So Many Other Dreams...

Trust your body

2009-06-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

When your body is talking, it's wise to pay attention.

A month ago, my acupuncture student had a schedule shift. While I am very flexible in terms of when I can go for treatment, really, any day, any time, Dr. Zhong is only at the clinic on Wednesday morning. He has been following my treatment for more than a year, and he is known at the clinic as the herb guru. He knows his stuff people!

When my friend Elisabeth moved her acupuncture practice from Houston to ElPaso, she recommended the clinic where she went to school and in particular that I see any student supervised by Dr. Zhong as he still mentored her and was already familiar with my file.

My first student graduated and isn't quite ready to start her own practice. I really liked her and would have followed. My second student was okay, but English is not her first language and I often had to struggle to understand her. Her schedule shifted and somehow, she didn't understand my request for a student of Dr. Zhong.

My third student, hmm... I suppose I liked him well enough, but I was a little put out to be seeing a man. I tried really hard to specifically not judge the experience based on gender, but really it did make a difference, and I say that is equanimously as possible. In addition to his he-ness, he is followed by a different Dr. A Dr. not the herb guru as the herbs he switched me to made me pretty sick.

Sick is totally a relative term, but I was almost willing to go to a regular clinic (it was the weekend) because I had a major headache that I knew was not sinus or stress. I also had major joint and muscle acheyness, to say nothing of the fact that my disease was a little out of control. And let's not forget the fever and chills running rampant. And let's not forget, I was emotional and crying at the drop of a hat as well as feeling increasingly antisocial.

I had been given different herbs and it took about three weeks for all of this to build up to feeling like crappola. Then, after eb playing the concerned card, it occurred to me finally (D.U.H.) that it might be the herbs. I didn't take them the next day and I felt about 40% better by noon. Then I didn't take them the following day and I was feeling normalish. On the third day I took what was left from my previous prescription (for three days) and I called to reschedule my appointment from student 3, stressing that he was not the problem, and that it was essential to me that I have a student of Dr. Zhong. Nothing else mattered.

Student 4 has the same disease I do and has gotten treatment for it so she knows what works for her and that can guide her in working on me. She also used to get treatment form Elisabeth (who I started with) so there is some synergy going on.

Seems this time fourth time might be the charm. Stay tuned.

Tissues or not?

2009-05-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

I finally updated CG again. Sometimes I feel like a total slacker for not posting there more, and then I post and remember all things happen in their own time.

Tonight we see the Indigo Girls. I am excited to finally be seeing them. I think we have had occasion in the past and either just found out too late or been out of town. As it is, we just found out about them playing here last week so we nearly missed them again. I guess all things in their own time applies to this as well.

Time to scoot and it's a looooong weekend! Woohoooooo!

Be Generous...

2009-05-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

I lifted the following from Annie Modesitt's blog . I like the idea of spreading the love. And besides, Be Generous is one of the 37 Days principles... I wasn't able to be one of Annie's first 5 peeps, but I thought I would join in regardless.

The first five (cinq) (cinco) (5) people to respond to this post in the comments will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations so please read carefully:

I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. (No refunds... no exchanges!!!!)
What I create will be just for you, with love from me.
It'll be done this calendar year (2009) and when you get it, you have to let me know it arrived.
I will not give you any clue what it's going to be. It will be something made in the real world and not something cyber. It may be weird or beautiful. I may even create something totally unbelievable and surprise you!! It will be handmade and may be any medium I choose. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
I reserve the right to do something knittish or crochetish or not - it may be just weird!
In return, you must post this text into a note/post of your own and make 5 things for the first 5 to respond to it. If you don't, it's just bad karma heading your way.
Send your mailing address to me at queenmaxine at yahoo dot com.

The Power of One

2009-04-18T09:20:00.001-07:00

One compassionate word, action, or thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring him joy. One word can give comfort and confidence, destroy doubt, help someone avoid a mistake, reconcile a conflict, or open the door to liberation. One action can save a person’s life or help him take advantage of a rare opportunity. One thought can do the same, because thoughts always lead to words and actions. With compassion in our heart, every thought, word, and deed can bring about a miracle.

–Thich Nhat Hanh, from Teachings on Love

fyi

2009-04-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

Since I am no longer employed at JCP, I can no longer access the internal JCP web, and therefore am unable to email my peeps the Friends and Family sale coupon. I did, however, get my own coupon in the mail yesterday. The sale is this Sunday and you get the associate discount, an additional 20% off on most purchases. If you need anything from JCP, shop this Sunday and ask any associate for the event coupon.

