McCafferty's Pub

Irish Jokes, Drinking Stories, Blessings, Limericks, Proverbs - Video

2009-07-03T13:40:00.014-05:00

It's time again for my favorite type of post here on McCafferty's Pub, Irish jokes, drinking stories, blessings, limericks and proverbs. These posts are always more work, but they are also more rewarding and fulfilling. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Muldoon and Willy

Sean Muldoon loved his dog, Willy, and he walked the dog constantly through town. When Muldoon and Willy would go on their walks, they would stop to talk to just about everyone they met along the way. Naturally, everyone in town eventually knew both Muldoon and Willy. This went on for years.

One sad day Ol’ Sean Muldoon went on his usual walk, but this time he walked all alone without Willy. Patrick O’Halloran was the first to spy Ol’ Sean without his faithful companion. “Where’s Willy?” Asked O’Halloran.

“‘Tis a sad day ‘tis, Patrick,” replied Muldoon. “I had to put poor ol’ Willy down, I did. I loved that dog dearly.”

“Oh no,” cried O’Halloran, “Did he go rabid? Was he mad?”

“Well, he was none too pleased,” said Muldoon.

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A brief flash of Irish Philosophy we call Seamusisms:

I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!

You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!

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About Freedom

Since the Fourth of July holiday was approaching, Ms Kathleen O’Hara, a pre-school teacher, decided to teach her kids about patriotism. "We all live in a great country," Ms O’Hara said.

"One of the things we should all feel good about is that, in America, everyone of us is free."

One small boy approached Ms O’Hara from the back of the room, and Kathleen could clearly see that he was upset. He stood in front of Ms O’Hara with his hands on his hips and said, "Miss O’Hara, I'm not free. I'm four."

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Irish Blessings

May you have only pleasant hours
To melt your cares away,
And the warmth of Irish laughter
To bring gladness to each day.

May your heart be light and happy
May your smile be big and wide
And may your pockets always have
A tinkle of gold inside.

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Irish vs British

Years ago when Northern Ireland endured so much violence in Belfast and the anti English sentiment stirred such passion among the Catholics, Father Sheehan was an avowed anti British pastor, who would denounce the Brits every Sunday from his pulpit. His sermons became so notorious that Father Sheehan was summoned before Bishop Flanagan for a dressing down.

"Father," began Bishop Flanagan, "You know that the Church seeks peace between Northern Ireland and the British, but your sermons are having the opposite effect and are stirring up violence instead. I want you to promise me and to swear by all that is holy that you will never mention the British in your sermons or in public again."

"But Bishop, I cannot…" stammered Father Sheehan.

"No buts," demanded the Bishop. "You can and you will. Now Swear to me at this very moment or you will feel my wrath!"

"Alright, Bishop Flanagan," Father Sheehan replied grudgingly. "Alright. I swear by all that is holy."

The following Sunday found Father Sheehan back in his pulpit in Belfast, preaching.

The sermon concerned the Last Supper when Jesus was telling his disciples, "And one of you shall betray Me."

Father Sheehan remarked: "First one disciple says to Jesus, 'Is it I Lord?' and Jesus replies, 'No, it's not you.’”

Next Father Sheehan said that “a second disciple rises and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And Christ says, 'No, it's not you.’”

Finally Father Sheehan described Judas Iscariot’s actions, “Then the conniving, lowly Judas Iscariot rises to his feet. The dog looks the Lord in the eyes, while saying, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?’"

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More Seamusisms:

How come every time you dial a wrong number it’s never busy?

Catherine asked, “Hello, Molly. How are your new false teeth?” Molly replied, “I’m leaving them out till I get used to them.”

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By E. Gary Brooks

Whenever I dream, it seems I dream
Of Erin’s rolling hills
Of all its lovely, shimmery lakes
And little babbling rills.
I hear a colleen’s lilting laugh
Across a meadow fair
And in my dreams it almost seems
To me that I am there.
O Ireland! O Ireland!
We’re never far apart
For you and all your beauty
Fill my mind and touch my heart.

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The Amazing Celtic Woman - The Soft Goodbye, sung by Lisa Kelly, Chloe Agnew, and Méav Ní Mhaolchatha:

More Irish Blessings, Drinking Stories, Jokes, Limericks, Proverbs

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Cops Find Baby Squirrel Hiding in Woman's Cleavage - Video

2009-07-01T11:13:00.008-05:00

Police detectives in Warren, Ohio, got one nutty surprise as they were interviewing a woman about a murder investigation. During the course of the interview with the woman, who dressed in a low cut tank top to show off her more than ample cleavage, Homicide detective Wayne Mackey was somewhat taken aback when a baby squirrel popped from between the woman's rather large breasts.

Actually Mackey was more than taken aback, he was stunned. "No, I was not prepared to see a woodland creature in the interview room," Mackey said.

"I just kept right on talking to her and listening to her. I didn't acknowledge it at all."

