Michelle Borok

Film Fun

2009-06-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Caught a handful of films at the LA Film Festival this year. Bummed I missed Dear Lemon Lima, even after they added an EXTRA screening, but out of the ones I did get to see, these were three notables:

Stella
Director: Sylvie Verhyde

This film was absolutely enchanting. Best coming of age story made in a long time. I'm partial to the story of the misfit, but not the dopey, sissy Little Miss Sunshine kind of misfit. I like the misfit that most resembles the ones I grew up with and looked up to. Stella is the story of a girl who probably grew up to be the coolest person on the planet. Word on the street is that it is the story of Sylvie Verhyde, the film's director. Sylvie, I just want to tell you, this is the kind of movie that Sofia Coppola would give her right arm to make. I can't imagine a more perfect film. Thinking of it now, I'm filled with the same fire and wonder that I walked away with after the screening. That feeling didn't fade until I fell asleep that night. Truly, a fantastic film. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone here, but prepare yourself for the undertow. I didn't want to leave this movie for a minute, and as soon as it has US distribution, I'm taking everyone I know to go see it.

We Live in Public
Director: Ondi Timoner

This documentary is part of the movement I am starting to identify as the TOP-DOG Documentary. These documentaries have a distinctly Hollywood flavor, and like my fake genre's first commercial success, Dogtown and Z-Boys, these films say "Hey, in case you didn't know, our generation was the best one ever, and whatever you do now is because we did it first". I find myself in a tough spot with these films. I'm drawn to them, because they always have the potential to shed light on subcultures that I have at some point felt a part of, but as soon as I start to feel a part of things, I'm reminded that the filmmaker, and the subjects of the doc should be remembered as THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT EVER MATTERED. The viewer should stay behind the velvet rope and be happy to be in the presence of ORIGINAL GENIUS. Of course, for those in the know, these films always reveal that there are predecessors being ignored, and the hunger for celebrity and recognition ultimately does shed light on the sub-culture... just not always a good one. I was hooked on the story about Joshua Harris, and as his story unfolded, it became clear why even though I was spending hours online, on IRC, and sending emails in 1993, I never once heard of this guy or a single one of his projects. Thanks to film (and if Harris has his way, television) Joshua Harris will be back on someone's front page, and I have a feeling he's going to get a thrill from the fame in Hollywood that comes from having once done something people in NY got excited about, but can barely remember now. When this hits theaters, go check this out with your inter-nerd friends, see for yourself. There isn't much in the film that will shock you outside of the idea of one person spending so much money on something so fleeting, and having nothing to show for it but a festival hopping documentary.

Paper Heart
Director: Nick Jasenovec

I missed out on all the earlier buzz about this movie, which I'm actually pretty happy about. I even had Giant Robot 60 in my hands the day of the screening I attended, and HELD OFF of reading the interview with Charlyne Yi so I could walk in fresh. I knew it was going to be funny, I knew it would only deepen my passionate love for Michael Cera, and I knew that I was going to like it. Check out the interview with Charlyne in GR. It's a fun read, and it made me like the film even more. Charlyne Yi and Nick Jasenovic do a tremendously good job wrangling the hours of footage they had for this film, and they tell a fantastically fun, and original story. This is going to be in theaters soon, and this will be another one I will urge all my friends to see. This movie has the power to defrost at least a few of the outermost layers of the iciest hearts.

My general rule is to support the projects of anyone who supports Giant Robot, and Michael Cera and Martin Starr used to come in to GR back when GR60 cover artist Deth P. Sun used to work there. That was a good era. This issue of GR brings it around in a way that I love. It's a perfect way to commemorate 15 years of a company that strives to inspire, recognize and celebrate good things!

Deals on Drawings

2009-06-24T01:15:00.000-07:00

Now's a good time to make wise investments. Art always counts to me! With mega-corporations like Google not being willing to shell out bucks to talented peeps for their mini masterpieces, it's a good time to show your appreciation for creative endeavors by buying work from your favorite people out there.

Peter Thompson is one of my faves, and he's got some good deals going with his $50 drawings. Check them out on Flickr. This one makes me happy, but someone beat me to it... no worries though, there are still a ton of great pieces still available!

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I also have to save pennies for the party at Yosemite Studios this week. Sad to hear this will be the last of the parties, but also secretly pleased that studio residents will be letting go of some gems. Sometimes it makes me feel dirty to buy stuff off of my friends, but I suppose it's a good thing in the long run.

Depression

2009-06-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

I'm reading You Can't Go Home Again by Thomas Wolfe. Look Homeward, Angel is one of my favorite books, but this novel is starting to push it out of the running for number one.

Books seem to have the ability to show up and get read at the right time. The internet hustles for relevance, but books have an easy, quiet knack for it. The last book I finished was Reading Lolita in Tehran. I started it ages ago, and it was such a dull read that it took forever, but now it's paying off. Reading another text about the experience of the educated elite in the Middle East, and about women dealing with the changing political climate in Iran , has certainly added to the interest in what's going on in Iran right now - but more interesting now is how Americans are responding to what's happening on the ground. There's this passionate (as much passion as a person can gather from behind a keyboard) response to what's happening there, that I can't seem to get caught up in... not when I've seen how much democratic freedom Americans have been willing to give up in this country without the slightest hint at a fight.

I suppose that universally, we fall into the same political and economic cycles, despite scholar's best efforts to document the errors of the past. Is it formulas in place that we can't fall out of line with? Is it just complacency? Knowing that what we ignore now won't make an impact until we're too old to take responsibility for it?

Thomas Wolfe reflected on the Great Depression in the 1930s, and what his characters spoke of then is true now.

Different time. Different faces.

Same place. Same mistakes.

From George, Wolfe's central character, and not so thinly-veiled mouthpiece:

"Sometimes it seems to me... that America went off the track somewhere -back around the time of the Civil War, or pretty soon afterwards. Instead of going ahead and developing along the line in which the country started out, it got shunted off in another direction - and now we look around and see we've gone places we didn't mean to go. Suddenly we realize that America has turned into something ugly - and vicious - and corroded at the heart of its power with easy wealth and graft and special privilege... And the worst of it is the intellectual dishonesty which all this corruption has bred. People are afraid to think straight - afraid to face themselves - afraid to look at things and see them as they are. We've become like a nation of advertising men, all hiding behind catch phrases like 'prosperity' and 'rugged individualism' and 'the American way.' And the real things like freedom, and equal opportunity, and the integrity and worth of the individual - things that have belonged to the American dream since the beginning - they have become just words, too. The substance has gone out of them - they're not real any more..."

Sigh.

I need to spend more time with puppies and ponies.

Karaoke Lunch Break!!

2009-06-04T16:21:00.001-07:00

Just as I was feeling that I was losing touch with karaoke in my life, it came on like a song tsunami to remind me I can never let go. Last month's trip to NYC had me back on the mic with Anne and her bachelor party posse from Brooklyn. We went to a spot in Chinatown that felt very LA, except for the late last call, and better dressed people.

It felt good to be back.

Last year's birthday was marked by a great dinner with friends, and then an awkward karaoke session with people from my different social circles all in the same place. We were sharing karaoke stylings, music selections and an intimate space without much harmony. For year 33 I did Disneyland instead, and my karaoke fix came later with Martin.

