Amber's house full...

So I just can't seem to make it all work together

2009-01-06T17:34:00.003-07:00

I have failed again at this blogging continuously thing.

Happy New Year!! Glad to see you!!

So far so good. I think 2009 is going to be a winner for us. I can feel it. We have set a goal of paying off most, if not all, of our debt and hopefully we will conquer and kick some ass in this department.

The working out cause I am 30 thing has not worked out as well as I had hoped and I have been sitting in my closet quietly praying to my jeans to not split in the ass while I am out in public. I am sure that somehow the chocolate covered pretzels, cookies, and cheese ball I had for lunch are not helping me out, but what eva -- moving on.

The kids enjoyed their holiday vacay way more than I did. I could not bang my head into the wall hard enough to knock myself out, so I had to sit and listen to the bickering and arguing over every little thing they could find. When does this stop??

The Lush family got a Wii for xmas and I am in love with bowling. We have been over there bowling constantly and I am pretty good. Soon I will start passing on the sexy type bets and start betting things like hubby has to clean the dog poop by himself -- you know, something fun.

The 25th is our anniversary. As I have said before, we had a modest shotgun wedding and January is definitely the best time to have one of those. Todd has made big plans for us to go away for a weekend to Central City and stay a night. Too much fun for me to handle I tell ya. We have not had an alone weekend with no kids for the entire time we have been married. I have a hard time leaving the kids behind, so hopefully I will have enough alcohol in my system to forget about them for a night. I am so hoping that I will win big bucks too. Maybe then I can afford the secret condo far away that I am planning to buy for when I need my "alone" time.

Hope all is well with you. Peas out.

How cold could it possibly be?

2008-12-15T12:32:00.007-07:00

We were supposed to get cut down our fresh tree yesterday morning, but of course we woke up to a ton of snow on the ground and a temperature of 10, so needless to say, we will be using our fake tree again this year. It needs to be put up soon. Hopefully we can get it done tonight.

So instead of tree hunting yesterday we rescued the in-laws whose truck broke down on the side of the road. What a day for that to happen. Then hung out and I played my new video game. I am addicted to the Crash Bandicoot games. The new one came out a while ago and I absolutely have to beat it. So far I have beaten every one of them. Yes, I am the master... It was a pretty fun day.

This morning on the other hand has been a major pain. I got in the shower to find that there was no cold water -- that is right, no cold water. Typically it is hot water that is hard to find around here. Apparently, being that last night got to -20 and felt like -40 with the wind chill factor, our cold water pipe that runs the master shower and bath tub decided to freeze up. This, of course, means that the husband had to pull off tiles from the tub to try to figure out where the pipe is and try to rig something up so that this does not happen again. Wonderful fun stuff -- lemme tell ya.

So now that the pipe is unfrozen we have to make a trip to Home Depot, which will no doubt cost us a butt load, just cause we can never go there without buying every thing!!

I sat down to get to some work done and could hear Spencer in his room putting all of his toys in the closet, which is his new thing. Apparenlty the toy box he has is not good enough. I went in his room on my hands and knees to check on him and as he came out of the closet -- tee hee -- I jumped out and scared him and he punched me right in the mouth. I guess being the youngest of four boys you have to know how to ward off the scary. Little punk.

Now where did I put that?

2008-12-12T11:47:00.003-07:00

I cannot seem to find my Christmas spirit this year. Oh yeah, hi! Been a minute or two...no excuses, just jumping right in here.

This year is tight, as I figure it is for a lot of people, at least that is what the news tells me and I believe them, cause they know all. But...I am having a hard time not feeling guilty. I feel guilty cause I can't get the kids EVERYTHING they could ever want, guilty that we are not spending a dime on our extended family members, guilty that others may buy for us and all we have is a smile and a thank you to give back. I know that this is not what this time of year is all about, but I can't seem to help it.

We decided a few years ago to give to charity rather buying a million cheap little gifts for our extended family, and that has gone over pretty well. This year we donated to the Humane Society, last year was Make a Wish, and the year before that was St. Jude's. It is nice to help people or animals that are less fortunate.

So back to my guilt. Last night as I was wrapping the presents we have gotten for the kids (yes I am done shopping for them), I realized that we will be going to Christmas dinner with family empty handed (again). I hate feeling like this. I hate having to explain that our budget is tight and I really enjoy being warm and eating, so instead of buying gifts I decided to pay the gas bill and buy groceries. Don't get me wrong, our family is very understanding and every one says it is not a big deal and who cares, but as you sit on the couch opening the gift that they have bought for you, that little twinge in your tummy starts and oh--I think I am going to cancel Christmas this year. Is that possible?

We have not even put up or Christmas tree. Part of this was becuase Spencer's b-day was on the 7th and I was waiting for that to be over, but now I just don't feel like it. I am telling you, I think I am going to change the way Christmas is at our house. I think I need a dose of reality -- and so do my kids. Who knows.

