred to him. This statement usually left the class devoid of laughter because by now all those who were catching up on valuable sleep would ask us what the Sage of Eternal Wisdom just said. This would most often turn the class into a replica of the local fish market or the Mumbai Stock Exchange. To silence the class he would use his warning line with utmost seriousness and severity, “No takings all of you.” I give up.

Once when we were discussing the Industrial Revolution, Prof Banerjee in a rather touching way told us about the plight of the miners during the industrial revolution. He said and again I quote, “In minings, miners have no nice breathings.” When we laughed, he told us that we had no feeling for those who suffer and that we were arrogant college students. Little did he realize that we were laughing at him and the limited brainpower the otherwise generous almighty has bestowed him with.

In addition to getting educated about the Industrial Revolution which according to Mr. Banerjee started in the late 5th century and was ordered by King Henry of England who had escaped being beheaded in Germany, we also learned a thing or two about politics and corruption. He once said, “You know these days we have all these politicians who were thundus and go to office and get corruption from others.” To top it all he told us that all the Mini-flyovers in Chennai were supposed to be two-ways but because of the corruption, half the money has been eaten up and hence they were now only one-ways. Wow!!!

Like most colleges, ours also organized out of city trips and we were unlucky or maybe non-lucky to have Prof. Banerjee accompanying us. Part of our trip was a rather unwilling stop at a Lion and Tiger Safari. I was unfortunately the last of the group to make the trip and hence got stuck with the witch doctor. When we entered the safari, he started his lame threats telling us that if we misbehaved he would throw us out of the bus and we would be eaten by the Lions just like in the story, “The man-eating TIGERS of Kumaon’. And when he did finally come upon a tiger he said, “Boys look…the King of the Jungle.” This is when our tour guide even with his limited understanding of the English Language broke out into a fit of laughter and threw Mr. B into a churning rage.

The next morning in the hotel room while most of us were still recovering from the rather low rates at the local bar Prof. Banerjee knocked on the door. We did not know who it was and so we used local slang to usher in the uninvited guest. To this we just heard the same knock being repeated. Finally one of the weary souls had to get up and open the door. The opening of the door was followed by a laugh from Prof. Banerjee. All he did was say, “Ha Ha ha.” We wished him a very good morning. He repeated his, “Ha ha ha.” Now we were in a dilemma…should we join him in his unbridled early morning enthusiasm or should we ask him why he was laughing like a drunken old ape in the forest. Well, someone finally asked him why he was laughing and he simply said, and these words still echo in my mind every time I hear a knock a door, “Ha ha ha. Today is my birthday, wish me Man!!!” The only thought that traversed my mind on hearing this chap was that we were now going to be forced to celebrate the anniversary of the day the Lord Almighty made one small mistake; the mistake being creating a Prof. Banerjee with the gift of the gab but not giving him enough brain power to back it up. Our sleepy response, “Happy Birthday Sir.”

An Extra Larger Order of CHICKEN Please!

2006-02-14T13:21:00.003-08:00

Sometimes in life you hold something inside for long enough that is starts affecting you mentally and physically. I am not going to waste anytime beating around the bush like I usually do. I am talking about confessing to someone that you really like them a lot. I think it was about time I did it.

You know fate would have it that I said something that I really wanted to say on a day like Valentine’s Day. The funny thing is that mine is the voice on the Radio Station in Bangalore attempting to get Bangalore into a rather romantic mood. Over the last couple of days you may have heard things like… “Keeping trying your luck…its Valentine’s week”…or… “Come on time is running out”… “Get smooth this Valentines day.”

I was driving to work this morning and was finding it hard to get my guts together…then all of a sudden I found inspiration in lines I had recorded and were playing on my radio station. You know I never thought that of all the people in the world, I would end up saying what I truly felt on Valentine’s Day. All of a sudden yesterday I was listening to a show on the radio and the Jock said, “If you would like to tell someone how you feel, there is no better time than now.” All of a sudden my passive listening turned into a call to action. I had been waiting for way too long.

You know the last time that actually did blog was on the 12th of January. Even on that day I really wanted to say something on my blog but rested after just saying something very briefly in my concluding sentence. Worse still at that time I was already overdue on my personal commitment to say what I really thought I should say.

As I was saying earlier, this whole thing weighs on you over a period of time. After a certain amount of time I think I personally started to feel that I was being deceitful to the one person I hold in great regard by most certainly being dishonest to time. I was high time I told her something.

Trust me, not a day has past all though this year when I have not thought I should tell her what I really feel. Then, on Friday morning while I was still struggling to open my eyes for the long day ahead, I received a call from my best friend in Chennai. His simple words kept echoing in my mind… “Tell her how you feel.”

With great determination, I started my day with the sole aim of telling her how I really felt. But fate plays funny games with us. I never got to see her on Friday. Unfortunate as it may seem, the weekend passed by with no better luck. Sometime late in the evening on Sunday, the whole thing hit me all over again…What would I say? How would I say it? What would my punch line be? How would I react to what she would say? Could I just be a chicken and tell her and RUN? Ahhhh…there I had it staring me in the face. The ‘I am a chicken approach was always a good one?’ Never really met anyone who has a success story attached to the Chicken Approach…but it should work…since I have never met anyone who has experienced failure with the same method.

How bad could it be??? Say what you want to…run and never have to hear what the other person said…live happily ever after in an illusion. Wonderful!!! “Can I have one Chicken Approach with a regular Pepsi and fries…on the go please!”

And there you have it…Monday morning. All ready for a hit and run. But this fate thing is like a pimple at puberty. The bugger keeps coming back. Monday was not my day. I think I woke up in the morning and on my way to work stopped off for an all important cup of tea. The sun was shining brightly and I said to myself… “Today does not feel like it.” I think I gave the guy at the Chicken counter, GUTS instead of BUCKS. Damn this fate crap.

Missed the opportunity all through the day. Finally I did what any self respecting man would not do… yes… I took the ‘Large Order of Chicken’…otherwise called ‘The phone call routine’. Hey stop judging me. Atleast I was not going to send her an SMS…that is like the ‘Extra Large Order of Chicken.’

So…my pride (Ha ha) in hand, I sent her an SMS. No no…I am not going Extra Large Chicken on you…I sent her an SMS to see if she was awake. At the same time to get a bit of an adenine rush, I switched on the playstation and started playing NBA LIVE. Yes…what a game. Now somewhere at the end of the first quarter of the game, she messaged back saying she was awake. This would be around 11:17 in the night. Lovely…excellent…what am I saying…lets be honest…I was wishing she was asleep. But she wasn’t. But I still needed some of that adenine rush…(Rohit you shameless CHICKEN) so I continued playing the entire game. At about half past the hour, I picked up my phone, and dialed her number. I had no idea what I was going to say, but I though that the words would come out when I got to the moment.

Earlier in the evening I had tried to script something, just incase I forgot what I was going to say. Later that became points and then I got butter fingers and decided…lets just do this on the fly….after all…I just had to be honest. Simple.

