The Judgment of Paris (Sample Play)

2008-03-02T17:02:00.000-08:00

The Judgment of Paris

CAST

Eris Mischievous Goddess of Discord

Paris Exiled Prince of Troy

Aphrodite Goddess of Love

Hera Queen of the Gods

Athena Goddess of Wisdom

Zeus Ruler of the Gods

Helen Most Beautiful Woman in the World

Narrator: On the great mountain of Olympus, nothing was a more exciting event than a wedding. And this day a great crowd had gathered from around the world (and beneath it) for the union between Thetis, a sea nymph, and Peleus, a mortal.

Thetis had been the desire of many a god, but none had ever taken her as their bride, for a terrible prophecy haunted the one whom she married: a child of hers was destined to be greater than his father.

Zeus had greatly desired this nymph, but did not wish a son to be born greater than he. It was the same with Poseidon, Ares, Apollo, and the rest. So it was decided that she should marry a mortal and be done with it.

Zeus: Greetings, guests—gods, goddesses, nymphs, dryads, naiads, centaurs, and the like. We are gathered here today to witness a grand ceremony. The son of these two will be legendary. I have foreseen it. So, let us drink to the happy couple.

(cheers from the crowd)

Narrator: While this was a happy occasion, not everyone in attendance was pleased to be there. Eris, the goddess of Discord, was up to no good. She loved nothing more than to cause trouble.

Eris: (evilly) Fools. Happy for nothing. Let’s see them sort this one out.

Narrator: As the guests laughed and capered, Eris pulled forth from her pocket a golden apple. Engraved upon it were the words:

Eris: For the Fairest (laughs) This should get them going.

Narrator: Careful not to draw attention to herself, she placed the apple among the gifts for the newly-wedded couple.

It did not take long for Aphrodite to notice it there.

Aphrodite: (cooing) What a marvelous apple! And look, it’s engraved: (reading) To the Fairest. Someone has obviously placed this gift here for me.

Athena: And how can you be so sure?

Aphrodite: (snidely) Well, it’s obviously not here for you.

Athena: (angrily) And why wouldn’t it be?

Aphrodite: (giggling) Beauty is not commonly associated with manliness.

Athena: I ought to box your ears.

Hera: Ladies, ladies, I have a simple solution to this problem: I am the Queen of Heaven, so, therefore, the apple would naturally be for me.

Aphrodite: Oh, please. This is foolishness. The apple is mine.

Hera: Kindly unhand that apple. You’re tarnishing it.

Athena: There’s no telling where you’ve been.

Hera: Under the nearest man surely.

Aphrodite: The fact that you despise me for my own advantages with men should be proof enough that I am the fairest. Do not blame me, Hera, that your husband finds you undesirable. And, Athena, what man would want to spend time with you unless he felt love for one of his own gender?

Athena: Why you—

Hera: Tramp!

Aphrodite: Cow!

Athena: Tart!

(sounds of female squabbling)

Narrator: Now, since this was going to be no easy discussion and the guests started to feel a bit awkward, the wedding disbanded. The wedded couple left, their day ruined. Eris laughed to herself. Her plan had worked perfectly.

Time to the gods is but the blink of an eye, and as the goddesses argued, much time passed.

Thetis and Peleus conceived a son. He truly was to be greater than his father—the greatest warrior Greece had ever seen. To insure his safety, Thetis took him—as a boy—into the dark Underworld to where the Styx twists like a dark snake.

There, holding him by the heel, she dipped him into the waters. This river had magical powers. It would bestow upon the boy invulnerability. No sword or spear would ever pierce his blessed skin. But foolish Thetis forgot to dip the heel by which she held him, and through this, her son, Achilles was doomed.

Back on Olympus, impervious to the constraints of time, the argument was still raging. Finally, Zeus had had enough.

Zeus: (angrily) Ladies! This bickering must stop! The apple belongs to no one! My head will split open if you do not stop.

Athena: Oh, Father, I have been insulted. What is a headache to my pride?

