Picture Imperfect, Reflections of Humanity | Ezra's Photo Blog

Real Coffee

2008-07-03T13:42:00.007+08:00

Espresso

Nearly a century ago, the Italians discovered a way to extract the most flavour from coffee beans using a balance of temperature and pressure. Fresh ground coffee that is packed tightly into a puck. A small amount of hot water is then forced through the puck to create the emulsion of flavourful oils known as espresso. Coffee beans are 17% oil by weight. This is the reason why instant coffee will always taste bland compared to any kind of coffee made from freshly grounded coffee (drip, percolated, moka, espresso).

Tamping the grounds into a puck

By varying the pressure and grind, the amount of espresso extracted from each puck can be altered. A slow pour creates a darker, more bitter cup. A quick pour has sharper, more acidic notes. Most cafes extract about 45 ml of espresso in about 25 seconds. I prefer to extract 20ml of espresso in about 20s. This is known as a ristretto (restricted) shot. The lower volume produces a richer and darker emulsion while the shorter extraction time reduces the acidity and bitterness (caffeine content) of the espresso.

The Ritual

It took me a good three months to be able to make acceptable espresso. A measured dose (10g) of beans is carefully weighed and grinded into a porcelain bowl. The porcelain bowl allows me to judge humidity. Humidity is my biggest problem in achieving consistent ristretto shots. Ground coffee is like sand. Dry sand is very porous and water just pours through it quickly - resulting in acidic, sour coffee. Coffee grounds in humid atmosphere is compact and has a lot of resistance. I've choked my machine a number of times. 135 pounds of pressure generated by the machine could barely force out 5ml in 30s when the puck is too dense. Hence, by noticing how the grounds stick to the sides of the bowl, i can vary my tamping force appropriately to reduce the density of the puck. I also had to get a bathroom scale to tamp on to ensure that my tamp was consistent. Making espresso is really an art. Below are some of the more important variables involved in making espresso:

Consistent dose - the amount of coffee in the basket must be the same each time.
Consistent grind - the coarseness of the coffee must be just right.
Freshness - Roasted coffee beans are like bananas. They go bad in about a week. Vacuum packed coffee beans in the supermarket are like canned fruit. They are nothing like real freshly roasted coffee. Freshly ground coffee goes bad within an hour as the flavourful oils oxidize and go sour. Hence, a quality burr grinder is absolutely critical for making espresso.
Consistent tamping - the pressure applied must be consistent and level. Improper tamping causes channels to form during extraction. Water doesnt flow through the puck equally in all areas resulting in a poor quality, acidic, and less flavourful shot.

Cafe Ristretto

How rich can you make a cup of coffee? Above is a restricted shot (cafe ristretto) made in a 200ml cappuccino cup. 10g of coffee was tamped with about 20kg of force into a dense puck. About 20ml of water, heated to 92 deg C, was forced through the puck in 25 seconds, producing a flavourful emulsion.

Cappuccino

About 150ml of steamed full cream milk was added to the espresso to make a cappuccino. The flavourful oils in the brown coloured crema mixes with the rich full cream milk foam to form the cap from which the drink derives its name. The half inch thick cap of foamed milk helps keep in heat on a cold morning. A latte would also have a similar amount of milk, but the milk would be less foamed, far more dense and more velvety.

espresso + steamed/foamed full cream milk = a proper cappuccino

A proper latte is served in cups no larger than 180ml instead as it does not need so much space to accommodate the foam. I ordered a cafe latte at McDonald's the other day and got a shock when the 400ml(?) cup arrived! The sins of commercial coffee...Hmm, i think i have an idea for my next post on coffee.

Living In The Orange Box

2008-06-26T23:56:00.003+08:00

Bubbly

One week into the holidays. Im still stuck in an orange box. I know I should go out and get some sun, but the desire to stay in the orange box is too great.

The holidays have been a blast so far. Got to catch up on the movies I missed in the past 3 months. Just watched two hours of pron this afternoon. Iron man is pretty much two straight hours of gadget pr0n. Damn I wished I could fly.

Finally got the Malaysian gang hooked on poker. Hashrul is now contemplating a chip set. In return they introduced me to LASER TAG. As a life long FPS (first person shooter) gamer, the experience was exhilarating. Im now contemplating a set of taggers.

The orange box is a collection of five games. Cost me AUD90, but it's worth every cent. Of the five games, Team Fortress 2 is the most interesting. It is a multiplayer online game where two teams battle to complete objectives. Fabulously designed game dynamics. There are different classes such as pyros, snipers and engineers. Love playing the spy. It's the most difficult class to play, but once behind enemy lines and disguised as one of them (yup, the enemy actually sees me as one of them), stalking my prey and backstabbing them is really fun. The game also features very advanced statistics as it is solely an online multiplayer game. So far played about 20 hours as a spy with a record of 18 straight kills in one life >:-}

Zeitgeibers

2008-06-13T18:12:00.004+08:00

I've been caffeine free for almost a week now. The exams are in 4 days. Making espresso is just too time consuming and i dont want to be reliant on it for the exam. One way I found helpful to reset my circadian rhythm (sleep cycle) was by using zeitgeibers - environmental cues that our bodies use to set our natural clock.

Zeitgeibers:

Leave the curtains open at night. Let morning light wake you up.
Darken your room 5 hours before bedtime.
Listen to loud, lively music in the morning.
Listen to soft, slow music at night.
Exercise in the morning to get your metabolism up.
Let your metabolism wind down towards the end of the day. Do not exercise at night.

Got Milk?

2008-06-01T15:30:00.002+08:00

"It's real Velour, let yourself go.."
- Zapp Brannigan

Smooth, luscious, rich and creamy. Textured milk made from lots and lots of microscopic bubbles. It flows like light yoghurt and tastes "sweet" as it rolls off the tongue. Made from full cream milk, it is extremely rich and satisfying.

