Poop'D Culture

MOVING DAY

2007-02-15T13:47:00.000-05:00

I was here. But now I'm gone. See you over there. Adjust your links accordingly.

Thanks for coming and, hopefully, for following.

2007-01-14T09:08:00.000-05:00

Almost back -- AKA A Quick Update

I've been busy, hence the disappearing act. With what, you say?

Well, where do I start. There was that Holiday thing, a family outing, a basement under construction and a meltdown (again) of my existing computer, necessitating repairs and/or a total rebuild. This is being written on the family's new computer -- yes, there will now be two in the house. There's this nice new shiny thing and that other thing, the principle receiver of my best profanity.

Anyway, s'all for now. I will be returning in a week or two, only it likely won't be here. I'll keep all posted when things are straightened out. Thanks to everyone who left comments and thanks to those who just check in now and again.

Stay tuned...

2006-12-20T12:22:00.000-05:00

To one and all:

Am takin' the obligatory break for this time of year.

So I'll just say Merry Christmas.

Or Happy Hanukkah.

Or Pleasant Festivus.

Or whatever bakes your cookies.

See ya in '07 is some form or another.

Stay tuned...

2006-12-15T14:16:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Jingle Hells -- Christians dismayed by Black Christmas.
(Link) You never give me your money -- Yoko's chauggeur busted for extortion attempt.
(Link) Goodbye, Frank -- Peter Boyle calls it a life.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** A man so funny he's Dorf, Tim Conway is 73
** Long-time blitzer for both the Patriots and Dolphins, Nick Buoniconti is 66
** The man who put the "Dave Clark" in The Dave Clark Five, Dave, um, Clark is 64
** Running things for his fourth team, Detroit Tigers' field boss Jim Leyland is 62
** Former Houston Astros' player and manager -- but not at the same time -- Art Howe is 60
** The original Sonny Crockett, Don Johnson is 57
** Not a sister of Christian Slater, although she once played one, Helen Slater is 43
** Former Trekker Garrett Wang is 38
** Irish actor and Charlize Theron squeeze Stuart Townsend is 34
** Refugee from Orange County, actor Adam Brody is 27

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"We Just Disagree" by Dave Mason (released in 1977 on Columbia Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Monday, December 11:

"Whatever didn't happen, make sure it doesn't happen again!"

-- spoken by Mike Novick (as portrayed on 24 by Jude Ciccolella)

Stay tuned...

2006-12-11T16:07:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) When you're 85 lbs, one shot is all it takes -- Nicole Richie busted for DUI.
(Link) Plastic junk in the trunk -- Tori Spelling holds a yard sale.
(Link) Hell and the Ohio River have frozen over -- WKRP is coming to DVD.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Multi-talented performer Rita Moreno is 75
** Knots Landing alum who is aging just fine, thank you, Donna Mills is 66 -- seriously
** A guy with a mouth just big enough for his foot, Senator John "Herman" Kerry is 63
** A gal who's tougher than she looks, actress Teri Garr is 59
** She made a Jaws sequel and her career lived to tell about it, actress Bess Armstrong is 53
** Brother of a guy who pales in comparison to his former self, Jermaine Jackson is 52
** Director of the Almighty (Bruce and Evan, not the other Guy), Tom Shadyac is 48
** Motley Crue bassist and a man who's lucky to be alive, Nikki Sixx is 48
** Former Astros, Padres and Blue Jays outfielder and blockhead Derek Bell is 38
** Ottawa Senators "C" guy Daniel Alfredsson is 34
** Rapper, actor and man of many names, Mos Def is 33

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Follow Your Heart" by Triumph (released in 1984 on MCA Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Whatever didn't happen, make sure it doesn't happen again!"

-- spoken by **** ****** (as portrayed by **** **********)

Stay tuned...

2006-12-08T17:52:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Take me, I'm yours -- alleged tax evader Snipes surrenders to the Feds.
(Link) Papa Subliminal -- Kevin Nealon and wife are expecting a wee'un.
(Link) Got yer back, Jack -- Rick Shroeder tags along with Kiefer.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Austrian born actor Maximilian Schell is 76
** Boxing promoter not named Don King, Bob Arum is 75
** Closet Oriental David Carradine is 70
** Long retired from booking 'em, James MacArthur is 69
** Musician and ex to Cher about forty plastic surgeries ago, Gregg Allman is 59
** Writer slash director with a film currently showing, Nancy Meyers is 57
** Oscar winner and still smokin' babe Kim Basinger is 53
** ESPN motor mouth Roy Firestone is 53
** Former Duran Duran guy Warren Cuccurullo is 50
** Def Leppard guitarist Phil Collen is 49
** Notorious right-wing ditch pig Ann Coulter is 45
** Rail thin Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher is 42
** Infamous Pope ripper Sinead O'Connor is 40
** Mike Mussina, AKA Cito Gaston's favourite pitcher, is 38
** Nextel Cupper (part one) Kevin Harvick is 31
** Still a Lostie Dominic Monaghan is 30
** Nextel Cupper (part two) Ryan Newman is 29
** Former Lostie Ian Somerhalder is 28
** Perhaps soon-to-be traded Blue Jays' slugger and ace glovemanVernon Wells is 28
** San Diego Chargers' pigskin slinger Philip Rivers is 25

HELLO, GOODBYE
Jim Morrison was born on December 8, 1943. John Lennon died on December 8, 1980. Is there a more noteworthy day in rock 'n roll history?

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Wednesday, December 6:

"Would you be offended if I said I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?"

-- spoken by Peter Griffin (as voiced on Family Guy by Seth MacFarlane)

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Porcelain" by Moby (released in 1999 on V2 Records)

THE BIG PLUNGE: S IS FOR SUPER, MAN
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's... it's... it's a guy in his underwear.

