tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54130672009-06-24T12:11:54.019-07:00The mostly true adventures of Keith Lowell Jensen told in no particular orderKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-18460158904688890452009-03-14T12:22:00.000-07:002009-03-14T12:29:14.280-07:00

Photo credit Kiny McCarrickClick image for bigger versionKeith Lowell Jensenof The Coexist? Comedy tourLive CD RecordingLuna's Cafe1414 16th StreetDowntown, Sacramento(916) 441-3931Doors open for food and drinks 7pm, comedy starts at 8pmApril 17th KLJ does material from his club set i.e. jokes for drunksApril 18th Atheist comedian engages in a bit of sacred cow tippingApril 24th Experimental

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-44428040557963194442007-07-10T08:33:00.001-07:002007-07-10T08:33:47.517-07:00

I woke up at a girlfriend's house, only she wasn't a girlfriend anymore, though I was desperately hoping that she would be again. And it wasn't actually her house. She was renting a room from a friend's mom, the same friend she'd gone to Europe with and fallen in love and lust with and done it in such a romantic, frantic, exciting situation that I didn't feel I could possibly compete.There I was,

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-76672213844289637122006-12-22T12:02:00.000-08:002006-12-22T14:09:11.571-08:00

I was 15 or 16, young enough so that being downtown by myself felt like quite an adventure even if I wasn't doing anything but wandering about. So I wandered all the way out to 33rd street to see if my friend Amber was around. She wasn't. Crossing the street from Ambers on my skateboard I nearly met my end. A white Porsche came roaring down the street, screeching to a stop damn near on top of me,

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1164140458826487282006-11-21T11:40:00.000-08:002006-11-27T11:46:44.960-08:00

With the new Bond movie explaining how he came to be misogynist, how he came to drive that snazzy car and how he became a double 0 I figured I'd do an origin story here as well. Want to know how the world's other super suave hero got his snazzy wheels? Okay then, here's the story of how I ended up peddling about town on my beautiful green cruiser. Patrick has the worst luck with Bikes. He buys

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1161961869459818212006-10-27T07:41:00.000-07:002006-10-27T09:57:17.583-07:00

It was the first antique I'd ever owned."This is very old, and that makes it special." my mom explained as she presented me with the old lantern that had been converted to an electric light. Looking at the thick green glass on it's side and the dark grey metal I imagined the lamp on a boat."Could this have been on the boat with Christopher Colombus?" I asked. Mom said it wasn't quite that old but

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1161877625257698012006-10-26T08:32:00.000-07:002006-10-27T08:46:33.333-07:00

This is exactly how it happened:"Dude, my brother's back in Juvee." Jeremy sounded surprised, which was odd as his brother, Jason, was always in juvenile hall or rehab."Yeah? I thought he just got out.""Man, this shit is crazy. You know his friend Pete?""Yeah." Jeremy was more and more animated and I was getting impatient to know the details."Well Pete was dating Cheryl, but when Jason got out HE

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1159507113477202842006-09-28T20:53:00.000-07:002006-09-29T15:04:22.793-07:00

The counselor, the latest in a long string of counselors, had only a week earlier warned my mother that strong willed, hyper-active, intelligent kids who have problems with authority figures, (He meant me.) often end up having trouble with law.I was hanging out at Jim's house and there wasn't much to eat. What we really wanted were rice crispy treats, but we didn't have any marshmallows, the most

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1154798584633539862006-08-05T09:51:00.000-07:002006-08-08T10:30:12.616-07:00

I was at a party at Dave Downey's house, above the comic book shop he owned. His parties were notorious. I had toured the closed rooms where he kept all his cool old toys and promotional statuettes, cereal boxes etc. I'd sat on the back steps with Kirk watching people use the bathroom through the high window, and I'd drank my share and then some. It was time to be stupid.A man with red hair

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1154142186254439502006-07-28T19:41:00.000-07:002006-07-31T11:23:12.733-07:00

(Written by special request. Here ya go Sue.)My brother, James, was walking down Haight Street in San Francisco with our boss, Spike (of Spike and Mike's Festival of Animation.) James blinks twice and rubs his eyes, finally accepting that he really does see David Johanson AKA Buster Poindexter AKA the one and only frontman for true architects of punk and saviors of rock and roll, The New York

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1144995480252682252006-04-13T23:17:00.000-07:002006-04-16T12:44:46.483-07:00

It’s not easy to fall asleep in a parking lot. Especially one lit by fluorescent lighting. We could have found a dark parking lot I’m sure, but then it would’ve been hard to sleep for reasons of fear rather than petty annoyance. This parking lot would have to do. We’d come to San Francisco, Ryan and I, with Bill and the girl currently spending his money, Cheryl.Cheryl, and Bill’s pathetic nature

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1141005612725698182006-02-26T17:46:00.000-08:002006-02-26T18:03:47.710-08:00

I'm a pretty good uncle. I take my nephew Antonio skatingboarding. I don't freak out when he curses, I just tell him not to do it becuase it'll become habit and get him in trouble. And when he asks about god I try to be one of the few adults in his life that does not push their own dogma on him.Once, when he was really asking about god a-lot, I took him on a tour of the areas chuches, temples,

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1140650138103150932006-02-22T15:09:00.000-08:002006-02-25T12:35:24.350-08:00

Well here it is. I'll keep updating these, with pictures and with corrections as Steve reads it and helps me with my bad memory of certain events. I wish I'd kept a journal durring the trip, as it's been hard writing this ten years later. Enjoy.Oh, and if you want to start with Part One, Click Here. The not so deluxe bus we took over the border, back into Mexico, dropped us at another ruin. I was

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1138069659941875562006-01-23T17:43:00.000-08:002006-02-25T12:31:51.646-08:00