Zeus: Silence! I would not take my headaches so lightly if I were you. It was from one of their kind that you were born. And my wife, you are the Queen of Heaven—start acting like it!

Hera: And you are a husband. Perhaps you should start acting like one of those!

Zeus: Don’t make me angry. You shall regret it. And sister—born of the sea foam—this argument does not flatter you. Where is the love in this?

Aphrodite: (coyly) Brother, don’t speak of things you know nothing about.

Zeus: (yelling) I have had enough! This fighting must cease!

Hera: Then, husband, you must choose between us. You must decide who is the fairest: the wife, the sister, or the daughter?

Athena: I agree.

Aphrodite: You are a good judge of beauty, brother.

Hera: (hatefully) A little too good at times…

Zeus: I will do no such thing. How could I choose between you? You have said it. You are my wife, my sister, and my daughter. Such a choice would anger two and please only one. I cannot win.

Athena: Then find us a judge or we shall come to blows, and all the earth shall feel our conflict.

Zeus: (sighing) I will do what you ask.

Hera: Good—now be off!

Zeus: Hmph. Women.

Narrator: Zeus looked down upon the Earth. Where would he find a suitable judge? This contest must be fair. Three of the mightiest goddesses were involved. Only the most adept connoisseur would appease them.

There was a kingdom that was dear to Zeus’ heart—the great kingdom of Troy. Wise king Priam lived there, and he had amassed great wealth through wise ruling, but he was old, and his heart no longer pulsed with life as young ones did.

He had fifty children—among them many strapping sons. Foremost of all was the great Hector. But, to Zeus, he seemed too serious—and married. What do married men know of love?

Zeus: Here we are.

Narrator: Zeus’ eye peered into the Trojan countryside. One son of Priam lived apart. As a baby, this boy had been prophesied to bring about the destruction of Troy. Since he was a good man, Priam did not have the heart to put the boy to death—and sent him into exile instead.

Here his young son, Paris, lived as a shepherd. He was a great lover—a fond playmate of the river nymphs who lived nearby.

Zeus: He will be my judge. (clearing his throat) Ladies!

Hera: Have you found us a judge, husband?

Zeus: I have chosen Paris, Prince of Troy.

Athena: Does he know his women?

Zeus: He is a great lover. He has loved many of the local river nymphs.

Hera: A man after your own heart.

Aphrodite: Let us go to him at once.

Zeus: Take care. I love this land of Troy. Do nothing to harm it—do not poison it with your jealousy.

Narrator: The three goddesses disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

In Troy, Paris sat on a rock, humming softly to his sheep. There was a loud clap of thunder (clap of thunder), and the three goddesses stood before him.

Athena: Mortal prince, do not fear. We are goddesses from Olympus, come with a task for your noble mind.

Narrator: Terror-stricken, Paris fell to his face.

Paris: I will do whatever you wish.

Hera: We have been having a bit of a disagreement, young Trojan. We wish you to settle it.

Paris: What do I know?

Aphrodite: Beauty, silly.

Athena: Judge between us. We will each present ourselves in our best light, and you, Paris, will decide once and for all who is the fairest between us.

Paris: I will try.

Narrator: Paris was frightened but sat himself back on the rock and waited for his next order.

Hera: I am Queen of Heaven. I shall go first.

Narrator: There was a flash, and Hera reappeared—furs dripping from her naked shoulders. Her skin was milky white and her eyes piercing. She was stunning. She drew forward to Paris and leaned in. She smelled of fine wine.

Hera: (quietly) Young prince, choose me in this contest, and I will make it worth your while. I will make you a lord of Europe and Asia—power beyond your wildest dreams. I know power, and I know how to get it. Choose me if you are wise.

Aphrodite: What are you saying up there?

Athena: You have had time enough.

Hera: I am finished.

Narrator: She backed away from Paris—her eyes never leaving his.

Athena: Now, it is my turn.