Are diapers really so bad...

2008-11-07T19:19:00.005-07:00

What is it with shit and my house. Seriously.

So I was sitting here being all good and working when Todd came running in to tell me that child who is not quite two just pooed in the toilet. Whoo-hoo is what you are thinking, right? Well not to me. I am not ready for him to be toilet trained. To me a child who is toilet trained before 2 and refusing to wear diapers is just the kid who puts a big damper on my "quick" trip to the store. That child will be the one who, as we are walking in to grab two "quick" things and get out fast, is crying as we walk in cause he has go number 1, then number 2, then after spending 15 minutes of my "quick" time in the nasty uncleaned public restroom while smelling some else's breakfast being released, this same child will then potty in his pants. So my quick trip to said store just turned into me spending forever waiting for the child to poop properly, wiping, washing, smelling, gagging and then running to the car as fast I can without putting the child too close to me for fear of being covered in urine, without the items I needed.

I prefer for my kids to wait a little longer and stay in diapers until I can at least get 10 minutes between potty breaks or at least be able to say "hold it for two more seconds honey, mommy is almost done."

I know I am selfish. Live with it. This is number four. I have done my fair share of potty training, urine soaked clothes, cleaning public toilets before allowing child to sit, etc. I can be selfish at some point.

UPDATE *** No lie. Not more than 4 minutes after Spencer pooed on the toilet and Todd was all happy, happy, joy, joy...I hear "HELP" from the bathroom...Spencer pooped in the bath tub. That child reads my mind every time. I love him.

Oh my goodness...

2008-11-04T14:31:00.003-07:00

Where has all the time gone. I just noticed that it has been almost a month since my last post and I am sure I left you will a sour taste in your mouth. I am not an angry mommy, but it sure sounds like it, right?

I feel like this past month has rolled over me and backed up and rolled over me again. Football finally ended, which is where most of my time was going between dropping off and picking up and watching, cheering, and all the likes, but then basketball just started. Here we go again.

I really can't say that my time away was productive or fun. I was just...just. Mrs. Lush and I hosted a Slumber Party, which if you don't know, it is a sexy type of party for the women folk. It was a total hoot. If you do or you don't, I am sure you know -- this shit is crazy...Some of these items are insane and completely intimidating, but sitting around with 20 of your friends laughing about it all is just fun. If ever you do, I suggest one of these parties.

Spencer is a total pill and I have met my match with him. I swear if I would have had him first I would have stopped. He is not even 2 yet and just in the past few days he managed to feed the fish an oreo and a marker, climed 3 shelves in my mud room to get the hydrogen peroxide, drank it, and spilled it all over my kitchen floor, he pooped in the bathtub, peed on the carpet, kicked the dog, bit Kyle, tried to climb out of a shopping cart, spit on the cashier, took off his diaper while covered in diaper rash cream and powder and sat on my pillows, dumped a bottle of baby powder on his head, knocked over his dresser again, figured out how to climb into his crib, tore up his books, erased two TiVo programs that I was dying to watch...my list could go on, but then I would have a nervous breakdown remembering them all.

So now you know I am back and will be back again very soon. I am off to get trouble up from his nap...

Is it just me??

2008-10-09T11:23:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I try to not diss on the other bloggies too much, but sometimes I will read something that just sends me into a total spin...and now my panties are in a total wad...

What is up with people not vaccinating their kids and why the fuck do you get to send your kid to my kids' schools? Okay, so I get that you do "research" which I assume consists of a bunch of internet articles that talk about how bad they are for you, but what good things have you ever heard about measles, mumps, small pox, polio??? Anything?

I am calm now and you can be mad, it is cool...but explain it to me. Help me understand what you have found that is so bad about these vaccines that they spend millions of dollars creating and improving yearly (daily even) that makes you willing to allow your child to go out into this world and possibly contract these vicious diseases, not to mention the fact that they would be exposing all of the other kids in their school, sports, church, etc.

Did you do the research on the diseases that they would be protected from?? Diphtheria can cause a deterioration of the myelin sheath in the central and peripheral nervous system, leaving your child with loss of motor control and sensation. Um, sound a little like the autism you possibly are trying to protect said child from. How about Haemophilus influenza? This one causes severe respiratory illness and meningitis and is estimated to have caused 2 to 3 million cases in children under the age of 5.

Sounds to me like you should just leave a message for old grim reaper himself, maybe have him over for dinner. Sorry, if he does show, it will be too damn late for your dumbass to get vaccines. oops. (no longer calm now).

I even read a comment on another blog about this.. and I quote...

"We don't vax either. It's amazing how easy it is to get exempt, but the school's make it seem like it is SO hard!" They make is seem SO hard, honey, cause they don't want your snotty nosed kid all up in the system with fucking diseases that will spread.

I can just see the conversation now with your poor child:

You: Sorry honey, you can't play sports cause you have tetanus and can't even walk and have constant, painful contractions of your muscles.