Left of Center

2009-04-02T07:20:00.000-07:00

I knew when I parked the car that he would be waiting for me when I came out. Maybe knowing this is what led to me being able to maintain an equanimous mind during our confrontation. And really, it should be far left of center. As left of center as possible still allowing my fat ass to get out of the car.

For the most part, I have given up on Starbucks as a drive-thru experience. At least when I am in the store, if it isn't scalding hot, I can taste my chai latte and know if it needs more chai or not, but even if it is hot, I am watching it as it is made and can intervene at that time if I think the chai hasn't been properly dispensed. I just want my chai right. Is that too much to ask if I am being very specific when I order? It is too much to ask about 50% of the time, but I am developing patience to win the war.

The down side of this is a day like today. I want a chai and it is pouring. I wanted a chai enough to get out of the car in the pouring rain, but only if there was a space near the overhang. There was such a space, and the rain let up just enough, however, there was a big honking truck dangling precariously over the parking space line. I parked there anyway, knowing he would be waiting for me when I came out.

As it turned out, this man was in line right in front of me and we had exchanged pleasantries. We discussed the dynamics of making a decision on which sandwich to choose for lunch when it is hours away and you might change your mind by then. It was cordial. Light. And somehow I knew.

Make my order. Watch barrista like a hawk. Ask for more chai without even tasting. Taste. Ask for yet more chai. Next time it is this same girl barrista I will give her the Chef/Barrista chai pumping comparison test because she has failed three times now.

Chai in hand, I head out the door, and as predicted the window of the truck comes down right away.

Truck Man: (with his cordial smile still in place, but as I find out, it turns on a dime) Next time, you might consider leaving enough room for the person next to you to get into their vehicle.

Me: (equally cordial) Next time, you might park between the lines and not over the line into the next person's space.

TM: (his face was red and he gestures wildly) Well that's because that asshole (one space further right of me) was over the line.

Me: (lay on some sugar) So perhaps you made a poor choice when parking your big truck in a space not big enough to accomodate it's grandness while still affording you enough space to comfortable enter and exit your vehicle. (can you tell I have had this conversation before?)

Truck Man's face was still red, but now also all scrunched up like a cartoon character getting ready to blow his top. I could tell in this instant, he was consciously contemplating whether or not to cuss me out. To his credit (there's no way this man was going to win if he raised his voice further and started cussing me out) he chose to retain some gentlemanly dignity, but only some.

TM: Oh, go eat your sandwich!

Me: (doing my best to scrunch up my face and mock him a little while remaining equanimous and not crack the fuck up) Oh, go buy a small car!

TM draws in a deep breath as if he is readying himself for a long explosive rant and then as if a lightbulb went on over his head, he exhaled and said nothing, just continued looking at me.

Me: Good choice. Have a nice day.

unscathed

2009-03-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

This morning, I went to collect my chauffer for the day from his other job. He was ready on time and even willing and able. Chef has finally taken some driving lessons and has an appointment to take his test on 4/3 and damn but that biy needs practice. So I actually extended the olive branch and told him we were going shopping and out to lunch.

All in all, not too bad. I see the irony of it all because the same things I have to tell him as critique, my father had to tell me, mainly to be committed if your going and give the damn car some gas. I think that is the chief difficulty and I have to give myself big points for expressing this in a much kinder and gentler fashion than my dad did to me.

I might even go clean out the car so it is presentable when he goes to test in two weeks time.

Tuesday...

2009-03-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

I was really awake whn I got out of bed this morning, and now, a mere two hours later, I am really jonesing to crawl back. There is a certain listless quality companion to the frigid temps we have been experiencing of late.

Frigid. Yes! It has been frigid here in Houston, seemingly forever though realistically I suppose it has been less than a week since it was eighty degrees. On Saturday when I was driving to a knitterly meetup, I thought I saw a snow flurry or two even though I know it likely wasn't colder than 40, but 40 in March, in Houston, well, that's just criminal. I even wore socks one night out to dinner. Mismatched lovely hand knit socks with my sandals, and I was totally cozy at that point.

Today however, there is something disturbing in the listlessness. I feel on the precipice of something, though not necessarily in a bad way. I can't even vaguely identify what is disturbing about it all, but that label totally captures the feeling. Maybe I should just go home and crawl under the covers and knit a while.

some knitting

2009-03-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

Since I keep forgetting to take a pic of this and finally it is finished, I decided to throw it onto the scanner this afternoon. The scanner makes the colors much more muted, almost as if being viewed through a filter of sorts, or maybe under a piece of waxed paper. The Pueblo Stole is glorious. It is the first project where I actually felt as though I were knitting fabric. I think part of the reason it took so long to finish was how totally ennamored I was with it and that I just didn't want it to end. Now that it is done, I never want to take it off. If Lauren Bacall sees it from the stage tonnight and begs, I will resolutely have to decline. I seriously heart it that much.

