Panther Rants

Belated Congratulations

2009-01-06T19:56:00.003-05:00

No, not to Cav for setting the passing game back 50 years, or Chase Clowser for his excellent display of bull fighting skills he picked up in Juarez. Our praise goes out to BurghGuy68, a legendary poster on both the PantherLair and PantherDigest.

Just yesterday BurghGuy surpassed 20,000 posts on the Digest alone, a shocking feat that takes not only a tremendous amount of free time but also access to a countless amount of inane pictures. Since yesterday Burgh has blown past his record, reaching 20,113 by the time of this post. It is known how many times he ignored his wife and children in the period but our guess is..........a lot.

Congrats, BurghGuy!

James Laurinaitis, All-American

2008-12-17T10:29:00.002-05:00

We here at Panther Rants couldn't be happier that a stiff named James Laurinaitis, owner of an astounding 14 solo tackles in his 4-year career at an Ohio State University, was named Associated Press 1st Team All-American at linebacker. We couldn't agree more with the collection of adroit reporters who think that it takes intestinal fortitude, athletic prowess, and guile to be the last guy in on every tackle. Without Mr. Laurinaitis' efforts, that running back who has already been tackled and has four 300-pound guys sitting on him may very well get up and run for a touchdown. But not on Mr. Laurinaitis' watch!

So to James Laurinaitis, we say, "Bravo!" for watching your teammates do all of the work while you relax and and collect all the accolades. You have a great career ahead of you as the next Junior Seau.

BUTT ROCK FRIDAY

2008-12-05T12:45:00.003-05:00

Well it's been a while since we've done the "BUTT ROCK FRIDAY" segment on this blog. There's been a lot of talk of where Pitt may end up. Charlotte, Birmingham, Toronto, and the list of shitty cities and shitty bowl payments go on. If Pitt win this Saturday, they may be headed to the Sun Bowl. If not, see you in hell my friend.......

Pitt-UConn: A Half Assed Preview

2008-12-04T00:48:00.002-05:00

This weekend, Pitt heads to Storrs were second place in the BE is on the line as well as their bowl destination. The last time Pitt was in Storrs, they were leading 31-17 and a possible bowl bid on the line. That's until they tried running Larod Stephens up the middle about 15 times and UConn came back to send it into overtime. Pitt ended up losing in overtime where the message boards had a meltdown. The famous phrase "WE NEED MORE TIME!" was created.

Pitt

Pitt is 8-3 and 4-2 in Big East play. They are coming off a big win against West Virginia where they have guaranteed bowl bid. They're just not sure where they're going yet.

Pitt's offense is led by LeSean McCoy who has been the backbone of the offense for the whole season. Bill Stull is coming off a shaky start last week and hasn't really been the same since the Rutgers game. He's unsettled in the pocket and has made throws where you'll be shaking your head.

Pitt's defense is led by their front four and they have the depth as well. At Linebacker, it's Butkus Award snub Scott Mckillop whose a tackle machine.

Their secondary has been shaky at times this year. No worries as Eric Thatcher graduates this year.

Connecticut

For the Huskies, it's the same story. Donald Brown leads this offense. He averages 5.4 yards per carry and he's another awards snub.

Connecticut has been unhealthy at quarterback to the point that it became a QB carousel. Tyler Lorenzen has been injured most of the year after a productive Junior year. Pitt is no stranger to Lorenzen. He picked us apart last season. He won't back down this year either.

On defense they are led by DE Cody Brown. Cody leads the team with 10 sacks. At the other end, Julius Williams has 6 sacks. Both of these plays can disrupt an offensive line. Lindsey Witten is their backup and he has 5 sacks on the season.

The Huskies allow 166 yards passing per game and 119 yards rushing. In other words, they're pretty good.

Key Matchups

Pitt's Offensive Line vs. Huskies' Defensive Line - This matchup could make or break Pitt's chances. If the Huskies get a good rush, look for Bill Stull to throw errant passes like a drunk guy trying to throw darts. If that happens, Pitt's line will need to create room for McCoy to run the ball.

Huskies' Offensive Line vs. Pitt Defensive Line - UConn is big up front, but Pitt's defensive line is no stranger to big lines. They have the ability to wear down offensive linemen. This will be key as they'll need to stop Donald Brown from running loose.

Tyler Lorenzen vs. Pitt Secondary - Chances are, Pitt will focus on stopping Brown. Chances are, UConn will take a page out of the Rutgers game and go after the secondary with playaction passes. If that's the case, let's hope Pitt's secondary tries to bat down a pass or two. They'll need to.

Pitt Receivers vs. Huskies Secondary - Pitt has a height advantage on UConn's secondary. A few jump balls to Jonathan Baldwin won't hurt. Porter and Kinder will have to step up as well.

Other Things of Note

Turnovers - Pitt can't afford them. They need to create them.

Austin Ransom and Greg Williams - Can they help contain Brown for 60 minutes?

UConn Passing Game - Can they take some heat off Donald Brown and copy what they did at Heinz last year?

Storrs - Can Pitt finally win there? Do they still blast "Welcome to the Jungle" during the huddle so no one can hear?

DJ Hernandez - Let's hope we don't see much of him on Saturday.

Prediction: I'm not good at these. Watch the game and find out.

Slap 10!

2008-12-02T19:15:00.002-05:00

10. Texas

Yeah...we had to add you on this list despite your record. Despite the fact you beat Oklahoma head to head. Despite your only loss was due to a desperation pass to Michael Crabtree. Despite your quarterback and a high powered offense. Despite all that, Oklahoma is playing in the Big 12 title game and you're not.

9. Georgia

Nice showing against Navy-South. There's a reason for pre-season hype and you're one of those reasons.

8. Central Michigan

Great showing against Michigan. Wait a minute, Michigan sucks. I mean Michigan State. Wait, you didn't play them either. Oh, it was Eastern Michigan!

7. June Jones

Sometimes the grass isn't always greener. I mean who would leave Hawaii for Texas?

6. LSU

Great game against Arkansas. Yeah we know....it's the SEC.

5. Wes Lyons

When you committed to WVU, your dad compared you to Larry Fitzgerald. How tall are you?? 6'5-6'6? Would Larry Fitzgerald let a 5'6 corner push him around? Does Larry Fitzgerald have the concept of out of bounds? Yeah, put up some stats and maybe we can do the comparison. Last time I check, Fitzgerald is a Pro Bowl receiver

4. Oregon State

You didn't think you'd be heading to the Rose Bowl did you? Penn State throttled you the last time you played them. The PAC-10 has a lot more sense than to let you into the Rose Bowl.

3. Auburn

Glad to see your new defensive coordinator is working out. Have fun watching Bama in the title game.

