Living Life At My Own Risk

My secret place

2009-11-09T06:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know I said I would be painting. But we have been hit with that horrible thing/virus/flu going on. First, son #1, then, and still going on, son #2...now me. So it looks like it has made the rounds of this house.

I have not been able to paint. I brought up some of the work I need to finish, so that is a step.

I took some pictures a week or so ago at a place where I walk with my dogs. I love it there. Last fall they did some major logging, or as I called it, rapeing of the area. Cut down most of the hard woods. It was horrible. But me being me, I have a hard time leaving something I am committed to, and being comitted, I have kept on going there.

It was good to see that it is starting to come back. S L O W L Y....but coming back none the less.

Ok, I am hopping back into bed with some tea, because I really need to get better and paint.

what lies beneath

2009-11-08T05:10:00.000-08:00

A little while ago I attended what just might be the 5th or 6th bi annual clothing swap. A small group of friends get together every other year or so in order to clean out their closet, eat, laugh and catch up. Basically we all paw through each others cast offs, take what we want and donate the rest to charity.

Its a win win.

One of us gets the racks out of my garage (who knew how much use I would get out of these silly racks when I bought them over a dozen years ago!)

We pick a date. RSVP, and losely plan a menue.

Then people arrive, unload bags of stuff, mostly clothes, some take advantage and bring plants and other household goods also... I scored a great big Sage plant this year!

then the fun begins! Some use the rest room, others, not so shy, try on clothes right there. There is a wide range of sizes and types that attend, sometimes there is that one right person for the article of clothing, lots of "OOhh, this is perfect for you" not so much fighting. Sarah and I did get into a staring contest over a grey mock turtle neck shell. She graciously let me have it.

Then there is some eating. But between bites some get up and look at other pieces that they didn't notice in the first rush.

What I finally realized this year is that it isn't about the clothes, it isn't about the food. It is about the women, their stories, their history. Their struggles...the house fire, the cancer, the death of a spouse or parent, the divorce, the tears. It is also about the triumphs...the birth of twins, the over coming cancer, the selling of a painting, the magazine article....

I have said it before, and I am sure I will continue to say it...

I LOVE MY FRIENDS

Kidnapped!

2009-10-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

I have been laying low lately, still working on healing. Not doing too well at that. SO this week I decided that all I was going to do and little else since I go back to real life this coming weekend.
So Monday morning, first thing, my friend Chadwick calls and wants to take me out to lunch. WEll, I give him my spiel about needing to take it easy, lying low, healing...and then he says Exeter, scenic rides, I'll be back early.
I say "OK"
I honestly, truly really have no boundaries.
I need to work on this.
However....WE ended up having a nice morning and a great lunch.

Enjoy your day!

How did I get here?

2009-10-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find your self involved in something and at one point look up and around you and wonder...how did I get here?

I have been wondering that a lot lately/

Let me tell you, 25 years ago (or so) if you were to ask me where would I be at 40-ish, I would have said something about all the adventures I would have had earlier in life, and I probably would have seen myself pretty well settled and happy at this advanced age.

I don't know if I would have seen my self with children.

I don't know what I would have seen myself doing as a career.

I don't even know if I would have seen myself in 'my 20-year house'.

But where ever I saw myself, I certainly did not have a plan to get there.

But now...

A little french girl from podunk Nashua NH, how did I end up here? how did I end up being involved in an international incident (yeah, gonna let you stew about that one!)

How did I end up being a stay at home mom?

How did I end up getting a divorce?

All of the above can be explained by choices made along the way. The whole journey so to speak. So I am going to let it go. All of it was suppose to happen to bring to where I am now, and I can change the future course of my life.

I get it.

But Seriously.......

How the hell did I end up getting wrangled to teach a course to Seniors on how to buy and sell on ebay?

Seriously.

and I am not even getting paid.

Thank You Sarah

Back!

2009-10-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

Here is a copy of an email I sent a friend yesterday....

I am going out of my everloving mind! I am on so much pain meds that I sleep all the time until I cannot sleep any more, and then I am still too spaced out to watch a movie or read a book, so I lay down for four hours, until it it time to get up to take more medicine which causes me to need to lay down for four hours.
until I get sick of it and realize that I am with it just enough to troll the internet and send shockingly incoherent emails to my friends, who have all been emailing me back asking me to look over the email I sent them, only to find that I can't make heads or tails out of it either, which tells me I didn't stay in bed quite long enough.
I am bored!!!!!!!!!

So Surgerys over and I am recovering.
these have been the 2 longest days of my life.
and not in a good way.