Last week we went down to Max Karaoke on Sawtelle for our first (and hopefully not last) karaoke lunch break! It was a challenge we were both down to tackle - cram as many songs as possible between us for the next 60 minutes, then return to work energized!

I should have kept count of how many we knocked out, but I was too busy looking for my next song. It was probably 6 or 7 a piece. Not all of them were winners, and I tried to mix it up with songs that were new for me, but we were both eager to maximize time and quality.

Later that night, I was surprised to get a second shot at karaoke magic in one 24 hour period. Lana texted about meeting up in K-town for karaoke at Rosen's with her posse and friend in from NYC. I was sick (infected with disease from touching things at Disneyland) but I had to try.

A few shots of Maker's and some Bud Light chased with OB helped me power through the illness, and Lana's crew picked crazy good songs to keep us going until after last call. I can't imagine a better way to have started and ended the day. Well.... unless I did this version of one of my karaoke faves:

Doing Good Things

2009-04-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

Hung the Free to a Good Home show today, with the help of Tru, Keyla and Jeannette. All girl crews rule. This one went up smoothly. There are almost 70 pieces in the show, from over 30 artists, and all of them have dogs in them. This time around dogs are in the spotlight, and we are hosting an adoption event for West LA Animal Services. We're collecting donations for the shelter (and rewarding all donations with a 25% off coupon!), giving people a chance to meet shelter dogs, and also presenting an impressive collection of artwork celebrating canines. It all feels good to me.

Raising funds for LA Animal Services isn't a part of what we're doing with this show, but if you'd like to donate, you can do so on their website. The push here is to get these dogs adopted, at the very least, plant the seed! They'll be bringing dogs of different ages and sizes, but all with a great temperament. Maybe they'll bring the Spero they have for adoption there! MY Spero might be a little bummed to know that she's not the only one with the name, but she'd be happy if the fake Spero found a home, like she did.

Every animal I've ever shared my home with has come from a shelter, or was passed on to me by friends. I'm always a bit shocked when I find out people still get dogs from pet stores and breeders, but it happens. With the growth of so many breed specific rescue organizations, it's a shame it still does though. I've never been a breed specific person - maybe because I'm a mutt too, and although I've always dreamed of owning a Great Pyrenees, or a harlequin Great Dane, no dog to ever come out of any pooch's cooch will be better than Praxis, or even Spero in her dysfunctional way. The volunteers at the West LA shelter will be bringing some great dogs out tomorrow night (and one lone kitten!) that will all be available for adoption that day. If they need to be spayed or neutered, they won't be able to go home with people Saturday night, but they'll be available from the spay/neuter clinic right down Sawtelle, near Pico.

In regards to spay/neuter.... DO IT! I waited with Spero, heeding the advice of multiple vets and her neurologist, and then.... her lady time hit. I spend every minute outside with her protecting her virtue, and every minute inside with her cleaning up her DNA. It's terribly un-fun, and as I have no intentions of breeding her, I'm just counting down the days until I can take her to the vet and get her lady parts modified for safety and reproductive security. The last thing this world needs is more wobbly, head bobbing, needy puppies from her womb. I now believe this photo by Saelee was simply foreshadowing...

I feel lucky to work for a company that takes a sincere interest in doing shows like this. Just last month GRSF had the Tree Show, an always fantastic group show that benefits Friends of the Urban Forest. We do shows like this when the group and the theme seems right. I'm proud of pretty much every show that rolls out of the gate, but these shows make me the proudest. I'm always proud of the artists who step up to participate, the people who make time to come out for the receptions, and the organizations who take a chance on GR.

2009 seems to be the year for getting back in touch with my long hibernating activist spirit. I went to an orientation session for tutoring in Echo Park at 826 LA, am planning on going to an informational session at City Hall about how to get involved in local politics, and volunteered at Hollywood Hill event featuring the current economic challenges facing Rwanda.

The night about Rwanda moved me more than anything I've listened in on in a really long time. The speaker was Josh Ruxin, the director of Millenium Villages Project Rwanda. There was an amazing audience in attendance, including several people who had spent time in Rwanda and proposed challenging insights about the situation there.

I'm as guilty as the next person about living in a bubble, forgetting about the world outside of mine. I think years as an animal rights activist didn't help much either. It's only been in recent years that I've taken any interest at all in human issues. I'm getting softer in my old age.

The Millenium Villages Project Rwanda struck a chord with my values and feelings about cultural sensitivity, development from within, and the importance of building communities that become self-reliant and united in growth. During the course of the presentation, I wondered what someone like me could do - someone on the other end of the globe, without a lot of capital - but by its conclusion, I felt empowered by receiving the knowledge that Josh shared. His presentation was hopeful, and not some generic HOPE on a t-shirt hopeful, but truly optimistically inspirational. After learning that in a country with such a dark history - with so many cards stacked against it - there is so much promise for its people to forge a new path, I was forced to think about the opportunities I have to empower others... with or without a lot of capital.

Keep an eye out for Hollywood Hill's upcoming project, Armchair Revolutionary. These folks are committed to making a difference by turning the opportunities they've been given (and earned) into opportunities for others.

I can't imagine a better way to life your life.

Challenge of the Lady Ninja

2009-04-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, Tivo suggested that I watch a show called Ninja Warrior on G4. My first thought was that it was going to be one of those terrible dubbed-over shows that show American audiences that Asians are irrational and wacky - life in Japan is all work work work and then bizarre play in giant sumo suits. Thankfully G4 didn't go that route. They found a program that was a showcase of sincere dedication and superhuman skills with a splash of comedy. Sasuke is a tribute to a Japanese love affair with fitness and competition, and G4 does a pretty good job of keeping their airing of the show true to form.

For the uninitiated, the show is a series of obstacle courses. It presents challenges that call for agility and strength. The people who tend to persevere are Olympic gymnasts, professional athletes, and then a handful of "normal" people who have devoted their lives to training for the course. These normal people quit their jobs, build courses in their own backyards and train endlessly to run them. I'm pretty hooked on those stories, part of my fascination for people with passion. I've never been that dedicated to anything, and sometimes that makes me feel inadequate, but in the end, always a bit relieved. I watch these people move through obstacles like the Warped Wall and the Quintuple Step and I want them to make it, and of course, I wonder how I would fare in their shoes.

A friend at G4 sent an email that said the network was going to be setting up a simulated course in Santa Monica on a Saturday morning, and encouraged fans of the show to come out and get a chance to run it themselves. The day I got that email, I started training. I knew that I needed to build up my endurance and stamina. I have not-too-shabby upper body strength for a girl who doesn't hit the gym, and my legs are strong from horseback riding, but the muscles work differently than they do for other activities. The problem is... nothing in the mid-section of my body was prepared for a physical challenge! I needed to turn it out in a hurry. I started running, stretching, doing isometric exercises, and learning how to engage my reluctant core. There were about 11 days total of training, some more effective than others, but it felt pretty great to get moving and knowing that my body was changing for the better. As Saturday approached I felt like I was in better shape to give the course a good effort, even if I wasn't prepared to run up the sides of buildings or jump across rooftops.

