Tomorrow Will Never Come!

Why?

2009-10-12T11:09:00.003-04:00

Today God is reminding me to think on things that have eternal value- character, relationships, deep meaningful things. I feel spiritually "heavy." I'm battling the flesh as usual and am finding myself very "me-focused." I can become consumed with negativity about myself to the point of not being able to see obvious ministry opportunities right before my very eyes.

Remind me again- Why does God want people like me who have junk in their hearts and lives? Why does He choose to give me things I do not deserve? Why can't I just quit and be a reclusive person who never has to face the fear of failing people????????????? Why do I easily forget that this life is but a vapor of time compared to eternity? Why do I settle for less when He wants the best for me?

There's really only one answer....BECAUSE He is God and He is love. The deep mysteries of God
are beyond my comprehension. No eye has seen nor ear has heard the wonders of his love! He can do above and beyond what we can think or imagine!

So....I'm resting today in His truth. I'm seeing more and more spiritual things around me- a war is going on and it's rough! God- here I am. Just plain ole me- use me as you want to please!

k

Spiritual Awakening

2009-09-21T06:17:00.004-04:00

Sometimes you don't know how dead you are until you've been made alive again. There are times in my life when I am more alive..the sky is a little bluer...the grass a little greener....the air a little fresher. However, I'm taking note that these times usually come after a very dark time....when the sky is grey...the grass is brown and full of weeds....and the air is heavily polluted.

Less than one week ago I was lower than low. A spiritual awakening seemed miles and miles away...nearly unattainable. My wretchedness had boiled over with ugly comments to my precious hubby, sarcasm that could slice a soul in two, a desire to just dissappear for a while, a swelling discontent heart- things were a bit ugly to say the least. I could barely muster up the prayer to ask for His help to change my heart. Lies were swarming through my mind like a mad bee's nest. The lies became so loud and distracting that I questioned my entire purpose in ministry. I wanted to hide because what I once heard God say appeared to be a deception.

Bottom line- I became ME focused instead of God-focused.

I began to beg God..."please, please bring back my passion to evangalize. Bring back the boldness that was not worried about what other's would think. Bring back my passion to teach and speak to women. Lord, bring the opportunities that are of you." The buzzing of the bees were distracting, loud and mind-cluttering. The lies were continually NON-stop! "Kara, get real...no one will want to listen to an over-weight crazy like yourself! You are going to flub everything up and won't convey salvation in a clear way, etc...etc...etc. Bla...Bla...Bla!"

Then, the God of the universe, the lover of my ugly soul, the forgiver of my disgusting selfishness, the perfect creator of all good- He chose to scoop me up, cradle me and love on me!
He revealed truth to me and let me tell you....Oh, Oh...how sweet truth is and how freeing.

There was a course of events that He used specifically that I will not go into. But these led up to last night-
downtown Lafayette
Lafayette Theatre
6-8 p.m.
Elston Family Church- Night of Worship
He rocked my world.

I want to be healthy...if for NO other reason so I can bounce up and down and not feel that my rolls are on their own gravity program :) I want to jump higher than Heather (you had to be there...teeheee) a person half my size can easily spring themselves several inches higher than me! I want to dance my toosh off and not tire easily. Ideally, I would not be dizzy and light-headed at the end of some rockin' awesome worship :)

Side note- I 100% used to be convinced that people that acted the way in which I am describing were PURELY nuttso! Crazies! Wack-jobs! Deceived! How could a godly, conservative Christian act so "free?" Remember...I spent 9 years in a church where swaying back and forth might have been considered too radical! And raising your hands....uh....NEVER! Veering from the songlist and time allotted for worship- No way!

But last night- God rocked the house. He blew the top off. He said "Worship ME and Me alone!"
He wooed the spirits of many. He caused me to yell out to Him with affirmation of how great HE is. I couldn't sing loud enough. I couldn't jump high enough. I couldn't lay flat enough. I couldn't cry hard enough. I couldn't smile big enough. I couldn't express in human ability how much I believe in His power and might.

He can move the mountains. He can calm the seas. He reigns. He died for me. He restores. He is on the throne. He listens. He cares. He moves how and where He pleases. My God is mighty to save.

I saw a woman whom I call my friend, Tisha, obey the Lord and stand up before all of us to beautifully sign "Amazing Love." She's finally going to use the gift God has given her and not hide it any longer. Praise be to HIM.

I saw another woman try to "pass the buck" as she called it. The Spirit kept telling her that an invitation for salvation needed to be spoken from the mike. God pushed her up on stage so she could share how great our God is and to invite anyone who didn't know to come and find out!

I saw friends worshipping like they had never worshipped before, reaching higher and higher to the throne of Glory- going after all that God had for them and stopping at nothing.

I saw passionate worship leaders pour their heart and soul into chasing after God and taking us higher and higher. I heard the voice of an angel.....Lindsay sing my favorite...."Come to me."
But it was more than her angelic voice that echoed in the place- it was a gifting like I've NEVER, NEVER seen or heard.

A spiritual awakening is a beautiful thing. I woke up this morning with a revived heart.
All glory be to Him.

k

Here we go again!

2009-09-05T10:11:00.003-04:00

The following is my very first post ever. March 2008. I just re-read it and can't believe that was me. I want that fire back. Sadly, I am back up in weight to where I first began. What a journey.
So....here we go again. It's time to get my hiney back in gear. Anyone want to come along???

