Kathy's Musings

Thank You, James Hanger!

2009-12-16T14:05:00.000-08:00

In preparation for my back surgery, I went to the Hanger Prosthetics and Orthodics Company to get fitted for a back brace; which of course, I'm wearing now all the time except when I'm laying down.

As I waited in the office, i noticed a piece of paper explaining how this company began. It turns out it was started in 1861 by James Edward Hanger and is our nation's largest prosthetics and orthodics company with over 620 branches nationwide.

What was particularly fascinating is that James Hanger started the company because he was the first amputee of the Civil War. He was 18 years old and returned home to Virginia. He created an artificial leg from whittled barrel staves. He called it the "hanger limb" and fitted other Confederate amputees with his creation.

As I read about James Hanger, I was really touched recognizing how this young man used his difficult circumstances for good in his world. Rather than whining and complaining, he obviously helped others. As we say in the speaking/writing ministry, find a hole and fill it. He filled a hole and even now, 140 years later, his company is helping me by preventing me from moving wrong which could un-do the progress the surgeon made.

I think the Lord God has a hole for each of us to fill in His Kingdom. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them" (NASB). It's so wonderful to remember that God has a purpose for every one of us.

Be inspired by James Hanger!

I Recommend "Mystery of the Cross"

2009-12-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

Larry and I recently sampled a sliver of chocolate at Trader Joe's called a “Dark Chocolate Crisp.” It's as thin as a Lays Potato Chip but wow! Was it powerfully chocolaty strong! We both commented that it was so rich we would easily have any chocolate itch scratched. And if you know me, you know I'm a chocoholic. Just give me the chocolate and no one will get hurt! We had to buy the package!

That incident came to my mind as I've been reading The Mystery of the Cross: Bringing Ancient Christian Images to Life by Judith Couchman (InterVarsity Press). Each short devotional is so rich it makes you feel like you've had a full meal of eating in the Lord's presence. Judith's book is a unique one. It has 40 fairly short devotionals about various aspects of the cross throughout history and especially of the cross of Christ. Although this book would be a particularly impactful one at Easter time, don't wait until then to feast from its richness.

I don't think I would have ever thought about someone writing a book about the history of the cross or that it could be so meaningful, but Judith succeeds in bringing out rich textures about the cross. And if you're one who loves history and/or art, you'll love this book. But everyone will benefit from it. I appreciate history and art but I'm not a fanatic. This book makes me want to enjoy the history of many things. She makes you realize how many threads are involved in the history of something and that's how this book makes you think about the cross. There's so much more to it than just the cross Jesus died on. She certainly covers all the aspects of what we know about that cross from the Bible, but there's so much additional related information she includes. In fact, fascinating information. Like the Standing Stones of Callanish in Scotland that are arranged in the configure of a cross. These standing monoliths rival the Stonehenge in England. And she includes a photo of the Scotland monoliths.

Here are the section titles which give a good overview of the book:

Part One: Ancient Echoes of the Cross: The Cross in Pre-Christian Times

Part Two: The Pain and the Glory: The Cross and the Suffering Savior

Part Three: Early Signs of Faith: The Cross and the Early Believers

Part Four: The Great Conversion: The Cross and Early Religious Freedom

Part Five: Daily Signs of Salvation: The Cross in Ancient Everyday Life

Part Six: Ways to Worship: The Cross in Early Church Life

Part Seven: Enduring Mysteries: The Cross and Its Eternal Power

I highly recommend Judith's book. I know it will be a blessing to you as it has been to me. Judith is the author of over 40 books, Bible studies, and compilations. She also teaches art history part time at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS).

You can purchase it at your local bookstores, online booksellers, or at the publishers website: www.ivpress.com. The retail price is $17.00 but many online sellers are offering it at discount.

Loving Well

2009-12-05T15:44:00.000-08:00

For several days the Lord keeps pulling me back to Philippians 1 and I'm fascinated trying to figure out the connection between discerning love and righteousness. The NET Bible says: “And I pray this, that your love may abound even more and more in knowledge and every kind of insight so that you can decide what is best, and thus be sincere and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)

That's what I love about God's Word to us. No matter how many times you've read or studied a passage, it just keeps holding treasures. I've even written a book about Philippians, in fact, 2 books, and I'm still looking at it with fresh eyes. Or it could be that my senior mind forgets what I'd learned before. LOL

This passage says that if our love abounds in knowledge and insight, we will be righteous and as a result of that, sincere and blameless when we see Jesus. But how does discerning and knowledgeable love result in being able to decide what is best? Making the best choices is a great definition of righteousness, don't you think?

The first thing I thought of was having a kind of love for other people that is discerning—in other words, understanding what really is the best for that person. Sometimes we think we're loving a person but we're not actually loving them well. Maybe we're rescuing them or enabling them or taking away the opportunity for them to make their own choices. Maybe we are loving them in order to appear a good and loving person rather than keeping the other person's best interests in mind. I can see how making loving choices-- that are truly loving for that person-- is “doing what is best.”

Then I looked at Philippians 1:9-11 in the NASB: “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

And in The Message: “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.”

This passage is all about motives. Working backwards, our righteousness comes from making wise choices, which comes from having a right motive of loving for the right reasons. Much loving isn't always well loving. Much loving isn't always appropriate loving. Much loving isn't always based in real knowledge and discernment. “Un-well” loving doesn't bring approval of that which is excellent. It approves that which is weak and unwise and un-good for the person who is supposedly being loved.

But if we love much and well, we won't have wrong motives. Wrong motives are motives like:

*doing it for our benefit,

*for us looking good,

*for us feeling good about ourselves because we think we've made the person feel good and thus we feel good about ourselves.

If we don't have wrong motives, we will be making righteous choices. And God will approve of what we've done because it's been about Him and not ourselves.

My favorite story along these lines is how I was worried when 14 year old son Mark flew across country to go to the FCA golf camp. He had to change planes in Dallas. I just knew he would not know how to find his flight even though I tried to explain about the monitor. I worried and at 2pm when I anticipated him calling me to say he'd missed his connecting flight, the Lord whispered in my heart, “You want him to fail so that he'll need you.” At first I was horrified to think that. How bad of me. But then I knew it was true. I wanted to be involved in his life and be needed. That's not loving well. My worry said I was more important than him needing God. I confessed my “un-well” love, which wasn't love at all because I didn't want his best.

