CNN is like the worst "news" source. Ever.

July 24 2008 Toy maker aims to shut down Scrabulous

2008-07-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

An entire community was threatened today by the mere mention of scrapping scrabulous.
Scandalous, indeed.

July 23 2008 Fish eat feet in new pedicure

2008-07-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

House passes mortgage rescue to bail out fannie and freddie mac with $300 billion in tax payer money. When they were making a profit did the surplus go back to the tax payer? Nope- it was wisely spent on campaign contributions and lobbyists! Further privatization of profits, socialization of risk.

McCain visits grocery store - at the end of this video, Too good to be true you can see McCain knock over apple sauce that was edited from the first story.
Fish eat feet in new pedicure -"that's just nasty" says one anchor. "that's foul. . . what is wrong with these people" reports the other. This clip also includes a "stupid criminal" story. Ha ha what fun they have delivering "news".

July 22 2008 Beaches plagued by gelatinous invaders

2008-07-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

Cnn headlines the Time Mag Sci-fi inspired article, When Jellyfish Attack, about jellyfish along the coast of France. Chock full of invader references, the piece warns "there's more of that gummy pain on the way"

July 21 2008 Camera sees car knock man across diner

2008-07-21T17:50:00.000-07:00

Huge math error in Katrina supply giveaway - a new twist in the katrina supply stockpile mentioned last week- oops $85 million was really more like $18.5 million worth of relief items not distributed to storm victims. Silly counters overvalued the crates of sporks at $36 million. They distributed only $36,000 worth of sporks to the wrong entities.
Loud bar music may get you drunk I'm pretty sure alcohol is the culprit, but it makes a catchy headline`.
UFOs blamed for nuke missile failures
more inexplicable to me - all 4 guests speaking of the military UFO cover-up are named Robert
Camera sees car knock man across diner
he finds his hat but can't seem to locate his smokes.

July 17 2008 Snake in washer scares woman

2008-07-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

Today's "news" headlines:

WIBW: Parachutist misses target, hits band
Dwight Schrute plays CNN weatherman the nuzzler from six feet under.
Cows' No. 2 is No. 1 on this farm
Biogas on a mass scale powers this dairy farm. number 2.
Shark jumps into surfing photos
Toy radar gun scares speeders a kid on a bike monitors speeders in his neighborhood with a radar gun.

Snake in washer scares woman
And then she immediately contacted CNN to come to her house and check out the 8 foot python. Not on my emergency contact list.

July 16 2008 Casino panel got items meant for Katrina victims

2008-07-16T20:28:00.000-07:00

The cnn special investigations unit repeatedly congratulates its own efforts in reporting the FEMA stockpile of 121 truckloads of household items that were purchased or donated for Katrina victims and stored for 2 years. In June the items were offered to federal agencies and states instead. Again, Cnn performed journalism and sends a self-congratulatory nod its way.

July 15 2008 Wig-wearing dad robs daughter's work

2008-07-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

Happy T-shirt Tuesday.
Wig-wearing dad robs daughter's work
Actually a pretty brutal video of the dad being cold cocked
Look out! Driver crashes into bank
Man sticks finger in big cat cage

This video of Bud lovers discussing the Belgium buy out is pretty great for the social examination of the Bud drinking community after the third pitcher and the montage of commercials. Belgium- out of Germany, right?

July 14 2008 Miss USA trips on gown...again

2008-07-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

Three stories today highlight inspirational females:
Miss USA trips on gown ... again Cnn shows the fall again and again and again and again and again and again ad nauseum
Woman goes from trash scavenger to princess Indian woman who collected feces is crowned "princess of sanitation" in US
5-time widow loved cash, schemed, family says

Heroic troops repel at least 100 in Afghan fight Nice turnaround journalism. Last weekend US forces bombed a civilian wedding party killing 47, 45 were women and children who were escorting the bride to meet the groom. But Cnn reports on the heroism of killing 100 more afghans this weekend- yes killing, as in humans , not repelling, as in mosquitoes.

The military wants crusaders, not atheists

July 11, 2008 Shirtless Mormons calendar gets man in trouble.

2008-07-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

Shirtless mormon missionaries in blessed boxers grace the pages of the "Men on a Mission" calendar. The man behind the calendar is facing excommunication for the inappropriate publication. Just in time for Warren Jeffs' release from the hospital.

July 10 2008 Germ warfare moves to the gym

2008-07-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

Germ warfare moves to the gym includes a list of things you need to buy in order to go to the gym in this age of germ terrorism.

Rove ignores subpoena, refuses to testify
citing executive privilege, which makes total sense because presidents don't even receive executive privilege to ignore subpoenas.