Whether or not Mackey's response is correct police procedure for such a situation is unknown. It is not a subject that is adequately covered in the police academy.

Perhaps following Mackey's lead, the woman also did not discuss the event either. As the squirrel struggled from between its two cozy pillows, the woman merely snatched the rodent up and stashed it back between its human nests.

"I really didn't know what to say," said Mackey. Do not despair Detective Mackey, many a virginal lad has been dumbfounded into stunned silence when confronted with previously unknown secrets of the female anatomy.

Neither the woman nor her pal Rocky were taken into custody.

Rocky the Drunken Squirrel
Funny Kitty is a Peanut Thief
Zoologist Goes on Tranquilizing Rampage
Monkey See - Monkey Do Too - Video

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7 Mile Police Chase Welcomes Tourists to NYC

2009-06-24T10:57:00.008-05:00

Five unsuspecting French tourists received an unexpected welcome to the Big Apple when, instead of a routine taxi ride, they became unwilling participants in a seven mile police chase through New York.

Esther-Ethy Mamane, 26, of Paris, her mother Claudie Mamane, 60, and three companions attempted to hail a taxi at New York's John F Kennedy International Airport, but instead they were steered to an unlicensed van, which was possibly a gypsy cab.

Police saw the tourists enter the van and attempted to intervene. An officer reached through the van's window trying to remove the vehicle's keys, but the van's driver sped off knocking the officer to the ground.

A chase ensued with the five French tourists in the van and with police in a close pursuit. Esther-Ethy told the New York Post that she and her fellow travelers "screamed and prayed" through it all.

"It was a miracle that we survived," she said. "We were very frightened."

Mamane said the ride was "like something from a film."

The van, with tourists still along for the ride, sped for seven miles along a highway and residential streets with the vehicle hitting a gate and a truck along the way.

Eventually the suspects jumped out of the van while it was still moving. The police, with guns drawn, chased them and quickly arrested them.

Claudie Mamane suffered an arm injury from the ordeal.

Redneck Fire-Breathing Dragon
Funny News Reporter Bloopers
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Mercedes

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World's Smallest Man - Almost

2009-06-23T16:26:00.006-05:00

Khagendra Thapa Magar is a 17-year-old boy who lives in Nepal, who stands 2 feet tall and who weighs only 10 pounds. He is in the process of applying to the Guinness world record people to be proclaimed as the world's smallest man once he turns 18 in October.

The current world record holder for the smallest man is 2ft 5in He Ping Ping of China. Khagendra is smaller, but he must be 18 to claim the title of shortest and lightest man in the world.

Khagendra's mother, Dhana Maya Thapa Magar, said "He was born weighing only 600 grams (1 lb, 5 oz).

"It was like watching a newly hatched chick fresh from a shell.

"I admit that at first I was ashamed of him and would not leave the house, but now I only feel pride and am desperate for him to be named as the tiniest man in the world."

He was born in the remote Baglung District, which is 125 miles from the capital city of Kathmandu. Khagendra has become a minor celebrity in Nepal and some politicians are helping him become listed by Guinness as the world's smallest man.

His goal is some day to travel to the United States once he officially becomes the Guinness Book of Records' smallest man in the world. In the US he hopes to show the world what the smallest man looks like and perhaps also show the world a few dance moves.

Times must a a bit harsh in Nepal if all one can aspire for is to be a curiosity in a traveling freak show. Although anything is possible with notoriety. Perhaps he could even apply to become Paris Hilton's personal human lap dog.

That would not be a bad lap to sit in now would it, Khagendra?

Try Funny Redneck Photos
Paris Hilton Graffiti
George Carlin Humor
Elliot Spitzer humor

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Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy

2009-06-22T18:42:00.012-05:00

Safety is of paramount importance when designing anything children will use. There can be no parts that will pinch tiny fingers; in no way can any of the equipment or parts of the equipment tip over; and harmful substances such as lead paint or or any parts small enough to swallow simply are not allowed.

But our redneck playground designer must have skipped school the day his professor discussed appropriateness of theme, because something is wrong when your kids return home from the playground crying and telling you the other kids teased them and called them elephant poopy.

"Peter, Peter is elephant poopy. Emily smells like elephant poop. Nah-nah nah nah-nah!"

I don't know about you but hearing that my kids are being compared to elephant poop worries me that it may create an identity crisis in the four-year-old mind. That sort of nick name may tend to linger longer than one might like not unlike the odor of pachyderm poop.

"...I don't smell like elephant poopy, do I Daddy?"

One must reassure four-year-olds about enough other things in life without having to add elephant poopy to the list.

"Peter, the sky is blue because God painted it that color when he had left over paint from painting his living room. And no you do not smell like elephant poopy. Your mom makes you take lots of baths so you will only smell like a clean little boy."

Perhaps an elephant slide such as this one is not an issue in the Redneck mind because four-year-old Redneck little boys normally do smell like elephant poopy.