It's amazing how stealthily un-loving love can seem righteous. But discerning, righteous love wants a person's best. It has nothing to do with ourselves. And sometimes real “good and appropriate love” makes hard choices. People call it tough love. It's allowing a person to make unwise choices so that the consequences that God allows will hopefully draw them closer to God—not us. Rescuing love doesn't want them to suffer because then it'll appear we were unkind to not step in. Or we'll hurt emotionally because we're worried about them. Psalm 19:19 speaks the truth: “A man of great anger will bear the penalty, For if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again” (NASB).

Oh, Lord, help us to love with discernment and appropriateness for then we'll make righteous choices and be found blameless and sincere at your coming.

Important Perspecitve About Guilt and Shame

2009-12-04T17:07:00.000-08:00

Tim Chester writes, "Ongoing guilt makes your opinion the one that matters most; shame makes people's opinions what matters most. Repentance is making God central and accepting his declaration that you're righteous in Christ." pg 134, You Can Change, IVP, 2008.

So often we think we're doing the right thing when we don't forgive ourselves and it can almost feel good to berate ourselves or beat ourselves over the head over our sin. But then we're layering sin upon sin because we're disobeying God's invitation to receive His forgiveness and be reconciled to Him.

Moving Day for Audrey

2009-12-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

Six years ago when Larry's dad died, we began caregiving for his mom, Audrey, who was about 87. The first sign of what was to come--her Lewy Body Dementia--was the day she called to say she'd received a letter from her health insurance and they wanted to get rid of her. We didn't know what was going on but the paranoia had set in.

Little by little things got worse, both mentally and physically. We remember the day she called furiously claiming someone sealed the lid on the trash can and had put their trash in her trash can. It was heavy and she couldn't open it. When we arrived, we realized she had been trying to open it from the wrong side.

Little by little things got worse. She wanted to be independent so eventually we moved her into assisted living. But the paranoia and delusions and hallucinations characteristic of Lewy Body (www.lbda.org) got worse and Larry's research brought him to the conclusion she had LBD.
After 6 months at the assisted living, we knew she wasn't handling it. Not only were people stealing her stuff, when we found the stolen item, she knew they had returned it. The clincher was the day she said they had sprayed poison underneath her door and were trying to kill her. We moved her back to her own home. Except that she slept at our house and we took her back to her house to spend the day. Meals on wheels provided her lunch and she fixed a frozen dinner for dinner.

Eventually she wasn't eating much and couldn't remember how to work the microwave and burned the pot on the stove. It was time to come to our house to live.

That was 2 1/2 years ago. Little by little she has gone deeper into the disease. A saving grace was the Monday through Friday "social club" we took her to. It's available to those with Alzheimers and Dementia and she could have some interaction from 10-3 and we didn't go insane.

Now she doesn't know who we are and if Larry says he is her son, she says, "You are not!" She believes we hate her and wish her harm. At least she's past the point of accusing us of stealing her money. A few Sundays ago, Larry told her he was going to preach the sermon at church. She looked at him aghast and said, "Heaven help us."

Now that I've been unable to do pretty much of anything for almost 6 months because of my intense back pain, Larry has become caretakers for both the demented women in this home. Well, okay, I'm only half-demented. So one and a half demented women. Audrey is no longer horrified that a man is dressing her.

But we believe the Lord has said it's enough. It's time. Audrey will be moving this afternoon to a care house where a caregiver(s) care for two other women. We believe they will give better care to her than we can and we know it's for her best. And it's for our best. Our stress level with all that's going on hits the roof. The Lord is gracious and strengthens us, but as our wise Pastor Marvin O'Dell said, "God only strengthens you for what He wants you to do."

So please pray that Audrey will adjust well to her new place. Considering that when she comes home from social club each day, she thinks she's in a new place, her "new place" shouldn't seem too strange.

We're wondering what this new phase for us will be like. Hopefully I'll have surgery next week and after several weeks of recuperation, we will be seeing how God leads for a new chapter of our lives. We have grown tremendously in many ways through these 2 1/2 years. When we realized Audrey would have to live here full time, I sat on the patio looking at the sunset and cried to God, "My life is ruined." My life wasn't ruined. It was changed and I was changed and Larry was changed. God worked and we'd like to think we're closer to God and we are closer in character to Jesus.

Please pray that Audrey will do well, my surgery will be God's provision for healing (if He doesn't miraculously heal me in the next week) and we will know His leading for the future--step by step.

Announcement and Ramblings on Pain

2009-11-28T19:12:00.000-08:00

After 2 1/2 years of having Audrey, Larry's mom, living with us, we are moving her on Tuesday into a care house with caregivers caring for 3 women. We visited the care house today. It feels so weird to think that the hands-on caregiving is over. Of course, if I were well, I'd really be thrilled; like crazy. But knowing I really won't be able to take full advantage of it, I'm only relieved knowing I won't have to think about caring for her. The other benefits of the freedom, etc, won't be meaningful until after the surgery and the Lord heals me.

I really think she will do well in the house setting. She had begun refusing to leave the day care where she goes for Monday-Friday. She thought she lived there. Now that she'll stay in one place all the time, she won't be moving around and getting more confused. And one of the residents is quite talkative and alert. I think she will welcome Audrey and be a good friend. And the caregivers seem very loving and experienced. It's a lovely house highly recommended through a friend whose business is to help place elders in good places.

I have a sense that the Lord has released us and said, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." Although I really thought that she would stay here until she died here. But with my back condition and having surgery hopefully in December, and the pressure of Larry having to care of two disabled women, our limit has been reached. It feels like in the Lord's power, we should be able to do it endlessly regardless of the circumstances. But as Pastor Marvin commented, "You're only called to do what God wants you to do; not everything."

Ramblings on pain and future surgery:

I can tell when I'm putting hope in the surgery, because I'm no longer praying for God's healing before surgery; I'm just holding on until surgery. The Lord gave me the message of “be patient” as He directed me to read Psalm 37. That really sunk deep in my soul and I've been resting in it. He only wants me to live moment by moment, (as I should be doing about everything) not anticipating being in pain for several more weeks until the surgery. Otherwise, it feels so overwhelming and I begin to think, “I can't do this.”