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Deep Breath

Hello!

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Hmmmm…looks like she has gone to sleep…yippee.

Now…I just have 25 minutes to Valentines Day. She is asleep. I cannot sleep. And I feel like a cheat and a dishonest soul. And that bugger fate knocks on my door.

“Hello”, I say. “I was not expecting you. But you seem to be here anyway. I am not going to fight you anymore dude. Ok so I will be one of THOSE people who say what they feel on Valentines day…but dude…I think it is just coincidence it happens to be the day when I finally got my act together…as far as I am concerned, it is a TUESDAY…and not Valentines Day when I am going to tell her what I feel”

FATE: “Whatever helps you sleep at night mate. Good night.”

Anyways, as you can see I don’t like this FATE chap too much. He has quite a loud mouth and likes to have his way. I hate people like that. I never listen to them.

TUESDAY MORNING

I wake up kind of late. On my way to work I stop by for a cup of tea. Something makes me say out loud, “Today is the day.” (Fate Sniggers)

Its not valentine’s day…it is Tuesday.

(In the distance and unknown voice… “Whatever Dude”)

Ok…I run through the day…minutes seemed like seconds. Seconds lost their importance. And I was staring at 6:15 on my watch. Damn you Rohit…Tell her…

And then I did. I looked for a moment of isolation. Got none. Created one and then…to her smiling expectant face, said something I have never said before.

“I have something to tell you”

“Is it about X, Y, Z…”

She kept interrupting...I needed to get more focused and stop leaving long pauses in between my words for her to interrupt. Focus ROHIT FOCUS. (BTW…Fate was smiling somewhere in the background. The scoundrel!)

And then I told her what I wanted to…

All I did was say what I truly and honestly felt. It should have been the toughest thing I have ever said, but it wasn’t. It seemed easier than speaking unprepared at a School elocution completion. I have never been so honest in my life. I usually know what people want to hear and tell them exactly what they need to hear to make them happy. But this time around, honest made me eloquent.

The funny thing is that I don’t quite remember what I said, but it was something to the effect, that you are an amazing person and I really really like you.

I don’t quite think she was expecting what I said. She on the other hand told me that I am a really good friend and her past will keep her single for a long time in the future.

Hmmm…

She then told me that this is going to make things weird between us. Then in the very next sentence she said, “I guess it must have been quite weird for you all this time though.”

Punch line time: ROHIT: Yes…but why should I be the only person feeling weird…you should fell weird as well…and so…I am here before you tell you what I really feel.

Boom!!!

She says with a big smile on her face (which I do not think has anything to do with me) “I don’t know what to say.”

Rohit: I don’t expect you to say anything. I told you what I felt. I just felt I needed to be honest.

With that I was in the studio at 7 pm taking over the drive time show. Some of my listeners asked me how it went…I told them the truth…I met up with an old mate for dinner…got home…I feel great. I have a smile on my face and a spring in my leap. It feels good to be honest...I played NBA LIVE and creamed the oposition !!! What a Game man!!!

Tomorrow is another day.

Confessions of a Quitter

2006-01-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

When I say, “Its been a while..” it really has. You know I started this blog with the intention of updating it on the go from my mobile phone almost a year and a half ago. However that whole GPRS thing was way to expensive for me to use on my mobile phone and so I decided I would update it the old fashion what from my computer everyday. But that turned out to be quite expensive in terms of time and so I decided I would blog once a year…that way I am bound to keep my promise to myself. Yes…New Year Resolution…aim low…and be an over achiever. Check it out…this is me meeting the target for 2006.

For those of you who have been sending me emails and posting comments on my blog, this move to actually blog again might come as a surprise to you. Well it comes to me as a surprise as well, but I thought that there is something I need to talk about. No…it is not about my new radio career in India. That is nice fun. Work is great, the people are fantastic…and yes…I have FINALLLLLLLLLLY signed up for a guitar class. Before we go any further…lets go through a brief history of my Musical Career.

BOOOM!

A Brief Overview of My Guitar Career.
1998(July)
Bought First Guitar off a friend

1999
Went for my first guitar class.

1999(Next Day)
Went for my second guitar class…and gave up.

2001
Donated Guitar to close friend.

2004
Decided to start Band with Friend in London. He picked up a drum kit and I picked up an electric guitar.

2004(Next Day)
Picked up 3 books and a CD ROM to learn the guitar.

2004(Next Month)
Moved to India with Expensive Electric Guitar. Looked like a rock star in the plane…got laughed at by friends.

2004(Dec)
Finally Opened the books and installed the CD ROM on my computer.

2004(Dec…15 min later)
Gave up.

2005(Dec)
Decided to sign up for guitar classes. But teacher recommends acoustic guitar. So buy a new one.
2005(2 days later)
Go for my first class.

2005(3 days later)
Take guitar to office where it is broken by some people moving chairs around.

2005(Dec - Last week)
Buy fourth guitar.

2006 (Today)
Hi I am Rohit Jayakaran. I am a quitter. But I have been going for my guitar classes for one month and one week.

Phew!!! That is quite long. Ok…but what I really wanted to talk about was a young lady who has quite caught my fancy. Ok…cold feet alert. I am not going any further. Will talk about this later…

(There you go again…you shameless quitter)

I Cycle...therefore I cycle.

2005-07-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

It has been a very very long time since I blogged. I would like to tell you all about my adventures over the past few months...but I won't. Instead I will tell you that I just bought a really funky Cycle. Yes...yes...as someone put it..."Rohit...aren't you going down the wrong end of the food chain?" Well...YES. But this is a lot of fun.

Ok Ok...I have not even ridden the cycle yet. I picked it up on my way back from work and unloaded it from the car and brought it inside the house. A few hours later I decided to unpack the bike....so I took my trusted Swiss army knife and tried to cut open the packaging. I was taking great care so as not to scratch the bike...but as fate would have it...I jabbed the knife into my palm...NICE START TO THIS BIKE ADVENTURE.

It is about 2 am now...I need to get up early in the morning to try out the cycle...so I better crash now...I wanted to go out cycling now...BUT...those dogs that guard the end of my street may think I am stranger...and trust me...18 gears is nothing compared to 8 dogs with more than 18 teeth each.

Dogs must be crazy

2004-09-09T13:54:00.000-07:00

I am slowly getting used to Bangalore. The food, the noise, the dogs...all of it. Coming to think of it, Bangalore is not that bad a city to live in. Ok apart from the traffic, the bad roads, the expensive real estate and the crazy mobile phone operators. Whatever said and done...Bangalore is a real fun place...I mean funny place to live in. I do not know if people notice some of this stuff...I am sure they do...but as Indians I guess we are really good at adjusting to stuff. Let me get started.

I don't know if you have ever noticed, but sometime people with paint brushes in their hands just have way too much power in their grasp. You would think that the guy paying people to paint notices would at least check up and see what these blokes are up to...or at least verify with someone with a few years of education behind them to check and see if the stuff they are paying to have painted or printed is actually correct. But NOOOOOOO...that would be too easy. This whole world we live in has a sense of humour.