2. Pat White

Boy did Bill Stewart F' you up. They tried to convert you from a runner to a passer. It didn't work out too well this season. Looks like you'll be hanging with Major Harris signing autographs in Morgantown next season when your NFL career is short. You can always meow for us one more time.

1. Notre Dame

We just heard Weis is back for one more season. We're happy to witness another miserable season for the Irish. Maybe you'll score more than three points against USC next season where it can deemed as "progress".

Pitt-WVU: The Aftermath

2008-12-01T01:26:00.002-05:00

Let's take a look at some old video. Here's Pat White in 2006:

Here's Pat White in 2008:

"The tears in West Virginia quarterback Pat White's eyes told the story.

White made a critical mistake, one that handed Pitt a 19-15 victory against West Virginia Friday afternoon in the 101st Backyard Brawl before 63,019 at Heinz Field.

"I've been balling my eyes out," White said after the game. "I felt my mistakes hurt us. Those two picks were the game.""

Can you see the difference? This was a Pat White who not only use to ran past us, but had his fun in mocking us as well. On Friday, the Pitt defense sent him back to Morgantown crying like a little bitch. WVU fans thought 2007 was a fluke and their former coach blew the game. This year proved it was no fluke. In fact, look at the game film from the 2005 and 2006 brawls. Pitt may have surrendered tons of rushing yards, but they were in those games mathematically until the 4th quarter. Maybe Pitt knew what they were doing all along, but just couldn't "run faster".

WVU didn't beat themselves either. Actually both teams were beating themselves. Each team had opportunities to put the game away.

Pitt

Pitt left a good share of points for the taking in first half. They were on their way to 14-0 when a penalty sent them for a missed field goal. Then before halftime when Shady was running all over the WVU defense, Pitt calls a fade pass that got intercepted in the end zone. This was one of those Pitt games we all know and love. The ones where your hands just shake and you need some pills or a bottle of Jack. Maybe even both.

I'm not mad at Bill Stull's pathetic attempt of a fade pass. I'm not mad at Jonathan Baldwin for not being "more aggressive" to get the ball or bat it away. Neither player should have been in this position. The reason is that call should have never been made in first place. I can just imagine the conversation between Wannstedt and Cav on the sideline when they made that call. It reminds of the scene from "Airplane" when it was suggested to Rex Kramer (Robert Stack)
on whether they should turn on the search lights or not.

Wanny: You know Matt, Shady's been running well. We have some timeouts. Maybe we should let Shady run it in.

Cav: No! That's what they'd be expecting us to do. F' it. Run the fade to Stull.

After that it was downhill...until.....

WVU

I enjoy hearing when WVU fans mention Pat White's statistics as a passer. Pat White makes plays due to his ability to run around. You just don't know what he's going to do at times. When he's in the pocket, it's a different story. He didn't get much help from his receivers. They dropped a touchdown pass which would have given them the lead at one point in the 2nd half.

Speaking of that play, I didn't understand why the DB's and safeties were playing close to the line. It was a bullet they dodged.

Late in the fourth quarter, White had a chance to eat the ball and keep the clock going. Instead, he handed Jovani Chappel an early X-mas gift.

Then it was downhill for WVU.......

Aftermath

Bill Stull hasn't been the same since Rutgers. He played so badly in the second half, that the staff gave up on him and just pounded the ball. His last interception made people say "WTF?!?". Right now, he's all we have at this position.

The defense is what won the game for Pitt. They made Noel Devine sterile, except for when he has his next date. She'll find out in nine months. When Wes Lyons committed to WVU, his dad named him "The Next Larry Fitz". Instead, he's just a useless tall receiver who has no concept of white lines. He couldn't get out of bounds on the last drive. Two passes that went to him in the endzone, he was out of bounds on both plays and came back in. It's pretty bad when you get manhandled by a 5'6 cornerback. At least he's seen the field more than his older brother did. He can brag about that at family dinners.

If you're a hoopie, you feel bad for Pat White. This is not the way you saw his final season. The staff did him in and tried to make him a passer. He's Mike Vick without the illegal activity.

Slap 10!

2008-11-25T01:27:00.002-05:00

Another week has gone by, and we get our usual gang of idiots....

10. Florida

Who in the hell schedules Citadel this time of the year? I guess it was to make sure your BCS implications weren't wounded and Tim Tebow can win another Heisman. Choosing between Urban Meyer and Nick Saban is like picking which douchebag to win the "collar up" contest.

9. LSU

Don't worry, we'll get to hear how you play in the NFC East of college football.

8. Minnesota

That 7-1 start was nice. Finishing 7-5 with a 55-0 blowout against Iowa was even more funnier.
7. Maryland

Way to shit the bed when a chance to face Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl is on the line. I guess the Fridge was too busy eating pudding to find a way to beat FSU where most of their team is on probation. Keep on losing your state's top recruits to Penn State.

6. North Carolina

You guys lost to a bad NC State team....real bad.....NEXT!

5. Wisconsin

Great win over Cal......Cal-Poly. Way to add to the reasons why Penn State would never make it to the title game undefeated. I imagine you and Michigan got together and said "Hey Penn State just might make a run at the title game. Let's suck this season to make sure!"

4. Michigan State

We all knew this was coming. You're always due for some sort of bitch-up. You let KorDarryl Clark pass all over you. You couldn't even defend the smurfs they had at WR. MAKE PLAYS!

3. Pitt

A team you beat the last three years, you meet them for their biggest home game ever. Not to mention their ring of honor is full of football legends most of us have never heard of. Look to add Tony Pike to that "Ring of Honor" after that performance.

2. Texas Tech

I think a lot of people knew you weren't going to leave the Big 12 unharmed. The game was over by halftime. Looks like you couldn't score your 5o or so points to match them.

1. Notre Dame

Akron beat Syracuse. Hell everyone beat Syracuse. Good luck in getting pasted in your bowl game. WAKE UP THE ECHOS!!!

Final Thoughts on Pitt-Cincinnati

2008-11-25T01:01:00.003-05:00

When I think of this past Saturday's loss, this song comes to mind......

Talk about a missed opportunity at a Big East title and a BCS bid. It could be worse, we could be Syracuse. I could say Notre Dame, but they're headed to the Sun Bowl.

One thing is for certain: Pitt fans will be contemplating which travel plans to make for whatever bowl game they'll be in. Whether it's buying passports, tossing lug nuts on Heinz Field after the backyard brawl, or just saying "F*** it, I'm staying home."

So it's time to play the blame game. Let's look at the list....

Bill Stull: Stull didn't have a lights out game, but neither did Pat Bostick when Pitt beat Cincinnati last year. What you see is what you get with Stull. He's not going to light it up. He'll manage the game, move the ball, etc. Cincy's defense challenged Pitt to throw. Which comes to my next part.....