Narrator: There was a fluttering sound in the air. Athena appeared, as she never had before. Her helmet was gone. Her hair was piled into great amber mounds on top of her head—a shining robe clothed her lithe body—her virgin beauty shone forth. Paris was speechless.

She, too, advanced toward him and leaned in. She smelled of a grassy meadow—fresh and breathtaking.

Athena: Trojan prince, choose me in this contest. I will offer you victory—victory over the Greeks. They have envied your treasures. What can prevent them from taking them? Think of your family. I am the Goddess of War. It is in my power. Glory comes to the victorious warrior.

Hera: What lies are you telling the boy?

Aphrodite: Your time is up. It is my turn now.

Athena: I am finished.

Narrator: She retreated, her lips parted in a celestial smile.

The fragrance of nectar drew Paris’ gaze. Aphrodite was advancing. Flowers were dancing through her hair. She wore a gossamer gown that shifted and flowed as if it were weightless. Her face was the most glorious thing Paris had ever seen. Truly, she was the Goddess of Love.

She advanced and leaned in, her cherry lips whispering in his ear.

Aphrodite: Don’t be fooled by the others. They are dried up and foolish. I can see what you truly want. What else would any young, handsome boy such as yourself want? Love. It’s what I do. Gorgeous Prince, if you chose me, I shall give you the hand of the most beautiful woman in the world. I swear it by the Styx.

Narrator: Paris’ heart stopped. His desire did not rest with glory or power—but with love.

Aphrodite felt this, and she smiled smartly as she backed away.

Athena: I hope you did not promise something that you cannot deliver.

Aphrodite: On the contrary.

Narrator: Excited—forgetting that he was in the presence of immortality—Paris jumped up—

Paris: I have made my decision.

Hera: Remember, boy, we are powerful—to offend us would have great consequences.

Narrator: But it did not matter to the Trojan Prince. He had found the desire of his heart.

Paris: I choose Aphrodite, Goddess of Love.

Athena: (angry) Fool! I knew you were worthless! I will remember this when you call upon my name! May your kingdom crumble!

Narrator: With that, Athena disappeared in a huff.

Hera: I curse your marriage, Trojan whelp. Whatever future you have, I will do all in my power to make it a sad one.

Narrator: Hera, too, was gone in the blink of an eye.

Only Aphrodite was left, holding a golden apple—a smile of triumph on her face.

Aphrodite: You have made a wise choice, Paris of Troy, and I will bestow my reward on you. Prepare yourself. I will return momentarily to take you to your prize.

Paris: Thank you! Thank you!

Narrator: As swiftly as she could, Aphrodite flew back to Mt. Olympus to announce her victory to Zeus. But he had already heard.

Zeus: Aphrodite, I hear from my infuriated wife and daughter that you have won the competition.

Aphrodite: (beaming) I have!

Zeus: Hopefully, you did not promise the boy something out of your means.

Aphrodite: No, no. It was a stroke of brilliance really. What else would a great lover want than the most beautiful woman in the world?

Zeus: (pausing) Oh, foolish Aphrodite. Tell me you did not.

Aphrodite: Why? What harm is there in that?

Zeus: Do you know who this girl is?

Aphrodite: Not offhand…

Zeus: She is my daughter, Helen—Helen of Sparta.

Aphrodite: So?

Zeus: (annoyed) Aphrodite, she is already married.

Aphrodite: I don’t see the big problem with this. Affairs happen all the time. You should know that. Don’t be so uptight.

Zeus: Her husband is King of Sparta. He does not take sharing his wife lightly.

Aphrodite: (flippantly) The affairs of mortals do not trouble me. What do I care? I must keep my promise.

Zeus: I will not let you keep this promise. It will start a war.

Aphrodite: (confused) I have sworn by the Styx…

Zeus: Fool! (sigh) Go; carry out your brainless errand. I fear I have doomed this boy and his kingdom with this burden.

Aphrodite: Remember, Brother, Love conquers all.

Zeus: No, it doesn’t.

