Marie Brodie's WIMS

First Offense or First Caught?

2009-07-17T16:55:00.003-04:00

First Offenses:
I have no idea if Chris Brown's assault against Rihanna was his first attack of a woman or not. I do know that for most abusers the first time they are reported to the police is not the first time they have assaulted their intimate partner. Not even close.
Maybe first offense needs to be renamed to "First Caught."

From Family Violence Prevention Fund's Speaking Up Newsletter:

On June 22, Chris Brown pled guilty to felony charges for assaulting his then-girlfriend, pop star Rihanna. Brown’s punishment is five years of supervised probation and six months of community service. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Patricia Schnegg issued a stay-away order, prohibiting Brown from coming within 50 yards of Rihanna and vice versa, and requiring the two to stay ten yards apart at industry events.

“The plea deal reached today in Los Angeles in the domestic violence case involving Chris Brown and Rihanna is not an unusual outcome in a case like this,” said Family Violence Prevention Fund President Esta Soler. “Despite what was apparently an extremely violent assault, it was a first offense. We are glad the charge remained a felony, and that Mr. Brown pleaded guilty, taking responsibility for his actions.” If convicted, Brown could have faced up to five years in prison.

“Time will tell whether justice was served, and that will depend in large part on whether Mr. Brown is truly repentant and takes seriously the interventions that will now be available to help him renounce violence going forward,” Soler continued. “This case is a chilling reminder of how dangerous domestic and dating violence can be, how quickly it can escalate, how badly youth like Mr. Brown who grow up in violent homes need intervention, and how urgently victims need services,” she continued.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports 1,200 deaths and two million injuries to women from intimate partner violence each year and on average, three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends each day in this country. 15.5 million U.S. children live in families in which partner violence occurred at least once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe partner violence occurred.

Why were we ever charging rape victims anyway?

2009-07-16T11:08:00.004-04:00

The NC Legislature passed HB 1342 and it's on the way to Governor Bev Perdue for her signature.

HB 1342 clarifies that the Rape Victims Assistance Program pays for the cost of a forensic medical exam for victims of sexual assault or attempted sexual assault.

It also prohibits a medical facility or medical professional from:
1. bill ing victims, their insurance, Medicaid, Medicare, or any other collateral source for the examination
2. seeking reimbursement from the program after one year from the date of the exam.

Further, it eliminates the requirement that a victim report to law enforcement, among other provisions.

Great Bill
It took legislation to stop hospitals from charging victims of rape for evidence collection. It was like asking Wachovia to pay for the fingerprinting of their bank after a robbery.

Help Me Out Here: Match the Sentence to the Crime

2009-07-11T17:47:00.003-04:00

First and foremost, I offer my sympathy to the surviving family members of Mark Buhaug and Marnita Bynum. No one can fully comprehend the suffering and pain of surviving family members of homicide victims.

Robbery is wrong.
Murder is wrong.

The frustration I have is with our bizarre system of using plea bargaining to settle criminal cases.

The cases:

Last year, a man used a gun to rob a manager at a movie theatre. The manager did his best to protect his employees and patrons. The man tapped the gun on the countertop to get the manager to hurry when the gun fired, the bullet ricocheted and subsequently hit the manager and killed him. www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/1602013.html

Four years earlier, a couple of counties away, a minister admitted that he strangled his wife to death and then stuffed her dead body into the trunk of her car. www.wral.com/news/local/story/1124875

Here are two sentences for you to choose from:
1. Life in prison

2. 64-86 months (5 to 7 years)

Match the sentence to the crime.

Did you give life in prison to the minister?

You would be wrong.

A plea bargain for first degree murder charges goes to Anthony Bimbo, who committed the armed robbery and murder. He received a sentence of life in prison.

A plea bargain for the charge of manslaughter goes to Minister Melvin Bynum, who strangled his wife to death and then told his congregation (according to www.wral.com) that his wife was home sick when she did not show up for church. He received a sentence of 64-86 months. That's less time than Marnita Bynum's mother served for writing bad checks.

And yes, I do understand how plea bargaining works and that almost every case ends up being settled outside of court. It doesn't make these deals and these sentences any more sane.

Somewhere around 2010 when Bynum has finished serving his sentence for strangling his wife to death, he will probably start establishing his new church. He will probably start looking for a new spouse as well. That same year, Anthony Bimbo will have served 1 year of his life sentence.

