Coming Out of Left Field

Redefining identity ...

2009-07-09T14:20:00.002-04:00

... or, thanks to the kids at summer camp, having it redefined for me:

Me (at lunchtime, to a child): Look, you have Chinese noodles for lunch. Hey, I'm Chinese, and those are Chinese noodles, so I can eat them.

Girl #1: No, you can't! You're not Chinese!

Me (puzzled): Um ... why?

Girl #1: Because you live with [soxfanwife]!

Girl #2: Yeah, and you don't speak Chinese! I speak Chinese! Ni hao!

This leads to a number of girls taking turns saying "Ni hao!" (hello in Mandarin) to each other. A boy had his own objection to my self-definition:

Boy #1: Chinese is a store, and you're not a store!

Soxfanwife (to Girl #1): Well, if we're not Chinese, what are we?

Girl #1 (shrugs): I don't know.

Soxfanwife: Maybe we're Jewish.

Girl #2: Yeah! You're Jewish! And I'm Jewish too! (leading to "I'm Jewish!" "I'm Jewish too!" all around the room)

Have I mentioned that my wife's class always has the funniest kids ever?

Mitzvah moments

2009-07-05T20:43:00.002-04:00

The first entry in a continuing series, now that I'm officially Jewish:

Received: Friends helped out in various ways with our recent chuppah ceremony; other friends made a donation to the preschool in our honor.

Given: Donated a bunch of used books to More Than Words, and bought some more.

Planned: The wife and I will volunteer at Family Table's upcoming distribution day.

The Guinea Pig Dialogues, part 18 of an ongoing series)

2009-04-22T21:27:00.002-04:00

An approximation of an actual "conversation" that happened the other day, just after I opened the dishwasher:

Haver the guinea pig: Squeak.
Me: No, sweetie, I'm just doing the dishes.
Haver: Squeak squeak.
Me: Haver ...
Haver: Squeak squeak squeak.
Me: Haver, there's no lettuce in here.
Haver: Squeak squeak squeak!
Me: Haver, this is the dishwasher. This has always been the dishwater. It is *not* the small white lettuce box.
Haver: SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK! Squeeaalllllll!
Me: Honey, could you please get him some lettuce?

It's debatable who's sillier -- the guinea pig, for assuming the dishwasher is a lettuce box, and me, for trying to convince him otherwise.

Not coming to a bookstore near you

2009-01-02T16:05:00.006-05:00

My wife and I were joking this morning that I could write a memoir based on my experiences converting to Judaism. Since the first requirement of any bestseller is a snappy title, we spent a little time brainstorming. (OK, I did the brainstorming while my wife just laughed and shook her head at me.)

"My Year of Reading Jewishly," an nod to A.J. Jacobs' "The Year of Living Biblically," was deemed accurate but too boring to keep someone's attention. "From Fiddler to ____" was ruled out since I couldn't find anything funny to fill in the blank. And my personal favorite, "Soy Vey! My Jewish Journey," was ditched when I realized that, thanks to my early preferences for hot dogs and Kraft macaroni, I'd eaten far less Chinese food growing up than many Jews had. When it comes down to it, "a basically Americanized woman gradually turns Jewish over three decades" just doesn't seem the kind of proposal that'll attract publishers and lots of royalties.

Oh well. Looks like I'll keep writing here for free. :)

I have a life ...

2008-12-19T17:23:00.006-05:00

... at least, according to this meme from Facebook, which states that if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. The below list has 239 films; x's denote the ones I've seen.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane

Total: 3

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) AnchorMan
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total so far: 5

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp

Total so far: 5

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch

Total so far: 9

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
(x) Robots

Total so far: 12

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG

Total so far: 13

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber

Total so far: 14

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards

Total so far: 15

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask

Total so far: 16

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Bourne Ultimatum
(x) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George

Total so far: 18

( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
(x) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2

Total so far: 22

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3

Total so far: 28

( ) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
( ) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total so far: 34

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin

Total so far: 35

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Total so far: 41

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three

Total so Far: 42

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard

Total so far: 46

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
( ) Hook
( ) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld

Total so far: 46

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness

Total so far: 47

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
( ) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor

Total so far: 51

(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

Final total: 54

I don't know who came up with this list, but if s/he had included classics, musicals and sports films, I would've gone over 85 faster than you can say "Strike three, yer out!"

Theo, Theo, wherefore art thou Theo?

2008-12-14T15:58:00.004-05:00

C.C. Sabathia goes to ... the Yankees.