Saturday morning David, Graham and I headed for the ocean. Buff Monster was going to meet us there to take a shot at the course as well. As we found our way to the back of the line that was forming around the course, we passed by production trailers, Venom Energy drink hype-models, a friend from the barn, and numerous parkour/free running enthusiasts plotting out the course.
There was a host from G4 there emceeing the event, not someone I would recommend for your own interactive public event, but she looked good behind a microphone, and the G4 crowd didn't seem to take too much notice of the jokes at their expense. Hot chicks can get away with that kind of thing. The first 4 hours there were spent watching people who weren't standing in the line around the barrier, run the course. It was becoming clear that this event was set up to promote the new season of Ninja Warrior by letting fans of the show watch G4 employees run the course. The crowd was not pleased.

It was hot with nothing to drink but Venom, we were anxious, and I was feeling like my training had all been for a frozen pipe dream that I could taste, but never lick and get my tongue stuck to. The line had been scattered and separated by passers-by cutting in to get a sideline view of the course, and it seemed like there was no end to the waiting. There were no interns or PA's getting people lined up and registered to run the course, the breaks between course runners could last between 60 seconds and 16 minutes, and as the time on my parking meter ran out, I felt like my patience had too.

Having friends in high places is always nice, but there's always an awkward time when you aren't sure if what was offered was a promise, a suggestion, or just another dangling carrot. This was one of those moments. I tried to stay objective, but my disappointment kicked my objectivity's ass, hardcore. I got pouty, dejected, and started talking to my crew about just bailing and going home. There were melodramatic details I won't go into, but in the end, two out of the three of us were rushed into the middle of the line to run the course. David moved my car from the meter to the parking lot, and I worked on losing the blues and building up the excitement again!

Eventually, Buff and I were in line between two mega-fan parkour dudes, and a couple of super-fans (because there is a difference between super and mega) behind us who just seemed really determined to kick ass. Ahead of all of us in line were more G4 employees, and then a crop of guys who had flown to LA from Mississippi and other places in different time zones, camped out in line at 4 am, and were more distraught than I was at the thought of not being able to run the course before it was shut down at 4 pm. The whole crowd was super stoked when these kids finally made it to the black astro-turf of the course. Best of all, these guys did really well running it!

A bunch of the people that were at the front of the line (the gen pub) line were die-hards, and also regular posters on the G4 message boards. They do a much better job of documenting the day than I can on the Ninja Warrior threads, and these are people who trained a lot more than 11 days... In retrospect, I'd rather have given up my spot in the line to let more of those guys get a chance at getting in, but you know what? I'm still really happy I gave it a try!

My run was pretty sad though... I couldn't reach the blocks for the first challenge, had to climb the scaffolding to make it up to the pipe slider, then I got stuck and had to drop to move on, fell off the cliff hanger, faked the spider walk, and by the time I got to the warped wall, I was finished. Without my glasses on, the drop in to the warped wall seemed ankle break-y, and I just kinda jogged back and forth on it until people finally stopped telling me to keep going.

You can see my story (somewhat edited) in photos here by Graham. In review I now know that instinctively, my body does nothing to propel itself forward when asked, and locking your knee when you fall from 7 or 8 feet up is not a good idea when you're trying to land on your feet.

Buff did a tremendous job on the course. He ran after I did, and was given a special helmet cam to capture his run. He totally destroyed on every challenge, but when he got to the warped wall, he could touch the top of the wall, but couldn't get a hold of it to pull himself over. For a guy who had never trained for this course, or anything like it, I was totally blown away, and SO proud. I'm pretty sure that Buff was meant to run the course before me, but being the friend that he is, he let me go first since he knew how excited I was to run it. Now, maybe he just knew that he was going to kick ass on it, and didn't want me to feel like a total loser. *sniff* Truly though, I was so proud of him for trying it out and doing great. I was proud of myself too, but I would have been a lot prouder if I could have made it through at least ONE challenge. *sob. sniff*

There was much suffering on Saturday. I hyper-extended my knee, Buff twisted an ankle, and David got a terrible sunburn, but all in all it was a pretty great weekend for me. My knee is all healed up now, and I'm slowly getting back into the "training" program I was in before the run on the course.

Maybe by the time the footage from American Ninjafest 4 actually airs on June 21st, I'll be able to do two whole pull ups and run a 2 minute mile!

Praxis 1994-2009

2009-03-03T17:03:00.000-08:00

I thought my next blog post was going to be a massive thank you to everyone who participated and publicized the fund-raising auction, and I hate to to take away from that, but then yesterday happened. The picture above is the last one to be taken of him.

As I had to with Esther, I set some ground rules for the end. Praxis had to have the desire to eat, get up on his own, and keep his curly tail up and his eyes bright. If those things slipped away, I needed to let Praxis go. With his body being filled up with cancer I couldn't see, I needed to know when enough was enough for him. Yesterday two of those three things were gone, and I spent the whole day agonizing over how to move forward. Praxis' breathing was labored, all day long. When he wasn't coughing the hacking cough he's had for the last couple of months, he paced around the room restlessly, panting until he exhausted himself and fell into a deep sleep. The sleeping didn't last long, maybe 10 minutes, and then he was back to pacing, coughing and panting. Every cough hurt me too, and as I called City of Angels to see if I could bring Praxis in, I knew that this was a turning point.

My good friend and neighbor, Jeannette called me to see how I was doing, knowing that Praxis was having a hard day, and volunteered to take me to the vet. I took her up on her offer. I was alone when I put Esther to sleep, but I wasn't sure that I could make it home okay if I had to let Praxis go. City of Angels called back and Dr. Rosenberg told me that she would stay late for us to see what Praxis was up against. Jeannette got to my house and I carried Praxis to her car, laid him on my chest and we started the drive to Culver City.

As soon as I was in the door, the staff at City of Angels were on their feet. I handed Praxis off and went into the back, where only Praxis had ever been with the vet techs, and within seconds, 6 people were present to assist with an oxygen mask, heart monitor, and hands ready to help. Praxis was in the middle of a coughing fit when he came in, and everyone was there to help him. Dr. Rosenberg asked me to go up front by his head to calm him, and let him know I was there. I held his head in my hands and tried to bring him back down. Dr. Rosenberg listened to his chest, which gave off a rattle with every short breath, and asked to do a chest x-ray. A month before, I had passed on an earlier chest x-ray to save money for chemo after a discussion with one of his doctors. It was clear then, that regardless of what the mass in his chest looked like, the chemo was the best way to bring it back into remission. I was faced with a choice between an expensive x-ray or spending what I had then on chemo. The whole process of chemotherapy has been a balancing act - deciding what road to go down with the resources available. Gambling with the therapies and hoping that the one we chose would be the one his body needed to beat the cancer.

The chest x-ray showed that not only had the mass in his chest reappeared, but some fluid had entered into one of the lobes of his lungs. He was still getting enough oxygen, he was working furiously with his breathing to get it, but the process was making him miserable. For a moment we talked about options - radiation therapy, or the introduction of new protocols that Praxis had not been exposed to yet. I was open to hear anything Dr. Rosenberg put out there, but all I wanted to do for Praxis was find out what would make him feel better right then and there. That option didn't exist. The radiation would put a strain on Praxis, when he wasn't in a stable place, and just like the chemotherapy, there was no guarantee of any positive effect against the cancer. Eventually we would back where we were and this decision would have to be made again.