Flying.

Would Superman become a pop cultural phenomenon if he were introduced today? Hard to say, really. The thought of an alien superhero zipping through the air in his best Calvin Kleins while saving the world from megalomaniacs is a bit of a stretch. Now, if he were ridding the world of corrupt politicians and/or Paris Hilton, well, maybe.

In any case, I was excited to see the release of the 14-disc Superman DVD set recently, bringing together all four Christopher Reeve films (even though the last two sucked Kryptonite), and adding the promising but underwhelming Superman Returns and the long pined-for Richard Donner cut of Superman II, along with other assorted animated and documentary-type stuff.

The original 1978 movie is in the box in two different versions -- the original theatrical cut and an extended director's cut stuffed to the rafters with extra footage.

And speaking of different versions, there could hardly be two different versions of the same movie than the theatrical version of Superman II and the newly put together Richard Donner cut that fans have been begging for almost since the movie hit screens in 1980.

The plan for the first two films was for Donner to shoot them back-to-back, a practice that is becoming much more commonplace nowadays (see The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix and Pirates of the Caribbean for recent examples of this). With the due date for the first film approaching, Donner stopped working on the second film, which had completed about 70 per cent of its principal photography, in order to put the finishing touches on the first.

Donner never got to finish the second. He was canned by producers Alexander and Ilya Salkind before work resumed on the second, which was then turned over to director Richard Lester (best known at that point as director of The Beatles' first two films). Lester ended up using about half of what Donner shot, adding much of his own footage, most notably the Eiffel Tower terror sequence that occurs early in Superman II.

After being disappointed with Lester's Superman III, many fans clamored for Donner to have a chance to put his Superman II together. When Warner Brothers announced the box set earlier this year, the fans got their wish, although originally Donner was going to have nothing to do with the project. But as time went on, the studio came to its senses and Donner came on board, showing an enthusiasm totally lacking any bitterness to which he was probably entitled.

And what a job he did with Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut. While the film is a little rough around the edges in places (one scene was never filmed so screen test footage was utilized), it is faithful to Donner's original vision. It's superior in some ways to Lester's finished product which, despite all the political wrangling in the background, still turned out to be a pretty darned good film.

Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace are pretty bad movies, but still worth watching because every moment with Christopher Reeve in the tights and cape could hardly be called a waste of time.

I've still got some stuff to watch on this set, including the Max Fleischer animated shorts from the forties and the movie that immediately preceded the fifties TV series starring George Reeves, the wonderfully titled Superman and the Mole-Men. And about a weekend's worth of documentaries and deleted scenes.

It's as good a time as any for me to take off. S is also for See ya later.

Stay tuned...

2006-12-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Britney is # 1 for Yahoo searches -- all that looking and nobody's found her panties.
(Link) The real Break-Up -- Jennifer and Vince are "friends" no more
(Link) Will slug for food -- Barry BooHoo goes looking for a job.
(Link) Fear of the Idol -- Lost chickens out, loses an hour.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Jazz legend Dave Brubeck is 86
** Boxing promoter and president of the Hair Club for Extra-Terrestrials, Don King is 74
** Baseball guy with a really short fuse, Larry Bowa is 61
** Former Formula 1 driving champion Keke Rosberg is 58
** Matriarch of the House of Poltergeist JoBeth Williams is 58
** Faber College alumnus and Delta House pledge Tom Hulce is 53
** Survivor cutie and failed actress Colleen Haskell is 30

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Ode to My Family" by The Cranberries (released in 1994 on Island Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Would you be offended if I said I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?"

-- spoken by ***** ******* (as voiced by **** *********)

CELEBRITY CRAPOLA
A new album of Christmas songs by Michael Jackson has been cancelled by the self-proclaimed King of Pop's record label after the singer was allegedly caught trying to be hands-on with The Little Drummer Boy.

THE GREEN MONSTER
I'm not saying that baseball salaries are once again getting out of hand, but the Boston Red Sox just offered a five year, $22 million deal to the New York Yankees' batboy.

Stay tuned...

2006-12-04T16:34:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) LiLo heads to kegger -- mistakenly ends up at A.A. meeting instead.
(Link) Yeah, but what about that Canadian keyboard dweeb -- Dave re-ups with the Eye.
(Link) At least Kevin Bacon's still alive -- George Clooney mourns his pet pig.
(Link) But cannabis is more fun -- Macca tries to shrink his marital woes.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** The last surviving Ronnie, British funny man Ronnie Corbett is 76
** Former Tic-Tac-Dough host with the funny name, Wink Martindale is 72
** He fought the Martians a lifetime ago, retired actor Jimmy Hunt is 67
** The Byrds' bass guy Chris Hillman is 64
** Actor and Beau-bro Jeff Bridges is 57
** He's Stephen King's personal director, Mick Garris is 55
** She used to be thirtysomething, but Brothers & Sisters star Patricia Wettig is now 55
** An actor so tall they made him a Klingon, Tony Todd is 52
** A man who saved a ballgame or two, former ace closer Lee Smith is 49
** Her career clock is ticking like this, actress Marisa Tomei is 42
** Rapper incognito (aren't they all) Shawn Carter -- AKA Jay-Z -- is 37
** Source of many a wet dream (or, uh, so I've heard) Tyra Banks is 33

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Rockin' Chair" by Oasis (released in 1995 on Big Brother Recordings)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Friday, December 1:

"Ah, the morning consumption of mass quantities -- gridlike breakfast slabs, extruded mammal fillings, seared strips of swine flesh and flattened chicken embryos. I will enjoy it."