But He wants me to not anticipate anything other than walking with him. Of course, it's easy to just be patient as I trust in taking the pain meds. But Lord, I really want to rest in you; with your strength-- to walk moment by moment.

I also can tell when I'm putting my trust in the surgery and leaving out the Lord when an obstacle occurs for progression toward surgery. Like this past week when I found out it would take me 2 weeks to see Dr Nasr, my regular doctor who has to refer me to pre-surgery tests. And I also found out it had taken a week for the surgeon/office to get the request in to the insurance. As a result, my surgery hasn't even been authorized yet. I was so discouraged. I cried because the obstacle was tantamount to me. In moments like that, I'm not trusting in the Lord's timing but in my desperation to get something going and to be out of pain.

Yes, it's normal to want to be out of pain and it's normal to take measures to be out of pain. But if that drive and demand leave out the Lord, then it's sin. I'm saying I must have this. I want to say, “Lord, I must have you and I trust you to provide everything else I truly need.”

The sense of entitlement creaks in so stealthily. After all, isn't it normal to expect to be out of pain? It seems a given. But there are many Christians who struggle with chronic pain. No, it's not a given that I shouldn't be in pain. I'm not entitled to have anything. Only my position in Christ is my entitlement.

I've really been trying to include “if the Lord heals me” in my thinking and speaking. It's more of a reminder to me that my healing is dependent upon the Lord. I hope it doesn't sound negative or that I don't think the surgery can help me. I think it can. But it can't without the Lord's permission and His healing touch.

Quote for Contemplating Pain

2009-11-23T11:34:00.000-08:00

We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.”--C.S. Lewis, (The Problem of Pain, page 34)

Review for "Surviving One Bad Year"

2009-11-20T15:17:00.000-08:00

I know I already mentioned this book in my last post, but I thought I'd share the review for it that I put on sites like cbd, amazon and Barnes and Noble. Obviously, I recommend this book.

"I was encouraged by Nancie's vulnerable sharing about her challenging time. It was especially meaningful as I've been struggling with chronic pain. Her wise words would help anyone at any time since we all have struggles and challenges, but for those of us who feel like it's a more-than-average difficult time, her message really hits home. The ideas she shares are applicable for every struggle we face. If you flip through this book, you don't really benefit from the depth of meaning and encouragement it offers. I liked how Nancie included both spiritual insights and very practical ideas like taking good care of yourself. Sometimes we just need to have someone give us permission to do the things that should come naturally—but in times of stress we don't. She has included a “Personal Reflection” section at the end of each chapter that could easily be used by a group. And there's also a “New Beginnings Resource” list of insights; plus recommended reading. I've already recommended this book to others. Have it on hand for your inevitable “bad year.”

Analysis Paralysis

2009-11-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

As I've traveled this road of back pain, I've sought the Lord for His purposes. Over the 5 months, I've had moments of great insight and yet wondering what I'm missing. I'm currently reading Nancie Carmichael's new book, Surviving One Bad Year, (Howard Books), and she refers to the disciples walking the Emmaus road with Jesus and then writes,

"As the two disciples from Emmaus walked and talked, they tried to make sense of things, to sort them out. And don't we do the same? We try to make sense of our experience, we analyze it: Where did we go wrong? What could we have done to prevent this? What did we miss? Whose fault was it? We can have feelings of failure, regret, and blame. And just plain sorrow. There's a risk to analysis, though. Joseph F. Schmidt writes, 'We are aware that by judging an experience we have classified its importance and therefore controlled its impact. In the process of labeling, we have surrendered to the analysis of the ego and have manipulated our experience.'' (Praying our Experiences, page 44)."

Nancie continues, "In other words, not so fast with the analysis. Wait. Look for Jesus in this place. The One who promised never to leave us nor forsake us, will show up." (page 48).

Nancie's words helped me to release the need to "make sure" I was thinking of everything I should learn. Although it seems a noble quest (after all, God does want me to gain what He desires from the experience), it also had become a self-focused pursuit and a lack of trust in God.

It was a self focused pursuit because I believed I had to make sure the insights came. And it was a lack of trust in God in believing He wasn't strong enough to show me whatever He wants to show me. I don't have to make it happen; I just have to be open and alert to whatever He wants to show me, whenever He wants to show me. And the other day, without me trying to force something to occur, He gently poured another insight into my open and receptive mind.

It also occured to me that the inner transformation He's working in me might not be fully revealed right away. It may be over a long time. I don't have to see or know everything that's going on. I can trust God to accomplish that which He intends for me. That's what Psalm 138:8 says, 'The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands" (NASB).

God has a plan and has not forgotten what it is.

How about you? Are you trying to figure out God and His plans? Are you in analysis paralysis? Neither of us needs to stress. God is faithful to reveal Himself and His plan. Count on it!

A Cane is Like a Strategy

2009-11-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

The pain meds are less effective—minus vicodin. Now it really hurts to walk. I'm going to use a cane. It's great how much that really does help. No pressure or less pressure is good.

Larry just came home from taking his mom to elder day care and said, "Don't use the cane. It will make your leg atrophy more from non use and it will put you out of alignment."

That makes sense. So he has put it away.

His comment made me realized how symbolic using a cane is with how we use strategies to avoid pain. A strategy puts us out of alignment when walking with the Lord--we limp in our ability to stand firm (Ephesians 6). Our shield of faith is off center and doesn't protect our chest because we're leaning over or to the side.

And our spiritual muscles atrophy because they aren't being used. We're depending upon other responses instead of trusting God.

What do strategies look like? Anything and anytime we're trusting in our own protections and devices rather than God's. It looks like anything opposite of the fruit of the Spirit. A sinful, self-protective strategy includes reactions like anger, discontentment, impatience, apathy, closing off our heart in a relationship, worry, fear, manipulation, etc.

I'm not using the cane. I thought it would benefit me but it doesn't. The pain may be diminished but I'm just gaining more problems.

I have yet to relinquish all the strategies I have grabbed onto to protect myself from pain. But I know that's what God is calling me to every day. I'm going to take my shield of faith, stand firm and straight and protect my heart from distrust of God.

No Longer "Miss-don't-Make-Waves"

2009-11-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

First read the post before this.

I'm shedding my "No waves" personna. I just called the health insurance referral service and asked about the referral to the surgeon. It has been approved.

I then called the surgeon's office and they've rec'd it but doctor will go over MRI report and then they'll call me to make an appt.