A.J. Burnett goes to ... the Yankees.

Meanwhile, the Sox have ... a new logo and new road jerseys. OK, and a few other players, mostly from the Rule 5 draft.

Not that I want Theo to suddenly start imitating Steinbrenner Jr., and he certainly shouldn't make a move just to make one. I'd just like to have an excuse to post about the Sox between now and spring training.

Milk, marriage and the movies

2008-11-30T17:21:00.003-05:00

The wife and I went to see "Milk" last with a couple of friends. Afterwards, we all wished that it had come out in theatres before the election, instead of three weeks after, or even that the "No on 8" campaign had drawn more of a parallel between their efforts and those of Harvey Milk's 30 years ago. I also wish there was someone with his passion and his ability to organize and inspire support ... the history of gay rights might be different.

As for the movie itself, Gus Van Sant did an incredible job capturing the essence of Milk's story while still presenting him as a flawed human being, not a saint. And while all of the cast did well, Sean Penn was simply phenomenal as Milk. Later on we went back to our friends' house and watched the 1984 documentary "The Times of Harvey Milk", and were amazed by how close Penn came to the original. We were also struck by how far we've come, on the one hand (no more police raids on gay bars) and how much some things have stayed the same.

More from the "kids say the darndest things" department ...

2008-11-28T16:08:00.002-05:00

... overheard at my new job at preschool:

Teacher, to toddler: What would you name the turkey [a paper one, hanging on the wall]?
The toddler says his name.
Teacher, to another toddler: And what would you name the turkey?
This toddler also says his name.
Teacher, to a third toddler: And what about you? What would you name the turkey?
Toddler (without hesitation): Duck!

Me, reading a book: See, the giraffe is building something out of blocks. Maybe a skycraper.
Toddler: Or a rocket ship.
Me: Yes, it could be a rocket ship.
Toddler: [something indistinct]
Me: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Toddler: Pluto's not a planet.
Me (stunned speechless for a moment): You're right, Pluto's not a planet.
Toddler: But the Earth is.

Teacher (reading a book): And on the third day, God made trees grow out of the earth.
Three-year-old: I don't live on the Earth -- I live on another street.
Another three-year-old: I live in Lexington!

And my favorite one ...

Me, to two four-year-olds: Someday, you'll be taller than I am.
Four-year-olds (looking at each other): Naaaahhhhh!
Soxfanwife (who is barely two inches shorter than I am): Well, do you think you'll be taller than me?
One four-year-old: Of course, you're a small grown-up!
Me (after we stop cracking up): But by the time you're my age, I bet you'll be taller than me.
The same four-year-old: Yeah, and you'll be 100!

My apologies to Harold Kushner

2008-09-17T21:15:00.002-04:00

Dear Rabbi Kushner,

I owe you an apology.

I am in the process of converting to Judaism, and as part of my class I'm reading various books on the religion. My wife has been doing the reading too, being the wonderful and supportive partner that she is.

I should backtrack a bit -- earlier today, we noticed that a flying bug (we don't know what kind) had somehow gotten into the house. I tried to whack it with a magazine but missed it, and it flew away. Later on we spotted it near the stairs, but it again escaped.

We shrugged, went downstairs and had dinner and dessert, took care of the guinea pig we're petsitting, and then came back upstairs to do some work on the laptop (me) and some reading for class (my wife). So my wife happened to be looking at one of your books when the flying bug appeared again, right in front of her on the bed. Instinct took over, and she immediately killed the bug ... with your book. Specifically, your book "To Life."

Hopefully you will see the irony and humor in this. But I thought I'd say sorry, just in case.

Sincerely,

soxfan

A message from Paul Newman

2008-06-21T14:05:00.003-04:00

Usually I don't tell other people about my dreams (let alone blog about them), since a) I tend not to remember them and b) even if I do, they're typical run-of-the-mill ones in which I find out I have a big test I didn't study for, or I'm at the office and the systems aren't working, etc.

A dream I had the other day, though, featured not work or school anxiety but a woman named Jeannette, the daughter of Paul Newman, who had written a memoir about her and her father. It was an inspirational-type memoir along the lines of "Tuesdays with Morrie," and had its genesis in an argument she'd had with her boyfriend Kevin, after which she'd realized that her life was a mess. So Jeannette turned to her father for solace and direction. The result was a slim hardcover book with Paul Newman on the cover, hand extended toward the reader. And above Newman's picture was the title of the book, which summed up Newman's advice to his daughter and to us:

Just Add Salt.