-- spoken by Beldar Conehead (as portrayed in The Coneheads by Dan Aykroyd)

CELEBRITY CRAPOLA
Paris Hilton cancelled her appearance at the upcoming Billboard Music Awards, supposedly because she found jokes in her script about her friends objectionable, but Hilton spokesman Elliot Mintz has now confirmed that the real reason for Hilton's rejection is that she hasn't had time to prepare a proper wardrobe malfunction.

Stay tuned...

2006-12-01T15:50:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Volonté vous m'épousez -- Parker and Longoria find each other engaging.
(Link) Somebody tell Yogi it's over -- Charlie and Denise officially become separate entities.
(Link) Fallopian two-bular denial -- Bullock and Hewitt both say they're not expanding.
(Link) Somebody call him a Taxi -- Danny DeVito parades his liver on The View.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Former voice from another planet, actor Malachi Throne is 78
** Writer, director and rearer of at least one child, Woody Allen is 71
** Estranged drummer for The Doors, John Densmore is 62
** Victim of a George Costanza forearm shiver, Bette Midler is 61
** Former seventies schmaltz prince Gilbert O'Sullivan is 60
** Long-time big bopper for the Big Red Machine, George Foster is 58
** Now done doing the Everwood thing, actor Treat Williams is 55
** Entertainment Tonight co-anchor and former game show host Bob Goen is 52
** The real gal behind Sex and the City, writer Candace Bushnell is 48
** Pint-sized Dallas hottie and former Joanie Cunningham nemesis Charlene Tilton is 48
** A Canadian dude who really kicked ash, Larry Walker is 39

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Run To Me" by The Bee Gees (released in 1972 on Polydor Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Ah, the morning consumption of mass quantities -- gridlike breakfast slabs, extruded mammal fillings, seared strips of swine flesh and flattened chicken embryos. I will enjoy it."

-- spoken by ****** ******** (as portrayed by *** *******)

Stay tuned...

2006-11-29T23:55:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Who's gonna be the Godfather -- Sofia Coppola directs her attention to motherhood.
(Link) Yellow makes me dizzy, too -- kids fave The Wiggles lose their leader.
(Link) Brit's close shave -- the not-so-divine Miss Spears does her best Paris impersonation.
(Link) Shell Games -- it ain't easy bein' an Oakland Raider.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** The voice emanating from Chavez Ravine for eons, Vin Scully is 79
** Actress and mother to a girl named Laura, Diane Ladd is 74
** Mike Judge's favourite flugelhorn player, Chuck Mangione, is 66
** Former singing Papa Denny Doherty is 66
** Detroit native and long-time Tigers backstop Bill Freehan is 65
** A man so funny they named a show after him (yeah, 'cause that's never been done before), Garry Shandling is 57
** Co-producer of so many weird movies, Joel Coen is 52
** Funny guy desperately in need of a hair piece, Howie Mandel is 51
** Ex-Mets bopper, third sacker and hotel namesake Howard Johnson is 46
** Former NYPD Blue bare ass Kim Delaney is 45
** Voted as Brat Packer Least Likely to Get Busted By the Fuzz, Andrew McCarthy is 44
** Bound to win an Oscar sooner or later, Don Cheadle is 42
** Former backcourt guy for the Celtics, Raptors and Magic, Dee Brown is 38
** Actress Jennifer Elise Cox, AKA the other Jan Brady, is 37
** Former Baywatch bubblehead Gena Lee Nolin is 35
** Former NBAer who retired way too young, Jamal Mashburn is 34
** Star of the Scary Movie franchise until the day she dies, Anna Faris is 30

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"From A Moving Train" by America (released in 1998 on Oxygen Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Monday, November 27:

"You can't be a network president alone in Manhattan without adult supervision!"

-- spoken by Dick Solomon (as portrayed on 3rd Rock from the Sun by John Lithgow)

Stay tuned...

2006-11-27T17:19:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) What took them so long -- Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock take a trip to splitsville.
(Link) Here's a switch -- All My Children adds pre-op transgender character.
(Link) Jacks-On or Jacks-Off -- The Hobbit may get to play with his Peter after all.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Producer of Doctor Who when it started the first time, Verity Lambert is 71
** Long-time Miami Dolphins clipboard carrier Don Strock is 56
** Statuesque movie director Kathryn Bigelow is 55
** Famed Revenge of the Nerds nasal investigator Curtis Armstrong is 53
** Former talking Trans-Am mechanic Patricia McPherson is 52
** Science Guy, the Bill Nye is 51
** Actor who's great at playing creepos, William Fichtner is 50
** Sci-fi writer Michael Stackpole is 49
** Anaheim (not L.A.) Angels manager and former squatter Mike Scioscia is 48
** No longer Miss Moneypenny now that's she's not needed, Samantha Bond is 45
** Alias guy who's bound to show up on Lost sooner or later Michael Vartan is 38
** Well travelled hoopster Nick Van Exel is 35
** Tigers' catcher Ivan "I'm Pudge But I'm Not Carlton Fisk" Rodriguez is 35
** The man who once played the ultimate nerd, Jaleel "Urkel" White, is 30
** Phillies shortstop and former National League rookie of the year Jimmy Rollins is 28

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Eight Miles High" by The Byrds (released in 1966 on Columbia Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"You can't be a network president alone in Manhattan without adult supervision!"

-- spoken by **** ******* (as portrayed by **** *******)

Stay tuned...