Narrator: Aphrodite reappeared in the Trojan countryside. Paris jumped up from the perch where he had been anxiously waiting.

Paris: I thought maybe you weren’t coming back.

Aphrodite: Don’t be silly. Now, come to me. Hold on.

Narrator: A great cloud started to envelope the world around them—the sun was blotted out—and Paris got the sensation he was flying.

Aphrodite: Have you ever heard of Helen of Sparta? She’s Zeus’ daughter. (whispering) He took her mother in the shape of a swan.

Paris: If she is half as beautiful as you, I shall be pleased.

Narrator: The world materialized about them. They were in the foyer of a great hall. A humongous feast was going on through the half-opened doors.

Aphrodite: She is upstairs—asleep. Her husband, Menelaus—

Paris: She’s married?

Aphrodite: Don’t worry. She’s terribly unhappy. As I was saying, her husband, Menelaus, is an ugly, hulking man—very undesirable. You will have no trouble wooing her—handsome as you are!

Paris: But…

Aphrodite: I have fulfilled my promise. Thanks for choosing me.

Narrator: The cloud reappeared, and she was gone. Paris’ pounding heart soon overcame his reservations, and he bolted up the stairs to Helen’s room.

He found the beautiful girl asleep on her bed—golden hair, rubious lips. She was everything promised. Paris was overcome with passion. He leaned over and whispered into her ear.

Paris: Helen, awake. Your love is here.

Helen: (waking up) What? Oh! Who are you?

Paris: I am Paris, Prince of Troy. There is no time to explain. You must come with me.

Helen: Where?

Narrator: Helen had no idea where this handsome young lad had come from, but she was strangely excited.

Paris: To Troy—you are to become my princess!

Helen: But Menelaus—my husband—

Paris: Come away with me. Forget him.

Narrator: The urgency in his voice repelled and drew her in at the same time. Could she just leave her oaf of a husband? What would the repercussions be? He did not love her. Would he really miss her?

Paris: Quickly—quickly—or we will be discovered.

Helen: All right, handsome prince. I will come with you—if you truly love me.

Paris: How could I not? You are the most beautiful creature I have ever set eyes on.

Narrator: At that, Helen smiled and allowed Paris to draw her into his arms. He carried her at a run to the balcony overlooking the cold courtyard.

Paris: Aphrodite! We need your help once more! Bear us away to our new home.

Narrator: And far away, the voice of Aphrodite answered.

Aphrodite: I shall, young fair one.

Narrator: Once again, Paris was shrouded in a beautiful cloud—with his newly claimed bride—and borne away to his home country.

High above the gods watched with dissatisfaction—all except Aphrodite.

Athena: Brainless! Do you not know what you have started?

Aphrodite: It will blow over.

Athena: Paris will be reunited with his father, King Priam. He will have no choice but to protect his son.

Aphrodite: I can protect his son.

Hera: Can you? We shall see about that. You and your twittish ways have angered me against these Trojans. I will send all of Greece after your two lovers.

Athena: As will I. It is not right what you have done!

Aphrodite: You two don’t frighten me. Paris is brave and beautiful. He will fight for Helen.

Hera: He will die for her, and I shall laugh as the crows pick his bones.

Aphrodite: Are you so sure? Do not forget that the God of War shares my bed.

Athena: Among many others— but you will be outmatched. All of Olympus will soon be in an uproar.

Hera: This time, Whelp, you have bitten off more than you can chew.

Aphrodite: We’ll just see about that.

Hera: (playfully) What do you think, Athena? Will the Mighty Aphrodite be remembered as the fairest of them all or the destroyer of many?

Athena: The goddess of death, I say.

Hera: Let the battle begin then. I am ready.

Narrator: And so the chain of events was set into motion. The greatest war of man was about to begin. The face that would launch a thousand ships had been taken, the fairest city ever built would soon be under attack, thousands would die—

Athena: And to think, it all began with a simple apple.

TRICKLE DOWN, OLYMPUS

The Judgment of Paris (Sample Play)