Worst job ever
Alcoholic Elephants on the Rampage
Big Girl in the Shower
Second Worst Job Ever

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Google Street View Shows Dutch Mugging

2009-06-21T17:32:00.006-05:00

Google Street View has assisted Dutch police in the apprehension of two alleged muggers whose photo was snapped by Google's Street View crew moments before a mugging went down in the city of Groningen, Netherlands last September.

The boy on the bicycle is the victim in the mugging and the other two young men have been arrested as the alleged muggers. This photo was taken as the Google vehicle traveled down Merwedestraat in Groningen.

According to the 14-year-old victim, whose name has been withheld because of his age, moments after this photo was taken the two young Muslim immigrants in the photo allegedly mugged him dragging him off of his bicycle and taking his cell phone and 165 Euros ($239 US), although why a 14-year-old would have that much money on him is a bit of a mystery.

Initially the 14-year-old was unable to identify his assailants, however, in March he spotted this photo on Google Street View and realized that the photo was taken only moments before he was assaulted.

The police requested the original photo from Google, which did not have the deliberately blurred faces this photo has. A robbery squad detective immediately recognized the face of one of the alleged assailants, who are twin brothers known to police.

For those of you who prefer to view the original photo, enter this address, Merwedestraat 60, 9725 Groningen, Netherlands, into Google and then search maps. Once you arrive at the map of the location, click on street view. Rotate the photo to the right to view a pic of our mugging just before it happened.

Clearly the joke is on the two alleged muggers in this instance because technology has helped justice triumph once again.

Worst Job Ever
Redneck Fire Breathing Dragon
Redneck High School Reunion

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Building Collapses with Man Inside or Does it? - Video

2009-06-02T17:26:00.003-05:00

Is this man trapped in a horrible accident and does he eventually fall to his death inside this collapsing building? You be the judge by watching the video:

Initially it appears that this man is caught in a horrible accident as this building partially collapses with him still inside. However, if you carefully examine the footage, you can see that as the wall starts to fall, he jumps to the floor.

After the wall falls, he is lying on the floor where the window used to be. You cannot see him on the floor because of the angle of the camera. This is a very good fake, but it is a fake nonetheless.

The man gave himself away by his not so very good (meaning poor) acting. He feigns panic supposedly not knowing what to do as the wall begins to go. But it is not like any panic I have ever seen.

In addition the man is on the young side, and who is it who are always trying to put fake videos on YouTube? Young people. Nice fake though.

Watch This Building Fall Down
Funny Automotive Bloopers and Misadventures
Redneck Parachute and Hang Glider Bloopers
Redneck Graffiti

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Worst Laugh and Smartest Monkey on Earth - Videos

2009-05-21T19:46:00.000-05:00

The Worst Laugh on Earth

Today's first video brings you the absolute worst laugh on the planet Earth. The young man saddled with the burden of the world's worst laugh resides in France, which is hardly an achievement that many French would brag about.

A co-worker tells our hero a joke in French, of course, to get him laughing for the camera, and that is enough to induce our man to produce his remarkable laugh. So without further ado, please get a load of the world's worst laugh:

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The Smartest Monkey You Will Ever See

The monkey credited as being the world's smartest is really an orangutan, which is close enough to monkey for us. The only parts of the world where orangutans still live naturally in the wild are the forests of the Southeast Asian islands of Sumatra and Borneo,* which indicates that they are truly an endangered species.

Our orange little buddy was clever enough to short wire the electric fence keeping him inside his compound. How the fellow figured out how to short wire an electrical circuit is anybody's guess, but it is quite impressive that he did.

He also was smart enough to build up a mound of debris to assist in his escape. Take a look at our clever little monkey:

*Source: Smithsonian National Zoological Park

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Lethal Snake Bite?
Monkey See - Monkey Do Too - Video
Dog Eared Monkey Business and Cat Nap
Monkey See, Monkey See Monkey?

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Does This Dog Belong to Jesus?

2009-05-07T15:14:00.005-05:00

If Jesus had a dog, this would be His dog

Obviously this dog can walk on water, so if Jesus had a dog, this dog would be His. But this dog is a bit shy about getting his feet wet, so the water must be on the cold side. Hey pup! If you are going to hang out with the Big Guy, you have to learn to suck it up.

Photo provided by TheSun.co.uk

More Phunny Photos
Try Animal Videos
More Animal Humor

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Slip N Slide, You're Fired, Bull in Irish Shop - Videos

2009-04-26T19:28:00.000-05:00

Slip and Slide Extravaganza

Ron and friends had the house to themselves while the parents were on vacation. How do you think the young lads entertained themselves while mom and dad were away?

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You're fired

The tough economy is affecting all of us in different ways. Take a look at how some folks are cutting back:

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Bull in an Irish Supervalu

A young bull somehow managed to escape from nearby stockyards in Ballinrobe, County Mayo, Ireland, recently. He must have missed his family and tried looking for them in the meat department of the local Supervalu store.