ALways changing.

2009-09-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I have the job with the state ending soon, since they are closing down for the season. (not the state, the mansion...)
I have taken a part time position at a museum I have worked for repeatedly in the past. I joke that there is a revolving door in the basement with my name on it, I think this will be the 4th or 5th time I have come back. Honestly I thought that they have had enough of me. But lucky for me I was wrong.
Less traveling, a heck of a lot less traveling. So maybe in the spring money will be found for a permanent position with the state, meanwhile, I will still be in the museum field working with a great bunch of people and having fun.
Oh, and a free membership, did I mention that?
got to love non profits, they try to make up for the low pay with perks.
But this Saturday (Oct 3rd) I will be drawing at the Circles of Wisdom in Andover Mass. From 10-4....it will be a long day, but I end up tired and energized at the same time after wards. If you are in the area, stop by. I should have a break in there sometime. It is Andover days, the whole down town will be in a fair like mode.

this is me practicing recovering from surgery...with book and dog, of course it will be sans dock and view....Oh Well

And then I will be having surgery next week. So I need to stock up on some movies...any suggestions? Has anyone seen The Duchess? I want to see that....I am so out of the loop when it comes to recent movies. I will have to hit the net and do some research !

So What is it....

2009-09-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

...about a man in a kilt? Not one to usually fling my self into fantasy land over something visual....I have found myself to become quite interested in this particualr article of mens clothing.
At the place I work, a wedding was held a few weeks ago where the groom was Scottish, not of Scottish descent, but actually hailed from Scotland. So we flew the Scottish flag, I didn't blink twice at the groom, his father and all the groomsmen popping the top of some beers at 9am when they were setting up(ahem, click on the picture and notice what the groom is holding)....but then the whole shindig started, and out came this parade of men in kilts.
Oh My.
And it gets better, some of the guests were in the Scottish Military, don't know what branch, don't care. But I have the imprint of that uniform on my brain.
Oh My.
Can anyone explain this phenomenon to me?

The New Puttering

2009-09-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

Years ago, my mother use to use the terms 'puttering' and gallivanting' to describe non useful or productive activities. I would be 'puttering' if I was at home and wandering around doing nothing in particular. I would be 'gallavanting' if I were 'out and about' doing nothing in particular, and really getting nothing done. Just aimless going from mall to store to friends house....
I realized the other day, compared to today's 'tweeting' and 'face-booking' gallivanting and puttering are positively heroic in their demonstrated ability to get things done in an allotted amount of time!
I wonder what time will bring for our kids generation?

I really have to get new pictures scanned in to my laptop...here is a photo of me rowing in college...and NOT meandering, gallivanting or puttering...actually getting something done!

My Baby

2009-09-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

Is now 17 years old!
Actually, I am speechless at how quickly this has gone by.
I am at a loss for words.

Getting away from me

2009-09-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

This blog has absolutely been getting away from me lately. I have been on a big push to clean and organize my house since the boys have been back in school. So I have not been thinking about blogging. I have however been thinking about painting and tomorrow (yippee) I am going to get all my stuff out (effectively rendering all the cleaning I have been doing as useless, but I am turning a blind eye to that little piece of truth!)
So I promise to keep those updates frequent and timely.
Meanwhile I hope everyone is enjoying these beautiful end of summer days. This is my favorite time of year.

I am itching to put my garden to bed. My absolutely favorite garden chore. Though if it is my favorite, then do I really enjoy my garden? I do, but I love how all neat and tidy it looks afterward. I so do not enjoy looking at all the spent and tired perennials trying to eek out a few more days of show...I'd rather collect the seeds and put them ...~~out of their misery~~, to bed. (such a nice euphemism)

Oh Well....

2009-09-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

Debi over at Emma Tree beat me to the punch with this post title. I have been mulling over "Oh Well " for about a week now.
It is my new Mantra (yes, I have a mantra, doesn't everyone?)
It is surprisingly versatile.
I highly, HIGHLY recommend it to all of you out there. You would be surprised at the situations where it is exactly what is needed.
A friend of mine , a few months ago, was going to be out of the country over Mothers Day. Her Mother and husband were a tad bit miffed at her for this.
I looked at her when she said this, shrugged my shoulders and said "Oh Well."
A huge smile lit up her face.
"Oh Well, exactly"
as in Soo sorry that you are put out by my actions, but honestly there is nothing I can, or for that matter, want to do about it.

Sarah has just emailed me some bad news (for me at least) I emailed back "I hate you"
what she did was respond in a caring and compassionate way...
what she could have done was to write back
"Oh Well"
and I would have been ok with that.