Child: Oh, thanks bitch.

You: Sorry, honey, you can't go outside with the other kids cause you can't even swallow your food or hold in your own spit cause of the tetanus.

Child: Oh, thanks bitch.

You: Sorry, honey. I made a terrible decision on your behalf when you were too young to make your own decisions and now you are all fucked up and can't lead a normal life.

Child: Oh, thanks bitch.

I cannot believe how pissed I am.

The school system seriously needs to pull these kids aside and teach them in another part of the building, like that part that has asbestos. I am sure that one of you crazies that choose not to vaccinate read somewhere that asbestos is good for the soul.

Whatever. Please feel free to educate me...really.

Holy shit, look at this horse...

2008-10-07T17:53:00.003-06:00

This is obviously not a horse, but it could be for spanky. This is the local liquor store owner's dog, Rufus (of all things to call a dog). Love it!

Just hand over the fucking award...

2008-10-05T18:33:00.005-06:00

I have officially won the "Mother of the Year Award!"

So Mr. and Mrs. Lush have been out of town this weekend (they are rocking out in Vegas) and because I am a self-proclaimed social alcoholic, I have been Gin and Tonic free all weekend. My nerves are shot, which in turn means that I have become a bad, bad mommy. This weekend I have ignored the children to play an online computer game, I shooshed the one who was hurt and crying to me for help, I let the kids stay up all night to watch a Myth Busters marathon, I have said, "Shut the fuck up" more times than I can count, I let the baby cry himself to sleep while I laid in my bed with a pillow over my head while rocking back and forth almost in tears myself, I laughed when the teenager told me a dirty joke (rather than gasping in shock at what he said), I dozed off during the kid's football game, I told the kids I didn't care if their homework got done this weekend, I skipped parent teacher conferences, I let them eat cake for breakfast...and the winner for this weekend is...

The 5-year-old just ate a lemon for dinner.

I am not by any means saying that I need to drink to stay sane, but the decompression that comes with hanging with The Lush's and drinking a drink and leaving the kids behind for 20 minutes is amazing for my sanity. Is this what they call withdrawal?

Come back Mr. and Mrs. Lush. Vegas cannot be cooler than me. It just is not possible.

How many of me?

2008-09-26T11:30:00.016-06:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
10
people with my name in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

This is very interesting. There are only 10 people in the US with my same name (first and last). There are 244,196 with the first name Amber. Try it.

~There are 119,045 people named Ben Dover.

~There are 289,982 people named Mike Hunt.

~There are 10,684 people named Seymour Butts.

~There are fewer than 1,526 people named Alotta Fagina.

~There are 215,197 people named Ricky Bobby.

~There are 16,788 people named Ty Tass.

~There are 24,420 people named Dylan Weed.

~There are 13,736 people named Dick Head.

So there you have it, people do name their kids strange shit....nuff said.

My new resolution...

2008-09-24T10:40:00.004-06:00

Now that I am 30 I have decided that I need to work out and take better care of this beautiful vessel I call me. Of course, to be able to work out properly I needed the right apparel. In to Marshall's I walk on a mission to find the perfect outfit, only one size too small for motivation. I found the clearance rack and bought a cute pair of black Yoga pants and a cute Puma shirt. I am totally in style now for the morning workouts in front of my television.

Last night I was looking into the types of videos I have and they were all just blah. Yoga is fun at a center with friends, but a down dog by yourself just feels silly. Pilate's is okay, but boring also. So I broke out -- with no delay-- the Jennie Garth workout VHS that I stole from my friend when I was like 12. Yup, Jennie is my girl and I love this video. I can keep up and I feel like I got a good workout in 45 minutes and I am not so sore the next day that I can barely sit down. So my friends, that is what I did this morning.

Of course you can add this to chasing around little shit Spencer. While doing crunches, he sat on my stomach and stared at me like he had no idea who I was, which would make sense cause he has NEVER seen me work out. So then I did some heavy lifting while picking up his dresser that he managed to knock over. Then I did the wiping arm workout when he decided to take off his diaper and poop on my floor. Ah, what a way to spend the birthday.

So this is my resolution for my 30th. I will workout in the morning, I will eat healthier, and I will slow down on my Pepsi drinking (cut back to maybe 2 a day), and I am officially going to kick the sunflower seed habit (I eat at least a bag a day). That is it. I am hoping to lose the 15 pounds plus that I have gained this summer and look less like a beached whale next summer.

Rock on bishes.

Time to start my bucket list...

2008-09-24T07:00:00.004-06:00

Today is, of all days, my birthday...I am 30 now, which when I was younger, like yesterday, I believed this was the end of it all. Down hill from here. I remember thinking that 30 was so OLD and now I am just not sure what to do with it.

I was 27 before I truly felt like an adult, in the sense that I was able to "hold" my own in a grown up conversation, or tell people off with a little tact. You know, rather than spewing from the mouth what an idiot someone was, I was able to say things to get the point across without sound like a spoiled little brat. You get it, right?

