Living it up!

Insomnia... its baaack!

2009-11-16T02:24:00.001-05:00

Its now 2am and I'm wide awake. I wanted to get to bed early tonight since I didn't finish editing the proposal section I wanted to have done by tomorrow - yes, I was working a bit this weekend. That obviously isn't happening.

Since its been a while since I've posted, I thought I might as well do that.

A lot has been going on lately. I'm having a little bit of a struggle with getting out of my "hermitude". Its something I'm working on with my shrink and taking steps on in my personal life. But I have to tell you, some of it is so much harder than you would think. There have been a few events that I've gone to in the past few weeks - I hate to say, but I really didn't want to go to them. I wanted to be there for the friend(s) that they were for, but the thought of having to be social in a group setting like that just scared the crap out of me and made me nervous as hell. I went to them, and I survivied. But it definitely wasn't a comfortable experience. How can it be when I let myself get so used to - and comfortable with - being a hermit. Its a work in progress. I'll get there.

On the work front. I'm working a bit more than I'd like. But on the flip side, I actually feel like I'm being challenged and I'm enjoying - for the most part - what I'm doing. While this is a great thing, I'm still not chargeable. Another work in progress.

On the medical front... I just had my first full physical since early 2007. I found that amusing. Seriously amusing. I'm at a doctor's office at least several times a month, yet I hadn't had a physical in about 2 1/2 years. Just amusing. I had one last week. I'm sure everything is fine, but I'd like for it to stay that way, hence the physical. I'm now on the 6 month follow up plan with Dr. Grace. I have my 1 year follow up with Dr. H this week. And I had my follow up with Dr. Wilkinson a week or so ago. When I was there, she told me about a clinical trial that she thought would be good for me. Its to hopefully find a new indication for an already FDA approved drug. So even though its a clinical trial, its already been tested on homans quite a bit. I spoke to Dr. Griffiths about it to get her opinion. She said that since I had some major risk factors in my cancer, she thinks I should take advantage of any new technology that's out there. So the trial is a randomized double blind study with half the people getting a drug called Neratinib (currently used to keep Her2+ mets in control) and the other half getting a placebo. They want to see if Neratinib - like Herceptin - could help reduce the risk of recurrence or mets for Her2+ cancers.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning to do the consent paperwork. I'll do all the initial testing in the next few weeks, and then start the drug on the 9th of December. There are a whole bunch of side-effects associated with the drug, so they wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving and my vacation to start me on it. Makes sense. Definitely wouldn't want to ruin a holiday or vacation with med side-effects. The side effects are: diarrhea, dehydration, anorexia, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, rash, abdominal pains, elevated liver function tests, and like Herceptin - it can effect my heart. So while these really don't sound like fun at all - its still worth taking if it could reduce my risk of recurrence. For me it keeps coming back to that stupid number of positive nodes after chemo. 10. Its just a scary number when 2 - 3 is considered high. So in my mind, a trial is worth it. Now I just need to hope that I'm going to get into the Neratinib group vs the placeabo group. They don't tell who is in which group until the end of the 5 year study, but I think it will be pretty obvious based on if I have side effects or not. LOL! This is the first time I've ever been hoping that I'll have side-effects from a medication. Crazy, huh?

Anyway, I'm going to try to get to sleep. Hope you enjoyed your weekend and I'll write more later.

***

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

She went to tell Edna the news, and she said, ''Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.''

Edna instantly replied, ''He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?''

Happy Diwali!

2009-10-18T00:48:00.002-04:00

So we've had a pretty fun Diwali. How about you? It was definitely an interesting day following a really interesting week. I'll rewind and start with the highlights of my week.

First of all, I was so excited last week when I was posting from somewhere in the air between Dallas and BWI that I forgot to send out my notification e-mail. So even my most dedicated follower (ahem - Monie) didn't know that I had posted. Sorry! I was too caught up in the excitement of being in the air and being able to talk to ppl who weren't. So I made it back from my trip to AZ. Wasn't excited about going back to work because of the really great (sarcasm) project that I was on.

Oh, before I get into that... The race we were training for for Cancer to 5k was last weekend. We did the 5k at the Baltimore running festival. In spite of not having been at practice for the last few weeks, I felt really great! I even had an extra burst of energy for the last 1/2 mile or so. Just felt really great to finishi it! And I had two GREAT sherpas - Arnetta and Thomas! =) The only thing that didn't go all that well was my plan for getting picked up after the race. I thought I was being ultra efficient by asking Mom to drop me off in the morning - no issues about trying to park. But we didn't fix a meeting place for afterwards. So after the race, I called Mom to pick me up. I was waiting at some random street corner in Baltimore city - not in the greatest neighborhood. So while I'm trying to give Mom directions on how to get to where I am - by using my super cool iPhone and its GPS - my cell phone battery dies. =) So I'm sitting at this street corner for probably over an hour and a half while Mom is trying to follow the last directions I gave her - not an easy task when half the streets are closed off because of the Baltimore Marathon. While I'm sitting there, I asked some random guy walking by if I could use his phone since mine died. He was nice enough to say yes. I called Mom and she was practically in tears because she was on the street I told her I was waiting on but had no idea if she needed to continue down it or go the other way. So this guy asks if I want him to give Mom directions - he was from Baltimore city and knew the area pretty well. Guess where Mom was? Not even a half a block from where I was sitting! =)

Ok so back to my work drama... =) Tuesday, right before I was about to head out to go meet my career counselor for my annual review and to see if she knew of a non-politically incorrect way to bail on the project, my Sr. Manager pulled me aside to chat. He told me that the role he had envisioned for me and the direction he had envisioned for the Tech Team were changing. Another Sr. Manager (someone who had been on the project before and is at a higher level than I am) had been brought on to do what he had originally brought me on to do. So that left him with no budget for me. Apparently, higher ups had requested this other guy be in this position. I almost felt bad for the huge idiotic grin plastered on my face while he was apologizing for this change.

So I had a really fun annual review. I couldn't have been happier with the day. I did have a few too many glasses of wine that night and ended up - literally - butting heads with a dog. =) Pretty funny story! Wednesday - I turned my laptop into tech support to undo all the awful things my project had done to configure my laptop for their network. Thursday/Friday - I sent out e-mails looking for a new project. I have a few leads. One that I'm kind of hoping for.

The one that I'm hoping for is actually right off of the same metro stop as the last one was. But from the way the guy described it, I think it would be a great fit for me. I'll hear back from that one early next week. But I'm still following a few other leads as well.

Last night Monie and I had a bonding night. Something we haven't done in a really long time. Lots of laughing and gossiping ... and surprise surprise - no fighting! =) Go us! We went out for pizza - I was really craving pizza last night. And had root beer floats. And then she showed me all her Egypt pictures! LOL! My Daddy is REALLY cute!! =)

And that brings me up to today...
I went to see Dr. Andy this morning - my back was seriously killing me all week. He thinks that I've lost muscle tone in my back. I was thinking about this on the way home from seeing him and it kinda makes sense. I have been so busy focusing on chest, arms, and shoulders lately - since that's where I have all my scars/incisions - but completely ignored my back. Needless to say, in addition to my adjustments, I'll be adding in some back exercises.

Since its Diwali - and you can't lie on Diwali - Mommy totally surprised us! We told her to meet us at the Mandhir at noon. So we could do that before going to our Diwali lunch. But we totally expected her to show up at 12:30. So that's what we planned for. But Mom completely shocked us by geting there way before we did!! (Sorry Mommy!!) So the three of us went in and 'matha taked' and then were going to head over to Bethesda for lunch. Mom was going to ride with me and Monie was going to drive Mom's car.

Mom's car wouldn't start. =) So we all got in mine and decided we'd come back and call AAA after we had lunch. On the way to Bethesda, Mom got a call saying that there was a leak in the ceiling at the store. (I know, great beginning, right? =P) She gives some instructions on who to call and what to do and we continue on our way. She figured she'd go there in the evening and see what was going on.

So we meet Rishi, his parents, Monty, and his Mom at a Indian restaurant in Bethesda. We had a great time at lunch! Food was good. Conversation was good. Company was good. And then Rishi mentioned something about putting money in the parking meter. OOOOPS! Guess who forgot to even read the sign to see when the meters were in effect? Yeah, that would be me. I went outside to see if I was in luck... obviously not the case seeing how our day was going! =P I already had a ticket on my car. I figured no point in paying extra for parking by feeding the meter now since I'd already be paying $35 for the ticket.