The sock pictured below was like this also, I was totally digging the knitting, but unlike the Pueblo Stole, I knit the first sock in about 5 days, which for me is really fast. Of course I have not yet been motivated to begin the second sock, but it will happen soon. The pattern just really kept my attention and the repeat was easily remembered.

I have something new on the needles keeping me from the second Guernsey sock. No kidding? No kidding. I bought a Fleece Artist Lady of the Lake sweater kit when we were at my mom's in November. The colors are bright and leafy in a chocolate, red, orange, gold sort of way. There are burgundy and purple flashes here and there, too. The sweater is knit in two different yarns and the pattern is daring and brilliant in a very simple way. Let's all take a moment to hope it fits when I am finished, I kinda think it will. It is just a little obsessive at the moment, but in a new to the needles sort of way. My downfall with sweaters in the past has been the bigness of the project bringing on monotony or boredom, but so far I have to say that won' be the case this time. As a side note, any of these pattern names can be googled or searched on Flickr if you are at all interested in seeing many versions of them.

45 minutes more to kill at work and then it is off to the theater and Mz. Bacall via California Pizza Kitchen. My favorite go-to pizza there Pear and Gorgonzola, has been off the menu for a while, so something new will have to do.

Guernsey Sock

2009-03-07T06:48:00.000-08:00

The Big Sit

2009-03-01T07:35:00.000-08:00

This morning marks day seven of The Big Sit. Woohoo!

It is an interesting prospect on the weekend. I am up every day usually around 6, and then I have sat first thing, then let the dogs out of their crates. On the weekend, however, I am up and let the dogs out, then go back to bed for a while, and when I rise after that I sit. This morning that was about 830.

We have a terrier mix, Sawyer, who is 7+ and about 40 pounds. Then there is Nola, the MinPin weighing in about 12 pounds who is 6+. Finally, we have Lilli Munster, the Yorkie whose weight and age are currently the same, just over 3.

Nola is never a challenge to my morning sit, because there is almost always someone still in bed, and if someone, anyone, is in bed somewhere in the house, that is where Nola will be found. Sawyer can also pretty much take it or leave it and not be interested in Mom meditating, but when he does show an interest, he will sit facing me, upright and alert. It’s startling when I open my eyes and he is there just being.

Lilli Munster, well, she is my challenge. I try to consider myself her meditation teacher and I try to lead by example. Some days she gets it, some days not. She has classic monkey mind. Today, she would bring me a puppy thing (stuffed toy) and put it directly in my palm. I would treat it as a passing cloud and place it in my lap without acknowledging Lilli in any way. She did this thre times. Then suddenly, Sawyer was sitting in her way. She put the puppy thing in my other hand, I put it in my lap. Sawyer then snatched it and ran, instigating a round of chase. This happened several times, and I managed to keep my composure long enough to finish my sit.

Katherine (our Yoga and meditation teacher of old) told us that when we meditate, if a thought or distraction arises, treat it as a passing cloud...notice it and then let it go on by. She said there will always be environmental influences from the outside and the challenge is to let them just be.

At 20 minutes on the dot, Sawyer was again sitting right in front of me and just before I opened my eyes, he placed a paw directly on my heart center and leaned in with all his weight. Lilli was curled up in my lap.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

We made it 50 days...

2009-02-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

Sometime toward the end of last year, I had a moment of clarity and decided that one of our goals for 2009 should not only be a serious reduction to our credit card debt, but also a total cessation of use of the demon cards. Surprisingly, this really hasn't been terribly difficult because most of 2008 was a time of transition.

I think what facilitates the ease of this decision becoming reality the most is the fact that in our mid forties (well one of us is there...) we are pretty much home bodies. This is speaking to normal day to daym not vacation time, but the first vacation of the year has been totally paid for in cash. This is major for us, and the only reminder we need is to not celebrate this monumental occasion excessively while on said vacation. Admittedly we do still need to work on that one.

In the title of this post I say we made it 50 days, but realistically I think we made it more to 75 or so as this started before the holidays, but for accuracy, we consider the first of the year as marking the beginning of the concerted effort.

We still haven't had our official putting away of the credit cards party, but both eb and I carry just one in our wallets now and have agreed to emergency use only. So what constituted today's emergency?

For some time now, I have been putting off coing to the eye doctor. I really can't remember if I was due January 09 or 08, so I am either close to right on time or a year past due. For the past 6 monthe or so, I have been wearing glasses that are about 12 years old. My sun glasses are the current prescription, but my regular glasses broke and the frame had been discontinued soon after I got it, so, no luck in replacing the broken stem. My old glasses, though I know it is a huge no-no, were close enough.

