tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56859792009-06-11T10:17:06.654-04:00In which the author explains why you're not capable of properly managing your own affairs and directs you how to behave more acceptably.Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.comBlogger606125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1168557640604816122007-01-11T18:20:00.000-05:002007-01-11T18:20:40.856-05:00

Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06793275572230469138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149117205266217122006-06-07T19:12:00.001-04:002009-02-02T20:21:04.534-05:00

Thanks to Jay Pinkerton and company, I've found a new home at Cracked.com. Just in time, too; Blogger just added word verification to posts. Nuts to that, I say.There's still some tweaking to do, but effective immediately, you can point your computers at http://manvsclown.cracked.com/.Update: It's not quite ready for prime time after all. In the meantime, I'm going to keep this notice at the top

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149697142354141502006-06-07T11:56:00.000-04:002006-06-07T12:19:03.163-04:00

The big news this morning is that a suspect arrested in the recent busting-up of a Canadian terrorist cell allegedly plotted to kidnap and behead Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Wouldn't the terrorists have been surprised when sparks shot out of the neck, and the head just kept on talking?This is Stephen Harper.This is Stephen Harper with his head cut off.Coincidentally (or perhaps not so

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149693317467186192006-06-07T11:15:00.000-04:002006-06-07T11:15:18.460-04:00

Whenever someone calls something "gay" in a pejorative way, I think of my old schoolmate and co-worker Ryan O'Keefe. Ol' Keefer was the all-time king of calling bad things "gay". You might say he was a real gaylord. Everything he didn't like was "gay", and sometimes it seemed he didn't like anything except the word "gay", which he loved.This habit was bound to eventually get him in trouble with

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149609887023166822006-06-06T12:04:00.000-04:002006-06-06T12:11:41.336-04:00

I usually skip the "Keeping in Touch" notes that my alma mater mails out, because, honestly, who wants to keep in touch with anyone from their alma mater (or even anyone who uses the phrase "alma mater", for that matter)? Nevertheless, I opened an e-mail yesterday to find out that my old pal Bruce Lin (who is Chinese and thus no relation, though I did make him an honorary cousin) is going to be

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149385264384736542006-06-05T09:35:00.000-04:002006-06-05T11:06:39.970-04:00

Uhura: Captain, the terrorist leader has said that if their demands are not met, they will begin executing colonists every five minutes.Kirk: Set phasers on stun, wide radius, and fire. Beam all life signs to the brig. Take a security team, separate all colonists from the terrorists, and beam them back to the surface. Set course for the nearest starbase and inform them we have prisoners in

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148408985372290902006-06-02T14:27:00.000-04:002006-06-02T21:46:10.990-04:00

"Who's this manatee in the 'before' picture?" "Lavalife is a sad catalog of human jetsam. Yes, I know you're on it." "Your mum's back's still bothering her? Say the word, and I'll come by with some scented candles and flavored oils."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149264392672044852006-06-02T09:41:00.000-04:002006-06-02T12:11:32.173-04:00

I got an e-mail very much like this one this morning:From: Victor@Initech.comTo: Peter@Initech.com06/02/2006 09:20 AMSubject: see linkhttp://www.peterlynnkites.co.nz/congratulationsVictorWhat he's telling me is that there's a guy in New Zealand with the same name as me who makes kites. This is the equivalent of telling Jay Pinkerton that he shares a name with the co-holder of the record for the

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149099449248812342006-05-31T14:11:00.000-04:002006-06-01T14:17:12.776-04:00

"Peter, should this be 'inhumane' with an 'e' here, or should it be 'inhuman' without the 'e'?""'Inhuman', without the 'e'.""What's the difference?""Well, 'inhumane' means 'not humane'—cruel or monstrous in a moral way. 'Inhuman' means 'not human'—animal-like or monstrous like an actual monster. If I were to stab you in the gut with my pen right now, I would be inhumane. But if I were to turn

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1149044734428910942006-05-31T09:15:00.000-04:002006-05-31T09:32:17.466-04:00

This has been making the rounds lately, but if you haven't seen it, here it is: A YouTube video of Mr. Rogers testifying before the US Senate.One of the few work-safe things on Rotten.com describes the situation thus:In the late 1960s, the U.S. Senate was considering cutting in half an important twenty million dollar grant for so-called "public broadcasting". Fred, not yet famous with adults, was

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148965801294800372006-05-30T01:07:00.000-04:002006-05-30T01:10:01.306-04:00

I saw this on Conan a while back and laughed myself sick at its simple, childish hilariousness. I even went online to NBC's website to see if it was there, but no dice. I figured I'd never see it again, until Susan at Unnecessary Dramatics posted it. Bless her.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148924827591127672006-05-29T13:45:00.000-04:002006-05-29T17:04:20.393-04:00

Man, the TTC sucks.Update (3:22 p.m.): Ace public transit blog Transit Toronto reported at 2:48 that the wildcat TTC strike is over. Given the three-hour estimate that I've heard it takes to get the system running gain, service should be restored by around a quarter to six, which happens to be when I leave work. So I should be fine getting home, which is a relief.This strike totally caught me

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148062919246626582006-05-26T14:01:00.000-04:002006-05-26T14:03:56.183-04:00

