Ollington's Oracle

Liar Liar Liar

2009-05-29T02:01:00.000-07:00

Hello there,

Over a month on and I haven't done my last mega bog have I? I'm dead sorry. It's so lame not to give the American journey the end it deserves. At the moment it's as unsatisfying as a Lost season finale (even though I love the Lost). This weekend I will finally upload it. Like the second Stone Roses album it won't be worth the wait, but it won't be as terrible as the Reginald Perrin re-make.

I will also keep this blog going with a fortnightly entry about life here in London Town. I did think it was slightly narcissistic to blog without a reason but I did enjoy putting my thoughts down when I did a regular blog. And when has talking about myself bothered me in the past? So now I am up and running with my job and I'm settled back here I should be able to post a thing or two. It was also give my American chums an amazing insight into life into this amazing country called the Kingdom of The United or something.

So until the weekend,
marc x

A quick update

2009-04-17T05:43:00.001-07:00

Hello Blog fans,
Emma and I are safely back in the UK! I am working on a last mega blog that will tell the story of little Jon Ollington's visit and our trip to Chicago and New York. Look out for it in a week or so. I don't want to rush it as I want to give the 'Oracle a really good ending.
Have a lovely weekend,
marc x

Goodbye To Reality

2009-03-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hello there,

Another week has gone and as I write this I only have another three work days to go. From 6pm on Tuesday March 17 I will no longer be at Fox Reality Channel. I have had a fantastic time and to be honest I’m very sad to be leaving. The people that work here are flippin’ brilliant and the job is great too. People work a lot harder in the states (as I think I’ve said before) and everyone puts in really long hours and takes little holiday. The average American has no more than ten days vacation a year fact fans. And when you work in the media this is magnified as it’s such a competitive industry. Nobody wants to take time off for the fear that they will come back to someone else doing their job better than them!

I really haven’t minded this if truth be told. There have been a few times I’ve come in at weekends, and I’ve often gone home at 7pm and carried on working away. It’s what you do here though and the job has been good enough for this not to matter. What I’ve really loved is people’s passion. Everyone here seems to really care about television, so everyone watches the shows, has an opinion on them and does the best they can. You’ll be amazed how many people I met in the UK who work in TV that said “I don’t watch much telly”. I used to get really cross and wonder why they weren’t doing something more worthy of their time.

For those of you who don’t know I have a new job when I get back to the UK. I am heading up the marketing and pr for the quite fantastic FX channel. It really does have some totally corking shows, and it is of course the UK home to the best TV series ever (?), The Wire. This will soften the blow of leaving LA somewhat.

I probably won’t have time to do another posting for a bit. I will do a little quickie just before we go to Chicago and New York in just over a week. I can tell you all about little Jon Ollington’s visit to LA. I will then write all about our trip when we return, and I’ll perhaps do a video diary too. And after that the Oracle will be no more. I may take all the years entries, edit them slightly and release it as a book. It will be a sure fire best seller. For anyone relocating to another country it will not only be hugely entertaining but it will also be a valuable resource.

Anyway the other week Emma wrote about what she would miss about LA so here are my top 10 things to go along with hers. Please forgive any repetition.

The Top 10 Things Marc Will Miss Most About LA

1. Urban Outfitters on 3rd Street – The greatest clothes shop ever. I don’t know what I will do without it. I also love shopping in LA - period.

2. The Movie Theatres – Especially the ones that have stadium seating (which means you get bags of room and the seats recline). Emma and I have been to watch loads of films as it’s such a joy. And your bottom doesn’t get half as sore.

3. The fifteen minute drive to work - This is pure bliss compared to the smelly old London trains. LA traffic is bad but I only live four miles away from work so the drive is a dream.

4. The Weather - This should be number one really. I was never a fan of the sun as it made me feel uncomfortable and I would get all sweaty and bothered. LA is built for the sun though. Everywhere has great air-con and you can always cool off. Walking out the house every morning to see the sun shining in the sky really does lighten your heart.

5. The People - Actually this should be top of the list. English people like to put Americans down (as it makes them feel better about themselves I suppose). They come up with stuff like “they’re all fat”, “they don’t get irony” and “they are too loud”. I, dear reader, was as guilty as this as the rest. It’s a load of old rubbish though. I know I can only speak for LA (and I know the Midwest would be very different for example) but people are kind, warm, intelligent and friendly. I don’t find the sincereness of people fake as you are meant too. I think people here just have very good manners. It’s a joy to do your shopping and to not be faced with some moody cow on the till.

6. Charissa Chu - Actually Charissa should be at number one. Charissa works with me and from the first day I started at Fox Reality she made the transition to life here so very easy. She was so supportive and massively helpful it’s untrue. She also became a fantastic friend to both Emma and I and we enjoyed some lovely nights having dinner around her house, as well as nights out seeing bands, going out to eat and what not. Her husband Steve is also a fantastic bloke and it was great getting to know him.

I should interrupt this list now as it’s reading like a Gwyneth Paltrow acceptance speech and I may start crying. Actually that isn’t true as I don’t cry. But even so I am blithering on. Back to the list and I’ll try not to gush too much more.

7. Jamba Juice - I love the delicious smoothies with the wonderful vitamin supplement.

8. The Food - It’s a lot cheaper to eat out here. And the food is all skill. The only thing I have missed is curry as you don’t get much decent Indian food. Just before we left England we went for a curry with some friends. I think we should go there upon our return to make it nice and cyclical. Mark and Becky – if you are reading this please can you arrange. Thank you very much.

9. Sunday afternoons on the beach – We have probably done this less in real life than we have in my head. Even so it’s so great being less than a mile away from such a lovely beach. What can be better than eating a picnic made by Em while reading a good book? I don’t even mind when I get real sand in my sandwiches. I plan to take little Jon Ollington body boarding when he visits next week. I need to do it one last time!

10. Emma - Being in LA has meant that Emma and I have spent less time doing our own thing and instead have had a lot more time together. It’s been the perfect start to married life really. As I said before we have promised each other to keep the LA spirit alive when we get back home and to do lots more things together. This actually should be number one in my chart as the wife should always come first. But always save the best to last eh?

And that is my list. Having said all of this I will be happy to come home too. I do love London and if I’m not in LA then it’s not a bad place to be. And lets face it, I adore a good old moan. So the weather and bad public transport will probably give me secret joy. And Mum if you are reading this I can’t wait to pop around on Sunday for lunch again.

It’s been a brilliant adventure, but now it’s time for the next one.

Marc x

p.s. Emma has updated our flickr page with some more pics of our adventures this year. If you click on the slideshow to the right you can see the pics in full size.

Bananas In Pyjamas

2009-03-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

This has been a pretty spectacular week. In fact it has been one of my most favorite weeks ever! I have discovered something so wonderful and marvelous and I can’t wait to let you all in on the secret. I haven’t worked out a way to make millions of pounds. I have discovered something far more exciting. I have found pyjamas!

I should let you know that by this I don’t mean I went to bed naked before. I don’t want to get too graphic in this blog but nude sleeping is not for me. I like something between me and the sheets. If going to bed with everything flapping around is your bag, then I’m pleased for you. But it most certainly is not the case in Ollington Towers.

Anyway I digress. Back in my youth I would wear some shorts and a t-shirt to bed, and in recent years I have actually worn a form of pyjamas. But these weren’t real pyjamas though. These were the type that you get from Marks and Spencer that are basically shorts and a t-shirt (but matching). In a way they are pyjamas for beginners. They are something you wear when you don’t want to be all skanky by wearing your underwear, but by the same token you aren’t quite ready for full blown bedtime wear.

Just recently though I have looked upon Emma with some envy as such is the joy her pyjamas give her. After an evening shower the Emster will often relax on the sofa in her p.j.’s and she will look as snug as a bug in a rug. My shorts and t-shirt type nightware just wasn’t as good for this. Even in LA nights can be chilly, and I would look daft if I put socks on (socks and shorts – even pyjama shorts – is always a no. Unless you have those little hidden ankle socks with trainers). I therefore stuck with my jeans.

On a Saturday shopping trip I saw some real pjyama bottoms in the sale. I decided to purchase them to see if they were as good as I imagined. I also got myself a couple of nice cotton t-shirts to go with them (as I am not ready for the last stage of a pyjama top. That will happen when I am 38 I reckon). That evening I tried on my new purchase and guess what? I was in heaven dear reader. They are so comfy I could have cried with delight. I now know why fat people like to wear tracksuit bottoms around the house (even though they haven’t done a days exercise in their life).

I am going to get myself some more pairs this weekend. There is no stopping me now! All I think about at work is how long until I can get home and get myself out of trousers and into my P.J. bottoms. What could be better than putting your Pyjamas on, settling down with a nice cup of tea and watching an episode of ‘Lost’. That is as perfect as life gets I think. As Emma said, I have joined pyjama club, and it’s one membership I will not be cancelling for a while.

Marc x

Jacking in the blog?

2009-02-27T12:02:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone,

I hope you have all had a great week. Ours has been pretty normal with not that much to report. I would probably give it an 8/10 as I‘ve had some nice dinners, we’ve been out a bit and ‘Lost’ & ‘Flight Of The Conchords’ have been very good. I watched The Oscars the whole way through for the first time in my life too. It was brilliant! And even though I am as heterosexual as can be, I now love Hugh Jackman. He is the best presenter I have seen in my life. And his song and dance numbers were brilliant. Who knew Wolverine could sing? Everyone apart from me apparently…

Anyway I have posted a picture of Hugh above for you all ladies out there. I think every woman in the world loves Hugh Jackman. I have noticed that Emma goes all funny when he appears on the screen, but I forgive her for that. He is a very nice young man. And he was brilliant in ‘The Prestige’ which is one the greatest films ever made.

We also went to see A.C. Newman (from The New Pornographers) at The Troubadour this Thursday. He was very good though I got a bad tummy. I think it may have been from the pizza I had earlier at Robert DeNiro’s restaurant (which was a great place so I forgive him). The Troubadour was a fab venue. It holds around five hundred people and is like The Highbury Garage in London (but better).

I have also got some good sleeps in this week. I am sleeping very well at the moment; I must have a clear conscience. Sadly Emma isn’t and she has had some restless nights. I think some of this is down to the fact that I have got her to read Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’. I think the bleakness of the post apocalyptic world is giving Em nightmares. Nobody ever said great literature was fun.

I would like to thank you all for sticking with this blog and that is the main topic of today. My little video of my Doctor Who talk is up to 250 views in under a week. I thus went to Google Analytics to check the web stats for this site (which I haven’t done for a while). 320 people a week read this blog fact fans! I know that kind of number will not change the internet world but it really makes it worth doing. I don’t even know that amount of people so it’s actually pretty touching. I know you are all here for Emma’s occasional musings really but I shall cover myself in her glory (!).

I thought I would do you a chart of where people had come from in the last few months. This will allow you to see how truly global ‘The Ollington’s Oracle’ has become:

1.United Kingdom 2,383 (00:01:38)
2.United States 951 (00:03:25)
3.Sweden 99 (00:00:44)
4.Mexico 76 (00:02:48)
5.Australia 39 (00:02:24)
6.France 24 (00:01:56)
7.Germany 20 (00:00:20)
8.Canada 10 (00:00:29)
9.Spain 8 (00:00:48)
10.Cyprus 7 (00:02:16)

The first figure is page views and the second is time spent on the site. As you can see while I may get more British dudes reading these entries, the Americans love me! They spend an average of three and a half minutes on here per visit. They either love it so much that they read every word or they are a bit slower mentally than the Brits. I go for the first option as I love the Americans nowadays. I think my Swedish numbers are mainly from my friend Steven Brown. He misses me so much that I think he must log on every day. I miss you too Steven Brown (even if your football team are more rubbish than a big heap of rubbish).

I don’t know anybody in Mexico. If you are a Mexican reader please leave a comment to tell me how you found this blog. In fifth place is Australia. I know a few Australian Carter fans tune in, and of course I imagine Hannah Lowes hangs on our every word. I’ve no idea about my French, German and Canadian readers, once again please get in touch.

In 10th place is Cyprus. My cousin Theresa and her fiancé Brian moved out there just after Emma and I came to LA so I reckon most of the visits come from them. They are getting married later on in the year and we are going out there for a week. When I see ‘we’ I mean The Ollington’s are all going to share a Villa. It will be my first family holiday in years. And this time not only will there be Mum, Dad, Sarah, Jonathon and me, but we will of course be joined by Emma (who is my wife in case you didn’t know) and my sister’s fiancé Neil. Cyprus watch out is all I can say.

I got to thinking if I would carry on this blog when we get back home to olde England. I don’t think that I will (though the Emster may want too?). It’s actually been quite a discipline to write a thousand word weekly entry (which I’ve more or less kept too) but there was always an end in sight to keep me going. I think I will do a final entry when we get back home (or perhaps Emma will) which will be all about our holiday to Chicago and New York. Then that feels like a good place to stop. I originally set this blog up when I lived in the UK and I wrote something about once every two months. Without a new country and life to explore then the focus is lost I think. It will also let me finish off my novel. I made a great start on it, and I have some bonkers ideas for the rest so that needs my full writing attention. So make the most of the last few entries, we are only in the US for another thirty seven days. Crazy!

Marc x

p.s. One of the greatest songwriters this world has ever produced (seriously) mentioned me is his blog today. It is an honor! I love my debates with Chris which he touches on here. http://blognostic.wordpress.com/ We had a debate over his column for the ‘Morning Star’ where he questioned some of Morrissey’s views. There is a link to the original article on the blog (or will be). See if you agree with it.

p.p.s Happy Birthday to one of the bestest friends you could have - Neil Witherow. Have a great day mister.

An unconventional weekend.

2009-02-19T14:04:00.000-08:00

WARNING: THIS BLOG ENTRY IS 1600 WORDS. IT'S BRILLIANT BUT DON'T MOAN THAT IT'S TOO LONG - JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY IT. IF YOU ARE PART OF THE MTV GENERATION AND HAVE A TEN SECOND ATTENTION SPAN THEN READ IT IN TWO SITTINGS.