I still feel like a youngster when I am in a room full of "real adults". For some reason I cannot grow up mentally. Now I am 30 and I don't "feel" it like I thought I would. I thought by now I could look in the mirror and respect what I saw (big ass, hips, saddle bags). All well deserved parts of the 30-year-old mother of 4, right? Wrong. I was hoping by 30 I could look at myself and feel comfortable in my skin. Wake up feeling empowered with age and adultness. All I see is me, this 30-year-old little girl.

What is 30 supposed to feel like? Is this the part where I look at hubby and say I need a sports car, bigger boobs, and a boyfriend? Do I start talking less like a twitterpated teen and more like an adult? Do I have to stop saying radical? Will I have to start wearing women's clothing and stop shopping in the Juniors department? I like my Tinkerbell shirts and shit. Age wise, I am 30, but mentally I have barely made it passed 15 and I swear I have just stopped there and can't seem to keep moving.

I feel like I am going to spend the next years of my life second guessing everything I do trying to make sure it is the "mature" thing to do. Someone trade me. I want to be 21 again, just cause I knew how to "be" 21.

On the lighter side, in the words of the late great Colonel Sanders, "I am too drunk to taste this chicken." Am I going to have to stop quoting ~~lame~~ funny movies too ???

Welcome to the future of shopping...

2008-09-18T21:57:00.004-06:00

I went shopping up north in Fort Collins and found this brand new Target. As I was parking I noticed that they have these "new" futuristic shopping carts. These damn things are hella kool.

I took this picture early on in my shopping excursion, so it is empty, but the best part of this shopping experience is that at one point the basket was full, I had a kid in the seat, and the other kid was standing on the end and holding on, and I was not just able to push the cart, but turn it also, with one hand.

If that is not the best freaking thing ever, I don't know what is.

I swear that if I could have gotten away with it, I would have loaded this basket up and traded my stroller in for it. You know how when you are pushing the ghetto metal baskets across the parking lot and they make all that noise and bounce all around, this cart did not do that. It was smooth and would glide across the asphalt like it was butter. Loved this thing. I even think that I am willing to drive the extra 20 minutes and spend the extra gas just to shop at this Target for the wonderful carts.

I have been tagged...again

2008-09-17T22:09:00.006-06:00

aI love this, cause I think it is fun. I am a sucker for tagging...so I will participate.

Angie tagged me...

The rules...
1. Link the person who tagged me.
2. Post the rules here.
3. Write 6 randoms about me.
4. Tag some people at the end and link to them.
5. Tell those people that I tagged them.
6. Let my tagger know that I did it.

My randoms...

1. I totally do the ... thing way too much. It is almost as if I cannot finish a sentence or commit to the end of a sentence. Something like that. I have commitment issues...I know.

2. When I was in the fourth grade I tried to fake having a broken foot and it totally ended up really being broken. How you say? I wanted to have a broken bone really bad. I don't know, the whole "I don't get enough attention" thing maybe. But I cried and blah, blah, so mom took me to the doctor and the doctor was like, yeah, you really did break your foot. WTF? They casted it and I swore from then on that I never wanted another broken bone again.

3. I dislocated by shoulder by kicking a mailbox (stop laughing Angie)(she was there). I was trying be "cool" and decided I would kick one of the community mailbox things for packages and such and the door went in and my foot got stuck. Yup, for some stupid reason I thought I could pick up my other foot and use it to get the stuck foot out and I fell on my elbow and dislocated said shoulder. Dumbass, there I said it.

4. I used to be able to stick my feet behind my head. Both of them at the same time. Sorry hubby, not no more.

5. I have OCD and it is retarded. OCD can manifest itself in many different ways, i.e. germs, repetitiveness, etc. Mine manifests itself in research. If there is something that I want to know or am not sure of, or even if someone else wants to know it, I HAVE, HAVE, HAVE to find it, right now, not later, can't wait, stop yelling at me, I know what I should be doing, but I have to know, fuck you, leave me alone...kind of scary, right? I have been known to research the color of carpet for like six hours straight, just cause I was curious about what colors certain stores carried. WOW! Now you know.

6. I used to be a blond. For those of you who don't know me or have never seen me, this may not be a shock to you, but for those of you who do, yup. I used to have blond hair. Can't believe it, I know, cause I exude all this brunette hotness and all. Please keep the dumb blond jokes to yourself, cause I have heard them all. What is that saying? Blonds have more fun. I don't know about that, I was never upright long enough to find out what they were talking about.

So those are my randoms.

The people I am going to tag are:
1. Smart ass
2. O'Neal
3. Jenny

Let's play.

Diarrhea hell...yuck...

2008-09-14T11:09:00.006-06:00

So I have to tell this one before it is no longer funny.