After I woke up and stopped laughing, I did a little research. The only book on Amazon with that title is a mystery that has nothing to do with Paul Newman, and since he doesn't have a daughter named Jeannette I can't ask her. So Paul, your message came through loud and clear. If only I knew what it meant!

Our little visitor

2008-05-16T11:40:00.001-04:00

Our little visitor
Originally uploaded by bostonian71

We recently took care of the guinea pig at my wife's preschool for a couple of weeks. By the end of his stay, he had learned two things:

-- Lettuce comes from plastic bags, which make a distinctive noise when they're opened.
-- If he started squealing at the sound of a plastic bag -- any plastic bag -- being opened, eventually one of us would cave him and give him some lettuce. Yes, he trained us well.

The guinea pig also had the entertaining habit of jumping up onto the top of his cardboard "house", then jumping off and running inside, only run back out a moment later. I once watched him do this five times in a row.

Sadly, he is back at school, and things are a little less amusing around the house. On the plus side, we have our dining room table back; if it weren't for the fact we have no place else to put a guinea pig, I suspect we would have one of our own by now.

An education newbie

2008-03-07T22:05:00.004-05:00

The other day I got to go to a professional training day hosted by my wife's school. A couple of months ago I started working one afternoon a week, so I had credentials of a sort. Still, though, I felt a bit of a fraud among all these teachers with so much more experience and education. So I fully intended to lay low.

All I can say is, someone Upstairs has a sense of humor.

My wife's director kicks off the training with some announcements about scheduling, presenters, and other routine stuff. The last one, though, is different. "Now you know, at these things we always give out prizes. This wand," she says, waving one she was holding, "will make you an empress for the day, and confers the right to cut in line at the bathroom!"

With that, she asks everyone to stand up. "OK, if you've been in the field for five years or less, please sit down." As people retake their seats, she keeps upping the number until three people are left. The winner is a woman who's been teaching for forty years, and the director steps down from the stage to give her the prize.

"I want to give this to someone who's a new teacher," the woman says, as the director approached.

"Don't worry," the director replies, as she hands over the wand. "We're taking care of that next."

Taking care of that next, I thought. Wait, that means ... uh-oh.

"Would everyone who's been teaching for four years or less, please stand up."

About ten or fifteen people, including me, stand up.

"Three years or less ... two years or less ... new this year ..."

Three or four people are still standing.

"Six months or less ..."

Now it's down to me and one other woman. Maybe she just got hired six weeks ago ...

"Two months or less."

The other woman sits.

Oh, my God.

I crack up. The other teachers crack up. The director, as she hands me my wand, is trying not to crack up. And my wife, who was out of the room at the time, cracks up when she hears the story and sees my wand, a pale green sparkly wand with Tinkerbell's face on it that I have to carry around for the rest of the day.

I'd like to say that the wand now occupies a place of honor on the mantel. As it turns out, though, the daughter of whoever bought the wands thinks that they belong to her, so I will send mine back to school with my wife. Just as well -- pale green isn't really my color.

Gee, thanks for the ego boost, kid

2008-02-26T09:39:00.002-05:00

The other day my sister-in-law called and said her 9-year-old son wanted to talk to me about video games. Since my knowledge of video games is way less than his, I was a little puzzled but took the phone anyway.

"My friend and I have been planning this video game all week and I want to know how to make it," he said.

"Uh ..." I said.

"It has eighteen levels, and a monster made out of fire that you can only kill if you get this water pump and shoot its arms off --"

"Er, that's nice ..."

"And I looked at this site about video games but it didn't really explain things so can you tell me how to make a game?"

I hated to disillusion him, but I had no choice. "Well, to be honest, at this point you probably know more about making video games than I do."

"Oh." A pause. "That's really sad!"

Fortunately he then proceeded to tell me about the cool fantasy book series he was reading, so all was apparently forgiven.

Adoption update

2008-01-06T22:36:00.000-05:00

It took us forever, but we finally got our act together a couple of weeks ago and submitted our autobiography and a slew of other documents to our adoption agency. Naturally I then got an e-mail from someone there saying there was one more form that needs to be done (which got added to the packet after we'd had our initial meeting with them). I was planning to e-mail our social worker about it, but she beat us to the punch and called tonight to say that she can go over it with us ...

... when she comes next Thursday ...

... for the home study visit.

Freakout. Starts. NOW.

Watching Game 1 of the World Series right now ...

2007-10-24T23:13:00.000-04:00

... and it's Red Sox 13, Rockies 1. In the sixth.