I was putting off going to the eye dr because I decided I had to see someone new. When I went last time, the doc I had been seeing for about 5 years totally dismissed my questions about it perhaps being time for bifocals and made me feel crazy for even suggesting it. Truthfully, I was never really fond of my Woody Allen lookalike eye doc, it was a matter of convenience that I stayed with him as long as I did.

A friend of mine is a bit fanatical in her choice of any type of doctor and one day when we were discussing the whole bifocal dilemma, she told me about her doc and how long she has been with him and finally, today, I went to see him. I got the most thorough exam I have had in a long, long time. And I liked him right off, even though he is...a doctor.

The credit card came out because what I paid today, close to what I expected to pay, was only half the final bill, which means I will in all likelihood whip out another credit card when I pick my new car...I mean glasses up next week.

The doc asked me why I haven't done lasik. I told him what a wuss I am, and also that the expense when weighed against a possible vacation, seems too high to me. His only reply was to think about how much vacation I might be missing seeing less than I potentially could. I think he also knew that sticker shock might settle in. If I have to replace these glasses with any frequency, lasik might be moving up on the decision list. The doc seemed pretty confident I would come around and he told me when I was ready that he would refer me to the right person.

It isn't like I don't know several people who have done it, and I don't really know what I am so afraid of, but the idea of being awake and alert when that is going on just totally creeps me out.

Home body mode is secure for the time being.

Flash blogging to get it out of my head...

2009-02-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

McD*nald's is your kind of place
Hamburgers in your face
French fries up your nose
Pickles between your toes
And don't forget those chocolate shakes
They come from polluted lakes
McD*nald's is your kind of place

Where does this shit come from? Most likely this is a camp song, sung to pass the time while hiking up to Lookout to camp out or to the waterfall to swim. Definitely not a dining hall approved camp song.

More importantly, why this morning???

CSA

2009-02-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

The check is in the mail. Woohoo.

I just mailed the check for our first effort at being part of a Community Sponsored Agriculture program. There are several available throughout the greater Houston area, but most of them don't have a convenient pick-up point, and the ones that deliver to the home don't yet deliver on our side of town.

In the interest of omproving our quality of life, and because I have the luxury of a very flexible schedule, I decided that I was going to make the commitment to better living regardless of where I had to go for pick-up.

The other concern when making the decision is cost. Being new to it and not knowing what to expect, it's hard to commit to the $$ that some of the programs cost. Broken down by week, they really aren't excessive, but if you are paying in some cases annually, in some semi-annually, it can be a considerable chunk of change.

In my research, I came across Wood Duck Farm. They have an established presence at one of our local farmer's market, and they are starting a CSA program this spring. Their set-up for it seems to me like a bit of a pilot test program, and I think if it is successful it will continue forward. I like that the smaller scale means a smaller initial $$ investment. It lets us try it on in a comfortable manner, and there is a pick-up location about a mile from home.

And now we wait for it to begin...

Alec Baldwin is the new William Shatner

2009-02-04T11:16:00.000-08:00

I tried to embed the video directly, but as you might see, that didn't work right. Here's the link in case you haven't seen it.

http://superbowlads.fanhouse.com/quarter4/Hulu-Alec_Baldwin/2409778

So I saw this commercial and that was my immediate thought. "Priceline Ne Go Ti A Tor." Has Alec had some work done or what?

In other news, EB and I went to see Maya Angelou on Saturday. It was lovely to be awash in such glorious energy. I bought her latest book, Letters To My Daughter once I got the tickets to see her and I read it in a day. It isn't to her daughter, but to women and girls everywhere. Some of it is pretty deep. And jarring. It really is a worthy read.

Not a whole lot else I feel like blogging about at the moment, maybe more later.

It all started at 5:35

2009-01-25T06:34:00.000-08:00

That's A.M.

Nephew one, nearly eight, busts in to the bedroom and says:

N1: Aunt Maxine, I really need something to eat or I think I might throw up.
AM: Do you want me to cut you up an apple?

N1: No. That just won't do it.

I had to think fast because cleaning up vomit might just make me do the same. Really. I was reviewing what I had seen in the fridge and trying to think what might fill the bill. His mom says he will eat whatever we eat, and of her, that might be true, but we, umm, eat a little better than she does. We're all about cultivating our food snobbery.

AM: There's a bagel. Do you want it plain? Toasted? With butter?
N1: What I really like to eat is corn with peas.

I look in the fridge and lo and behold, there is a bowl covered with saran wrap of corn with peas.

AM: OK! Corn and peas it is.
N1: Don't make fun. It's not nice and I really like it. Really.