It took me a whole month to learn how to perfect the technique. Here are some pointers i'd like to share.

Ezra's Guide To Steaming Milk:

Never use "frothing" devices. They make tasteless, stiff foam that looks like detergent out of the dishwasher.
Always use full cream milk. Lowfat milk is easier to foam but the quality of the foam is very low.
Angle your frothing pitcher so that there is a whirlpool of milk.
Bring the tip of the wand to the surface slowly until you hear a tearing/sucking sound. Pull in enough air to double the volume of the milk before the thermometer reads 35 degrees.
Spin the milk as throughly as you can to break down any visible bubbles.
Stop steaming when the thermometer hits 60 degrees.
Knock the pitcher on the table to get rid of any big bubbles that may have formed.
Fold the milk by spinning it around in the pitcher.
Leave to stand for 30 seconds before pouring.

This Boy

2008-05-24T07:56:00.006+08:00

... there is someone else in the picture.
on my mind.
i'm sorry,..

This boy wants to play,
There's no time left today,
It's a shame 'cause he has to go home.

This boy's got to work
Got to sweat just to pay what he gets to get left all alone.

I'm still here,
But it hasn't been easy,
I'm sure that you had your reasons,
I'm scared for this emotion,
For years I've been holding it down,

And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.

Well it's time to let this go.
I got to let it go
I got to let it go...

~ This Boy, by James Morrison

Of Death, Dance and Burgers.

2008-05-11T16:23:00.006+08:00

Hazelwood Power Station, Churchill.

Rural placement, second time around. Just after what was - both physically and emotionally - a very tiring weekend. The long drive to churchill was tiring and I did feel sleepy, but Zep and Charmaine were in the car with me so it wasnt too dangerous.

Spent a day at the GP clinic which was awesome. Like 50 PCL cases squished into a day with a GP as my dedicated tutor. Also spent a day at Latrobe Regional Hospital and had a taste of the life as a medical officer. Dr Sanjiv and Dr James guided me through the patients in the Critical Care Unit where I was stationed. It was quite an eye opening experience. People get into that unit for a variety of reasons. There was one guy with multiple organ failure. It was interesting to see the way Dr Sanjiv, the supervising CCU consultant told his (adult) children that life support was about to be ended. He was in a semi lucid state and there wasnt any obvious sign of distress. He was quite bloated from renal failure (aneuria). I felt pitting oedema for the first time. He was given morphine for pain relief and adrenaline to hold his blood pressure up. That afternoon, they started decreasing the infusion of adrenaline. He has likely passed away by now.

Doctors deal with death more often than other professions, and are constantly reminded of their mortality. Perhaps that is one of the factors that shape doctors mindset and personality. The so called "perfect" human being simply isn't. Pretty much everything that can go wrong will go wrong. We try to make the most of the cards we are dealt, but no matter how hard we try, life's still a game of russian roulette. Those with the genetic predisposition to cancer and heart disease simply have more bullets in the revolver.

I spent a day at the old folks resort as well. Hazelwood House was like a 4 star hotel. Spoke to a 87 year old veteran of the Normandy invasion. He made it a point that we should all travel as much as we can while we are young. He was bright and cheerful, but for a moment, his mood changed as he spoke about the most depressing aspect of living in an old folks home: Seeing those around you slowly deteriorate, lose their dignity and independence, then die.

Ok, rural placement wasnt all grim. Went for a retro party at the Gippsland campus where we were staying. I was on the dancefloor when i felt someone rub against me. Turned around and used my tie to reel her in. (!!!) Suddenly i realized that her bf was just beside her. Steph who was next to me couldnt stop laughing. Overall, rural week was all good. It felt more like a holiday than an actual placement. Expanded my culinary knowledge abit. Making belacan fried rice and tandoori chicken for 12 people was quite an experience.

Got back on friday night. Driving 200km that day was quite tiring. The guys wanted to go to Nandos that had just opened nearby, but it was too crowded so we ended up going to a diner on Scott's reccomendation. We all had an AUD15 burger (picture). But i say it was worth every penny. It had at least AUD5 worth of meat in it, and 6 slices of beetroot (yes i counted), along with bbq sauce and mustard. Balanced flavour despite having so, so, so much meat. None of the sauces were overpowering like the cheap tomato "sauce" they put in the McD burgers. The patty just melts in your mouth. It is served with curly fries done right, along with a salad to balance the flavours. Hmm, i feel like making my own gourmet burgers now. Man food. Hell yeah.

A Fleeting Moment

2008-05-03T22:25:00.012+08:00

Sunset, St Kilda Pier

Late Sunday night, the clock was ticking ever so quickly. The day had come to an end before we finally found a place where we could be alone. A metal bench offered little comfort from the cold. But we had each other...

(The sound of silence was broken)

I want to stop looking.

... I dont want to hold you back.

(somberly, she looked down and shook her head slowly...)

I wish I could foresee the future but I could not.

...

you look like you are going to cry.

Couldnt we at least work towards being together?

I want to plan but i cant foresee the future... so why plan?

Promise me you'll let me know if you've found someone else...

(Nodding subtly) I promise I'll let you know too.

Come down and visit us some time...

I will..

A fleeting moment in my life.

Happy and at peace, sans lust! The awareness that the moment was so fleeting brought me sadness and insecurity - the reflection of which permeated through my elation. I wasnt about to cry. I was just so happy and sad at the same time I didnt know what to think or say.

90km later.