Six Women

2009-07-08T22:17:00.004-04:00

Actually the number is 9 women. The News and Observer (Raleigh, NC) covered a story about 6 women who all have been found murdered in Rocky Mount, NC. Another 3 women are missing. I sometimes torture myself and read the comments that people write in response to the online version of the paper. The people who responded to this article surprised me. The comments were smart and on point. Specifically people pointed out how little information the article provided about the women and others questioned why it has taken 6 murders and 3 missing women before this became news. I don't know what you know about Rocky Mount, but I'm here to tell you, it isn't that big. Six murders and 3 missing women is appalling for any town, but especially frightening for a town the size of Rocky Mount. The journalist mentions how some of the women had troubled pasts and that probably is what makes this less newsworthy to the general public. Perhaps the women didn't have awards and plaques hanging on their walls. Maybe they didn't get "yard of the month" in a fancy-pants neighborhood. None of that should matter. It matters that 6 women are dead and 3 more are missing. The murders are all unsolved.

It further galls me to read this article that has absolutely no information on where to call with tips for the police. Don't these women, some of them with "troubled past". deserve as much attention as any other woman from any other neighbhorhood with a shining past?

Here's the link: www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/1599226.html

Updates

2009-06-26T12:42:00.002-04:00

It has been over a month since I have posted here. Busy, busy, busy!
Here is what I have been doing:

Going to school and doing copious amounts of homework.
Working at three jobs.
Assisting in the weekend retreat, Growing a New Heart, facilitated by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi, held in Connecticut.
Creating and delivering the following workshops:

March 26: NCVAN certification class: Understanding Domsetic Violence
April 15: UNC Horizons Conference: Addressing Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence
May 8: SEAHEC Conference: Teen Dating Violence
June 17: US Attorney's Conference: Networking in the Domestic Violence Movement

On the horiozn for me: finishing school, delivering more workshops on how to serve victims of abuse, and more blog posts.

On the horizon here: I'll be writing about some recent homicides in NC and some recent legislation in NC, including the anti-bullying bill. I always have something to say, I just don't always make the time to write it down here with my currently packed to the gills schedule.

When did rape become funny?

2009-05-09T10:47:00.002-04:00

It's so weird. Have you heard any dialog, read any blogs, or watched any youtube videos about the rape scene in the movie, Observe and Report? You know, the scene that's supposed to make you laugh at Seth Rogen's character raping a woman? This clip on youtube is an interview with the director/characters. It's just plain weird to me. They actually think the scene is funny when it's a failed attempt at dark humor. It's an example of the director's reach extending beyond their grasp.

Here's the interview with the director and actors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjki8FxJNLc

Here's a little piece of social activism in response to the movie. Julia wrote and recorded a song on youtube in response to the movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGIQPTa4s_g

So, have we really come a long way baby? Let's see, Gone with the Wind was made in 1939 and included a rape scene. In this rape scene, the audience isn't supposed to laugh. You're supposed to swoon. And you're supposed to believe that women like to be raped. Consider the fact of Viven Leigh the next morning - smiling and humming. And, of course, the movie doesn't even bother to address the issue of African women who were enslaved and faced repeated rapes at the hands of white slave owners in the south. Too much of a dose of reality? I actually discussed this in a workhop one time and showed the rape scene in the movie. Two white women approached me at the break and told me that I forever ruined their favorite movie for them. They would never be able to watch the movie again without seeing the scene for what it is. Oops. So sorry to have raised your awareness about rape and common culture.

Resources for Working with Teens

2009-05-08T15:15:00.001-04:00

Resources Related to Teen Dating Violence

· Curriculum on Gender-Based Violence in Schools
Doorways Training Manuals - Student, Community Counselor and Teacher Program to Reduce Gender-Based Violence in Schools
http://www.usaid.gov/our_work/cross-cutting_programs/wid/doorways.html
Complete training manuals for teachers and students on School-based Gender-related Violence (SBGRV) Prevention and Response. For ages 10-14

· Mentors in Violence Prevention
www.jacksonkatz.com
Information on (MVP Program): curriculum for teaching high school and college students about dating and sexual violence. Focus is on bystander behavior.