The lost bovine may very well have been staring his long lost uncle right in the rump roast, but apparently did not recognize his relation in his current state. Have a look at the action for yourself:

That reporter certainly has a flair for using puns, but she probably would have a different attitude if she were the one looking for lost relations in the local deli.

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A Phew Phunny Photos You'll Like
More Funny Animal Videos
Ain't Nothing More Fun Than Kids and Pets

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Why You Should Let Sleeping Dogs Lie - Video

2009-03-03T21:55:00.005-06:00

Have you ever heard of the expression, "Let sleeping dogs lie?" There is a great deal of common sense behind this expression, but this video adds yet another reason to heed the wisdom of the quote--a reason no one ever thought of before. Please don't try this at home because Fido may turn on you if you do.

Ouch! Suddenly I have a headache.

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I am not sure why I like animal videos so much, but I do. Our second video may be another animal video that features a dog genius or it may just be David Blaine in disguise. You will have to judge for yourself because I am not sure.

Yes! That is David Blaine alright. I don't even know why I doubted it.

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Reporter Meets Horse's Butt

Sneezing Panda

Otter Heaven - This one is really cute.

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Punk'd in the Men's Room - Videos

2009-02-28T22:24:00.008-06:00

Everybody takes using public restrooms for granted. You enter, do your business, and leave. It cannot get more basic than that.

But today we have some situations where folks got punk'd because they assumed it was just that easy. In our first video, a restroom surprisingly shows up where it is least expected.

Watch the fun:

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In the second video our hero convinces unsuspecting passersby to take a photograph of folks exiting an outhouse. Little do the passersby know that they are being set up to be punk'd.

Let's watch:

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Japanese Outhouse Prank

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Japanese Bikini Car Wash - Video

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Redneck Bathroom Break

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A Phew Phunny Photos You'll Like

2009-02-07T16:59:00.016-06:00

It's Phunny Photo time, and with themes ranging from horse sense to conspiracy theories, I believe that today we have a phew gems you will like.

Hey boss! Did you try testing the alternator?

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This next sign is a re-creation of a sign that was posted in a construction zone in Lubbock, Texas. It seems that some techie managed to hack into the computer for the sign and added his own version of what should be posted there.

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Do you know one of those conspiracy theorists who constantly thinks that everyone is plotting to take over the world? Maybe they are.

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It is sometimes amazing how some businesses survive considering their level of customer service.

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That's a lot of Budweiser!

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Have you ever spent time wandering through a cemetery? You might be surprised at the eye opening sights you will see.

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Getting a proper education is not necessary to make it in this world, but it may save you from an embarrassing moment or two. BTW, remind me to call the missus to ask her to pick up "are" kids from school.

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Either Elmer Fudd or Barbara Walters must live in this neighborhood.

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If their customers are just plain mean, they should charge them a lot more than $10. How about $110?

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Redneck Fire-Breathing Dragon

Worst Job Ever

Redneck High School Reunion

Redneck Penguins

Funny Irish Drinking Stories, Limericks, Irish Proverbs and Irish Blessings - Video

2009-01-24T20:59:00.003-06:00

I have decided to add the category of limericks to our Irish drinking stories, blessings and proverbs. Ireland does not have a corner on the limerick market, but Ireland has certainly contributed its share in that area. I have always enjoyed limericks, so I hope that you, too, will like the additional fun.

***

As Father Fitzgerald was walking down the street in Dublin, he spied across the way young Michael Donovan, a small boy living in his parish. Michael was at the door of a home across the street attempting to push the doorbell.

But young Michael is on the short side and the doorbell was simply too high for him to reach no matter how hard he stretched. Father watched young Michael stretch and strain toward the bell for a short time, but the bell drew no closer to the small child‘s fingers.

Father Fitzgerald strode quickly across the street ending up directly behind Michael standing at the door. While gently placing his hand on the small child's shoulder, the good man of God bent lower and gave the doorbell a good hard ring.

Then, squatting down lower to young Michael’s height, Father Fitzgerald smiled knowingly and asked, “And now what, my young man?”

“Now, Fadder?” replied Michael grinning, “Now we run!”

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Limericks

Epitaph on a tombstone somewhere in Pennsylvania:

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas
instead of the brake.

Another epitaph in a cemetery in Thurmont, Maryland:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

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A true Irishman considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting.

A true Irishman considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stubborn.

(Aha! Now I know where I got that trait!)

A true Irishman has so much respect for the truth that he uses it only in emergencies.

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The three elderly Gallagher sisters have never married, they go everywhere together and they are all hard of hearing. One windy Spring day as they are walking down the streets of Dublin…

Mary Elizabeth says, "Whew, it is sure windy today."

Molly replies, "No, no. Today is Thursday."

Kathleen says, "So am I. Let's find a bar!