So anyway. We finished our lunch. Monie called AAA since it generally takes forever for them to come. The three of us headed back to the Mandhir to wait. Mom figured since we were there, she might as well just try and start the car. =) It starts right up! She turned it off, restarted it. Drove a bit, turned it off, no issues at all! =) (Monie said that we were just supposed to spend the extra time together. I think I agree!) Since I was craving it and had spotted a Starbucks on our way, we decided to grab a cup of coffee and then head out.

LOL! I honestly don't know the last time the three of us have spent THIS much time just sitting and gabbing! Our 'quick cup of coffee' turned into a several hour bonding session. (Something else I really enjoyed today!) After we finished chatting, Mom headed back home to switch out cars and then head off. And Monie and I headed back to VA. Traffic kinda sucked on the way back and I was feeling horrible for being a neglectful puppy mom, but Rishi Uncle came over and played with Chemo Puppy, took her out, and gave her a snack. So when we got home the baby was happy vs desperate to go out.

I played with my piglet for a bit while Monie packed up her stuff. Then we headed over to Rishi's place and hung out with Anu, Jitin, Ayana, Yuvan, Monty, Rishi, Aunty and Uncle. We got completely sucked into this desi movie - New York. It was definitely better than Krish, but probably not anywhere near my list of recommendations. =)

And that's about it for my week/day. Tomorrow - I'm hoping to be all super productive and get some stuff done around the house. And I'm really hoping I can see two of my rowing/crew teammates. (One just had a bilat-mastectomy. The other just lit up on a PET.) Both are absolutely amazing women! And so much fun to be around. =)

Ok well this just turned into a novel so I'm going to end it and call it a night. Happy Diwali and hope you are enjoying your weekend! =)
----------------

- When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- What do you mean my Birth Certificate EXPIRED?
- I have opinions of my own -- strong opinons -- But I don't always agree with them. - G. W. Bush

How cool is this...

2009-10-06T18:21:00.001-04:00

So I'm on my way back from Arizona. I just had an awesome week visiting Tracy, Paul, and baby Samantha. Ofcourse I took a ton of pictures of Samantha - aka Squeak (as her Mom call her) and Doe (as her Dad calls her). She is just sooo damn cute!! I'll post pictures of her later this week.

LOL! So I did get a tiny glimpse into Mommy-hood. I took night duty one night so Trace could get a decent night of sleep. LOL! And I FINALLY understood why she called her Squeak! Samantha kept squeaking ALL NIGHT!! I think I got about 2 hours of sleep total that night. But it was just really cute!! So I had Squeak in the bed with me... sleeping in her Boppy. And Hokie joined us and cuddled up under the covers with me. But he got irritated and left since I kept getting up - had to change Squeak, make her bottles, etc - trying to figure out how to get her to stop squeaking.

So when I was trying to make her another bottle at 8 in the morning, Trace woke up and took her. Squeak had this evil little grin on her face like she knew she had just kept me up all night - and ofcourse hse stopped squeaking. Oh, and as soon as Mommy came out, she passed out and stopped squeaking! =P

So anyway... I had a great trip! I was a major baby hog!

I also got to see Paul's brother Joe and his wife Shelly. I met them at the wedding last year. Joe and Shelly live in this amazing house in Tucson. Trace, Squeak, and I went up there on Monday night so that it would be easier to get to the airport this morning. We hung out with Shelly and their 5 adorable dogs last night - and a few bottles of wine! And with Joe this morning.

Hmmm.... what else to share...

Work is ... work. I'm trying to have a better outlook about it. But at times that is a little difficult. But I am seriously amused that I totally outlasted my predecessor! Apparently, this chic was staffed in my role - before I agreed to take it - she came in one day, got the lay of the land, and never came back! When my manager called her to ask if she was coming in the next day, she said no. She had already talked to HR and had herself rolled off the project. Does that give you an idea of how frustrating of an environment this project is? *sigh* hindsight is 20-20. Next time I'll make sure I do much more research before accepting a role.

Cest la vie.

Anyway... that is about it from me. I'm headed home. Monie and Dad are having an amazing time in Egypt. And Mom is having a great time spoiling my Chemo Puppy.

Oh, How am I posting if I'm *headed* home, you ask. Duh! Haven't you heard of in-flight wi-fi? ;-) How freaking cool is it that I'm flying ... we are somewhere between Dallas and Baltimore right now... and I'm online?? =) Pretty damn cool if you ask me!

Its Friday!

2009-09-18T13:21:00.004-04:00

Happy Friday everyone! This has been an interesting week for me. Well, an interesting couple of weeks. Let me try to update you on all that's been going on. I started a new project last week and am still trying to settle in. Its definitely a lot of hours, an interesting team, and a lot of disorganization. I'm still trying to figure out what my role is and what I'm supposed to be doing. Basically, work continues to be frustrating and I'm just not in the mood to vent about the details. Just that it's a huge source of frustration for me right now.

As you may have read… I called Dr. Wilkinson last Wed to find out the results of my scans. It was litterally a 30 second conversation with one of their office staff. But she was really sweet to tell me real quick that everything was ok! Rather than making me wait for the doctor or PA to give me a call back about it. I really appreciate people like that.

Little Miss Chemo isn't adjusting to my new hours very well. She started peeing and pooping on the carpet everyday in spite of getting a mid-day walk. So now she's being crated every day. She's not happy about it, but she needs to learn that its not ok to do those kinds of things. Plus I think its better that she be crated while I'm in AZ meeting Samantha and she's staying with Nimbu and Ajay for a week.

I've started getting out of the workout thing again. Not completely, but I'm not doing all that I planned on doing. Its just hard to get up at 5am to go to the gym when I don't get to bed ontime. And I generally get home from work around 8pm or later so I'm too tired to go after work. LOL! Something else that has me realizing that the consulting lifestyle just isn't for me anymore. That being said, I'd love to find a steady hour services role where I could work a reasonable schedule and not have to sacrifice the things that are really important to me. Wouldn't we all like that?

What else is going on… well, The Cancer to 5k race in coming up in 3 weeks. I'm no where near where I wanted to be for it. I'm still going to do it… but I just wish I was further along with my training and conditioning for it. One day…

I have a new personal project that I'm planning on starting this weekend. I'm pretty excited about it. Once I get a little further along with it, then I'll share what its all about. =) Till then, you can e-mail me and ask if you are super curious! 

What else can I share?

So now that I'm commuting on the metro, I've been listening to eBooks on the way to and from work. The other day I just finished listening to Randy Pausch's Last Lecture book. It has a lot of what he talked about in his Last Lecture at CMU, plus much more. I was pretty blown away by it. When I first downloaded it, I thought it was going to be pretty depressing and morbid and all that. But it was completely the opposite! Just some amazing, but simple, life lessons. Simple things that just make a whole lot of sense. Yeah, the fact that he was suffering from terminal cancer made me think that maybe I shouldn't be listening to this. But, I'd really recommend the book or the audio book to anyone! Seriously, read it or listen to it if you can. You'll be glad you did!

Today, since I had already finished listening to the Last Lecture book, I sat there for 25 minutes staring at this woman as she put on her makeup. I was just fascinated! I think that its too much when I have to use 5 products in the morning. This woman put on at least 14! All while riding on the metro! The car swaying, the jerky stops, all the people bumping into her. She was able to do it all flawlessly! I just found it absolutely fascinating! I think I take all of 2 minutes to do my makeup. I couldn't imagine a process that required at least 25. =)

Another person who has made me think quite a bit these days is a friend of mine from rowing. She was just diagnosed with her *3rd* Breast Cancer last week. In spite of hearing that news, she was still at rowing practice with a smile on her face! What an amazingly strong woman! Seriously inspiring! Thank God her tumor is tiny! So she won't need to go through chemo again. But she will be having a bilateral Mastectomy. So she's going to have some challenges ahead of her, but she's got an amazing attitude! And she'll be back to rowing and being active again next season!

Ok, well that is all I have to say right now. I'm determined to have a good Friday! I *AM* going to leave work at a reasonable time today! I'm going to go see a chick flick with a friend. And I'm going to enjoy my weekend! (Even though I'll probably be providing remote support this weekend) If you see my Mom, don't forget to wish her a Happy Birthday tomorrow! She's going to be *sl3&@sc!#~+nq years old tomorrow! =)

CLEAN.... THEY ARE CLEAN!!!!