For example, I was walking down Church Street last week in Bangalore and I saw this lovely notice. Now Church street is bang in the middle of town. It is next to MG Road...ie one of two street in Bangalore with WOMEN. Anyways this is what I saw:-

Now the best part is that the whole street virtually has this notice painted along the walls. Now if you do not see anything wrong with it, send me your cv and I will get you in touch with the Corporation of Bangalore and you can have a great career in painting walls or at least writing the copy for the stuff being painted on the walls.

Now as I said this whole world around us has a great sense of humour. Just opposite this lovely notice telling people NOT TO URINE on the wall was another classic. This time around the stuff painted was correct, just that one of those many idiots on roads who have somehow passed their driving tests does exactly what we expect of a moron. I draw your attention to exhibit B.

Now...need I saw more about this kind gentleman...or is a lady driver who got all excited about a free parking spot...hmm...on the subject of lady drivers...and I am be cautious here so that my lawyers do not need to get me out of any unnecessary trouble...ah...screw it...I will tell you another story. This was two weeks ago. I was on my friends bike and was sort of in a hurry to get to the studio from where I needed to pick up my audio show reel. Now this is an average side street in a residential area. There is enough place for two cars to pass and more than enough place for a car and a bike to get by without any trouble. I was behind this car. The driver was moving along quite slowly and so I wanted to overtake the driver. Just then I noticed that there was a push cart vendor on the street and the car looked like it was overtaking the push cart. I thought I could follow the car and then overtake the driver. But NOPE... I had to hit my brakes right there as the car came to a complete halt right in the middle of the road, and the drive...who by now you should have guessed is a lady, (sorry honey) rolls down her windows and starts buying vegetables from the vendor. When I finally over took her...I looked back and was about to give her a piece of my mind...then I though to myself...'Rohit Bhai tension nehi lene ka hai...it could have been worse.' (In english - Some people were dropped on the head as babies)

Talking about vendors and signboards. Here is another one from Bangalore's Brigade Road. This one is paid for by your and my taxes...ok...YOUR taxes. Once I start paying my taxes in India I will demand for proof readers to be employed...or maybe I just won't care. Yup anyways check out Exhibit C.

Hmmm...I do not think I have said anything about the traffic as yet. Well you have got to see the way rules are observed in Bangalore. The white line at traffic signals...the sticking to the lane...giving other people consideration...I would like to draw your attention to the ONLY follower of the above mentioned things visible in Exhibit D.

Yes you got it, my mate MooMoo the cow on Airport Road was the only person/animal behind the white line, in lane and letting traffic pass her by without making a fuss. The only problem being that MooMoo should have been eating grass in some field. Someone let her out to grab a bite...but in Bangalore all you will get it Bytes...sorry MooMoo...but thank you for that lovely pose. I will come and see ya later...say hi to your dad for me and tell him I ain't taking no bullshit from him.

Phew...now where does that bring me? Ah...Mintu, Pintu and Chintu. Yes they are my new mates in Bangalore. They live down my street. They are the stray dogs in the area. Mintu is black, brown and white...slightly plump. Pintu is thin and brown...and Chintu looks like Pintu but is called Chintu. Ah...yes and there is one more dog that refuses to come to me. I call him Moo… because he looks like MooMoo the cow. Anyways these are really friendly dogs. Ok they are friendly if you get them something to eat...but knowing me...you should know that I have already bribed all the dogs in my area so they give me no trouble when I get back late in the night...except Moo...the bugger cannot be bought...this evening we shouted at some dude working in one of the MNC's near my house because he was throwing a stone at Pintu. You should have seen him when we shouted at him...was worth a million dollars...ok...ok...5 bucks tops...

Ok I think I need to crash now...but before I go there is one more thing that is on my mind. Well I was thinking about the number of people who keep blowing their horns in India. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry. No one wants to wait for others (except MooMoo). When you look at the roads and the people on them, you would think that everyone is in such a hurry to be somewhere or the other...but think about it from personal experience. You try to get to the shop fast...you get there...and they serve you like time does not exist. You hurry to a government office...and they wait there for half a day to get one paper moved. You hurry to the AIRTEL showroom and then wait for 20 minutes just to find a seat and another 40 minutes for someone to greet you. Just think about it...why are we in such a hurry if in reality we are 'totally bindas' (Carefree and chilled out). WHY? What I would like to know is for a country and culture that can stay cool through almost anything...and where patience is not just a virtue but the requirement...why are we in such a hurry on the roads.

This brings me to the morons who have decided that it is really cool to have a stupid tune playing every time they hit the brakes. I shall however not waste even another minute of sleep over such people...may they get sick and tired of the crappy tunes they have chosen...

(If I have offended anyone, anything or any brand name, it is because I feel strongly about it...so if you wanna see me in court...get ready to write a cheque in my name...however if I have called you an idiot or a moron in this blog...it is because you are one...so just remember...NO PARKING IN FRONT OF THE GATE)

PS: Part 1 - My blogs always have spelling and grammar mistake. That is because I could not be bothered to read through them and correct the mistakes…after all…I am an idiot and a moron as well…maybe someday someone will write about me in their blog.

PS: Part 2 – If you would like to listen to my Audio Show reel, this is the address
http://www.rohit.co.uk/voiceover.htm
Also do check out some updates under the photographs section on my site - http://www.rohit.co.uk

London's Fish and Chips VS. Bangalore's Idly

2004-08-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

It has been about 20 days since I left the familiar sights and sounds of London an moved back home to India. I have taken sometime to settle down...but I think it is finally all done and I can now sit down and write about my experiences with the change. First things first...when I was leaving to B'lore, a lot of you told me that I would see amazing babes in the city. Thank you very much all of you...I am sure you will be hearing from my legal team soon. NOT ONE BABE...one ONE...but...NO...NONE...what the hell is this? Have you people ever been to B'lore to make a statement like that...AMAZING BABES IT SEEM?? B'lore...the city is so small that when you take one wrong turn in the centre of town, you end up at the Airport. Somehow I seem to get into fights very often in B'lore. Yesterday I wanted to go to the centre of town with an Auto (3 wheel Taxi for those of you from Foreign Lands...and those used to London Underground). The Auto Driver refused to go to the centre of town because he said there was too much traffic on the roads. Nice...How do I find these people. Well I gave him a piece of my mind. I told him to sell his auto and start a Tea Shop by the side of the road if her was so scared of the traffic. I was at home today and a guy comes to see me from TouchTel. This is a new telephone company in India. So anyways this guy comes to verify my address and see if I stay at the address stated in the form I filled out 5 days ago. Someone people would say this is good service and a way to make sure I do not cheat them. I call it stupidity...considering two people from TouchTel were in my house for 3 hours on Monday trying to lay cables for my phone line...and 3 people the following day to set up my internet...and two more people late last night to verify if the work had been done...WHAT THE HELL DID THIS GUY THINK HE WAS DOING??? I should have told him to join my Mate the AUTO Driver in their new TEA Enterprise. Ok Ok...so I lost my temper...but I am learning that stuff here is much cooler than anywhere else in the world. I was at the Internet Browsing centre last week...and could not get the internet to work. After 10 minutes I asked the attendant what was wrong. The dude tells me that the server was down and would be online only in 2 hours. Excellent...Thanks for telling me mate...so I gave him a piece of my mind...and stormed out of the browsing centre. This is where he was to feel that perhaps he should have told me and saved busy old me the ten minute wait. But instead his reaction was a little different. You see...this browsing center has employed an over zealous window cleaner. When I stormed out in anger...I walked straight into the glass wall instead of walking through the door. It took a several attempts and a little feeling around followed by a chuckle from the guy at the counter to FINALLY Storm out...this time however sort of ashamed that I walked right into a wall...glass one ...but still a wall...I am so ashamed...BUT it could happen to anyone...couldn't it...

