One of a Kind Cliché

Homecoming - I Went With a Crush, Was Propisistioned by a Lesbian, Made Smalltalk with a Babist, and Danced with an Exchange Student from China

2008-10-06T09:05:00.005-05:00

What a strange experince last Friday was! And I mean strange.
The football game was boring, no supprise there. And afterwards the dinner with some of Jack's friends wasn't too bad. But the homecoming dance itself pissed me off. Now we all know part of the only reason why I even went was because I've the hots for Jack. And this is what brassed me off so badly. There he was, all 'come with me! It'll be fun!' and then he spent the whole time ignoring me, completely, trying to make Parker jelous. Which I don't think worked at all. It's the thing most girls learn with guys earily on. If they don't return the feelings, give up. And I think Jack hasn't gotten it through his thick head. Just because they shared some kinda kiss hookup-thing, doesn't mean Parker gives a damn about him. And Parker made it more than obvous by not paying Jack the time of day.
Honstly I think Parker doesn't think Jack is bi, and I'm starting not too either. Jack just seems to be trying waay too hard, much like I had been. And yes, I understand, he's confused and trying to make things that don't fit fit with him, but he didn't have any right to be mean.
But that's not the end of it.
So because I was being ignored by Jack, I ended up wandering around pretty lost, because I didn't know anyone. (Which Jack also knew.) And so then I bump into Parker and Kennedy, who are dancing. Now I know Kennedy is a lesbian, and so why she was dancing with Parker beats me, espically since there were loads of girls dancing with other girls. So she's like 'do you wanna dance' and I totally paniced and made some half assed excuse and scadaddled. I'm still coming to terms with the Cutthroat Bitch thing, I didn't need Kennedy in the middle of it.
Not long after that I ended up talking to Caleb. Which was both funny and rather sad. Now Caleb is the straight-lace religous type who probably wouldn't be caught dead at one of these parties but there he was. I'd known he'd been one of the main ones to help with the decorations, but I didn't know the tramua that had gone into putting them up.
Apperlently they didn't have enough black lights, so someone suggested to they all get in a car and get some at Wal-Mart. Caleb went with them, and apperently half way to the store the other kids who were helping all pulled out weed and some exctasy, and started smoking the pot and taking the drugs. And poor Caleb was freaking out. And so he's telling me and I'm trying so hard not to laugh.
And it's not over yet.
So now I've been ditched by Jack, asked to dance with Kennedy, and chatted to Caleb. Now we get to dancing with Gorge, the exchange student from China. I'd seen him dance with some other girl earilier and he was a snazzy dancer. It also really bothered Jack, which when I saw that Gorge was free I jumped on the opuretunaty. It was fun, and I also got back at Jack for ditching me and being a bastard.
But anyway, that's my strange story for my first and probably last, Homecoming Dance.
I need to finish my computer homework now.

To Write, Is Life

House MD

2008-10-02T10:06:00.002-05:00

Okay, so today I walked into school with a limp and a leather jacket, I felt like Dr. House. Then Mom brought a cane by, so I could walk better, and then I really felt like House. Except mom lost the rubber stopper for the cane so it's a hazard on tile, almost killed myself walking into my computer class.
I'm thinking about buying a different cane, because I would come in handy and actually is alot of fun. Though no one holds doors open for me, which is midly upsetting. :(
But anyway, I've been watching too much house, because I want to make a shirt that says: You Idiot, on it in white. xD
And I'd love to have a best friend like Willson.
Off to do my homework.
Ta all!

To Write, Is Life

To Read, Makes our Speaking English Good

2008-09-30T09:27:00.007-05:00

Well, it's the last day of September, and I thought I should post that. It makes me sad honstely, because I like September. It's a great month, and alsorts of stuff happens in September. Auttum starts, my birthday, historical events I can't remember, other peoples' birthdays, it goes on in this month. It really is a great month :)
But now it's the last day. What if its the last day forever? Like by this time next year someone has taken over the world and we have a new calender system? Then September would be gone and I'd cry. Oh dear, ever since I've fiugered out the Cutthroat Bitch thing, I've been inspired to write random poems. Here comes another one.

Season

The leaves fall,

With no rain fall

Brown, and gold, and red

The air chills

And the sky fills

With azure-blue above our heads

Seasons change

Summer fades away

Replaced by the most beautiful

Of all

Auttum in her golden cloak

More merciful than

Winter's icy claw

And this happens in September

When the wind picks up once more

It always happens in September

When Fall knocks upon our door

There! Out of my head and onto 'paper'. Hope anyone reading this likes it!

Before I go I'll post this great song stuck in my head.

Blue

Night falls,

I fall

And where were you?

Warm skin,

Wolf grin

And where were you?