2009-09-09T11:58:00.001-04:00

Just called the oncologists office! I was going nuts waiting!

Just got confirmation that MY SCANS ARE CLEAN!!!!!!!!!

More later! Have a great day!

A bit of a BLAH day...

2009-08-27T21:25:00.001-04:00

Last I posted I was getting ready to start the proposal with that team in Texas. As expected, its a little crazy. I worked pretty late all last week, both days this past weekend, and this week has been pretty intense too. I have another deadline for tomorrow night. So I think once I get that submitted, then I'm good for the weekend. I just need a little bit of down time.

Today has just been frustrating. I can't seem to figure out how to say what I need to convey in my section. I have soo much information, I have no idea how to get it all in there - or at least all the stuff that I think is useful and should be mentioned.

I almost kept working past 5 today, but then I was like... what am I doing? I'm getting back into the same pattern as I was in before. I was supposed to stop at 5 today so that I could go to rowing. I skipped all my other evening activities this week because I had calls and was trying to get work done. But I had decided that today I WAS going to go to rowing. So I made it there. It was our first time rowing with the intermediates and on the Potomac. (I missed last week but apparently that was the orientation)

But even rowing didn't feel good today. Either I was rushing up the slide, or I wasn't gripping the oar right, or I wasn't driving with my legs, or I was squaring too late, or I wasn't leaning back enough, or I was catching before the stroke was, or my shoulders were coming up too high. I just couldn't get it together today. Don't get me wrong, it was great to get out there and all that... but I just felt like I was having a completely off day.

Add to that a few other things not going well at work... I'm starting to stress about needing to find a good chargeable role after this proposal ... I'm totally off of my healthy eating plan and workout schedule - well not totally. I'm not eating crap, but I'm not eating what I planned. And I'm not getting to the gym every day either. And I have my 6 month scans next week. I think its just getting to be a bit much right now.

Anyway... I just got back home a little bit ago. My dinner is cooking in the oven... I need to shower and eat. And then see if I get get any more writing done for my section. And my poor neglected puppy needs some attention too. Its just a BLAH day.

I'm so not in the mood to find something funny to end with. But I think I probably need it more than you do tonight.

· Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

· If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

· I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

· For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

· Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

· Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

· Death is hereditary.

· Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Its Saturday Night...

2009-08-16T00:16:00.001-04:00

And for once... in a really long time... I didn't spend the entire evening at home. WOW! I know! Shocking, isn't it? Could it be that I might be inching out of hermitude? Maybe... just a tiny bit. I'm not ready to completely un-hermitize myself.

So Shawnie - one of my neighbors and a friend - is moving to NYC to go to grad school. So another neighbor planned a dinner for those of us who know her. We went to this Mexican place less than a mile from here. The food was yummy! I had tacos - I know. Not something I usually crave. And a Brazillian Mojito - really yummy. The service was great. And I had a good time.

Then we all went to walk our dogs. We went around the fence and into the Raytheon parkinglot - a normal walking route for ppl in the neighborhood AND Raytheon employees. And this Rent-A-Cop comes over to us to tell us we are private property. We said, we live here. He went away for a few minutes and then came back to give us our "Last and Final warning to get off the property." I think I was just itching for a confrontation so I told him that as long as Raytheon employees trespassed on our private property and walked the lake, we could be here walking the parking lot. He went away after that. We took our time leaving - I just really wanted to see what he was going to do about it. I mean really... 4 menacing ppl like us with our dogs walking around a parking lot with NO signs indicating we can't be there. Whatever guy!

So on to my drama from last week. I told you about our division going away, right? Well, so as soon as we got out of that meeting I started sending out e-mails to ppl I know trying to get staffed. First response was from someone I worked with a few years ago to work on a proposal. I told him I was happy to help, but I knew I'd start getting pressure from HR to get chargeable again. He talked to HR and said that they agreed that once I find a chargeable role, I give him 2 weeks and I can transition out. I also told him that I'd finish at Navy on the 21st. So then between Monday and Thursday, I ended up finding one chargeable role where they wanted me right away and one high potential. So I let everyone know and said I wouldn't be able to work on the proposal. That started this whole messy stressful drama. The end result was that I was told that I HAD to pass up the chargeable role(s) and take the proposal.

Definitely surprising to me. Its the first time in 9 years I've been given the direction that client billable work isn't the number one priority. So I'm starting on the proposal on Monday. The team will be out of town, but since I can't travel, I'm going to be working from home. Its going to be crazy hours, but the silver lining is that at least I don't have to travel. I'm just hoping that I'll be able to get on a billable role quickly after the proposal. But if not, I won't have any problem throwing it back in HR's face that they made me give up billable work so now they have to deal with it if it takes a bit to find something else.

Anyway.. Its midnight. I'm tired. I'm on a mission to get my house cleaned and my office setup before Monday. I've gotten a good bit done today, but have a LOT more to do tomorrow. Oh, and my poor baby is getting tortured tomorrow. She has an appointment to get a bath tomorrow at 10. She really needs one... and I can't wait to have a puppy who isn't shedding like crazy - even if its just for 2-3 days!

Good Night! Hope you are having a great weekend! Enjoy....

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

I spoke too soon....

2009-08-13T11:22:00.001-04:00

Its a drama filled Thursday.

An Update...

2009-08-13T10:58:00.001-04:00

My project issues will be over by COB tomorrow. I'll have a decision on where I'm going. I'll post more then!

But, I HAD to share this! Its an article from "The Onion". Enjoy!

Lance Armstrong Inspires Thousands To Come In Third To Cancer

PARIS—Cancer survivor Lance Armstrong's inspirational third-place Tour de France finish has motivated thousands of patients battling cancer to eventually finish third to their life-threatening disease.

"For years now, Lance has worked tirelessly to portray his life and his racing career as a symbol of inspiration for cancer patients everywhere, and now he's succeeded beyond his wildest dreams," said Nathan Frist, director of the Stanford Cancer Center, where the entire oncology ward watched Armstrong's third-place Tour de France finish and proudly raised their hands to display the blue "Do Not Resuscitate" medical bracelets they wore to support Armstrong's effort. "By tomorrow, this place will be almost empty."
Armstrong's third place finish, coupled with his relentless endeavors to raise awareness of himself as a cancer survivor and role model, have taken him almost overnight from one survivor among many to a living symbol of a man who only lets two things beat him. To many cancer patients seeking guidance and inspiration, he has become the new bronze standard.

"Lance Armstrong has never missed a chance to stand up and tell cancer patients everywhere to follow his example, and seeing him there on the bottom step of the podium sent us all a powerful message," 42-year-old Brian Goodwood, who was diagnosed with colon cancer last year, said Sunday. "If third is the best he can do, then I know Lance would want me to do it too."

Goodwood succumbed to a combination of cancer and complications from chemotherapy Tuesday morning.

Armstrong has won seven previous Tours de France, all while making every effort to equate those performances to triumphing over cancer. However, his 2009 effort—preceded by a Nike-sponsored promotional campaign making it clear that Armstrong had made a career comeback specifically for those with cancer—sent a new message as Armstrong struggled through the three-week, 1,500 mile competition. While he refused to give up, Armstrong finished in third behind Andy Schleck and more than five minutes behind winner Alberto Contador, facts that were not lost on those he insisted upon inspiring.

"I love Lance, and I'm gonna finish third just like he did!" said Karen Monaghan, a 6-year-old patient at the Texas Cancer Center recently diagnosed with lymph node cancer and calcifications in her lung tissue, holding up three fingers to symbolize the inspiration she drew from Armstrong.

"We're all gonna come in third to cancer!" the children of New York City's St. Vincent's Cancer Center exclaimed in unison while videotaping a message they will send Armstrong to show him he was making a difference and to thank him for his third-place effort.

St. Vincent's, which is widely regarded as the city's third-best hospital for cancer treatment, has announced that it will dedicate an entirely new oncology wing to help cancer patients better deal with their struggles. Hospital administrators said they will appoint a white-ribbon panel of experts to help them design and staff the new wing, where defeating cancer will be the tertiary goal.

"My wife loved Lance. He lifted her spirits when she was diagnosed. Susan hung on his every word.... She couldn't wait to watch him in his comeback Tour, and I've never seen her more moved than when he finished," said St. Vincent's Board of Directors chairman Gary James. "I'm really going to miss her."

Despite having inspired people around the globe, a visibly moved Armstrong held a press conference Wednesday morning to thank his fans and supporters and to explain that he may have sent the wrong message with his third-place finish and his starring role in a endless cancer-themed promotional campaign.