This is the blog entry you have all been waiting for! Namely my attendance at my first ever Doctor Who convention (‘Gallifrey 20’ at the LA Marriot 13-15 February). I may be a big fan of the ‘Who’ but I have never done this type of thing before (honest!). In the past I have been happy just talking about the show to those interested (or in some cases to those patently not interested). I don’t even go to interweb forums as these online types suck all the joy away from a program. My fandom has been limited to watching the show, buying DVDs & magazines - and that is it. Though thinking about it I do have some of the toys including a big old remote controlled Dalek. But that is it– Promise!

So what made me go to this convention? The first factor was the location. It was in LA (like me) and that meant American fans. They are a different breed to the cynical nerd in the UK. They like to dress up as Cybermen and to celebrate the show. I imagine people in blighty go to these things to moan that the program isn’t as good as it was in the old days. I heard conventions in the US were more of a joyous celebration and this convention was the daddy. It had been going twenty years and if you are going to lose your virginity this was the place to do it.

There was also some great guests including the sixth Doctor, my favourite assistant Perpugilliam ‘Peri’ Brown, Phil Collinson (producer from 05-08) and loads of the writers. Over the three days there was everything from panels debating aspects of the show to big Q&A sessions with the guests. One of my favorite things was watching the writers do live commentaries over the episodes they have written. The best bit for me was the dealer’s room that had every bit of Doctor Who merchandise ever made. I only spent a hundred dollars or so (or so I told Emma). I could have spent so much more…

I arrived on the Friday for the start of it and met up with my friend Jeremy. This was his third time in LA in eight months (I think he enjoys it here) and he likes his Doctor Who. In fact during the wilderness years when it wasn’t being made he watched it every weekend on UK Gold. He stuck with Who, whereas I left it behind as a relic from yesteryear. I was fourteen when Doctor Who got axed and I quickly forgot my favorite show.

Actually this will be a good point to quickly talk about why I became a Doctor Who fan. I would like to point out that I am no sci-fi dude. I find most of it pretty boring and a bit tedious if truth be told. The great thing about Doctor Who is that it isn’t sci-fi, it can be whatever it wants to be. What other show can do that? One week it is a historical drama and the next week it can be a murder mystery romp. The minute it becomes Battlestar Voyager III or whatever then I’m off.

As a child it was one of my favourite programs. I remember when I was six years old and watching Tom Baker turn into Peter Davison. I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever seen in my life. How bonkers was it that a man had turned into another man? At one point soon afterwards my mum almost stopped me watching it as it gave the seven year old Marc too many nightmares. I remember crying when I first saw Davros (the Dalek leader). I think I was quite a sensitive child.

Luckily my Grandparents ignored the potential ban and I remember settling down with them in 1983 to watch the 20th Anniversary special ‘The Five Doctors’. I think it was one of the best nights of my life dear reader. My granddad had bought me a history of Doctor Who book some months earlier and I read it nearly every day. It had stories of three other Doctors I had never seen before and I really wanted to ‘meet’ them. I saw a trailer and in this special all the Doctors were coming together for a big old adventure. I could have wet myself with excitement.

I remember that it went out on a Friday night during ‘Children In Need’. It was a ninety minute special and the TV event of the year! I sat in-between my Grandparents so I wouldn’t get scared with my book in hand to work out who was indeed who. I was so spellbound and enthralled that I didn’t even eat the sweets they had got me. I think from this moment not only did I properly fall in love with Doctor Who but it was then I decided that television was the greatest thing in the world. I knew I wanted to work in TV and I knew this was the greatest program ever made. And my mum let me carry on watching as the nightmares stopped.

Doctor Who gave me seven years of great enjoyment and I watched any new episode or repeat avidly. Then ‘Who’ was axed in 1989! If I’m honest this didn’t bother me that much. Some of the stories had become tired and I was now in my teenage years. I stopped buying comics and I found rock n’ roll. Football and music (not quite girls yet!) were my two main passions and poor old Doctor Who was cast aside.

When the series returned in 2005 I was a man in his late twenties and I was ready for Doctor Who again. I had grown up and what do men do once they have finished growing? They go back to being children! I remember being at a work conference in Birmingham and I saw a big billboard for the new series. It got my interest right away. I said to my colleague Rebecca “Look Doctor Who is coming back”. She couldn’t have looked less interested if I had told her I had a collection of apple cores to show her.

I, though, spent the rest of the day thinking back to those childhood memories and I got really excited about the new series. I thought it would probably be rubbish as comebacks normally are. I was so wrong though, it had Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor and it was written by Russell T. Davies! I watched the first episode and I was blown away all over again. It was amazing and for the first time in ages television seemed alive. It is now the top rated drama in the UK, the kids adore it and it is a huge success story. How brilliant is that? People said family viewing in the UK was dead. Doctor Who proved every TV expert wrong and ten million people each week in the UK tune-in for some proper entertainment.

I was so taken with the new season that I got back into the old episodes that I enjoyed as a kid. I have taken to buying every old story on dvd and they haven’t aged at all. Some fools say “Aren’t the special effects rubbish?”. I can’t say that I notice! If your soul is so empty and joyless that you need special effects to make a story watchable then I feel sorry for you. The stories are still brilliant, the acting still superb and the show is still a joy. It’s also a myth the show had wobbly sets. It has been proven that in twenty seven years there are only two examples of any set wobbles that total eleven seconds.

So that is why I am a fan again. And that is a good time to revert back to my conference story. Like I said I met up with Jeremy and we checked ourselves in to the proceedings. We then went to our first panel which was a discussion on the spin off show ‘The Sarah Jane Adventures’. And guess what? I was on this panel! I had kindly been offered the chance to be part of a panel discussing this ace show (due to me being a TV guru). It was my first convention and there I was up first. Luckily it was in one of the smaller rooms and you can even see some nuggets of it here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLAfOZYhe7A&feature=channel_page

Now, it looks like nobody is in the room here as the front row was empty. I can assure you that there were hundreds hanging on to my every word. Actually that is a lie. I reckon there was a hundred max and the room was half full. It actually went really well and I got lots of nice comments and praise afterwards. I was delighted to do it. The clips here don’t do some of my ramblings justice.

From that point on the convention was just ace and throughout the three days the time just vanished. There were a few strange people but everyone was very friendly. That’s what matters I reckon. And I never knew Doctor Who had such a lot of lesbian fans. There were a few fair purveyors of lady love wondering around dressed as David Tennant or Captain Jack.

Speaking of Captain Jack there were loads of Torchwood fans there too. Torchwood is bigger than Who over here, and it’s actually the highest rated show ever on BBC America and beats series like Battlestar Gallatica in the ratings. Teenage girls seem to like it and there was a fair few of them here. During a Q&A with a couple of the stars, girls started screaming and whooping. It was most strange.

There was also a costume cabaret that was brilliant fun. This is a sketch I found on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2qSdwijtd0

Here is a dalek:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9yXMMXly2Q

After three days of ‘Who’ action it all ended on the Sunday with Phil Collinson doing a live commentary to ‘Journey’s End’ (the last episode he produced). It was one of the best hours I had ever spent in my life. I was enthralled hearing all the behind the scenes gossip. I was really sad the whole thing had come to an end.

Marc x

P.S. I’m not sure I would do it ever again. As I said earlier it wouldn’t be the same back home. But I have just heard that Peter Davison (my favorite Doctor) is booked for next year. Perhaps a trip back to LA could be in order after all?

Bring on the wall!

2009-02-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

Marc asked me to write the next blog entry but it has taken me over 2 weeks to get around to writing it. It’s not that I’ve been lazy and been sitting around doing nothing, it’s just been a crazily busy few weeks with work and what not. I’ve also been pondering over what to write about. Previously all my entries have been recounting some visit, trip or tale but this time I thought I should perhaps veer away from storytelling and just write about what I’m currently thinking about.

We’re starting to get things organized for our move back home and although I’m really excited about coming home, it’s also got me thinking about what I’ll miss over here. Obviously all the lovely friends we have made goes without saying, but it’s lots of other little things I’ll miss too.

I’ll miss the politeness of people here. I’ve grown to like someone wishing me a great day, and sometimes I even think that the shop assistants actually mean it. People are very courteous and chivalrous in the workplace here. For example, a man would never step into a lift before a woman. Never! Even complete strangers. And they will always let the ladies exit a room first and hold a door open for you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for women’s equality and all that malarkey but there is something just very gentile, and I guess respectful, to these small gestures.

I like greeting the old man who likes to sit on the wall outside our house, chatting with his friends of a morning. He will always move his truck to make it easier for me if he sees me struggling with a difficult bit of parallel parking. That’s kindness for you.

I know it’s a very English thing to mention, but I will of course miss the weather too. Waking up to beautiful blue skies the majority of the time is amazing and something we’ve definitely not taken for granted. I’ll miss riding my bike down to the beach, and cycling along the little bike path all the way up to Malibu. I’ll even miss getting cross with the people who walk on the bikes only path and have the cheek to get mad at us cyclists – erm you can walk on the sand you fools. Honestly.

I’ll really miss our little local diner. It’s a proper American diner, and they do the most delicious malts and cupcakes. Its open 22 hours a day, and it is always busy, no matter when you turn up. They have a great jukebox, the décor is brill, the food is fantastic and the staff are all really friendly. There is just nowhere else quite like it.

Obviously there are things that I won’t miss and things I’ll be happy to leave behind but you shouldn’t focus on the negative things, and so I’m not going to discuss these. Well ok, perhaps just one. But this is a strange thing to dislike. I have a very weird obsession with parking. I always worry about where I’ll be able to park whenever we go anywhere. This is especially weird as in LA everyone drives everywhere so compared to somewhere like London, parking is in abundance. So why do I worry about it all the time? It’s not that I can’t park (aside from a tricky parallel parking as mentioned above I’m not bad at parking), so I really can’t explain what it is that I worry about, but I just do. I feel sorry for Marc who has to constantly reassure me that we’ve parked correctly and we won’t be towed, and I don’t need to check on the car every 20 minutes.

In fact I’ve noticed that even though I’ve always been a worrier, this year I’ve taken my worrying to a whole new level. I’m hoping though that perhaps moving home will mean I will stop worrying quite so much. I worry that I’ll do something wrong and they’ll throw me out of the country. I’ve no idea what I could do that would result in this but it worries me all the same. Perhaps I think if I park in the wrong place they’ll extradite me? See I told you it was completely ridiculous.

But I really can’t wait to get back to all our family and friends though, and to our little flat. I can’t wait to read the Sunday papers, to have a drink at our lovely local, to eat Heinz baked beans on toast and have a drink of apple and blackcurrant squash. Mmm, delicious. I know many people wouldn’t necessary class the above as the best of British, but each to their own I say.

And on that note I’ll say ta ta for now and leave Marc to write the next blog this week all about his panel debut at the Doctor Who convention. I know, try not to get too excited about it.

Happy Pancake Day.
Em x

I can feel it in the hair tonight!

2009-02-12T15:26:00.000-08:00

Yo kids,

I hope you are all well, and those of you in the UK are still enjoying the snow. It is STILL raintastic here in LA. You don't really get much rain in these parts so it's a big novelty for most people even a week into events. For little old me though it just reminds me of home, and of those depressing journeys into work. The thing I am least looking forward to going back to England is the commute into work, and especially when it's chucking it down. In fact thinking about it makes me shudder like Ian Curtis during one of his turns.

As you would have guessed by now the Emster hasn't had time to do her blog entry. She would have not have made such a crass joke about a dude with epilepsy. Emma is the nice one, and I am the rock n' roll rebel pushing back the boundaries of blogging.

I digress though. Why hasn't Emma submitted her entry? It isn't because it's going to be some great piece of literature (she told me to not build it up like a buttercup). The truth is that Emma had to work all weekend (how rubbish is that?) and as such her creative juices have been well and truly drained. If Emma was a bath all of her water would have gone down the plughole in a very quick fashion.

While Emma was working I spent Saturday and Sunday tweaking and rehearsing a work presentation (which got postponed anyway but that is a different story) so it was very quiet indeed in the Ollington residence. I did take a walk into Venice to go to the hairdressers. It was a lovely afternoon and I made a compilation on my ipod for my special stroll. I got the time wrong though and I arrived a hour late for my appointment. Sadly Brooke Tittinger (as my hairdresser is called) couldn't fit me in and I had to go without a ruddy haircut (but I was able to do a little shopping). I get my haircut here fact fans:

http://www.venicetrim.com/

I will miss my haircuts at 'Trim'. I love it there, they offer you a drink of beer and wine. I never accept but it's nice to be asked. I have booked another appointment with Brooke for this time next week. I will endeavour to get the time right this time.

It was weird spending the weekend by myself. I am someone who has always very much enjoyed his own company. I never get bored of pottering around, in fact there is always too much to do, read, see, etc. I will say though that as Emma and I have been joined at the hip the last year I didn't enjoy the Sunday half as much. It didn't help that I had this presentation hanging over my head but it wasn't just that. In fact while I didn't get bored I did get a tad lonely.

Adjusting to life in England will be weird in so many ways, and not just because of the rubbish weather. The Emster and I practically lead the same lives now and I really enjoy it. Gone are the times when we are often out and about doing our own thing... Of course it is very healthy indeed not to do everything with your partner (and we don't) but it has been smashing hanging out with each other all the time.

We have had a ruddy nightmare this week surviving on about two dollars. Our bank has messed up our money transfer from pounds into dollars (again) and we have spent all week worrying that a few grand had disappeared into the interweb vacumn. Luckily the bank realised they never bothered pressing the 'send' button (after a week of telling us we had to wait about thirty working days before we could chase it) and we may have some money at some point this month. Banks eh? If I didn't know better I would say they could be in trouble soon.

Despite the rain, work and money shenanigans it's actually been a fine and dandy week. As David Bowie sang on Ashes to Ashes "I'm happy, hope you're happy too". But having said that he also said on the same song "I wanna axe to break the ace", and I have never wanted an axe, nor have I any ice to break. I like my ice to be in cubes in a freezer. I can them put them in my Sprite Zero to make a delicious refreshing soda even more tasty.

Catch you soon,
marc x

Snow on the road...

2009-02-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I know I promised you Emma but I will have to do the blog entry this week. The Emster is indeed working on something for all you cats but it is still in development. It will be worth the wait though, you can be sure of that! The sad thing is that I haven’t got much to write about. It’s been one of those crazy times where our jobs have taken over our lives.