Unless I could take Praxis' pain away, I didn't want to put him through anything more. I felt like he was gone already. He seemed far away from me, all he could do was fight for breath, and when he could stop, he wouldn't make eye contact and only wanted to sleep. It hurt to hear each breath, and I knew that I had to let him go.

The staff and Dr. Rosenberg took us to a more comfortable room with a sofa, chair, and rug. There was a small fountain in the corner, and I thought about how many hearts had been broken in this space. Somehow, it didn't feel poisoned by loss, but as soon as that door opened, I felt time moving away from me.

I got on the floor with Praxis, trying to keep him horizontal, but cradled, to keep him from coughing again. I had him stretched out on my lap, and curled over him. I held him as tightly as I could, and soaked his head in tears. I could feel myself inhaling his fur, and my legs were falling asleep, but all I could think about was the time that was slipping away from me. Moving would cause him the discomfort that would trigger his coughing and it wasn't a sound I could bear hearing again. If he was leaving, I wanted him to leave without anymore pain. I was torn between wanting to get up and run out of the room with him, and wanting them to walk in the door that second and take his pain away. Every time my mind moved between those places, I broke down some more. There was nothing in the world except for Praxis. I only remembered that Jeannette was there, or that my phone was sounding off with thoughtful and concerned messages from friends, when I lifted my head from Praxis' and caught a breath of air. I needed reality though.. to remember why were there. Why this decision had been made.

When they came into the room and asked if we were ready, I remember saying yes. If you gave me another 15 years with Praxis, I still wouldn't have been ready to let him go, but I felt like there was nothing else I could do. I had to move Praxis around a bit, being careful to keep him from coughing. The first attempts at getting the needle into a vein were kind of terrible. He kept pulling his leg back, trying to fight what was happening. If he had been more present in that moment I would have felt like he was afraid. His eyes were so dull though... everything was already gone from them.

Eventually the needle was in. Under sedation, I felt him sigh as the drug slowed his panting. I held him tighter and tighter, knowing that in seconds he was going to be gone completely. With the struggling breath gone, I could finally feel his heartbeat. I closed my eyes as Dr. Rosenberg said the second injection was coming and clung onto Praxis. I wanted to freeze that moment, with Praxis heavy in my arms but still breathing. As soon as I thought of holding on, he was already gone. His body became heavy in my arms, and his life melted away from his body, and from me.

I sat there with him for a long time... I'm not sure how long it was. I felt him get heavier, and watched the color leave his skin. He went from pink, to white, and I became afraid. Knowing that the last of the oxygen in his body was gone meant that I was finally alone. I was afraid to move him. I knew that his body would eliminate whatever was left inside of him. I lifted his face and chest up, to see his face again and felt a wetness on my leg. It was time to let him go. Jeannette went to get someone there to take him. She told me later that they said I should leave him there. Without having to ask, she knew that I couldn't leave him. She gave me more time with him, and then went out to get help again. Eventually they came in, and I got up off the ground with Praxis in my arms, and handed him over.

I slept in fits and starts lastnight. I got calls from friends and family, and while I knew I wasn't alone, I felt lonelier than I had in a very long time. There was a silence in the house that was cold, and that coldness was inside of me as well.

Today has felt like sleepwalking. I want to be able to immerse myself in memories of Praxis, and pay tribute to the love he gave me, and brought into my life, but I can't get away from feeling crippled without him. I hope that writing about yesterday will help me move through this feeling, and into the place where I can open up without feeling raw. To survive this, I need to figure out how to let my memories of him give me strength instead of sadness.

A sincere and grateful thank you to everyone who has ever said a kind word about Praxis, given him a loving pat on the head, held him, or let him shed his fuzz all over their lap. A thank you to everyone who took interest in the fundraiser that not only helped him, but other dogs (and human friends) who are walking down the same path we just stepped off of. A thank you to everyone who texted, called, emailed and sent a thought our way yesterday. A thank you to Jeannette for being a strong and true friend during an incredibly difficult time.

A thank you to my Dad who brought Praxis into my life, and most heartfelt of all thanks to Praxis for giving me 15 years of love, loyalty, kindness, patience and joy. You're still here, but only because knowing, loving and caring for you has become a part of who I am. At your kindest and gentlest, I was reminded how to be compassionate and patient. You never gave me a moment of anger or frustration, and you were there to give me comfort through my lowest lows and share excitement through my highest highs. There's never going to be another dog like you, and I'm sure I'll learn how to be grateful for having you for a short time instead of wanting more, but seems like the hardest thing in the world to do right now.

Ely Kim We Like Him!!

2009-02-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

I woke up today with a case of the minor blues. Hard to wrap my head around it though, especially after the joy I'd been feeling since last weekend, from the outpouring of support, friendship and generosity that I've seen around the Praxis Show. It's hard to be bummed out about much when friends are stepping up in ways you've never imagined, and strangers are getting involved as well.

This weekend was a rough one for Praxis though. While the online auction was going strong, and friends from all over were helping to spread the word, Praxis was struggling with the swelling of his mandibular lymph nodes, and a possible enlargment of the mass in his chest. We took it easy, and bumped up our appointment at City of Angels to this morning instead of Thursday. Dr. Tan-Coleman filled in for Dr. Davis and helped me make the decision to continue on with a chemotherapy protocol that won't be too harsh on Praxis, but could potentially reduce the swelling of his lymph nodes and get him feeling back to a little more like normal. He has medication for his coughing now, and he's back on prednisone to get him feeling better. I'm feeling better as well. With the auction doing well, I feel like I have options again, and that I don't have to make any harsh decisions about his care. That feeling of hopelessness is gone.

A deep and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has made that possible for us.

To bounce back from all of that this morning, I devoted some time this afternoon to checking out the 9 and a half minutes of joy created by one of LA's Best Dancers (currently on loan to the East Coast), Ely Kim.

Check out Boombox.

BOOMBOX from Ely Kim on Vimeo.

Wish that you were dancing right now.

Know that you look hot on the dancefloor, but that you have to try even harder to look hotter than Ely.

Next time you get a chance to dance, don't pass it by!

The Praxis Show

2009-02-19T14:55:00.000-08:00

For the next seven days, you can view and bid on ebay for artwork by some of my favorite artists. They have created and/or donated work inspired by my dog, Praxis. Most of these artists have met Praxis, or know how much he's meant to me, and donated their time and talent to my effort to raise funds to pay for Praxis' chemotherapy and other medical bills after he was diagnosed with lymphoma in May 2008.

I've held on to these for a while, maybe too long, and I only kind of know why. Since the diagnosis, I've been in a strange state trying to wrap my head around losing a loved one to an illness like cancer. You have to accept that there's no cure, and that treatment can buy you time, but there's never a guarantee of quality of life, and certainly no sense of how long that time will last. Engaging in this artwork, all of it capturing some part of Praxis and my love for him, brings that home for me... and I'm not always strong enough to find a way to deal with the loss that's looming ahead. I think part of me also wants to keep it all!! Each piece is so fantastic... truly. This is a talented bunch and I'm incredibly lucky to have these folks as friends. This is an exciting time in my life. This is the first time I've had so many creative friends who are successful in their endeavors and inspire the same in others.