"Please, I beg you, if you have cancer, please realize that while I may have more or less set myself up as a heroic personification of the struggle against cancer, well.... This is hard for me to say, but I think a lot of cancer patients out there can do better than I just did," Armstrong said. "I mean, I wanted to win."

Not the best start to a week… but there is still hope…

2009-08-10T10:44:00.001-04:00

I came into work this morning and was told we are having a team meeting. The Commander leading our division told us that due to the reorganization that's taking place, our group will no longer exist in 2 weeks. Great Monday, huh? So I get to re-start that painful process of trying to find a chargeable project.

If I'm completely, brutally honest – you all know I wasn't crazy about my role here – I'm more upset about losing my workout buddy and workout schedule than the role going away. Just being honest.

The other thing that happened to 'taint' my week already was lunch yesterday. So I know I said I was done with dating for a while, maybe NOW I'm done with it? Who knows. But anyway, I met this guy online. Chatted/e-mailed for a few days and then we decided to meet for lunch on Sunday. Great conversation. Great sense of humor. Smart. Well-read. Etc, etc, etc. Basically the best first date I've had in quite a while.

The not so great side is that, even if it makes me a horrible person, I just don't think I can get over the fact that he's blind.

Here's hoping that my week gets a little better, and you have a good one too.

It’s a SLOW Tuesday…

2009-08-04T13:56:00.001-04:00

I'm in a great mood today. I think it has to do with the fact that I had a really good workout yesterday at lunch and then went for a 10 mile bike ride with Rishi after work. AND THEN when I got on the scale this morning it was 1.5 lbs less than what it was yesterday! WOOHOO! Yeah for small victories! So that has me in a good enough mood that not having anything to do today at work isn't bothering me. What can I say, it's a slow day. Plus they took my work laptop to re-image it since it was blue screening a few times a day. Can't wait for that to get fixed. It was a little annoying!

So what can I tell you about… I haven't been to my Georgetown group in a few months because of rowing – both are on Wed nights. But I had dinner with Liz, Asha, and Jeanne last week. It was really good to see them! Definitely a fun night. Carrie had to bail because of a hellacious day at the hospital, but I got to catch up with her this past weekend over lunch. We are going to try to do a monthly dinner just so we get to see each other and we have a few fun things that we may try to plan before the end of the summer.

A woman I work with told me about another group that meets MUCH closer to my house – she's also a survivor. So I've been meaning to go to one of their meetings and see what that group is like. While I LOVE the Georgetown group, it's just not the same anymore. The last few times I went – it was just different. I think it's probably because so many new ppl have joined that the group dynamics and feel just changed – as it should. A few of us were talking about how helpful it would be to have a post- treatment group. Just getting together for dinner kind of takes care of that. If someone has something they need to talk about, they can do that. If not, we can just gossip about what's going on in our lives – basically getting on with them. Anyway… I think the dinners are more of what I need right now than actually going to group and listening to newly diagnosed women talk about that stuff. I know that sounds seriously selfish – while I'd love to be able to help someone out who is just starting this process, I think I need to do what's going to help me out right now.

What else can I share today? I think I'm doing pretty well on sticking with my new eating plan and workout schedule. I may be over doing it a bit, but I need the jump start! Chemo went to the vet on Saturday and Devinder said she is perfectly fine! I was just being a paranoid Mom and needed to hear that. My house is still a total mess – I'm hoping I'll get it done by the end of the weekend. I went out on an AWFUL date this weekend – I'm officially back into hermitude. Work is work. And I'm in a pretty great mood today.

So… even though this wasn't a ranting and negative post, I figure you can still use something funny. Have a great Tuesday!

- Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.

- What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

- Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations.

- I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

- All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Rainy Thursday Night...

2009-07-23T23:28:00.001-04:00

I've had a half irritatingly annoying day and half a great day. Since I like to end on a high note, I'll save the happy stuff for the end.

Well, before I get into my day, I know I've written about this before, but its been on my mind - so I'll talk about it again. Sending out that notification e-mail when I post. I seriously appreciate all of you reading my blog and keeping up with me over the past 2 years, but part of me feels like you must be thinking, "enough already". How do I get off this spam list without being insensitive or rude? Honestly, I truly appreciate each and every one of you keeping up with my life. But, please don't feel bad if you don't feel like reading every time I post. Seriously, not a big deal. I think I'll send out a notification e-mail this time, ask for ppl to respond back IF they want to get an e-mail when I post, and that will be that.

On to my day... I started on a new project a few weeks ago. I'm sure its just the fact that I'm being given WAY too much time to get acclimated and the fact that there isn't a ton of stuff to do there. But, I'm bored. And the things that I've gotten involved in, I can't get too involved in b/c some ppl seem a little territorial. Add to that some other seriously frustrating things that I don't think would be right to go into too much detail about - and it isn't the happiest place around. I'm hoping that things will get better. I really am trying to be patient and give it a chance. Its just a totally different pace than the projects that I'm used to.

Actually, I really need to stop complaining about it. I decided that my priority was a steady 40hr schedule. I didn't want the insane delivery schedule project. So that's what I got. Maybe its a little slower than that, but still. I'm headed out by 5pm every day. Major perk. And its only been a few weeks. I'm going to give it 2 months. I think that is more than enough time for me to get in the swing of things. If things still aren't happening then I'll have another talk with my PM to see if we can change them or change my situation.

Geez! its really hard to vent when you can't be specific about stuff!

But I did find something happy over there. So the Commander that we work for was telling me about the Pentagon Athletic Center that is right across the street. And Contractors are allowed to use it too - we have to pay, but its very reasonable. So I checked it out. Pretty decent. So randomly I posted something online to see if anyone else in the area was interested in a lunchtime workout buddy - I got a few responses. Ironically enough the one I responded back to was someone from Acn on another project in the same building! So today was day one! It was great and pretty motivating! We met up at noon. Did some cardio, weights, and abs. It was so much more entertaining having someone to talk to rather than just listening to my iPod. Showered, dressed and I made it back to the office a little after 1. We are going to do a Mon, Wed, Fri schedule! Working out with a good looking guy is great motivation! I highly recommend it! =) Not to mention a great way to break up the work day.

So what else to tell you? The lymphedema is better now. $300 later - I have a sleeve and a glove. (Did I mention that insurance doesn't cover those and they need to be replaced every 6 months? Thanks again, cancer!) I have to wear them when I workout, row, do anything strenuous. I can handle that. The flu is gone - just have a nasty cough left... but its almost gone too!

Tomorrow is Friday. So it CAN'T be a BLAH day! I'm meeting my gym buddy to workout again during lunch. Chemo and I are going to go chill at Nimbu and Ajay's place in the evening. (Or I'll chill and Chemo will be a spaz.) And its Friday! So its going to be a happier day!!

Since I vented a lot... here's something funny to leave ya with...

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!

Lymphedema... YUCK!

2009-07-14T16:20:00.001-04:00

Last week was pretty interesting – to say the least. I’ll start with the weekend, I told you that I was flipping my bedroom and study – the transition is STILL in process. I just haven’t had the energy to finish it. But just to clarify, I did not lift anything heavy. Even then, my hand started swelling up. On Monday I started calling my new Onc. I got an appointment to see her PA on Tuesday. She confirmed that I have a mild case of Lymphedema. (Oh, Joy.) And then Thursday I came down with the flu. Friday and Sat were spent on Cindy’s son’s wedding – inspite of feeling awful. Sunday and Monday – on the couch.

So back to Tuesday – it was a little funny. I was running around Crystal City and the Pentagon getting badges and my CAC card and all that fun stuff – basically chasing after the two guys I work with. Both tall and fast walkers. Needless to say, my feet were killing me. I was wearing a sleeveless dress with a cardigan sweater and a pair of heels. Luckily, I had brought a pair of flip flops so I put those on. And it was super hot to the sweater went in my purse. After the doctor’s appointment, I went to Reston for a celebratory dinner for the proposal I was working on. When I got there, I realized that I had accidentally dumped an entire cup of tea in my purse (my really cute, new Coach knock off) – and soaked everything inside in. Including my sweater.

So I’m about to go to this dinner – me and like 12 SE’s. I can’t wear my pumps because my feet are hurting and swollen. No sweater – b/c its soaked in tea. And I grabbed a purse from Target – bright lavender colored. So… flip-flops, bright lavender purse, sleeveless dress… I totally looked like I was going to the beach. I felt pretty ridiculous walking into the dinner like that, but it was either that – or not go. I’m glad I went because I had a great time! I just thought it was seriously funny!