The same can’t be said for you slackers back in London Town. A bit of snow and you are all off work faster than you can say “Oh look, is that another facebook photo album of some pictures of the snow?”. I read that everyone bunking off work (which I know is also down to the great public transport we have) is going to cost the UK economy about two billion pounds or something. Crazy!

Emma and I had differing feelings on the snow. Emma loves it and she felt a bit homesick to be missing out on making a snowman. I was cock-a-hoop to avoid it and instead I just enjoyed the glorious sunshine on my face. I actually don’t mind snow itself but I hate it when it turns to ice. I always fall over and hurt my bottom.

It has been dead sunny here but we had rain today, and showers are forecast until Saturday. All the Los Angelinos are up in arms at this crazy turn of events.

On a cultural note I finished ‘The Road’ by Cormac McCarthy this week. He is the fellow that wrote “No Country For Old Men” fact fans. Anyways, I think “The Road” is one of the best books I have ever read. It’s one of those novels that I just can’t stop thinking about now I’ve finished it. I would recommend it to everyone. While it touches on some disturbing themes, it is a beautifully written story of a father’s relationship with his son. It is told very simply (and is very easy to read) though the descriptions McCarthy uses are just stunning. Not only is it a quite amazing story, but its use of language is a total joy. I read a lot of books (as I’m dead intellectual and things) but this is the first one in a while that has really effected me.

I also saw that film with Mickey Rourke called ‘The Wrestler’. It was brilliant too, and it was better than ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and ‘The Reader’ (that were both dead good). I’m not sure if it has been nominated for an Oscar but I think it’s my film of the year. It’s basically about a washed up wrestler whose life is rubbish. That is it! It’s great all the same and I say go and see this if you can. Have some popcorn for me while you are at it.

I am now a bonafide lightweight when it comes to alcohol dear reader. Emma and I went out for a Mexican meal on Saturday night. It was very delicious indeed. I had a couple of Magheritas and an Irish coffee over three hours or so. The next morning I had a hangover! And the other night Emma and I went out for dinner and drinks with some chums in Santa Monica (we went to a lovely place called ‘Rustic Canyon’ that was dead near us. All our guests would have loved it but we never knew about it! Typical.) All I had to drink was a champagne cocktail and two glasses of red wine. I felt awful again the following day.

How am I going to cope with coming back to the UK? Everyone drinks by the bucketload in England and I am no longer up to it. I am going to Eric Von Doymi’s leaving drinks tonight. We are all indulging in a Saki session. I reckon two shots for me then I will be ready for home and bed.

We have a rather quiet weekend planned. Emma has to be in work on both Saturday snd Sunday. I have to give a presentation on Monday so I’ll be working from home finishing that off, and there is an article to write for top Arsenal fanzine ‘The Gooner’ too. It’s madness I tell you. Working weekends is quite commonplace over here though and you just have to go with the vibe. People in the states also work a lot longer hours and have less than half the holiday time of all British types. It’s a crazy state of affairs and no mistaking readers. I may though try and buck the work trend for a hour and sneak in a cheeky haircut.

It’s only a week to go now until I join the panel at the Gallifrey Doctor Who convention. I am dead excited if a little nervous. There will be a thousand Whovians (as the media call them) in attendance. I hope I will be proclaimed as the new King of the Geeks. I could be rubbish though and people may throw things. If so I may just sing a song as I have been told I have a delightful voice.

I will leave it there for this week. Hopefully the Emster will be here to entertain you very soon.

Marc x

p.s. Happy Birthday Pa. I hope you have a fantastic day – and enjoy your X-Box.

Solitary Man

2009-01-29T15:16:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I have got into Mint Tea recently. I find it rather delicious and it makes my stomach feel all warm inside. I like the smell very much too. I have always regarded herbal teas and the like for women (I’m not being sexist sisters, it’s just that you don’t often see men drink them). Being a macho man myself I liked to stick with caffeine based hot drinks. It has always been strictly coffee or ‘normal’ tea for me.

On Christmas Day though I got a sore tummy and I was in a bit of pain. The Emster suggested a Mint Tea and who was I to refuse (such was my discomfort)? Not only did the Mint Tea soothe me right away but it tasted delicious. I was a changed man! I now have a mint tea every day after lunch and it’s something I look forward too very much. I can only recommend it to my fellow comrades out there in blog land.

It’s funny to think of the lifestyle changes that I’ve made over the last year or so. They are a combination of being in LA and age I think, but I wonder if the Marc in his early twenties would have looked at me now with disgust? Rather than a rock n’ roll rebel from the planet Cool he would have seen a man who likes Mint Tea, who doesn’t drink very much and whose idea of fun is to decide what podcast to listen to in the gym. I don’t even eat meat anymore. How the mighty have fallen eh?

Anyway I have been trying to get my head around this Twitter thing. I heard that David Bowie had an account so I wanted one. It transpired that he didn’t have an account at all and it was some dude pretending to be him. I am now a member anyway. I still don’t really get it because as far as I can gather it’s just like sending out a lot of facebook updates. I think the idea of it is that you ‘micro blog’. Obviously I love to blither on so micro blogging isn’t quite my piano forte. I shall Percy Veer with it nonetheless as if I am to remain one of the great marketing gurus of our time I have to keep up with the kids.

The Emster and I had an ace weekend. I was working on the Saturday, but it was fun work. Our brilliant show Solitary (www.solitary3.com) has been getting absolutely great ratings. I don’t normally mention work here but not only do I love the show but it’s fantastic that I have been involved in a big success! It’s been superb to work on it for lots of reasons. Anyway a Mall Tour had been organized where the public could have a go at being in our show. The launch was at The Glendale Galleria. We had never been here before as it was in the Valley (a bit too far away from Santa Monica), but it was another Mall to tick off the list. The plan was that Emma would go off and shop while I would check out the Solitary shebang.

On the way we picked up our Australian intern James Brown. He is not THE James Brown obviously. I have managed to avoid making the obvious jokes thus far (I am getting old). Anyway James is a top lad and we had a chat about Glasvegas (who I like) and the hot new music website ‘spotify’ among other things. I shall not bore you with stories of our Mall Tour for much longer, other than to say it was a big success.

Emma did let me go to Panda Express which I was most grateful for. I simply adore Panda Express. It’s basically fast Chinese food, and it’s delicious. Emma doesn’t like big foodcourts and I can see why (as they are often full of idiots). I think the Essex Boy in me likes to come out every now and then though, and he needs to forget the mint tea. Instead he wants to sit in a food court with all the other sad dudes. I will say though that the foodcourts over here are a lot better than what you get back at home in Lakeside or something. Anyways Emma went shopping mental and spent about a million dollars on some new outfits. She looked great in them all of course so it was money well spent. And Emma did buy me a new watch so I can’t complain.

It’s been a great week for TV here in America Land. Lost returned with a double bill, and apart from Doctor Who it’s my most favorite show of all time. Some cats think that it has dragged on and doesn’t give you any answers. I am one that disagrees and I love it. I am just sad that next season is the last one as I never want it to end. I miss Charlie though as he was my fave. Emma noticed that Sawyer has now got a little bit of a tummy. This will upset the ladies! We once saw him having a cigarette outside a bar in Venice. So not only is he putting on weight but he is probably going to die of cancer soon too. Things must be troubled in his world.

We have now also watched the first two episodes of this seasons ‘Flight Of The Conchords’. It is just as funny as the first series and Murray is the best comic creation since Alan Partridge.

I should go now as in today’s Twitter times you have to keep it real, and to keep it short. I think Emma will write the next entry. She hasn’t done one for a while and her fans have been very demanding. While she is doing that I may work on another videoblog for you all. It’s all give, give, give with us.

Keep it real,
Marc x

King For A Day

2009-01-22T15:57:00.000-08:00

Just as we got used to being back at work after the festive period (and were in the mindset of being worker type dudes) another holiday was upon us. As mentioned in the last entry we had Monday off work as it was Martin Luther King day. This meant a three day weekend which is always a good thing eh readers? And of course it’s jolly good that Mr. King helped everyone all be equal and that type of jazz. I was thus very happy that he has his own day as I think he probably deserved it. It was actually Ronald Reagan who signed the bill in 1982 which bought this day into existence fact fans.

On the Saturday Emma and I went to our first ever baby shower. These events aren’t that big back in blighty but they are all the rage here in America Land. Basically what happens is that everyone buys the forthcoming baby a present and then you all have some food and drink to celebrate. This wasn’t a Stepford Wives type event though (which you see in the films). Instead it was more like an afternoon party with some fizz and cakes. It was a lovely day with weather in the late twenties and it was brilliant to enjoy the sun whilst mingling with various people in the garden.

We purchased some organic baby kit thing that Emma picked. I’m not sure what it was exactly but the packaging looked nice. I should point out that it was our friends Cerise and Mark’s shower as I haven’t mentioned that yet! I can’t say too much about the various crazy showbiz types that were there as they may get cross with me. What I will say though is that I was very shocked to see an A-list bonafide star with the most dreadful fake tan on. They had obviously done it themselves which proves even stars are human sometimes. Anyway fake tan aside it was a brilliant event and we are looking forward to the birth of the baby very much.

Sunday was a quite brilliant day. The weather was lovely again so Emma and I went shopping. As we were walking down to the shops we saw a man with a big sandwich board saying that Macy’s was having a big gone bust sale or something. As a result a lot of things were half price or less. I got a brilliant pair of skinny jeans for about 12 pounds in UK money as well as lots of pants and not forgetting some ace new ties. You have to love the credit crunch really eh? As long as you can keep your job then there are bargains to be had in lots of shops. When our local Borders closed down just after Christmas Emma and I went book mental as everything was so cheap. Obviously Emma will be out of a job when we come back home but lets not worry about that now. Instead we will carry on partying like it's 1999 when every store has to have closing down sales. At least we will look good when we are living on the streets of London in six months time when nobody has a job.

Emma then got herself some lovely new clothes in Third Street before we retired to ‘Pinkberry’ for a delicious low fat, low calorie, frozen yoghurt. This was followed by a delightful evening stroll back home.

On Monday I had an ichat with my mum. I hadn’t spoken to her for a couple of weeks so it was great to catch up. We spoke for 46 minutes which is a long time for me to talk via any kind of phone method. Emma and I then went to the gym. Luckily it was pretty quiet today. I am really fed up with all the people that have joined the gym as a new years resolution. My gym is now full of amateurs who will no doubt stop going in a couple of weeks. I really don’t know why they bother as they just take up valuable machine space in their pathetic attempt to get fit (that will fail by the next month). They then won’t be seen again until the following January when they are another half a stone heavier.

I just read that last paragraph back. It’s very mean spirited isn’t it? I’m sorry about that readers. I just get cross having to wait for a machine at the gym. I wanted to go on the sit up machine the other day but two fat dudes (about the size of Hurley from Lost) were using them as chairs while they had a chat. Surely they could do this at a diner with a burger? Anyway, there is nothing wrong with people wanting to get fit. I just wish it wasn’t in my gym in January.

In the evening we went to a brilliant movie theatre called ‘The Landmark’. Not only did it have really fresh and delicious popcorn but the chairs were so comfy, and they even reclined. They gave you loads of space too. It was the bee’s knees of cinemas (as I believe they are called back in the UK). We went to watch ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: India’. It wasn’t called that but for the life of me I can’t remember the title. I know I could go and Google it now but I’m on a roll writing this so I shall not stop. Anyway, you know what film I mean and it will come to me in a bit.

I was expecting great things because not only had every critic said it was the best film ever made but everyone I spoke to had said the same thing too. I was therefore very disappointed when it finished. I thought to myself (and this shouldn’t spoil the end for those who haven’t seen it) “There is no way those questions would have come up, that is taking coincidence too far.” Emma though said she loved it, whereas I thought it was unbelievable tosh. Then a very weird thing happened! As we were traveling home I realized that if I hadn’t of gone in expecting to see the best film ever made I would have enjoyed it for what it was. And that is a really well made, life affirming film, with a really witty and touching script. By the morning I had done a total about turn and I decided that it was in fact brilliant after all.

I emailed Jim (Bob) the next day and told him that he had to go and see it as it was the greatest film ever made. I had become as bad as the critics. I should have said “Slumdog (Yes! It’s come to me) Millionaire is pretty good. See what you think.”

Anyways, that was how we celebrated the life of Martin Luther King. If you reading this Mr. King then I will raise one of my low calories sports drinks to you as we had a lovely weekend.

Since the weekend we are back at work and Obama is finally the President. I told all the dudes at work that there is none of this waiting around for months back in the UK. You basically win the election and then you are leader. This is how it should be. I know his inauguration was all very historic but I had been excited two months ago when he won. I found Tuesday’s events quite dull as it was the same thing all over again. In football terms it was like the games you get after you have won the league with a few matches to spare. You just want to get them out of the way and get onto playing in the Champions League. I thought that rather than having all this palaver and hullabaloo he should just get on with the job of running America and being hopefully the best President ever.

That’s it for now.

Marc x

p.s. I am pleased to announce that a VERY special guest has been added to The Gallifrey 20 Convention (the biggest Doctor Who convention in the world). On the panel discussing The Sarah Jane Adventures 'season two' a certain Marc Ollington has been added to the bill. This will be THE best session of the convention I'm sure with Ollington entertaining all with his cheeky charm and Matt Smith good looks. www.gallifreyone.com/gallifrey-schedule.php

Smith and Bones

2009-01-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hello readers,

It’s been a while eh? Hopefully the video blog of our Vegas antics kept you entertained. 250 of you watched both parts. I think that makes Emma and I bonafide youtube sensations.

Not much has happened since Vegas if the truth be told. We have gone back to work and the last couple of weeks have whizzed by like a very whizzy thing. We do have a long weekend coming up though (which is jolly nice). It’s Martin Luther King Day on Monday so we all get a day off. I pretended to my American colleagues that I had no idea who this dude was. This was obviously hilarious and lots of fun and japes ensued. Imagine their faces when I said “Only joking. I know who is really.” It was priceless.

Emma and I went to see that film ‘The Reader’ last Saturday. It was pretty good actually though Kate Winslet got naked again. That lady can’t keep her clothes on. It’s a disgrace I think. There were a lot of old people in the cinema and I wondered if all the sex was a bit too much for them. It was too much for me if the truth be told. I think I am getting more prudish as I get older.