The receivers: While Stull isn't exactly a world beater, the receivers helped the cause by dropping passes.

Offensive Line: I'm not sure what the staff sees in Dom Williams other than he's a senior. Other than that, I'm thankful Bill Stull made it home alive.

Defense: Not much to be desired here. Got little pressure on Tony Pike, couldn't defend the dink and dunk passes or the deep ones. We can only count the days until Eric Thatcher graduates.

So who's to blame? The big difference between last year's win and this year's loss was turnovers. Pitt forced Ben Mauk into turning the ball over three times in the fourth quarter and Pitt was able to take advantage. The blame falls on everyone from the players to the staff. It's called preparation, gentlemen. Now we get to see a fan base of MAC proportions head to the Orange Bowl. I bet Florida is really going to love the matchup in this game.

What's Next? Pitt needs to finish strong, or they'll be hanging out in Toronto.

Big East Stock Market

2008-11-20T00:46:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since we checked the Big East Market. Let's take a look at who's hot...and who's not....

1. Rutgers

Clearly the hottest stock in the Big East thus far. Rutgers has won five of their last six games. Their offense has finally clicked ( Thanks, Pitt). Their defense has been pretty tough as well. They have Army to face this week and then they close the season against Louisville.

Advice: Don't sell until close of season, it's going to keep rising.

2. Cincinnati

Winners of seven of their last eight games. They finally beat Louisville and West Virginia. They did this in two consecutive weeks. Things get a bit testy as they face Pitt this Saturday.

Advice: Sell while it's hot. Cincy has last their last three to Pitt.

3. Pitt

Pitt has won their last two games. Their last one was a total ass-beating of Louisville where we saw some cold streaks broken. Pitt has a tough schedule ahead with Cincy, West Virginia, and Connecticut. It's hard to say if they'll win all three games. UConn has had Pitt's number.

Advice: Sell

4. West Virginia

West Virginia's stock rose rapidly winning their next five games after the loss to Colorado. Their stock leveled off a bit after the loss to Cincinnati. Their next three games are against Louisville, Pitt, and South Florida. WVU hasn't fared too well against USF as of late.

Advice: Sell after the Louisville game. Pitt game is to risky.

5. Connecticut

Connecticut got off to a nice 5-0 start, but have lost three of their last five. The main reason was their schedule got a lot tougher and their injuries at quarterback have left them relying on Donald Brown a bit too much. Their stock should tumble more as the Randy Edsal rumors start to heat up.

Advice: Sell.

6. South Florida

The Bulls got off to a nice 6-1 start, but have clowned their way out of Big East contention. Their next two games are UConn and West Virginia. The Matt Grothe bandwagon just left town.

Advice: Sell what you got.

7. Louisville

Steve Kragthorpe should be on the hotseat soon...if he isn't already. Their golden era has come and passed.

Advice: Don't even bother

8. Syracuse

Their stock should rise a bit next season as the Greg Robinson era comes to a close.

Advice: None needed.

Biggest Game in School History

2008-11-19T01:47:00.002-05:00

This Saturday's Pitt-Cincinnati Game will be the "Biggest Home Game in School History" for the Bearcats. The Panthers have been able to accommodate other teams as their biggest home game. Let's take a look at some games in recent memory.

2003 - Pitt vs. Toledo

Pitt was ranked in the Top 10 and had a lot of hype before the season. Pitt was a favorite to win the Big East according to some media sources. Things looked pretty good. I remember listening to the radio as Pitt passed all over their opponent. At one point, it was 24-14 with Pitt leading. Then it was downhill from there. Toledo's spread offense led by Bruce Gradkowski marched down the field with Pitt leading 31-28 and eventually scored the game winning TD. Just when we thought the worst was behind us, Pitt bitched it up against a MAC opponent. 2003 would have a lot more blunders to come.

2004 - Pitt vs. UConn

This was UConn's first season in the Big East so this game was huge for them. This game was well known for the infamous "slide play" where Pitt positioned themselves for field goal before halftime, but with enough time to score a touchdown. Clint Sessions was quoted for thinking Pitt had this game in hand. They were losing at halftime. Pitt couldn't stop UConn's spread offense...see a pattern here? Pitt would end up heading to a BCS bowl in a smaller Big East.

2005 - Pitt vs. Ohio

The second game in the Dave Wannstedt era. It started off well when Pitt took the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Then it was downhill from there. Tyler Palko threw two touchdown passes in this game....to the other team. Pitt couldn't run the ball..let alone throw it. Pitt would lose this game in overtime with Palko's game winning touchdown pass to Ohio's Dion Bynum. Pitt would end up 5-6 on the season.

2005 - Pitt vs. Rutgers

This was the "turning the corner" game for Rutgers. One vivid memory of this game is where Pitt had a short yardage situation where Palko ran about fifteen yards backwards and took a sack. There a lot more comedy of errors in this game. Pitt looked so damn slow in this game. On the upside, Pitt did manage to come back. They just fell short....many times during 2005-2007.

2007 - Pitt vs. West Virginia

You didn't think this column would just cover all of Pitt's losses..did ya? West Virginia came into the game ranked #2 in the BCS playing a Pitt team led by a true freshman at quarterback. Pitt was also 4-8 and couldn't buy a break. West Virginia, who rolled up many yards rushing on Pitt the last two seasons, hit a brick wall. Pat White left the game early and returned. Even he couldn't rally the Mountaineers. Pat Mcafee missed two easy chip shots and WVU had their share of turnovers. In the end, Pitt would win the biggest game in Backyard Brawl history and RichRod left for Ann Arbor with a sore vagina.

Slap Five!

2008-11-18T00:41:00.002-05:00

Panther Rants returns after a bye week where we did absolutely nothing. Today, we bring you the Slap Five. Due to some budget cuts, we can't bring you the Slap 10. Not to mention there wasn't much happening to make the honor roll complete. Lack of enrollment.

5. Illinois

Your latest piece of work should have made Comedy Central. A fumble on your doorstep, an interception near the goal line, a block punt, a roughing call late in the game, etc. From Rose Bowl last season to a possible Toilet Bowl. Juice Williams learned a lot from Donovan Mcnabb's passing camp this past offseason: How to be good one week, and suck the next week.

4. Tulsa

Scoring tons of points this season has caught up to you. Arkansas beats you and Houston rings 70 points on you. Looks like you're out of the Top 25 for the rest of the season. You may be out of the CUSA championship this season if you keep this up.

3. Minnesota

Not only do you blow of 21-7 lead, but you surrender two safeties that end up costing you the game. At least the pundits can now say the "Big Ten is a tough conference".