March 2008:
I've decided to begin the end. Sounds odd doesn't it? Well, is what I mean by that is that my entire life has been consumed by food- what I'm gonna eat, what I'm not gonna eat, how much I weigh, how much I've lost, what size I wear, etc.Well, I've decided to begin the end- the end to a lifelong struggle with weight, food addiction and unhealthy living.This journey is gonna be lovely and ugly, happy and sad, triumphant and dissappointing.This is going to be a frank and honest journal of my past, present and future health. Please join me on this journey and watch the "me" turn into the "me" God wants me to be. My precious friend Renay is also walking this journey with me, one bite at a time :) We can and WILL do this and NOT for our own glory, but for God's Kingdom. We are going to be 2 hot, fit mamas ready to serve our King like crazy!!!!!!WARNING: Sit down and be prepared to read some shocking numbers... I hate weight. I'm sick of being labeled by my weight. I remember various times in my life as to how much I weighed.. that's crazy!!!!First and foremost, I must give all the glory where it belongs and that is to the God of the universe, the one who sent His one and only Son to die a painful death on the cross in place of MY sin. Hmmmm... my sin? Yep! Jesus went to that cross for my addiction to food. My life is full of sin that thankfully Jesus has wiped clean from the slate so that I can be righteous in God's eyes! Yay!!! I was saved at about 8 years old and asked Jesus to cover me with His sacrifice on the cross... yet, I have struggled all of my life since about the age of 8 with loving food more than anything else! I can remember my Kindergarten school picture just looking as cute as can be, then by 4th grade I didn't sit up straight and you could see the roll of my chest (didn't have real boobs yet)... that was a mortifying picture!!! Anyhow... my years after that were spent "sucking it in" when trying on an outfit, standing before the mirror. Hearing many comments from people who loved me about my weight and the importance of "suck in your gut and stick out your butt" for pictures or "that makes you look thin" (yes, I know that sounds crazy, but I heard it more than you can imagine at a very young age.)At last.. a beginning to an End of negative comments by family tearing at my heart and destroying my healthy view of myself, food and weight. (yes, I know that loving people will always say negative things, but this is the end of it ruling my life!!!)Some more history.....At age 10 I weighed 135 lbs. Then, the summer before 8th grade, I lost a lot of weight and was looking pretty good- a size 9 in juniors! But that wasn't good enough since all of my friends were a size 5!!! (This was also the same summer of my parent's divorce).Highschool was going good with me getting to about 145 lbs. I played volleyball and loved to exercise. I battled on and off with bulemia though. Then at the age of 16 I became pregnant with Anna. John and I got married at 17. My highest pregnancy weight was 175.... ahhhh... those were the days.... :) After Anna was born the roller coaster began again... up and down.... At age 19, John, me and Anna lived in Beaufort, SC as JOhn was in the Marine Corps and I went to the Dr. for an exam. This was the first time a dr. ever told me that I was obese and needed to lose 50lbs. I was devastated, embarrassed and shocked! By using Herbalife products, I got down to about 160 and felt great. Then, slowly back up, up, up again! After a miscarriage in 1999 (before Abby).. I became very depressed. I gained a ton of weight with pregnant with Abby in 1999-2000.At last.. a beginning to an end of the food roller coaster.Eventually I got up to 273 lbs., after Evan was born (yes, that is a 100 lb. increase)!After praying and begging God to help me, I was guided to LA Weightloss and lost 90 lbs. withthem before getting pregnant with Emma at 180 lbs. After Emma my weight skyrocketed again.. I could eat 5 qts. of vanilla icecream with chocolate syrup in just 2 days. No, i'm not exaggerating. I was struggling with post partum depression too. My weight crept up over 200 lbs. and then I got pregnant with Avry! We finally figured out what causes that and John got a visectomy :) tee -hee! I remember stepping on the scales and full pregnancy with Avry and seeing 250 lbs and thinking- I can't believe I got this heavy again!!! After Avry, I was up and down...a long story to say that as of last Friday, Good Friday- I weighed 272 lbs.I was told a year ago by my Dr. that I had to lower cholestrol- triglyc. were the worst (carbs!) and that I was "pre-diabetic". I promised to work at it and lose weight. Shocker... it didn't happen! I went back recently to find out that the cholestrol is still bad, but thank the good LORDthat I am NOT diabetic!!! That was it!!! I have had it!!!God is sooo cool.. His timing is always perfect. The very next Sun. after hearing this from dr. ,Pastor Randy did a message about "specific sin"... Hmm.... He even asked that people come forward and pin their sin, written on a note card, to the huge wooden cross at front of church. I can still remember exactly where mine is pinned. It read "overeating".Now here's the sad part.. I wanted to really confess it to God, cause that's the right thingto do. But I definately wasn't ready to give it to HIM fully. I was terrified that "I wasn't ready" or "I'll just fail, so why bother". Nonetheless, I pinned my card up there out of obedience to Godand went on with life. That was also the weekend of our church-wide 24 hour prayer and I knew breakthrough was coming.. I just didn't know when. God kept stirring in my spirit all week long.I have recently heard that many of my friends use Weight Watchers and I became very interested. Finally, by Friday which was Good Friday I logged onto Weight Watchers and joined the online version! I love it and have been doing it now for 1 week.At last .... The Beginning to an end of weighing 272 lbs.Please pray for me whenever you see a fat person... :) I hate that word.. "fat".. but you got to call a spade a spade. I desire for every inch of my body to be pleasing to God. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I do want Him to be pleased with my stewardship of HIS temple... my earthly body.I'm only 30 years old and I don't want to be unhealthy anylonger!!At last... The beginning to an end of an unhealthy body.For years, I've desired to be very close to God.. to walk like HIM, to think like HIM, to talk like HIM, to eat like He would. I've wanted this intimate relationship with Jesus that has been somewhat obtainable. I don't want "somewhat" anylonger!!!! There's ONE key thing holding me back and separating me from my heavenly Father and from living the fullest life that He has for me... and that is my love affair with food. I want to dance the dance of my life in the arms of Jesus. He is the lover of my soul, my biggest fan, the one who will NEVER leave me.I'm sick of being sold short and buying into the lie that food will satisfy my deepest longing. It won't and can't. I know God has made me a passionate person for many reasons and I believe the biggest reason is so that I can turn my greatest weakness into my greatest ministry.This is the Beginning to an End of a "somewhat" close relationship with Jesus. I'm ready for the REAL thing!

Today, September 5th- one and half year later....here I go again :)
k

Never a Coincidence

2009-08-26T21:34:00.003-04:00

So, the story of my life is bumping into people that I know. It's not just a social occasion, but there is ALWAYS a deeper, underlying spiritual message that God has for me. Here's what happened to me today.

John and I attended the funeral of a young man named Jesse whom we used to attend church with at our previous home church, Grace Baptist. We were there for 9 years and the attendance was usually around 25 people, so we were very close knit and we had the opportunity to get to know Jesse pretty well. Jesse was being raised by his grandparents and attended regularly from about the age of 12-18 years old. We hadn't seen him for about 3 years when we received the sad news that he was tragically killed in a car wreck over this past weekend. We are so thankful that he knew Jesus and is in Heaven!

He was planning to marry Heidi, the mother of his 3 year old son, Austin. He was going to also adopt her other son whose now 16 months old. They were not planted in a church and I'm not sure of where she stands with God. Today was of course a tough, heart-wrenching day for the entire family. I was able to hug and grieve with most of his close family members...all except Heidi. My heart literally broke for her as I overheard her little son's question of "Mommy, where is daddy?" She answered, "Remember, he's in the coffin." Tears just streamed uncontrollably down my face. All I could think about and pray for was for God to PLEASE, PLEASE guide this little boy and to make sure he was raised to know Jesus.

Fast forward 6 hours later. After church, I dropped off the 4 teens that we had taken or needed a ride home. As I pulled up to Julia and Hunter's apartment complex, I noticed a gal with a purple top on speaking on the cell phone in the parking lot of the complex. My mouth dropped open in disbelief. I whispered to Julia, is that girl's name Heidi (as I didn't have a clear view of her face, but recognized the purple top that I had seen 6 hours earlier at the funeral) She said YES! I pulled up to her, got out of the car and motioned to her. She got off the phone and came to me with her arms opened wide. I embraced her and began to weep. She kept telling me that she had to be dragged from the coffin because she wasn't ready to let him go. Her entire world has been flipped upside down and she is mourning, devastated, crushed at the passing of this young man. She pulled me around to the back of the complex and said "I want you to meet my mom."
We talked for about 20 minutes as she would occasionally just crumble into a weeping mess. I couldn't even imagine the sorrow or pain.

Then, out of know where she said, "I want your family to come to Austin's bday party this Sat. at the park. And I want you to know Kara that anytime you want to take the boys and spend time with them, take them to church, whatever...you just let me know because I know that's what Jesse would've wanted." Literally, she opened her heart and just handed me the spiritual guidance of these 2 boys. I had no idea that God was going to answer my prayer by using me in this little boy's life. Not only in 1 little one's life, but she opened it up for both of her sons' lives.
Little does she know that I'm not going to leave her behind.

I have no idea where this story will lead. But I do know that God knows and He's in control.
He loves this young mommy and her 2 little boys like mad!!! I have complete faith in God that he orchestrated this encounter this evening and that He has a plan for Heidi, Austin and baby Cody that will blow us all away. My eyes have been opened this evening to a new personal ministry. After telling John this story, he said that we have been commissioned by God to love these boys and mom too :)

There are 1000's of homes in West Lafayette. What are the chances that I would pull up to just the right location at just the right time to interact with this young lady who I saw just 6 hours before? What are the chances that my prayer for a little red-headed adorable 3 year old would be answered with such a clear offer from his mother? Well, with God in control, I guess the chances were pretty good. There is definately NO such thing as a coincidence!!

Isn't God awesome??
k

Good Ole Fashioned Cry

2009-08-25T09:02:00.004-04:00

A good cry is worth a lot. Do you ever find yourself crying and thinking "what is wrong with me? why am i so emotional?" I tend to want to make excuses for a good cry. Excuses like "Oh, I'm just hormonal" or "I think I'm close to THAT time of the month." Why can't I just be fine with a good ole solid cry? Well, last night- finally I just let it all out and cried and cried and cried. I almost hypervenilated, but it felt good! There was a burden lifted from my shoulders as I sobbed. Anyone who knows me well knows that I rarely ever sob, I'm just not a weepy person in general.