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Whenever I dream,
It seems I dream
Of Erin’s rolling hills
Of all its lovely, shimmery lakes
And little babbling rills.
I hear a colleen’s lilting laugh
Across a meadow fair.
And in my dreams
Its almost seems
To me that I am there
O, Ireland! O, Ireland!
We’re Never far apart
For you and all your beauty
Fill my mind and touch my heart.

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May the love and protection
Saint Patrick can give
Be yours in abundance
As long as you live.

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‘Twas late one Saturday night, when the local Garda (police officer) spied Timothy O'Carroll driving in quite a meandering fashion along the streets of County Cork. After pulling him over, the policeman asked O'Carroll if he had been drinking that night.

“Who told on me?” asked Timothy.

“Well, so I have, occifer. So I have,” continued the thoroughly drunk O’Carroll. “It’s Saturday night, you know. Me and me lads, we made a stop by the pub, but I only had six or seven pints, that’s all.”

“But then they had somethin’ called ‘Happy Hour’ during which they served these delicious margaritos, or margaritas? Anyway they are quite good. I had four…no five of those. Then I had promised to drive O’Hara, me friend, home, and he invited me in. Well, I had to go in for a couple pints of Guinness. I really couldn't be rude, now occifer, Could I? Of course, on the way home I stopped to get another pint for later…”

At that point Timothy began fumbling around inside his coat and suddenly lifted up a bottle of whiskey for the Garda to inspect.

The policeman gave a deep sigh, saying “Sir, you will need to step out of the vehicle to take a breathalyzer.”

Indignantly, O'Carroll replied, “Why? Don't you believe me?”

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

***

Some days you're the dog, other days the hydrant.

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Another Limerick

There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, “Why a third?”
He replied, “One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime.”

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Brian O’Connell drives a double-decker bus through the streets of Dublin. One day a very drunk Timothy Fogarty climbed aboard Brian's bus taking a seat on the bottom deck near Brian. As you may or may not know, Brian is required not to allow any drunks onto his bus, but today he was rather light-hearted so he decided to let the inebriated Fogarty remain on board.

As is his wont when he has had a few Timothy began talking a mean streak, which made Brian suggest that Timothy should sit on the upper deck.

“The air up there is clean and fresh, and you will get a much improved view,” encouraged Brian.

Fogarty agreed and stumbled his way up top. However, he returned in only a few minutes.

“What's wrong?” Brian asked. “Didn't you like it better up there?”

Timothy replied, “It's okay. But it's too dangerous.”

“Too dangerous?” queried Brian. “How is that?”

“There's no driver,” answered Fogarty.

At the very next stop two more drunks climbed on board the bus. The first drunk was Bill O‘Brien and the second was Tommy Lynch. Bill asked driver O‘Connell, “Will this bus take me to 35th Avenue?”

“No, it won't,” answered Brian.

After a short pause, Tommy Lynch asked, “What about me?”

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For our video today we present the voice of Orla Fallon of Celtic Woman singing "Isle of Inisfree:"

More Celtic Woman
More Irish Drinking Stories
More Irish Blessings
More Irish Proverbs

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Ain't Nothing More Fun Than Kids and Pets - Videos

2009-01-09T14:30:00.004-06:00

I Want it Now!

Kids are often a barrel of laughs, especially if they are your kids. When they are very young, they are incredibly cute, but they often get into the most ridiculous mischief.

That is what happened here. A little girl saw some toys she wanted, so she decided to go after them regardless of the consequences. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

This video has been seen in a few places even though it is not that old. Even David Letterman has had it on his show. So, if you have already seen it, ah well.

Also, some of our vids are hosted by Wat, which can be a little slow to load even on a high speed connection, so please be patient. It will load eventually.

We do not know what this little girl will do for a living when she grows up, but you can be sure that she will excel at it. She does not understand the concept "it cannot be done."

And how about that mother? Obviously, this little girl has done this sort of thing before. Most mothers would be freaking out, but this one takes it all in stride. Just another day in the life.

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The Great Escape!

What can be just as cute and funny as kids? Pets. Just like kids, pets can be just hilarious. Our second video depicts a very resourceful dog who is locked inside a fenced in yard. Spot knows there is a great big world out there just waiting for him, if he can only find a way out of his prison.

Whoever said that dogs cannot climb trees has not met our dog Spot. This dog is so smart that his owners are enrolling him to go to school with people. Atta boy, Spot.

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Kids and Pets! What a Treat!

How about both kids and pets? Combine the cuteness of kids with the unpredictability of pets or animals and you have a surefire winner.

What did I tell you? Way too cute.

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Panda Prison Break Caught on Video
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Sneezing Panda
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My Favorite Baby Joke
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Vacation Video Bloopers (More funny kids on film)

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Tall Tales of Irish Drinking Stories, Blessings and Proverbs

2008-12-06T16:12:00.002-06:00

It is that time once again where we post some of the finest drinking stories from ol' Erin itself. We have also added a few Irish blessings, and where would we be without an Irish proverb or two? So grab yourself a pint of Guinness and sit back ready to be treated to some of Ireland's best. You know that Guinness is brewed at St. James' gate in ol' Dublin. Now that is a no lose proposition in itself, it is.

