TOWARDS A SOULFUL SEXUALITY

A book to celebrate YOUR female sexual spirit

2008-01-01T13:13:00.002+02:00

Candid, bold and wonderfully informative, the book Towards a Soulful Sexuality by Hanna G. Ruby celebrates the female sexual spirit, taking a refreshing stance on aging and serving as an insightful manifesto to an entire generation of women. Always recognizing the glory of the post-menopausal experience, Hanna G Ruby redefines the mature woman's life by breaking down barriers and long held misconceptions-the fact is it is a great time to be an older woman. She thoughtfully probes a topic often ignored by society and the media, discovering hopeful, provocative, and altogether eye-opening answers. By distilling history, anatomy, sexology, psychology, and even quantum physics, she provides a remarkably concise and thought-provoking treatise, supplemented with a healing workbook that includes reflections, memories, exercises and meditations towards a more soulful sexuality. Prepare to be entertained and inspired!

Challenging the medicalization of sex

2007-11-05T14:29:00.000+02:00

I have just discovered the New View Campaign (http://www.newviewcampaign.org/default.asp) which is a site and organisation devoted to challenging the medicalisation of sex by both doctors and the pharmaceutical industry.

“The New View Campaign was formed in 2000 as a grassroots network to challenge the distorted and oversimplified messages about sexuality that the pharmaceutical industry relies on to sell its new drugs.

“The pharmaceutical industry wants people to think that sexual problems are simple medical matters, and it offers drugs as expensive magic fixes. But sexual problems are complicated, sexuality is diverse, and no drug is without side effects.

“The goal of the New View Campaign is to expose biased research and promotional methods that serve corporate profit rather than people's pleasure and satisfaction. The Campaign challenges all views that reduce sexual experience to genital biology and thereby ignore the many dimensions of real life.”

If you are genuinely interested in a more holistic view of female sexuality, go and read some of the information on this site including http://www.newviewcampaign.org/press.asp?PressYear=2007&submit=Go

The Why & the Way to review your Sexual Self

2007-11-02T14:46:00.000+02:00

Most women who have had any kind of psychological therapy are comfortable in principle to review their personal history as regards their mother and father issues, siblings, relationships, work. How often in private session or workshops have people re-examined memories around these critical, life forming elements.

Those involved in motivational and self-help courses and programmes review their thoughts around self-esteem, fear, confidence, doubt, money, success and failure. Again there is a willingness to recapitulate their life experiences around these issues because they allow an emotional release and an opening to renewal.

But asking women to recapitulate their sexual history is another thing entirely. They tend to clam up and become generally quite defensive about whatever position they are in, especially mid-life and older women.

The big secret here is that the recapitulation and healing around these issues offers a way into an awareness and experience of sacred energy of being which is both spiritual and erotic, sacred and sensuous. The words confuse those who don’t know but the experience and way of being is real to those who have done the journey. And it is actually never more relevant than at mid-life and onwards.

Indeed it is perhaps the key to the new kind of aging that the baby boomer generation would like to achieve, in theory at least. The role models we currently have for older people, and older women in particular, are asexual at worst and confused at best. The envisioned sexuality is a crinkled necking or Viagra or vibrator enhanced genital release.

There is a more soulful sexuality, a spiritual eroticism that can endure. But it requires some learning and practices. Upfront and before anything else, it requires a conscious recapitulation and healing of one’s sexual wounds – some personal and some the shadow of wrong thoughts that have come down the centuries and still linger in our subconscious minds and permeate our thinking and feeling.

Here are a few questions to help you assess yourself sexually speaking. See how you answer them. You might be very surprised.

1 Are you perfectly comfortable with your genitals? Do you deeply honour and accept your genitalia, without echoes of shame or any embarrassment whatsoever?

A Only a little
B No, not at all
C Yes I am; I deeply honour and accept my most intimate, feminine perfection, especially my genitalia. I can be fully open and surrendered and confident.

