One Lump or Two?

Did You Think I Said What You Thought?

2007-04-28T23:21:00.000-06:00

In my last post I referred to learning a new language - the language of an entrepreneur. Upon reflecting on my 'early' days of networking, I cringe at the thought of some of the words and phrases I used.

One memory in particular sticks out in my mind. I was attending a speakers conference as a service provider (that of a cartoonist). Not quite sure how to begin a conversation, I asked a group of women if they would like to get together later that evening and 'fellowship'. The laughed out loud and continued talking. One of the women pulled me to the side and said, "you must be a Christian" We don't use words like that here. She then explained to me that she was the daughter of a pastor, and although that language was familiar to me, it was not recognized in this setting. I honestly had no other word for "fellowship" other than that ... "fellowship!" (Now, I know that the word "They" use is NETWORKING.

Another memory that comes to mind was at another conference. This conference was a Christian conference and was a totally new experience for me. I and my friends were the only eight white people in a sea of deliciously 'colored' people. (I never saw myself as dull and colorless until that conference) These women were dressed in a celebration of colors, complete with beautiful head-wraps and fine hats, scarfs tied around their waste and clothes which looked like they were meant for an evening ball. (A true feast for my artist's eyes and an education when it came to celebrating my own femininity.)

At one point, we were invited to the pastor's home and as I "fellowshipped" with one of the women leaders of this conference, the two of us "got to talking" about babies (as women often do). I love telling good stories and was deeply engrossed in sharing the story of the birth of my daughter - whom I had given birth to at home.

The woman's eyes got wider and wider as I told her that half of our church was at the house, waiting for the birth of the baby. Women were in the kitchen cooking chocolate chip cookies and baking a roast for my family for afterwards. I told her that because I started worrying about how long it was taking for the baby to be born, I actually 'stopped' my labor. The mid-wife instructed me to take a walk around the block with my husband to get the labor started again - and while we walked, unknown to me, she instructed everyone in the house to go hide - and to BE QUIET.

When I got back home, the house was still. There wasn't a person in sight and you could hear a pin drop. I went back to our bedroom and WHAM ... my labor started in full force and in a very short while, our daughter was born.

Well, you should have seen the face on this lady as I shared this story. In the middle of describing who my labor kicked in when it was quiet ... the woman exclaimed, "QUIT!!!!"

So I did.

She popped up straight in her chair and shouted, "Why did you stop talking???"

I said, "You told me to quit, so I did. I figured you were tired of me talking!"

She threw her hands in the hair and howled with laughter. The other ladies in the room asked her what she was laughing so hard about and she told them what I had done. They too threw their hands in the air and squealed with laughter and literally rolled on the floor.

I just sat there. This time with MY mouth flopped open. The joke was on me. I wasn't quite sure what the joke was - but I sure felt white at the moment.

My memories of this conference are so rich. I asked so many stupid questions. Not intentionally - but because I was really curious. So what? How was I going to learn anything if I didn't ask questions?

Fast forward to today ...

As I reflect on the many memories and experiences I've had inside church and outside church, I'm amazed at how quick we are to judge poorly on what someone says, based upon our own frames of reference. How much easier it would be to just ask questions?

Our impatience to "get to the point" (or MAKE our point) often over shadows something so much richer - if we will but listen and ask questions . . . be patient - and most of all, have a great sense of humor.

If you are in the middle of a new culture, whether it is a racial culture or a corporate culture or a church culture, or a regional culture or ... (okay, it never ends) NOTICE your responses and before you jump the gun and come to the conclusion that the other party is 'arguing' with you, or dismissing you, or not of your belief system; LISTEN to what they are saying and repeat back what you hear. Allow them to CLARIFY if necessary. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you learn, and you might be amazed at how much you were actually on 'the same page' with the other person. There's something to be said about learning curves and crossing language barriers.

By the way - for the other folks who didn't get it when the lady told me to "QUIT" I've since learned that her exclamation was one of affirmation. It meant that my story was so good that she just "couldn't take it anymore". I guess its something like wanting to "Slap Yo' Mommma" when she cooks you a good meal ... (although I still haven't figured out that one.)

And You Thought You Were Odd ...

2007-04-26T21:54:00.000-06:00

Many children's books have been written that teach us moral lessons that we as adults would do well to remember. Stories like the Ugly Duckling, which is about a swan that was raised with a family of ducks. It didn't sound like them or look like them, so they called it ugly. When it grew up, it discovered that it was a different species entirely and was actually a beautiful swan.

I have to say that I felt much like that Ugly Duckling until I experienced two special events in my life. Years apart - they stand out in my mind well. (It took me a while to actually 'get' the lesson that I was presented with.)

Years ago I attended Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design in Denver, CO. Just for a quarter - but enough to literally impact my life in a positive way. I've always been an artist and always will be. I see things that other people don't seem to see. It used to frustrate me when I would admire something and point out the textures and colors, and my friends would laugh at me because they couldn't see it and thought I was nuts.

At the time, I so undervalued my artistic talent that I thought all people could draw - they just chose not to. Since I was always getting into trouble drawing in school - the message came across loud and clear that being an artist was nothing special.

