The Daily Pube

NEW! From McTickle

2008-06-06T16:22:00.001-04:00

All!

Please check out my new blog Samuel D. Jacobs. It will not be like The Daily Pube. Sorry to disappoint. I'm using it to showcase my original fiction and articles as well as inspriational photos taken by me and by others. Don't expect any photoshops or uber babes.

Let me know what you think!

~McTickle

I'm Bored

2008-05-27T09:42:00.002-04:00

Sorry fans. This site is boring to me now. I've actually felt this way for a while. It's not you, it's me. Scarlett loves you. Patrick loves you. McTickle loves you. But McTickle just doesn't love writing The Daily Pube anymore. Fear not though, I do not plan on deleting the site. And if J-Mart Escobar wishes to continue to post that's up to him. I may even post a little something once in a while. However, for now I regret to inform everyone that The Daily Pube is going on hiatus. An extended sabbatical, if you will.

I am continuing to write though. I am working on something that I feel pretty proud of so far that is not a blog. I will post updates in regards to a possible new website, and possibly a new blog with a more specific subject.

It's been real.

~McTickle

Sorry...is all that I can say

2008-05-16T08:58:00.004-04:00

Dear Marissa-
First off, I am not (repeat I AM NOT) just writing you this letter of apology because you got named Maxim’s hottest chick in the world. That has little to do with anything (well, no its important...I want you to feel sexy...I do), but really I’m just writing you to say I’m sorry. I should have never strayed off the trusted path (notice how I didn’t say the beaten path....see I’m improving). ANYWAY. Mila was a mistake. I admit it, I’m ready to move on and I hope that you’re ready to take me back. Please tell me you understand. Please.

How do I plan to make it up to you? Well, I thought long and (HARD) about my mistake, and most of all I’m just really disappointed in myself. You deserve so much better. Can I sing you a song? Please, can I, please? I think that’s a good starting point, don’t you? What’s more romantic than that?

I know that I look like a total douche bag to the rest of the Pubers, but I don’t care. This is about you and I, not about them. So what if I’ll be ridiculed and called J-Mart Vagina for the rest of my life? I DON’T CARE. I love you. McTickle, Big Dan, Ken of Snakes, Scotty Doesn’t Know? All of them don’t know. They don’t know what we ha(d)ve.

What have I done for you lately and where was I to congratulate you on making the cover of SI swimsuit? Well excuse me. First of all, I fought McTickle tooth-n-nail to put you atop the Pube’s hottest babes list. I think I somewhat succeeded, you were in the top 5. And since I couldn’t be there in NY for the party, I sent McTickle in my place whom you apparently didn’t have the time of day for. So you see, this is a bit of a two way street. I’m trying, I hope you recognize that.

Back to the issue at hand. I’ve picked a song (that I’ll never heard the end of from the other Pubers) just for you. Until I see you next, I want you to familiarize yourself with it so that when I sit on your bed and sing it to you, you can light a lighter (or candle) and sort of sway side to side and whisper the words....

Have a listen. And please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take me back.

I’m sorry.
J-Mart Escobar

Sex & the Shitty

2008-05-12T09:57:00.004-04:00

I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall Friday night. It was hilarious, to say the least. Judd Apatow and I are now friends on Facebook. It's nifty.

My issue though, was having to sit through the 3 minute preview for the Sex & The City movie. I hated this show when it was on HBO. You couldn't pay me enough to watch the movie on TBS while drinking scotch & soda and getting a soft, yet firm hummer from this week's uber babe Michelle Branch.

Sex & The City, at least in my mind is what has turned New York from a cool, hip, and edgy city into what it is today - overrun with douche bags, and young 20 somethings who think their shit don't stink just because they wear expensive designer shoes and live on the upper east side. Some of us REALLY liked getting drunk at The Village Idiot with its smell of stale vomit. We liked that! The meat packing district was once for packing meat, not trendy restaurants and overpriced real estate.