I have been noticing lately that I have a very foul mouth, even around my kids. So last night I made a decision that I would not cuss directly at my kids today. This would be day one of this resolution. So I wake up this morning hoping for a good and easy day. Can you say nope, not gonna happen here.

I woke up a little late today to Jakob telling me that Rosie (the damn dog) pooped all over my house again. She has diarrhea and traces of it were left in almost every room of my house. So after about an hour of cleaning up the most foul smelling shit ever, I turn to the rest of the house. I explain to the kids that we have lunch at the in-laws, then I have to work later, then we have a birthday party at 6:30 for Sweetie Pie. I explain, with no cursing, that I need their help with the dirty clothes, the living room, and their basement. So as I am running around trying feverishly to clean the back part of my house, I can hear the dog start to bark ferociously. I come out to see what she is barking at, and no lie, she is staring at "something" in the air, growling, and barking. She runs around like she is chasing "it" and then stops in mid bark and runs under the kitchen table to hide. When Jakob bent over the calm her and pet her, she freaked out...

and machine gunned diarrhea all over my kitchen. Yup, it came out in little spurts all over my chairs, the table, the cupboards, the highchair, the floor, and herself.

I will say though, that I find it funny, still. It has since been cleaned and I have been working on the rest of the house and, even though the kids keep bickering, I still have managed to not cuss them. I am not sure if this post is about the not cursing or the doggy diarrhea, but I will say, I have more will power than I ever thought.

Tell me a story...

2008-09-12T08:20:00.023-06:00

As I said before Kyle saw a "ghost." He still will not talk about the "incident."

I love a good ghost story. Not the around the campfire BS story where you are going to try to make jump when it is over, but the real supernatural things that have happened to you and it seems everyone has one or knows someone who has one, and I want to hear them.

This is your mission:
~Go back to your blog and tell me a story.
~Sign the Mr. Linky below so that we all can join in and read what has happened to you or someone you know.

This should be fun. I need a good story that will keep me up at night. Now bring it bishes.

Overheard at my house...spooky...

2008-09-10T19:35:00.005-06:00

During the day before I have to take Kyle to school it is typically just Spencer, Kyle and myself here. Spencer will usually go down for a nap at around 10 and I will work from then until 12:30, in the midst of getting lunch for Kyle and the many other things that come up in that time. Well today was just a totally normal day. Spencer was down for his nap, I was working, and Kyle was headed to the basement for some Playstation time. Kyle was in the basement for about 10 minutes when he, not just ran, but bolted up the stairs into my office, and this is how it went...

Kyle: (huffing and puffing) "I will never go to that basement ever again."

Me: "Why?"

Kyle: "Cause that guy just scared me."

Me: "What guy?"

Kyle: "The guy that just walked into the basement."

Me: (inquisitively with brow furrowed) "There is no guy in the basement."

Kyle: (eyebrows raised convincingly) "Yes, there is. He walked down the stairs and down the hallway. I saw him."

Me: "What did he look like?"

Kyle: "I don't know, he was just a man with legs. I am never going down there again."

Now I will say that I would totally just laugh this off and say whatever, but this kid, who loves the PS2 and loves watching movies in the basement, has not gone back down there at all today. He wouldn't even go down there to find socks.

Can you say freak me out, seriously. Maybe now I have a spare husband. Kooky.

Today was "one of those days." I spent my whole day muttering curse words under my breath (who I am kidding) I was almost yelling them at the top of my lungs. I took Rosie (the dog) into the vet this morning for a comprehensive exam, so I had to leave her there for most of the day. They called me about 3 hours later to inform me that were going to have to sedate her cause she was being aggressive and bit a technician. Well you can do all the research you want to, Bulldogs are not aggressive, especially not my little butterfly Rosie. So the vet informs me that something must be wrong with her neurologically and that is why she is acting that way. So $100 later and a referral to a doggy neurologist, I get my dog back and she is just as normal as she always is. I am assuming that she just does not like the vet people and so she got pissed cause they were trying to shoot her with needles -- duh? I will admit that she has been showing more aggression to things that she does not like and strange people. Granted she should not act like this, but like my husband says, "We teach our kids not to like strangers." I am sure that she is going to be just fine.

I also had to yell at Jakob today cause he was treating me like shit. If there is anything that I hate, it is doing shit and favors for my kid and he acts like a total brat to me. I was driving him to football practice, just like I do every day cause I am nice, and I asked him to sit in the car for 2 minutes so I could grab Kyle from school. I swear his whole body went limp and he flopped around and made psssshhh sounds with his mouth. I have never stopped my car so fast. I looked at him with eyes of rage and explained through clenched teeth that I do a million things for him every single day and if he did not stop acting like a spoiled fucking brat, I was going to freak out and make him do all his own shit i.e. laundry, walking to and from practice, meals and I would make sure that he never had a dime for anything and I would stop paying for his cell phone. I think the cell phone is what got him. That is his lifeline to Sweetie Pie. How would be ever survive? So now we have an understanding and it has been explained very well that if he talks to me or treats me like that again, he will get a fist to the face. Call 911, I don't care. No way in hell is he going to treat me like shit.