PICTURES! Finally. I'll download these and get them put in soon, but for now if you want to take a peak at some pictures Steve took durring this trip go HERE! The guy with the longer hair is Steve, the other is me.Read part one hereRead part two hereAfter refusing to seperate from our luggage, Steve and I found ourselves riding into Guatamala on top of a large bus as it bounced down a tore up,

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1137119491820982822006-01-12T18:16:00.000-08:002006-01-24T14:39:10.936-08:00

PICTURES! Finally. I'll download these and get them put in soon, but for now if you want to take a peak at some pictures Steve took durring this trip go HERE! The guy with the longer hair is Steve, the other is me.Read part one: Mexico by clicking here.We got our bus tickets to Belize City and climbed aboard. I ended up sitting next to the beautiful young black girl who talked my ear off. She was

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1135997376581062952005-12-30T18:13:00.000-08:002006-02-25T12:29:39.530-08:00

PICTURES! Finally. I'll download these and get them put in soon, but for now if you want to take a peak at some pictures Steve took durring this trip go HERE! The guy with the longer hair is Steve, the other is me.Steve and I were planning a trip to Central America and we had very different approaches. He wanted a regimented plan with every day scheduled. I wanted to just show up at the airport

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1135964670985134392005-12-30T09:17:00.000-08:002006-01-24T16:42:00.736-08:00

There was a picture here, of the rock star who punched me in the face. Look in the comments section and you'll see that she requested I remove the pic and I agreed to do so. That's right, they do. And if you don't you're just a poser.I've always had an odd relationship with the punk scene. It was as close as I'd found to a scene where I fit, but I didn't quite fit. Maybe that's the beauty of the

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1135547944838319042005-12-25T13:41:00.000-08:002005-12-29T07:00:29.580-08:00

I was leaving Old Ironsides after a night of drinking. I was far from shitfaced but there was definately a nice warmth in my chest and belly. The bar was closing for the night so I'd have to find somewhere else to drink or give up and go home to bed.A cop was parked right outside the door and I didn't think much of it. Probably just looking for drunks getting into cars I figured, and I wasn't

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1130978784522297162005-11-02T16:46:00.000-08:002005-11-06T09:13:22.793-08:00

“Dude, do you know the truth?”“Yeah, I think so.” I was sure I didn’t, but I was pretty convinced he didn’t either. This question was his opening, so he could have been talking politics, conspiracy theory or life insurance, but I was pretty sure he was talking religion and I wasn’t interested.“So you already know about Jesus’ awesome love?”“Yep. Thanks.” I knew the odds of him saying “Oh, okay

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1124554435847886732005-08-20T09:13:00.001-07:002006-07-02T09:53:10.346-07:00

This story was reviewed in the Washinton Post! Read about it here.IMPORTANT: If you found this after concerns about your own health led you to search the internet for information please feel free to write me. I'm still struggling with this and would be happy to share my experiences and trade notes with you. The cliche holds true: You're not alone. Write to klj@TAKETHISPARTOUTnotcomedy.com.Click

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1123959764403157622005-08-13T12:00:00.000-07:002005-08-14T07:49:06.110-07:00

Neither my dad, my mom nor any one of my brothers had even the least bit of sympathy for the unimaginable indignities I suffered at the hands of my younger brother, James. I reported to them every horrible, hate-able offense he’d commit and never once did they give him the thrashing he so desperately deserved. And if I did what had to be done and doled out justice they’d change their separatist

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1117118292250822922005-05-30T21:27:00.000-07:002006-01-06T17:04:05.756-08:00

You haven't lived until you've heard a minister at his pulpit facing his congregation read the lyrics to Sheena Easton's song Sugar Walls. I damn near died, straining to hold my laughter in."Where I came from there's a place called heavenThat's the place where all the good children goThe houses are of silver, the streets are goldBut there's more where you come from, my sugar wallsBlood races to

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1117475246150680162005-05-30T10:37:00.000-07:002006-02-18T17:00:04.156-08:00

How I Lied My Way To Fame And Fortune On National TV!I received the call at work. I was boxing up a guinea pig for a spoiled fat child named Earnest.“Hello Pet Hut, How can I help you?”“Hey Keith, Wanna be on TV?”It was Brett, my old roommate who’d gone to Hollywood to achieve his dream of being a starving actor. He’d failed horribly at the starving part and was getting gigs regularly, so I knew

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1111873584933496992005-05-26T13:46:00.000-07:002005-08-24T21:12:00.673-07:00

Looking for that first job, sixteen years old, it was turning out to be harder than I thought. So many other pimple faced kids wanting the same dignity destroying, minimum wage paying job I was after.I went from fast food joint to fast food joint. At one grease pit I actually made it past the application stage. They invited me to come back on Thursday at 2pm when they did interviews. I got there

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1117154232390541252005-05-20T17:36:00.000-07:002005-05-30T11:19:48.236-07:00

Christina, service professional 1st class, 4 stars....I woke up hung over in the back of a V.W. bus parked in a no longer empty parking lot in some sub-urb of Oaklahoma City. Someone was tapping on my window with a flashlight and telling me I needed to pay him four bucks to park for the day or get moving. If the lot had any shade I'd have given him ten bucks, but instead I asked him where I could

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5413067.post-1111873551802769092005-03-26T13:45:00.000-08:002005-05-10T19:54:27.973-07:00

Gin with Jenny................................I was in an open relationship. Not my idea, but I was stupid in love and willing to endure any indignity to hold on. I didn't want to be the boyfriend who is in an open relationship, meaning his girlfriend sleeps with other people while he gets rejected by the girl who works at the comic book shop. More accurately, I didn't want to appear to be that

KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0