Or perhaps I really just despise Sarah Jessica Parker. She looks like a horse. 2000 World Series - Mets vs Yankees - there she is in the front row in her pink Yankees hat. BLECH x 2!!! After the 9/11 attack they did a telethon, or something that was shown on HBO. It was moving and heartfelt until her busted ass head appeared on the screen. Something about it just seemed so manufactured - full of shit, if you will. Like anytime she appears somewhere it dumbs it down - similar to Kanye West saying 'George Bush doesn't care about black people!' during the Hurricane Katrina telethon.

In conclusion I won't be seeing that movie, and I strongly urge the rest of the world to boycott it too. For now, let's have another look at Michelle Branch.

~McTickle

A short lived romance

2008-05-09T12:42:00.002-04:00

Folks, call it 'cry wolf' or whatever, but my fictional affair with Mila is over. Yup, just as quick as it began, its D-O-N-E DONE.

What went wrong you say?

Ummmm, she's real-life dating a double douche...that is Macaulay Culkin...aka the dude that took it up the butt from Michael Jackson.

Given that McTickle always likes to do his "6 degrees of seperation"....i do not, let me repeat, I DO NOT want to be associated with Michael Jackson.

In related news, I wonder if Macaulay gets all cute and cuddly with Mila and calls her "Blanket". Disturbing.

Over and out. Happy weekend Pubers!

Sincerely~
Jmart "I almost just had a crush on a chick who's dating a kid who was molested by Michael Jackson" Escobar

The Daily Pube Digs: Falling Down

2008-05-07T13:58:00.002-04:00

Here it is, Scarlett Johansson's first music video from her upcoming release Anywhere I Lay My Head. The song is called Falling Down. I would watch this over and over if that's what she wanted.

Oh, and I've decided to give Scarlett her own post label. Once I update all the past posts with her you'll be able to easily click and search for her. Neat, eh?

~McTickle

Ryan Reynolds is NOT A Douche Bag

2008-05-07T13:38:00.005-04:00

It is true. Celebrity Uber Babe of the Century, Scarlett Johansson and the star of Van Wilder, Just Friends, & Waiting Ryan Reynolds have announced their engagement. She's officially off the market. That's it. Gone. Done. Finished. Finito!

Of course, we here at The Daily Pube are upset; even crying a bit. But do we hate Van Wilder for stealing our woman? No. Not one bit.

If she had to get married to someone either than any of us, we feel she chose wisely. It makes sense. He's 32, she's 23. He used to date Alanis Morisette. I'm guessing her developed a crush on her while watching the You Ought ta Know video back in 1994. I had a bit of a crush, I'll admit. So, they dated a while. It ended. He's an actor. He meets Scarlett. She's an actress. She's young, beautiful, sexy, talented, has a perfect booty, makes smoking sexy again, shows her butt in Lost in Translation. Must I continue?

His appeal to her? I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to say he's good looking and looks carved out of wood. Plus, he's funny. And neither of them seem to be the Hollywood types who would be assholes in person.

It's a good match. The Daily Pube endorses it. However, should it not work out (for whatever reason) Scarlett has my number - she knows what to do with it.

~McTickle

Milfs Opposed to Porn

2008-05-06T10:52:00.001-04:00

This story is even more hysterical due to the fact that the woman's last name is Milfs.

Milfs Opposed to Porn

The Daily Pube Digs: Christina!

2008-05-05T10:28:00.003-04:00

Aguillera, that is. She's April's Celebrity Uber Babe Obsession of the Month. Stand up, Christina. Take a bow. MAZEL TOV!

In other news, today is May 5th. Cinco De Mayo. And it's a happy birthday to Scotty Doesn't Know! And do you all know what? He'll never know. Not only does he not contribute anymore, I don't even think he reads this rag anymore. Still, he is my colleague, so he gets birthday wishes....Go Eat Arby's, Mother Fucker!!!!

On a sadder note...I have to get back to work.

~McTickle

BREAKING NEWS

2008-05-05T10:08:00.003-04:00

This just in from the CNN newsroom floor, J-Mart Escobar's all-time crush Marissa Miller's reign has ended abruptly as the undisputed 'Hottest POA on the planet'.