2. South Florida

All the hype is gone. From a Big East favorite to a possible trip to Toronto. Toronto isn't bad this time of year. Wait..I forgot..it's up north and it's winter. We're not sure if you'll play in a dome and we really don't care to look it up.

1. Greg Robinson

The only thing tolerable from the Greg Robinson era has to be the blog "Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician." This blog made Syracuse football fun to watch and read about. You took a program that had tradition dating back to Jim Brown and Ernie Davis to a program that's on the level of Temple Football. We knew Syracuse Football was in trouble when Perry Patterson was your quarterback in an offense that didn't fit his abilities. Anytime Larod Stephens runs for 200 yards on you, your coaching career isn't going to last long after that. Hell Pitt rarely wins at the Dome and they did it twice in your tenure. Hell a lot more teams did it too.

The Streaks Are over!

2008-11-11T23:34:00.002-05:00

The Pick-Six Watch is Over! The Fumble-Six Watch is Over!

We were way off on who would be the lucky defender to intercept a pass and run it in for a touchdown. We figured it would be one of the players in the secondary. I guess this is why we're mediocre bloggers. In the end, it was dependable Scott Mckillop. Watching the game, Louisville was begging to be intercepted and a touchdown being scored the other way. Pitt's defense went two years without a pick-six. Let's hope we see more in the future.

It's hard to determine when it was the last time Pitt's defense returned a fumble for a touchdown. We think this dates back to 2003 or 2004. Ricky Gary was the lucky person to end this streak.

SLAP 10!

2008-11-10T00:53:00.002-05:00

The Slap 10 this week is dominated by the Big Ten. There are four Big Ten teams in this week's honor roll. Let's take a look.....

10. Indiana

Hope you enjoyed your bowl game last year. It will be the last one you'll have for the next 20 or so years.

9. Tennessee

While Phil Fulmer is retired from our list, you're not. This season just keeps getting more comical. A loss to Wyoming. So much for the Rocky Top.....

8. Notre Dame

Still can't beat Boston College. Jimmy Clausen had a great showing. Looks like those Gator Bowl hopes are fading away. There's always Toronto...it's not a bad place. Just ask the Big East.

7. West Virginia

You've made the Big East race wide open now. To think you wasted the efforts of Pat Mcafee who made a clutch field goal to send it into overtime and he made a field goal in overtime. Now we have to wonder if Cincinnati will represent us in the BCS.

6. Jarrett Lee

Third and long in overtime against the #1 team in the nation. Do you play for the field goal or get a first down? Ah you had a better idea. Throw an interception.

5. Doug Beaumont

Looks like you caught the same disease of returning punts that haunted Aaron Berry. Thanks for spotting us some points. You were the MVP of the Pitt-Louisville game.

4. Illinois

I guess all the hype from last season is gone. Western Michigan?!? Guess Juice Williams will need another passing camp to attend.

3. TCU

Way to keep Utah's BCS hopes alive. Now they'll wait and see which Big East team they're gonna play.

2. Minnesota

It's been a comical two weeks for you. Last week was a pick-six to lose the game. This week, you lose to a bad Michigan team. Even Purdue beat Michigan. Hell, Toledo beat Michigan.

1. Penn State

There will be no more whining about the polls. Now, we get to enjoy all the conspiracy theories for the rest of the season. The officiating, the holding, the wind, and the final drive. You've stooped yourselves as to blaming the benches with no heating. You had an easy road to the BCS, but puckered big time. Maybe if your secondary would spend more time practicing than beating up college students, they would have defended Iowa's passing game a lot better.

Best Damn WLAT Show!

2008-11-06T23:37:00.002-05:00

Walt Harris: Welcome to the Best Damn WLAT Show! I am your host as always. Making his return to the show is my sidekick, Kevan Barlow. Kevan had his tryout with the Erie RiverRats and as always.......

Kevan: How's the job hunt coming, punk? Did Washington or Tennessee call you yet?

Walt: What job hunt? I don't need a job. Stanford is still paying me. I get to hang out in Pittsburgh and watch my former employer find a way to beat Rutgers.

Kevan: I just watched them beat Notre Dame this past Saturday. They're 6-2 and ranked again.

Walt: Which means they'll lose this week. They suck at home and they do worse when they're ranked.

Kevan: Was Pitt ever ranked when you coached?

Walt: 2002, 2003, and 2004...hot shot.

Kevan: Took you long enough, chapstick. Wanny has them ranked in his fourth year.

Walt: Yeah, but he has LeSean McCoy. I had to start out with players like Matt Lytle and Kevan...

Kevan: Don't even go there!

Walt: Speaking of Louisville, is Brian Brohm still there?

Kevan: No, it's Hunter Cantwell. Brian plays in the NFL. Think about it, you couldn't send one QB to get drafted in the NFL when you were at Pitt. Hell Trent Edwards managed to get drafted in your tenure at Stanford.

Walt: Didn't this blog face a little controversy when Pitt played Louisville last year?

Kevan: Yeah, they said Brian Brohm had a down-sydromish face.

Walt: Well any good QB would need their head checked if they stayed another year to play under Steve Kragthorpe.

Kevan: Actually, Brian didn't have a bad season. It's the defense that sucked. It reminded me of that Pitt defense of 2003.

Walt: Well let's go to some fan mail:

Dear Walt,

I took a job at Washington and now I'm out of the job after some really bad seasons. Where do you go from here after a bad stint? Do you coach in the MAC? Join the World Series of Poker? I mean what do you do with the economy being in bad shape?

Signed,

Ty from a hotel room

Walt: Sounds like a man down on his luck.

Kevan: He joined a fraternity of head coaches that went out West and got fired. Kind of like you....

Walt: Hold that thought. Kevan, the Steelers are on the phone. Willie Parker just got hurt again! They need you!

Kevan: Really?!?

Walt: Ha Ha, just joking.

Kevan: asshole.

Walt: Well as for Ty....all I can say is enjoy earning whatever money the University will give you for doing such a crappy job. That's what I have done. I hang out at Denny's, eat Grand Slams, and bang cheap waitresses. I also have my own show. Look at the picture at the top. Kevan even does prep work for Denny's when he's not on this show. I heard he doesn't fumble the food either.

Kevan: Why don't you take off those sunglasses. Pat Hoderny called to say Summer's over.

Walt: Now I'm gonna kick your ass........

Big East Stock Market

2008-11-06T20:58:00.006-05:00

It's been a while since we've looked the Dow-Tranghese. Let's take a look at how the market has changed.....