So anyway… Tuesday I found out about the Lymphedema. I had to call 6 hospitals before I found one I could get in to the physical therapy dept without waiting a month. I had the appointment on Friday morning. Mick – my therapist seems really nice and very competent. He is going to teach me how to do the drainage massages so I can keep the fluid out of my arm. I also have to wear a compression sleeve and glove for a while – NOT happy about that. I’ll probably have it by the end of the week. It’s a very mild case right now, but everyone says its better to get it taken care of now so it doesn’t become a big issue down the road.

Oh, and I got the flu or something on Thursday, so that royally sucked. I felt bad b/c I was supposed to be helping at Cindy’s son’s wedding this weekend, I went, but wasn’t able to do as much b/c I felt so awful. But oddly enough, all the ibuprofen I was taking to get my fever down also reduced the swelling in my hand. I called Mick and he said that I still had to get the sleeve and do the therapy. I tried.

So I think that’s about it. I was pretty pissed last week when I found out about the Lymphedema and all. And then even madder once I got sick. But I’m on the mend. And at least its mild vs major swelling like some ppl I’ve seen.

Oh, and I’m a spoiled brat. I’m at work and my Mom just called. She’s going to come over to my place tonight and make me some kichadi (I made some yesterday but I was so out of it I forgot to add salt and I burn it.) and she’s going to cut up fruits for me and make me some more ginger and honey for my throat. =) I’m spoiled and I love it!

Bittersweet Sigh of Relief

2009-07-05T23:12:00.001-04:00

Its Sunday night and I've had a pretty stressful weekend. As usual I'm behind on my school work, I picked the worst timing for re-arranging the house again, and I'm starting a new project tomorrow.

I was on the phone with Monie telling her what a crappy week I'm going to have. I have to take 5 exams by Wednesday, I'm not really learning anything for my classes, I'm just trying to do the minimum and get by, I'm a little nervous about the new project, and then I have Cindy's son's wedding this Friday and Saturday.

I was telling her that I'm just so not in the mindframe to study right now. And obviously I'm resisting it since I refuse to keep up with the classes and keep stressing myself out with these massive deadlines. Kind of funny because when I first told Mom, Dad, and Monie that I wanted to go back to school I didn't get the response I had expected from them. I thought they would all say, "Yeah, go for it. That's a great idea!". Instead, I got a lot of hmmm and "are you sure you want to do this right now?" I was pretty annoyed at the time, but now I see what they were saying.

Dad said that instead of going to school right now, I should take it easy and relax. I brushed it off and said I didn't need to. I was ready to get started with my exciting new career. Hindsight is 20-20. But they were right. Its no secret that the past few years have been a little stressful for me. Lets start with work being insane and working crazy hours, add to that the crap with Maheep and the wedding, then being depressed and working myself like crazy for a year - a moment to try to start catching my breath with the leave of absence Dad talked me into taking - and then, "Here, have some cancer", a few surgeries, my life feeling like its completely out of control, a bit of depression... and now. Finally feeling like I can try to start getting it back together, and I add in school. I agree with Dad, Mom, and Monie. Instead of trying to do school right now, I need a moment to catch my breath, relax, de-stress, and just enjoy life for a few.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up on Nursing or the career change or going back to school in general. As of now, I still want to go in that direction. But right now is just not the time for me to do it. Right now is the time for me to take a moment to see that life is good and just enjoy that feeling. When I'm ready to focus on school and ready to enjoy the learning process, I'll go back. But tonight, I sent my professor a note asking her to withdraw me from both my classes.

I am feeling a little guilty - wasted money, giving up when the going gets tough, not following through, etc. But the massive sigh of relief that I'm feeling completely out weighs any guilt!

Tomorrow, I'm going to start my new project - and NOT have to stress about how I'm going to fit in time to read all my chapters and take 5 exams by Wednesday. Instead, I can just enjoy getting acclimated to my new project, having dinner with Mom and Dad tomorrow night, a celebratory dinner for the proposal I was working on Tuesday night, rowing on Wed, dinner with Veena on Thursday, the wedding next weekend... AND Shawnie helping me re-organize my chaos now that I've moved back into the Master Bedroom. (How long did you bet I'd last in the smaller bedroom using the hall bathroom?)

So, just to say it (so you can have it in writing) Dad, Mom, and Monie were right and I should have listened to them. (Be sure to save this since I may not ever admit it again!)
______
I have to add this in... My neice WON the National Debating Championship!! And is quoted in the Sun! (http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/howard/bal-ho.debate05jul05,0,6818357.story )

Helen

2009-06-27T17:25:00.001-04:00

I've met so many amazing and inspiring people in the past 2 years. But it just sucks that the odds are that not all of these people - myself included - will be here long term. I know that is a seriously negative and defeatist attitude. And I know that I'm not properly honoring the memory of the friends that I've lost by thinking this way right now, but isn't that just a cold hard fact? I just want to yell and scream that it ISN'T fair when I hear of someone who didn't make it. Especially someone so young.

A young girl, early 20's, still in college. Just a beautiful person - inside and out. A gorgeous face and an incredible smile. An amazingly positive girl with a cute and bubbly personality. I do feel lucky that I had the opportunity to meet her and get to know her a bit. But I'm so sad that she's no longer here, she won't get the chance to live out her dreams, and experience all that life has to offer.

Helen passed away last night. She had just gotten settled in her new hospice center on Thursday so to have her gone so quickly is a bit shocking and very sad.

A quote from Holly's e-mail.... Helen has moved on, beyond the struggle, beyond the fight - on her own terms - down a new path. Next run or walk you take, take a moment and remember our teammate Helen and smile and give your finish everything you've got - show the world how you LiveSTRONG! Helen would want it that way.

Sending out all my love to Helen and her family.

Its Break Time!

2009-06-14T14:22:00.003-04:00

I've been meaning to post for a week or so but just keep putting it off. So now that I'm in the middle of an all day study and work day... figure I'll use my break time to post. First of all, Yes. I know. I procrastinated again. Yes, I know. I said I wouldn't do that again. Yes, I know. Its stupid and I need to get with the program. Since I know all of that, no need for the lectures.

Before I go on with my babble... If you didn't realize that the photo in the prev blog was a link to an album... Its a link to an album. I got *2* pieces of artwork... not just the one. ;-)

Both my classes were granted an extension on the first deadline by Prof. Miller. I have her for both A&P1 and 2. So I have to take exam 1 for both classes tomorrow. It still makes me pretty behind, but if I get my act together now, I can catchup and not have a hellacious rest of the summer. I'm getting on it.

The update with work. I'm working on a proposal now. Its pretty interesting stuff, but the schedule -as usual - is crazy. We were supposed to have a review COB tomorrow. It got moved to noon. And now its at 8am. So I have to have all of my stuff in decent condition and posted by 7:30 am tomorrow morning. Kind of messes with my study schedule. But I'll get it done. I think I might go out to Reston late tonight to have it all printed and posted, so then I can go do my exams in the AM and be back to work in the afternoon after they have reviewed and will be ready to address comments. I think that might be the best POA. I interviewed with another client for a role on Friday. I hope I get it. I'm up against ppl from 2 other firms. I'll find out by mid next week. If that doesn't pan out, then I'll look at "Going Postal" again. If that doesn't pan out, I have an Air Force thing that they are interested in considering me for, and if that doesn't work out, then I'll talk to the guy who contacted me about an Army thing. So what that means is that HOPEFULLY, I'll be switching from BD work to client work by the end of the month. Especially since the BD work/proposal schedule is already gettin nuts and I sooo don't have the energy for it. Oh and I'm going back to 100% starting 6/16. I figure it will help my chances of getting a chargeable role.

So last week... I told you all I was going to see a new oncologist. Dr. Mary Wilkinson. I really liked her! Great personality. We connected. She seems to really know her stuff, so I'm pretty happy. i'm definitely going to miss Dr. Griffiths and St. Agnes. But I think its impt to start moving my stuff over here so that I can handle appointments with out having to take a whole day for them. So a few things we spoke about... She did some blood work... I'm Vitamin D defficient. Lots of studies showing that decreased Vitamin D levels are linked with increased cancer and recurrence rates. She started me on Vitamin D therapy and we'll re-check after I finish the course of meds. She also explained something that I sort of knew before, but it didn't really register to me before.