2
Do you understand the concept of energy orgasm and energy flows, as distinct from genital focus? Do you understand the concept of being sexually alive, without necessarily having a partner to be “sexually active” with.

A A little, sort of
B No I do not
C I fully understand the metaphysical dimensions of body imbued with soul

3
Can you imagine that sexuality and spiritually are aspects of the same thing, that the very energy of sex is itself universal energy?

A No I can’t
B Maybe a little
C Yes, I can honestly say that I have experienced my sexuality as holy, embodied spirit, inherently divine – and fun.

4
Have you in any way within your heart and mind, given up on sex because you have “done” or “are doing” menopause? Do you feel less sexual?? Do you feel less confident about the sexuality that you do feel?

A Well yes a little
B Yes a lot
C Not at all; I feel more sexual in a holistic, mature & ecstatic way. I experience/d menopause as a positive experience of soul, a physical and spiritual gateway to the third phase of my life.

5
Are you afraid of aging? Does the thought of being an older woman arouse vague, uncomfortable ambivalent feelings within you?. Do your mirror reflections tease you with sagging flesh that was once unequivocally firm and ghost images of old women you wish you weren’t becoming?

A Yes a little
B Yes a lot
C Not at all; I have a clear vision of aging and I perfectly and joyously accept every facet of my sagging flesh

6
Are you confused about how you should view yourself sexually, now that you are an “older woman”? Do you feel its inappropriate to be sexual now in terms of your previous experience and knowledge?

A Yes a little
B Yes a lot
C Not at all; I have a clear expansive sense of joyous sexual awareness.

RESULTS
Anything less than sincere affirmations of all the number 3 choices, means you still have thoughts, feelings, attitudes and beliefs around the stuff of sexuality to clear; its only a matter of degree..

If most of your answers were no 1, you have a vague idea of a world inside of you that you do not know yet. There are important wisdoms that will only increase your joy in being alive, whether you are in relationship or not.

If most of your answers were no 2 , then you really don’t know what you don’t know. Hurry! There is a fascinating new world awaiting you as you untumble the myths that mess with your joy.

Preparing for menopause: body, mind & soul

2007-10-26T15:15:00.000+02:00

Conscious preparation of mind, body and soul for menopause will help women to develop holistic and realistic attitudes and expectations which will make a huge difference to their actual experience. What you expect, consciously and unconsciously, is more often than not what you get. Modern women, even those in the prime of their thirties and forties should give a thought to menopause right now long before the hot flashes hit – if they do at all.

Menopause might be defined simply by the cessation of the monthly bleeding, but it touches almost all areas of a women’s life and lifestyle; it does not exist in a vacuum. In the end all the life issues intertwine and impact on self-esteem, sexuality, spirituality and relationships.

1 THE MIND STUFF
You need to find out about menopause. What is it? Is it going to be a problem – or not? When I was briefed for this article the specific instruction was “what menopausal women might do to effectively deal with the problem”. A priori there is the idea of it being a problem. That is the problem.

Our understanding and perspectives on menopause are not strictly logical, rational or factual. Believe me its not straightforward. There are many points of view and a terrible history to boot with historical imprints still locked in our cells and psyches.

Reflect on what you believe you know about menopause – the stories from your mother, society, the doctors. What views have you internalised? Do you have any fears? Do you think menopause is mainly about the end of procreation / the end of sex / an illness / a collection of physical symptoms / psychological depression / a mania / a medical experience?

Knowledge determines our thoughts which affect our feelings and attitudes. And attitude is everything. Read up on the history of menopause. There is a wonderful condensed history in Sex, Age & Menopause: a baby boomer’s manifesto. Another excellent book on the history of aging women and sexuality including information on the history of menopause is In Full Flower by Lois W Banner.