1. West Virginia

The Big East title goes through Morgantown....again. It could be worse. It could have went through Storrs. West Virginia has seen their stock rise since Big East play started. They have Cincinnati this week which should not be much of a worry. The Bearcats have lost their last three to the inbreds.

Advice: Buy

2. Pitt

Their stock took a plunge against Rutgers, but made a nice recovery against Notre Dame. They play Louisville this week where they haven't beat them since the Cards joined the Big East. Pitt does not fare well when they are ranked or playing at home.

Advice: All factors say to sell. I'd say buy it.

3. Connecticut

UConn's meltdown against WVU made their stock drop a bit. Randy Edsall is a good coach, but he needs more talent to get to the next level. UConn has a bye week, but plays Syracuse next. North Carolina isn't bad this time of year.

4. Cincinnati

The Bearcats could rise into the Top 3 if they beat WVU this week. If Tony Pike had an extra week to heal, maybe the Bearcats beat UConn.

Advice: Buy. Their offense is getting better and their defense is still tough.

5. South Florida

South Florida was looking pretty a few weeks back being in the Top Ten. After having their balls clipped from Pitt, Louisville, and Cincinnati......the Bulls seemed to have been neutered out of the Big East race. They're off this week. Time to rest those hooves.

Advice: Sell.....

6. Louisville

Louisville's stock has been bipolar. One week, they'll beat Kansas State. Next week, they drop a heartbreaker against UConn. The'll beat South Florida and then lose to Syracuse the next week. They got Pitt this week so here's their shot at redemption...again.

Advice: Sell. There may be no redemption this Saturday.

7. Rutgers

Rutgers has won their last two games and has a good shot at a bowl bid. They face Syracuse, Army, and Louisville in the upcoming weeks. All of these teams are beatable. Looks like they can continue expanding their stadium.

Advice: Buy

8. Syracuse

They got their token Big East win last week against Louisville. Expect to see some rise in their stock next season when they fire Greg Robinson.

Advice: I don't think any is needed.

Slap 10!

2008-11-03T23:30:00.003-05:00

Another week gone from College Football. As usual, we look at this week's screwups. There were a wealth of them from college coaches to college players. Let's take a look at the list.....

10. UAB

70 points surrendered this past weekend. With Bama doing well, no one really notices in your home state....except for us. Well..basketball season is ahead.

9. Oderick Turner

The announcers said they wouldn't trust you with a newborn....ouch. Hell there's a lot things we wouldn't trust you with.....being a waiter, a pizza delivery guy, a stockboy, a starbucks coffee server, and the list goes on. To give you credit, you made a nice play on that 4th and 1. I think defensive back may have been a better option for you. You tend to be the 12th guy on the field for opposing defenses.

8. Tulsa

This puts an end to any Conference USA hype. A loss to a bad Arkansas team officially ended your BCS hopes. Good luck against whatever Big East team you'll play in your bowl game and continue to boost everyone's fantasy football scores.

7. Nebraska

Yeah...it's going to take some time. When you're subjected to Bill Callahan, Steve Pederson's wrongdoings, and Larry the Cable Guy....then it's long road to recovery. Almost like Amy Winehouse going to rehab.

6. Phil Fulmer

This will be your last visit to the Slap 10. Not to pile on..because you're fat enough as it is, but the 90's were pretty good to you. Just ask MC Hammer, Alternative Music, Vanilla Ice, Boy Bands, Dallas Cowboys, etc. The 90's were good to them. In the new millenium, you showed us many of your assclown moments. Go have drink with Johnny Majors.

5. Charlie Weis

Way to manage that 17-3 lead Pitt spotted you on Saturday. 1-3 against teams .500 and over. Your attempt to bring ND back to glory may end up just like your bypass surgery that tried to make you skinnier.

4. Marcus Sims

RJ English called, he wants to know if you'd like to hang out. Tim Worley is calling as well. I'm not sure if he still likes to party. Then again, he was the Bobby Brown of Georgia football.

3. Georgia

Great showing on Saturday. The SEC is really a tough conference this season. The only thing you manage to do was to launch Florida into the national title picture. Another reason PSU fans are pissed.

2. Minnesota

Great play call at the near end of regulation. Great throw by your quarterback. When you throw an interception, it usually helps to tackle the guy with the ball. I can't believe no one can't beat a team full of midgets in your conference.

1. Louisville

You're number one this week because Greg Robinson has owned you the past two seasons. Once Bobby Petrino left, the golden age of Cardinal Football went with him. On a good note, you'll be heading to Heinz Field this Saturday where Pitt has had a hard time winning.

Rants Review

2008-11-02T01:38:00.002-04:00

I imagine you're hands have quit shaking from the adrenaline of Pitt-ND Game. So let's look at some random thoughts from the game.

The QB Carousel: First snap of the game, Pitt gets a false start. Then we do two run plays that get nothing. After that, the obvious screen pass is coming and it fails. Bostick is then replaced by Kevan Smith. At the time, choosing between these two is like choosing which gun to shoot yourself with. Neither looked good in the first half.

New Item to the Pitt drinking game: One drink after each Oderick Turner drop. Oderick is usually good for at least two drops per game. It got to the point where the announcer made a reference to Oderick holding a newborn baby. Ouch..........

Ugly Half: The first half was an ugly one. It looked to be another bad Pitt game. Pitt blocks a punt, then Pat Bostick trips over his linemen. End of the half was a nightmare. Clausen throws a deep pass that's batted then caught. That play was reminiscent as to what we see in Pitt-ND games. ND scored on that drive. The play itself brings back nightmares of the RJ English debacle of 2001.

On our next possession, Bostick throws an INT and ND scores another TD before halftime.

One Crazy Comeback: Pitt scores 14 unanswered points to tie the game. ND then scores on the next drive. Pitt scores again on the same play call. Each team would get the lead by a FG in overtime, then the other team would score. Pitt holds the Irish to a 48 yard FG and the kicker makes it.

This sequence from the 4th quarter on reminded me of the movie "One Crazy Summer". It was the part where the one guy sat in his bedroom all summer waiting for the one million dollar call. He then gets on the air for the winning call and he's so happy that he jerks the phone cord from the wall...ending his hopes. The radio station then gets blown up by a missile. Luckily, none of us had to resort to those measures.

Some other stuff:

Pat Bostick: Threw three picks, but helped set up the tying touchdown in the 4th quarter. Some of things he did weren't pretty, but it worked and Pitt got the win.

Shady McCoy: Just saw him running up I-376. The ND Defense is still chasing him.

Jonathan Baldwin: Gets better every game.

The Oline: Gets better every week.

The Defense: They their ups and downs today. Golden Tate was a thorn in their side. They kept ND out of the endzone for most of the second half and all of overtime. The secondary had their problems early in the game, but stepped up with the game on the line.