July 9 2008 Less tasty inmate meals

2008-07-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

This less tasty video explains the savings of serving baloney on white instead of PBJ's, the inmate favorite. Other cutbacks: water instead of tea and juice, frozen egg disks instead of real eggs, saltine crackers instead of cornbread. The sheriff says if they want peanut butter sandwiches, then stay out of jail and have your mother make them for you.

July 8 2008 Pugilists pause for chess in the ring

2008-07-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Pugilists pause for chess in the ring
Boxing + Chess = German Sport Super Funtime!

Goo guns stops bad guys in their tracks
Homeland Security Budget dollars at work aimed at U.S. citizens. Yes, "bad guys" means protesters expected in Denver and other cities for political conventions this summer (DNC, RNC). The Anti-terrorism consultant states that "rational people should not be concerned" with the purchase of $25 million in arms for use against the American public. Touche. And yes that plural noun /singular verb was CNN's.

Poll: Which Celebrity CNN Newscaster are YOU?

2008-07-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

The results are in -
Anderson Cooper tops it: 36%
Wolf Blitzer: 25 %
Larry King: 18 %
Glenn Beck: 11%
Nancy Grace: 10%

View the poll
View result statistics

July 7 2008 Communion wafer held hostage

2008-07-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

During catholic mass a student took communion and with great wiliness spit it into his palm for safe keeping. A church official saw this act of defiance and struggled to pry christ out of his hands. Both parties are pressing charges and the saliva soaked body of christ is being held hostage in a ziplock baggie in Florida.

Ralph Nader: Why I'm the best choice
cnn.com gives some airplay to Nader and offers a T-shirt. They even let him talk about the corporate interests of the other candidates until the host claims it's just the normal thing that politicians do. Nader, now at 6% in the polls, basically tells him that business as usual is simply not good business.

Independence Day 2008: Former Sen. Jesse Helms dies

2008-07-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

CNN paints a saint. I like this Bush II quote: "Sen. Helms has been a tireless defender of our nation's freedom and a champion of democracy abroad," The cordial way of saying he opposed citizens' freedoms and fought hard to curb democracy at home.
It's nice too how they dropped his brief charity work with Bono and "Clinton's" Albright in the fight against AIDS in Africa after he spent decades opposing AIDS research funding and wanted to squash foreign aid entirely. In 1988 he reasoned "There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."
Helms only had the "change of heart" because it went hand in hand with his ideals of eliminating foreign aid through the government. Even in 2001, he wanted to increase foreign aid only if the money was funneled directly through "faith-based" organizations (tax free paybacks to conservative supporters) and believed it should be subsidized by the public and contracted out to the private sector.
iReport.com: Your memories of Jesse Helms
only 2 reports up as of this post- Jesse Helms = Jesse James lists some pretty solid memories.
'War criminal!' protesters yell at Bush watch them get carted away as Bush II talks about free speech.

July 3 2008 'Cindy Brady' halts radio chat to vomit

2008-07-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

Nice work cnn, Latest breaking "news"
'Cindy Brady' halts radio chat to vomit

July 2 2008 Cops: Cat held hostage in dog dispute

2008-07-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

Cat held hostage
This lady lost her dog "scooby" in "Green Acres" and so the pound let some other couple adopt it and then the lady came looking for scooby but it was already adopted and so the people were like maybe we should give the lady her dog back and then they met her and were like no she's not cool and so we'll keep her dog and rename it and then the lady stole their cat and then called them to tell them she had their cat and that she wanted her dog back and then they could have the cat but the police arrested her. All very interesting.

Infotainment breaking ?news?:
Could Heath Ledger really win an Oscar? 54 min
Jolie doctor to have news conference 42 min
No divorce for Madge and Guy
Time: July 4: Will Smith's holiday
Actor thinks his '24' role helped Obama
I couldn't believe all 5 of these were listed this morning in Latest News. The audacity.

The next fashion trend: Prairie dresses Teen princess dress!

July 1 2008 Giraffe gathers troops, escapes circus

2008-07-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

The second circus break headline in less than a month, this time an inspirational animal alliance:
Giraffe gathers troops, escapes circus

Three Obama headlines blocked together:
Bill Clinton, Obama have 'terrific conversation'
Ticker: Obama offered shirt off woman's back
Did Bill Clinton diss Obama?
confusing, baffling, confusing (see first)

Stupid Tee Shirt Headlines:
Asian women seek white, groveling men
Odor-masking, wash, dry & ?go? toilets
love the double ?s. Every ?Cnn? ?news? story should have that.

June 30 2008 Furry outhouse among tops in race

2008-06-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

If news of the administration gathering momentum for war in Iran was a little heavy for weekend reading or you are a bit nervous about that Swiss Bank account awash in untaxed earnings, don't worry.
Infinitely more entertaining is this video of an outhouse race in Minnesota.
As for the atom-smasher that could swallow Earth, I have no video diversion to recommend.