Until, that is, I went to Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design. Being around people who thought like me and had special talents was so much fun. I wasn't odd at all - I was just another "species"!

Years later I learned about an entrepreneurial group called Income Builders International (or IBI). When I made the leap to attend their CEO Training Forum in Los Angeles, I was literally dizzy with emotion as people from all walks of life and business, worked together, mentored one another and shared resources. One person told me "Welcome home" ...

I can't tell you what those words meant. Here were inventors, artists, CEOs, investors, teachers, non-profits, consultants, lawyers - you name it, they were/are there.

At first it was overwhelming to have so many answers come at once. (another friend said, "Its kinda like drinkin water outta fire hose, isn't it?) But I was determined to make a change in my life and honor the dreams that I had. The more I listened, and asked questions, the more I began to comprehend and learn.

Its like learning a new language ... and without a doubt, its renewing your mind.
Go to: http://sarahstent.com and click on the questionnaire that is there in learning your strengths. That's a good place to start. Then ...

Seek out people who have similar passions like you and who support and reinforce your dreams and goals. When we struggle with depression and are not care free, it’s because we've denied ourselves the right to express our hearts and live the way God created and intended for us to do.

Can you think of anything more sorrowful than to snuff out the flame of passion and joy that God's children have when they are fulfilling the Call of God on their lives?

Your dream is futuristic and desperately needed. Not only does it provide you with your own finances so that you can do exceedingly well with all that is in your heart - it allows you to do things and help others who have no outlet for their own creativity.

How to Become More of a Leader Than a Follower

2007-04-24T22:29:00.000-06:00

Great leaders are those who take responsibility for their own actions and choices and cast down 'victim' thinking. The belief systems we were taught as children (for the average family) include every thing from whether or not "our kind" can shop in a certain place, earn a certain kind of expected income or enjoy certain kinds of relationships…etc.

The past two years have brought more entrepreneurial people into my life than what I have met in my entire lifetime. Is it our economy or are people just fed up with the 'status quo'? We were taught to go to school, do as you are told, don't make waves and get good grades. When you graduate, you will get a good job with great pay. When you retire from that job, you will be given a gold watch and a nice retirement package.

Just writing those words makes me want to laugh. First of all, how many people do you know that have stayed at the same job straight out of high school through retirement? Our world has changed drastically in a very short period of time!

Old thinking (victim thinking) is no longer acceptable. Even if you work for an employer, you must make the decision to work as though you are self employed. A very wise woman once told me that it didn't make any difference if she was working for a company or not - she always approached her paycheck as though she were self employed. She not only treated the company she worked for as thought it were her own business, she tended to her financial business by cultivating multiple streams of income on the side.

When our company was sold and all the workers laid off, many people sank to the floors and wailed because they had no where to go and had mortgages, medical bills and kids to put through college. All their plans were flushed down the drain in one fell swoop. Not this lady - she had already been working on "Plan B" and "Plan C". Her multiple streams of income continued to carry her through while she built a new business for herself and kept moving forward.

The others? I don't know, but what I do know is, she was a great leader, and although she isn't in my life as much any more, she continues to lead me. Her words came back to me in a powerful way when I read Robert Kiyosaki's book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad".

I had not realized that I had avoided reading any business books because I was convinced that I was not smart enough to learn that 'stuff'. I was a woman - and a pastor's wife. The man was supposed to take care of the woman, and the church was supposed to take care of the man -- and his woman. (okay, I've been known to be a bit of a dreamer)

When we experienced financial hardships in the church, we suffered a great deal and went without, because we were taught that it would be unspeakable for us to get jobs - after all, we were the pastors!

Years have passed and I've learned that there are many ways to earn income other than just getting a job. By learning how to cultivate multiple streams of income, a pastor will teach his congregation to do the same. By being responsible with his finances and teaching his congregational members to do likewise, he will become a great leader in their lives as well.

What glory is there in constantly being broke? What makes a person want to even meet your God, let alone have faith in Him, if you cannot cloth and feed your children and you have an eviction notice on your door? Could it be that some sly doctrine has infiltrated our ranks and 'victim mentality' has been camouflaged as being humble?

A great (and responsible) leader will find out ...

As a New Pastor, How Do I Win Respect From My Peers?

2007-04-23T15:26:00.000-06:00

The question was asked ... "My husband and I are new in the Pastoral ministry. I need to know how to win the respect of my peers and be acknowledged as a person with my own identity. Handling conflict."

A common misconception about becoming a pastor is that some how, you are now expected to be perfect and have all the answers. The worst thing any pastor can do is to foster that conception. We are humans - and we are saved by the GRACE of God.

The most compassionate, loving and worshipful thing that you can do to represent Christ truthfully - is to be truthfully you. We teach the people around us, how we expect to be treated. As a pastor, that is amplified because of the nature of humans to want to worship. To me, it was frightening to see the look in a congregational member's eyes as they hung on my every word - because today, I now had the title of "Pastor". That same congregational member would not have given me a second glance the day before - because she did not know that we were being ordained the next day. Its silly, but I praise God that what transpired that day was permanently burned into my memory.