We also cleaned the car last Saturday and we did a food shop. Interesting eh? We hadn’t done a shop for a while so it came to $240 dollars. This did include moisturizer for us both though which upped the cost. Yes, it’s true, I have started using moisturizer. I did this in my mid-twenties but I wasn’t as bad as my flatmate Toby who actually cleansed, toned and moisturized. I got bored of putting it on my face every day though (it’s bad enough shaving) and I decided it was too gay. So for the last few years I have been moisturizer free. Emma noticed that my skin was a bit dry in this LA climate and said I should go back on the moisturizer. I am not getting any younger readers and I do have lines around my eyes now. I don’t mind this actually as it looks quite cool in a man I think. I don’t want peeling skin though so I have been applying this stuff twice a day. I just touched my face as I write this and it’s almost as soft as a babies bottom. I think the Esmter was right therefore. I’m not doing any of that toning stuff though.

I really am afraid these topics today are as good as it gets. What do you expect? It’s January and even in LA you can’t be out living the showbiz life the whole time. Even people like me need to be normal every now and then. You’ll be pleased to know though that the Emster and I are well. And the sun is shining. It’s in the high twenties at the moment so whilst you UK dudes are freezing we will be on the beach. Sorry for the gloating readers but I am glad that winter over here lasted for about a week.

With January comes resolutions. Mine is to be even healthier. I got my blood test results back (I still have the bruise from it, and it was all the way back on Christmas Eve they did that) and the results were rubbish. I have very high cholesterol. I reckon this is dead unfair as I am really healthy these days. I haven’t eaten red meat for about nine months and my diet is very good. I get lots of exercise too. I bet there are loads of fat people who smoke and drink loads who are fine. This world has no justice. Luckily I am as fit as a fiddle in every other area. I don’t think I have ever had such a thorough health check as what I had over here. At my Doctors back in London you get about two minutes maximum time before you walk out with a prescription (of which you have no idea of what it is you have been given, or indeed what’s wrong with you). I’ve never had a proper health check before.

The Doctor thinks its genetic so he wanted to prescribe this medicine called Lipatol. I did some research on the interweb and it can cause a lot of bad side effects in some people. This scared me a bit so I told my doctor about my worries. And I hate taking tablets if I don’t need too. He got all narky about me doing interweb research (as Doctors do. I think it’s their pet hate when patients look things up on the interweb) and said that all drugs have side effects in some people. He is right of course but I don’t think you should jump into these things.

Perhaps stupidly I have decided to try and get better naturally. It may not be genetic (you never know) and if I get even healthier I will be ok. We have now bought whole grain pasta and that kind of jazz. In fact our food shop on Saturday was the most dull we have ever done. The only nice thing we got was ice-cream and even that was low fat. I have changed my breakfast cereal from Golden Grahams to Cheerios. They taste like cardboard but what can you do? They are as far removed from giving me cheer as physically possible. They claim to remove cholesterol by 5% though. I also have this butter that tastes so bad I am tempted to have manky old dry bread. I now sit at the table every morning and look enviously at Emma and her cornflakes. And I don’t even like cornflakes that much.

When I get back to England in April I will get tested again and if I’m still bad I guess I’ll go on the drugs. I have been to the gym loads this year already too as exercise helps. I shall beat this if I can dear reader. I don’t want to get diabetes or any of that type of jazz, so it’s a life of moderation and boredom for me foodwise. It could be worse though eh? I could have been diabetic now and that would have been awful. I almost cried before my blood test (and I haven’t cried since 2001 I reckon) so at least I don’t have to inject myself.

I shall now move away from my diet and my face and I will go onto the last topic for today. That topic dear readers is the new Doctor Who. How could I not mention the appointment of Matt Smith? Most Doctor Who fans are up in arms saying that he is too young, and that new head honcho Stephen Moffat doesn’t know what he was doing. Or even that Matt Smith was forced on him by BBC execs wanting the Hollyoaks audience. Well, I have it on very good authority that they were quite happy to go older. Both David Morrissey and Paterson Joseph (the top two choices) could not agree terms so third choice Matt Smith got the role.

Mr. Smith may be twenty six now but he won’t be the Doctor on our screens until 2010. He’ll be twenty eight almost by then, only a year younger than when Peter Davison started. Peter Davison was the last great Doctor before Eccles Cakes (Baker 2, McCoy and McGann were ok, they weren’t up to the first five and subsequently Doctor’s nine or ten). If Peter can do it so can Matt Smith. So I will enjoy David Tennant doing four fabulous specials in 2009 and in Spring of 2010 (a very long time away) I will start having a think about how Matt may get on in the role.

Some people have said that Matt Smith looks like me. I wished I had his hairline that’s for sure! I can’t really see it myself other than the fact our faces aren’t conventionally good looking yet we are both hugely attractive to women.

Anyway, that’s it for now.

Marc x

Viva Las Vegas

2009-01-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year dear blog readers.

Here is something a little different this time around. My boss, Lorey, got me this ace mini video recorder for Christmas. It's the size of a credit card practically! I therefore decided to make a video of Emma and I's trip to Las vegas to see the new year in. We spent three nights there and it was ruddy toptastic.

I'll be back with a written blog next time. Having said that making these videos is very addictive... I feel like the new Stephen Spielberg. Having said that I have only just learned how to 'edit'. Spot all the 'on-purpose' title mistakes at the very start of part two. I was being artistic honest!

Enjoy!
Marc x

If you don't want to watch the little clips just below the title of this blog, and want to see the videos in their full youtube glory they are here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be-IiP0oWMo (Part One)

and here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLh3j5CQsRE (Part Two)

It's Christmas

2008-12-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

Just a quick note to wish you all a very happy Christmas. I love this time of year so much. What could be better than time off work, eating lots, having a nice drink, getting and giving presents and watching ace TV? And celebrating the birth of the little baby Jesus of course. It really is the best time of the year. People that moan about it obviously don't have to go to work everyday...

One thing I did miss off my list there is family. Sadly Emma and I won't be with ours this year. It will be lovely to spend Christmas with just each other as we have never done this before, and I doubt we will ever again. We have a lovely Christmas Day together planned and I am very excited. We will miss being with everyone though. I love seeing one family on Christmas Day and then travelling to the other set on Boxing Day. We do have the magic ichat though so we will be with them via the computer. It isn't quite the same but normal service will be resumed in 2009.

I hope you have a wonderful time with whatever you have planned. As a 'present' I have posted a picture of our little tree above. Enjoy!

Happy Christmas,

Marc and The Emster xxx

p.s. I am so excited about the Doctor Who Christmas special it's untrue...

The Next Doctor

2008-12-19T12:33:00.001-08:00

I woke up on Wednesday morning and my ear really hurt dear reader. I couldn’t hear out of it and it was dead painful. At first I thought that I had a build up of wax and it would need a good syringe. I have small ear canals so this is something I have to deal with a lot (amazing fact for you there). This would mean though that I would have to see a Doctor. Before you can get your ears syringed you need to be checked by a GP first, he then prescribes some drops to prepare the ear, and then a week later you can see a nurse for the procedure.

My problem here was that I didn’t have a Doctor in LA. My work have paid for top medical insurance for Emma and I but in nine months we have never used it. I now had to put this insurance to the test, and in the process find a doctor.

This was easier said than done. I had to email my insurers who are based in Germany. They then put me in touch with a medical company in the US who eventually emailed me some Doctors I could use. I then had to research these crazy cats to find a good one. I eventually found one that was nearby that seemed to have good reviews, and made an appointment for that lunch time.

When I got to the surgery I was relieved to find a nice, clean and modern building. I know LA isn’t the third world but you can never be sure what you are going to get. I wasn’t prepared for the amount of forms I would have to fill in on my arrival though. I had to sign about twenty zillion of them and then we had to do things like speak to my insurance company on the phone to get full authorization. It took what seemed like hours. I realized that for all the NHS failings it is an amazing thing when you think about it. There is very little form filling-in involved back home. Admittedly it takes you ten days to get an appointment rather than ten minutes, but that isn’t the point.

As I was filling in my last form I noticed on the wall some photographs of my new Doctor. One was of him stood with Ronald Reagan, in another he was with George Bush Senior, but the big photo on display was of the younger George Bush with his arm firmly around the doctor. George had signed it “Thanks for your continued support of the Republican Party, George”. Could I let this man examine my ear if he loved George Bush? I decided to forget his political affiliations as he had lots of impressive looking certificates on the wall, including some for plastic surgery.

Before he looked at my ear the Doctor wanted to give me a health check. This made me cross as I hate having that blood pressure machine put on your arm. When they start to pump it I feel all weird. If I’m honest I get a bit squeamish at anything medical, including the blood pressure machine. This is why I visit the doctor about once a year maximum (and this is mainly just to get my ears syringed as I have mentioned). Anyway, my blood pressure was spot on, as was my heart, weight and lung capacity. A Ronnie Result I thought to myself. Surely that would be it?

He then hit the bombshell that it was about time I had a blood test to check for high cholesterol and diabetes. Getting diabetes is my worst fear in the world. As some of you know I am terrified of needles to the point of silliness. I think it all stems from having an operation as a boy. I remember lying in the hospital bed, all weak and pathetic, while being in so much pain from constant injections. The nurse was really horrible and did them very badly, missing the vein most times. Now if I look at a needle on the TV I will faint if I don’t turn away quick enough. Even writing this has made me feel weird. And my fear gets worse the older I get.

So, not only would I have to have a blood test to check for this (which terrifies me beyond belief) but in the back of my head I am always convinced that I will end up with diabetes. How would I inject myself? I’d pass out before I did it. Anyway I told him I didn’t like needles and he said he would be very careful with me when it came to the blood test. I have to have this done on ruddy Christmas Eve. I should do it though as I haven’t had my blood tested for years. I bet I worry all Christmas that I have diabetes. It will be a long wait for the results…

He also looked up my nose and asked me if I sneezed a lot. I sneeze all the time over here but it has never bothered me as I like sneezing. It’s not a bad sensation; in fact it’s quite nice. I told him that I do indeed sneeze all the time, and how Kelly Jackson (who sits near my office) shouts out “Bless you” whenever I do it. I then shout out “Thank you”. We do this about ten times a day. He didn’t seem that bothered with this great story. Instead he told me that I was allergic to LA! Apparently by body hasn’t yet got used to the air and my nose and sinuses have been constantly inflamed for a while. I’m sure London is worse pollution wise, but he gave me a prescription for it anyway. I hope my sneezes don’t stop totally.

That is the problem with going to the doctors. You walk in with a bad ear, and come out with an allergy and potential diabetes!

Anyway he eventually checked my ears after looking at the rest of my body (and making more money for himself by arranging blood tests). It turned out that my ear didn’t have too much wax after all! Instead I had an ear infection and a cold in the ear. And not only that he told me that the cold would soon spread. And it ruddy well has and I feel rubbish. Typical! And it’s just before I break up for Christmas too.

I hope you have enjoyed hearing about my first ever trip to a Doctor’s in LA. It’s this kind of thing that makes this blog so special!

Marc x

The Emsters Cultural Review Of The Year

2008-12-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

Marc asked me to compile my review of the year and I must admit that I found it really difficult. Mostly because I found it impossible to recall what I had actually done, listened to, read and seen this year. It’s a very tricky task. Also a fair bit of it does probably resemble Marc’s list seeing as we tend to spend a large proportion of our time together, doing the same things, so I apologise if you find it at all dull and repetitive.

Albums of the Year

1. Take That – The Circus
2. Britney Spears – Circus (admittedly I’ve not got this yet however I’ve heard lots of tracks already).
3. Girls Aloud – Out of Control
4. Flight of the Conchords - Flight of the Conchords
5. The Indelicates – American Demo
6. Keane – Perfect Symmetry (again don’t actually have this yet but saw them perform most of the tracks live at a recent gig so I feel I can include it here. In fact I am hoping that it’s currently sitting under our Christmas tree waiting to be opened on Christmas Day. )
7. Snow Patrol - A Hundred Million Suns
8. Glen Campbell – Meet Glen Campbell
9. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
10. Conor Oberst – Conor Oberst

Song of the Year
Spiralling by Keane. Great 80’s pop revival. I love it.

Man of the Year
Rob Brydon. For no particular reason other than I think he’s brill and he’s doing a comedy tour next year.

Gigs of the Year

1. Keane at the Roxy
2. Russell Brand at the Roxy
3. Spice Girls at the O2
4. Conor Oberst at the Henry Fonda Theatre
5. Carter USM at both Birmingham and Brixton academies.

Podcasts of the Year

Before moving to LA I must admit to not really listening to podcasts all that much. However Marc thought I’d enjoy them so began putting them on during our many road trips and I must confess to becoming an avid follower of a select few. I know some of these below are not ‘true’ podcasts but I’m going to include them as I download them from the itunes and they are stored on my ipod under podcasts. To me that means they count here.

1. Collins and Herrin
2. Radio 4 News Quiz
3. Radio 4 Now Show – Although I can’t stand Mitch Benns stupid songs at the beginning of the show.

TV Shows of the Year

I love tele so couldn’t keep it to just 10 so upped this one to a top 20.
1. Gavin and Stacey
2. Strictly Come Dancing
3. Holby Cities
4. CSI: New York
5. Doctor Who
6. 8 Out of 10 Cats
7. Would I Lie To You?
8. X Factor
9. Torchwood
10. Without a Trace
11. Brothers and Sisters
12. Desperate Housewives
13. Private Practice
14. Grey’s Anatomy
15. The Office (American one)
16. CSI: Miami
17. CSI
18. The Bachelorette (despite strongly disagreeing with her final choice – although her rejected man is back in ‘The Bachelor’ in January so he will now get to choose a nicer lady than her in the end anyway)
19. Sarah Jane Adventures
20. Harry Hill’s TV Burp

Films of the Year

1. Sex and the City (clichéd but true)
2. Mamma Mia
3. The Other Boleyn Girl
4. Tropic Thunder
5. Iron Man
6. The Incredible Hulk
7. Stepbrothers
8. What happens in Vegas
9. Juno
10. Definitely, Maybe

Books of the Year

1. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruin Zafon
2. Looking Good Dead – Peter James
3. No Time For Goodbye – Linwood Barclay
4. The Traveller – John Twelve Hawks
5. Black Swan Green – David Mitchell
6. My Favourite Wife – Tony Parsons (Not sure whether I loved or hated this book)
7. Deadline – Simon Kernick
8. Want to Play? – PJ Tracy
9. We Need to Talk About Kevin – Lionel Shriver (I’m halfway through this book and so far its put me off ever having children. It is very good though and so I thought I could include despite having not finished it yet).
10. Jodi Piccoult – I read a good few books a year by this lady and enjoy them very much at the time. However they have all merged in to one in my head now so I can’t distinguish between any of them. I wanted to include her here nonetheless.