2006-11-24T14:05:00.000-05:00

No post today -- I'm too stuffed from dreaming about all the turkey I'd have eaten had I been American. See ya Monday.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-22T16:33:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) The Player no more -- Robert Altman dies at 81.
(Link) Car of the year named -- and it ain't Lightning McQueen.
(Link) Rejected -- FOX puts The Juice back in the freezer.
(Link) CGI: Kansas -- The Wizard of Oz gets an update.
(Link) My Name is Randi -- Ethan Suplee's back in the fatherhood game.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** United Network Command for Law Enforcement dude Robert Vaughn is 74
** Monty Python's token American and chief illustrator, Terry Gilliam is 66
** Famed Battle of the Sexes victor Billie Jean King is 63
** Springsteen guitarist, Sopranos cast member and president of the Bandana of the Month Club, Steve Van Zandt is 56
** Mad About You and Spin City actor Richard Kind is 50
** Retired from acting until James Cameron digs up his True Lies sequel, Jamie Lee Curtis is 48
** Actress with a tragedy laden surname, Mariel Hemingway is 45
** Former NFL interception specialist Eric Allen is 41
** Now appearing as James Bond nemesis Le Chiffre in Casino Royale, Mads Mikkelsen is 41
** Youngest men's Wimbledon champ at 17, Boris "Boom Boom" Becker is 39
** Popular Hollywood second fiddle Mark Ruffalo is 39
** Canadian women's hockey icon Cassie Campbell is 33
** Actress seemingly on the verge of tipping over, Scarlett Johansson is 22

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Hurt Me" by The Odds (released in 1996 on Elektra Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Monday, November 20:

"Great idea, dude. Go look in the burning death hole..."

-- spoken by Hugo Reyes, AKA Hurley (as portrayed by Jorge Garcia)

THINGS YOU ACCIDENTALLY FIND OUT WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING FOR OTHER THINGS
Somewhere out there in the land of not so wholesome, family entertainment, there is an actress named Demi Willis.

Seriously.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) K-K-Kramer -- Michael Richards drops N-bomb, then dances the mea culpa.
(Link) Mulder sends his best -- Gillian Anderson adds one more to the family.
(Link) New Line has big feet to fill -- The Hobbit moves forward without Peter Jackson.
(Link) Howard Powered -- Phillies' slugger takes home the hardware.
(Link) Cubs get offensive -- Northsiders throw millions at defenseless Soriano.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** The best James Bond novelist not named Ian Fleming, John Gardner is 80
** Character actor who's guest starred on almost every show ever made, Jerry Hardin is 77
** Actor and game show lip-locker Richard Dawson is 74
** Half of a really funny whole, entertainer Dick Smothers is 66
** Original "Spirit in the Sky" guy Norman Greenbaum is 64
** Montreal Expos' public enemy #1 until Jeffrey Loria came to town, former L.A. Dodger Rick Monday is 61
** Long-time network news mouth piece Judy Woodruff is 60
** Possibly the only member of The Eagles to own a sense or humour, Joe Walsh is 59
** Veteran character actor whose name practically nobody can remember, Richard Masur is 58
** Still a 10, even if she can't act, Bo Derek is 50
** Long-time Miami Dolphins quarterback hand warmer Dwight Stephenson is 49
** Owner of the name on James Woods' favourite restraining order, actress Sean Young is 47
** Long time ER doctor babe Ming-Na is 43
** Former cast member of a failed Aaron Sorkin show not called Studio 60, Sabrina Lloyd is 36
** Former super flexible American Olympian Dominique Dawes is 30

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell (to be released about a month from now on Universal Music)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Great idea, dude. Go look in the burning death hole..."

-- spoken by **** ***** (as portrayed by ***** ******)

THE BIG PLUNGE: CRAIGHATERS EAT CROW
What they're washing it down with, I have no idea.

And I don't really care.

I have to admit I had my doubts when Daniel Craig was named the new James Bond. I didn't really think the franchise needed anything more than another Pierce Brosnan special effects laden epic, but I figured I'd hold back on the real criticism until after I'd seen Craig tackle the role.

After watching Casino Royale on the weekend, what's to criticize?

Casino Royale is, in a word, brilliant.

And Daniel Craig? Same word -- brilliant.

James Bond is no longer just a superspy. He's also, thanks to Craig's performance, an ass kicking action hero. Anyone who needs proof should watch the Madagascar foot chase that occurs early in the film. It's the stuff that dropped jaws are made of.

High marks must also be given to the supporting cast, including Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Giancarlo Giannini, Jeffrey Wright and Judi Dench.

And one final high five for director Martin Campbell, who brought the franchise back to life in 1996 with Pierce Brosnan's 007 debut in GoldenEye. As good as that film was, this one is better.

I can't wait for the next film, whatever it's going to be called.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Double-0-Splendid -- Daniel Craig debuts as James Bond, and the critics are a likin' it.
(Link) Dancing with the Duchess -- Sarah Ferguson says if Emmitt Smith can do it, well...
(Link) Mission Whoreallygivesashit -- Rome suburb preps for the TomKat onslaught.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Papa to Ron and Clint (and grandPapa to Bryce), actor Rance Howard is 78
** He didn't wreck the Edmund Fitzgerald, he only sang about it, Gordon Lightfoot is 68
** Director of so many great movies, Martin Scorcese is 64
** A man who doesn't look so hot in a tuxedo, actor-director Danny DeVito is 62
** Occasionally comedically-challenged Saturday Night Live guru Lorne Michaels is 62
** Former Miracle Met and Red Machiner Tom Seaver is 62
** Dude looks like a lady, actor Andre Charles (AKA RuPaul) is 46
** Nip/Tucker Dylan Walsh is 43
** Mitch Williams, the favourite pitcher of a certain Joe Carter, is 42
** A hottie, even if she does resemble a Pez dispenser, Daisy Fuentes is 40
** A good Bond girl in a really bad Bond film, Sophie Marceau is 40

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Laugh, Laugh" by The Beau Brummels (or, as they were called millions of years ago, The Beau Brummelstones) (released in 1964 on the Autumn label)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Wednesday, November 15:

"I bet nuns are awesome basketball players, especially the ones who can fly."