I fell into the moon

And it covered you in blue

I fell into the moon

Can I make it right,

Can I spend the night?

High tide,

Inside

The air is dew

And where were you?

Wild eyed,

I died

And where were you?

I crawlled out,

Of the world

And you said I shouldn't stare

I crawlled out,

Of the world

Can I make it right?

Can I spend the night?

Alone

I fell into the moon

And it covered you in blue

I fell into the moon

Can I make it right?

Can I spend the night?

... Alone

That was written by Joss Whedon, the mastermind of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer seires. And it's also played in one of the eppisodes, Conversations With Dead People, that's a great show.

Anyway, hope you think it's as cool as I do.

Gotta scram for class

Vale!

To Write, Is Life

"Stairs Can Be... Sobering!?" - Prue H.

2008-09-29T15:16:00.003-05:00

Yes, Prue, they actually can =). See the reason why I say this is because I like eating lunch, even though I don't get to often. But it's not the kind of lunch most have. The lunch I like having is a bag of chips--usually Cheese-ITs or something--and a snickers bar. See? That's my idea of a perfect lunch. And I also have the best place to eat it. When ever I can, I go buy my food, and then walk up from the book store--because they closed the cafiteria--and sit inside the Administration building, on the, yep you guessed it, I sit on the stairs. It's not like I take up too much space, and I smile at everyone who walks up or down. And I've seen the President like three times (My God it's funny how much he looks like Principal Flutie in Buffy!)
So today was like anyother. Me with my snickers bar and Cheese-ITs, and my bag on the stairs, smiling at everyone so they wouldn't kick me, and this blond dude walks down. He's got Leto lenght hair, i.e. just above shoulder lenght. And I've seen him around campus, always in a hurry to somewhere, and in black with a flare of punk. After all, how many long haired blond goths or emos do you know?
So he walks down, and I smile, and he raises his eyebrow, and goes on. Then he goes down the outside railing on his butt, and leaps off onto the parking lot and jogs away. And back to my Cheese-ITs and snickers I go. About a good minute later he comes back in, finishing his poweraide, and wandering around the bottom. I guess there was a bench down there--which I didn't know which was why I sit on the stairs, shh!--because I hear him stop pacing and wandering around looking out the windows.
After a little bit longer he walks around the corner and notes that the stairs are an unusual place to choose to eat. I happen to agree, but I've my reasons, it's cool, and there aren't wasps, and I tell him so. So he says that there's always the cafiteria, and I sigh and say that yeah, there was the cafiteria, and now there's not, and they've locked all the doors. He shrugs and says there are back intrences, and I shrug back with a smile.
So he sits down and we talk.
He likes to read, god I hope he likes to write, I could use a RPing buddy, and we talked about books. Can you believe he's reading the Twilight Series? I'm just being stubborn about reading it, and it's the Cutthroat Bitch's favorite, so all the more reason not to. But we pretty much hit it off, we'll hang out tomorrow, yay that'll make Owen crazy! And he'll probably be at the Fall Festival. :D
Oh, God help me, he's not even to die for cute, but he's got that sinsitive badboyness about him. The re-souled Spike kind, not the soulless Spike kind. And he likes 30Secondstomars and Bush, which I've just rediscovered--I've really got to get more of their CDs.
But he is cute, because I've seen him around before. And he was comiserating with me about being somewhat short. But he's 5' 10" (nudges Spike), and he'd look taller if he got thinner, and that's the same with me.
Pretty much, we got on pretty good. And it was fun, mostly because Owen is being such a twat. And Jack... well, I've pretty much given up. He's not going to want to 'date me', it's too fun to break the rules so far out of the rules that his mom won't even realize it. But I still would snog him. Like in a heart beat. ;)
But Jack aside, I also got my new friend's phone number, because we were talking about phones, and I was complaning about my signal. (Because it is crap!) And he asked if I had unlimited texting, and I said yeah, and so I gave him my number and he gave me his.
And finally before he left he said something very endearing--which I don't think he realized how endearing it was too me--he said: "So with all of your wonderful atrabutes, you must have a boyfriend, do you?"
And I said, "No."
And he said, "Your parent's choice, or yours?"
And I said, "Mine, I did have one over the summer but he was... well like a poor frat boy. With an ego most buildings couldn't hold." *rolls eyes*
He asked if my 'rents were okay with company, and I just said yeah, but my mom likes to meet my friends.
Yes, he already knew I was 17. But so we talked a for about another ten minutes, and then his ride came.