I'm not one to take being admonished by a seven year old(there is no nearly eight at this point, he's seven) and especially not at 5:35 in the morning, but he was all curled up on the couch looking pitiful and I was still concerned he might yak, so I cut him some slack. His corn and peas were warmed and I let him have them right there on the couch and I went back to bed.

About half an hour later, he is standing right next to the bed.

N1: Aunt Maxine. I have to get into bed with you guys because it's freezing on the couch.

Not one to argue half awake I help him settle in between us where it's nice and warm. He went right to sleep and I was graced with his corn and pea breath. Charming.

About 730, nephew two enters the picture. I could hear him calling s brother, looking for him. He had fallen asleep on the couch last night before seven. When I was up with N1, I noticed he wasn't there and even though he has his own keys to everything, I was pretty confident his four year old industrious self had in all likelihood awoken during the night and gone up to bed. Aunt Betsy (that's eb) had asked me if he was still sleeping after the N1 ordeal and I told her I thought he must have gone up to bed. She went and confirmed because she's good like that.

The bedroom door was closed and it was sort of like hearing a game of MarcoPolo. I could hear him calling and I then called him. He didn't hear me or was just distraught at not finding his brother. I finally got up and went out to see where he was and he was on the couch all sad looking.

N2: Where's N1?
AM: Getting warm in bed with us. Want to come?

Head nodding was the only answer. There really isn't much room left in the bed when the two of them are hogging the middle and Aunt Betsy and I got up around 8. N2 followed. N1 is still sleeping off his corn and peas.

It's a good thing we were both freezing our asses off enough to wear our pyjamas to bed last night.

PS...I alomst forgot. According to N2 (he with the heavy southun accent), you fry eggs in the payun.

Please tell me she was kidding,,,

2009-01-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Earlier this month, Persetta graduated. She was my TCM student doc for the last 6 months. I go to the local college of acupuncture for treatment every two weeks.

LiAn is my new TCM student doc. I was a little hesitant going with a second year student (Percetta was a fourth year), but LiAn is who Percetta and DR. Z(the supervisor and recognized herb guru) both recommended. I was expecting her to be a little less sure of herself, but let me tell you, she is confident with the needles and somewhat aggressive about it. These are good things. There are subtle differences in my results that aren't really something I can verbalize, small improvements difficult to quantify, but improvements nonetheless.

Yesterday I had 41 needles. LiAn said, "Some of your needles today will be bigger."

I held up my hand and told her, "Stop right there. I don't need to know more." Percetta knew how wussy I am about the whole needle thing and that I didn't want to know anything about it, that I trusted her to just do her thing. I don't need to see them. I don't need to know they might be bigger. I don't need to know that bigger needles go deeper.

Well, I forgot that all, and now I know. I need to clue LiAn in on my next visit. When she mentioned this and I told her to stop, I also opened my eyes. I was laying down on the table, glasses off and relatively relaxed. As I opened my eyes, my heart was racing just a tad. My spine tensed up and being already full of needles, I couldn't really move to stretch it out, so I asked LiAn to pause which she did, until I could breathe a little and calm my racing heart. From my vantage point, prone, eyes open, and glasses off, the needles on either side of my nose came into focus and they looked like small finishing nails. In my face. That did little to help slow my racing heart so I closed my eyes and tried a few deep cleansing breaths. I was relaxed again in a few moments and LiAn quietly went about her work.

After the needles came out and I met LiAn at the desk, She told me, "Your pulse slippery today, so new rules...no sweet. No fried. No cheese. No spicy"

"What's left," I innocently queried.
"No sweet. No fried. No cheese. No spicy."

No food love? Oh my.

The new rule journey begins today. I think no spicy will be the greatest challenge, and I am modifying that right out of the box to less spicy. I told LiAn this and she frowned and basically conceded we have to start somewhere.

Birth Day

2009-01-14T07:26:00.000-08:00

Twenty-four years and a few hours ago, I was in crazy pain. I was twenty years old and at that very moment, I had the harsh realization that maybe I didn't know quite everything. Harsh. Very harsh.

Sometime the night before, I was awakened in the night to these sudden and sharp pains in the small of my back, pausing just a moment, and then searing up my spine. I thought I was going to die. Then, my water broke and the only thing that came to mind was a big "Uh oh..."

At the time, I lived in a house on the hill in a fairly wealthy section of Lake Placid. The only way this was affordable was to have five of my nearest and dearest move in with me. It was a four bedroom and I shared a room with Chef's father. It was downstairs and had an attached full bath. Kathy had the other downstairs bedroom, also with an attached bath. Upstairs was Kim in her own bedroom and Danny and Val, sharing the fourth bedroom. Both upstairs bedrooms shared a bath, and each were equipped with two twin beds. The place had oil heat, but we mostly relied on the woodstove downstairs in the living room, and since we were all coming and going at various odd hours, it was pretty easy to keep it going most of the time.