So we all knew that getting to 5 years out is a pretty big deal. And its an awesome sign for me. But I never knew some of the details behind it. She explained that cancers that are hormone negative (ER/PR-... estrogen/progesterone -) and her2+ (like mine) have a much greater chance of recurring 3-4 years after the initial cancer. BUT they have a REALLY low chance of coming back say 10/15 years out. So this 5 year milestone is seriously huge!! Basically once I get to that, I can pretty confidently say, "Na na naaa naaaaa... Na na naaa naaaaa... hey hey hey.. GOOD BYE!!!" Needless to say, my 5 year anniversary is going to be a big blowout party! Be sure to put it on your calendars now!!! The Saturday after May 18, 2012! Feel free to send me ideas for my party! Yes, I'm odd and I plan parties 3 years in advance! Deal with it. =)

So something kind of funny... Jeanne... a girl in my support group. Planned a spa night for a bunch of us. I had a great time. We had our spa treatments and then practically closed down the restaurant! So at one point Carrie and I went to the restroom. We were talking about oncologists ... she was in a stall and I was waiting. I said that I switched oncologists to Dr. Wilkinson in Falls Church. A voice from another stall pipes up... "Mary Wilkinson? She's my oncologist too!" Kind of funny! We met another Breast Cancer survivor in the bathroom. Ofcourse we compared port scars and all that stuff! I was seriously amused!

Hmmm... other than that... I had my first We Can Row practice on Wed. We didn't go on the water because there was too much lightening, but we did some stretching and erg machine work. I hope we can go on the water this Wed. Okie... I think I'm done for now. I just finished reading the intro to A&P and the Chemical Basis of Life. Now I'm on to Lymphatic System, Digestive, then back to Cells. That should give me a decent base for the exams tomorrow. Wish me luck!

And since I'm at a coffee shop in Arlington studying today, I thought I'd share what my hardcore-ghetto neighborhood is like... Peace out!

Arlington... The Real Ghetto

Sunday night insomnia...

2009-06-01T01:26:00.004-04:00

Deja vu... right? I'm back to being an insomniac. Last night I barely slept. We were in NJ and according to Monie, every few minutes I'd flop around like a fish and wake her up, she'd try to get me to settle down so she could go back to sleep, and then I'd do it again. It was a pretty restless night. Lesson learned! If I'm spending the night anywhere but my bed, take my Ambien with me! Oh and Chemo puppy is not having the same prob tonight... she's passed out! =) Shawnie - my neighbor - babysat for her today/yesterday. They went on a 2 1/2 hour walk so the baby is POOPED! She gives me an irritated look every few minutes as I keep moving around to try to get comfy. Well, at least one of us is sleeping well tonight!

But anyway... lots to share. So this weekend we went to NJ for Mohit and Sonia's Sangeet. I had a really good time. I'm hoping to be able to go to the wedding - but still trying to see if I can work that out. It was just really nice seeing all of them after a long time! Something funny I have to mention... So Dad and Jain Uncle were talking. Jain Uncle told Dad that there was a woman at the party who was an 8-9 year Stage IV survivor. He pointed out a woman in a white-ish sari. So Dad comes over to me and asks if I want to meet a Stage IV Breast Cancer survivor. I was a little hesitant because it was a party and not everyone is as open about all this stuff as I am. But part of me did want to meet her. Dad pointed her out and I walked over. THANK GOD I went by myself (w/o Monie and Dad), pulled her aside and quietly asked her... "I'm so sorry if this is completely inappropriate, but I heard you are a Breast Cancer survivor. Is that true?" "Me? No! It must be another Auntie."

DOH!!!

A not so great part about this weekend... I saw pictures of me... can we say YUCK? We were dancing for a good bit of the night... I could barely make it through a song without getting completely winded. That really sucked too! And then the whole stress about what to wear... I hate that part about going places... I get all stressed out about it because 90% of what's in my closet no longer fits. I know. I know. I've been complaining about this for quite some time now and I need to just get up and do something about it. Can we say - SO MUCH easier said than done? I've been talking to Dr. Erdwins about this, about why I'm not doing these things that I want and seriously need to do. We haven't really gotten too deep into it yet. But I'll let you know once I get some insight into it. But anyway... inspite of these things... I had a good time!

What else is going on? I just read an e-mail from Tracy/Ethel. Tigger, one of her cats, passed away this weekend. I'm sure I don't need to explain how I feel about that. It makes me think about my baby and I can't even handle the thought of it.

On another depressing note... I have yet another 'mysterious' thing broken in my body. I can't remember if I mentioned that like a month or month and a half ago I was having constant dizziness, nausea, feeling like I was going to pass out feelings. Well, it went from constant to intermitten. And then a little over a week ago, the nausea came back with a vengeance. Feeling nauseated every day REALLY sucks. I mentioned it to Dr. Andy (my chiro) he suggested trying ginger. So now I'm drinking ginger water, ginger tea, ginger ale, ginger beer. I eat ginger in everything! And then snack on ginger chews. Oh, and I just had a cup of hot milk with ginger in it. I'm starting to get just a little ginger'ed out.

So the ginger works for a bit, but then the nausea comes back. So Friday I went back to the doc. She didn't have a clue what to tell me. We did some more basic blood work to see if anything changed. I'm seeing my new oncologist **IN VA** on Friday so I can get the "it's definitely NOT cancer" flag. And then she said we might try out an ENT. (And before you ask... No! I'm not pregnant!) At this point I really don't care what it is. I just want it GONE! These random little things that mysteriously creep up are ANNOYING!

Hmmm... what else? I'm joining a rowing club. I went to a rowing workshop Memorial Day weekend. It's a Breast Cancer group... I had such a great time that I'm signing up for their 10 week novice program starting this month. And I think I might just be getting exhausted enough to fall asleep so I'm going to try to do that. But before I do, I have a few funnies for you and some pictures of the presents that I got myself for my 2nd Cancerversary. =) (Yes, the smile means that it isn't anything like what you may have expected I would have gotten for myself. So you may want to check those out! =P)

- I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
- God must love stupid people; He made so many.
- Procrastinate Now!
- I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
- I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

My 2nd Cancerversary Presents to Myself

Happy (Be-lated) 2 year Cancerversary to me!!

2009-05-21T10:21:00.001-04:00

I celebrated 2 years of survivor-ship on Monday. Don't laugh but, time sure flies by when you are having fun! =P

I kind of really mean that. These past 2 years have just gone by in a blur! I honestly can't believe its been *2* WHOLE years since I was on my amazing trip. Since I was back in HIHT. And since I was sitting with the Pathologist in India having her tell me that there is "suspected malignancy". To which I respond... "Suspected? That's not so bad! It means you guys aren't sure." LOL! And then she looked at me as if I was totally nuts.

I had a small party on Monday night. Thank You to everyone who was able to come! And Thank You to everyone else who sent Happy Thoughts my way! And Thanks for all my awesome presents!

So... what else is going on with me? Well, I got myself a few really great Cancerversary presents. I'll decide when I want to share those! I'm back on the bench at work. Not the greatest thing, but hopefully I'll find an actual project soon instead of jumping to another proposal. I just signed up for classes again this summer. I think I said a few weeks/months ago that I wasn't going to do that... I changed my mind. Cest la vie! I told Dr. Singh that I can no longer see him until the insurance mess is resolved. I'm back with Dr. Erdwins. I'm going to a Learn to Row workshop this weekend - its a Breast Cancer thing. And I've been pretty decent with keeping up with my walking every day!

I've decided that the next baby step in my 'get healthy' plan will be to increase the amt of water I'm drinking. So I'm going to start working on that today. I need to get up to 2.5L/day. I'll slowly work up to it over the course of a week. I know I keep saying that I need to do this... well instead of just talking about it and making unrealistic plans.. I'm going to take it slowly and do it one step at a time.

Oh and I've decided that, even thought I absolutely love Dr. Griffiths, I need to find an oncologist in my area. I was having another random issue a few weeks ago and one of the first things they wanted me to do was to go get the 'all clear' from my Oncologist. I told them I would, but I didn't. When I need to go to Baltimore for an appointment, I have to take an entire day off of work to do it. Its totally ok if its just once or twice a year. But I don't see it going that way. Whatever happens, they are going to want me to get checked out by my onc. So I decided to make it easier on myself... I need to find someone local. =( Kind of sucks... but it will make things so much easier on me.