Old man Fogarty arrives home several hours past closing time, and he is still feeling the effects of a long night of imbibing, he is. As he stumbles through his front door who does he meet, but none other than Missus Fogarty, herself. And Missus Fogarty is none too pleased with the condition of Mister Fogarty, don‘t you know.

"Aw, well look at this, now!” says the missus. “Mister Fogarty Himself has finally decided to grace us with his presence, he has.”

“Well, I…” begins Fogarty. But Missus Fogarty quickly interrupts.

“Michael Fogarty! Don’t you give me any of your lame excuses! At what Irish pub have you been wasting away all of my hard earned wages this time?” demands Missus Fogarty.

"At this beautiful new establishment, my love," replies Fogarty. "It is called The Golden Pub. Everything there is golden, everything, I tell you.”

"Don’t you ‘My Love’ me Michael Fogarty. And don’t you be tellin’ me one of your tall tales. You know there is no such place as the Golden Pub. The Good Lord will punish you for telling’ such lies, He will."

But Fogarty insists, "Sure, but there is such a place, Missus Fogarty! It has huge golden doors, an’ a golden floor, an’ a golden foot rail at the bar. Pray that the Good Lord will strike me down where I stand if I’m a lyin’. Missus Fogarty, even the urinal is gold!"

But Missus Fogarty does not believe ol’ Fogarty’s story and says, “Don’t you be takin’ the Good Lord’s name in vain Michael Fogarty. Golden Pub, indeed! Off to bed with ya’ now. Go sleep it off!”

But the very next mornin’ finds Missus Fogarty poring through the phone book, searching for a saloon called The Golden Pub. Sure enough, she finds a bar far across Dublin with the same name.

Missus dials the number listed to check on ol’ Fogarty’s story. "Is this the Golden Pub?" she asks as the bartender answers the phone.

"It is," replies the bartender.

"An’ do you have huge golden doors?" asks Missus Fogarty.

"But of course we do, Missus," answers the bartender.

"Do you have golden floors too?"

"That we do, missus."

“An’ a golden foot rail at the bar?” queries Missus Fogarty.

“Yes, ma’am. We have that too.”

"What about golden urinals?"

Then there is a long pause…after which Missus Fogarty hears the bartender yelling in the background, "Hey, O‘Hara, I think I just got a lead on who took a leak in your saxophone!"

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May the Road Rise to Meet You...

Do you know that it recently came to our attention that we have not published one of Ireland's oldest and most famous blessings. Of course we could not let such a glaring omission continue any longer. Thanks to an oral tradition of passing down Irish blessings, now several versions of this famous blessing pass the lips of many an Irish clan. The original author is unknown. Without further ado, we offer our favorite version:

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields
And, until we meet again,
May God rest you in the palm of His hand.

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May You Have these Blessings...

May You Have these Blessings...
Good Health to make life enjoyable
Good fortune to make it bright
And lots of happiness always
With everything going just right.

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A True Irishman gets married for life, but not necessarily for love.

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Thomas Flanagan was trying to learn the game of golf and having just a stinking time of it. "I would give nearly anything to get this game right, I would!" Thomas loudly exclaimed in exasperation.

Suddenly Satan himself appeared out of thin air and asked Thomas, "Anything?"

Of course, Thomas was quite surprised to find the Devil, himself, speaking to him. "Well…I guess, short of selling my soul, yes I would," replied Thomas.

So Satan offered, "How about giving up sex for the remainder of your life?"

Thomas was quite taken aback by the offer, but he gave a wide grin as he quickly accepted the devil‘s offer. "Done!" he said.

Thomas finished his round of golf in remarkably good form, so the rumor of his deal with Satan rapidly spread throughout the course clubhouse. Timothy O’Shea was one of the club’s members, but he was also a news reporter who smelled a story in the making.

Back in the clubhouse O’Shea asked Thomas, "Sir, there is a rumor going around the clubhouse that you made a deal with the Devil, himself, to become a truly great golfer. Is there any truth to that rumor?"

"Yes sir! It is true enough, it is," answered Thomas. “And it was a wise bargain on my part, for I just completed a nearly perfect round of golf, I did.”

"And is it also true that you gave up sex for the rest of your life as your part of the agreement?" asked O’Shea.

"Again your are right, sir. True again!" replied Thomas Flanagan.

"And may I get your name, sir, for my story?" asked the reporter.

"But of course. It’s Flanagan. Father Thomas Flanagan."

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An Irishman considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting.

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May your blessings outnumber
The Shamrocks that grow
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.

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A Blessing For You and Yours...

May the grace of God’s protection
And His great love abide
Within your home-within the hearts
Of all who dwell inside.