Kim was my best friend and we had fully discussed her taking me to the hospital when it was time. It was very naive of us to presume that "time" would be convenient to our schedules, and that making the 15 mile ride to the hospital wouldn't be that big a deal. We hadn't considered that it might be the middle of the night. Or that I would be in excruciating pain. Or that it would be one of the worst snow and ice storms we had ever known. Or that Kathy would be the only person home at the time and
not the person I wanted in attendance.

I think it took us well over an hour to get to the hospital, and it was a miracle we didn't freeze to death in a ditch on the side of the road. As bad as the pain was, I couldn't fathom giving birth in the back seat of the car, and home delivery was in no way an option.

My OB doc, Dr. V, was a pleasant older man. He was nearing retirement and had a new young partner. A very handsome and sexy new young partner, Dr. M. I made it my entire treatment schedule managing to see only the aging Dr. V. and having done nothing more than shake hands at the initial meeting with Dr. M. You know who was on call that night. Damn.

Had I taken child birth classes? Umm, no. Had I read up on the process? Nope. I was 20 and figured anything I needed to know would be explained along the way. I didn't ask a single question. I had no idea that an epidural might leave me paralyzed. But when that answer to my excruciating pain was offered up very matter-of-factly, I signed the consent form and held very still for that long thick needle to be inserted into my spine.

And then, the next thing I knew, from about my boobies down, I. Felt. Nothing. Not a thing. It was as if my body just stopped at my boobies. My contractions were still charging away as evidenced by the monitor, but I didn't feel a damn thing. I was liking it.

Since that illustrious time in my life, I have learned a wee bit more. I know, for example, it is quite ordinary to have an epidural and still be able to push. Mine was administered a tad too high. No pushing for me. All of a sudden it was time and my thighs and knees were right there on the table along side my shoulders and upper arms. This struck me as terribly funny. I was laughing uncontrollably at the sight of it all and it still gives me a chuckle today.

Delivery was a breeze and suddenly there was a baby on me. Kathy had to hold him there because I still could feel nothing. The nurses took him away after a few minutes and I was cleaned up and wheeled back to my room.

The next three days were a bit of a blur because I had a nasty reaction to the epidural. "I suppose she's allergic," one nurse quitly said. I was violently ill for three days. At one point it felt as if I was vomitting with every breath I drew. And in spite of it being 94 degrees in my room and me having multiple layers of blankets, I was freezing.

In the middle of all this, round about day two, I met my almost mother and sisters-in-law. Almost. I had been dating Chef's father for more than three years, two of those years living together, and I had met his youngest sister. Turns out she was the sane one in the family. Kathy had told Chef's father how sick I was. She told him that she could take him to see his son (and maybe me, too) at any time because she took those days off. Did he show up once? No. But I was lucky enough to meet his mom and sisters under those charming circumstances. Go team.

When I went home on day six, I had plenty of help to figure the mom thing out. Mostly, I sat in the rocker in front of the fire and drank a lot of juice to try to rehydrate a little. Someone always brought home some homemade soup from the deli for the first month or so, and it slowly became apparent that I was seeing less and less of chef's father. At that point, I really didn't care.

Enough thinking about the physical pain...Happy 24th, Chef!

A year ago...

2008-12-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

My good intentions have been straying for nearly a year. How does that happen? It isn't that there haven't been other good intentions in the mean time, but honestly a year? I don't understand how I could have been so remiss. It has been a year since I have posted over on the new blog, Cultivating Grace. I am so ashamed.

I need some sort of publishing goal for that blog. Daily is definitely out of the question and weekly, too, seems daunting. Monthly seems lazy. Twice monthly seems achievable. I will declare it. My goal for CG for 2009 shall be twice monthly.

I read an awesome book a few months back, so awesome that I took notes as I reread it immediately upon finishing it the first time around. I had an entire post in my head surrounding the notes for the CG blog and poof. It is missing. The notes might be findable and I think I might make this an immediate task. I think I will order the book too as I had it from the library on the first go round.

The book is called The Knitting Sutra and it is by Susan Gordon Lydon. It is subtitled Craft as a Spiritual Practice. I know there are those among you who scoff at the idea of reading a knitting book, but honestly, this book is suitable for the non-knitter. I challenge you to check it out from the library, read it, and then tell me it isn't great. You know you want to...