Ahh....for those of your following my Musical Career...there is some good news. I have learnt twice as much in India where it concerns my electric guitar. When I left England, all I could do was play the D chord. Now I can play the A and E Chords as well...I think that is quite impressive. What I still have to master is being able to change from one chord to the other. So right now I stick to songs with just one chord...viz A, D or E. To be honest I am finding it a little tough to find songs with just one chord...so any help will be welcome... Oh I almost forgot...FOOD...this is like the most amazing thing about India. The food here is out of this world. After eating food with no taste for 3 years...my mouth just waters every time I see a menu. I finally can eat my favorite Chicken Fried Rice...personally I think India should starting exporting its own version on Chinese Food...which by the way tastes nothing like real Chinese food...only because it is much much better. I think I will put on a lot of weight over the next few months just trying out things I used to previously take for granted. Those of you who have tasted Ginger Chicken, Garlic Chicken and Chicken 65(boneless) will know what I am talking about. The one thing I have not tasted in India as yet is the booze. Oh yes...I did have a pint of beer last week at a party...but apart from that the food has just been too good to even bother to have a drink. Think about it...when in the world can you get a cup of tea for Rs. 2 (that is about 5 pence for those of you in the UK)... Coffee for Rs. 3... Idlys for Rs. 6...amazing...a plane dosa for Rs.9... Basically a whole meal for just under 10 pence. Now what could be better...NOTHING....and I have not even started talking about Chats...and pani puri...yum yum...oh I cannot wait till morning...I need to eat some more food. There is this hospital near my house where there is a nice canteen that severs food all day. I usually go there for my meals...amazing place...all the prices I quoted are from their menu...Interestingly enough just opposite the canteen is the Leela Palace...a 5 star hotel...where breakfast costs Rs. 400 a head...and tea is Rs. 90...plus taxes...now...lets compare that with Mr. Canteen Owner who offers the same stuff about under 15 bucks...Totally out of this world. (By the way... 1 Pound = Rs. 83 and $1 = Rs. 45...or there abouts...who cares...) Yum Yum. What I really like about India is being with my friends...it is really amazing to see my mates doing so well. Everyone seems to have a plan in life and I am so proud of all my friends...Some are married...some are trying to get married...some are trying NOT to get married...some have girl friends...some have boy friends...some are still single...and some still do not want to accept they are in relationships...(come on you know who you are. What did you think I would let you off so easily) One thing that is strange is when I meet an old friends boyfriend or girlfriend...how they are totally unaware of the previous life and 'interesting' stories there are to be told about the people they are in relationships with...don't worry people...sooner or later...we WILL pull your legs...ha ha...just kidding...no I am not...naa....just kidding...hmmm...you will never know...be scared...be very scared.

So...what do I miss about the UK...Everything...and...Nothing. Go Figure. All I can say is...I just love India. The land where every street has an opportunity...every city has a call centre...every house has a name...every food have a taste...and ...ok ...ok... I miss the fact that there are no women in B'lore...maybe if I leave my house more often I MIGHT just find someone...aha...thats and idea...maybe tomorrow I will go into town and sit in a coffee shop and stare are people passing by...and I will tell ya...if the grass is greener in B'lore...

Hot Indian Chai (Part 2)

2004-08-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

Ok Ok...so the photograph is not really a cup of Chai (tea)...and it is not even taken in India...but who cares...I am bored with this story and need to end it soon. So where was I...at the end of the last blog I was tell you how I ended up in a dark room in in middle of nowhere in Bangalore...

Well to cut a long story short...I have been wanting to do this for a while...to sort of come back to India and do stuff I have always wanted to do. So when the opportunity presented itself...I took it. My Brother Amit is based in Bangalore as well and so I jumped at the opp to get back...

So well...I decided I was coming back...and not only that...set myself a 7 day deadline to pack up and leave. Booked my ticket...told a few people and...well...flew out...

I had an uneventful trip to India...apart from the fact that right though my journey, I was made to sit with men...and only men. I think the airline has me on some sort of list. I think when they type in my name a huge warning comes up..."Danger...arrange seating with men." Well some of you may think I am over reacting but...let me sight a few examples...I fly a lot...I think one of the first times I remember flying was perhaps in 1997. That flight I was seated next to a nice german lady. Very sweet...very nice...very charming... I spoke to her for a few hours...then...I changed flights...sat next to an English girl...very sweet...but was in a bad mood. I think she was returning from Russia and her friend did not get an exit visa from Russia and could not leave the country. She was pissed about that...and I think something I said pissed her off even more...THAT WAS IT...since then I have taken about 42 flights...maybe more...AND SINCE THEN I HAVE NEVER SAT NEXT TO A WOMAN.

Now you could call that coincidence...but I call it Conspiracy. I think I see a smug smile whenever I get on a plane. The flight attendants looking at me and thinking...AH...No women next to him this time...or any time for that matter.

Anyways...what do I do...but enjoy the inflight entertainment and hope that the sound of my headphones will drown out the sound of the snoring.

Anyways...as I said...the flight was uneventful...I got to India. My mate Dilip and Pradeep picked me up...spend the day with friends and then left Chennai for Bangalore. Now when I reached Bangalore...I was to move in to a place with my brother...somehow things did not work out...and we were staying in a guest house...and my brother needed to sleep and so I had to turn the light out and work on my blog...and hence I was in a dark room in the middle of nowwhere in Bangalore...simple...

As I told you...I am getting bored with this story...I have a lot to say about India though...and that is coming up in the next blog...so watch out for it...

Lovely Indian Chai

2004-08-06T05:31:00.000-07:00

Well it sure has been a long time since I have done any blogging on my site. The fact is, the day I changed my blog’s name to ‘DAILY BLOG’…I sort of stopped blogging. Since then I have received comments from several people asking me to write something. So I finally have decided that it is time to write something…even though it is 12:11 am and I am sitting in a dark room somewhere in Bangalore… so here goes.