Please pray that these steps will be taken quickly and there will be an appt open soon.

Ascribe to the Lord....

2009-11-11T13:54:00.000-08:00

>Last Friday, I'd decided I couldn't wait the additional 3 weeks the pain management doc wanted me to wait before referring me to a surgeon. I was in continuing great pain. So I got up my courage in the Lord, and left a message last Friday even though the doctor's office was closed.

If you know me, you can guess how much God was empowering me to speak up and make that call. Especially since I'm "Miss-Just-do-what-they-say-and-don't make waves." God inspired me to act. (Thanks also to my friend, Kat, who I'd been talking to last week and encouraged me to take action.)

I really didn't have much hope that I'd hear from them Monday because they are horrible about returning phone calls. At about 8:30 Monday morning, in response to my message from Friday, the scheduler called to say she had a cancellation that afternoon. Could I come in? I felt like I had a huge kiss from God. A cancellation at the last minute doesn't happen often because people have to wait 3 or more weeks to get into this doctor.

But I was still afraid the doctor would say he couldn't refer me until longer. But no problem; he treated it like it was a no-brainer. I was ready to have to fight for it. Larry was in the room and maybe that helped. Why on earth at my 3rd cortisone shot he had originally told me he couldn't refer me because the cortisone would have to get out of my system before I could correctly be assessed---I'll never know. I'd begged him to make it earlier. But now, no problem to get a referral. A little frustrating.

Well, I was really so grateful. Besides my hope in the Lord, I have hope for relief. I trust it's God will for me to get relief through surgery. No guarantees, I know, but at least there's forward action.

As I turned to Scripture and the Psalms to put to words my gratitude to the Lord, I found Psalm 29:

Ascribe to the LORD, O sons of the mighty,
Ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
²Ascribe to the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in holy array.
³The voice of the LORD is upon the waters;
The God of glory thunders,
The LORD is over many waters.
⁴The voice of the LORD is powerful,
The voice of the LORD is majestic.

I want to ascribe to the Lord His power and strength in being in charge and giving me grace and mercy at a needed time. Please pray that I can get an appointment at the surgeon's office as soon as possible.

43 Years of Walking with Jesus

2009-10-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

Forty three years ago today, October 1st (it was 1967 then and I was 18!), I became a Christian. I specifically asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I'm grateful for the foundation I'd received from going to church as a child, but I hadn't really committed myself and understood the full Gospel message. That day I more clearly knew I was a sinner in need of a Savior. It was a great day and began a journey of learning more and more all these years.

On that day, I must admit that a lot of my motivation was hoping that receiving Christ would mean I could manage life better--maybe even become perfect! Well, now after 43 years, that myth is totally out of the equation. There are ups and downs; curves and mountains. But that just keeps me trusting God.

I sometimes remember what it was like before I became a Christian. I was guilt-ridden, blaming myself for everything, and trying to earn my way into heaven and earn God's love. How wonderful that I'm free from guilt and can ask for forgiveness and be cleansed as soon as I sin. I don't have to beat myself over the head for what I do wrong trying to earn back God's love. I know that His great love for me and you is totally unconditional. It is not based on our performance. Someone said, "There's nothing you can do to make God love you more and there's nothing you can do to make God love you less." Knowing that, I think, is the biggest difference.

I think it's good to reflect back to where we were and the burdens we carried before we trusted Jesus for salvation. It reminds us of the difference between a striving life and a surrendered life. There's still problems and uncertainty, but there's an assurance of His help and future glory.

I can apply that principle to my journey in pain. When I focus on the fact that I can't sit--it's just too painful--I can get discouraged and think God hasn't answered my prayers (and those of you who have prayed--thank you very much). But then I think of what my pain level was before He began healing me through various means--the latest: my second cortisone shot.

Originally, I was in so much pain that I was taking vicadin continually along with 800 mg ibuprofen every 8 hours; now I only take one Alleve. I can get up and down without gritting my teeth. I can lean over to wash my face without grimacing. There is progress!

If you sometimes feel discouraged because you haven't reached perfection in your Christian walk or you keep struggling with the same issue; just remember--in God's power, you have made progress.

The Apostle Paul in Galatians 6:9 encourages us with, "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." I tend to apply that verse only to doing good for others, but couldn't we also apply it to our own sanctification process of "doing right/good"? And as we persevere, we will reap holiness and closeness to the Lord.

Don't become weary!

Prayer request & More on Psalm 27

2009-09-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

My second spinal cortisone shot for sciatic pain is tomorrow/Tuesday morning. Please pray for favor with God to deliver me from pain.

And the reason I use that wording, which for some reason, sounds a little weird to me, is because of additional insights from studying Psalm 27. We've been talking about "seeking God" as Psalm 27 talks about. I studied it with the NET Bible today and that translation gives a study note that "seeking God means seeking favor through prayer." So it's not just a matter of getting to know God more but of bringing our concerns to Him and asking for Him to intervene. That's reassuring. He wants us, and tells us, as in verses 7-8,
⁷Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
⁸When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You,
"Your face, O LORD, I shall seek." (NASB)

The NET Bible renders it:

"27:7 Hear me,O Lord, when I cry out!

Have mercy on me and answer me!

27:8 My heart tells me to pray to you,

and I do pray to you, O Lord.^"

So this is another proof that when we're asking for God's intervention, help, and deliverance, we are seeking His face. It's not just a matter of coming to Him without a desire for His help. At times asking for His help seems selfish. But God says, "Bring it on! Ask me. Seek me. I'm here for you. I care. Cast all your burdens on me and I will sustain you. I'm going to glorify myself through coming through for you!"

Thank you, Lord, I need you! I'm seeking you.

Fluctuations Are To Be Expeccted

2009-09-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

As I've continued to meditate on Psalm 27, I'm struck by how Psalmist David does say he wants only to focus on the Lord but he spends most of the Psalm bringing his concerns to the Lord. He cries out to the Lord for deliverance and protection. For instance, he writes,

¹²Do not deliver me over to the desire of my adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.

And he writes about being confident and unafraid and yet writes,

⁷Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
⁸When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You,
"Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."
⁹Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not abandon me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation!