It was not so long ago that menopause was defined as an illness to be cured. Notwithstanding that the pathological view no longer officially prevails, menopause has yet become primarily a medical experience. Doctors and the pharmaceutical industry have defined a syndrome of symptoms to be treated. In a brief window of history, between 1880 and about 1920 (corresponding with the early suffragettes in fact), menopause was viewed even by some doctors as no problem at all and the beginning of a time of energetic zestful potential.

What will you choose it to mean to you?

2 THE BODY STUFF
Menopause is certainly experienced in the body, and many women do indeed experience a great deal of discomfort. But its symptoms now incorporate every symptom of aging and wrong living. Fundamentally however it is all gets down to matters of good health and right living.

So if you haven’t before, now more than ever you have to begin to work on being healthy. You can resist it as much as you want. Healthy eating habits, good nutrition, regular exercise, balanced lifestyle are the essential foundation – for menopause, for post menopause, for life.

The fundamental condition that makes the experience of menopause so difficult for many is simply that all the poor health and bad lifestyle habits of decades simply catch up with women at the same time as their period ends.

There is so much information out there on nutrition, diet, fitness, natural menopause, vitamins, herbs, supplements, anti aging – it goes on and on. A good online resource is www.power-surge.com. Two excellent books are Leslie Kenton’s Passage to Power and Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective.

Get onto a programme of healthy living as soon as you can and adapt it to the special nutritional needs as you get closer to menopausal age. I have read that it is anyway a really good idea to re-evaluate one’s eating and lifestyle habits every decade. It might sound tiresome and commonplace but it sure is fundamental.

3 THE SOUL (OR PSYCHOLOGICAL) STUFF
All emotional and relationship issues that are not working well, will work even less well during menopause. This includes work, family and intimate relationships as well as the inner relationship with one’s self.

Practical pressures like empty nest syndrome, coping with aging parents, career changes or endings in a youth driven world only increase the anxiety and strain emotional and financial resources. Many marriages become stale; some will argue that marriages were never intended to last as long as they now do due to higher life expectancy – more’s the challenge!

In another long lost world, post menopausal women were the priestesses and wise women. There are not many role models like that in our culture today. Instead there is deeply imbued fear of aging even while there are more older people in the Western world today than at any other time in history, made worse by the youth obsessed standards of sexual beauty intimidating at every corner.

I don’t believe that the overwhelming emotions and psychological challenges that often manifest at menopause are simply a consequence of physiological change. It might be rooted in instinct, but it is instinct calling to spirit. Menopause is a tangible visceral reminder that midlife has come and death is around the corner and down the hill. Suddenly mortality looms and more than that, some sadness and disappointment at the parts of life yet unlived, or not lived well enough. That’s enough to turn one’s life upside down and gnaw at optimism and self esteem.

Menopause heralds the ending of one period and the beginning of another; something different or new is required. Shaman wisdom recommends that you use the idea of death as an advisor, in order to live more meaningfully. Midlife is meant to be such a spiritual challenge

So instead of spiritual quests being a response to the difficulties of menopause, it should be the requirement of menopause. Perhaps if that was the focus, the symptoms would be less problematic.

If there is ever a time to commit to deep therapy, soul work, personal growth workshops, spiritual work, vision quests, new learning, now is the time. If there is ever a time to make bold, radical changes in one’s lifestyle and relationships, now is the time.

Jean Shinona Bolen’s book Goddesses in Older Women is a wonderful and relevant read. Also Thomas More’s Care of the Soul. He does not talk specifically about menopause but his directions towards a more soulful way of living is profoundly relevant and inspiring.

4 AND SEX?
In the Western world, it used to be that by medical definition sex itself ended at menopause. This is no longer the case, but the vague notion lingers deeply in people’s psyche. So women sort of give up on deepening their sexuality at this stage because there is no role model for older women being sexual (except in bad comedy). Or they give up on sex entirely.

I consider the freedom from the prospect of pregnancy a great liberation. Post-menopausal time could be/ should be the time to live the more transcendental aspects of sexuality in a new understanding of sacred sexuality or spiritual sensuality.