Hero of the Year
ichat – for allowing me to see and speak to my family from LA.

Event of the Year
1. On a personal note, my first wedding anniversary was pretty darn special.
2. And on a more global note, Obama getting elected as President of the US of A.

Most Missed
Home. Despite loving Santa Monica, England will always be home.

My Top Choices Of The Year

2008-12-12T12:24:00.000-08:00

Every year Team Jim Bob (Jim Bob, Mr Spoons and I) post our 'cultural review' on http://www.jim-bob.co.uk/. It's a list that I enjoy making every year. To see the choices of all three of us go to the aforementioned link. But for those of you who are my fans alone (and who don't care about Jim Bob or Mr Spoons) here is what I posted (with some revisions actually).

Before you read on it's worth noting how far down my list 'Strictly Come Dancing ' has moved. The BBC powers that be have seriously damaged this show for me. It's obvious that John Sargeant was made to leave. The BBC didn't want to risk a 'Pop Idol' where everyone voted for that fat woman for a laugh (and then never bought any of her records once the show was finished).

Regardless of whether you watch for the dancing, or whether you watch for the whole spectacle this annoyed me. It's easy to manipulate a viewer (all reality shows do this to some extent) but the minute you become that obvious doing it then you are in trouble. It's subsequent ratings dive is no surprise. I didn't want Sargeant to win - but I wanted him to go out fairly. And last weeks daft decision to put all three semi-finalists through (meaning we have the same show two weeks on a trot) is just silly. I worked out weeks ago that a tie could create that scenario. How the 'boffins' at the Beeb failed to see this coming is beyond me.

In future I shall stick to Doctor Who, as I really shouldn't get that wound up about a show about dancing. I only really watch for Brucie (who I love), Dave Arch and his Orchestra and to see what the ladies are going to be wearing.

Anyway I digress. Here is what I enjoyed this year.

Albums Of The Year (This was the best year for albums in the past 20 years)
1. Indelicates - American Demo
2. Conor Oberst - Conor Oberst
3. Neil Diamond - Home Before Dark
4. Scarlett Johansson - Anywhere I Lay My Head
5. Keane - Perfect Symmetry
6. British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music?
7. TV On The Radio - Dear Science
8. The Killers - Day & Age
9. Flight Of The Conchords - Flight Of The Conchords
10. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
11. MGMT - MGMT
12. Chris T-T - Capital
13. The Sparks - Exotic Creatures Of The Deep
14. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
15. Glen Campbell – Meet Glen Campbell
16. Nick Cave - Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
17. The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age Of understatement
18. The Ting Tings - We Started Nothing
19. Laura Marling - Alas I Can Not Swim
20. Girls Aloud - Out Of Control

Song Of The Year
The Killers - Human (The best pop song written in the last 10 years)

Man Of The Year
Russell Brand (for the picture of Stalin placed cheekily behind him when announcing his resignation)

Radio Shows Of The Year
1. Jonathon Ross - Radio 2
2. Russell Brand - Radio 2
3. The News Quiz - Radio 4
4. The Now Show - Radio 4
5. Steve Lamacq - 6 Music

Gigs Of The Year
1. Carter USM - Birmingham Academy
2. Keane @ LA Roxy
3. Nick Cave @ Hollywood Bowl
4. Conor Oberst @ Henry Fonda Theatre
5. Russell Brand @ LA Roxy
6. British Sea Power @ Shepherds Bush Empire
7. Carter USM - Brixton Academy
8. Indelicates/SMASH/Abdou - Cambridge Portland Arms
9. Sultans Of Ping - Mean Fiddler
10. Jim Bob - Portsmouth The Cellars

Podcasts Of The Year (can't be a cut down radio show)
1. Collins and Herrin
2. The Online Gooner
3. Doctor Who Podshock
4. Stephen Fry Podgrams
5. Adam and Joe

TV Shows Of The Year (The best year for TV ever I reckon)
1. Doctor Who/Sarah Jane/Torchwood
2. Gavin and Stacey
3. Lost
4. Peep Show
5. The Apprentice
6. Harry Hill's TV Burp
7. Dragon's Den
8. Ramsey's US Kitchen Nightmares
9. Curb Your Enthusiasm
10. The Office (American Version)
11. Would I Lie To You
12. Survivors
13. The Wire
14. Without A Trace
15. 8 Out Of 10 Cats
16. Tonight With Jonathan Ross
17. Solitary 2.0
18. Strictly Come Dancing
19. The IT Crowd
20. The X-Factor

Films Of The Year
1. Juno
2. Tropic Thunder
3. Iron Man
4. Son Of Rambow
5. Superbad
6. Zac and Miri Make A Porno
7. The Visitor
8. No Country For Old Men
9. The Other Boleyn Girl
10. The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger wasn't that great though!)
11. Atonement
12. Indiania Jones and The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
13. Stepbrothers
14. Hancock
15. Definitely, Maybe
16. The Incredible Hulk
17. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
18. Cloverfield
19. Sommers Town
20. Ghost Town

Books Of The Year (What I read, not when it came out)
1. A Writers Tale - Russell T. Davies
2. Motel Life - Willy Vaughan
3. Submarine - Joe Dunthorne
4. Making History - Stephen Fry
5. Meetings With Morrissey - Len Brown
6. Bowie In Berlin - Thomas Jerome Seabrook
7. Gotcha! The Story Of The Sun - Chris Horrie
8. Microserfs - Douglas Coupland
9. Timoleon Vieta Come Home - Dan Rhodes
10. Bright Lights, Big City - Jay McInnery

Hero Of The Year
Fox Soccer Channel (for giving me Prem action while in the US)

Event Of The Year
1. Carter at Birmingham Academy
2. Barrack Obama winning that election thingy

Most Missed
1. David Bowie - again. Please come out of retirement.
2. I missed Sarah Palin in December for comedy value.
3. London (until I actually went back there and faced delayed trains and rain, then couldn't wait to leave again).

Stay Another Day

2008-12-10T16:53:00.001-08:00

One of the best things about life in LA is how many people have come to visit us. Emma and I had around a hundred people come to our wedding and it is bonkers to think that out of all of those, twenty or so have been to visit us in LA. For all you non maths fans that’s a fifth of our wedding attendance that have flown out.

So in a nutshell who has been to visit thus far? Here is the roll of honor for your perusal and delight:

April: Vicki and Gary. They are special in that not only were they our first visitors, but they were our only guests to stay in the corporate apartment we were in for the first two months. This had a lot more room than our current place, and had a pool and hot tub. We did, though, make them sleep on the blow up bed in the living room due to there being more room (whereas couples now get to sleep in our bed). So perhaps they missed out after all? Many of our initial explorations of LA were undertaken with them. And many of the activities we did during their stay would be passed on to all our future visitors.

Emma and I were very sad when Vicki and Gary left and we got homesick for the first time while over here. When visitors leave is the only time when I miss home actually. That feeling normally goes after a nice dinner and some good TV.

April/May: Mr and Mrs Furness. Their stay (which Em and I loved) included one of the best weekends I have ever had which was my first trip to Disneyland. Once you have been to Disney then the magic lives with you forever! We did lots of ace things and had a great couple of weeks. It was better for Emma though as she got to sightsee with them during the day while I was at ruddy work.

May: Jim, Jakki and Holly. The Morrison family were the first visitors to our Santa Monica Shed. Again it was an adventure packed trip, including going to Universal Studios and doing a tour of Hollywood in a bus. I love going on a tour me… It did rain though during the first couple of days of their stay. This wasn’t in the plan and we spent their first afternoon in our ‘shed’ playing Scrabble and watching films. I don’t think this was the LA they had pictured. Luckily the weather got better for them as the week went on.

June: Jeremy. This visit not only included going to the WWE wrestling but also the famous ‘Robbie Williams Incident’ at the Russell Brand gig took place. For new readers I would advise looking at the June archives! That blog entry made this site famous, and to be frank it hasn’t reached the same heights since.

July: Les, Richie and Damo. Abdou (Les’ band) were playing some West Coast gigs and the band stayed with us for a couple of nights (apart from Jonny and Alison who were in a nearby hotel). Damo (the drummer) is our only visitor not to be at our wedding fact fans. It’s not that we don’t like him, we just didn’t really know him (that is my story, which I am sticking too). While Richie wasn’t technically a wedding guest he would have been had I not booked his band to play! He was thus there at the wedding and he even let me sing a song or two.

August: Toby and Kirsty. My fave memory is Toby and I watching a West Ham game at seven in the morning while Emma was trying to sleep on the living room floor (on the blow up bed). Toby had to stifle his joy as West Ham got a win for once. Kirsty had sensibly stayed in bed! We then watched Arsenal beat Newcastle before having a day of culture at the Getty Centre and then Griffith Observatory. By this stage Emma was an old hand at being a tour guide and as such her Getty Centre presentation even had me enthralled (so great were her facts and knowledge). I think Tobes was one of our most enthusiastic visitors and I love that in a guest.

September: Felicity, Mr and Mrs Furness. We had our first repeat visitors with the in-laws not being able to get enough of my company (it has nothing to do with Emma obviously), but this time the youngest Furness sister, Felicity, was also in tow. Once again ace times were had, including a top weekend in San Francisco. And this was also when I discovered my love for body boarding during a day out at the beach.

October: Mr and Mrs Spoons. This was another fantastic week which included a trip to LA Galaxy and a visit to Ramsey’s restaurant (that still has me salivating). We also had a great night in with a Chinese and the X-Factor one night. We also made their hotel bar our own. I miss the Double Tree bar a lot these days. I couldn’t go back though as Mr and Mrs Spoons wouldn’t be there, and it wouldn’t be the same.

November: James and Sarah. These were the first guests I introduced to any of my work friends. We went out for a meal on the Saturday night with Charissa and her husband Steve. Luckily Sarah compensated for James and his northern ways.

We also had a great night in with a Thai and watching ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ (are you noticing a theme?). We had done cultural stuff and a guided tour during the day though so this was allowed. This was before John Sergeant was pushed out, and before the show became a farce. I hope that smug Tom Chambers doesn’t win. But then I can’t stand dull Rachel Stevens or Lisa ‘Can’t Shut Up’ Snowdon. I don’t care who wins this year (which is sad) as I dislike them all.

November/December: Laura and Robbie. We had a great week with these two cats. Out of all our guests they liked shopping the most, so we did a lot of that with them. Robbie liked Urban Outfitters as much as me. The day after thanksgiving was called ‘Black Friday’ and it is the biggest sale day of the year. I bought lots, but once again not as much as the Robster. He even went to the sale at Urban Outfitters which started at 7am in the morning. That was too hardcore for me, but I was impressed that Robbie made the effort.

We tried new restaurants with them, as well as our old favorites, and we also had a Thanksgiving dinner! We went to ‘The Penthouse’ for this, which is very swish. We had cocktails, then a real American Thanksgiving meal. It was ruddy pricey – but worth it. Apart from the yams, which were pretty disgusting.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that it was my first thanksgiving. The Americans go as mental for Thanksgiving as they do for Christmas. The only difference is that you don’t get any presents. You still have lots to eat and drink though, as well as getting some time off work. And then a month later you have Christmas. I think we should do a similar thing back in Blighty. I am glad we had Laura and Robbie with us for it though, so us four citizens of the UK (Robbie is from Northern Ireland which is counted as the United Kingdom fact fans) could enjoy it together.

One night we went back to Laura and Robbie’s hotel and we spent the evening sitting in their hot tub (while relaxing with a drink or two). This was very nice indeed as I love a hot tub. After a while it got too hot for the ladies but Robbie and I were hardcore so we stayed in it. We got talking to this college student from Texas (who was ok, but a bit of a fool) and his girlfriend (who was from Beverly Hills). I think she liked Robbie and his Irish lilt (as she kept looking at his swimming trunk area), but the chap from Texas was oblivious as he carried on with his dull stories.

On their last night we went for a meal in a new trendy place that has opened up on Abbot Kinney Boulevard (where all the cool kids hang out in Venice). I forget the name of the restaurant but it was very nice. We then went to the bar ‘The Other Room’ and Robbie and I had some weird beers. We wanted to stay to have some more but the ladies were tired and wanted to leave at around 11pm. Robbie and I had to follow suit though we would have been more rock n’ roll if we were allowed.

I felt a little sad when we dropped our visitors off. Out of all our guests they’d probably seen the most celebs during their trip. The saw Pink on Santa Monica Pier on their last day. They had also seen Christopher Eccles Cakes In ‘Urban Outfitters’ (how jealous was I) as well as Oasis and Tim Burgess from The Charlatans (though to be honest the last one isn’t that good as I ran into him back home at my gym in Shepherds Bush!). On the way back Miquita Oliver from T4 was on their flight. I find that lady quite funny as it goes. (though she does miss Simon Amstell as a sparring partner. Steve Jones is a bit too good looking to be properly funny.)

And then Jeremy visits again today… and our last visitor in March will be little Jon Ollington. After that Em and I see will see more of the states before we have to return home. The current plan is to visit at least Chicago and New York.

At the moment we have January and February visitor free. If you do plan to visit us then this is your last chance (though it is winter now and the weather is a rather rubbish 24 degrees Celsius today!). After that we will sadly no longer be in these parts to take guests. It’s all going a bit too quickly. I can’t think like that though. I still have three months of work to go.

Cheerio for now.
Marc x

P.S. A Happy belated Birthday shout out to Rob Mellor, Emma’s cousin. Rob is an avid reader of this blog, and as such is rewarded with a ‘shout out’ (which don’t get awarded easily).