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Today's video is in YouTube's new widescreen HD format and features the remarkable Lisa Kelly with the equally remarkable Celtic Woman singing "May It Be."

More Celtic Woman
More Irish Drinking Stories, Blessings and Proverbs

If you think this is a funny blog, help promote my site by voting for me at humor-blogs.

Curiosity Scares the Pants off This Missus - Funny Video

2008-11-26T21:53:00.007-06:00

This missus just had a gun instruction lesson but still remains quite curious about the weapon. Her husband decides to teach her a lesson about gun safety at her expense. Although this video has been around for awhile, it is a very funny one and is definitely one I would not miss.

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Curiosity Didn't Kill This Cat

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Funny Podcast - Breaking News: Zoologist Goes on Tranquilizing Rampage

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Worst Job Ever

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Foto Funnies

2008-11-19T13:58:00.001-06:00

There is nothing like a funny photo or two to cheer you up, and these pics certainly qualify:

Roller Coaster Fear

Talk about a picture that says a thousand words! This poor little girl looks absolutely petrified. What do you want to bet she has nightmares over this ride?

Poor young thing! Don't you know you are supposed to enjoy riding the roller coaster? This is a funny photo though.

But...where do you think the photographer was standing? Cannot figure that one out. He cannot be standing in the car in front because these two must be in the first car. Since there is no seat back in front of them, and the car design is diferent, they have to be in car number one.

Maybe the photog is using a telephoto lens.

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Thing a Thong?

Now see what George Bush has done? The Europeans are so down on the US that they think the whole country is overweight.

Okay Europe! Listen up! How about Charlize Theron? Yay Charlize! She is thin and trim...she's...oh wait a minute. She's from South Africa isn't she? Okay then, what about Nicole Kidman? Nicole is...oops! She is from Australia, is she not? Hmmm...Aha! Halle Berry! Halle is drop dead gorgeous and not a bit overweight even though she just had a baby. We will take Halle Berry over Princess Camilla any day of the week.

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Worst Job II

We recently featured a photo that showed the worst job ever, but this job is not far behind. Pay attention to this America. The economy is going downhill in a hurry, so this is your future employment right here. You may as well get used to it.

It doesn't even look like she is wearing gloves...eeww!

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It's a Wonderful Wife!

Ain't love grand? Here we find Helga helping out Ole get the tractor into town to get its wheel fixed.

You can just tell from their satisfied look that this couple has figured out how to make their marriage hum. There is hope for the world yet.

Hey Europe! We do not think Carla Bruni would be much help in this situation, now would she? Nooo...you must be a heavy eater to make this situation work. Lots and lots of meat and potatoes make this marital union run just like clockwork.

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Redneck Fire-Breathing Dragon

Worst Job Ever

Redneck High School Reunion

Redneck Penguins

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If you think this is a funny blog, help promote my site by voting for me at humor-blogs.

It's Fun Indy Car Racing - Video Game

2008-11-10T19:32:00.004-06:00

The Internet is changing constantly, which is one reason we find it fascinating. We thought we would try something different here at McCafferty's Pub, so today for the first time we have added Indy car racing to my site.

The object is very simple: try to cross the finish line in a fast time. Since this is our first foray into Internet games, we have started with a simple racing game. Click on the directions, and then click play. It cannot get much simpler than that.

Indy Racer:

The problem with games is that they are addictive, so you want to play more and more. Make sure you do not get carried away and spend too much of your day here.

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Monkey See - Monkey Do Too

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Reporter Meets Horse's Butt

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Curiosity Didn't Kill This Cat

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This Dancing Parrot's Got Rhythm

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Funny Southern Pounderings - Video

2008-11-07T21:52:00.006-06:00

My friend Daisy, over at Smiling with Daisy turned me on to Aaron Wilburn, which is where I got the idea to post this video.

Aaron sings and does a stand-up comedy act at the same time, and ol' Aaron is very, very funny. In fact I believe that he is just hilarious, so I posted one of his vids here today.

Have a look at what Aaron can do:

Daisy's blog is hosting "If My Nose Was Running Money" by Wilburn. You have to stop by there and take a look at that because it is one of Wilburn's best, even a whole lot funnier than this one. It's hilarious!

Try Redneck Graffiti

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Redneck Dumb and Dumber - Video FAIL

2008-11-02T17:49:00.003-06:00

Unfortunately some folks just do not have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Some of them, like in our first video, make their own rain and get into trouble over it.

But that just makes it that much more fun to laugh at their antics.

In the first video, our hero answers nature's call next to an electric fence. Bad idea, Joe Bob!

Watch the shenanigans:

I do believe that our hero may require some first aid in a rather sensitive area of the anatomy. And he also ruined a pair of pants in the process.

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It is difficult to determine which one of our redneck geniuses is Dumb and which on is Dumber. In our next video our man decides to demonstrate his athleticism by walking from post to post.