Son #1's GF (the GF as she is called around here) thinks I do not like her.
He came to me with this concern.
I tried to be the good mother and make all sorts of excuses (I am not here to be her friend, I am here to make sure I do not become a grandmother prematurely)...blah blah blah....what I could have/should have said was
"OH WELL"
...but I don't think it would have helped the GF/Son/Mom diplomatic relations....

Cleaning the kitchen, I got into it a little too much and didn't finish before dinner. I thought , Oh Lord, how and I going to feed them? as I surveyed the contents of each and every cabinet occupying every flat surface including the stove...
The first thought that popped into my head was (see, you're getting the hang of it) "Oh Well"
as in 'you know, cereal for breakfast isn't a bad thing, it is probably a treat in their young lives..and really, 10 years, 1 year, heck in 1 week will this matter?'

So I am putting out this challenge to all of you, try and see how many times "Oh Well" comes in handy in the next few days.
And if you find yourself enjoying it , you have my permission to keep on using it.

Oh and it helps to add the classic Gallic shrug....
Raise your shoulders; hold up your hands, palms out; stick out your lower lip; raise your eyebrows

(OK, lacking an appropriate photo, here is me walking very very fast......)

Also do not pause, hesitate or in any way act uncertain when you utter these words...if you do, then they will know you are just trying it on for size and will pounce on your inner insecurity. OWN IT!

New things coming

2009-09-04T03:47:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling this for a few weeks now. After a summer long sojourn from art, I have been feeling the stirrings of new work trying to get to the surface. perhaps with my job winding down, and the routine here getting more or less back to normal now that school has started, I will get back to creating. It is kind of exciting.
I will keep you all posted.

Really!?

2009-09-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't know weather to laugh or just go to bed. There was this commotion in our house tonight. The dogs new something was a foot. They pleaded to be let out side. WE let them out. Then they were yelling to be let back in. Coco came in first (highly unusual) , this huge wave of something really awful smelling came in with her.
She quickly was put back out again. The we opened the door again, cautiously... I thought it smelled like skunk. But it was SOOO much worse. One of us went out side to investigate. The other one kept filling out the endless forms that the school insists on sending home each and every year.
One of us said that it was the smell of an electrical fire, or tires burning. WE do not live in an area that tires are usually found smoldering. I called the neighbors, he called the fire department. We both hung up at the same time.
"its just a skunk" I said.
"the firemen are coming" he said.
about 8 min later, just as a full ladder truck with its lights on made a slow circle around our block, the neighbor called
"did you call the fire department?"
"No, HE did"
Her son asked them in all seriousness "is this the first time they have smelled a skunk?"
I think I will just go to bed now.

The Bad Bad Day

2009-08-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes, you wake up one morning, and things seem...well...good. The humidity is gone, the day looks bright. You have plans. Then little by little, or sometimes, not so little. The day goes all to hell.
What happened? What did I do wrong? Did I anger the gods of beautiful sunny late summer days? Is this some kind of Karma backlash?
Is tomorrow another day as in another day to get it right? Another day to try again? Another day to take what you have learned and move forward? Or is it another day to get blindsided?
I guess the only thing to do is to go to bed and wait and see what happens tomorrow....
I'll keep you posted.

Time.....

2009-08-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

To get off my duff and get some art made! I have been practically non creative all summer! Its funny how easy it is to get out of the habit...things get a little busy, you slow down, you tell yourself that 'just as soon as X is taken care of....' you will get back to business. I guess they are right, nature hates a void, so something else soon fills up the art void, and before you know it, after beating yourself up about not finding the time any more, you don't even know where to look for your art supplies, never mind put them to use!
The boys go back to school next week.
I am taking the time this week to organize and rearrange things here, so I will have more of a dedicated space....or so I like to dream!

Yet another blog for Michelle

2009-08-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

I have this blog, however neglected it may be....I also manage a Blog for a class that I am in. I have the Blog for my Art for sale. Now I have started a blog for the house that I work at. Be prepared to see duplicate posts. The new blog is HERE. You can also find us on Face book. I am propelling this 300 year old house smack dab into the 21st century! And it is good.

I will keep you updated on my comings and goings. Right now I am at work and there is a wedding going on, it is the worst heatwave I can remember , The hurricane is heading our way...but, it is a Scottish wedding and there are a ton of young men running around in Kilts. That is making it all worth while for me.I will try to get some pictures. : )

My birthday

2009-08-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I warned you, this is going to be a self absorbed post. Its my birthday. My boys made me a wonderful Raw Desert, and then watched a movie. A very low keyed birthday. It is so hot and humid here that that was about all I could tolerate.