My other goal for the new year is to get my Etsy.com shop up and running. That has been languishing since Nov 07. Imagine renting a store front and just letting it sit there for a year. That wouldn't happen so I guess it is time to take it a wee bit more seriously and be a tad more proactive in its pursuit.

That leads to my other goal. More knitting.

Simple enough.

Really.

The saga begins...

2008-12-12T05:18:00.000-08:00

Aunt Flo wasn't quite kicking my ass, but I wanted nothing more that to lie in bed all afternoon, so when I got home from work shortly after four, I did exactly that.

Deep under the covers is right where eb found me when she got home around 530. I had wanted to go with her to her appointment with La Querida, but I just wasn't getting up for anything. I even had the jar of Skippy and a spoon on my bedside table so I was pretty settled in. I was toggling back and forth at that point between an old Kurt russell movie, The Thing, and an episode of Stargate. I was into the movie until the thing first appeared, but then lost interest. I wanted to put a movie on, but was too entrenched in my covers to get up even for that.

Before I started dozing, I decided to get up and make some mac and cheese and cheddarwurst, always good for what ails you. I knew eb would be coming in around the time it all came together and made the family size box with extra pasta. Velveeta Shells and Cheese always needs extra pasta to make it edible so it was a nice stretch and it left extra for the boys.

I dished up our portions and eb asked where I was going to eat. I think she knew the answer would be in bed, but she was just being sure. As I was getting settled back amongst the covers, she asked if I wanted her to put a movie in. She was all prepared to indulge me with The Rock when our newest TV on DVD addition caught her eye, and thus the saga begins... Witchblade...

Sarah Pazini looks good in HD at 42 inches.

xmas comes early

2008-12-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

EB and I , in a round about way, sort of agreed on no presents this year. I suppose no presents is a stretch. More precisely, we agreed on no frenzied shopping just to have a mass of gidts under the tree. Life has been good to us of late, and we pretty much get what we feel we need as we need it. Or as we are inspired by events otherwise.

This really began long before the recent visit North to check up on my mom, but that trip serves as a perfect example to illustrate that xmas comes early.

We, eb and I, really needed to help mom organize and sort through the congestion of crap that is her humble home. It likely goes without saying that this isn't exactly what Barbara needed. I think barbara just needed some company. We had decided before we left home that there wouldn't be a contest of wills. We agreed that we were traveling North with no expectations. The visit was actually much more pleasant than I had anticipated once we got past the notion of really having to organize.

Having to organize and not being able to translated to limiting the amount of time spent at Casa Barb. On one of the many little side trips around the North Country, my mom asked if we could stop at the bank so she could pick up a little cash. No, ma, we can't. Of course we stopped and she went on inside.

When she came back to the car, she passed an envelope back to me and said, "Here's a little something for your trouble." Once I counted the little something, I knew instantly my mom was buying our complicity in her denial about needing to organize. The little white bank envelope held 20 fifties. Good daughter that I am, I asked her if she was certain she had given me the correct envelope. "It isn't enough? The number should start with a one." Apparently I had the correct envelope afterall.

This is when xmas first came early. We blew the whole wad while we were up North. Some in a gallery in Lake Placid. Some at the yarn store. Some at the bead store. I could sit here and take a full inventory and not be able to tell you where all the money went, but it was the beginning of our holiday season or the end of our birthday season...in style...

Yesterday was the holiday JCP associate shopping event. That it is the last associate shopping event we will attend isn't germaine to our having bought the whole store. Of course we didn't buy the whole store, we never even went downstairs for crying out loud. Usually on associat shopping we end up spending two to three hundred dollars and we get a lot of stuff. This year we were much more selective though we did manage a few impulse purchases along the way as well as managed the barest restraint.

We went intending to get jeans, underthings, candles and sheets. We managed all of these as well as various assorted tops. I think we were remiss in not going down to the shoe department, but we do still have a few weeks to decide if we need some new shoes.

Our impulse purchases? I finally got a dutch oven. Original price was $140, on sale for $70, final price $36 and some change. I am going to break it in, possible this weekend with Ina's French cookbook. I need to peruse it again and select just the right thing...

Out other impulse purchase was a new set of dishes. I am not quite sure how the new set, 4 of everything, will replace our current 8 of everything, but the deal was similar to that on the dutch oven. I am half considering seeing if the store manager will honor the price on a second set.

Candles were on our list, but they also fall to the impulse category as well because we, umm...bought about 15 or so big, Chunky, Candles. The house will smell divine.

Our restraint? We were going to get a wall unit for the master bath but we didn't. We had already decided on something from Ikea. That's one reason. Of the choices, eb oreferred one and I preferred the other, but neither of us felt strongly enough about it to make our case, so we decided to wait.