Life is good.

A day well spent

2007-10-18T21:02:00.000-04:00

A recent and rare day off my day job:

6 a.m. The wife and I get up, shower, get dressed and have breakfast.

7:55 a.m. We pack up lunches and the laptop, get into my wife's car and head to her preschool. The plan is for me to spend a little time meeting the kids in her class before I head off to the library to do some work.

8:00 - 10:15 a.m. Wind up staying for all of choice time, during which I hear the story of Jonah and the whale according to a couple of boys ("A storm's coming, and Jonah's afraid ... then the whale ate Jonah for lunch!") I also play a game where two girls hold up little plastic animals, and I give them names, beginning with Fred but quickly going to silly names like Jehosophat.

10:15 a.m. - noon. Finally go to the library so I can check e-mail and do freelance work.

Noon - 12:30 p.m. Have a quick lunch with the wife.

12:30 - 2:00 p.m. Move into one of the empty classrooms and do some work there. Am invited by one of the kids to join them for nap, but tell him there isn't a mat for me.

2:00 p.m. After nap, the same kid pokes his head in and says, "Want to play?"

2:01 p.m. - 3:30 p.m. I play happily with the small group of afternoon kids until they're all picked up.

Final output for the day: a little bit of work and a lot of much-needed fun. Just what the doctor ordered.

A quiz for intelligent people

2007-08-15T18:42:00.000-04:00

Got this test today via e-mail forward:

~snip~

This is a test for Intelligent People. I have determined that you qualify.

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you if you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tested whether you tend to do simple things In an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, Put in the elephant, And close the Refrigerator? Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, Put in the elephant and close the door. This tested your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend....except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.

This tested your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, You still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. AndersonConsulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

~snip~

I got two out of four questions right, and only because I started catching on to their approach after the second question. Does that mean I have the brains of a two-year-old?

Fireworks on the Fourth

2007-07-07T21:37:00.000-04:00

Boston's July 4th fireworks are famous, and my mother-in-law thought it might be fun to watch them from the Museum of Science roof. So she made reservations for her, my father-in-law, the wife and me, and the two sets of relatives who would be visiting from out of town.

As could be expected with any such event, things did not go exactly as planned. The weather was the first sign; the closer it got to the Fourth, the more talk of rain there was. It took a while to get food, umbrellas, blankets, and 12 people assembled and into vehicles. By the time all was organized, we were running a wee bit late, so we rushed off on what we thought would be the most direct route to the parking garage.

Except that, it being the Fourth, Memorial Drive was closed. This resulted in much fumbling and grumbling as an alternate route was pieced together, one turn at a time. But finally we arrived, located the garage and found a spot, then went to the museum ... though not without some standing around waiting for the other half of our group to show up outside the garage. Naturally, when we gave up and walked to the museum anyway, everyone else was there waiting for us.

At 5:30 p.m., we were allowed to go up the ramp of the museum's garage up onto the roof. We found a spot, spread our blankets and cushions, and put together some sandwiches. The museum brochure had said there'd be music and activities, but they unfortunately were geared towards people 12 and under, so there wasn't much to do besides huddle under the umbrellas, eat, talk and wait. Every so often the wife and I got up to stretch our legs and dispel some of the chill.

A couple of hours later, one of our nephews started to look pale and peaky. He hadn't been feeling well when his family arrived at the in-laws', it was getting nippy, and the rain showed no signs of letting up. So (to our unspoken relief) we made a strategic retreat back to the in-laws' house, got into our car, and drove back home. When the fireworks started (five hours after we arrived on the roof), we watched them from our snug, warm bed, and agreed that we had the best view.

Romney, Mormons and special underwear

2007-06-29T00:04:00.000-04:00

Even though I've been paying attention to the presidential campaign, and know a little bit about Mormons, until the other day I hadn't been aware of a particular issue. One of the people also staying at our B&B, however, enlightened the wife and me over breakfast. We'd been talking politics, and I said that I was worried about Mitt Romney getting the Republican nomination.

"What the South is going to have trouble with," said our fellow vacationer, "is his special underwear."

His special what?

"Yeah, special underwear," he said. "All observant Mormons have to wear it under their clothes ... it goes up to here" -- he indicated his chest, "and it covers pretty much the whole body."

There followed some jokes about Googling "Romney's underwear" and the "boxers, briefs, or Mormon underwear?" question Romney would face if he ever went on MTV.

"The South will be fine with a lot of things," our informer concluded, "but when it comes to special underwear, they'll be like, 'That's just too weird."