But first, a quick run down of how I got to this dark room in the middle of nowhere. Lets see, the reason I stopped blogging was because my dad came to London and I was really really busy showing him around and basically doing all the tourist rubbish that one does when someone comes to town…you know the bridges…the palace…the shopping…yes the LONDON IN A DAY PACKAGE.

For those of you who have not been to London…well a quick tour will be something like this…Get up in the morning all excited to go and see the ‘World’s most amazing city.’ On the way you realize that you have forgotten to take your umbrella. The only reason you remember that is because the rain now pours down on you and wets your glasses. You try to wipe your glasses but every bit of cloth on you is wet as well. So you decide to just enjoy the city in 4D because of the water droplets on your glasses…when the rain decides that it has done its job for the day and sends in the wind for an extra duty shift. This is why most tourists in London are dressed as though they are on a expedition to the North Pole. Walk down any street in Central London and if you find someone covered head to toe, 9 times out of 10, they are tourists. So to offset this possible trend, I told my dad that London was not that cold and this whole low temperature story was the fantasy of the Weather Channel, the BBC and the Warm Clothes Industry. Well I was proved wrong…and my dad basically froze. Hmmmm…so much for my Conspiracy Theory. Ok Maybe the city is cold…anyways…as I was saying tourism in London…gosh I side track very easily…

So we got soaked…and now were getting a 10 degree blow drying…and faint drizzle that I think I could only describe as someone spitting from the 5th floor…and yes …we were trying to enjoy the wonderful landmarks on an open top bus. Oh yes the Open Top Bus…a lovely concept mastered by the British and Europeans…a simple concept I must say…a Double Decker bus…with no roof…basically giving you unrestricted 360 degree views of wonderful landmarks. Ok so these tourism promoting morons think. I thought I was on a London Tourist Bus…it felt like an eco tourism trip in the Amazon forest…with the exception of the Starbucks and McDonalds franchise painting the skyline with their horrible brands.

So now I would like you to imagine with me a situation… you are in an open top bus…you would like to get the best views…so you go to the upper deck…it is raining…so you go to the lower deck…but you see smug tourists sitting there thinking they are so luck to have found a seat…you don’t say a word…you wish them all the possible traffic jams and exhaust fumes of jolly old London and go to the upper deck…where you find beautiful wet seats and what can only be described as acid rain. Lovely. You then take out your camera…the lens gets wet…you fear for the future of your camera…put it back in your wet pocket…and open the wet map to see where you are. Then you think to yourself…ahhh at least I have a better view that the smug-heat-to-toe-covered-tourists…when some moron who should have just stayed at home opens his bloody umbrella. So you now can just about see things to your right. Excellent…now the tour guide says… ‘Over to your left you can see the house where Charles Dickens stayed’…this MORON…The announcement should have been.. ‘Over to your left…the Village Idiot on tour with his Yellow umbrella.

Anyways…so as I was saying…I was busy with the Yellow Umbrella Tour of London. Then when my dad left…my Drama Classes Started. Hmmm Drama School…nice fun. Basically no time them to do anything else except work hard on my lessons. Lets see…was there anything I could share with you about drama school…

Still thinking…

Well…the funny thing is that I cannot think of anything specific. I made a lot of friends in drama school…some very talented people. I am sure if you meet up with me in the next few months I will bring up a story or two about some of these folks. I would like to mention a few people right now though…well there was this Italian Dude in class. Nice chap…never listens to people when the talk to him. No matter what you say to him, his response will always be WHATA??? I call him the Sad Italian…always worried about something or the other…but when he is back from his world of philosophy…an amazing dude…then there is a bloke called Oli…coolest dude in class. Always ready to have a pint in the pub. He is working on a movie soon…best of luck mate… then there is Sarah…amazing actress…from Denmark…if you wanna see her blush…just say ‘Denmark…ahh… Michael Learns to Rock are from there right??’ This usually gets her blushing…and embarrassed…sorry Sarah…ha ha…ok I call her Katinka…because that happens to be her middle name…I love that name…I wish my folks called me Katinka…OK ROHIT FOCUS….FOCUS…

Ahhh….something came to mind. Well this is a story about Drama School. You see two of my classmates Lili and Lara were sick. This meant they did not attend class for a day. I kind of felt that they may be a little down and so I went over to their house to cheer them up and get them some soup and chocolates. Once I got there I intended to leave in 5 minutes but I ended up entertaining them for the next 5 hours. Anyways…an American guy (Russell) who was in our class came up to the girls room and asked if we wanted something to drink. I jumped at the prospect and asked for a cup of tea. Lara asked for water and Lili asked for Lemon Tea. To this Russell said that he did not know how to make Lemon Tea. Lili simply said…just add a lemon…it is simple…10 minutes later…Russell entered with a tray…claimed that he had made everything on the tray…gave me my tea…Lara here water…and Lili a hot cup of water with a lemon in it. I can still remember that clear cup of hot water with a cut lemon in it and nothing else. I laughed my arse off and so did everyone else. Russell did not quite get why we were laughing. The whole concept of Lemon ‘TEA’ escaped his imagination. I am surprise my tea has TEA in it and not just hot water and nothing else.

Any ways…enough about drama class…ya…there is a story about an Italian girl I met in a party…but that is another story and beyond the scope of my initial endeavor to tell you how I ended in this dark room in Bangalore.

Ok…so my drama classes were over a month later…I had my mind set on getting back to India…so I booked my tickets and was ready to head home….

Accha…have to sleep now…will post more on this…in PART TWO…

Attached Toilets

2004-06-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

Booking a hotel in the UK is just so much fun. There is so much to choose from. You know when I was in India, I had never heard to the term 'ensuite'...a rather posh way of saying 'Attached Toilet'. You know in India indoor plumbing is now the norm, except for some far-flung corner of the country...but here in the UK the 'Attached Toilet' or 'ensuite' is a luxury. Here comes my argument about the UK being a third world country and India one with First World comforts... let me elaborate.

You see a few weeks ago I was in Nottingham...yes the place where the world’s first documented burglar/highwayman/thief/robber - Robin Hood live and 'worked'. Walking around there I was thinking of how ironic it would be if someone were to mug me there...but...as Mr. Hood did steal from the rich...and gave to the poor...I had more to gain than lose. Ok...back to the hotel...now I needed to stay for the night...as you would have read from my trip to Cardiff, I DO NOT BOOK HOTELS...so I got into town...and saw this nice little board that read, 'Single Room £25'. Excellent...So I went in, spoke to the dude at the reception...and paid up my twenty five pounds...and walked up to the fourth floor of ‘The Beautiful Victorian Bed and Breakfast'. In retrospect...maybe I should call it 'An Old Hotel Begging for Some Desperately Needed Refurbishment'...

Anyways...I walked up through the maze of fire proof doors, fire warning notices, fire alarms, fire extinguishers and fire exit signs which all but reminded about what a flammable building I had chosen to spend the night in. My door bore the customary number like all hotel rooms do...mine said 36...I smiled...and walked in.