-- spoken by Randy Hickey (as hilariously portrayed on My Name is Earl by Ethan Suplee)

Stay tuned...

2006-11-15T18:07:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) He didn't, but if he did -- O.J. hypothetically shovels it.
(Link) Didn't see this coming -- Medium FINALLY has its season premiere.
(Link) I almost placed second -- People names George Clooney the sexiest man alive.
(Link) Lost gets lost -- Taye Diggs takes a Day Break.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** The one and only Lou Grant, Edward Asner is 77
** Downtown gal Petula Clark is 74
** Massively underrated actor Yaphet Kotto is 59
** Oh, yeah -- professional squared circle "athlete" Randy "Macho Man" Savage is 54
** Former MuchMusic dude J.D. Roberts (AKA current CNN newsguy John Roberts) is 50
** Tonight Show bandleader Kevin Eubanks is 49
** Head man of Nickleback, the most overrated rock band ever, Chad Kroeger is 32
** The nerdiest NCIS special agent ever, actor Sean Murray is 29

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Edge of the Ocean" by Ivy (released in 2001 on Nettwerk Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"I bet nuns are awesome basketball players, especially the ones who can fly."

-- spoken by ***** ****** (as portrayed by ***** ******)

THE BIG PLUNGE: OLD JOE'S FOR NEW
Today, Joe Girardi was named National League manager of the year for 2006, despite the fact that he was fired at the end of the season by the Florida Marlins and their double franchise-wrecking owner, Jeff Loria.

One would have thought that Girardi would not be unemployed for long. And one would be right.

But rather than take another managing job (sorry Texas, Oakland, Washington and Cubbies), Girardi decided to return to the New York Yankees broadcast booth.

Not because he thinks wearing a microphone is the sexiest thing since Pamela Anderson in a red Speedo.

But because he knows long-time Yankees field boss Joe Torre is on borrowed time.

The ideal scenario for the Pinstripers would be one last hurrah for Torre, culminating in another championship. Then Torre rides off into the Cooperstown sunset and Girardi, who was Torre's bench coach before he put on a fish suit, slips into the dugout.

On the other hand, maybe Girardi's only back in the Bronx because he does find that mic all hot and sexy. I have been wrong before -- at least once or twice.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-13T19:08:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Pray for him -- Elton John wants to send religion packing.
(Link) A blu-ray of sunshine -- Sony's Playstation 3 invades Tokyo.
(Link) Good Grey-cious -- Ellen Pompeo gets engaged.
(Link) Guess who's Ed-specting -- Julie Bowen's working on a wee'un.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Veteran American news dude Peter Arnett is 72
** The man who gave us The Fonz, actor-director and Pennybrother Garry Marshall is 72
** Former Yankees' hurler and pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre is 65
** Mobster Fat Tony's alter ego Joe Mantegna is 59
** Buffalo Sabres captain for life Gilbert Perrault is 56
** Former accomplice to James Bond and former pain in the ass to Harry Tasker, Art Malik is 54
** The only non-porn star to be known as Mr. Big, Chris Noth is 52
** A woman whose hair has a mind of its own, the occasionally funny Whoopi Goldberg is 51
** He plays a cop so much he might as well be one, actor Rex Linn is 50
** Well-travelled actress Caroline Goodall is 47
** Formerly uber accurate NFL place kicker Steve Christie is 39
** Late nite smartass Jimmy Kimmel is 39
** Character actor in training Steve Zahn is 39
** NBA crowd control expert Ron Artest is 27

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Friday, November 10:

"Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex."

-- spoken by Chris Knight (as portrayed in Real Genius by Val Kilmer)

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Wait For Me" by The Northern Pikes (released in 1988 on Virgin Records)

THE BIG PLUNGE: JACK PALANCE (1919-2006)
I wrote my Friday stuff too early to catch wind of the fact that this terrific actor had moved on to new spiritual digs.

It was hardly surprising, since the man was 87 years-old. But I was saddened, nonetheless.

I haven't seen all of his earlier movies, but one sticks out in my mind for a number of reasons. That film would be Shane, about as good a western as one could possibly find.

This film was big in my family, to the point that I was originally supposed to be named Shane, but it ended up as my middle name instead. My nephew (who is now in his mid 20's) ended up getting the name. It's possible he talks about the movie he was named after, but I just tell people he was named after me.

Jack Palance wasn't Shane -- that honour belonged to Alan Ladd. Palance made his mark early in his career playing badasses like Shane's notorious gunfighter Jack Wilson. He was a natural with that tough, chiselled face and that gruff voice.

Nominated for Academy Awards in back-to-back years in the fifties, real respect wouldn't come for nearly forty years.

He finally scored when he won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 1992 for his role as Curly, the tough as nails trail boss with the big heart in City Slickers. Palance turned Hollywood on its ear when he dropped to the floor for some push-ups while accepting his statue. Billy Crystal turned the display into an ongoing joke through the rest of the telecast. After a musical performance that involved many dancing children, Crystal quipped that "Jack Palance is the father of all those children."

But nothing is forever. Palance may have seemed immortal during his big night, but time did end up catching up to him eventually.