I don't know if I want to date him--or anyone at this moment--but he hates football, which is wonderful(!) but he's nice, and will be fun to hang out with. He'll have about two months to hang himself verbally so I'll see how it goes. It didn't take Owen long to tie himself up. I guess that's what I like about Xander, he's up front. I hope... Will, is pretty straight up with me about things. (Yes, we're calling him Will. Which might change later.) I just think people should be their selves and not put on a front, because that's really hard to keep up, and then it dissipoints everyone.
But yeah, my stairs were sobering, at least this time. :D
I'm actually looking forward to talking to him tomorrow.
Yayness!

To Write, Is Life

Pale is the New Tan

2008-09-29T09:05:00.005-05:00

Hmm... this kind of musing calls for a poem. Which is funny because I don't normally randomly write stuff. But today I feel like it.

Fly Away

Beautiful images

Written down by hand

Moments in time

Never to have happened

And never will

Written down by hand

To soar and take wing

On the thermals of the mind

To let the imagination sing

To never regret...

Face life like it was the end

It was the end

Just for a moment

All things stopped.

But then,

I found you

And everything started again

Because with your help I realized...

Not that I was bad

Not that they were

But I found who I was

Sorted out my head.

I've never found God

It's probably because I'm not looking

Because if He is out there,

I'd think he'd understand

In the end

When it really is end

Something always saves us

My friend,

Their God,

Our minds

Because to spread our wings and fly

To feel the rush

Know the end is so far away

And for now will never, ever be touched

To soar to knew heights

It's only human nature

And even though in the end we're alone

Because it's just the way of things

Our minds, our bodies, our happiness,

Alows us our company.

Anyway, yes, for anyone that doesn't know this about myself, I do have an 'imagnary friend'. And he's really helped me sort out things with this whole Cutthroat Bitch stuff. He's always trying to point me in the right direction, which in my opinon is far more useful than God who's got a stick up his butt about the human race. But anyway, my friend is... he's good. He's good for me, and he keeps me out of trouble (most of the time) and he gives me a set of standereds for all those guys following me around to be judged against. My thought is, if they can get half way to him, then they're worth my time. Sadly, most don't.

Another sad thing in my life is that I can't go to this football game--not that I want to go to a football game, I hate football--but I can't go, because one of my female friends invited me, Faith actually. Except, if she somehow found out that I thought I was bi... that'd be bad.... and she's dating a guy. And now I'm not bi! *yanks hair out* But I want to go to this game because I want to hang out with Jack, because I realy do like him. But now he thinks I'm bi too, and I'm not, and the only one who actually knows the truth is Xander, and he'll be there too. So no I'm not going until I get things sorted. Which would be nice. Because, I love Faith, just as a friend though. Like I said last night--or rather my 'friend' said: You think the cat is sexy... for a cat, and that doesn't mean you want to do a damn thing about it, unlike with me.

Oh, did I mention I'm just a bit in love with my imagnary friend?

Guess I did now.

But the point is, I can't have all these people bumping into eachother, and I really don't want Faith thinking I'm into her that way. Because I'm not, and I'm into Jack that way, and only sort of Xander. But... well, at least there will be plenty of other games I guess. And plenty of other times to see Jack, which I'm gonna sort this all out with him when I do, except we need to talk alone. And I really need to offer to snog him. Because I would so do it. I really would.

Anyway, one last poem--that I wrote two days ago--before I scurry off to class.

Drift

It's starless in the city

With people on the street

Nothing's in the atmosphere

The earth beneath my feet

Beatuiful creatures

Human lies

Pain will always fade away

Drift out it's gone, into outerspace

Because the hurt, it gives us life

The love grounds, and the lust

Lust is the only bitter sweet.

Home away from home

Never to return

Shangrala of my mind.

Friends I call my family

Not blood realtions of mine

But nomatter who they are

They know the real me inside

There's nothing in the atmosphere

To ground me down to earth

Why should I try?

Follow my thoughts & feelings

Right into the sky

Because there is nothing in the atmosphere

So let go...

To Write, Is Life

V

2008-09-25T11:36:00.004-05:00

And no this is not for Vendetta. It's actually the title of a fan-fiction I wrote (and am still in the process of writing) that catalogs the realtionship changes Tory and Spike go through when Victor Creed is let out of the CIA scott-free. See, Victor, though while he's Tory's father, is also a socopath, who resints his daughter because she always managed where he had failed. There is an extream abuse that functions between them, and she trys to stay as far away as possible from him. That never ends up going quite as planned.

So in this fan-fiction, it opens with Spike watching her mentally put herself back together, knowing the only thing he could have done was not gone out that night. The line is... "and it hurt him to see the woman he loved so deeply, be hurting so much." He wants to help, but has no clue what to do.