· Facts about teen dating violence
www.endabuse.org
Website of Family Violence Prevention Fund – a wealth of information on all topics related to domestic violence with specific tabs on dating violence.

· Teen Abuse through technology
www.thatsnotcool.org
Website geared towards teens about cyber safety.

· Teen Dating Violence National Hotline and other teen resources
www.loveisrespect.org
www.chooserespect.org (sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control)

· Resources for adults working with teens
www.breakthecycle.org
Includes training manuals and videos. Many free downloads.

· Activism
www.dosomething.org
Social activism website that includes dating violence, bullying and a multitude of other social justice issues.

Sexual Assault in the US Military

2009-04-30T14:51:00.003-04:00

To make matters worse, according to Department of Defense statistics, 84-85 percent of soldiers convicted of rape or sexual assault leave the military with honourable discharges. Not only are they not penalised, they are honoured.

"In 2004, a study of veterans from Vietnam and all wars since, published in the journal of Military Medicine, found that 71 percent of the women were sexually assaulted or raped while serving."
~ 'Culture of Unpunished Sexual Assault in the Military' by Dahr Jamail, Interpress Service.

Wow. That number is outrageously high. And I get the feeling that the journal of Military Medicine is not a journal known for anti-military bias either.

This is not our best that we have to offer women serving in the military...is it?
If the number of sexual assaults offends you, the response of the military should send you over the top - or better yet, over to your legislator.

"To make matters worse, according to Department of Defense statistics, 84-85 percent of soldiers convicted of rape or sexual assault leave the military with honourable discharges. Not only are they not penalised, they are honoured."
~'Culture of Unpunished Sexual Assault in the Military' by Dahr Jamail, Interpress Services

When women sign up for the military, they are taking into consideration that they may be in harms way of an "enemy." Many are not expecting that "enemy" to be a soldier working side by side with them. Unfortunately, some women are expecitng that because of their previous experiences with coworkers, students, and lovers.

To read the full article about sexual violence in the military, go to: http://ipsnews.net/news.asp?idnews=46674

Alcohol and Sexual Violence

2009-04-22T05:59:00.003-04:00

Do you know about www.dosomething.org? It's a very cool website with lots of information on how to get involved in social change. The information below is timely in light of the recent movie, Observe and Report. I haven't seen the movie, but apparently it includes a rape scene that involves alcohol and drugs and is supposed to illicit laughs from the audience. You'll notice I don't use the term "date rape" because I don't really know why people keep promoting the term anyway.

"Date rape" is not a legal term.

Rape is a felony crime and our dialog should treat it as such. Using the term date rape fosters the hostility that rape survivors already experience from our culture-at-large and engenders a false dichotomy that some types of rape aren't as bad as other types of rape. That is a complete diversion from cogent dialog about rape and sexual violence in our culture.

Information below from www.dosomething.org.

Rape by Intoxication Campaign Launches
Submitted by vmartir on Fri, 04/17/2009 - 17:21.
Related Causes:
Violence Against Women,
Violence And Bullying
A Web site aimed at educating high school-aged students about the crime of rape by intoxication was unveiled Thursday by law enforcement officials and community leaders in San Diego.
The website, KnowThePrice.org, was created to address a 60% increase in the number of reported cases of rape by intoxication in the county from 2007 to 2008. The site includes compelling videos featuring interviews with sexual assault victims, a prosecutor, police detective, sexual assault response team doctor and college fraternity members -- all giving first-person accounts designed to educate young people about rape by intoxication.
The problem isn’t exclusive to San Diego or to high school-aged students. In a national study of college students, 75% of males and 55% of females involved in date rape had been drinking or using drugs prior to the assault.
Though never an excuse or cause for rape, alcohol can be part of the equation. Alcohol can affect both men and women, but most importantly, it also affects those skills that can protect a person from being involved in a sexual assault. Remember, regardless of how much a person drinks, no one is ever justified in forcing sex if the other party resists, says "no," or is under the influence of alcohol.
Want to do something about the increasing problem of rape by intoxication?

Growing a New Heart - Healing Retreat with Lundy Bancroft

2009-03-31T05:50:00.002-04:00

I mentioned about a week ago that I would be sharing some information about a healing opportunity. This retreat is scheduled for May 29-31 in Connecticut.