The problem lies in our cultural understanding and personal experiences of sexuality: the bad, sad and dutiful, or at least the mundane and maybe profane.

Rarely do women re-look and re-evaluate their sexual lives at menopause. Or learn to extend the meaning of the erotic in life. If there is ever a time to learn more about sexuality, now is the time. And it really should not matter if you have a partner or not. This is sexuality as part of a spiritual quest. Clearing old wounds can both reawaken spirituality and sexuality. They are mutually inclusive

Read about or take courses on sacred sexuality, learn forms of Tantra or Taoist yoga, take up meditation, do rituals of renewal, take up belly dancing. Use the online resources of www.whitelotuseast.com and its various links. Meditate on the erotic nature of the universe – and our beings. Read Rachel Hillel’s The Redemption of the Feminine Erotic Soul, The Power of Beauty by Nancy Friday, Rainbow Serpent, the Magical Art of Sexual Energy by Merilyn Tunneshende.

Why not evaluate your sexual self by taking the Self Assessment Questionnaire on http://www.sexageandmenopause.com/UserFiles/File/QUESTIONNAIRE_01_AUG07.pdf

We can give up and go meekly into the dark night, or we can work to reinvent what menopause and post menopause can mean in our lives.

And if not now, then when?

Behind our sexual viewing points ...

2007-10-02T16:24:00.001+02:00

We all have our operating viewing points on sex, like a lens of perception, and all our comments come from there: sex for fun and pleasure, or as sin, or as an unrelenting need, or as duty, love or friendship. Or as something metaphysical in nature. They are all valid in their way. But the real gift is to apply the same kind of recapitulation as one does in general therapy to one’s own issues and attitudes around one’s own sexual history. What is behind your operating viewpoint on this subject? Personally I found it the most profound personal work I ever did.

I have just finished reading a book by Jungian therapist Dr Rachel Hillel called The Redemption of the Feminine Erotic Soul in which she describes how our full expression and understanding of natural sexuality is fundamental to building a genuine female identity. She doesn’t particularly talk about older women but she is unwavering in insisting on the “holiness of erotic-sensual feminine psychic aspects” and how her analysands were profoundly helped them in accessing these aspects.

It goes towards a soulful sexuality or a sensuous spirituality, as I call it, and which I think is partly the challenge of the crone years. Making it real in our lives, is a whole other question.

She quotes this beautiful extract from a 1990 book The Song of Eve by Manuela Dunn Mascetti. “The way of a woman in the understanding of herself and the instinctual ways of the world, this is also the meaning of religion. The way of her loving comes from her core. Her sexuality … is love … is prayer … is spirituality.”

Why women in their 30s & 40s should look at menopause now

2007-09-10T14:09:00.000+02:00

Women in their 30s and 40s should look at menopause issues now and not wait for it to overtake them. They need to understand the historical, cultural, psychic misconceptions that have affected even baby boomer women who should have known otherwise. Understand how the medical model of today influences your expectations, which become fulfilling prophecies.

Just because you are still in your thirties and forties is no reason to postpone thinking about menopause. Don’t wait for menopause to hit you. Reflect on it now instead of waiting for the experience to overtake you without mental, psychological, and spiritual preparation.

It might make for a radically different experience of menopause then - and of your sexuality now. Physical symptoms are the least of it; menopause goes to some dark, deep aspects of how women view themselves, their lives and their sexuality.

The psychological role models for menopause and beyond have been set or at least horribly infiltrated by thoughts and ideas that echo from out of a sad history. cultural misconceptions which haunt our psychic shadows.

There is the basic physical fact; menstruation winds down and stops. There are some accompanying symptoms – for some. How widespread are these physical symptoms? How much are they just conditioned expectations now embodied in ailing flesh; how much is physiologically inherent in the human organism; how much is caused by physical neglect or negative cultural expectations?