2008-04-13T20:41:00.007+08:00

as the trip ended

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. The last stand up comedy act at the Fox Hotel was supposed to start at 5pm. They didnt accept bookings so we turned up early at 4.30. The place was quiet. Apparently, the last show ended the friday before!

So we went sightseeing instead. It's autumn and it's slightly chilly. Talking against the wind, I answered an unexpected question...

~
Why do you think people want to be attached?

Well girls want the sense of security of knowing they are with someone... or ya know.. just to show off to the other girls. The guys just want to get laid.

(giggle) ya know, that's kinda true.

(we crossed the road)

You know, as you start to be on your own, independent from your family, you lose that sense of closeness you once had as a kid. You want that sense of intimacy...
~

I was surprised at my own reply. In that two minutes waiting at the traffic light to cross the road, i had reflected on something I've never given much thought about. Looking back, i realize that as a person matures, it becomes awkward to have a certain type of emotional intimacy with members of your family.

It feels great to be independent - but it comes at a price. It does get lonely sometimes. Friends distract you from the loneliness spawned by the void of emotional intimacy - but at the end of the day the void is still there...

John Mayer: Something's Missing

I'm not alone, I wish I was
Cause then I'd know I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around
To love me like they do right now
They do right now

I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for the joy but i bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pain
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

When autumn comes
It doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there is fog inside the glass around
Your summer heart

I cant be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test
for loneliness like this

Friends (Check)
Money (Check)
A well slept opposite sex (Check)
Guitar (Check) Microphone (Check)
Messages waiting on me when I come home...

Something's missing
And I dont know what it is
Something's missing,
And i dont know how to fix it
No I dont know what it is
Somethings different
And I dont know what it is
No I dont know what it is.

A Bit About Booze

2008-04-05T12:50:00.009+08:00

smirnoff tarik!

...And we grant you nourishment from the fruit of date-palms and vines: from it you derive intoxicants as well as wholesome sustenance -in this there is a message indeed for people who use their reason. (Q.16:67)

It started with wine...
The wine industry rejoiced when studies showed that drinking wine was good for the heart. It single handedly increased wine consumption globally, and all of a sudden everyone was doing studies on the benefits of alcohol.

A few years of marketing bliss later...
Follow up studies showed that substances previously though to be beneficial in wine werent really beneficial at all, or were present in levels too low to have any effect on cardiovascular function. This was a bad thing for the wine industry, but few people ever learnt about it because the wine industry spends alot of money in advertisements. Later it was discovered that the active ingredient in wine was alcohol itself.

The epidemiological grapevine...
Alcohol is a very tricky stubstance to research. No ethics committee would approve a randomized controlled trial where half of the participants are given a fixed dose of alcohol while another half were given a placebo. Even if they did, how would you design a placebo for alcohol? Hence, most studies are based on evidence from the field epidemiology (statistics). Statistically at least, people who dont drink at all die earlier than people who drink moderately. People who drink alot die much earlier than people who dont drink at all.

The problem with the statistics...
Early studies grouped lifelong abstainers with people who have quit drinking for up to six months. That was a problem because people who quit drinking usually did so because they had some kind of disease (caused by too much alcohol, such as cirrhosis) and were more likely to die young anyway. This statistical problem, along with a few others, were corrected and adjusted for in further studies. The results are clear now.

So what does research really say about alcohol?
Alcohol literally kills your heart in large doses and you can drop dead from sudden death brought on by death of heart muscle. In small doses, alcohol appears to be good for the heart after all. However, research has only proven this to be true in men over 45 years of age. Early research also shows that people who drink one standard drink a day are 30% less likely to get type 2 diabetes (1). It also increases the proportion of "good" HDL cholesterol and reduces the amount of clot inducing "bad" LDL cholesterol in the bloodstream.

A bit about culture..
Here in australia, it is culturally acceptable, and even "cool" amongst youth to get drunk. An hour's of work at the supermarket pay about AUD16. Four litres of cheap low proof wine (30 std drinks) costs only AUD8. Ok, that's really vile stuff, but for AUD16 you could get five bottles of premium beer, each containing 1.3 standard drinks. The human body only eliminates about one standard drink an hour. Five standard drinks is enough to make a person drunk. Since one standard drink is not very much, it is really easy to drink too much. It is much less than what people typically consume in one sitting. A can of mid strength beer is about 1.3 standard drinks. 30ml of 38% spirit is considered one standard drink. How many people take only one beer at the pub?

My pseudo-opinion: Positive effect of low risk drinking ( less than 1.5 std drinks a day)
It is quite clear that people who drink moderately do derive health benefits from alcohol. The human body is incredibly complex and researchers are still unsure how alcohol does the things it does. Cardiovascular disease is essentially an inflammatory disease whereby the linings of the cardiac vessels dont function properly. Stress naturally causes the production of hormones that function to help a person get through a period of stress. Blood clotting factors are primed for use and the body is put into a state of tension. In the good ol caveman days, that was a good thing. Your body has to be ready to run away from the sabertooth tiger, and you had to stay awake at night if you sensed a predator in the bushes. In modern times, the same stress responses that once provided the human body with an edge in survival are now activated frequently by things such as work deadlines and lack of sleep. Alcohol helps dull that stress response and makes people more relaxed. That alone could be one of the reasons behind the health benefits of alcohol. A nip of whiskey before bed calms a persons nerves and makes him/her less anxious/stressed. It is not surprising that some cultures, such as the french, have successfully integrated alcohol into their lifestyles. Moderate consumption at the dinner table is a good thing.

The BIG picture.
Alcohol is bad for society. Period. The Australian Medical Association plainly states that alcohol leads to "an unacceptably high level of sickness and social disruption". It is estimated that in Australia, roughly 80,000 life years were lost as a result of drinking in 2001. This was contrasted to the estimated 61,000 life years gained as a result of moderate low risk drinking. The bottom line is that alcohol consumption costs taxpayers about AUD500k (RM1.5mil) a day in healthcare, emergency services and motor accidents.