Growing a New Heart: A Weekend Retreat for Survivors Recovering from Relationship Abuse
Facilitated by Lundy Bancroft and Jac Patrissi

IN THIS WORKSHOP WE WILL EXPLORE TOGETHER:

Understanding How Abuse Has Affected Our Lives
By learning and sharing about the impacts of relationship abuse, we will move away from isolation and self-blame, and take the first step toward recovery.

Regaining Faith in Ourselves
We will practice ways to build our self-confidence and self-esteem, and to healthfully manage stress and anxiety. Abusers silence their partners, so we will work on rediscovering our true voice and reclaiming power.

Regaining Faith in Others
Forming (or repairing) close connections to friends and relatives accelerates healing. We will learn how to make good decisions about which people to confide in, and then work on overcoming blocks to trusting again in the face of past betrayals.

Building a New Life that Works
We will discuss empowering strategies
for moving into a new intimate relationship without ending up with another abuser, and learn how to build and keep healthy boundaries.

Leaving the Past Behind
We will learn how to heal the pain of abuse so that we can stop dwelling on the wrongs that have been done, moving instead into freedom. We will learn how to begin to build a lasting support system to help us through this healing process, as we find joy again.

Teen Dating Violence

2009-03-27T10:38:00.003-04:00

I keep getting asked what I think about Rihanna and Chris Brown.

Well, as I was looking into information about this couple I came across this website:

http://www.dosomething.org/whatsyourthing/Violence+and+Bullying/Dating+Abuse

Do something has posted a video with a reenactment of dating violence based on an exact transcript of the law enforcement officer's report of the violence involving Chris Brown.

Check it out. What do you think?

Are You a Well-Adjusted Person?

2009-03-23T07:50:00.002-04:00

To what you might ask.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
-J. Krishnamurti, author, speaker, and philosopher (1895-1986)

This is the predicament of victims of abuse. And sometimes the predicament of employees in an unhealthy work environment.

I'm grateful to be in neither situation and have great empathy for anyone facing either situation and I especially feel empathy for battered women who work in an abusive work environment. The unwinding of adapting to sickness is a major effort. More on where to get help tomorrow.

Teen Dating Violence

2009-03-12T16:37:00.003-04:00

Michelle Johnson Major Bava (of Be A Voice to End Domestic Violence) wrote:

"Today in my classroom, we started talking about Chris Brown and it quickly begam evident the need to bring dating violence education into the school system. In a span of thirty seconds I heard:Rihanna deserved it, she gave him VD.Rihanna deserved it, she hit him first.He only did it once, I'd stay with him, look how good he looks.Look at what he can buy her, I'd stay with him.She can change him.She deserved what she got. She cheated.They just don't understand and we have to educate them.PLEASE PLEASE, I urge you to join the cause MADE-Moms and Dads for Education (MADE) to Stop Teen Dating Abuse.http://apps.facebook.com/causes/172268"

It has been over a decade since I taught violence prevention classes in Wake County (NC) public schools. It doesn't seem like much has changed. I heard many comments like this about the current high profile abuse cases of the time.

The way to start meaningful dialog with teenagers who make these comments is to meet them where they are and not to immediately dismiss their status quo statements. Engage students in critical thinking and get them to take these statements several steps further out and see if they can find any logic in their own belief system. You'll discover which students are pulling your chain, trying to look cool, trying to cover up their own victimization or perhaps covering up their own acts of violence. And you'll discover that some teens still adhere to the status quo belief that violence in intimate relationships is mutual, acceptable and often to be expected. Each teen has a reason for their comments and it's helpful to get them talking even more and listen to them, even though the inclination is to get them to stop talking because what they are saying may sound like nonsense or sound personally offensive.

It's tough to work with youth. Teens know every button to push. They know they have to look tough to their peers. What could be more important to most teens than to blend in with the crowd? It's much cooler for them to side with their peers than with the instructor. I taught violence prevention classes to middle and high school students for over 5 years and it was trial by fire. Everyday was a new lesson for me and them.

Hats off to all who work to educate teens about date violence, rape, and stalking. Don't give up. The number one activity that got through to students more than anything else was when I brought prisoners from the women's prison in Raleigh, NC to speak to the students. The students could relate to women who had a hard life and made some tough choices that put them in the gray bar hotel.