Okie... I don't know what else to babble about... Hope you are having a great week. Here's my funny for the day... or a few of them...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
"I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

In need of something cheerful or optimistic...

2009-05-15T00:25:00.001-04:00

DISCLAIMER: If you watch Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, or Ugly Betty and are not up to date with the episodes. Don't read this. I WILL spoil it for you.

So I get that things aren't really happy these days... The economy isn't doing well. Every time I date to flip across a news channel they are talking about the increase in unemployment, how bad the recession is, another company having a flat quarter, the market continuing to go down, more foreclosures, etc etc etc. I get it. Its a pretty depressing time. So wouldn't you think that the ppl over in TV land would take this into account and maybe liven up their shows a little? I mean seriously... I watched Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy tonight. Not much positivity there at all! Well, Daniel and Molly do get married after she calls off the wedding they were planning because it was going to take too long to plan and chances were that she'd be dead by the time the wedding came along. So for one brief second there is something happy - in spite of Elena leaving Ignacio - and then they end the stupid show with Molly passed out on the bathroom floor as Daniel is packing for their honeymoon.

So after that barrel of happiness, I watched the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. SO all season we've been hearing about how Izzy was leaving the show. And then lately I heard that Izzy was going to stay, but George was going to leave. And what happens... well among other things like Bailey getting an ultimatun from her husband that she can either take the Peds fellowship or stay married so she decides she is going to get divorced and stay in general surgery... Torez has to cut off this guy's healthy leg... they freaking kill off BOTH George and Izzy! Izzy signed a DNR before going into surgery which they ignored and tried to recusitate her anyway... but she still died after all their efforts. And George got creamed by a bus. He pushed a girl out of the way and got hit himself. So they are operating on and working on 'John Doe' and then finally he spells out '007' in Meredith's hand and she realizes that its him. So the day before he's supposed to deploy to Iraq - because he joined the army - he gets killed by a bus.

I haven't seen Private Practice in a few weeks so I don't know if the story has continued beyond this - obviously my flakey DVR isn't a priority these days - but Violet was pretty close to giving birth. One of her psychotic patients who had a miscariage believes Violet stole her baby so she gave her some sort of drug to paralyze her and now the psycho chic is about to cut the baby out of her. Violet knows she's going to die but can't do a thing about it. Oh, and this is JUST after she told Pete that she loves him and wants to be with him.

DOn't you just love that? One split second of something happy going on and then something has to come crashing down on it. It just makes you feel so optimistic... NOT!!

So I think I'm going to be avoiding tv for a while. I've actually been pretty happy lately. And if all it does is depress me, then what's the point of watching it? Might as well just put on a movie instead - one with a happy ending since I'm in need of those.

Now that I'm done conplaining about TV and the economy... something good... Dr. Erdwins is back from her trip. I had an appointment with her today. I'm switching back to her. I just can't deal with paying all that $$ out of pocket to Dr. Singh and then having such a hard time getting it back from Insurance. Plus I really like her! I'm hoping I get to see Dr. Andy tomorrow - my Chiro. My back has been killing me for way too long now and I just need to get it taken care of. Cindy is having her yard sale on Saturday... so I'm going to do that on Saturday. My house has been pretty stagnant lately. But this weekend I'll find the time to get that final push done. The big stuff is done... now its just the small stuff. I'm excited about Monday! LOL! but I have to share this..

Here is my funny for this post. An actual true story. An example of how completely idioticly stupid some people can be.

So remember some time back when I was complaining about a woman I ran into while walking Chemo. She asked me if I was worried that naming Chemo 'Chemo' was foreshadowing what's to come for her. Surprisingly enough I had enough restraint NOT to punch her in the face. I just chalked it up to her being THE most ignorant person in the world.

She just got knocked down to the second most ignorant person. THE most ignorant person asked me why I would want to celebrate my Cancerversary. Isn't that just asking for it to come back? How do you respond to that? "Why YES! That's the point exactly! I miss being bald and sick sooooo much that I am inviting my cancer back with open arms!" How freaking stupid! I guess I can accurately say that anyone with half a brain would know that I'm celebrating 2 years of survivorship! But since she only had a quarter of a brain.... she just didn't know any better. Cest la vie!

Anyway... My ambien is starting to kick in. I haven't slept well in a few days. Figured I was due for a good night of sleep. So have a good night and drop me a note if you will be able to stop by on Monday for my Cancerversary party. =)

OMG! She's ALIVE!

2009-05-05T19:09:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the couple months of silence. No real reason for not blogging. I'd think about wanting to post, think through what I wanted to post, but then for some reason - I could never get myself to actually sit down at the computer to post. I just didn't want to. Don't ask... I have no clue why.

But anyway, I'm posting today! So Happy Rainy Cinco de Mayo, everyone!

Hmmm... So where shall I start with my update for today? Well, right now I'm sitting at a Starbucks in Fair Lakes waiting to meet Melissa for dinner. I haven't seen her in months, so looking forward to this. Other than that my day has been pretty decent. I worked from home this morning on the proposal effort that I'm on, had a meeting in Rosslyn for my old project, worked some more from home, came out here, saw that there was a massage place running a special for first time customers - its called 'Jus Massage'. If you go, ask for Tony!! - so I got an amazing and much needed massage, now I'm sipping a cup of coffee and waiting for Melissa.

So last I posted, I mentioned that I had a personal 'project' I was working on. Well, I'm just about ready for the 'reveal' so I might as well tell you all about it. I met this woman on CL - Cindy - who helped me de-clutter and organize my house. After she finished, the home remodeling pretty much took on a life of its own. And basically I'm in the middle of my own personal version of 'Home makeover -Extreme edition'. For anyone who has seen the way my house usually is... Sorry! I mean WAS... you will truely be able to appreciate the difference.

For those like Monie and Ethel who have had the priviledge of cleaning it, returning some time later to find it in even worse shape, cleaning it again, repeat... I think, you will be pretty blown away! Once I'm just about done or before the 18th, I'll post pictures of my 'new' place!

Oh before I forget... About the 18th... The 18th is my 2 year Cancerversary. I'm taking the day off to celebrate. I think its momentous enough to need a whole day celebration! I'll start off my day at Lombardi at a Look Good Feel Better session - that is being televised for Fox News! (Spotlight, please!) Then I have a few things planned. And in the evening, I'm having a small and informal party at my house! (DUal purpose actually. One to celebrate and Two to show off all that I've done!)

So, I'm not being formal about invites for my party at all! I do realize that it is a Monday night so it may be difficult for some folks to make it. If you can't make it, no worries, just send lots of happy thoughts my way!

If you can make it, Please come!! I'd love for you to be there to celebrate with me! Just send me an e-mail by the 13th to let me know if you will be there so I can plan for food and drinks. =)

Hmmm... what else...

Well, I've been de-hermity these days. While I was focused on the house I was bailing on plans left and right. But now I'm being much more social. Even dating a little bit. And surprise surprise - for those who are keeping track of my meds - I am no longer on Welbutrin or Zoloft. (WOOHOO!!) I did start back on a baby dose on an SSRI type of drug (I stopped both Zoloft and Welbutrin cold turkey - NOT the proper way to stop taking those. I had some weird side effects, so Beth put me on this so we could taper me properly. In about 2 weeks, I'll be off of this too!) Is that awesome or what??

Still on Syntheroid, but its the lowest dose available so I'm ok with that for now. But eventually, I'll find my way off of that as well.

We are doing the DC Race for the Cure this year. If you are interested, here's the link to the team page:

http://globalrace.info-komen.org/site/TR/GlobalRaceForTheCure/GlobalRace?team_id=106440&pg=team&fr_id=1140&s_tafId=18760

I'm sure there's been other stuff that's happened over the past few months. I'm just drawing a blank right now and can't really think of what else to share right now. I guess that means I should just leave it for the next time I post.

DUH!! I just went to my *15* year high school reunion this weekend! I ended up having a great time! I almost bailed on it that day, but now I'm really glad I went. =)

And for those of you who have been asking what's going on with me, why I haven't been posting, and if I was ok, etc... Thank You for checking up on me! And Thanks for asking me to post! And sorry for being silent for so long!

So here's my funny for today...

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

My last surgery is DONE!!!

2009-03-19T23:22:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting at Mom and Dad's sitting on ice packs! Very fun! So let me share a few things going on these days...