What I Did On My Holidays (Part Two)

2008-12-02T18:11:00.000-08:00

Tuesday 18th November

As I wouldn’t be in the UK for Christmas this year my mum decided to throw us an early Christmas Day. The plan was that we make it a real Christmas. The family would swap presents, have a proper festive Dinner then we would play games in the evening. Both my brother, sister and her boyfriend Neil took time off work to make this happen for Emma and me. We were very grateful and very excited.

We met little Jon Ollington at Fenchurch Street station (after being delayed on the first train we got. I really haven’t missed our public transport) and we boarded the train back to Leigh-On-Sea. Em and I were exhausted due to running to catch this train with a very heavy suitcase full of presents. I wish we had hired a car in retrospect!

Dad was waiting for us at the station and before we knew it we were back home. It really felt like Christmas as my mum had even put up decorations. It was ace to see my mum as well as Sarah and Neil all there waiting for us. As regular readers will know my sister has just got engaged so I was pleased to congratulate the happy couple.

I got some really ace presents and like Roy Wood I wished it could be Christmas every day. Our dinner was delicious and we had lots of arguments when playing DVD games of ‘Pub Quiz’, ‘Catchphrase’ and ‘Family Fortunes’. It was brill! In the evening we were joined by Auntie Angela and Uncle Colin, as well as friend of the family Roger. My Auntie was convinced ‘Catchphrase’ was called ‘Mr Pips’ and no telling her that the little computer person was in fact Mr Chips (and that wasn’t even the title anyway) sunk in.

It really was a lovely day, and Emma and I were quite touched with the effort everyone went too.

Wednesday 19th November

Emma and I slept for ten hours solid and woke up at 11am. We had been out and about so much since we got back it was good to be able to lie in. We had some tea and toast before saying goodbye. My Dad dropped us in Leigh where we were meeting our friends Mark and Becky for lunch. It was fantastic to see them and we had a nice pizza. I had a full fat coke too. I think you should always treat yourself on occasions such as this. They also had their lovely children in tow, Mollie and Thomas. We had only seen Thomas once before. He was now nine months old and cute as a button. It made Emma and I want children right away, until we realized not all of them are as well behaved as The Rice’s. Our lunch went far too quickly and before we knew it we were back on the train to London.

In the evening we went to our local pub with Sinead and Iain. Emma and I know Sinead from Nat Geo, and she lives near us in Anerley too. We are now all top mates and that kind of thing. Sinead’s man is called Iain. He is a top bloke who I have got to know over the last couple of years. We bonded over having the same racist driving instructor. Anyway, we had many drinks and great chats and before long it was closing time. It had been another smashing day. I was now enjoying being back at home.

Thursday 20th November

I had a lot of running around to do during the day for last minute Carter gig preparations. This meant that I couldn’t join the Furness family for lunch which was annoying. I had to make do with a sandwich from Tescos.

Mr. Spoons picked us up in the evening and soon him and I, along with the talent (Jim and Les) were heading up to Birmingham.

This year they had decided not to go in the tour bus with the crew (that would be leaving later) in order that they get a good nights sleep and that they were properly prepared. The crew themselves were also up and loading in the venue at 8am (so they would have us believe!) so we didn’t want to be disturbed.

Out hotel was very nice and the rooms had imacs in them, which also doubled up as TVs. I thought this was very cool. We all went out for a pizza before having a cheeky drink in the hotel bar. It was soon time for bed though, and once again I had lovely sleeps.

Friday 21st November

The day of reckoning was here. It was the first proper gig! We got to the venue at around mid-day as I had to sort out the merch, guestlists etc. Our Tour Manager Sam had everything in hand and I was able to relax a bit. It was still very manic before doors though, and we were soundchecking right up to the wire. In fact, the first band on ‘Vile Evils’ carried on even though doors had opened. There is nothing more I hate than late opening doors (we had a curfew of 10:30 tonight so the pressure was on to be spot on) but we just about made it. I reckon I lost a good few years in worry though.

I soon saw Emma, who had traveled up with Mrs Spoons, Mrs Jim Bob and Mrs Fruitbat. Emma had been to Selfridges and a German Christmas market with Mrs Spoons during the day and had spent ten billion pounds in the process. The credit crunch doesn’t exist in the Ollington household. Em did buy me some marzipan (which I adore though) so I didn’t mind really.

The gig itself was truly fantastic. I never thought it possible but Carter were better than last year. All the hard work had paid off. The lights were amazing, the sound was great and the atmosphere was superb. Vile Evils and EMF were both fantastic too and really made Carter raise their game. And they did that with a superb set that lasted just over two hours. I was running around like a maniac at the end getting a curfew extension as the boys seemed like they were never going to stop playing.

We found out later that not only did Carter break the bar record, but it was also the best attended gig ever at the venue. Even though a lot of shows sell out you normally get a 10% drop off. Well, we sold 3000 tickets, and 2984 went through the door. How great is that?

I was able to watch a lot of the set, and I really took it in, it was the only time during the day my mind wasn’t racing with a barrage of things. After the gig I got the regular hassle and abuse from people who weren’t on the aftershow list and who thought they should be (even though Jim and Les themselves didn’t attend the aftershow, and it was more fun in the main venue, as people were allowed to stay for the club night). And I then had to go and sort out the merchandise money and do a stock take. I finished just past midnight. By this time everyone was as drunk as lords. We got back to the hotel at around 2am (I think!), I had an orange juice (there wasn’t any point in drinking with such a big day tomorrow) and Emma and I went to bed leaving the rest in the hotel bar.

Saturday 22nd November

We got up early doors and were traveling to Brixton by 9:30am. It was also Jim’s birthday today so I did my best to be extra nice to him. Once again we arrived at the venue just past mid-day and I got down to work. The setting up of things went a lot more smoothly today and Carter even sound checked early. We were ready with half an hour to go.

I was really pleased about this and I was ready for a great night. My mood was soon bought down by someone I know pretty well abusing me because they weren’t on the aftershow party guestlist! I could have left them off by mistake (or it could have been the person who was meant to put them on), but even so I sorted it out for them quite happily. I didn’t need the abuse and was a bit annoyed by it. I then got a call saying Tim Connery (top scriptwriter and chum) was also not on the guestlist (which was my fault!). Luckily Tim was a lot more understanding than the other nameless person and it was lovely to see him, once I had got him in from the cold. I only saw Mr. Connery briefly but it reminded me how much I missed Monday Club (our regular drinks in the Palace, with the hardcore members being Me, Neil, Les, Jim and Tim)

Once again the gig was amazing and Carter played a storming 2hr plus set again. The atmosphere in the Academy was fantastic and everyone from the staff, to the promoters said how different it was to a ‘normal’ gig. These shows were real celebrations, and I felt proud to be part of them. Over six months worth of work went into this, but it was ruddy worth it!

After the show I was able to say a few quick hellos (including my Mum and Dad who had come along after loving it last year) but while the aftershow was in full force I had to do the merch stocktake and count. This takes at least an hour but luckily little Jon Ollington was there to help me. We then spent ages taking the leftover merch to the stage doors. Just when we thought our work was done we realized that the van had left without the merchandise. Everyone else was too tiddly to deal with it. Luckily Mr. Spoons was still sober and we were able to load up all the merch in his car (after I was roped in to help load up the PA!) and drive it round to Les’ who lived nearby in Brixton. What would we do without Mr. Spoons is a question I often ask myself.

Emma didn’t want to come to the next Aftershow party at the venue Jamm (I know – another aftershow) but I fancied a drink or two (I can’t drink at the gigs, not when I know I’m dealing with lots of cash later) and finally at 2am my work was done. I got to Jamm and while I was happy to see people there I didn’t really get into it. It was great to see so many people I know, and to see my mate Jez DJ but after a beer or two it was time for me to leave.

I got a cab back with my mate James who lives dead near me. I got to bed at 4am and just fell straight to sleep. The gigs couldn’t have gone better. But I must admit to being relieved they were all over.

Sunday 23rd November

We said goodbye to Felicity Furness and we got into our cab for Heathrow. We had the loveliest cab driver in the world. He told us lots of great stories of his life and it cheered Emma up (as she was sad to be leaving her family and friends again).

I treated the Emster to Guitar Hero for her Nintendo DS lite to cheer her up further. This did the trick. I got a Smiths CD! Our flight was bang on time and the journey back was pure eleven hours of bliss. The flight was half full so we could stretch out and relax. I read my Morrissey book and watched some films. Time went so quick. Before I knew it we had landed and we were back in our Santa Monica bungalow. Had it all been a dream?

Em and I went to bed and I had the best nights sleep ever, just in time for work the next day.

Coming Next: Thanksgiving in LA

What I Did On My Holidays (Part One)

2008-11-25T15:49:00.000-08:00

The Emster and I went to England for a 9 day 'holiday' last week. I was mainly back for some Carter gigs I had been working on for months. How did the gigs go? What else did I get up to? What was the Emster doing? All the answers are here... Stay tuned for part two later on in the week.

Friday November 14

The Emster and I went to the gym in the morning (we are still into the fitness). We then pottered around the house before driving to the airport for our flight home. Upon check-in we found out they had changed our plane to an older model and we were now sitting in a row of four. We always book a row of two so I was most disgruntled with this! I hate sitting next to strangers so I asked for two seats together as I had originally picked on the online check in. There weren’t any left though. I got cross and told them that they were rude to just change our seats without telling us. I decided to pay $110 for the extra legroom seats after much debate with the staff. It was worth every penny and it meant you don’t have to deal with those people that love to put their seat back as soon as you are up in the air. I watched ‘Step Brothers’ which was ace. I think I got a good solid five hours sleep too which was nice.

Also on our flight were Crystal Palace chairman and his actor friend/slave Nick Moran.

Saturday November 15

Even though our flight left on time we spent hours circling at Heathrow due to ‘air congestion’. This makes my ears pop and I don’t like it. When we eventually landed it was nearly one in the afternoon. I had to be in North London for 3pm so I could see my first Arsenal game in ages. I left Emma with the bags (luckily Mr. Furness was picking her up) and I bolted it to the Heathrow Express. It was 2pm and I could still make it on time. London hasn’t changed though and the Circle Line wasn’t running due to engineering works. I had to get on another line and run as fast as my legs would carry me. I eventually got to the ground in the nick of time and met up with George who had my ticket.

Typically it was the worst game I have seen in fifteen years (seriously). We lost 2-0! Even when we lose we normally have more chances than the other team, and we play some decent stuff. Today we were moribund though. Oh well, it was good to be back and watching the Arse. At half time I popped down to see the people who I used to sit with. It was nice to see them but as mentioned before they were more than happy to have my brother Jon there instead.

After the match Jon and I went out on the beers both in Arsenal and Balham. I must have had about ten pints overall. I don’t really drink a lot these days but I was on fine form and it was great to see Jon. We were joined later on by my mate Jez (who owns a flat with Jon) and the night carried on. I treated myself to chips in a pitta bread on the way home. I got back past midnight as Emma and her sister Felicity were returning from their nights out too. I passed out on the sofa watching X-Factor with them. I had been up for 24 hours or something so this was allowed.

Sunday November 16

I had a good eight hours sleep and I had no hangover. Or indeed jet lag. What a Ronnie Result! As mentioned before I have never got this jetlag thing. I have felt a bit tired before but that is it. The trick is that whatever time you land, and how ever much sleep you have had on the plane you must stay up until your bedtime and not fall asleep. If you do this you will get a good eight hours sleeps, and by the time you awake the next morning your body will be back to normal.

Today we were visiting the in-laws to celebrate Felicity Furness’ birthday. We hadn’t hired a car for this trip so we had to get the train to the village in Kent where Emma’s parents live. The journey should have taken forty five minutes or so. It of course didn’t as this is England we are talking about. Even though the train website thingy said otherwise there were engineering works galore which meant a barrage of replacement buses, misinformation from rail staff and lots of hanging around in the cold and rain. The last bus we were on took an hour to go about five miles.

Eventually we were saved by Mr. Furness who drove to get us from some random station, the name of which I forget. I have never seen Emma get so cross. She is now used to good LA service. And the thing about LA is that even though the public transport is minimal what they do have works very well (not that I have ever used it, but that’s what people tell me). Emma ended up shouting at a ticket seller when we realized we would have to get about six trains and ten buses. This is very unlike the Emster but all she wanted to do was see her family. Luckily we still had a very nice afternoon once we finally arrived.

We were also joined by Grandma Furness, as well as Vicki & award winning photographer Gary. Gary is getting a little too big for his boots now he is famous though. He not only had two main courses but I am sure he had the biggest bit of dessert. That it was what fame does to you. It will be heroin and three bottles of brandy a day next.

Before we knew it the afternoon had passed too quickly and it was time to go home. The journey back was a lot better as we went a different route. We spent the evening watching Strictly Come Dancing, I’m a Celebrity and Britannia High. I had beans on toast for tea. I miss baked beans, they don’t have them here in America Land. Emma and I started to watch ‘Fight Club’ after Felicity went to bed but by midnight we were tired and needed sleeps.

Monday November 17

I woke up at 9am and had some toast for breakfast. Mr. Spoons was picking me up at around 11am as Carter were playing a secret warm up gig in Southampton today to only 150 people. It was also a tribute to a promoter they knew called Mint who sadly died recently. He was one of the only nice guys in the industry and he put on Carter early on in their career. It was lovely to see Neil when he picked me up, we then got Mr. Bob from his house before going to Brixton to get Les. Due to a late t-shirt delivery we had to wait a while around Les’ but we still made good time down to Southampton. We arrived just after 3pm, and the boys soundchecked and all that gubbins.

It was good to meet our new lighting man Nic, and Helen who was doing the sound (as she did back in Carter’s day). Both of these crazy cats were doing the big shows later in the week so this was all a really good run through for the main events. It was also lovely to catch up with all those people I hadn’t seen for ages (Richy, Sam, Ben and the great Chris T-T of course).

Sadly I didn’t get to see any of the gig! I may have help arranged and sort out these gigs, but this often means you don’t actually get to watch them. I had arranged well in advance to do the merch with Mr. Spoons, I pictured us doing some sort of t-shirt selling tag team. Neither of the Carter lads told me though that they wanted him for security instead. This meant I was left to do it by myself as it was too late to get someone else to help me. And unfortunately the merch stand was in a totally different room to the gig so all I heard was a muffled noise.