On another topic-- I'll tie these together in a second --if anyone is fimilar with House MD then you might know Amber a.k.a the Cutthroat Bitch. Yeah, well I know a Cutthroat Bitch of my very own. The one that... she took advantage of the fact that she was my friend. She used me, and tricked me into doing things I never wanted. Not really.
Which is why it's been so damn hard to be bisexual. 'Cause I'm not. Granted I do have an apperication for women. Like say, Willow Rosenburgh from Buffy or Lily Rush from Cold Case, but I don't want to jump them. I guess there's a difference between liking how they look, and wanting to do all the nasty little things I'd more than gladly do to Spike. She really screwed my head around. I mean, what we did at night, and then acting like nothing happened during the day, and how we never talked about any of it. Ever.
So, I'm not a bisexual, and honstely, I don't think my buddy Jack is either because as he said (which is a lot like I feel) he doesn't want to screw a guy he thinks is hot, but he wants to be like that guy. Just like I want to be like Lily. And that's what turns him on. Is the thought that he could be hot and buff like that guy. Not the guy himself. And it doesn't help he's never been with a girl, nor has he ever recived any real pleasuer from a guy or a girl. He's never screwed anyone. Always the other way around.
Besides, I think I'm gonna ask him out anyway. Because he kept on messing with his hair in my reflective sun glasses at the beach and I was seriously going to snog him. As long as he's clean, I've nothing wrong with jumping that boy.

Well, gotta go for now. I'm glad I fiurgered things out.

To Write, Is Life

The Werecat/Slayer

2008-09-23T10:06:00.002-05:00

Yep, today is one of those days where I feel like Tor. Tory Creed I mean. My wonderful Slayer-gal who's an ex-assassin-gun-for-hire-bad-guy-turned-good-guy, seeing as she's my own creation it makes sense that we've a lot in common. But right now, I'm sitting in my computer class, not really thinking or caring much about computer, and I'm trying to fiuger out what to say later tonight.
There's not an easy way to explain it, is there? Mom, I'm a Slayer, would sound more plausable than what I want to say. I mean, I know I can't do a damn thing about it, because I've tried. Really I've tried. Wrecked my summer because I tried so hard. But still, the prospect of talking to her tonight scares the crap out of me. But I've got to do it, because otherwise I never will, and I'm just too pissed about it not to.

I dunno, I like to say that I don't judge people unfairly. If I don't like someone it's because they've done something to diserve it. Like take Jack for instence. He's rather obnoxius, when he's trying to tell me what to think and feel, but I think I smacked him back in his place. I'm the kind of girl that isn't afraid to Gibbs-slap someone. ;) But yeah, I try not to judge people, because it drives me crazy when someone judges me.

I don't know, I wish I knew how to broach the subject with my mum, it would make today easier. But even though I'm so afraid to do it, I know once she knows I'll feel better. Unless she thinks I'll just go off the deepend, which is stupid because I've been thinking what I've been thinking for about two years now and I haven't jumped ship yet. I know it will be a relief, I just... am scared. Because I know no one's gonna be there for me if she kicks me out or says I'm evil, or worse, doesn't believe me and chalks it all up to horomones and brain washing or says I'm confused.
I was confused. I'm not anymore.
Thank-you-very-much

To Write, Is Life

Hostile Seventeen--Watch your ass Spike, m'boy!

2008-09-22T11:34:00.003-05:00

Well, my birthday-day was weird, but that was mostly because my father was there. But mom was awesome, and she got me this wicked cool Doctor Who stuff (and a tire repair kit which was thoughtful of her but not as cool...). I also got the new limited idition Pokemon DS which is great because now I can go on-line with it. Then Saturday was a bust because I lost my temper, totally just poofed on people. But hey, I think a lot of my anger issues will go away tomorrow, I'm scared out of my wits but like hyped about it too. But hopefull mom has now gotten dad to get up off his lazy arse and not be depressed because at this point I really don't care about what he does. (I've been saying that for a while, I guess it finally sunk in...)
But Sunday was when the party started. We picked up Jack, and Anya and all headed to the beach. It was good that mom came because Jack has this exchange student living with him and mom talked to the poor guy. I mean I feel bad for both of them. Jack is afraid to tell Ax about his 'real' self and Ax doesn't know why Jack is being a horses ass to him. Thought I can't blame Jack. I know how brassing-off it is when you're unable to tell the people closest to you. But that day Jack got to hang with us. And I guess they now both know I'm bi. Which is a releife, though I could have hit Jack when he was like: are you sure you're not more les? I was like, cha I'm sure, trust me.... -_-'
But then we went shoping! I put down 20$ on an awesome pair of converses, they're these boots and they just look hot. I can't wait until I get back to pay off the rest. I also bought the shirt I've mentioned in my other post at Hot Topic. It's the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends one that says 'imaginary friends are forever'. I love that shirt, actually, I haven't even washed it and I'm wearing it right now. It's just bleedin' awesome. I also got some rings, the little jelly kind, and some bracelets--the kind that used to be used as sexbracelets if worn 'correctly'. But they're awesome.
I'm not hyper... swear xD.
But I think in about two months I'm gonna ask Jack out, but preferance it with 'I know we're friends, and if you don't want to that's fine but: blah-blah-blah'. I really like him. And even though there are a few girls I like they're all taken (with guys) and I wouldn't want to date anyone in this town anyway--too dangerous.
Anyway, I'd better go I'll be late for my class, but I'm trying to post on here more often. Next time I write something I'll have to post my new Punk-Alt-Progressive song I wrote a few days ago. Can't wait until I work out the music.

