tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58317462009-12-21T13:17:28.778-05:00BoerishbwoyI'm not from Gatineau anymore. I don't know how to change that, though.John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.comBlogger352125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-79111724850957347422009-11-24T14:12:00.001-05:002009-11-24T14:12:53.423-05:00Update:~ I was attempting to set the record for the world’s longest intermission. I think I succeeded.~ I have gained almost ten pounds since the spring. This is an amazing feat for me, as I have hovered around the same weight since graduating high school.~ I will not admit that I am sorry about my lack of updates, but I am.~ I will not bow to your conventions regarding self-contradiction.~ I John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-6450277913104562042009-08-10T17:57:00.001-04:002009-08-10T17:57:48.492-04:00Intermission.John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-4108828102694382842009-08-05T18:55:00.002-04:002009-08-05T20:38:23.381-04:00Update~ Whaaaaaaaat?~ Yeah, that's right. It's update time.~ Just so you know, here are the standings for the blog hits from various countries:1) Canada (CA) 1,4612) United States (US) 1,1393) Netherlands (NL) 1654) United Kingdom (GB) 1335) Bahamas (BS) 656) France (FR) 427) Germany (DE) 418) Australia (AU) 379) Brazil (BR) 3710) Italy (IT) John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-19342001562281515452009-07-27T20:43:00.002-04:002009-07-27T20:49:36.773-04:00Mrs. Z (that's Mrs. Zed, for you Americans)"She's a bit demanding. You have to know when to say no," she warned me.She was speaking of Mrs. Z, her former neighbour. Having been entirely to slow in coming up with a reasonably believable excuse, I had just agreed to shovel snow for Mrs. Z.After the first snowfall, I dutifully knocked on Mrs. Z's door. After several moments, the door creaked openJohn den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-46691866697866904962009-07-16T17:16:00.002-04:002009-07-16T19:40:19.144-04:00I do not know what to write.I feel like writing something smart.Problem: I don't feel particularly smart at the moment.Of course, this has never stopped me before. Why should it stop me now? One merely needs to examine this blog in order to ascertain that the author is not exactly a gen . . ."Hold up, hold up."What?"Listen, John, we at Boerishbwoy have spent a lot of time trying to establish John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-52914853567389522522009-07-14T16:30:00.002-04:002009-07-14T20:00:58.496-04:00Update~ My mother, father, youngest sister, and her friend came up to Ottawa on a camping trip over my birthday weekend. We went camping with them for my birthday. It used to be a den Boer tradition to be camping during my birthday, it was nice to revisit that tradition.~ We went to see Ben Harper and Relentless7 at the Bluesfest here in Ottawa. They are relentless, but there aren't seven of John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-65991632249083037492009-07-13T17:51:00.002-04:002009-07-13T19:19:56.587-04:00I saw your JesusI saw your Jesus on a shirtbeneath a logo that said 'no more hurt'I wondered aloud what he was worth'$13.99, plus tax,' replied the clerkI saw your Jesus the other dayhe said the revolution was on its wayas he thrust his fist into the airand combed a hand through his long blonde hairI saw your Jesus as he toldhis audience of his chains of goldand how it could be theirs if they John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-56202391654866895822009-07-06T20:23:00.002-04:002009-07-06T20:40:29.518-04:00When the knife entered his chest, nestling uncomfortably between his third and fourth rib next to what he imagined was a rather important area of his heart, he frowned in consternation. It seemed to him that it was slightly unfair for his life to end so abruptly over what now seemed such a ridiculous issue. He appealed to the higher power whose existence he had previously been sceptical of, butJohn den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-69961958951294023232009-07-01T11:56:00.002-04:002009-07-01T12:43:48.779-04:00April 2nd, 2005.*Paul Martin is Prime Minister of Canada.Pope John Paul II has died.G-mail celebrates its first Birthday.And in a small unassuming unit of a townhouse complex on the West Mountain of Hamilton, university students prepare for a meal. Spaghetti boils on the stove, and several hungry men mill about. Their concentration is broken only by a loud squawk. From whence this squawk?The John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-65628118195677045012009-06-24T19:34:00.001-04:002009-06-24T19:34:38.956-04:0070 Uses for a Cinder Block1) Set it on the ground, close your eyes, and wish for other blocks so that you can build a wall.2) Use it as a paper weight when faced with strong winds.3) See how far you can throw it.4) Sit on it.5) Grind it to dust and throw the dust in the air to test wind patterns.6) Hold a door open.7) Break a window.8) Crush small rodents.9) Crush big rodents.10) Set it John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-57067563066144079702009-06-17T18:24:00.002-04:002009-06-17T20:31:59.422-04:00"How are you?""Oh, I'm fine. If fine means horrible.""Your pleasure depends on one word's definition?""No, it depends on you being silent.""So, if I talk you're fine?""No, vice versa.""You're fine if I talk? I don't see the difference.""No, I'm fine if you button it.""Button what? My jacket?""No, zip it.""My jacket doesn't have a zipper.""Shut it.""It is shut. It has buttons for that very John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-6757821320467448732009-06-06T17:32:00.004-04:002009-06-06T17:47:22.226-04:00Fast Food: A True Story As I was waiting in line at a local fast-food restaurant yesterday, a portly gentleman came and stood behind me. He eyed the line with a look of grave distaste and shook his head. "Is this the line to order?" he gestured at the line of people waiting to order their food. I looked at the line of six or seven people who were obviously waiting to order their food. "No, John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-21762548016909041382009-05-29T18:26:00.002-04:002009-06-06T17:26:32.793-04:00Update~ I'm back this time, I really am.