I realized that life is passing so quickly. God holds everything in the palm of his hands and knows the pains of my heart. He also knows when I try to bury those pains. Have you ever let your thoughts take you to a deep dark place of sadness, lonliness, desperation? I had convinced myself that one of my family members didn't care about me anymore and that I didn't hold a special place in their heart. I started to picture the future and how I would become just a nobody to that person. I was so wrapped up in my own sad fantasy that I didn't even think to just pray about the situation. How silly of me. Seriously! God wants to comfort me and restrengthen this relationship and He loves for me to just pour my heart out to him. So, today I'm choosing to release all of those thoughts and lay them at Jesus' feet. He says to cast all our cares on Him for He cares for us. So, there it is. God, I'm waiting on you to strenthen my relationship with this person and I trust you have what's best for me in store.

Not sure what God has in store for me today since I can't do laundry or dishes. There is a main valve flushing occuring in our neighborhood community well water system. Thus, the water is disgustingly orangish/brown. Hopefully, by this afternoon it will be all flushed. So, today...I'll just watch for Him to move.
k

Early risers

2009-08-19T08:28:00.002-04:00

What a glorious day it will be. This morning was much more peaceful as most of the kids did not wake up until 7 a.m.! How can I be so blessed as to have early risers? I KNOW for a fact when Kristy and I were kids that we had to be pried out of bed. I NEVER woke up before the alarm clock went off. We could have our kids go to bed later so that they would hopefully wake up later in the morning. Nah...I don't want to sacrifice that sweet, quiet alone time with John. Wait a second...why am I even complaining. Have I forgotten the days of being woke up several times a night? Nevermind all this jabber...I am thrilled to have early risers :)

I'm praying that God holds the rain off for our church event tonight. Last time we had one, the gray clouds loomed overhead and it barely sprinkled as we were tearing down. I'm really looking forward to tonight!!!

Well, I feel rather boring this morning- so I'll say farewell! I need to go weigh myself actually.
Yesterday afternoon, I got nasty stomach cramps and didn't feel well all afternoon- so I didn't walk :( That's ok...it's a marathon and not a sprint.
k

Goals and rambling

2009-08-18T08:22:00.003-04:00

Physically- My goal for today is to take a 1 mile walk. Drink at least 100 oz. of water. Eat smaller portions.
Spiritually- be on the look out for God sightings. Pray and worship as I'm driving in the van. Listen to God.

Did anyone else get woke up last night to the pounding sound of thunder and the sharp crackling of lightening? I actually made myself laugh in the middle of the storm because as I listened to the various "tones" of the lightening striking, I found myself thinking "that kaboom sounded like it had to burp." You may think I'm nuts, but it sounded just like when someone is about to belch and then the belch just kinda fizzles out. Sometimes you don't know if a burp is going to be loud and forceful or lose it's momentum half way through:) When the lightening did strike loud and strong- I was almost convinced that a tree by our house had been struck and I was waiting for it to come crashing through the roof!!! By God's grace, only one child woke up, Abby. That was a miracle!!!

So, this morning all but 1 child were up by 6:15 a.m. I tried to be cheerful, but was a little dissappointed and wondered "How can my children sleep through storms like last night, but the smallest movement in the kitchen awakes them?" Anna is very quiet in the mornings and we even whisper! Oh well...just thankful to have children to referee in the mornings.

Have a blessed and glorious day today! Look for those God sightings- He's at work all around us!
k

Crazy in Love with....

2009-08-16T20:31:00.003-04:00

Change. What does it take to change? What do I have to do? What do I have to believe? Why does it seem that I can never outrun the need to change?
This morning's amazing sermon by my brother in Christ, Kyle Burke, was phenomenal! There really aren't the proper words to express the power of brokeness and how it can and will transform our lives. Coming before the Father and before your beloved family in Christ and allowing the light to shine on the darkness of your life IS life transforming. This action of humility releases God's power at a level that is unimaginable. I wonder why light can be so painful? Isn't the light meant to be good? Ahhhhh....but, the light is good. It does shine goodness, but it must face a level of darkness and wickedness that is ugly...beyond ugly actually. The Bible says that our righteousness, the very best we could ever be, is like a filthy, dirty rag to the Lord.

I also wonder why it can be heart-wrenching to share truth, love and correction with others? I avoid it at almost all cost. I hate the fear of looking into someone's eyes and possibly hurting them, possibly screwing it all up with my fleshly tongue and nature, possibly bauching what God wants to do through me. It stinks and I'm just a human being whose life is also filled with sin and the need for correction. God continues to stir a boldness in me that is full of love, compassion and wisdom. I am boldly going to proclaim the truths of Him...not what feels good, not what feels right, not what "I think" is best....but I must choose to encourage others with the truth of His words that are eternal and everlasting.

I also wonder how love is such a beautiful thing, yet so difficult and unnatural to walk out. It sounds fun in theory to talk about loving others like Jesus would. Every moment that God gives me another breath on this earth, I realize all the more....that I am solely and utterly insufficient to make it through this life with out Him. It's insane to think that I have any power of my own. As a matter of fact, I constantly show myself how much I need him, by screwing things up. Any and everytime that I've leaned on my own understanding of something, it's led me to destruction. The destruction may manifest itself outwardly or even inwardly. The sad part is that the inward manifestion can be darker, more disgusting, and more repulsive because it's hidden. Or should I say, I attempt to hide it. However, I'm learning day by day that the more real I am with where I am, the more He has the power to change me.

Kyle brought to light this morning this...."Humility is acurately accessing who you are before God." He said some harsh, but loving truth too...it's the kind of truth that most of us know but hate to believe. He said...YOU do not have the right to get your feelings hurt. Your preferences should NOT matter. You are alive by the grace of God. We should wake up every morning and make a list of all the reasons why we deserve HELL. But because of God's great love and compassion for us- we have hope and a new life. He loves me. He loves you.

Kyle also highlighted the importance of unity and not getting hung up over the details. Really...really...if we were to have the accurate view of ourselves and be full of humility- who cares what color that paint is on the wall!??? He pointed out how churches have been divided over stupid, silly stuff...all because one's opinion got in the way. What is the big picture here??? JESUS!! It's all about JESUS! He deserves the glory and praise and honor forever and ever!! Period. No qualms about it. We need to constantly keep the end goal in mind and work towards drawing others closer to Jesus and shining His light in this world through His love!

I love my church. I love it with all my heart. I love the people who make up my church. I love my pastor and Lisa and their family. I love the leadership team like crazy. I love the women of my church and of our Heart 2 Heart ministry. I love all of the children, even the naughty ones :) teeheee :) But above all- I love their love for righteousness, for growth, for holiness and truth. I love the fact that a man can preach how God has opened his eyes and revealed disgusting behaviors that did not bring God glory. I love how people can go to the alter and be prayer for, loved on and encouraged. I love how the people worship and catch the Spirit of God. I love that grown men can bawl their eyes out and be hugged/comforted by other men. I love how we are not so rigid as to avoid God's call. The preachers aren't afraid to veer from a planned sermon or point- to run after where God is working. It's a beautiful thing. I'm growing more and more crazy in love with my church family. I see how that love is going to overflow into reaching Lafayette. I looked out at the congregation today and fell into a deeper love with them. God gave me a fresh new love for each person. I felt sappy. I wanted to hug everyone and pray over every person. I wanted them all to come over for lunch, but my little crockpot with sausauge, green beans and potatoes wouldn't have quite cut it :) My point is that on my own strength, I just don't have it in me to love those around me like I should. But- because HE died and rose on the 3rd day- I have power over satan's schemes. God moved me to notice the single mom beside me crying her eyes out. I asked her "How can I pray for you?" She said her life was a "disaster...everything was a disaster." That broke my heart. My next question was if she already had a relationship with God...she immediately answered yes, that she was saved already. Awesome! We briefly talked about her being consistent in church, coming on Wed. nights and getting plugged into a family group. Her work schedule and taking her son to visit his father seems to always fall on the same nights as church. Well, I'm determined to follow up with the other family groups and ask them all to pursue her...surely one of our groups will fit into her schedule!!!