When you talk to teens about interpersonal violence, you are reaching someone in that class whether you know it or not. It's just too hard to be a teen and let an instructor on teen violence know you are getting through. The last thing you want to be in middle or high school is a victim. Relating to and understanding victims can put you at risk in some high schools and middle schools. Think of some of their bizarre comments as self preservation. That's not a bad skill to have.

If Only
I sure wish that someone had been coming into my junior high school or high school talking about dating violence, sexual violence, sexual harassment, and stalking. I've experienced all of them in my lifetime and it would have been nice to know what to do and where to find help - and where to find an adult who could listen and also had answers. Back in my day (yes, I'm aging myself by writing that I went to Junior High School!), guidance counselors didn't know a thing about dating and sexual violence. At least the one in my school didn't.

It's Not Enough
It's not enough to educate teens. Teachers, guidance counselors, principals and parents all have to be educated about interpersonal violence as well. Teens didn't get their ideas about relationships only from each other. As adults, we contribute to their ideas of healthy relationships and we have a responsiblity to teens when they come to us for help. We have a responsiblity to help and not do further harm, unlike my experience in Junior High School. When I was sexually violated, most of the adults that knew created more harm and problems for me than help.

Surprise! Or not.

2009-03-11T07:34:00.002-04:00

More than 2100 registered sex offenders from NC were found on MySpace.
http://www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1437309.html
It's against NC state law for sex offenders to belong to websites where children are also members.

It's not shocking news that sexual predators are on MySpace. Predators look for easy access to create their victims (people and children are not automatic victims).

If you are a parent or guardian, how closely do you monitor your child's activity on the internet? Have you talked to your child about internet safety? Does your child know anything about the common techniques of sexual predators, like grooming?

If you are a parent or guardian, get educated about sexual predators and how to educate your children! It's the job of adults to protect children from sexual predators.

Want to learn more? The NC State Bureau of Investigation Computer Crimes Investigation of Internet Crimes against Children is an excellent resource. http://www.ncsbi.gov/icac/icac_taskforce_computercrimes.jsp

I'm Feeling the Love

2009-02-24T21:06:00.003-05:00

Creating exciting, innovative training that also educates and informs the audience is no small task. To educate and inform the audience and take it one step further to the realm of creating change past the workshop is the star prize for a trainer.

One of the best trainers I have ever seen is Jac Patrissi. She is a super talent when it comes to training and so much more. By attending her workshops and consulting with her to prepare my own designs for workshops, I have been able to advance my own skills as a trainer.

Jac Patrissi's unique gift is her compassion for audiences searching to learn and grow. It shines through in all of her workshops and consulting.

You can learn more about Jac Patrissi at www.ethicalconversations.com.

Trauma and Recovery

2009-02-24T00:14:00.002-05:00

If you want to understand traum and the recovery process for survivors of abuse, there is no better book than Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, MD. I highly recommend it. If you are over 4o like me - go to the drug store first and get your 1.o glasses! Very tiny print.

More coming soon about trauma and recovery.

More Than A Few Good Men

2009-02-20T11:56:00.002-05:00

If you have never heard Jackson Katz, you are missing out. He is a skilled trainer with valuable information on how men can be allies to end men's violence against women.

He will be presenting on March 4th in Charlotte, NC.

Here are the details:

UNC Charlotte’s Department of Criminal Justice, Women’s and Gender Studies Program, N.C. Providers of Abuser Treatment & Mecklenburg County Community Support Services present:

A workshop/training by Jackson Katz, Ed.M.

“More Than a Few Good Men:
Strategies for Inspiring Men and Boys to be Allies in Gender Violence Prevention”

March 4th 8:30- 12:30
UNC Charlotte Cone University Center

Social Work CEUs will be provided.

Registration information:
Registration on or before 2/27 is $65 (check or credit card)
On-site registration is $85 (check only)

To register:
Click here

https://ecom.uncc.edu/C21561_ustores/web/store_main.jsp?STOREID=20&SINGLESTORE=true

Space is limited so register now!