Afterwards, I did a Google search, and found Mormon Underwear, which has a lot of info but few pictures, and blog post on AndrewSullivan.com that has one pic.

It's pretty safe to say that no other presidential candidate will be asked about this!

Same-sex marriage ban defeated, 45 to 151

2007-06-14T13:34:00.000-04:00

The Mass. legislators did the right thing just now, killing the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. This means the amendment will not be on the ballot in November 2008, and also means that opponents of marriage equality have to wait until 2012 for another chance at a "popular" vote ... assuming that they try this route again. Hopefully saner heads will prevail, and we can spend our time and money on more worthwhile things.

Two words for anyone who still doesn't understand ...

2007-06-14T09:42:00.001-04:00

... why having "the people" vote on marriage equality scares the hell out of me: Sanjaya Malakar.

Adventures in air travel

2007-06-06T20:30:00.000-04:00

The wife and I found it surprisingly tricky to get back home from South Carolina Sunday night. Our first sign of things to come was when our ride got lost on the way to the airport in Charlotte; the couple giving us a lift missed the exit, so we lost some time doubling back. (I knew we were in trouble when the husband swore in English.)

Then our 3:55 p.m. flight was delayed until 4:15 p.m. When we asked the desk clerk if we would make our connection, she told us, "You're going to have to go straight to the gate ... you can't go to the bathroom or anything." Hmmmm, not promising.

Shortly thereafter, the desk clerk announced that she was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. My wife had a brilliant idea -- if we were going to miss our connection anyway, why not profit by it? So we came up to the counter to get our vouchers, thinking it would be a quick process.

Two hours later, we and another volunteer were still standing there, waiting to get rebooked and receive our vouchers. It wasn't the poor desk clerk's fault, as the computers went on the fritz. So the poor woman had to call and call and call for tech support, as well as deal with late flights, unhelpful supervisors and impatient customers. At one point, she nearly lost a passenger too; an elderly woman booked on the 5:30 p.m. to Philadelphia had gotten on the 3:55 p.m. flight, and only realized her mistake when the flight attendant made an announcement.

Finally, the computers were back, and the printer (freshly loaded with paper) spat out our boarding passes for the 5:30 Philly flight.

Five minutes later, the desk clerk got on the mike again, and announced that the 5:30 flight had been cancelled. The elderly woman who'd gotten on the wrong plane earlier came up behind us. "Do you want to hear someone scream really loudly?" she asked.

The wife and I, fortunately, had long since decided that the whole affair was hilarious, so this latest development just made us crack up. Since the three of us were still waiting for our vouchers, the desk clerk rebooked us herself instead of sending us all the way back to the ticket counter. Around 7:00 p.m., we finally left the airport with our vouchers, a hotel voucher for the nearby Holiday Inn, and reservations for the next morning.

Monday's flight, naturally, went absolutely fine, though the taxi back from Logan was extremely poky. At least we have a couple of round-trip vouchers for all our trouble. Sometime in the next year, when we have time and aren't feeling quite so poor, we'll take advantage of them ... and we won't go through Charlotte!

Bits and pieces from the wedding weekend

2007-06-06T20:19:00.000-04:00

-- The wife and I were picked up at the airport by a friend of my parents. Later on she told me that even though she hadn't seen me since high school, she had no problem recognizing me. "You look exactly the same," she said.

Just as I was thinking that she looked the same too, she added,"But you're too young to have white hair!"

-- The wedding was outside in a very nice little estate. Well, it was meant to be outside; the morning after we arrived, it rained for the first time in a month, and didn't clear up for good until we left. The New England weather jinx strikes again.

-- One-year-olds are very entertaining, even if a certain brother regards them as alien life-forms.

-- Most surprising thing, hands-down: seeing lots of Chinese and Taiwanese people my parents' age doing the electric slide.

Proof that my boss's boss does not read my blog

2007-05-16T20:47:00.000-04:00

The other day at work, a co-worker was talking to one of the higher-ups about the Red Sox. Mark Loretta's name came up, and my co-worker asked out loud, "Where did he end up going? Back to San Diego?"

Without thinking, I answered, "Nope, Houston."

My boss's boss looked at me, surprised. "Wow ... I had no idea you were into sports. That's really impressive."

Impressive? It'd never occurred to me. But maybe people expect short Asian women with glasses to watch the Calculus Channel instead of NESN. Guess I better start wearing my Red Sox sweatshirt to work more often -- while carrying around a copy of The Sporting News or one of our baseball books.