The willingness of people to worship you as a spiritual leader, can be intoxicating - and many a pastor has fallen when they succumbed. On the same hand, the worship can backfire and people are quite willing to crucify the pastor if he or she doesn't live up to their unrealistic (and undefined)expectations.

What's a pastor to do? On a consistent basis - search his or her own heart. Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to Love God - and the second was to love others AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. (You cannot give what you do not possess)

The lesson? As you love yourself and live in integrity and honesty - following your passion and staying in your strengths ... your example will free others to do the same.

And that helps to prevent, or heal conflict because as you receive His grace and mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love, you will be able to give the same, and others will follow and do the same. A Christ-like "culture" will be created of mutual respect, kindness, cooperation and unconditional love.

Conflict always arises. Most often, it is due to a misunderstanding in communication. Ask clarifying questions. Listen. Allow for learning curves. Conflict creates change, and Change means Growth. Where there is growth, there is
life.

If we try to be all things to all people, we are deceived and in a falsehood - all that we do will be based upon lies - and THAT kind of atmosphere creates destructive conflict filled with hate and unforgiveness.

Yep - it all starts at the top. God sees the heart ...

How To Find a Good Church

2007-04-22T12:02:00.000-06:00

Define what "good church" means. It’s common for people to find a 'good church' that feels just like "home" ... Question is, “What was your home life like?” If it was filled with abuse – are you finding a church that is abusive like home? (abuse comes in many forms) Or if your home life was compassionate, supportive and educational – perhaps you truly have found your “home” church”.

All churches are made up of human beings – although obvious, it’s often not recognized, so unreal expectations arise along with the disappointments that those unreal expectations foster.

What if you were a woman who loves being a mother and relished the moment she gave birth to her babies. So much so, that any discussion about pregnancy and birthing babies has your full attention. You would do best in a church were there was an appreciation of midwifery, mothers and babies, for instance.

One of my dearest friends gave me the most wonderful gift by encouraging me to find a mid-wife when I was pregnant with my second son. The result was a beautiful, peaceful birth for both the baby and myself - and later our daughter was born at home in a loving, peaceful atmosphere with her family.

My friend's passion for pregnancy, birth, babies and mothers resulted in her receiving her own training in certified midwifery (after serving as a doula* for years). She enjoyed being a part of almost every birth that occurred in our local church - and now delivers babies herself in her community – and overseas.

Her special joy is going on mission trips to help poverty stricken areas with a healthier approach to delivering babies and helping to ensure that more survive their arrival on this earth - and that the mothers are educated on how to nurture them and keep them healthy.

Jean's website is: http://heritagehomebirth.com (*by the way, if you don't know, a Doula is a woman who assists women during labor and after childbirth.)

So . . . the best church for you will be one that is already involved in the areas that you are passionate about. They will support you and encourage you in your passion (and the Call of God on your life). They will not try to turn you another direction or talk you into doing something else.

For instance, if a person is passionate about feeding the poor - a church that does NOT have a ministry for homeless or feeding the poor would not be a 'good church' for them.

Just as a person who was interested in drama, would not find that the church that is focused on feeding the poor is a good church for them. They would do much better in a church that had a focus on drama, the theater and arts, just as the person who had a passion for feeding the poor would do best

Define your future goals, the passion of your heart and what gives you life and energy in your service to the Lord - then find a church that will support that in your life.

Recognize that again, all churches are comprised of human beings - who are all imperfect and must access God's grace and mercy to be tolerable . . . just as you do.

The building of our character, our ability to forgive and our unconditional love and mercy is challenged and created in our fellowship with one another. When we are intentional in our goals, and realistic about our own failures and faults, then we have learned to forgive ourselves and to celebrate ourselves and who God created us to be. Because of this, we can be generous with one another in the same manner. It is this fluid life of unconditional love and grace, mercy and patience and the sharing of like passions that makes a 'good church'.

Practically speaking, local directories, web sites, word of mouth and newspaper articles will reveal where these actual churches are in your area. Visit a few, observe the culture and the expressions on the faces of congregational members. Are they doing "duty" or are they really excited about where they worship and are actively involved in pursuing their dreams which in turn impact their communities for good?

Visiting a few churches, observing the culture and atmosphere, asking questions about their beliefs and mission statement will help you to choose.

When its all said and done - and you stand before the Lord on that last day, you will be judged by what you were CALLED to do (that which you are passionate about and that thrills your heart) ... not what you DID.

Inevitably, someone will say, “I’ve checked all the churches in my area and there is no such thing as a perfect church.” My answer to them is, “YOU are the ‘good church’ – speak to the pastor, share your heart, and if he is receptive to your ideas and supportive of your dream – then bloom where you are planted.

If you find a good church and would like to share it with us so that others can visit, please send me an email through Sarah's Tent. ( http://sarahstent.com ) I'll be happy to add it to our directory of churches.

Removing Three Obstacles to Embracing Your Dreams

2007-04-18T22:47:00.000-06:00

There are a few things you should be aware of when you begin to embrace your dreams. The first thing is the DOUBT. "Who am I to do THAT?" "There are so many people already doing that, is there room for me?"