Now...how do I describe my 'Single room'? Well in short...the room ended before it started. There were the essentials...the bed...the pillow...the blanket with cigarette burns....hmmm...how did that happen...they say smoking will kill you...but...not by setting fire to your blanket...ahhhhh...THE FIRE THEME in the hotel...now I get it...in the past there have been Morons staying here...it all makes sense...

Yes...now when I think of it...there was a chair and table as well...not to mention a TV with reception as good as you would get in the Kalahari desert without an antenna. The TV had no remote…which means I would not be using it. And to the right there was a cupboard...with 2 hangers...oh how generous. The table had two biscuits...and some sugar and tea bags...one sec...something was missing...MY TOILET...Then it all came back to me...a SINGLE ROOM is a single room...nothing more...nothing less...

Now...what does one do when their toilet is missing...yes like any other rational person I wanted to call reception and ask them to do something about it...I do not care what...I was a paying customer. So...now I looked for the phone...WHAT PHONE...single room remember...DID IT SAY WITH 'PHONE LINE'. Nope...so...well I picked up my mobile phone...called directory enquiry and asked them for the phone number of my Hotel...now the lady on the phone was trying to sell me some additional services...so she says... “Sir, are you trying to book a hotel. I could put you through to our Hotel booking hotline...” This is where I stopped her abruptly... “Actually I do not want to book a hotel...I am in one...I am on the 4th floor and there are no lifts...and no phone in the room...and I want to complain that my Toilet is missing. So if you could just give me the number of the hotel it will be great. Thank you.”

Then she says is a sweet Welsh accent, “In that case would you like the number for reservations...or would you like the number for customer services?" FOR HEAVENS SAKE...just give me the number...What people do not realise is that when someone is looking for a toilet...THEY WANT TO USE IT...cut the small talk lady and give me the damn number...phew...Do you every look around when you do not want to go to the toilet…find one and think to yourself…there you go…I have a toilet just in sight, so I can use it when I want to. This is not a Fire Exit…it is a toilet… ‘I seek because I want to use.’

Why don't people give you what you ask for...they do it when you ask for a hotel...but when you go to the ATM machine...

~Please insert your card~
~Enter your pin number~
~Press enter~
~Would you like to check your balance~
~Would you like to withdraw money~
~Would you like a receipt~
~How much money would you like to withdraw~
~Is this the correct amount you would like to withdraw~
~Would you like any other services~
~Please take out your card~
~Please take your money~
~THANK YOU FOR USING HSBC. HAVE A GOOD DAY~

WHYYYYYYYYY...All I wanted was 10 pounds...Who was the moron who invented the ATM machine...you know if I wanted to have a conversation with someone I could call a phone sex number...who needs to have a long conversation with an ATM machine. This is why I always get stuck behind some moron trying to withdraw money from the ATM...he mistakes it for Phone Sex...and tries to get his money’s worth.

Anyways...had to get that off my chest...and no Mama...I do not call phone sex numbers...

Yes so as I was saying, I got the number for the hotel...called them up…there was understandably a little confusion over what I was calling about…but when it was all sorted, I got what I was looking for…and...well it so happens that my toilet was not far away...just left when I exit the room, straight down to the far end of the corridor, right, left and then at the far end there is a toilet. Excellent...one toilet...but 4 fire exits...wonder how many times this place has caught fire...I have a better chance of leaving the building when there is a fire than getting to use the toilet in a real emergency…how reassuring.

Ok so I get to the toilet. Do my thing…and I am far more relaxed now...fell bad that I blew up the sweet lady at directory enquiry...and then I flush...what do you know...the flush does not work...NOOOOOOOO...that is all I need...20 rooms on the floor...one toilet...and it does not flush...So I did what any sane man would do…thought of leaving...but then…I looked for the source of the problem...took the lid off the flush...elementary...the water was not filling up...hmmm...now life is full of choices...I could walk out and not care...or I could repair it...the thing is...I am not an exhibitionist, and keeping my handy work on display is just not something I do...so I repaired it...

I had half a mind to walk down to the reception and demand a refund for the hard work I had put in making some make shift repairs on the flush that should have gone out of commission when the British Raj ended in India...but that would mean WALKING down 4 floors...naaaa...I would much rather sleep. And so I did.

Well to cut a long story short and extract the moral before it is too late...when booking a hotel in the UK remember; YOU GET EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE GIVING...NOTHING MORE...ALWAYS LESS.

For example...

Single Room = ONLY a very tiny room...no toilet
Ensuite Single Room = Very tiny room with very Tiny toilet.
Single Bed = Single bed in room with many beds...expect people who snore…chances are you will always find one here…and ya…forget about the toilet.
Double Bed = A bed for two people with no place to breathe...no toilet. This bed is the size of my single bed at home.

BTW...in some places...when they say TOILET...all that is there is a WC...the shower is still located down the corridor...and when you go down to these toilets, they are huge...as if to make up for the lack of space in the room. I know it is meant for like 20 rooms...but still for one person at a time...just look around you...so many things in life just do not make sense.

My heart ripped out...and left to die

2004-06-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

The morning sunrise had failed to wake me up to a bright new day. The daily postman's visit and the smell of fresh coffee failed to be part of my daily routine. As the long hours of day light pass slowly in front of my sleepy eyelids, suddenly the sound of a gust of wind beating mercilessly against my window woke me up. I opened my eyes and everything slid into focus.

The room...gloomy, silent and soulless. There was no familiar groaning of electronic devices. The freezer made no familiar rattle...the house was silent. I ran to a switch to turn on a light...nothing...then in a hopeless battle I flicked the switch again and again in a vague hope that it would suddenly remember what is was meant to do... There was a blind spot in my head, a bullet-shaped hole where the answers should be. Call it denial. I wanted to dig inside my skull and scrape out the pain.

who was I fooling...it was all over...the silence...the electricity...the wind...and the feeling in my body as though someone had ripped out my heart and left me to die all alone...

Mona was dead. Vladimir, the Russian Mafia boss had killed her. A bullet through her head...I had held her in my arms...It was all over.

Was I hallucinating. I had to get away. I had to leave my familiar confines and run. But where would I go? I had to make it all right again. I had to get my life back in order. I had to pay my electricity bill. I had to stop playing video games till 5 min the morning...and I had to get that window fixed.

But Mona was dead...and there was nothing I could do about it. She had died in my arms in the second last level of Max Payne 2. Then I killed the son of a bi*** who killed her. I had had my revenge. It was over...all over...the sirens had died out and the credits were rolling...it was....'Game Over'.

Cows and Sheep in Wales (True Story)

2004-06-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

I though that booking a hotel over the Internet was an 'easy' task. Well three weeks ago I was in Cardiff with a friend of mine. In a rather impulsive sort of a mood, the two of us decided to take a trip to Wales. As has always been my practice, I intended to book the hotel room once I got there.

I still remember that while we were on the bus going from England to Wales, her friend called her up and was telling her about how we would see sheep and cows in Cardiff. My mind had just about taken me into a beautiful medow with cows going Moooooo Mooooo...ahhh...what a wonderful dream, nothing like what we were about to see.