Really, I am 43. What else can I say. It was a good day. And I have my health and my mind (more or less). And, this weekend, a 66 year old man called me a 'cool chick'...
It is all good!

Pebble Flint

2009-08-16T16:35:00.001-07:00

Ok, I have made it quite clear in earlier posts that I am a cheap date. I can spend hours walking the beach collecting float-sum and jetsam. It is a very good thing that I work at a place that has its own private beach. Being a lifelong beach comber of New England beaches, when I first found these rocks where I work I though "Whoa now, I have never seen these before." and of course, me being me, if I had never seen them before, then they must be something worth looking into. And honestly it wasn't just the outside appearance of them, what made them very fascinating to me is that even though on the outside then seem relatively ordinary, the color ranges between gray to tan to brown to red and black. A rock right? Au contraire mon frere.

I also found pieces of the rocks broken up, and the interior of the rocks ranged from alabaster, to amber to toffee looking. Quite different from what i was use to finding. So I became very curious. I started do ing some research. What I found was very exciting (for me at least, a HUGE history Geek!) Why?.....
Well because these rocks are only found in England. Not New England. How did they get here? Tourist visa? a rubber raft? A quick holiday across the pond?
No, in the colonial period, when, as an English colony, we were part of the extensive trade routs that went from England to the Americas to the Caribbean and on to Africa. Portsmouth NH was a medium sized, wealthy port. Ships from England would come to Portsmouth with these rocks as ballast in the holds. When they arrived here, the holds would be emptied, and then loaded with the raw materials so essential to England's wealth. So, this is one of the only places in America you can find them! Now to me, that is exciting! SO every day at work, I now have an excuse to go and scour the beach. And if a odd piece of sea glass or shard of pottery jumps in my pocket also, so be it.
I do carry a pocketful of them around to show people and give to the kids who come to the park.
So now, I have ended a long, hot day at the mansion. It always amazes me how many people want to see a hot, stuffy historic house on one of the hottest days of the year. And it seemed as if today not one of them really had any interest. I shouldn't let that bother me, but I so much more enjoy the people who are excited about what they are seeing. Oh, and I got into a car accident. I soo deserve this glass of wine I am pouring myself. An early birthday toast. Tomorrow I will be 43. Expect an insanely self obsessive post tomorrow.

OK then....

2009-08-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, don't really know how to start this post. Yesterday was difficult. We told our sons that we will be getting a divorce. It has been a long time coming.
So there will be a lot of changes coming down the pike for all of us here. So bare with me.
So in order to get my mind off of all the stuff going on, I spent way too much time last night 'madmening' myself and friends....

Well, OK, yes, I went over board on the tan...but I did have this dark of a tan when I was in Phoenix....so I am allowed some artistic license!
Here is my neighbor Pam, who I went to Arizona with. She has such an infectious laugh, next to her I look like Eeyore!

Here is Kathryn, a dear friend that I have known since 1st of 2nd grade. She is a business woman and a hot ticket. We have way too much fun whenever we get together.

Then there is Karen, my college roommate, who along with me slept through a pretty raucous and wild panty raid. We will never live it down.

And finally there is Sarah, and she is Fabulous....I could have added her glasses, but obviously she has taken them off to potentially engage in ..ahem...other activities.....

Have to find fun where I can!

This is just a dry run....

2009-08-09T03:32:00.000-07:00

I am playing around with this Blog and trying to decide what I want it to be now. It seems as if every year right around the anniversary of starting this Blog, I pull it kicking and screaming through an identity change.Or perhaps it is pulling me?

So if you have any feedback or comments on the new layout, please feel free to screech at me about it.

Yesterday at what my dear friend Karen is calling my 'Summer House' (AKA Work) Sarah had organized a Plein Air event. Local, and not so local artists came onto the property and set up their easles for a full day of art, enjoying the outdoors and socializing. The finished paintgs were then hung in the gallery for sale. It was a rousing success. Fabulous art, I fell in love with one in particular. DeWitt Hardy, above by the anchor did a piece of the Mansion. It is a view I love and it captured somehow, how I see the house. The piece had a certain early 1900's feel about it. I can't quite put my finger on what made it so. But I love the piece. I thought it would be perfect to commemorate my second summer here at the mansion, but alas the price tag pretty much equaled what I would be making here all summer. So I will have to admire it from afar.
Melissa Miller also showed up in with her newly bobbed hair. It was fun talking to her since I don't think I have seen her for a few months.
I also got to play park ranger and enforce the parking regulations...strangely it was fun in a power mad sort of way!
I gave quite a few tours during the day. This job is helping my ego so much. I was told many times that I give good tour.
Well I think tomorrow will be a post explaining all the changes that have been going on here. SO enjoy your day, talk to you tomorrow!