Upcoming Conference

2009-02-16T16:22:00.004-05:00

I will be presenting at the upcoming 5th Annual Ending the Silence Conference in Fayetteville, NC

Here are the details:
Southern Regional AHEC is hosting their 5th Annual Ending the Silence Conference on May 7 & 8, 2009. The focus this year is on Domestic Violence in the lives adolescents and youths and the impact on both the individual and family. The two-day conference will address dating violence, primary prevention of domestic violence, prevention curriculum focusing on dating violence prevention, teen drug use, and cyberbully. Professionals in the field of nursing, mental health, law enforcement, social work, psychology, school personnel, and others working with adolescents are welcome. Click here to access brochure and registration information.

NC Laws

2009-02-16T09:29:00.002-05:00

Jamal Butler, past band director at Southern High School, has been charged with sexual offense for allegedly having intercourse with two 16 year old students. The story in the News and Observer is here: http://www.newsobserver.com/978/story/1405514.html

According to accounts in the e-newsletter from NCCASA, "North Carolina has one of the toughest laws on teachers, coaches and other school personnel having sex with students. Under the law, if a school employee is more than four years older than the student, having sexual relations with a student is a felony regardless of consent."

NC is not a state that is usually considered on the cutting edge. This law acknowledges the power imbalance that is inherent in a teacher/student relationship, especially when the age difference is this pronounced.

Feel the Love

2009-02-13T08:54:00.002-05:00

I'm headed to Myrtle Beach, SC to run in a half marathon tomorrow morning at 6:30am! Thank goodness the forecast calls for a low of 51 the night before.

I'm running with my running partner, Michelle. We've been running together since 2002. This is what I wrote in her Valentine's card: Running: The New Therapy.

Long runs allow for time to think and process. Running with a close friend allows time to share our lives and get much needed support along with physical fitness - a winning combination.

What helps you go the distance?

Memories

2009-02-12T18:15:00.002-05:00

Quite a few books exist about painful childhood experiences and how people remember, process and heal from those memories. Some people do not have access to those memories and others wish they did not have access to those memories.

I'm more interested in the ability of humans to access the connection of memories with life's current situations. Sometimes that's the part that people can't remember or keep in consciousness - how their past experiences are influencing the here and now. More healing lies in that nexus.

As I am writing this, I am listening to Echo and the Bunnymen. The song is King of your Castle. Interesting how many songs are out there about domestic violence. Click on the link above for lyrics.

language

2009-02-05T12:36:00.002-05:00

The author, Derrick Jensen, writes eloquently about language in his book, A Language Older Than Words. He writes, "There is a language older and deeper by far than words. It is the language of bodies, of body on body, wind on snow, rain on trees, wave on stone. We do not even remember that it exists."

He goes on to state, "In order for us to maintain our way of living, we must, in a broad sense, tell lies to each other, and especially to ourselves. It is not necessary that the lies be particularly believable. The lies act as barriers to truth. These barriers to truth become necessary because without them many deplorable acts would become impossibilities."

The denial of battering, abuse and its dynamics creates harm beyond the words and the blows. And the harm isn't just stemming from the denial within families, it's the denial that permeates every level of our culture.

To state the truth about battering would make it become an impossibility.

If we all woke up and came out of our denial chambers about domestic violence, it would become impossible for abusers to commit acts like Dennis Shaw. He was sentenced this week to 18 years in prison for the murder of Rhonda Barnes. He murdered her by beating her and pouring acid on her. (Johnston County, NC)

So many slogans about domestic violence talk about silence. It's not silent. It's loud and clear. Our denial of the screams and pleas for help is what is silent. Saying that domestic violence thrives in silence is just so much sophisticated victim blaming. Domestic violence thrives in the midst of our denial. We deny that a church-going man could beat his wife. We deny that a mother could beat her child with PVC pipe. We deny that domestic violence happens in front of 3 to 10 million children every year. If we admit that at all, it somehow is always some family on the other side of our railroad tracks - and therefore not our problem.

It was time to wake up to the truth of domestic violence a long time ago. The alarm went off for us ages ago. We just keep hitting the snooze button thinking it will go away. Our denial allows domestic violence to happen. It's time to listen to the language older than words. The language of truth. In this case, the truth about domestic violence.

Children

2009-01-30T09:13:00.002-05:00

All the buzz is about the mom who gave birth to octuplets. She has 6 other children. The doctors involved in her births had this to say:

"Who am I to say that six is the limit?" said Dr. Jeffrey Steinberg, medical director of Fertility Institutes, which has clinics in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and New York City. "There are people who like to have big families."