So now that I have scared you both with ghosts and violence, I must go.

Ah, divorce...

2008-09-10T11:03:00.005-06:00

No, I did not forget to mention anything. My marriage is fine-wonderful even. The divorce I am referring to is the divorce of my parents. I do believe that I would rather this happened many years ago rather than while I was an adult. I almost think in some ways it would have been easier to deal with as a child rather than having to protect my own children from it and trying to keep it from entering my household of bliss.

My parents (mother and step-father) got divorced -- oh, I don't know, 2-1/2 or 3 years ago. It was not pretty, as they never are. All their shit aside, they drug me into it. They even tried to drag my husband and kids into it.

I would be put in the middle of the arguements and get the "tell him this," " tell her that." You know how it goes. It really is all a bunch of bullshit. I spent the first 6 months of the divorce avoiding both of them cause I got tired of hearing the same fucking stories over and over again, only from different angles. It was like getting a recap of a movie, only in the man/woman versions. Very confusing. I spent a lot of time fighting with them both and trying to keep them from bringing their shit to my house. It never failed, one of them would say something awful about the other in front of my kids. The kids would spend the night at one of their houses and would come back with stories of how he/she said this or that or the other. You can only imagine how many times they heard how badly one wanted the other dead. Nice, right?

This divorce ruined my relationship with both of them. Totally fucked it up. Before all of this my mother was like my best friend, but it got to the point where I couldn't even spend five minutes in the same room with her. It is getting better and I am trying to the lower that wall I created so that this shit would stay out. In time, I am sure it will all go away.

So the reason I started all of this is becuase this weekend is Jakob's football game and also the Community Day here in Small Town, CO. They will be doing a big lunch and parade and play thing in the park and then Jake's game is at the middle school. Well of course, they both want to come and be part of the festivities. Of all the days and all the games, this is the one they both want to be at. Crap...I am going out of town this weekend.

So how do you tell one that they can't come cause the other is? There is no way to tell either of them that they have to grow up, that is not an option. I don't even think I can be comfortable or have a good time with them both within 100 yards of one another. The person I think should stay home would be my mother, only because she comes to all the parties and all the events that go on here with the family. She always ends up being the first invite, plus she lives a lot closer to us and can come to any other game. Of course, if I tell her this I will be the bad guy and be choosing his "side" and "love" him more. AHHHHHHHHH!!! This shit makes my head implode.

I wonder if they realize the only people that get hurt in all this, really, are my kids. My kids always have to choose one or the other...and somehow they make my kids feel guilty for the choice that they do make. Poor Jake has even hit the point that he just does not care. He would rather neither come than feel guilty for choosing one. What a mess.

I will never get divorced, ever. Murder before divorce is my motto.

I'm sorry, so sorry...

2008-09-08T16:29:00.007-06:00

I am sorry Mr. Lush. Don't get all butt-hurt on me please.

Love thy neighbor, that is what it says. I did not write it. It is a commandment, right?

Don't you know yet that elite just is not quite enough of a word to call you? I was really leaning more toward...assh (no) ars (nope) bast (nah) Oh, I know, aristocrat. Yup, that would be it.

See, I am not so bad.

You know you like me...I keep your funny bone tickled and your shit talking ways primed. What would you do without me, besides never have to roll your eyes again.

Now I could totally end this with a big fat "Go Oakland," but I won't, cause this is an apology and all.

Dude, I almost numchucked you.

Hurricane Spanky..

2008-09-08T16:28:00.002-06:00

Well folks, the weather forcast has called for a major storm here in Small Town, Colorado and it hit our house full force. This is the face of the storm as it made its way from our home...

This is where most of the damage was. Fortunately the storm was only able to open the PJ drawer and blow them all over. There were no serious casualties caused by this storm...yet. I believe this one will be back for more later.

Surprise...it is a party

2008-09-07T09:58:00.005-06:00

My SIL is the greatest. My birthday is coming up this month and I will be a whopping 30 years old. Can you believe it? It is still a little hard for me to grasp cause I still feel 15. Anyway, the SIL planned a surprise party about a month ago. Unfortunately, I cannot be surprised. It is almost impossible to surprise me (I am far to nosy). Whe she called a month ago to plan it with my hubby I could hear her on the phone telling him not to tell me, so of course, I knew right then. So then she tried not to tell me when it was going to be, but I figured that out too. Sorry SIL.

So yesterday was party day and it was a blast! All of the elite were there, oh, and Mr. Lush -- tee-hee.

Sometimes I am surprised by the fact that I actually have friends that would show up to a party for my birthday -- I am kind of a bish -- but they did, they came, and everyone had a blast.

My SIL rented a jumping castle, which I love jumping castles, and so did all of the kids. My MIL even brought a chocolate on chocolate cake from Sam's -- my favorite. I am loved and very blessed -- thank you.