Connor Lee: He's money.

John Taglianetti: We didn't know he played for Pitt. Thanks NBC Announcers.

Pitt-Notre Dame: A Half Assed Preview

2008-10-29T19:44:00.003-04:00

Well it's time to look forward to this Saturday as the Panthers head to South Bend to face the Fighting Fat Charlie's. If only the whole team was fat. Maybe not the receivers. They'd squash Aaron Berry and Jovanni Chappel. Let's look at the tale of the tape.

Pitt

Is 5-2 and no longer ranked. Bill Stull left last week's game in the 3rd quarter due to injury. Before he left, he was having one of the best games so far this season. Nothing has been official about his status for this Saturday. If he's not ready go, It's up to Pat Bostick.

Pitt's offensive line took a big hit when Rob Houser was lost for the season. This so reminds me of 2006 when Simonitis went down. CJ Davis will move to center and Dom Williams will take his place.

LeSean McCoy had a monster game and probably should have gotten the ball a lot more. Jonathan Baldwin and TJ Porter also put up some nice stats.

On defense, they had their worst game of the season. Enough said.

Notre Dame

They're 5-2 on the season, but 1-2 against teams .500 and over.

They're led by Jimmy Clausen who is putting up some big numbers in a few games this season. When he's on his game, he's dangerous to opposing defenses. When he's off his game, he's dangerous to his own team.

As for the running game, the carries seem to be split between Armando Allen, Robert Hughes, and James Aldridge. Their best rushing output was against Purdue when Armando Allen ran for 134 yards.

At receiver, they are led by Golden Tate. Michael Floyd is also a big targetat 6'2 and he's been getting some attention as well. They also have a big 6'6 Tight End in Kyle Rudolph.

Defensively, they've been up and down. Judging from the stats, they seem to have issues in stopping the running game.

Key Matchups

Pitt Passing Game vs. Notre Dame Defense: This all comes down to who takes the snaps for Pitt on Saturday. If it's Bill Stull, Pitt has a chance. If it's Pat Bostick, it's not going to look good. It depends if it's the Pat Bostick of last season. ND is big on defense. They play a 3-4 where they have a lot of height in the front seven. Pitt will need big plays from TJ Porter and Jonathan Baldwin. They may even consider getting Nate Byham and Dorin Dickerson involved.

ND Passing Game vs. Pitt Secondary: This matchup could make or break the game. If Pitt's secondary has a repeat performance from last week, it will be another long day. Jimmy Clausen is not the same player from last season. He's confident and will air the ball out. Aaron Berry will need to make up for last week's debacle and Pitt will need their safeties to attempt to cover somebody. If Jimmy is off his game, Pitt may be in luck. ND has receivers that can make plays. They'll have to keep that to a minimum.

Other Key Items

LeSean McCoy: Can he have another big game? He'll face a 3-4 defense with four linebackers coming after him. Pitt will need him the most.

ND Running Game: Mike Teel didn't have a breakout game until he met Pitt. Will ND break out against Pitt?

Pitt defense: Can they pressure Clausen? ND's big offensive line will be a challenge. If they can't touch Clausen, they're screwed.

Prediction: Last week, Pitt seemed focused on stopping the run. This game, they may be focused on stopping the pass. First off, can they recover from last week? It's no secret that Weis will attack Pitt's weaknesses like he did back in 2005. Look for ND to use screen passes again against Pitt. They'll most likely go after Pitt's safeties as well. Pitt's luck against ND has never been good.

Edited: Last week, I predicted a Pitt win..we lost. I predicted an Irish win today, we won. Hmmm....

Slap 10!

2008-10-29T01:31:00.003-04:00

This past weekend in college football, we had a wealth of slaps make the list. There were so many, that we had to narrow the list down. Let's take a look at the list.....

10. Michigan

Michigan will make it's final appearance in the Slap 10. They're 2-6 and have no hope for a bowl game unless they pull off some sort of miracle. They''ll need to open the pocketbooks a lot more and get some more help from Big Ten officials. On defense, they need to run faster. On offense, Brandon Minor is their only saving grace. Congrats Michigan, this will be your final appearance in any top ten. Maybe Morgantown isn't so bad after all, Coach Rod.

9. Kansas

Great showing against Texas Tech. We had hopes of seeing a high scoring game, and it was. Texas Tech just scored all the points. No more hype for you guys. Mangino just ate another football player.

8. Kansas State

Bad weekend for Kansas teams in the Fat 12. 55 points allowed in one half. It's only against Oklahoma so giving up over 50 points could be worse if it was another team...hmm....

7. Kentucky

Five points against Florida. That's all your team scored.....just five lousy points. The Tim Tebow lovefest continues....

6. Auburn

Looks like the offense got "Rhoads Blocked" in the second half against WVU. The defense allowed all lanes of traffic to be opened. Pitt fans still can't figure who was responsible for the bad days the defense had...Wanny or Jumper? Noel Devine is "still running".

5. Terrelle Pryor

Not to pile up on a young true freshman, but......this isn't high school anymore. Navarro Bowman stole your lunch money....and any chance at a Big Ten title. At least, we won't get to see Ohio State choke in the BCS title game for the third year in a row.

4. Colorado

IT'S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL!!! IT'S THE BIG 12!!!! THIS AIN'T INTERMURALS! You guys looked like an intermural team on Saturday against Missouri. Beating WVU, makes the Big East look bad as every week passes. How did you do it?

3. Ty Willingham

2002 was supposedly Notre Dame's "Return to Glory". That was after that 9-0 start where they would lose out the rest of the season. There was talk Notre Dame was "unfair" to fire you. Maybe Notre Dame knew something we all didn't know. The Washington program has been set back a couple more years. Good Job. Syracuse may be calling.

2. Aaron Berry

Yes, we hate to pile it on you as well. We just saw Kenny Britt running around on I-81 while you're on the Turnpike trying to hitchhike a ride to catch up with him. That fumbled punt was the icing on the cake to a bad Saturday at Heinz Field. Good Luck against Jimmy Clausen.

1. Pitt

Pitt is the Billy Hoyle of the Big East. Billy Hoyle was the white guy off "White Men Can't Jump" who couldn't help himself to bitch something up every time he had some sort of good luck come his way. When I think of the Rutgers game, I think of the part where Billy had three chances to prove his buddy Sidney that he could dunk. He failed on all three attempts.

As for the loss, I'm reminded when Billy when home at night to his woman and he just mutters "It Happened Again.......".

Gloria represents the Pitt fan base. Just when when Pitt fans think you've come around, you do something to turn them away again. It happened with Bowling Green. Now it's Rutgers. You made Mike Teel into a Heisman candidate in one afternoon. 54 points to a team who hasn't done much offensively this season. The rest of the season doesn't get any better. Just make the trip to Toronto and be done with it.