To Write, Is Life

Well... Damned if I know

2008-09-17T17:29:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I've been fiddling with things in my head for a while. Right now I'm printing off my Latin Dictonary off of the online class I'm taking Latin from. And I have a killer headach. But that's besides the point. The point is... the twentythird is a really big day for me. Yeah, that's right, the twentythird of this month. It's Bisexual pride day, and I'm gonna come out to everyone who won't freak out and try and run me over with their car. Well, save my mom. She might run me over with her car, but I'll still tell her. I know. I know. 'But! You live in a relgious town!' That's why I'm only going to tell those that won't run me over. Like my friend Jack. And probably only one other. Granted it would be nice to tell my other friends, and probably that crazy Faith could handle it but I don't want to risk it. Espically with Owen. He fell in love with a girl who later turned out to be a lesbian. I'm sure me being bi would not go over well. So I probably won't tell anyone on campus. Even if I date them, I won't tell them unless I know they might be somewhat okay with it. I know, people say that's lieing, but in this town, you have to. And yeah, the chances of me dating a girl here are like ziltch. I don't like most people let alone guys or girls. The only two people I'd date are Jack--because he's amazingly awesome-- and Faith because she is also awesome but she's got a boyfriend of two years and I doupt the door swings in my direction.
Oh, I also talked to my ex-gf yesterday. It's always depressing talking to her. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want back, but she's a worse lesbian/bisexual phobic than almost everyone I know. Which is funny how hypocrital she is.
But the reason I'm doing this is to make sure I actually do this telling thing on the 23rd. Narnia isn't that much fun anymore O:
But... I've got to take my Latin translation test now. I'll write later.
Vale!

To Write, Is Life

Don't Tell Me What's Right or Wrong, there's Two Sides to Every Story

2008-09-11T10:18:00.003-05:00

So, here I go again.

I've been having to listen to the media blast Sarah Palin, and on the flip side of the coin I've been having to listen to my small-town, small-mind friends talk about how they want the south to succed from the Union, and how their belief is the only belief. I want to grab them by the collar and give them a good shake, because it strikes me as insain that they don't see that their biasness is what's giving Palin a bad name.

They are the ones that make the Right look like it's way out there. They are the reason why she's getting so much flack. And the dumb thing is? They're proud of it.
They're proud that they subscribe to a belief and religion that in this day and age doesn't do a damn thing about population control. Sure, they talk a good line about abstanince only, but c'mon people, now and days that doesn't work. There is no real fear of God in comparison to peer presure and curiosity. Don't get rid of sex-ed like you want, keep it, there will be lest STD and less pregancies. Speaking of, get over abortion, seriously. If you want to interpert the bible so it says don't kill, then get out of the military. If you want to interpert the bible it says don't kill innocents, then stop sending unbabtized babies to limbo, and have some compassion for homeless animals. Oh, and while you're at it, pleas pay a hundred bucks a month to the the mother and child so she can support the baby you wouldn't let her not have.
On another front that brasses me off about these 'open minded' consiveratives, move on with the queer issue. I seriously wonder if it ever occured to them that if they just shut up maybe the gays would too. I run into it with the religion. I'm told I'm a bad person because I don't believe, so I'm instantly like: "Whoa! Hey, back off! I can be whatever I want!" I can't blame the queers for doing that either.
(The reason why I'm refering to my fellows as a third party is because I've kept my mouth shut about myself.)
There's a great saying that I think was directed at the right, but it really applies to both sides.

Closed Minds

should come with

Closed Mouths

We are all entitled to our own opinon, but no one is entitled to be crule, mean, nasty, bitch, forceful, pissy, angry, incenced, or frustrated when either giving or reciving an opinon.

They're just being hypocrits.

And to quote the bible (ironicly enough...)

Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

To Write, Is Life

As Beautiful as You Are...