The answer to that first phase of questioning is - yes, there is plenty of room for you - because there are literally billions of people. Not everyone "resonates" with everyone. There are people that will "resonate" better with you than they will with others, because no matter how many people deliver the same 'goods', no one will do it in the same way you will.

The next phase is INTIMIDATION. The greatest way to defeat this impulse is to cover your self in grace. Everyone experiences a learning curve - even that person sitting across the room who has all the answers. They didn't learn all they know overnight. They have dealt with intimidation too.

Just take your time and allow yourself to explore your options, learn the language of your trade, ask questions and devour information and enjoy the experiences that support you in your passion.

The next phase is the LEARNING CURVE. Make friends with this one - because it never ends. If you had all the answers up front, you may not be able to personally handle all that those answers would attract. (orders, customers, media attention, whatever) A learning curve doesn't just give you information; it builds character and experiences, supply and resources, relationships and networking. You will need all of that, not just answers, when you step into your future.

All along the way you will be challenged with decisions that will carry risk with them. The risk that comes with new relationships which are misunderstandings, emotional ties, commitment, etc. Then there is the risk of finances - loosing and gaining, prepare yourself to experience both, but make every effort to control how much you loose - and how much you gain.

Do your homework . . . and build a team.

Why Are You Beat Up and Standing Against the Wall?

2007-04-16T08:46:00.000-06:00

In all the years that I have spoken to people about their dreams, I run into common phrases. Phrases such as, "Oh the enemy has really been 'beating me up'" (meaning that you are broke, sick or depressed, or ... well, you get it.)

Or when being beat up by 'the enemy' isn't going to work, there's the phrase, "I'm just waiting on God." Really? What are you waiting for? How will you know when He has arrived? Are you expecting a certified letter covered in angel dust to arrive?

Both of these answers are the most common that I hear - especially with church folk.
Why?
1. It puts the blame on another party (the ‘enemy’ or God)
2. It appears very pious and religious. Self made martyrs really like this.
3. Isn’t that what everyone says?

The problem with programmed responses like this is that it allows the excuse to leave the mouth without checking the heart or filtering it through the brain for analysis. The question is – if it is the devil’s fault, or God’s fault – where are YOU in the equation? We have to take responsibility for our own choices before we can move forward. Otherwise, we just spin our wheels endlessly sitting in the blame buggy wondering why we aren’t getting anywhere.

How to Get to the Next Level . . . Inspite of Our Friends

2007-04-13T13:40:00.001-06:00

When we hold ourselves back from what God has called us to do - for fear that we might offend others ... there are several things we need to consider.

Am I lying to myself about my true motives for not moving forward? Is it truly because I don't want to offend others - or is it because I lack information - or don’t truly want to put out the effort?

In the end, when we stand before God, We will be judged by what we were CALLED TO DO. Not what we did.

Each of us is an expression of God's love, creativity and generosity. To withhold what we have been given is to hide our talent in 'our tents' and risk being judged as evil hearted (selfish and fearful)

Before we can move forward, we want to look at the results of what we are getting right now in our lives. If my life is not what I want it to be, what got me here? What I see around me right now is the sum total of all the choices I've made in my life.

So - if I THINK I'm making righteous choices, but getting 'unrighteous' results, then I must be lying to myself. It doesn't mean that my motives are evil, it means I'm misinformed about my own hearts TRUE motives. It may be fear of moving forward because we are afraid of the risk - so we make choices that will allow us to 1. blame others for our results 2. create an appearance of being safe.

When you are tempted to wonder, "HOW TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL? People want help me, but I think that they are afraid I will go pass them." (we all have heard stories of friends who became jealous when a friend became successful at something.)

The answer is actually easier than you think. It is, "Get new friends".

(That doesn't mean that you have to get rid of the 'old' ones) It means - expand your relationships. The relationships we chose are a reflection of our own inner belief system about ourselves. We make our choices based upon what we BELIEVE to be true about ourselves and about the 'world' we live in. Those choices 'confirm' our truth, so we feel safe and do not have to be responsible to make new choices.

(oh we are great at lying to ourselves)

Seek new relationships with people who are doing what you want to do. Just being AROUND these people will move you to 'the next level'.

Better yet. DEFINE what "The Next Level" is.

Without knowing - how will you know when you've reached 'The Next Level"?

Your heart soars when you are surrounded by music, media, results. Network with people of like talents and mind.

Are there any broadcasting network groups in your city? Theater? Music? No?
Then start one!

I know a webmaster for an organization of independent publishers and authors who share their information and bring in speakers to educate themselves on how to publish their own books as well as market them.

This group is self sustaining and is 340 members strong and growing almost daily.
It began with three people meeting in a library sharing experiences and sipping coffee together.

Embrace your future and identify what is lacking - then find it. "Ask and you shall receive" (What are you asking for?)

Breaking Through Brass Heavens

2006-10-08T19:34:00.000-06:00

As is a habit of mine, I am constantly noticing what I think, say, do, feel, see about situations that come my way. If a person says something to me or asks a question that challenges me, I know that it is a red flag for me to learn something. I love the way the Holy Spirit never stops teaching!