They will ask you about intoxicants and games of chance. Say: "In both there is great evil* as well as some benefit for man; but the evil which they cause is greater than the benefit which they bring." (Q.2:219)

(1) Koppes LL, Dekker JM, Hendriks HF, Bouter LM, Heine RJ: Moderate alcohol consumption lowers the risk of type 2 diabetes: a meta-analysis of prospective observational studies. Diabetes Care 28:719–725, 2005. -and- Howard AA, Arnsten JH, Gourevitch MN: Effect of alcohol consumption on diabetes mellitus: a systematic review. Ann Intern Med 140:211–219, 2004.

Outpinged Lives Again!

2008-03-23T14:21:00.008+08:00

Sleek...

I finally got down to building my own computer. Last year, my workstation was very cluttered (click) and unergonomic. This new desktop let's me save space and have a much more ergonomic workstation (click). Last year, I had used my notebook connected to a display as my workstation. Little would i know that it would affect my posture quite badly (i actually had the initial signs of scoliosis but that's another story). It affected my ability to play sports and even walking became annoying.

The Tale of Outpinged

Once upon a time, there was a warrior, a trained sniper who totally owned at the legendary battlefields of 2fort5 in Teamfortress for Quake II. He was a veteren of combat who had experienced many other battles in Duke Nukem, Quake and Doom. Yet, he was unable to fulfill his maximum potential. He was limited by speed. Using an ancient 28.8kbps modem, he struggled during intense moments on the battlefield, trying to pre-empt where his enemies would be a split second later. The delays (pings) were sometimes outrageous, lasting about half a second. Some people are outrun on the battlefield. Some people are outsmarted. He was, "Outpinged*".

He had his fair share of leadership commanding armies in Warcraft (I,II,III), C&C and Starcraft, but the battlefield was where his heart was. He clocked more than 300 hours on counter-strike on dated equipment.

As time slowly crept upon Outpinged. He found himself increasingly disadvantaged by the limitations of his gear. That limitation has now been removed.

The last gaming rig:

0.6Ghz Pentium III. 10 million transistors
Riva TNT2, 12 million transistors, 16mb RAM
64MB RAM
Rolled iron and Plastic case
350W power supply.
17" CRT monitor
RM5500

Gaming rig, 2008:

1.8Ghz Pentium Dual Core. 230 million transistors
Geforce 8800GT, 666 million transistors, 512mb RAM
2048MB RAM
Brushed aluminium case.
650W Coolermaster Real Power (19A x 3 @ 12V)
22" Widescreen LCD Panel.
RM4600

*Ping is the delay it takes for a computer to communicate with the server.

The Grind

2008-03-10T16:23:00.006+08:00

Stand after going low to pass a hurdle...

Classes start at 8am and end at 5pm on Mondays - with only an hour of break in between. To add icing to the cake, the faculty decided that monday was the day we also receive our weekly presentation topics and patient cases. The tuesday breaks are about to be no more in a few weeks...

Im starting to feel alot of pressure. Last year, a record 100+ students out of a cohort of 300 students were forced to sit supplementary exams. 9 students actually had to remain in first year! Unbelievable. This year there are even more exams and hurdles to cross.

...yet i dont feel stressed! It's an awesome feeling; the pressure is nothing. I can take it! I dont feel like im last in anatomy class. I've refined my method of distilling knowledge. I can take it! I can take it now! I suffocated last year. This year, i can finally breathe...

Moving fast,
hurdles pass,
never last,
sadness past.

Steer

2008-03-01T11:06:00.014+08:00

I arrived on the 11th of February. Little would i know that the following few weeks would herald a new stage in my personal development.

The Prequel of Empathy

It was a cold rainy night on the 13th of february. The halls were deserted. I went to the guys house on Panorama street to pick my stuff up. They were still in Malaysia so the house was empty. It was dark, raining and windy. I felt a chill as i opened the rusty door. It took me about 2 hours to move all my stuff back to the halls. The cold, gloomy drizzle was depressing.

Isolation makes one sensitive to the presence of others.

O-Week, 2008

Orientation week proved to be very meaningful to me. I put a conscious effort to interact more with other people - yet a simple truth of human nature still eluded me.

Then, as part of the orientation, I was obliged to watch a presentation done by the university to promote healthy lifestyle choices. The comedian cum motivator was pretty good, but at one point, he said something that echoes in my head till this very day.

"To be sociable means not to be interesting,
it means to be interested..."

Staying in the halls has provided me with an excellent opportunity to expand my interpersonal skills in a neutral, multicultural environment. As preconceptions and prejudices were destroyed by the voice of reasoning, I finally removed the last few buckles of the mental straitjacket that had once threatened to destroy me.

A 180 degree turn in my interpersonal relations soon followed. I quickly noticed that interest in others is always reciprocated (ok, there are exceptions, but reciprocality is the norm). That set the tone for my interactions with others during the course of o-week. Interacting with lots of new faces, i put the basic principle to work. It works!

Physical Reverberations..

I now feel compelled to divert resources from typically self-centered luxuries to those that involve other people.

Ethreal Reverberations...

To see another person, and not only recognize his/her name. To seen individuals. Where they are from, their background, their likes and dislikes. The mental effort to remember comes naturally with genuine interest to know more about other people. This is something I have yet to gain - so yes, i do have to put some mental effort when interacting with people. I hope that one day this would come more naturally to me.