2008-08-10T12:35:00.004-05:00

Well, it's official, I'm broken up with SF guy. YAY! Man, he was an arse. He wrote me a pissy myspace message, saying I didn't care. Which is funny, 'cause I did care. He never was straight with me about anything. I'd ask him about where he was going or his plans for leaving for school, and he'd blow me off or snap at me. So I get this crappy letter saying I don't care. And I'm like: Wha-?
So I wrote back, really nicely, and using almost all I statements, said: I like you, but I feel like we're in different places right now, I don't want the sex you want, I wish you luck, and I hope everything works out for you. <-- That was pretty much the jist except it went into a bit more detail.
So I sent that yesterday morning.
And guess what I get back?
Another bitchy post, where he tells me that: I don't like him, that he'd only have sex with someone he loved and someone who loved him back ((which might I add, I've made painfully clear that I'm not 'in love' with him)) and that not only am I soooooo clearly not in love with him, but I'm incapable of being inlove with anyone.
((Uhh.... been in love before.... hello, my girlfriend....))
Also, I let school rule my life, I lied to him all the time, and apparently I must have been cheating, because why else would I use the excuse of having to do school work so I didn't have to see him? Then he asked really bitchally if he could have his stuff back.
And I'll mail it to him.
He doesn't get the gratifcation of picking a fight with me in person.
'Cause he's the kind of guy that enjoys that kind of thing. But I'm still worried. My friends are getting back from vaction this week and we want to get together. I'm going to tell my bi friend, I'll just call him Jack, and one of my female friends, we'll call her..... Anya, that I broke up with SF guy, and please don't leave me alone with him. I'm just afraid if he shows up he'll get really violent. I don't want Jack or Anya to get hurt, but I really would enjoy watching police haul SF's mangy ass away.
But, at least for now, it's somewhat over. If I run into him, and he even touches me, I'll tell him once, then I'll get a restraining order.
Can't wait until he's away at school.
The irony of all of it is? If he knew I was bisexual, he'd drop me so fast it wouldn't be funny. People can be total bastards and bitches.
Oh, and the really intertaining thing is: I posted this thing on my myspace about bitchology. It pretty much says if I'm a bitch because I think for myself and standup for what I believe in, so be it. And he never called me a bitch once.
Pretty funny huh?

To Write, Is Life

Welcome to Torchwood

2008-08-01T19:03:00.008-05:00

Well... Damn! This must be the hundrenth time I've had to reset my password to my blog! I can't remember them to save my life! Ugh!
I actually logged on here to post the poem I just wrote. I really like it, and it was inspired by me learning today that one of my close friends feels the same way about people I do. Read: he's bisexual too. Just knowing that makes me more comfortable in my own skin -- even though he doesn't know I'm bi -- actually, no one really knows I'm bi. Even the girl I 'experimented' with (I call her my gf) doesn't think so. Granted we're not talking much but... yeah, I'm 'out' on the internet, and maybe I'll tell my friend.
As you can tell, I don't have any important things linked to this site. Like myspace, for instants. (Not that Punkconnect isn't imortant, it's just... I don't know poeple in person there).
But the whole point of me getting on here was so I could post this poem. Just off the bat, I really did (and still do) view her as more than 'an experiment'. She was... amazing. But she never would have admitted what we had, so we're just close friends now.
I'm sorry I lost her. Not sorry I had her.

So...

Let me fall in love with you
Just a day, make it true
Never once did the thought cross your mind
Never once, in your beautiful brown eyes
I sit in silence, sit awe
Waiting for winter's icy grip to thaw
You are my lover, you are my friend
Forbidden forever until the end
As time goes by and I get stronger
Incapable of hiding the truest me no longer
Let me stand proud next to you, as you and me
Face down the world defiantly
And slowly, slowly, they shall come
The real friends, the loyal ones

But... no, that is not a life for one such as you
Not the life for the privileged few
The few who house alone and cold
The few who block out all, with lies like gold
The few who keep their feelings hidden
Tucked away, dark, forbidden
But now my love, I should say good-bye
Wipe tears from my own amber eyes
Let me fall into the sky
Please don't catch me, let me fly
Because my own freedom's time is near
And it pains me to know you'll never hear:
It's okay, we're your friends
We'll understand until the end.
So...
I did fall in love with you
It was just a day, but it was true.

I hope you like it, and if you're one of those people that believe homosexuality and bisexuality is wrong / gross/ bad we're all human. We all fall in love.

To Write, Is Life

Crash Test in a Crash Cart

2008-07-19T18:22:00.002-05:00

KABOOM!