Yes, its true folks. I can hardly believe that I'm typing these words and it breaks my heart. How will I tell Marissa? Do I call her? Text message? I don't know, what's appropriate for breaking up these days?

Anyway...out with the old, in with the new!!!!!!!!

Last night I went to see the movie Forgetting Sara Marshall. There she was...the new Ms. Hottest POA on the planet.

From what I understand, she's probably hardly new news to y'all. But let's not forget where I live...the midwest...news travels slow out here.

Ladies and Gents...I give you...Mila Kunis aka Hottest POA On The Planet

Love~
J-Mart Escobar

It's That Time of the Month...Again

2008-04-28T12:26:00.002-04:00

Time to vote, that is. And the gadget is working! Vote for Miranda or Christina or Natasha or this week's DUFFY.

I am happy to say I am starting yet another writing class this evening. This may even inspire me to write more on The Daily Pube. But probably not. Sorry it's been so sparse, but I've just been really busy, and the rest of the fellas are MIA. It couldn't last forever, right?

Um, yeah not much else to say right now.

~McTickle

The Daily Pube Digs: The Best Album of 2008 (That You Probably Won't Ever Hear)

2008-04-17T10:58:00.003-04:00

We here at The Daily Pube love Scarlett Johansson. You all know that. She was 2007's Celebrity Uber Babe of The Year. Ken of Snakes kissed her, and I sat in bed with her which she had her post coital cigarette.

Some of us also like Tom Waits. He's dark, and gritty, and awesome!

How do you improve on either of them, you ask? Well, why not have Scarlett record an entire album of Tom Waits covers? BINGO!

Later this month, if you care to take the plunge on faith alone you get to hear Scarlett barely strain her vocal chords on 10 tracks by the king of grit, and one original written by miss Johansson and producer David Andrew Sitek appropriately titled Song For Jo.

The album is titled Anywhere I Lay My Head. I listened to a portion of one track Falling Down on Amazon.com. It's not bad. It's not good either, if all you're doing is listening.

The trick is to imagine Scarlett is singing each song directly to you. She's wearing a red negligee, smoking a cigarette, drinking scotch, and straddling you while you sit in your favorite leather chair and watch her lips and breasts move in time to the music. Do you think you could do that? Yes? Good, you will enjoy this album...if you get it. Will you trust me enough to take the plunge? Pre-order it at Amazon.com.

In the mean time, go over that scenario again a few more times in your head. But if you're at work try to resist the urge to take a trip to the bathroom to...you know...

~McTickle

WAR KITTENS!

2008-04-16T16:18:00.000-04:00

Cracks me up every time!!!

~McTickle

Unhappy Monday

2008-04-14T12:48:00.003-04:00

Pollen is high - and I'm itchy and sneezy.

The Mets lost 2-3 games to the Brewers over the weekend.

However...Blogger has updated their system, and we got back the side bar functions. If you look below our new uber babe of the week you will see the uber babe of the month poll. So far we have two. If you're confident that your favorite will be one of these two, then by all means vote now.

You're probably also questioning my choice for this week. Natasha Bedingfield is irritating, true - but she is hot. And that's what this is about. Hotness. When I decide to do a super cool intellectual of the month contest you can rest assured she won't be included.

~McTickle

Spoon Me Gently

2008-04-10T10:01:00.005-04:00

As if you couldn't figure it out from the title, this post is a concert review. Yup, last night Ken of Snakes, McTickle, and our gal pal (from work) TJ saw SPOON at Terminal 5 in New York City.

I have a two word review for this show: FUCK YEAH!

They played well from start to finish; hitting all the favorites and some lesser known gems. They brought in a horn section for a few songs, and even played a Paul Simon cover (check their website for the name of the song). My one disappointment was that they saved I Turn My Camera On for their last song prompting all the poseur fans to whoop and shout, and sing along - badly. It reminded me a bit of the first time I saw The Shins and the moment they started playing New Slang some twat in front of me started singing along - loudly - and VERY off key. I wanted to kick her in the head, but unfortunately I can't kick that high being a white man, and all.