Feel it falling off like clothing
Taste it rolling on your tongue
See the lights above you glowing
Oh and breathe them deep into your lungs

It was always simple, not hidden hard
You've been pulling at the strings playing puppeteer for kings
And you've had enough

But the search ends here
Where the night is totally clear
And your heart is fierce
So now you finally know that you control where you go
You can steer

So hold this feeling like a newborn
Of freedom surging through your veins
You have opened up a new door
So bring on the wind, fire and rain

It was always simple, not hidden hard
You've been played at a game called remembering your name
And you stuffed it up

'Cos you've been listening for answers
But the city screams and all your dreams go unheard
You get out of the box and step into the clear
'Cos now you finally know you can steer

~ Missy Higgins, Steer. ~

The Rustic Bookshop

2008-02-14T01:11:00.003+08:00

The Rustic Bookshop

Shelves surround,

she who's fair,
not a sound,
still air.

Warmth rises,
i breathe,
heavenly scent,
brief.

Next glance?
november i believe,
a fleeting chance,
my next reprieve.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Year 2 Resolve

2008-02-13T23:20:00.003+08:00

Second Year, Melbourne.

Im surprised at how fast I managed to settle down at the halls this year. Last year, i was a freshie, a total noob. It took me ages to feel settled and comfortable in my room. This year, I took only two days. Arrived late Monday night. By the end of wednesday, my empty room has been transformed to a reasonably comfortable pad. A fan, soft lighting, and a more ergonomic workstation has been set up. Last year, it took me 8 months just to get a fan! I feel at home now, and im sure i'll be able to devote more real effort to my studies in this environment. Food woes are no more. I've been having McD, Subway, Chicken and Chips and Fish and Chips for the past two days. Got to get back on a healthy diet soon. Had oats, cottage cheese and bread for dinner. Probably toss a salad later. I just unpacked my cooking utensis and im looking forward to trying some new things in the kitchen. Badminton, swimming, running and weight training shall all resume soon.

Year two is going to be awesome. Many of the issues that bothered me in the past have been solved - from apparel to study approach. I am also more efficient at getting things done and wont get caught up preparing meals etc. I brought back a number of books from malaysia this time. I am well equipped this year and dont really have any excuse not to excel.

Tomorrow i'll be one of the team leaders for Summer Swoop! O'week starts next Saturday. It's gonna be a busy week ahead.

What's up for 2008.

First, a forecast:

Year 2 will be a challenge. No more slacking. No more Pass Grade Only (PGO).
Better financial management. Aim to save some real cash this year.

Quantitative goals:

Wake up before 8.30am each day.
Put more mental effort into my work.
Put on another 7kg of lean mass.
Exercise every other day - cardio 3 times a week / strength twice a week.
Have a 5,000 AUD bank balance by year's end.

Ultimate Goals:

A Mediterranian pseudo-backpacking trip.
Build a diverse social circle and strengthen existing ones.
Macbook air! It's just so dead sexy i have got to get my grubby paws on one... If my wallet permits.

The Melancholic Gaze...

2008-01-24T12:26:00.004+08:00

~The Pale Yellow Moon, Ezra I. Limm 2008 ~

The clock is ticking.
yellow lunacy,
pale and fading,
i cant foresee.

~Konspirasi Bising Internasional, OAG. ~

Benarkah teorimu?
Fenomena menakjub.

Logikkah reaksimu?
Melankolik Matamu.

Konspirasi gadis curiga,
mimpi ku resah tak terkata,
panik dunia,
panik semesta.

OAG: Permysuri (review)

2008-01-16T02:24:00.002+08:00

OAG is local alternative rock band. There isnt much writeup about them online, and even their official website is not updated. They may have passed their hayday, but hey, it's all about the music, and they are by far my favourite local alternative band. In a typical song, smooth guitar riffs, warm bass, and 8-beat percussion accompany the lead singer's (Radhi) exceptionally emotive voice. A surprising number of songs in this album have a certain "timelessness" that I feel would make it a good listen in decades to come.

The opening song, Permysuri (Track 01), is a song sung by a guy to his new wife, his princess (Permaisuri in malay). It opens with a very warm bass line, and maintains a strong positive tone throughout the song. The song feels like it was made by someone who just found paradise - even people who dont understand malay would feel it.

Ya know how relationships go stale? Indifference is the antithesis of love. Slumber (Track 02) is all about that. Radhi laments the process of a breakup. Less lively and very much laid back compared to the other songs on the CD. There are points of tension between laid back laments.

"selamba sayang kau berfoya foya, kau selalu bertanya tanya, ke mana hilangnya minda? ke mana arah tujuan ku? tujuan mu?"

Biru (Track 16). This is my favourite track in the whole album! Flawless harmonics, catchy melody and poetic lyrics makes this one very timeless piece. "her gaze.. pierces my shadow.". Tension after a breakup. The indifference that hurts, and makes you feel blue. This song is so well vocalized/composed by Radhi that you get the feel that his ex is in the audience and he is singing to both her and the audience. He also manages to pull of a resigned tone of voice while singing the lyrics. That is some feat. Poetry and expression in this song is par excellence.

"apakah ini semua? dari awal hingga akhirnya...
yang tak menentu... kau terseksa... ku terharu...
memandangnya... terangkanlah, untuk dia,
terangkanlah, untuk ku.
kenapa ku tak selalu menghampir mu, dan selalu oh -
inikah yang ku terima? ..
kau berlalu tanpa suara,
pandangan mu,
pandangannya, menembusi bayangan ku..."

60's TV (track 03), The Name of The Game (track 04) and Knocked Silly (track 13) have that nice upbeat alternative rock feel. Track 20 is an accoustic, malay version called TV 60-an.

Stereokumonomu (track 09)is my second favourite song of the album. Beautiful guitar harmonics along with reverberating drums. The vocals are modified, "metalized" so to speak, to make them go with the instruments with even more harmony. A great uplifting song.