Ever felt like your life just blew up infront of you? I can simpathize. Cutting to the chase? Boys can be just as bad as bitches. Cha, 'cause I can't remember what I've said on here, I'm bi. Not in the freaky way that means I'll jump anything that moves (hint-hint as to why said boy is being an arse), but that I see beauty in people. I can't help it. Really, I wish I could. Wish I could just dump my brain out and redo the wiring. But I can't, I'm stuck this way, so might as well stop griping about it.
So, as a short explanation, I met SF guy, who turned out to be liar-only-wants-to-screw guy, I don't like him, but I'm stuck with him because he knows one of my teachers. It's unspoken blackmail, I'm tellin' you.

Here I was so despret for a boyfriend so I could prove something (try being straight), and I hate him more than anyone I know! Becareful what you wish for would have been a nice warning.

Anyway, I'm not here to rant.
Really.
I'm not.

I just thought I'd say something about it, that's all. I did manage to drag him off to a concert, I had fun, but then again, I can have fun doing most things. :)

I hurt my leg swimming last monday. Not fun. I've been drugged ever since.

Vampires still rock, JM is still my hero, Spike is still thought about unpurely, I still think people should relax about orintation, who cares who someone else dates? I think Obama shouldn't win, I think my pet cat should, I think I'll end up moving to England because they don't care who other people date. I might get window paint and broadcast to my entire school that I'm bisexual one day just to get it over with. Along with doing that I might talk JM and JL into a threesome, and I might beable to hitch a ride with the Doctor in his Tardis to an alternate dimention.

Pifff... yeah right.
But we can dream!
And dream I do. ;-)

To Write, Is Life

Dateless Night Drive

2008-04-16T22:13:00.008-05:00

Okay, so that guy from the spring frolic? Yeah, we sorted things out *yay!*. I went to the seminar on Nuclear Reactors (I'm a nerd/geek what can I say?) and ran into him. Afterward we ended up talking in the middle of the English building. The MIDDLE! Like smack in the center of it, which is only funny because people kept on walking around us, like we were those two little guys from Dr. Suse who walked east and west and neither budged.

But we eventually did budge. He had to go to class, and I'd wanted to buy tickets to a play my college is putting on. I ended up walking around campus for forty-five minutes trying to get a ticket. By the time my English class rolled 'round at twelve I was still ticketless, but Spring-Frolic guy had agreed to go to the Debate team. I was going too.

After English I was killing time for an hour (and still trying to find a ticket) and completely broke. My mum dropped by to give me some cash, but it was kind of late. So I wandered around campus a bit longer, walking down by the science buildings and circling back to the English building. Spring-Frolic guy ended up behind me on the path so I slowed and waited for him to catch up. We walked to the debate team together and had a lovely chat.

Then in the debate room - half the 'team' was already there - we both took a seat, laughing at some of the other students who were just being goofy and stupid. I bemoaned my sad state of ticketlessness and not knowing my schedule. (I'm going to a prospective college's open house over the weekend.)

We listened to the Oral Interps. and heard an intro to a great story by one of my class mates.
After that - we still hadn't decided on what to debate for next week - we played this game with ten sheets of paper. There were six of us. The point of the game was to pretend like the floor, chairs, and tables were lava and the only 'safe zones' were the pieces of paper.

So you put a piece of paper on the floor to start, then you put your foot on it. The thing is, if your foot is off the paper, you lose that leg, if your hand touches the ground, you lose that hand, and you cannot let the paper be without physical contact. It must touch a hand or foot of some one. So then everyone forms into a line and tries to cross to the other side of the room with the sheets of paper. Once one is free you can pick it up and pass it a head. I kind of thought it was like that one level in Frogger with the lava. Steel Mine I think?

Anyway, it was a great game, and SF guy (Spring-Frolic guy) kept on catching each other. The mood in the room was great too. Whenever someone would start to fall everyone would lean forward--or backward--to help.

After we did two rounds of that, the session was over and we decided on a topic: Should we raise the legal drinking limit? Lower it? Or do away with it completely?
SF guy then offered to take me over to (try to) find a ticket. He even offered to go with me, so I wouldn't have to go alone, of course ;)

I said sure, so he handed in his ticket, and I got mine (when we finally found them). Outside the building we talked about what we were going to do then. He said he was starved, and asked if I wanted to grab a bite. I said that yes! I really wanted to, but I couldn't, and that it was a long complicated story I'd explain on the way to his car.

So I explained, and I think he understood, and I hope he did. Because I'd of loved to go, but I've medical issues, and car accidents and I don't mix (more so than the average person). So instead after that was a decided 'no', I told him that tonight I'd check with my mum and see if the car thing was okay. And then I suggested that we could meet for lunch in the cafeteria. And we're going to, tomorrow.

So SF guy (and if you're reading this, it goes to your head I'll kick you =P ), I did get permission about the car. So yes, lunch would be fine. :)

And to anyone else reading my journal/blog, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say it.