Under construction

2009-07-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

Please check back in a few days for a whole new look!

A Completely Self Indulgent Post

2009-07-28T04:51:00.000-07:00

But then again lately when have they not been? I went to my 25th High School Reunion a few weekends ago. It really was fun. I saw people I had wanted to see, and then was so pleasantly surprised to see people I had not even thought of in years and years. So here is a hodgepodge collection of pictures from the reunion and old high school photos.

Ok, see, totally self indulgent and a rather weak excuse for a Blog post.
I am contemplating taking a sabbatical until I can get my head together where this is concerned.

Another day in my life

2009-07-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

I had really better get painting since my posts are becoming so boring and only interesting to a handful of people (my dad and Sarah...and well, I think Sarah is still reading solely out of loyalty!) But I recently posted my work day, leaving out of course the part where I actually work. Which I actually do, and Sarah was surprised to see that I can actually become a bit of a PIA like her when I work.

Yesterday, on a day off, I went to bring Sarah a book on tape (disc?) that she loaned me for my long drive to Portsmouth. Austenland. A novel with a bit of a far out premise. Promising. Being this was my first book on tape (again...disc?) I was muttering to the thing while listening. But once I started it, I felt I had to finish it. I can't quite figure out if words that are meant to be read, may come across at times rather silly when you hear them instead of read them. But I finished the book and needed to get it back to her. (oh,again with my total inability to order my pictures while I am uploading them) this is a family of wild turkeys that I found jaywalking on the way back from Sarahs.

She was gracious and kind enough to make me lunch even though I invited myself. I fell in love with the vinegar she served. A wonderful salad made from greens from their(and by their I mean Le Boyfriend) garden. So much better than store bought.

I found myself lusting after this planter and the dragons blood sedum in it.
In our required garden tour, I found that I loved the combination of this blue bell flower and the purple smoke bush.
Henry was just as needy as always, which in itself is quite a beautiful thing.
When one is giving a garden tour, or really a tour of any kind, one must absolutely master the 'tour hands', even when one is holding a glass of wine with one hand, preferable the dominant hand, since spilled wins is a waste and shame, there is always one extra hand available to illuminate for the guests the beauty of coreopsis.

I was trying to get Sarah in the same pose as her little friend, but was clearly too slow.

A Day in My Life

2009-07-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post some photos I took while working the other day. And as they uploaded in the reverse order I wanted them to, I will just go with it. But here is a typical haul for about 10 min.

During my break and some down time, I walk along the shore to make sure everything is as it should be. I also will collect seaglass that I find washed up on the shore. Or as my sons like to say, I pick trash. I am a very cheap date!

There are always caravans of Kyakers out in the bay. They are so colorful and fun. This is something I really want to do.

Another view of the Bay.
Ah HA! Seaglass.
Here is a shot of some of the extensive Mussel beds we also have.
My house. Or rather the states, but I say that is splitting hairs.

Looking further out, past the Bay into Newcastle.

Approaching the house from the rear. This would be the servants entrance.

Just a Quickie

2009-07-15T13:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, now I am a littel miffed and confused. On occasion, I check my stats to see how people find me. I am more than amused with fundamental' mulim nations find me through searches for "naughty housewife" and "housewife sex" but, hey, thats their baggage coupled with my wanton use of words here.
Sometimes I find that people google my full name, including maiden...and I rack my brain thinking of who I know in Austin Texas or wherever.
But this has me miffed, and it is basically on a principal level. Some one from Virgina (which I ALWAY check, ever since the notorious FBI check...) and I found that they linked to my blog from a right-winged web site. Yes, uh huh, me. In your face liberal...I will make up things just to win an argument against a conservative. Say with a straight face and go to my grave clutching my righteousness, Me. Oh, goody, maybe someone took offense. Nope, I am not even that lucky. They have me in their permanent links.
This has got to be a cruel joke.
I can't even come up with a picture that will make visually explicit how I am feeling about this.
I need to go back to just posting about art. Nothing (in my book) screams liberal like a disgruntled artist. Now I am off to do my barbell curls...sleeveless dress coming up soon.
Ok, I found a picture, not good enough, but it'll do.