That's what I love about the Bible. It's honest! It shows where we're really at. David is vulnerable in showing the fluctuating emotions within him. He's confident and yet he's afraid. He's seeking God as his "one thing" and he also brings his concerns to God. He doesn't just sit around humming a mantra--some phrase over and over again to clear his mind. He's not in denial. He faces reality and says, "God, help me. I'm focusing on you. I'm seeking you. I expect you'll help me with these very real things."

Seeking God or Him being our "one thing" doesn't mean we aren't focused on other things.

David closes the Psalm with,

¹³I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
¹⁴Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD.

It seems he doesn't really expect instant answers. He knows he'll need to be strong and take courage. In the Amplified Bible, the wording is,
¹³[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living!
¹⁴Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

In The Message, it's:
^13-14 I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God.

The word "wait" in the Hebrew is: qavah. It means:

"gather together, look, patiently, tarry, wait for, on, upon A primitive root; to bind together (perhaps by twisting), i.e. Collect; (figuratively) to expect -- gather (together), look, patiently, tarry, wait (for, on, upon)." http://strongsnumbers.com/hebrew/6960.htm

I like this aspect: "to bind together (perhaps by twisting)". At times, it feels like we're being twisted in knots as fluctuating emotions assail us. "Yes, Lord, I'm confident. But you are going to take care of my enemies, right? I'm seeking you, Lord, but it feels like I can't see your face. I'm hoping and waiting, but my heart seems weak. Help!"

(Remember, our "enemies" can be things like pain, disappointment, discontentment, angry tendencies--anything that makes us not want to abide in Christ. For us, it's not just an enemy who is trying to kill us like it was with David. It's people or circumstances or temptations).

Maybe another aspect of "twisting" is when a rope has more and more strands twisted together, it gets stronger and stronger. The more you and I affirm our faith, hope and trust in God, the stronger our ability to wait upon Him grows. We're being twisted but each time we keep our hope we are less likely to turn away the next time.

Of course, Satan is ready in an instant to accuse. "Wow! Look at your fluctuating faith. You are so weak. No wonder the Lord has turned His face from you. If your faith were perfectly strong, you'd get the answer to your prayer."

That's a lie from the Evil One. God doesn't turn away from David and He won't turn away from us. We are His children and nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. We can bank on that.

I confess my faith is being twisted by pain and wanting it to end. I cry, "How long, Lord?" Yes, there's been progress but pain is pain. And still not being able to sit at my desk is disappointing. And wonder if I never can?

Then I must focus on the truth: God is good (as verse 13 says) and I am living in His goodness even in these circumstances. He knows His plan for my good and His glory.

How is your faith being twisted today? Does your faith fluctuate? It's all right. God understands. And He will be faithful to deliver you as he did David.

Pain as a Kind of Fast

2009-09-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

An interesting thought sprang into my mind the other day and I've been mulling it over. "Pain is a kind of fast." Hmmm. Interesting.

Normally, we think of fasting from food. The purpose of the abstaining from food (among many purposes) is to remind us to seek God and/or pray for something in particular or in general. In other words, when a hunger pang hits me, instead of seeking out something to eat, I will seek out God. It's a way to be nudged to remember God.

Well, pain is like a fast from comfort. When we're comfortable, it's easier to forget God. After all, "God, things are pretty good. I'll check in with you later." But later doesn't come--or not as often as we'd like.

But pain makes us, forces us to seek God. Especially when medical solutions don't seem to be working. So at the least we seek Him for guidance as to what to do next. And He loves it! He wants to guide us. That's affirmed by Psalm 73:23-24 "Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
²⁴With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.

My blogger friend and fellow traveler down the path of back pain, Rachel Beran (http://beranville.blogspot.com/), shared Psalm 73:25-26 with me and it made me look at several important verses in that Psalm:
²⁵Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
²⁶My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Those are wonderful words. Yet challenging. "I desire nothing on earth"????? Like, as in, not wanting to go clothes shopping? Or get relief from pain? Or watch "The Golden Girls" on TV (No! I still haven't seen all the reruns!) Or .... You name it...whatever is your favorite earthly thing.

Yes, I know. I don't really think, as you do, that God doesn't want us to enjoy those things. He delights in giving good gifts to His children. But pain, the fast from comfort, makes me really focus on what truly is important. We'd most likely be willing to give up just about anything to be delivered from pain. And if you don't believe that, you haven't been in pain...enough pain.

But I feel like I'm rambling. I said I'm still mulling this over. I can't say yet God is all I desire on earth but I think in a small way, fasting from comfort is getting me a tiny bit closer there. For sure, He wants to be my strength and has shown Himself faithful for that. And remember: even seeking God for relief from pain is seeking Him. We are coming to Him for help and we are exhibiting our dependence upon Him knowing that He is our Great Physician, even as He uses earthly medicine.

As I read over all of Psalm 73, the last verse really struck me also. ²⁸But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.

"The nearness of God is my good." Is for my good. As I fast from comfort through pain, it is good to seek God. He becomes more precious and important, more and more near to me. A refuge from fear that this will be my lot in life. A refuge from the temptation to make everything about me. And the strength to not be crabby (OK, imperfectly).

Even though He allows hard times, I'm more convinced of His love and care for me. I don't like the journey. And I hope this kind of fast is temporary. But He is becoming "more of" enough for me. (But I still can't wait to go clothes shopping).

One Thing I Ask of the Lord

2009-09-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

My friend, Gail Wolfe, passed along these words by Ken Wiggers who contracted malaria while serving as a missionary in Papua New Guinea and later had lymphoma (see more of his story at the end of this post). He says, “I'm reluctant to inform folks of physical health problems because that seems to become the primary focus of so many prayers I hear. We're much more inclined to pray for physical issues/healing than for spiritual needs and issues. So, were you to ask me how to pray, my answer would be, that through this experience, no matter what the outcome, my attitude would clearly reflect my confidence that 'God is in charge' and that He's accomplishing His purpose in my life. And in that, I and those around me can rest in His grace and peace.”'

His words resonated in me because as I've struggled with sciatic pain, I've wrestled with wanting to keep my thoughts focused on seeking the Lord. Yet most of the time, I'm compelled to only want relief from pain. I know that's natural and believe me, I want God's healing. I'm so grateful for everyone's prayers. God is answering. But I also don't want this challenge wasted. God wants to use everything in our lives for our growth and good.