To Write, Is Life

Edge of the Earth

2008-04-14T18:16:00.003-05:00

So... yeah. Another snapshot into my life:
I went to my college's Spring Frolics, met a cute guy, and scared him off. I didn't mean to, just not excatly the soical creature, and once my brain decided not to work, the rest of the convo was doomed. That was a little less than a week ago.

Today I ran into said cute guy again. It was just as awkward, again. Except maybe this time it was a bit worse for me. I don't know.

I've been trying to find an RPing partner... failing at that.
My computer class is coming along nicely. English is as weird as always.

James Marsters is going to be in this saturday's eppie of Torchwood. And for the record, I don't know what I'd do with out imagenary friends.
Ever seen the shirt in Hot Topic?

Imagenary Friends are
FOREVER

It's so true, it isn't even funny. I like the real people I know. But I don't know any of them enough to really call them much more than my 'hello-people' and some how I think I never will call them anything but.
I'm a bit of a strange thinker. I look outside the box. Or at least from another box entirely.
I know I can't spell. But hey, that's okay.
Cute-Guy is probably leaving at the end of the semester, so I'll never see him again. That's a bummer, 'cause I think he was one of a few that I might really get along with.
There, my self pity.

To Write, Is Life

The Spring Broke

2008-04-04T16:33:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I'm on Spring Break - and I've spent it at the doctors. No beach for me, and no blue hair for me later on anyway. Though I'm hoping to get the blue extentions at my the Hot Topic where I live. It hasn't been too bad, I met my old best-guy-friend's girl friend. She's the sterotype of a cheerleader. Think Harmony Kendall from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I haven't gotten to practice my gituar much, even though I brought it, it's okay I guess....
You know, they say Valentine's Day is singles awarness day. I'm kinda feeling the lackluster-love a few months late.

So... yeah, I haven't written much - STorys, stories, RPs, or otherwise - because I haven't had access to a computer until now.

My cat, James, is okay. I still like Spike. I still want to go to (one of) my favorite band's concerts. I still want a band. I still have an outline to write for english. I still have computer to do. And mostly... I'd really like a friend.

Yeah, yeah, I sound Emo, suck it up and live with it >.> Well, that's that for this blog entry. It's boring and whiny I know. So sue me.

Titles that don't explain anything... don't explain anything

2008-03-27T13:59:00.006-05:00

So yeah, with something overly clever as that ^ you'll expect great things in this blog. Wait for my Sci-Fi book if you want great things. This is going to be full of political-bashing, boy-bashing, femmiNatzi-bashing, girl-bashing, system-bashing ranting shit. Oh, and also maybe some occurrences of what happened to me over the day(s). (<= More likely I'll just tell you what happened, unless it involved any of the aforementioned things. Which in my day to day life, it probably won't.)

I'm a Straight Edge Punk, I'm 16, I play the guitar, I want a band. Pretty simple isn't it? I'm going to college at my Jr. College in my town. The system is stupid, and I just ran head into it being dual in rolled. I like the classes well enough. Actually if there better teachers it would be more fun. Now it's just: Show up, sit there, leave. And the difference between this and high school is...?

I've just started this blog/journal thing 'cause I felt like it. (Not a big surprise there...). I don't have any friends at my new school, just 'hi people' I know. That's alright though, I guess, 'cause I don't think I'd really get along with most of the rednecks in my neighborhood.

I love listening to music, and I love playing it more. When I'm there with the guitar and the mic, it's like there' nothing else around. It's just me and everything is just gone. I'm sure it's a better high than the pot my classmates advocate ;).

I've always kinda been into punk from a young age. My mom taught me to think for myself - and look! it's biting her in the arse. I used to wear a lot of black and wanted a big ol' leather trench coat. I still want the coat, (ever seen Spike the Vampire's duster?), but now I don't wear as much black. The Emo's took my color. Damn them.

Being me is what I do professionally. I'll go to almost any expense to make someone laugh. Yep, that means I'll hop around on one foot covered in feathers and tar if I have to. I'm not much of a social creature - I mean, yeah, I know how to be polite - but if I think you're cool or worth my time, then I usually try and make sure I'm worth yours.

So... yeah. Today I had computer and English. Not much happened. Last summer I went to England. I love London. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my favorite show. Spike is the coolest - and I'd love to have Giles as a Dad. I'm hoping over spring break (nex week!), I'll be able to convince my Mom to let me stripe my blonde hair with electric blue. I think it'll look awesome. But I might have to wait until summer.

I've now written a lot more than I ment to, and hope you liked it anyway.

(See? If you're reading this, I'm alreadying acting like I want you to be my friend *headdesk*)