I'm still on the bench and looking for a project. I found out that instead of the 2-4 day recovery period I thought I'd have, its supposed to be more like a week since they had to do both sides. No pain in the chest area, just difficulty walking because of where they took the skin grafts from. (In case I didn't say it earlier - and sorry if this is TMI - but today Dr. Grace was going to take skin grafts from my groin area and make nipples.) Since I have no nerve sensation in the chest area skin - no pain there even though he had to cut the area a bit to attach the grafts. In the groin area... 2 pretty decent sized incisions. Those are seriously OUCH!! So anyway, I'm on another Short Term leave. I go back to work on the 30th.

Apparently I'm pretty predictable. As usual, I was running late to the hospital. I was supposed to be there at 12:30 after dropping Chemo off at Mom and Dad's and picking Dad up. Instead, I had to ask Nonu to drop Dad off at the hospital so he could take Chemo home and I wouldn't be more than 15 min late. Monie said she should have bet that I was going to end up doing that. But in my defense, and something unexpected, before leaving my place I finished almost all of my laundry, folded and put it away - except socks and the clothes to be hung up. Changed the sheets on my bed, vaccumed my room and the floors, loaded the dishwasher, and tidied up a tiny bit. Figure if I'm going to be lying around for a week, I'd be less stressed looking at less of a mess.

Something else unexpected... I thought we'd be doing IV sedation, but Dr. Grace opted for General Anesthesia instead since he was going to be cutting into 4 different areas. He wanted me to be pain free during the procedure. After I came to, one of the nurses was asking me if I had already started taking classes towards my nursing degree. I was surprised and asked how she knew about it! She said I had told her in the OR. Now I'm wondering what other tid bits I shared with them!

Yesterday I went and saw Dr. Griffiths for my 3 month checkup. She said everything was looking good! I also saw my chemo nurses - Cheryl, Jo, Kathy, Cathy, Gail, Kim, Kim, and Robin; Kevin, Lois, Kristin, Della, and a few other folks. Then I met Cindy - a new friend - for lunch. When I got home, I found a dribble of dried peanut butter about 3/4 of an inch on the side of my chin. COMPLETELY noticable! LOL! Monie said that everyone was telling her how good I looked! Apparently Peanut Butter suits me! I just can't believe no one told me! =)

What else... its kind of a surreal feeling that the LAST step of this 'adventure' is DONE! I know this sounds weird, but it made me feel better knowing that there was one more thing left. Dr. Singh said I was using it as a crutch - that's why I scheduled it instead of putting it off for a few more months. Now its done. And I get to move beyond this. Put it all in the past. Probably easier said than done, but its the next thing for me to work on. So step one in that is a 'project' my new friend Cindy is helping me with next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. In order to make sure I don't jinx myself, I'll share the details after the project is complete.

Okie... I'll wrap this up. Its past 11 and I'm still totally wide awake. Possibly because I took a 4 hour nap today!

Here's my funny for tonight - a few funny sayings:

- If I go any faster I'll burn out my hamster!

- Next mood swing: five minutes

- Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

- With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

- Of course I'm listening to you; don't you see me yawning?

- It's all right to be stupid, but you're making a career out of it.

- Don't let your mind wander. It's not stong enough to be allowed out on its own.

I'm 33.... ICK! That sounds OLD!!!

2009-03-13T15:26:00.001-04:00

So I turned 33 on Wednesday. Happy Birthday to Me! It was kind of a good birthday - except my lazy ass friends bailed on cleaning my house! *sigh* I know! How rude of them! =P

Not that its a good thing, but I'm currently unstaffed. But to get to spend your birthday week at home relaxing and playing with the puppy, Kind of nice!

So, what else is going on - other than my being in a pensive mood? Something kind of funny. So for the last two sessions I had with my shrink, he was really unnerved. I thought it was really funny! It was so bad that he's been pacing around the room. So usually when I went in to see him - I was generally "Boo Hoo! So sad" Jess. These last two, I've been happy, in a good mood, and pretty upbeat - even though there are lots of things going on at the moment that aren't the greatest. But I'm still doing ok with all of it. He's getting a little more comfortable as he tries to figure out what brought on the change... but he's still perplexed about where it came from. Which, of course, amuses me to no end!

For those of you keeping track of my meds... we took me off of leagalized speed (aka ritalin) (YEAH!) AND dropped my Zoloft dose. I've been missing meds left and right and am still doing fine. So I asked if we could cut back the dosage a bit. Oh! AND amazingly enough, I haven't taken sleping pills in a while now! YEAH for small victories!

Two people I'd like to ask you to keep in your thoughts... one friend is just about to start her second 'cancer-venture' and another just had a bilateral mastectomy yesterday. Both of them have SUCH an amazing attitude about it all!

On the happy side... Both Jeans and Ethel are preggers!! Jeannie is having her second daughter! And Ethel is selfishly only having ONE rug-rat! *sigh* If she was having twins, I called dibs on one of em. =) I can't wait to see their kids!

And that's about all I feel like witing about at the moment. I'm going out with a few ppl tonight for dinner and bowling to continue the birthday celebration week. *sigh* And the shrink said that I really need to work on not being such a hermit most of the time. =( I'll work on it though...

Anyway... here's my funny of the day... Have a great weekend! And I'll talk to you later!
-----------------

This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.

- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

- This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Happy Clean PET scan Day!

2009-03-02T15:18:00.001-05:00

WOOOHOO!!! I'm on a conference call right now, but Dr. H called in during so I flipped over for a few minutes...

Jessy's got another CLEAN scan!!! =)

Massive sigh of relief since - not a clue why - but I just had a bad icky feeling about this one. So now on to 6 months of BLISS! =)

Hope you have as good of a day as I'm having! =)

Clean PET... Clean PET... WOOOHOOO I have a Clean PET!!! =)

Here's something to hopefuly make you laugh.....

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

My new favorite place to go...

2009-02-28T17:58:00.001-05:00

I have fallen in love with Bear Rock Cafe! Free wi-fi... nice people... never super crowded... I never get kicked out... what more could you ask for? Oh and yeah, they have good food and great coffee!

So anyway... I seem to come here a lot lately (ever since Karim introduced me to the place) to study or do work on my work from home days. I've finally realized that actually working from home with an adorable little puppy to distract me is not very productive. Cuz, DUH!!!, anyone in their right mind would want to play with the puppy instead. And yes, I know she is 'technically' no longer a puppy. But I go with Monie's definition - Puppy=cute, Dog=Non-cute.

What shall I babble about today? I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire - it was a really awesome movie. But I have to say, the cheezy non-dance dance number at the end was not the best way to end the movie. I know all desi movies need to have a dance number... but if you are going to do one, then throw some nice dance moves in there!

I also had my PET scan on Friday. I'm trying to keep myself super busy so I'm not fixating on waiting for the results. But lets face it, its pretty hard to get that out of my mind. Just a few more days of agonizing, then I'll have the results. At the latest should be by COB Tuesday. Kind of great that I have group on Wednesday night and then see my shrink on Thursday.

I know I've been raving about my awesome insurance so far, but I have to say I'm not so happy with them these days. So far this year I've spent over $2000 on shrink bills - they don't bill insurance directly but they are in-network. So United healthcare should be reimbursing me 100% for these visits since I've already met all my deductibles. So far they denied one claim and the rest are 'In Process'. I will be calling them on Monday to find out what is going on. And sadly, I'm not going to schedule another appointment with my shrink until I get the reimbursement stuff figured out. Its a lot of $$ out of my pocket and I definitely didn't budget for it nor can I afford it if I'm not getting reimbursed. I sooo can't wait till Dr. Erdwins gets back. Her rates are more reasonable and she bills insurance directly.

What else? Can't think of anything else to tell you other than my next (and final) reconstruction surgery is scheduled for March 19th. I'm definitely looking forward to being done!! Anyway... I'm going to head home because obviously I'm no longer being productive. Have a good weekend and I'll let you know once I get the results.

My Starbucks Cup...

2009-02-23T11:46:00.001-05:00

I was an insomniac again. Fell asleep sometime after 3:30. Was up at 8. So needless to say, I'm soooo tired! I just went down to get some Starbucks to help me stay awake today and was really amused at what was written on my cup.

The Way I See It #295

Can we laugh at cancer? Is it funny to lose your breasts? Am I crazy to have humor when I lose my hair? Should I ignore the giggles while receiving chemo? What if I nudge someone and sneak a smile, even though I have no eyebrows? Is it inappropriate? Don't be offended, it beats waxing!

Made me laugh, so I wanted to share. And I scheduled my PET scan for Friday morning.