We had $1400 of merchandise, 42 items, and came in under $500. Ho. Ho. Ho.

Life is good.

Naked in the House

2008-11-25T06:52:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful way to start the day!! Naked! In the house!!

I absolutely love it when I get up in the morning and I know, without checking, it is a naked in the house kind of morning. T is off holidaying with his other fam in CO, and W is at work, of this I am certain because I actually heard him leave this morning in the wee hours. This creates, ta-daaaaaaaaaaaa...a Boy Free Zone!

EB and I take every opportunity to commune with our environment in all our joyous nakedness and cherish the BFZ above most everything(excepting, of course, each other). I am so giddy about it that I ordered my chai this morning with whole milk. It is a morning to celebrate and indulge.

The downside of my giddiness came by way of forgetting something for which I will pay the price all morning. The moisturizer eb uses is not moisturizer I can use because, alas, it has a very minute amount of lavendar in it. I say very minute because given the sniff test, I thought it was safe. It isn't. So now I am enjoying the tingly sensation on my minimally moisturized face. If you have ever had a chemical peel or intense facial, you know what I mean.

My eyebrows, the edges of my lips, the edge of my chin, and along my hairline on my forehead are all atingle. I know from previous similar experience that washing my face again, unless I was to fully jump into the shower for a thorough dousing, would only make it worse. I sort of have to just ride out the storm on the rare occasion this happens. Perhaps this time, the action will take hold in my memory in such a way that I don't readily forget such things again. I am just glad I used it so sparingly.

What sounds good for lunch?

$18.61

2008-11-20T07:45:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it? I almost fell over from the shock. Eighteen Dollars and sixty-one cents. I wanted to go inside and pay in cash. I was on E on the way to work and before getting into the loooooong Starbucks line, I stopped for gas. I still can't believe I filled my tank for under twenty bucks. 10,955 gallons at $1.69 per. If I had a gas card it would have been $1.54.

Amazing.

Last week, we spent 5 days visiting my mom in upstate NY. I packed socks. I wore them nearly every day. It was bloody cold. While we saw some remnants of snow on the ground here and there while driving around and the upper elevations were all snow covered, it actually snowed (flurries mostly) our last two days there and they got a few inches once we were safely back in Houston.

The trip itself went better than expected, and mom seems to be doing well. She is still in denial about how much crap she needs vs should be thrown away, but we're working on that. We managed to remove seven boxes of vintage cameras and accessories which we shipped home. There's umm...more...camera...crap...

I got home and it suddenly occurred to me that next Thursday is Thanksgiving. Surely there are a few more weeks? I need to get the grocery list up and running so I am not at the store next Wednesday.

We have been busy bees and it looks as if it isn't about to let up any time soon. Last night we had a girl's night salon, as in some of our peeps came over for hair cuts. That was fun. Coming up is getting some knits ready for an artists' sale this weekend, a day with the nephews, some artisan market days, holiday parties...oh, and we have a tree to put up somewhere along the way.

I better get to knitting.

Lost

2008-11-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

Last year, eb and I had an addiction. It started out small enough with the purchase of Lost season one at Costco. We thought we might finally discover what all the noise was about this series. The fourth season was getting ready to air on tv at the time. We had no designs on catching up, we just thought we would mosy through season one and then move on to subsequent seasons.

I don't say addiction lightly. Before we reached the end of season one, a mere 5 or six days later, I had discovered that abc.com has the entire series available online to view at our own pace. Our pace was fast forward and before the month was out, we were caught up and anxious every Thursday as we waited for the new episode.

I didn't really care for the show as much when I had to wait a week for the next episode. I learned that my true addiction was tv on dvd, not the show itself, which is not to say I wasn't also addicted to the show, but I think the show is the lesser of the addictions.

Yesterday, during a decidedly slow day at work (in the middle of a decidedly slow week), I decided to revisit Lost from the beginning while filling out my time. with our new office set up, my desk has me facing the door, so my monitor isn't visible to anyone walking by. It's a good thing too, because I am hooked again.

Lost is compelling in a way that I am fortunate to not have any equally compelling work to do.

Defining home

2008-10-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

I have been reading solbeam for several years now and her insights to herself and the world usually have some form of resonnance. The following quote is from an entry where she is asked to

define home.

"We human beings, both individually and cumulatively, will constantly be presented with the challenges and opportunities to evolve to our higher selves regardless of the continent upon which we happen to find ourselves born or standing. I need not cross the world on a jet engine to either solve the puzzles of the planet or recognize the mystery of life. But perhaps, like Santiago, we just have to make the physical journey to come to that same, mocking-with-good-humor-at-
our-humbling-expense, conclusion."

Take some time for yourself today and go get lost in her blog.