Sound Experience.

2008-01-09T14:15:00.002+08:00

When I was 5, I remember jumping around on my parent's bed dancing to ABBA and Beatles. Later on, I got my first music player, an old Sony Walkman. The sound wasnt great, but it did allow me to record from the radio, and it was fascinating. Then came the age of CDs and MP3s. 128kbps MP3s plucked from the internet sounded ok. By that time i was listening to music on my cheap computer 2.1 (subwoofered) speakers. I still didnt have a CD player though. Eventually, I got my hands on a MZ-R909 Mini Disc player. It was made from magnesium/aluminium and had really good build quality, fit and finish. Sound quality was way ahead of the old tape walkman. By the time I was in college, I had got my first iPod. It was a third generation (clickwheel) model. The earbuds provided for pretty decent, not surprising as the iPod itself had cost RM1600.

That was the start of my pursuit of better sound quality. The white 3rd generation iPod earphones had significantly better than those provided with the following generations of iPods. There were much more natural sounding than that of my brother's 4th gen iPod Photo earbuds. Saved up for awhile and finally upgraded my listening experience. My next pair of earbuds would be my first in-ear buds (canalphones). The venerable Sony MX71s (RM150). The in ear buds had much better bass response/separation and for the first time i could discern low pitch instruments clearly.

Fast forward a few years. I am now a student in Australia. Canalphone technology has progressed steadily and the MX71s were starting to showing their age. Physically, they were starting to break up as well after much use and abuse. So I decided to get a popular RM200 pair of headphones. I settled for the Sennheiser CX300. They were Senn's first attempt at canalphone technology. They were much better across the range. A little boomy/muddy on the low end, but had far superior separation on the rest of the range. As a result, high pitched cymbals dont get muddled when playing rock songs.

My music listening experience has improved by leaps and bounds from my first tape walkman, but I was still pretty much stuck to listening to 128kbps mp3s. Even on the Senn CX300s, i couldnt hear any advantage to using higher bitrate mp3s.

All that changed when i came back to malaysia for summer break. I finally found a local distributor for Grado. Grado is a family brand that makes headphones at their small factory in Brooklyn. Yes, New York. Not china or taiwan. They are well renowned for the audio quality of their products and affordable prices.

I decided to get the Grado SR80 after looking around online. Many people claim that this offers the best sound quality for the USD100 (RM400) price range. At RM400, it is by far the most expensive pair of headphones I've ever owned. To be honest, it feels cheaper than the RM60 Phillips headphones that I used to play the electric keyboard. It's lighter and just feels flimsy. Bass is tight and well controlled. Response across the range is quite flat, and thus listening even to "full sounding" pieces of music is not tiring as well separated and defined bass and treble dont compete for your ears. You could hear maracas clearly playing behind the cymbals and other instruments. It's just awesome. The sound melts into your ear. When you take it and put it on, you get immersed. Tight bass, and well separated instruments gives you the feeling that the band is playing for you.

The headphones are great, but another problem arose. Mp3 flaws now are very noticeable. Muddled high ends and bloated bass are all very obvious on the SR80. So where does that leave me? For the first time I actually feel compelled to buy albums. Woot. And I subsequently found that listening to albums instead of individual songs on my computer is more enjoyable on the long run. You dont get bored of one song or another too quickly.

I look forward to reviewing some of my favourite albums

2008: Building A Mystery.

2008-01-07T21:37:00.001+08:00

Last year, I came across ladder theory. It's probably not 100% true, but the jist of its message is true. In past relationships, I've made just about every mistake in the book . It's not about being nice or naughty. It's not about friendship. It's not just about communication. It's complex. And most ladies dont know what they are attracted to even if you ask them - but when push comes to shove, nature takes over and they will instinctively know what they want - even if they cant put it in words. From one of my favourite albums, Mirrorball, Sarah McLachlan describes what all women intuitively desire.

Sarah McLachlan - Building a Mystery

You come out at night. That's when the energy comes. And the dark side's light .
And the vampires roam. You strut your rasta wear. And your suicide poem(1).
And a cross from a faith that died. Before Jesus came. You're building a mystery.

You live in a church. Where you sleep with voodoo dolls (2). And you won't give up the search.
For the ghosts in the halls. You wear sandals in the snow (3). And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window. Without your shadow getting in the way (4)?

You're so beautiful. With an edge and charm. but so careful. When I'm in your arms.
Cause you're working. Building a mystery. Holding on and holding it in (5).
Yeah you're working. Building a mystery. And choosing so carefully.

You woke up screaming aloud. A prayer from your secret god. You feed off our fears.
And hold back your tears, oh. Give us a tantrum. And a know it all grin (6).
Just when we need one. When the evening's thin.

You're a beautiful, A beautiful fvcked up man (7).
You're setting up your.
Razor wire shrine

The pic above, from the ladder theory homepage summarizes it nicely. Money/Power actually refers to social dominance (3) (6). It doesnt matter if you're austin powers, a biker gang leader, or a high priced lawyer. What matters is that you must be at the top of your game. In the modern world, social dominance is almost impossible to achieve without money. Yet if you asked a woman, she would probably tell you that she looks for intellegence, honesty, sensitivity etc. That's BS. Those adjectives unfortunately fall within the yellow 10% part of the pie.

A breakdown of attraction:

Physical attraction / Looks - pretty much self explanatory (7)
Disinterest - while it may be the antithesis of interest, directly expressing interest in a woman instantly removes that image of social dominance men work so hard to build. You must never turn into a soft whiny wuss kneeling at a woman's knees - confiding every thought and feeling that comes to your mind. A woman could only pursue a man who's running away. (4) (5)
Novelty - Why are you unlike every other Joe, Tom, Dick, and Harry? (1) (2)

Do you realize I have just given the breakdown for the definition of an α-male ?