You know how we all have ups and downs in our walk with God. Well, it's time for me to put me aside and start putting His agenda first. It's time for me to start evangelizing again like crazy. I have slacked off for quite sometime. But I'm ready to change....again!

I'm so thankful that I do NOT sound like a broken letter to my Father. I'm crazy in love with Him and satan will NOT fool me. God wants to change me....one day at a time.
k

Strepp AGAIN and School starts tomorrow

2009-08-12T16:43:00.006-04:00

(I began this post yesterday)
How many times can one person get strepp throat in 7 months? The answer for me is ....3 times!!!!! Thank you God for Z-packs. Within 7 hours of taking my first 2 pills, I was a different person. After I realized that I had strepp, all I could think about was being a sick mama and not being able to spend today with my kiddos like I had hoped and planned. Abby, Evan and Emma had an openhouse at their school tonight from 6-7:30 p.m. This has always been a neat time to meet the teachers, see the classroom, and help the kids put away their school supplies. John had to work tonight at the Colt World Series (it's summertime, and we need the moola so he didn't want to take the night off). Anna and Johnathan had MP3 also. John was going to drop them off, then Kim kindly agreed to bring them home. Needless to say, I was stressing a little as to how I was going to feel good enough to take the kids to their openhouse. I prayed and asked God to just figure it all out for me. Mom came and got Avry for the evening. I took at least 3 naps today and broke a fever a couple of times. When I woke up at 4 p.m., I felt like a new woman. The kids and I had a great time at the openhouse and I just took it slow. Sadly, my stamina began to wither away after our 1 hour adventure at Klondike. God was so gracious this evening to me.

I don't know about you, but I often get stuck in the rut of believing that certain bad habits will just never change. Now I know that is not true because the Bible says so! But, boy oh boy is it easy to be deceived. John has instituted a new family habit that has already been life transforming, amazing, phenomenal, monumental. "What on earth could it be" you ask??? It's simple actually. He has decided that we WILL and MUST get up in the mornings when the alarm goes off. The difficult part is that the alarm goes off before the kids wake up and this requires some self control and discipline to get up to the accountability of God and not to children's voices.
I'm proud of John and his new found love to lead our family. It's definately exciting. Oh, and another thing...we're reading the Bible with the children in the morning. Now, before you get too impressed, let me OVERemphasize that this is not by our own accord. The Holy Spirit is completely responsible for this one. Praise be to God!!
It's been a nice slow morning as Anna needed up at 5:40 and the others woke up after she went to school.
Have a great day everyone!! School has begun and a new beginning is here.
k

And the results are in....

2009-08-05T11:56:00.002-04:00

Thank you all for praying for Anna as God has unveiled His will....she was cut from the team today. She's been sad on and off, as to be expected. I really don't have any other thoughts on it- just trusting God. Thanks again for your support!
k

Tryouts have begun!

2009-08-03T13:33:00.002-04:00

A quick post to say that Anna's volleyball tryouts have begun!!! We'll know the final result Wednesday and we trust God's will to be done. Anna thought that this morning went very well
and was very motivated. We're getting ready to leave for the second of 2 practices today...each 3 hours long!
Pray for me as I'm having a moody day...just asking that the Lord speak truth to my heart and
encourage me. I've been meditating quite a bit lately on recent sermons that have been highly impactful! Good stuff! Meaty...juicy...rich...thought provoking...convicting...good stuff.

Question for you all if you'd care to answer.... What has been the most meaningful part of your summer and why?

love ya,
k

I blinked

2009-07-17T09:23:00.003-04:00

My summer is evaporating before my very eyes. Again, life seems to be slipping away and my kids are growing too quickly. John found all of our VHS tapes of video recordings of the kiddos. He popped one in last night and I watched in disbelief. Anna was just 8 and dancing and singing in a white fairy dress. She also did this hilarious dance with a expandable tunnel thingamabop wrapped around her body...she kept singing the song at the end of Shrek which is funny, but the original song is sooooooo inappropriate! "I like big butts and I can not lie...." (that song!) Abby danced around Anna dressed in a white slip (of Anna's) and she kept trying to hide in Anna's closet. Then, little red man Evan, whose 17 months old toddles his way to the closet and peeks inside to get bonked by Abby sliding the door shut. He fell down and cried for 1.2 seconds then stood up and was on his merry way! The best part of this whole movie was when I was holding Emma who was 2 weeks old and Evan came up to give her a kiss and hug. I had to pry Evan off of this fragile 2 week old baby and then I looked at the camera and said "Emma, some day when you watch this you are going to realize what a miracle it was that you've survived!" Evan was not good at being gentle.....he just loved her soooooooooo much :) ha!!!
Oh...the memories. That movie was taken just 6 years ago. We had just bought our home, Emma had been born and life was glorious. My days used to evaporate with nursing babies, dirty diapers galore, dirty bibs, holding little hands as they tried to walk, gooing and gaaaing, making baby talk, kitchen sink baths...and more. I recall being sooooo tired from getting up throughout the night with babies that I'd question how I would function the next day. My eyes would barely stay open and I'd take baby 2 min. naps as I nursed in the recliner. It seems like I was in survival mode most days. Trips to the grocery store were nightmarish with these 4 kiddos on hand. I had to put Emma in a cuddly carrier on my chest and listen to Evan scream for me to hold him, which I couldn't do. A normal 45 min. shopping trip took me at least 2 hours. I had the super mom mentality and tried to conquer unthinkable things during this time of my life. God sustained me, but boy, would I crash after exhausting myself! Then...Then....Then.....
Emma was just under 1 year old and SURPRISE....I was pregnant AGAIN with little Avry Nay!
By this time, Anna was only 8 1/2, Abby 3 1/2 , Evan 2 1/2 and Emma 1. As I write all of this, I'm a little in disbelief myself. Have you ever looked back at your life and say "Was that really my life....did I really get through that?" That's how I feel. Thank goodness, I'm not speaking of a tragedy, but instead a challenging time of great blessings!
Then I blinked. I slept. I cried. I laughed.
Now, they are 14, 9, 7, 6, 4 and Johnathan is 12! What??? No more diapers, No more baby food, No more of a lot of things. But, this is a new chapter and it is a little surreal. In less than one month, my alarm will go off at 6:15 a.m. The highschool bus will pull up and pick up Anna around 7 a.m. Then, four more kiddos will hop on the bus at 8 a.m. Avry and I will be left for her last year of being home with mommy before school the following year. We'll head into town 3 days a week for 1/2 day preschool.
The Bible says to worry about today because tomorrow has enough worries of its own. So, I'm not at all worried about the future. I know God is control. There will be new bumps in the road and obstacles to overcome.
My prayer today is that I'll live today to its fullest and savor every precious moment that I have with our 6 children. They amaze me.
k

Emma's Birthday

2009-06-29T22:16:00.003-04:00

Today marks the beginning of prep work for Emma's 6th birthday party..to be held tomorrow evening. Out of all of my kids, she's the most dramatic and enthusiastic (well, Anna can hold a candle to her on that one). I went with the famous Strawberry Shortcake theme and was blessed by Angela's mom with the character cake pan so that I could attempt to decorate the cake myself! Holy smokerooos! I've had all of the cake tips for 11 years (I did one Winnie the Pooh cake for Anna's 3rd birthday). Now, I'm remembering why I've only done one in all of these years- that was a LOT of work! The most difficult part was changing colors and tips. If I would have had duplicate tips and plenty of couplers then it would have been a breeze as I could've just
filled all of the bags with various colors and put the tips on and went to town on it. Strawberry Shortcake almost had a sunburned affect until I got smart and lightened up her skin tone :)