As I've meditated on Psalm 27 for several days now, I see this truth. The Psalmist David is in the midst of deep trouble, with enemies threatening him. Yet, he writes, “One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock. (NIV vs. 4-5).
Then he writes, “My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD. (vs 8, 13-14).

David wanted only one thing: seeking and knowing God's face. He didn't beg for relief or deliverance. (Although it is true that in other Psalms he begged for relief and deliverance). He believed trouble was unavoidable, but he didn't ask for relief but to know God more. He knew it would require patience, waiting on the Lord, and he was confident God would indeed work only for his good “in the land of the living.”
That is the kind of passion I long for. Ken wants people to pray for him, that “my attitude would clearly reflect my confidence that 'God is in charge' and that He's accomplishing His purpose in my life.”

Would you pray that for me also? My overarching desire is to seek and know God more. And in particular, right now, to trust God enough to be patient and have self control in not trying too quickly to sit in my desk chair! In my fear that I won't ever sit again, I tried to force it and set myself back three days ago because of my impatience. You can't hurry God. I must still have lots to learn on bed rest.

AND the rest of the story from Ken who wrote me:
“You are more than welcome to use the quote Gail sent on to you. Let me add that some lessons in life are not quickly learned. It wasn't just malaria and lymphoma.

While in aviation training for missions I had surgery removing part of a lung. Later for about 10 years I struggled with back spasms blamed on that previous surgery. The ultimate result was surgery to remove a spinal cord tumor about the size of a thumb in my upper back. We also had a special needs daughter who who caused us to take a 5 year leave of absence from missions. She died at age 11 (mentally about age 2) in Papua New Guinea from hepatitis with pneumonia complications .

I could tell you more but that is enough to let you know that after awhile you begin to realize that God REALLY is in control, not yourself, not the doctors, or... My wife, Pat, had the opportunity to tell her eye doctor that very thing when several weeks after glaucoma correction surgery she developed an infection, the retina completely detached, and ultimately the eye was removed to stop the super-sensitivity to light.

The best lessons in life come during the tough times. Rom 5:3; Jam 5:2-4”

Audrey has Lost Her Knowledge of Heaven (AND PAIN UDPATE(

2009-09-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

Larry and I have been sad that his 93-year-old mom, Audrey, has forgotten what heaven is. She has Lewy Body Dementia and has deteriorated to the point that she doesn't know who we are, can never remember that she lives here, and is now actually forgetting how to dress herself. It's been a long decline.

But when Larry talked to her the other day and mentioned her going to heaven, she didn't know what heaven was. This is particularly sad because for so long as she hated getting old and would often say, "I wonder why God doesn't take me home to heaven to see Him. That's going to be so great," there was such hope and comfort in her demeanor. Somehow knowing that, it seemed to her, made it worthwhile to wait.

But now she doesn't have that hope any longer. And she rarely even asks about God taking her home. In her anger, she'll just exclaim she wants to die.

This has made Larry and I think about how significant it is that we have hope of heaven. And it's something that most likely should occupy more of our thoughts. This life isn't the whole story. Everything that happens to us has a purpose--to prepare us for heaven where I believe we'll serve Him in meaningful ways. I don't know how but I think the scripture says we'll reign with Him. We gotta reign over something, right? I think that means we'll have some responsibilities.

Regardless, we have a hope. When we're discouraged, we know we'll never be discouraged in heaven. When we're in pain, we know we'll never be in pain in heaven. When we're grieving, we know we'll never grieve in heaven. There is so much comfort and hope in knowing it will be perfect there and we'll continually enjoy Jesus' very presence.

And the pain of earth will be forgotten. How wonderful.

PAIN UPDATE: I think I'm a little better and my emotional state is definitely better. And I could actually sit in my desk chair for 23 minutes this morning. Yes, it was uncomfortable and I had to squirm into different poses at times but I could do it. Thank you, Lord. You can't imagine how much I miss sitting at my desk. Laying on my bed with the lap top is not my cup of tea. And I don't have all my files nor the things on my desk. Well, enough complaining. There is hope. Thank you for your continued prayers.

The World is Made For Sitting

2009-09-16T03:52:00.000-07:00

I'm in much less pain after my spinal injection and very grateful to God to be off the narcotic pain meds. But I still can't sit.

But when I lay down I'm not in as much pain and I'm more comfortable. But I still can't sit.

I walk with more comfort but I still can't sit.

Do you know how much of the world is meant for people who can sit? I haven't been able to find any restaurants for people who lay down while they eat. I haven't sat in church; I lay down on the last row of chairs. I haven't been able to reach down to cut my toe nails. But I haven't found anywhere to get a pedicure where they let you lay down.

Do you know how much of the world is made for people who sit?

As I thought of this predicament, I realized there's a spiritual application.
Wonder if we told God, "Lord, I'm being more patient toward my child but I still won't forgive my mom for talking to me that way."

Or, "Lord, I'm being more faithful at my Bible reading but don't ask me to ever go to Africa as a missionary."

Or...well, you get the idea. Just as the world is meant for people who sit, the spiritual world is meant for people who are sensitive to obedience in every area of their lives. Excusing my inability to sit and not praying for God's healing and seeking further medical help to alleviate the pain won't bring me much joy or power to be a part of society. And excusing my inability to receive God's strength to fight every known sin won't bring me much joy or power to be a part of God's kingdom on earth.

It's so easy to excuse sinful areas of our lives with, "If only she would act right, then I will." Or, "Anyone would respond in anger if they were treated like that." Or, ...you name it.

Even though Moses had tremendous pressure while guiding the rebellious Israelites through the wilderness, when he struck the rock in anger when God told him to speak to it to bring forth the water, God didn't say, "Well, I understand, you've been under lots of stress. After all, your sister just died. Anyone would act like that."
No. God banished him from the Promised Land for his disobedience. A very strong consequence for something we might think could be easily excused. But God didn't excuse him.

Is there an area in your life where it seems like you can just excuse it by blaming others and not taking responsibility? That's like continuing to live in a world without sitting. You just don't get to enjoy your favorite restaurants. Take out food gets old after awhile. Don't settle for take out in your spiritual life. Sit at the banquet of spiritual richness in obedience.