The work ranges from oil paintings to gooco prints and is a diverse collection of talents and styles, and 10% of the proceeds will go to The Magic Bullet Fund to help other pet owners find funds for expensive cancer treatments. It's a terrible feeling to have... to not be able to afford something that can help an animal you've loved and cared for. It made me feel powerless and disloyal. That was afwul, and I hate to think of anyone being in that position.

Check out the auctions on eBay!

Please enjoy the work. You can check it out on ebay, or on my flickr page. Bid if you feel so inclined and spread the word! Participating artists include Jeffrey Brown, David Horvath & Sun Min Kim, Martin Ontiveros, Seonna Hong, Christiaan van Bremen, Martin Cendreda, Silvio Porretta, and Susie Ghahremani.

Dee's Nuts

2009-01-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

Today's a busy day, my day off from the store and my day to cram everything I can't normally get done in my waking hours for the rest of the week. The day has begun with a 4 hour wait window for the Gas Company to come and turn on my wall furnace. As soon as that wait is over I'm heading out to GR Silverlake and then I'm going to go hunt down some vegan donuts, cinnamon rolls and cookies from Dee's Bakery.

I'm not sure if I can afford large quantities of these things, but pay day is coming up, so I'm going to get a little of everything. Thanks Daily Candy for inspiring a diabetic coma today... Feel fre ro send me flowers in the hospital, preferably from some hip florist who used to be a sucessful graphic designer, but is now following their lifelong dream of arranging orchids for people in Los Feliz.

I'm a huge fan of vegan junk food. When I became vegan, after a short lived stint of avoiding all things white (flour, sugar, and... I can't believe I ever did this... rice) I learned that I could subsist just fine in the regular grocery store by buying generic versions of junk food favorites. Now I'm a little wiser about what I eat, my aging metabolism has forced such consideration on me, but I still do some shopping at the 99 Cents Only store for cookies, salty snacks and random caloric black holes.

The maple cookies that cost me 99 cents in Lincoln Heights are a decent substitute for the vegan glazed donuts I used to chow down on in St. Paul, MN, but aren't as exciting as the Maple and Baco-Bit donuts from Voo Doo Donuts in Portland, OR. We'll see how Dee's Donuts stack up. I'm going to be bummed if they're expensive AND healthy tasting.

Okay, time to stay optimistic and more importantly, hungry. Despite the warnings on Oprah yesterday, about skipping a high protein breakfast, I'm going to have a lunch of sticky sweetness from Downtown LA.

Gene Therapy

2009-01-14T00:59:00.000-08:00

I had a strange daydream today, while I was doing dishes. I was thinking about how I need to protect Spero's chastity for another month before she gets spayed, and how I need to let Jenny know too since she'll be watching her this weekend. I'd hate to get her knocked up... repeating her mother's mistakes.

Then I went on to realize that I had this fertile dog on my hands, with a pristine womb... just what I would need to produce a Praxis clone!! I wondered about whether or not there's a way to cultivate enough genetic material to make up some sort of Frankenstein Praxis sperm and then artificially inseminate Spero eggs with them to create the world's most perfect dog.

(photo from the show "In the Womb:Dogs")

I'm not sure it would work. I watched a thing on the National Geographic Channel on Friday, while I was laid up from a bad fall. After being injured in an accident that involved a large animal, I was compelled to watch television about animals for the next couple of hours to avoid falling asleep with a possible concussion. More on this later, back to Praxis' Frankenstein sperm!

So, if you watched the show, you'll remember all the weird stuff about dog's penises becoming engorged and getting stuck in lady dog's vaginas, and that it's because dog sperm has to fight a lot harder to get a dog knocked up than a primate. The eggs hang back and aren't ready for fertilization, a bunch of the sperm are defective (on the cat version of this show they showed lion sperm that had three heads and tails that didn't know how to swim) and in general it's a process that takes a lot of time and having a penis stuck in a dog's vagina helps that along, as well as preventing the insertion of other penises into the same vagina.

Somehow this has turned into me saying penis and vagina a lot...

Remembering what I learned from cable television I thought about just implanting eggs fertilized with Praxis clones, and maybe keeping his genetic legacy pure, but then that started to get more complicated than the in-vitro babies I was imagining.

(I had a lot of dishes to do.)

I pondered the pros and cons of cloning, as we all must do in this modern age.

Con: Cloning is expensive, and I'm still broke from vet bills 6 months ago.
Con: I'd be super bummed if with Spero's body wasn't able to handle a pregnancy - her hind legs are too uncoordinated to jump up on the couch, so how's she going to handle labor and running around taking care of her brood of perfect puppies. It's a lot of pressure to put on one dog.
Con: There was this episode of This American Life about a guy who cloned his favorite, most gentle, and affectionate bull, and the evil clone tried to kill him. More than once I think.

Pro: Having a whole pack of mini Praxis' to last me another lifetime.

Pro with a hidden Con: Being reminded that there's only one Praxis, and he's irreplaceable.

Right around that crucial weighing of checks and balances in my mind, Praxis and Spero came tearing into the kitchen, fresh from a round of wrasslin' they started in the living room. Spero's ears were covered in Praxis slobber, and Praxis was panting and winded trying to keep up with Spero's relentless quest for his attention.

I'm still working really hard on appreciating the time I have with Praxis, and just going moment by moment and day by day, but it's hard not to want something more now that things are winding down. The cancer isn't going to go away. His lymph nodes are prominent. They feel like two hard grapes stuck on either side of his throat. I try to avoid them when I pet him. It doesn't hurt him when I touch them, but it hurts me. We're in the bailout leg of the chemotherapy now. Trying to buy him a couple more months, but not at the expense of his comfort. These final treatments will help him fight the negative affects of the cancer - hopefully give him some more energy so he can keep up as normal a life as he feels inclined to, and keep those lymph nodes from growing to the size of walnuts instead of grapes.

I'm happy with a few more months. Happier now that I've had since May to keep him with me. Happy that he's taking to Spero and gets to nurture her as well as me with his kindness and his patience. I'm happy I get to witness moments like these...

I just want more of them.

Giving is Easier than Receiving

2008-12-09T17:43:00.000-08:00

It's true. It's easier to help someone than it is to ask for help. Well... at least it is for me. I assume I'm not alone in this. Here's a chance for you to work out your giving/receiving muscles - drop off some donated items at GR2 or GR Silverlake for Aviva Family and Children's Services! They do good things all year long, and they're probably like everyone else right now, working really hard to try to make resources last and keep spirits up.

I've got a couple more bags full of new and gently used stuff that I know someone will appreciate more than I will, and I'm sure you've got some items too. Drop them off, feel good about helping someone who needs it, and ponder on the grandness of the bigger picture - how when we honor others, give more and find more value in people than we do in things, then we're giving ourselves the best gift of all.