If you know John at all, you know he's hard to impress. So, the best part of my entire evening was hearing my honey say "Wow, I'm impressed!" Yahoooo!!! Doesn't it surely say somewhere in the Bible that the Proverbs 31 woman goes to extrenuating efforts on her child's birthday party??? Ok..probably not :)

Another thing to note about a birthday party at the Townsend household, there are a minimum of 23 people that are always invited- this is just family plus anna's BF Cayla. I always have a meal because i feel like it's a way to bless all of my family who have been so supportive of our BIG family and I do love to cook:) Well, I know everyone is eating lots of grill out food this summer, so I decided to go NON traditional for summer and make a good ole down home meal- pure comfort food! (Dont' worry I'm going to almost starve all day tomorrow so that I can enjoy dinner). In preparations, I went crazy and decided to do a time consuming meal- homemade beef and noodles (yes, from scratch!), mashed taters, corn and green beans, deviled eggs and veggie tray. My mom insisted that we use up the 24 Beef House Rolls- so I'll bake those up too! Is your mouth watering?? Mine is! The good news is that I asked my mom to bring the deviled eggs and my dad to do the veggie tray (my kids love to snack on veggies before the meal). I'm going simple with drinks- tea, lemonade and 1 - 2 liter of Coke. Besides the main cake, I made a lowfat angel food cake with crushed pineapple in it- yummmy!

YOu probably already know this recipe but if not:
Take 1 box of angel food cake mix and add a 20 oz. can of crushed pineapple, juice and all!
Stir up. Grease ONLY the BOTTOM of a 13x9 pan and bake on 350 for 30 min, or until golden brown and firm, not sticky. Cool. I take a bag of frozen whole strawberries from Aldi's and put a little sugar or splenda on them and let them thaw in fridge overnight. Serve cake with scoop of strawberries on top and a dollop of fat free cool whip- To die for!!!

Emma stayed over night at Auntie's house and will arrive at the party to see everything decorated and adorable...pink, white and light green streamers, pink balloons, strawberry shortcake tablecloth....and of course the cake in the middle of the table. I can't wait to see her eyes light up and the big smile on her face.

My legs now hurt so badly from standing all day in my kitchen that I can barely move..but I need to go clean up the kitchen so I don't wake up to a tornado of strawberry shortcake colored icing leftovers! Ok...off I go to drink some water and try to do some clean up! So, tomorrow, I just have to finalize cleaning my house, set up a couple of tables, decorate, peel 10 lbs. of taters, cook and mash 'em, let the rolls raise and then bake, cook the noodles that are drying on my counter. Ahhh....and this time tomorrow night it'll all be over :) Don't get me wrong...I love having our family over- it'll be a blast!!!
k

Shipshee

2009-06-24T11:35:00.003-04:00

What a scorcher of a day I had yesterday at Shipshee with Tina! We began an annual tradition of going up for the day in celebration of our birthday month (June). The thing I love about Tina is her excitement, her preparedness and her sense of adventure. Even though it was just one day..I felt like it was a small sense of rejuvenation. She is the most prepared person i know...she remembered to bring things that I was oblivious to remembering... like a fanny pack to keep money sound and safe right at her belt level- brilliant! She remembered a hat and even had an extra visor for me- my, oh my, how cute I must have looked with my bright red visor on :) She brought an extra back pack to carry her "finds" in, cause let me tell you...those little plastic sacks they give you with your stuff really cause your wrists to sweat like a pig in 93 degree weather.
She had sunscreen conveniently located in her glove compartment and that was a huge life saver because I would have come home scorched had it not been for that. We have a tradition of eating at this stand called "King's BBQ" and get this scrumptious slow roasted, smoked chicken
and a pickle. It's only like a dollar more to add on baked beans and a roll, but Tina was brilliant...and said she didn't really want those items so she was going to go with just a pickle and water with the chicken. I never, never, never would have thought of that! That's how warped my eating process has been for so many years!!! I drank at least 3 more waters and felt great.
I walked my toosh off (not really, don't worry..I still have plenty of a toosh) and sadly had to retire to the air conditioned car about 5 rows early as Tina plowed her way to the very end- go Tina go! I was so proud of her to press on. I couldn't...just couldn't. My feet were killing me due to my shoe choice. AFter leaving the flea market, we planned to stop at a family style dining Amish restaurant that we had visited last year. Then, Tina shared that her mom recommened a new place that was even better!! Yahooo....so we ventured to "Essenhaus" and my oh my...it was a delight. I can still taste the mashed potatoes- to die!!!!
As I layed in bed last night, I tried to calculate the approximate calories of my day and realized something strikingly valuable- it is very easy to forget about other food that I had eaten that day and I must, must write down my food intake. There is just something to be said about a written record of things. During my first 2 weeks of my "Weigh N Pray" adventure I had the most success losing 2 lbs per week. I was dedicated to writing everything down and actually doing a running tally of calories. I started the day with 2200 available calories and then subtracted everytime I ate something. This allowed me to consciously plan ahead for the next meals and snacks of the day. Another huge key was small pieces of very dark chocolate- the
Green's and Black brand of individually wrapped pieces. I would eat 4 or 5 of those a day- no prob! But, see they are only 25 calories each and they just do something to your taste buds to cause a deep satisfaction. Up until about a year ago..I hated dark chocolate. But now I love it-how strange.
God is always reminding me how HE is in charge and it's no problem for him to change our likes and dislikes. Too often we are convinced that we are the way we are and that's just final. NOPE! That's a lie. We are pliable and moldable in God's hands.
Stay cool today!
k

ooooh- boogers!

2009-06-20T22:01:00.002-04:00

Hey friends,
I've posted before about my wonderful teenage daughter Anna, but I'm calling you all to pray for her. She's going through a very rigorous conditioning program and training in preparation for the freshman volleyball team. Tryouts are Aug 1, 2 and 3rd. I'm claiming that in Jesus' name she will make this team and be a wonderful leader and example for Christ! This is very heavy on my heart. She had a minor set back this past week with a lower leg muscle injury and she needs prayer for complete healing so that she can get back to the conditioning on Monday morning. I've kept in touch with the coach, but the bottom line is that Anna must be in good shape by tryouts and everyday is valuable.
As for me....not so good of a day. I ate too many brownies after the Father's day dinner that I made tonight in honor of my dad. What has been my deal lately with brownies??!!!!
I'm listening to the sweet sound of Evan, Johnathan and Abby playing the game "Life"....ahhh...i loved that game when I was their ages! I'm not sure how my life is portrayed to others, but this is such a sweet moment for me because there is no fighting. Just laughter, giggles, silly noises, high pitch screeches of excitement, chitter chatter..etc. I absolutely adore my kids and value the precious moments with them. Pray against satan's schemes to discourage me with their bickering and fighting...this is when I feel most desperate and baffled. Sometimes they say the most ridiculous things to one another to cause a stir. For example, today in the van I hear Evan yell "Mom, I'm about to puke!" (He was literally gagging). "Abby just wiped a booger near me!"
Abby starts defending her poor decision by saying " I had to wipe it somewhere because it was really gross and I was about to puke!" Really? Really? Are my kids wiping boogers on anything but a tissue? How repulsive!!! The sad thing is that I was laughing so hard that I couldn't pull myself together to even look for a real tissue. All that I could do is reach down and grap a crumpled up old receipt that resembled a tissue and passed it to the back seat of the van. Evan continued to truly gag as Abby dealt with the unruly booger!!! Gross!!!!!!
k

Different Direction

2009-06-13T13:36:00.002-04:00

Hey friends! I've been wanting to blog for quite a few days, but as you know...life gets away from us sometimes.