Ezra - building a mystery.

Offtopic: I finally figured how to get smileys to display properly. I took 2 #!%*@#!# hours to figure out how to make appear in the center of a line of text. w00t.

Thanks For Visiting! Site Review 2007.

2007-12-31T01:57:00.000+08:00

Who are you? The Don demands to know...

A Big thank you to all of my readers. This site has progressed from having only a handful of hits a day to an average of more than 20 hits a day. More importantly, a few return readers click in each day. Statcounter was really a blessing, it allowed me to see what people were clicking on and where they came from (half of the 4200+ hits are from google images!). It's even smart enough to avoid counting my own visits!

The internet has made the world a smaller place.

A typical week...

9.8% of visitors are returning visitors!

Holiday Life @ Home

2007-12-24T21:32:00.001+08:00

Prawn Entrée

I've been home for about a month now. '=.= Yet this is only my second blog entry since coming back. Yeah, I've been busy.

Clocked about 100 hours on the CS:UWCIII server at SgXplorer. Finally reached level 32. Counter-strike:Ultimate Warcraft III is a modified version of counterstrike that is more fast paced than the original counterstrike. Runspeed is three times faster. Skills such as phoenix and vengeance allow players to respawn - turning pussies into heroes who dare to 'storm the front'. The more you play the more XP you get. This in time allows you to increase your base attributes such as health, dexterity and agility. Skillpoints allow you train skills such as entangling roots, teleport (!), vampiric aura and hex. Since skillpoints and XP accumulate, it's really addictive. Spells such as heal and repair (armour) lets you fix your teamates hp/armour for XP. There is even a shop (activated by saying "shopmenu") that allows players to buy stuff like the helm of excellence that prevents headshots. It is a totally awesome game that allows for very dynamic, fast paced action. Respawning means you dont have to wait for the next round to start if you die early.

A number of tactical options also open up. My personal favourite and fun strategy involves maxing out my Invisibility skill, buying an Amulet of Cat (no footsteps), and buying an Orb of Frost (freezes opponents for 1sec when you shoot them). Invisibility is highest when switched to knife so I then hide and wait for someone to pass. I sneak up behind them and pistol kill them with a silenced USP. Yeah it pisses enemies off, but it's just so damn fun. Shadow strike (poison) or carrion beetles (disease) finishes the job if i dont get to kill them. If they notice me, I'll gate (a spell that teleports me back to base, binded convieninently to mouse3 for quick response).

I am, "Outpinged"

I also managed to find myself a pair of Grado SR80s. They are hands down the best headphones i've ever used. They bring new life to my entire music collection. Instruments sound like they are being played live in front of me. It's just awesome.

Last but not least, I've been enjoying the great food mum makes. From nasi kerabu to laksa johor. Malaysian food is different from food in australia, even chinese and malay food. This is because grounded fresh chilli paste is not available there. And of course chinese food in places outside malaysia is missing one very key ingredient - belacan!

Nasi Kerabu

I was wondering why my mum wanted me to buy anchovies from Australia. She wanted to make Budu! Budu is typically made from preserved fish, but mum told me that i could make it myself if i cant find it using anchovies. It doesnt taste half bad. Below is a picture of what is quite possibly the most expensive "budu" ever. A very very small 50ml jar of anchovies cost about RM10. A huge 800g bottle of "budu" costs only a few ringgit.

"Budu"

Clinical Reflections

2007-12-16T00:34:00.001+08:00

Clinical Reflections
I have two more months of holidays to go. This time will be well spent, revising stuff I learnt over last year. I guess I have reached a point in my education where dry memorization doesnt work anymore. The bottom line is that I have to put more thought/thinking/mental effort/focus into my work. I have started a new blog to fulfill this purpose. I will be updating it with things that cross my mind that I feel are related to my course. Medicine is about familiarization and application of knowledge. The inaugural post is about angioplasty - a topic that i happened to hear about, and subsequently look up, when a relative had heart palpitations.

All About Banners
It took me awhile to come up with a suitable banner for the new site. It had to be something that reflected the subject matter. Initially i used a red crystal (alternative to the red cross/crescent/star/lion) and WHO caduceus (snake thingy).

I did a bit of reading about the two symbols. Apparently the red crystal is protected by the Geneva convention, and using it is a violation of international law. The same goes for the WHO watermark I used. I decided to remove the WHO watermark and use just the crystal symbol instead. In much the same way as some videogames (eg. Call of Duty) replaced the internationally protected red cross symbol with an army green cross, I changed the colour of the red crystal to army green.

The problem now was that the banner looked ugly. Imagine the banner with the above symbol and no WHO caduceus. It didnt even feel like it had anything to do with medicine. I then set off to look up wikipedia for some opensource images that made a viewer think "medicine" on first glance. The free to use images werent of the best quality, but would suffice for my banner with some editing. I decided to use the image of a syringe and needle. Sthethescopes are too cliche.

After playing around with it awhile, I came up with another banner.

It still somehow didnt have the feel I wanted the new blog to have. Working on GIMP (opensource, free photoshop) I came up with a suitable banner a few hours later.

Click the banner above to drop by my new site!

Why Malaysia Rocks

2007-11-26T23:48:00.001+08:00

Char Kuay Teow Seller, Penang Back Alley

ISO400 f/1.4 50mm Kodachrome

.
What can i say about Malaysia in comparison to Melbourne?