An added bonus was the Camel Cigarettes sponsorship of the show. We got there fairly early so the crowd was light. There was Camel branding everywhere. There were also little booths set up where they'd scan your license and give you a bunch of free shit including a lighter, a flash drive, a drink ticket, and tickets for a free Rock Photo and a free silk screen t-shirt. The three of us first headed up to the photo station where we took this gem.

Then we headed downstairs to the silk screening station and picked up some awesomely awesome t-shirts. I tried mine on when I got home and it was really long. What is it about free t-shirts? They never fit right!

We made our way back to the top level to watch the show. The view was fantastic in more ways than one...

I'll be headed back to Terminal 5 in a few weeks to see The Black Keys with Kristina.

~McTickle

RIP - Charlton Heston

2008-04-07T10:43:00.002-04:00

Whatever your political views may be regarding gun control, etc you have to admit he was awesome as Moses in The Ten Commandments!!

Plus, he also thought Michael Moore was a douche bag. He still is.

Rest in peace gun toting man, rest in peace!

~McTickle

Music To My Ears

2008-04-07T10:02:00.003-04:00

We kick off MUSIC MONTH with March's Celebrity Uber Babe of the Month, Jamie Presley. She squoze by Katherine Heigl with one vote winning 5-4 (or something like that). We pretty much had shit for votes. Thanks to eight of The Daily Pube readers who were awesome enough to vote. Maybe this month we can bump that number up a bit...

Our new babe of the week is an old favorite of mine, Miranda Lambert.
The second ever Daily Pube post was a review of one of her performances in NYC. I think we've come a long way since then...or not. Aside from having a new musical babe each week, we will also be reviewing new records, old favorites, and even a couple of concerts including one this week which Ken of Snakes and I will be attending - SPOON. I'm looking forward to seeing these fools rock out with their...never mind.

In other news, I recently found out that yet another old high school acquaintance of mine is a published author. I'm always excited to hear about these sorts of things as I aspire to be published, and am working hard at building up a collection of published author friends on my Facebook page - so far I have two. The dude from high school is Daniel B. Smith. He wrote a book called Muses, Madmen, and Prophets: Hearing Voices and the Borders of Sanity. It is a non-fiction account of people (including his own father & grandfather) who hear voices, but aren't necessarily insane, or something to that degree. I didn't want to copy the Amazon.com description word for word, nor have I read it myself, but I do intend to. Dan's book has appeared on many best seller lists, and he himself made an appearance on The Colbert Report. I was also told that we live within spitting distance of one another. Look out Dan, here comes a stalker!

For those of you who are curious about what my sock drawer has been up to, I recently bought a pair of gray socks with a broken, lighter gray pinstripe. I placed them in front of a gray pair with tiny green pin dots. You can probably guess what happened after I closed the drawer. When I opened it this morning to wear the pinstriped ones, well let's just say I may never be able to wear the other ones ever again. Moral of the story? Don't mix stripes and dots - they WILL clash! (Hardy har har!!)

~McTickle

How Many Dead Ends Can A Man Walk Down...?

2008-04-04T10:22:00.002-04:00

Does anybody know who performs the cover of the Beatles' Any Time At All in this Chase commercial? I really like it - even though a lot of Beatles purists on the web seem to hate it - and I'd like to download it, but nobody seems to know who it is.

Also, just a reminder after today there's no more voting for March Celebrity Uber Babe of the Month. Right now Katherine Heigl and Jamie Presley are in a dead heat. VOTE!!!!!

~McTickle

VOTE FOR MCTICKLE!!!

2008-04-03T12:56:00.000-04:00

Laugh if you want to. It's pretty funny. I registered myself in Esquire's Best Dressed Man in America Contest. Go ahead, laugh! It's hysterical. But you're not shocked, right?

Click the link below, and vote me 5 stars. If you REALLY feel you should give me less, then fine. I appreciate your honesty. I probably didn't even choose the best photos of myself. I know I'm ten times sexier in person. :)

So, there it is. http://www.esquirebdrm.com/SamJ/450 Vote Sam J (aka McTickle) the Best Dressed Man in America.

Thank you!