I was down .4 lbs at the Wed. night meeting- yay! I'm doing good and i was just reminded to start chugging water.

You know how you go through times in your life when you are very distant from God and other times you might feel closer to Him? Well, I'm finally coming out of another dry spell and by His grace, I can hear Him clearly right now. He has had several things to say to me in this past week and they have of course been rather humbling.
I will list them in no particular order.
- I must continue to walk in the upmost integrity. Little lies or deceptions ARE sin and against God. One of our kids wanted to lie about what age Avry was so that she could get a free meal the other day. When I was growing up, I would've just lied and not thought a thing of it. God reminded me how important it is to talk through these situations with the kids and show them how easy and tempting it is to lie. Also, I parked in a handicapped spot at a ball game and didn't realize it. As we were watching the game, John brought it to my attention and suggested we go move the van. I said...awe, don't worry about it, we'll be leaving soon. Anna so kindly said, "mom, don't forget about integrity..doing what's right when no one is looking." She was right.
- Today is always a new day- the #1 reason why I stay in sin (eating issues, etc) is because I don't fully believe that He can forgive me and give me power to succeed. I must trust whole heartedly in HIM and not my ways. Prayer is the number 1 way to peace and power to overcome!
- I am officially no longer working and providing income for our family. I have total peace about this and believe this is from God. Heather felt an overwhelming conviction that I was not supposed to remain as her assistant. This was very difficult for her to share with me as of course she feared me being hurt. However, God had just nudged me earlier in the week that I was not supposed to be working at all, yet there was no way that John was going to go for that! So, needless to say, by Heather obeying God , His will was accomplished. I have NO bad feelings about this and fully trust that He will provide for our needs. TRUST HIM- main point for me :)
I need to keep cleaning up the office area and get back to work :)
k

A Sprite, Napkin and Compassion

2009-06-08T22:31:00.004-04:00

Oh, what an evening. I have a very embarrassing story to tell, yet it must be told because of God's graciousness. If I got what I deserved from God, it would NOT be pretty!!!
Ok...so bottom line- I pigged out tonight.There's no nice wording to dance around the fact that I simply lost my mind and pigged out. I slipped back into that psycotic mind set of "Well, you've already screwed up bad, so go ahead and make it a good pig out night!" Without painting the nasty picture that it was, I basically made myself sick...literally. I ate so much food that I had to puke to get relief. I had to pull over to the side of the road and vomitt because I was in such misery. Here's the reason I'm telling you this story though....God's kindness and compassion for me melted my heart. I pulled over near Harrison High School to get sick. There was a lady on her lawn mower with a toddler who apparently noticed me hurling across the road. As I got in my vehicle to leave, I saw her walking toward me with something in her hand....a cold Sprite and a napkin. What????? You mean to tell me that this sweet gal got off of her lawn mower, went into her house and grabbed me these items of compassion???? I deserved to have a disgusting taste in my mouth. I deserved to have saliva dripping from my chin. I deserved NO special treatment...i was a stinkin' PIG!!! I overate to the point of vomitting...how sickening!!!!!!! Yet, my God wanted to say " I love you, Kara." Gosh, this makes NO sense whatsoever!!
This act of kindness may have been one of the most memorable times in my life. God had quite a bit to say to me through that Sprite and Napkin. I sensed Him saying "Come here my dear child. Let me soothe the tastebuds of your tongue and refresh your mouth. Let me wipe you clean and comfort you. I know that must have been awful to get sick like that...let me comfort you." I should have been shoved in the mud and made to lay in my disgusting vomitt- that's what I deserved. Yet, God seems to have a different system of love and compassion. Today was just another glimpse of how good He is, gracious and forgiving. His love surpasses all understanding.
The last funny part of the story...I knew this lady. She was a year older than me in highschool....isn't it a small world?
k

Good bye strepp!

2009-06-07T18:35:00.002-04:00

What an eventful weekend. I just began feeling truly back to normal this morning when I woke up. I could swallow and not feel a sharp stinging pain- yay!! Friday night was quite a blessing at our leadership meeting as I recieved some unexpected cards, popcicles and a purse size Bible- how cool! My sweet friends new how bad my throat was so they sang happy birthday and presented a tray of delicious popcicles! yummmy! We also celebrated the servanthood of two precious friends- Kirsten and her hubby Jeremy who had launched the MP3 student ministry at EFC about 3 years ago. They have faithfully guided our teens and have helped mold them into amazing young people. My own precious daughter was greatly influenced by them. When we came to EFC, Anna was just going into 6th grade (the youngest to be in the student ministry group)...now, Anna is preparing to go into highschool and into a new phase of life. They were there to help set a solid foundation for her during these crazy teen years....John and I will be forever grateful!!!! Kyle and Kim Burke will be taking over the student ministry and we are pumped to see what God does through them too :) I know it will be astounding!!!
Side note- Happy Anniversary to Jeremy and Kirsten today!!!! May God truly bless your marriage and take you to new heights and understanding of how much HE loves you 2 :)

My eating over the weekend- average... pretty good actually considering it was my bday weekend. I have eaten at The Beef House, Bruno's and The Cheesecake Factory...yes, I'm spoiled :) I feel good about it all...I made small, better choices than last year and I plan to walk alot over the next few days :)

I will continue to pray for each of you who have asked for prayer in the health areana :)
One day, one moment at a time...it's a journey my friends :)
loveyou all!!!
k

Victory, Strepp, and Pressing ON!

2009-06-04T22:48:00.005-04:00

Hey y'all!
So, you'll notice a weight tracker above. I really dreaded putting that thing back on my blog as it's a hard core reminder of where I am in the physical realm. It was like if I didn't list it then I didn't have to face it. However, as I was choosing my little symbol for a weight tracker, the little turtle stuck out to me. Ah Ha! Finally, I'm not ashamed that this is a slow process and that turtles take their time...who always wins the race..the tortoise or the hare??? There is much wisdom in that old story. It's ok that I'm a turtle. I'm gonna be the proudest turtle there ever was :) so, every Wed. evening after Weigh N Pray, or Thurs. morning..I will update this tracker with my weigh in weight. By the way, I'm not intimidated by that number of 266.2- nope! It's just a number and God loves me and is at work in me. He's transforming me daily into the women He has called me to be. I'm in the trenches of life, carrying my cross and following Him. I'm claiming in Jesus name that we all be set free from food addiction and reclaim our lives to healthiness!!! yahhooooo!!!!!!!

From the inspiration of my weigh n pray friends and other's who encourage me.....I have decided to try harder at using this blog from the perspective of my health journey. Yes, you'll still get some sappy stories here and there that have nothing to do with my health.
By the way to my Weigh N Pray friends, the following has been copy and pasted from the email I just sent all of you...so don't bore yourself by reading it over :) k?