Here's Aviva's wish list for the holidays:

Gifts ideas for teenage girls in residence
Back packs (always needed)
Batteries (always needed)
Beauty items
Board games – all ages
Books – fiction and non-fiction – all ages
Boom box radios or alarm clock radios
Calendars
Card games – Uno, Old Maid, Go Fish
CD boombox
Costume jewelry
Desk lamps
Diaries / Journals (very popular with the girls)
Discmans
Gift certificates to fast food places, book/music, clothing stores
Hair accessories
Jewelry appropriate for teen girls
Lotions and body splashes
Nail polish sets
Make-up sets
Night lights - plastic
Phone cards with maximum 30 minutes
Phone book/organizers
Photo frames, albums, scrapbooks & supplies Arts & craft supplies
Posters – movies, motivational; music
School supplies – needed for high school students
Storage containers for personal items (cute for room)
Toy characters Disney/Warner Bros./Sesame St.
Videos & DVDs – PG –PG13 movies/music concerts

For our foster children – boys and girls 0-18
Action figures
Arts and craft kits
Baby clothes and toys
Basketballs
Board games – all ages
Boom boxes
Cars and trucks (Remote operated, Micro etc)
Cologne and perfume popular with teens
Discmans
Dolls – Barbie and other type – all ethnic groups
Gift certificates to fast food places, book/music, clothing
Learning toys (baby to primary grades)
Lego’s or building toys
Phone book/organizers
Posters – movies, motivational; music
Pre-school toys like Fisher Price
Puzzles – all ages
Stuffed animals and beanie babies
Toy cars
Toy characters - Disney/Warner Bros./Sesame St.
Watches – ladies and men’s for teens

Activity supplies needed
Balls – volley and basketball, Nerf
Beads and baubles for projects
Craft project sets (jewelry, scrap booking)
Gym mats for yoga
Magazine subscriptions appropriate for teen girls

Guerilla Fun

2008-11-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

Got back from the Alternative Press Expo (APE) on Monday night, after a ridiculously long day at SFO, stuck at the Virgin America gates. I not so secretly love traveling to nerd fests for work. There's always the craziness of getting merchandise together, supplies, and making the game plan work. There's always the work involved in keeping people involved, busy and energetic. There's always the stress of doing well financially to make the whole endeavor worthwhile. Best of all, there are always friends. This year I got in more bonding time with the Sparkplug Comics crew, continuing good fun from Real World Comicon 2008 House.

I love the brief time I get to see friends that I only stay in touch with online throughout the year, and to see what trouble people have been getting into. Sometimes there's more exciting new work than others, but even when there's not a lot of new stuff to chew on, there's always something that I might have missed the first time around.

The GRSF crew is amazing. They're all adorable, and Luke is an amazing team leader. This was the first time around for everyone, and they all dove in, got the booth looking great, and did their best to represent for GR.

As usual, folks came by to sell us on themselves, and there were a few scrunched noses at prices (hard to avoid when people all around you are selling mini-comics for $1) but all in all it was a great show. People are tighter with their dollars right now, but people still want to be inspired and pick up something new. That was a relief. I actually ended up spending more money than I ever have at a con, and not a penny wasted. Here's just a sample of what I picked up.

Some of this we'll have in the GR stores, but other stuff you'll have to seek out for yourself. I have more pictures on my Flickr - booth stuff, the opening of Panelists IV at GRSF, dinner with artists, and the Buenaventura "party" that we had to be quiet at but still enjoyed.

Tom Neely made a super funny video of friends at APE. He had a sneaky gadget that looked like a camera, but was taking video. Many people got faked out and had awkward moments... self included. I enjoy things like this.

Sweating with the Homies

2008-10-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

To get geared up for the Nikki McClure show opening this weekend, followed by Polysics & Jaguar Love, and maybe a late night stop at the Redwood for AgentLover's birthday, I joined up with Rudy & Graham for the kickoff of Graham's birthday week at Slimmons!

Slimmons is Richard Simmons' exercise studio in Beverly Hills. It sounds crazy, I know, and such an LA thing to do, but for serious.... this was the most fun I've had in ages. I think I laughed for an hour straight.

Richard Simmons is everything you'd expect him to be in real life, except naughtier! The class was fueled with constant enthusiasm, even through the tougher abs and toning portion of the class. Lots of mention of getting firmer tits, how being on all fours can get you far in life, and there was some bicep licking going on. There were members of his Fall Retreat there - women who had flown in from all over the country to get a dose of Richard's energy and his kindness. He's all about building self esteem, understanding that you can't love the body you're in, and treat it well if you don't love yourself fully first. I dig that. I'd like to love about 20 less pounds of my body, but sometimes a girl has to be reminded to love what you've got to work with.

Early on in the class Rudy and I got pulled from the crowd for one on one mirroring moments with Richard - he made me give him my glasses to wear while we were aerobicizing, and he handed them back without a smudge on them. Later in the class he singled out the boys in our posse -- bearded, adorable Eastsiders who didn't look like anyone else in the room. Richard being clued in to pop culture asked if they were from Portland and how the hell did we all end up there. He also singled out a straight couple in the class. Grilled the dude a bit and we all learned that they had been together for 9 years... no marriage proposal. The class of more than 40 women (with a handful of men) rallied behind Richard's interrogation and urged the boyfriend to consider committment. It was a precious moment. Graham was serenaded with a harmonized Happy Birthday song, and got endless birthday wishes and hugs from women in the class. His 21st has been way more memorable than mine, and it isn't even over!

At the end of class we had a mini photo session with Richard and our crew. Pics are with Rudy, but I snuck in a cheezy camera phone shot of just the two of us.

I'll definitely be going back for this. Richard can't replace the hotness of Ryan Heffington and Sweaty Sundays, but I like the atmosphere he creates, the openness and friendliness of it all, and I still got a pretty decent workout out of it. Maybe my next picture with him will have a little less double chin. I need to do more research on the science of sweat... it seems to be a recurring theme.

Flickr Fun

2008-10-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

Read a tweet from my friend Vidalia saying that an Irish rock band had used her Flickr stream to piece together a music video. Reason enough to watch it! Next tweet said that Praxis was in it, and he is!

J. is an amazingly talented photographer who is able to capture the best and worst from people, in the most invitingly fun way. She snaps pics for Juxtapoz, LAist, and others, and she's one of those friends I wish could make the best kind of living doing the thing she loves and is GOOD AT!

A coffee table book of her Mr. T pics is long overdue. If anyone has any offers, I'll be happy to step in and act as her temporary literary agent and make that shit happen!

the 20|20's - Psycotic Erotic

Time Stamp

2008-09-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night I got to spend some QT with a special friend named JP. JP is a whirlwind of fun, creativity, and hopeful energy with a generous splash of vim and vigor. She's one of the toughest cookies I know, and this week I got a better look at her (for me) unexplored ocean of talent.

Until Saturday, September 20th, you can check out her latest solo show, Time Stamp: A Diary in Postcards at the LA Gay & Lesbian Center. Time Stamp is a visual smorgasbord in the vein of The Post Its Show at GR2, but as intimate and personal as a quiet dinner with the artist (which was my lovely follow up after viewing the show). I haven't spent an hour and a half perusing art in a very long time, and it's been almost as long since that kind of persual has inspired me to go home and start sketching.

The show documents a ten year commitment to make art everyday, a task much easier said than done. Each piece is a postcard. Postcards are a little memento to let loved ones know where you are, what you've been doing, and an assurance that they're in your heart. JP's are just that, but serve double duty as unique artworks. Some days shine brighter than others, but no day matters less than the one the day before. Knowing her makes it that much easier to cherish this show, but you're going to know JP after walking this gallery, and you're going to be inspired to create and share, the same way she does.