~ No, really, I'm back. For real.~ Remember when I didn't post anything? Well, now I'm posting things again.~ This is coming rather late in the game, but my mother has published a book and also has her own blog: here. The book is called Blooming and is about a Christian woman's spiritual journey. One of the main characters in her book is named Paul, a John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-76272088815754725172009-05-25T12:30:00.004-04:002009-05-29T18:29:18.774-04:00She walked with a slight shuffle, her long pleated dress swishing against the backs of her round calves. Her curly hair was black but had a purplish tinge when it caught the light a certain way, betraying the dye she used every month. She wore a pair of thick glasses affixed to a chain hanging limply around her shoulders."Look who I brought home!" her son announced in semi-triumph.Her John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-80526329908549735882008-10-26T13:50:00.002-04:002008-10-26T14:37:34.513-04:00"My fellow citizens, if I can make one thing abundantly clear it is that I stand for change.""Citizens of this great country, I would also like to clarify my position on the issue of change. Namely, I am for it.""Patriotic citizens of this beautiful nation, my honourable opponent claims that he stands for change. I would argue that his change can actually be defined as sameness. The change John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-54530872312080467302008-10-09T09:11:00.003-04:002008-10-09T09:17:49.454-04:00In one of my education classes we were asked to write a poem comparing ourselves to our favourite food. This activity was not marked, as one could infer from my submission:My palms are greasy like your faceWhen you fill my stomach’s empty spaceAnd your sweet soft buns of wheatAre like my own buns on this seatLet us not forget your saucy sideWhich isn’t me, although I’ve triedTo emulate your John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-63549162071223969732008-10-09T08:51:00.003-04:002008-10-09T09:10:26.463-04:00Apparently Sarah Palin's great great great great great great great great great grandparents are also the late Princess Diana's great great great great great great great great great grandparents.I am somewhat underwhelmed.John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-83395367350153474032008-09-07T14:14:00.001-04:002008-09-07T14:19:41.224-04:00IronyAt the beginning of the summer, I was listening to the news on the radio. True story.Wait, the story gets better.I was listening to the news on the radio, and the woman said something like this:"The Ottawa fire department plans to hire x more firefighters. Ironically, this occurs just at the beginning of the summer when heat-waves are set to begin."This leaves me with two questions. FirstJohn den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-81332989310637437522008-08-19T11:46:00.002-04:002008-08-19T12:42:36.822-04:00An English Evangelical clergyman found himself alone in a French railway compartment with a large Frenchman busily engaged in getting outside the contents of a luncheon basket. Thinking that he should lose no opportunity of spreading the Gospel, especially among people as materialistic as the French, he leaned towards the Frenchman and asked in a low voice: 'Do you love Jesus?' The John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-72931504923565598792008-08-17T15:09:00.002-04:002008-08-17T16:14:53.139-04:00Boerishbwoy's Brilliantly Original Movie Ideas1) Two cops, one black, one white, get caught in an investigation that is way over their heads. There is a foot-chase resulting in an explosion. One cop, the hot-head, is forced to turn in his badge while the other, the comedian, is hot on the tail of the drug-lord. The hot-head saves the comedian despite their strained relationship. There are John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-72681402489430562592008-08-14T12:55:00.004-04:002008-08-14T13:33:46.876-04:00Update:- We are no longer residents of Québec but citizens of the great city of Ottawa.- Typing that é was quite simple now that we have a French keyboard.- Our new apartment has, on average, one more pool than all our previous apartments put together.- Each morning I chase pigeons off our balcony with a stick.- Sometimes I don't use stick, it really isn't necessary. Sometimes I just clench John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-36129343832063487552008-06-11T18:11:00.002-04:002008-06-11T18:37:09.476-04:00A blog update:I have decided to update my blog links for dead blogs and new blogs and the like. If you have a blog that you would like me to link to let me know and I'll be happy to oblige. It seems that some people have moved and I have lost track of them.This decision has been inspired by the suggestion of Phil Proper and my recent discovery of Brian Dijkema's (a fellow resident of the John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-77369446471532379312008-05-30T17:09:00.002-04:002008-05-30T18:23:10.433-04:00Conversations with AlAt the warehouse job I'm temping at, there's a fellow by the name of Al. My Newfoundlander boss turned to me soon after meeting him and said, "I wonders if he take them droogs or somethin'." I don't think he takes drugs but I'm beginning to think he's a functional autistic. He's a tall reedy fellow with a bit of a hunch and an almost constant look of bemusement. His eyes John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-44974742024727026222008-05-18T10:25:00.009-04:002008-05-23T10:42:23.816-04:00Romeo Dallaire and Jason Kenney Probably Won't Be Meeting Afterwards for Drinks The Khadr clan is infamous in Canada for its ties to Al Queda. The patriarch, Ahmad Said Al-Khadr became an associate of Osama bin Laden in 1985 and founded 'Human Concern International,' a charity ostensibly for the relief of human suffering. In reality, many of the funds the charity garnered (including overJohn den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5831746.post-1877830141230305802008-04-07T19:48:00.002-04:002008-04-07T19:50:55.311-04:00John den Boerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16545073858021858200noreply@blogger.com0