When presented with new opportunities, or meeting a challenge, a wide range of thoughts and emotions will most likely present themselves to you. Noticing what those thoughts are and paying attention to them will open your eyes to the world you have chosen to live in.

Think about the last time that you stood in a cafeteria line. The first thing you do before making your choice of food items is reaching for your plate. Naturally, you will take the first plate off of the stack of plates - and the rest will pop up for the next person in line to take the next plate. If the plate is dirty, you set it aside and take the next plate, and once again the stack pops up, and again a new plate presents itself.

Our thoughts are a lot like that. Problem is, we never look at the 'plate' but just dig in with our choices. What would it be like if we first examined our thoughts? Digging deeper to the 'plates' near the bottom reveal our inner most thoughts.

Instead of plates popping up before you make your food choices. Replace the plates with thoughts that come up before you make choices on how to respond to situations ...

Thoughts such as, “I don’t want to!” will offer the opportunity to learn IF you ask yourself, “Why do I not want to?” The answers are many. It can be that you have other plans – or that it feels like it would be a lot of work and using more energy isn’t appealing – or that it was something another person was suggesting and not something that was thought up on your own.

These are all thoughts I’ve had depending on what was presented to me. Then other thoughts come to support those above …

Thoughts like: “I’m not good enough” or … “People like me do not spend time with people like them” or … “I’m not smart enough.” Or … “I don’t have clothes good enough to wear” or … (there are a million thoughts like these)

(We're digging down deeper into the stack of proverbial plates)

Each of these thoughts reveals a belief system that prevents you from moving forward in your life.

Choosing to act upon the opportunity IN SPITE of how you feel or what you think, shows great courage and potential for great prosperity in every area of your life. This is the battleground of the mind. These are the vain imaginations that we are told to cast down. (II Corinthians 10:5) They exalt themselves against God and the plans He has for your life and for those He wants you to reach.

This also causes us to die daily! (1 Cor. 15:31) Willing to become fools for the Gospel of Christ and for captives who desperately need to be set free (including ourselves) (Luke 4:18)

The first weapon to learning how to live abundantly is to first NOTICE everything that surrounds each opportunity. NOTICE at all times (because opportunities surround us every moment of our lives due to our very generous, and abundant God) NOTICE your thoughts – your feelings – your emotions – your reactions.

Being truthful with ourselves will strengthen our prayer life because we will be truthful to God. There are no brass heavens in truth. Conversations with our Heavenly Father become intimate and rich, filled with instruction, promise, forgiveness and wisdom – when we are first truthful to ourselves. After all – what do we have to loose? He already knows the truth! We’re just getting into agreement with Him!

Why People Fail at Obtaining their Dreams

2006-09-28T10:23:00.000-06:00

Years ago, employed as a church secretary, I had the brilliant idea of adding a special feature to our church directory. Mind you, I had alterior motives because there was hardly a day that went by that someone didn’t call me and ask if there was someone in the church that knew how to do such and so or who provided services in various areas.

It seemed like a huge no-brainer. Just list what people loved to do, along with their contact information, and not only would they be able to act on their own dreams - others would benefit from their services too!

One by one I called members and asked if they wanted to place an ad in the directory for this purpose. (The small fee collected was going to go to the Children’s Church fund). One person after another would sigh dreamily and mumble something about how great it would be if they really could earn money doing what they love.

And one person after another confessed that they just KNEW they would fail at it and wasn’t sure if they should bother. My gift of encouragement would kick in and they would get really excited - all to collapse in a panicked heap crying out, “Oh my! I’d be so successful I could never keep up with the demand!” They would quickly excuse themselves and hang up the phone. Only the existing business people understood what I was doing and jumped at the chance to be listed ... all to no avail because due to the lack of interest, the service directory idea was scrapped.

My experience with the wishes and dreams of our congregational members really bothered me. We preach prosperity, and that God wants the best for us, and that all that our hands touch will prosper. But the actions I saw shouted another belief entirely.

My conclusion? Its easy to fail - that takes no effort. To succeed takes effort, perseverence, planning and risk. The bottom line? They didn’t want the responsibility to live out their dreams. It was easier to blame the devil for beating them up or to righteously declare that they would “pray about it” or that they were waiting on God.

No wonder many are called but few are chosen ...

The Role of a Pastors Wife

2006-09-22T09:02:00.000-06:00

Probably one of the most often asked questions that come through Sarah's Tent is from the young, new pastor's wife who asks, "How can I be the best pastor's wife that I can be?" "What is expected of me as a new pastor's wife?"

Memories instantly leap to my mind as I remember asking that myself. Now, after years of ministry experience and people experience, I see great wisdom in Shakespeare's words ... "To thine own self be true".

There is no greater praise or gift to God and the people you serve ... and your husband and children ... that you remain true to yourself.

Staying in truth and integrity, love and joy, reflecting God's grace, mercy and love on this Earth, is greater than any skill or talent that hides who you were created to be.

A pastor's wife is not a trophy wife. The worse thing that a woman can do (or anyone for that matter) is to try to live up to what they THINK other people expect of them. Focusing on an undefined goal dooms you to failure - because you'll never know when its been obtained - because it never really existed!