Every Wednesday (and then some) JP wears the apron of LA's premiere Craft Captain, hosting CraftNight at Akbar in Silverlake. Each week she comes up with a project that anyone with $2, an open mind and a tolerance for glue stuck to fingers can make their own. It's one of the best times you can have for $2 in this town, and the best place to make friends, meet glitterati that matter, down a cocktail (or 3) and walk away with something to show for it.

JP is also the Head Candycorn of Gothtober.com. In true JP fashion, she rallies together artists from across the country to create an interactive advent calendar for the month of October, ending with everyone's truly favorite holiday, Halloween. The annual Gothtober party is [Count Chocula voice] to die for [/Count Chocula voice]. Check out 2007's Gothtober to get a feel for what's coming.

This chick just doesn't quit. All year long she inspires friends and strangers to get off their asses and make art happen, and with Time Stamp she truly shows us how it's done. Go the LAGLC, make some "you" time, and enjoy this show. When you've seen the work, pick up a capsule from her customized capsule machine and get a button, a stamp, plus a fabulous fortune and then have a seat in Time Stamp's Art Making Rumpus Room. Being in there feels like you're in a cozy nook in JP's brain. Decked out with comfy couches, throw pillows, markers in every hue, and paint-by-number ponies on the wall, you are given the opportunity to write a postcard of your own. You can also hop online to see if your favorite piece from the show is available for purchase as a print on the Time Stamp website. When JP and I showed up, a bunch of girls were having a pow-wow in there, but were eventually shoo-ed out by security staff who just aren't that used to such a warm embrace and enthusiasm for art shows in the LAGLC gallery. JP's show has been a ground-breaker in more ways than one. Go check it out before it's gone!

Mix meets LA. GR meets queer LA.

2008-08-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

While the Susie Ghahremani show was opening at GR2, our friends at MIX LA were having a summer picnic in the dark at the Los Angeles State Historical Park (formerly the Not a Cornfield site). Fun stuff went down - fun films, naughty films, films about leaving thick films on fun boys and girls, dance performances by some LA's best dancers (not to be confused with LA's Best Dancers), a sex toy fashion show and a raffle with kick-ass prizes, including a handful of subscriptions to Giant Robot Magazine! Yay! GR is a sponsor of the festival, and excited to see where MIX LA is headed. It's the queer baby brother/sister of the Big Mama Jamma MIX festival in NYC coming in October.

Damiana Garcia, correspondent extraordinaire from WOW TV, showed up to document the event. Here's her report. Fun to see friends Rudy Bleu, Mad Dog, Vanessa, and other familiar faces in the episode.

Just in case you can't see the video, since I'm not really good with this Blogger thing, you can check it out here at World of Wonder.

OMG, Shoes!

2008-08-08T12:36:00.000-07:00

I've had a long time shoe fetish. Ever since I was a kid I've had lots on hand. When my feet were big enough to fit in my mom's shoes, it got even better, but right around that time was when my tastes became my own. By the time I was able to start making my own decisions about purchases, I was vegetarian, and soon after that I was vegan.

For the bulk of the almost 15 years that I've been vegan, I didn't wear any leather, wool or silk. Not like I go out decked out in it now, but at some point I made a personal decision to wear vintage leather. I got big on collecting shoes from the 1930's through the 1960's. Whenever I could find them, I grabbed up vegan shoes, but every once in a while the most exquisite pair of delicate 1940's wedges would cross my path and my will power would wither and die. Me and my boyfriend at the time struggled with buying leather shoes, but we did it and we were resolved to maintain the shoes to keep them as long as we could without replacing them. I think he had a harder time with it than I did. The first time I bought a "new" pair of shoes that had bits of leather on it, I felt so guilty that I ended up spending $600 on sponsoring a cow named Linus at Farm Sanctuary. It only helped suppress the guilt a little bit...

I'm still nuts about shoes, but last year, after realizing how gluttonous my collection had become, I did some serious scaling back and started buying new shoes (vegan) just once or twice a year. My collection is now only down to about 70-80 pairs, which should keep me happy for quite a while. I am fully aware that this number of shoes is more than most people will own in their lifetime.

My ex-boyfriend has found a way to give back, not just scale back, and I think it's a great endeavor. I remember the first time we went to Moo Shoes in Manhattan and saw what a pathetic offering of vegan men's dress shoes there were out there - not just at Moo Shoe's but in general. Plenty of skate shoes, plenty of ugly hemp mocs and bad man sandals, but not a lot of sharp looking oxfords. I guess a big reason for the lack is that the average vegan guy isn't a guy that needs a snappy dress shoe, but times have changed. Check out Kevin's debut into the world of fine men's footwear with a heart. I'd post pics, but he's got his page in flash and I'm not clever enough to figure out how to post a pic from his site.

The Vegan Collection isn't just nice to animals, it's also nice to humans. His shoes are affordable and look like they'll hold up for a while, at least until he's able to start offering up some new designs!

Hot for Rhonda

2008-07-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

Lastnight, the flyer for the Thursday night Bikes Rock party was debuted. Super hot flyer, for a super hot night. Come on out.

BFF and Buff Monster Weekend!

2008-07-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

This week is a crazy one... gearing up for all kinds of nutty fun for the Bicycle Film Festival in Los Angeles, and Buff Fest! I hope to see lots of people out for both! Ride your bikes to get there!!

It's been an interesting year trying to work for the festival... at one point I was the co-producer of the festival, but it looks like now I'm just a supporter. Regardless, I'm trying to spread the word because I believe in the power of the festival to bring people together and inspire action in the bike community wherever the festival touches ground.

Here's a breakdown of the events for the week:

Thursday, July 17th
Bikes Rock!

9:30 pm till 2:00 am
A Club Called Rhonda
$3 with RSVP/ $6 without/free before 10 pm if you show up on a bike!
Guatelinda
4916 Hollywood Blvd. , LA 90027

Featuring:
free bike valet from LACBC
DJ sets from Little Boots (UK)
crazy hot dance floor fun!

Friday, July 18th
Bike Movies

The Vine Theatre
6321 Hollywood Blvd., LA 90028

7:30 PM | Program 1 - Fun Bike Shorts
9:30 PM | Program 2 - The Six-Day Bicycle Races

Read about the films, and buy your tickets early!

Saturday, July 19th
Bike Movies

The Vine Theatre
6321 Hollywood Blvd., LA 90028

1:30 PM | Program 3 - The Bike Lane
3:30 PM | Program 4 - Les Ninja Du Japon
5:30 PM | Program 5 - The Way Bobby Sees It
7:30 PM | Program 6 - Road to Roubaix
9:30 PM | Program 7 - Urban Bike Shorts

Read about the films, and buy your tickets early!

Sunday, July 20th
BFF Street Party

12 till 8 pm
Heliotrope Drive at Melrose Avenue
East Hollywood

Kunst Rad Show
artistic cycling performance
INES BRUNN

Testy

2008-07-08T13:27:00.001-07:00

This is just a test blog post, totally ignore this if you see it.

Hot Yoga

2008-06-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

Driving in to Sawtelle from Praxis' chemotherapy today at City of Angels Veterinary Cancer Group I heard a story on NPR about the rise of competitive yoga.