LINK!

2008-10-27T22:53:00.002-04:00

LINK! provided to a great blog thrown up by Paul Zeise about the state of Pitt football.

Mike Teel Just Threw Another Touchdown Pass

2008-10-25T23:54:00.003-04:00

We have received word at 11pm that Mike Teel has just thrown another touchdown pass. Teel torched the Panthers today for six touchdown passes and he hasn't stopped since the game ended around 7pm. He has just been ushered out of Heinz Field and has been escorted to the team bus before any more Panther defenders get torched. They stopped at Elijah Fields.

No word from UPMC-Presbyterian of the condition of the Panthers secondary. We received reports of third-degree burns and burnt toast smell at Heinz Field. Aaron Berry seems to be the one most affected from being burned. It was so bad that he had difficulty fielding punts. Eric Thatcher is still having nightmares of Kenny Britt eating his lunch.

On a side note.....

It's looking to be 2006 all over again. 5-1, nationally ranked, playing in front of a nice crowd. Yep, Pitt did it again. They played with our hearts, and they lost the game. Once Pitt went ahead 7-0 and Rutgers burned them on playaction, just about everyone knew what we were about to experience. Most were in denial. It didn't really sink in until it was 21-7. Not to mention the fake field goal and then Rutgers scoring again.

Pitt offense played well until Bill Stull went down. Stull was having a good game as well as McCoy. They put up 34 points..maybe more if Stull doesn't leave the game. To add insult to injury, we lose our center for the season. It seems bad luck can't escape the Pitt Football Program.

Does Pitt recover for this? If not, we know this much:

This is Pitt Football. This is who we are. This is what we do.

BEST DAMN WLAT SHOW PERIOD!

2008-10-24T02:01:00.004-04:00

Walt Harris: Welcome back to the Best Damn WLAT Show! We took some time off from the last show as I was in Key Largo.....

Rod Rutherford: How was Key Largo?

Walt: It was great. I got to see Bertie Higgins perform live and got to hang out with him back stage.

Rod: Real cool, coach. Did you party at all while you were down there?

Walt: Of course I did. There's nothing slowing me down.

Rod: Like waiting for Steve Pederson to give you a call?

Walt: Here...see for yourself........

Rod: You didn't.....

Walt: Of course I did. I told you there's nothing slowing me down. I love being unemployed. I get more time to what I've always wanted in life....

Rod: What's that?

Walt: Hang out and screw hot chicks.

Tyler Palko: So you like older chicks because as you get older, they stay the same age?

Walt: Tyler, I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you were back in class learning something.

Tyler: Well that, and for Kansas City to call me. If Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard can have a roster spot, I think I should too.

Walt: After what you did in Tampa, you and Larry Johnson could be good drinking pals.

Tyler: Coach, Larry abuses women.....

Rod: So you abuse men?

Tyler: No, opposing defenders.....

Rod: I think you need to get out of 2004. It's 2008.....

Tyler: Ask my fans....it's 2004. We just beat Notre Dame. I threw five touchdown passes! Everyone loves me! The fans want me back as a coach!

Walt: They wanted me back as the coach. So where's Kevan at today? He called and told me he couldn't make it.

Rod: Erie called him. He's up there looking for a roster spot.

Walt: So how was the show with me gone? Who did you have as a guest?

Rod: No one.....

Tyler: You're so full of it. Coach they had......

Rod: ALL OUT BLITZ!

( Tyler runs off stage )

Walt: So what did you guys do when I was gone?

Rod: Ahh....you know...we hung out....talked football....

Walt: Sure....what did you talk about?

Rod: Pitt being 4-1.....looking ahead to the Navy Game. Stull is getting better. He's completing passes...got about three touchdown passes and four picks.

Walt: That sounds like a normal game for you like when we played WVU in 2003.

Rod: Yeah and we quit utilizing Larry Fitz because we had no one else to throw to. Wasn't Ray Kirkley our running back for that game?

Walt: That was too long ago.

Rod: Well you got some mail here. Dear Walt, when will you be coaching on Sundays?

Walt: I hardly believe that's a letter. I think you're playing a joke.

Rod: No, it's from Steve from Seneca.

Walt: Well Steve, I've been talking to Al Davis. That guy is so senile, he'll hire anyone. My other option is the Syracuse job since Greg Robinson will be having his own show soon.

Rod: Why Syracuse?

Walt: The Big East plays on Sundays too.....

Pitt vs. Rutgers: A Half Assed Preview

2008-10-23T01:21:00.003-04:00

Pitt

They're 5-1 coming off a victory against the Midshipmen. Bill Stull is 5-1 as the starter which has really started to frighten most Pitt fans. He's showing improvement every week and he's even making use of the deep ball to Jonathan Baldwin.

LeSean McCoy and Larod Stephens have been tearing up opposing defenses as of late. Even Conredge Collins has joined the act. Derek Kinder is getting back to his old form and Oderick Turner is showing signs of life.

On defense, they getting pressure on the quarterback. They forced their share of turnovers against Navy last week.

Rutgers

Rutgers is 2-5 coming off an upset against Connecticut. Mike Teel has shown some improvement since the time he punched his teammate. Statistically, he's put up decent passing numbers the last three games. The only minus is the offense has issues getting into the endzone. Teel also hasn't thrown an interception the last three weeks.

Their running game is still a work in progress and Kenny Britt is starting to put up decent numbers receiving. How lucky Pitt will be to face them as this offense is improving.

On defense, they haven't allowed a lot points not counting the UNC debacle.

Key Matchups

Pitt defensive line vs. Rutgers offensive line: The reason why Mike Teel hasn't thrown an interception the last three games? He hasn't been sacked in any of those three games. When not being pressured, he's been able to move the ball. Rutgers is big up front, but Pitt will need to get to Teel and shut him down.

Pitt has also allowed a good bit of rushing yards. Ray Rice isn't there so they'll need to shut down Kordell Young and keep this offense off the field.

Last year, Teel did not have a good game against Pitt. Thanks to the one of many bad calls against Oderick Turner, Rutgers escaped with a win.

Pitt offensive line vs. Rutgers defensive line: Last year, Pitt didn't run the ball on the ground well. It may have been due to their issues at quarterback. Rutgers will most likely send the house on Bill Stull. It will be up to him not to make any mistakes. He made a huge one last game against Navy, but was able to recover. This defense is better than Navy's.

Pitt's line will need to establish the line of scrimmage. If Pitt can run the ball effectively, everything should take care of itself.