The greatest thing that you can do as a pastors wife is to first discover who you are. Know your strengths - and your weaknesses. Embrace your strengths and rejoice in your weaknesses!

"What?" you ask, "Rejoice in my weaknesses?"

You bet! That means that you are leaning to your strengths - which are areas that you excel in and love to do (which blesses everyone who partakes of your gifts) and understanding your weaknesses allows others to bless you in kind, because they are strong where you are weak.

Pride will say that you must be excellent in all things. Walk away from people who insist such things because if you aren't aware of it right now, you soon will be .... You are not Jesus Christ! Get over it and relax.

Understanding your weaknesses gives you opportunity to encourage and validate others who have strengths that they are called by God to give. Did you hear that? We are CALLED BY GOD to give what we have. Not what we don't have.

That also means that when the temptation comes to enter into competition, you participate in exactly the opposite of what a pastor's wife should do. She should love and extend grace and mercy to those she serves - just as much as she wants it in return. (Besides, staying away from things you are weak in, means you have less things to be responsible for, and more opportunity for others to do what they love to do!) (Nothing wrong with an easier, happier day now, is there?)

Its true, that there will always be expectations from others that are impossible to live up to. How you respond to those expectations will teach those around you not only how you expect to be treated, but gives them permission to do the same.

How to begin? Discover who you are. Take some very important private time, away from interruptions and outside demands. Bring paper and pen to write down your thoughts, and give yourself permission to imagine and dream about what your perfect life would look like.

Think back to the times when you excelled at something that made your heart soar. That was when you were in your strength. Jot those moments down.

Now think about when you felt like a total failure or hated what you were doing. Jot those down too (don't worry if you can think about more of these than your strong moments. Our world reinforces looking at the negative. This just gives you a nice list of situations to avoid - and to examine. (by asking yourself if there are any common denominators in these events and what to ask yourself what the 'truth' was that your inner voice was reinforcing.)

Once you've identified core belief systems, bring them to the light and lay them on the altar. They are opposite to God's plan and purpose for you and are lies to who God has created you to be. Repent from embracing these lies.

(To repent means to GO ANOTHER WAY. It means that you are acknowledging the error of continuing in this way and you have chosen to go another way.)

Re-visit the FUN MOMENTS where you were in your strength. (This list will build the more that you open yourself to remember these moments. Determine that you will give yourself permission to enjoy these events more often.

For instance:
* If you love to play the piano, play more often
* If you love listening to people, listen to more people
* If you love to cook - cook more often
* If you love to sew - sew more often
* If you love business - network more often and pursue it
* If you love to dance - dance more often
* If you love to encourage - speak up!
* If you love to be with senior citizens - be with them more often
* If you ... well... you get the idea, right?

There is no such thing as a cookie cutter pastor's wife. Each place of worship, each home, has its own flavor or atmosphere and focus. Some churches specialize in prayer and intercession, not only because the pastors love this area of ministry - they are called by God to intercede and pray.

Other churches specialize in excellent worship. Those churches will attract people who have those needs and will set others free who are captive and do not know how to enter into those special ministries. (this applies to witnessing, helping less fortunate, etc.)

Giving yourself permission to embrace your strengths builds confidence and creates a world of thanksgiving and joy, forgiveness and understanding. The fruits of the spirit are abundant in those who are filled with praise and worship. Truth sets captives free ... and frankly, is a whole lot more fun!

When you give yourself permission to be who God made you to be, then you give permission for your children to do the same, as well as any one else who is watching your life. There won't be any guessing in who you are today - or who you might be tomorrow and because of this consistency, people will know that you are someone that they can trust and feel safe with.

Need a jump start? Click on the link that is embedded in the title above, or ... click here: http://sarahstent.com/forms/find_your_strengths.htm

Answering the questions on this work sheet will reveal your strengths and common denominators. What you uncover will tell you what type of pastor's wife you should be. If you need more feedback - have your friends fill out the form for you, and you do the same for them (why not?) ... print off your sheets.

Now, sit down with a nice cup of tea (do you take one lump of sugar or two?) Discuss what the questions revealed. Tape the sheet where you can see it and be reminded of where your joy resides.

God dwells in the praises of His people. Being in joy will cause you to praise Him in all things and at all times - and it is there that you want to dwell as well.

A Year Later - A Year Better

2006-09-10T22:39:00.000-06:00

When I was in high school I had one of those pink diaries that had a small lock on the cover. A special key opened the cover and revealed pages and pages of secret thoughts and dreams. At least, that's what it was supposed to contain.

Why is it that some people have no problem at all journaling their thoughts while others do? Actually, its not the journaling - its actually getting the words written down! I journal in my mind all the time. Its writing everything down on paper that I seem to have difficulty with.

Thinking about those clean, lined pages of my diary so long ago, I remember the wondering if I was supposed to start out with "Dear Diary" or jot down the date and then began. I tried "Dear God" but that was weird on some days, because frankly and honestly, I wasn't so sure I wanted God to read my thoughts!