Like Crystal's Mitch Robbins said to Curly, I say the same to Mr. Jack Palance: so long, cowboy.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-10T16:31:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) The West Wing it ain't -- Studio 60 bucks odds, gets full season pickup.
(Link) My, what big testicles you have -- K-Fed fights for kids and kash.
(Link) ~~Women and~~ Children First -- Eddie's kid picks up a bass, joins the band.
(Link) Maybe she was aiming for Charlie -- Denise Richards chucks laptop, injures two elderly women.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** A man in need of a bigger boat, Roy Scheider is 74
** Sir Tim Rice, Andrew Lloyd Webber's favourite lyricist, is 62
** Veteran prog-rocker Greg Lake (of Emerson, Lake & Palmer) is 59
** The man who threw the pitch that Mookie hit and Buckner missed, Bob Stanley is 52
** The man who tried to ruin Godzilla, director Roland Emmerich is 51
** Not much of a sailor, but good for a laugh, comedian Sinbad is 50
** A man of many occupations, including writer every once in a while, Neil Gaiman is 46
** Hygienically-challenged, non-singing cameraman throttler Kenny Rogers is 42
** Very funny guy Tracy Morgan is 38
** No longer the second coming of Jerry Rice, Rams wideout Isaac Bruce is 34
** Goofy lookin' Sin City chick Brittany Murphy is 29
** Princess Diaries pepperpot Heather Matarazzo is 24

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex."

-- spoken by ***** ****** (as portrayed by *** ******)

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Delilah" by Marshall Crenshaw (released in 1991 on Paradox Records)

I KNOW NOBODY REALLY CARES, BUT I GOTTA SAY IT ANYWAY...
So let me see if I have this straight.

Britney sues Kevin for divorce because (presumably) he's an absentee father due to his full-time occupation as an idiot party hound.

But Kevin's going to try to get custody of the kids.

And he wants spousal support.

And he expects the courts to side with him.

Because he thinks he's such a great father.

Which he proved by abandoning his pregnant girlfriend and their other child to move in on Britney.

Then there's the fact that, outside of pop culture oddity and laughingstock, he has no job prospects whatsoever.

Yup.

He should win in a landslide.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-08T14:56:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Britney visits Dave looking happier than she has in a long time...
(Link) ...And now we know why -- hasta la vista, shithead!
(Link) LiLo says she hates party girl image -- offers to sell it back to Tara Reid.
(Link) Anna Nicole discharged from hospital -- four different men claim to be her doctor.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Former Toronto Maple Leaf goalie and occasional Santa Claus Johnny Bower is 82
** NCAA gridiron coaching legend Bobby Bowden is 77
** Blues-rock singer and slide guitarist Bonnie Raitt is 57
** Entertainment Tonight co-host and owner of a leggy insurance policy, Mary Hart is 56
** Businesswoman, writer, and daughter of the ultimate playboy, Christie Hefner is 54
** Barely a desperate housewife, Alfre Woodcard is 54
** Folk-rock singer and occasional actress Rickie Lee Jones is 52
** A former pretty boy who hasn't aged well, Leif Garrett is 45
** Actress with two last names, Parker Posey is 38
** According to Jim Belushi, Courtney Thorne-Smith really is 39
** A.A. poster girl and owner of the worst boob job ever, Tara Reid is 31
** Former American military ambassador to Iraq Lynndie England is 24

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"There She Goes" by The La's (released in 1990 on Polygram Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Monday, November 6:

"Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?"

-- spoken by Jerry Seinfeld (as portrayed on Seinfeld by the single, thin neat guy in the mirror)

Stay tuned...

2006-11-06T17:41:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Kirstie Alley's not half the gal she used to be -- Oprah says the first time's always the hardest.
(Link) Doo-gay Howser -- Neil Patrick Harris officially joins the "that persuasion" club.
(Link) Chasing Thin Lizzie -- Hilary's very own stalker goes in the clink.
(Link) What a cl-ass act -- Kanye West crashes stage at awards show.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Director of so many wonderful films, Mike Nichols is 75
** Owner of the San Francisco 49ers during the glory years, Eddie DeBartolo is 60
** Former airy religious icon and one time runaway bride -- not to mention Forrest's mom -- Sally Field is 60
** Former tennis hacker and current tennis yakker Maria Shriver is 51
** Former Famester and sister to a Beastmaster, Lori Singer is 49
** Son of my favourite fat guy, and brother of a dog food hawker, actor Peter DeLuise is 40
** Survivor of many failed TV shows, Kelly Rutherford is 38
** Forever to be known as the man who lost the goddess Uma, actor Ethan Hawke is 36
** A gal with an interesting first name, actress Thandie Newton is 34
** A three-time mutant and formerly married to one, actress slash model Rebecca Romijn non-Stamos is 34
** JAG's hottest Petty Officer, actress Zoe McLellan is 32
** Singer, actress and survivor of an emergency landing, Taryn Manning is 28

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?"

-- spoken by ***** ********

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Secret Messages" by the Electric Light Orchestra (released in 1983 on Jet Records)

AND THEN THERE WERE ELEVEN
Tomorrow will see the release of another DVD set featuring a season of M*A*S*H episodes, but what sets this one apart is that it is the last. So after about five years of DVD waiting, I will finally have the entire 4077th collection, including the original movie and the incredible series finale, "Goodbye, Farewell and Amen."

Sigh. It's going to be a long night.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-03T15:57:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) One giant leap for a small man -- spacey Tom Cruise gets his own movie studio.
(Link) Things are looking up -- the shuttle Discovery is prepped for December launch.
(Link) Blade surrenders, sorta -- Wesley Snipes reaches agreement with the taxing Feds, avoids crowbar hotel.
(Link) Calling all young Republicans -- Family Ties comes to DVD, FINALLY!