I wondered to myself if other great music managers like that Brian Epstein missed the Beatles at Shea Stadium as he was on the t-shirt stall too. What made it all worse was that even though I wasn’t drinking alcohol I still really needed a wee during the gig. I couldn’t leave the stall though because there were some people milling around, and I’ve learnt not to trust anyone. Eventually a member of bar staff helped me out (by manning the stall) before I had an accident.

It was great to see my ace friends Pat and Pippa (who I have missed a lot in the states) as well as all the dudes off the Carter forum. They all seemed really excited about the gig, and I think they were chuffed to be at something so special.

After the gig Mr. Spoons then told me there had been new plans and I wasn’t traveling back with him. Perhaps I smelt that day? Instead I traveled back with Jakki (Jim’s missus) which was fine. At least I wasn’t walking back. I was happy to get home, even though it was now around 3am in the morning. The gig had gone well, and it had meant a lot to a lot of Mint’s friends. But for one reason and another I didn’t really enjoy the day as much as I thought I would. Oh well… it was Christmas the next day. Yes, that is right – Christmas.

In Part Two – An early Christmas, Pizza for lunch and more Carter.

Having the runs...

2008-11-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

As you all know I have been training dead hard for the LA marathon. It’s been going really well and it’s fair to say I have never had this level of physical fitness before. I am fitter than lots of fiddles. I went for a thirteen mile run along the beach the weekend before last and I found it jolly easy. I’m not showing off, well perhaps I am a little bit. I think I deserve to be a bit boastful though. I really have spent over half a year on working really hard. I have always loved running but I have never given it this dedication or effort. I have lost well over a stone in weight, I have cut down the alcohol I drink and I eat a lot better food. A few years ago running the Windsor Half Marathon was a real challenge. It was great to know that I could run the same distance as that on a training run now.

Yesterday I felt this was all for nothing. It wasn't a broken ankle or something, but a mere electronic message that caused this pain. An email popped into my inbox to tell me that the powers that be had decided to move the marathon date from early March to late May. My heart well and truly sank. I could have had a little cry (I didn’t though as I am a strong man). The point is though that I will be back in England by this date and I am going to miss it. Unless I pay a load to fly back there is no way little old me can run in the marathon.

I was a bit shocked and stunned and I wasn’t sure how to deal with this news. I handled it by doing the only thing I can do these days to relieve the stress – I went for a run! Oh, the irony. I was a bad boy though. I was down to do 8 miles on my training schedule but I only did 7. That will teach those bastards who run the LA marathon I thought to myself. I will also get my hundred dollars entry fee refunded which I may spend on sweets.

So what do I do now? I guess I’ll have to enter some marathon back home. Nothing will be as good as doing the LA one though. It would have finished my year here quite nicely. Oh well, it could be worse. I guess I could be a little Ethiopian child having to cope with both famine and a visit from Lenny Henry.

It was the election last week. Obama (and Bin Laden I think it is) got in and the whole world seemed quite pleased. I enjoyed watching the coverage and being part of things. I couldn’t vote of course but that didn’t really matter. I just put on my brilliant American accent and went around saying “Obama and Bin Laden has my vote”. I got some funny looks, I’m not sure why. Perhaps my accent wasn’t up to scratch?

The result was a bit spoilt here in LA though as in another vote the people of California decided to ban gay marriage. I actually felt very sorry for the gays and felt it was quite a regression of attitudes. The shouty people on the news that opposed it were going on about the great tradition and sanctity of marriage. Well if that’s the case put your money where your mouth is and ban divorce. If marriage is that precious and sacrosanct then treat it as such. That is what I say to them! I think it was 53% of people voted against gay marriage fact fans. It is bonkers to think that over half the people here don’t think a big section of society should have equal rights.

There has been lots of protests since this result was announced, and sadly here is where the gays have let themselves down. They decided to have a protest march last Wednesday late afternoon and evening. This created traffic chaos and a lot of people took ages to get home from work. Some jams didn't move for hours. I was luckily going the other way but I was still delayed a bit.

If you want the support and sympathy of people I would advise that creating traffic jams is not the right way to go about it. People are selfish by nature, and making them late for their tea is

bad news city. I am a fan of the gays (after all The Pet Shop Boys are my third favourite band/act of all time). The gays will test my patience though if they keep on blocking Santa Monica Boulevard. They should stick with weekend protests instead I reckon. It isn't great to be held up on a weekend either but it is the lesser of two evils. Their mantra should be “We are gay and proud but we should not make the heterosexual man late for his dinner.” If they stick to that they will be able to get married again in no time at all I reckon.

Emma and I go back to London on Friday for ten days. Carter USM are playing some gigs which I have helped organize. It will also be a great chance to catch up with family and friends. My mum is throwing an early Christmas Day and this year the Ollington’s will celebrate Christmas on 18th November. Don’t expect a blog entry next week therefore. I’ll be too busy not only gigging it but remembering the birth of the little baby Jesus. I can not wait for my early Christmas dinner. I am so excited I did a little dance to myself there. You wouldn’t have seen it but it was a kind of robotic move that would have gone done well in the eighties.

I am also going to see Arsenal too. I have been away from The Arsenal for too long. In my years absence my brother, little Jon Ollington, has loaned my season ticket. From reports I have got all the people I sit with have grown to like Jon a lot, and they now prefer him to me. It’s ruddy typical isn’t it? People always prefer the younger and prettier model. I bet the ipod is dead jealous of the iphone for example. People now want to listen to mp3s, do an email and make a call all at the same time. How quickly you fall out of favour for the new version…

My only problem with iphones is that the internet on them seems to be dead slow. There is nothing worse than being out and about and some dude will say “look at this great clip from youtube, it’s a cat walking on two legs while blowing fire from his bottom”. You then pretend to be interested in seeing this clip (manners cost nothing) until you realize it takes seven hours for the clip to buffer. You then sit there craning your neck for ages waiting to see this ‘hilarious’ clip on a screen the size of a credit card.

I digress, It’s bonkers to think that when we get back to LA after our home visit I will only have just over three months of work left before we leave for good. We won’t be back in London Town until April though as the plan is to tour some more of the states after we have finished here. I wonder if our flat will be worth more than ten pounds by then?

Before I go I would like to do some of those congratulation type things. My sister got engaged to her boyfriend Neil the other week. They are having a winter wedding next year which will be something to look forward too. I have told her to make sure that whatever building they get married in is warm though. I am not used to British weather anymore so a wedding in December will be a shock to the system. Anyways, regardless of potential venues and their heating concerns a big congrats to the both of them.

And lastly my brother-in-law Gary has just won The Sunday Times Landscape Photographer of the Year. How cool is that? Not only is it a dead prestigious prize but he has won lots of money too. I have a feeling he will treat me to something nice as I have always supported him over the years. You can see the photo here: http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/visual_arts/article1489138.ece
You will note that in the award winning photo is a dog. What makes this even better is that I actually not only know Gary but I know the dog too. He is called Barney and we have hung out on quite a few occasions. He has even stayed over at Emma and I’s London pad. On one occasion it was such a crazy night that Barney did a piddle on our floor. He was a lot younger then though and not used to the crazy rock n’ roll type vibe that we have in London Town. I am delighted for both Gary, and Barney.

I reckon that is it for today. I’ll tell you all about the fun and adventures we had with our latest visitors soon. It’s a non stop social merry-go-round for Emma and I, and sometimes we are too dizzy to step off.

Marc x

Emma, Sue and Neil & Marc Too.

2008-11-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

I think I’m starting to take over Marc’s mantle as writer for the Ollington Oracle. He claims he is working too hard to write the blog at the moment! I can’t believe it’s already November and almost Christmas time. I can’t wait for Christmas. In fact this year I can’t wait for Thanksgiving, Christmas and even New Year’s Eve for once! Marc and I are heading to Vegas to see in 2009, it’s going to be brilliant.

Anyways enough of wishing time away, I thought I should fill you in on Mr. & Mrs. Spoons LA trip. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Spoons is in fact Neil Witherow, and Mrs. Spoons is his wife Sue. Neil has worn (and indeed wears) many hats in life, not only was he Crystal Palace’s official mascot (where he had to dress up as an eagle!) but he is known to many fans as Jim Bob’s right hand man. On tours he does everything from driving, to tuning guitars, to doing the lights and being the security! The list goes on! All Marc does on tour is eat crisps and drink full fat coke. Neil also designs websites, has edited a top football fanzine, does database management and best of all he is also a top wedding DJ.

Sue is also a lady of many talents. She has the best mortgage brokers business in town. In fact Marc and I, and many of our friends, have all relied on her to sort out our mortgages and to handle all the insurance malarkey that it entails. She is a demon at the mortgages and got us the best deal around. You tell Mrs. Spoons you want a mortgage and the next thing you know you have your own home. She is the best. I think I’ve bigged them up enough so on to their trip. We were extremely excited about them coming out to visit. The excitement reached ‘fever pitch’ when collecting them at the airport we bumped in to Nick Hornby and Matt Lucas as Neil and Sue had been hobnobbing with them on their flight. Their trip was off to a flying start! (How many puns can Emma get in? – Marc)

As we had such a jam packed week I thought I’d give you my top ten highlights of their trip (in no particular order).

1. Doubletree Bar - Neil and Sue were staying in a hotel just down the road from our place. This was to become our home from home as every night we ended up at the Doubletree Hotel bar enjoying a nightcap. It would normally be just us in there. The bartender would pretend not to mind us rolling in every night just as it was closing, thereby forcing her to keep it open and stay later. We weren’t happy one night mind to get back and discover a whole host of people in there, in our favourite seats. Luckily these new found patrons didn’t last long and it was back to us being the sole occupants of the Doubletree Jazz Lounge. Come to think of it though, I never saw one bit of Jazz in there.

2. Presents – Now obviously we’re not just bigging up their trip as they bought us presents but they did come supplied with some ace stuff. Lots of lovely English chocolate bars. I hate American chocolate and have discovered that this is because it’s made with sour milk, not proper milk like back home. Hence why it tastes horrible. Sue came supplied with lots of magazines for me and they had kindly got Marc the new Russell T Davies book. This was met with near on hysteria from Marc. Neil told him he wasn’t allowed to start reading it until after they’d left as otherwise he wouldn’t be able to put it down and we’d not see Marc for the rest of the week. Marc managed to restrain from reading it for all of 2 hours. I had to force it out of his hands most nights in order for him to go to sleep. He’d already finished it before they left.

3. Neil’s beach cruiser experience – We decided to hire bikes one day and cycle up the coast to a restaurant on the edge of Malibu for lunch. Neil decided to hire a proper beach cruiser (the ones where you cycle backwards to brake). It looked the bomb and all seemed good as we set off. The bike path along the beach is pretty much flat all the way, bar a couple of tiny minor inclines. It was here that Neil discovered an issue with his bike. Any sort of uphill motion would for some reason make the brakes come on and bring Neil to a complete standstill. Neil therefore had to take any hills extremely slowly whilst we all waited patiently for him, trying not to laugh too much.

4. Lunch with George Clooney – Well sort of. This took place at the aforementioned restaurant in Malibu. We were relaxing with cocktails when Sue overheard a nearby table saying George Clooney was here. Obviously we acted cool and unbothered and tried to nonchalantly gaze around the restaurant to spot him. Unfortunately we couldn’t see him anywhere so after a delicious meal we decided to head back. Typically as we were hopping on to our bikes we heard them call out “George, your table is now ready”. So close, but yet so far….

5. The Number plate game – Neil always seems to have some sort of number plate game for whatever country he is in. It was therefore no surprise to learn he had a US version. For this game you had to see a number plate from every state. A very hard feat to accomplish I tell you. Somehow I got completely hooked on this game and started avidly looking at every number plate. During our bike ride, we spotted a plate that Neil didn’t have but we couldn’t be sure as the car sped off. Due to Neil’s bike not being the fastest of machines he uttered the cry of “Em – follow that car!” so off I sped after it on my bike. I have never cycled so fast in my life. I felt like James Bond. But a girl version and on a bike, not in a super douper Aston Martin. After several minutes I started to gain on him (as he began to slow down to be honest, not due to my speed) he then did a U turn and went straight back past me and parked up. I needn’t have bothered! But it was a State we didn’t have so it was high fives all round. Neil didn’t manage to see all 50 states during his stay, so has passed on the list to me to see if I can get the remaining few. I’ve only found one since he left – I think I need to up my game.

6. Cocktails at the Penthouse – There’s a lovely bar opened up in Santa Monica called the Penthouse which resides at the top (as you probably guessed) of a very plush hotel, overlooking the Santa Monica and Malibu coastline. It’s a lovely place to have a few cocktails, take in the sunset and people watch. It’s also where you find a lot of the stereotypical LA people i.e. Plastic Fantastic. We estimated that at least 50% of the people in there had had some work done, and while in the restrooms you would hear ladies discussing their ‘friends’ bodged facelifts. Brilliant.

7. LA Galaxy game sans Beckham – Anyone who knows the Witherows will know they like a bit of football, so Marc had sorted us out tickets to see LA Galaxy. It was going to be an interesting game as Beckham wasn’t playing, and Donovan wouldn’t be playing for much of the game due to International call ups so we were keen to see how the team coped without their Chief. They didn’t disappoint. It was an exciting game, made even more so with copious amounts of beer throughout the game, free hot dogs, free footballs and the final contestants for the Miss LA Galaxy title vying for our votes. That last one was obviously more interesting for the boys than Sue and I.

8. Converting Neil in to an X Factor Fan – Marc and I have to confess that we do still watch X Factor even though we’re over here. We can’t help it. We love it. Sue is also a fan. So after getting back from the LA Galaxy game we decided to head back to our place and order a takeaway and watch the latest X Factor installment. Neil ‘claimed’ he hated the show but was happy for us to watch it as Marc had given him Doctor Who books to read instead. For someone who disliked the show he seemed to enjoy commenting on the performances as much as the rest of us and I have a feeling that Doctor Who book was a front. I think his favourite act was Daniel. We all know the truth Neil, stand up and be proud of your love for the X Factor!