Peace that Passes Understanding

2009-09-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

This morning I went in for my first spinal injection. Several weeks ago when I was scheduled for the shot, they mentioned I could get sedation along with it. It wouldn't put you out nor take away the pain but it eases anxiety. Right then I decided I would get the sedation. The nurse at the time mentioned, "The sedation doesn't' take away the pain and besides it's only painful for 30 seconds." 30 seconds? Have you ever looked at a clock for 30 seconds and thought about being in pain that long? Doesn't sound happy to me or quick. I'll get the sedation. I'd always heard of these cortisone shots and the pain that comes with it. I'd hoped, even vowed, I'd never get such a shot.
But guess what 3 months of pain does? It makes you say, "Anything!"
So yesterday I started sending out emails (as I told my mother), "To everyone in the universe to pray!" And you did.
As Larry drove me to the clinic with me laying in the back seat, I thought, "Well, I feel pretty calm. HMMMM. But I'm going to get the sedation."
Then I thought, "I really do feel pretty calm. Lord! You are giving me peace. Lord! You are answering everyone's prayers. I feel calm. Sure, I'm a little nervous inside but by golly, I'm really peaceful. I can't believe it!"
And then I decided I wouldn't have the sedation. I knew this wasn't from me. I knew this was "the peace that passes understanding." and the result of God's answer of "yes" to prayer. I don't say it very much but I literally felt God's people's prayers and His peace.
I didn't have the sedation and felt calm during the procedure. It actually turned out the whole procedure took less then 2 minutes with minimum pain. Really, it was more like a prick like a dentist's Novocain shot but deep in my back. Very bearable. And when the doc said the second medicine going in would hurt a little more, I just felt this nerve reaction that caused a jerk down my leg but really no pain.
It's been 8 hours since the procedure. And 4 hours since my last dosage of Vicadin wore off. And about now the ibuprofen I took this morning is wearing off. I have no pain. My faith isn't strong enough to believe I'll be painfree. But my faith muscle is growing. This is the first time in 3 months that when the pain meds wore off there was no pain. A few moments ago I wept with joy to think God has given me a miracle.
Thank you for your prayers. I'm taking up my mat and rejoicing in the Lord.

Jesus asked, "Do you Want to Get Well?"

2009-09-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

My wonderful husband, Larry, who has taken marvelous care of me these weeks I've been pretty much on my back most of the time from intense sciatic pain, walked into the kitchen carrying groceries this morning. At first, I continued to lay down but then I remembered that yesterday I was feeling so much better. I even went without my vicadin for 5 hours with minimum discomfort. Plus, the Lord had been bringing to my mind this morning the story of Jesus asking the disabled man, "Do you want to get well?" I knew why. When I'm not in horrible pain or nauseous (as I have been a few times because of the meds), it's really not too bad being waited on. I just lay here, read, watch TV, work on the computer and at times, ring my bell to get Larry's attention. It's a sick perspective but when I'm not feeling physically bad, I sorta enjoy being sick. I'm the queen! Poor Kathy!
But the past week, I've had drastic improvement. When this pain started 13 weeks ago, I couldn't get out of bed or sit or especially, stand up without intense, grimacing pain, using my Lamaze breathing.
But hey, when I'm feeling better, I can enjoy being sick. See how sick that is--in the brain and heart? Selfishness reins supreme. I hope you're not like me..
So God needed to get my attention through reflecting on that Bible story. The man did rise up and so did I. I got up and put away the groceries.
I still can't drive or sit, but I'm doing much better. Thank you, Lord.
My spinal cortisone shot is Monday morning at 7am. Please pray that it is God's will for Him to use that for total healing. I'm taking up my mat and walking.

Where Does My Hope Lie?

2009-09-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

My Blogging friend, Rachel Beran, wrote on her blog about the flareup with neck pain. She'd gotten pretty good but something created new and increased pain. She vulnerably shared her discouragement. You can read her post at

www.beranville.blogspot.com

I commented something like:

"Oh, Rachel, I'm so very sorry to hear of this setback. Like Julie, you know that I also can relate. I'll be praying for healing. Thank you for being honest about your discouragement. It's a good warning for me, as I think about it, right now. I'm going in for my spinal cortisone shot this coming Monday and I know I'm counting on that to relieve my pain rather than keeping my eyes on the Lord. That's a set up for discouragement and maybe even depression if it doesn't solve the problem. So thank you that God used you. I need to keep my eyes on Him for my healing and my encouragement. I'm praying for you, Julie and myself. Heal us, Lord!"

(by the way, my comment didn't go through on Rachel's blog for some reason even though I tried to post it several times. Go figure).

It's so easy to look to human solutions for our problems. It's a question of asking, "Where does my hope lie?" God may want me to find solutions but am I trusting in that rather than God's work? It is only Him making the therapy, etc, work. I've often thought that if God told me to ride a motorcycle up and down our street 7 times to heal an ailment, that would be his means, not anything else. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm deceiving myself to do any of these things because I'm so desperate for the pain to end.

Well, now I'm rambling. I'm so hoping the shot will work--before I get tired of watching "The Golden Girls" reruns.

For Joshua's marching orders to solve his "problem" of a resistant Jericho, God said, "march and then shout." Not exactly a tried and true military strategy. But God commanded it and they did it and the city fell.

In all honesty, I'm not sure if God wants me to do the shot. In my pain, it's hard to hear clearly. I hope it is. But if the shot doesn't work, "Oh, Lord, help me to keep my eyes on you and trust your plan for me."

Don't Flee to the Hills of Old Strategies

2009-09-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

The Lord drew me to Psalm 11 (below) of all things and in meditating on it and doing some research, it's a wonderful description of our self protective sinful strategies. We feel threatened and our natural desire is to flee. Run to the hills! Find refuge in our old strategy. It is comforting, safe, and familiar. It feels like our very foundation is cracking. We may feel panicky. We're out of our comfort zone. Flee to the mountain like a bird. We feel helpless. When the foundation is being destroyed, there seems like there's really nothing we can do about it.

But the Lord hasn't left His throne. God is in charge. Our foundation might feel threatened but God's foundation is sure. Nothing can shake it. He wants to be our refuge and dwelling place, especially in the midst of threat.

God is watching. He knows we're being threatened and He is aware. He is wanting to come to our aid and help us through the power of His Spirit. He has promised He will. We are the righteous not based only on our performance but primarily through our position in Christ. And He will fight for us and defeat our enemies—the mental, spiritual and emotional flaming arrows that Satan sends of insecurity, fear, etc.