My BIL even managed to come up with a witty quote that I must share:

"Work smarter, not harder."

In case you did not get to read the post about the way mows a lawn, let me recap quickly. He tends to only mow the parts of the lawn that need it. You figure it out.

Happy birthday to my BFF...

2008-09-05T08:49:00.010-06:00

It's your birthday...get down girl. We gonna party! My poor little BFF is "old" today, or so she say. She is only 22 plus 10 and that is not old at all. Isn't 30 the new 20?

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!!
.

This sums it all up...

2008-09-03T22:06:00.005-06:00

Up all night...sleep all day...that's right...Yup, that is it. This is party night (Saturday). Mrs. Lush and I are the two girls in the front. I know, pretty right. Remember, we are super drunk at this point -- "together we are breeze"...come on...I know you know this one.

Anyway, the girl to my left is a new girl that I met. She is friends with Longmont. The guy in the CU jacket and black hat right behind us is an old friend of the Lush's. He is too, too funny. The guy that is in the way back to the far left (all you can see is his face). That is Mrs. Lush's ex-boyfriend. He showed up on the second day there and parked his camper right next to theirs. Love it. Can't quite remember who the guy in the middle back is, but I think he puked. The guy in the back to the right is this poor 19-year-old kid who is pretty much AWOL from the Marines (you didn't hear that from me).

When was the last you posed for a photo like this? College maybe? I cannot believe that I am inching my way to 30 this month and I officially have a goofy picture with crazy drunks that I don't know. This rocks.

This picture does the job and just explains the whole night. God I wish I could go back. Come on Lushies -- let's do it!

Gettin the business from shorty...

2008-09-03T14:29:00.006-06:00

I just go the business from a man who probably has no children...bastardo.

I took Kyle into a game store, one that rhymes with Mame Shop. I will admit that I am pretty open minded on the game choices the kids play. I live by the view that because I explain shit to them they will understand the difference between reality and a video game. Really, come on. I do not believe that video games kill people. Kids with shitty parents and a loose attachment to reality do stupid stuff and people die...or whatever. Agree or disagree, I don't really care, I let them play mature games. I do pay attention to them and if they are really that bad or sexually explicit then I take them back.

So anyway, my horrible parenting ideas aside, Kyle and I were picking out a game and he chose Hitman, which I know is M for violence. So we walk up to the counter and this guy is like, "I can't sell this to him."

ME: "Why not?"

HIM: "It is rated M for mature for violence."

ME: "Okay, well we want to buy it."

HIM: "He is not 17."

ME: "I am."

HIM: "You know that you can say no."

ME: "It is not about whether or not I can say no, he wants the game and I don't care."

This mother fucker whose top of his head would barely graze the bottom of chin actually rolled his eyes at me. WTF? Now I want to know if this jackass has kids of his own and if he actually tells them they can't do certain things because they might reenact them and kill his friends. Get with the game dude. This is the now and you are livin in it.

So happier times, check out my new look. Do you love it?? I love it and she loves it, and her over there too.

I got this new look from my friend Lex over at Indelible Creations (see said button to the left). This girl can hook you up. She also hooked up my friend Angie you will have to check hers out too. Thank you Lex honey. You rock my socks my off.

Brown chicken....brown cow...

2008-09-02T12:58:00.014-06:00

Bring it in for the real thing...There is a saying at the lake..."What happens at the lake, stays at the lake..." bullshit. Now pick up your fucking skateboard.

Camping is exciting when you go just with the family, but when you go with the Lush's it is a whole new experience.

This weekend was absolutely the best time we have ever had camping and it will take A LOT to top it, but hey, if you want to try, bring it.

Thursday we went and setup camp, had dinner, and went to bed early. Kids had school on Friday so I brought them in and got some work done. When I finally got back to camp on Friday afternoon with the elementary school kids we went out on the boat. I love the boat. We went into the middle of the lake and the kids swam and Spencer napped, of course. I am not a lake swimmer, so I stayed on the boat and watched. Mr. Lush wakeboarded, which looks like it would be a total blast, but not for me. I am too big of a chicken. Mrs. Lush is my new danger-friendly type friend. She wakeboards. She rocks-nough said. We had dinner and enjoyed the campfire. I did drink a little on Friday night, but I had to work again on Saturday morning, so I kept it light...for a minute.

Saturday evening/night was a whole other story...we are referring to this as one of "the incidents" of the weekend. This was not a night of a few drinks, this was a night of me drinking as much as I possibly could and really not giving a fuck, cause hey, I can...until I woke up Sunday and had to make apologies to the Lush's (just so you know, I really did nothing wrong, just made an ass out of myself).