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Former Cleveland Indians fireballer and current Cooperstown plaque Bob Feller is 88
** Three-time Massachusetts Governor, failed Presidential candidate and owner of the world's thickest eyebrows, Michael Dukakis is 73
** The mouth (and hair) of The Hollywood Squares, actor and game show announcer Shadoe Stevens is 59
** One-time and one-name James Bond theme singer Lulu is 58
** Long-time heavyweight champion (before that Tyson guy came along) Larry Holmes is 57
** Former Boston Red Sox Monster-banger Dwight Evans is 55
** San Diego Padres crowd favourite and alleged comedienne Roseanne (short for Roseanne Barr Pentland Arnold Thomas) is 54
** Mrs. Steven Spielberg and former Indiana Jones tagalong Kate Capshaw is 53
** Semi-flamboyant eighties singer, music video pioneer and picnic pest Adam Ant is 52
** Drew Carey's favourite cover girl, Kathy Kinney is 52
** Two-time Super Bowl winning QB and sire to a certain Tampa Bay pivot who'd like to do the same, Phil Simms is 51

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"Summer, Highland Falls" by Billy Joel (released in 1976 on Columbia Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Wednesday, November 1:

"Freakin' girls! Yeah, if it wasn't for the soft skin, the legs, the eyes, the long fingernails, the butts and the boobs, I wouldn't even talk to 'em."

-- spoken by Michael Kelso (as portrayed on That '70s Show by Ashton "My Old Lady's Hotter Than Hell" Kutcher)

THE BIG PLUNGE: NOVEMBER SWEEPS
It only comes once a year (except when it also comes in February and May).

That's right -- it's time for television's November sweeps, when the networks rip off their advertisers by offering the only good shit they have in an effort to boost rates during the weaker times. Here, in the nuttiest of nutshells, is a quick look at some of the more interesting programs that are forthcoming:

Dateline NBC: An Intimate Look at the Life of Jenna Jameson
Anchor Stone Philips goes undercover as big stud Stretch Cummins to get an inside scoop on the world famous porn star.

Sugar, Sugar: The Archies Anthology (ABC)
The network tries to repeat the success of The Beatles Anthology, which aired in 1994.

My Name is Earl (NBC)
In a supersize episode, Earl and Randy travel to Afghanistan to cross #217 off Earl's list: "passed on opportunity to kick Osama Bin Laden's ass."

It's Only Syphilis, Charlie Brown (CBS)
Peanuts' lovable loser gets a surprise after Lucy finally lets him kick the ball.

American Logo (The CW)
Hosted by former Smallville star John Schneider, the newest amalgamated kid on the block holds a talent contest to design a new logo for the network, to be judged by the well-respected troika of Ashlee Simpson, Gary Coleman and that bitch was in the first few seasons of Charmed. The new logo is needed after network bigwigs came to the conclusion that the old one looks like a piece of crap scribbled by an impaired preschooler.

Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
In a shocking episode, the staff at Seattle Grace plunge into deep shock after Burke quits the hospital, Derek gives up his RV, and Meredith goes an entire episode without sleeping with anyone.

CSI: Miami (CBS)
All the best efforts of South Florida's Crime Scene Investigation unit go for naught when they are unable to figure out how David Caruso's movie career was killed.

The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS)
Wayne Knight guest stars in an episode where Christine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) gets drunk and has a one night stand with a stranger (Knight) after boldly promising to make a new man out of him.

NBC Sports
The National Curling League holds its annual All-Star game.

FOX Movie Special
Kiefer Sutherland stars in a John Hughes film, entitled Ferris Bauer's Day Off.

Stay tuned...

2006-11-01T16:11:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Games over -- Bob Barker gives up the mic.
(Link) Diamond dud -- World Series ratings hit non-pay dirt.
(Link) Cleanliness is next to ugliness -- Courtney mounts a comeback.
(Link) Does Elle Woods do divorces? Another Hollywood marriage bites the dust.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Mother of an undead cinematic serial killer, actress Betsy Palmer is 80
** NHL coaching legend Al Arbour is 74
** South African golf guru Gary Player is 71
** King of Smut and aspiring politician Larry Flynt is 64
** Teacher of the Year Edna Krabappel (AKA actress Marcia Wallace) is 64
** The man who made the ultimate Meat Loaf, rock composer Jim Steinman is 59
** Can't even get into the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame if he buys a ticket, music producer David Foster is 57
** Singer, songwriter and fugly Julia Roberts trivia answer Lyle Lovett is 49
** Master of the one-handed backbeat, Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen is 43
** Singer from another planet Sophie B. Hawkins is 39
** Recently retired hockey cement head Tie Domi is 37
** Aussie actress Toni Collette is 34
** Not currently naked in front of a camera, Jenny McCarthy is 34
** The Queen of Bollywood, Aishwarya Rai is 33
** Hairy American Idol wannabe Bo Bice is 31

WHO SAID WHAT???
"Freakin' girls! Yeah, if it wasn't for the soft skin, the legs, the eyes, the long fingernails, the butts and the boobs, I wouldn't even talk to 'em."

-- spoken by ******* ***** (as portrayed by ****** *******)

SONG ON THE BRAIN
"She's So Young" by The Pursuit of Happiness (released in 1988 on Chrysalis Records)

THE BIG PLUNGE: CHANNEL SURFING
(CAUTION: The following may contain the very minorest of spoilerage. Readeth at own riskage.)