Other things to watch for:

Rutger's Receivers: Kenny Britt has been putting up decent numbers as of late. Pitt's secondary needs to shut him down.

Austin Ransom and Greg Williams: Pitt will need good performaces from both of these linebackers. Scott Mckillop can't do it alone.

LeSean McCoy: Can he continue on his hot streak?

Rutgers Linebackers: This group played in limiting Donald Brown's yardage. Can they do the same this weekend?

Overall: In 2006, Pitt was 6-1 with high hopes against Rutgers. Rutgers had one of their best seasons in a long time. Pitt was down 13-10 until Ray Rice torched them for big run pretty much ending Pitt's season. This time around is different. Rutgers has nothing to lose while Pitt has plenty to lose if they blow this game.

Big East Stock Market

2008-10-21T22:22:00.002-04:00

Let's take a look at this week's stock market to see what are good stocks to buy/sell...or ones to stay away from.........

1. Pittsburgh

Their stock is getting higher and higher every week. They're 5-1 after sinking the Midshipmen and they are heading home to play Rutgers this Saturday. We all remember 2006 pretty well. Pitt was 6-1 and hosting Rutgers. After cutting the lead to 13-10, Ray Rice was "still running". Ray Rice is gone and so is the rest of that 2006 team.

The only worry is that Rutgers will most likely will stack the line where Pitt may rely on Bill Stull to move the ball. Stull has played well enough the last two games to avoid any abuse from this blog so we'll leave him alone.

Advice: If you have stock, keep it. It may keep going up if Pitt wins. If you're fearful of a 2006 repeat, sell it.

2. South Florida

South Florida is coming off a crushing win against Syracuse and they head to Louisville this Saturday. Their stock took a big hit against Pitt, but was a benefactor of a recent bailout against Syracuse. Stockholders can now feel good about themselves driving their expensive cars and filling up with the highest grade of gas.

Advice: Buy it. If you already have it, keep it.

3. West Virginia

The Hoopies play the Auburn Tigers this week. Both of these teams have one thing in common: They get no respect. The only difference is the Auburn fanbase has a lot more self-respect. Paul Rhodes is their defensive coordinator so we could see some more boos from the Mountaineer fans if they can't move the ball. Not to mention, Pat White is pretty fragile as of late.

Advice: Sell

4. Connecticut

Last week was every UConn stockholder's nightmare. A loss to Rutgers caused their stock to plummet big time. Their kicker got the Pat Mcafee syndrome and went on this miss three field goals. They're at home against Cincinnati who is still awaiting word on Ben Mauk's eligibility.

Advice: Their price has gone down. You can buy it for a bargain. If they win this Saturday, good for you. If not, trade it in for a value meal at Wendy's.

5. Cincinnati

They come off a win against Rutgers and head to Connecticut. They have their issues at quarterback. They head to Storrs where they'll hear a loud fanbase and "Welcome to the Jungle" blasting while they are in the huddle or about to snap the ball. They currently have more wins than the Bengals.

Advice: Sell it.

6. Louisville

They had another shootout with Middle Tennessee State and they get to host South Florida. Louisville's defense has more holes than Bonny and Clyde after a police chase. Their offense improves each week, but it could be the defense that holds them back.

Advice: Sell

7. Rutgers

If you were crazy enough to hold on to their stock, then you must have forgotten to take your meds. They play Pitt this Saturday and have won their last three meetings against them. Things haven't been good for Rutgers this season. They're off to a bad start and their stadium expansion plans are being revised.

Advice: Sell. It may buy you some club seats if the stadium ever expands.

8. Syracuse

The have a bye week. That's only good thing we can say about them right now.

Advice: Liquidation Sale on "The Express" DVD's are coming to a video store near you.

SLAP 10!

2008-10-20T23:23:00.002-04:00

Another weekend of College Football has went by, and there weren't as many bitchups this time around. It was just the usual gang of slaps doing what they do best: Giving us all something to poke fun at or to complain about.

Before we start, we sadly announce the retirement of Clemson from the SLAP 10. Clemson bitched up so bad, Tommy Bowden offered his resignation. The only people that seem to be happy about it are the fans and their quarterback along with his daddy. I didn't know Anthony Morelli gained another year of eligibility.

So here's the honor roll for this week:

10. San Diego State

Look, we needed ten teams for this poll. After all, you had over 60 points racked on you. It's far cry from almost beating ND. Its a shame you didn't because they're still in the BCS hunt.

9. Washington State

We didn't know you guys still played football. Glad to see you're still around. It could be worse. Ty Willingham could be your coach.

8. UTEP

I think Tulsa just scored another touchdown on you. Is Mike Price still hanging out at the strip clubs? I know he's gotta be loving it in Texas.

7. Buffalo

I guess we could put all those Turner Gill coaching rumors away.

6. Cal

I think it's best you avoid the Top 25 polls for while. Every time you're ranked, you seem to do something to get yourself kicked out of the polls. Enjoy being second to USC, UCLA will be passing you by in a year or two.

5. Boston Red Sox

Yeah....you are our honorary non-football guest. Great season and great comeback. This fall hasn't been too kind for you. First, Tom Brady goes down. Now, you lose to the Devil Rays. I imagine Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are spooning in bed sobbing in tears. I can hardly wait for the Bill Simmons article where he compares this loss to some other Boston team choking with some pop culture references.

4. Michigan Teams in the FAT 10

Bad weekend for you guys. Let's recap:

-- Michigan State's battle with OSU lasted a little longer than Mike Tyson's opponents in the 80's. You guys were in it after the opening kickoff. I mean the Battle of San Jacinto lasted longer than this game. That battle lasted 18 minutes. After that, USA won the state of Texas. Just imagine if you'd made some plays. You could have had the Big Ten title....maybe. Somewhere, Mike Valenti had to be crying in the stands.

-- As for Michigan, DickRod has a 17-7 lead and basically drops eight back to let Penn State run the ball down the field to make it 17-14 lead into halftime. To make things better, you change quarterbacks. You must be begging for a buyout. I enjoy seeing you make that classic "DickRod Face" after every bitchup.

3. BYU

One Utah team down, another one left to go.......

2. UConn

Sounds like your kicker is suffering from the Mcafee Syndrome. Three missed field goals? Thanks for giving Rutgers a lot of confidence as they head to Heinz Field this Saturday.

1. SEC Officials

This South Carolina-LSU game reminded me of that part from the movie "Mr Mom". Michael Keaton has to attend a party for his wife's work that happens to be at her boss' mansion. They have a little obstacle race. During the race, the other contestants are tackling Michael Keaton so he won't win.

This is almost similar to that. There's a reason we shouldn't complain that the SEC doesn't play up North. This is one of them. Next thing you know, they'll have snipers in the stands.