What comes from biology, environment or culture? What is fact; what is fiction?

The very understanding of menopause is entangled with the dominating social and medical theories regarding aging, sexuality and beauty.

The theories set the context and the assumptions by which we live; and they fluctuate over time. They are the common truth of any period and generate the fulfilling prophecies for those who “believe” it is so. What we believe, we quite literally embody.

Historically, menopause was considered an illness that led to mania, depression, and madness. When procreation was considered the primary feminine purpose, post-menopausal woman became theoretically useless, and socially without function and the end of procreation was considered the end of sex as well.

* In 16th and 17th century Europe the doctors thought that the menstrual blood putrefied in women’s bellies making them malignant and venomous. The stereotypical image of post-menopausal women was mainly that of witches; a 1550 view describes witches as “mostly old women who can find no lovers”.

* In the rational and middle class 18th and 19th centuries, women were idealized and spiritualized as mother. Official sexuality was safely contained within marriage and linked only to procreation. Post-menopausal women were either old maids who were negatively stereotyped and isolated or the ageing grandmother. Granny was righteous, moral, good – and totally asexual.

* The 20th century swung between menopause as pathology or as potential. Was it an illness, bringing inevitable breakdown of body and mind, or a time of renewed vigour, the “post-menopausal zest’ so famously described and exemplified by anthropologist Margaret Mead.

The turn of the 20th century was forward-looking, buoyed by theories of vital ageing and medical support for the view that there was no pathology associated with menopause and that it might even increase the vital forces. But this viewing point did not last past the 1920s

Basically, the pathology version triumphed. Its various symptoms became the domain of medical specialists whose job it was to attend women through this period – once a year, please, at least – and, of course, through the post-menopause as well – until death do us part. The newly established field of gynaecology took control of menopause, as it had taken childbirth over from the midwives. The growing size and structures of the medical profession in the early 20th century required an expanding patient population for economic viability. Menopausal and post-menopausal women formed the perfect client group – large numbers, ample finances, and vague symptoms. The medicalization of menopause was great for doctors.

Endocrinology, the study of glands and hormones, joined gynaecology in describing an integrated, delicate feminine physiology that determined and dominated the female character – and easily went awry. Hormone deficiencies and bone loss, and indeed just about every other ageing symptom, were added to the menopausal medical stew. (Oestrogen replacement therapy started in the 1940s.)

The new psychology exacerbated an already bad situation. Freud’s view of menopause reinforced the view that it was biological and pathological bringing much psychological insecurity, and a return to neurotic, adolescent behaviours. Heightened sexuality was considered a pathology!

In 1949, even the brilliant Simone de Beauvoir was pessimistic, despite a classic French tradition of celebrating ageing women. She wrote that as women age and anticipate the end of beauty and love, “their minds became unbalanced” and “with bleak futures to anticipate, they turned into shrewish, paranoid versions of their former selves”.

The obsession with youthful beauty which only really began in the early 20th century, had a huge and paralysing impact on the self-image of all women older than 30, but more so on post-menopausal women.

“Aging in women is a process of becoming obscene sexually,” wrote feminist Susan Sontag in 1972. “One of the attitudes that punish women most severely is the visceral horror felt at aging female flesh.” We are revolted by our own image and “turn from sex with self-disgust, seeing in men’s eyes our own revulsion”.

So how different is it now? Baby boomer haven’t done that well at all in this regard; most of them are totally bought into the medical model. And even if they are into a “natural” menopause, the issues around self-image and sexuality are not that well grounded. Basically menopause “hit” them with all the dark stuff from the past that had not been properly untumbled. And already doctors are telling many women in their 30s and 40s that they are starting an early menopause. What is happening here?

Menopause should not be primarily a medical experience, but a process of soul that redefines self, life, spirit and sex. And its worth starting that process before the hot flashes hit – if they do at all. Preparation of mind, soul, spirit – and body – might make a huge difference.