9. Dinner at Gordon Ramsey’s new LA restaurant – Neil and Sue very kindly took us out to Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant “The London” on their last night. We couldn’t wait to go and it was definitely the highlight of the week for me. It’s part of this swanky hotel over in West Hollywood and had received rave reviews since it opened. Well some reviews had complained the portion sizes were too small, but this is Americans who are used to an average portion being able to serve a family of 5 for a week we’re talking about. Sue just emailed me to tell me it’s just received a Michelin star. Well deserved I say. The setting was gorgeous; with views out over Hollywood and a few Hollywood actors thrown in to boot (we all recognized a couple but none of us knew their names – impressive stuff hey?) We decided to opt for the 7 course tasting menu. They let Marc change the first course of Sweetcorn soup for an almond soup - as I’m sure you have all heard Marc’s thoughts on sweetcorn being the work of the devil, so we knew we were on to a winner. The food was fantastic and truly delicious. The only course I didn’t like was one of the two dessert courses – an orange pudding thing. But that is only because I’m not a great fan of oranges so I can’t hold this against them. The service was superb and we’ve even promised to bring one of the waiters a box of Oatabix over from the UK for him.

10. Neil and Sue – ‘Nuff said.

I did aim to keep this blog short but as you can see I failed miserably. Will leave it to Marc next time.

Emma x

Who wants to see my penis?

2008-10-30T18:17:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the rather rude headline. I don't want to be too saucy as family members read this blog and I am not one for smut. There is too much rudeness in today's modern society. Anyway, the headline will make sense and is, in fact, quite apt...

I am still working on a 'proper entry' (!) which I hope to post up over the weekend. Until then I thought I'd let you know the top ten searches on how people find this blog. The majority of people come in because they know Emma and I, and this they want to know our toptastic news. Some, though, come in via search engines and that jazz. Here are the top 10 search terms put into google over the last few months that have lead people to this blog...

1. marc ollington penis
2. marc ollington blog
3. Robbie Williams
4. diddydelicious
5. conor oberst
6. marc ollington
7. marc ollington blogspot
8. jon ollington
9. jon ollington nude
10. Carter USM

As you will see someone has been looking to see my penis! Who? Is it the same person? Is it multiple people? Do they want to see it, or do they think I'm a penis? People also want to see my brother naked but that is understandable as he is a good looking lad. I am starting to worry about the internet though. It's a little bit weird and strange.

What gets me readers is that 'marc ollington penis' is number one in the charts. I could cope with this being in the lower reaches of the top 10 but this is just disturbing.

I thought that it could be someone who doesn't like me and who is after revenge. Perhaps they want to find rude pics of me to use as bribes or to destroy my career. That is what happens to dudes like me who are in showbiz.

Anyways, I'll be back soon with my penis certainly not on display. And if it was you who 'searched' for this term please feel free to leave a comment to explain what in fact you were looking for.

marc x

The Barry Conor Chronicles

2008-10-22T18:08:00.001-07:00

I have been working on a blog that is all about my dear friends, Mr and Mrs Spoons and their visit here to LA. We had a top week with them and I would love to tell you cats all about it. I haven’t had a chance to finish it though. It’s the same old story and excuses from me but you need to spend time on these things. It will be worth waiting for I’m sure.

Anyroad (as northerners still say I’m sure) I thought I’d tell you about my day yesterday. I got up to find that I had a cold. I don’t get ill readers. Well, I do every now and then but not as much as most people. I think I have seen the Doctor about once in ten years, and I have probably had about two sick days off work in my life (it may be a bit more than this, but you get the vibe). I have no allergies to speak of, the migraines I suffered from in my twenties seem to have gone (touch wood) and I see myself as a healthy boy. I was not pleased to wake up with a cold therefore. When I do get ill though it’s always the rubbish kind of illness where you feel rough but you are still able to go to work.

The day was therefore off to a bad start because I had this cold. I then had a rubbish, rubbish day at work. Without going into details it was a ruddy stressful day. I very rarely get stressed but yesterday was an exception. My cold made it all the worse and I was not a happy boy.

I was therefore looking forward to seeing one of my favourite pop artistes play that evening namely ‘Barry’ Bright Eyes. In reality ‘Barry’ Bright Eyes is some dude called Coner Oberst (for those of you cats who don’t know). He is an American singer songwriter who has released lots of albums and I reckon they are all ace. He is one of the best lyric writers of all time too. He has also had the sex with Winona Ryder but I think they have split up now.

To make things a bit confusing Conor Oberst has stopped calling himself ‘Barry’ Bright Eyes for his new album .He now calls himself by his actual name ‘Conor Oberst’. Which to be honest would have made a lot of sense for him to do in the first place. He only performs songs though by Conor Oberst on this tour (along with his new backing band) and doesn’t do any Bright Eyes songs. I read this in the music mags and was still keen to go anyway as I like the new album very much.

The gig was at the Henry Fonda Theatre which is ace, and it’s a little bit like the Shepherds Bush Empire in London, apart from the fact that it’s smaller and has better sight lines. I am getting ahead of myself though. I got cross when we actually got to the venue as it was twenty dollars to park. I am turning into a proper grumpy old man as I was disgusted with this price. We said no to the charge and turned the car around. We found on street parking nearby that was free. This was one in the eye to the rip off car park merchants.

All I wanted to do was get into the venue to see Barry Bright Eyes. So after a quick bite to eat Emma and I arrived at the venue at 8:30. I hoped that with a bit of luck we had avoided the first support band and that Barry would be on soon. How wrong was I? The first ‘band’ (and I use that word loosely) were on at ruddy nine pm. And they were Barry’s bassists other band. You can tell that they got the tour as a favour as it was a terrible racket. The singer was flatter than Flat Stanley. It was thirty five minutes of the most terrible indie dirge I have ever heard in my life.

Emma and I were sat in the balcony. We could have stood downstairs with the kids, but I am a man in my thirties now. I like to sit at gigs these days and listen to the music properly. I don’t feel the need to dance. In fact once you reach thirty you should never dance again if you are a man. It’s ok for women, as they can dance and move in time. In fact women never get bad at dancing. Men should deffo stop at thirty though. I should point out that they had lovely comfy chairs at the Henry Fonda Theater.

Anyways I digress. It was a good job we were sat down as after this rubbish band came another act just as terrible. Actually they weren’t, but they still were not great. They were this female three piece who had a couple of ok songs but nothing more. None of them were that good looking either. Without being a sexist you can sometimes enjoy a band with girls in it even if they are rubbish, if they are good looking. This was no Girls Aloud. Unless you are a fan of the albino one (Nicola?).

I am off the point again! Damn. I should quickly point out though that two small beers came to fourteen dollars. That is worse than London. Going by the current exchange rate that is over four pounds for a beer. This is a shocking state of affairs. It’s a good job I was ill and didn’t want to drink anymore.

By the time all the awful supports had finished Barry didn’t wander on stage until 11pm. Doesn’t he realize some of us have jobs to go to? I know he is a pop star but I have TV programs to promote! He should have a bit more thought for people like me, Doctors and firemen who have valuable jobs in society. I let him off though as he played a brilliant set of all the songs from the album. The hour passed by very quickly and apart from some idiots talking behind me it was wonderful in every way. There is nothing worse than people who get in free to a gig, then talk through it and ruin it for people that pay. That is the way of the guestlist though.

We then went downstairs to watch the encore. I thought he would play a top song from the album called ‘I Don’t Want To Die In The Hospital’. It’s a bit crazy and a great set closer. Barry had other ideas though. He let his band (who had already done some pretty mediocre songs of their own) do a few numbers. These were pretty rubbish. A whole forty minutes later they were still going on with their muso twiddlings. Emma wanted to leave but I was desperate to hear my favourite song. Eventually they did it and at almost 1am, and after two hours of hearing Barry and co., I could leave happy. The venue was half empty at this point as while everyone loved Barry people weren’t so keen on members of his band farting around.

It was certainly a gig of two parts. The first half was excellent, but the second half was a bit rubbish. And Emma was tired and Barry should have realized this. It ended on a high note though so I went home happy. Barry was great in the main and the venue was too. It may be one in the morning, I may have a cold, I may have had a rubbish day at work, I may have almost been ripped of for parking, I may have sat through two bands that were crap and I may have paid fourteen dollars for two beers. This didn’t matter though as you need geniuses like Barry Bright Eyes to bring a bit of maverick sparkle into your life. I think he did that.

Emma and I drove home and sang along to some tunes on my ipod compilation to keep awake and fresh. It was fun. It was a nice end to a funny old day.

Marc x

A Segway Into Politics...

2008-10-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

It feels like ages since I sat down to write an entry for you all. Emma has been keeping this blog burning and to be honest she has done a better job than me. The hits are up which just goes to show that she was the best writer all along. It’s my blog though and I’m in charge. I have therefore decided to make a comeback whether you cats like it or not. I am not here to pander to you people. Or indeed to be a Panda, as I am not a fan of bamboo.

Since I wrote to you last a few ‘amusing’ incidents have occurred to little old me. The first happened when young Felicity Furness was staying with Emma and I. We had gone out for a bite to eat one evening (at our favourite diner called ‘Swingers’). We had a jolly nice time and I ordered my normal turkey roast dinner. During the meal I felt that I was getting something of a stomach ache though. I don’t think it was the food, but perhaps a virus picked up from Emma (as she had recently had a stomach thing). By the time we left I was in agony. This meant that on the walk home I was meandering behind the Furness sisters. I was also looking a bit weird I guess as I was kind of hunched over, holding my stomach as I was walking along.

Before I knew what was going on a cop car pulled up next to us. The policeman asked Emma and Felicity if they were ok while he gave me the Barry Evils. It was then I realized that he thought I was some weirdo or rapist that was following them. If I hadn’t of been in so much pain I would have given that doughnut eating cop a piece of my mind. It’s probably a good job that I didn’t as the policeman have guns over here. He could have shot me in the head if I had given him too much lip. I think they are just allowed to do that as they are always killing people in ‘Without A Trace’. They are FBI though which is different than your normal cop. Anyways Emma and Felicity found this dead funny, even though I was in mucho pain. As a positive aside I was ok the next day.

I also went on a tour with Mr. Furness. This wasn’t any old tour readers. The father in law and I went traveling on some segways for a couple of hours. For those of you who don’t know what these are please look above at the photo. Mrs. Furness has a picture of me on one that I will try and obtain. I will then put this on the right hand side of this site with the other random pics that are already there.

I am getting off the point! I bet you want to know how Mr. Furness and I ended up on these babies? Don’t worry, I shall tell you. The ladies wanted to go shopping, as they normally tend to do, and it was then that Mr. Furness put the idea to me we could try hiring some of these segway things. We had seen quite a few dudes both here and in San Fran driving them around and they looked like great fun. We went to the Segway place to enquire if it was possible. We were told that we could join a group outing with some other dudes and that he would take us on a beach tour of Santa Monica.

This sounded like too good an opportunity to turn down and before we knew it we were in training! We had to watch a safety video and everything. It is actually harder than you think as you don’t move them by pushing or steering, it’s all to do with how you lean. If you lean to the left then you will turn to the left for example. In our training Mr. Furness did the best, and he was better than me and the rest of the group. I did get the hang of it though and before I knew it we were out and about, and touring the beach.

Even though we were only doing this for fun we got some abuse from the public. They were shouting things at us like “Geeks”, and “Get some exercise”. This was a bit rich as the man who shouted this was in a car. We cared not one jot though as it was great fun. My best moment came when our instructor made us go down a steep hill. I think I did it the best and it was dead exciting. I wasn’t so good getting up the hill as apparently I stuck my bum out too much. Anyway, we enjoyed the Segways very much. It was a top afternoon and a much better way to spend it than shopping.

It’s also gone a bit election bonkers here too as we get closer to November 4th. Most people in LA are wooly liberals, so they are still wetting themselves over this Obama dude. I get the impression they think he is better than Jesus. I’m not so sure he is as I have not seen Obama or his running mate Bin Laden (I think he is called) make bread and fishes for the masses.

Don’t get me wrong, I would vote for Obama (and Bin Laden) too but all I would say is that he is still a politician type. He will no doubt be as disappointing as the rest. He might be all smiles and niceness now but the power will go to his head, and before you know it he’ll be bombing some country for a laugh while getting sexual favors from an intern. Back in 1997 I thought Tony Blair was the business. When he first got into power the young, innocent and politically naïve Marc was dancing in the streets. I could have been David Bowie or Mick Jagger circa 1985. A few years later though dear Tony was bombing Iraq like some power crazed bufoon. If only I knew that as I sang along with gusto to ‘D:Ream’s’ ‘Things Can Only Get Better’ on that glorious summer morning in the late nineties.

These days the love and passion I had for politics as a student has all but died. I still like to know what’s going on in the world, and all that jazz. And I will still read tomes like ‘The Alistair Campbell Diaries’ with interest. I have no real affiliation with anyone anymore though. I do, of course, have an opinion, and I will always take the time and effort to vote (you should always vote kids. I’m not sure why these days, but that’s what I keep telling myself). Anyways back to the point… Do I believe Obama is better than John McCain? Of course I ruddy well do, and to have a black president would be a huge step forward. Is he as great as everyone is making out? I doubt it very much sadly. Hopefully time will prove me wrong. I am not always right, as hard as it is to believe. I thought Keane were rubbish at first until I realized they write quite magnificent pop songs.

I can’t wait to watch the results and everything come in though. I think it will be an amazing couple of days and I am very grateful to be living in the States during this time. It will almost be as good as last weeks ‘Strictly Come Dancing’. I am glad Jessie Wallace and Kathy Beale have been voted out, as I hate all the common scrubber women from Eastenders. I am still able to tune into this show via downloads off the interweb, and it’s good as ever this year. If I was Rachel Steven’s fiancé I would punch out Vincent Simone. He is all over her, and he kisses her whenever he can. I know he was publicly dumped last season when his girlfriend went off with that dude from Eastenders but that is no excuse. I did like it though when asked to talk about her nerves he said “She was shaking like a leaflet”. Genius! I think my favorite this year is Cherie Lunghi. She is very nice for an ‘older’ lady and I enjoy her dancing too.

I would like either Diane Vickers or the Spanish Lady to win X-Factor this year. I am liking Cheryl Cole as a judge. She is actually very good and makes Danni Minogue seem the most pointless person that has ever walked this earth. Her husband Ashley Cole is still a greedy twerp though.

I shall sign off now. I had started to write about the visit of our friends Mr. and Mrs. Spoons but I should save that for next time, and I should give them their own entry. That is something else to look forward too I hope.

Marc x