1) Driving is fun. In Australia there are traffic lights everywhere. There are drop dead boring 40 km/h school zones and the speed limit is only 80 km/h on the Princess Highway. In Malaysia, the speed limit is how fast you dare to drive. Forget the monotonous traffic light grid of the Melbourne suburbs. Malaysian roads are dynamic. Potholes pop up here and there daily.

2) Food is free. Well, practically free. After getting used to paying 20-odd ringgit for a meal, I dont think twice before ordering that extra bowl of chendol during lunch.

3) Toilets have hoses. My arse has never felt so clean!

It's good to be back =)

The Futile Pursuit of Happiness

2007-11-16T11:11:00.003+08:00

The Hedonic Treadmill.

Money cant buy happiness. Well, it could be argued that people who say that dont know where to go shopping. Ladies love new shoes and guys love new playstations. Boys toys and girls toys may be different, but fundamentally material possessions do bring happiness.

But do those possessions bring lasting happiness? No. Studies of lottery winners show that after merely a year, lottery winners are back to their former pre-win happiness levels.

Human beings are designed to chase material/worldly wealth and possessions. But as one gets more wealthy, the amount of new wealth required to get that feeling of happiness starts to increase exponentially. In the end, whatever material wealth obtained will stop bringing happiness as in the case of lottery winners.

You could live in mansion, playing playstation on your 72" plasma screen while listening to tunes on your Bang and Olufsen audiophile setup yet you will still eventually reach a stage where those things will no longer bring you happiness. You can run the hedonic treadmill, but your run will lead you nowhere - stop running and the treadmill stops spinning. You then realize that you havent really gone anywhere.

After one can well afford basic needs and simple luxuries, running the hedonic treadmill is a futile pursuit of happiness.

The hedonic treadmill is distracting. too much focus on material wealth and the happiness that is harder and harder to get achieve will inevitably lead to neglect of other aspects of life. To be sociable and extroverted actually means putting thought/mental-focus to the existance/needs/feelings/happenings of others. An introvert caught up in the hedonic treadmill does not do that.

As a kid, an influential figure started telling me that 'friends are temporary' and 'come and go'. My emphisis on social interaction was never the same after that. I was suspicious of the intentions of others and proud of my own flawed constitution and ideals. An introverted worldview during my teens practically destroyed my social life.

It is only now that I realize i should have put more thought/mental-focus/effort in interacting with others. I had been too caught up with myself, too introverted and too focused on the hedonic treadmill that I neglected a very important part of life - friends.

The next stage of the development of me as a person will revolve around social networking. An excellent opportunity awaits next year for I will be Richardson Hall's international rep.

ESSENCE of happiness and wellbeing

Education (x)
Spirituality (x)
Stress Management (x)
Exercise (x)
Nutrition (x)
Connectedness (O) ← next year's focus
Environment (x)

Too Little Too Late.

2007-11-10T17:33:00.002+08:00

Anatomy Workstation

When i first approached the subject of anatomy, I was completely lost. My first attempt at the subject involved staring at atlases (Netter's). Bad idea. It's impossible to remember anything at all or their relevance to the bigger picture. Imagine looking at a map of France. With dots representing towns. Then try memorizing the name of each dot. Lack of depth. No understanding.

I then tried to read a very comprehensive, descriptive, surgical textbook (Last's Anatomy). I referred to the Netter's atlas to picture what Last's was describing. Trying to comprehend the book was a glorified page-flipfest. Flipping pages of an anatomy atlas over and over was not much fun. Reading two pages took me half an hour! That was no fun.

After months of trying, I am finally able to study the subject at a reasonable speed. Reading Last's was really helpful in giving "depth of meaning*" to descriptive anatomical nomenclature/language. However, it was still one big glorified page-flipfest.

Finally, the page flipping festivals ended with the arrival of the A.D.A.M. Interactive anatomy DVD. It usually costs $150USD, but i managed to get it bundled with a book for only $70USD from Amazon online. It is spectacular. You could dissect a human body from all sides just as you would a cadaver simply by moving a slider bar or rolling the mousewheel.

Now i could study anatomy faster. Covering two pages of Last's in about 15 minutes. But still, I could not cover all that needed to be covered in time for the exam.

Last's is an awesome textbook, but does not give much information about the pathology of clinical conditions resulting from the relevant anatomy it explains.

I ended up using Dartos, a wonderful piece of software by Monash's own lecturer Gerry Ahern. It is brought to us by the Dartos Contractors, as Dr Gerry jovially points out (link). The dartos contractors are amazing. They work hard in the cold! Anyway, it has within it a compilation of interactively labelled images from cadavers and medical imaging (X-ray, CT, MRI). The newest version even has a voiced narrative of each cadaver dissection.

Dartos + A.D.A.M. + Last's is quite possibly all i'd need for anatomy these coming years as an undergraduate. Pictured above is the latest incarnation of my anatomy workstation. A.D.A.M. is running on the monitor, showing multiple views (different angles) of the thigh. Each view can be individually dissected layer by layer with a click of the mouse. Last's is the reference when i want to know more about any muscle/nerve/vein/bone/landmark described in Dartos. A.D.A.M. let's me understand what Last's is describing.

I received the A.D.A.M. DVD a week before the finals. In the end, I only managed to cover about two fifths of the anatomy scyllabus.

Damn. I will not let this happen ever again. When i look at the map of france now I go on a virtual roadtrip. A.D.A.M. labels all the towns and cities vividly and makes each place easily serchable. Last's textbook lays down detailed information about the roads that connect the towns and cities. Dartos describes to me important landmarks. For redundancy, I keep an image of my computer's hard-drive (flourescent orange external disk in the picture). So even if my hard disk suddenly dies, and is replaced with a blank one, I could get my workstation back in less than half an hour.

*Thoughts/Understandings invoked when i read a particular word.