What a ridiculous comment. As if a fertility clinic and multiple births is the only way to have a big family. Who is he to stand in the way of a woman having a large family? The real question is: Who is he to manipulate her body to have 8 babies at once? I'd like to see him pull that off. Not to mention the stress of raising 8 babies. They describe all the babies as healthy but they also say they will be in the hospital for at least one week. Last I checked, healthy babies go home within 24 hours of their birth. Hmm, what does that medical bill look like? Fertility clinics are perfect - for doctors. They have set up their own cottage industry to keep the medical professionals busy and well-paid. I wonder if she's raising her 14 children on a doctor's salary.

Well, he's nobody to say that 6 is the limit. He is somebody to question why he devotes his medical knowledge to creating multiple births when we know of the ongoing medical problems of children from mulitple births. He is somebody to promote adoption and foster parenting for the millions of unwanted children in the United States.

Dr. James Grifo, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the NYU School of Medicine, added: "I don't think it's our job to tell them how many babies they're allowed to have. I am not a policeman for reproduction in the United States. My role is to educate patients."

What a bunch of poppycock! It's true that his role is not a policeman, but he's acting more like God. It's a straw man argument. The issue is not whether or not this woman should have 8 children and whether or not he should stop her. The issue is whether or not our society needs to offer boutique medical services like fertility clinics that put women and children at risk for medical, economic, and social problems.

The doctors are trying to say that the babies are all healthy. The research is ample about the ptential medical, economic and social problems these children will face for their entire lives. Our society gets up in arms over a poor woman having children one after the other, but we have a big, positive feeding frenzy when someone uses boutique medical techniques to have 8 babies at one time.

The Hidden Casualties of War

2009-01-29T17:38:00.002-05:00

Last night, CBS Evening News aired a story about domestic violence in the US Military. A follow up story will air tonight. It's interesting that the story is titled, The Hidden Casualties of War. Domestic violence is not as hidden as people say that it is.

Many victims do come forward for help, but they are turned away. They are told to try harder, pray harder, or sometimes they are told to "just leave."

It's not a simple event to leave an abusive partner. It takes time, money, resources, and safety planning. And with all of that, sometimes it can still lead to more misery, abuse, stalking, and sometimes death.

And oftentimes when victims do come forward they are not made aware that domestic violence is a crime and that there are civil and criminal remedies. They are not offered counseling, safety planning, or shelter. Not every victim keeps her abuse a secret. Sometimes it's the community that is keeping domestic violence a secret and not offering help, support, and most importantly: accountability of abusers.

To view the story on CBS Evening News, go to: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/28/eveningnews/main4761199.shtml

Homicides and Women

2009-01-28T09:17:00.001-05:00

Information from "Speak Up" from the Family Violence Prevention Fund.

FIREARMS, PARTNERS CAUSE MOST MURDERS OF WOMEN

In 2006, 1,836 females in the United States were murdered in cases in which a single male offender killed a single female victim. In nine out of ten of these cases (92 percent), the victim was murdered by someone she knew. Three in five victims who knew their attackers were wives, ex-wives or intimate partners of their killers, and 16 percent were shot and killed during an argument.
Those are major findings from the Violence Policy Center’s latest report, When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2006 Homicide Data. It is based on data from the FBI’s unpublished Supplementary Homicide Report. Researchers examined cases of homicides involving one female murder victim and one male offender. They found that more than 12 times as many females were murdered by a male they knew than were killed by a male stranger.
The study finds that firearms were, by far, the most common weapon used by males to murder females, and were involved in 54 percent of these homicides. “The picture that emerges from When Men Murder Women is that women face the greatest threat from someone they know, most often a spouse or intimate acquaintance, who is armed with a gun,” the report says. “For women in America, guns are not used to save lives, but to take them.”
In 2006, the national rate of women killed by men in single victim/single offender incidents was 1.29 out of 100,000. Nevada ranked highest of all states with a murder rate (3.27 per 100,000) more than two and a half times the national average. Ranked behind Nevada were South Carolina, Alabama, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Vermont, Texas, Arkansas, Arizona and Tennessee.
When Men Murder Women is available at www.vpc.org/studies/wmmw2008.pdf.