©2007 Extracted and adapted from Sex, Age & Menopause: a baby boomer'smanifesto. From the Hanna G Ruby material.. Towards a Soulful Sexuality, a Different Menopause and a “New” Aging through healing your sexual self. Visit Hanna G Ruby on http://www.sexageandmenopause.com and http://blog.hannagruby.com or email hgr@sexageandmenopause.com

Stop the symptom fixation of menopause

2007-09-09T15:41:00.000+02:00

Menopause, just like aging itself, has become a matter of symptom fixation; its all about symptoms. People simply expect some combination of physical and psychological function to “go wrong” because “that’s just the way it is.” This resigned mindset becomes the accepted reality and the insidious premise which might well determine more symptoms than really necessary for the individual.

There is the phenomenon of fulfilling prophecy and this happens in our body/mind as well. And it is happening to us in terms of menopause and post-menopause.

The whole issue of menopause has been medicalized; it is treated as a medical experience rather than a soul or life transition experience.

I have spent a lot of time researching the history of menopause in terms of medical and cultural theories which have changed over time. They are also linked with cultural images of “older” women which have been horrific – images of witches, uselessness and madness. These images haunt our personal psychic depths even now, unless we take the time to untumble them.

We are the first generation in probably all of history when there are so many woman alive over the age 50. And yet we haven’t clearly redefined ourselves, especially in terms of menopause, post menopause and our sexuality. I say this because historically issues around menopause were intricately linked to ideas of female sexuality.

Clearing old sexual memories

2007-09-04T16:09:00.000+02:00

Are you willing to review your sexual history? Even though baby boomer women were born into the sexual liberation of the 1960s after the “frigid” culture of Freudian times, and except for the devoutly religious most of us have explored and experimented. And had lovers and husbands.

But how clear are you? Sexually speaking that is.

Are you willing to review your sexual self? For example are you perfectly comfortably with your genitals? Do you deeply honour and accept your genitalia, without echoes of shame or any embarrassment whatsoever?

This is one of the questions in a short, challenging and free self assessment questionnaire on www.sexageandmenopause.com.

It is part of the Hanna G Ruby material - Towards a Soulful Sexuality, a Different Menopause and a “New” Aging through healing your sexual self. There is also a special offer of only $18.50 for the Manifesto Sex, Age & Menopause (normally $14.95), AND a newly published Healing Workbook "Healing your Sexual Self" (normally $9.95). Purchase here.

Should you be depressed or excited by another view of sexuality?

2007-04-23T15:09:00.000+02:00

There has been an interesting response to the e-book Sex, Age & Menopause: a baby boomer’s manifesto from older or post menopausal women. Something seems to freeze in them, as if they don’t want to go there. One lady, having read the e-book, said to me, “I don’t know whether to be depressed or excited.” She is depressed about where she is in relation to these issues, but cannot imagine another way.

Perhaps my manual of change needs to start now. The first challenge I hand out is to contemplate your most negative thoughts about sex. What do you really think? Write them down and observe your feelings. Only from there (which tends to be a rather uncomfortable place) can a healing begin.

Just to remind people, I am talking about a psycho/spiritual/sexual awareness – a mouthful I know, but I don’t know how else to say it. Its hard enough distinguishing what I am offering regarding sexuality from all the pornographic noise around on the web.

I supposed its about soul - towards a soulful sexuality at all and any age ...

The stranger side of aging

2007-04-12T20:29:00.001+02:00

We have all heard that 50 is the new 40s, and 60 is the new 50s. But here is something else on the lower end of the spectrum. An Australian friend told me of a local saying that says “30 is the new 20” – loosely meaning that even the young women at 30 seem not to have matured beyond their teenage years. I wonder what this is meaning, psychologically, sociologically and spiritually. (I know some young women – and men - like that also.)