'Welcome to Cardiff' the board read. Awwww...how sweet. So 'rural'...bring on the cows...then there was another board that said...'Turn right for the Football stadium.' hmmm...football the great British passion. Well I don't follow the game...so...it does not matter does it...WRONG...WRONG...(the sound effect here is like that on a space age movie when the enemy ship is about to deploy their primary weapon and the host ship has been helplessly locked into the tractor beam)...WRONG WRONG...

Let me put it this was...Cardiff...small city in South Wales. One of Britain’s smaller cities.
Number of Stadiums - 1
Number of Hotel rooms - 200...2000...20000...does not matter...
Capacity at the football stadium - 72500...

Now you do the maths...WE WERE HOMELESS...I was on the phone with something like 20 hotels in a 50 mile radius. NOTHING...I even called a homeless shelter by mistake and they refused to take us in. The city was overrun by drunken West Ham Football club fans, who like us had made the trip from London as well. The result...we were stuck in the freezing weather at 1am in the morning sitting at the Cardiff station.

Now personally I would not really mind walking the streets of a new city all night still the light of day...but as fate would have it I had a beautiful young lady with me, who now started shivering. There is nothing much you can really do when you have run out of option in a city far far away from the warmth of your own bed.

Everyone who saw us, knew that we were from out of town...would ask as what happened...and when I would explain that we did not realise there was a football match on in Cardiff, they would laugh and say...well, 'you have chosen the worst weekend to come to Cardiff'. Brilliant...thanks mate...now how about I kick you in the butt and you get run over by a train...and yes can you stop telling your mates about how stupid we look...hey...look here buddy... I know kung fu...OK...shut up...what...what is there a Rugby match tomorrow....and is that full capacity...bloody hell...and there is a match day after tomorrow as well...flippin heck...and full capacity on all three days...so that’s 72000...72000...and 72000....ok...Mate I warned you...STOP laughing...

I think when you reach your lowest point ever...someone feels pity for you. Well there came a kind gentleman who felt sorry for the young lady I was with. He said he could take us to an all night Snooker joint and we could keep drinking tea there till dawn. Hmmm...sounded good. So we left the station after sitting there pointlessly for 2 hours...freezing ...when there was a perfectly good EMPTY waiting room not 30 yards from us...ok..so we set out....walked the quiet drunkard scattered streets of Cardiff. No cows...none...sheep...ha...only drunk Londoners here to support their footie side.

Then this guy...yup the guy from the station stops...says...hey let me ask my brother if he can help. He then steps into a petrol station...speaks to the guy at the counter and then comes out. He says, well I can get you a room for the night for £40. Right now that seems like a good deal. We say yes. Then comes the owner of the house were we are supposed to stay. He is clearly drunk and has something up his sleeve. Well...he had run out of choices...so we went along with them. I did most of the talking while we walked down endless narrow street on a 30 minute walk which he claimed was 10 minutes. The guys language was filthy and he seemed to know all the drunks along the road on first name basis. Excellent...

We get to his place. Let me describe it for you and then you can take a look at the pictures below... As you enter, the door does not shut properly, the carpet covers loose floor boards, the kitchen is full of boxed of newspapers and magazines, the bed is covered with a sheet that has not been washed in ages, the room has unwashed laundry all over the place...and yes the two chairs in the room look as though they have been picked up from the dumpster.

Ok...now we could not do much. We needed to be thankful that we had a place to stay for the night...and so I handed over the agreed sum of money. The guy from the station did not expect the place to be in the state that he saw it. He was clearly sorry about the whole incident...but could do nothing himself. So the nice guy and the drunk guy left. Leaving the two of us in the dumpster in Cardiff...200 miles from home...where a nice warm beds would have awaited us. But...NOOOO...we wanted Adventure...

Well then the night goes silent. Real silent. None of us want to use the bed and prefer risking the chairs to the bed bugs. I think it was just about then that the phone started ringing. The high pitch of the phone killing the Welsh silence of the night. At first we decided not to answer it. And I think we held to that principle for about half an hour. Then I decided that perhaps it would be a good idea to answer the phone...so I did. I said 'Hellllooo' without a care in the world. To this...someone who was 110% drunk said, "What the F*^k are you doing there? Who are you, you bas^&£d!!"

I hung up...gulp...
breathe Rohit breathe...gulp...

"What happened Ro?"...."Nothing....just some guy on the phone...thought I was someone else...you know what...I am not going to sleep tonight...why don't you sleep..."

This is where I went and check the door....shut the windows...and clearly marked our path to the exits from the flat. This is when I knew something was not right about this place. At first it was fear...and then it was one of overcoming the fear and saying...."Let me see who will dare do anything to us."

After that...the phone rang every half an hour for the next 4 hours. The clock decided that it would stretch the night for as long as it possible could. And it did. The 4 hour night that I stayed awake through seemed like a week in hell. Every time a car pulled up in front of the house, I expected the worst...

At 6 in the morning...I woke my mate up...I have never seen anyone get up so quickly and without a fuss at that hour of the morning...She was all ready to leave in an instant...we were up and out of there in 10 minutes and on our way to the station to catch a train to some other city far away from Bloody Cardiff.

Accha...as I was saying...booking a hotel over the Internet is an 'easy' task...so next time you are going out of town...book one...PLEASE...
Let me tell you what a success the trip was...I have not seen this girl since we got back...

PS:- Moral of the story...there are no cows in Cardiff...only drunken football supporters.

My Heart beating for Mona

2004-06-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

These last few days I have spent with Mona have been totally out of this world. She is beautiful, has a drop dead sexy voice and a mystery about her that I just cannot solve. We have worked together and have come out of trouble on more than one occasion. I have great respect for Mona, even though she is on the run from the cops and is more interested in her own life than justice being served. Yes I am through to the next level in Max Payne 2 - The Fall of Max Payne on the PS2.

Mona is a very important character in the game. The last few levels I am controlling the parallel story in which Mona tries to cover Max Payne while he gets out of a burning building with over 100 gang members disguised as cleaners.

Playing the game just now, I could feel my heart beat as I went into bullet time sequences to kill heavily armed men who just do not know when to die. The game is so well designed that in most instances you cannot see the enemy coming up to you. However you can hear his footsteps and with a surround sound system you know exactly where the next person is coming from.

The film noir is so realistic that at the end of the days play I see my self narrating my life to myself when I am in the loo.

I feel sad however that I am the only person I know who plays games like this. I would love to discuss levels with people and enjoy the brilliance of Max Payne 2 together....but naaa...I think it is just me...the PS2...Max and Mona...I however have a feeling that gorgeous Mona is gonna kick the bucket soon.

Yahooooo! I am in Love

2004-06-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

It is funny how Yahoo.com has changed our lives in so many ways. Way back in 1997....sorry one sec...for those of you who think I am going to talk about a new relationship or a bombshell I just met...forget it ...this blog is about the Internet and has nothing to do with my love life...so...now that we have a dedicated audience of just about one person...let me go on...