There are lots of discordant manifestations of Eastern wisdom and culture in the Western world. I feel like I see even more of it being connected to GR, where we don't try to re-interpret culture, or try to sell it as the next big thing... the culture just exists, and we try to share. It sells, that's for sure, but we don't play the hype game.... it's a sinking ship really, and our prominent Asian upbringings have taught us that it's not good to be on sinking ships!

Anyhow, competitive yoga? For reals? Isn't yoga supposed to be some internal struggle, non-competitive, self-improvement, set your own bar kinda thing? Granted I've only done it once or twice in half hour installments at 24 Hour fitness, but I grew up seeing my grandfather do it. He'd wake up at 5 am and do yoga until around 8 or 9 when everyone else in the house was just rolling out of bed and thinking about breakfast. He did it before he went to sleep as well. He did it in the privacy of his study, without music, or incense, sans candles... it was just part of his routine for physical and mental health, and at 92, it's served him pretty damn well.

White people are weird. I just chalk it up to that. They find something that's about self reflection and turn it into a sport, or a talk show, or an info-mercial. This yoga thing is happening in very white Portland, but I'm sure it's happening in LA too. LA, also home to the "maid cafe" in Culver City, staffed by white girls in cos-play yellow face. I'm sure it's going over well, but it's still a poor facsimile of the "cafe" cultures in Japan. There's a darkness that I kind of love about the maid and butler cafes... a really public and acceptable state of loneliness and isolation that can be cured for $20 an hour. It's not spectacle and kawaii, it's a modern take on traditional Japanese ideas about the art of a fine companion, and what it means to host and serve a guest. I can groove on that, even if I don't want to pay money to hang out with boys who are prettier and more gracious than I am. It's disconcerting and reminds me that my femininity is not fully realized - in the most non-patriarchal way of course!

When the GR crew was in Tokyo we skipped out on the maid and butler cafes and went for the real underground shit... the cat cafe!! This is where dreams are realized, where affections are bought and sold, and you get to TOUCH the objects of your desire. Pick up the latest issue of GR (with James Jean on the cover) and get the skinny...

Photo by Pryor Praczukowski, who I hope enjoyed this experience as much as I did!!

When I Grow Up

2008-06-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Pretty in Pink was the first PG-13 movie I ever saw. I saw it somewhere in Santa Monica, at a birthday sleepover with my best friend Brooke. I think Ramey was there and Brooke's mom, but I can't remember any other people who might have been there with us... my long term memory is pretty awful. Anyhow, it was the best movie I had seen and it remains one of my all time favorite films.

I wanted to grow up and have Andrew McCarthy fall madly in love with me, I wanted to have romantic make out sessions in hay barns at country clubs, and I wanted to have the best soundtrack ever to my life, but honestly.... I didn't want to be Molly Ringwald, I wanted to be Annie Potts. Iona, is quite possibly the coolest fictional woman I have ever seen portrayed on the big screen. I'm pretty sure was my first girl crush. I mean, come on... how can you resist her?! (Picture above borrowed from someone's blog... they only JUST saw Pretty in Pink... kinda criminal.) I wanted to be Iona when I grew up, and I still do. She ran a kickass record store, had the coolest apartment on the planet, the best hair, the best clothes, she was the oracle of cool for all the alienated punk rock kids, and she had fun being single! All things that I have only half-way done so far, or will forever struggle to accomplish for myself.

I thought of her a few weeks ago, when my dog was diagnosed with cancer. At the end of the movie, she falls in love with a handsome veterinarian. I should have paid closer attention to make that part of her fictional life my reality, not just the part about working in a cool record store and serial dating. If I had a veterinarian boyfriend, I'd make him sell me chemotherapy drugs at wholesale so I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to pay for the chemo sessions still ahead of us. If I had Iona's boyfriend, I wouldn't have to have art auctions to try to raise money to pay for the chemo and the follow-up treatments that will keep him in remission until his time really does come to leave me. (More on the art auction later, and how you can help Praxis and end up with some amazing art from some of my amazing friends!)

As far as I understand it, Praxis is doing fairly well with the chemotherapy. He has Lymphoma, and if left untreated, he would be dead in a week or two (they gave him 2 months at the time it was diagnosed). With chemotherapy there is the chance of remission, and maybe extension of his life with happiness and comfort for another year or two. We're in our third week of chemotherapy and the negative side effects have been a lot milder than I imagined, and he's maintaining pretty well! He's his normal sleepy/pokey/quiet self. He's been my steady companion since 1994... He's lived everywhere I've lived, loved everyone I've loved, and has unfailingly been one of the positive beings in my life. It's been hard trying to imagine him as sick, and to think of his body slowly failing, and me eventually having to let go.

This has been a rough year for dogs in my life, and the dogs of friends... This weekend the universe lost another good dog, Hanako. She was loved, and an important part of a family that I care a lot about. I hope these pups are leaving us for a good reason - and not just for our hearts to break. I think it gets harder to recover from loss as you grow up, not easier.

Anticipating Emergency

2008-06-09T17:11:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I received 3 hours of CPR training and certification. I now know how to breathe into the plastic wrapped mouth of a fully amputated dummy, I know how to adminster the Heimlich maneuver, and most importantly, I learned a secret 911 code that could save my life!! I'm going to share it with you to give you a chance at life as well. It's the right thing to do. This is Bob, he traveled with me on this journey of discovery.

So, the first vital piece of information is to make sure you have a landline at your house. If you just can't stand to do that, then make sure that your billing address for your cell phone is your home address. In the case of a 911 call on a cell phone that can't be completed because something awful is happening to the caller, the address that shows up for the operator is the billing address. Only useful if you're at home and that's where your life-threatening emergency is happening.

So, say you're choking, or there's a psychotic killer in your house and you've found a place to hide, but you need help to survive the night... you have your phone, but you can't make a sound that anyone could recognize as a call of distress. You have to stay perfectly quiet, but you have that cordless landline phone in your hand. Here's what you do: when the operator picks up and says her/his schpiel, the way to let them know that you're in distress, and not that you dialed by accident, or changed your mind about the state of emergency, is to knock on the mouthpiece of the phone three times.

Ok, got that, they say their line, you knock on the mouthpiece 3 TIMES. This lets them know that you need help. They'll send police and a paramedic automatically when they get this secret code, no matter what the emergency.

I'm less inclined to want to try the secret 911 code than I am the CPR that we learned. I now have this strong desire to try it all out in real life. According to our CPR instructor, less than 10% of the population has CPR training, but what's the percentage of people who've been saved by it? Probably even less. In 8 plane flights that I took in the last two months, two of them had medical emergencies on board. Both times there was a doctor or a nurse present who was able to help the person on board until the plane could land and they could get out to the ambulance on the tarmack. I thought it was odd to happen with such frequency.

Is it wrong to want people to dance with danger just so I can cut in?

My Birthday Lumps and Humps

2008-05-29T02:29:00.000-07:00

It wasn't as luxurious as the karaoke night with Seonna Hong and Takashi Murakami (and co.) but it was just as fun, the company was all company I love to keep, and I kept the same clothes on the whole night!

(Video courtesy of Souris of a multitude of fames, but Hustler of Culture being her most public of personas)

Michelle's Birthday Party - Endless Love from souris on Vimeo.

There's a super secret video of Saelee and I that would rock your world, but I think... ultimately, the power of our AWESOME is too much for this world.