It turns out that he is not quite the jock he thought he was. Of course, there is pain involved and embarrassment too. Let's look in on our hero as he tackles his obstacle course:

Now...be thankful you are safe and sound in front of your computer instead of embarrassing yourself in front of the whole world like our hero.

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Reporter Meets Horse's Butt

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Redneck Hand Grenade

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Worst Job Ever

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Monkey See - Monkey Do Too

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Funny Kitty is a Peanut Thief

2008-10-29T11:05:00.015-05:00

This is one smart kitty cat. On a scale of 1 - 10, this cat rates an eleven. I personally have never seen a cat that could do what this kitty does. Naturally, the cat uses its highly advanced intellect for illicit purposes--like stealing peanuts.

Have you ever seen a cat unscrew the cap off of a bottle? I haven't. Incredible little kitty. Hopefully, someone can train this kitty to use its intellect for good rather than evil. Think of the possibilities--like a nomination for Vice President in 2012. The sky is the limit.

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Try some of our other entertainment:

Monkey See - Monkey Do Too - Video

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Curiosity Didn't Kill This Cat

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Rocky, the Drunken Squirrel

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I taut I taw a putty tat

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If you think this is a funny blog, help promote my site by voting for me at humor-blogs.

Funny Candidate License Plates

2008-10-28T11:44:00.004-05:00

With election day almost upon us, we thought we would research the presidential and vice presidential candidates and their license plates to see if we could learn anything or find anything humorous about them. Let's see how they look.

Sarah Palin:

Wait a minute...this cannot be right. There is something wrong with this one. This cannot be Governor Palin's license plate, although it is from Alaska and it is a government plate, which is what a governor might use. We will have to look into this one. It seems there is some shenanigans afoot.

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John McCain:

Well, Senator McCain did say that he owns 13 cars, so it makes sense that he would have several different license plates. They all fit our man McCain. Hey, wait a minute. McCain didn't serve in the Civil War, did he?

Oh, it's just another age joke. McCain should tell folks he's 72 going on 22 because he has so much energy.

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Barack Obama:

Barack Obama is a US Senator from the state of Illinois, so it is natural that he might have both Illinois plates and plates from the Washington, D.C. area. Virginia fits right in there. "Obama 08" sounds just like Obama man.

"God Complex" is not something that Obama would put on his own plate. I think the second one is a fake. It's probably something the Republicans slid in unobtrusively.

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Joe Biden:

It appears that Joe Biden's plate has a double meaning. Joe could mean he is biding (biden') time, or he may mean it's Biden time, as in "it's Miller Time."

Personally I think he means let's have a tall cool one, and I am not talking about Sarah Palin again. Joe looks like he might be the type of guy who would kick back for a beer break. Either way, I think Joe's plate is the cleverest of the group.

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Hillary Clinton Stars in Song and Dance Routine as Chiquita

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Ad Libs from a Talking Photo Booth

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McCain Economic Plan - Everyone Marry an Heiress

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John McCain, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and Joe Biden Sing and Breakdance

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Shopping Cart Nightmare - Video FAIL

2008-10-25T16:33:00.004-05:00

A couple of Target employees just finish loading a raft of shopping carts, when everything goes wrong. It is a nightmare, even. The result is funny, funny funny!

What is Target's slogan? "Expect more and pay less?" I am not sure what these two expected, but I expect that their expectation was different than the result they obtained.

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Funny Japanese Massage Chair

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Funny News Reporter Bloopers

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Redneck Hand Grenade

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Greatest Breasts in the World

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McCafferty's Pub

Irish Jokes, Drinking Stories, Blessings, Limericks, Proverbs - Video

Cops Find Baby Squirrel Hiding in Woman's Cleavage - Video

7 Mile Police Chase Welcomes Tourists to NYC

World's Smallest Man - Almost

Redneck Playground or Your Kid is Elephant Poopy

Google Street View Shows Dutch Mugging

Building Collapses with Man Inside or Does it? - Video

Worst Laugh and Smartest Monkey on Earth - Videos

Does This Dog Belong to Jesus?

Slip N Slide, You're Fired, Bull in Irish Shop - Videos

Why You Should Let Sleeping Dogs Lie - Video

Punk'd in the Men's Room - Videos

A Phew Phunny Photos You'll Like

Funny Irish Drinking Stories, Limericks, Irish Proverbs and Irish Blessings - Video

Ain't Nothing More Fun Than Kids and Pets - Videos

More Japanese Game Show Humor - Video

Tall Tales of Irish Drinking Stories, Blessings and Proverbs

Curiosity Scares the Pants off This Missus - Funny Video

Foto Funnies

It's Fun Indy Car Racing - Video Game

Funny Southern Pounderings - Video

Redneck Dumb and Dumber - Video FAIL

Funny Kitty is a Peanut Thief

Funny Candidate License Plates

Shopping Cart Nightmare - Video FAIL