Today, I've had an amazing day with self control- by the grace of God!!!!!!John and I had the whole afternoon and night together...alone....no kids.... :) ....:) You're wondering..."Why on earth is she emailing us then?" Well......many of you noticed last night that my throat was hurting at the end of weigh n pray.I woke up this morning in a lot of pain, took anna to p.e. class and then thought "Gee, Kara, if you do have strepp throat, which you are prone to get, you better stop into Urgent Care and get on some meds asap!" So, sure enough, I have strepp.We disbursed all of the kids and then I was determined to have a fun day and evening despite the strepp.....God gave me the most amazing fun day and kept the pain far from me until about 9 p.m. this evening. As we sat at Eastside 9 watching Glenn Beck's comedy live satelite thing...I slowly started to fade. I can barely talk now...it hurts bad!!!! So, here I sit typing as I'm definately not in the mood for anything else...wink...wink :) teeheee :)
Victories: I had barely enough food to sustain me before my early bird special dinner at "The Beef House"....oh...my!!! How scrumptious!! I had a broiled pork chop, 1/2 baked pot. with little butter and sour cream, small cup of broc soup and 1/2 plate of salad with 1 T. of regular dressing...and of course 2 rolls...they were worth every stinkin' calorie!!!! All in all, I know I was still under my calories for the day and I felt fabulous!!! We then traveled back to Lafayette for the Glenn Beck thing and usually when I'm at the theater I must have Cherry Pepsi.. Now, I don't drink Cherry Pepsi anywhere else. So, get this!! This is how cool God is...I ordered the cherry pepsi and then John ordered a Mt. Dew. I heard the lady say something like "Do you want regular Mt. Dew sir?" I said, "Wait a minute on mine. Do you have diet Mt. Dew because the list out here on my side does not mention it?" She said YES!!! God knows I love Diet Mt. Dew!!!!!! So, I saved myself a good 300 calories since it was huge honkin' cup of soda, by the grace of God there...then, I ate just 2 handfuls of reg. popcorn with NO extra butter on it!!! John got one box of milk duds and I figured I ate 150 calories worth of those. All in all, I felt fabulous!! This may seem like a lot of food to some of you...but trust me...it totally beat my normal which would have been Appetizer of Fried Zucchini, Petit Filet Mignon, Baked Potato- I would have scraped that plate clean, salad piled high with the extra cheese, bacon bits and croutons and loaded with thick lucious 1000 island dressing (3 T. worth at least) plus 2 1/2 rolls at least with lots of butter and jam. Then, of course since it's a bday celebration....dessert!! hello!!! Gotta have a treat, right??!!What a glorious day!!!
Then, I would have went to the theatre, a few hours later..ate a tub of buttered up popcorn, the soggy kind!!! A large cherry pepsi, and probably gotten a refill on the pepsi. Don't forget the entire box of milk duds...all for me...no sharing of course! John would have wanted his own box.

I share all of this as an encouragement that this journey is literally one step at a time and we will not give up. I will type and say these words until the day i die...we will not give up. God doesn't ever give up on us and I will never give up on you, my friends who are on the healthier life journey. There is victory in Jesus, our Savior forever. He sought me and bought me with his redeeming love. He loved me ere I knew him and I my love is due him.....so the old hymn goes.
Loving you all more than you know! You are my friends, my encouragers, my prayer warriors. Prayer opens the door to amazing things. So...press on...and pray hard :)
I loveyou,
k

Seasons

2009-06-02T22:13:00.002-04:00

I've come to realize something. Actually, I seem to have this epiphany 4 times a year...very seasonal. Sometimes I sit around and sulk over the seasons of life that I used to be in and how much I enjoyed being "there." During "that" time, I was a great evangalist. Or during "that" time, I was thinner or like a gazelle on the treadmill. One of the longest seasons of my life was diapers and babies. I don't think I made a trip to WalMart without purchasing baby cereal, baby food or diapers. At one point in time, I had Evan, Emma and Avry in diapers. There was a season when I never, never, ever got solid night's sleep as either a baby or toddler would wake us up and I would drag myself out of bed to feed someone or comfort someone. Then there was this lapse of time....time literally evaporated and I woke up to find that I have a teenager going into high school, 1 in junior high, 3 in elementary and 1 in preschool. I'm a bit overwhelmed and the level of responsibility that comes along with raising 6 children. One child is a great responsibility, let alone multiplied times 6. During this season of life, I feel as though I am on information overload. I'm constantly looking to the calendar and trying not to forget things.
I don't feel "at the top of my game" so to speak. I don't have the same fire to invite people to church as I once did. I don't feel the same love and compassion for people as I once did...where did those times go?
To sum it up, I guess this season of life has it's purposes to glorify God. I'll be 32 years old on Friday...32 years of life. Why is that it's so easy to list the shortcomings and not the accomplishments? I feel very inadequate right now, a bit disoriented actually. It just feels like everything in my life drastically changed overnight. I know they didn't really, but it sure feels like it. From the moment that i pulled up to Harrison High School and dropped off my child, it has all changed. God tells me to not have a spirit of fear, but of sound mind. Life feels very emotionally tough right now. I'm not good at expressing this in person to many of you close friends. I'm just weird like that I guess. This too will pass..I'm sure it will. Right now, I just want to surrender it all to Jesus cause I ain't got nothing much to give :)
k

She's Growing up

2009-06-02T09:44:00.002-04:00

This is a post dedicated to my beautiful daughter Anna. Anna is the most amazing teenager that I know. I honestly say this not because she's my daughter, but because she is a blessed young lady. God has gifted her beyond belief.

This is Anna's last summer before highschool begins. A whole new world of opportunity and blessings await her. Yesterday was the first day of a rigorous schedule for Anna. We woke up at 5 a.m. and headed to Harrison for a 6-8 a.m. conditioning program for volleyball. This will be every M, W, and F morning (other than a couple of breaks). Then, she had summer school PE from 8 a.m.-12 p.m. This will be M-F for the month of June.
Volleyball tryouts will be the beginning of August. So, she has all summer to train and prepare her body :)

As we headed to conditioning yesterday morn, I had many flashbacks to my own high school experience. I too played volley in highschool and remember the pain-staking days of training my body and conditioning to be the best that I could be. I remember vomitting out of pure exhaustion and panting so hard that I thought my heart was going to explode. I remember feeling nervous about the coaches, other players and the boys that walked by. I remember so many feelings and thoughts that yesterday, my heart began to beat fast for Anna. I remember not wanting to get out of my parent's car until I saw someone I knew to walk in with and feeling intimidated by the older "highschoolers" who looked so much bigger and taller and smarter than me. I found myself praying to God for peace over Anna. She was sooooo nervous and as a mom, I just wanted to protect her and take away all of that uncertainty. Then, I had to remember that she must experience things in life that are uncomfortable and will grow her to be a confident young lady.

After picking her up at noon, I found out that this had been one of the toughest things that Anna had ever done. Those 2 hours of conditioning were excruciating, exhausting and tough! She almost gave up at one point and wanted to call me to come and get her...but then she pressed on and through until the end. Muscles were strained and pushed to a new level- yet, she said "Mom, it was so hard, but when I now that I'm done, I feel great...almost hyper!" Hmmmmm....isn't that so true! Often, things that are difficult to press through have an amazing result on the other end. My encouragement today is to remember that this life is going to be hard, tough, full of aches and pains...but on the other side of the pain- there will be victory that is ooooooh so sweet!!!

Press on, press through and persevere today my friends. If you are like me, you fight food addiction daily, moment by moment. You don't want to drink water. You don't really want to exercise. You don't want to go the extra step to serve, but you know it's right. Through Christ alone- we can press on :)
love you all friends!
k

Crazy Day!