One journal I tried to keep, I even put little drawings on it in regards to what the weather was like that day. Recently I moved and while unpacking boxes, ran across that journal. It was fun to see my thoughts - and quite revealing too. Not much has really changed in regards to what is on my mind all the time - there's always a recurring thought. That's where "The Call" comes in. Obviously, my Call has never changed - or my thoughts and words would have too. I've always had a passion to help people with their dreams.

Staring at those pages written so long ago, I again thought of my first pink diary. Perhaps it was because I was in school, but I struggled with writing down my thoughts because if I wrote something that was poorly written or spelled wrong, I'd have to cross it out - and if I crossed it out - it would ruin my pages!

Then a horrid day came when my mother found my diary - unlocked - and like any woman I've ever known - she read it. Boy did I get in trouble later for some of the things I wrote in there! The diary was thrown in the trash.

If it couldn't be perfect - if it couldn't be all mine (and private) then why bother? Yet the yearning to write down my thoughts has never left me. No longer the wistful foolish thoughts of a teenage girl, but the thoughts of a grown woman with a few miles under her belt ... and many choices later. Yep - I have a lot to say and to share.

If anything that I've gone through could help another avoid the pitfalls, or encourage them to keep walking - my life will have been worth living. It is true that whatever you have the greatest passion to do - that is where the greatest obstacles will be for you to overcome. Don't ask me why. I don't have that one figured out yet. I guess its like what a bird experiences when it leaps from its nest. Gravity fights it and wind currents stir beneath it, yet it is all of these things that cause the bird to fly. Resistance makes it strong and sure in its flight.

My original intentions were to have my newsletter completely written and delivered thirty days apart. Twelve issues - one for each month. That was two years ago. I've just uploaded issue 4.

My past posts reflect my agony over time passing so quickly. It is what it is. Life can be overwhelming and more than busy - the secret is in putting one foot in front of the other and never stopping. It doesn't have to be a perfect step - and it doesn't have to be for anyone else but you.

Like a young girls diary, your footsteps speak of a future and a hope. Keep walking towards it. Keep dreaming and imagining what that will look like. Don't worry about being perfect, and don't worry about those that judge your steps as being foolish - just learn from your mistakes and keep walking.

Goodness! We ALL make mistakes.

-------
Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of 9/11. A good friend of mine celebrates her birthday tomorrow. She struggles with what her special day has come to mean to so many. Tonight on the TV, a firefighter said, "Its not the severity of an event that changes you; its how you interpret it that matters."

To my special friend - I wish you a beautiful and happy birthday. May your birthday be a reminder to all that life continues and even in the presence of death there is birth, and where there is fear - there is hope. May your life be a reminder of all the good things that are on this Earth and in those things may we think and spend our time the most.

One step at a time. Never mind mistakes, just keep walking.

Where Did The Time Go?

2005-12-31T20:20:00.000-07:00

I've decided that the greatest currency in the world has nothing to do with money - it is time. An old saying says, "Time is Money!"

When was the last time that you wished for more hours in your day? Several months ago I was bemoaning the fact that I had fallen behind in several things that are important to me. One being the newsletter that I had started for 2005 on The Call.

I love encouraging people to find their passions - as I pursue my own. Encouraging others helps me to stay on track, or identify where I've jumped a rail. Its this very gift of encouraging others that sometimes has me a bit ... well, shall we say ... over committed?

Often I remind my friends when I'm sharing about personality differences, that "Every strength, gone to excess, becomes a weakness" Naturally, you must learn what you preach. (You thought I was going to say "practice what you preach, didn't you?") Frankly, I'm still learning that part.

Which is the whole point of this entry. Learning.

You can't make up for lost time, but you can learn new habits, new resources and new, more efficient ways of doing things.

What is past is past. Begin anew - learn from your mistakes, learn from the mistakes of others and above all ... extend grace.

Your "Best" Friend

2005-09-11T09:09:00.000-06:00

Ever have a day where everything goes right? Your thinking is sharp, decisions are clear and you have energy to accomplish everything you had on your list for the day ... and then some?

Ever have a day where everything went wrong? Your thinking was clouded, decisions just couldn't be made and there was no energy to be had to do anything that you had planned to do. By night fall you are disgusted and disappointed in yourself because the whole day was wasted.

What is the difference? The world continued to spin the in the same direction as it always has for centuries. People around you continued on with their days in the same way they always have. Everything about one day is no different than the next day - so what is changed?

Think back to those days and compare them. It began with a thought ... it began with a choice. We choose our days. Be they wasted or productive - it began with us. Our internal thinking and those blasted emotional tapes that run non stop.

If you had a friend like you (on the inside) would you keep them? Are you your best friend speaking life, possibilities, praises and hope into your life. Or are you your worst enemy, speaking insults, cut-downs, hopelessness and problems, dispair and anger? How you react to people and act towards them is reflected in their behavior back to you, in case you need a clue.

Scripture declares, "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" and "judge not, lest you be judged for the measure you judge others you are judged."

I've found that alas, I have my good days and I have my bad days. More and more I'm aware that my 'best friend' is often my worst enemy and the redundant tapes running in my head are all too easy to access over the new ones I'm working on developing.