June 27 2008 Jesus' image on a marble slab

2008-06-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

Jesus' image on a marble slab
Today's headlines are really depressing, a deluge of bad news so you can't focus on any of it. I guess that's the point.
Scientists bet North Pole will melt away this year
Teens beat homeless man to death
3 teachers accused of sex with students
I'll 'rip apart' raped kids, lawmaker vows
Afghanistan: Allied death toll reaches 7-year high
Boy, 2, survives 6 days with mom's body
Muskrats + showers = levee breach
Stocks slide into bear territory

2 headlines yesterday on issues upholding the Bill of Rights (handgun ban in DC overturned [2nd amendment] and child rapist will not get capital punishment [8th amendment], but the preliminary passing vote in the Senate over the unconstitutional wiretapping which already passed in the House [4th amendment] was buried. In fact, this article is all but confusing on the real outcome. Language like "effort to derail an overhaul of U.S. wiretapping laws fails in the Senate" was used instead of just bill supporting illegal wiretapping likely to pass. Kind of brilliant that everyone is focused on upholding two amendments which at the moment effect only DC residents and child rapists while in the background all citizens are loosing protection against surveillance without probable cause. SLIMY. Talk to your Senators before they place the final vote.

June 26 2008 Women spin atop escalator handrails

2008-06-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Women spin atop escalator handrails the mini coopster delivers hard hitting journalism when he asks a staffer to reenact an escalator swivel trick.

A report out shows that the major news networks have drastically cut back Iraq war news coverage this year.

"Almost halfway into 2008, the three newscasts have shown 181 weekday minutes of Iraq coverage, compared with 1,157 minutes for all of 2007. The “CBS Evening News” has devoted the fewest minutes to Iraq, 51, versus 55 minutes on ABC’s “World News” and 74 minutes on “NBC Nightly News.” (The average evening newscast is 22 minutes long.)"

In related/unrelated news: here is an interesting article about Ronald Reagan's son, the conservative talk show host, who has repeatedly advocated the death of "a traitor" on the air by firing squad, even saying he would buy the bullets.
"Tie him to a post, don't blindfold him, let it rip and have some fun with Mark Dice."

And by traitor, he means someone who leads The Resistance, a christian media watchdog group, whose latest project, Operation Inform the Soldiers, sends letters/DVDs to the troops in Iraq with information about 9/11 being an inside job. Here's a youtube video of him on FOX, which is amazing. I can't even believe he was given the platform to express himself as long as he was before being told that he is part of a fringe sect and his efforts (called hate mail by the impartial host) will be thrown in the toilet and the troops who are there fighting the Iranian-backed militia know why they are there. I mean, duh. We all know we are in Iraq because Iran has WMDs.

June 25 2008 Up to 10,000 'WTF' car tags to be replaced

2008-06-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

Up to 10,000 'WTF' car tags to be replaced
Such fun was had at the correctional facility that manufactured those plates.

some interesting articles today-
Ban sought on bottled water tucked away was this video on a mayor's initiative to ban bottled water from government budgets- as it is an unnecessary financial and environmental waste. No mention of the health dangers of leeching plastic.

Obama using 'white guilt,' Nader says Nader gets reblamed for the 2000 Gore election loss and called a disappointing and delusional media whore for pointing out that democratic presidential candidates of any race or sex will always put the corporate agenda before the everyman.
Aguilera Exclusive Larry King interviews Christina Aguilera about the presidential election. WTF.

June 24 2008 Men with 36.6-inch waists face fines

2008-06-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

cnn.com takes this story of a society in which the government is taking preventative action to curb a societal ill and makes it into a joke. Ha Ha the Japanese government cares about the health and welfare of its citizens and holds corporations financially accountable if workers are unhealthy. Ha ha that's so funny because it would never happen here. I mean, if the Japanese government just let their people get fat and unhealthy and sick and then denied them decent affordable health care, then a select few could get really rich and the majority of the people would be too sick, scared, poor and apathetic to demand change. Like here.
And the headline is even wrong, the men don't face fines, the companies face the fines if the health of their employees does not improve.

June 23 2008 Guy loses 80 lbs. eating just McDonald's

2008-06-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

80 lbs. lost on McMiracle diet
I love this video snippet simply for the initial graphic in which bullet point text introduces this man, Chris Coleson:

Vice Pres. of Operations, NEIE inc.

He did not graduate from college

Details so fabulous and unrelated to the "news" report bulleted so they appear to be informative.
Mr. Coleson's diet chiefly consisted of his morning coffee from starbucks, Apple dippers with out the dip (a sliced apple), and something called a chipotle snack wrap.

June 18 2008 Naked frat boys run wild in street

2008-06-18T10:32:00.001-07:00

Naked frat boys run wild in street