I saw this battle this morning as I contemplated calling into the pain center to see if there had been a cancellation for a time sooner than my appointment to get my spinal cortisone shot. The Lord seemed to say, “Do it now.” But my old strategies, my old insecurities wanted to run to the hills. I will be a pest if I call. Someone won't like me. I don't want to be told “no” because maybe it means something about me—I'm not worthy. All my old coping mechanisms rose up and said, “Flee to the safety of your old patterns and avoid the risk of rejection.” It seems so pitiful to write about this because it seems so small minded. But our old strategies seem huge at the time and the only reason I called was because I sensed that not calling would be pure disobedience. I asked for God's courage and called.

Yes, they had a cancellation of a week sooner. I will only have to wait 2 weeks instead of 3 to get my shot. I rejoiced and thanked God. And then it hit me. The timing was significant. If I had waited the spot would have been taken by the next patient who made an appointment. The Lord had positioned me for receiving the new appointment. Thank you Lord for empowering me for obedience.

Now my challenge is feeling like if I call again, I really will be a pest. Will I be willing to obey the Lord's guidance if He wants me to call again? Pray that I have the courage. Even if there's no opening, I'm still valuable and worthwhile. Thank you Lord for drawing me to Psalm 11. I won't flee to the mountain. I'm staking my faith in your position as God in charge.

What old strategies and patterns make you want to run to the hills when life is threatening?

Psalm 11

For the director of music. Of David.

1 In the LORD I take refuge.
How then can you say to me:
"Flee like a bird to your mountain.

2 For look, the wicked bend their bows;
they set their arrows against the strings
to shoot from the shadows
at the upright in heart.

3 When the foundations are being destroyed,
what can the righteous do ?"

4 The LORD is in his holy temple;
the LORD is on his heavenly throne.
He observes the sons of men;
his eyes examine them.

5 The LORD examines the righteous,
but the wicked and those who love violence
his soul hates.

6 On the wicked he will rain
fiery coals and burning sulfur;
a scorching wind will be their lot.

7 For the LORD is righteous,
he loves justice;
upright men will see his face.

MRI results about sciatic pain

2009-08-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your prayers and concern. Although the Lord hasn't chosen to heal me outright, I am grateful to know the cause of my 11 weeks of sciatic pain. I have a bulging disc. I actually have 2, one to the right and one to the left. The left one isn't currently irritating a nerve like the one to the right is but it explains why I sometimes have sciatic pain also on my left side.
On Tues. Sept 22nd, I'll go in for a cortisone shot into my spine to hopefully relieve the inflammation of the nerve . If that doesn't work, I can have up to 3 shots within 6 months.
Please pray that I could get in sooner. I'm going to call every once in awhile to see if they have any cancellations. Also. of course, that the shot will work.
Surgery is not recommended; I'll just have to be very careful about lifting in the future. I'm also learning how important stretching is. I've always done strength exercises to prevent sciatic pain but not stretching . So i'll need to really do more of that after I'm out of pain.
As I continue this journey, I continue to seek the Lord for His reasons for this. I'm definitely more compassionate toward those who hurt and less judgemental of those who hurt, thinking things like, "if only they would...." The Lord has convicted me!
Thank you again for your prayers. Please continue for my healing both physically and spiritually.
Also, please pray that as Larry and I will be sending off this week sample chapters for our new book idea, that our agent will have wisdom in critiquing it and that the publishers who have asked to review the chapters will be open to accepting it according to God's will. Right now, there are 4 publishers who will receive the proposal along with the sample chapters.
Love and thanks, Kathy

Emotional Pain and Physical Pain...and Stretching

2009-08-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

Being in physical pain has made me think about the difference between emotional pain and physical pain and how spirituality works in each. These are musings that are still being formulated so I'm not claiming clarity or wisdom. Just ramblings and I'd love to hear your ideas.

I think in the past I would have just jumbled the 2 together. Pain is pain. But I'm wondering if emotional pain can be alleviated by spiritual means (trusting in God, prayer, surrender, repentance, meditation, etc.) But physical pain, unless it is supernaturally relieved by God isn't helped by prayer, confession, greater trust or spiritual dependence upon God. Now I do know that stress can cause physical problems. So I suppose relieving stress through spiritual, devotional means could help. And sin can, (and I stress "can") cause physical illness/disease. I can't remember the verse but I'm pretty sure there is a verse about that.

But if our physical pain is not caused by spiritual means, then spiritual practices won't help.

Now, I truly believe that trusting God and being empowered by Him for joy in the midst of emotional and physical pain is our calling. It is how God uses physical pain to grow us but (and this is the point): it won't relieve the physical pain.

What do you think?
On another note: I promised to talk about stretching. Evidently my physical therapist and chiropractor believe stretching those taut muscles is very important for healing this kind of back pain--sciatic pain. And I'm supposed to feel the stretch--not pain, but the stretch. Sometimes it borders on pain and so I have to tell myself, "this is good. It feels good to stretch. It's uncomfortable but there's purpose. Keep it up even though it doesn't seem like it's doing any good."

I've seen a spiritual application. Duh! Who would guess?! (I see a spiritual application in everything. Did you ever go see Captain EO at Disneyland years ago? OK Michael Jackson was featured in it but it told the 3D story of him rescuing a woman caught in bondage along with his "rag tag crew." I left the show feeling like I was like that woman who had been delivered from bondage by Jesus years earlier and so grateful. But I digress....)

Over these 8 weeks, I've thought, "OK, when I'm not in pain I'll be able to sit at my desk and do my writing." My all or nothing perfectionism kicked in. "Don't do anything until it's the way you're used to doing it and perfect."

But now it's dragging on and on and I'm supposed to be working on sample chapters for a new book which I'm very excited about. Sitting at my desk is impossible. That upright position is agony for me.

I could use the laptop laying back in the recliner but ... and then the excuses start. I won't have my files available. I won't be at the desk to reference books. Editing on the laptop is a pain in the ... well, I already have enough pain there.

But I knew that's what the Lord was saying, "Stretch into new behaviors even though it feels uncomfortable. It's not really pain, it's just discomfort. I'm stretching you."

Dont' know why but maybe there's a reason for the future.

So here I am reclining in the recliner, ice packs under my toosh, and writing away. OK!!!!! It's not that bad. I'll write!