"You know what’s worse than the beer farts? The Molson mudslide. Last Sunday morning, it looked like a parade route after the horses had gone by." "I bit into that Boston Cream donut and the filling shot all over my face. It was like a Bukkake Cream donut." "Man, it smells like a horse farted grilled cheese sandwiches in here."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148600677912977002006-05-25T19:12:00.000-04:002006-05-25T19:44:38.166-04:00

Last night, I was telling a friend about the TTC Rider Efficiency Guide. I figured it'd be up her alley, as she's the sort who hates the crowds on the subway so much that she takes the 97 Yonge bus instead, which takes longer but is less crowded. That strategy is in fact specifically mentioned in the site's list of Unorthodox Tips for Riding the TTC, so I figured she might like to see what else

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1139949887292999022006-05-25T13:44:00.000-04:002006-05-25T15:15:34.926-04:00

I had some ideas for parties you could have:Beach Party MassacreI’ve actually done this one. Back when I worked at the school paper at university, we were racking our brains to come up with a theme for an upcoming party. I was usually no help at this, considering I usually came up with an excuse to just wear a bathrobe no matter what the actual theme was. But this time, someone suggested, “Beach

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148572208030318422006-05-25T11:23:00.000-04:002006-05-25T13:13:02.943-04:00

Henceforth, I'm going to just start making up Scripture to back up my points. All I've got to do is get good at talking the talk so I can sound old-timey when I improv. Everyone will give me credit for being learned in the Bible, and really, no one's going to bother to look any of my references up. I'm pretty Jack Van Impe has been making up all his impressive rapid-fire Scriptural references on

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148482075505640142006-05-24T10:20:00.000-04:002006-05-24T11:27:18.920-04:00

I already said I'm not a big fan of all those online tests that infest blogs everywhere, but I jumped at the chance to take the Personality Defect Test (found via Joey "Braggart" deVilla). Ever since I broke up with my last girlfriend in university, I've missed having someone around to point out my personality defects. There's always my annual performance review and my trips home for the holidays

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148110782652142922006-05-22T05:35:00.000-04:002006-05-22T17:38:35.516-04:00

Back home, I used to have this neighbor named Jake, who was a 72-year-old American WWII vet. He was a good guy, but being of a different generation, he wasn't always so politically correct. One time we were having a beer in the only bar in the little hamlet of Rockport, which was on the ground floor of a bed-and-breakfast run by two gentlemen who'd lately relocated there from Toronto. Jake was

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1148190612801700762006-05-21T01:48:00.000-04:002006-05-21T01:50:12.813-04:00

When you walk into your house and think, Man, it smells like a horse farted grilled cheese sandwiches in here, it's time for spring cleaning.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147917326877510362006-05-19T12:54:00.000-04:002006-05-19T16:48:21.283-04:00

Set aside a spare hour to enjoy these over the long weekend: A couple of failed TV pilots, courtesy of YouTube. Blame the dopes in suits at the networks for not realizing how awesome they are.Lookwell, created by Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel, and starring Adam West as a former TV detective show star turned real-life amateur sleuth.Heat Vision and Jack, directed by Ben Stiller and starring Jack

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147724355378759822006-05-19T12:18:00.000-04:002006-09-18T14:53:52.480-04:00

"Man, now that your diet is over, you'll be able to leave a nice fatty floater for the first time in months.""The blossoms on the trees outside have this really nauseating stench. It smells like John Wayne's semen." "What? No, I'm fine. I mean, I'm going to completely spaz out in a moment and snap this needle off in my arm, but right now, I'm fine."

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147923285425315412006-05-18T13:29:00.000-04:002006-05-18T12:35:48.186-04:00

Here's a little something WFMU's Beware of the Blog enthusiastically calls the "best homoerotic fight seen [sic] ever" (the misspelling can be forgiven on account of their excitement). There are other strong contenders for that title (cf. Patrick Swayze in Road House and 50 Cent in Get Rich or Die Tryin'), but it's all naked, sweaty, glistening torsos, and it's got to be seen to be believed. You

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147916600971083142006-05-17T21:41:00.000-04:002006-05-17T21:44:14.620-04:00

For those of you who have dated sharks, and for those who merely love them, allow me to present the trailer for Must Love Jaws.

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147625003166093172006-05-16T12:42:00.000-04:002006-05-16T15:10:04.313-04:00

Well, here's a guy I want to kick in the face: some copywriter named Ray Del Salvio who’s started a campaign to get “concept” listed in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as a verb. (Here’s a Slate article on him, and here’s the hub of his linked blogs promoting his campaign.) As Bill Watterson said, "verbing weirds language," and it always seems to be the people in marketing who weird the language

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5685979.post-1147746174055750672006-05-15T22:11:00.000-04:002006-05-15T22:24:35.936-04:00

Though we both kind of disapprove of internet quizes, Jay sent this grammar quiz along, figuring you folks might like seeing how I did. I should point out, however, that a couple of the questions are matters of style rather than grammar, and couple are matters of taste. That notwithstanding, it appears that I'm in the 1% of test-takers who got all the questions right. At least, it didn't tell me

Peter Lynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04374559124495979229noreply@blogger.com8