I am reminded of the theory that elephants have a very long childhood, because they live so long. Something is happening.

Sex secrets from my old mom

2007-04-11T10:09:00.000+02:00

Today my old mother of 85 told me the most frank sexual secret ever in our entire life. She said that she and my late father were still “having sex” until he was 90, although it was “not the same as before” as he couldn’t get so hard after his prostrate operation. This bit of information was deeply nourishing to me.

She was visiting from out of town and I gave her my book Sex, Age & Menopause to read. She said she didn’t understand the stuff about the 1960s, but she could relate to most of what I had written. Its just that her generation did not talk of these things; the best they discussed about menopause was relief at not having to have more children.

The surprise for me is that sex was always the thing she could not/would not speak about to me as I grew up and as an adult. It was also the subject I kept secret from her. I am reminded about a conversation with my massage therapist in her early 30s who said that when she was getting married, she and her mother (who would be in her late fifties today – classic baby boomer woman), went to her gynaecologist and she (the young massage therapist) felt the need to hide from her mother that she was not a virgin and her mother wanted to believe that. [Sigh….] Nothing much seems to have changed.

My mother’s parting comment was that I should go do research in old age homes … mmmm

The basics of sex (including the bad, sad & dutiful) & beyond

2007-04-04T11:21:00.000+02:00

What are the basic purposes of sex in human society, and how do they fit in with being post-menopausal? Is its essential nature and purpose rooted in biology, psychology, sociology, anthropology, religion? There are many viewing points, and each becomes the symbolic lens through which we perceive and experience our sexuality.

In my ebook, I examine sex as procreation, as a pleasure drive, as a commodity, as sin, as an unrelenting need, as a matter of conjugal duty ... and "as the greatest magical force in nature." I examine past uses of sex as sacred ceremony, as a means of vitality, health & longevity.

Our point of view is our metaphoric vehicle. The way we choose to view sex will influence our experience. I point to a whole world of eros and ecstasy and cosmic energy and quantum sex which keeps us alive with an active awareness of sexual energy even if we dont have someone to "have sex with". People confuse "sexually active" with an active living sexuality.

What is sex?

2007-04-04T11:16:00.000+02:00

Human sex is physical, emotional, mental. And spiritual! No, no, no exclaims our cultural conditioning. This is the really difficult one for most people to relate to sexuality; especially when the phsycial is defined by the absence of spirit.

Why are baby boomer women embracing or resigning themselves to an asexual future?

2007-04-04T11:03:00.000+02:00

Teenagers of the 1960s now on the way to their 60s, are embracing – or resigning themselves to a surprisingly asexual future. Why is this so? The “liberated” generation of baby boomer women are wilting sexually as they engage the challenges of aging today. What kind of sexuality is relevant now in the post-menopausal period? The matter of aging female sexuality is fraught with old psychic shadows and it is haunting baby boomer women today.

We need to understand that we have been brainwashed by a terrible cultural history regarding sexuality and aging. And this river runs deep – and rumbles in our psyche, especially now – in the post-menopausal years.

The experience of the 1960s is of scant help. The sexual revolution exploded the limited sexual options that prevailed at the time, supported by oral contraception, legalized abortion, a focus on female orgasm and modern feminism, but no sustainable alternative was offered.

Sex without consequence was a liberty of sorts; but still masculine in nature. There was no alternate universe of meaning or essential feminine sensibility to imbue that liberation with consciousness of a different order. The initial enthusiasm faltered while the rise of fundamentalist religion facilitated an overt return to the certainties of the old morality for many, reinforced by fear of the Aids pandemic which began in the 1980s.

We have an unparalleled opportunity to gather the gifts of the last century, politically, medically, psychologically, technologically and spiritually to possibly chart another course. Certainly we can live our post-menopausal years in a new kind of way, different from all the old women ever before in history!

Dare we begin to re-imagine menopause, aging and menopause? Will you join me? It can be an exhilirating ride!