~McTickle

Opening Day

2008-03-31T13:14:00.004-04:00

So, who else is stoked that the Nats beat the Braves, and that the Yankees game is currently on rain delay? That's a real POSITIVE way to start your season. Personally I'm home with a bad cold or flu. Not fun. But the good thing about this is I'll get to watch the Mets opener at Florida on my HDTV! Yeah, that's pretty cool.

On another note you all may notice that tomorrow is a new month. April is music month at The Daily Pube. All babes starting next Monday will be babes of music. I think you'll all like our selections. And today we can start voting for March Uber Babe of the Month.

Eligible babes are:

Jamie Presley

Kate Bosworth

Katherine Heigl

Britney Spears

Jennifer Garner

Blogger is STILL fucked up, so you'll have to submit your votes again via comments. And please vote. That makes this whole thing that much more fun.

~McTickle

The Daily Pube Digs: Jack Johnson - Sleep Through The Static

2008-03-30T09:37:00.004-04:00

As many of our regular readers should know, Mr. of Snakes and I are fans of the folky and sometimes hokey music of Jack Johnson. We both waited in patient anticipation for his newest album Sleep Through The Static to be released earlier this year.

To no surprise of mine it sounds like like everything else he's ever released. And for fans of Jack Johnson, this is not a bad thing. I don't know about Joe Shmo from Idaho, but personally I don't want him to innovate. He can add a steel drum or backing vocals by Nora Jones if he really wants to. However, for the most part he should, and has stuck to the formula that's made him adored by fans worldwide. His music is simple, laid back, melodic - beautiful. At no point on Sleep Through the Static did Jack stray from the path. It's as perfect as you can get with a Jack Johnson record. The Daily Pube gives it 4 out of 5 stars.

~McTickle

We Didn't Do It

2008-03-30T09:25:00.003-04:00

The New York Daily News has reported that The Daily Pube sports connection Sean Avery is in the little black book of Manhattan Madam Kristin Davis claiming he is a client and has solicited prostitutes from her service. Avery insists it is a load of crap, and that someone is trying to plan an April Fool's joke on him.

You've all read the story about how I found his phone, and how he called me and came to my office to get his phone, and how then Kristina and I went to a game courtesy of Sean. I texted him after the game to thank him for the tickets and he never wrote back. Sure, I was hoping he'd say something to the degree of "No prob, dude. any time you want to come to a game, get some beers, or touch Elisha's butt you just let me know." But this is the real world. McTickle is a nobody (for now) and he's a big hockey star (for now). He was done with me. But I assure you, the general public that I did not, I repeat did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky*...oh wait, wrong speech. What I meant to say was if someone did play a practical joke on Sean Avery and submit his name and private cell phone number to Kristin Davis as part of a joke - that person was not me. Rest assured Sean, I didn't do it.

*What I did do, however was nail Monica Lewinsky.

~McTickle

Recommended by George Clooney

2008-03-26T18:01:00.000-04:00

This is hilarious!!!!

Big Boobs!

2008-03-26T13:37:00.001-04:00

...and sexy bikini clad bottoms = VOTES!

Was there ever a question? Now there certainly ain't!

~McTickle

Quantum of Solace

2008-03-24T12:36:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I'm a little late on my 007 reporting, but that's the name of the next movie due out November 7th. Once blogger fixes the issues I'm going to upload a new countdown clock. Yeah, I know there's a lot to do and to cover between now and November 7th, but it's Bond.

Here's a list of other things we WILL cover between now and then:

Baseball!
Concert reviews for Spoon and the Black Keys (and others if J-Mart, Ken of Snakes, or Big Dan decide to review any)
Patrick Swayze's health updates
J-Mart Escobar's impending vasectomy
Batman - The Dark Knight
The new Indiana Jones film
A new diet consisting of Guinness & Baked Beans
(Lots of) Celebrity Uber Babes including this week's firecracker, Britney Spears

So there. You have lots to look forward to. Keep your shirts on (unless you're between 18-35 and smokin hot!) and prepare for the ultimate Daily Pube SPRING BREAK!!!

~McTickle