Back up a little to Saturday around 3 p.m. This was floating time off the docks. I love to float. Me and Mrs. Lush sat out there talking, floating, and watching all the rotten kids. Once we came in from the docks I was buzzed just enough that I felt the need to go the liquor store for "bitch drinks." Later, hubby drove me there and I stocked up on some shit. I had Aftershock, Puckers, and some other little shooters that tasted like shit, but they did the trick. Campfire time came and it was on...I was drinking...and um, drunk became my middle name. Apparently, when I am drinking my volume level is sonic, so of course I stood around and yelled at every one. There was this one girl...we will call her Longmont...she was awesome. She was one of those bitches that can talk shit and take shit and you don't really have to watch what you say to her. We bantered back and forth drunk style for hours, until we started dancing...I will leave those pics under the bed...thanks. This part is bad, if you didn't like me before, you really won't now. A girl comes by to tell the lady next me a story. During the story she throws her foot up on the chair next to me and points to something on her leg. Of couse, being drunk, I point at her foot and say,

"What the hell happened there?"

HER: "I have eczema."

ME: "Oh, sorry." laughing hysterically

HER: "Thanks for being so rude."

ME: "Thanks for having an ugly leg."

Mr. Lush was next to me at this time. I think I spit all over him while I was laughing my ass off. Poor girl. Watch as the crazy drunk lady makes fun of your ugly legs, but you can't do a damn thing about it. Bwhahahahahaha...

Once the Aftershock, Puckers, and little shooters were gone I did feel the need to bring out the big bottle of raspberry flavored vodka. Gag. No I did not drink all of this by myself, I shared.

By this point I was hammered...beyond hammered, but not too hammered to realize that Mrs. Lush can't sing. Sorry honey. I had heard stories, but now I know. I too cannot sing, but I just wanted to make sure that all of blog world knows it now too.

Moving on, at this lake there are some interesting people. Quick recap of a past post...it is redneck, not as much as I expected, but close enough and I did see a Confederate flag. In fact, it was a Confederate flag chair -- even better. A man they call Redneck Roy joined us and brought along his Mater-looking truck and flag chair. This guy was fugly as all get out. Then there is a man they all call Special-Ed...get it? So here I am snickering over his name until his ass comes and introduces himself as Special-Ed. The only thing I could get out was, "you know they call you that?" Too funny.

So later in the night, myself, Mrs. Lush, Longmont, and some of the other ladies were drunk as drunk could get. If we stook in a group and burped we could have blown the entire place sky high. This is the point when the music got turned up and we all started dancing and singing loud as could be. Oh, and the part when the Jagermeister hit my lips. Longmont kept trying to get all ghetto with me, so I had to prove that I could keep up. I chugged off that fucking bottle...I am surprised I did not fall over. This is also the time when I realized that Mr. Lush was carrying Mrs. Lush to the docks for some "private time" I assume. After headlocking the poor woman and begging her not to leave me, my own husband put his foot down and made me leave also, which is probably the smartest thing that could have happened.

I puked. All over the place. For some reason I was walking around the truck just puking. I am hot, I know. So this is the part that gets hazy. I know I went to bed, but damn it, I woke up with no panties and my hand smelled like sweaty ball sac. Hmmmm...honey???

So long ass weekend story even longer, Sunday and Monday were two awesome ass days. We spent a lot of time on the boat. Todd, Jake, and Trevor wakeboarded, which is so cool that they tried it. I even got out on the tube and I swam in the lake water. I know, can you believe it? That is not my thing. Usually I have to be pushed and then I cry like a little baby...not this time. The CU/CSU game was on on Sunday and it poured outside, so Mrs. Lush and I watched a movie in the camper and ate a bunch of junk.

On Monday, while we were out on the lake we learned from Kyle that Sweetie Pie and Jake are married now cause they kissed. WTF? Why didn't Jake tell me about this kiss. Apparently it all took place in my camper while they were watching a movie. Awww. This whole thing is just too sweet.

So here we are. We are home now. I am still rocking back and forth from the feeling of the boat. Of course, now that we are home Spencer has a raging ear infection and sinus infection, so now he is on medication and eardrops. I am sure there are so many things that I am forgetting and I will have add a whole new post to cover all the other good shit, so I will return.

This camping trip won an award...............................for best camping trip ever!!

We are camping...make that sleeping...

2008-08-29T14:46:00.004-06:00

So our first night camping at said private lake was a total blast. I came in this morning to get some work done and to take the kids to school. While sitting here trying so hard to be good I get a text message from hubby with this picture of Spanky out on the boat.

Not two minutes later I get this next picture of Spanky.

Sooooooooooo damn cute, right? He fell asleep almost immediately. Poor little man. Camping takes it out of him. Notice that damn pacifier in his mouth in the first pic? This is the little butthead who would never, ever take a pacifier, even right after birth.

I was fishing around in the top of his closet the other day and this basket full of pacifiers that I had forgotten about falls on the floor and this kid totally comes running out of no where and gets one. Now, he will not separate from it for anything. Even candy.

Hope you all enjoy your holiday weekend as much as I am gonna. Peas.