1. Will tonight's Lost begin with Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" playing? It should, because someone's a goner. I'm betting the lucky corpse is Mr. Jesus Stick, since actor Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje is not currently in Hawaii. On the other hand, Lost actors sometimes go a couple of episodes without even appearing, so who knows.
2. Sitting on my hard drive waiting to be viewed: the series premiere for Heroes. It looks like it's gonna stick around, so I might have to watch it after all.
3. I want to see Omar Epps and Topher Grace film something together, just so I can write something about The Two Eric For(e)mans.
4. As much as Ghost Whisperer is a schmaltzy chick show, the episodes this season have been pretty interesting, especially when Jay Mohr shows up as a hyperactive college professor who studies the supernatural even though he doesn't believe a lick of it.
5. Speaking of Supernatural. If anyone's looking for a good scare, a few good scraps, psychic headaches, a really hot car and some badass evil entities, this is the show for you. Oh, and a special shoutout goes to all those teenage girls lusting after pretty boy stars (and fine actors) Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. Without you watching (and padding the Nielsens), this show probably wouldn't have seen season two.
6. I've watched episodes of CSI, CSI:Miami, CSI:N.Y. and NCIS. I still say the one with the military, the misplaced letters and the markharmon is the best of the bunch.
7. Dear Oprah: Feel free to film an episode of your show in my town anytime you want. P.S. Bring me some cash. And maybe a car.
8. Hey, Warner Brothers: Jack & Bobby. Complete Series. DVD. When????
9. Of all the names you could give to a show, why would anyone name it Smith? With a name that not so interesting, no wonder it tanked.
10. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip -- great pilot (Judd Hirsch should get an Emmy), but everything and/or everyone not named Matthew Perry has pretty much sucked. Especially Amanda Peet, she's just so miscast. It won't be missed.
11. I've kind of been digging Ugly Betty, even though it's not generally my cup of java. But America Ferrera is so endearing as Betty that it's so easy to cheer for this ugly duckling underdog. Then there's Vanessa Williams, who chews the scenery so hard she's going to need dentures.
12. I'm not usually happy that baseball season is over, but since it means that Dr. Gregory Cranky Pants is back in the House, maybe it's actually a good thing.
13. While we're on the subject of the tube, can it actually be called a tube anymore? Most TVs are LCD or plasma nowadays. Should we not be calling TV the crystal, or maybe the gas? I dunno.

Stay tuned...

2006-10-30T14:29:00.000-05:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Cape fear -- is Bryan Singer the right person to direct another Superman film?
(Link) Brad's the Pitts -- an E! for Effort leads to trespass charges.
(Link) St. Louis is the most dangerous American city -- especially for Tigers.
(Link) Apocalypse now -- Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell III" hits stores tomorrow.
(Link) The axeman cometh -- Studio 60 climbs onto the chopping block.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Greg Kinnear's favourite NFL coach, Dick Vermeil, is 70
** Jefferson Airplane/Starship/Whatever vocalist Grace Slick is 67
** The original Captain Knauer, Ed Lauter is 66
** Leather afficionado and world famous shark jumper Henry Winkler is 62
** Eagles bass dude Timothy B. Schmit is 59
** Noted Titan clasher Harry Hamlin is 55
** Former Mrs. Major Dad and current MIA actress Shanna Reed is 50
** Possibly the only British actress not yet cast in a Harry Potter film, Juliet Stevenson is 50
** Former Argentine soccer star and controversy magnet Diego Maradona is 46
** Mr. Gwen Stefani, also known as Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale, is 41
** Canadian rap flash-in-the-pan Snow is 38
** Former Third Watcher Nia Long is 36
** The Donald's little girl, Ivanka Trump, is 24

SONG ON THE BRAIN
The incredibly Beatlesque "Bus Stop" by The Hollies (released in 1966 on Parlophone Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
From Friday, October 27:

"This sucks! Christina gets sex and perks."

-- spoken by George O'Malley (as portrayed on Grey's Anatomy by T.R. Knight)

WHO WANTS TO TAKE THE FIRST SHOT?
What's that? Naomi Campbell's in trouble with the law? Again? For assaulting someone? AGAIN? Who'd she hit this time? Her drug counsellor? Is she stupid? Or was she on drugs? Why does this keep happening? Isn't it about time somebody pops her one back?

Stay tuned...

2006-10-27T16:28:00.000-04:00

NEWSFLUSHES
(Link) Cowboys' coach claims he got a dead rat in a McDonald's salad -- other reports say Terrell Owens is alive and well.
(Link) Nicole Richie's re-learning how to eat -- thanks to her re-pal Paris, she's first learning how to swallow.
(Link) Michael J. Fox says he wasn't off drugs -- America says Rush Limbaugh was on drugs.
(Link) Dr. Burke says mea culpa -- Isaiah Washington takes ownership for Grey's testosterone dustup.
(Link) Britney's manchild says, "if you want to hate me, cool, hate me." You got it, shithead -- we hate you.

HAPPY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY...
** Not just on One Day At A Time, but now living life as such, Nanette Fabray is 86
** Former Pittsburgh Pirates slugger Ralph Kiner is 84
** A very classy gal, Ruby Dee is 82
** Possibly the funniest man alive, John Cleese is 67
** Garry Tallent, AKA Bruce Springsteen's bass player, is 57
** Hyperactive Oscar winner Roberto Benigni is 54
** Cy Young winner with the '82 Brewers, Pete Vuckovich is 54
** The ultimate holographic Doctor, Robert Picardo is 53
** Duran Duran squealer Simon Le Bon is 48
** Marla Maples, Donald Trump's other other wife, is 43
** Ultra versatile and ultra stoned rock vocalist Scott Weiland is 39
** Former hockey hairbag Mike Ricci is 35
** Not currently playing in the World Series, Twins hurler Brad Radke is 34
** Cameron Crowe's much younger alter ego, Patrick Fugit, is 24
** Singer slash actress slash bratty Ozzy offspring Kelly Osbourne is 22

SONG ON THE BRAIN
The bittersweet "Moonshine" by Dennis Wilson (released in 1977 on CBS/Caribou Records)

WHO SAID WHAT???
"This sucks! Christina gets sex and perks."

-- spoken by ****** *'****** (as portrayed by *.*. ******)

CELEBRITY CRAPOLA
Mariah Carey issued a statement to the press today that said, despite media claims to the contrary, she does, in fact, wipe her own ass.

PAGING DR. PHIL
Say you're a tiger. You've got this reputation for being a real meat eater. All of the animals wet their lairs in fear of you. So how in the hell are you going to go back to the jungle in Detroit and explain to the other animals that you got your ass whupped by a little red bird?

Stay tuned...