2009-05-23T10:36:00.002-04:00

Once again, it's been far too long since I've blogged. You probably don't believe that we still do not have our flooring completed!!??? Yep! God is in control and let me tell you that he's teaching me a whole new level of patience. The floor installers were supposed to start this past Monday officially and planned to have all laundry room, kitchen, living room, evan's room, hallways, and our room DONE by Friday. Well, due to some unforseen challenges that they experienced on a previous job, they were behind. Thus, they came yesterday, Friday, to start with the linoleum.
I had a dream the night before that they put down the wrong pattern and color. So, being a bit paranoid about my dream asked them to show me the flooring that was in there handy dandy van. I became a little worried as my sample seemed to have more of a green tint and the flooring I was looking at seemed to not have so much of a green tint, but seemed a little more slate/blueish. Now, granted I was looking at it in the bright sunlight on the driveway. I had the installers call the floor place and they sent someone out to look at it. Long, story short- it was the right floor. The problem being that the little sample you look at doesn't show the entire floor pattern and thus you can pull out a color, such as the green and think that the whole floor is going to look more green. But, in reality, when you put it down, it has a different look. Let me assure you that I LOVE this new flooring. It is beautiful. It compliments the GREEN paint on the kitchen walls (I painted before the floor went down).
Anna and Abby were both gone last night and this morning...so you'd think I had it easy! Only 4 kids to deal with right? NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!!! AVry and Emma about put me over the edge this morning. The installers showed up at 9 for pancakes (John's sweet idea) and Emma/Avry love to talk to them and talk and talk! I needed them to clean up their room (put away clothes they had pulled out of their dressers). I'm sure none of you have children that would do such a naughty thing, but I sure do! The battle became so bad at one point one of the nice young workers, whom I KNOW will never have children now due to his experience at my house, says to me "Are you going to be alright?" I thought I was going to burst into tears. I had tried all of my family options to help me with the kids and didn't see any possibilities and I even tried calling my dear hubby at work and said "I need you to come home right now!!" He said "Why?"
I said, "Because your wife is mentally ill today and needs you home!!" He laughed in a fun way. But I didn't find ANYTHING funny about my mental state! NOTHING!! NOTHING! Can you sense my anger???? Then, it gets better. Emma accidentally knocked over a can of paint that didn't have the lid sealed on properly and spilled it all over the living room concrete floor and stepped in it!!!! Yes...I had a half gallon of white paint with a child's foot covered in paint. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! The poor men who were here came to my aid to try to keep everyone else away from the mess and I took Emma to the shower. They were so kind to bring in a big fan and said my best option for clean up was to let it dry and then it should just scrape up in one big sheet. Thank you , God, that they were here. Because I would have tried to clean it up some other messy way. Now, the key was to keep all of the kids from stepping in it while it dried.
My washer and dryer are unhooked, my stove is unhooked, all the clean clothes are put away, so had no housework to do admidst this disaster of a house. Thus, I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes to pray. I pleaded to God for help! This is Memorial Day weekend and all of my friends have plans, all of family is busy or sick, and my hubby can not get off work...PLEASE God, HELP ME!!! Shortly after, the phone rang and my mom asked if I needed her to come get some kids. (Earlier, when I spoke to her, her back was out of whack and so I sure wasn't going to ask her to help me!). So, she's picking up Emma and Avry at 12 p.m. and then she also invited us over to dinner at her house later!! Yay!!! God is good all the time!!
Enough drama from my home. Today's goal is not to lose my mind :)
k

About an hour later, Emma comes to me and says "Avry is in the paint!" I lost it!! I lost it!!! What???? Sure enough, she was being naughty and putting little toys in the puddle of paint and I found her in the bathroom with paint on her and water everywhere as she thought she could cover her tracks!! I whooped her little hiney and put her nose in the corner.

Sermon at EFC

2009-05-03T14:37:00.002-04:00

oh my gracious...we were fired up this morning weren't we? God is just rocking the house at EFC- all praise goes to HIM!!! It was such perfect timing to here Pastor Randy's message this morning on obedience and reminding us that our body is not ours but belongs to God. If we are a believer, the HOly Spirit lives within us and our body is the temple the houses God's spirit. Cool! We are to be dead to our fleshly desires. Hmmmm...food- a beautiful thing that God has created can be used in the wrong ways. Another motto I have for Weigh and Pray is "The enemy has already been defeated!" (from this morning's sermon!) I am convinced that we are going to pave the way of the Lord through prayer and accountability. I can't tell you how weak I am..there really are no words to describe it. Sure enough, when I got to the van after service today- there was a large bag of "Reece's variety candy" given to Abby by my mom...very nice thought. Except, I chose to inhale 2 reece's cups before I even put the van in reverse....come on...that is just pathetic!!! Oh, Lord, please do not ever give up on me. I can see the new me coming soon, exercising joyfully, running like a gazelle, eating healthy foods and with self control- the vision is near. Pastor pointed out that we are in a season of literally planting crops and growth. Therefore, look into the spiritual realm of in being a great time to plant new seeds and to grow. Oh, baby, do I ever want to grow!!! (But not on the outside...ha, ha!!) I get it..i get it..I know..I know... that my food addiction is just an outward result of what is going on in the inside of my heart. I have been plain and simply LAZY about pursing my relationship with Christ lately. I don't want to wake up early, I don't want to do the hard work of exercise, I don't want to plan healthy meals and then have to prepare them...I ...I...I...I.. It's all about me! I'm to a point of great desperation and know that it's only by the power of God that I'm going to change this stinkin' lifestyle. I can not tell you how pivitol NOW is in my life. This will be Anna's last summer before highschool and I so badly want to set a good, daily example for her of what loving Jesus looks like. I can talk all day long, but until she sees some real results, I'm sure that all of my talk can sound like Linus on Charlie Brown "Waaaa, Wa, Wa, Waaa, Wa". She's going to be exercising her hiney of this summer starting June 1st. She'll have volleyball conditioning 3 mornings a week from 6-8 a.m. Then, she'll have PE. 5 days a week from 8-12 p.m! I want to be an exercise queen with her this summer. I obviously did not fulfill my word of doing the mini marathon- but there is next May!
k

More Water Issues!

2009-05-02T20:49:00.002-04:00

Well, we have had yet another water backup issue here in the Townsend household. First, let me assure you that I'm thanking God for it because it could definately mean more remodeling covered by insurance company and I'm praying that the insurance co. will approve this issue as a continued problem from the claim a month ago. Since we just got all of this rain, it's proving that the problem was never fixed. So.....after doing a load of laundry last night, Abby and I heard this horrible gurgling noise in the laundry room and kitchen sink (2 different locations but on the same water line). I ran to the laundry room to see water pouring..and I mean POURING, out of the drain that runs from the washing machine into the wall. Water was just soaking through the floor and then running down the basement wall (in the little utility room). Then, dark gray water filled up in the utility sink. There's so many details that I'll skip to spare you the agony of boredom. Bottom line, I had to call Mr. Rooter to come and out and try to figure this out. Let's just say that the comment out of the guy's mouth was "In 35 years, I've never seen anything like this. Nothing makes sense. It's as though the line from this area is not hooked up to the main septic."
Only God knows...literally...I believe that only God can show the pros how to fix this confusing problem. Meanwhile, as they were roto-rooting the line from within the laundryroom, mud spewed out all over the man and my laundry room floor. Yahooo...I love muddy floors...not really :) Sorry for the sarcasim.
He said he'd come up with a solution, he just needed to sleep on it. I really liked these gentlemen by the way...very downhome, honest kind of folk :)
All of that to say this...Please, please pray that our insurance company will not give us any hassle about considering all of this damage from the continual problem of last month's claim. We need them to reopen the claim and now, we have to get Paul DAvis Restoration back out here to assess the damage. Oh, and also, lots of water has spewed out from under our dishwasher causing damage there too. I can see a big blessing from God though in the sense that the carpet is still not in and if they have to pull up the kitchen and laundry room floor...linoleum then they could fix it all at once...that would be amazing!
Trusting for God's BEST!
k

Accountability

2009-05-01T14:27:00.003-04:00

I'm on the count down....4 more days until the official Weigh and Pray starts. I'm suddenly realizing that there will be no more UNaccounted for food. Yikes! I've gotten so used to "just forgetting" what I eat that it's a bit scary to realize that I will be writing it all down on paper. But, I do know and believe that prayer is the key. I'm pumped about it being 16 weeks long...that's quite a bit of time to be held truly accountable :)

Abby has mono, as you all know I've posted on my facebook. She's pretty exhausted ..please keep praying for her speedy recovery. She and I are going to spend some quality mommy/Abby time together while John takes the other kiddos out to spend night at Tina and Scott's. Then, they will all get up and go to Indiana Beach tomorrow. Abby and I are looking forward to some peaceful rest and I'll be doing laundry :) yippppeeee :)

Gots to run :)
k