One sec…since no one is going to be reading the rest of this blog...seeing as it has nothing but a lot of Internet based gibberish, I might as well say thank you to our sponsors...

"The following message comes to you from our sponsors SU...." ahhh...who am I kidding...who would pay for this...

Ok back to Yahoo...yes as I was saying...I love these guys. A lot of this love has to do with the fact that Yahoo just upgraded my account from a 10mb account to 2 GB...eat that Gmail (Google's Creation)...smell that Rediff...and did someone say HOTMAIL...

ok...maybe I am being hard on hotmail. Personally I think they have balls of steel. Think about it...it take a lot to be able to stay in the market by providing people with 2 mb to store their emails when Yahoo gives you 100mb free, Gmail gives you 1GB free and everyone else averages anything from 4 to 50 mb on free accounts. My word I would love to be Microsoft. They can be a highly competitive market and still offer people SHIT...and still have one of the strongest brands in the world.

Yahoo very kindly send me a nice little email saying something like, Hey Rohit...thanks for being with us all that dude...you are the great pal...and we would like to upgrade your account to just about 200 times its original size.

Oh yes I received an email from 'HOTMAIL STAFF' around the same time. Said something like, Dear Hotmail User, We would like to tell you about a change in policy, now you cannot store emails in your draft account beyond tea time. We would also like to tell you that you do not use you account enough and so we will deactivate it if not used in the next 16 minutes. After that you will have to write to our head quarters to reactivate your account with just about enough space to hold one gigantic moronic email forward.

OK...I HATE HOTMAIL.

They are the only service I know that keeps reducing what it offers to people..and still have people using it more and more.

Why do I love Yahoo...well because they have a really shitty search engine on which I can just about find anything I really need...for everything else there is MasterCard...I mean Google. I love Yahoo Messenger...The latest one is out of this world. If you have not installed it yet, I would suggest you start wearing bell pants and sip ice tea...because yahoo just took a giant leap for mankind...while hotmail continues to be unkind.

The most amazing thing on the new yahoo is the Avatar. I do not know if I love this because I am an Indian...or maybe because the idea is just swell. The picture along with this blog is my avatar...close up and full length...just love it...I just hope it looks more like me...

In the interest of competition, I would like to tell you that Hotmail offers the same feature as well... Just charges you about £1.50 ($3 or Rs.120) for it.

BTW I refuse to convert the above amount to Euros... Gosh do I hate the Euro...but all that some other time.

To recap..

...not my love story...but love Yahoo...hate hotmail...love the avatar...hate the euro...have a good day...bye.

The End of a High Energy weekend

2004-06-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

It is a wonderful feeling walking around town the whole weekend in a pair of shorts, a sports t-shirt, a head band and a badminton racket and look at everyone making them feel guilty that they do not exercise often enough. I swear, when I visit my mates I see more and more folks thinking of signing up to the gym. For some reason however I feel that I am in moral high ground now that I walking around all weekend in trainers...

However English weather leaves a lot to be desired. In other words, I looked like a brave bloke walking around in my shorts on a day that saw the temperature falling by about 15 degrees compared to all of last weeks average. Now since I was trying to keep the sporty image, I just could not afford to act like the cold, chill wind was even remotely affecting me. Gosh did I miss my jeans...serves me right for trying to 'exercise'.

I think I exercise more for all that is associated with sport...rather than the sport or exercise itself. Life for example I was down at the Sports superstore this morning picking out a new badminton racket. After about one hour at the store I finally decided on the BABOLAT Booster Ti - High Modulus Graphite Composition, weighing 93g. For the first time in my life I was in a store with a girl who asked me to hurry up. I thinking this is a very important time in my life...either she had something better to do in life...or I have finally become a royal pain in the arse when it comes to shopping...(read as ... the woman in me has found expression in my daily life).

Yes...back to the accessorizing...yes...I picked up a Head band the other day...and a few outfits that make me look like a real sporting ace. I think it is not about feeling fit...more about looking good...hmm there is that woman in me I was talking about. I am sure I could play perfectly well in my jeans and normal everyday t-shirts...but there is something about sports stores and their ability to sell totally odd bright colours to unsuspecting, overly enthuastic sporting amateurs...

The World is my Gym...and I am a walker

2004-06-19T12:47:00.005-07:00

These past two weeks I have seen more of my friends join the Gym...than I have seen in the past two decades. I do not know what this has to do with anything...perhaps it is a sudden realisation that they are growing old and it is better to get fit before the years catch up with them. Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that they realised that they now have a Gym in walking distance from their aboard. Or maybe the sudden realisation that £23 a month really is not a lot of money.

Personally I have never been a 'Gym' type of person. I once joined up a Gym in India...got bored in one month...ok...2 days...but paid my membership for one month...so technically I 'went' there for a month. Somehow the concept of being surrounded by men pumping iron is not what I fancy doing in the evening. As I mentioned, my workout is Max Payne 2 and The Need for Speed Underground.

BUT....before you think I do not exercise...well let me add this...I am a very active person...I go mountain climbing, camping...sometimes the two of them together, I run after the No.12 bus in the morning, I run really fast atleast 3 time a day to squeeze into an over crowded elevator, I sometimes lift my couch single handed when the remote goes missing and I do a FANTASTIC dance routine in the shower...now tell me that is not a complete work out...and ya...this is all in just one week...

The rest of the times I play badminton, go skating and ya...play the electric guitar.

MAX PAYNE 2

2004-06-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

The time right now is about Half Past Three in the morning. This is the time when I really get into my new fav game Max Payne 2. Everyone is asleep, the lights are off, I am sitting in front of the tele and playing this Film Noir type game.

For those of you who are not into video games (ie. Everyone I know) perhaps it is time to check out what the likes of Sony and Microsoft have to offer.

Personally I am a Sony PlayStation 2 fan...mostly because I own one. However I would love to receive an Xbox for my birthday which is coming up in like five months. There is this really cool Ninja game on the Xbox...really wanna play it...oh I am so excited that my birthday is coming. Yippeee...

Something really cool with these games consoles is the network play. It basically enables you to connect your PS2 or Xbox to the internet and play with people around the world. Personally I think I just spent £24 to find out how badly I suck at the game on a global scale. I am for the moment content beating guests who have never played video games before. After all, considering the money I spent...I deserve not to feel like a looser.

Let the Blogs Begin

2004-06-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to setup my own Blog for a while now. Somehow I think doing this is like many of those things in your life that you are so excited about and think you will not be able to live a day without doing...and then all of a sudden something happens...and boom...you forget all about the blog...or whatever...

In my particular case...life just happened.

This last one month has been quite an interesting month for me. Life changed gear...this time however it was not a question of moving to a higher or lower gear...just that I seem to have shifted into reverse...can't say I am not enjoying it though...

Coming Soon!!!

2004-04-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

life...Hmmmm coming Soon!!