But if I can stop, drop and roll in my thinking - I'll change my day. I'll change my life.

STOP - stop and notice your emotions, feelings, thoughts and results
DROP - drop the attitude and what ever it is that is driving you in the negative direction.
ROLL - roll over to the Life Giver. Accept the grace that is given freely to you and extend it towards yourself. Wrap up in it, put out the flames of shame and disgrace. Roll over a new leaf on your day.

STOP, DROP and ROLL ... YOU are your best friend.

Great Wealth is Not Money - Its Great Friends

2005-03-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been huge for me in expanding my friendships and meeting new and wonderful people.

One of my new friends is very special to me and I very much want you to not only meet her, but to purchase her book. Its been a long time since I've been so touched by such a powerful book - and a powerful woman.

If you click on the link provided in this posting, you can visit her web site. Who could have imagined that we would have met and had so much in common? My special friend is Marilyn Van Derbur. Both of us have a yearning to set women free and to empower them to pursue a full and rich life.

Each of us approaches it differently. Without a doubt, you and I both will meet women who need to meet Marilyn through her book. Her book, Miss America by Day will not only touch you personally and dramatically, but it will open your eyes to see and hear other people as never before. If you are in ministry - this is a must for your library. As a matter of fact, you too will want to buy a case of these books to give away to people who only Marilyn can touch and speak to.

Curious? Good. Now go to her web site and fall in love with her as I have.
http://missamericabyday.com

Good Friends

2005-01-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

Speaking of good friends. I need to tell you about another friend of mine, Carol Kirkwood. Carol and I have known each other for a long time. A gifted vocalist, I look forward to the day when Carol will have her own CDs for others to enjoy.

When we begin having our retreats, you'll meet Carol and hear her sing. In the meantime, she helps behind the scenes with administrative stuff, proofing and helping in editing Joy in the Kitchen.

2005-01-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

Here I am, sitting with my good friend Cathy Fett, noticing that my blogging has desperately slipped since a bit under a year ago. Just as I said in my other paragraph - this has been an interesting year!

More resources, opportunities, experts in various fields, networking opportunities and emotional support has come to me (so that I can share all of this with you) in these past two years while I've been on sabbatical.

Sarah's Tent grew out of nothing, grew rapidly and other sites also grew to accommodate the many women in ministry who went to the Internet to search for support and counsel, fellowship, laughs and interesting conversations.

As the community resources continued to build through the many wonderful web sites for pastors wives, ministry women, women in leadership, First Ladies and more, I felt a yearning to provide something else that might not be getting met. .. at least not to my knowledge.

Taking my experience as an After Pastor, a pastor's wife, a church secretary, a praise and worship team member and even janitor in the church, I saw a need for more practical and informative answers to real life issues and questions.

Asking God Almighty to show you needs so that you can fill them - is quite a request! I had no idea that the particular needs that were revealed to me were so ill represented. What happens to the people who come into difficult situations where people's emotions are flying out of control? What do you do with un-justified accusations, rumors and out-and-out sabotage? How does one maintain unconditional love, a teachable heart and wise counsel, let alone their sanity?

Sarah's Tent taught me that no matter what the denomination, we were all struggling with similar issues. Marriage issues, issues with children and teens, congregational misunderstandings and unreal ministry expectations.

So now the needs were presenting themselves. I had to ask ....

"Where are the resources?" Hence my two year sabbatical began with unexpected answers and solutions to bring back to you. The networking has been amazing! The wise counsel and support that I've received from people has come from a variety of industries inside and outside of the church.

Professional speakers, authors, trainers, counselors, doctors, businessmen and women, lawyers, pastors and so many more, has opened my eyes to resources I never imagined.

Now here I sit with one of my "God sends", my good friend Cathy Fett. You'll be hearing more about her in our newsletter, Joy in the Kitchen. A gifted business woman, hospitality expert and administrator she is a perfect compliment to not only my personality (we're opposites) but she has a wonderful sense of humor and an adventurous spirit as well as being a big visionary. Wow! Who could ask for more?

Much to do ... much to see ... and much to give. We want you all to know that you are loved, not forgotten and that "its not too late!" For whatever is in your heart - as long as there is a breath in your body....its not too late!

Let the year begin .....

2004-02-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

This year is an exciting year. What makes a new year different? Is it all the stories that transpired the year before that caused us to appreciate life more? Is it all the mistakes we made in our previous months that made us realize that we needed to change some things?

All of these things fit - and more besides! As January came and went I was thrilled to learn that many friends had something in their hearts as much as I. That was to renew neglected friendships and work together to assist other in doing the same thing while utilizing all of our talents, education and expertise.

What I've seen happen online with women reaching out to one another to encourage, support and mentor one another has given me much insight into how we can reproduce this in person ... in our city.

And so we began ... an exciting group of women, gathering together with a common mind to lay the foundation for an extraordinary women's team that will facilitate relationship building, mentoring, networking and so much more.

They have their sleeves rolled up, they've been through the fire and emerged without the smell of smoke on them. With hearts of understanding and compassion and a great sense of humor, I believe I'm surrounded by a true dream team.

I'm looking forward to telling you more ...